Podcast 335: Healthy Venting vs. Emotional Dumping

[@josebermea3843]

I need to healthy vent. I appreciate and love you, Caroline for all the time and effort you invested in to helping me clean up my mental mess.

[@freshliving4199]

What’s interesting is that your mental mess is not actually yours. Understanding this will set you free. Where do you think “your “ mental mess came from?

[@priscabaidoo6686]

I like this Dr. Caroline, ' don't brush it under the carpet

[@dee0731]

I love the visual learning tools of the toxic tree and the healthy tree. It really motivates me to set boundaries with toxicity. For years my mother would emotionally dump on me, throughout the past years I have learned to set boundaries with this type of behavior especially when it can affect my brain’s health.

[@artphotography9158]

I experience my husband invalidating by acting like when he hurts me I shouldn’t have a reaction or he thinks it is a choice to have my heart broken or not. And then I don’t get his support and have been going through recovery from multiple heartbreaks and have severe betrayal trauma symptoms that he isn’t trying to be mean , but he doesn’t have empathy or understanding how much it hurts me when he is unfaithful and breaking boundaries and promises…I need to get to a safe environment to full recover because his insistence that I be better right after getting hurt adds to my pain and confusion and feeling more isolated in our home

[@tariqahmed7244]

Well I feel thts a typical pattern of a Covert Narcissist . Somehow u r an empath and a codependent plz make sure u become financially indipendent for life else u will be going through the tantrums . Watch Dr Ramani , on u tube understand Narcivism and their patterns. Be silent , hear and see till u r well educated on topic These r emotional terrorists , Love bombing manipulative , frequent liars, many more . Discarfd , devalue , Gaslighting , abandonmement , silent treatment , using people as spies (flying monkeys ) , smear camps trying to make u come to a decision which favours them else call u names , blame u , shame u . These r their trials. AlWays a Drama etc Plz keep yourself to the min contact beware of the trick he is into . Just smile on yr head and day I know this is xyz trick . For exove bombing or say manipulation .etc going on . Keep a record of it secretly . Use it when u r in front of attorney. These r 6 yrs olds in big bodies . Its NPD . Take care

[@tariqahmed7244]

Well said one can correlate to whts going on or has gone in ones life . Congs to both of u for comming up with this topic . Caroline It means a lot to me after loosing my mother to covid it was shattering for I lost a person who could explain things like u do with yr age and experience . Have been fortunate to watch a couple of podcasts and one being heal yourself

[@paleodigger1]

I divorced the “gaslighter” after 35 years married. He denied that he was doing it. He had major childhood parental issues.

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

LOVE the topic in psychological invalidation. This is my biggest issue with today's "Positivity Culture" which has now rightly been labeled Toxic Positivity

[@lisanicholls2706]

Thank you Ladies, appreciated

[@patarikisoterion9899]

This happened to my wife in our current church situation. One of the elders with whom we took issue with tried to say that what my wife experienced was her perception. In other words he was saying what you experienced with me is not what really happened, just how you believed it happened. Totally invalidating her experience and trying to gaslight her. Fortunately my wife isn’t stupid. And pulled him up concerning his behaviour.

[@paleodigger1]

The term gaslighting is losing its impact because is used too much. It is over applied.

[@tariqahmed7244]

Good she did for many old guys of say 70 80 yrs ones r the Crucks of the problem instead of solving they lovr to dominate yr thoughts

[@amymartin7272]

Thank you for the edifying discussion on this topic.

[@mymentorjane6705]

I appreciate the part at 38:45 when the discussion turns to arguments that go in circles. John Gorman teaches how to distinguish between perpetual issues (which way the toilet paper rolls) and solvable problems (how to spend out income tax refund). He teaches that with perpetual issues, we can agree to disagree but still come up with ground rules on how we’re goi g to solve them. For example, the master bathroom the TP goes one way, in the powder room it goes the other. Silly example but when we step back and recognize what’s happening, we can be more resourceful to solve.

