Dr Gabor Maté | Finding your authentic self in an inauthentic world

[@HowToAcademyMindset]

Watch more of Dr Gabor here: kzbin.info/aero/PLFIigLLitqDmBx70a-rY1n035Oz8HumeC

[@Thatonekid333]

Responsibility = ability to respond 🤯 To increase others ability to respond we have to remove shame. This is so simple and so profound!

[@martaaldama6419]

The end reminds me of John Butler, "To Make Whole, Be Whole." When working with people, our biggest work is with ourselves. Gabor Matë

[@krgriebel]

By the grace of God and the members of AA, I just passed the 43rd birthday of sobriety. A book, written by Ernest Kurtz, entitled "Shame and Guilt" was most helpful to me in understand my own shame and guilt.

[@jd-um4jw]

Congratulations!! ☺ that is a great feat! May I ask you a question? Maybe wise advice.. My nephew has done drugs and wants to continue to do drugs. Unfortunately at his previous household, before he came to live with me.. they looked the other way and even sometimes provided some drugs, He was only 13/14, Knowing his mother is a drug addict. He comes to my home and that is not allowed. We have addiction all throughout our family. His mom, grandma, grandpa etc. He hates me and it causes lotts of grief in our lives and home.. because he doesnt want to hear or believe anything about addiction or our family history of addiction. Even tho he has seen his own mom suffer greatly. (He is different and smarter and has will power) He thinks my warnings are foolish , ridiculous and close minded. I said, yes ,some people can just experiment and dabble and grow up to have a normal life/fine. But when you have a family of addicts.. u are greatly increasing your odds of being an addict and suffering. He says he just wants to do these things and have fun with his friends that do drugs. He deff shows signs of an addictive personality already. And its not just teens smoking weed. He has talked about pcp, ketamine, has snorted pills, acid, etc. It scares me and I want to help some how. Try to prevent all the hell that I have seen with his mom and my mom. Not just punish him . He says its just fun and he enjoys it and doesnt have any problem and wont have any problems. Being in sobriety do you have any advice? If someone could have done something when you first started , when it was new and fun still.. and do you remove him from those friends? Thank you so much and congrats again!

[@devonseamoor]

@@jd-um4jw What I remember Gabor Maté saying about the way we may choose to be with alcoholism in another close to us, is that trying to change the person is insanity. I suggest you listen again to Gabor in this video, and give up the idea that you've got to DO something. Rather BE in your sobriety, and find a way to live in wellness without wanting to include others in it. It's a tough choice, but you can't make other people change. Only they can do it.

[@eternalstudent7461]

Thank you for sharing. To keep it, we do need give it away 👍

[@joannedavey3445]

Thank you for sharing and Happy 43rd Birthday!

[@carolallen3900]

Praise God x

[@linburns6054]

If I had that woman as my doctor I would make a swift exit... Dr Gabor Maté, I admire your insightful compassion x

[@coreycox2345]

? She is an excellent interviewer, Lin Burns.

[@claudiakittydisco3412]

This is gold, thank you so much for this compassionate, wise advice and info🌹💋

[@ariadnaju421]

Pure gold.Love you Gabor.

[@ajcraft-hello]

Just began and grateful to hear you discuss on educational needs for providers 3:00

[@patchampagne1]

My empathy is so strong. That it causes great pain. I’ve quit drinking so I feel even stronger 😓

[@thesoundpurist]

? Different strokes different folks, I guess. I just quit THC so I can suffer more. Saying hello to an old friend. No pun intended. Best wishes.

[@jenniferreihl4475]

I hear you… it’s just overwhelming so much of the time. And it’s not like we wanna have a victim mentality….being empathetic is draining and often really eats at self esteem. But we are needed in this world as we can feel deeply and can remind each other that we are not alone!!

[@rubyblu21]

Realising what you control vs what is out of your control and not your responsibility will help you maintain your empathetic reserves. Also changing from dichotomous thinking to just experiencing from an outsider POV might also be beneficial.

