Empaths and Narcissists

Empaths are a special type of person who read emotions well and are willing to encourage. Unfortunately narcissists can prey upon them taking advantage of their good nature. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter discusses the pro's and con's of empaths and their relationships with narcissists.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and psychotherapist in the Dallas, Tx. area. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions.
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[@MayaNature113]

When empath becomes an empowered empath the whole game changes

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Succinctly stated!! Dr. C

[@Arya-cf7vu]

Yes, well said, that's what I want for me and all empaths! We need to be empowered in our own way, and we do have our own power that is opposite to that of NPD

[@butterflymagicwithhottea9291]

@@SurvivingNarcissism OH! YES! This is quite true. Assertiveness is a magic wand.

[@marypoole6064]

empowered empaths are narcissisits !!!

[@MayaNature113]

@@marypoole6064 empowered empath is a narcissist's worst nightmare.

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

I think another thing narcissists do is exploit an empath's self-doubt. When you are introspective, you do have doubts about yourself. You naturally question your own behavior, and this is a good thing. But the narcissist will exploit that and make you doubt yourself constantly until you can no longer trust your own judgement or abilities. Empaths need to be taught how to defend themselves from manipulators!

[@coldistheshoulder]

yes, they are brilliant at this, this is their endgame. its really sick behavior, but its what they do.

[@Robidu1973]

@@tiramisu3639 Maybe you should consider implementing something like a kill switch that is capable of temporarily shutting down your empathetic capabilities as a means of self-protection. An empath surely should be able to sense if something is amiss about someone and raise his guards accordingly, even though he may not be able to immediately put his finger on it. However, once the person in question triggers your kill switch, you can immediately cut off any emotional link to that person. The only problem could be that it takes quite some time, effort, and practice to get to that point, but it can be done. Anything that you can do to protect your sanity should very well be worth the effort.

[@natalieohlsson7777]

It’s soo true!!!

[@emilyavery6698]

Great GREAT way of explaining this. I felt so touched by your comment and the way I felt understood from it. What’s so difficult, me being a 20 year old, is that I’ve grown to realize that often times- my dad can be extremely supportive, level headed and sweet when we’re on good terms but his entire behavior flips and he becomes so passive when he’s mad and can make me feel bad for everything. I used to let him in my world (mentally) because I thought I could trust him but then when we would argue, he would call me crazy and tell me I needed help because I couldn’t see HIS side of the argument that was apparently “so obvious”. That is so SO terrifying to me - to hear everyone around me tell me those things you begin to really question if THEYRE the issue or you’re just so far gone in your head that you’re the crazy one yourself. My dad even has told me that I self diagnose myself and point fingers at him for my anxiety and try to hunt out all these things about therapy and psychology (and he’s right I love learning stuff about why I am the way I am) but he told me it’s silly and I can’t blame him for everything and THAT DAY was so rough for me because it almost felt like I had this epiphany that HE WAS RIGHT. That, since he DID know what I did in my free time and he was able to describe exactly how I thought, I must be wrong and I MUST be crazy. It’s a toxic cycle that leads to nowhere mentally. And it’s been so hard learning to trust myself and bounce out of this. Sometimes I see my dad to be “normal” which is almost terrifying in itself because then the only other person to point fingers at for the way I think, is myself. Sorry for the long message, but I felt extremely drawn to comment after I read yours. I deeply connected with it. God bless.

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

@@emilyavery6698 I am touched by your comment as well. be strong! You are not crazy. I know how hard it is, but try not to let him into your head. Narcs want to get into your head and make you feel like something is "wrong" with you if you are not in lockstep with their ideas, opinions, feelings, or preferences! But you are your own person, not an extension of them! Grey rock and "observe don't absorb" are your friends. Master these techniques and your father will not be able to get into your head ever again! I wish you luck!

