7 UNKNOWN CHILDHOOD TRAUMA TRIGGERS: EXPERIENCING REMINDERS OF YOUR TRAUMA | DR. KIM SAGE

[@sgrannie9938]

Misperceived and misjudged are so huge for me. Trying to communicate something important and knowing I’m not being heard (quite often people won’t let me even finish a sentence) is even more triggering than feeling judged socially or interpersonally. So often I just give up ... though the older I get the more likely I am to get testy, which only makes me feel worse and of course accomplishes nothing.

[@edboldt3769]

Seriously, the not finishing a sentence, is that our fault or is there something wrong with the audience. Often I am not trying to 'win' I just want to explain....communicate ... put things into context..

[@sandyperkins237]

Same.

[@StraightfromtheBible]

Same😢

[@sunshinegal4294]

Trying to talk and communicate something and not being heard is HUGE for me! My dad always did this. He’d read the newspaper, or be watching tv and not looking at me. To this day I still have a problem if I’m talking to someone and they’re on their phone and not looking at me or really listening!

[@dayegilharno4988]

@@sunshinegal4294 Ouch! I didn't even remember that until stumbling across your comment right now... Thanks for sharing.

[@lauriedefelice8132]

Making mistakes!!! It was a big awakening when my therapist asked me “so, you’re not allowed to make mistakes “. Yes I am so alllowed

[@ivyteacherwilson]

Yes, I make mistakes and nearly shut down. Mother and grandmother always demanded perfection from me.

[@lauriedefelice8132]

@@ivyteacherwilson I can relate

[@kaycee625]

HUGE fear of making mistakes. So much so that I’m unable to make decisions incase they’re wrong

[@lauriedefelice8132]

@@kaycee625 that’s so hard to live like that. I think we all need to relearn how to be ok Like the inner child needs a big hug and know it’s ok. We all will make mistakes

[@Monologue.Drawings]

Every time a child or a baby is crying triggers me

[@rosyloveslearning3013]

Yes! Thank you for acknowledging the TRIGGER of watching someone go through life loved or supported or financially set while you are not. I thought I was alone and being jealous and resentful. I know now it’s normal. ❤

[@DrKimSage]

It’s so normal and you’re not alone! It’s hard to see others have what we longed for ❤

[@Rose19695]

For me, it's triggering and healing at the same time. It's weird..I feel jealous and resentful as you said, but then it also gives me a baseline of comparison and I think, "Ah hah! This is why I chased after emotionally unavailable partners!" Or, "Ahhh! This is what love/respectful treatment looks like!" So the lightbulb goes off. I'm learning tolerance of healthy people. Just being around them kinda has a "catching" effect. I'm still fearful of rejection, but just being around them and watching how they do life, really turns on my inner light bulbs. I don't know if I will ever have decent self-esteem, but having that baseline of comparison of what love looks like helps a lot!

[@spookycat2948]

I realized that I am not jealous or want what other people have; it’s that I don’t want to be scrutinized, judged and looked down upon by them because I don’t have what they do. I have discovered that I am quite happy and secure in who I am, I just need to avoid negative and competitive situations such as these. After half a lifetime of dealing with narc mother and the dog eat dog world, I realized that the problem wasn’t me!

[@louisecampbell2628]

I never imagined I would have any of that. I never believed a great marriage financial stability owning my own home kids etc. would ever happen because the destructive messages I received from my both my parents were YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH, NICE THINGS WONT HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!! Even getting my drivers License has been a monumental effort because I have to battle the "Your not good enough" internal dialogue every time I go for a lesson.😢

[@annabogart1844]

My mom always had a fear I'd turn out wild and in trouble like her sisters and she treated me like a prisoner almost. She watched me like a hawk, she was too strict. She also misread all my actions , everything I said. It was awful. She never truly got to know who I really am. I was a great kid. She still doesn't know me.

[@Little_Sidhe]

I loved reading that you knew or know now that you were a great kid ❤

[@debbiesday8270]

Boy, this really hits home for me. My husband of forty years just walked away from the marriage and left me unexpectedly at 60. I found out he had been cheating on me with one night stands and prostitutes for over twenty years. It completely blew my life into pieces. I was a stay at home mom and my family was everything to me. I have no security now of any kind. Not emotionally and especially not financially. I never feel safe or relaxed. I see TV shows and feel triggered when I see younger women with careers, or families with a loving husband and wife working together to support their family. I feel envious when I see a couple out together in public going to the beach or eating dinner together. I feel so alone and so disconnected from the me I used to be and I don't know at this late age how to become a new me. If this had happened at forty I could've gone back to college and gotten a degree and had time to recover. I'm now 64 and just feel old and like my life is over but I'm still alive. I feel like a ghost walking around. I wake up everyday with anxiety and panic. My body is falling apart and that makes it hard to find work I can physically do. I feel stupid and sad. But I keep going and keep trying to learn and not give in to depression. I don't know what's possible for me, but I am so grateful for people like you Dr. Sage and for the information and encouragement you share. Thank you so much for sharing. It means a lot.

[@lailahreich3205]

I so hope you have found some peace, even with friends or a pet. Sending you strength.

