Podcast 359: Toxic Positivity: What it sounds like, why it's toxic, and what to say instead

[@kevinmasterson5733]

I have finally learned that if someone is trying to talk me out of my experience, it’s probably best not to share deeply with them.

[@lowcountrygirl7779]

Brilliant topic. This is such a much -needed topic of conversation, especially among Believers. Learning to actually experience pain and grieving was essential to my healing and deliverance. Thank you so much Dr. Leaf ; also for your wonderful guest. Blessings!

[@joy_r]

It feels so good to know that I am not the only one who doesn't find positive affirmations useful. It's so great to see Whitney here. I love the content she shares online.

[@arelymartinez1999]

I really agree with you guys. Sometimes I just want to vent but then people try to give their opinion on solutions instead of listening. Toxic positivity is real and makes people feel invalidated.

[@luismiguel69able]

Totally, and even if youre just describing an observation youve made they feel the need to gaslight you with their inappropriate positive spins.

[@melissabartnicki7110]

Wow, this is so refreshing to hear- even for an "Idealist" personality type like myself. Thank you!

[@GrettaHG]

In CBT there is the idea of cognitive distortions which are inherent in negative thoughts. Positive thoughts can contain these same distortions. I agree that this aspect is often overlooked. And it is toxic. Great conversation.

[@plutoplatters]

By being toxically positive one is ignoring at least 30-40% of what happens in life. I call it denial.

[@nataliablair9973]

Wow wow!!!!! Finally, someone is addressing the gap between what you say and what you believe. People who are intuned to their sincerity and honesty will have trouble with positive affirmations.

[@MrKillswitch88]

As someone who likes to keep tabs on what is going on with both the churches as well the new age the problem has gotten drastically worse over the past two years so much so that it is causing some very real harm as well driving normal people out of both. The whole love and light toxic positivity is just vomit inducing at times but as always the worst of it is victim blaming along with all the usual invalidation that comes with it all. As the next few years play out it will become very clear that such had set people up to fail as they have to come to terms with reality never mind face their own thoughts and emotions they've been repressing for so long.

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

Some of this seems like common sense stuff but to actually put it down to a science and a study, you’ll realize its not as obvious as you think.. we never put these things into consideration or actually implement them.. this is legit behind the scenes stuff👏🏽💯

[@lindaframpton2193]

Fabulous balanced and encouraging podcast thank you.

[@vitalrestandrecoveryclinic7752]

Love this. Live in SoCal and im SO OVER the manifesting movement!!!

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

You should be more positive 👀😂

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

You should be more positive 👀😂

[@Purity10101]

We would all do well just to "rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." (Rom 12:15)

[@sarahd1706]

Fun interview, very interesting. How do you deal with someone who complains & blames about the same things over & over for years? Validating & empathizing hasn’t changed anything, neither does suggesting they get help, nor does it help to finally point out the victimy & blaming & their part in it. How do you get them to stop complaining to you?

[@taniamartin6978]

Boundaries. You have to speak up for yourself. Use clarifying questions to underscore the fact you've been through this umpteen times and you aren't going to put up with it any longer. Let them complain about that!

[@olyalytvynenko8170]

Hi, can you do a podcast how to be happy? What is normal to feel, we understand what is not normal, toxic, negative feelings, but what is normal on the other side of the tunnel, how should we feel at the end of healing process? What is it how we should feel after removing negative stuff? My parents are narcissistic, my mum is more sadist, my dad is more mosahist. She loves put you down constantly, he loves to imagine if or maybe possibilities of life which are painful, and this is their Norma behaviour. I suffered all my life, but then I moved from Ukraine to Australia, and cleaned myself from that people and that negative feelings. So I think logically, realistically, more positive. But I feel I need guidence for happy life, what is it, how to feel, what is normal, I don’t have clue. All psychologists including you are talking about negative stuff, we get it it feels bad. But no information what is good about positive side how to feel, what is normal?

[@agnesgoretskiy8091]

This is so helpful! Thank you for this great podcast.

