My Coming Out Story 📙

🌈Coming to know yourself fully is an act of ongoing discovery. In today's video...I share my journey in detail.
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#comingout #mycomingoutjourney #queeraf

[@janicereidlinger9957]

Thank you so much for posting this. I love your authenticity, your vulnerability, your calm acceptance of yourself. You are a beautiful man. (This from a 69 years old woman.)

[@ServandoIV]

i actually never came out, it’s just understood that i was not going to marry and have children, my family nor relatives never asked, but they treated me no different, only one member if my family asked in confidence…but i guess it just really depends on your family’s culture and upbringing, i’m always thankful i was born in a family like mine

[@EcstaticSelf]

It’s great to be happy with the life you’ve been given!

[@petercourtien4581]

Hi Kae, I didn’t know why, but I felt that this video was required viewing before delving into your other videos. The emotions which you discuss in this video have overwhelmed me. I feel like I could choke on the feelings pushing up to the back of my throat. I am completely disconnected emotionally from myself and the rest of the world. I am quivering and weeping right now. It’s difficult to type. I am 56 and my life is, on the surface, something most people only dream about. A 22 year relationship with a wonderful man, a wonderful family, close friends, great health, a great job, an apartment in NYC and a condo in Miami Beach. That’s the good stuff. I’m also addicted to social media and the news. I am often bored and lonely. I am in aching need of an emotional and spiritual connection that I can’t seem to find. I’m really good at torturing myself emotionally. I see my “self” in terms of how I think other people see me.I am lost and exhausted. I had to get this out and this seemed like a safe place to do that. I’m going to continue listening to what you have to say. Thank you for listening.

[@EcstaticSelf]

I hope what I offer on here is helpful to you on your journey. Sending you much love and light!! I hope you find the happiness and peace you seek.

[@edwardholbrook8351]

Hi, Peter This video led me to admit to myself many of the same things you describe. At times, I cried while watching this, remembering how I felt when I was younger (I’m now 49). I want to share some things I’ve learned the hard way. I had “the good life” as I defined it for many years. Then my mother died. She was also my best friend. I didn’t grieve appropriately. I lost “the good life” due to a series of mistakes I made trying to fill the void her death had left. I ended up moving back in with my dad at 40. I was penniless, I’d been arrested for shoplifting, & my long-term relationship had ended. I’d also lost my career of 20 years. Through quite painful reflection & evaluation, I realized I hadn’t really had all that I needed aside from the material possessions. I realized material possessions didn’t define me. So I started over from the ground up. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m also addicted to social media, BUT I learned to choose what I subscribed to. I don’t watch the news. I don’t watch network tv. I’ve also learned that the way I think other people see me is entirely wrong. I’m my own worst critic. I’ve learned to let many things just go. I’ve had to let some people just go including family. I hope you find peace & joy & meaning in your life. I wish you well. 💙

[@petercourtien4581]

@@edwardholbrook8351 thank you so much for sharing your story with me. You are very thoughtful. Right now, I feel like self discovery is the only thing I need to accomplish in my life. Better late than never. And 56 is not that late anyway.❤️

[@EcstaticSelf]

@@edwardholbrook8351 Blessings to you, my brother. May you find peace and wellbeing. Xox

[@Nourr1992]

I love the way you express your emotions along with the story so lovely .

[@tedgeiss6710]

Very insightful. I am 63 and never have had a relationship. I have been out since I was 18 and watching your video I don’t feel bad any longer. Though I get lonely I am ok. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@markalles881]

Hi! Thanks for sharing this - it was both interesting and very touching.... As for myself, I'm 63 and came out in 1977 (before the Internet, Facebook, Instagram, etc.) - - keep in mind that this was Pre-AIDs and in the crest of the sexual revolution... people were going at each other like they were "candy" with bathhouses, glory holes, etc. I tried to get into the scene, but I never really fit in.... Now, 30+ years later I am one of the few people in my group who are still alive (due to AIDS), and can say I have been in love ONCE... It really felt good to hear someone who had experiences somewhat similar to mine (but your life is exponentially more interesting than mine). Take care....

[@travisbell736]

Your voice is so soothing & full of emotions as you talk about your life. I could listen to you all the time

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe. Thank you so much! That feels really nice :)

[@travisbell736]

@@EcstaticSelf oh and I just ordered a copy of your book. I can’t wait to read it 👍🏻😉

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe. THANK YOU

[@theo.barcelona]

I love your coming-out story !!! So genuine & so touching and very inspiring!!! Thanks for sharing !!!