[@Greeceismygoto]

Most of what happened to you I’m dealing with now. My ex left me for a woman I knew, but not well. I was 60 yo too. Now I’m 64, body falling apart, hard to find a job. I feel old and so depressed. I just now saw this. Looks like it’s been a year for you. I hope you’re better🍀

[@IamMahJmusic]

Childhood Triggers: 1. Neglect 2. Displaying Strong emotion 3. Being Misperceived 4. Feeling like no one cares about us 5. Making mistakes 6. Losing Security 8:40 7. Conflict 11:24

[@bridgettetraveler658]

I've learned not to care what weak minded ppl think of me. What My Heavenly Father knows about me is all that matters to me!!!

[@christineewing3492]

The example you gave of the father walking way ahead of his small daughter triggered a memory for me, from my own childhood. I have a distinct memory of my mother walking way ahead of me, and I think I was 3 or 4 years old. I remember saying, " Mummy, I'm going to walk with my eyes closed.", and then I walked into a concrete post. I had an enormous lump in the middle of my forehead. I have several traumatic memories from around that age, and they are extremely vivid. I was neglected as a child, and I understand that feeling of aloneness/loneliness that you talked about. I still have that feeling today. I'm in therapy now for cPTSD, but sometimes I feel like it's too late for me to heal. I'm in my 60s now, and there is a lot to work through. I appreciate your videos, you have a really good way of explaining things.

[@DrKimSage]

I am so sorry for what happened to you Christine, thank you for being here and sharing.❤

[@deborahmayer190]

Thanks for your great videos & sharing your journey. I'm twice your age & just learning about all of this. Wow! I'm doing what I can with the time I have left! Again, thanks! I do love your videos & your honesty! 🎉

[@dancing0nthe3dge]

I have these triggers too. When I was at Walgreens the other day, a toddler..couldn't have been more than 18 months old was crying sitting in the aisle...and the mom was completely ignoring her. I had to leave because I knew I'd want to say something and it probably wouldn't have been helpful.

[@gessrinky9129]

My mom did something similar to your first example, she would leave me behind. Getting out of the car..won’t wait, just walks off. She left my brother at the store as a toddler because he was taking too long in the toy section. She would often walk off in the grocery story, leaving me to scream “mom!!” Running about the store… zero maternal instinct. Slowly accepting she doesn’t love me, she never has. Her childhood was horribly abusive which left her emotionally stunted. Also, “doing childhood alone” wow never heard it that way. So true. Anything joyous was with friends families. They took me in as their own so kindly. I wonder if they saw something was up. I would imagine I was her sister. No soft place to fall.

[@DrKimSage]

I am just so sorry you had to grow up feeing that way, I truly am. Sending you love💗

[@poshperfect1393]

My Mother behaves the same way to this day and I’m 35! She has a complete disregard for her children in public and well, really anyone she is in company of when out socially. It’s beyond embarrassing and painful. I have to brace myself before going on an outing with her because I never know what level of obliviousness she is going to operate at. She will stand in front of an entrance or exit to a store and expect others such as myself to open the door for her and not even say thank you. She will never open the door for others, not even her family. Once inside, she runs away without making her group aware of her plan and is unaware of the time. She does not have any concern about where her party will be in relation to her during the course of “her” shopping spree. I often times have to resort to finding an associate to page her to come to Customer Service for our reunion. She refuses to communicate or stay by my side. I have to track her down as if I’m her Mother or she is a lost dog. Then she’s mad at me for ending her shop-a-thon early, yet she’s the one that put me in that position in the first place. It’s a pattern of disrespect and inconsideration. She’s inconvenienced by me trying to find her after failing to discuss her intentions. Also, shouldn’t she be concerned about where her own kids are?! Apparently not. There have also been times that she’s mad at her kids for not being at checkout right when she is. She wouldn’t announce that she’s going there and was out of our sight the entire outing, but expected us to just magically show up and teleport in that immediate moment she made the decision in her head to leave! As if we’re so in tune with her to know that she’s ready! We’re usually the last ones out of the store because she’s either gone missing or is intentionally dragging her feet to get to checkout where she typically causes another scene by acting out on the cashier over something that is out of their control or knowledge bank. She refuses to use self checkout and will go out of her way to have the store open up a lane with a live person just to berate them. It’s insane.

[@vicksta8875]

My mother walked away from me too, in Stores!! Then she would blame me for "getting lost". When it was actullty her doing. Omg🥺 Never did that with my kids. I was terrified to lose them! I think Internally is feared what was done to me. Also, I have that motherly instinct🙏 that she lacked... I suppose being adopted ...she didn't haven't...😢

[@montanacrone8984]

Years later, in therapy my Dr helped me understand my Mom wasn’t withholding her love. She didn’t have it to give. I was able to understand it was never about me. It was her. Incapable of love. I was able to let her go. Lucky me, I had other relatives who did love me and who was there as I was growing up.

[@alyciamarie4163]

My mom would leave you in the line to panic while she meandered through the store. Also she purposefully hid in the isle bc she thought it was funny…

[@paulablair395]

You nailed my life with this video - I live in fear and I hate being reminded of the non-human mother who made my life hell. Even though I now live alone and can lock all of my doors, I'm still hypervigilant. The slightest sound in the hallway makes me freeze and stay silent, hoping that no one knocks on the door or finds where I am.

