How We Unconsciously Destroy Emotional Intimacy And Keep Others At A Distance

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

“Dependency is not a bad word.” (Amir Levine & Rachel Heller)
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[@jacobwilliams5271]

People aren't trustworthy.

[@andreashulten2161]

This one is a ten out of ten. It’s really good and valuable. This distancing tendensy is really destructive and you bring it up so good in this video. Instead we have to replace it with a closeness tendency I think.

[@NielMalan]

The "unconscious" part of it so important! I worked very hard and went on a date. My date told me all about her divorce, and my thinking mind knew that I should reciprocate so we could stay emotionally in tune, but I my panicking mind produced a long list of excuses why I couldn't share any of my relationship experiences. So my emotions shut down (is that deactivation?) and the date withered on the vine, and I'm still dealing with the emotional hangover from the energy sucked out of me by that suppression. At no point did I actually experience the fear or discomfort that comes from sharing intimate and painful facts about oneself, because the avoidance worked so well. The only emotion I felt was a twinge of guilt because I knew I wasn't treating my partner fairly.

[@Teasehirt]

I have discovered the disposition of making it more about the relationship than myself or my partner. Investing time and effort towards the relationship and letting that be the vehicle that drives the connection forward. This work best when you are both on board with the idea. It also stops resentments and idolization from building up. Thank You - Great Videos.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

This perspective really resonates with me, thanks for sharing!

[@redblueiris]

The story of my life 🙂 ...thanks for making these videos

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I'm glad the video resonated with you!

[@Ridingrules10000]

I like the description of "inverting" deactivating strategies.

[@verntweld51]

So I’m thinking that another way to describe dependency is participation, and the best use of our autonomy is to choose to participate in relationships that cause us to grow and flourish.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

That really resonates with me! Love it! 💫

[@jf1763]

Such a revelation for me, Dr Maika! Thank you so much!

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

That‘s great 👍🏻✨🌈

[@dersonnenschuh4197]

Thanks again

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

🌸

[@DAClub-uf3br]

I have given up smoking and drinking. I have not learned how to be emotionally or otherwise intimate. I don't like telling people things about me unless they need to know. I also avoid events whenever possible since I have chronic social anxiety.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Congratulations on giving up smoking and drinking, that's wonderful! I'm sorry to hear about your social anxiety, that does make it hard to enter emotionally intimate bonds. You're probably aware of this, but since it's so important: just like smoking and drinking aren't part of your personality, social anxiety isn't. It's an acquired pattern, and you can learn to give it up and live a full a life. If it's hard on your own, perhaps try turning to a mental health professional. All the best to you! ❤

[@bhavinidasi5123]

Thank you

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

🙂

[@vaidaandziuleviciute5432]

Thank you for clearly laid information with examples in your videos. Very much appreciate that! 💗 Would it be possible to get a video about how to deal with collected anger and how to express anger in a healthy way. Thank you in advance very much! 🙏

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Thank you for the encouraging comment, means a lot 🙂🙏💖! Yes, actually, I've been wanting to talk about anger again, so this is a good nudge to take this topic further up on my list of possible future video topics. (It might take a bit, I always film a couple of weeks in advance.)

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

By the way, have you already seen my first video on anger? kzbin.info/www/bejne/hZqwmaiie6d0qtE

[@vaidaandziuleviciute5432]

@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you very much for this link. Appreciate that! And p.s. very nice garden :)

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Thanks :)

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

@Vaida The video answering your question is out :-) kzbin.info/www/bejne/a3KVqKaFbNGDiqM

[@mirelladlima5278]

Would it be correct to come to the conclusion that persons with this attachment style will often have “Trust issues” in their romantic relationships ?

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

They can, yes, but attachment styles are generally very unique and individual, its not guaranteed that they'll have trust issues...

[@ojasviniradhadevidasi]

que superr videoo.!!!!

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

🙂🦋

[@mariashumilova1784]

💖💖💖

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

🙂🙋🏼‍♀️

[@madhappy77]

this was so, so helpful to me as an avoidant leaning anxious avoidant who has been doing a lot better in general lately but continues to have nasty fights and shakey relationships 🥲🥹