Does The Dismissive Avoidant Feel Loneliness? | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

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In this video I talk about the dismissive avoidant and loneliness. I'll answer the question 'Does the dismissive avoidant feel loneliness?' I'll also discuss the root causes of loneliness for the dismissive avoidant.
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #DismissiveAvoidant #ThaisGibson #PDS #Lonely #Loneliness
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[@GeorgideMarne]

I would add that for a DA is kind of existential loneliness, or more like melancholy, as in "see? we're here again, alone against the world, it must be my fate" or something. Not the needy kind of loneliness.

[@icedcocoa221]

Thanks for the insight. I was getting "it's me against the world" vibes from my DA crush.

[@Gorboduc]

This. Isolation or alienation might be a better world than loneliness.

[@katalinmcewan]

Yeah, it’s odd. My DA was acting so weird so I told him that I would just get out of his life as it’s clear that he cannot stand me. He got really upset and told me not to do that. I have never met a DA before. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. I’m familiar with covert narcissism, etc. Studying this topic and would love to help him, but not sure that I can. I’m securely attached, an introvert so get some of the behaviour, and always try to save people, but not if it comes at a cost of my own sanity. I feel really sorry for him though. It’s no way to live a life, having a huge wall, constantly disappearing, running away from being close, blowing hot and cold, etc.

[@katalinmcewan]

@@icedcocoa221 DA crush. 😁 Good way to put it. I have one too. A sort of a friend I have a crush on. It has been tough. Did it work out for you?

[@warmhart2034]

@@katalinmcewan My DA is in the middle of a prolonged disappearing act and it's doing my head in!! I'm secure and an introvert and can handle being alone but I'm wearing thin! Yes, it's impacting on my sanity even as a mental health therapist 😩

[@melindanagy-sinka2807]

I am a DA and I know it mist be hell to have a DA as a partner. It took me 20years to make the first discovery of why I feel and act the way I do in situations. I am in a relationship/married for 19years and though my partner is fantastic the soulution and finding myself didn’t come from him, I had to do it myself. There were certain events when I got little glimpse of ideas which way I need to dig to feel better. It is not fun to be a DA, in the past when I got triggered I acted quite spontaneously and was not able to see the other side of the story, I just felt trenendous guilt most of the time. I am getting more secure, but it takes work and sometimes slip back in old habbits- mainly putting up the walls. Love to all

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing that with us - PDS team member

[@cavelleardiel]

Thank you for sharing. Love back!!

[@Edith864]

I'm very grateful for your post 😊 so good to hear the other side. Wish you all the best. 🤗

[@melindanagy-sinka2807]

Edith864 ❤️

[@melindanagy-sinka2807]

Cavelle Ardiel ❤️

[@flaneur8858]

I will never understand how DA are emotional, loving etc in the dating phase.lies about commitment and flirty. and few years later it will be like we are sitting with a robot, jus them and their space, no emotions,. no hugs, cant even say i love you back.its like a whole personality change.after wasting 6 years with a DA i am scared of love only..

[@warmhart2034]

So true...so full in dating phase😞

[@tuckersmoak6632]

I'm DA and was an alcoholic for 7years. When I quit drinking I truly realized how lonely I was. That was probably the hardest part about quitting.

[@austinnguyen9107]

You bring up a good point. I had a DA ex who smoked to escape the pain. And another who got prescribed a bunch of anti depressants and such. But without addressing the core wounds these are just temporary "solutions" as you point out

[@angryox3102]

I’ve tried to stop drinking so many times, but loneliness always makes me start back.

[@patriciapeeters7]

​@@angryox3102 Try to heal your corewounds so you don't need that bottle anymore. Did you ever think of doing a Ayahuasca ceremony? 🙏

[@Salma-ik5kk]

Can you please make a video on how to raise a SECURE child?

[@martinrehout9121]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/hoalqI1vnLWUiMU

[@martinrehout9121]

There already is one !!! :))

[@Salma-ik5kk]

@@martinrehout9121 thanks a lot!! :D

[@ShaunBennetFauntleroy]

DA here. This was incredibly helpful, both for the now and in understanding the why. Thank you.