[@louidfine72]

Your story is beautiful , tender and emotional. You have helped me to understand myself and the regret of not taking the exploration of my feelings at a much younger age . I have someone whom I care about greatly and

[@joshmills5219]

Thank you for sharing so honestly. American culture has done great damage. I think many late-blooming and intellectual gay-leaning bi and gay men have similar experiences. Rationalizing that we want to "be like" attractive guys. Self-sabotaging dates with women. Being drawn to spiritual practices which make taboo most erotic experiences. Age 25-26 seems to be a crisis point as our straight peers begin marrying: it was for me. And the intense adolescent heartbreak at an age when it seems so inappropriate, ugh, followed by peaceful self-acceptance. Great studio and relaxing music.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe. Thank you so much for watching and sharing your experience! I wholeheartedly agree. I’d enjoy hearing more about what you have to say!

[@jackx917]

Just found your media sites today, wonderful insight and advice! As a man who was a virgin until I came out at 27, and have been out of the closet longer than that, I only recently (about 5 years ago) found myself attracted to Trans Men. It was certainly a surprise to me, but have had a couple of encounters in the last few years, one which I was completely enraptured by only a month ago. Unfortunately, he lives in another state and is married to a Trans man.

[@francopena627]

I don't even know what to say. Feel so very thankful to you for letting me be part of such a journey. That really touched my heart, got so many feelings out of me, sadness, joy, happiness, love!! Thank you! Much blessings. Namaste 🙏

[@EcstaticSelf]

Many blessings to you too, brother. Namaste!

[@vistavie9972]

beautiful. thank you for been raw and YOU!

[@EcstaticSelf]

😘😘😘

[@edwardholbrook8351]

Thank you for such a great share. I’ve gone through many of the same things you have, & at times I was crying while watching this. Also, you have the most calming voice. Thank you again.

[@EcstaticSelf]

You’re very welcome, Edward. Thank you for engaging!

[@Mark-zu6oz]

I can relate to a lot of your story. Much of it is similar to mine, except it took me until i was in my 40's to truly start accepting myself.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Feels good, doesn’t it?

[@Mark-zu6oz]

@@EcstaticSelf Yes it does!

[@A83-u7x]

Thank you for sharing this. Coming out stories are so varied and so personal. I’m always interested in how these often come up at parties when we feel less inhibited. I usually find my initial experience was so much easier due to my circumstances. However, that didn’t protect me from heartbreak or heteronormative society. I went on a very different journey to yours; yet there are so many similarities within the opposite experiences.

[@EcstaticSelf]

❤️❤️❤️❤️ so much respect and love to you

[@williamfahey6066]

Hi Kae , I am sorry you went through so much. Life can be hard to deal with but, it can be wonderful too. I lost my family because of my sexual orientation. Looking back at one point as I did , I came to realize, in my case, they did me a favour by cutting me out. If they had remained in my life their presence would have held me back from my spiritual journey. This is a wonderful video you have shared. I am sure it will help a lot of other people. Love to you and yours, Jeff

[@EcstaticSelf]

Thank you so much, Jeff. I’m glad you can look back on your story with gratitude. Much love to you, brother!

[@lesperonis1146]

Hey Kae, wow ... what a wonderful honest story, mate I must say your story brought tears to my eyes, after hearing your story, I believe that you so deserve meeting your life partner, the universe as you now know is certainly looking after you, I guess it really is about the Journey not so much the destination, Thank you for letting people into your experience of coming out ! I am sure this will help so many people 🙏💝

[@sinhaparimal6299]

There's something I don't really understand is that ; Why is it necessary to come out and tell the world about your sexuality? And why NOT LIVE & LET LIVE !?! After all your life doesn't affect your others in this world. Well this is how I feel.

[@EcstaticSelf]

I tell lots of different stories on my channel. ...Why I stopped acting, How I met my partner, What it was like growing up bullied. I think stories provide healing. If it’s not your type of story, feel free to watch a different one.

