The Weaponized Incompetence Movement

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The Weaponized Incompetence Movement reminds me of an old coworker who would pretend to be a good employee when the boss was around, and then suddenly do a 180 to someone who’s never worked a day in their life. It’s never a good idea to assume the dynamics of someone’s relationship based on a 1 minute video or post. However, we’re seeing a rise in TikToks and social media content posted by girlfriends, who feel like they’re getting the short end of the stick. Some of their partners are actively choosing to be bad at household chores to get out of them. We see kitchens not getting cleaned for a week, and being told to cook food after having a baby 2 days ago. Maybe being a couple is slightly overrated! #edvasian

[@Edvasian]

Check out Rocket Money for free: rocketmoney.com/edvasian #rocketmoney #personalfinance

[@Dead_Kerbal]

Don't tell me you stop dyeing your hair because of my comment on your other video about the skin tones...I fear my ego may explode with ''influencer power'' rush, if that is the case!!! 😀😂🙂

[@flipchuu]

asking a wife to make dinner 2 DAYS AFETR LABOUR has to be the beginning of my villain arc. cause what the actual fuck....

[@BrianaCunningham]

I would have lost it on him. She was way too calm for his outrageous ignorance.

[@pondsauceome9712]

Losing all hope in humanity with that one😭😭

[@brieoshiro]

Yeah that's insane. I premade some food (I knew when I was gonna be induced) ahead of time and froze it so he could pop it into the oven for us. He also knows how to make basic stuff or would run out to grab food. He took such good care of me, he'd send me to bed at night to rest and took care of our son all night. He was a champ. 15 years later he's still a great dad/husband.

[@pondsauceome9712]

@@brieoshiro awww❤️😭

[@maddis3047]

I work retail. Had a lady come in getting boxers for her husband... 3 days after coming home from open heart surgery. She just about passed out as she was leaving the store

[@andyshepard2780]

My dad, because he was a professional freelance artist, could take care of a lot of the household duties, while my mum worked 8 hours a day. He cooked, cleaned, did the chores, the laundry and ironed everybody's clothes. He could do that and work in his studio too, it was what made him happy. I remember one day, I must have been a young teen, when I went clothes-shopping with him, and he saw the usual couples: a stern or annoyed women pulling their men behind them to find some clothes, while they either dangled behind with a miffed face, or sat in full inertia on chairs, to wait for their wives to come back with the clothes. My dad looked at them, and then said to me quietly: "Look at them. Useless. All of them. Can't even buy their own clothes." And then proceeded to go shopping with me, merrily. He taught me cooking, DIY, fixing things around the house, all very important life skills - but this moment will always stand out to me. Thank you, Papa.

[@K.C-2049]

I'd say this sounds nice but it should just be normal. why have a family if you don't want to spend time and take care of them? why have a house if you don't want to take care of it/let it get filthy?

[@miahan8988]

Can I marry your dad? 😂 but honestly, that’s the dream right there. That’s what a partner is.

[@eiami3450]

your dad sounds like a great guy ❤

[@pliktl]

That anecdote needs a comic strip.

[@goldfishcrackers7845]

🫂🩷

[@Solanawolf]

My dad did laundry for the first time last year. He's 60. The only reason he finally did it was because I got so tired of him pretending he didn't know how to that I spent several years making fun of him for it: "Oh, you can get a phd but you can't read the inside of a washing machine?" He finally started doing the laundry. :) If men want to play at being dumb, they'd better get used to being belittled for it.

[@alelausic]

I also did this to my dad (he doesn't serve the food for himself, someone has to do it or he does not eat) so I started mocking him lightly whenever he did stuff like this and who would have thought... a month later, he was preparing instant soup in the kitchen for all of us on his own, I laughed a bit, but it was still an improvement, so I took it as a win. My mom started doing the same, and now he sets the table , and half of the time puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I'm proud because he was never taught these things, and I think it all starts by changing/challenging that mentality, we still have a long way to go tho.

[@ProPandaPlays]

i do this ALL the time not just with family members with people everywhere.. if your acting like a re*(*tard*&&*ed idiot then ima treat you like one LOL god damn im not babysitting people lol i dont even do that to people in my family def not doing it for randoms LOL

[@nickitori]

I'm Asian and if I implied even slightly that my dad is dumb, he'd yell at me for an hour about being disrespectful and ungrateful, etc.

[@miahan8988]

@@nickitoriI live in Central Europe and my parents are the same.

[@Solanawolf]

@nickitori I'm an adult and have lived on my own for a while. It took some time for me to get to the point where I was able to comment on his obvious fake incompetence. And it's for sure a dance. I have to phrase it just right and make sure the tone is light enough and do it very rarely. If I were a kid living with them, I doubt I'd do it. Definitely prioritize your safety first.

[@aeoligarlic4024]

"Women initiate most of divorce!", gee i wonder why. That guilt-trip doesn't even move me anymore. These guys deserve all the divorce they can get

[@tinycatfromhell]

"My wife left me and she took the kids and half my assets!" Yeah, and you're surprised??? Ridiculous.

[@Cretaal]

I don't wonder why. It's because you had infinite choices and that's the best you could do. Birds of a feather flock together, misery loves company and toxic finds toxic. Then y'all wonder why good men don't initiate marriage... it's more entertaining to grab some popcorn and watch the next episode of "trouble in paradise." But I'm sure women are perfect and blameless, it's the men who are the problem.

[@TheBayzent]

If she took half the assets it means he earned more, why is he doing chores as well?

[@tinycatfromhell]

@@TheBayzent How much he makes has nothing to do with that. Does he live in the house too? Then he does chores.

[@Fingerscrossedout]

​@@TheBayzentif he would be paid like childcare he wouldn't be the top earner😂

[@jaylannasweet8492]

If my partnership becomes a babysitting situation, I no longer want that partnership.

[@Honeygarlicchicken]

exactly

[@kuroroedamame]

Amen to that 🙌

[@raicrush]

My sister’s fiancé is like that and idk how long its gonna take her to realize this.

[@Honeygarlicchicken]

@@raicrush my cousin dated a guy like that, my entire family plotted against that damned relationship and now, she married an absolute gem of a guy, we're quite proud of ourselves for it

[@st4rdyy]

They don't want a partner they want a mom

[@WaitingxInxSilence]

If you’re bad at everything related to parenting or housekeeping, good luck getting any custody.

[@raero]

kinda feel like that that's what they'd hope to happen once the divorce is in order

[@lmaolol9357]

They don't want it 😢

[@Gr95dc]

this type of man are the kind that abandon their kids

[@Peachu_n_Goma_Home]

I think they regretted the wife and kids so they passive aggressively wanted out single again. It can happen to married man at any age. A man who still wants you will try better just becuz he cares

[@ndawn90]

And then the red pilled manosphere incels on the Internet turn around and claim that the fact that women tend to get custody as some sort of attack on men, instead of the reality which is that men who try to get custody are almost always granted it, it's just that most men don't even begin to try.

[@im_an_oyster]

I remember seeing a post someone made where their dad tried that shit. He claimed he didn't know how to clean the kitchen so the mom very sweetly showed him. She cleaned the whole kitchen completely spotless. She then with a big smile on her face spread chocolate syrup all over every surface so he could show her what he learned.

[@firelakie]

😂 that is lovely.

[@Lime_love55]

Goals (ur mom I mean)

[@sittinayfah]

as a Filipino who manually washes the dishes by hand, it's crazy for me to think that even putting the dishes in the dishwasher is something they couldn't do right. this is why I'd rather be a single mom than to be with someone like that AGAIN.

[@PossibleBat]

Good for you! I hope everything goes well for you and your children

[@peachymilk11]

I’m a child of this kind of relationship. Trust me, if you want to have a good relationship with your child, don’t do this. We got used to him never being there for us when we needed him, especially throughout my childhood. Now, we rarely need him around for anything and he’s become very detached from anything going on in the household. It feels like we can’t trust him to do anything, so we don’t trust him at all. It’s very sad to see, but ultimately the only one who can change that is him, by becoming someone we can rely on. He has never done that. Thank you for attending my therapy session. I have so much more respect for my mother for keeping a household intact while practicing raising TWO CHILDREN on her own.

