NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS: THE DAMAGE DONE BY MOMS WITH NARCISSISM

[@lillemy4260]

When a child is raised by a narcissist, it seems like the child is raised by a person who actually hates the child and loves to see their own child humiliated and scared.that is just evil in bright daylight.

[@ad.b9724]

U summed it up.. I think of my parents as demon posessed as they just seem evil to me.. no love or empathy, just contempt and spite. Took me so long to understand that as you put it .. they just hate me and wanted me humiliated and scared.. dead even.. .. Hard to understand why.. at the age of 51 I cut my losses because I finally realised that their only intent was to cause me pain and misery... I believe there may be a spiritual component to narcissism.. I feel like I have looked into the face of evil..

[@vickipacheco9787]

My mother was a cruel narcissist. Typical cycles and patterns of abuse.I married at 14 to get out of the Edger Allen Poes chamber of horrors.I was the Daughter who stood up to her.I'm not a punching bag Spiritually,Mental,Physically. She has passed away, I sm still praying to be free truma bonds. Choosing toxic people in my life. I am able,Thank GOD, to send narc's running & toxic people. I now know what Real LOVE is verses Fake. ...PEACE❣️

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes

[@angelau9382]

@@vickipacheco9787 HI VP! If you don't mind me askn...how did you find real vs fake? Or how does one find it?

[@LadyQInspires]

Yes!!

[@childrensreading]

I've been no contact with my narcissistic mother for a year and a half. I can wholeheartedly and honestly say it has been the MOST peaceful year and a half of my entire life.

[@heyhey5368]

Same here! I’m coming up on a year. Everytime I break contact with her I start happily living in peace! I’ve had a terrible relationship with my narcissistic mother since I was about 13, I’m 30 now and although she makes statements like she’s changed.. she most definitely hasn’t. I’ve extended the olive branch too many times- I’m exhausted, I choose my happiness

[@rayecaters2u]

Exactly. It's been almost 1 year for me.

[@SCH292]

Don't be surprise if your mother is doing..."smear campaign" behind your back. I assume that your mother does it because my mom DOES THE SAME THING.

[@lasirius1]

@heyhey5368 God bless you. And they never change. They become smarter and more resentful. They're like parasites and the only way to kill a parasite is to remove the host, which is you. Cut your losses, forgive yourself and begin to heal. The inner child in you deserves his or her peace.

[@goldalevin869]

I felt the same way too when I cut her off.

[@AMNIyes]

I used to think: “I am not abused because I have everything (home, food, etc). I am ungrateful if I DARE to complaint”. - This video showed me that I was wrong. Emotional neglect is as valid as any other type of mistreatment.

[@mav7697]

My mom everytine I alked about my depression, panic attacs I had since day one in this world and anxiety..."but you have everything" and than when that once or twice a yer the argument about my mental healt comes out she always tell me She never heard about that.... and "it's not my fault you're insecure" not commenting every day on my weight or aesthetics...or even eny thing I do Is always wrong...always

[@NegativeMass85]

Same!!!

[@ayowser01]

🙋🏻‍♂️

[@lynnkowalla1315]

It's not just neglect, I think, it's active mental torment

[@ladennayoung2939]

Right. Same here. I truly thank God for this info and the healing journey and transformation that HE has put and allowed me to be on in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN. I pray your strength in the LORD. FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD IS YOUR STRENGTH. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NONE LIKE HIM. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. AND AMEN. 💜🩵💙

[@sharischwartz5909]

My mother died over a year ago and I have not grieved one day. I have so much anger toward her for treating me with such disdain. I tried to be the good daughter my entire life and she didn't respect that. She told me she was jealous of me when I was a teen and allowed my stepfather to mentally abuse me. When a parent does not protect the child, that child spends a lifetime trying to heal.

[@faticus5369]

I feel the same way, betrayed. Mother just died past May 2023. Got to keep it simple. Hang in.

[@jennifermihic4630]

Same thing happened to me. What a relief it was to not have her constantly berating me. I'm finally free.

[@Cricket2731]

​@@jennifermihic4630, This may sound odd, but I've been waiting for my mother to die for many, many years. My father died in 2006. Strangely enough, I've been able to forgive him, as he gave me more positive attention than my mother did.

[@vickimundis8756]

Absolutely...right there with you

[@marivposa9640]

I'm very sorry. But remember, once we are no longer a dependent child, we have our own choice. It's okay. We can choose for our own self; speak to our child version thanking him/her for doing their best; and letting them know that we are now safe; we are grateful, grown and ready to take responsibility as the adult we are now. It's hard working on ourselves, but it is worth the effort and the results! Being our own best friend; kind and compassionate, knowing it's okay to be who we are and most importantly, being at peace with ourselves. Many people here on youtube teach speaking positively to our self, kindness, compassion, and healing meditation. If interested, look for #marisapeer , #sisterbkshivani , #seanfargo , if you are interested in learning about intuition and angels #soniachoquette and biblical teachings lately I'm listening to #PeggyJoyceRuthMinistries she is very easy to follow and understand. Hope this helps a little. And knowing you are Loved ❤

[@shirleyfrost9909]

My Narc mother dead over 20 years. Me at 70 still dealing with the hurt and pain. It takes time to learn to love ourselves. Hang in there everyone. I love You. 💜

[@hutdweller7430]

What does that even mean? Loving ourselves sounds abstract...

[@GergPurd]

The LOVe is Mutual Shirley. Bless you ! ❤‍🩹

[@DirtyJamesUK]

Loving inwardly isn't good advice IMHO. Those who love inwardly tend to always be unhappy. Or happy for short periods. They become insatiable. Unsatisfy-able. Love should be shared with others that share it back.

[@joycomesinthemorning2043]

Love you and even more importantly, Jesus loves you and He always has! God bless you!

[@Katrn30]

@@hutdweller7430 I used to be confused by ‘loving yourself’ too. It took a lifetime to realize we need to treat ourselves like we treated others. Take care of our health, allow ourselves to rest, and learn to say no. Allow ourselves to have fun. Too many victims of narcs are exhausted from caring for everyone else but themselves.

[@realhealing7802]

Narcissistic parents cannot love. Without love you can't parent.

[@realhealing7802]

❤️

[@kiskakuznetsova503]

Too true. My mother would shower others with attention, money, etc. and gloat when I learned about it as if to say, "See, I can actually love but you are the one that cannot be loved, it's your fault that you have a negligent mother, you earned no love". It made me laugh because none of those people ever lived with her 24/7 and the men she lived with always had the upper hand so she wasn't going to bite the hand that housed and fed her (and funded her gifts to other, more "deserving" people). She knew she couldn't love and she also knew that her own mother didn't show her much love which I saw and it made me deeply sad for her. My mother even abused me to get attention from her mother. When I became an adult I learned that I could be loved and that I could love (my mother always said that I had the inability to love, which is a weird accusation), I wasn't damaged by them, just saddened and deeply confused. I cannot understand not feeling love, my experience with my abusive family is that real, authentic love prevents these monsters and heals the pain they inflict.

[@timothysmcnamara5925]

@Dans white that is a genius-level insight. The worst thing is sons grow up being attracted to these types of women.

[@breaujah]

Moment Of Silence ...As I Have To Raise A Disabled Child Alone Without Knowing How To Love Properly Because I Was Raised By A Narcissistic Mother / Grandmother And To My Dad Part Time I'm Emotional As I Type This Message Cause IVe Been Emotionally Abandoned And Abused Feels Like By The One Person That Brought Me Into This World Lord What Am I Gonna Do ...I Need A Break My Soul Expired Years Ago

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes they're huge control freaks

[@touchedbyfire99]

I am 62 years old and still dealing with these wounds. Never in a million years did I think my mother would still be alive poisoning this earth for 87 years and still no end in sight. I am trying hard not to engage in painful interactions with her but I have so much unhealed rage which is easily triggered. Intellectually I know what to expect but there is still the child inside feeling pain.

[@CristinaAcosta]

Im 63 and she’s still at it for 87 years. Unbelievable

[@touchedbyfire99]

@@CristinaAcosta totally feel Your pain and relate. It truly is unbelievable.

[@touchedbyfire99]

I actually fantasize about her death - that is how much I long to be free.

[@Virgochik]

@@CristinaAcosta I'm 64, she's almost 88. You know the saying, the mean get meaner.

[@jennylewis8732]

Why do the good people pass before them?? I swear my mother made my father sick and he passed. (He was the kindest soul) She is 79 and really an awful person. Seems to get worse as she gets older. The gaslighting, invalidation, etc… I’m grateful it stops with me. I have two daughters that I love with all my heart. My mother blames me for her awful relationship with my girls. So ridiculous.

[@MJ-yo4jb]

"The children of narcissists do not stop loving their mothers -they stop loving themselves." Nor sure where I read that, but seems apt for many.

[@LightBeingsBE]

No they heal, they learn and love themselves once they figure out their parent was the problem not them. My mom is on ice and I’m so in love with me!💜

[@lynnkowalla1315]

That is clever. Sums up the battle to heal.

[@louisemorgan3237]

Oh yeah

[@PatSnoop]

Pete Walker

[@NFTeve]

Yikes. Ouch.

[@ZanePrice-hd5gj]

I used to think that I was a bad person for hating my mom. Now i know why..

[@christianmills7728]

No way!!! I feel exactly the same

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

"Narcissistic" is too kind of a word. They're a word that no one wants to use anymore, WHICH IS CALLED "EVIL."

[@shoppertattoo]

My mom checks every box of narcissism. I believe she is the worst kind of narcissist- malignant. She does bad things on purpose and gets off on watching other people suffer all while being the victim. I have been no contact for almost a year and it has been the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s sad that I feel I have no family anymore but I’d rather be alone than have to deal with her anymore

[@ladennayoung2939]

All people with NPD act like this and my family is full of them. Trust me I know and technically you are alone if you are the healthy minded one. The rest of them just go along with it most of the time.

[@christinepride4155]

I’m sorry for your pain, but understand when you talk about the loneliness. Yes, it’s 100% lonely. I’ve been in no contact for 5 years. I did allow them to connect with me last year, and thought they changed. It was the worst mistake of my life. I’m back in no contact. You have to take care of you, and make sure you surround yourself with healthy people.

[@NevillesRightHand1905]

We're sitting in the same boat. You just described my "mother" to a tee! I actually moved to the U.S from Europe to get away. I just feel forgiveness will induce all our healing ... but it is just so dang hard after all they've been doing to us. Patience and cultivating self love must be our main focus. I know we can be whole again, and I'm sending you and everyone reading this lots of love and healing energy 💖🙏💫

[@AnAdorableWombat1]

It is so sad😢

[@dfield3dg]

This is exactly how my mother is, and the same way she makes me feel. Extreme gaslighting, plays victim, and then involves others to sustain her position of control. I’m sorry you ever had to deal with this. God knows I wish I never ever had to endure this pain and suffering while trying not to hate her. But she makes it very difficult.

[@missrobynlouise]

My mother makes me feel unwanted. I finally found the courage today to confront her for all the narcissistic abuse she has done to me. I've now cut her out my life.

[@jenrich111]

Grieve the loss of never getting that love she still decided to deny you..