[@spigney4623]

I'm feeling lonely for the first time in my life. It seems like I'm going backward, but it's actually a sign I'm moving toward secure attachment.

[@lisbeth4you]

I believe anyone who has an insecure attachment feels emotional loneliness, one way or the other. For as much as it was difficult to overcome the breakup with my Ex DA, I realize it must not be easy for anyone to have to live like this, this insecurity, the feeling you cannot commit, that nothing can last longer, that relationships are sporadic and temporary, that you already know what’s going to happen and the unavoidable end of it all, then the disconnection which also sets you feeling alone, with no pleasure, no interest in anyone, not attached or engaged with anyone. When you detach from people and emotions in general, not to suffer, you also detach from other feelings such as joy, pleasure, ease, enthusiasm, etc. so, life can become quite tasteless and pointless as we, as human, are wired for connection with others and we sooth ourselves and find comfort with each other, so typical of all mammalians, anyway. For as much hurtful it can be for the partner, it must not be a good feeling either to the DA. I get that too, no matter how hard the whole experience was. It’s so sad, so much pain and trauma for everyone involved.

[@dickwhite7046]

Wow, that's the first actual legit description of my life..... and it really sucks to be me.

[@calistar9444]

This comment made me cry - both for myself and my DA. I have so much empathy and compassion for him. I really hope he can heal. He deserves real love.

[@lisbeth4you]

calistar don’t forget you deserve real love too ❤️☀️

[@calistar9444]

@@lisbeth4you It's strange. I always have empathy and compassion for him first before myself. It's not that i don't believe i deserve real love. It's more like... I'd say that for him first before I'd say that for myself.

[@lisbeth4you]

calistar yeah, good insight ! In the book Attached they say that when two people fall in love all that they are doing is put their hearts into the other’s hands, so we need to take care of each other. I found this idea beautiful. Take good care of yourself too.

[@edgreen8140]

Projection of past events on to current situations. Those who work on themselves deserve an applause.

[@1x93cm]

Repressitol: Take 2 a day and feel nothing forever!

[@miranda6738]

😂😂😂 sorry but that was funny!

[@paniq_fnite]

Loves it. 💜😌

[@jnl3564]

I was never actually able to feel the loneliness until I got validation that needing space was ok. Once that shame of needing space lifted i began to desire more connection

[@0Demiyah0]

Please do a video about DA success stories. I think also for DA's who are starting to become aware of their attachment wounds this is important validation what doing the work can mean to them. I'm also tired of seeing DA-hating by bitter people who come here because they were hurt by a DA, but only inform themselves as much to comment DA's are hopeless and "deserve" to be alone. As someone dating a DA, I would very much appreciate having success stories from DA's. Not just because it gives me hope, but perhaps also a pathway to address to my DA that there are turnarounds to be found, if they are willing to open to the journey. P.S. This comment isn't because people cannot feel hurt or upset about their (past) relationship with a DA. The only irritation I have is comments that dehumanize DA's.

[@Edith864]

Is your DA willing to do the work? Or does your DA see it as trying to "change" him into another person?

[@0Demiyah0]

@@Edith864 he feels like a "split person" who on one hands wants to connect, wants to love, wants to attach, and on the other side can come up with an equal amounts of reasons not to. So he feels like he's balancing these two opposing forces within him. He wants to get professional help, but he's also still kind of convinced that he's simply "broken", and is not looking forward dragging his past from under the carpet. So he would prefer psychiatric help, although I believe a professional would not allow him to medicate himself without proper psychotherapeutic treatment first.

[@njjn8693]

Maia, I am totally agree with you. They are working hard to breakthrough the shell which has protected them for years. Sometimes they just don’t know how to do it and less willing to get help from surrounding due to fears

[@illtv4365]

Thank you. As a DA it’s hard to read past all the negativity towards the attachment style and stay hopeful. More success stories please!