[@asmokeus]

thanks for sharing, honestly. i grew up with this too, and thankfully our outcome ended with divorce instead of a slow, painful death. that may or may not sound harsh, but it was for the better - for ALL of us. it forced my dad to become (mostly) independent, and he's gotten better for it. but yeah, no, he's nowhere near as close with his kids as he could be - and now that we're all adults and he lives elsewhere, he's feeling that distance. he doesn't take us for granted anymore, and that's the most critical change yet - other than my mom finally taking her life back ❤

[@Srijakonduru9]

same.but my mom raised 3 of us daughters

[@AmaniStudio]

This perspective is critical, men don't think about how they're children witnessing them acting worthless to their mothers will in fact render them as worthless with lifelong consequences. THANKS for sharing!!

[@danicabescae9689]

I feel like I could have written this comment 😭

[@that_Senni]

@@asmokeus fontunetly my dad isn't that bad that it would resolve in a divorce but he don't want to do anything in the kitchen that is not breakfest or supper. One time mom was away for a few days. My dad tried to make me load his dishes to a dishwasher. At first he just said "I don't know how to do it" so I replayed with "if a toddler can put a star-shaped brick to a star-shaped hole you can put a plate in a dishwasher. It's only a one level harder. If you won't do it I will not do it too so they will rot". Then he proceed to put it diagonally. DIAGONALLY. He clearly didn't expect that I would say "see? It wasn't that bad" because he said "b-but I put it wrong" ha! so he know how to put it right... anyway - I replayed with "doesn't matter. Less dishes will fit but they will be cleaned even that way" and I shut the dishwasher and started a program. His face - priceless, haha. Unfortunetly when mom came back she was doing all dishes-related things for him again... but my lesson wasn't completely pointless because he sometimes will load his dishes himself! Or just clean them by hands. It's not much but a progress anyway...

[@janjirawilliams1172]

My coworker is a male chauvinist. His whole family went camping for family reunion. The wife asked him to grill the steak thats gonna be the highlight of family supper. it cost roughly $200. My coworker deliberately burned it. He was pleased with himself. He told us at work after he's back from vacation. He said the wife ought to know better than to asked him to cook. Its a woman job. We all thought this guy is an idiot.

[@spookyghostwriter3110]

Cooking meat is a woman’s job? I can see a very long and angry line of pitmasters waiting to have a word with this guy.

[@Escherlife]

I hope you all told him exactly what you think of him.

[@armyb140]

Men who complain about how "lonely" they are the same men who are never grateful for the women in their life. They all want a s3x maid not a gf/wife.

[@miepmiep3017]

@@spookyghostwriter3110 Exactly. I've always viewed "grilling meat" as a stereotypically male job bc many shows portrayed it that way. The male leads from the 90s sitcoms would grill him instead.

[@deusex9731]

​@@miepmiep3017yeah right, all of my male older family members are the first one on the grill all the time

[@kamilledeas6890]

"Ugh us guys are experiencing a loneliness epidemic no one wants to date us anymore😔🥺" *plays dumb so they can get away with playing video games all day and refuse to contribute anything of value to their partners and families* Nooo really? That's crazy- 🙃

[@TheBayzent]

Do you realize the guys doing this are, by definition, already partenered right? The guys living the loneliness epidemic have to do their chores, they have no option not to.

[@kamilledeas6890]

@@TheBayzent I'm aware they are partnered but this type of behavior will most likely result in a divorce or separation. And then they question afterwards why they're single or why they were left

[@kamilledeas6890]

It's not "oh well at least they still do chores when they're single" it's that with this trend of weaponized incompetence in relationships, this behavior is expected therefore if women know that this might happen in a relationship they just won't date/marry them to begin with.

[@KashyapKashyap-zb5hg]

@@kamilledeas6890 all those men who are lonely is because they have poor personality..? Right..?

[@kamilledeas6890]

@@KashyapKashyap-zb5hg I'm not an all knowing god who knows exactly why all men are single 😭 but it's definitely a wholeee lot more than just a bad personality like for instance lack of emotional intelligence, toxic masculinity, dehumanizing/objectifying women, being overly aggressive, narcissism, etc etc. Those probably have something to do with it. Idk I don't really date men.. 💀 I'm just going of of what I've heard from basically every woman in my life as well as those online

[@feralperil]

i tried that shit as a kid and my mom forced me to sit there and learn how i "didnt know" how to sweep, mom would be like "then learn" and i would learn how to do shit lmao no weaponized incompetence in my house, frfr

[@phoenixgirl70]

Are you glad she did now? That you can have a clean place, clean your own clothes etc? Do you think some guys date girls just so they’ll take care of them but not even really like them?

[@feralperil]

@@phoenixgirl70 of course, I'm more than thankful that she didn't let that shit slide. and yeah, I think some dudes just want a live in maid that they can boink.

[@phamdung3884]

@@feralperilhaha, that’s why we sarcastically refer to their ideal as a “bangmaid”.

[@JosefinaQB]

Exactly, this is how these wives should be reacting to their husbands not knowing how to do shit, like, ur an adult so it’s time to learn, tf

[@iamastanchion3598]

Right? When i lived with my uncle he would do the same. He would look at the dishes i just washed and if one wasn't done correctly, he would take them all and dump them back in the sink and made me redo them.

[@luminaessence3077]

The making a roast 2 days after giving birth due to the in-laws coming over...if the in-laws are coming to see the new baby, it is supposed to be to help the new parents, not to make life even harder!

[@draco1811]

Okay, is this a white people thing? Cause growing up black, we know that if you're going to see the new baby, bring something or offer to do something. New parents are in over their heads and could always use a little help. A Black auntie will stock your fridge with enough food to feed a platoon on shore leave, and still ask if you need a few loads of laundry done.

[@Telltalesign]

Soo true. My mom never lets all of my sister in laws works one bit after they gave birth for more than a month!! I tend to get mad because I have to cover for it or my mom will overwork herself to do it. I still get mad to my sister in laws when I have to cover for their chores after they gave birth to be honest, but I get it. 😂

[@sarahrosen4985]

Ahh, you haven't met my ex-inlaws.

[@queenofcats9240]

Yup! When my older sister gave birth to her first daughter, my mom, my second sister and I were there everyday for a month and a half to help her and her husband with chores and we would make them lunch. After the month and a half, we would take turns going over to their house to help with anything, whether it was watching my niece while they napped, to helping them with yard work. My oldest sister is pregnant right now and we’ll definitely be helping her and her husband out again the same way. I can only hope though that when I have kids WAY in the future, they’ll help me the same way too

[@HonkLoser]

You aren’t even supposed to be around a newborn that early after birth since they have fragile immune systems.

[@asmokeus]

12:15 "i'm not gaslighting you! you always say i'm gaslighting you and i'm not-" [velvety old narrator voice] he was, indeed, always gaslighting her

[@Itsgivingdepressed]

😂

[@869ofuncertainty]

When he said that I was like maa'aaam why'd you have his baby???!!!!

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

@@869ofuncertainty we don't know when he started being like that. These people typically don't lead with that, they act like normal decent people until some milestone has been achieved and they feel sure that you won't run if they start showing their real self little by little. Usually starts after you buy a house together or get married or after pregnancy has been confirmed.

[@emilyau8023]

I saw a comment from a guy saying weaponized incompetence doesn't exist women are just high maintenance, but the last guy who said that to me was an incel so now I think men who call their partners high maintenance are really the high maintenance ones.

[@emilyau8023]

​@@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118unfortunately, when they say that you've called them a gaslighter multiple times and it's so reoccurring and they don't reflect on that. Red flag galore.

[@goop_6537]

To these types of men, especially the ones who have become fathers...You don't say "help the wife take care of the child" or "help my wife clean", because that implies it is her "duty" as a wife to clean and raise the kids, when in reality it is both the mother and the father responsible for cleaning up the house, and raising the kids. You wanted to start a family, step up to the mf plate and be grown- you don't "help", you DO cause it is also your responsibility, it ain't just your wife's.

[@user-qx1om2wj1h]

They should tell the dudes "If I'm the one doing all the cooking, cleaning and childcare then what do I need you for?"

[@user-sg4ov7ng4h]

if feels like men live life like they have to. they have children but don't take care of them, don't know anything about them. they live to live lmao. reminds me of the ask reddit about a 2 year relationship and she was pregnant, she asked us why he's useless rn when she's like 6 months pregnant. in her other posts she mentionned he had a 10 yo daughter too but don't have a room for her in their house, someone speculated it's to avoid doing things for her. (+ potential step mother (so op) having to buy her birthday gifts cause he doesn't know what to get his own daughter)

[@Cretaal]

​@@user-qx1om2wj1h My mom did that, after the divorce there was no food in the house and the 5 acres I grew up on went into foreclosure, and she wasn't able to raise 2 kids as a single mother. So just don't be surprised if your kids wash their hands of you for that one when they're old enough to think about it. Deadbeats make excuses for broken homes, not good parents. She still breaks down sobbing because of her time on the street, like she didn't cast everyone else out there years before and throw us to the wolves.