[@polkadot9866]

I went no contact in December with narcissist mom. It's so freeing...and once I stop the ongoing perpetual abuse, I'm healing in leaps and bounds. I think the no contact is the last stage to heal. 👍 Good for us. 💕

[@PiaPessoa31]

It truly is. I am finally living the life I’ve always wanted without the need for her validation, criticism or approval. So freeing 🙏🏾

[@huynhh.1822]

I only exist when my narc mother needs something

[@taralilarose1]

A dog is much more loyal and loving. I hope you find peace, love, and joy.

[@carolynjaynes9094]

No contact with my mother has given me peace, freedom, and safety from emotional abuse. I feel liberated.

[@keiwinnmitchell3212]

I had to walk away from my father. I felt the same.

[@Spirits2000]

I call it a Very Long Long Vacation away from the Head Games.

[@Just_Peachy8777]

I can understand how you feel. It is a struggle for me. My mother is 87 and I am the only daughter than will help her at all. She was a very controlling and mean mother, most of the time

[@nataliemobley4679]

Good for you!!!!!! Wish I could do the same but I am disabled and can't live alone.

[@crystalburkhardt]

Same here

[@annking8633]

Some mothers nurture their young, others devour them. I raised my daughter polar opposite of how my narcassistic parents raised me. She's happy and well adjusted. I love her with all of my heart.

[@ameliaannhouck2670]

good for you, I never had children as i was terrified i would be like my mother , so no I will never ever have children , it terrified me to think i would be like her!

[@kggr8458]

Ditto, Ann, ditto exactly. thx for sharing

[@LightBeingsBE]

Wow!! How old were you when she was born and did you have a husband or stay at home to keep focused and balanced?

[@silentladyd]

I'm so happy to hear how much you love your child! As for me, I am afraid that I wouldn't know how to show it, being raised by a blank face, even I feel my face blank, and have the voice of my mother which I hate hearing, it's like hearing her. The thought of having children is also terrifying! Maybe because I had to be like an adult to my mother from a very young age, I had to fend for myself, listen to her cries, be her friend and therapist, that the very thought of having to take care of a needy human again makes me panic.

[@donapaulin2600]

Me as well. Conscience decision to break the cycle. ♥

[@cmickie3296]

Being raised by a narcissistic Mom leaves a daughter feeling invisible. Unseen, invalidated, unsure. The only constant in the emptiness she Carries, and the accompanying self-doubt.

[@alondra2317]

This made me cry so hard because it’s exactly how I feel 😭 What did I do to deserve all of it? 😭😭

[@queentrinicorn9441]

@@alondra2317mine says I didn’t “do anything,” seems like that’s what I was created for

[@musicandpoetry_8]

And blamed constantly because the mother is so close minded and not willing to see the whole picture..she doesn’t hear me

[@Iknowgia_222]

I’m 27 and only just found out my mother is a narcissist.😢It’s heartbreaking but it all makes sense. My lack of confidence, settling for the bare minimum in jobs/relationships and not being able to make a decision?? I feel like I’ve been reborn. I confronted her but she was still able to spin it all around on me so I’ve gone no contact for now. The comments are really getting me through!

[@zethumpama9653]

Atleast you can go no contact...unfortunately I can't for now

[@jraelien5798]

@@Iknowgia_222 Don't worry, it took me a LOT longer to figure mine out. You're going to be fine. Knowing is half the battle. Be strong and compassionate.

[@jraelien5798]

@@zethumpama9653 Me neither. But I can shield myself and live my life. I just hurt for those others she brings so much pain to. How do you deal with yours?

[@Iknowgia_222]

@@jraelien5798 Shielding yourself is very important. I moved thousands of miles away but she still finds way to control and manipulate me. I tried to stay no contact but it’s impossible. I just try not to expect too much and let her win everything 😭

[@squamoza]

My mom was narcissistic also I feel like she has been jealous of me since I was a toddler

[@Dbb27]

My mother told me she was much prettier than I was when she was my age. I was 16 I think at the time.

[@annking8633]

I get the jealousy factor. Same here. Now I just toy with her.

[@nowyouknowrealestate5703]

Oh it’s not a “feeling”, it’s a fact. If you are thinking this, you aren’t making it up in your head. My mom hated me from the day I was born and has always been jealous and envious of me. It’s crazy, all I wanted was to love her and be loved by her; but she made it impossible.

[@Ellis_B]

Is she selfish

[@myob4ever]

Same with me! My mother has to have every single thing I do. She ignored me for 3 months straight when my husband got me a discontinued purse that she couldn’t find (he bought it for me because he liked it, not even knowing it was rare). She loved when she was skinnier than me and now hates that I am skinnier than her now.

[@Thomas_Winters]

I remember having a mental breakdown in my room while I was trying to tell my mom about the stuff that was stuck in my head. Stuff that confused me about the stuff she did. I wanted clarification but she couldn’t answer any of my questions. She just sat and listened. I told her that I felt like she “dragged me along like a dog on a leash.” When I looked at her she just smirked at me with a little “hm”. Her eyes scared me. She tried to rub my shoulder but when ever she touches me I feel ill so I asked her to just pat me on the head. The touch is brief and it’s easier than just telling her not to touch me. She is an awful woman.

[@SuzkaMares]

I had a similar experience. I couldn't stand my mother touching me. She only tried to console me after verbally abusing and or acting very cruel. When i would break down, she would try to console, but it never felt genuine.

[@agathaprado2]

I had the same experience. It’s sooo frustrating

[@reeharris8426]

I did the same thing. My mom laughed at me & called me crazy.

[@ivanaandmamma1959]

I never confronted her but I know her patterns now

[@Ashlie287]

I'm dealing with the same thing and it's agony tbh. Just can't stand it anymore

[@lisette1976]

My mom was raised by a narcissistic mother. While my mom has tried her best to do better than her mom, some of the toxic traits her mom had she ended up repeating. I try not to resent my mom because alot of her issues are not her fault. I have also accepted that this generational trauma is not my fault either. I choose to move forward and do better for my future kids❤

[@AndreiFantastic]

What kind of traits? That’s my biggest fear with my kids. Even if I’m trying really hard and am very different from my own mother I feel there’s probably still parts of me that are toxic

[@lisette1976]

@@AndreiFantastic for example if I get her mad she’ll say “if I die it’ll be because of you” and then turn around and apologize for it AFTER the damage is done. Like she recognizes that she says hurtful things but in the heat of the moment none of it seems to matter.

[@jasminschmalzl9734]

@@lisette1976 now we need the context too to seek out, what did happen and in what situation and for what reason your mother did say that. Did you treat her? Was there a situation were your mother could have felt treatened by you? Did you say something to trigger her? Cause sorry to tell you, but the environment is also responsible and has to take care of what they are saying. Always remember that your mother was a victim of abuse and those get triggered easily. And some unlucky and/or thougtless choice of wording (without or with a certain situation) can trigger it.

[@lisaliza7009]

Lissett when had the same type. I think my mom tried to do better but at 85 it still crops up. I am exceptionally kind and don't let her get to me anymore I am grown and responsible for my own healing. And my issues are minor compared to what some go through

[@a.mom4life]

You are a wise soul!! Thank you for recognizing that past generational traumas cause some mothers to fall into default mode.

[@deedm5480]

Been 9 years away from my mother and it’s been the absolute best. Hearing my own voice and opinions without judgement or abandonment has saved my life. I’m grateful to know who she is fully. Never again. 🙏🏾❤️

[@nataliemobley4679]

Good for you girl!!!! I wish I could do that, but I am disabled and can't live alone 😢. Bless you 🙏 ♥️

[@LadyLipgloss-22]

Yust like me! Its a gift to not here that hately voice ho is lying and manipulate others ,I first never thought I can ,but when i was done with her i was done! I can eet again! And i sleep again! She took my life from me u never get that back but the winning part is, Im free from that hell she is.

[@nickadams1519]

Sending Love ❤️....Are you single? ❤️😊

[@Dawngrands]

No contact with my narcissistic mother for 12 years and counting 🎉🥳

[@janecourtenay3676]

You have just described my life. I had to walk away from my Mother to survive, and upon hearing of her death, I have not shed a tear.

[@lasirius1]

That's what people find strange with me. But she's your mother, they say. To me, mother is justba title, it does not entitle them to abuse you and I'm tired of hurting. How can you really cry over someone you never really knew?

[@j-life8502]

@lasirius1 oh wow 👌 it's like your in my head. Agreed. Its so incredibly wierd the moment you realize your losing someone you didn't know. My Mom has been icing me and spreading lies , since this past November when I told her some things about my brother being a child molester... I remeber us moving so he wouldn't get caught ! She has had multiple people tell her horror stories. Now I know she absolutely KNEW!! he is now a Meth addict and she supports him..... she has said some ridiculous 🙄 things about me and is down right violent , she turned my dad and family against me. I am mourning the loss , but I want nothing to do with theses people . They protect a monster . I have a great husband and 3 super kids. We live in TX now and I'm glad she is 2k miles away! Here is to healing friend ❤️ 💕

[@janetmcintire2049]

My mother has not yet died and I have no desire to see her or attend her funeral. My whole family of origin are narcissistic and I have no intentions of speaking to any of them ever again. My only regret is I didn't go no contact much sooner. It's been 3 years and the best decision I ever made

[@ellenlevenson7831]

Good think you did. Mine criticized me from her death bed.

[@Galen-864]

​@@ellenlevenson7831 The last words my 88 yo narc mother spoke as she was dying was a lie about me to my brother. I had cut her off years before after a lifetime of nothing but misery and pain.

[@lteller4445]

My mother was a true narcissist. I went on to marry a narc and have a relationship with one. The blinders are off now, but I' 61 years old and have screwed up my entire life due to the lack of caring from the one person who should have loved me unconditionally. I've often think of what I could have become had I been raised by someone who cared about me.

[@xMrjamjam]

You still have breath im your body, dont let them win. You giving up on your authentic self is what they aimed for from the start

[@seriouscat2231]

"Unconditional love" and "authentic self" are dangerous myths. A healthy child is open to the environment, which then provides reasonable challenges and possibilities. Overcoming those with the help of significant others is what love is and makes up the personality (me for others), which processed and summarized makes up the self (me for myself). Being raised by a narcissist is a war of "authentic selves", which is the war of nothings.

[@lteller4445]

@@seriouscat2231 I disagree. I don't believe unconditional love is a myth at all.

[@seriouscat2231]

@@lteller4445, then please define it. Tell me what it means, or rather, what it is.

[@Authenticallyathena]

I had the same situation... I'm just working really hard to make sure my kids don't experience the same.

[@weloveourkittens]

33+ years of no contact with a very evil narcisstic mother. Both my brothers turned out to be narcissists. It was the best decision I could make to walk away permanently from the abuse and my family of orgin. I termed it, divorcing my family. God was with me through it all. God brought me out of the hellish pit and planted my feet firmly on the ground and established my goings. God knows, sees, loves and cares. I am no longer a people pleasing doormat that people use and abuse. I am now a strong and self reliant 66 year old woman who is very content with her peaceful life.

