Donald Trump Is On A Losing Streak

[@paulmakinson1965]

Why doesn't Trump tweet the state of the union as he does everything else?

[@dxnes5067]

Because its the state of the union lol

[@kelliodwyer7988]

It would be only 140 characters, 7 of them being 'great'.

[@dxnes5067]

johnmburt1960 um sure

[@fvw1187]

Dxnes whoosh

[@ynmonroe]

Great idea, lol

[@maxredlands466]

No Country coz Old Men! That's gold Stephen...gold!

[@72marshflower15]

max redlands ... you know that saying, "young, dumb, and full of cumm"? the counter to that is "old, cold, and full of mold"... 😜😜😜

[@Broccoli_Highkicks]

If your middle class can't survive missing a single paycheck, you don't have a middle class, America, you have working poor.

[@totallynameless8861]

@@clevaconley2221 What a privileged thing to say. "Poor is a state of mind!" "You can afford food if you just believe!" "Money is a social concept, and society has no influence on people's lives!"

[@puddintanejingleheimerschm9389]

@@clevaconley2221 in this case poor is not a derogatory term indicting the poor themselves, it is a derogatory term indicting the government who insures most of it's citizens remain working poor. I'm poor. I don't feel insulted.

[@puddintanejingleheimerschm9389]

@@clevaconley2221 we can agree to disagree that the word "poor" is a derogatory term because that could be considered an opinion and opinions are relative. But your original comment was that MassExtinctionEvent used the word poor "like it was a bad thing". That would be a statement regarding the intent of MassExtinctionEvent's message. You can't tell someone else what their intent is, only they can tell you. And yes, that would mean you would have to trust that they were being honest about their intent. That being said, and MassExtinctionEvent is welcome to correct me if I am wrong, but since they seemed to be trying to speak out regarding the unfair situation the poor have been put in, I think it is pretty obvious that they weren't "saying the word poor like it was a bad thing" in judging the poor themselves. They were saying this country's state of being regarding our poor is a bad thing. That state of being at this time, is that the system is currently set up so that so much of the population is put in such a precarious position, where we can so easily be knocked into personal disaster, with little to no way out towards more security. Look at the standard of living and cost of higher education after the installation of the minimum wage up through the late 70's when it started to erode, and compare that to the standard of living as it stands now. That is what I believe they were saying. Normally I wouldn't speak to someone else's intent, but I tell you this, in this situation not to "correct" you, so that I can feel that I'm right and you are wrong, but in the hopes that you might take comfort in the fact that no insult was intended in the first place. Best of luck to you.

[@totallynameless8861]

@@clevaconley2221 So "poor" is a derogatory word. Okay. But you said "Poor is a state of mind"; forgive me for not divining your meaning, which was completely different from what you said. Why did you say "poor is a state of mind" instead of "the _word_ 'poor' is offensive"? The latter you could make a case for; the former invisibilizes and individualizes class oppression. "Just change your state of mind and you won't be poor anymore!" Never mind that the word "poor", offensive or not, refers to conditions of material reality, not belief. _If_ you stand by that phrasing, which states of mind qualify someone to be designated with that derogatory word? Try that with any other slur/alleged slur; it's just victim blaming, thought policing nonsense.

[@clevaconley2221]

Totally Nameless There. I deleted my messages. Happy?

[@SilverSpoonRiche]

"No Country Cuz Old Men" INSTANT LIKE! LOL

[@klarastern5597]

:D

[@redstonecasey4713]

That was one of the best jokes he's made, ever.

[@kaluchijioke]

totally instant.

[@nealmceneaney9562]

You completely misspelled that and now it doesn't mean anything.

[@geekishgir]

That... was epic! 🤣🤣🤣

[@cal.creates]

Dear United States, On the bright side, this administration is extremely entertaining. Our thoughts are with you. Love, Australia.

[@David-mg5jx]

Best economy in the world? Id say we are doing fine ;)

[@stormtrooper8992]

Alleyways Travel ... We love you, too, Australia! Thanks for your concerns. (Wish I was there!)

[@David-mg5jx]

@JimNS you mean the greatest country in the world? You're welcome.

[@mercenarychef9465]

Yeah, it stopped being fun/entertaining for a lot of us the second his bloated ass got into office.

[@johnpijano4786]

British politics is better

[@badpanda1578]

Stephen Colbert is a talented GENIUS!! Thank you for keeping us sane in an insane time!!

[@krazycitizen]

always funny, but this one is gold.

[@jackdogue1366]

Stephen Colbert a GENIUS yeah right This guys not funny at all.

[@joanrandolph9712]

@@jackdogue1366 . Not your type of humor? Then don't watch. No one is forcing you.

[@knowledgewillincrease7508]

now that is a Bot comment for sure.

[@jgbgw591]

KZbin has a thumbs up and a thumbs down button. It also has a comments section. I would argue that we can explain why we do or don't like this clip.

[@TheRogueWolf]

Wilbur Ross also said that furloughed employees should just "take out a loan" and it's "true that people might have to pay a little bit of interest, but the idea that it's paycheck or zeo is not a really valid idea." Let's keep in mind that Ross made his fortune by buying up "distressed debt", so I'm sure that he loves the idea of Federal employees defaulting on loans.

[@yeevita]

According to Wilbur Ross, since borrowed money earns interest, the federal govt owes interest on backpay!

[@antoinettepittelli1468]

Pittelli ....... Go away

[@Flem1337]

All the airtraffic controllers should go in the room with jugs of water and drop it on all the equipment, basically taking the nation hostage with no more aiplanes for months while the shutdown occurs. I mean if they aren't getting paid anyways who cares.

