Don’t send the avoidant ex that “Merry Christmas” text!

[@MadMaxMan2008]

Hey Coach, I was about to contact my ex and say merry Christmas and my buddy punched me in the face. So now I’m icing down my eye and I turned my phone off. I won’t be wishing her merry Christmas happy holidays everybody! He said he couldn’t take listening to my crap anymore.

[@geemail369]

Don't just eat abusive treatment, from _ANYBODY!_

[@JRStarrett]

Christmas is my birthday, not messaging. Gonna gift myself the dignity and respect that I deserve

[@PuddyKatMan]

Give them the Gift Of Permanently Missing You. Do not ever entertain having them in your life again.

[@bmorebutterfly5259]

🎉Happy Birthday

[@anna-sophiedrexler5254]

Happy Birthday🥰

[@IRINKAandLOVE]

Happy Bday❤️❤️❤️ And Merry Christmas 🎉🎉🎉

[@smokingcrab2290]

I love this

[@helenpauline7]

Don't do it, guys! ❤ Enough enabling. Time to keep focused on your inner work! Healing dysfunctional patterns that no longer serve. The avoidant needs to do the hard inner work too

[@PuddyKatMan]

Avoid the Avoidant! Let them find their own way and you find yours. Give them the Gift of Permanently staying out of their lives.

[@michaelod324]

Great timing I was really breaking down especially since I had an incredible Christmas with my avoidant ex last year, but I’ve gone 30 days in no contact and icant break even for Christmas.

[@PuddyKatMan]

Over two weeks of no contact? The relationship is over. Don’t even consider that this person has an option to come back into your life. Consider that they are permanently gone and even if they reach out to reconnect with you, they have forever lost you.

[@robii120]

My man! Impeccable timing! I was just about to send that message when I got your notification 😅 Thanks for all the wise and encouraging words over the past while 🙏 Merry Christmas!

[@sifublack192]

In short, don't reach out unless they do first. 🤷🏿‍♂️ Glad I learned that from my dating coach when I was in college. Prioritize your hobbies and interests whilst exercising other options. You'll always find someone better; it's worked for me every time.

[@carlrav5660]

saved me with this one...right on time.

[@GratitudeandGrace1111]

Ugh!! Thankyou!! I was gonna text mine Merry Christmas , after 8 mo no contact!! Thankyou for reminding me 🫶🏻

[@sierraG333]

Don’t do it! I broke after nearly 10 months thinking I’d hear from him. Nope I just humiliated myself. These avoidant guys are losers!

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

If you text expecting they will respond in a certain way, you are going to be heartbroken. It's been 8 months. You should move on. Every thing in the videos we listen, we understand. But you have to hit point with your own understanding. For me it was this thought, that, does my lif3 revolve around one person only? Is my life all about him? Is there nothing else to it? Why I am so obsessed over someone who does not want me and something i can't control. Now, I don't want him in my life, and don't want him to text either. We need lots of self reflection, so we can know our self worth and set boundaries. And do your own life

[@thebethhht]

Thank you for this 💖 This holiday season has been hard 😞 but you are right, now is a good time to focus on the present and making happy moments with family and friends who love and appreciate me. I am grateful for them 🙏

[@patriciamah288]

He reached out and I just reply Thanks. Merry Christmas just as cold he sent me. Nothing more nothing less. I realised to the avoidant it is just a formality not an intent to deepen or re engage the relationship. Yep it’s time to move on

[@vanessaG275]

Yes yes yes. They don't mean what they say. It's all a facade.

[@sheliasmith2884]

Right we feel you

[@geemail369]

Why reply anyways, if it's just cold and holds no meaning for you?! 🤔

[@brownell.landrum]

I think you'll feel SO much better when you just block him from all avenues. I know I do. I'm FREE!

[@oliviaduarte7056]

Thank you for this clip. It helped, I was about to do it ... Merry Christmas to you and your family and to all people who are dealing with a heartbreak.; Its not easy and it truly hurts but know you've survived worst and you will surpass this too. And we gotta be trustful it will get better. We gonna be ok.

[@carlrav5660]

I will say Merry Christmas to YOU instead!