[@geminisun12]

I’m an empath and I’ve been surrounded by narcs all my life. After finally learning about this disorder and being subjected to it I have let each and everyone go one at a time. I have no issue with this and have been enjoying my “alone time” 😄. Once you’ve become sick and tired of being sick and tired it’s easy to let these evil people go.

[@kameamepopcorn9660]

Amen! Cause I'm tired too ;D

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

Gemini Sun Great point!!

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

@calendarphotoscamera Canuck you really didn't understand their statement. Stop attacking people bully. You're the narc. Go away.

[@Ski7440]

Gemini Sun .... me too an Empath , sensitive ,and have suffered narc sister,mother and daughter . Been a door mat to their manipulations. Tired of their shit, but now I know how to,handle them, especially my sister and daughter I am equipped . Observe rather than absorb their behaviour. Put ur ego aside, as you’ll never win. Take a loss, breath in and realise their sick nonsense is their crap and not yours.

[@shannamac3974]

@calendarphotoscamera Canuck you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You actually think we empaths like being able to tap into all emotions around us. No we dont. It isnt a gift to be able to always know when someone's full of $***. You can't lie to an empath. We are human lie detectors. But we always seem to give chance after chance to people. Especially narcissists.

[@apoloromero6065]

I gotta stop caring about people that don't care of me.

[@lilithschwarzermond7342]

YEP!!!!!

[@DWSP101]

Yea it would help

[@Positivevibes6238]

Why we have to suffer being an empath?We only give kindness,love,care etc.WHY?

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

I know the feeling so well.

[@pep9312]

Absolutely.... we can be kind, but we must not allow ourselves to be someone else’s crutch “Don’t set yourself on fire, so you can keep others warm”

[@annajones1396]

The surprising part of being an empath is realizing that most of the rest of the world doesn't think the same. I didn't understand for the longest that most people were not picking up on moods and emotions like me. I really appreciate your videos.

[@jamespurcer3730]

I had the same experience as you. This made me confused as a kid with regard to the behavior of others. I would ask myself "Can't they see this?" It was so bad that by the age of 13, I began to have fantasies about being from another world and marooned on Earth as a baby because nobody was like me.

[@bereal6590]

Likewise 🙋🤗

[@choosepeacetoday]

Me too!! I thought everyone did that.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

I know it’s crazy isn’t it. For the last seven years I have only trusted dogs!

[@bereal6590]

@@MJ-qb5ph I dont think thats crazy. They're sentient beings and as empathy we love them. I certainly do ✌

[@retroartsclique6331]

I feel like people think empaths are naive and doormats. We are not, we are in sync with our emotions, observe people amd listen to them. Narcs are toxic to us but they dont stand a chance once we realize whats up.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated. Dr. C

[@natalieohlsson7777]

Retro Arts Clique yup

[@maryhumphrey2236]

I agree! Once I understood that I am an empath, and identified what a narcissist is, my world changed for the good. :)

[@jessicad6131]

Truth!!!!

[@artmocha9901]

Retro Arts Clique exactly. Before I knew these words I could see that people ganging up against me or some people were too fragile to handle if it happens to them from even a single person. They think empaths are/have to be doormats n can’t tolerate when you stand strong. It’s like a designated role n not allowed to rebel.

[@pep9312]

I have a theory that empaths are actually (partially) the product of dysfunctional families... as a kid I had to be very attuned to the emotions of my mother and very watchful of any changes in her moods/emotions... I had to be supportive and sympathetic to her to stay under the radar and stay safe. I feel other peoples moods and energies and it effects me deeply... but I was groomed to be this way to prop up a covert narcissistic mother... I don’t feel like it is a badge of honor like some people do, it is draining.

[@pep9312]

anonymous I think, I’ll keep being highly aware/sensitive to people around me because it is hard-wired into me as a way to keep myself safe since childhood, but with increased awareness I am less likely to get sucked into engulfing people’s dramas.... plus I’m only hanging out with people with no agendas to manipulate others. As far as my mom... low low contact and grey-rock all the way. She can’t get blood from this stone! 😂

[@jul8803]

Same here, highly sensitive and depressed mother, narcissist father.

