How You "TRIGGER" Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

To take advantage of the DeMars Coaching service, please visit www.daviddemar...
Saturday, September 9, 2023 9/9/23
Stop Narcissistic Online Bullying Petition:
change.org/sto...
If you believe you have been a victim of emotional abuse, please seek professional help.
Suicide Prevention (US) 1 800 273 8255
Domestic Violence help (US) 1 800 799 7233
www.endingviol...
Suicide Prevention (CAN) 1 833 456 4566
Womens Aid (UK) 0808 2000 247
Domestic Violence help (AUS) 1 800 RESPECT (737 732)
Thank you for watching and please vote for this video with a thumbs up or down. Please share this video with someone else and on social media, forums, groups, and try placing it in a playlist. Please subscribe if you would like to see more and thank you for supporting myself and this channel.
#daviddemars #demarscoaching

[@AuggieX1]

Do as I say… Not as I do… You cannot get angry at me… But I can get angry at YOU!

[@mungomuff9716]

Living with BPD is a living hell

[@MrFingerz14]

I can confirm that not texting them for a couple of hours can definitely be the end of the relationship and start the devaluation phase. I’m living proof..

[@solemniti3410]

My next door neighbour (70) who has been faking illnesses since I met her, asked me (30) if I would vacuum her house for her every month. I said No. This was 2 weeks ago, and she has been stewing in her rage ever since. She even asked my landlady to kick me out! My landlady refused. My silence and non-reaction seems to infuriate her even more. She seems determined to escalate things, so I have informed the police for my own safety, that if anything happens to me or my car gets damaged, she did it.

[@sirrantsalott]

Before being educated on this, I dated two types in the last two decades: classic BPD and quiet BPD with NPD traits. I’m over them now but the break up of the last one was what led me to become honest about my own emotionally abusive mother and toxic family members.

[@daviddemars]

That is the best you cna take form an experience that may be traumatic, to look at ourselves and heal.

[@esztervofely113]

Same happened to me😢 it was too late to recognize what the problem was..

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

Important fact: Most people involved with a BPD individual don’t realize it until AFTER the relationship ends. This is partly why it makes us feel like we’ve ‘Lost’ our minds. It’s the realization of what we were/are dealing with. It’s not fair, safe, healthy or happy to experience BPD relations. I’m sorry to all who struggle and I send you best wishes always ❤

[@sunbeam9222]

We need to practice mindfulness to avoid being enrolled in the rollercoaster of a cray cray relationship. We're in charge of our own well being at all times, even when we share the bpd fantasy, we need to take accountability for it.

[@KTKaute]

So because you had a bad experience, you stigmatise the whole disorder. That tells me you're not a nice person yourself

[@charlotteburton9483]

I remember after mom and dad fought, I'd stand on the porch as my mother left for work , I was 7 she'd say she was going to go jump off the bridge. So yes I wet the bed until 12

[@sirrantsalott]

The BPD ex’s I had were easily triggered. On the worst of the abuse cycle, it was a literal mine field. One look, one word, one mistake in the eyes of the BPD, they pounced unmercifully.

[@daviddemars]

Walking on eggshells..

[@sirrantsalott]

@@daviddemars Yes

[@sunbeam9222]

Luckily I listened to my guts. He split on me after 6 months together and he was " doooooone" through text. I didn't have the words for splitting yet but knew that wasn't normal to go from love of his life to enemy number 1 in an instant. I also knew the only way to avoid us splitting up for good was for me to lower my boundaries and learn to walk on eggshells from now on. I was very attached to this individual, but I chose to let him go. No regrets. I see clearly now all the signs. And what a mess of a rollercoaster I would have stepped in.

[@rossmarlin4947]

She ghosted me only after 2 years of marriage what a coward

[@GuitarMatt]

On the other hand, why would you want to be tortured by someone like that after those 2 years?! You LUCKED OUT in that push came to shove that soon! NO ONE needs a lover that turns disagreeable on them that soon. Now she is thankfully someone else's problem

[@emilytaylor1001]

I lived with covert narcissist for 12 years. Every time i brought up a conversation about splitting house chores eqully between us he would follow the shedule for 2-3 weeks then fall out. I was tired to remind to him, as I felt like mother to him rather than romantic partner. In the end i asked him to leave me, kids and my house. He was high-functioning alcoholic.