[@tricialn9317]

@@illtv4365 there is hope for you. Lots of hope! You are aware of your attachmenr style, you are here - look closely- see there? That's the light at the end of the tunnel! Never give up on yourself! Do the work. We all need to do the work!

[@JustJRR]

This helps spell it out really well thank you.

[@MellowBellow1]

Fabulous description of the DA part of FA too!!! 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

[@ColleenBarlow]

Please continue to expand on this topic. Your insight is going to help so many. Thanks, Thais!

[@isabelangel8379]

Thank you for the work you do. Your videos are so spot on. I appreciate the knowledge, support and kindness you share in your videos.

[@icedcocoa221]

My DA crush would post lots of things about wanting a relationship and love, so I guess deep down that's what he really wants. I hope he heals so he can find it.

[@austinnguyen9107]

They crave love and deep connection, but when they get it do everything possible to sabotage it... Unless they heal and aren't really DA anymore

[@b-rad3909]

I left some comments on vids you did 3 years ago that hit home

[@b-rad3909]

Thanks Thais

[@ericaavery9382]

Gosh, your videos are so enlightening for people like me who have never heard of this stuff and never studied psychology.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thanks for the wonderful comment - PDS team member

[@katalinmcewan]

I have studied psychology (not in a university setting, but read a ton of books on NPD, trauma, etc.), still was floored by my recent experience with my DA crush. I did figure out a lot of things re him by myself, but here to learn more. Especially, whether I should just go and save myself. I have never met anyone like him before. I wonder if he is an extreme case of DA or all DAs are this terrible to deal with. There is so much I love about him, but so much that’s just hurting me re his behaviour.

[@twinflamechaser10010]

Ohh Thais... you have no idea how important you have become for me🧡 I’m in "unlabelled" relationship with a DA. Could see the real him just coz of you. He is always there when I really need him, but NEVER otherwise. He is seeking, perhaps putting his attention outside us also. {by following inSta influencers} There’s so much confusion with DAs but always I end up realising (coz of you) it’s all his defence mechanisms, so can not walk away from him. God bless all those who are "dealing" with a DA. They are loveable beings (the ones who need it the most, but will never ask for it) but "HOW TO LOVE THEM" can only be told by Thais. You’re an angel 🧡🧡

[@SK-no2pp]

Not everything is chalked up to DA. He sounds like he has maladaptive defense mechanisms. If he’s seeking attention elsewhere, how does that make you feel? He’s not even fully investing with you. There’s no confusion- they are who they are, unless they seek help or look inwards. Otherwise you’re in a one sided relationshit. You shouldn’t try to save or fix them. That only enables them and means you don’t see your worth. It’s codependent to keep engaging trying to make them see the light

[@SK-no2pp]

Shawn F it is a relarionshit. You never know where you stand with them. The push/pull dynamic hollows out your soul. Glad you laughed

[@pi2771]

I m afraid you are trying to use these videos to justify him cheating. You basically idealized him cause these videos have never suggested to forgive cheating or to stay in an abusive relationship. You are in one and shouldn't justify. This person is adorable like you say but you factor out a major part of him:he is easy to cheat and abusivr

[@twinflamechaser10010]

S K Hi 🙂 Thanks for your concern. I appreciate that wholeheartedly. Pls read my edited comment again. I should have been clear. Yes, he holds back in fully investing in me. It’s easy to misunderstand DAs, they do all wrong things 😅😅But that happens every time after we get too close. Can’t speak for all guys & DAs. But mine has a pure heart & loyal character. He is a man of integrity . I feel sorry to harm his reputation here. He does avoid me, acts distant & remains emotionally unavailable (all DA traits) but is a keeper in the long run... Thank you !! 🧡

[@0Demiyah0]

@Twinflame Chaser - I do understand that. My DA would introduce insecurity into the relationship by keeping Tinder on his phone. But at the same time, I knew he was not doing anything on the app. It was a superficial meaningless distraction. I did address it to him and had a conversation about it. I don't worry about cheating until it's a fact. Actually, knowing he's DA but still invests his time, energy and resources into me consistently, I don't feel threatened by other women at all. I know he is 100% loyal. I did break up with him before, and then found Thais's videos. She's been heaven sent to both understand myself and what's going on with him. 💕🙏