[@beverlypasco262]

Thank you ladies, Lots of great information. I wish the conversation could have slowed down a bit I couldn’t retain it all. For me it turned into data overload.. I really wanted to hang on. Good information poured out too quickly. Nawal Mustafa,.... my first time hearing her, I will look her up. I appreciate this effort perhaps my brain is on slow motion,...😜💝💝😊😊✝️

[@selenatorres1522]

Awesome 👌

[@artphotography9158]

Can you talk about betrayal trauma? I’ve been married to a porn addict and after years of having my heart broken and the complications, etc I’m struggling with severe ptsd symptoms, depression, insomnia, migraines, and trying to get safe but I keep getting threatened and scared with my husband withholding and breaking promises and intimacy anorexia (just recently had this explained that helped both my husband and I understand)

[@marahaquala1686]

I'm shocked there's no mention of the fact that normal healthy communication (Owning your own faults) will not work with a narcissist. Or abusive person if you like that term better.

[@brianabinion]

Exactly. I guess this is more of an example of healthy people handle conflict. Sounds mature and wonderful. I look forward to being with someone mature and loving vs with a narc.

[@Noname-hs5lx]

Some people find it extremely hard to not personalise, catastrophe as well, especially people with personality disorders. I had a dream etc. Yup it’s super bad. Definitely trying to seperate a person from their child’s behaviour.

[@mackenzie4757]

This!😍

[@carrieross4986]

I have a friend who says to me, "you are a strong person!", so then I feel wrong for having the feelings I do. I guess "strong people" aren't needing support.

[@freshliving4199]

Venting is not healthy and you cannot dump emotions. Believing you can do this is what’s keeping you locked in. What are emotions?…and where do they come from?

[@tulettebitner221]

Solution

[@wendywest894]

So I have a son-in-law that is very manipulative very blaming always Gotta be right never takes responsibility always keeps pushing on maybe a word I said wrong doesn’t listen to my response aggravates me to the point after even me saying it is time to leave he keep pushing on what I might’ve said wrong until I react in a way that ends up hurting him with bad words or choices I make….then my daughter calls me and tells me how bad I was. After a period of time I have called and left a message apologizing, taking responsibility for what I said and left it at that. This isn’t the first time we’ve been down this road but since he’s married to my daughter I have to respect her wishes. How do I deal with such a person that really has communication problems?? He I’m not sure how to respond to him anymore I would like rather not to be alone with him again because he twist the story around he adds or takes away the truth of the story actually he goes beyond What the conversation was really about?? I need help please message me

[@mymentorjane6705]

I have a few suggestions. I agree with your thought that you should avoid being alone with him. That’s under your control and you don’t have to explain it. Just leave the room. The second suggestion is similar. When you find yourself highjacked, which is normal, leave the room/space. A simple, “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” Then leave the room. Again, you can control this. This is a stressful situation and it’s a good idea to “drop the rope” and not engage in the conversation because he sounds like someone that can be overpowering. Take care.

[@tariqahmed7244]

Maam to the best of my knowledge he is a Narcissist a covert one likely . Initially he love bombed u and yr daughter got married now he is Gaslighting and playing in the victim card . Thts their favourite pastime. They have these in hand Love bombing Future faking Idealizing Manipulating Smear camps Gaslighting Devaluing Abandoning Discarding Best is u start from Discard be silent even to yr daughter abt u r up to . Educate yourself on Narcists Understand the terms Best is listen to DR Ramani for better understanding . Dont worry Maintain min contact and dont get triggered even if he tries to . For they enjoy . They r 6 yr olds in big bodies They r emotional terrorists . Make yr self emotionally unavailable in tone behaviour words be a person speaking to a one's pc as a mirror . U can speak to them without showing emotions result they will starve wont know wht to do . AlWays put them on the same situation and ask them for solution from them . They will be undone in front of u .