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

@oliviaduarte7056 That's a lovely message. I was about to do it, too. He must be crazy to avoid you.

[@smokingcrab2290]

Lmao I was literally thinking about doing this and this video popped up in my feed. I'm never talking to that woman freely ever again. Not once has she ever cared

[@tankthearc9875]

we have to stop being nice to the person that dumped us and treated us poorly with bad communication

[@Nataliexgiselle]

3 months without this person! This video helped remind me to keep it that way ty❤️

[@vanessaG275]

Well done. Keep going.

[@sierraG333]

Relationship? I didn’t even get that far. He asked me out and couldn’t even call it a date. He called it “our little catch up.” He then spent hours coming on heavy, telling me how much he cared about me, asked me if I wanted a relationship then led me on for months and out of nowhere started sending friendzone texts before the full radio silence discard. I texted a few times asking to talk and was ignored. It was abnormal. There were no signs I was going to get screwed over. WTF! I knew this guy for over a year and I left a long term dead end relationship to be with him. Although I don’t regret getting out, it has taken me all of 2024 to realise I meant nothing to him and I got played. If you don’t want me, just say so!!! And if you don’t want me, stay away from me!!

[@filsanmohamud9774]

They don't say it with words that they don't want you, unfortunatly. Behaviour is a language too, stay strong ❤.

[@saradf]

I’ve been through the same experience and i had to break his ego , saying that if i knew earlier he’d never been in my life longer than a week. I don’t want a relationship with a ghost either so boy ✌🏻 bye and ghosted him back! He kept watching my stories so i masked everything , he lost that privilege.. you wanted to play. Game over 😊

[@sierraG333]

@ Yep, I always noticed from the start his words and actions were contradictory. I feel so used. I was genuinely invested in him and all I was to him was free entertainment and someone to dangle until he was bored. Why not just go on a dating app if you just want ANYTHING with tits. It’s a huge lesson I never thought I’d have to learn in my late 30s. 😭

[@sierraG333]

@@saradf Yep, had I known what I now know in hindsight I wouldn’t given him one scrap of my time or energy. I got played.

[@saradf]

@ i feel you .. unfortunately once you give back your power it turns them off since they’re emotionally unstable and immature! I hold them accountable for it whether he replies or not (he didn’t) then i disappear. He has to feel that idgf about it. He will reach out one day, especially if you didn’t hookup! Few months later it hit him and sent his apologies, asking what’s up without changed behavior so it was time to cut it off for good. If he reaches out again it has to be for solid reasons and serious commitment.

[@TheSMPStudios]

Thank you for talking me off the ledge, coach Ryan!

[@Wishesgranted250]

Don’t do it guys!!! We’ve got this!!! Merry Xmas

[@tarantulagirl]

Love this, actually felt uplifted by this comment xx

[@paolavegasalazar143]

Damn, I called and they didn't answer me, but it really taught me that i shouldn't have

[@normastevens8166]

Thanks for this message, definitely enjoying time with my own family and learning again after 8yrs in a relationship where my partner ghosted me after starting an argument out of the blue with me over the phone , I’m starting to learn my self worth again 🙏🏻💕

[@jonathanhunt371]

God I came so close to texting lol. Thanks for the reassurance. Yes we need to have and grow our self-love

[@vanessaG275]

Lol. Gald you never.

[@jhonrydc110]

I needed this so badddd 😂

[@mariedueck4992]

I sent it to him every year, despite no reaction. He said it s pressure. Now he told me that he does not want to loose me.

[@PuddyKatMan]

Give him the best Christmas gift you could give him: The Gift of Permanently Missing You. Leave him alone and open yourself up to someone who will reciprocate that love you seek and have to give.

[@BruceJC75]

Didn’t send it. Still miss her. I really thought I’d be in the pictures she posted this year. She might have someone else for all I know. Who cares. All I can do is pick up the pieces and move on.

[@TheEGOconstitute]

Needed this cuz I was about to mess up - thank you!