[@karenpaisley4486]

I completely agree with your comment. I grew up the same way, narc mother and father now sister. Glad you see it now. ✌❤💫

[@leighatkins22]

No i sometimes see it as a curse... probably more than i should i spose. But i'm not quite sure about ur theory even tho I understand EXACTLY the logic behind it and it could be exactly what creates a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as long as the genes are present. But i have sat in a crowded room and found myself suddenly accosted with a strong desire to cry uncontrollably and i knew these weren't my feelings coz i had been in the middle of thinking deeply about a paragraph i had just read which wasn't emotionally slanted in any way at all. I later found out that while i was sitting there distracted and busy fighting off tears, 4 ppl who suffered heavily with depression had gotten up and left and the following paragraph which i had not been listening to, had been a trigger for them. What hope does an unenlightened empath have with the dense feelings of 4 ppl bombing a room with their energy then leaving? I've watched my ex-husband deliberately spiritually pour his venomously angry energy on me in the most massive trantrum i have ever felt where i cried hysterically for 6 hours and that pig KNEW EXACTLY what he was fucking doing coz he didn't get his way... it was oppressive and evil... I hate the darkness coz that's where certain entities which feed on this shit hide and u can sense it from across the lit side of the room... it's just nuts man. And i've sat at a dinner table happily enjoying a meal with my family, laughing and kidding around, and suddenly tears have started flowing down my face and i've tried to fight it off, but to no avail. I then ran away from the table, confused and scared and worried and everyone could see that i had no idea wtf was happening to me... all i could conclude from that one was that "something" walked into the room and saw that i was a vessel thru which it could express itself and it latched on, didn't let go and hung on until it spent itself thru me. These are not incidents that i could say were due to me trying to anticipate someone else's emotions... i can only explain them as raw energy which i had picked up in my local vicinity and i can only assume that it was transmitted thru our electromagnetic fields and that i picked it up... :/

[@SuperXrunner]

Lol. Who told you my life story

[@migdaliacolon8368]

As an empath, I have learned to listen to what my body tells me when talking or engaging with other people...if I start to feel nervous uneasy, or lose sleep while they seem to be "just fine" and "dandy" about what they are doing or saying, I remove "myself" from them because "they" will always try to stay around. Listen to your body, especially your sleep when getting to know someone you are interested in....if your body feels yucky ( because the body is smarter than the heart of an empath), run as fast as you can.

[@tiffanyisler9219]

I always felt so “uneasy and anxious” around this person. I couldn’t even sleep comfortably next to him. I would toss and turn. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Now I know my intuition was telling me to get out!

[@nancytwigg4631]

Good advice.

[@supermarioisacat]

Very good info. Empaths also tend to be "people pleasers" which narcicissists will sniff out VERY quickly and take advantage of. We _incorrectly_ think that by being nice to EVERYONE, we are shielding ourselves against harmful behavior. After all, why would ANYONE want to be hurtful to someone who is always so helpful? Seems reasonable enough, until you realize that some people will still try to hurt you **regardless** of how nice you are and some may do it _specifically_ because of your great qualities, out of jealousy, just to prove you wrong.

[@jeepnkayakrhonda]

I realized who I am today!!! I'm not weak. I'm not a gullible idiot! I am an Empath to the letter, and now I know I can be proud of it. I also understand why in 56 years, I tend to go for the narcissistic man. Each has been a failure, I always felt I didn't do something right, or this time I will do better. Nothing I did was good enough, I heard people say...all men want is a good woman; but I am and the men I was with, had no idea. I had to die from the inside out before i would walk away. I am so thankful i stumbled on to your videos. You have lifted such a weight from my shoulders and at the same time, opened my eyes!

[@vincentbrugetti7254]

I feel possibly, there’s some spiritual learning purpose empaths get paired with these Narcys. Like an empath boot camp. Would’ve we realized we are a empath without first being with an NPD type? Hmm, 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@carolporter7094]

Exactly me here Jeep!