[@jessejules2092]

Toxic positivity is wxperienced as dismissiveness.

[@jessejules2092]

*experienced

[@sowmyakarthikeyan8654]

There are two types of people who are difficult to handle..toxic positivity and toxic negativity....always complaining even for so small problems but someone will be facing so much bad situations than themselves but they dont even understand that.

[@cathichristian4142]

I have that book and it is great.

[@hippiexyzzz]

I loved the insights n refreshing perspective. Great podcast Dr

[@charleymacdowell8219]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I didn’t want to listen originally, but knew I needed to.. because I’ve been ACCUSED of toxic positivity. The thing is, though, everything you’re saying is FAIR and reasonable, and I definitely don’t advocate for anything you’ve condemned. But people mistake me for “toxic” simply because the things you bring up issues with are things that I’ve integrated into my life in a way that doesn’t control me, but in a way that I enjoy, and those things work well WITH what I do and how I live my life.. But I definitely take time to process my emotions in a more healthy way now, thanks to you, Dr. Leaf, and some others! So, It’s a RELIEF to hear that you’re not just saying “affirmations are useless” and “because someone enjoys different avenues of self-improvement, they must be addicted to it.” A balance to everything. Thank you both for coming together and communicating this issue in an intelligent and thoughtful way. 💕

[@nicoleadiaz1]

I know narcissist that tries to act positive all the time. She had covid and tried to make it positive.

[@tupeniravoka8765]

Hi Happy new Dr Leaf

[@Salmasobhi1714]

In my home there is not even 'toxic positivity' whenever I tried to express my emotions i recieved somthing like i am not allowed to have my damn emotions how can I be so emotional atleast this toxic positivity doesn't exist for me i couldn't express how depressive is that

[@niyanta_a8]

In CBT, you’re replacing the distorted negative thoughts with reality. There is such a thing as distorted positive thoughts as well that could manifest in narcissistic tendencies. Those distorted positive thoughts (eg. “I’m perfect, I can do no wrong”) need to be replaced with reality as well. That’s the real CBT. On the surface I know it sounds gimmicky.

[@luismiguel69able]

Yeah I basically dont have any conversations with most of my friends/family anymore -- have to keep it superficial or they freak out and desperately try to pollyannic spins on everything. Lol but they dont do this for themselves, they only shut down others' realities. And it is nearly everyone I know. So sad. This is why ppl harm themselves eventually ... people have to Constantly pretend that life is 110% "Amazing" all the time. The only ppl I have met that handle the realistic variety that is the human experience are monks.

[@mikerichard4667]

Hi everyone. I need a mentor

[@rainbowbridgerestoration979]

Where u located?

[@avanellehansen4525]

Yes. "Everything happens for a reason". Ugh! What does thatceven mean? Fate?

[@johngibson1256]

Dr Larry Dossey MDS has some awsome best sellers in Positive affirmations and the power of healing words etc. If there is any reason that positive affirmations do not work it is because the person using the affirmation is not giving it potency by holding the positive affirmation in their heart like a prayer. They are being insincere like most people when they say sorry and it has no conviction. It's just an insincere platitude.

[@rainbowbridgerestoration979]

This SHIT is even in our stores with the positive vibes only bulll shit....smh STEP INTO REALITY LIKE THESE LADIES...

[@3rdeyemindz]

Anything you say it is, it isn't ~Alan Watts Vibratory frequencies don't lie ~Me

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

Some of this seems like common sense stuff but to actually put it down to a science and a study, you’ll realize its not as obvious as you think.. we never put these things into consideration or actually implement them.. this is legit behind the scenes stuff👏🏽💯

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

Some of this seems like common sense stuff but to actually put it down to a science and a study, you’ll realize its not as obvious as you think.. we never put these things into consideration or actually implement them.. this is legit behind the scenes stuff👏🏽💯

[@Lonewolfalchemist]

Some of this seems like common sense stuff but to actually put it down to a science and a study, you’ll realize its not as obvious as you think.. we never put these things into consideration or actually implement them.. this is legit behind the scenes stuff👏🏽💯