[@TheBayzent]

What if they didn't want to start a family? It's not as if they have any choice.

[@kuma9771]

@@TheBayzent Honestly if they don’t want a family they need to be wearing protection every single time they have sex and making that very clear to their partners/hook ups from hour 1 of meeting them. If someone isn’t willing to take no for an answer and tries to change you, leave them. Don’t go along with it until children are in the mix and you abandon them. It’s so easy to get yourself out of that kind of relationship by simply being honest and straightforward from the beginning. Children don’t magically appear out of thin air, they are the result of a choice at least once party has made (cause unfortunately in rape cases only 1/2 people consented to that decision and the other has it forced on them). Yk how people always say “women need to keep their legs closed” or whatever, same goes for men who don’t want kids! Both sexes gotta keep their shit closed or wear lots of protection if they wanna mess around without the consequences.

[@the_agate_gate3782]

Bruh that guy expecting her to cook a roast 2 days after giving birth pisses me tf off. If it was me, he’d get all the sleep…the Big Sleep that is.

[@tdelioncourt1268]

I'd cook my placenta 😂

[@Dani_1012]

Aren't they told by the doctor of the 40 mandatory days of rest after giving birth? In my country that's a big thing, any major movement after birth can land you hospitalized again because your body needs to recover

[@holliebrokaw3716]

​@Dani_1012 God I wish. American women in particular return to working full time incredibly early. I haven't checked the stats since 2019 (when I had my last baby) but it used to be like half of women return to work within 2 weeks. On an anecdotal level instead of a stats level, I've had an appendectomy and a c section and it's surprising how much more leeway you get for one emergency abdominal surgery than the other. Like I only was given Tylenol for pain for the c section and was generally expected to keep going like nothing happened and when my appendix burst I got decent pain killers and was actually allowed to rest in bed. When you throw a baby in the equation people generally expect you to ignore all your needs and injuries and they only worry about the baby

[@Peajay007]

group projects are the reason why batman works alone.

[@Dead_Kerbal]

Alone? - Robin? Nightwing? Batgirl? Oracle? Co. Gordon? Alfred? Catwoman? Lucious Fox?... Ye...a real lone wolf that one...

[@Peajay007]

@@Dead_Kerbal oh my thanks for proving ed right. you really do open yourself up to criticism. well done

[@Dead_Kerbal]

@@Peajay007 What did i prove exactly, buddy? that batman does ''group projects'' constantly since the first apearence at detective comics? All i did was trow some easely verifiable facts that contradict your statement. And also sarcasm, i trew some of that too. 🦇🦇🦇

[@Peajay007]

@@Dead_Kerbal ok I'm trying really hard not to laugh at how serious you're being. lighten up mate. its a saying that's it. its not that deep.

[@himitsu30007]

​@@Peajay007 yeah, we all know it's a saying but I'm laughing at the fact that you actually were proven wrong, yet instead of admiting that in a lighthearted manner you try to shame the person who made the comment, acting as if they are pathetic for reading comics, nice manipulative tactic😂

[@daisychains8144]

I refused to let my lazy ex husband get away with doing a bad job on tasks. He complained to his family that I wanted him to wait on me hand and foot. I just wanted him to put the laundry away instead of hiding it away on the bunk bed

[@msjkramey]

He hid his laundry??? Like a little kid?

[@authorssd]

That's such a 5-year-old thing to do

[@zebnemma]

Mhmmm. People who half-ass everything they do... Or not even half-ass, some even quarter-ass it... But then expect me to do everything perfectly. I have to give 150% but they can't even do 25%. It's just manipulation from lazy narcicists. They think they discovered a life hack when they started manipulating people at the age of 7 and then they stuck with that into adulthood. Embarrassing. "I can get people to do things for me, or give me money or gifts" like they are sooooo proud of it. I've had multiple brag about it openly. I hope to dear god when I decide to date again I will just trust my gut this time around. I'm staying single by choice cuz I'm so fucking mentally done with abusive manipulators. I've survived 6 manipulators total. When you get groomed as a child to tolerate shitty treatment you tend to attract shitty friends and boyfriends too, which happened to me. I've had enough bullshit for a lifetime, I'm using my anti-bullshit nose to sniff them out, usually I'm pretty spot on. I only have to trust myself and I should be fine. When I haven't trusted myself is when disaster happens.

[@gobalbucs]

@@authorssdI’m sure that’s exactly what he did as a five year old, and his parents let him get away with it, hence why he’s still doing it as an adult.

[@suzettewilliams1758]

He's lucky you do his laundry.

[@Honeyhams]

In my opinion, people who do things poorly on purpose have no self-respect. Don't you want to do well? Don't you want to be proud of your achievements? Don't you want people to be happy when you enter a room? For the people you love to trust you? Truly baffling behaviour to me.

[@dt4654]

some people's parents only gave one job to their kids: letting them be kids. this definitely doesn't help when they don't have magic chores fairy once they find a partner and end up being a child in an adult body.

[@mm-ln9sw]

to be honest, i really didn’t do a whole lot of chores growing up. my mom liked having control over things so my only real responsibilities were bringing my dishes to the sink, keeping my bedroom clean and walking my dog. i never got specific “training” on how to clean. BUT I STILL KNOW HOW TO CLEAN. it’s not hard! it’s not rocket science! so it really baffles me that people make it to adulthood and still can’t put 2 and 2 together?????? how do you not just fucking figure it out?? WILD. it’s one thing if they don’t know but are willing to learn, but we all know 99% of people like that don’t care about ever learning how to clean anything. i could never date somebody like that, much less marry them and have a kid with them 😂

[@imwastingmytimeonthis677]

@@mm-ln9swyeah same I was raised an only child so my mom doesn’t mind doing all the cleaning I mean it’s been like this my whole life but I don’t mind cleaning either way

[@Eat_shit--die_mad]

​@@dt4654people who had good childhoods are always a pathetic mess

[@howaboutno2050]

I was thinking the same thing. I’d be mortified if my partner thought of me as an inept slob

[@-Desire]

It must be terrifying to have someone's baby and find out they don't care enough about you to inconvenience themselves

[@Eat_shit--die_mad]

Selfishness really is the most broadly taught masculine trait

[@TheBayzent]

@-Desire Don't carry his baby then? It's not as if these kimd of behaviors are not telegraphed years becore anything gets serious.

[@cosmicreef5858]

If they would care they would WNAT TO DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE aka NEVER an inconviniance Do not say things as a task but say it if you MEAN IT

[@Diinytro]

@@TheBayzent We have no clue if he was always bad or gradually became worst. Nevertheless, she isn't to blame for his shitty behavior.

[@K_i_t_t_y84]

​@@TheBayzentwhy even bother to get married to a woman you don't love or respect?! I know you're most likely *viciously* single with a personality like that, but you should stay that way for all our sakes. 🙏

[@onceuponamelody]

Divorce, babes, divorce.

[@personnesenki4521]

Funny how no one mentions weaponized incompetence as part of the reason why women initiate most divorces. I can't blame them.

[@artmocha9901]

N watch peppa pig

[@amandaspence1971]

I got married in 1978. One of my husband-to-be’s bosses told him that if I ever asked him to do anything, to make sure he screwed it up so I would never ask him again. *sigh*. This makes me SO sad. How are we still here? 😢

[@WaitingxInxSilence]

I’m sure if you told your husband to treat his boss that way, there’d be hell to pay.

[@amandaspence1971]

@@WaitingxInxSilence Spoiler alert! We aren’t married any more.

[@ruddiko]

Hope the divorce wasn't that long after bc I'm SURE he obliged in the 70's

[@semekiizuio]

​@@ruddiko I read 70s and immediately thought about Thats 70s Show with Eric picking the most ugliest couch that Dona had to pick it herself and do it all. Apparently Red had told him this so she wouldnt ask him again.

[@dawndreamweaver8373]

So sorry to hear that, it’s such a toxic mindset… This is why the modern ladies are going 4B - they’re tired of being stuck in antiquated gender roles too! 👏

[@NoName-ct4pm]

I saw a quote once, "If we empower women to work outside the home without expecting men to work inside the home, we aren't empowering women, we are exploiting them" There's no reason why only one partner should take the brunt of household and childcare chores, when both of them have full time jobs. These husbands come home from work "tired" and spend 6 hours sitting on a couch, drinking beer and watching tv, but expect their wives to clean the entire place, cook dinner, do laundry and other "manly" jobs like putting up shelves when they're equally as tired. So self-centered.