[@adiposerex5150]

Leave it to a bigot impersonating a turtle to turn the furlough into a business opportunity.

[@coconutmix]

Ross is just another disgusting greedy Republican who doesn't care about the working people.

[@faceoff3315]

*Make America great again Impeach Donald J Trump and Mike Pence from Office*

[@wizkhalifasmoke]

yes, someone who doesn't kiss Putin's ass@Ronny Lim

[@vera4799]

@Ronny Lim, it will only be until elections. So, yes.

[@vera4799]

@Bob Trenwith no he's not. He knew about Flyen heaving contacts with Russians and said nothing.

[@queenbeethatme1009]

@A W Pence has lied enough to be impeached on his own

[@queenbeethatme1009]

@Bob Trenwith No. He conspired to fire Comey due to Russia and he lied about not knowing Flynn was under investigation by the FBI.

[@maineyor5343]

Stephen - the jokes are PERFECTION!!! AND your DELIVERY is UNMATCHABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!....WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

[@em-jaytaylor6743]

You realise everywhere else in the world working for government is pretty much the best guarantee of getting paid every month? This is madness. And everywhere else in the world a cabinet member would never dare tell people to “just take out a loan” when they didn’t pay their staff. This is why having the richest cabinet in history full of billionaires isn’t a good idea. The cruelty that can be imposed by the ignorant is enormous

[@vuksgitau]

This is true, working for the government is the best way to ensure job security everywhere in the world.

[@cmdraftbrn]

madness? THIS! IS! AMERICA! boy is the prison population gonna be filled geriatrics after because of this.

[@amelmatt5641]

Steven is annoying

[@ramoraydee3417]

A Melmatt Got glasses? You misspelled Stephens name which directly in front of you! Maybe your bitterness is blinding?🤔

[@NewMessage]

I'm sure he'll re-brand it 'Alternative Winning'.

[@Naught359]

And I'm sure you'll post a comment on every episode to get attention.

[@Lord_Gumby]

Antilosing. Gotta go a bit 1984 with it, ya know.

[@etiennecouture1552]

I'm your daddy

[@phyllishahart6111]

SkepticalContrarian and you will follow along to eat the scraps

[@bart5246]

Nothing has changed in the shutdown.. Remember Ronald Reagan fired over 10,000 ATC personnel in 48 hours for bitching??? ATC is a federally protected infrastructure monitored by the NSA. The moment an ATC fails it will be replaced by the military. Democrats better get ready to stand in the soup line..

[@brodooby4335]

He said he would run the country like a business and he is, right into the fkg ground.

[@Areanyusernamesleft]

Specifically, he's running it like one of *his* businesses... :p

[@raphsherman2209]

People are still NOT GETTING PAID! I hope everyone remembers this in 2020!!!!!

[@daillestlady]

#FACT

[@russianbot5554]

What about the furloughs under other administrations I remembered those

[@JB-xl2jc]

Russian Bot As well you should, all things should be assessed fairly and remembered during an election. This shutdown stands out though as it’s over something singularly stupid, and is by far the longest. I don’t doubt that it’ll end up being twice as long as the prior record of 21 days.

[@russianbot5554]

But for the people that don’t think it’s stupid?

[@russianbot5554]

When I got furloughed I hated it and thought it was stupid and unjust. But in the long run it was for a good cause! nobody was up in arms over the past furloughs I just want to know what changed

[@auldgoat5644]

I'm surprised Wilbur Ross remained alive during his interview.

[@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342]

Lol the dude looks 2 minutes away from a stroke. He's a real life mr burns from the simpsons but 100 times less enthusiastic...

[@jillvarela3768]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I can't stop laughing, you made my day.

[@smileitsjustagame2937]

Hes a vampire evil doesnt die so easy

[@ManoredRed]

His voice sounds like he's using his last breath to speak.

[@MrDredd1966]

Talk about a guy out of touch with the real world!!😮😠

[@stuartgraham3983]

I live in Australia and currently our politics are Screwed Up but WOW you guys are doing it tough. The rest of the world is watching and we feel for you. Remember this will all be just a bad dream as soon as the brain dead realise they are getting screwed over and his support drops to 5%.

[@whiteout0111]

You obviously have no clue about American politics or about what's going on in this country.

[@whiteout0111]

@Daniel Weidman lol you spent probably 10 minutes writing that shit and I wasnt even talking to you. I was referring to the guy that's not even from America. So it's not his place to comment on American politics as if he knows what hes talking about

[@88motho]

Never feel sorry for American people, they deserve whatever they got, this is the Most arrogant, ignorant nation on Earth. Hope Trump drive them crazy left and right.

[@joanrandolph9712]

@Daniel Weidman . How can you live in America and still be so out of touch? There are starving people in this country and nor because they chose drugs. You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

[@intercat4907]

Stuart Graham, thank you for your continued courtesy and support. Yeah, this is hard.

[@nelsonta00]

"No Country Cuz Old Men" won my like in the first few seconds Bravo!

[@abhiwankenobi7172]

And people thought one person couldn't destabilize USA.

[@777-h6d]

Idk I feel pretty stable.

[@BlueDrakk]

@luke wilson And you're delusional.

[@anniesue4456]

It's not one person he has had some help unfortunately

[@David-mg5jx]

Our economy is doing great.

[@darryldraven9093]

Nope it's the left actually since all of you are adult babies who couldn't take a loss in the election

[@theadrenalizedartist6843]

All those dots, I can’t help but laugh every time Stephen Colbert reads one of his Tweets.