[@gaildisantis5343]

always great to hear this again…

[@laurawright1342]

I NEEDED THIS!!! TYSM. YOU HELP ME TREMENDOUSLY ❤

[@gabiscully]

Right on time! Thank you! And Merry Christmas to you and your beloved ones ❤

[@ik6577]

Don't send txt to your avoidant ex if you don't want to be ignored. Wasting time and emotions.

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

Wow, so it's not a good idea then because I'm itching.

[@ik6577]

​@@SamsungMy-zo3cg It's possible that he will not replay , or text you one word few days later . Let them reach out first .

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

@ik6577 it's actually a she. But ok, thank you. I appreciate you.

[@ik6577]

​@@SamsungMy-zo3cg You'r welcome , stay strong. MARRY CHRISTMAS 🎅🎄🎁

[@p4160]

BLESS UP you got me locked in for this holiday 😭

[@soulscapes]

This was truly helpful and insightful. A great reminder of not being led by one's emotions so much that we send the wrong message and allow others to hurt us even more. Thanks for reminding us of ways we can reestablish balance with others and within ourselves.

[@geemail369]

Well said. ✨

[@nursejen1111]

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT EARLIER! DIDN'T DO IT!

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

Me too, literally composed the message 3 or 4 times. Who would hurt such a beautiful woman like you, is he mad?

[@joe522]

I needed to hear this, thanks!

[@d.w.7114]

Thank you. You just stopped me from sending a holiday text.

[@jc4171]

Thanks so much Ryan and you spoke to my heart ❤ Merry Christmas

[@petitcoeur-q6r]

As time goes by you realise the energy you put in for them was a waste - focus on yourself and what makes you feel whole and complete. With that you find it so much easier to brush them off and leave them further in the dust.

[@naintara6727]

Thanks I am going through a tough time regarding the same situation. Though not from romantic partner but yes an avoidant friend. I needed this. Thanks a bunch

[@asahdo]

Oh no! Should have seen this 10 hours ago 😬

[@emma-sadie]

It's ok, just be strong, you are just saying Merry Christmas, right?

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

Damn, don't feel bad I nearly sent my ex the same thing. I just got dumped 3 days ago. I was itching to call or text her. Have you received a reply yet?

[@asahdo]

@ yes he just said merry Christmas back. But it’s the first message he’s replied to in 32 days

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

@asahdo that's gotta be worth something right. If I was him I would never avoid you. Where in the world are you from?

[@TheJavierTrejo]

It’s her birthday on the 24th so I’ll just say it here… happy birthday Lindsay, I miss you, heal and I’m here. I’m ready for our life together!! N🙏🏽M🙏🏽STE

[@cecilang9721]

I know, right? Sometimes you gotta get it out. But dude, why you want to chase? She has a life, already. Not with you. And she is cool with it. Let it go. Be good to yourself.

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

@@TheJavierTrejo we salute you.

[@TheJavierTrejo]

@ oh I’m not chasing. NC for 3 months now. It’s all good. I miss her but I didn’t do this, she did. I deserve better

[@cecilang9721]

You do deserve better. I said you want to chase, not that you are. Maintain strength. As long as you hope, oh I’m waiting for her to come back into my life, you are not energetically free. We have to move through, move on. I’ve been trying to let go but I’m tormented, night and day. I have to *make* myself NC, it feels bad. But I know it’s the only way for me to have dignity. I treated him so good, and I know deep down I deserve better than what he gave me. Trying hard to heal myself.

[@TheJavierTrejo]

@@cecilang9721 we got this

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

What i was going to say. "Hey , I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you're doing well and find some joy and peace this holiday season. Take care of yourself." Now that's out, i feel better.

[@windyacresway]

If they dont want to be with you during the holidays they are gone.Take the hint and move on with your life.They dont love you,dont respect you and dont want you.Its a harsh reality but its one many on here need to wake up to.

[@ritapeters1330]

You are so right ..but it causes me real pain 😢 thank you 💗

[@kateaghaghiri2968]

I had to replay this to boost my resolve. Thank you. A great pep talk.