[@jraelien5798]

@@weloveourkittens Good for you! Healing and growing is wonderful. ✌️

[@sixstringblitz100985]

I asked my mom for support while going though a mental breakdown, she proceeded to start telling me about her work day suggesting that her problems are worse (shes a meat wrapper in a grocery store) attempting to make me feel bad for complaining. All I wanted was a hug..she didnt have time because she leaves for vacation in a week..she was screaming at me by the end of the conversation because I kept trying to insist I wasnt ok..just wanted a hug 😢

[@sixstringblitz100985]

Ironically I have two well adjusted sisters, one of which has admitted cryptically from her golden child position that mom will never change. 😑

[@Sunnyd222]

I know exactly what this feels like. They are so selfish they can’t even see sometimes all someone needs is to be embraced and supported

[@Katrn30]

@@jaymarx8927I feel the same way. I am 66 and my mother is still alive, and she is the one person I cannot imagine hugging. Believe me a narcissist never gets better…

[@alouise3557]

I was misdiagnosed with "most likely lung cancer" last year. My mother saw me in the darkest place I've ever been in, and in the midst of it, my alcoholic boyfriend was out of control. Even drunk, it was as if he was my only hope to want to live. My mother threw a tantrum in my car and punched the dashboard as I was in route to see a surgeon about possibly removing part of my lung. I found out I don't have lung cancer but it was a surreal awakening of how coldhearted my mother really is. My father also ended up screaming at me about what my depression was doing to my mother, and threatened me for the millionth time in my life that my mother might die of a heart attack because of me. All while I was a kid, both parents told me that back talking them could make me responsible for their deaths. After my cancer scare my boyfriend, who I loved more than life itself (literally) ended up putting me through the worst abuse of my life and now I'm in a tornado of a trauma bond that's so bad I feel like I'm unable to get out. My mother is cold, self centered and when I finally broke down and told her how bad my father and her hurt me, the humiliating & demeaning "OH KNOCK IT OFF!" came out. I was hysterical at one point and it didn't even affect her. You could hear the disgust in her voice. I'm sickened at the thought of how little I've been loved in my life.

[@quebrandomitos5910]

You are not alone, just bad luck actually.

[@bec472]

I just got off a call with my therapist as I explained to him how my mother had zero compassion for me, not once ever. I remembered as a 9 year old child after having a bicycle accident and wanting some comfort from my mother, she accused me of being dramatic as I was dripping with blood after coming around from unconsciousness. Retelling this memory out loud just released so much sadness for my younger self. That poor girl didn’t have anyone to turn to and received zero empathy from a person who was meant to do exactly that. It’s disgusting how people like her can treat their own children. I’m so angry and hurt.

[@alouise3557]

Wow. Your comment made me remember when my mom used to make my sisters and I lay on the countertop so she could wash our hair in the sink. She would scrub our heads to the point of pain and if we said that it hurt, we'd get yelled at. No compassion, and she wouldn't stop. I didn't get hurt often as a kid but as an adult, I think back on intense heartbreaks I suffered and I do not remember her ever hugging me or telling me sincerely that she loved me. She would hear me talking about my broken heart and bark at me, "Now STOP THAT!" I'd literally be SHAMED. I just got out of the most Narcissistically abusive relationship of my life and my mother has been the catalyst in making me realize it was not only my boyfriend who tortured me, it was both my Narcissist mother and my severely controlling father who mindfk'd me my whole life. I'm disgusted when I think back to last year when I thought I had cancer and my mother became IRATE at my depression, punched my dashboard and began screaming at me for what my health was doing TO HER. I had to get a lung biopsy, and while in the hospital, she attempted to shame me to my doctors. I am nearly 50 years old. I can't believe the GUILT I've always carried any time I've upset her or my manipulative controlling father. The way they've both treated me, as they played off eachothers' demands for attention, is reprehensible, but my whole life they've brainwashed me into believing that I owed them my life, owed them the ability to question everything I do with NO BOUNDARIES, and had to put their own needs and wants above my own. I've been a coward and full of shame. To make matters worse, I grew up in a cult and was brainwashed since birth to never feel good enough, and that I was a dirty sinner who deserved no love or forgiveness from God. On top of that, my father was an alcoholic. I honestly do not know how the fk I could expect any happiness in my life. I've been doomed since I was born, and I mean that literally. Being taught that God himself will reject you for having angry thoughts, along with having a father with alcoholism, a mother with Narcissism & my dad's extreme Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder traits, there is literally no way for me to ever "heal" or rewire my brain. I didn't ask for this and neither did you. I hope you're able to get healing though, as my own journey doesn't look promising.

[@caithimhjoe2135]

@bec472 You are heard. I had a motorcycle accident there a couple of months ago. My mother went around my house while I was screaming with pain in my room, giving out about how untidy I was while my knee was bleeding from road rash and my ankle had torn ligaments. Then tried to say I was abusive when I told her to get a fucking ambulance

[@jamimoor7311]

Every time i try to share my feelings with my mother, she comes back on me with everything wrong I've ever done in my life. And how I'm her greatest disappointment and failure in her life. I'm 47 and it's never gotten any better and doubt it ever will

[@gailrobinson3853]

This is me now, also 47. 😢

[@annlatham]

I would cut her out of your life immediately. It may seem harsh but necessary for your mental health.

[@LeRoySwart-p3t]

I saw this video only now, grew up under the same type of a mother. I forgave my died first prior to him passing away and shortly after forgave my mother as well without her knowing. Forgave myself also and this set me free. Stop trying to share your feelings with people like this, accept that they are unfortunately wrong. Live your life and tell yourself that such a parent is not there to be found anymore, this was my answer with my mom in a set of 3 dreams confirming that she was not available anymore for correction. She passed away this year January and I do not miss her, very sad. Go on with you life, forgive truly and be happy that you have true feelings in life.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

I have mental health struggles and instead of emotionally supporting me she says “call the doctor because your meds aren’t working”..she’s so heartless

[@musicandpoetry_8]

And she says it so angrily to me, she’s a witch

[@catritz]

*Truly interesting and perplexing* ... As a child, I went into survivor mode and avoided my family, like one would avoid bullies in a school yard. Shadows were my friend... Sometimes I would challenge them, having full knowledge of the consequences... I lost but ironically, asserting myself felt good. Full grown, a friend asked me if I ever had my heart broken, after she spoke of former boyfriends and crushes... After some thought. I said, "My family broke my heart".

[@shoppertattoo]

I relate to being in survivor mode entirely. When I realized my mom was a narcissist I went back over my childhood and understood I had been trying to avoid her my whole life. I wasn’t afraid to stand up to her but I faced judgment from everyone around me who thought I was mean to my mom when I was merely being honest. I’m sorry for all of us in the comments here

[@goldn_k]

@@shoppertattoo Same here ❤

[@nickadams1519]

@@shoppertattoo Sending Love ❤️...Are you single? ❤️😊

[@greycymartinez3206]

Wow , exactly what i’m going through right now. 💔❤️‍🩹

[@NehaSharma-777]

​@@shoppertattoowow . We ler same childhood

[@rosehill3884]

My mother fits all the traits. I fit all the traits of being raised by a narcissist until I got mad enough to learn how to validate myself changed everything and found success. Once you learn your valuable and your feelings are right and really lean into that you can make it to the other side. Be fearless and kind.

[@sandrapersaud3105]

My mother also fits all the traits. My father started enabling her as he didn't know how to deal with the situation and now my siblings have continued the tradition. I am the oldest of seven and in my mid sixties but it has taken me decades to get away where i am today. They weren't abused as i was but i had to free myself from the toxic environment that is my family. I moved to a small town and is "no contract" with my parents and siblings.

[@tooakki]

Same.

[@poojakumbhar9862]

Help me

[@earthrooster1969]

Loved your conclusion...be fearless and kind!!! 💞

[@mattgoodmangoodmanlawnmowi2454]

Much Love, Honor & Resoect I am a witness to your Truth. Matt’s dad Dan

[@anibananii8818]

Nothing is worse than being raised by a narcisist. NOTHING. I have so much more struggles in life than i should of had..i wouldnt wish this on anyone. I dont feel like im ready for life and to be an adult cuz she held me back for so so long. God if i ever have kids i would raise them so well 🥺 let them be free and independent.. controlling mothers ruin everything

[@Itsaslotmachine]

I totally agree! And I’m really struggling in life too due to what happened. It made me into a co-dependent adult

[@oppressednolonger1497]

you will be unlikely to treat them the way you were reared.

[@bandouche5654]

Our mothers' struggle is none of our business.They are grown adults with freedom of choice to act diabolically or with love and compassion, not repeating what they endured from their parents.Children are not to be objects of satanic revenge, with the pretext of past trauma.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

But as their children, we have to work and fix ourselves after the damage they’ve caused from not helping themselves 😅it’s unfair but they’re so emotionally stunted, they don’t get it

[@ThePortalTheory]

I grew up w a narcissistic mother and I'm pissed off. The only good thing I got well 2 things is .. now I understand a lot of things that happened and I know what NOT to do to my kids. It's absolutely horrible having a parent that says to you " I shouldn't have ever gotten married and had kids." I told her "thank you for being honest." I cried a lot this holiday feeling sorry for myself and pissed I was cheated. Awful awful and I feel for any of you reading this going through it. You are not alone. ❤️ to all.

[@debrahigh7968]

AMEN! I'm sending you love and light...you have had my same experiences.

[@princesslola9449]

As a woman who can’t have babies reading this makes so sad for you and angry for me. You deserved better. I don’t know why bad things happen. I’m sending you positive vibes. I hope you can heal soon. Being angry is part of grief.

[@susanhartline7539]

I get it! Happy Mother's Day to you - doing it differently!! 🤗💐🌻

[@kathywatson7822]

But now you see the truth. Focus on that and your well being. Positivity attracts positivity. It will shine through.

[@nickadams1519]

@@kathywatson7822 Sending Love ❤️...Are you single?😊❤️

[@jewlzn7130]

I feel deep shame about myself. I always want to hide and ive always been so shy. IF I like someone I want to hide. Hide. The resentment. The resentment because I now realize how poor my childhood was. How badly affected I was by the constant criticism and the lack of love. I am in therapy now. Its just hard

[@Karsyn_Marie]

Same

[@janecourtenay3676]

Big hugs ❤

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

I avoid and hide from people that I want to be friends with. Is that effed up, or what? And people who actually WANT to be friends with me, don't get to have my friendship, so they lose, too. Hugs, dear.

[@laurac.9322]

I grew up in therappe and counsler rooms.

[@princesslola9449]

@@laurac.9322 and did any of those therapists work out the one who needed it wasn’t you? That’s so bad. I’m so sorry.

[@marynorton6068]

I’m at the point where I just mess with my narc mother. Now I’m an adult and she can’t control me like she used to. I’m a type A high achiever and even though she doesn’t care about me she LOVES boasting about my achievements/job etc. So I told her I quit to be a stay at home mom (which is an important job imo). She lost her marbles (she was a stay at home mom btw). She’s called me a failure, an embarrassment, how ashamed she is. Wait til Xmas day when I change my LinkedIn to “homemaker” so all the people she’s currently hiding it from will find out😂😂😂😂😂

[@joanyacey6840]

😂omg how funny how your treating all this lol

[@IndianOutlaw1870]

My mother used to brag about me when I was in my 20s because I got a job at IBM, which was a prestigious company at one time. Well, I quit my job because I hated it. She never again informed me of a family event that was outside her home. She wouldn't even tell me when people died, because I'd become, evidently, an embarrassment to her, and me showing up at a funeral would have been a blow to her image. You can't make this stuff up.