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Emily Taylor! Same here as far as work schedule for chores! It was worse when he retired. He would sleep til almost noon, asked me what I wanted to do today! He asked me to make him a list of chores, which lasted about three weeks! Years later I found the list in one of his books! It must of made great reading! Have a great day!😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

The best and maybe the hardest decision you made for your family and it paid off.

[@punk86]

I'm a quiet borderline. I had humiliation my whole life and still do. Emotionally unavailable mother, no father, no attention whatsoever. My triggers are usually when I'm into something, I really hate being bothered. Abuse and neglect trigger me really bad. Threats and bullying. Being yelled at. And everything my CN did to me.

[@2Anonymous6]

Same

[@subhuman101]

Hi, your videos have been super helpful to me in this process im going through. God bless you. This is a tragic and long story but I'll try to just cover the important parts. Tldr: I ended up in prison because I loved and supprted a woman with bpd. I met this woman when I was 27 years old. Im a neurotic and shy man who never experienced love or any affection from a woman. Out of nowhere this beautiful woman came into my life and I felt like the happiest man on the planet. We moved in together two weeks after we met. I realized all her troubles living together with her... her past traumas, people who "hurt" her in the past, her secret substance abuse, her physical pains and problems, she quit her job and made me support the household alone...and much more. I never even got the supposed good parts of being together with a bpd, she never cared about me or showed me much affection... but I was so unhappy being alone and have zero self esteem so I put up with it. Taking care of her made me forget about my own shitty self and my life had a purpose for the first time. I loved her and wanted to love and care for her as best as I could. Because who else would... I felt like we both were damaged individuals who became something together. Since she didnt wanna contribute or work I basically ended up selling illegal substances together with her to support our economy in the final 6 months. This winter two years into the relationship she had in secret decided to leave me and she was talking to another man. I had no idea. When I found out she had cheated on me I broke up with her and told her to collect her belongings and move to this other man. She didnt do that thou, she went straight to the police and accused me of physical abuse and told them I was a drug dealer. My apartment got raided. Work found out about this and I lost my job, I lost the apartment since police even tipped of the landlord about the raid. I was put in jail. She walked free this entire time and the judge has free'd her on all charges because as you said in another video... She believes I abused her and the judge believe her... Still waiting for the trial where I will be solo accused of selling illegal stuff which she was part of just as much as me. Been suicidal ever since this happened.... I lost the person I thought was the love of my life and will take serious punishment by the state. When u say these people are victims...fuck that.. she has hurt and destroyed so many lives that feeling any sympathy towards her and people like her is a punch in the gut towards me and other victims... I have no idea how to get through this and get over her... but your videos made me at least realize why she did all this... the splitting part, I never heard from her ever since she left...🖤💔

[@daviddemars]

I am so sorry. Thank you for you rcomment. People like this have been victimized and what they do is so wrong. There is help available. I have great success with my Clients in their lives and relationships. Find someone you can trust and get it all out and heal and understand.

[@WND_0]

This screams borderline!

[@CalebBlock]

any time I made a joke or was sarcastic.. BOOM 💣

[@marthamydear5869]

Don’t be sarcastic to them then.

[@waynejenner3635]

Why change for them.....carry on being yourself......none of your behaviour suits them, one day you're a funny guy and then another day they say you think everything is a joke......they have no filter, no empathy, run run run

[@SouthernHuntN]

This video helps a lot. I had an undiagnosed girlfriend on and off for 3 years. It took me almost 2 years to figure out what was going on. I had no idea what BPD was. I went through 2 more Hoovers after i realized what BPD was. I was so i love with her and wanted to save her. I would get fed up and block her and we wouldn’t talk for 6 months at a time. She would show up at my house and somehow convince me to try again. She Would tell me she would go to therapy for her issues. She would never stick with it. I finally terminated the relationship after an argument and road rage in the e car that scared the shit out of me. I was afraid. Everything seemed normal we were headed to get something to eat and she was telling me a story about her day. I didn’t comment fast enough at the end of a sentence and she exploded that i wasn’t paying attention. I asked her to not yell at me and that triggered her into road rage. It scared me so bad that when we got to the restaurant i walked out called an Uber and went to her house and got my things and drive home. I watch these videos form time to time when i need assurance from all the craziness. Thank you

[@daviddemars]

Thank you for feedback and a happy ending.