[@MrStodderkonge]

I no longer wan't her to reach out. Quite frankly i probably woulnd't even answer her anymore

[@smaimer4974]

Same…took me 9 months to get over her, over the love of my life…the one I would have literally given my life for. She slow faded, summoned the demons they fear themselves subconsciously, flaw finding all the small things, if I adj. one thing she moved to another aspect that she adored but suddenly hated. She destroyed my life. Everything collapsed once it ended with her. I felt the lowest I’ve ever been. Caught a real depression due to her and other things that all occurred between February 13th until October 2024. it’s the worst year of my entire life. I don’t want her back but I’m not over her fully. Even though I met this really cute Russian girl, she adores me but not the sick red flag love bombing wa. But normal, just spent 3 days with her and it is of course sadly not that intensive or such desire on first eye contact. But guess normal and healthy, I know that a. One Zion isn’t supposed to be immediately but be created over time. Still I can’t feel for this new girl what I felt immediately for my ex. I will however never take her back. But this new gurl already has feelings for me. I don’t have feelings for her. Not sure if I’ll ever get some besides kind of a certain physical attraction and like I have for women I’m vibing with in general, that I want to protect them at all cost. But I’m not sure I could be with her…for ever…or love her like she deserves…don’t want to break her heart but we will be separated now 2 weeks so hope her passion for me will decline with distance a bit. She’s the coolest girl i ever knew.

[@sheliasmith2884]

​@smaimer4974 you know after dealing with an avodent I'm afraid to date again because you just don't know what you're getting.

[@jeffreypaszko3473]

This is not playing chess ..You need to be the person you are .That means be comfortable with yourself and if they do not respond thats them ,but letting them dictate to you your actions keeps you from being genuine ...The whole purpose in life is to be authentically yourself. If you are ruled by love , that is never a mistake . If they do not respond. or withdraw further that is their problem and really, do you want to be with a person who see every act of kindness on your part as an front to. them ?? A good relationship is two way partnership in which each respects and admires each other and that includes the good ,the bad , and the ugly .. If they,, your avoidant ex,, is unwilling to see you for your essential loving heart then its sad that they are miissing out on what constitutes a healthy relationship ....

[@flixpixie2009]

I see what you mean but I think you misinterpreted his message. This video is aimed at people who think something good will happen if they touch a hot stove. He is telling them that's very unlikely, and recommending that they don't touch the hot stove. At no point did he suggest that avoiding touching the stove would cause a good thing to happen. Just that it would avoid a bad one. He carefully avoids the subject of getting this sort of ex back, because it's impossible and that's very painful for his audience to hear. His message is one of profound kindness.

[@denfordbacayana808]

ThNks for this. You are my personal therapist. ;)

[@heatherbaldwin2701]

Journal your thoughts, don’t break contact. It gets it out of your head and gives you relief without breaking no contact.

[@KatelynAriel]

Thank you so much!! Your advice is top notch, simple and filled with compassion. I finally get it!..and now that I do, I will move on and pour that love into myself. Im only day 2 no contact but my mindset is shifting and I am finally detaching from this relationship.

[@CaseyDoesEverything]

Merry Christmas we got this

[@Cavant01]

It hurts so much. I miss her. I love her. I dont understand.

[@BabyFaceRose]

Stay strong things will get better 👑 ❤

[@Cavant01]

@BabyFaceRose i appreciate you

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

​@@BabyFaceRose That's a nice thing to say. Who would ever dump you?

[@BabyFaceRose]

@@SamsungMy-zo3cg aw 💙🫶🏼 well I wish the best for everyone around me 😭 I went through the worst heartbreak like three years ago, but I’m literally better than ever now… And that’s after thinking I would never get over that person ! but I’m so happy I’m in a better place now , healing takes time but it’s so worth it

[@haihai5293]

Thank you!

[@JasonDANGtellem]

It’s so hard not to call her

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

If she's a narcissist. ...it's a black hole.. ..a void in the universe

[@1300SL]

Yeah I hear you, was so tempted to send a message today after 2 months NC. But held off as know it's isn't worth the hassle.😢

[@LadyRie]

Thank you for these reminders, Coach Ryan!

[@saradf]

Once you master detachment, you’ll never go back. Until he breaks no contact and then you’ll think about replying or not! Never lose your power!