[@conniehayes4957]

I feel for all these people. It crushes them

[@mr.makedonija2627]

Homemaker is the most rewarding job their is for a woman.

[@empressbutterfly]

🤣🤣😘

[@lesleyewen-foster3629]

I felt guilty when my mother died because I felt relieved not sad. Trying to deal with her and my husband (he's very much like her) was constant stress and misery. One day I realized that they fought with each other for control of me. Neither one of them ever cared they were doing to me. I am now happily divorced but I can't imagine trusting anyone again. Alone is better than abused.

[@rashnaali9824]

Sending you love please open your heart to the possibility

[@KY-jb4vd]

I also married a malignant narcissist after being raised by a grandiose (father) and now I realize - neglectful narcissistic mother. My sister and I were close until I met my husband, where the fighting began. At first with my husband, then ultimately with me when I 'chose' him over my sister according to her. She actually said to my husband in the driveway as she stormed off 'you win. you can have her'. Like I was a chattel. I was by then onto her and her toxic ways but still naive to my husband's controlling and authoritarian narcissism. I now see them all so much more clearly, sadly. It makes me want to live like a hermit with a dog and cat as I clearly am a magnet for these types of people.

[@touchedbyfire99]

I had a similar situation in my late teens. My boyfriend -whom I loved desperately -and my mother became embroiled in a titanic struggle with me in the middle. She tormented me constantly, thought of all different ways to punish me including beatings to give him up. She made me think he was the crazy one but now I understand that he was trying to save me from her. I finally gave in to her and let him go but there is not a day of my life that I don’t think about him and wish I had taken a different path.

[@Girlinterupted]

I’ve never heard ”I love you” or really been acknowledged or felt like I could go to my mother. She was not safe. She was volatile, she would lash out, cry, be angry or completely shut down and walk around being passive aggressive.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

I’ve only heard I’m proud of you when I’ve done something that she approves of, just conditional love :( it’s never I’m proud and love you for just being you

[@musicandpoetry_8]

And sorry you’re going through that :( I never want to be like my mom

[@realhealing7802]

Thank you soo much for validating my experience. If I wasn't working for love and acceptance, I was completely valueless in my toxic family. I was forced to be my mother's emotional regulator and therapist. It was an awful experience. When you grow up in a toxic family system, you will normalize abusive behavior.

[@DrKimSage]

I am so sorry and yes, we normalize so much hurt...sending love and healing to you this morning.❤

[@realhealing7802]

@@DrKimSage ❤️

[@candeecooper8632]

Oh my gosh, so very true!!! It's the most difficult situation and the most difficult people I have ever dealt with in my life. Strangely, my awareness also come from the praise I get and the true friends I have due to the real me!! People everywhere compliment my spirit and kindness. Its natural to me, but, also developed over years of living far away from my family. Im closer now and I didn't realize why it was so very hard for me to move home, I cried the whole way, it took me 4 days for a 2 day trip because I must have know what was on the horizon!!

[@earthrooster1969]

How true! We are groomed to 'normalise' the abuse we had to endure...

[@BobbiGail]

My mother's therapist. Yeah. But just a listener, bc it's not like she would take any suggestions to change her situation. Just a place to complain to. And then I find I make 'friends' w ppl who also do this (to me. I allow them, and still don't know how to cut it out. I dont want to hurt feelings).

[@Ash_Aszhari]

The horrible thing, which I personally experienced, is when your narcissistic parent chooses just one child to 'victimise'. It's like you're raised by different mothers, and experience different childhoods, despite having the same mother. And because your siblings are only children, they don't notice what's happening, because it's not happening to them. Or they dissociate because as long as it's not happening to them, they're safe. Then as adults, when you try to open up to your siblings about what went on, they gaslight you, or blame you. Tell you it's in your head. That you're too sensitive. That she was never like that with them, therefore how could she be like that to you. That you're despicable for even suggesting that your mother is some kind of bad person. It can be very lonely.

[@anonymouse991]

Wow, this comment spoke to me, I can relate completely.

[@JustMe-jj9zw]

I relate too. She seems like a completely different Mother even today that we are all adults. Neglect vs codependency.

[@theoptimist6041]

Exactly

[@musicandpoetry_8]

This! My siblings side with my mom and attack me like she does and do not listen to my point of view, it’s so painful

[@terryadams5536]

This was my childhood and adulthood. I'm 49yrs old just realized my mother and sister are narcissist. They talk about me together, they both treat me the same. I'm angry and hurt. My mother has the family divided. If I try and talk to her. She yells and screams at me so loud. It just breaks my heart. I can't even express my feelings to her. She just shuts it down.

[@katiekade7615]

The most painful experience ever was being raised by a narcissistic mother; the sad part is it took many years of therapy to fully assess the damage. SMH! Great video, very informative and affirming.

[@D-to-the-V]

Im 40. It's been a long hard journey. I'm finally accepting the quite harsh reality i faced as a boy, growing up with a narcissistic mother. I have never lasted more than a few years in any relationship and they have often become extremely toxic and truama causing. I am filled with a deep shame. Ive had it my whole life. When i went off the rails as a teenager, my mum then pointed the finger at me and said "see, he's a bad boy". Shame on top of shame. Its been really tough coming to grips with it all. Ive pushed numerous good women away. Clung onto the toxic ones. I dont resent my mum. I pity her, in a way. She must have been so unhappy. Im so grateful to videos like these. Help me to ground myself when i have them doubting, self hating days. Thank you.

[@Michael-db4sn]

I'm 36 and male and have always felt like I have to fix everyone and be there for everyone but myself. I learned self neglect from the neglect I had from my narcisistic mother.

[@DisposableEgo]

My malignant narcissist mother died in 2016. The damage she wrought remains unresolved.

[@hannaheller3689]

Today my therapist asked me if I thought my mom did her best raising me. I replied with “she did her best to keep me safe, but not her best to keep me happy.” What you said about living in the biggest house on the hill, that really resonated with me.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

This! I had a nice house, food on the table and a warm bed but my mom hated me for just being me and know even more so in my adulthood

[@JOHNTHEWHISK]

my highly narcissistic mom always invalidated me and usually ignored me. and i forgave her for that. but what i didn't forgive her for, years later, was her clear DELIGHT in my suffering an abusive ex partner who was putting me through h*ll. She laughed at my pain, laughed when i was sobbing, and never admitted that he was an abuser - she wouldn't give me that. She'd use every other word to describe him but never narc or abuser. I stopped talking to her for good after she said on the phone "well, you let him get to you". i threw the phone against the wall, and that was it. haven't spoken to her since. dont intend to.

[@ROYALROCKETRONIN]

My narcissistic mother WATCHED me get sexually assaulted by my eldest sister’s ex-boyfriend….and she did NOTHING at all. Once my high school boyfriend punched me in the face and knocked me out cold. He broke my nose and I had black eyes for a month. I was never offered any medical attention. In fact, she told me “I’m not sure why he did it….but I’m sure you deserved it.” I NEVER heard “I love you” or “I’m proud of you”….but I heard a lot of “You look like horrible/like a boy/ like a slut/ like a slob, etc”. I’m 63 and still a complete mess. I’ve struggled my whole life in every single area. I don’t think I deserved any of that.

[@mday3821]

Thank you for saying it's not fair. I'm tried of people telling me life's not fair not even realizing that having a Covert/Malignant narcissistic mother goes way beyond that.

[@Thomas_Winters]

“Everybody has struggles.” “It doesn’t matter.” “She’s not here now.” “Oh this again?” “Figure out what you want to do in life.” “Every family has drama.” “Oh no, you’re fine.” “How are you lonely??” “Stop laying in bed all the time.” “Go outside and talk to friends or _family_ .” “How come you never listen to me/ remember what I tell you?” “I’m sure you’re mom cared about you.” “You shouldn’t let yourself become bitter.” “Be grateful for what you have. It could be worse.” Makes me hate talking about it.

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

We were ROBBED of our childhoods. We never get to have a childhood; we never get to learn how to live and be with our fellow humans. It's so alienating. Those people have no idea how sheltered and enabled their lives have been.

[@bkirstie]

@@Thomas_Winters 🏆

[@bkirstie]

@@whereisyourhumanity7557 fuck childhood i was abused all through adulthood as well because i had no self trust, i could not work. could not support myself financially. i’m 50.

[@mday3821]

@kirstie b I'm in the same boat and the same age. It's like my parents cut me off at the knees and then wondered why I couldn't run. Now, they're gone and people are telling me I can start fresh...Really! How?

[@Plumduff3303]

My parents were great actors on the outside and selfish monsters behind closed doors ...they taught isolation and abandonment

[@TheWyrdestWebPodcast]

My mom is a total narc And I've spent YEARS healing from her. Now I'm back in the belly of the beast until April in order to help her out a little because she's elderly. I can see so many patterns so clearly now. It's hard being here. Even at 81 , she is domineering and terrifying, gaslighting, controlling and totally dismissive of my whole life. She's also Created a whole narrative around how she has suffered as a parent because of her "mentally ill" daughter, and she has told everyone this narrative. I've struggled with massive anger issues as a kid, young adult and adult. My mom can keep her cool in public so people believe her story about me. When I've tried to express what is happening, I get labeled a BS artist, because that is the narrative. I literally can't do anything to change people's view of me through her eyes. Meanwhile, she's racist, arrogant, judgmental, rude, non-introspective, demanding and completely lacks awareness of what is actually happening in the world. She's never caught on to the idea that, just because she has a thought or opinion about something, it doesn't make it a fact. I've spent 20 years running from her. Now I'm back here with her (albeit for a short while) , and I know deep in my heart it is for my own healing. So I can truly see the cause of some patterns in myself that were hidden from me until now. I'm going to take the time as a hard, PhD level spiritual development course and then I'm out.

[@whereisyourhumanity7557]

HEY ! Hey! REd flag "helping out for a short while!" That's how they reel you back in. Keep your boundaries. Stay strong dear!

[@eppyvonpeppy5213]

Yes please be careful..mine did the same thing trying to reel me back in. I almost fell for it. Finally, cut her off for good. Best decision ever. She also told everyone she was a long suffered victim of her daughters mental illness 🙄I swear they all use the same playbook these nut jobs. Run away, left behind all the inheritance, too. Can't put a price on your soul

[@kyliebaker8936]

I could have written all you have said. My mother is almost 78 and I feel obligated to help her with some things. I say no to her alot. But she wears me down now. I'm too tired to deal with it all. Have just started therapy about her. I wish you luck with yours. I want to go no contact. But how to deal with the guilt and the inevitable fallout.

[@lillemy4260]

You take care now. I did the same thing and got so sick. Just be carefull. Only one life.

[@alasshewasthehighwaywoman8886]

Omg, darlin, the exact same. Don’t let her take the last of it out on you.