[@KTKaute]

People with BPD do not hoover. You obviously know nothing about the disorder. We dont have a plan, we act based on our emotions. You're thinking of narcissists

[@victoriamuniz9851]

Why do toxic people tell me I'm too sensitive I can handle a good joke about myself I can also tell when people are laughing at me and not with me Sometimes I wish I couldn't tell the difference because my pain shows on my face

[@daviddemars]

Because they do not value respect and lack empathy and remorse. They dont care if you're insulted or they are insulting you purpose and then blaming you for your reaction. Tell them they are never allowed to do it again and if they dont agree or do it again then walk away.

[@foxiefair123]

Uh, because only toxic people do that. I found that out when I started hanging around people that weren’t toxic.

[@JeskaJane.]

He would get envious at the way I care for my sons. He would angrily tell me to leave them because his mom didn’t care about him. 😧

[@Oak535]

The showering trigger is 💯. She would never even let me shower alone. The day I asked for some space while I showered she got mad and pretended to give me my space but she would still walk in looking for any excuse to to be in the bathroom and stay starring at me while I was showering. I felt so violated at the time.

[@MrFingerz14]

Mine use to FaceTime me when she was on the toilet (even when I was just in the other room) or even while in the shower. She’d just put the phone up against the wall away from the water. Craziness.

[@Oak535]

@@MrFingerz14 mine did the same as well 😮

[@MrFingerz14]

@@Oak535 It’s insane how this illness makes such similar behaviors so common among them all. I’ve noticed from reading many ppls stories that so many of them do the exact same things. As to the shower thing and how weirdly clingy that is. One of her many ever changing reasons for not wanting to be with me is because I was too clingy.. Lol

[@MasonLeCompte]

I had a plutonic friend (we are both women and she is heterosexual) with borderline and she lost it and attacked me because I went to Florida with my elderly mother to Visit my uncle in a retirement community. She acted like we were married and I was taking my lover on a trip. It was so weird. I had to terminate our friendship for my own mental health!

[@daviddemars]

Bad experience but good choice.

[@DarkroomMedia007]

Oh my goodness gracious! I had a friend who had a clingy friend who got Weird with her a few times as if they were in a relationship and both of them were heterosexual. She said she was gonna have to cut it off with her because she couldn't go anywhere without inviting her or have other friends with without her being jealous 😮 YIKES. 😳

[@sirrantsalott]

You must have been her ‘favourite person’, a plutonic yet strongly emotionally-attached relationship that a pwBPD would treat as if a romantic partner. Look into this term ‘favourite person’ and the literature will make sense why she reacted the way she did. You’re right, you do not owe anyone their emotional well-being but your own. After a short time, she would have forgotten you anyway regardless of the relationship investment you put in because severe pwBPD have an underdeveloped object permanence.

[@MasonLeCompte]

@@DarkroomMedia007 yes that's exactly what I experienced!

[@MaileyMcAslan]

Platonic ❤

[@sirrantsalott]

One of my brothers got the brunt of the abuse earlier in life and he has BPD. He was the original scapegoat until I became the target after telling truths and refusing to play the expected family role. My mother has so much contempt for him because he looks different than the rest us that meet her preferred beauty and aesthetic standards, he isn’t a ‘go-getter’ like the rest of us, and he is an alcoholic.

[@secondhorizon]

Such (ridiculous) "preferred beauty and aesthetic standards" and negativity towards any apparent take-life-as-it-comes approaches really are part of the classic Moms with BPD behavioral Matrix. Oh, and Scapegoat Musical Chairs as well. {BPD Moms occasionally "give (or show) love" ~ but do not actually "Love" their own children.} Radical Acceptance.

[@daviddemars]

Thats very sad he wa snot able to get away from them.

[@Lyrielonwind]

I'm the blond one in a family of brown eyed- brown haired features. I look like my English grandfather; I don't even look Spanish; It's been a burden for me my whole life.

[@Lyrielonwind]

​@@secondhorizon My mother is a malignant covert narcissist; a well integrated psycho.

[@_madame_sene]

This message really helped me realize how much I’ve grown personally in having boundaries with these high conflict personalities. You can’t save them and all the placating to their sensitivities is never enough.