[@sinhaparimal6299]

Maybe you didn't understand my view. I love all your efforts. The way you narrate your views or stories, I love them a lot. I was just talking about this phenomenon that are really emphasised in the Gay world of "coming out things". Personally I can NEVER EVER CONDEMN ANYONE FOR WHATEVER LIVES HE/ SHE HAS CHOOSEN TO LIVE. THAT'S WHY I SAID THAT THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE " LIVE & LET LIVE". AFTER ALL HOWEVER & WHATEVER LIFE I OR ANYONE CHOOSES TO LIVE DOESN'T AFFECT ANY SECOND PERSON. I AM A BOTTOM GAY . UNFORTUNATELY TRAPPED IN A SYSTEM THAT NEVER ACCEPTS THIS TYPE OF LIFE. THAT'S WHY I AM STILL A VIRGIN TILL DATE. I AM A INDIAN BY BLOOD BUT A CITIZEN OF ONE OF THE AFRICAN COUNTRIES. SO BY THIS YOU MUST HAVE REALISED BY NOW; WHAT I AM PASSING THROUGH.

[@opeyemiolanrewaju4688]

I swore to myself not to be attracted to you, but I don't think I can't keep up to that promise....lol You're giving DADDY vibes and I love it. This was such an interesting story time, I didn't want it to end. Now I've got my work set out; I have to watch all of your videos. From your latest biggest supporter, Lanre. Love from Nigeria

[@EcstaticSelf]

Oh wow. Thank you, sir!! My first boyfriend was from Nigeria. Many blessings to you!

[@opeyemiolanrewaju4688]

@@EcstaticSelf Many blessings to you too. Sir???Lol....Call me Lanre. From Nigeria? Wow, that's nice. He kinda looks like one though. Really excited to have discovered your channel, loving it so far. Really excited to be a part of this journey. xx

[@jasayehan]

Really enjoyed your video. Hugs from Singapore!

[@EcstaticSelf]

Glad you enjoyed!! Hugs from DC!

[@oofoof6070]

God I wanna cry. I've been going through some awfully stressful times because I dont know who am I or even what am I. I feel so disconnected from the me that exist to the me that I want to be. Like I with a family that is very conservative and not LGBT supportive and I want to be more open with my friends over who am I but theres always this side of me, this survivalist anxious side that tells me to never admit about my bisexuality and that anything bad that happens cuz of me, even if its inconsequential should have me punish myself. Some days I cant even enjoy playing games with my friends without doing something that my brain perceives as a mistake and making me punish myself for it. Punishing that flawed me, that version of me that is undesirable in my eyes, the one that always needs help from others, just child like self that is lost, this anxious being forces me to punish it all. I wish I could just admit it to them and tell them everything I'm going through but it's like im magic'd into not being able to say it. Seeing you have that journey if self discovery at the start made me feel sad that we went through somewhat similar routes in life (tho I didn't even date anyone) just feeling sad and fearful that this part of me may never even be talked to someone I deeply trust just...I dont know. I wish things could be easily changed. Like I have a general gut feeling god doesnt hate me for my sexuality, why else would he create me in such a way, but the fact I just cant have him directly tell me and my family that I can still be a good person, a person with value, worthy of love despite the different sexuality drives me mad. I want to just say that I exist my way and that's enough but I just can't. Sorry for the paragraph but I was scared of wasting your time on gmail.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Hey buddy. Wow. I hear all this. The amount of pressure. The amount of shame. It’s a LOT. If you ever need anyone to talk with...I am here. Shoot me an email. :)

[@deechatterton5828]

Just saw this so sorry for the tardy reply but please know this: God does not hate you for being bisexual. God created you that way. It is the people who claim to know God but are mistaken who spew hate into the world.

[@mosesaguirre2392]

You are Magnificent. You were created in the image of Source. You are everything you have been looking for. These are not polly Anna words. They are true! You were never born dirty. Your guiltlessness is guaranteed by Source!

[@oscardaone]

This was enjoyable. Thank you for sharing this. (I unfortunately never had anyone “touch me” the way you described it in this video)

[@EcstaticSelf]

Sending you virtual hugs

[@oscardaone]

@@EcstaticSelf 🤗

[@oscardaone]

@@EcstaticSelf thank you

[@anman366]

Wow what a beautiful journey and story, thank you for sharing my friend!

[@EcstaticSelf]

My sincere pleasure. Thank you for taking the time to engage. :)

[@ericccram7305]

Thank you for sharing this 🔥💕✨

[@EcstaticSelf]

My pleasure! Glad you enjoyed

[@riccardo50001]

This is such a person accounting of his experience. He makes consider whether I might want to create something like for myself, though I would not share it publicly. I'm probably three times his age, yet I continue to question and stuggle with my gay identity and am sad that I've never achieved a long term relationship. Thanks dude!