[@Thufferinthuckotash]

That’s such a good quote!

[@shikhasophia2784]

Lol cooking cleaning washing Al are manly not feminine

[@reshmapm2578]

Women are honestly better off on their own

[@TheBayzent]

I agree, as a man I think the sexes in general are not ready for cohabitation anymore.

[@cosmicreef5858]

THESE women without THESE people Can we not be a bigger douche and become sexists? Thanks.

[@LoveK1]

Literally and men are getting so upset that more and more women are realizing that.

[@mat5267]

It goes both ways. There are plenty of wives out there that absolutely useless at everything.

[@Nero_Jero]

Please, my fellow women, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get a feel for how your bf does his chores and takes care of his space before marrying him. Also, if your friends and/or family members are telling you they don't like the guy, LISTEN TO THEM.

[@CarimboHanky]

same goes to men... or we gonna pretend there arent useless women out there that dont even know how to open a fauset 😂

[@CleoStrawberryMoon]

funny thing is: my ex husband was perfectly cababke of cleaning, cooking and all other stuff before we got married even while we lived together befire marriage and he ist cabable of doing it since we are seperated. But while beeing married and having two children he used this weaponized incompetenz and also excuses like mowing the lawn once a week to not do anything 😐

[@corvidking468]

what if ur gfs mom just doesn't like you cuz ur trans

[@Hello-hello-hello456]

Some men like this are perfectly capable of doing chores alone, but as soon as a woman starts living with them, they ragdoll somehow.

[@nbucwa6621]

@@corvidking468 then your gf would probably know they don't like you because you're trans and nothing about weaponized incompetence or mistreatment in the relationship would apply dude.

[@h3ll0gudbye]

It's exhausting hearing people use the "i'm not that smart" excuse as a justification for being useless or lazy. You're smart enough to go online, play video games and figure out how to use your phones. Therefore, I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out some basic shit like boiling 4 eggs and washing your dirty dishes within 24 hours and not a fucking week.

[@KatjeKat86]

What gets me is most is the stuff they claim they're not smart enough to do, is things that I was doing regularly by middle school. So are you saying you didn't pass 5th grade. 💀 I have a lot more to be concerned about than your ability to do the dishes correctly then. Especially if I made the horrible mistake of procreating with you.

[@korin1131]

Ugh my partner uses that one a lot. So deeply frustratingly.

[@hakayonder3396]

@@korin1131 Surely you meant ex-partner, right?

[@chickenfoot2423]

you could literally train an ape to do these things but these men (who also often want to be head of the household...) claim they're not smart enough?? do they just sit at work and dribble all day?

[@plzsavemeiamdying]

it is truly a toxic and manipulative behavior i just wanted to add a note if it is a neurological difference causing it, it might be an explanation rather than an excuse and they might not be aware of it and call themself stupid and stuff. when you are aware of it and work trough it most things get easier tho.

[@rn2787]

If he can't do simple chores, run. You'll never have a partner, you'll have an overgrown toddler.

[@talliesea2392]

My boyfriend took photos of everything in my apartment at one point and used his photos as reference to clean my entire place when i had a rought time at my uni. Its not about their ability, its their will to do learn. IF THEY WANTED THEY WOULD!!

[@elusivemayfly7534]

I love that! Sounds like a keeper, and so do you!

[@campin_sasquatch7740]

As a single person, this trend is terrifying.

[@TabeaSerenety]

It's not a trend. It's reality for a very long time in History. Woman just started to talk about it and stop dealing with it.

[@chihirostargazer6573]

It's not a trend... been going on for thousands of years.

[@user-sg4ov7ng4h]

that's why i stay single, it's not trend, it's the average

[@elusivemayfly7534]

It’s definitely not everyone! I’ve been married to a great guy over 12 years, and my dad is the same. The big things for me were being with someone who proved they’re a good person, not just good to me-so they have strong, internal moral standards regardless-and someone who shows they have good life skills and make a solid team with me

[@wmarch88]

Is not a trend I have been watching this my whole life, that's why I'm single and childfree.

[@alanaswiss]

"they'll google how to build a deck or a whole ass pc" riiight? like these guys *will* learn to do it, if they wanted to - they just don't care.

[@crystaleunoia3974]

My dad has no patience for anything but he'd prefer building a deck from scratch over cooking dinner for his family. Ya know why? He'll only do the big, complicated jobs just so he has something to guilt trip us with if we ever asked him to do the little jobs. "I built that deck 3 weeks ago! What do you mean you want me to do laundry?!" I've seen this behavior in other dudes too. They're transactional. They purposely frame housework as worthless, tedious, humiliating little tasks but their work is important and way too complicated for you to figure out so it's value greatly outweighs housework. They only do those big things because they want you to "owe" them. So they can sit on their ass as you work off the imaginary "debt" they've instilled into your relationship. You constantly do the humiliating little tasks that keep the household functioning while he does the rare big project whenever one happens to come along. If you call him out on it he'll call you ungrateful and groan about how hard his work is. But he's the one that that's perpetuating a transactional system of guilt against his family (especially his wife) to avoid doing basic house chores. 🤦‍♀️

[@Kotifilosofi]

Right. It's not about lack of ability, it's about the lack of will. They couldn't care less and are happy to cause struggle, even purposeful struggle to their "loved" ones.

[@Belbecat]

Yep. Every guy I dated knew how to keep things clean until the second they move in with me and then suddenly, things get dirtier the more they claim to clean it which made taking turns even more unfair.

[@ravencrow1011]

I think their mindsets is like "finally! We lifted the curses of girly job"

[@kaiserstritz136]

Sound like you date shit people

[@artemisia4718]

As teenagers, we (me and my lil bro) would try would try to pull this on my mom. She made us repeat the task as many times as necessary for us to get it right. “Practice makes perfect”. “See, did your hands fall off?”

[@_n_a-ez5pc]

Why would you purposely manipulate the woman who gave birth to you?

[@hatsunedkaname]

NOT THE ARLECCHINO BUILD RESULT LMAO

[@handracorokan]

GENSHIN BRAINROT SETTLING IN

[@LeoTheDowl]

FR DROVE ME UP A WALL LAUGHING 😂😂

[@puppiesgacha2948]

HONESTLY THO I DIED AT THAT PART

[@sapphinese]

THE WAY HE SAID HER NAME TOO

[@brxkenhalo]

finally someone said it

[@deenice7155]

Women "Forgetting" how to have sex will solve a lot of those problems. "Oh honey, you are just so good at pleasing yourself, I don't want to try any more. I will just mess it up". Five minutes later husband suddenly knows how to mop, vacuum, and cook.

[@BlackCatAttack666]

Damn, that was so passive aggressive and savage at the same time, I love it

[@asmokeus]

........you think these men value their wives' consent? that's optimistic.

[@jessie0728ifly]

Unfortunately, they can outsource that too 😢

[@asmokeus]

​@@jessie0728iflyor they'll just.....take it by force 😰

[@lmaolol9357]

​@@jessie0728iflyAs the guy from the first tiktok probably does.

[@rengurenge]

Young women are lucky to have internet, they can see what will happen to them if they decide to marry and have children

[@TheBayzent]

Why? Are marriages and kids a new thing? Because you never needed the internet to see marriages before...

[@avelynn5976]

​@@TheBayzent what a prime example of weaponized ignorance right here lmao

[@Sweetumsh]

i've lived with a dad who used this excuse for my entire life and it took my mother 33 years to finally leave him. if i am ever in a situation like that lady in the tiktok who caught covid and left the kitchen in that state, i am instantly divorcing my partner. there's no way i'm dealing with that bullshit for 33 years.

[@nicole71047]

That’s so unhinged,🥴

[@TheBayzent]

I'm not a woman but if I was in that situation, he is paying for cleaning services.

[@neff6185]

If you can’t manage maintaining half your house while in a relationship you shouldn’t be in one. What baffles me is a lot of these people are fine on their own but expect to not do anything once in a partnership? That’s not how it works buddy, we’re dating/living together I’m not your housemaid 💀

[@rftg1793]

Exactly!!

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

Yep, same goes for finances. If you can't contribute 50% financially, then you are a loser and shouldn't be dating.

[@jamesrian1578]

@@user-mm9ve4le6mhonestly I disagree but if you don’t work equal time, you need to do more in the house. It works well as long as everyone is busied around the same time!

[@ambds1975]

A couple of months after my ex and I moved in together, he came up to me and said; 'All my socks are dirty,' in this sad tone of voice and looked at me helplessly. He was 24. Sir.