[@lucianlioneos6669]

Thank you for all of your videos! I've been in no contact. The trauma bond is real. He is right, talk to a therapist.

[@nicolet6131]

I had a 6 month on and off relationship with a man who I suspect has quiet BPD. After the final discard in Jan 24, I watched so many BPD videos to try to gain clarity of what I just went through, and to better understand him. It's helped my healing journey. He is such a loving, wonderful man. He never mistreated me. He broke my heart by discarding me multiple times. I know he's fighting a battle internally that he'll never win, because he won't get therapy. It's so unfortunate because he's been through so much trauma, and deserves love, and a great life. I know I can't heal him. He'll always be the greatest love of my life, and I'll love him from a distance.

[@DianeMatlock]

Happiness will never exist for BPD... SEEING HAPPY PEOPLE TRIGGERS THEM... NEVER GIVE THEM TIME, THEY WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE...

[@janethomas78]

My mother always had to humiliate me in public or in front of my family, My Mom picked on me especially if I was trying to dress. SHE WAS MEAN.

[@drlarrymitchell]

I've found, in my own personal experience, that just showing up is usually enough to kick off the fireworks.

[@tiffanyloveee91]

This is true and if this is happening seek help as he mentioned!

[@sirrantsalott]

My brother who has BPD is easily triggered. Just my presence triggers him because, he being much older, the family expects him to be more accomplished but he’s a college drop out and you can’t compare careers between a professional and a high school graduate. It’s not a fair comparison but we often were compared. I don’t have any empathy for him because he did torture me throughout my childhood and still does whenever no one is around. Usually verbal and psychological abuse. I think he also has a mental disorder because nobody that old should be acting so foolishly immature for eg getting into a dramatic debate (with himself as I observe) about whether old school 2000’s Facebook had a thumbs down or not (it did and of course I was right). He’s 50 now, homeless living in the basement of our childhood home, being coddled and enabled by a half-sister who only uses him as a pawn to get close to her stepmother (my mother) who now has control of our dad’s money.

[@James-Johnson313]

That sounds like an incredibly frustrating and painful situation. I am wishing you luck with your situation, I can tell that it has impacted you greatly. Love from Colorado ❤

[@daviddemars]

Thanks for sharing. A very toxic relationship i hope you are able to end forever.

[@sirrantsalott]

@@daviddemars Yes, I let them go almost a year ago after my dad passed away last year, when things got worse for me personally and legally (I was being coerced to participate in the fraud my mother and uncle committed on my dad). I chose not to be tempted by the inheritance over my head and chose to tell everyone what’s going on to protect myself from future lawsuits after she passes away. Yes, I hired lawyers. Soon after the abuse from Everyone ramped up. It really unmasked the dysfunctional system, except for a different half-sister who acknowledges the family sickness but she’s too caught up with wanting to make things “the way they were before” i.e. half-awake, half-in-denial. I hope she and other innocent members wake up and stay awake. It will take a long time but I am not waiting for anyone.

[@Sunny-od2wp]

Best video I've seen on various triggers. Amazingly spot on. You are so sensitive to the cause of all of it too. It's truly sad. The mother's abuse and childhood trauma as the root of it all. Kudos. In addition to almost all the triggers you list, my borderline ex got triggered by me just complaining about anything. An ache or pain or just being tired or sad, as I was just trying to get a little empathy or compassion, but that was impossible. Because then triggered, she would almost ridicule me implying, 'how dare you upstage me, I have just as much pain exhaustion sadness as you and worse. In fact, nobody could ever have it worse than me.'

[@secondhorizon]

Sometimes one can encounter these BPD types after an actual triggering event ~ then, just by making eye-contact with them they re-react with almost allergy-like symptoms. Their internal-fragility and lack-of-self-control makes avoiding contact an essential strategy. Better yet ~ get them out of your life completely.

[@daviddemars]

Too impulsive and angry to be around. They are not understood how dangerous some can be.

[@franklyons6155]

I always listen to your videos twice thank you so much I don't know how many times you have saved my life.

[@katflem222000]

Run , no contact and learn

[@ravereiko]

i started laughing hard at the phone part.. beyond accurate

[@emilytaylor1001]

Hello David! I hope you and your loved ones are well. Thank you for this video! Very valuable info! 🌿🌸☀️

[@daviddemars]

Hi Emily! Great to see you and thank you so much always!