[@jainfreeman9587]

I can relate! I'm in my own house and can't relax sometimes. Or the ice maker goes off and I jump

[@thjb500]

Since the pandemic I have been massively triggered by the loss of purpose and drive toward a goal - a goal I developed during childhood which would be the “answer” to all my problems. Now the pandemic has taken that away from me, and I feel almost constantly triggered. I’ve never heard no. 6 described so brilliantly and it really applies to me.

[@mjbreitmeyer6021]

I don't have any tolerance for conflict because I grew up in a very argumentative household. When someone starts raging to prove a point I get into a panic. To this day just the look on my mother's face can cause anxiety.

[@djer05010401]

The specific details you get into in your videos really show how well you understand this type of trauma. A few years ago, I had an extreme emotional flashback regarding walking and being left behind. I was 40, and my spouse and kids were walking ahead of me on the sidewalk. When none of them looked back to check on me or include me in their conversation for several blocks, I got so triggered that I just turned around and walked home by myself. I would never normally behave so childishly, but I was overwhelmed by old feelings of being ignored and left behind.

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you for sharing this, I so understand. It's bigger than we are some days....sending love and healing.💗

[@lilcherryblossom]

I have a very similar trigger, I wanted/still want to be married and have kids and be the stay at home mommy (or even a work from home mommy now that it is more common). But now, I get really weird and distant from friends who are engaged or getting married. I just fade away and go to another friend group or try to find others to be with. It’s incredibly lonely, but I feel embarrassed and unwanted once people I know get engaged and married and I’m still here doing nothing.

[@DrKimSage]

I so understand, it's such an isolating experience and we don't really let one another talk about how this feels...so we just pull away. Sending love and hugs💗💗

[@ericapaige1171]

Omg same!!!!

[@johnjohnstone9805]

The Conflict One Is Huge With Me. Anything That Requires Self-Assertion Is Really Triggering.

[@JanGroh]

I had to walk myself to kindergarten a half mile away every day alone. Mom walked me there just once, then went back to drinking. Dad was at work. I obviously survived, but I must have some major guardian angels, cuz I thought that was normal.

[@srro9728]

I just had such a trigger today. My downstairs neighbour came to my door and accused me of flooding him - he said there's a water leak in my apartment but there was none, and he lives 2 floors down (no one lives in the apartment directly beneath me). I checked everything and there was no leak (later on, the neighbour and the president of the owner's association both came and there was nothing wrong, there might be something wrong in the installation in the wall but not necessarily in my apartment and definitely not of my own fault). When I opened my door I had a shock, he looked exactly like my stepfather, the same accusatory and frowning stare even though I had done nothing wrong. I didn't let him in the first time he came and he got mad and said some things. Later on I realized he was just a guy trying to solve an unpleasant situation. But even though he's not aggressive like my stepfather was, from other encounters I've had with him I realised he is a difficult person, who needs things to be exactly as he wishes... I don't get along with these kinds of people.

[@DrKimSage]

Omg I can imagine how triggering that was for you- so true how we can get hijacked so fast. Love that you saw it later but totally get it.🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@jwhite5396]

I wouldn’t have let him in either time. If he’s mad about boundaries you have for your home that’s his problem. Even if he’s understandably upset there’s no need to be rude or verbally abusive. I’m sorry you were triggered. But doesn’t it feel kind of good to identify it and notice how it makes your body feel? For me it kind of takes the power away from it.

[@sunshinegal4294]

Oh my gosh! You just described me and what I feel and have felt down to the T! When you said you always dreamed of being that wonderful mom who takes kids here and there, (makes cookies, have your kids all have their friends over, taking them to football or dance lessons, etc.) that was me! And you also said your dreams crumbled when you became a single mom of four children (just like me) and it wasn’t what you expected. I married a narcissist just like my parents yet at the time I thought he was so wonderful and different from my parents. You’ve said sooo many things that I’m saying YES! Oh YES! Wow! I didn’t realize several of these. I was extremely lonely growing up and never felt worthy of being loved, etc. Do you have any workbooks or books to read? I can’t afford counseling but how sad for me to be at my age and just really coming to understand so much of my trauma from my childhood AND dealing with my 92 year old mom who still triggers me with her manipulation, lies, playing the victim, meanness and blaming and NEVER taking any responsibility for anything, feeling entitled and on and on! No wonder I’ve never been able to stay in a good relationship. I wish I understood so much more so much sooner. But I’m working very hard and not being anything like my mother when it comes to my children and thankfully they tell me they are grateful for how much I have loved and supported them. I still have issues such as it’s hard for me to take criticism since I was always criticized and couldn’t do anything right, or how my mom played my siblings and me against each other and as my sister pointed out she played my dad and me against each other and I never saw that. But I saw her try to do it to my children with me and put a fast stop to that. As my sister said, what kind of mom does that?! Trying to turn her children against each other so she can look good and look like the good one. What seriously triggers me are liars, manipulators, controlling people and people who play the victim. These all come from seeing my mom do these things all of my life and she STILL does it! She also has NO empathy! As my brother says, it’s all about what she wants and getting her way if she is nice to you or not. She can turn in a heartbeat! I didn’t realize until my last 8-10 years just how emotionally traumatized I’ve been and I need to heal myself. I’m working on boundaries right now with my mom. She never has had any boundaries and I’m making boundaries now. I truly thank you for sharing this!