[@Mami_x.o.x.o]

You were on point with this just got the text lol I handled it

[@ExternallyHappy]

Thank you for this video mate

[@ctgeorgia]

It's Christmas Day... Trying not to get down. I'm 54...and have live-in fiancé' of 4 years and we both have kids from prior. We've struggled like every couple, but over the last several months I felt like it's been as good as ever. However, after this morning I just can't seem to see how we recover. We got up and got the presents out for our kids that would be visiting at 1pm and then having a big dinner tonight with all of us together. Around noon it went south...fast. She yelled at me, cussed me out, told me it was over and stomped out the door. Haven't seen her all day...all because I forgot to mention that my 22 year old was spending Christmas with us after dinner. She has always screamed at me and cussed me out because she claims I don't 'communicate' well with her. That's pure garbage. I can't remember every single thing to run by her! I'm human and some times I forget things. It's not like I forgot to tell her I sold the house, and we were moving to Alaska! I forget one thing and I'm screamed at, cussed out, etc... The reality is she has issues with my kids and them visiting triggers her. She carries a tremendous amount of baggage because her ex cheated on her, walked all over her and treated her like garbage for 15 yrs and she seems to take it all out on me for the littlest thing.

[@smileyglitter852]

I got guilted to do it for his bday, he did it for mine...I just said thanks. Didn't do Christmas or will not do New Years...

[@sheliasmith2884]

Don't worry he is the last person I would ever say anything to I despise him.

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

Excellent 🎉🎉

[@crane8124]

Thank you so much for this video, so appreciated

[@emma-sadie]

Coach Ryan, I just sent the Avoidant Man whom I love, a 'Merry Christmas' and I'm so glad I did, because I forgive him and I'm not looking to be with him again, because I understand that he needs to get help to understand his avoidant issues, and maybe I'm not the one for him anyway. So, I believe, if you can forgive what they did to you it's ok to say Merry Christmas, and then move on. If they take it as a sign to get back together, that is on them.

[@Originalman360]

😂😂 you forgive him for being an avoidant with you? How does that work? “Coach Ryan, I just sent the Avoidant Man, whom I love a Merry Christmas” AKA I waited until Christmas to use that as an excuse to break no contact!

[@allalonehere5852]

I did too...and he was very thankful. Turns out he's dealing with serious medical issues. I still love him in an unconditonal way. I told him I wasn't expecting a reply...but he did....I know it'd never work out due to distance etc. it's OK...

[@emma-sadie]

@Originalman360 no, I never said I waited until Christmas Day to send him that text. My life does not revolve around him anymore, I've been working on my own issues and so I'm more at peace with myself. And yeah, forgiveness does wonders as long as you don't go back to the same thing over and over, been there done that.

[@IRINKAandLOVE]

Merry Christmas 🎄🎄🎄🎁🎁🎁

[@DominionMovementDotOrg]

thank you. merry Christmas Ryan

[@sonic_the_potato]

Oops.

[@RancidPetals23]

haha!! I was just talking to someone about this... so funny 😂

[@Dreamsareareality]

You are 100% correct. Thank you. ❤

[@petitcoeur-q6r]

I got Christmas messages from those I dearly love and care for - family and friends. That’s what matters to me more than getting a stupid message from DA. The DA never bothered to send any message whatsoever on Christmas Day who apparently misses me as they told me the last time they messaged a while ago. Not heard a peep. 😂

[@ShaniOnSinai]

He sent it to me 🙄🤚🏼

[@lmart16]

My DA ex always would use NY as a reason to reach out - and I, the FA, would accept it. Once, we worked things out. The next time, he was less open to talking about issues, so I ended it.

[@jossfangirl]

Send yourself flowers.

[@THEYOGAFACE]

Thanks for this I needed it

[@allalonehere5852]

This is sooooo hard!!

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

So so hard. Merry Christmas

[@89DeluCs]

My DA ex has reached out after a week of total silence told me shes detached😅😅 focusing on herself apologize for not contacting me(isnt like i did)and wish Merry Christmas 4weeks of no contact im back in control

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

Ur control ends the moment u respond

[@89DeluCs]

@HANZELVANDERLAAY no really you can respond without giving them the validation they need No contact means you're not reaching out

[@ritapeters1330]

Thank you ..Merry Christmas 🎄

[@TheMehrnoush.]