[@Alan-vm8ur]

I have tried to push my Coming Out story back into that deep dark place in my mind it was that terrible. I lost so much. It took years for me to really accept who I am.

[@EcstaticSelf]

When's the best time to plant a tree? Twenty years ago. When's the second best time? Today.

[@Himegw]

I have just found your channel and i love it. Its so calm and peceful. Very positive. Thank you.

[@rravi1045]

Thanks for sharing. It was a fascinating experience listening to your story.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@rravi1045]

@@EcstaticSelf I really love your way of responding to pretty much every comment on your videos. this is really remarkable!!!! Best, ravi

[@EcstaticSelf]

I try my best

[@skulldar]

What you said is almost exactly what i thought when i was younger! I always hought that i just wanted to look like those guys or be confident like them, and i remember always feeling like i was just waiting to be attracted to girls

[@EcstaticSelf]

❤️❤️❤️ I hope your journey has been likewise healing

[@shreyas5781]

This video was a roller coaster ride for me listening. I could definitely relate to the concluding part of your video. The idol placed in background is of Nityanand guru of ganeshpuri and Hanuman, its beautiful

[@charlescoffey695]

Thank you for sharing this with us...your openness.

[@EcstaticSelf]

My sincere pleasure

[@riccardo50001]

I guess it's a video technique, but I wonder why the camera angle changes so frequently, maybe to keep us engaged. Whatever, i like his style and will watch more . . . as time goes by.

[@2115Gren]

I just recently discovered your videos and enjoyed learning about your life experiences. So I have pressed your Subscribed button to learn more about you. Hi from a guy in Texas.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Thanks, Chris. Nice to meet you too! I’ve been to Texas dozens of times; it’s a special place. ❤️

[@myboibill]

Oh honey the fairie didn’t miss you. LOL said in a good way. You are a gay. Man’s dream walking😍

[@EcstaticSelf]

Haha. You're far too kind!

[@BrunoPessolani]

😊😊😊 Kaelan, it's really nice of you to speak about your coming out story.

[@lostboy6080]

Namaste 🙏... since the first video I watched your.. I founded some kind of connection with you and with your content.. I was always getting Vibes like , are you an Indian or something similar like that because of you might be a look a like or because of your spiritualism that as an Indian we have here. Yes, I know you're not Indian but I really like you , I don't know but I founds you really an amazing and attractive person and I am confused with the thing that I want my future partner like you or am I actually a person like you. But anyway I really loves... you. And I'm excited to watch more of your videos for more spiritualism, knowledge, experience, and etc etc.take care. Good luck.love from India 🙏

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe. Thank you, Rohit. Much love to you!! Good luck to you in your journey. I hope these things inspire you and help you discover you radiant inner self. Much love! 🙏🏼❤️

[@dominictsang]

That was a wonderful share!

[@EcstaticSelf]

Thanks so much, Dominic! Much blessings to you

[@cortlandtjones2471]

I totally get it. Experience is totally difference. My experience is a lot like yours. I eventually got married and had 3 male kids. We separated . I met a guy online and everything changed. Now I yearn for male affection. I am not getting that now.

[@eduardovanzini2470]

That was so beautiful Kae. Our stories could be different but we share that the coming out is never ending but bound to spiritual grouth completely. i might have a lot to contribute to you as you are doing it with me . I hope and wish we can have a conversation one on one . please let me know if so. Thank you. Eduardo. PD. by the way i am 65 meaning there is 59 years that i realized i was gay and started my journey.

[@bajanboinoho5378]

Thank you for sharing. This was very resonating as someone who considers himself a late bloomer.

[@CometPartyTV]

Love this, love YOU! 💖

[@EcstaticSelf]

❤️❤️❤️

[@antoniodane1]

I think you are an amazing person

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe. Well, thank you very much, Tony.