[@jainfreeman9587]

Might wanna put Mom in a home if $ allows! She sounds TOXIC

[@Lyrielonwind]

I have noticed that, unless they are old and need to grab your arm to walk, most narcissists and psychopaths don't usually walk at the same pace than you. They need to be one or a few steps "ahead" of you while walking along a sidewalk or anywhere (especially in public). Another, most toxic parents (mothers especially) cut the hair of their chosen girl-scapegoat like a boy and dress them like little girls until they rebel in their teenage years.

[@cyndimoring9389]

I walk behind because I am guarded. I was raised by an unpredictable narc.

[@HeartFeltGesture]

A common tactic of a narcissistic parent is Infantilization - continuing to treat their offspring like children regardless of their age, maturity, development and life experience. This is how they knowingly invalidate you and steal your power. They also do this to perpetuate the parent / child power dynamic even though at a certain stage it is natural to become equals and friends with your children as they become mature adults. The scapegoat is particularly invalidated, because the narcissist has designated you as the family loser, the black sheep, the problem child, the family f*ck up. This is why your achievements go unnoticed and unacknowledged or they downplay anything you might achieve "oh anybody can do that", because the narcissists narrative about you must always be upheld both within the family and to whoever else they have control of outside the family i.e family friends (even your own friends) and extended family. This invalidation is very confusing and inspires the scapegoat to obsessively seek validation and approval from the reluctant narcissist parent(s) and this obsessive drive also continues into adulthood and how you function out in the world. You never get to feel like you are enough and rest in your own self-enjoyment and self-validation like a healthy person does. The narcissist will play this game as long as they can into your adult life, until you wake up, begin to understand what has been done to you (systematic psychological abuse over many decades) start to heal and set boundaries and refuse to allow it anymore. In many or most cases this will involve no contact with the family of origin (including siblings who have been brainwashed to also treat you as the scapegoat), you can not hope to heal while still being in this toxic dynamic.

[@psyolytesaille]

Mine tried to Barbie and girly dress me but stopped bothering after I came home with dirty tights. I didn't care what I wore, I was playing in it.

[@eeaotly]

Rebelion doesn't make them stop.

[@KatrinAndHerWoolf]

When I was 6 my mum got me to the hairdresser. She was always angry at my hair because they were thin and used to tangle. After having a cut I looked like a boy, it was awful for me. I was ashamed. My mum didn't ask me about my hairstyle earlier.

[@maryannschumacher1370]

Clearly you have found your calling...God bless your kind heart! 👍🌞🥰

[@csstudio3648]

These triggers are so familiar! The story of the dad with his daughter hit home. My dad always walks ahead of everyone no matter the circumstances. It always irritated me when I was younger. Now that I'm more educated about Narcissism I realize that the behavior is linked to his strong narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies. Smh.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Yes. They always walk more than a few steps ahead from you. It's a pattern I have noticed too. They need to feel they are "followed".

[@DrKimSage]

Yes - it’s such a self focused behavior that lacks accountability 🥺🥺

[@melodydonovan7884]

I have all of these you mentioned. I think as well as childhood molestations. I had two unavailable parents. I am very wounded and I walked through my life and through 3 broken marriages protected and watched over my children. Now I am 70 and I still act out and isolate, have triggers and often feel so distrusting of humans. I am so wounded. I try all the work. I listen to these podcasts.

[@chilloften]

Thank you for sharing, it’s a special gift to me and I’m very grateful. One of the hardest triggers for me is at work, in healthcare, it’s when the families are very tight knit and concerned for their loved ones. It triggers me because my family now lives all over the place in USA or others I’ve gone no contact with. And then for me…that all just stems from my country using every way possible to destruct the family. I’m angry about it. Sometimes I cry at work or I’ll get choked up. It’s only embarrassing if I think others noticed.

[@tonyrice954]

Definitely relate. Sociopath father and mom who was not available to nurture. I’m a single dad of an autistic dude, and a daughter who is doing very well in veterinary school. I too am diagnosed with mild autism, have survived years of devastating anxiety, depression and alcoholism. In recovery 20 years and counting. I’ve done a LOT of therapy, and can always benefit from doing more. I dedicated m life to being there for them, yet I can see from this video that I am still carrying a lot of baggage. Fwiw, being a single dad who has prioritized family, at all a cost, above career, I can be quite invisible. Wouldn’t trade the journey, but I am ok with acknowledging the costs too.