[@jaybecker8353]

Wow!!! So well said. Ty. This is/was me, now I'm 55 and a proud "narcissist survivor" thanks to comments like yours and educating with videos like this. I'm also very proud and honored to be an "Empath" trying to spead light not darkness. 2 yrs ago, I left my wife of 13 years. I stayed way longer than I should have, hoping it would change. I've recognized my patterns in relationships through life, and now I have found myself content and fulfilled again with loving people aroundme. Get rid of the toxicity, and change your world

[@flgal7788]

Empaths learn boundaries the hard way unfortunately, after years of narcissistic abuse. Trying to rise above the contempt but its not easy because of the damage and destruction of their evil ways.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes...experience teaches. Dr. C

[@valeriegriner5644]

This is true. It's hard to get past the guilt of "no contact," but sometimes you have to withdraw yourself just to survive.

[@Denise-y2c]

Was born an empath. Narcissist parents, &much more, now old & worn out. At a point now , must become strong enough to do something for myself, but don't know how. Feel it necessary to keep taking care of elderly Narcissist Mother.

[@Jettingred4]

I’m an Empath and just fled from a Narcissist who tore me to pieces. I NOW understand who and what he IS. I’m exhausted, but healing and so much happier😃

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay the course!!! Dr. C

[@jamespurcer3730]

I also fled, but as a co-dependant, I was not prepared for the withdrawals. It was 3 months of hell.

[@Paulnjen2009]

My daughter is yet to see her real man who is a covert narcissist. Gas lighting is his game. Smothers her with affection when things are going wrong. Will forgo paying bills just to keep his queen. Boy does he keep her dependent on him.

[@AKAI1peace]

@@jamespurcer3730 I'm going through it! It hurts!

[@sunshinedayz7032]

James, I hear you! I just broke up with my narc boyfriend. I went into shock, had panic attacks. Could not breathe. I know the breakup is the right and healthy thing for me do for my life and my daughters. But wow, I think I am co- dependent too! I have a lot of healing to do. But now I am free to heal and I do feel such a load lifted. I was in a depression I think. My health went down hill. Now I feel so good, so happy (in between the pain and nausea! Lol) But I will get there. I keep watching videos like this and reading comments, It helps so much!

[@ricknico2577]

The covert narcissist draw you in by sob stories and always being an innocent victim, really the best bate for an empath. Cant resist a sad person...

[@kameamepopcorn9660]

Robb Nico Yes, I comfirm. And when you need a shoulder to cry ON, you can't find NO ONE : (

[@Ski7440]

Robb Nico .... so true. Females in my family are exactly that. Sob stories, etc.

[@kashrulez21]

Oh my goodness.. smh.. i just cant beleive this happened to me.. so true

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

@@kashrulez21 IKR?

[@fatmabahri1315]

Absolutely

[@mattm1192]

