EFAP Movies #80 - Ironclad - The War Arc Continues!

In the penultimate instalment of The War Arc, the crew encounter "Ironclad" a film that is uhh, well it's a film. Paul Giamatti is in it. Brian Cox is in it too and a bunch of other fellas. So there you go, it's great...
Edited by Goger

[@EveryFrameAPause]

Hey everybody! No mainline podcast today, we're actually a bit far ahead of the episode count and we're going to try and do some hardcore catchin' up! Arcane has indeed released and we will be tackling each of the acts a week after they come out with some guests and a deep dive! Enjoy the penultimate entry to the War Arc! the finale being Gladiator coming in December \o/

[@n4m31355h4dow]

Did Gary finish the first Season ?

[@johnnyblade1557]

You guys had a hell of an October with all that content released so thank you!

[@Stillhung0ver]

I understand taking a week to analyse it better but man did they rush the plot in those first three eps. Really feels like they were told it was their last season and they came out and said it was only ever going to be two to save face.

[@evildarkass5]

You should seriously consider the film Flesh+Blood by Paul Verhoeven. You won't be disappointed.

[@alexadamson9959]

Arcane season 2 just came out today. You guys going to analyse it like last time? Because your coverage on season 1 was great.

[@hoppie8693]

And once mail men are dead, they are... post men.

[@jonbaxter2254]

Is this mail armour?

[@Mr.Stricken]

@@jonbaxter2254Rags, get off your alt account 😂

[@morganseppy5180]

👏

[@jodanger37]

I love how Charles dance just keeps randomly showing up in Efap movies

[@ProjectRedfoot]

I couldn't help but think the same thing

[@Zaphodox]

I think I am just surprised how prolific an actor Mr Dance has been! a solid go-to character actor.

[@kangarooster857]

"Randomly"

[@zorokicksass60]

his agent is really good ...or charles dance says yes to everything, cause he's interested in the movie, he needs a paycheck or the food is really good

[@derekrichardson7853]

The next movie arc should be a Charles Dance arc. That way we can watch Last Action Hero and Space Truckers. Lol

[@NicTheGreek1979]

A Quote from Charles Dance, via IMDB:- "The quality of writing attracts me to films, also who the other actors are, who the director is, where it's being shot. Any or all of those things. But if the writing is really appalling then the money had better be really good. Sometimes you say yes to something you wouldn't always do because you need the money" This explains why he is the EFAP Movies mascot.

[@ProjectRedfoot]

Is there more to that quote, or am I thinking of a different actor? Something like, "They said I had a free hotel & the movie was being shot in Hawaii, so I said yes."

[@NicTheGreek1979]

@ProjectRedfoot that's all it showed on IMDb, but it might've been something he said in an interview elsewhere? I know from watching the EFAP Godzilla: King Of The Monsters, Mewbs said that he'd said his favourite thing about the production was the food. 🤣🤣🤣

[@andrewmeyer3599]

​@@NicTheGreek1979 Which really sucks. That movie fucking SQUANDERED him. Get rid of Monarch and just make the movie about Charles Dance's character doin the Ghidorah shit

[@JasonX909]

@@ProjectRedfoot Michael Caine about Jaws 4 maybe?

[@Pink.andahalf]

Charles Dance once pull started his robot penis in a movie called Space Truckers. I just need more people to know that.

[@harbl99]

Rags: "Every castle is surrounded by a wasteland of rocks and weeds and mostly mud." I see the doggo is familiar with our fair isle. We grow mud here, mostly.

[@jonbaxter2254]

Got some lovely muck growing here!

[@sparkypack]

Then you also need a hobo man, arrow guy, cex guy and big sword man.

[@JohnW-sy1eo]

"There's some lovely filth over here, Dennis!"

[@HectorLopez0217]

“None of this is good that’s why it’s called war.”- Knuckles the Echidna

[@fredericauger]

Sargon is correct you guys should watch Rome as an arc

[@vonPook83]

No they shouldn't, because Rome is awesome and doesn't have anything to mock etc.