[@meowmeow1stgen668]

I’m pretty sure my mum has borderline but also sociopathic traits. She is SO cruel and SO disgusting.

[@DrKimSage]

I am so very sorry, and I am truly sending you love and healing.🙏🙏🙏

[@kiskakuznetsova503]

Yeah, there's a lot of talk of narcissism and BPD online, and that's important, but many of us here had deliberately, intentionally abusive parents. I used to tell myself my family was so troubled that they were traumatized and did not intend their hurt but the more I saw, it was intentional. Who better to bully than a child who does not understand manipulation?

[@CatEyedGoddess]

Mine too! I have so so many stories about her sociopathic cruelty. My mother would do things like be so loving and sweet to me and then 3 days later ask me to take money I saved for something and give it to her for a household bill. She promised to give me the money when she got paid. And she would be so sweet and loving and I wanted her to finally be my mother. So, I give her all the money I saved for a new Mac, a trip to see my friends, whatever. She would get paid, I ask her for my money and she would laugh in my face and call me a dumb b or the R word. She would brag about how easy I was to manipulate because I was so desperate for her to be my mother. And she would never pay the bill. Our utilities use to get shut off all the time. That one is mild. I have way worse stories then that one.

[@ifgenia]

@@CatEyedGoddess oh dear Lord… I have no words… I have abusive mother, but braging how she manipulates you is next level of 💩. I’m 40 now and I’m living in different country and my mum doesn’t even have my address. Thats how bad things are. She would stalk me otherwise. Things changed a bit in last 10 years, she is scared of being alone and she can see there is a problem in our family, but of course the solution is to change me and my sibling, mum is blameless. Last issue was when my sibling ended up in hospital with high blood pressure due to stress caused by mum. Nothing serious in the end but sibling stayed overnight for some tests. I told my mum, the only thing that sibling needs is calm enviroment, and to be left alone. My mum was in fear/panic mode, HER life was collapsing because it was HER child (f** what child needs). SHE had less than 0.01% chances of losing HER child. So she kept going with drama and what my sibling needed was never understood, sibling received exactly same thing that caused her hospital visit in the first place. And mum still belives she does everything for her child.

[@SlumberBear2k]

Borderline and sociopathic? Cruel and disgusting? Sounds familiar.

[@sandram6828]

My mother took the cake for that. What an evil person she was. I have 2 other still living siblings and they were her favourites and I wasn't. They ended up being a narcissist just like her. I was the target to all 3 of these narcissists. Sad all around as deep down they are not happy with themselves.

[@DreamsOfFinland]

same here. My mother treated first born brother like her boyfriend and my dad told me I "can never upset Mother or she will end up in psyche hospital again" and I fulfilled that pretty much till she died in her late 90s. Then I learned about narcissism and all the puzzle pieces fell into place. Happier now in old age than ever.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

My mom just recently said I’m dead to her while putting my two other successful siblings on a pedestal..meanwhile, those siblings have invalidated me and treated me like shit through out my life..there’s really no justice in any of it

[@StarCadet]

"It was never about us." And that is the crux of the entire situation right there. It is hard for people to understand the connection between their narcissistic parents and all the fears and anxieties they have in adulthood. There is the general attitude that "You can't blame your parents for everything." or "You just have to get over it." As a child, everything you learn about the world, you learn from your parents. If your parents treat you as though you do not matter, then your perception is that you have no value. That you don't deserve to have what you want in life. That you must take everything that anyone says to you. Imagine a life where someone tells you to move your car because that is their favorite parking spot. Instead of telling them off or ignoring them like a well-adjusted person would, you immediately get scared and embarrassed. You can't stop apologizing as you move your car. As a child we are so vulnerable and we can't fight back against our parents who are constantly telling us how worthless we are. My aunt is 80 years old and she was just crying about how worthless she has felt her whole life. In the next breathe she said she had no choice but to get over it. I pointed out that she isn't over it, obviously.

[@magdalenamlodozeniec9537]

Yes, I was raised by a covert, passive aggressive narcissistic mother. I was a scapegoat, my younger sister was the golden child (grown to be a narcissist). My youngest brother was a lost child. My siblings were taught by my mother to expect from me and to disrespect me and all I did for them. I never recovered.

[@DreamsOfFinland]

you can start now. the cement shoes dissolve pretty fast once you learn it was not your fault and God does not give rewards for allowing abuse to go on. It happens by doing nice things for yourself and others who appreciate or need it. Joy takes root and grows well.

[@deboraholsen8443]

Me either. And I tried so, so hard. I'm divorced, and she even took my ex's side in that.

[@preethip4497]

Going tru same .. never knew about all this ... recently started understanding and have realised I am not wrong or less... Just trying to get solution for this..

[@josiep8766]

It’s okay if you haven’t healed yet. But you deserved love and still do now

[@cheesypotat0es]

When I left home at 18 I was awkward and acted just like my narcissistic mother without even realizing it. I'm now 43 and you never really heal from the experience but just do your best.

[@lasirius1]

This is true, but it is learned. And what is learned can be unlearned. Don't believe the lies your mind tells you. You do have value and worth it. This trauma makes us all brothers and sisters, so Matthew I love you bro. We love you bro and you have to know that you are not alone in your struggle. You'll be in my heart and definitely on my mind.

[@MaeveTheWitchTarot]

having a narcissistic mother is like your life is a big joke. Needed to snapped back what real life is. Those gaslit and emotional manipulation and all those crappy tactics to get our nerves and they use us since a child having a poor boundaries.

[@louwhyte2321]

😢

[@NehaSharma-777]

It was horrible

[@malihehsaeidi7412]

My mother can be a test sample for psychologists since she is unique for having several mental disorders. I hate her because of the tortures she has given to me for 30 years. I have been on medication for 10 years due to panic attacks and anxiety, the outcomes of living with a mentally sick mother. Now I live alone, going no contact with her.

[@Elias_-_-]

Same here, except my mom died

[@vaporwave2345]

After all the years of my childhood and adult life tainted by my narcissistic parent, I've finally reached the point where I say "No more" and start taking care of myself and trusting my own feelings. This video certainly helped, thank you and God bless.

[@xMrjamjam]

Isnt it amazing how quickly your life can transform when you finally give yourself the love you have been giving to those who never deserved it.

[@princesslola9449]

I honestly could not accept being treated bad by anyone including my mother. I understand it’s so hard to cut ties because she’s supposed to love and protect unconditionally but sometimes it’s better to cut her off. Hugs to anyone who has had to experience this. Some people should not breed!

[@johnnytsunami3558]

Did you move far away?

[@eladsinger9215]

"Some people should not breed" ---Damn right

[@sinoa1]

Agreed

[@breezeot]

For 48 years I have believed my mother . That something was wrong with me. I was bad seed, not good enough, never amount to anything. Wondered why she would never say I love you to me but treated my little brother like a golden child. Everything negative was my fault. She cast me out at 13 and said I was dead to her. 6 years ago I thought maybe we could work on having a relationship since I was older. Maybe then she could see I was a survivor. Only to find out she had family members believe that I was killed in another state. The depth of lies told to keep family from believing me or even dealing with me are horrific. Well the last 6 years were okay. Until 6 months ago and at 48yrs old I was slapped back into the child I use to be. Never thought of her as a narcissist. She always made sure we had what we needed. Clothes, food, schooling. In public’s eye she was a the perfect mom. Still is. This recent event was over her getting disrespected by my youngest son and me telling her to not enable his bad behavior because she deserved more respect that what he was giving her. And saying that out loud makes me sound insane. And I can’t wrap my head around her telling me I was in the wrong. She is such an intelligent business woman. Idk…thanks for sharing this and helping to what seems like an impossible healing adventure. The road I travel has been Gypsy like and extremely lonely and I’m so tired.

[@edgreen8140]

Performance over substance is normalized. Lack of emotional intelligence on the narcs part. They have anger just below the surface. Possible echoism.

[@meanimeconingles]

One day I am treated well, other day I'm trash. I'm sick of all her shït.

[@lindachaney5092]

@@meanimeconingles yes, when it was just the two of us it was okay but let anybody else be involved and it was sarcasm and meanness... I'm 71 and I'm still trying to come with terms I wanted to talk to her before her dementia got too bad but it's like she didn't know how to talk she just didn't have that type of communication where we could talk adult to adult.. so I feel like I never had closure

[@chelljackson9780]

Same here

[@rural_girl555]

Same here

[@_Renee2]

You just summed up my life with my mother and the reason why I end up with a narcissistic partner.

[@katja6332]

I needed a clinical license myself and the help of two therapist to realize that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. If someone would have told me that before, I wouldn't have admitted it, I would have found reasons why she just had a troubling childhood. It's when you start to tell everything, really everything, that she has done to you since you are born and tell it to a professional. And when they, the trained professionals, hold their breath and stop and say "wait a second, I have to digest it for a moment", that you realize how you always excused whatever she has done to you and it was constant abuse. And I know now how reluctant licensed psychologist are to diagnose someone who is not in front of them but you talk about. And both are saying independently that it's valid to say that I was raised by a narcissist mother.. My mother passed away last winter and it took me four months to realize that she never ever can hurt me again! I feel like I can breathe out for the first time in my life. And I start to learn how it wasn't my fault what she did to me and how I married a man who had the same entitlement and unrelenting standards schema, passive aggressive behavior and emotional abuse and how my filing divorce was the best thing I could do. I am starting to feel safe for probably the first time in my life.

[@こなた-m1o]

i resonated so much with this. thank you for writing. i am so glad you found freedom.

[@cherylmockotr]

I've had chronic fatigue syndrome for 35+ years. In the beginning it was so bad I had to crawl to the bathroom because I was so weak. I still lived with my mother at the time and was so ashamed I hid it from her. When it finally got so bad I told her, sobbing and begging for help, I got a "tough-love" lecture telling me I needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I did, painfully, and caused years of harm to myself before finally being able to seek medical and psychological help for myself. It took a full year of strong antibiotics before I could function independently enough to go back to school and change my life.

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

😢

[@josiep8766]

I was raped and almost murdered, I can never speak of it in front of her. She likes it. She is partially menchussen/narcissism- she would force me into hospitals for doing “drugs” at 3! The. She created a fake mental illness for me. She spent 30 years telling friends and family I was a drug addict and crazy, she even lied to a judge and said I was suicidal and had them put me into a men’s homeless shelter for evaluation! She made sure to me sitting outside when they showed up at my front door and she lives 2000 miles away. That is just one of many many many damaging events cause by a lunatic mother.

[@DrKimSage]

Happy Saturday loves! Hope you find this helpful and validating, especially if you were raised by a mom who struggled with Narcissistic traits or diagnoses.

[@Catherine_Kate]

@Greg LeJacques I second that. So beautifully put!

[@DrKimSage]

@Greg LeJacques Thank you! I love that and will take it!!❤

[@PeterAlanA1234567890]

I think I was raised by a Covert Mother 90% of what you’re saying is applicable.