[@lauracicero-miller3238]

Wow this was, is me! Thanks for explaining this, then you are made to feel bad, for wanting things.even your basic needs being met. You are taught that your needs just don't matter. Very sad for little ones

[@ASMRstorytellingmum]

When I was a child my father died when i was 2 and a half, my mother met a man who had got out of prison she began to hate me because I was my dad's not her new partners child, well he sexually abused me, physically and mentally, i was locked in cupboards for hours and starved you know he would always punch me in the stomach i found out later it's because usually it bruises on the inside not the outside. My mother ignored my pleas for help just beat me to shut up. Anyway he was a big alcoholic and just had this look in his eyes you know where i knew i was going to be attacked one way or another and i can't cope being around men that drink at all I mean they scare me so much i freeze sometimes. I'm 40 now and i watched other videos of yours and you know i have RA, Mirizzi syndrome, constant bowel issues and other things so i just find you so amazing honestly because you are so on point. I went through the who self harming and tried to take my own life but i made it and people think oh it's ok now she's ok but no still things trigger me still i have alot of things that I'm dealing with which relates to the childhood trauma, but once they had me past the no self harm, no suicide tenancies they kind of were like yes your ok now but really it's a very long lasting thing. Thank you so much just wanted to share my story with you though it's just the tip really. Many blessings.

[@ASMRstorytellingmum]

Something else I noticed about myself when i was younger I was very sexually provocative with what i wore the way i acted and they linked that to me thinking it's the only way to get attention from my trauma I was wondering your thoughts on that please 💖

[@VeganTrove]

Your channel is like a good TV series on a streaming service that one starts to watch, and ends up binging and binging.🥰

[@carolynwright3026]

That is leaving a child unattended!! That breaks my heart too when I see that!!

[@DrKimSage]

It is! And the next morning, I saw him crossing the street and holding her hand, and I was like, ok, well that's good. But I kept watching and he minute they did, he dropped her hand. Triggered all over again - lol!! Thank you for being here with me! "the minute*

[@mimsay2u]

Although Dr. Kim presented this segment in a calm and almost conversational way, I had to keep stopping and going back because I flew off into memories and then missed the next tidbit. Wait! What? Rewind. Repeat. Must have done that a doz. times. Lots to chew on from the video. Thank you Dr. Kim but thank you too commenters, I really get a lot of insight and healing from you all! In my day, none of this was discussed, so glad we are moving forward in empathy and acceptance.

[@karissahenry2277]

I recently ended a 2 year relationship with a man who spoiled his daughter growing up. She is actually 8 years older than me but he refuses to tell her about me because she has stopped talking with him in the past over petty stuff. She comes to see him about once a year and only when there's something in it for her. Never for his bday or father's day. Never when he needs help. Lately she has been single and she is turning 38 soon. Feeling sorry for herself and now suddenly needs her dad. I was okay with her not knowing about me when she never came around. Mostly because she is not a nice person and would start drama. But since she is coming around, I feel so left out and like she replaced me as his #1 priority. He just treated her to a trip to Montana when I had been asking him to go for my last two birthdays. The last one being my 30th. My bday is a week after Valentine's day and she decided last minute to come up that weekend (because she is single this year) after not visiting for a year before that. She only lives 3 hours away and travels regularly. Instead of telling her it was a bad weekend, I didn't get to spend any time with him. We got into a huge fight and never ended up celebrating my 30th bday at all. Not even a happy birthday from him. Then I find out she came up and went skiing and snowshoeing without him while he ice fished. Last time she came up she went kayaking without him. It's like she doesn't care about him at all. I haven't left our state in 17 years. She has lived in different states all over the country. I know she is just using him and he is just so excited that she's coming around that he puts me on the back burner. It literally breaks my heart. I would do anything for that man. I'm the one who was always here for him. Loving him. Giving him affection. Giving him my time. Being beyond loyal to him. She treats him like dirt and he still puts her as #1. Growing up I would do everything and anything to get my dad to love and notice me and it never worked. He hates me to this day. I don't understand why some women are worthy of love and cherished on this earth and why some of us are treated like crap and hurt over and over. It's usually the good hearted loyal people who get used by others.

[@mendingmandy869]

Wow. So many of these strong emotions in me must be flashbacks. The part of being misjudged hit me hard. I had a complicated time in college. I went to stay with my friend after my narcissistic guardian kicked me out of my childhood home she stole. My friend's brother was in the navy and we started talking when I met him home from deployment. My friend was upset and had me leave her house after 2 years of friendship and 10 months of staying with her and her parents. I continued to date her brother. We are married now. But she cut me off for 4 years and her parents and her wouldn't let me come over and see them for those 4 years. They loved me. We were friends. I thought they knew me. That triggered me and it still bothers me to this day. They are my inlaws. No one has talked about it. They all started talking to me after his sister decided to make amends. She told me she was jealous and worried I'd replace her. She was insecure in her relationship with her brother. I allowed her back in my life. My husband tells me it's complicated and I need to move on cuz it's been years. He doesn't realize how I feel mistrust towards them still because of that childhood wound. I feel like an outsider and that they only took me back for access to him. When they visit, I feel so lonely. They're also an enmeshed family I've noticed. How do I move past this?

[@andreadonegan4780]

Yes trying to consciously be aware of this. Like you said checking in and seeing what is it that reminds me of my childhood. For sure authority figures can do that for me or as you said being misunderstood.

