Does the Borderline Miss You? Object Constancy Theory

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Thursday, March 14, 2024 3/14/24
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[@cindyc]

Truly feels like they are unable to see us, because they are incapable of truly seeing themselves.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi Cindy, I like that, makes sense.

[@AuggieX1]

Very good.

[@ranc1977]

Plus, we are being mislead through CBT and self help with wrong explanations and over-generalizations such as "cognitive distortions" which are nothing else but byproducts of ACE and ACoA.

[@noone33390]

Currently going through a break up from a BPD bf. A few weeks back my dog became seriously ill while I was at my ex's flat, and since my focus was completely on my pup, my ex became agitated. Started accusing me of being "snappy" and "rude" to him, simply because I couldn't handle everyday chit chat or give attention to him while being scared for my dog. He almost refused to give us a ride to the vet, that's how pissed he was. I had to leave my dog to the vet overnight and in the car I just cried and cried knowing it was in pain and alone and nobody knew what was wrong with it. And what did my ex do? Kicked me out from his house, because he didn't want to see me as I had been so rude to him earlier. He didn't even let me get my stuff as he didn't want me in there even for a minute. That's when my stress levels reached the limit and I snapped, screaming how he could do that to a person he claims he loves, which ofc just added more fuel to his flames. Suddenly I was childish, narcissist, abusive, selfish, un-empathetic... everything he was and more. Couple hours later he brought all my stuff from his place and left them in the first floor (I live in 4th without elevator) and ordered me to bring his clothes and keys directly to him downstairs if I didn't want him to throw my stuff in the trash. So I did, but I childishly threw them at him as I was so hurt and didn't want to go near him. The key accidentally hit him in the face, and bc of that he instantly lunged at me with his fist held high and screamed at me, calling me a f-n bch. He didn't hit me but that was the first time I realized he might actually be capable of being physically violent. Ironically now he's telling everyone that I'm the physically abusive one, because of the key, and claims that he never raised his fist nor screamed or did anything bad whatsoever. That I'm just crazy and making stuff up. Broke all contact and not looking back. And the pup is fine now

[@DeMarsCoaching]

I'm sorry. You are free now and good your pup is healthy.

[@ak79onYouTube]

I’ve got very very similar with my partner. She’s extremely petulant BPD with massive overlap of NPD. She’s very physically, verbally and emotionally abusive and of course I’m to blame for everything 😂 I’ve tried getting her into therapy and apparently I’m the one that needs therapy. Honestly these BPD are complete evil. No wonder the church was exorcising them years.. 😅

[@StefTechSurfer]

Same here with BPD ex, how did you go? Broke up after we both got 1 mortgage each

[@daphneduryea9136]

My BPD husband, now deceased {d/t suicide, of course}, did something extremely cruel to his ex. I didn't know about this for decades when, I have no idea why, he decided to tell me about it. He'd heard, through the grapevine, that his ex was unable to have children. We had three at the time of this incident, a few years later we had our fourth. But he called her on the phone, from work, under the guise of seeing how she was doing. He went on & on about our three healthy, happy children & life. He told me that she gasped & burst into tears. He said he felt a sadistic delight when that happened as that was his intention. Thankfully, years later she & her husband adopted a child.

[@nickm208]

I got randomly discarded/ ghosted/ blocked almost 4 months ago and she went to someone else pretty fast afterwards. She made a lot of promises she didn’t keep, idk I was good to her but maybe i should’ve ran. This kinda stuff is damaging for sure.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

I'm sorry Nick. Who cares what you should have done but now know what you would do if this ever happens again and I hope it doesn't.

[@pythonpatrol1110]

I'm sure if you look back on it now that you'll be seeing a lot of the red flags you missed with her in the beginning. They always show them one way or the other.

[@balqismneizil4774]

What does thyme people mean ?

[@OiVinn-eq1ml]

Same bro!