[@rachhhh9722]

How can you tell the difference between deactivating strategies or emotional abuse ? Stonewalling, nitpicking/ put downs , withholding affection , being passive aggressive can all be used as tactics by abusers to gain control or to put down their partner . Im not trying to bash DAs here either 😊. I know lots are doing the work and would never intend to hurt anybody but like with some AP behaviour sometimes things cross that line and people can use attachment theory to justify staying in an abusive situation or to excuse damaging behaviours .

[@Edith864]

I was wondering exactly the same. Thanks for posting it. At what point does it become abusive behavior?

[@martinrehout9121]

It is up on you where you draw the line and what you're willing to put up with! I for one consider passive aggressive comments or stonewalling unaccaptable in any of my close relationships unless they are just a one at a time incident that won't repeat.

[@laurengraves]

All the deactivating strategies you mention can be emotional abuse. Frequency and severity would be the determinants, imo.

[@miranda6738]

Those behaviours are abusive and you can’t work on it if they are not willing to see their part. There’s only so much you can take no matter how much you love them.

[@janeb1102]

I’ve been following this channel as I’m on an inner healing journey, and have recently lost my DA best friend of 15 years. It’s been worse than a death for me (AA...but weirdly ONLY with her, probably because I’m low key afraid of others taking too much too and I know I’m safe from that with her). Anyway, do you have any additional tips for friendships? I’ve tried to apply what I’ve learned to understanding her and myself better, but wondered if there was any different guidance you’d give to restoring friendships with DA’s and perpetuating healthy ones.

[@bklynbrokers]

would love video on DA and rebound

[@tinkingtinking2134]

I think it's the same for people married or have children family members who are alcoholics. The more you focus on yourself and not trying to change them it's possible to be with them or around them if there's no violence of course.

[@Mrs803]

I find your videos very insightful.! I’d like to know how you would be able to help the DA get to a point where they are comfortable to open up or start to want to heal? How can you be there for them and maybe open there eyes to this without having them just shut down / run away/ say this is a therapy session. I have had some honest conversations with my ex bf because we are trying to work things out but he is extremely avoidant I feel I am anxious as I finally got the courage to say what I need and how I feel after not being together for six months about. He seemed willing to listen to everything I had to say and I told him we need to find ways to fix what happened so it doesn’t happen again. I’m just not sure how to pry into his mind I suppose to actually get out of him what bothers him or what causes him to want to pull away.. that’s what caused the breakup in the first place. So I’d really like some videos on maybe ways to get your DA to feel better about the situation to make them not want to run away and how to be able to give them insight without them pulling away also or saying this is a therapy session... I want to help him and I know he also has to want to help himself but if he never sees from the outside looking in I’m not sure what I can do. I have thought of sharing some videos like this with him.. maybe it would peak his interest and he would want to look into it. Thanks! ~Jolene~

[@calistar9444]

Since you say he's willing to listen and discuss, i feel like it should be ok to send him some videos? I know for me I'd feel comfortable doing that if my DA were open to receiving. I sent him some of Thais's videos regardless. Nothing to lose anymore since we're no longer a thing. No idea if he watched any of it because he hasn't said one word to me about it. But your DA is in discussion mode so you might have a better chance at opening him up than i did with my DA.

[@Mrs803]

calistar thank you I wish you the best too

[@anber4129]

I think Im a DA, and I also believe my father is a DA. I feel loneliness, but its very very hard to recognize and it passed quickly. When I do recognize it, to “solve” it or make it go away requires something I would rather not do. I’d rather just let the loneliness settle away. I notice sometimes my dad also can feel lonely but he also does not do anything about it. Imo, loneliness is more worth it than taking action?