[@K.C-2049]

​@@jamesrian1578 depends. some jobs pay piece meal, meaning the harder you work the less hours you work though still making full time money. if I come home from busting my ass to hustle through my days and my partner who works a normative 8 hour schedule, including the down time in the office that usually comes with that kind of job, tells me I need to be doing more chores because I got home first, I'd be pissed.

[@AbsintheReverie]

This makes me so angry and is the reason I broke up with my ex. I wish more women were in the position to walk away when it's obvious their partner has no respect for them. In saying that, mothers need to stop babying their sons. Daughters are always taught how to do this stuff but sons get away with doing nothing (generally speaking). Teach your children how to do things so they can become functioning adults and have a better chance of an equal and successful relationship.

[@marljusweety]

If your partner complains about you "always saying Im gaslighting", thats all the red flags you need. They are even waving it in front of you, reminding you of how many red flags you have picked up on.

[@dragongamerboi13]

Mine would claim he didnt even know what gaslighting was lmfao he was such an expert at it. Glad we're broken up now and I'm not actually crazy, he's just a master manipulator.

[@tobicatlala]

as an Asian kid with Asian parents i can tell you my dad is dumb and absent enough i forget i have a dad, mum basically raised us on her own from the moment she gave birth a day later he force her back to work. she had to do both nursing/childcare, chores, home cooking and work and all he did was work but even then it was obvious mum did 90% of it

[@silverghostcat1924]

I feel bad for your mom.

[@spookyghostwriter3110]

As an Asian who had very overacheiving parents, I feel so bad for your mom.

[@AdiSchwarz]

As an Asian, the household where I grew up is kinda different from the typical "man works" & "woman does the chores." While in fact there was a helper/maid, both my parents shared tasks & they did not rely 100% on the presence of the helper because my dad has always been "I'll fix what needs to be fixed" & he simply couldnt settle not doing anything after his precious coffee/newpaper time & afternoon naps. If something needs to be trimmed in the garden, he does it or if the dishes arent washed, he does it. At times it's my mom's turn but everything is shared, incldg the cooking (except when mom is the only person who could cook the dish). There was one moment a relative came to our house & was surprised how my dad simply washed the dishes upon seeing instead of calling my mom or maid, who was at that time, entertaining the guests. "How come your husband does chores?" My mom responded by asking, "how is this weird?" They never answered back.

[@iseul7353]

@@AdiSchwarz same, in my household growing up, my dad did most of the chores and the cooking as well as working 6 days a week. however, both my parents sucked at communicating and their marriage grew apart so they separated after i became an adult. he's enjoying his retirement now since he lives alone and can stay up as late as he wants to watch dramas and read novels.

[@AdiSchwarz]

@@iseul7353 I'm sorry to hear that. But at times, it is more logical to part ways than to keep something that's not longer working. I'm happy for your dad. I hope you & your mom are also doing well. :)

[@TearLilyd]

See this is the fear of getting married and or having kids with people. Being stuck in a way with someone who flips and treats you horribly

[@Blakmagic88]

Exactly, and then when people (mostly women) leave and try to tell their story, they get told they should have “chosen better” 🙄

[@phoenixgirl70]

@@Blakmagic88 I heat that from mostly men. I’ve never heard that from a woman.

[@Jayjay_07]

But for real, if you take off the rose colored lenses the red flags were already there in most relationships that end like this

[@TheBayzent]

@Blackmagic88 Because they should.

[@phoenixgirl70]

@@TheBayzent Troll

[@lasonas]

I used to use weaponized incompetence as a kid because I didn't wanna do chores, but my mom shot that down IMMEDIATELY with a "Guess you're gonna have to keep doing that till you get good at it"

[@ellismith2745]

the sign that my relationship wasn't gonna last was a pack of orange juice. he left it, empty unfolded 1 meter away from the trash. while he was a guest in my apartment. i ignored the incident, and my god have i paid for it. people, never ignore the orange juice

[@quinnly3091]

This is the reason why I left my ex's ass after 3 months living together, so much incompetence. Bro was older than me and didn't even know the basics about anything

[@falcon186]

good for you mate, im glad u got away from that little sh*t

[@soulkiss1013]

Quick thinking! You dodged a massive bullet!

[@DLF-xq9lq]

Women initiate divorce proceedings more often than men. I wonder why?. Men who practice weaponized incompetence end up resentful of their husbands. Eventually, they surprise their husbands with a divorce. It's cheaper in the long run to just do some of the housework and childcare. I just told my husband he was wonderful because he never acted like this in the over thirty years we've been married.

[@artemisia4718]

It’s WILD to me that someone would rather lose their family than be a responsible functional adult.

[@vendilionclique3280]

Exactly!

[@Eshnoazot]

Honestly I know three men who asked for a divorce but refused to/couldn’t be bothered to actually file - forcing their (ex) wives to file - so the men could then act all sad about how she divorced him. Bizarre behaviour.

[@oqp489]

and yet MEN blame women for the divorce rates...how ironic

[@madisonthegreat44]

@@Eshnoazotthat’s why it’s so high. Filing for divorce means who actually does the paperwork. Unfortunately a few men make their wives do it for them, which counts as HER filing for divorce first.

[@ricebeansrockroll882]

I dated a guy like this when I was in my early 20s and oh so naive. He was in his 30s. Now I was naive but I was still a firm beliver in responsibility... I tell you the _offence_ that was taken when I told him he needed to book an appointment because of his obvious brain issues. Like my poor inocent self was actually worried, and we have some dementia in my family so I know how sensitive/angry people can get when you raise the question, so I keept pushing it. I really can not recommend this course of action enough. Like everytime they fuck up something completely basic like handwashing a glas, push for a neurological exam. Call a medical advice line in front of them to describe the symptoms. Like genuinly taking it seriously.. they have no defence. This or chicken racing them on how filthy you can live (only advice this if you don't share a lease and you are a complete animal. Don't let mold grow in _your_ kitchen. If it's his tho...)

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

Yep, same goes for people who have no basic knowledge on how to use a computer, or who don't know how to change a tire, or who have no idea of basic craftmanship.

[@ricebeansrockroll882]

​​​@@user-mm9ve4le6m There is a difference between not knowing and being willing to learn, and pretending like you are unable to learn. If you are a regular functioning adult able to hold a job and can't fix your outlook signature despite being shown 5 times how to do it a trip to a neurologist might be a good idea. Because something is obviously not clicking as it should. Especially if you forgett basic skills the moment you enter a relationship. Not being able to wash a glas feels more in line with filling the tank on your car than changing the tires, and if you are in your 30s, own a car, and can't go to the gasstation alone the moment you get a partner... _HIGHLY_ _CONCERNING_

[@popsicIes]

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

[@nikanikasavina]

My partner and I are 10 years together, he started using weaponised incompetence only about 2 years ago, which is very annoying, so you cannot predict whether your partner is useless from a get go. It takes fucking years of them being normal and helpful, and then, bam! I “forgot” how to do it. Despicable.

[@nine9nine9]

Omg lovely that really sucks :(

[@avelynn5976]

probably influenced by these types of videos. wishing you the best ♡

[@daniellemcgee8993]

My soon to be ex-husband does this crap. It's not that uncommon. Not all, but most of the men I know are like this. It's flat-out narcissism.

[@KatjeKat86]

Selfishness, some of them might be narcissistic but they're all selfish if they do stuff like that.

[@KCHIJuarez]

It's wayyyy too common. We're expected to work and keep up with a household and never complain!

[@zawwnypow5813]

Yesss girl leave him

[@reenakemp9132]

That isn't narcissistic behavior. Uneducated people throw that word around like crazy. Ypu probably call him that also with no diagnosis. He isn't helping you cause simply cause he doesn't love. He probably doesn't love you because you throw unnecessary insults calling him me tal illnesses he more than likely doesn't have. You can't even comprehend how rare a diagnosis.of true narcissism even is. I k ow EXACTLY why he stopped helping you.

[@Luminesfvo]

​@@reenakemp9132stop blaming her for her husband's laziness gosh you don't know maybe he's just truly a useless lazy narcissistic man

[@BrianaCunningham]

Im glad my mom gave us chores. What a shitty husband leaving that bomb for his wife after being so sick. Shameful.