[@Grabacr-pl3wy]

If he calls a national emergency watch the Republicans whine and complain when a Democrat uses it for something actually important

[@daviddoughton5938]

M.A.G.A. = Many Americans Got Abandoned😕

[@hitreset0291]

Good one...haven't read that one before. 👍

[@utubefreshie]

Make America Grovel Again

[@utubefreshie]

@wahoo wahoo We're taking direction from just plain common sense. If Trump is your definition of great governance, winning, success, etc etc and the current events (daily scandals, govt shutdown, a criminal investigation of his criminal history etc etc) are your definition of "making America great again," then you're just as much a delusioned psycho as Trump and the rest of his deplorable followers. Maybe you can pray to God to save your soul because this scam of a president is sure taking this country to hell.

[@RCmack]

True! The Donald is only looking out for himself and his big ego!

[@jbusa6630]

M.A.G.A. = My Anus Got Assaulted

[@veronicastewart1112]

"great" is in quotes for the same reason why I write "president" in quotes

[@robinjackson7882]

Veronica Stewart Good one.

[@blurboards1]

If this hasn't been pinned, it should be!

[@neveragain6942]

yup the"great" Fake " president"..

[@CarolynsRVLife]

LOL...

[@astromatt83]

When things are amazing you put them in quotations?

[@misterflibble6601]

Trump is one of the many people who think quotation marks are used for emphasis when, in fact, they are used to indicate a word or phrase is being used ironically, which, to me is hysterical.

[@lesliewolfe7643]

Haha I know right?? It is so unbelievably appropriate that he put the word "great" in quotation marks when talking about a speech he'll be giving!

[@ToxicEmperor]

Thumbs up for being a Dwarfer

[@richardsmart9331]

I wonder what it would do if it discovered, y'know, exclamation-marks!

[@puddintanejingleheimerschm9389]

Do people think that? Wow. How about our education system there huh? 😳

[@jeffreyriley8742]

That tweet obviously wasn't written by Trump. He never would have used the word, "prerogative."

[@FriedrichHerschel]

Or mis-spelled it.

[@alana994aj6]

What does Pelosi and Stormy Daniels have in common?They both spanked Trump🤗😂😂😂

[@texasstfu2238]

Trump: make America great again.. #UsThePeople: make Obama president again..

[@Lylgrymy]

#cringe

[@japrogramer]

He is going to declare bankruptcy for the country.

[@cmdraftbrn]

just another notch on the bedpost of failure for don con.

[@TheOneWhoMightBe]

Imagine being a heart/lung surgeon and having Trump be wheeled into your operating room. Ethical crisis right there.

[@maineyor5343]

OMG...GOOD ONE!!!!!!

[@universalorlandochica]

I don't think Trump knows how quotations work, not surprising since he doesn't know how words work

[@fl00d69]

But... but- he has the "best words"?

[@danielgehring7437]

I suspect he think of them as "rabbit ear emphasis marks."

[@MoonShadeStuff]

The weird thing is his tweet doesn't seem to be written by him, did he copy the prewritten statement and then added quotation marks?

[@danielgehring7437]

@@MoonShadeStuff The ongoing rumor is that while his handlers finally got Trump to admit that sometimes it would be best to have someone ghost-write his tweets for him, he then spends hours obsessing over the disconnect between what he meant and what the tweet says, and yells at the go-between because he didn't 'capture the spirit' of his statement.. so whoever it is doing the tweets is terrified that if he strays too far off from the original statement he'll get put in the shame hole again; as such they mostly just correct spelling errors but leave syntactic mistakes alone. That's the rumor, anyway.

[@veronicastewart1112]

Nor how capitalization works.

[@BabakoSen]

The worst part of the Wilbur Ross interview was his clarification of the soundbite at 5:27. He wanted to know why the federal workers couldn't just take out loans knowing they'd eventually be paid. It never occurs to him that the interest charged on those loans might be a problem, especially considering the type of loans these workers would likely have to take are payday loans. Thanks to lack/repeal of restrictions on predatory lending and Trump's hamstringing of the CFPB, payday lenders are allowed charge interest rates that routinely reach 2-300%. Do you see now how appalling this is? *We have a commerce secretary so rich that he's forgotten how loans work!*

[@theheartofablackbird2109]

Colbert does the best Trump voice hands down. Friendo.

[@marilynshapiro9778]

The Heart Of A Blackbird He needs a new job, such as a reporter for fake news!

[@jgbgw591]

No , Kyle Dunnigan does. Check him out on instagram.

[@MexiSword]

@@jgbgw591 I'd say Billy West doing Zapp Brannigan is the best Trump impressionist.

[@nongthip]

Mr. Trump finally got his own personal wall, it's called Nancy ;-)

[@gracevelasquez5]

or as he likes to call her "Nancy" 😅

[@fabianobermeier2838]

Good One!

[@KharisB.A]

😂😂😂😂 so true

[@williamfroh8830]

You win internet comment of the day. Thanks for your comment

[@fdmjiv]

You will eat this comment by the end of february or march. Just watch and learn the art of the deal.

[@JVenger]

Does Trump not get that alot more people are starting not to like him?

[@Naught359]

No, even if people tell him they hate him, he'll tell them they love him.

[@phyllishahart6111]

Fifty 1 Fifty ever heard of the Emperor who had no clothes?

[@puddintanejingleheimerschm9389]

@@phyllishahart6111 yeah but the emperor had everyone blowing sunshine up his ass and in this scenario the sunshine ass blowers are dwindling. Thank god.