[@martinrehout9121]

Hi Anber, perhaps what I can offer you is a middle ground. It is not necessarily that loneliness requires you to run towards other individuals. It is once you feel through the loneliness within you a deeper possiblity for connection with others naturally arises. If we are moving towards other people and connection out of our loneliness, we are essentially asking them to rid us of our pain. Not only does that put one into a mindset where they're not completely pure of intention, but it will not work. I am sure you have heard of individuals feeling lonely in a crowded room, and it is true. When we are lonely, it is often time to connect with ourselves, not necessarily to seek the reassurance of others. The issue is that while DAs can be very self-soothing oriented, they don't actually have a great relationship with themselves as they don't develop a relationship with their emotions. Therefore loneliness isn't an invitation to seek externally, but it is to develop a relationship with that feeling, where over time a consistent ability to feel through feelings of loneliness and have a relationship with emotions only translates into a greater ability to embrace the company of others, and gain the amazing gifts and benefit others have to offer, without needing to withdraw to deal with our own stuff, as the relationship with ourselves allows us to always be present with oureslves even when others are around. Thanks so much for your open and vulnerable comment, and good luck working on your Attachment style, perhaps even boding with your DAD! :) HOW EXCITING

[@underdawgtv4300]

@@martinrehout9121 glad you are able to be open. I just ended a situationship with a guy. He was GREAT. But he didn't know it. Has been married and mistreated. Was not open for any real relationship. Just wanted to "act" like a couple without saying it. That doesn't work for me. I had to go. I wished him well. We got along great. Had a GREAT connection! It hasn't been long. I'm hoping he will decide to sit with the pain and do the work. But that's for him to decide. I have to chose me first.😔

[@tinybrit3225]

I believe DA’s do on some level because they constantly go from person to person after discarding their previous partner. They don’t seem to take much time if any for themselves after a breakup. It also seems like some DA’s use people for sex until they get bored and find someone else.

[@youssefcharradi2363]

You seem to generalize alot ... sorry but you are wrong

[@johnruelpotot6898]

I disagree

[@maryru4355]

So did i understand that correctly that if my boyfriend (DA who needs a lot of time for himself) learns how to be voulnerable and that he can show me every part of himself, he may be needing less time for himself and will want more time together? Don't understand me wrong, I totally accept that he needs that time and at the moment I also have a lot of stuff to do so I also don't have more time to give, but I realise that I would really like to have more time someday in the future but I'm not sure if he wants to have that anytime....

[@redrumax]

He did ask me randomly when I first met him how do I deal with feeling alone. So he does feel lonely although he is chatting with people online all the time.

[@somethingclever8916]

Somewhere between FA and DA. Yes we do get lonely. For me, there hasn't any romantic attachment that wasn't awful to abusive. And I've noticed the pattern of choosing the wrong people. Yes I yearn for a connection, but the idea of closeness is terrifying. Its not fear of rejection its fear of being abused again. Its like one of the traps from the SAW films. If I get close, my experience is that it leads to traumatic pain.

[@calistar9444]

Hmm. My DA also said something about how he was "emotionally abused" in past relationships. But he wouldn't elaborate so i don't know just what really transpired. If you don't mind sharing, what could make a DA who is this fearful, trust a person in a romantic situation again? I've been very gentle, patient, kind, compassionate, empathetic...and he even acknowledges all of this. But he still would not believe me when I state and demonstrate my willingness to work with him and not criticise or hurt him.

[@somethingclever8916]

@@calistar9444 time and parience. I would suggest stop telling and start showing with actions. But don't look for prais0e or thanks because he will be surprised it will take time to register.

[@calistar9444]

@@somethingclever8916 I did show through my actions, like i said (stated and demonstrated). Still didn't work. He just cannot be moved. I've started my journey of letting go.

[@warmhart2034]

@Keith _ As in you being "self-absorbed?"

[@Ayeltahlawy]

9:20 I lost my only close and best friend to that, it took me some really hard and long time to build that connection and open up to her, but eventually it collapsed. Frankly, that was the spark that got me here and I now understand myself much better, but I am not able to form any friendships or bonds of that sort again, it hurts, it took loads of time and energy and hard effort to open up and build such bond. I wonder how is it going to be, am I destined to live alone, my relationships are just friends who I meet or call every now and then but never have strong relationship with, is this the way it is going to be for the rest of my life?