[@dubon9999]

I send all my love and support to all the LGBT people of the world ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 You all are important and very valuable even though we live in a world that makes you all believe otherwise. Remember always be proud of who you are 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 You all make from this world a better place ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 LGBT people are a rainbow of love in a world full of hate, but with difference of our straight partners, we all are united over a same flag 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 The flag of LGBT love ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 And we all must be united against hate, violence, discrimination and intolerance ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 We all are like a great family and we must fight to destroy hate ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Remember, LGBT people is love and love always wins ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 I don't care about your race, nationality, biological gender, health condition, religion or any other condition ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 If you are an LGBT person you have all my love and my support ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 You guys are not alone in this fight and all the LGBT people of all over the world needs to understand this messagge, cause just united we will win against hate and we don't have to allow that nothing divide us. Never feel bad of who you are and never allow that this cruel world change who you really are or turn off your light and your shine ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 You all born that way and remember LGBT people of all the world, at the end, love always wins ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[@Teckno72]

Girls never did much for me. After kissing my girlfriend several times and feeling nothing, I knew it would not work out. So, I knew I was gay-guys were always attractive to me. I went through some few straight boys in college. I finally found an Asian guy at a gay bar. It was like love at first sight.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Lovely

[@leeyi6824]

Did the bathhouse in Paris have a spiral staircase?

[@EcstaticSelf]

lol... I don’t really remember. Sun City, it was called.

[@bobbybrogan8643]

This is so beautiful!

[@EcstaticSelf]

Glad you enjoyed

[@AquaGemExplorer]

I desire straight man...with EQ intelligence like yours ..☝🏼🦋

[@rudilogan4175]

Dear Nameless Host: I enjoyed your story, so I say the following with some distant affection for you: sometimes you CAN overthink things.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Lol. As can we all. …and my name is Kae

[@rudilogan4175]

@@EcstaticSelf Nice to be formally introduced. Are you still in Chicago or do you take work in L.A.? Have you abandoned acting entirely? I really did enjoy your story.

[@EcstaticSelf]

@@rudilogan4175 I moved to LA in 2016...wasn't for me. Stayed for 5 months and went back to Chicago when my contract was finished with the play I was performing in. In 2018, we moved to Florida for my husband's work, and then DC in 2019. We now live just outside of DC in Maryland. :)

[@terrellholland8825]

I really did enjoy your coming out story I can relate to a lot of it besides all that you're so gorgeous just my type anyway I'm glad that you have a lover and hopefully y'all are very happy if you ever get single look me up love you my good friend and thank you

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe. Thank you, Terrell. 🙏🏼❤️

[@AhmadHidayat-j8i]

Came to Indonesia kaelan

[@greggoreo6738]

Thank U 4 your honesty. Gregg Oreo long Beach Ca

[@dwaynegrobinson4125]

Crying. No, Sobbing.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe... I hope it is good tears

[@dwaynegrobinson4125]

@@EcstaticSelf Absolutely Good Tears.

[@candecosta]

Beautiful

[@stevekirschman354]

♥️

[@EcstaticSelf]

❤️❤️❤️

[@paulprentiss8757]

That was awesome. Thanks for sharing.

[@alexweiss388]

How am I just now discovering you?! You're really deep and relatable. Just curious. Are you a Pisces sun, by any chance?

[@EcstaticSelf]

Awe. Thank you!! I don’t believe that I am… I’m born July 1

[@alexweiss388]

@@EcstaticSelf Oh cool. Pisces, Cancer.. Close enough. They're both water signs. :)

[@AhmadHidayat-j8i]

❤❤❤❤u kaelan handsome

[@rogergreener146]

I was 41 yo when I came out and ended a 21 year marriage. I was afraid of the acceptance from my parents and the church. My parents accepted me and dad gave me the first hug since I was 2yo.

[@johniii8147]

LOL in a theater program of course they knew you were into dudes.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Hindsight is 20/20 ;) ...but imagine all the people in the world who actually think all those actors in Hollywood are actually straight.

[@johniii8147]

@@EcstaticSelf True. Hell my grandmother use to think Liberace was straight. It's a cute memory now that she's passed. Called me up when the movie came out about him with his male lover. "Your were right". Had a great laugh about it.

[@Lore4Sun]

so beautiful

[@EcstaticSelf]

Many many thanks

[@bhrigurajsinghchauhan9154]

My love😚😚😚😚💪💪💪💪

[@h.l.asolomonov7674]

Why Satan will punish you he is not God that's not his job! Beside I'm sure u know Satan was the first gay?!?! He was so handsome then why would he punish homosexuals?!?!

[@EcstaticSelf]

lololol

[@johnsekonyak4040]

I love you Wch u video

[@rogergreener146]

you are much more cute now. You age very well

[@apaul8321]

Great. I love ur life story. Your words make me confident and feel good inside my heart. I want to talk with you. Are u in fb? 🙏🙏