[@gak9319]

​@vonPook83 I would love if they watched it, but you're not wrong.

[@Opener73-r3s]

​@@vonPook83 They've watched plenty of things they don't mock

[@jonbaxter2254]

Shame on the house of EFAP...

[@sparkypack]

Haven't you heard? EFAP is on break.

[@elizabethfinlay9866]

Fun fact - Rochester was a city from 1211 all the way to 1998, when due to admin error it lost its city status, which no one noticed until 4 years later when they noticed it had been missed from the Lord Chancellor’s list of cities…lol

[@matthewcollins4773]

This amuses me because I had family in Rochester. They moved a few years back, but I visited a number of times. It had the biggest second hand bookstore in the country, and a good fossil and mineral shop.

[@Inastewpopotogo]

1:01:40 pigfat was used to quickly burn the foundation they set up while mining under the wall. Atleast thats what I remember of it.

[@AlchemyW]

they did a great job reconstructing a historically accurate Paul Giamatti.

[@rogerborg]

Sargon tricked us into watching a film where the French won. The _French!_ I thought we were in the _good_ timeline now.

[@lordmontymord8701]

I guess you had to learn the hard way that we live in the mirror universe.

[@chriscross8547]

A war arc with no Patriot or Master and Commander. Smh

[@Beuwen_The_Dragon]

^.-.^ Right? Absolutely Criminal.

[@baileyalex23]

I'm sure they will get there.

[@lazndlon7687]

Kinda glad the patriot wasn’t chosen

[@chriscross8547]

@@lazndlon7687 it has its merits as a movie, historical inaccuracy not withstanding. I just want "war" to mean something more than just armor and swords

[@cope847]

They're still salty about the whole independence thing

[@gak9319]

Just the presence of Charles Dance, Paul Giamatti and Brian Cox elevates this movie. Despite it's..... problems 😅

[@lordmontymord8701]

I love bad movies that don't deserve the actors in it. Especially when those actors decide to go over the top just for fun. Don't know if that's what Paul Giamatti did or if the director really wanted this performance (probably the latter), but it is legendary.

[@Mckadow]

The best arc so far is the quality of Shad's mic improving.

[@ObsidianBehemoth]

25:00 I'm surprised no one commented. "What's the problem?" "No moat." "I'll grab a shovel." 1:08:56 Dying of dysentery is a crappy way to go. I do hope that was on purpose Shad.

[@friskyjesus]

27:43 Metal had me rolling with that blast from the past! 🤣

[@morganseppy5180]

Love the edit for the Morgan Cleaver! Excellent ❤❤❤ 52:00

[@lordmontymord8701]

I'm so disappointed in Shad. He should apologize!

[@Grishnag85]

when i think of ironclad i think of a ship type not some silly sword movie

[@NicTheGreek1979]

Yeye, like the one in Sahara with Maffoo Mconnyhay?

[@sparkypack]

I think of some 2D platformer game.

[@jegsdinogod5091]

Because ironclad as a word was coined for ships, not armor.

[@lordmontymord8701]

My thoughts exactly. I looked up the origin of the word, but it doesn't seem to be used before the ironclad ships. I guess the director thought he was really clever by naming the movie(s) like this.

[@DuckSith]

A prestigious group gathered here. Shadow, Drinker, Sargon. Most excellent.

[@feliperisseto9113]

Damn, even Shadow the Hedgehog is on the stream. What a day

[@camerongoodge2715]

I’m so glad you covered this film, I watched is as a child and thought I imagined it!

[@evannlorman7926]

The guy that played the Viking chieftan is Vladimir Kulich, he did the voice of Ulfric Stormcloak.

[@magnushorus5670]

these are more fun to watch than most actual movies, thank you guys

[@Fantome001]

I can't wait for the EFAP Movies of Ironclad: Battle for Blood! :D

[@sparkypack]

Pretty sure EFAP will play the Simpson's reference of Shelbyville (town where men could marry their cousins)

[@tool4132]

Rags is a true southerner. He said "et" instead of "ate." A true southern gentleman.