[@darrynreid4500]

I think it's useful to remember that these people do not really experience grief at the end of a relationship, but rather aggrievement. They are resentful, hostile, offended, outraged and angry at having been denied whatever it is they feel entitled to, not saddened by loss.

[@jonathanarmen-xi2dx]

1.5 years I was a friend to one, The third time I was set free adn then learned about what they are. This video is so helpful. These videos are power and love. I tell anyone who has a whack job personality disorder friend with NARC you need to educate yourself and get 100% free of these evil people

[@lenaeleven8913]

He must be miserable.. and will be talking about me for years to come to other poor ladies, who missed the red flags…. Once he stops harassing me via voip.

[@justinhensley3315]

I hope it hurts less now, knowing what he is. He is their problem now, and if and when he cycles back around to you, you can tell him to skip you and try his other exes again, because you've figured him out.

[@Joshy2-E]

Give them the gift of your silence. The ultimate sign of respect. Mine said "leave me the fuck alone" okay then no problem 😊

[@lifeistooshort8934]

⁠@@Joshy2-Esame here, I broke up with mine and as we were talking immediately after the conversation he said, “Fuck the fuck off!” I didn’t say another word, I just blocked him on everything. They just know we figured them out and that we are right and they can’t stand it and blame us for abandoning them. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@mimi42428]

You described my ex husband. They are miserable delusional abusive people

[@rkymtnlvn]

Thank you from Colorado! So much of this resonated with my experience. Being responsible for someone’s emotions and moods involuntarily is ridiculous. Thank you for making this video. It feels like the only reason I would be missed is because I’m not around to be an emotional punching bag now that I have become the enemy as a result of confabulation. I have been rewritten as something awful in the pwBPD’s mind. I get the angry hoovers. Funny thing now I’m starting to hear your voice David “The Relationship Is Over” in the back of my mind whenever I start ruminating. Some things from the videos are sticking.

[@Artistguy86]

"Once there is abuse, the relationship is over. Period." I feel you. It's very sobering when we get sucked into our own thoughts.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

I'm so sorry, you will completely heal from this, I promise. Look to your future relationships with yourself and others.

[@jonathanarmen-xi2dx]

I saw a narc collapse with the lady I knew, she wrecked everything at the end. I was watching and totally naive until I watched these videos and others and did research. I am 100% free of this mental trauma nightmare of a friend. I am so glad to be free, I feel bad for these type of peoples yet I will not ever waste time of these types and tell them to get help ASAP.

[@Janisg616]

Consider yourself lucky if BPD leaves you, it is much worse if you decide to leave her and she thinks that relationship is not over yet and and it is worth fighting to restore relationship on the border of stalking. It is especially bad if mother of your children has BPD, she will use and abuse children to get back to you and try to restore relationship. Children clearly see who was the bad parent and decided to destroy family, especially if mother "explains" her side of the story to the children, going in details who is to blame why children no longer have ar real family. She also can demostrate it by stalking you when children are with her, for example coming to your house with children and cake, to celebrate fathers day. Two choices let her in your house and give her a hope that this tactic might work to restore marriage, she only needs to repeat it more often, or refuse let her and she will leave with your children and cake. I dont let her in my house or car, refuse to spend any time with her in person (except in court, and shortly in child exchange but I dont talk much with her, only some polite phrases). Mainly we communicate e-mail, about children and nothing else.

[@kirkwilliams283]

Yes having children with them adds another layer complication. You can't go full no contact and you have to deal with the inevitable attempts of them using the kids as pawns and character assassination. The saving grace is that as the kids get older, they are able to see the truth for themselves.

[@silverlining5796]

Excellent topic. O.C.

[@ranc1977]

Sam Vaknin talks a lot about object constancy.

[@johto]

Very good video, thanks !

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you too!

[@roybellerose4671]

Exactly ask you described it. Thanks for the video.

