An Avoidant will do THESE FIVE things when they are in love

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In today's video, Coach Court tells you how An Avoidant will do THESE FIVE things when they are in love.
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Learn more about the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment with this PLAYLIST:
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coach court, breakup, ex back, avoidant ex, fearful avoidant, mental health

[@ashton1952]

True, avoidants show empathy in a different way, like not criticizing/highlighting your defects. Words come easy, can be empty, but actions speak louder. I've found them to be very sincere; but one has to be very tuned in to see what they're conveying sometimes. It's not for everyone. Anyone who is thinks an avoidant is a narcissist has not understood either of these things.

[@IamCoachCourt]

Very true

[@BirdieHaze2207]

Agree..

[@iamashleyiam]

My boyfriend is more like this than narcissistic. He’s just super distant and it’s really annoying and hurts more being in the relationship than being single

[@bandida99]

Agree

[@auemmjee]

One can be both Avoidant and Narcissistic

[@EmpathEss]

MY DA was the clingiest cuddliest people pleaser until we decided to be vulnerable. 😂

[@IamCoachCourt]

Ya see!!

[@angelinadenisenko7396]

Yes!!! Same. Can be the softest teddy bear until talk of moving in, engagement, starting a family.

[@doyoueatrocks]

@@angelinadenisenko7396don’t talk about it, just let it flow from one to another

[@doyoueatrocks]

😂😂😂 my gf is dismissive avoidant as heck, but she is amazing, I can wake her up at 2am and say I am thirsty and she will get up, get a bottle of cold water and bring it back to me and go back to sleep as though nothing had happened.

[@Flufero23]

I know my FA ex loved me.. On expressing deep feelings, he began the slow fade, eventually monkey branching to another after three years. We had a mostly good four-year relationship/situationship. His fears got the best of him. He wanted to be friends. I said "no" and let him go without a tear. No anger, no questions, nothing. NC forever for me. I have no resentment or jealousy even though I was heartbroken. After nine months of inner work, I am finally getting over him. I have accepted the fact that it would not work with us. I know he isn't doing healing work. I know he feels guilty for hurting me, and I don't expect him to try to come back. For myself, I know I could not go through the heartbreak again.I am sure we both still have love for each other. That's why it is so sad.

[@Flufero23]

Yes, I forgot the acts of service. My FA ex would do anything for me. He helped me in so many ways when I needed help. Funny thing, before he left, he had asked if I needed anything and even offered help before I answered. Watching this video brought back so many remembrances for me. Even though we both have moved on, I know we will always have a place in each other's heart.You seem to have a way of being able to speak of avoidants with compassion.

[@IamCoachCourt]

@@Flufero23 Thank you, I appreciate your comments 🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@Flufero23]

@@IamCoachCourtYou’re welcome.

[@Nika-je6zd]

It means you were absolutely exhausted already, hence you let him go - you really need to move on, and find a new better non-DA partner!

[@davidhoward5687]

It happened in this order for me. She "Love Bombed" me, she started with the acts of service. She forgot to call me one night and I brought it up to her, she withdrew from that point forward. I now realize she is an avoidant and how I should treat someone like this. She shared so many things with me but the chemistry me and her had was insane. I broke it off with her after 2 and a half months to give her some space and she agreed with the breakup. Everything she did is almost 100% what a DA is.

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

Mine did relay something very personal that they may not have told anyone else. I’m thankful that they felt the trust. My question is: WHY did they share it with me?

[@elainejones5473]

Thank you so much for this. It helps me cope with the heartbreak of the sudden discard that blindsided me right when we seemed to be drawing closest. No explanation; he just made a lame excuse that didn't make any sense at all and he left. It was so sudden. I was devastated. I spent months trying to figure out what I had done. What about those sweet things he'd said? Were those just lies? Was I nothing more than a little fling for him? Now that I understand the avoidant better, I see he had been doing all five of the things you mention in this video. Okay he's gone but it helps to believe that his feelings for me had been genuine -- at least, genuine at the time. That is a sweet gem I will treasure in my heart. Thank you.

[@BirdieHaze2207]

I agree, they are being slayed on so many other channels. I went out with an FA and he was the kindest most caring man. So much to the point that he couldn’t switch off and detach from feeling helpless to help me and burning himself out. One thing I saw though was he thought I needed “ tending too” and that was his job, instead of just loving me and being there if I needed him. But a genuine person that couldn’t say how he felt in fear of upsetting me, or letting me down.