[@Lyrielonwind]

The word "struggle" and my mother don't align together. She made sure to find a hard working man (my father) to provide her for everything. All the drama was created by her. I can't think of her "struggling" about anything, just being served properly. If she has struggled it must be like the queen of hearts in Alice in wonderland; making everyone miserable and painting red the white roses 🌹

[@unbreakable4650]

Same. My earth mother didn't care how much older the meal ticket I mean man was. She had to be taken care of. But it's weird she'd also work not past a certain salary as it would jeopardize her benefits. I think she got supply from complaining about work 🤔 Oh well, no longer my problem 👋✈️

[@candeecooper8632]

Thank you for sharing. I moved back closer to my mom and family a year ago. I have come to learn that my mom and brothers are all the same kind of narcissists .y dad is, with whom I have separated myself from years ago! It's unbelievable how pur families are bigger enemies than any other people. Im an empath, so I am trying hard to find my ground and not let it destroy me for the second time this year! My mom seems to be the worst and it started with the manipulation she excercised to get me here! I have been miserable since and she basically has me trapped and has even destroyed my sense of self, sabotaged my time and abilities to move forward. I am finally standing on my own and moving forward, towards moving away again as soon as I can! It's heart breaking because I see myself leaving and never looking back. Completely cutting off from all but maybe one brother. Family isn't supposed to be this way! You sharing that really helps me because it's so very true in my case also. Thank you so much! 💓

[@unbreakable4650]

@@candeecooper8632 woah. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. It must be frustrating. It sounds like mommy dearest wanted your bright light energy closer for supply no matter what she had to do and say nor how you felt about it These ppl are soo selfish it's ridiculous Kudos to you for being strong enough to endure a year near the vampires I remember growing a collection of sunglasses to mask my energy and mastering the grey rock method until my getaway 🤐✈️😆🎉

[@lucindasavona2278]

Cristina She sounds like my mother.

[@smakkdat]

Ugh this my mother as well, she did have 5 kids but I know she had so many to ensure my dad would never leave her. She always threatened to leave him, she knew she had the power over him with 5 kids because that would be a lot in child support. She’s always been nothing but drama and a headache to deal with.

[@dylammack]

Dr. Sage I'm in recovery right now, I am a single dad to a beautiful (almost 4 year old) girl. I am struggling to hold my life together with popsicle sticks and duct tape. I have a tormented relationship with my mother, but I have to rely on her for child care for the type of job I have. So we are contanstly in contact, unfortunately. I have been watching everything from Jordan Peterson to David Goggins to Joe Rogan, trying to stay strong and keep motivated. This video has helped me understand why my life has gone the way it turned out. It has been the most productive, profound video I've watched during my journey. I haven't seen or heard of you before this video but you are amazing. Thank you, for being you! ❤

[@audrey_aries]

Keep strong, beautiful soul!

[@dylammack]

@@audrey_ariesThank you, Audrey. I really appreciate it. Keeping strong. Take care of yourself also. 🌹

[@anniehope8651]

I always knew my mother wasn't nascissistic, but she sure wasn't available for me in certain ways, especially as an older child, and that is the cause of my dismissive avoidant attachment style. I think I found it now. People have called my mom manipulative, but that wasn't quite it. She was, and is, emotionally immature. Thank you so much for this term. Knowing this I can start working with it, especially for my own healing.

[@Coolboy3k24]

Lost my life and realized all this so late at 38, now, trying rebirth ! It is not easy one .. be kind guys !! Its one life for everybody …

[@StillAlive-t8e]

Same here 🥺 im 37 living with my abusive narc mother. I feel like crap like why am i living for? She torments me every single day ! But i can’t give up if i give up my 10year old son will suffer with her not gonna let that happen i can’t give up on my baby boy…..

[@mr.makedonija2627]

@@StillAlive-t8e MOVE!!!

[@StillAlive-t8e]

@@mr.makedonija2627 it’s hard cus i didn’t even have no income coming in 🥺 but soon I’ll be working ima save and take flight idc where i end up as long as it’s away from her….

[@LightBeingsBE]

Not really you don’t really start getting in the groove until 40. Be grateful!!!! I’m 52 and some are even older… Be blessed you have KZbin earlier than the rest of us. ❤

[@Coolboy3k24]

​@@LightBeingsBE Be grateful, yeah, that is the only option left with, to survive !!!!

[@ericachitwood2465]

My mother ignores me. She always has. I remember as a child she would ignore me except when she was raging at me (screaming at me, saying no one loved her). Now that I'm grown, she either ignores me or provokes me. She never asks me about my life, and if I express a need (like I need breast surgery right now) she makes me feel like a burden (complains about helping me). I feel so alone. I'm wanting to have a baby and she is totally against it, says I can't do it (like everything else I do). If she can have a child, I'm sure I can.

[@staopaopa1]

❤️

[@lanachild7731]

Having a child is 100% personal matter, it should only involve you and the father of the child not any other person especially your or your husband's parents.

[@greenfairy4894]

They are jealous. They don’t really care because they can’t care. It’s all about them. Hugs! 🤗 ❤️❤️

[@mariposa1933]

My mom was married four times, put all energy into these men, seemed to take care of us physically but checked out on my sister and I emotionally especially if things didn’t work out with a husband. To the outside world, it looked fantastic, maybe even perfect. So our family always thought we grew up in perfection. Pretty houses and clothes. Nope. Now….She has this grandiose entitlement thing going on now that she is has been married for the last 20 years to the same enabling man. She uses her faith to her advantage and is always putting everyone down. New people who meet her think she is soooo nice. But she has been pretty abusive and awful to me, especially, without ever really being abusive to my sister who is just like her. It’s like they feed off each other when together and start this mean girl bullying thing. I’m an empath so it used to tear me up but now I don’t put up with their nonsense. I keep my distance, am happily married and successful. I love the peace I have now. ❤ Thank you for these channels. They are serving us well. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@rajjie100]

Are you my younger sister ? Exactly mine and my younger sisters story . Mother just left her 4 th husband and is seeing a new man , my physically and mentally abusive father who she left 40 yrs ago , they are getting back together in their late 70's ( I don't speak to them anymore ) Best of luck to you !

[@eladsinger9215]

The best vengeance is living well. Best to you

[@rebeccaherschman1635]

This was so therapeutic for me I have body dysmorphic disorder and have always had intimacy issues because of my vain covert narc mother. It destroys my life thank you so much for posting!

[@LilianWanjiru-po5eq]

The best thing is to avoid contact at all costs, trust me i have experienced it the narc mums never want 😢any good ,luck to come their children's way

[@rubycubez1103]

I'm now realizing my mother may be borderline. I've havent saw her in over a yr. She's always asks when I'm coming to visit. I'm starting to respond with "when you go to therapy". Funny how quickly she changes the subject.

[@DrKimSage]

Yes, so many who most need to hear it- don't want to...:( sending love and healing to you ❤

[@khalifasmoon3680]

They change the subject so fast !!

[@Ellis_B]

Or conveniently can't remember

[@and9137]

😂😂😂😂 this made me laugh so hard, because it’s so true

[@robertmelio4262]

Good for you for setting boundaries, even though it will never happen. (her going to therapy) . I hope, 1 year later you still stay away and are doing well.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

My Mom destroyed me before I had a chance. I am so irreparably broken.

[@chazrooks4681]

You can repare yourself, but it's a daunting task that takes years to unravel the web of lies and deceit. But, if you want to be unmedicated and happy. Then you gotta heal those childhood traumas.

[@purple-pl3hv]

My mum turned everyone against me. So much so that my dad will only send one sentence of acknowledgement when I email him birthday greetings. I only found out about narcissism after my marriage broke down and I blamed myself when in fact like you said I found a partner who was like my mum. As I am used to being treated like that. I don't understand how a parent can treat their own children to feel unloved, isolated and shamed for their existence. I never want my children to ever feel like that.

[@JakiSmith-wt3hn]

I was raised by a narcissistic mother and I try to keep as much distance between us. Now I understand all the gas lighting and backstabbing and then the kind gestures. I'm so over it now... She still maintain a relationship with her grandchildren but they know her now too. They love her, I do too she's my mom. But I have learned my peace and sanity is More important so I keep my distance. Thank you. God bless you.

[@susanbothwell2234]

You just said so many things that has resonated & validated me. I was the therapist for my mom all my life. Also...a hand maid. I was just there to listen but DARE i have input or insight. She walks away, turns up the tv, tells me to "stop talking." I am still not allowed to speak of myself without being told "it's all about you..." I carry around constant feelings of loneliness, resentment and sadness. I'm shut down and ignored. As my mom ages into her mid 80's, and myself in my mid 50's, I hoped things would improve between us and how I'm treated...but I don't think they ever will. I've picked the wounded ones, the emotionally unavailable and multiple narcissists... all varying slightly in form. I still hold out hope for a peaceful life full of self love, whether alone or with someone. Im not giving up. You gave me a glimmer of hope. Thank you.

[@NegativeMass85]

Wow. Thank you for this. So much of what you described sounds like my mom -- especially the gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and need for constant admiration from outsiders. And at 55, I'm looking back on the train wreck of my life and see so clearly that I allowed other people to make decisions for me because I have never trusted my own judgement. My father was rageful and emotionally unavailable, my stepfather was sexually inappropriate with me, and my mother wanted outsiders to be envious of her. She believed every man wanted her and when she was a teacher (she's retired now), she openly bragged how much her students "just adored" her. She still says shit like this today, and it makes me cringe every time. "Oh she just loves me! She thinks the sun shines out of my butt." Ugh. As her only child, she viewed everything I did as a reflection on her. What other people think of her is paramount to her. She doesn't need to worry about what I thought of her because, as her child, for whom she made soooooo many "sacrifices", I OWE her admiration and gratitude. Oh how I owe her! I owe her sooooo much, that I could never possibly repay her for all she's done for me (eyeroll). When I was growing up, she tried to steal my friends by bad mouthing or teasing me to them. Whatever was mine, was hers. When my stepfather admitted that he had crossed the line with me (I was 14-15, and he didn't tell her ALL of it), she came into my room and announced she was leaving the house and didn't know when she'd be back. She left me alone with him, and I had no idea when or if she was coming home. She returned 3 days later, said she'd been on a prayer retreat and the "Lord" told her I was a "white witch" who caused him to try to drag me into the shower with him. She said she had considered getting me counselling but we lived in a small town and she was worried that any local counsellors might know my stepfather and she didn't want his good name besmirched, so I just had to "get over it". I had no one to turn to. My real father was miles away, full of rage, and emotionally unavailable. She was (and still is) unbelievably vain. And when I hit my teens, her jealousy of my youth was palpable and barely veiled. She made little snipes about my weight and reminded me repeatedly that SHE is prettier than me. She never met a camera she didn't like. She would INSIST we take photos of her, and threw herself front and centre of every mother/daughter photo, posing like a "show off" with her slim leg out to display how much prettier she was than me. Instinctively I have always known that she did this to draw favorable comparisons to herself ("you and your daughter look the same age, you could be sisters" or "you're so much prettier than your daughter"). My mother also blamed everything on me, even the poor behaviour of adults. She would tell me that her friends tattled on me, or that they didn't like me. Once, when I was 10yo, she told me that an adult friend of hers "hated" me. I still remember her face when she said this, she intended these words to hurt -- and they did. How dare I embarrass her in front of "her public". It confused me. What had I done to this woman to make her hate me so much??? I was only a kid. She would offer my services to her friends without consulting me -- babysitting, house cleaning -- and then demand that they not pay me. And she never allowed people to buy me gifts, even on my birthday. It wasn't my mom and me against the world. It was my mom and her friends against me. I always felt like I was being sacrificed on the altar of her popularity. When I was about 22, my mom's favourite brother -- an alcoholic drug addict who didn't believe in sexual boundaries and married the teenage daughter of a woman he had dated -- got drunk and tried to break my wrist to show off what a big man he was. I ran in the house crying to mom. Mom said he was jealous because I went to university and he didn't and said I should feel sorry for him. She told me to go outside and apologize to him -- in the interest of family harmony. I didn't. She pouted and tried to make me feel bad. As a child, I grew up hating myself, loathing my body, suffered with promiscuity and eating disorders, self-esteem on the floor, and unable to trust anyone, because no one ever stood up for me as a child -- I was completely alone in this world and had no right to expect anyone to fight my corner. I developed an adversarial and oppositional personality. If people are going to hate me for no reason anyway, I might as well give them a reason to, head them off at the pass. There were good, decent people who came along in my adult life now and again, but looking back, I discounted them, sent them away. I've too much shame and guilt. I still struggle to believe my own children love me -- it's shocking when they stand up for me, or express anger when someone is unkind to me. My friendships have been difficult across the years too, and I actively avoided introducing anyone I love to my mother. I hated when she hugged me and said she loved me, because I didn't believe her... still don't. Nowadays she dangles her will in my face like a carrot. She's ALWAYS talking about her will, and keeps threatening to change it, or give some of the money to family friends. Then she changes her mind again. On, off, on, off. When I finally took the bait and told her off for leaving money to friends when me and my kids are her family, she accused me of being "money hungry". I love my mom. We have had good times and laughs along the way. But I don't trust her. I've never trusted her. It was only later that I realized other mothers advocate for their kids, don't care whether they are "liked" by outsiders because their child comes first. They are LOYAL to their children! I miss the mother I wished I had.