[@devonseamoor]

@Pat C, by feeling bad about feeling others more, suggests that you resist your own empathy. Quitting the booz is one step, congratulations, but now is the moment of truth when you choose to find it. Ask yourself "what is it that makes me experience bad feelings by being empathic?" When you're suppressing bad feelings inside yourself, due to trauma of some kind, it's likely that you'll find it in people around you that will be like mirrors reflecting your feelings. That's what you pick up in that state of being, see what I mean? Be empathic to yourself 😉

[@bettyhaines2570]

Thank you so much Dr Garbor

[@adamgorelick3714]

11:17 : A simple - and deceptively profound - definition of trauma.

[@gavinduggan199]

Beautiful man and beautiful mind.

[@pauljung3534]

“I was powerless over my childhood but the coping strategies that I developed, to survive, all of which were creative and brilliant and got me through, as an adult those became my defects of character. Those became my shortcomings, control, and all that kind of stuff… and that’s my responsibility. I was a blameless child in what happened in the home; I take responsibility for my behaviors as an adult.” ~ Ashley Judd “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past - what matters are the choices you make right now. God gives you the chance to start over with every breath.” ~ Ashley Judd "When you bring consciousness to anything, things begin to shift." ~ Eve Ensler "It's the same with the wound in our hearts. We need to give them our attention so that they can heal. Otherwise the wounds continue to cause us pain. Sometimes for a very long time. We're all going to get hurt. But here's the trick - they also serve an amazing purpose. When our hearts are wounded that's when they open. We grow through pain. We grow through difficult situations. That's why you have to embrace each and every difficult thing in your life." ~ James Doty "Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us." ~ Marianne Williamson "What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us." ~ Henry David Thoreau "Full forgiveness comes, once we return to ourselves, what we have lost." ~ Paul Jung

[@lucinawhitney2839]

Omg! So important and priceless information 👌

[@kriskupiec4361]

i agree with Gabor almost completely. but i think we must take step back and laugh at us, because it allows us to see ourselves as human - stupid, charming, making misake and we dont have to be afraid to make them, we think we dont have time- correct- but any time is the time because we dont have time to think that big life is here not there, i dont have time at least i am thinking that now, fuccc,,kk i hope it will change ;)

[@harrietyounger6118]

If addiction fills the void. Instead of encouraging people to give up what fills that void. Would it not be more helpful to try to lessen what is causing the void rather than focus on what is filling the void. If the void is repaired would people not naturally respond by not filling it because it's not there to fill?

[@devonseamoor]

@Harriet Younger. It's not meant in that way, by Gabor Maté, that addiction fills the void. Addiction places a lid of numbness on the void so that the emptiness is covered up. I believe that Gabor Maté is present for addicted people, to show them acknowledgement and recognition, equality in the presence of addiction. So many junkies are receiving flak for being addicted, they're bombarded with negative remarks, and attempts to make them feel ashamed about themselves. The negative attitude is one side of the hand where the junkie is on the other side of the hand, and so they both are in existence in that way. It's a loop. When the void is filled with self-love, with an affinity for and with oneself, in heart and gut feelings, I believe that this is the condition where no addiction is wanted.

[@siyaindagulag.]

I see no flaw in that logic. Folks with serious superiority complexes will pontificate. It's an attempt to " fill" a lack of their own.

[@nicholeswan640]