[@phyllishahart6111]

Puddintane Jingleheimerschmitt I like you ❤️

[@jessstuart7495]

The dude watches 8 hours a day of Fox News. He doesn't live in the same reality as most people.

[@mori1bund]

Billionaire Wilbur Ross telling them to eat cake.

[@ansmith6871]

Soup: "It's NOT CONSENTUAL!!!!"

[@daviddoughton5938]

Trump vs. Pelosi in... MORTAL CONGRESS! (dun-dun-dun-dun dundundun dun-dun-dun dundundun...

[@fatmanlittlecoat88]

Test our plight.

[@oceanicbloom1407]

Round one, FIGHT!

[@jasonsmith4969]

Toasty!!!

[@tommyl.dayandtherunaways820]

Finish him! (Pelosi uses finishing move "State of the Disunion") *Fatality*

[@Strein86]

*Iron reaver soul stealer!*

[@virginiasullivan1040]

Thank you, Stephen! I so needed a laugh and you delivered! 🤣

[@mroceans8336]

We were told that Mexico was paying for the wall

[@errgag3580]

They are...they just dont know about it yet. Bet they will as soon they see the ground-breaking

[@pietrojenkins6901]

Yup , the new USMCA trade deal with Mexico will pay for the wall.

[@dl-iy8jf]

Why u want something and ask people to pay for it?

[@epsileth]

Will the wall keep boats and planes out? Best wall ever. 🤣

[@Zbro.]

@@errgag3580 no one is afraid except clearly your President. FUCKING lol I drew blood reading your edge thats the only blood youll ever draw except with your colored pencil. Put those safety scissor away with that E D G E!

[@Dayman90]

You guys tired of all this "winning", yet?

[@phyllishahart6111]

AJK90 YES!!!! I’m tiiiiied

[@LeoFan93]

He's "winning" so much you'd think he's Charlie Sheen.

[@cisalzlman]

Phyllisha Hart to what?

[@phyllishahart6111]

Charlie Salzman keep up

[@hitreset0291]

Just keep repeating your comment...after talking with some family members...trumptards are so very slow to catch on.

[@Croiisssant]

Colbert's impersonation of Trump will never not be funny

[@foru7914]

What is your email address? 😍

[@dancapnron1]

It's not funny you hippie . Do you have a better idea except to make this country a socialist one.

[@TheRealJibbeyman]

It never was funny to begin with tho

[@dxnes5067]

Its the same as any other impersonation

[@tanya45096]

@@dancapnron1 Why are you calling them a hippie b/c something is funny to them?

[@NathanTAK]

800,000 federal workers going without pay; let’s assume 95% of them need extra cash to pay for food and stuff (a few- such as certain family members of mine- should be good for a few months). Let’s assume each federal worker is supporting an average of 1 dependent who they have to feed and stuff. We need to figure out a way to keep food on their tables during the shutdown. Wilbur Ross is worth 2.9 billion dollars. Conclusion: Federal workers should eat Wilbur Ross

[@zenobia10127]

Too gamey.

[@tomhearne6917]

he could just give all of them $3,625 each.

[@Cudgeon]

@Timur K. Those were the great presidents.. oh wait.

[@NathanTAK]

Cudgeon I thought Carter was OK

[@bluewinterstorm]

No nutrition

[@DrumWild]

An old RICH person not relating to the average American. Make no mistake about it: The color of true power and privilege in America is GREEN.

[@72marshflower15]

DrumWild ...in capitalism, no lives matter...

[@mammon_is_god]

Yes, it is. Money is the only god.

[@randomhuman5374]

Wait....so, it's the Lizard people who have all the power? X-D

[@e-linamarie]

Skylar Potter alsjsjsjje lmaooo

[@headcold7250]

YES. We, actual citizens who live in actual America could do much better if we stripped all this poisonous green shit off this sinking ship

[@marlo8528]

His homeboy Roger Stone, the dirty trickster, was arrested.

[@MrUfojunkiedavid]

Marlo stone isn't a dirty Trickster. He's a free speech and truth in media advocate

[@marlo8528]

@@MrUfojunkiedavid he called himself that so if he says he's a dirty trickster, then I imagine he would know.

[@plaidpanda]

@@MrUfojunkiedavid The man literally has a tattoo of Nixon's face on his back (I'm not making this up... _literally_ ). I suppose Nixon was a free speech in truth and media advocate, too, huh buddy?

[@dax9431]

What if no one ever voted GOP again???

[@mickidoesmedia]

I think it'd be like after the Whigs stopped being a thing. Maybe the Democratic Party would split into two. Liberals and Progressives? That or the Green or Libertarians would get more clout. Hard to say.

[@cmdraftbrn]

you'd still have to deal with social conservative regressionist morons.

[@H2OWarhawk]

Then there wouldn't be a United States of America. Turn into a shit socialist wasteland called the Communist States of America.

[@thehusketeers4319]

Trump will be 're elected

[@babsr6072]

Warhawk whilst I’m no fan of a complete socialism state for obvious reasons, I’m often curious about why people think communism and socialism are the same thing.

[@WriterusAeternus]

I wish Stephen had highlighted Senator Benet of Colorado's rant on the floor today so he could get more views. More people should watch what he had to say in response to Ted Cruz's "crocodile tears" re: the shutdown.

[@Libbyerality]

Absolutely.

[@madelineschultz4968]

I love Senator Bennet! Shut that ___ Cruz up, and call out "The Great Negotiator" for the idiot he is.

[@nhagan001]

I'll watch if you have a link to the response.