[@lrx54]

You are not alone 🤗❤️🙏👍 Hugs

[@traceytansley1659]

Huge real motherly hug to you dear.

[@NegativeMass85]

@@traceytansley1659 Thank you, I really appreciate that 🙂

[@qq84]

"I owe her sooooo much, that I could never possibly repay her for all she's done" yes, you could never do so many evil things like she did. Don't let the good moments or her will deceive you. Your mother is evil and you should go no contact.

[@staratlast]

I miss the mother I wished I had,....perfectly put.

[@l.5832]

My narc mother had ample opportunity to get help for her 'trauma'. She had access to doctors when she worked in a hospital. She refused to reach out. She could have talked with me about it when I was a teen and asked her about her experience. She refused. She instead lied. She put me in the role of scapegoat to relieve the tension she felt. I give her no more excuses. She is dead now and never apologized for the way she teated me, nor did she tell the truth about herself.

[@kaelightupthedark]

I don't think hugs or affection was ever a thing and maybe that's why I find it so difficult to bond with anyone, they try to touch me and I pull away I feel uncomfortable from hugs and holding hands makes me strange I don't understand why I'm like this either because I'm capable of loving someone very deeply but also won't let nobody love me and I'm wondering if its bc I didn't ever have any love like affection or attentive care at all and got left basically to indulge in confusion wondering what is wrong and having an abusive brother is just mentally debilitating bc nobody understands what is has done to me at all it has traumatised me in so many ways

[@pointsnorth3924]

My mother never told me that she loved me. I was never breastfed though my older sister and younger brother were. I suffered from a serious infection when I was in my early 30's. At 74, I healed myself from this. I am a Naturopath and would recommend St John's Wort as a great emotional healer. Thank you. There are so many echoes for me in your video.

[@angelbasham6631]

Mine never told me she loves me either

[@MRW21783]

My ex wife is a narcissistic mother. She has a pretty good hold on our 10 year old son however our 12 year old daughter is beginning to recognize her behaviors as uncomfortable and not right. Luckily, she and I have a tight relationship where she feels safe and secure enough to come to me and be open about her thoughts and feelings. She always tells me she feels so much better about herself after we talk things through. The struggle is real.

[@josiep8766]

Please let her know you love her for no reason at all just for her existing. You have no idea how it will change her future. And you can take her in little dates and example how she should be treated. Trust me she will need that one day

[@julidraney9443]

Great job! I wish my dad had been more like you when it came to my mother’s Narcissism. Great job!! ❤🥹

[@martamaljkovic5242]

I will never forget an incident with my mom when I told her I will seek therapy. I had been struggling mentally after a car accident. My mom started crying and I couldn't believe she actually would cry for me! I was so touched but also felt almost uncomfortable with so much emotion from her. Until she told me that she is devastated because I would portray HER as a bad person at my therapist 😂 and tell that all my troubles in life come from her🙄 I will never forget how shocked I was because never ever did I think that at that moment she would cry about herself😓

[@mcc9040]

Her tears sound like Consciousness of Guilt to me.

[@user-kh5qh3pr4y]

I have been slapped, told I would never amount to anything. That I didn’t deserve my last name or my husbands last name in marriage because I didn’t deserve a name . I was pushed down stairs, beaten with a belt. It’s been over two years I have not had contact with my mother.My brother I have dropped all contact with as well since he has the same personality traits. I am finally living a life of happiness letting go of such hurtful toxic people has been wonderful and so empowering .

[@monikapordan-o3n]

I unfortunately have a narcissistic mother,n she's still the same at 83! Her true colours showed when I had emergency brain surgery 14 years ago! I cried a river, truly knowing how cold she is. I have gone years without speaking to her and I have tried to forgive her and talk to her again but she continues the same pattern. The other day, yet again.

[@atalyvazquez3568]

my mom is something else man... i grew up thinking that it was normal for a mom to be jealous of their child and mentally abuse was normal.. She would humiliate me Infront of others. Never said she was proud of me. If I am happy she trying to fight with me..

[@ChristineAudler]

Wow it is so amazing to discover there is a whole community of women like myself!!!!

[@justrosie9347]

My two sisters and I were raised by a Narcissistic mother. I also married a Narcissist and stayed in that relationship for 20 years. I have been out of that for 15 years now. It's BEAUTIFUL to be free of that!! I absolutely understand my Mother had extreme NPD. My two sisters understand that also but seem to prefer to stay mostly in denial. While I spend time like I am now looking for information and answers. I was more the scapegoat and challenged our Mother who has been gone for ten years, after battling cancer for three years. Anyway all of that to say my younger sister at almost 60 years old suddenly had an episode that may be described as a nervous breakdown recently. I believe this has a lot to do with being raised by a Narcissistic mother. She became depressed, anxious, afraid and putting herself down, as well as having thoughts of harming herself, etc. This is all shared with me by her husband of 40 years who had to admit her to a mental hospital. She is there now. I guess I'm asking could this "breakdown" be rooted in her childhood and being raised by a mother with NPD even though our Mom has been gone almost a decade? This sister was the obedient child, possibly the Golden Child but I see her as the one who would do whatever our Mother asked or demanded. When our Mother turned on me for fighting back against her, this sister told me years later, "Mother wouldn't stand for me not hating you too." Thankfully after our Mother got cancer my sister's and I started to become closer and after she passed our family has been able to do much healing. Just concerned about my sister and I feel like until she dives into her childhood and how our Mother damaged her, she won't really be able to get well. Thank you!

[@DJH97]

Oh goodness. I needed to hear this. My mom was and still is narcissistic. My father and older sisters were and still are her enablers. I married narcissistic men that I had to chase. After decades I’m finally free, but in good therapy and have built healthy good relationships. Thank you for this.

[@janinealexander2037]

What a wonderful presentation. I have spent the last two years of my 62 years unraveling the peace of narcissism I was a child. I am the child of a vulnerable, narcissistic mother, and a malignant narcissistic father, who was military we lived in military lifestyle until I was 13 but it carried over in my adult life because my decision making was controlled by those parents I am now realizing and trying to repair the damage that was done so that I don’t pass it along as a generational curse to my own children. They are adults now, and I know there has been some, but my desire is to heal the family unit.

[@juliaoconnor5798]

What i realized only recently as i hace finally started seeing my mom is a narcisist is that i was(still am) a nurturing person but she wasnt & she expects that from me to nurture her which basically sucks the life right out of me & she really doesnt care. It really is all about her. Every conversation etc so i distanced myself from her. Since ive distanced myself from her i have been feeling better about myself. I'm still in the process of healing & its videos just like this helping me heal as well as everyone that shares what they have dealt with & steps they take to heal.

[@elisa48092]

I gave the middle finger to my "mother" that ugly monster, and ran away from home. This last 1 year and a half was the best. It was hard in the beginning but now I'm so happy, I finally have a normal life. No crazy yelling woman that scream to me what I should eat, when I have to take a shower, when I can go out with my frienda etc. I was crying the other day when I was under the shower thinking "omg It stil amaze me that now I'm able to wash my self when I need it".

[@kairiver1950]

i'm halfway thru the video and holy CRAP YOU ARE LITERALLY DESCRIBING ME AND MY LIFE AND WHAT HAPPENED!!! i'm currently married someone who is extremely toxic & recently i realized they are exactly like my mother and how she still is til this day. i'm gonna need time to process but i'm deep diving into all your videos!!

[@candeecooper8632]

I wish you well in your journey and I hope healing and discovery comes to you swiftly!!! I spent 1.5 years in therapy due to 2 narcissist husband's, a narcissist father and then a year long sick relationship with a narcissist sociopath, only to move home and deal with 2 narcissist brothers and a narcissist sociopath mother and a narcissist step dad!! I am moving forward and still have to work at separating from the drama daily!! It's not an east journey, but worth the work for our own sanity!!! Find your value and stand on that ground and I pray you find peace in your journey!! You are worth it and you are awesome and don't deserve the treatment! My enlightenment came when I finally learned it wasn't my fault and narcissists just destroy others who are happy because they are dead inside. There are a lot of good videos and teachers on this subject!! Keep searching and listening daily!!

[@kay-rw2vq]

I am 20 years old. It has taken me up till recently to understand that my mom is truly a narcassist. I always blamed myself and thought I was the problem because of the verbal and emotional abuse she has caused me. This video has really helped me a lot and I am currently on the road to recovery and I won't let her stop me from growing and healing. You are truly amazing Dr. Sage thank you

[@StillAlive-t8e]

You are still young please seek therapy and heal your soul. I noticed my mother was a narcissist at the age of 34-35 that’s alil to late for me the damage she’s caused stuck to me. But i thank god i woke up im 37 still living with her she has kept me in a loop of mind control/ depression for so many years Smh

[@Karsyn_Marie]

I’m 20 too. I definitely realize I was not the problem. I used to ask my grandma why she was so mean to me. My grandma said it’s because your the oldest. No it’s bc they both were sick.

[@alb12345672]

@@StillAlive-t8e Yep, I am 50 and still living with her. Every video describes it too a tee. At least I lived up to her perfection standards. My mom is a guilt artist. Too late for me.