[@dk3541]

No.. it doesn't have to be like that for the rest of your life. In every experience you can take the risk to be hurt.. it's fine, you won't die.. and the more you take risks and get hurt the more you loose your fears. Do donations to the poor and try to feel their happiness of receiving.. keep donating. When you date again give her little compliments give a chocolate, a card.. I know that is easy to talk. I grew in an average healthy family but then lost my father and was traumatic left the country years later and I became a DA before 10yo. I became numb to my own emotions and clueless to the emotions of others like a wall but didn't know or stopped to analyse myself. The word numb describes it well.. maybe you relate. 8 years ago my son was born, he needing me and I had to give was the first step towards understanding emotions again. Divorced 3 years ago and that was another hit.. I had to stop to understand myself... since then I stop every single day for about 15 min to write some of my feelings on a paper, what is the feeling, why I was feeling that, what I need to get better.. guess what im transformed and know to connect again. And my friend let me tell you it's like my whole life I had a locked jar and finally I opened it.. it's full of meaning and joy. I love it. You do it.

[@marcus716]

Its not being scared of vulnerability but rather afraid of getting into drama :D

[@laurengraves]

So which attachment style is tied to the competition based mindset?

[@daughteroftheking4492]

im 39% FA and 39% DA.. now im secure but i get triggers and i dont know which style is its brining up. ?!

[@KBGameOver]

Just had my first date with a DA at her house where I cooked for her etc, I noticed she did’t want to cuddle but still wanted me close? and when I said about sex, she wanted it but didn’t know how? she incredibly shy and always wants me to do the moves and talking and she so cold when comes to text but means very well when she says it. She postponed our 2nd date; how should I go about this dating a DA? I have kept my distance, kept things light and breezy, I only text when she does so, she doesn’t feel like I’m chasing, anyone have suggestions I can try?

[@johnnycassell4338]

Run away

[@kayaxe]

Any tips on how to get a dismissive female Ex to Open up? It has been amost 2.5months since break up. Thank you :)

[@saudlukmanofficial3793]

Any tips? Just walk away😁 you deserve better man👍

[@paniq_fnite]

You gotta pursue her with love and affection. If she loves you back she will tell you. If not, not.

[@elsewherehouse]

" THEY DONT MISS" im tearing up !!! 5:19

[@leolady8114]

How does a partner of a DA help the DA to get in touch and open up so they CAN feel vulnerable yet safe?

[@roselandpetals]

Make them feel safe. Don't criticize. Thais has videos on this. However, no matter how much work you put into giving them their needs, they will not give you yours. Source? Me, I gave my DA the safest space imaginable and he still bolted through the door because an emotional connection with me scared him.

[@louisecampbell2628]

Is it possible to see yourself in more than one attachment style. I can see dismissive avoidant and anxious preoccupied in myself.

[@roselandpetals]

If you exhibit both traits that means you're actually Fearful Avoidant.

[@johnnycassell4338]

Five subconscious causes of loneliness: 1) Disconnection from self 2) Fear 3) Shame 4) Behavioral mechanisms from past hurts 5) Competition and comparison

[@lmart16]

Idk if disconnection from self is one. As an FA, we also deal with existential crisis feelings that I often thought were loneliness but I opted to go it alone.. it was around age maybe 37 or 38 that I had to spend time wondering if what I felt was everyone else's version of loneliness. I can tell you that they feel different. Loneliness makes you yearn for another being whereas existential dread places you at the center without needing anyone - and FAs are very well aware of their inner feelings and self realization.

[@mcjaguilar8667]

6) being legitimately lonely. The culture is becoming extremely isolated and problematic. To live like this is authentically against human nature. I don't hear any talk around how this is very much a cultural issue

[@BlankPlate93]

Hi Thais! I was wondering if having siblings can impact someone's attachment style. As in can people still grow up to become DAs and have those feelings of loneliness if they grew up with siblings?