[@sparkypack]

Rags ❤Morard

[@apocryphicdeath]

I went to the subreddit looking for today's EFAP link, but instead all I got was cancer. Tis a silly place.

[@jonbaxter2254]

I remember this film being surprisingly better acted and well written than I was expecting.

[@QuatrinaVR]

If we don’t get the sequel to this in The War Arc then my tipples will never recover

[@LightningNC]

"It's Buliwyf from 13th Warrior"? No, it's _Ulfric fucking Stormcloak._

[@shaecouture7480]

The Thalmor control the media

[@catmousepad7342]

Paul Giamatti was too good for this movie.

[@christopherkelley1664]

He's a bit overrated imo. I like that he tries hard though.

[@TheJammerman]

Appreciate all the content lately. Thank you

[@Jacob-WD40]

And at that moment, Shad had no idea what he had inflicted on Goger...

[@hobomaster6237]

great editing job

[@wizardcat7654]

11:05 having your tounge get cut off could send you into shock, which could immobilize you

[@jegsdinogod5091]

Or bleed out, you have a lot of blood vessels in your tongue

[@aqua96870]

Why doesn't Paul Giamatti just hop in his rhino suit? Huge polthole

[@Galen1993]

The "Beck" reference at 23:21 was a nice suprise. Must be a Swede who edited this

[@Satus21]

😉

[@georgehouliaras7239]

And so ends the Orlando Bloom arc.

[@sparkypack]

35:31 no, people back then already used honey or wine to clean wounds.

[@morganseppy5180]

1:02:00. Pig fat burns really well and mortar liquifies(?). I don't remember, but when chimneys first happened, there were many house fires because the heat would collapse the chimney onto the house

[@Joe-ys2ey]

Fun Fact, that Viking was the ancestor of Bull from night court.

[@sezcam79]

So one more chance for master and commander. Unless there will be a future arc for naval battles

[@RinkoNorenia]

Ah yes, Medieval Europe 300. Where the villain dies of dysentery. Was pretty nice.

[@steveman9668]

Pigs have a lot of fat which burns really well, which is why they were used. However they didn't use live pigs for a reason that I think should be obvious.

[@hobomaster6237]

is rags paid by word count damn , cant hear myself

[@HumphreyHorsehead]

Surprised you guys didn't do Ivanhoe or The Vikings

[@BioJack347]

You guys should react to Gettysburg. Such beautiful acting in that film.

[@stephengazzola1025]

It looked like a shot from the office 18:11

[@giulizpaviz6381]

Can you believe that I didn't understand who the main protagionist was in this movie?

[@Cmdr_Sinclair_B5]

Highly recommend Solomon Kane starring James Purefoy. So much better than this film and he has an awesome arc and fight scenes!

[@thepsychomagus]

With how many videos I have seen with the blue box stating a certain guy's win, i am surprised to find a video without it.

[@jimflite7522]

There is a pretty large main artery in the tongue. I know because I had half of my tongue cut out because of cancer

[@christopherkelley1664]

Ouch, man. No one ever expects tongue cancer. It grows back, right?

[@kingleech16]

Sorry about that.

[@christopherkelley1664]

@@kingleech16 Next time please think about the consequences before you give someone tongue cancer.

[@xxghoulxx500]

Damn Ulfric Stormcloak!

[@EnlightenedOne-m5h]

osshhh someone mentioned my favourite movie of all time..the 13th warrior

[@apocryphicdeath]

I watched this movie once. And given that I'm drunk I doubt I'll remember this anybetter than the first time.

[@matthewweeks113]

Colud you guys do a efap TV on Sharpe? The TV show with Sean bean?

[@radimnechut519]

Buliwyf (as it's apparently written according to Wikipedia) or the actor, the Czech actor Vladimír Kulich, was in several usually viking related productions, like this one, The 13th Warrior, or the Vikings show (or at least in the first season of it).

[@franciszaldivar337]

Yeah, he comes out in the first season of Vikings (his character's name is Erik, who gets killed off after like 3 episodes if memory serves), he's also the voice of Ulfric Stormcloak in Skyrim

[@wleight1]

Someday….13th Warrior EFAP? 🙏

[@1701EarlGrey]

I never knew that this film even exists ...