[@minoruhaginoya2249]

Walking way ahead of me - that's what my father always did and it always hurt. But as a small child i had no words for it nor did i know, that this and other stuff would have such a terrible impact on my development. I always felt so lonely and sad. I'm married with a child and having a small kid really brought up a lot of silent grieving on how much i missed out. I really feel stuck.

[@VeganTrove]

That father letting his daughter be way behind him would piss me off too. That's a worry.

[@onlypearls4651]

Projection of our own experiences onto others and situations is what needs to be examined here.

[@KP-vl1to]

I have no need for people. I like people, but i don't need anyone to feel whole. I love solitude. I enjoy being alone and having space to think. The ideal relationship partner, for me, I would appreciate being given the chance to smell the flowers and not be yelled at to hurry up or whatever while having someone to also be there doing their own thing. Parralel play can look like neglect if you have a childhood neglect wound. We have to be careful about projecting our own traumas at others.

[@GabrieleFerraro]

Thank you for sharing these triggers, I think I was sort of aware about some but this video relieved a lot of the shame I felt about it

[@kelley764]

Just want to say that I appreciate your videos so much! Your content helps me feel like my current struggles are perfectly normal considering all my childhood trauma. Thank you for putting yourself out there and taking the time to make these videos. I hope you know how valuable you are!! 💗 PS - You have the most soothing voice!

[@brightphoebesays]

Reminds me of how my dad used to drive me to school age 13 to 16, 45-minute drive, and never spoke a word. One time we were stopped in traffic and in the car next to us was a Caribbean man singing along to reggae, window wide open, and he smiled at me while still singing. And it just meant so much to see how different life could be, and to seen and acknowledged. I'm so grateful to that man. I get really triggered by being misjudged because of a traumatic experience at the Border crossing once. And I'm very triggered by women whose husbands take care of them and love them, cuz I am on my own and mine didn't. Yes my mom was a stay-at-home mom and I always thought I'd be just like her when I grew up and that I'd have a man who went to work everyday like my daddy did and paid all the bills and took care of us. So not having that as an adult, yes I guess that's where it comes from. It's very hurting when I see other girls my age who do have that, especially if they don't realize that it's not a given and that other women don't have it, especially if they blame me for my choices. But my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would in childhood. And I have bridged the generation gap too, when women could expect to be taken care of, and now when they can't. Men don't even want women who don't earn, anymore.

[@prof.burton8412]

Very insightful, Dr. Sage. I can honestly relate to how certain happenings can arise to "spoil my lunch", during the day/ week. I really do think the hardest part is not knowing why it bothers me, and why I feel the way I do. Thank you.

[@sandra3193]

My trigger also, I saw a neighborhood 3 year old struck by a car when her mother was gardening over as hundred yards from the street, to top it off the child had a big ball. Yes, in attentitive parenting.

[@sandyperkins237]

My Mamma Trauma has darkened my whole life.I was abused,ignored,and served as the scape goat.I live alone, after a self imposed mindset , of I am the only one that needs the safety of seclusion.I can love animals,but stop at Humans.I am 68.

[@angelika7424]

I'm glad I found your channel. Thanks a lot for your authentic videos 🙏🏼

[@cathychase663]

this is a return video for me- when you talk about your life it helps the most - so relate I had neglect and so much stern feelings of abandonment...etc...

[@rosiesullivan2604]

Boy oh boy 👏👏😁 this was truly liquid gold to my ear. Wow !!! This was sooo good you excelled and shone today. Actually it all made sense, I used to think it was just me being silly being sensitive , it sounds odd to say its comforting knowing that your not alone on this rollercoaster of triggers Lol 😂. Everything you mentioned was just right . Well done !!! Bravo♥️ 😁👏

[@DrKimSage]

You are definitely not alone!💗💗

[@GratefulGoddess444]

Hearing about this father upsets me & I don't even know the person! I feel bit angry... like something has to be done about it. Poor little girl. My neglect was from my mom not my dad. But it's so strange to be affected by a situation I'm not a part of! I'm glad you provided tools to help. Thanks so much for your videos 💚

[@KMBblessings]

God blessed me with neighbors who took me to the zoo as a child. Other neighbors fed me and let me play at their house.

[@casualviewer_]

Omg the strong emotions one is the worst 😂 I get panic attacks from other people's negative emotions because I had to navigate my parent's emotions every second of the day. I've had to learn the difference between feeling my emotions and other's emotions. It's draining honestly, and I've had to walk away from people who are too emotional/worked up, and most of the time, it's not even at me 😂 ugh

[@anasellors5562]

Yes !! The misjudged OMG . My mum still say “trues” about who I am which is just to hurt and diminish my self. And I don’t say anything because she will make so much noise and dig deeper and deeper in a frenesi of attacks - crazy

[@lavernevictoriacarol4531]

I'm amazed at how you 'get me', Dr. Sage! Thank you for making these videos available to us on KZbin - sanity for life! Blessings to you and your efforts to share your care:)

[@ZaylaHaven]

Thank you so much! Your videos are so helpful for me. The tone of your voice is very soothing.

[@schannaish]

This was so validating, thank you for sharing ❤ I appreciate my therapist so much, but it’s different hearing these things from a psychologist that actually understands what all this feels like

[@Sakuragaokaeibikoen]

Thank you so much, you have helped me so much. I was neglected, but was suppose to be the perfect child. I fawned after my mother. Tried to heal her. But I know I could not. I am broken but working on healing. Thank you!