[@tommyl.dayandtherunaways820]

I was also really hoping to see him mention that. Lawrence O'Donnell played a couple of minutes of it, and man it was amazing. No mic, no script, just raw emotion. Even better that he was laying into Ted Cruz, which, as a Texas Dem, this is going to be a long 6 years, so please, more where this came from 😃

[@Libbyerality]

Washington post full speech on youtube

[@cmck17]

Dear America, Canada’s laughing. Best of luck with Mueller. Love, Canada.

[@potaterjim]

You say that like we're happy with trudeau I mean, at least we have a government, but still

[@nickdavey3107]

Dear Canada, America's laughing. Best of luck with still being under the queens rule and forcing people to speak French. Love, America

[@bluewinterstorm]

@@nickdavey3107 thats quebec, and even canadians think they're loopy.

[@nickdavey3107]

I'm just saying we know we aren't perfect. Give us a break! It's hard funding the rest of the world what with our petrodollar. You should try to build a wall around Quebec, and see how hard it is.

[@nelsongaskell4061]

Same with Australia

[@hurd3203]

He needs out of the Oval office.

[@jocomfiresin6982]

NOOOOO!!! The women will suffer!!!

[@DeusEx.Machina]

nah man, this is quality satire right here !!!😂😂 plus his hands are so small he'd probably pick the prison locks and escape to Russia !!

[@petergray2712]

Why? He can't find the door without assistance? What a truly clueless person...

[@telectronix1368]

To be fair, he never wanted to be there in the first place.

[@hurd3203]

@Mike Beglin He ran for President to get popular

[@AmitDebnath09]

This is prime Colbert and a fine-tuned writing staff back in the game energized and ready to kick some ass!

[@russianbot5554]

Amit Debnath just hope they don’t buzzfeed everyone

[@GuacTheWalk]

This shutdown is not helping Trump's re-election odds. Which I'm quite happy about.

[@marilynshapiro9778]

Luis Reyes Yeah, and maybe Alexandria Ocasio Cortez will become our next President, and she'll raise our taxes really high, can' wait!

[@GuacTheWalk]

@@marilynshapiro9778 Aye, whatever floats your boat. I can't vote. I believe Trump has good intentions but he just keeps going about things the wrong way. Truth is, no one in politics is 100% reliable or honest. Anyone could make things better or worse.

[@knowledgewillincrease7508]

things are so deep and ugly the average person has no clue what is really going on. The average person is watching a 3 ring circus and you can only follow one act at a time. We really don't have the big picture yet.. @@GuacTheWalk

[@GuacTheWalk]

@@knowledgewillincrease7508 I agree. I absolutely believe that people are led by the media. What can we really do about that though? It doesn't matter if someone is educated on a subject or not, the ignorance always creeps in and wins.

[@kiraina25]

@@marilynshapiro9778 Do you make a seven-digit income yearly? If not, then no, she doesn't.

[@texasstfu2238]

#Stephencolbert when you Imitate trump you should add the heavy breathing also.

[@radiofuel2733]

And that weird side-grimace thing he does

[@DecentGatsby]

Say it with me “Trump 2020 years in prison!”

[@hazukichanx408]

Only context in which Trump 2020 does not immediately induce a panic attack. Well played, sir or madam.

[@hmdwgf]

EPIC

[@vickirosstudor490]

Lucifer Jones He might get a cell next to Manafort if he’s lucky

[@RCmack]

Trump 2020 for prison! It would be the first four numbers on his orange prison suit, one which would go great with his orange hair!

[@britainluver431]

Hopefully that means 2,020 years in prison.

[@proud2bpagan]

"make peace with your God,because we are flying blind!" Damn it,Stephen, you made me snort Dr.Pepper up my nose!

[@killerjhul]

I thought Mexico was paying for the wall. What happened?

[@icebergrose2614]

killerjhul When Mexico stopped laughing they said "No".

[@oldshoe1]

That was all talk just to get votes. He claims not to be a politician, but he sure acts like one. You know like promise one thing and then do the opposite.

[@trishs706]

Killerjhul You've got to keep up with the Truth du Jour. President Trump NEVER said Mexico would pay directly for the wall. Today he cleared up that he NEVER said the US needed a concrete wall or that it should go from sea to sea. Maybe tomorrow he will say he NEVER ran for president!

[@shanejknox]

Mexico will pay for the wall through the extra money made on a renegotiated trade deal after scrapping NAFTA this is the promise that was made and this is the promise that has been kept

[@oldshoe1]

Shane Knox Mexico will not pay extra. What trump is talking about is getting money from import margin sales to go towards paying for the wall.

[@brettrun8575]

As much as every cell in my body is completely repulsed by Trump and I wholeheartedly look forward to his impeachment and following imprisonment, I can’t deny that he has been so good for late night comedy. That’s seriously the only thing I’ll miss when he’s gone.

[@whiteout0111]

2 years later and still nowhere in the impeachment process. Maybe when we hit year 7 of his presidency you losers will finally get somewhere. And trust me, anyone with a brain reading this comment section can see that its not this show that is the comedy gold, its the cucks he brings out in the comment sections that's the comedy gold.

[@Listening_Books12345]

@@whiteout0111 Sounds good, Unknown Username Too Ashamed To Own Your Opinions In A Public Venue! I'll believe anything you say!

[@abegarfield3754]

The same thing happened in Britain in the '80s. Thatcher launched a lot of comedians' careers.