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, David! Ohio here! So very interesting!😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

Hi Rory, good to see you!

[@rorywright5692]

@@daviddemars Good to see you too! Hope you’re enjoying your weekend!😎❤️

[@1stEarlOfSurrey]

Btw, thanks for not having ads before, after or during your videos.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@user-gb7vx5qu3h]

My daughter has BPD and hides her triggers then turns them inward or to self-harm without allowing anyone to help her or support her feelings and be there for her. She beats everyone to the rejection that she anticipates will come from them. She beats everyone to the punishment, self-harming before anyone gets the "opportunity" as she imagines they are waiting for, to shame and humilliate her, which she seems to always expect will happen if she shows how she really feels about almost anything. Some call that "Quiet Borderline", but she has all the irritable, volatile, screaming, accusing, blaming, gaslighting, vicious personal attacking behaviors as well. Like a machine-gun of rapid fire accusations and insults, if she even feels a hint of an idea that you may disapprove of something she's done. She projects her own self-contempt onto others and then can't be convinced that they are not rejecting of her. It's almost impossible to communicate. It's like her mind is determined to see rejection from others or criticism, when there is none. If you try to explain that and argue for your innocence and good will toward her and supportive feelings, her eyes go dead and blank as if she's been beaten or abused and is just being lied to. She doesn't believe a positive word. Her thinking is rigid and immovable about others' contempt for her. It's very hard to be near her. I started to stutter and get a tick in my eye, tight chest, difficulty breathing.....being interrupted every third word and argued at with "straw man" arguments, as if I were her opponent, when I'm not; making up an imaginary adversary and arguing against them as if it's me.... believing nothing I say, listening to nothing I say, When confronted with boundaries, bursting into frantic tears that don't reach out to me, but spiral into a self-pitying tantrum.....it's an impossible life to live. We're in a DBT therapy group now,.. just started today. I'm hoping that she'll gain skills to be able to think without self-hatred and projecting that onto others, and jumping to conclusions that everyone is against her or "knows" she's worthless,... because that's how she feels inside. It's so sad, and so maddening and exhausting, and it changes with her moods, every day. There can't be any help but if she chooses to learn new skills and really try to break the cycle of self-contempt and seeing that and believing that is externalised from others around her. Nothing I can do, improves her inner torment.

[@alimccreery755]

I’m an adult child of an alcoholic mother so I understand perfectly what you’re talking about 👍

[@personanongrata7976]

"Talk to a professional." Actually, after many years of therapy (in the late 80's early 90's when it was trendy) I can comfortably state that I've benefitted hardly at all from "therapy." Watching videos like yours has helped much more, as has studying theology and reading authors like CS Lewis and GK Chesterton. The solution to my dysfunction is a spiritual one. Insights like the ones you provide helps with day to day living, but the big picture is theological.

[@johncarlodelbuono6542]

I'm not trying to be funny. It's sad. I think I trigger the b p d by breathing. Impossible life trying to live with this b p d person. I try so hard. I'm the only one who puts in an effort and then if I try and communicate I'm called every name in the book plus I get a psychological evaluation.

[@daviddemars]

I'm sorry John, by her not reciprocating and you allowing it is lowering self respect and self worth.

[@rossmarlin4947]

Great message I dealt with a lot of that bs

[@dawnberger8105]

Yes good man. Heal and forget. Be new again🙂

[@KJ-ns8lk]

Not texting right back with a full account of what you are doing is triggering. However, they see no need in reciprocating, often texting back hours later and usually never answering a question asked. It’s infuriating.

[@belle8i]

My husband HATES when I'm on the phone. He can use his phone, but if I do it then I love my phone more than him. I have to hide my phone usage. I used to enjoy watching and listening to videos and podcasts that helped me learn or were informative, but now I have to wait until I'm at work (I'm a house cleaner and can listen while I work) or weird hours. Right now it's 4:50 am and he's sleeping. The plus side of it is that I'm on the phone less and reading more books, but I'm waiting for the moment he's jealous of me reading.

[@SurnaturalM]

Don't have any kind of reaction whatsoever, I can tell you this before watching the video. It makes them crazy. Non reactions, ignoring them and doing stuff without them will drive them crazy too.