[@muragarasu6384]

My parents were exactly like this. Mom did everything, made all our appointments, got us ready for school, worked full time, cooked, cleaned, even did the yard work and washed the cars. Dad had a bunch of tools he never used but claimed were for fixing things and his excuse for why he did nothing ever? "I work." Like my mom didn't? Insane! The only thing I remember about him was that he'd step in to punish us when we were misbehaved, nothing else. Now my younger brother acts similarly useless and lets his twin sister work to support him while he sits around at home doing nothing. Cis men, get it together, help your wives, girlfriends, sisters, roommates. Nobody is going to want you if you're useless, especially if you dont financially compensate enough to be so useless.

[@OMWone6629]

How to tell your significant other you don't find them all that significant.

[@suavesweett]

Men can build house, go to war, and protect the house but not know how to use a dishwasher or mop???? BFFR 😂

[@TheBayzent]

I mean, you want us to do it after we do all those other things? Because if you say yes then the answer is no. If both do those things then yes, the guy has to contribute in the same measure.

[@EveTheRaviolo]

@@TheBayzent brother, you're not building your house from scratch and coming home with animal meat that you hunt bare handed while coming back from war. You can learn to wash your dirty socks and mop a floor.

[@avelynn5976]

​@@TheBayzent except you have never done any of those things in your life. you're just stealing valour from more capable men because you think it's going to give you leverage by association.

[@_n_a-ez5pc]

@@TheBayzent Men of valour and bravery had to make their bed, clean and practice living together even before these things. If life was just about being a physically capable meathead and worker pig, this world you stink even more than it already does.

[@gunnasintern]

been waiting for edvasian to cover this topic, it’s pretty insane how a lot of these guys managed to hook up with a woman, start a family with her, and then end up like this. at that point you start to question if they even love their partner, or even their life in general

[@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.n]

My guess is that they want a maid that they can also sleep with. It sure doesn't appear that they actually love their partners

[@Peachu_n_Goma_Home]

They wanted a 'mother' kind of existence helping to clean their mess, says a lot abt their r/s with their own mother. They dont reciprocate becuz their mothers tell them they r gd enough just existing 😂

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

Because women mostly care about looks and status. And that's naturally who they will end up with. If you are a woman and you have standards in the right areas, then this will never happen to you.

[@CB-dy1he]

Men like that tend to gravitate towards women with low self esteem, because they know they’ll be able to get away with doing less than the bare minimum

[@LoveK1]

@@d.d.d.a.a.a.n.n.n”Bangmaid” is the term.

[@abxorb]

My litmus test is whether someone says "can you do it for me, you're much better/smarter than me" instead of "can you explain to me/show me how to do it better so I can do it myself next time?". If it's the former, I nope tf out, no matter who asks.

[@SonoNariFiorewithGrace]

Good Lord that man demanding his wife make a roast after she just gave birth 48 hours ago during that time is really selfish! He could’ve just ordered a roast instead and seek to actually be a better husband instead of making it seem like she’s your personal Chef. He needs to not only care for their child but care for her too. Seriously when men behave so horribly like this with not taking up responsibilities in their haus then how are they “surviving” without their wife. Appreciate your wife more instead of continuously being immature!

[@Eat_shit--die_mad]

It's so insane that she's treated like the lazy one for not doing anything for 2 days, people, having had birth or not struggle sometimes and I need someone to pick up the slack for me when I can't, it's way everyone doing their part is so important so we don't become overwhelmed

[@orangenews2136]

I’m glad my dad doesn’t care about gender role thing. He makes money, but when he’s at home, he does chores too. Cleaning up the aquarium, tending the garden, mop and sweep the floor. It’s like automatic to him. Cleaning should never be a gender thing. Even when you’re single, you should have the responsibility to keep things clean and tidy. Starting from your own bedroom. Cleaning is like taking shower, it’s basic necessity.

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

And I hope your mom isn't a loser who can't contribute financially aswell?

[@Blakmagic88]

SAME! My father had a full time career as a mechanical engineer, but when he came home he rarely sat down. My mom did most of the cooking, but my father would step up when needed. My father cleaned, did laundry, knew how to fix things around the house, helped my brother and I with homework, and generally made sure the house was kept together. If anything he was more detail oriented about cleaning than my mom was. I had an easier time transitioning into adulthood because of how diligent my parents were making sure I knew how to take care of myself. It isn’t about gender but about being an adult. If these dudes were in my father’s house he WOULD NOT stand for this piss poor behavior.

[@angelelida4680]

I’m not even sure this is a gender role for many. Rather, sheer laziness.

[@meganh7526]

Yep, my parents have their flaws but I can never fault my dad for being incapable of the basic chores you have to do to stay alive. He did most of the cooking, all of the yardwork, and was perfectly capable of cleaning up the kitchen and doing his laundry.

[@Cyhcg5uhgb]

Same. My dad is Arab and my mom is a SAM (chronically ill, id the biggest reason as to why she isn't working). Dad did 40% of the chores and child caring (which in my opion is a lot for someone who works fulltime), even though he was the only one working. He did quite a lot, especially for us kids. The one job my mom had that my dad never did was cooking. My dad always did the laundry though. All the other chorse were split. I think what made a big diffrence is that my dads sister was a teen mom and my dad had to help taking care of his nephew until he went off to college. So I think he got used to taking care of chores and children from a young age. And he cant stand dirt.

[@gotteskind_7]

I KNEW IT. I tell my husband this is the ULTIMATE conspiracy. All husbands are in on this, I am convinced.

[@hollyingraham3980]

No, only the self-centered immature boys. The husbands who are men act like adults.

[@1Skorpia]

Husbands play dumb alot also😂

[@crystalstar927]

It's not fucking funny!!! This is patriarchal misogyny and it is much more widespread than one might think. And not just when it comes to chores. Men exploit women whenever they can.

[@tdelioncourt1268]

Not just husbands, my roommate complains about a lot of stuff around the flat (I'm new) and then I realise he did nothing to fix or prevent it "the fridge isn't producing enough cold anymore (...) No I haven't defrosted the whole thing since I've moved in, why?😮" I discovered a full drawer that was stuck in ice!!! "Did you know it was there?? _Yeah...?" And making decisions without thinking further, he bought a projector we now have to organise our living room around. That we barely use....

[@tdelioncourt1268]

At first I was like OK I can fix it he does help but he still complains afterwards, so now I'm doing minimal service also and if he wants something to change he's gonna have to organise it! At least it's giving me motivation to save to get my own place!!!

[@ruthh7343]

My kids learned the “I can’t do it right” from their father. They learned that if they weren’t good at something I’d just have them do it more often until they learned. Their father quit using that excuse.

[@vannah3729]

My last relationship with a man was with this sort of "man". He was very good in the beginning at pretending to be responsible and competent, and it took a couple years for the mask to start to slip. As much trauma as I still carry from that relationship, at least it helped me realize that I'm gay and don't want kids under any circumstances.

[@AtorrisVsChadinel]

The effort it takes to do this more than just getting it done right the first time

[@draco1811]

But the satisfaction is priceless.

[@en2336]

If a man is capable enough to keep his job then he is capable of doing housework, which is just blue collar work, done for free, by women in the household...not sure why women believe that their husbands' IQ is so low that they can't sweep a floor...

[@purpurina5663]

My mom always says "lazy works twice". Ends up being true.

[@thelonelykittydolly5823]

if you care for someone you help them, in a relationship you help eachother if the person who "loves" you, chooses to be incompetent, they love resting and being lazy more than you

[@wolfwithin2967]

As a dude, these are pathetic excuses of men, and i use that term very loosely.

[@FlaviusTheGrumpyCat]

How my ex got dumped 101 He wasn't this bad but I wasn't sticking around to find out just how bad he would be.

[@regemerator7829]

I actually feel like a lot of our parents and parents parents had no idea what a happy healthy relationship looks like

[@TheBayzent]

My parents definitely didn't, but their parents were far better. Strict gender roles meant my grand dads were pretty much never home to do any chores anyway. Also both my grandmoms had several maids to help them so it wasn't that bad, on the other hand ,no dishwasher or washing machine. Good times.

[@regemerator7829]

@@TheBayzent If I had maids, I wouldn't have any relationship problems

[@sanestnctzen]

as someone whose mom would NOT let anyone in the family get away with such dirty living spaces, this is so crazy to me 💀

[@problemperson4221]

i remember when i was a crappy kid i used to pull this shit (haphazardly hanging up clothes to dry on the clothesline), my mom def yelled at me afterwards and i never tried doing it again, thank god she did lol

[@busanim]

I'm 23, single, BUT I live in this kind of family. Ever since my three younger brothers got a bit older and are able to do any house chores, my stepfather does absolutely nothing saying that "they are old enough, they can do it". Fun fact, he never raised them to be independent (with this attitude, lol), and my mother always did every house chore herself, because it was easier than pestering my brothers to do it (and I worked overseas in the last 2 years, so couldn't help her at all). But now that I had to stay home due to having surgeries, I'm not willing to be a servant with my mother in my own family. I make my brothers clean the bathroom, the kitchen, and if they aren't doing a good job, I make them do it again. If it's not good enough the second time, I tell them to do it again and again. Another funny thing is that I had surgery (knee) the same day as my mother (shoulder surgery). We stayed in the hospital for one night and by the time we got home the next morning, all they had to say was "when will you cook?". Bro, you have a father, too, what did he do until we were in the hospital??