Why should i send my partner anything?eweee … he does not deserve my text 😎

[@PuddyKatMan]

Why is he still your partner? Leave that person and find someone better suited for you.

[@citizenoz]

Apparently... I'm my DA ex 'Closest and most amazing friend I could ever ask for' according to the 'Merry Xmas' text she sent me yesterday as she gets on the plane to fly off to see the guy she monkey branched me for (who she says is 'probably a narc). You can't make this up! Thanks Chris. Merry Xmas and thanks for all you amazing help.

[@MadMaxMan2008]

@@citizenoz hey man, I feel you some of the shit my ex DA told me I was laughing my butt off. You couldn’t make up some of the crap she was saying I know we’re not supposed to judge these people, but man they are nuts.

[@citizenoz]

@@MadMaxMan2008 Thanks brother. So much of what Chris talks about in his videos is EXACTLY what my ex clueless self obsessed DA has put me through. As the saying goes 'You have to go through it to grow through it'. Stay strong brother 🖖

[@Lenezunigamartinez]

I managed to control my anxiety and avoided messaging him for Xmas... Today I woke up and saw HIS message of Merry Xmas... I'm amazed as I knew for sure he would never contact me, so I don't know what to do...

[@petitcoeur-q6r]

It’s done out of validation. Once they get that message from you they will disappear again.

[@dzenkejup2487]

You mantain no contact. I know that the fact that some strangers text this mean nothing to your loneliness BUT I am alone for 11 years and always breaking up with toxic people. My cholesterol levels got bad. My health matters more. I went NC this December after 8 months together. didn't give a F about the holidays.

[@Queenbeatifulbossbae]

If you want text back with same energy merry Christmas don’t force it either way and don’t open up to far but don’t be closed off if you still want him make him work for it ❤

[@tankthearc9875]

im letting her reach out first, now im not sure if i should file for divorce as to make her fear losing me for good? after 6 months separated and after no contact she kept breaking with major breadcrumbs

[@brownell.landrum]

File for divorce so you can get your life back and move on. You deserve better. Wishing you much love and success and happiness with the right partner!

[@Stimmy_2_raw723]

I filed for divorce. Just need to serve her. 7 months separated. She already has a boyfriend which is her coworker. We have 2 kids together. Time to move on. I’m sure she doesn’t think I’d ever leave but no I have to.

[@alpimarzi5501]

💔 no idle threats honey! Don’t file for divorce unless you’re really prepared to go through with it.

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

​@@Stimmy_2_raw723 thats another level of audacity, having a boyfriend but assured you would never leave. Leave for your peace of mind.

[@EternalLove.1111]

Fudge nc 4 mths with a narc fearful avoidant...proud of myself, then he video called a coworker and that naive coworjer called me to his desk, said someone wanted 2 talk 2 him...innocently i put the headset on and there is was...seeing me on video asking me why I was ignorning him😮😮😮😮😮

[@lauraduran9998]

Also hurts even if you don't send the message of Merry Christmas, but I think it hurts less than send it. I won't send any message.😢

[@ritapeters1330]

Me neither staying in no contract.. but thinking of him all day already

[@lauraduran9998]

@ritapeters1330 me too 🥺

[@MIMIDSH]

Does it ALL stem from childhood? Can walls be put up after a disastrous relationship or a traumatic marriage?

[@The_whimsical_avoidantcope]

Yes its all from childhood. The programming happens in that period. An adult who experiences a traumatic event deals with that event with the mechanism developed by their attachment style, which is determined by childhood experience.

[@sifublack192]

Probably not. This can really come from peer rejection, but not enough research has been done into this. I learned to be independent after rejection from peers.

[@gabrielaguilhen6231]

What if he ghosted you and never really ended the relationship even with you seeing him at work every week? I think if he texts me I’ll stay silent…

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

Do you want him back, if so dont ignore him.

[@JanT-f8t]

Correct. I personally wouldn't reply unless he is sending gift.