[@JA-mz6dh]

That sounds like emotional abuse and silent treatment.

[@michaelsanchez8457]

I had a BP GF. She would get mad at me when we were driving places. She would get mean. I guess me focussed on driving was a trigger? I can't remember the details of what she said. I guess she saw it as me ignoring her.

[@daviddemars]

That could be a never ending cycle of abuse and control that one could never fix.

[@philipmillard3178]

I have had the same experience. When I drive I like to be super concentrated on the road so don't particularly like to talk. My BPD ex girlfriend would always make issues of it and it would trigger her and as you say take it as I'm ignoring her

[@donhashugeballs]

Shorter video would be how to not trigger someone with bpd.. lol they get triggered by EVERYTHING!!!

[@jessoftherocks]

Yeah and whenever you get upset and angry at their behavior they immediately move the goal post on your reaction vs. their bad behavior like cheating on you is less important than how it hurt you. They skirt away from accountability cause they constantly change self states depending on the defense they are taking. Lying they are narcissistic, ghosting they are psychos, self harming they are borderline. Drama they are histrionic. They jump all while they are dysregulated. But when she finally gotncaught cheating it was months of telling me i was paranoid and crazy to think that. You literally have to have absolute evidence against them or it will drive you mad!

[@steves3032]

That’s the scary part with professional mums. We’d like to think it’s ok, but the kids get neglected and are unable to feel safe in the world around them. They fear the world and don’t trust anyone. There safety (mum) was not there when needed. Perhaps, day care was there, maids (in other cultures) but no mum. Can’t ignore biology and natural processes.

[@rochellenellist7411]

These videos just make me, a person with BPD, sound like someone not worth getting to know at all. He just sounds sarcastic and hurtful honestly.

[@boxonothing4087]

You don't trigger someone with BPD, you make outbursts happen sooner than they "naturally" would. I've experienced it over and over, pressure builds until the valve pops open, sometimes you just add an extra stimulus that speeds the process up. Fighting those bursts and irrational feelings constantly is exhausting, and even with a lot of practice I still can't contain all of them. The only way I found to reduce collateral damage is isolation, which also confirms my self-assessment. I'm not worth living with

[@JA-mz6dh]

I agree with most of these things but there is overlap with anxious attachment and ptsd too that aren't exclusive to BPD.

[@naturallaw52]

Thank you so much

[@Tutume1111]

Soo true! My mother abandoned me for her new partner. Now as an adult I'm still struggling with low self esteem, fear and emotional regulation

[@personanongrata7976]

I lived w/ a GF who would get pissed when I went to work. She accused me of leaving too early. I'm the kind of guy who is never late, so showing up 15 to 30 minutes early is my baseline. I get very anxious if I don't have a cushion of travel time to allow for traffic, etc. She wanted me to wait til the very last minute before leaving in the morning. The first few weeks of our romance were great: lots of hot sex, eating out, movies, great times...but then she just slowly went insane.

[@StaySpooked]

You Rock.....Thank you for a very educational video ❤

[@alexk6859]

Wow, this episode about a pwBPD having a shower and asking their partner just to be there for them is a spot on! I am going to take a shower, can you please join me? I am going to take a bath, can you just sit next to me? Are you going to the washroom? Can I just watch while you're ... (doing my thing)? Why did you lock the washroom? I know you're using the toilet, but I wanna watch this> these are all real life stories

[@LR-yu3mx]

They told me later in life, how the domestic lady/ child minder hid me away when the wanted.to give me a hiding.

[@grace-n-mercy5426]

Do you think many people with BPD act out this way because many struggle with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? I have BPD the "Quiet/Discouraged" type and I just recently got diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD. I know RSD is big with many who suffer with ADHD. It is something I am working on now, and just knowing what it is, does give me hope that I can do something about it. I notice that my RSD kicks up to the extreme when it comes to my favorite person (who is my mental health program worker). When I am with her in our 1:1 she reminds me of my foster mom and I feel so safe around her. I literally feel like a child around her, and she is a lot younger than I am, so that makes it weird. But when I am around her I don't even recognize my age. It's just when I am in a social setting (like a group) with her, I get these strong feelings like she is covertly playing with my head and emotions. It can be her tone of voice, it can be a misperceived look, it could be I think she is ignoring me, and the biggest thing is me being convinced by the thoughts in my head that she secretly does not like me. Then I try to push away from her but I still feel strongly attached to her. This is what kicks up my bpd symptoms (this back and forth confusion in my head). I am working on this in outside therapy, I know I can work on getting over her, but right now in this part of my mental health journey, I DO NOT want, and honestly I CANNOT handle it if she got rid of me (or someone took her away from me) as a client. Right now I took a temporary early graduation from my program to work on these things; I miss my worker so, so much, but I know this is the best decision I made, including uninstalling Facebook for the time being.