[@HungryForTastyFoodAndComicArt]

Brian Cox, as a thespian, is a blessing to us all. If any duhrwads are in doubt, then I ask them to see The Autopsy of Jane Doe (one of the best horror films ever made).

[@kylefrank638]

1:02:23 MauLer: How can fire undo stone?

[@jegsdinogod5091]

Anyone notice this entire war arc sargon showed up shad who kept making basic mistakes? Seriously, shad? You think the cages, called a gibbet, is fantasy?

[@gak9319]

Be fun if you guys checked out the Arn movies, though they would be subtitle heavy.

[@sirnotawholelot7650]

As someone who remembered this movie quite fondly, I'm surprised that it's actually this resoundingly meh. Shaky camera is outright awful. But as for siding with King John... Vive la France!

[@Gamenofun]

I really need a "Centurion" (with Michael Fastbender) The War Arc in my feed.

[@baileyalex23]

Anyone seen Timeline? I think it would work perfectly for this series, some Paul Walker level action war movie

[@apocryphicdeath]

I watch that movie every new years eve lol

[@malachiconstant2756]

It came it saw it conquered. The war arc is done.

[@jasonpratt5126]

After this film, I kind of want to see the FAPCrew do a 'season' of Shakespeare king-cycle plays next year, starting with King John (if not The Lion in Winter which is a prequel but not Shakespeare), then Edward III if that's available by then (maybe one of the seriously whack productions of Edward 2 Electric Boogaloo as a prequel companion piece, pun intended), on to the main batch of Richie II, Henry IV, Hank V, Henry VI, Richard III Rich Harder, and Henry 8 Henry takes Anneboylen. Mostly the BBC 1980(ish) productions for setting and (where applicable) actor continuity.

[@Jaketholemeu]

THE WAR ARC IS BACK YESSSS also hi Rags

[@basskicker1476]

59:52 Made the entire movie worth watching.

[@morganseppy5180]

That and the gruesome sicing through a man's shoulder and ribs and everything else. That sword was OP

[@springheelzach812]

for captain Tiberius it possible that's his Christian name as someone said most Norsemen would have been Christianized by now plus many Varangians became Christians.

[@springheelzach812]

nevermind the movie said they're pagans

[@11alpha48]

@@springheelzach812 Another fictionalization of the film. The Danes had been Christian for several generations by the time of the events of this film. Indeed, the martyred Danish King Canute IV was already canonized as St. Canute about three decades before the siege of Rochester Castle. And that's leaving aside the fact that King John's actual mercenaries weren't Danes, but were from Flanders and southern France.

[@christopherkelley1664]

It would be a weird choice since Tiberius is a Roman name. The name of a pagan emperor no less.

[@springheelzach812]

@christopherkelley1664 he or his father could have learned about him while serving as a varangian or trading in the Mediterranean,only thing I could think of for why a Dane would have that name.

[@TheAutistWhisperer]

I actually like Ironclad, not a great film, but I thought it was fun.

[@morganseppy5180]

Same. If they had avoided the earhtquakes, it coukd have been a passable film

[@yorkshireladtakes3726]

Guys when are you doing The Penguin EVAP?? Literally best show of the last 5 years easy

[@jmace2424]

24:25 Fewer. You have fewer than 20 men.

[@SkyExplosion]

It's too bad they aren't doing Centurion, Centurion was great.

[@captaindropkik]

I like to daydream about another dimension where Charles Danse is up there with Ian McKellen, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman and Patrick Stewart as one of the greats

[@Gyohdon]

You guys should watch the Dutch film about Michiel de Ruyter, I think it's called "Admiral". It's got Charles Dance in it and is all about war

[@Neo2266.]

Wait... is Cavalry some french name for "Horsery" or something like that? Since Caballo is horse in spanish 🤔

[@chrisbent5734]

Didn't know Prince was in this movie.