[@gabrielaguilhen6231]

@@JanT-f8t that I know he won’t

[@Audrey-k2h]

Give then the gift that they desire.... space It will drive them crazy..lol They enjoy being chased and the attention from being a 'victim'

[@LaUwa-ia]

Yeah, I don't understand after 4 yrs how the hell can they still act as a victim. When in fact they dump us without a real reason, they have no empathy, no comunication skills, they really can't do anything else, but causing pain? Over and over again?

[@AineeZahra-ww5sk]

Merry Christmas Sir❤❤❤❤

[@gayleneflower398]

Too late, I reached out on Thanksgiving. And we’ve been in touch since. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.

[@gigi9301]

Same / Then he asked me out, but I yelled at him and we broke up again. Ouch I wish I had seen this video about a month ago

[@gayleneflower398]

@@gigi9301 same I’m walking on eggshells, no matter what he says it’s not gonna last. Something in my brain keeps saying that.

[@gigi9301]

@@gayleneflower398 Well, you might just keep it together until after New Year's but cut him loose before Valentine's, IMHO guys just don't ever live up to what I expect for Valentine's it's like they feel put upon for the expectation of at least a card and some flowers. I so wish I could stop caring

[@edenlass9062]

Nothing wrong with you at all. This therapist is all about stoking people's egos. He evidently doesn't know the first thing about avoidant attachment and has an axe to grind himself.

[@ik6577]

U are not over him thats simple

[@defiantenergy]

You are absolutely right and I had no plans on it, but what if they do. Is responding in kind ok?

[@JanT-f8t]

I personally didn't reply. That's how hurt I am. Unless he is sending a gift, then I would say thanks. Otherwise I wouldn't reply.

[@JenJams1]

Damn it! Why didnt KZbin give me this video an hour ago? 😢

[@justinvaldez680]

I was about to do it

[@JenJams1]

@justinvaldez680 I already did 😞

[@Cindy-g5y]

@@JenJams1Did you get a reply?

[@ladybird3447]

What? Wait a minute, please😅if he is an ex, why would I text her at all? An ex is an EX! He is in the past. I am in a present and build a future in MY world, in MY universe 🎉 and want to be together with people who appreciate me and join my life or have the same interests and qualities as me ❤😊

[@awilliams7796]

Exactly ladybird 😎

[@tatianafreitas9733]

Thanks ❤

[@alpimarzi5501]

I appreciate these videos! Only two cents: this message could have been made in 2-3 mins. ✌️

[@LaureLaurenNickK]

Yes, I got the Christmas text on Christmas Eve.. I didn’t reply immediately, waited until the next morning and responded with a simple greeting. ** I didn’t want to be rude. Should I have not responded at all?

[@Nazzz703]

I made a mistake and texted him I wish I saw your video earlier 😢😢😢😢

[@tioswift3676]

He text you back?

[@Nazzz703]

@tioswift3676 yes but after 3rd message he didn't respond and even don't open my message

[@tioswift3676]

@@Nazzz703 sorry to hear

[@Nazzz703]

@@tioswift3676 thanks dear

[@tankthearc9875]

noooooooooo

[@JatinTrama]

My ex just texted me”Hey Jay, everything aside I just wanted to wish you a wonderful Christmas 🙏🏻 I hope you are doing well and that your stay in India is nice so far 😌” please help me what is Gould do.. he is a fearful avoidant and really hurt me though I loved him a lot. Not such a bad person at heart but really really selfish and hurtful

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

If you want him, don't avoid him. Just be straight up. Hi India is well. Thank you for reaching out. I've missed you. Now if he is the man he's going to want to meet you. That's when you say, I care for you but I have x expectations and if your unable to meet them it's best we do not meet.

[@yomisma7916]

What if it’s me who left the avoidant?

[@uyouhaveyou]

I guess it’s an opportunity to hold out on this decision and have it made real. If we can let this day pass… 🙏🏼 Maybe they have no feelings or will be numbing them, but we can’t stop any of that. If they miss you then maybe they will at least think about that and decide for themselves if they are willing to make an effort for the loving relationship that in one reality is possible. How they see things is their decision. Maybe they enjoy wallowing in a soup of depression. Can’t control any of their stuff. Value yourself. Do what you feel is right end of day. Just take a pause to be sure as, in my experience, being shut out by them create a powerful set of withdrawal symptoms. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve bought or thought to give him and every time I’ve stopped myself and feel glad that I have.