[@mrswhiddleberry]

can you imagine your body literally tearing itself apart to release you and your partner's spawn and your partner not understanding why you're not excited to get back to cooking and cleaning?

[@raero]

it's so infuriating seeing ts happen with my own two eyes. my cousin's husband is always sitting on his ass doing nothing around the house while she does every single thing because "she's the one who knows about all those things". it sucks because i've always had this spite against him and she knows but i can't say anything about it because i really value my cousin and i's relationship. hell i've even tried to talk her out of marrying him but alas LOL.

[@elliecheepers]

show her this video or these kinds of tiktoks, i bet she'll change her mind after seeing it herself

[@raero]

@@elliecheepers i'd be so happy if things would turn out that well, but i'm sure it would make no difference for her since it's most likely the norm for her. i guess growing up she saw that most spouses were that way so it seems like that's how marriage is supposed to be like

[@KAMPEKItranslate]

The tiny computer in the background is so cute ❤😊

[@semekiizuio]

Yee every asian Id watch has one of these, I wonder what it is

[@ilovelino.]

@@semekiizuioi’m pretty sure it’s a speaker

[@itsafroggytime]

​@@ilovelino.you're right and it's also a little pixel art display! it's called the divoom ditoo

[@yuriosato3565]

Its crazy how these men are okay with living in a hazardous environment not even thinking about their CHILD's health

[@justacoginthefkery]

Reminds me of times where I've overheard men telling their buddies that they shouldn't have to lift a finger in a marriage because their ONLY requirement is to give the woman a ring & go to work. "Once the wedding is over, it's her job to keep the man from leaving." Bet those are the same types who act surprised when they get served divorce papers.

[@michaelw1]

I didn’t expect Ed to be feeding us consistently over the past week. 🍜💅🏼

[@Annita-qm6fq]

Yeah ✨Ice CrEAM sO gOOd

[@human11person11]

there's no conspiracy, this is the result of unchecked privilege. which is why i check them whenever i can 😊

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

No it's not, it's just the result of the privilege of women having an abundance of choices in dating. They go for guys out of superficial reasons (e.g. looks, height, status) and then wonder why it ends up like this. This is what happens if you have extremely high standards in the wrong areas.

[@AmandaVieiraMamaesouCult]

​@@user-mm9ve4le6mma'am, this happens to women dating absolute bums as well

[@tinycatfromhell]

@@user-mm9ve4le6m We're talking marriage here, not having a rotation of sexy ripped guys when you're single and having fun. Most women I've seen who do everything around the house are married to the most average looking men.

[@munbrazeh6700]

@@user-mm9ve4le6m tell me no woman loves you without telling me no woman loves you

[@TheBayzent]

It's a result of poor choices.

[@blackdoge5754]

My father is a master of this. Growing up, I NEVER saw him do ANY of the house chores eventhough everybody is equally busy with their own jobs because "he cant do it right" according to my mother. He was laid off at one point but all chores was still on me and my mother. Even carpentry or house maintenance was on us. The only time we had a man to help us was when his father visit us and he is always heaven sent. My father is a good person but that weaponized incompetence was fucking annoying.

[@visualsno]

One thing that sparked a dim light behind my exes eyes was when I told him TO PRETEND I WAS HIS BOSS ASKING HIM. It's EXHAUSTING. He seemed to grasp slightly how ridiculous it was. Didn't end up working, though. My new partner works in childcare- he does fun activities and changes kids diapers all day. He came over and did my whole family's dishes without even asking (while we were arguing actually- he was just killing time!). men who do 50/50 not only exist, but there are men who will voluntarily do more.

[@chillingeclipsed411]

THE ARLECCHINO,,, THE GENSHIN REFERENCE I'M CRYING Her power... the fact she showed up in the results oh my gods.

[@Heyaheyaheya7]

She’s so famous 🤪🤩

[@popsicIes]

She'd never stand for this

[@flipchuu]

my mum would literally pass out if she saw some of these houses in such a mess. now i truly understand why she always tells me to wash the plates and do basic housework. (i love her sm)

[@diacarat]

Everyday of my adult life I understand my mother more and more.

[@sapphinese]

Husbands, watch out. If you can’t handle basic housework, your wife might just leave you for Arlecchino, the superior Father

[@lyndsieannette957]

This makes me SO grateful to have a husband who is supportive and respectful. We care about each other, have good manners, and value each other's comfort and wellbeing. It's a huge responsibility to have a good relationship. You can't be a shithead to your partner and expect to have a good relationship experience. Lol.

[@mynameISsky]

Too many men weaponize incompetence. Way too many. It's reason #853 that I stay single.

[@DoziPNG]

I've been really ill for a week or so now- as in, bed-ridden ill. I've been struck down with Covid and my oxygen levels are low, so I've been advised to stay in bed and focus on resting, and to call the paramedics if I begin to feel numb or notice discolouration. During this time, I think my partner has realised how behind he is on some skills- and why that's a problem. He's never really had to cook for himself before, and at first he assumed I would continue to cook for him- but quickly realised how ill I was. He's been trying really hard to cook, but he's absolutely clueless so has been buying bakery food instead. He never cooked before because his mum did everything around the house, and didn't really dish out chores or anything. He was also shocked to learn how long it takes to make a roast and things- being surprised about how long it takes to roast potatoes. He's realised how much I do every day now, and he's asked me to teach him how to cook properly because he feels bad now that he knows how much work it takes. I hate being this ill, but I'm glad he's come to realise how much I do. Before he'd use the excuse of 'you're so much better at cooking, I don't know what I'm doing'- but now he's realised that there will be times where I can't cook for him, and how much of a problem that's going to be for things like when we have kids. I'm really glad that he's motivated to learn now. He does the laundry for the household so I don't think he evades housework or anything- he just didn't realise how uneven it was before, especially since I also work full time and balance cooking, cleaning and washing up. He's always used me being quicker and better as an excuse, but now he knows I can't do that all the time, I really appreciate that he wants to learn instead of leaving me like some other partners do.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

How I learnt cooking while my mum was too sick to help teach me Cookbooks, physical and online, following the recipe to a t. And youtube tutorials. That should help him along

[@konpulsiv]

Honey, I'm glad for you if this is what makes you happy, but believe me: You can do so much better. Yes, some guys are much worse, but there are also lots that you don't have to teach like a mom or teacher... It's just not your responsibility! Anyways, get well soon!

[@ChocolateMuffin308]

@@konpulsiv aggreed! Reading this story I honestly don't have much hope for that dude. Seems like she will still do most of the work around the house and I'm pretty sure he will happily stop cookking again as soon as she recovers. And she's still planing to have kids with him. Ffs...

[@mon4711]

AI helps A LOT with cooking, just say the ingredients and it'll come up with a recipe. Ask stupid beginner questions and it'll answer in seconds. He should use it to his advantage.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@mon4711 A cookbook sounds like itll have less... Faults. Considering that the text generators still spit out nonesense

[@Jane-ss1pg]

This is exactly why my sons are learning basic human life skills: how to cook a basic meal, how to clean/what cleaning products to use where, how to perform basic household maintenance tasks like hanging a shelf and mowing the lawn, etc. And yes, I don't have daughters but if I did, they would learn these things too. I will NOT raise entitled boys. Household management is a team effort.

[@yougotOWENd]

Dont just teach them how to cook basic meals. Teach them how to make meals their future partner can really appreciate! 😊 Asking this from a mans perspective that only got taught the basics and is now playing catch up to achieve something that would make others than me also happy with the results

[@henrietta3819]

I've heard some men justify this; their definition of clean is the right one and their wives' definition of clean is too much. And since she's the one making it hard and wanting that standard, she should be the one doing it. Or another example is throwing trash - that they would throw it eventually, just at "their own time." Not saying just men, could go either way. But a home can get messy very quickly if you don't do things properly when they need to done (eg dishes and trash) especially when you have kids, and that could eventually cause pest and health problems. You also end up with a bigger mess that's harder to clean than if you just did the chore well when it needed to be done. We invest and pay for our homes, it just makes sense to want to take care of it properly. Also if you love someone, you, at the very least, compromise. Why enter a relationship and live with that person if you don't want to be a positive part of their life?