I grew up with my narcissistic, alcoholic father. What an adventure. Mother divorced him when I was 4 because after he quit his job as a lawyer, dad refused to work and began beating her. My father literally stole me from my mother and raised me on the family farm with his neurotic mother. Dad was a complete drunk until I was 13 and as a child I spent nearly everyday of my life hiding bottles of vodka and worrying about him. The first thing I did when I got home was I asked grandma "how is dad doing?" meaning - what kind of mood is he in, is he awake or asleep and is he drunk or sober now? My father was incredibly proud of once having been a lawyer. He would sit me on his knee and say to me with his stinky, vodka breath "Do you know how smart your father is Matthew?" "Do you know how good of a lawyer I was,?" My father mocked everyone else for being "stupid," - even when grandma and I brought a mirror to his face - he would never admit to being drunk. When he hit a school bus in the parking lot when picking me up from elementary school - he denied ever being drunk. When I was teenager dad quit drinking (I am proud of him for this) because my grandparents and mother threatened to take me away from him. My father controlled who I was allowed to hang out with, he decided which teachers I studied with, who I dated, which families were nice people, who was riffraff, and who I talked to in our small town of 3000 people. He was racist, materialistic, judgemental and did not like a number of people in my town. And although Dad wouldn't allow me to go to school parties he encouraged me to smoke large amounts of marijuana with him on long, long drives through the countryside.... Then when I was high, he would find underhanded ways of making fun of me. Mocking my clothes, or friends He was the ONLY person I ever knew that would actually get more ANGRY when high on Weed. He mock me, and laugh at me when I asked if we could play one of MY CD`s. I instinctively NEVER told my father about my real opinion and I definitely never bothered arguing with him. His moods were insane. Happy one moment, miserable the next. He was as tight and jumpy and twitchy as anyone. As my father would relapsed once in a while, he ended up in ditches - drunk, or in the hospital and I was always there to help him. I felt INCREDIBLY SORRY for my father. I saw him as a HELPLESS innocent man. My LOVE and sympathy for him was extreme! Then, later as a teenager one of my friends was beaten by a gang of kids...and it was MY TIME to talk to someone. Did I have ANYONE to talk to? Any real friends? No - dad made sure of that. The ONLY people that came to my house were local potheads he would smoke weed with, I did`t have close friends. Could I open up to my father? NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. I spent YEARS (between ages 15 and 25) hardly ever leaving my house at all...I developed something called PTSD. I would carry a knife with me, my adrenaline would go NUTS when I saw certain people, or people that looked like the person who beat my friend. At the time, in my late teens and 20`s I thought I was going insane. I was neurotic and nervous wreck. I thought I had gone completely crazy and I felt like I had no control over my mind. Truth is, I just needed someone to listen to me. I needed understanding. I needed someone I could actually trust. But I dare not open up to my father, because he would mock me as weakling....or USE IT AGAINST ME. He knew I was insecure. ***Well.... I`m 40 years old now, happily married and lived in Tokyo, Japan for a decade. I got as far away from my old man and haven`t talked to him for a year. It`s the best decision I`ve ever made. The Greeks used to say "Know Thy Self," ... it takes YEARS to develop the type of self knowledge I`ve accumulated. WISDOM. I take SSRI`s everyday because of my PTSD....but thats life. I just feel bad for all the teenager who may have killed themselves, or all the teenagers or young people who became alcoholics or drug addicts because of fathers like mine. I was one of the lucky ones. If there`s one thing I can suggest to anyone suffering from a narcissist its this - TAKE THE TIME TO "Know Thyself." RESPECT yourself, and GET AWAY FROM THEM.

[@MaatSekhem]

Hey Matt M, I understand. Had kind of similar stuff from dad/uncle/others. Uv got complex post traumatic stress disorder. So do I. It is well documented now. At least online. Don't be put off by the overly female focus (needs to be broader) but the definition from www.beautyafterbruises.com may be helpful to you. Older cultures refer to it as the splitting off of the spirit from the body. Modern psychiatry calls that dissociation, the flashbacks/splitting of consciousness etc. Books like 'Dreaming the Soul back Home' by Robert Moss, 'Anatomy of the Spirit' by Caroline Myss & also 'Breaking down is waking up' I've found v helpful plus alternatives like yoga & energy healing & youtube meditations etc. Don't be afraid to try anything....it's worth it...

[@msncrease2x278]

I would love to talk with u please message me! My children and I are going through what u experienced, I am working on getting them back. Their dad (my abuser) teamed up with my narcissistic mother and told them to pack up and leave the house while I was at work and they filed false charges against me. I have a podcats and would like to interview you. Please let me know if your interested or not. Either way I applaud you for your ability to thrive and be a survivor! Sincerely, Msncrease

[@sammorton2023]

Hope your still doing well

[@pjmiller8632]

Thank you for sharing your terrible experience with us Matt. I am so sorry you had to go through that - all of it. Good for you for finally escaping his manipulative, abusive and inexcusable behaviour. Never look back. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for having gotten through the experience with a man who should never have been permitted to raise you. Congratulations on honouring yourself now in a most healthy way, and you are so wise to live in another country, well away from his manipulative control. Watching this kind Doctor's videos is such a positive experience for those of us who have experienced narcissists in our lives. These videos are so incredibly helpful. I am beyond grateful to have found them. All life's best to you Matt.