[@whimsysmith2835]

unknown - maybe. Then again, Roger Stone just got pulled from his bed by FBI agents, making him the 34th person indicted in the Mueller campaign. You will be happy to know I think Trump has done this country some good. Because of his actions we can see what needs fixing in our governance, Mueller is the one draining the swamp, and if Trump is not indicted personally it will be proof that Mueller decided that Trump was merely the dumb puppet we half suspect him to be. Face it with that much collusion in his innermost circle Trump has to be either in on it, or the most moronic oblivious person to ever head our country. At this point those are the only two options. So, yay, "winning".

[@stillnessinmovement]

wow, a fairly comprehensible tweet. I think he did not write it.

[@frankfoundation465]

FREE STYLE?!! FREEDOM TALK TALK?!!

[@sbbs3534]

Yeah he's been using the word prerogative a lot the last few days... Doesn't seem like him

[@Phaugirl]

okay, jokes aside. Air traffic controller is one of the most stressful jobs in the world because they're in charge of making sure that planes (carrying 150-500+ passengers each - for commercial airlines) on the ground and in the air don't collide with one another while tasking pilots on when to land or to take off safely and on schedule. With sleep-deprived people in charge of that with their concentration and focus affected due to lack of sleep and food on top of the stresses of the job and financial woes because they're not being paid and possibly miss a second paycheck.... Risks and chances of collisions and air-related incidents are only going to increase.... And if the shutdown continues, it will be a matter of time until such incident occurs.

[@Chunkboi]

Phaugirl here’s what they need to do...just deny AF1 landing clearance. Trump can take off, he just won’t be allowed to land unless he turns himself over to the FBI.

[@richardsmart9331]

@@Chunkboi Or jumps out of the 'plane - preferably without a parachute...

[@undecunsunds123]

Not as stressfull as me the guy who didnt care to pick any of that years idiots and im still getting payed in this critical shut down that we all knew was coming cause mexico aint payin shiiit.

[@daveteves]

That scene in Breaking Bad will eventually happen if the shutdown continues any further.

[@72marshflower15]

Phaugirl ...if i was a parent and had my kid on a plane that went down due to trump's "insecurities", there'd be no security apparatus on earth that would keep me from taking trump or some of his family out... these reich wingers only know destruction... its what they live for...

[@write7700]

Why don't trump use thoughts and prayers for border with mexico? He use it for mass shootings (including at schools) anyway..

[@xxXthekevXxx]

Write right 😂 thoughts and prayers solve EVERYTHING 😒

[@tommyl.dayandtherunaways820]

Didn't Trump tweet yesterday about his new nursery rhyme wall slogan, and that Republicans should just "use it and pray"? He's literally telling them to build the wall with thoughts and prayers 😂

[@SpeckleKen]

Because the word "thought" falls into the same category as "empathy," "honesty" and "morality" for Trump;: he knows they mean something to other people but he just doesn't happen to experience them himself.

[@peterpiper7441]

This is different. It is about Bad Hombres coming here and offering to do your landscaping, fix your roof and your car for a reasonable rate. This must be stopped!

[@MRayner59]

As if we needed more proof that intercessional prayer is utterly useless.

[@peterpiper7441]

"Listen to what Wilbur Ross said this morning ... " Wait, wait! You mean Wilbur Ross is actually alive?

[@TheOneWhoMightBe]

He looks embalmed.

[@CainLatrani]

Nah. They just made sure you couldn't see Jeff Dunham behind him.

[@volcryndarkstar]

Oh my god, how?

[@mrtrailesafety]

Peter Piper Wilbur is down to his last $700M.

[@frankfoundation465]

@@TheOneWhoMightBe YEAH IRONIC SERIOUSLYold men $OLDOUT?!!

[@katyclasen4672]

All who voted for Trump, We told ya so!!!

[@thehusketeers4319]

Trump will get the wall and be 're elected

[@rolandfor]

@@thehusketeers4319russian troll spy dont think so

[@MaxMisterC]

"Trump's got egg on his face! Perhaps, that's why his face is that colour" 😂😃 Good yolk, Steven!! 😀😁

[@cynthiaandrus9375]

😂😂😂 the tears speak for themselves.

[@renatocorvaro6924]

Of all the horrible things Donald Trump has done, it bothers me most that he doesn't use an Oxford comma. Yes, I am that petty.

[@frankfoundation465]

NEVER EVER FORGET HISTORY?!!

[@ronaldorivers236]

The Oxford comma, really? He doesn't even know how to spell, let alone use a comma.

[@renatocorvaro6924]

@@ronaldorivers236 I know, but I just can't get over it. It really bothers me.

[@timothymccaskey4362]

Perhaps Donald will set a State of the Union Address from his cell.

[@danielgehring7437]

The echo will add the right amount of gravitas.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Or a padded room.

[@SpeckleKen]

Just put a toilet on the House Chamber dais and save some time.

[@darryldraven9093]

Nope cause you can't impeach him and Hilary probably the one will set it in her room in a mental asylum next to the libtards

[@SpeckleKen]

@@darryldraven9093 Sorry to bring you back from your fantasy world (and your whataboutism) but it is now guaranteed that Trump will be impeached. It's unavoidable (other than by resignation.)

[@miko57wang]

Trump used the word prerogative twice in two days. I guess the word of the day toilet paper got stuck to his shoe again.

[@dehro]

How is kushner a senior anything?

[@phyllishahart6111]

I used to tune in to Love and Hip Hop for my daily dose of pettiness and fighting. I hate that I look toward my government for that very reason now.

[@Yashiro-nene_dies]

Its like watching a train wreck in slow motion and you can't look away.

[@sujimtangerines]

@@Yashiro-nene_dies Cause we're ON the train.