[@jegsdinogod5091]

The chainmail being rubbed on the sword acts like steel wool. Since they seem to not have strops or sand to clean yhe rust and dirt off thats not the worst idea. You should try it in a video as a test.

[@TheStonewall117]

You guys better watch 13th Warrior…

[@Kainvverd]

Is this movie historically accurate? No. Is it realistic? No, not really. Is it well-written? Not particularly. Is it entertaining? Yes, it's very fun and that's the reason I end up watching it every time an opportunity presents itself.

[@Kainvverd]

I never went out of my way to watch it but whenever it's on TV or someone else is watching it, I can't say no.

[@azh698]

Lindybeige has a nice multi video series about this film, I suggest you watch it!

[@Kainvverd]

@azh698 Huh, I've watched a lot of Lindybeige in the past but somehow must've skipped that one, I'll surely check them out.

[@azh698]

@Kainvverd They're very old videos, got to be ten years ago now.

[@PanzerblitzRnR]

The actors carry it. It's a bunch of great actors actually putting in the effort to make a very mediocre movie watchable. I would unironically use the "just pretend it's what you wanted" defense for it.

[@RottenFilmProduction]

The Ultimate Power Move: Level 9 Expose Minge

[@jegsdinogod5091]

Fire from pigs expands the water in the stone and cracks it.

[@DuckSith]

Wasn't that big blond dane dude the actor from 13th Warrior ?

[@derekrichardson7853]

Never even heard of this movie. That’s a first.

[@adrazuel]

Lindybeige does a couple of videos on this about its historical content

[@MrFallenone]

They made a Templar break a vow of chastity and have sex with a ?married?/?widow? woman. Thats shit. I hate it.

[@11alpha48]

I'm just surprised they made a Templar the protagonist. Modern media usually make them evil or fanatics.

[@morganseppy5180]

And it cost him. This is why coaches tell their teams not to secks before The Big Game. Takes all the fight out of a man

[@Jaketholemeu]

Now I know why they call it Feudalism. Look at all this feuding!

[@JesseVin11]

It is fucking bonkers to me that for such a mediocre/bad film Paul Giamatti goes so fucking hard, totally disagree with most of the gents, that monologue he gives to Brian cox character is awesome.

[@morganseppy5180]

It's unhinged. I give him 4/5 ⭐

[@Jamesthemaze]

To be honest, I’d be really interested in seeing EFAP’s reaction to an old show like The 100. A CW show that wasn’t come play horrible in the first season.

[@hobomaster6237]

is this worse than kingdom of heaven , himmm

[@pandemicpoojab]

Strange they didnt add the huge catherdral that was build 400 years before the castle and is about 15 metres from the wall

[@RottenFilmProduction]

"We should watch HBO's Rome at some point..." Silence.

[@Jack-uy7ie]

There's no value in watching a good show. As far as EFAP goes anyway. Would be more silence and we wouldn't get a witty retort ever 5 seconds.

[@apocryphicdeath]

​@@Jack-uy7ieThat's because they choose lazy commentary. There is much value in analyzing good shows. Which is why EFAP analyzed Arcane. Why are you eager to prove EFAP critics' assertion that the panel only wants to hate on media? You are the problem lol

[@Itsberserkintime2024]

We are so back

[@MNd3sign]

F Ya! Sargon is on! I said the same thing when I saw Buliwyf from 13th Warrior Sargon! Is that movie on the list EFAP?

[@austinboucher5286]

I watch this film purely for James Purefoy and Paul giamatti

[@Beuwen_The_Dragon]

^.-.^ It is settled... EFAP Movies Iron Clad: battle for Blood Gulch or whatever. Do it.

[@kylefrank638]

1:09:51 Minotaur! That one would be a great EFAP movie, it's truly shit. Tony Todd is in it and a little tiny Tom Hardy

[@hobomaster6237]

THE Most weird forced scne is with the prertty girl and the maid , so strange

[@hihat4179]

I really want them to watch Dragonheart.

[@cameronhermann9400]

Please consider reacting to Frankenstein’s Army(2013). The story is interesting, in my opinion; the film is mainly practical effects and they are beautifully scary. Highly recommend it