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

This is 100% a valid take from them. I think most of these situations happen out of incompatibility. If you see a huge mess and your husband doesn't, then that's not weaponized incompetence. It would only be weaponized incompetence if he expects you to clean it.

[@ambds1975]

'I'm happy to clean up, I am not just not going to clean up until I think it is dirty. If you think it is dirty before I do, you can clean up if you want to.' Actual quote. I realize I am commenting way too much on this video, but Edvasian basically just released a therapy video for me, thank you.

[@K.C-2049]

the "at their own time" is bonkers. something needs to be done, but instead of just doing it I'm going to waffle around it for a bit just to assert the fact that I'm a man and I do things on MY time (because men are so logical). the real audacity is when they refuse to simply fix something despite putting themselves in charge of doing home repairs, then get offended and emasculated when their wife just calls a repair man because it's been broken for two weeks while they hum and haw over it.

[@TheBayzent]

Women definitely overdo some stuff that makes no sense and waste a ton of time, have you seen them folding towels like 60 times, when making them into a roll is more efficent spacewise and quicker?

[@KashyapKashyap-zb5hg]

@@TheBayzent good point.

[@kaylamiano5465]

I just told my dad this, everytime he “does the dishes” he really only opens the dishwasher gets 1/3 done then sits down and watches his show. You’d think he forgot about it the first time because he forgets stuff , but I alw see the dishwasher left open and dishes mixed up not done, and he never does it, my mom does. He asked me why don’t I do it but he and my mom works from home so I’ll come home to an open dishwasher dirty mixed up dishes and alw know who was here 2 hours ago. Then he says I should help out my mom by cooking more and cleaning the kitchen more but he leaves the kitchen a mess when he’s done. He said my mom got him and she knows he doesn’t want to do it. We all know..

[@Peachu_n_Goma_Home]

He thinks hes entitled to this becuz hes Dad of household, i bet his other thinking are old fashioned too. You cant change him

[@SombreroPharoah]

Be passive aggressive AF. Do all the dishes and stuff, that aren't his. Let his accumulate. Tell him you've helped clean, you and your mum have done alot of everything that needed doing. But there seemed be a load that evidently apparently didn't need doing, because it clearly wasn't any kind of priority. So y'all didn't do it. And just waaaalk away. (prepare to be fumed at. This is also awful advice. Don't do it).

[@kuroroedamame]

If this happened to me there'd be *flying plates* all around the house believe me!! 😂

[@crypticcryptid4702]

@@kuroroedamame I'd actually just start hiding the TV HDMI cables until it was done

[@aff77141]

lonely men really are so jealus they're trying to get people to speed run ruining their relationships

[@idkyim]

My ex did all his own laundry and even folded it and put it away before we moved in together. After we moved in together, he stopped doing all that. He would leave his laundry in a pile after I washed it. He "jokingly" said he stopped doing his own laundry because that was the woman's job 🙄. I refused to fold his clothes for him and stopped washing his clothes. If he really wanted clean clothes, he had to wash them himself. He also ended up always wearing wrinkled clothes lol. Note, we both worked full time jobs.

[@tinycatfromhell]

So glad he's your ex!

[@bryanbytes]

This used to be called passive aggressive

[@MossTunic]

it is still passive aggressive, it's just a specific name within a category to discuss it better & easily communicate what kind of passive aggressive behavior it is. like how there's green as a category, but neon green, phathalo green, & sage are all more specific greens that communicate better what i'm describing.

[@sinjin8576]

​​@@MossTunicjust a trending filter. In 6 weeks this won't even be a blip again and this will be called just being "a asshole"

[@nicolecampos4153]

​@sinjin8576 this term has been used for like 2 years now lol

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

@@sinjin8576 it's been going around for over a few years now, it's not going away any time soon.

[@ishathakor]

@@sinjin8576 this term has been used for years and won't be going away because it's useful and describes a specific type of behaviour outside of just being passive aggressive. it's specifically for when someone pretends they can't do something to get out of doing it, not just being passive aggressive.

[@xgrimesreaper]

it’s wild bc i’ll admit i was a spoiled kid and my mom didn’t let us do any chores other than keeping our room tidy (aka sib & i hiding the mess in our closet lol). but when i moved out for college i simply figured it out.

[@thebadpoet]

Husbands have been doing this for centuries and it’s been known as weaponized incompetence for decades. But it’s good to see people talking about it more openly!

[@crystalstar927]

This is a LOT more common than you think. Most men do this to a certain degree. It's really the majority.

[@raicrush]

I've been single since 2018 and crap like this makes me very nervous to put myself out there for dating. I'm someone who is always thinking about the limited amount of time we have so I get really anxious and worried about spending it with someone like the spouses in these videos

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

If you only care about looks and status then you will end up with someone like that. However, if you actually take the time to get to know someone and consider their personality, then it will not happen. That's all this comes down to.

[@AmandaVieiraMamaesouCult]

​@@user-mm9ve4le6mnot really, a lot of men switch when you marry or have their baby

[@tdelioncourt1268]

​​​​@@user-mm9ve4le6myou're naive it's kind of cute, nope some people do a 180 once you're under the same lease, get married or worse after you birth your first kid. Saw the last happen with one of my men friends. Someone I held as the perfect example of an healthy man in an healthy relationship. He fxed everything up with his wife and kid and it's totally on him. It was horrifying to hear what had happened. Not all men but it can be any man and if some leave signs some will change without warning. All you can do is react accordingly not see the future.

[@raicrush]

@@user-mm9ve4le6mI don’t really care about looks all that much. I’ve had two really bad boyfriends in the past who I dated for their personality but after a while, once we started to discuss marriage actually, their true personalities started to show through. I’m just anxious to go through all of that again.

[@ChocolateMuffin308]

@@user-mm9ve4le6m I guess you've been lickier in relationships, because men can pretend so fucking well to be caring and responsible. They will give you an oscar-worthy performance if they want something from you.

[@Rye_Smile]

I'm still working on my Arlechinno...

[@watchanimeandstramkpop8195]

Mines had lvl 0 artifacts the recent event weapon at lvl60 and she is lvl 40💀

[@LILLYENTITY]

I just need to get the weekly boss material and her artifacts

[@Heyaheyaheya7]

I don’t even have mine😭😭😭 Yet

[@krista8920]

My ex used to freak out when I'd ask him to unload or load the dishwasher because it was "dumb" then he suddenly and for no reason got weird about laundry detergent and I told him if he wanted his clothes washed so specifically he could start washing his own clothes. After about six years of me making more money and still being expected to handle ALL the household work I peaced out when he physically threatened me. We were married 11 years.

[@cmaven4762]

Saw another video recently where a young Chinese woman was uncategorically refusing to get married... It's the behavior of husbands like the one described here that are putting these young professional women off from marriage. 'Just play dumb' is the kind of advice that can turn a married man single. From the woman's perspective, divorcing the husband means one less person to take care of... And if her in-laws are traditional, she can dump the husband's entire family.

[@brieoshiro]

In my marriage (together almost 20 years) my husband does most of the normal house cleaning type stuff. I cook b/c he really can't and I do enjoy it. He does the dishes. We both grocery shop, but honestly he is kinda better. I bought the wrong size trash bags recently b/c I forgot what size we use haha I was with my son and literally out loud said how I needed him b/c I'm useless at shopping haha He has more energy to get stuff done and just doesn't like sitting around doing nothing. I get overwhelmed easily and like doing tasks together. He never complains really b/c he understands and is kind to me about it. But he will motivate and get me to do small stuff with him. I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else or someone that can't take care of himself. I got hurt last year (my ankle) and had to stay upstairs for a couple weeks. He kept this place running and made sure I was taken care of. He'd never let our kitchen/house get to the point of that first video. Anyway, he's amazing and I'm sad for the people that don't have supportive adult spouses that are caring.

[@Lotus_Keys]

Due to the thumbnail my dyslexia read this as “incontinence”

[@theBallisticMystic]

😂

[@yoshi4691]

Bruh

[@sarah-hj7fz]

read the title as weaponised incontinence, i hope to god men will never sink that low

[@Jayjay_07]

My parents are like this and now that my dad retired and mum is still working the conflict gets bigger every day. And it's not just them, I see this type of relationship everywhere that even if I wasn't aromantic, I would probably still decide to stay single because ending up like this would be my worst nightmare especially with kids involved.