[@kittykat981]

@@sujimtangerines I 🤣😂😅 way to hard at your reply 🤣😭😂

[@couragekarnga8735]

Welcome to the final season of Democracy! This season: will we make it to 2020 before a disaster caused by climate change? Will Trump walk out on the White House lawn completely naked and make a full confession? Will we all have to learn to speak Russian to survive? Find out on the final season of... Democracy!

[@onlinemamamwom7936]

Oh my god. That Dermot Kennedy. That song. Forget the politics and whatnot that we hear nightly...that was absolutely something special. You could tell the crowd felt it too. Maybe we need to remember to be humans every now and again and take a moment from the nonstop of the constant pettiness. It was a nice 3 minute break.

[@emilyeldridge4213]

This isn’t going to end well for, President Donald Trump.

[@JDines]

I think you mean "President" Trump :-)

[@roni6215]

Or for our democracy.

[@felipecarrera9127]

Emily Eldridge it will end up fine for him. Do you see how many morons still believe every word that he says? Or believe Walls are magical solutions for multi variable problem

[@SL-yn4ju]

Thank God for Colbert, who makes this fu@king horrid mess bearable....

[@tammcd]

5:59 Wilbur Ross is NOT *worth* $2.9 bn, Wilbur Ross HAS accumulated $2.9 bn. Big difference.

[@CidTheGargoyle]

@Deb long I'm pretty sure he means to say that as a human being he's not worth much. And he's not wrong either.

[@kingmichaelthelastwarrior]

This is his true worth💩

[@mkiel705]

You Mean "Stolen" Just saying

[@qus.9617]

@Deb long Tam's not lying or misleading anyone. It's important to get the facts right. Though maybe you disagree about the semantics but I learnt something.

[@nathanadler8316]

@Mike Hegarty Being voiced by Patrick Stewart, for example.

[@lfcnation9138]

Conservatives: “More gun laws won’t work because criminals don’t obey the law” Also Conservatives: “The wall will work because criminals won’t break the law to get over it”

[@Lylgrymy]

You're so right. I also don't think we should have cells in prisons or walls surrounding their perimeters.

[@sillvvasensei]

@@Lylgrymy right... because even though cells have four walls, a floor, and ceiling and perimeters have four walls and watchtowers, nobody has ever breached those before. Right? A singular wall... which can't even cross flood-prone areas or endangered species migration areas without causing significant harm... is the same. A singular wall which requires taking citizens' land by force to build it is the same.

[@sillvvasensei]

@@Lylgrymy can you even tell me what the wall is supposed to accomplish? A wall won't help fight the flow of drugs into the country. According to U.S. Customs and Border Protection statistics, 90 percent of heroin seized along the border, 88 percent of cocaine, 87 percent of methamphetamine, and 80 percent of fentanyl in the first 11 months of the 2018 fiscal year was caught trying to be smuggled in at legal crossing points. A wall won't even put a dent in the number of terrorists trying to enter the country. U.S. Customs and Border Protection encountered only six immigrants at ports of entry on the U.S-Mexico border in the first half of fiscal year 2018 whose names were on a federal government list of known or suspected terrorists, according to CBP data provided to Congress in May 2018. The 4000 number that has been floating around mostly refers to entry via airports. A wall wouldn't even put a dent in crime rates. Unauthorized immigrants make up less than 3% of the population. 40-50% of them entered the country legally on visa and overstayed without authorization. A study published by the libertarian Cato Institute in February 2018 examines criminal conviction data for 2015 provided by the Texas Department of Public Safety. It shows that those who came legally commit crimes at less than 1/6 of the rate (per 100,000 population) of native-born. It shows that undocumented immigrants (that crossed the border illegally) commit crimes at less than half the rate (per 100,000 population) of native-born. The only thing a wall would be is a burden on American taxpayers. Expensive to build and expensive to maintain for little to no benefit. It would make flood-prone areas worse. It would disrupt migration patterns of endangered species. A Republican congressman, whose district is the largest on the southern border, had an idea that would be more cost effective. It's running a fiber-optic cable along the southern border for sensors to detect unlawful crossings by foot or tunneling and provide high-speed internet to rural areas.

[@Lylgrymy]

Nice essay dog. Is that MLA format? Didn't cite your sources sadly. Effort was tremendous though. You get a C. For cringe.

[@ronbrittany8592]

OMGosh Stephen you crack me up. I love how you deliver the news to our great, well use to be great nation.

[@abhinandanpandey3934]

That one lady's laughter though! 😂😂

[@danrion8839]

Wilbur Ross should loan some money to those Federal workers as he is a billionaire.

[@Akkordeondirigent]

Stephen Colbert: The funniest man on the planet.

[@mlghelp2day]

Omg! That ROSS facial expression Stephen made LOL🤣😅

[@dooluv5769]

The air quotes remind me of Dr Evil in Austin Powers. Release the lazza

[@evonwilliams7502]

Boy I do miss Obama

[@crazyforcoffee5950]

Evon Williams on plus side comedians have plenty of content to use out of this failure of a president

[@connorduke4619]

Russia don't which is why they got put their stooge in place.

[@masonklabunde1550]

People said he was bad but looking back at it he wasn't as bad as I remember.

[@broncodeviltexas]

Boy do I miss Letterman.

[@volcryndarkstar]

We all do

[@SilverSpoonRiche]

I don't think Donald Trump understands what it means when you put something in quotation like that.

[@tarrynlea]

Ya think?! He also doesn't know how ellipses work, there are only supposed to be 3 .

[@tparadox88]

There are a surprising number of people out there who think that quotes just mean emphasis, which leads to them baffling everyone else.

[@dangermonkeygostones]

Hamberder.