[@nancytwigg4631]

You survived! What strength and resilience! Wishing you dignity, respect, civility, and all the joy in the world. You deserve peace: you've earned it. Thanks for sharing.

[@thelittlefairylady9757]

I'm an empath with narcissism in the family. It's like they're drawn to me and they suck my energy dry. Thank you so much for putting up this video it's very informative, it's very appreciated

[@terrid5449]

I am an empath. I have to be careful because I am easily taken advantage of.

[@terrid5449]

I guess because I tend to have a hard time saying no to people because I feel guilty if I do. Some people take advantage of that. Of course I am much better than I used to be.

[@ksanchez979]

calendarphotoscamera Canuck Did you watch and listen to the video? It gives great insight into this.

[@bonjourrj]

@calendarphotoscamera Canuck , hmm, did you need to use shame to make your point to someone who is learning to be careful and to watch out for people who use shame as a way of making people feel guilty? You obviously did not hear what the video said.

[@seckhoffable]

@calendarphotoscamera Canuck It doesn't work that way. To have friends is to expose oneself.

[@bunkapunch]

calendarphotoscamera Canuck knowing and doing are two different things. You "know" that if you pull the pin on a hand grenade it will explode, but do you "do" it?

[@noemamamaka3368]

The depression, guilt, heaviness, is overwhelming. Causes me to seek isolation for months at a time just to avoid it. I feel like I fight for the right to breathe . I will take the boundary check even more seriously now.

[@CollectedEve]

I can't seem to "emotionally recharge" for about the past year. You're not alone in your struggle & I know I'm not alone in mine. Though, it sure feels like it.

[@ruthp7589]

Same

[@nancyfahey7518]

Oh my God. My whole family needs therapy.

[@alm000]

Get it, sooner the better, :)

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

Therapy wouldn't do a thing.

[@SOliveira2010]

My ex husband and his mother, brother and sister(bp). 💔💔💔

[@shannon8315]

Is it bad that I'm cracking up at your comment? I'm sorry but you just made my day.🙃

[@d74morris]

my therapist helped me a lot but now he needs therapy

[@leandreadollar2779]

I am 56 years old and have just suddenly realized at this moment that I actually seek out the narcissist. No wonder I've had such unfulfilling relationships. I have tried since I was 16 years old to make a relationship work with the same narcissistic man. I never realized I was an empath nor did I realize he was narcissistic until Christmas Eve. What a wonderful realization because I can finally throw in the towel after 40 years.

[@celiahunter5169]

I am an Empath and living with a narcissist for two years sucked the life right out of me. It left me sick and drained for years.

[@little1942]

I can relate. I hope you are at a better place now.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Oh narcissts are the most toxic thing in earth. I have a whole family of them

[@babblesp1367]

I’m dealing with that now!!

[@CurrentWorldIssues]

I am also dealing with the same

[@shannamac3974]

Its mentally exhausting being empathic. Especially since I'm related to two people I suspect are narcissistic and I dated/married people who both showed narcissistic tendencies.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You prove my point about #8 on the list. Dr. C

[@MarionBrandsen6204]

My mother was a narcissist and I am an empath, so I wish I would have known all of this much sooner in my life. As an only child there was no escape. I am 56 now and still feel like crap sometimes. 5 years ago a therapist recognised the issues I was dealing with.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sometimes the learning comes later in life than you'd wish, but the bottom line is that it is happening. Good luck on your journey. Dr. C

[@angelabrown4301]

Me too, me too.

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

Oh, you’re not alone in your journey. I could have written that - except for the last line about therapy. These videos are richer, better and more inspirational.