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Yes can grow up with feelings of loneliness even with a sibling because opening up and sharing emotions and vulnerability isn't the norm in the household. Not to say this would be in every case. - PDS team member

[@katalinmcewan]

My DA has siblings. Assume it was his upbringing that made him the way he is. It’s heart breaking!

[@roselandpetals]

My DA had a LOT of siblings and cousins acting as siblings growing up. Actually, I think because he was the oldest of the tribe he was neglected since there were always younger kids that needed more attention. I don't think they met his emotional needs growing up which is the reason he is DA.

[@gordona1076]

Do Aspies tend to be DAs?

[@bethanneharrington8355]

What about the orientation of aromantic??

[@STAR-LIGHT.1111]

My DA ex boyfriend did just project his stuff what he did into me as a FA i toke it all beceause of my negative self vieuw. But he did it to protect himself and push me away..

[@al3X767]

A lot of discouraging comments taking out their resentment over their dismissive exs. I understand the pain, but DA's are always unfairly demonized in the comment section. Come from a place of love and understanding, and it's okay if you're still working through the pain. You don't have to stay in a situation that isn't healthy for you, but please don't discourage other attachment styles in the comments when you don't know their personal struggles.

[@martinrehout9121]

al3X767 Hi Alex, if it makes you feel any better I was just really hurt by an FA person haha ! It’s not to demonise him and I’m of course joking, but all styles totally deserve support compassion and respect ! I think some of us fear they in giving them respect and compassion they have to somehow justify the things they don’t like about the relationships, but that is never the case. We don’t have to love how the DAs are conditioned in order to love them as people ! Sending love your way! :) ❤️💕

[@hashtagspandas4070]

Thank you !

[@hashtagspandas4070]

@@Paarthurnaxdova People hurt other people with or without showing strong narcissistic traits, we all have to make our own decisions and stay or leave a relationship, but demonising in the meantime is.. counterproductive? and quite frankly just makes angry people for the sake of it 🤷🏻‍♀️ No one is invalidating the pain we/you felt when hurt by a DA. As an FA I hurt my DA many times too 🤷🏻‍♀️. DAs are not heartless monsters they feel a lot they give love in different ways that are just not the mainstream romantic version of it. This is not excusing their behaviour, this is just the truth. You can’t love when you’re angry, or scared unless you consciously choose to and that’s part of the effort in relationships. They are constantly fighting themselves and the world, defending. If you tune into their love language ie the only way they are able to give love and they work on meeting you halfway like I worked on meeting HIM halfway you get a very loving relationship. DAs are not monsters. They’re traumatised dogs that bite - but then we all do in different ways, maybe just on different levels but we all hurt others - there are no saints. thanks

[@senseijen8963]

@@mariachiingles2348 I agree with you. And, most of time the DA doesn't think he has issues to work on. It's how I want it or no relationship at all for them.

[@miranda6738]

Well we all have our own work to do. That is the point, if the person is willing to put the work in then it doesn’t matter what attachment style you came from.

[@austinnguyen9107]

3:45

[@Getwasted221]

I love this channel but the comments about DA’s genuinely trigger me. I’m not a DA I’m an FA but the idea of people coming to a channel that offers insight and help to just sit and project and spew hatred on the comment section honestly depresses me. People come here to be better, I’m sorry ONE DA was bad in a relationship to you but calling DAs narcissists who deserve to be alone forever is nothing short of evil.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I`m sorry you are feeling this way. In the In the KZbin and Facebook groups people are 99% supportive of everyone`s healing journey`s. Mean, rude and disrespectful comment are usually coming from a place of anger or ignorance. Please don`t let someone who need`s to work on their own healing ruin this beautiful community for you. There are soooo many positive, supporive comments I see every day. Having said that I will delete any comments that cross the line into disrespectful. Thanks for your comment

[@martinrehout9121]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Oh my goodness moderating youtube comments for the DA hate will be such an amazing experience for the DAs I can imagine, thank you so much for standing up for them Thais that just fills me with so much joy and excitement just knowing that. Im legit crying haha! You're amazing! :)

[@nikki0076]

Bruh yes I do feel very lonely

[@brad3378]

Thais, Could you please make a video about MGTOW men and avoidant personality disorders? I see a lot of crossovers and wonder if MGTOWs are largely influenced by childhood wounds

[@elle381]

You want this beautiful space flooded with men who hate women? Please keep this away.