[@IamCoachCourt]

Thank you for this comment 🙏🏾

[@BirdieHaze2207]

@@IamCoachCourt thank you for what you do, you explain things so well and also keep the respect and the human element in people.

[@gayleneflower398]

Same. He did everything for me. He came to my house he fix things he paid for dinners he did so much and I said I don’t want a handyman. I want a boyfriend he got offended, but it was true. I didn’t want a handyman I wanted a boyfriend and he couldn’t, do that why, I don’t know. He just couldn’t put out emotions and love. It was sad. I did love him but I couldn’t be with someone that couldn’t love back.😢❤

[@marciasloan534]

This is describing me

[@doyoueatrocks]

@@gayleneflower398you kinda slapped him in the face with that one 😅

[@TenYah144]

I like how you seem really gracious about avoidants. I’m leaning about them now that I’m experiencing one but unfortunately I’m someone who’s dealt with narcissistic ex husband and ex boyfriend so when avoidant showed narcissistic type behaviors I bounced lol. Well got really triggered and became dismissive and altho I tried explaining my behavior and why, they seemed to not be able to lean back in (as I see they’re not communicative and couldn’t reciprocate communication) which triggered me more lol. Currently not speaking 🤷🏾‍♀️ thanks for your insight

[@ashton1952]

What type of narc behavior is he showing? I'm curious because my story is similar, although my DA ex didn't show narc traits. He's the only one I'd consider taking back

[@TenYah144]

@@ashton1952 I say because it was the narcs in my life that I experienced, blocking, stone walling, shutting down or shutting me out, unable to see/hear the other person’s point but only seem to want to drive their point, shuts down when I’m trying to communicate important emotional needs, just someone “emotionally unavailable” and a bit emotionally immature. I understand that these bahaviors are in many people (and maybe my unhealed self sometimes) not only narcs. I DONT consider this person a narc because they ARE very empathic, considerate, self-giving but sometimes some of the same behaviors can show in an avoidant as I’m leaning or someone severely anxious as I’m leaning and for that I could give him a pass some day but having experienced some of these same things that triggered me about the narcs just really set me off. Fortunately I was able to recognize it for what it was early and even attempted to take accountability in a mature way (which they DONT do) but the repeat blocking is a strong no for me so right now I’m not even trying to go there. We will be in no contact for however long we have to.

[@angelinadenisenko7396]

100% accurate - he had my back, spent so many resources on me, helped me so much, opened a whole new world for me; heaps of acts of service and affection. Talked about his past. But never vulnerable words. Ever. Could barely tell me he loved me - he said "I want to say the L word to you" and never did.

[@angelinadenisenko7396]

I love him beyond words, but at some point it just gets too much to carry on my own. Too much emotional baggage that I'm carrying for both people.

[@Sofiahansen_3069]

So sorry girl - did it workout in the end?

[@sadiqua7]

This is helpful, my ex did most of this, his struggle was being transparent about his finances. If he could’ve owned up to that we would still be together. He ended a relationship with me because he wasn’t ready for a family financially.. I never pressed for a baby immediately, and at my age now I’m stuck trying to heal from his confusing behavior and getting to a point where I can trust someone new. Don’t see myself having a baby naturally anymore. Waste of time, but lessons learned.. no longer giving grace to men who can’t be open and honest about how they feel about me and our future or who can’t navigate life’s stressors with me.

[@IamCoachCourt]

Oh yes, many Avoidants I know hoard and are secretive about finances. I think losing control of that scares them.

[@Dreamsareareality]

I always love this channel. Coach helped me before. Keep up the excellent work. You nailed it with this list. 🙏🏽🙏🏽 1:30

[@intensepassion3382]

I'm having difficulty with these terminologies... avoidant etc. Many terms today are not defined. People are not completely avoiding others.

[@randalchandler2366]

Thank you for sharing this knowledge. Im not sure if my former partner is an avoidant, I don't have the training to say that about anyone however it appears she may have been. In some form I saw everything you described and so I was confused for a while by how easily she gave up.

[@IamCoachCourt]

Thanks for the feedback Randal

[@a.d.b535]

My DA does all these things, even stuck by me even though I embarrassed him in front of his friends and they expressed their doubts about me to him. How's that for love? We've since patched and I no longer behave poorly, thus proving that people can work thru issues.