[@ranc1977]

I would dare to say that this inability to see reality, that this is autism spectrum issue, too. I accentuate autism because learning about autism would explain a lot of confusing thoughts which CBT quickly labels and ironically over-generalize as "cognitive distortion" without offering any explanation where these "distortions" are stemming from. Another dare preposition of mine is to claim that we learn this irrational thinking when we are exposed to irrational people in childhood, who censor and attack and punish our questions and investigation and our attempts to see reality and check it - this is pruned off via yelling and screaming and hysteria of mentally ill parent. So we learn instead of talking and communicating - we fill up the blanks - because we are conditioned not to ask and not to communicate with other people and investigate when things are murky and demand clarification.

[@rorywright5692]

He would close his eyes as if I couldn’t see him! Thanks, David!😎❤️

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi Rory!

[@OiVinn-eq1ml]

My ex love bombed me & discarded me for something I never did. I went from the most perfect person to them to the absolute worse. Constantly accused me of cheating. Which I never did! The love bombing, idealization, devaluation, push-pull, projection, splitting, accusations, gaslights, manipulation, blame shift, played victim, is Wild!! They used up my time, energy, & money. They are narcissist. Stay away from them

[@lasvegasplease]

I had an ex with bpd on anti depresents who had an evil 17 year old narc in the making daughter. Had a lovely 19 month relationship 🙄

[@Jason-o5s]

Cheer~~~the quality of being faithful and dependable.😊

[@jonathanarmen-xi2dx]

The Bordeline Personlioty lady I knew accused her husband of cheating all the time and in the 1.5 years I knew her she had sex with 5 guys that I was told about in that time. She wanted to have sex with me, Yet I would not do it, I know God knows this is a sin and it would have been a nightmare 10X had I slipped up with this nut job. I am so happy to be free of this insane woman. These videos are amazing, for you out there have hope you will be free and not harmed once you learn the truth and avoid these thyme of people 100%

[@cgss2213]

I’ll try to find some empathy after I start putting my life back together. Prisoner of a dark shroud. Even truth doesn’t penetrate it.

[@tamiejones8368]

First I want to say Thank you David for making these BPD videos. I have been following you for years now, thank you for being brave enough to address the issue of the abusive BPD relationship. My ex husband lead a double life. He had many girlfriends during the last 10 years of our relationship. I could not leave him home alone, I had to arrive home when or before he did or he would self medicate with alcohol. Now it's opiates. Could this be the grieving cycle you are talking about? Even after our 7 year divorce where somehow I was the bad guy and rejected him while he showed up to court with his pregnant girlfriend. He still villainizes me to this day.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you very much. I hope this relationship is over and he doesn't have an avenue to reach you anymore. The collapse after loss is how he feels about himself.

[@tamiejones8368]

@@DeMarsCoaching Absolutely. we are finally divorced and I have gone no contact with him. Life is so much better now. Thanks David.

[@ramjack4372]

Thanks for helping me to make sense of this. I'll keep watching to learn more. My x of 10yrs was always suspicious any time i had to leave the house and now she is blaming me for the phone hacking that both of us experienced and said I was meeting someone cause she saw headlights in the pasture. To me this is delusional. Neither happened, I wouldn't do that to anyone, especially to my partner that i loved dearly . Delusions is the first thing I googled. It pointed to Schizophrenia and she had a half sister with it. Her daughter diagnosed her with paranoid personality disorder. Seems like her cycle of breakdowns is every 21/2 years. She left early one morning without telling me that she was leaving and said she was scared of me when she finally answered the phone. She's bigger than I am lol. I know she was hurting Inside, so I can't be to mad at her. She left all her stuff here,even her toothbrush and went to an aunts house. I will be ok, time to do better and not beat myself up about it. Thanks again!!!!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you too, you will heal from this, you have a healthy attitude. Please consider talking to someone and get rid of the belongings.