[@charles.patrickbasson4040]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I am blessed to found that at 70 I am blessed. All the past treasure the good this you and the narcissistic person did together. This will wire your DNA as a positive. Killing all the negative memories of the past. ❤️

[@zakvotren9875]

This man is of a great help. Thank you, sir.

[@tonyasmith4230]

Love it

[@margaretbevan3206]

Dr Les has really help me understand narssistic people in my life I have had a few people narsissistic I have had to get out my life

[@LunaticTheCat]

Im a empath and my mom is a textbook narcissist. Funny how things work out like that. She definitely did a fair amount of damage to me growing up, but luckily I managed to escape with my confidence in my own abilities still intact.

[@jamest4198]

It's tough growing up with a narc, sound like you've done very well.

[@aimeelovric]

Well done you x

[@jessicaalen3533]

You have a BEAUTIFUL God-given purpose, not to mention resilency. DON'T allow your NARC mom to.cause your heart bitterness, resentment or unforgiveness. Choose ti forgive her in order to be healthy & happy. Tc & God bless you.

[@tomikoeaton5871]

Im a empath and my mother is a narcissist as well i also walked way and im confident

[@wandah9468]

This comment fits me well, thanks!

[@debrawilson333]

An Empath can also get caught up in what people think so they break their own boundaries. The narcs who see them as servants will treat them as such. The Empath then gets alarmed when they have exhausted their efforts to please and yet the narcissist's of this world are never pleased. This cycle goes on and on because the Empath projects their good side and can't understand why it is not reciprocated. Sometimes a good deed of the Empath doesn't need approval or appreciation because they are blessed just to do something for others. They also know God sees their heart.

[@rebeccacory7945]

This is so spot on!! Grateful to you for sharing this insight!! 🙏🏻❤️

[@Ski7440]

I’m an Empath, sensitive, and spiritually pulled. Feel people’s emotions, and end up crying with them. I cry hearing classical and choral music. Love walking in the forest n woods, feel at peace there. I always want to help people, and feel it’s one of my life’s purpose. Hate drama, chaos, and crazy making Narcs, and selfish manipulative behaviour. I was Narc bait, and got well baited that’s for sure. Find it hard to say No. With my mother saying no had serious consequences ... her wrath!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When you have good boundaries, all the rest of what you are talking about becomes most fulfilling. Dr. C

[@noemamamaka3368]

Hi Marshmallow Toast! Me2 💜💞 💖

[@noemamamaka3368]

@@SurvivingNarcissism ty. For all of this. Extremem gratitude for what Hawaiians call "kauna," (cow-nuh) or the revelation of the true placement of things. Aloha.

[@pdb3661]

Surviving Narcissism boundaries are the most difficult thing to set. I'm exhausted daily from setting those boundaries. But I did set them. Now that I have set those they all disappeared. Have no use for me now. So, Now what? I've been so conditioned to serving them I forgot how to enjoy the wonderful things like nature, music, grandchildren, etc... How to handle life after a narcissist mother, husband and even son? are finished devouring you because you set that boundary.

[@joeyvieira9618]

Marshmallow Toasted I’m so me !

[@jerrys13]

I think having firm boundaries is the most important defense against narcissists. I had boundaries,but they were porous which allowed the narcissist through to wreck havoc in my life. Keep up the great videos Dr. Les!

[@bradmcewen]

I totally agree with you. Boundarys are the difference between knowing an early dismissal is in order or eronously thinking a person's consistent abhorent behavior is temporary.

[@olivest509]

Yes! And I am learning that is easy to set healthy boundaries when I make sure I give myself the same standard of treatment that I give to other people. I was always putting myself last and putting myself down to bring other people up, but that's not right. I deserve to be treated well, too, and that false guilt doesn't fool me anymore... most of the time.

[@peppertree8244]

Jerry S. Yes. I kept compromising with my narc sisters for the sake of family until I realized that THEY didn't WANT to fix our problems. Firm boundaries have been only defense as long as Mom is alive and, after, no reason for ties.