[@Lyrielonwind]

She is trying to help you parents yourself by adopting the role of a mother to you but when you both are in a group, she can't give you all her attention and that makes you suspicious and it triggers your fear of abandonment but besides, I think you are enmeshmed or have some limerance... it's quite common for those with childhood trauma and people with CPTSD. Try to see her as a professional and a friend...I know it sounds easy but I think you are clinging to her and that is not healthy for either of you. Don't take it personal or you will lose her support since she's not helping you. The attachment you can have from a therapist is temporary. She can't do more than she's doing when doing more as you could wish it won't be therapeutic for you. Take care 💖

[@joellemauk3565]

I couldn't help but laugh at the water drinking after you said "you're in a fight with the BPD and want to leave..." like yah.. That's the worst thing you can do. 😂

[@JA-mz6dh]

It can trigger not borderlines as well. Depends how it's presented. If it's hey I'm going to cool off, let's discuss in an hour or tomorrow at ... that is different than just walking out and stonewalling.

[@charlotteburton9483]

After being single 15 years I tried dating, I began having seizures when he'd be late or reach out and grab my breast. The Nero surgeon said I have 7 lesions on my brain. That with my level of abuse you can have flash backs that happen so fast your brain won't even register the memory, yes cptsd with disassociation.

[@sunbeam9222]

We were ready to go some friends place one day, I pased by the table, there was my lipstick, I randomly picked it up and applied some. The look on his face. You're putting lipstick to go to your friends?! ( he was coming with me). Errrr yeah. Why not? I could see it troubled him. Had no idea why at the time. I'm not the type to pay much attention to my appearance at all, but I couldn't see why it was odd that I apply, not even bright red, lol, some pale shade lipstick. He observed every single thing I did anyway. I didn't have to try to trigger him. Bless. I still have much affection for him and could have happily remained friends except he blocked me, but yeah, we could not have worked. Too different views on life.

[@GeistInTheMachine]

Just exist.

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

How many women are like this? Seems more common every day.

[@Happy-Me.]

I trigger my Borderline exes fear of rejection and abandonment just by being around her!

[@Wickedstrife]

Mine was more I need to know any time you get a text. I'd forget one. That proves you don't even care about me.

[@be643]

My ex of 11 year marriage did all of these. I could write a book.

[@farrislanier6043]

Thank you for everything you do, your videos are God sent...I Love my Bpd partner so much but its literally killing me slowly😢, does this mean I have a problem internally that i can just allow abuse.. Ive been with her for 3 years and she treats ppl so shitty behind their backs but in their face she is sooooo fake smh

[@Oneofthecoolkids]

Im in a relationship with a bpd and we’ve been knowing each other for 3 years and been together for about year and a half. And it’s been an emotional roll coaster. I’ve been part of the problem as well on not knowing how to handle her properly. But I’ve done a little better and it’s still hell. What should I do

[@cindyc]

🤗❤️👍

[@daviddemars]

HI Cindy!

[@jonliebelt9508]

Can you please give me advice I am a 21 year old male and am dealing with someone who is 18 with bpd and her and I had a really good situationship going I treated her very well, however one bad event triggered her during intimacy . A night after she stated it felt like my hands were still present on her even tho she didn’t want them to atm she had blocked me on everything I still call her once a night but she says I hurt her but I keep trying to tell her I didn’t intentionally mean to bring back those flashbacks but she still doesnt seem to understand and she says rn she hasn’t left the house it’s been 1 week

[@jeanpeter6391]

Trick question. You already did. ;)

[@gpsinc]

You other video says to BLOCK ALL CONTACTS with a BPD but what if you both have a shared oet or young children? What if its your adult child ?