[@albertojesusalcaidetejedor2264]

Mine is a wonderful woman. Sometimes I believe she became another person for a long period of time as an strategy to keep me out of her life. Never knew her scars are so deep. I can understand her nowadays and really want to help her, because she is not appropiately diagnosed and her life is a mess. You know... She still loves me... Sometimes. But she doesn't want to hurt me (eventually she does), doesn't consider herself regretful of love (and she is lovely) and has a deep terryfing fear to be abandoned and rejected. I tell her that being separated doesn't mean we are apart. That I'll be there with her any time she needs me. (...) NEVER IS ENOUGH. The guilt and anxiety is an explossive combination. And the shame for being a bad girl makes her burst in tears. I would give my life for this woman, my friend, my lover, who wanted to be the mother of my kids and made me dream with the eyes wide open. It's just... The time of waiting is over. I can't be freezing at the entrance of her home, desperately wanting to meet "cassually" to her and tell her: I love you too. There's too much cold out there and survival is a primal instinct. I'm ready to die for her, but not because of her. Maybe it's time to go... Again. I'll always miss her. But... This never been a true romance, it's the projection of a fantasy. And life is for real. I just can't stand any more. I'm tired.

[@dankline9162]

Yours must still be fresh. I am very much a romantic, and felt this too. A very lovely woman, but her issues make being with her impossible, makes a lasting relationship impossible, when it could be triggered to end from things you cant avoid or predict.

[@Joshy2-E]

Learn to take care of your own needs. She is using you.

[@MaloneysDigest]

After a thirteen year relationship/divorce with kids, I entered a relationship with a BPD woman for four years. What a rollercoaster of great times and shocking incidents. After everything I stuck by her with, even against my better judgement, hung in there and share a house. She had an affair. I ended it. Haven’t seen her for a month. Got back into training, and traded up with an old flame. In comparison it feels like I’ve won the lottery.

[@dankline9162]

@@MaloneysDigest Glad you found someone better. I need to hear these kinds of stories. A rollercoaster for sure. Such a kind sweet woman mine was, but her actions were so not in line with that when it mattered. Was able to grow and turn my life around, thought she could see the new me, but shes fearful avoidant on top of it, wouldn't even see me on person, insisted on text, refused to go on an actual date again. So shed rather listen to her own negative thoughts and rumors from others to get to know the new me. I guess I should be glad, but still sad, bc I got to experience the good side of her too.

[@nessence4u]

...she cannot love you--in an adult appropriate way. Love is a choice, a pw/BPD uses emotions as facts, therefore by default, love is not within her selection gradient. Any "love" you felt from her is typical to how a 4 year old might love a parent. Combined with functional empathy at best and impulsivity, places both pw/bpd and their "partners" in ongoing precarious situations. It's really a tragic disorder.

[@carlamurphy7541]

I have this disorder I leave because I feel rejected abandoned and then I feel empty after the black hole is deep and wide let me tell you. I miss them because I want to feel whole again. I can only feel whole in a relationship I don't miss the person themselves

[@Artistguy86]

Another amazing and informative video, David. Thank you. I just have a hard time understanding how my ex who has most (if not all) of borderline traits/requirements went back to her ex if he was out of sight? Like, I was constant in her life when we were together, and he wasn't. So why go back when she has no object constancy with him? Was he still there in her mind? Or maybe his occasional messages to her made her more attracted to someone she claimed never cared about her? Because he was a challenge, and was I was committed? I know I shouldn't care so much about her now that it's over. But this is a needling question in my heart. Why him after so long?