[@daveyboy6214]

I think the seen described sounds sounds wonderful . I never had anybody care enough to walk me anywhere in front back or beside.

[@cathyhunnemeder3064]

It’s about Neglect! Wow that says it all..

[@xoBlackLightningox]

You look so beautiful in this video, you always are! But this one you just look like you are glowing and its so inspiring.. thank you once again for sharing your knowledge and helping us all heal ❤

[@vickieheather9682]

A real trigger for me as well. It made me so mad when I watched my mother watch my kids. It brought home much of how she was with me.

[@JDforeveralone]

6:22 Nr 4 feeling alone. That hit home. It's right now just after one a.m and I've decided since a week to just ghost everyone except my son - just not to make him worried. I have got a circle of really good friends but just can't get rid of that reoccurring feeling of not being understood, appreciated, just feeling overlooked and alone. Yes, I attach my own mental state too much to the external and all. I've learnt that from some other clips as well. Trying to turn inwards and clean up my mess yet not knowing if I ever will......

[@renztaylor5904]

Yes!

[@dnk4559]

Thank you for addressing this issue. I work with seniors teaching fitness classes. One of the attendees kept complaining about the music I was playing today and then during class compared my music to two other instructors who also teach there. I follow the rules and use the fitness music app only selecting fitness music for seniors. The one I started was not a good selection so I changed the music to another one. The other instructors just download music they like so it’s not modified for copy right issues and does sound a lot better. Anyhow I realized how triggered I felt being publicly compared to other instructors choices for music. I have to gently remind myself that it’s ok to follow the recommendations legally recommend for fitness instructors even if the other ones do not. I may not be a favorite obviously but I know I do truly care and will keep looking for music they like better.

[@MarinaMontagueSUZ]

Fascinating Compelling thought provoking

[@Rose-pj1fg]

Dr. Sage, thank you for making this video🙏🏻🥰🌈🌻 Today was one of those days for me. Watching your video really comforted me

[@rtshaw3621]

Every one describes me to perfection. My home life was with a narcissistic schizophrenic violent mother no father figure.

[@NM-gy6tx]

Ive even stopped going to the country parks now here because if you think parents are careless with these children you ought to see how careless they are with dog owbership. And that is a HUGE trigger for me because this is when dangerous situations run wild.. literally run WILD! Dogs jumping up at you covered in mud and water because theyve just been allowed to run through pond water with baby ducks (that should be protected and theyre not) and whenever you try and say anything you get the same old crap back "oh sorry hes so soft! He wont bite!" Next minute on the news or social media a child has been killed by a dog. And it just winds me up no end as i dont walk anymore in those as theyre so stressful.

[@mmohseni69]

Thank you so much for taking a time and being sensitive enough to share it you are great and doing a great job. I love hearing you almost every day and I am grateful have an amazing day or night stay safe👏🙏

[@rosyloveslearning3013]

My anxiety went up listening to the story. 🙏🏼

[@faticus5369]

You’re saving my sanity!

[@livingareallifeabroad7588]

Great content Kim. I find your work amazing as a wounded child and psychotherapist myself 🤗

[@aliciaacevedo291]

You really hit things on the nail head! I feel like I don’t even know what is triggering, also everything is triggering. I am trying to be more aware and understand myself. I have been really spiraling lately, I am not sure what to do at this point of my life as I am a grown woman in a beautiful relationship with a gentle loving person but I can not seem to just get through right now. I am really considering a group therapy situation and I welcome any suggestions if anyone has any. Sending love ❤️ to everyone

[@jamesross8683]

You are a truly beautiful soul Dr. Sage! THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing both your professional....and personal wisdom with the wider global community. I am certain that I speak for countless individuals when I tell you that your wise, sensitive, and thoroughly PROFESSIONAL counsel is impacting lives in profound and life changing ways! Namaste. 🙏

[@saraneil262]

I appreciate all of your videos about BPD, but I truly appreciate when you also take the time to share your own experiences.

[@MsSylvana63]

I am a new subscriber and deeply resonate with your offerings. ✨🙏🏼✨

[@uebermodean]

To me that father daughter scenery also has a different aspect. To me it shows that life isn't perfect. Life does not acknowledge our moral standards and the way of how we want to see things through our lenses to be ideal and perfect. The scenery may seem cruel or it really is but yet at least to me we are responsible for our own life but not for that of everybody else. I think accepting that, not getting kicked into saviour or whatsoever mode is also what a trigger could teach us.

[@IaraRibS]

Your tone of voice is so nice to hear!

[@aaliyahyoung1542]

I started crying when you talked about mistakes. At work recently, I email my boss my time card everyday and when he went to add them he said he was missing a day. I was so upset. He started apologizing and I had to assure him that no it's not you It's just I know I sent it and I tried so hard this week to do it everyday and I know how important it is. He ended up finding the email but I look back and I have to think why was I so upset?