[@boooootch]

Or maybe how men are entirely fed up with modern day women, their wild sense of entitlement and inability to embrace feminine energy, etc. There are reasons a growing number of men are walking away from these current gender “roles”. Let’s not just assume men have childhood wounds and can’t be in relationships. Everything is a two-way street.

[@elle381]

@@boooootch Okay. But going your own way wasn't intended to mean go your own way to a woman's channel. MGTOW has many channels. Men and women come here to be restored. They can stay in their lane and leave those of us who aren't on some campaign of hate against the opposite sex in peace.

[@brad3378]

@@elle381 Where are you getting the idea that MGTOWs hate women? I certainly dont. Perhaps you mixing up MGTOW and the men's rights movement? Maybe it's you that has the anger problem. Tone it down please. We just want to be left alone from a system that's rigged against us.

[@boooootch]

Elle B While I don’t necessarily agree with some of the more misogynistic aspects of the MGTOW movement… There is definitely a spectrum of men in the world today that feel the scales are tipped in favor of females, especially with regard to divorce and certain “expectations” when entering into relationships. There are also a considerable number of females today acknowledging the fact that men are tired of trying to find a quality woman to get into a relationship with. It’s just too much work. Hence the giving up altogether. To pretend this isn’t a thing is willful ignorance.

[@SK-no2pp]

Does the DA feel anything?

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

There can be a lot of feelings of shame, fear , and not being good enough. DA's can also suppress their emotions which can lead to depression - PDS team member

[@elle381]

@@ShawnFin so what does it mean if they avoid much physical activity even sex in order to stop feeling in a way they understand Are they a lost cause

[@h2orainwater39]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool what does it mean my severe avoident ex of 5-1/2 years broke up with me we got into and she went no contact on me . one week end she was telling me she loved me and broke up with me the next her mother told me that my ex didnt love me anymore. But my ex never would tell me that . . . And when I've seen her she wont even make eye contact with . I love her with all my heart . She has broke my heart into pieces. We broke up a month and a half ago . No contact for almost 3 weeks . She hasn't contacted me none . Is this normal dealing with them . I've never seen this side of her. Very heartless to me .

[@pursepurse1652]

The comments on a lot of your DA videos are really disheartening and not kind, from people who aren't DAs.

[@pursepurse1652]

Thank you for doing these videos tho, they've helped with my own journey at healing!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I agree we all need to be respectful of each others journeys. Some attachment styles trigger other attachment styles quite strongly but the more we learn the more we can understand someone and why they act the way they do - PDS team member

[@SK-no2pp]

People aren’t trying to be unkind. They are simply telling their experience and talking about the pain they lived through while dealing with a DA.

[@youssefcharradi2363]

@@SK-no2pp Some of them are discouraging others from putting work into their relationships .. i noticed that in alot of DA's video, but never in AP's (I am not blaming attachement styles, but blaming people )

[@SK-no2pp]

@@youssefcharradi2363 I suspect probably because more APs and compared to DAs watch the channel, and are more likely open to healing modalities/ learning about attachment styles, so they also share their experiences via comments. If I tell you everyone about my experience going to an amusement park - and I say the rides were awful, the food made me sick, will that discourage others? Yes, but there will be a handful of people who will want to see for themselves. This is a public form, and I think this channel does regulate unkind comments.

[@BeefWingSauce]

No, they don't because they jump from relationship to relationship. They're never alone!

[@Edith864]

Being alone and being lonely is not the same though.

[@SK-no2pp]

True

[@sophiesteger7299]

I think you are talking about the wrong attachment style 😂

[@youssefcharradi2363]

@krisztina You seem to have little knowledge about DAs