[@SilverSpoonRiche]

@@dangermonkeygostones Bad media covfefe! LOL

[@terryk.hatfield4865]

Surprise. He doesn't understand daddy. Daughter relationship.

[@randomname5706]

I swear, when Stephem reads these tweets... I'm starting to believe Trump pre records them every week haha

[@howardkerr8174]

INTERESTING: Colbert says Ross is worth $2.9 BILLION while pretty much every other source I have seen/heard in last 24 hours reports his net worth at $700 MILLION. Either way, my reaction was like everyone else's when I heard that "advice"....my gawd, this guy is an economic advisor to Chump? No wonder Republicans thought that their tax cut was such a brilliant idea.

[@Jon_IndieSan_B]

Howard Kerr alot of people reported it originally in the billions too in the morning ... but later it was determined he lied... apparently it was after Colbert tapped the show.... I’m guessing

[@frankfoundation465]

FREE DOM!

[@j.nesbitt5120]

Ross is worth 2.9 Billion Dollars?! Wow, a Walking Dead zombie extra pays REALLY well!

[@ih8tusernam3s]

If this is Trumps idea of winning, then he was right... I'm sick of it.

[@shussing]

Happy Friday. Roger stone arrested. Look forward to the Friday crowd

[@vanjalbis8269]

shussing gonna

[@nolimitrage7338]

This is the Late Late show I love it

[@dstny135]

As Weird Al sings... "I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis!" Trump's WORD CRIMES are the most palatable of his criminal activities at least.

[@maineyor5343]

Trump: "I'm building a wall or I'll die trying." Democrats: "No problem. We'll take choice B."

[@tobiasjonsson6415]

More like donald trump is a losing streak

[@MrUmakemelaff]

Less of a streak...More of a skid mark.

[@darryldraven9093]

Nope this is just a break we gonna keep winning until we get sick of it again #MAGA

[@miapdx503]

@@darryldraven9093 The noose is tighening...the crime family is going down. Because there *is* a God, and he isn't the God of hate.

[@Ansonidak]

Can we start losing now? Just to see what it's like?

[@Trottelheimer]

Trumps losing = everybody else winning

[@drmindriot]

Colbert is truly a hilarious individual.

[@SD-fb7ku]

America great yet?

[@gmoney2103]

Not just yet...

[@MegaMiir]

Ima take that

[@YoungDonAnimations]

I am here to pretend like I understand what is going on. I actually don’t know anything about politics, and most other things as well. Have a nice day.

[@SupermarketSweep777]

When “The Entertainer” started playing I lost it.

[@kayanclarke5216]

SupermarketSweep777 5:47. LOL

[@STNeish]

Honestly, I don't think Trump's "ideas" come out of his "mouth." More likely somewhere further south... and behind him.

[@777-h6d]

Hillary giving him a rimjob?

[@MasterZhao]

That was the idea behind Stephen's joke, but nice try.

[@Oonagh72]

I think Trump’s ideas come out a little south of his mouth. 💩

[@fl00d69]

Have you seen his gut? It's a LOT south of his mouth...

[@amberlance3221]

@@fl00d69 "brought to you by Mcdonalds Hamberders - McMake America Great again"

[@WattWireNet]

@@fl00d69 Well if you want to get technical, it's a lot more south-east than average, lol!

[@ramayaruk]

His urethra?

[@Gottenhimfella]

Yeah, from a place which, in a happier world, only his proctologist would be acquainted with.

[@triesha3278]

I want a different president *NOW*

[@TheNefastor]

Stephen's Willbur face is amazing 🤣

[@dynamicdave2647]

Trump is too old to be president. He should resign and just do things like home alone cameos and apprentice where he’s not hurting anyone.

[@adelebunky]

Mlm

[@fl00d69]

He's not too old at all - but he IS too stupid.

[@SpeckleKen]

Robert De Niro, Susan Saranden, Ian McKellen, Ben Kingsley, Helen Mirren... It's not hard to think of people in their 70s who still have their shit together. The problem is that the one in charge of the government is mentally ill and stupid.

[@wholewomancoach-1]

STEPHEN you are the best thing to emerge out of this whole gigantic mess. 😂🤣😆

[@shepinchains1]

" There shouldn't be a horse in the hospital! "

[@telectronix1368]

But it knows how to use the elevator.

[@Lucius1958]

*BREAKING NEWS:* Donald Trump spotted on White House grounds, carrying lighter and can of gasoline, asking directions to the Reichstag.

[@rascallyrabbit717]

for once I'm glad trump doesn't know history

[@ChiralCentre3366]

If you want to go further back in time for more examples look back to 1642 when Charles I of England tried to dissolve parliament because they opposed laws he wanted to pass. Charles decided he had the divine right to do what he wanted... and... Without going into detail... parliament didn't like that. There was a civil war. Charles got his head cut off. I hope *that* part of history doesn't repeat itself, though!

[@richardsmart9331]

@@ChiralCentre3366 I rather hope it does...

[@georgimihailov4906]

@@richardsmart9331 Michael Cohen - Indicted. Paul Manafort - Indicted. Roger Stone - Taken into custody. Who's next? I bet on Donald Trump Jr.

[@w41duvernay]

Certainly would explain why he keeps trying to declare an national emergency. Wouldn't be surprised he blames it on Socialist Democrats.

[@mafepa]

God I love Colbert!!!! Thank you for the laughs during this ridiculous time...

[@NewMessage]

We'll see how much of that self confidence Kush has left when Ivanka tells him he can't play on his Xbox until he finishes his peas. If he mutters anything, I bet it'll be through a mouth full of peas.