[@AbdouAzizMané-v5z]

Merci encore une fois et pour tous

[@kathyjones9731]

Thank you so so much for your chanel...really grateful. 😊🙏 my challenge is not being sure if it is intuition or my trauma and attachment styles when dating...it can get tiring...keep up the great work❤❤🙏🙏 from Australia

[@vickieheather9682]

There is sooo much that speak of that I have gone through. Working on it.

[@Victoria-uq8mf]

I am a power walker because my dad never slowed down for me to catch up with him. My husband often says "honey why are you walking so fast? Why are you in a hurry?" "Slow down. You're stressing yourself out."

[@lillygandar844]

you are such a lovely soul. i just enjoy watching and listerning to you so much.

[@amylandry4108]

I totally understand these triggers 😢

[@Cyndia1969]

Feels good to be understood❤

[@philliprader6298]

Very thankful for your videos they really help me understand myself better just wish my wife did

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you for being here...hope some day you can feel more understood with her.🙏

[@YOU-niter]

I’m desperate to work out/understand what’s ‘wrong’ with me🥺 I done a test revealing I’m anxious attachment style..& it’s blowing my mind to only learn now @ 49 that this is what’s hindered me & my mental health etc & that no wonder 💭 I have felt so anxious/lost/confused most my life as it’s impacted how I’ve dealt with the trauma’s, insensitivity’s of others, my relationships, & my whole perception of everything in my life. It’s a double edged sword to have learnt my attachment style because now I know I’ve put everyONE else b4 MySelf so was no wonder I’ve struggled like I have through life & am now angry with MySelf that half my life (if I live to 100) was lived like this! I Am desperate to change it but don’t know where to start..😔 could you help me know where to start 🙏 please.. so Grateful for wonderful people like you who help people like me who have searched for help for so very long, then find YOU! Thank YOU you’re God sends! 💐​@@DrKimSage

[@carolynsager6069]

I cant help but remember a video on you tube I watched recently..WF? where it was explained why people love scary movies. Because whe you see it you get a fear trigger and it feels real so you get very scared. Then suddenly it hits you its not real, it is NOT happening to you and you laugh. Im not a big horror fan. I dont like seeing bad things I can not get out of my mind after that. But it is a lot like what you are teaching us.

[@Isabella.s414]

Just subscribed. I’ve been binge watching. Ty.

[@NM-gy6tx]

You should come live where I do. I dont just see one parent doing this but about 20! On their phones (cells) smoking (cigarettes) swearing (cursing) I had to change those words because i'm British. They just don't care. I've always held my sons hand and I'm not able to do this now because he's going into 11 soon and is wanting his independence more. But yeah! I get frustrated by this so much. They'so neglected and close to dangerous cars it just amazes me!

[@susie5254]

The first few scenarios you described (especially feeling ignored) must've really struck a chord inside me because immediately I got a stomach ache (and also another symptom that generally precedes a depressive episode. I won't bother describing this symptom since I've never yet heard anyone who is familiar with this sensation.) If I make a mistake, I almost hate myself, yet I seem to console everyone else who makes a mistake. I'm trying to learn to forgive myself for being human.

[@angelallen7535]

I get this feeling. Like a tight knot In my stomach. Sometimes it gets so bad I feel like I have a creature in me try to get out to lash out. In the end it completely exhausts me and I get depressed. Much of the time I don't understand what caused it. My therapist says it's anxiety and my fight and flight response. Dr sage has been really helpful in my understanding of what my therapist has says and identifying things that could be possible triggers.

[@successfulperson3304]

Wow you are ao good!! Bless you and thank you!! Hugs from the Netherlands

[@yt7377]

That would trigger me too😢

[@carmenhartman1219]

I eventfuly just numed out. Then i was ok.💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝 when i lost my dad i changed.. I felt my self go away"😘 i.never got huged or any thing. Life went on!!

[@leobeaupre858]

Yeah, you are the perfect therapist for this Subject I feel Comfortable 😌 with you.. : - )

[@whitneynewberry6981]

Im so glad I've found you and have enjoyed each video that I have watched so far (actually deciding where to start and which to dive into first has been the hardest part lol such great content); this one though...earns the number 1 spot on my favorites list thus far. Heres a huge shout out to you for sharing your knowledge and time but even more beautifully, your vulnerability❤

[@zm2308]

Thank you.

[@littlefire1976]

Come to the Ozarks!

[@maryannschumacher1370]

BTW, did anyone ever tell you your voice sounds a lot like Brene' Brown? And equally compassionate 👍

[@summerhill8263]

E X C E L L E N T ! Thank you!💕

[@thecunningslug]

I self-harmed when my relationship ended. Then the gossip round mine and my ex's local was that I attacked him with a knife. It was absolute rubbish, but it was really triggering bc I wasn't able to defend myself.

[@lisaconrad219]

You help me. Thank you

[@genkafioofficial9653]

After having done repressed memory work I had this thought that my dad tried to smother me as a new born baby. I don't know if it's a real memory or if I'm making this up. One thing for sure he has been abusive to me all his life, and him trying to kill me would not be far fetch knowing other things he's done. I never met my mom either. I feel like I have a boiling liquid poored down my throat all day long. A bunch of weird symptoms. I just want to catch a break from mental and physical pain. What should I do