[@diannarodriguez9834]

The shower part ! My ex bpd would want me to shower with him and if I didn’t he gave the silent treatment or would watch porn in revenge for me not going in there with him knowing that I hated him watching porn .

[@maryleekomaniecki5799]

Rather than vilifying the BPD, how about looking into how they got that way and what can be done to keep from triggering them at this point? It's very simple. They probably had a narcissist as a mother, and at this point they need to feel secure. So do not trigger them with threats to throw them out of the house, unless they do things your way. In other words, do not be a narcissist, yourself. If this is a tall order, the two of you need therapy. The NPD and the BPD often end up together. They both have problems, so be wise enough to see this, and do not blame the BPD, as if you do not have problems of your own. It's all very simple if you really think about it, calmly, on both ends. These two may have even grown up in a similar home, and, unconsciously, by the age of twelve, took the route of NPD, if they didn't want to go the BPD route, or vice versa.

[@Rebelconformist82]

The problem is, you absolutely don't have to be a narcissist to trigger them. In the end, they find something you did, to trigger them. The work needs to be done within the borderline themselves

[@rdaniel4574]

DeMars, You hit in something, "they want you to come in when they take a shower and sit on the toilet." Please expound on this... why? What are they doing this for? Purpose? Thank you!

[@charlielondon722]

Covert narcs are thinking of other supply while with you and thinking of you when with them, both of you should have a beer and find a functional being❤️🙏😇

[@user-hd6qp7tc9o]

Good luck lol

[@KTKaute]

As someone with the actual disorder, I would say it is percieved abandonment and anything that would resurface our core pain. You have it spot on and it's nice to see some sensitivity towards borderline personality disorder as it is so stigmatised. Thank you. All these offensive clowns without BPD in the comments need to just stop because they've never been through it

[@centrewaymotors9136]

Funny you must be reading a book about me and my bpd girlfriend

[@user-wt5bu9jm3u]

I don't know what happened to this guy, but EVERYTHING he says about BPD is nothing but negative. Really really sad. It would be great if he actually had some positive things to say.

[@J2-pe6wz]

"Why doesn't have positive things to say about a DISORDER?" the disorder = /= the person. He is NOT saying that pwBPD have no good qualities., the disorder they have absolutely 100% fucking doesn't though. BPD is exquisitely damaging.

[@justsomestranger4894]

​@@J2-pe6wz agreed Speaking as someone with bpd, I'd give anything for a cure

[@faithwhite3175]

You lost my respect on this one!!!! You are incorrect!!!!! It still happens when a parent is attentive and not abusive to them!!!! Personality disorders can come from genetics, trauma , and the environment!!!! It is seen to run families!!! That other relatives can have the disorder.... ..

[@annerochechicago]

Appreciate your videos but I find your tone enormously judgmental and belittling. Wildly offensive. Give me an entertaining borderline over a miserable narc any day of the week. Be less drippingly condescending whilst imparting your wisdom, if you can manage it. It's enough to make a borderline feel victimized. :)

[@waynejenner3635]

So you're bpd ?

[@annerochechicago]

Whelp, in pursuing an education about covert narcissism, the NPD/BPD attraction came up and I realized I tick 9/9 criteria. You could say I'm on the scale. Also, our connection/calamity (won't call it a marriage) was practically preordained, down to the poor choices I made when Prince Charming dropped his mask. (That's an explanation, not an excuse.) But I'll stop talking now. Working on boundaries. @@waynejenner3635

[@tugnormoustuglicous1303]

I appreciate your comment BUT you being offended and need to voice how offended you were was not needed lol.

[@J2-pe6wz]

Triggered on a video about how easily triggered borderlines are. Amazing. And your comment is extremely biting in it's own right, way worse than anything in this video (which is totally fine). My fave bit is telling the guy he is "drippingly condescending" and to speak differently "if he can manage it". Fucking wild. Lead by example mate aye

[@Rebelconformist82]

I understand you!

[@ms.blueeyes3210]

Yeah mom has that I have autism mrdd sezuirs I refused to understand I was told I’d never get my drivers license I don’t drive from trauma sezuirs family wonder if graduate I can go into a store alone without people knowing I say drop mouth dead vulgar shit from being kidnapped and raped but no I refuse to understand