[@IamCoachCourt]

That’s great to hear

[@a.d.b535]

@@IamCoachCourt And thanks for posting a video that's positive about DAs.

[@JOEYDEEZ369]

I fear love… I’m a classic avoidant… I’m the only individual on this stunning planet that’s ok with unrequited love… cos it’s less work to do on my part and I can control what happens and where the relationship goes… Yep… sounds nonsensical but it works for me !! Thank you CC Ciao ;)’

[@ANU_WRLD]

Oooo can u go deeper, what abt makes u satisfied?

[@JOEYDEEZ369]

@@ANU_WRLD yep… a one sided relationship suits me just fine because of the fact that I get all the joyful moments but without the heartbreak… heartache or drama.. there you go… now you know… thanks for your reply… wishing you a fabulous day today…. Ciao ;)’

[@RosaK37]

Oh! That means he is NOT in love with me 😂

[@negraconlyme2270]

My ex did all these, even told me he loved me first. Then he left me shortly after 😔

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

When u say they share finances, do you literally mean sharing their finances/money with u, or being open about INFORMATION regarding their finances, like sharing their personal worth, how much they have?

[@0Demiyah0]

I think this also depends on whether they are a man or a woman. Women don't tend to volunteer their financial resources as much as men do. Those "men are provider"-roles in society are fairly engrained. So I think that point is more appropriate to observe in men than women, and heterosexual relations more than other sexual orientations. A man who is interested in a woman, will pay for the dates, get you an occasional gift and all that. They will in time also volunteer information about their personal worth. In my personal situation, my Avoidant SO paid all the dates in the first 6 months and even would fight me over the bill if I tried paying. As things proceeded that evened out a bit more where it was 70-30. He told me when he had major loans paid off, or what his inheritance looked like, and I could look into his bank account, he emailed me his salary slips. Not just out of the blue, there was context to how this was brought up. But in any case, I knew a lot of personal information about him you'd trust only with someone you feel intimate with.

[@SeanOzz]

I’m still trying to figure out if my ex is a fearful avoidant or a covert narcissist. She has traits of both so it’s pretty confusing.

[@IamCoachCourt]

I would say the Narcissism trumps the attachment

[@sannasunshine4161]

I heard somewhere that all narcissists are avoidant, but not all avoidants are narcissists. So if she has narcissistic tendencies, she is a narc with avoidant attachment style.

[@cynthiarowley719]

How about two avoidants?

[@Nika-je6zd]

Never works - they avoid each other 😂

[@ANU_WRLD]

@@Nika-je6zd😂😂😂

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

I believe my SO is both DA and FA. How do I know which is dominant?

[@ashton1952]

It's a good question, and a person can be 50/50. I find DA's to be on an even keel whilst FA tend towards drama.

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@ashton1952 mostly even keel, but yes I’ve been thru several bouts of drama. I’m thinking DA leaning FA?

[@aspiringrootwoman24]

What do you classify yourself as? FA tend to lean anxious with a more dismissive partner and avoidant with a more anxious partner

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@aspiringrootwoman24 Secure :)

[@Nida-031]

They fall in love !?

[@GodHelpMe369]

I want to die my life is hell no escape just pain and misery and suffering rage and grief and loneliness and aloneness and PTSD flashbacks consume me my soul is raped the man I revered as my best friend, raped my soul he abandoned and betrayed and discarded and replaced me over the past 15 months (almost 16), while I've been desperately trying to heal from the loss of him and from the trauma that he's caused me... he's been with my replacement, making all of his wildest dreams come true! the pain is truly debilitating and paralyzing completely unfathomable. do we really create our own reality, (even before we incarnate into this world)? if so, why this? this morning I read a quote from Lao Tzu, went something like: God gives you the people you need, not the ones you want. utter bullshit? or truth?

[@IamCoachCourt]

I study Lao Tzu. This is very true. You’ll get through this ❤️

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

I just realized, u didn’t say if you’re referring to DA or FA.

[@IamCoachCourt]

Dismissive

[@user-tz1hl3pf2w]

@@IamCoachCourt thx Coach. When u say sharing resources, do u literally mean money, or INFO about finances?

[@ANU_WRLD]

@@IamCoachCourtwhat’s the difference between?