[@stuartwigmore3738]

I used to wonder about this question too, as that's what my ex wife did as well. I've heard of many others where the same thing has happened - returning to an ex seems to be very common behaviour. Whilst I have no doubt that personality disorders actually exist, they are poorly defined, and I am starting to think that all this stuff may just be a way to put some sort of name to poor behaviour by an ex to try to give dumpees an "explanation" as to what's happened to them. At the end of the day, what it does show is that your ex is fickle. They blow with the wind, selfishly using people and throwing them away if they don't see a use for them any more. That in itself is what you might call "narcissistic" behaviour. Self centred and lacking compassion or any sense of consequences there might be for the way you feel, or the state their actions may leave you in. These may range from trauma to real world consequences due to say, false reports of "abuse" they have made against you because they are so desperate to get away from you and avoid having to account for their feelings, or the nastiness they've perpetrated on you. The only thing you can do, as is suggested, is leave these types of people behind you, and move on. They are broken people, completely caught up in themselves. Psychic vampires, sucking the good out of other people's lives, then claiming anyone but themselves are to blame. Its a sick game that your continued energy should not be wasted on playing. You are worth far more than that.

[@Magiccapone]

@@stuartwigmore3738 wow 😯 the whole going back to their ex is😮so so true..

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you! Its the view they will have of people when not seeing them. They will still idelaize and devalue us when not in sight.

[@veronicawillingham9004]

This was so helpful 🙏🏼

[@darthvader78441]

This is.....PERFECT! Brilliant explanation, David.

[@Prometheuspredator]

David, you are a champion and victor. You are nolonger a victim or survivor, but you are way past that. You are an overcomer. I have never liked calling someone a victim and survivor. It has alot of negative references and can impede an individuals progress to allowing yourself to be independent and healthy. I feel it is the baby steps we take that identifes us as a victor and overcomer.

[@themonicameza]

So he didn't do "S" (I'm relieved), but I got upset bc it's a serious matter (and I told him that) and he said he wants to see and talk to me again (which is hard bc I miss him too), but I can't take him back anymore, especially since he used "S" to worry me.

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Monica! I’m sorry. I think you’ve made the right choice. Hopefully he will get help. Stay strong.

[@themonicameza]

@@rorywright5692 He doesn't care. He messaged me after like nothing and I got upset.

[@neodistinct]

Talk. 1 time.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi Monica, sounds like you could use a strong support system.

[@StefTechSurfer]

4+ yrs with her. 102 days NC. Been vlogging on it.

[@chf159]

Thank you for the video...what do you think happens to a person w BPD as they age into their 40s 50s and 60s?

[@stacym1743]

Without treatment they get worse. Then they have no real memories. It’s worse, they’ll bring up stories of years ago that u thought they understood at the time that the event was due to there sickness. But that’s all forgotten. What sickness? Looks at you like your crazy. What are u talking about? I never did those things. I don’t have any sickness. Then they think your manipulating them and u enjoy it. Why? IDK? Maybe if they were rich? But no, they don’t have anything your after. Just the love they forgot about. I wonder, have a question: do they forget if they cheated? do they completely forget about it if they did?

[@tashad4780]

The person I was with was in his 50s. He was constantly accusing me of cheating and would get angry outbursts. He was very controlling. If they don't get help, they won't change.

[@aarongutman1805]

She's with another guy now. I'm not sure how long, maybe two months, but he's in a band and covered in tattoos. (Of course lol) I would guess that as the honeymoon ends with him and I'm now closer to being healed and past her she'll start missing me and try to hoover me. The moment you start to move on and feel better they seem to come back.

[@stacym1743]

So much the same thinking

[@StefTechSurfer]

2:15 that happened with my ex, she blamed it on work.

[@jelenaninic9297]

I am bpd pearson. I had 18 years when diagnosed. Nobody have no pity for us. But we are suferers, very much so. So dont just run away from us. We need you to be here, but I can establish limits and bariers with myself. Now in 48 years of age I can

[@majahecko6368]

Sta misliš zašto ljudi nemaju.... Zbog toga što zlostavljate, emocionalno ponekada fizički, manipulatori ste. Push /pull dinamika je iscrpljujuca. Nemate osećaj odgovornosti kada pogrešite. Večite ste žrtve. Svi su vam krivi

[@jelenaninic9297]

@@majahecko6368 bolest nitko nije kupio

[@aludtke86]

My ex I believe has BPD every video I've watched points to that. I tried more times than I can remember. The end result was she tell me she trusted me but would act otherwise. She blamed me for me leaving her because clearly I must have never loved her but then later on said she loved me but she's so sabotaged our relationship. Now she's with a married man who has cheated on both of his wives one I believe with her.