I personally for my own experience and my own story know that compassion saves lives some people it can mean life or death literally if I spoke of My own story I would speak overcoming the adversity within the system itself within our healthcare system because every time I would go to the hospital with different infections from IV drug use I would receive judgment alongside of care but that judgment half the time would make me want to walk away I have scar tissue over 70% of my body and I have almost lost limbs I did 3 years in prison another two in jail and 35 have over 2 years clean but I'm still on methadone and trying to kick that habit which I've been on methadone for over 7 years no detox center will take a person if they're over 30 mg of methadone not only that but they have waiting lists not only that but Medicare or Medicaid depending on what state you're in doesn't pay for substance abuse treatment and mental health treatment at the same time or if they do they will pay for one or the other the situation I've run into many times I have a wonderful fiance and a wonderful son who is probably on the autism spectrum I do my best but I have shortcomings like anyone else my fiance is not an addict he believes it's a result of my choices and that the only difference between me and him is difference of being weak in my willpower I was traumatized at 6 years old but my biological uncle whose schizophrenic whom I took care of until he died also took care of my grandmother until she died from dementia she was really the only parents that I ever knew the only ones that I was close to you anyway both my parents have been completely dismissive self-involved functional alcoholics you really just turned their back when it came to actually being parent's. Gabor Mate has been more than influential when it comes to my thinking but she has been completely inspiration when it comes to finding my voice he has helped me believe not only that I have one but I have a story worth telling if you personally would like to hear more about my story or about what it took to overcome let me know I guess I'm struggling with validation issues but I don't have many friends right now and I really could use some positive feedback if I am still learning to self-regulate and get all the negative voices out of my head if you can relate or if my story or at least this part strikes you with something that you'd want to hear more about please let me know Thank you for your time you have helped save my pain and I don't feel so alone I hope you don't either I wish nothing but the best for you and even though I don't know you if you are reading this no that I am with you you're not alone and you are cared for by someone even if they forget to say it I haven't forgotten and even though I'm a stranger I say it and you matter you matter you really do Take care of yourself no matter what and don't give up if you're listening to this in your life is worth fighting for You can change the world I believe in you I believe in your potential and even if you don't live up to it I believe in who you are a nd whatever you've done up to this point matters to someone even if you don't see it

[@stephenkarla7113]

At 6:11 that's the question we all need to get to the root of, something changed.

[@dianegaudet676]

Ty so much.

[@PretiumLibertatisEstVigilantia]

While I healed internally of emotional pain for over a decade, I never needed a higher power as supernaturally understood.

[@Daiseta]

Incredible talk, Thank you. Nevertheless surprised not to hear Dr. Gabor Maté mention, For your own good, The trauma of the gifted child, Saving your life by the physician Alice Miller. This interview seems like a direct quote about all her work, specially The body never lies, he even has a book that is called When the body says no, on the same subject. I thought it was very important to acknowledge Miller here.

[@devonseamoor]

@Daiset Sarquis, when two people come from the same mindful observation on a subject, about trauma in childhood, they may have no need to connect or know each other, for they're like two peas in a pod. Same views, same service to all of us. You may have found great value in Alice Miller's work, and I know of it, and by naming her in your comment, you've acknowledged Miller. Gabor doesn't have to do it, you see? He's not here in this video to compare his work with others, he's answering questions, and talks about his own approach in dealing with trauma.

[@jimlyon7276]

@ Daiset Sarquis - Tor me discovering Alice Miller & reading her books was a HUGE step forward for which I'll always be grateful - R.I.P. - deep sigh !

[@exploradordeideas6393]

10:00

[@carolallen3900]

God is all powerful x

[@deebuckley4646]

I live with my 39 yes old son son, who's been using heroin for 10 yes, I've looked after his son for as long as he's been in active addiction hes 14yrs now, he won't leave his dad, as he's taken on the role of parent, there was little support before lockdown, but non existent since, any advice would be appreciated, thankyou 🙏

[@rosebw1077]

Interesting at the end she wants to talk about how people crave authenticity but then she wouldn’t be authentic herself when Gabor asked her that question in the beginning.

[@taom9004]

Teachers don't get any trauma training, either, and yet the ocean of trauma washes up in our classrooms every day and we have to create safe spaces of community, which means we have to love our kids, before we can start to begin to teach them the curriculum. It feels, in education today, like we are a bulwark agains the crazy and the cruel, undermined and attacked by the above, and doing our best to nurture the below. It's unsustainable. It's exhausting. But what can you do when you care? I went home and drank a lot of red wine...