[@michaelscherger3092]

With all that in mind if I still wanted the relationship to workout is there any chance of it or do I need to simply let go unless they say something?

[@vanessaG275]

Please let go and this comes from a person who was left hurt many times over. What helped me was videos like Coach Ryan and reading people's messages. You are not alone when it comes to the pain and hurt.

[@Kleef718]

Something I heard once, no one is ever going to say, oh my God I'm so glad they texted me, I forgot that I'm in love with them! Lol 😊 if they want you, they will come find you. You never have to remind them that you exist ✨

[@michaelscherger3092]

@ ya that makes sense. The only hard part is knowing she is horrible at expressing her emotions and knowing even if she did love me again she probably wouldn’t say anything

[@carlrav5660]

​@@michaelscherger3092yes...thats the part that hurts. I'm pretty sure she loves me. But she can't open up or express it. She acted like a little girl when these emotions rise up in her and she acts like a child and not an adult. It's strange behavior and I know see she is just broken and its sad. Her family really messed her up

[@ania4683]

Ok, what if we're both avoidant, I broke up with him 2 months ago and it's him that sent me "the merry christmas text"....?

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

Don’t respond. He’s probably just bored

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

I didnt know too avoidants was a thing. 😅. If you want him don't ignore him. Let him know you've been thinking of him too.

[@ania4683]

​@@SamsungMy-zo3cgI'm fearful and he's dismissive 😅 Thanks for your response.

[@miss.charlene]

Focus on giving whatever you're seeking or missing to yourself.

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

@ania4683 does that mean your fearful of commitment or fearful of being alone?

[@jiokenna]

Already did 😂

[@dsuni2992]

😅😂

[@yahira6928]

Me too

[@lee-rah]

😂 Same!!!! Haha I wana kick myself

[@kukla123789]

Me too. Got ignored...

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

Guys i got dumped 3 days ago, do you think i should send her the merry xmas message?

[@miss.charlene]

Nope!

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

@@miss.charlene Thanks. Merry Christmas

[@miss.charlene]

@SamsungMy-zo3cg you're most welcome. You both deserve space and time to reflect, to give yourself everything you're seeking and missing. 🍾

[@SamsungMy-zo3cg]

@miss.charlene Your sweet, where in the world are you from?

[@miss.charlene]

@SamsungMy-zo3cg Canada

[@kristenrubymoon]

But they are defective. That's the problem!

[@nicholasyang6085]

So when to reach out?? After New Year?

[@annewellmann8867]

Never. As Coach Ryan said: THEY have to be the ones to reach out.

[@Wishesgranted250]

Never!!!

[@edenlass9062]

They probably won't tho, if you don't want it to be over for good then reach out and be on friendly terms. Leave the door open a crack and give them space and time. Or, do what this guy says and just be egotistical about it all.

[@Audrey-k2h]

Never Find someone that has done the work to be ready for a relationship

[@tarantulagirl]

Every time you reach out and they don’t respond, you’re ripping open that core wound and feeling that rejection all over again. Nothing good will come from it, if they want to reach out they will. I know it hurts and it took me along time to get this too. I’m 13 days only no contact today, I work with my ex and on our last day of work (5 days ago)he was desperate for my attention after only one week of me not reaching out, he had gotten so used to me chasing and he was staring incessantly, but this time I won’t crack, but I know my NC is really bothering him. I sent tons of emails where he just left on read but would reference them when I passed at work so I know he was reading them, all I was hurting was myself and inflating his fragile ego. If you reach it it goes back to square one, plus you’re filling up their cup and letting them know that they can still have you whenever they want, they’ve put you through enough, make them prove it this time, have them reach out to you or lose you. I know it’s hard, good luck and happy holidays.

[@ajmosutra7667]

Too late for me

[@WeGotTurboGaming]

Howd it go

[@rose-of-theoasis]

He ghosted me

[@yahira6928]

😞Too Late, but I won't respond....