[@thomascorne4291]

Hello Elena, of course we are, some people don't and can't have the insight to, but of course there are, you know i've been in a relationship with my ex who has bpd (even if i don't like to sah it that way, lack of rispect in my mind) but you are nothing similar as bad persons, we all have traumas in some ways, but a cew have a lot more deeper scars, but i can ensure you, without any co dependency, or toxic addiction or even any sort of savior syndrome, i just cafe gor ber dtill, causd i know what she's been though, i just can imagine how hard it is for her, and i have grust in ber, in her strenght. In her value she can't really seem to able to see herself, and despite of what we have been though together, the last thing i want for her, is to suffer any longer of that traumas, i tried to dhow her what a sain relationship could be, i failed in a way (but fon't blame myself to much on that with insight even if of course i'm not perfect), but nothing wrong with her, dhe's not the devil or any sort of dhit like that, just a jewel that need to fight against profound childhood traumas, exacerbate by some hard moments in life, but she's still one of the best things that happened to me, without exageration, and i just now without waiting, or conditions, i will be there to support her if she needed to, but î'd not save her, just help her to grow as she deserves to. That said, take really really good care of you

[@thomascorne4291]

Hello Jelena, of course we are, some people don't and can't have the insight to, but of course there are, you know i've been in a relationship with my ex who has bpd (even if i don't like to sah it that way, lack of respect in my mind) but you are nothing similar to bad persons, we all have traumas in some ways, but a few have a lot more deeper scars, but i can ensure you, without any co dependency, or toxic addiction or even any sort of savior syndrome, i just care for her still, i see her almost everyday btw working together, but cause i know what she's been though, i just can imagine how hard it is and it has been for her, and i have a deep trust in her, in her strenght. In her value she can't really seem to be able to see herself, and despite of what we have been though together, the last thing i want for her, is to suffer any longer of that traumas, or that any fucking jerk could play with her and aggravate those treumas, i tried to show her what a sain relationship could be, i failed in a way (but don't blame myself to much on that with insight even if of course i'm not perfect), but nothing wrong with her, she's not the devil or any sort of shit like that, just a jewel that needs to fight against profound childhood traumas, exacerbate by some hard moments in life, but she's still one of the best relationship that happened to me, without exageration, and i just now without waiting, or conditions, i will be there to support her if she needed to, but î'd not save her, just help her to grow as she deserves to. That said, take really really good care of you

[@dianebeatty1323]

Thank you

[@antman9501]

you say due to childhood trauma, but a good portion of the time there is no trauma during the development of bpd. crazy to think a lot of professionals don't mention this in their videos.

[@MrFingerz14]

Exactly. Its development is partly genetic and partly environmental. You have to have both or you won’t develop BPD.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Our culture and genes help make who we become but our brains all react differently and with genetic predisposure, one could develop the disorder with what may look like a trauma free environment but I have never met one without the trauma. Identifying emotional trauma in our childhood can be very difficult. Borderlines are all traumatized in one way or another but the profound trauma typically comes from never developing healthy bonds and attachments due to neglect.

[@MaloneysDigest]

@@DeMarsCoachingmy ex wBPD had a lot of unresolved trauma, but wouldn’t open up about this unless she was drunk. She certainly won’t talk to a therapist about it, I’m sure will continue to numb the pain by further escaping from reality.