[@annie.bo.briggs]

The only sane thing to do is just what I did. Now, at least one if her sisters have taken that approach as well. But it's been so many years because as a single mother, they do not follow my lead.

[@ntang99]

Is the thing that is higher than the ego, understood as the Being in Heddiger,s term, or existence precedes essence in Sartre term

[@devonseamoor]

@Michael Tang. I've never heard of those terms, but take it as your intuitive voice, the inner knowing within you, that knows without knowing why or how. Bypassing the ego and the frenzy of turning windmills of the mind.

[@judihart9658]

I'm not repeating myself.✌️😎😌⚡!

[@lynettetamblyn165]

I don't know Sir, if you have ever researched the mental condition of Anorexia, one of the most powerful, dangerous psychiatric conditions....addictive behavior channeled into an eating disorder? So many of us suffer this merciless condition....one of the hardest addictions to break...I'd like to hear your perspective Thankyou.

[@pmiller6880]

Try psychedelic therapy.

[@harrietyounger6118]

You don't know where your going if you don't know where you have been. Do we blame our parents for where we are born? We don't so I understand the idea that it is not about blame and shame but instead history and circumstances. Not to discount people who are committed to being abusive that that can cause trauma but sometimes like he says people are just human.

[@devonseamoor]

@Harriet Younger. The blame game not applied to our parents is equally helpful to not be used in the case of abusive behaviour, even when the person is committed to acting it out by repetition, sometimes lifelong acting out of abuse. Try to see beyond the outside of things, and ponder the reason why a person is abusive. Trauma. Trauma is also connected to our past lives, the experiences we've lived through, and inflicted on others. We're living in a cycle of trauma passed on from generation to generation, from life after life. Until we wake up.

[@harrietyounger6118]

@@devonseamoor I feel like what you have said is a less simplified version of what I have said. For the sake of time I was simplifying my message. Don't assume to know what I think.

[@sylvierajkarnikar4920]

Dr I need your help

[@sylvierajkarnikar4920]

Dr Gabor I would like to talk to you is it possible

[@sylvierajkarnikar4920]

Hey dr I really need your help

[@gilliani.4328]

I couldn’t care a less about the addicts in my family. I’ve set a no contact boundary with them all years ago. They traumatized me from the beginning of my life.

[@moeazam6358]

You cared enough to be angry. You cared enough to write the comment You cared enough to give them a second thought. Deep down, you do care and you do love them.

[@gilliani.4328]

@@moeazam6358 Absolutely not.

[@moeazam6358]

@@gilliani.4328 Be in denial all you want, Actions taken weigh heavier than Opinions had. (Reals over Feels)

[@gilliani.4328]

@@moeazam6358 Never assume or judge another whose shoes you’ve never walked in. Your comments speak loudly of where you are in your recovery.

[@moeazam6358]

@@gilliani.4328 I could say the same to you since I have in fact walked in these shoes.

[@sylvierajkarnikar4920]

I am lost please help me

[@TheSilverMeridian]

🙏

[@judihart9658]

☝️don't.2 let the so called friends pick them up off the lawn& carry them in.😉&3 tell them once they sober up?you want jail& or death?Don't look for me to visit.&Go!by yourself.✌️💖👍😎😊🙂 # they're gonna learn💖.😌⚡!

[@1969rio]

He says "there is a higher power in me", and where in the world do you think that higher power came from? God of course. It didn't come from nothing.

[@ladybug5859]

Actually you are a little confused God came from nothing and the higher power is God

[@pocahontassunshine1911]

Dear interviewer lady: the less you talk, the best. Sorry but we want to hear Dr.Gabor.. You could be more low-profile and your work would be better 🤫

[@sylvierajkarnikar4920]

I really want to talk to you , iam just a looser but:::

[@sylvierajkarnikar4920]

You don't want to talk to me why??? You are missing something

[@Pincky947]

This interviewer is very ignorant and annoying. Wasting Dr Gabor’s and audience time with her impulsive interruptions .