[@StillAlive-t8e]

@@alb12345672 Omg so sorry to hear that 🥺🙏🏽 i pray i don’t be 50 still living with her ! I have to get my stuff together and GO ! RUN AS FAST AS I CAN !!! God bless you !! ♥️

[@alb12345672]

@@StillAlive-t8e God Bless and Good luck to you too! All the best. Time flies, before you know it you will be there, so take action.

[@RS54321]

I had to pause the video and have a good cry. My mom isn't a narcissist by definition (based on the criteria), but she is a conversational narcissist, has a huge victim mentality, doesn't really hear me or know how to 'be there' for me nor has she really ever. It's so elusive. I almost always feel depressed and bereft when I talk to her or visit her. I wish there was a name for it b/c I can't pin it down to one thing, but all the struggles I have are the same as Kim lists in the video. I feel like I've been wrestling with this vapor all my life by myself and no one really understands. I don't know if I'll ever have a 'true' friend or a romantic relationship with a healthy person. Does anyone else feel like this?

[@dolcepescas6153]

I feel you. My mom was legit very sick, bedridden most her life, and had an enormous vicim mentality because of her illness... I always felt so torn about her.. because she really was sick, and suffering.. yet she made herself such a victim, all day, every day, it's like why did you have me then? if it's too hard to raise me, you're so sick you're upset with me constantly.. oh and the best part.. she was bedridden, to sick to really do anything, but whenever I'd make her mad and do something wrong, she would yell, scream, hit, cry, and basically traumatize me.. like the only thing that can make my mom energetic and lively, is when she's so mad at me what wants to beat my a**, yet the rest of the time she's a helpless victim in bed... yeah.. I had so much confusion.. anger.. resentment.. With all that, I still loved her so much.. But as a young adult I felt like I had to "draw boundaries" with her.. I didn't call her or visit as much as I could have.. I didn't realize those years were the last I had with her.. At the end of the day, I do wish I'd been kinder and more understanding and less of a brat.. But I was also a kid doing my best and I didn't know better. Mother's are so hard. And once they're gone, they're gone. Anyway friend. Don't know your situation, but I know what it's like to have a "basically, might as well be totally narcissistic" mother. What helped me heal, was coming to Jesus and understanding spiritual warfare, so I can forgive her, forgive myself, and have compassion for her trauma even if she took it out on me sometimes.

[@RS54321]

@@dolcepescas6153 I'm glad you have a relationship with Christ and have been able to forgive and move forward! He has been my rock in all of my struggles as well. Sei Italiano? Blessings.

[@dolcepescas6153]

@@RS54321 Praise God! I'm happy to hear that. Sì, sono italiano. sei anche tu? Sto imparando la lingua :)

[@RS54321]

@@dolcepescas6153 Ho famiglia in Italia, ma solo parlo un po. L'ho studiato multi anni fa. Una bella lingua e paese!

[@heide-raquelfuss5580]

I feel it. Very lonely feeling.

[@ch.howell9891]

When I was 6 it was the first time I thought to myself, why did she ever have a child... I'm now almost 50 and her behavior got way worse, to the point it seems psychiatric. What these children go through is unimaginable for those who grew up in a loving home. My mother was the neglectful type who always had her disciples. "I love you" is something I've never heard from neither of my parents. My whole life I thought something is wrong with me... Love to all who experienced the same and the ones who never had to experience that.

[@ninacampana962]

I went no contact when my father passed away. He was the best person and father ever. He really did show me unconditional love and I am so grateful for that. While realizing how much damage my real mom did and so many red flags I can’t get over that. I am so proud of myself and what I have accomplished while no longer having s relationship with my mother. I always felt she hated and envied me at the same time. And now that she’s not in my life anymore I don’t have to dim my light and I have accomplished so much. Stable job and on to my second apartment (1st one was when she kicked me out once I questioned her behavior and spending habits after my dad passed and just her coldness and nonchalant attitude towards the entire situation). She turned my brothers against me and sister that’s what hurts me the most. I am however, a lot free and at peace) before my mother didn’t let me dance or sing or never let me see me happy. Now that i have been living on my own I am always smiling and just singing and dancing.I volunteer at food pantries I dog sit and going to school. Things I could never imagine while under her spell. So glad I broke free but very sad that I lost my family.

[@lucindasavona2278]

I wrote & sent a letter thanking Mother for being a mean, cruel narcissist. I told her that her treatment of me made me determined to be strong, capable, compassionate & kind hearted & to have respect for all living beings. In other words, her treatment of me backfired because I am a strong soul & not like my weak minded shallow sisters. Apparently, she had one of her " screaming meany" tantrums after reading my thankyou letter. The drama queen in her bunged on the crocodile tears after the tantrum & she went all out for the sympathy vote.

[@morganarose46]

I did something similar! My mother was a control freak. She adored my sister,ehi was evil,no other word for her. My sister had every excuse to not be there for my mother.So my mother wanted me to just sit with her. Not talk,not do anything,just so she wouldn't be alone. I was blamed for EVERYTHING bad that happened. I was told I caused my father's death ! I was 14,yrs.old. my dad had kidney failure. My mom told me he never loved me,hated me!. My dad was my light. I miss him everyday. When my mom was dying of cancer, she and my sister both blamed me! Wtf? I was told the reason why my mom hated e was that I reminded her of my Aunt that my mom disliked intensely. I took care of my mother when she was dying. My sister,the golden child,did nothing. Ok thanked my mother for being so hard on me. I have Lupus and R/A from all the childhood trauma,but have achieved much more than my sister ever could, because I'm strong and decided a long time ago,I was going to have a real life and a happy one! My dreams came True. Never give up.

[@CristinaAcosta]

Funny. I did something similar years ago. She went ballistic. She’s 87 now and I’ve heard through siblings she still refers to that “terrible conversation”😁😁

[@lucindasavona2278]

@@CristinaAcosta Yeh. Mine has something similar to say. Recently she demanded by text that I make preparations for her to receive a letter from Queen Elizabeth II for her 100th birthday in 20 years time. Why? so her favourite daughter (not me) can hang it on her wall & brag. About 10 years ago I told her that the Queen would be long dead when she was 100. That's was the first demand. This time because I am fed up with her, I said "You had better hurry up a die then if you want that letter from the Queen Elizabeth II." I would like to add that I have a serious illness & the is every chance that I will probably be dead myself long before she reaches 100.

[@lindadurham5171]

This message spoke directly to my inner child who cried when you said that only I can really change my life...because I watch your videos, read books, do therapy, and though I have a better understanding of who I am and why....healing from such deep wounds seems near impossible and I'm stuck with my childhood traumas. Maybe it's fear of change, or fear of what change will do...like upset my apple cart. Can you speak to overcoming fear of change at some point? As was stated, you are like an adoptive mom to use all! ❤️

[@ifgenia]

I’m not a specialist but what helped me in many situations in my life is to accept lack of control. I allowed things to go wrong, didn’t try to fix them. I accepted that things might go wrong and it was okay with me. If wrong happens, doesn’t bother me. If good happens, I also do not care. As much as I would be happy for „good” stuff, that much I was suffering when I received the „bad” stuff. Difficult shift but when that shift happened I stoped fighting for things, I started to feel okay with what I had. It is a very pleasant state of being, full of joy, not suffering. And it changed me. No external imput could do that. Also after traumatic childhood we have distorted understanding of what „good” or „wrong” is. Stopping to chase what we believe „good” is, meant giving up the efects of trauma. Internally it felt like I had to be okay with being average. „Being fine” is the key.

[@janetfedeles3964]

Linda Durham,. I understand what you say as I go through the same and have read all the books, etc. "Love Yourself as if Your Life Depends On It," is a book with techniques to put into practice, loving yourself. It's on KZbin. It's not about narcissism. It is about practicing loving yourself with techniques that actually help rewire the brain circuits. What I find helpful, others may not and may disagree with my choices. But ny self talk was so negative, I had to do things to try and change these brain patterns.

[@ifgenia]

@@janetfedeles3964 In my perspective loving yourself if understood well is not based in narcissism. Unless one gets attached to the words it might be misunderstood as such. Contrary, narcissists has such a low self-esteem and no self-respect so they crave an approval like drug everywhere else, everywhere outside of them. They would do everything to avoid suffering. Thats the main stimulus for every action they do. They don’t understand their real value, their own perception of themselves is distorted. They are very unhappy with themselves, so they try to pretend their value on outside. Most people do that (sadly) but narcissists are on turbo level. Schopenhauer (I believe) said very well: “The ordinary man places his life’s happiness in things external to him, in property, rank, wife and children, friends, society, and the like, so that when he loses them or finds them disappointing, the foundation of his happiness is destroyed. In other words, his centre of gravity is not in himself; it is constantly changing its place, with every wish and whim.” So yeah. Do everything you can to accept every part of you. Whatever technique works for you. Be happy with what is inside. Good and bad. I repeat: GOOD and BAD ;) love all of it. Stop “I should be this or that”, “I should have done it differently” etc. What is bad for you is good for someone else. You seeing it as “bad” is only an illusion of your mind. By accepting “bad” part, you don’t become a bad person (it was great surprise for me!), but instead your illusion disappear, you stop running away from yourself, the guilt is gone. When there is full acceptance you cease looking for it anywhere else. And ‘yourself’ is the only place where you can find real happiness. Sending lots lots lots of love dear stranger :)

[@janetfedeles3964]

@@ifgeniaYou are so wise. And so very kind to take the time to share with me your beautiful insight. I will work on what you have shared with me. I agree that true self acceptance is the key. Thank you so much and love to you as well.

[@katadam2186]

@@ifgenia Brilliant Wisdom

[@faithm6065]

Spot on. I wish this had been understood and available when I was young.

[@rmt1142]

Dr. Sage, your voice is very soothing and calming. Thank you so much for your video. I wanted to make a comment about children who were raised by narcissistic mothers. Unfortunately, they sometimes turn out to be narcissists themselves, finding it difficult to connect with people on a deeper level, difficult to truly care about anyone other than themselves and, in fact, exhibit the same hurtful traits they were raised with. They sometimes have a stunted emotional development. Oftentimes they attach themselves to very empathic people who, because of the love bombing, don't always recognize them for who they truly are until after they're married. I know it's not originally their fault as they grew up in a very toxic environment. I also realize, that by example, that's how they were taught to behave.. However, I think a giant step in a healing direction would be to carefully advise or help them to seek treatment. Only in that way can they start to repair the damage they've done in their own adult lives and especially in the lives of the people who love them. It's been my experience that children raised by narcissists don't, can't or won't recognize that behavior in themselves. I was wondering if, at some point, you could do a video on narcissists who attach themselves to empathic people? Hopefully, that would be helpful to caring people who find themselves in a narcissistic relationship. I truly want to thank you for compassionately shedding light on such an important topic, one that affects so many people.

[@susannej5268]

I love how the light shines on your head towards the end of the video. You looked like an angel delivering a hard but true message of never feeling enough.. the wound internalized of another. Sigh.. im in the long painful and exhausting process of all the undoing . Thanks for the easy to understand information 😇🌟