[@karenzilverberg4699]

👍

[@goldy140]

Do they miss their longterm ex love (me) , even jumped into a rebound impulsively assuming I abandoned him for a simple quote I shared? Usually he came back everytime we brokeup & when I moved on with NC. This time its 7 months he wont msg /chat me :( But reaching out indirectly sometimes , come to see me & I see from his behaviour he is afraid to lose me still & when other guys r interested in me too. I was in NC , so he missed me , came back in April to see me, I broke NC in June & wished for his bday & told to come back , we'll heal his childhood traumas . But he didnt reply. But shows he is not angry.. wont block either. He loved me so much & he believes I love him mo than any other guy & understand him than his mom. Will the rebound breakup within 6-9 months as he is 100% a Disorganized + BPD? Will he miss me in my absence & come back to me again, even he is stonewalled me & know he made a mistake, hurt me badly by assuming I left him?

[@auralionasol2205]

Does it matter? They don't actually love you stop wasting your time... Find someone who loves you and values you for real... Not someone who doesn't give a fuck about your feelings or existence

[@auralionasol2205]

Btw mine ran away bc I played a video game he didn't like... Smh so I get it but ur a woman stop wasting your time on a man who is incapable of REAL love... Read why he ran away from me and see how looney they really are

[@goldy140]

​@@auralionasol2205 thanks. I recently found he is not BPD, he is a Fearful Avoidant, yea BPD's dont know to love, but FA's love genuinely , but both have fear of abandonment & rejection , FA's also have that push-pull & on-off love patterns bcos of this fears. BPD is a personality disorder which can be managed & FA is a learned childhood behaviour which can be unlearned , root course for both childhood trsumas , abuse, emotional neglect by parents . Both can 100% healed by the blood of Jesus 🙏- just pray. My 1 came to see me last week, but still didnt msg. Im sharing videos for him to learn his condition & b healed. But Im working things out to move on from my country. ❤️‍🩹

[@ALone-xw5ve]

@@auralionasol2205 harsh truth we need to see, i just stopped trying after 7 fucking years, i am destroyed emotionally financially mentally, i just can't it was my first relationship, its a no win situation no matter how hard you try and I am sure most of us tried their very best.

[@stephanieblazin2041]

I can identify with borderline traits more then narcissistic I mean I do like being right unless it hurts the other person I do worry about my friends I hate that when I call my friends I know they have a job and I do not and I need some security in my relationships but not a baby I like some textures and like people being close to me but don't want to have sex with them

[@Underwateeer]

Can they come back after leaving you and blocking you everywhere for months?

[@orionism42]

You keep referring to the borderline relationship. Its really a relationshit.

[@mjchristie100]

Boarderines don't feel grief,huh? How condesending!😮😢

[@Joshy2-E]

He wasn't saying they don't feel grief. I believe he meant they never truly come out of the grieving process, hence they're always grieving.

[@mjchristie100]

@@Joshy2-E I disagree, but thanks

[@Joshy2-E]

@@mjchristie100 If you're going to disagree, I would appreciate if you could tell me why.

[@mjchristie100]

Very simple, we feel every emotion at extremes, including grief. I was severely betrayed a few years ago; it has taken me years to get over that and accept how I was duped. I found it a humbling life lesson. Just remember every neurotypical person varies, and the same is true for borderlines. Princess Diana was believed to have exhibited borderline tendencies, yet she is also regarded as one of the most beloved famous women in modern times. My mother died when I was aged 11, and this broke me. So please don't tell me I don't feel grief!

[@Joshy2-E]

@@mjchristie100 "He wasn't saying they don't feel grief. I believe he meant they never truly come out of the grieving process, hence they're always grieving." Can you read that and tell me where I said that you don't feel grief? Also to add, I'm very sorry to hear that, I had a partner who lost her mum at age 11 too. Her dad also drunk himself to death by the time she was 13. She had been through so much. She was broken in every possible way and it was so sad. I don't know if she lied to me or not though. It was a difficult situation for us both. I don't trust her anymore but I definitely believe what happened to her. Also if you would like to talk more about this betrayal, please feel free to talk about it here. I am interested in your story. Thank you for reading and I wish you the best life moving forward xx