[@angelacarleton9575]

Jerry, in my family there were no boundaries which caused more hurt as a child who was gifted in getting people's attention and gifts were showered over me. What saddens me those gifts were opened by my mother since it was my 10th birthday and it meant the world since those few gifts were all I ever got. Birthday parties were a disaster especially when my mother "ALL" the gifts on that birthday. I never wanted another birthday party after my first 13th birthday. Never again. I was too painful to go through the hurt of not having the good fortune to open my own gifts. As for Christmas Day Presents? Only one Christmas we got a present -I was 9 years old a "sewing machine" which I wanted so bad to create clothes for my doll. It pains me that parents were not sensitive enough to keep from opening other gifts which weren't theirs.

[@wellsorted]

@Henry Stoneking Learn to say, "No", learn to leave the room, learn to hang up. That's boundaries. It makes all the difference.

[@SomeBuddy777]

"When My Kindness is Taken for My Weakness" explained

[@peppertree8244]

Some buddy. Want to press the like button for this many times! Many stunned and/or angry looks when we do say, 'no'. Nice but not pushovers.

[@SomeBuddy777]

@@peppertree8244 SO TRUE, Melanie 🙋

[@angelacarleton9575]

It is unfortunate for those that see "kindness" as a weakness. It isn't is it the strongest form of love helping one another and it made me feel good inside knowing I was helping those I could. However, those were devious minds or deliberate intent be ever so careful you can spot them but sometimes like me I would ignore their ways of thinking that perhaps their lives were difficult. However, the experience is the teacher and one must learn from those experiences not to continue to be abused or taken for granted.

[@tbd5082]

I always told my narc to not take my kindness for weakness - while forgiving unforgivable bs

[@anubis1949]

Lol I think not speak for yourself buddies

[@theplanet.rachel]

I’m mind blown at how freaking accurate this is

[@theplanet.rachel]

@@FedeRhodes wow this was from 2 years ago. i can honestly say i freed myself from a person with heavy narcissistic traits. it’s been a year and 4 months! i have made so much personal growth.

[@theplanet.rachel]

@@FedeRhodes thankyou!

[@elizabethzieman1059]

“Empaths have a hard time saying “no”. “. So so so true..

[@Libra_Girl.]

I don't think it's healthy for me to feel that I have to help everyone. I learned it the hard way with my ex. Everyone does not deserve my help. I don't have to be there for everyone around me, help everyone around me, or counsel everyone around me who is having problems. I'm being more selective about who I give my time to.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Helpfulness is good, but you need to listen to your mind and body when it goes into worn-out mode. Dr. C

[@aliceputt3133]

That’s what a boundary is. Congratulations on your newfound strength. Discrimination about what is good or bad for you is vital and the reason why is that you must honor your self first, love yourself first, respect yourself and your abilities and sensitivity first before you can really help others without burning out. Therefore you have a lesson to learn from the Narcissist who is focused on self, and you focused on others, to move into the center and achieve the balance to use your skills to their greatest impact. Blessings to you.

[@Libra_Girl.]

You're right Dr. C. Thank you.

[@Libra_Girl.]

Thank you Alice Putt for taking the time to comment. Its hard to find that balance but I'm trying really hard. I have to literally force myself to have boundaries when it comes to helping.

[@olivest509]

@@Libra_Girl. give yourself the care that you would give to another person who was in your situation. We tend to be empathetic towards everyone in the world, except for ourselves. Give yourself that same care and it will change your life.

[@melissamenkin4733]

I love this guy! I'm an empath, have been one my whole life. 😊

[@joeyvieira9618]

Melissa Menkin same. 😫

[@Bargains20xx]

and its a good thing. Just be a little cautious

[@tiffanygrimsely14]

what is so special about being an empath, NOTHING!! Over sensitive, absorb other emotions, senses other's emotions, what is so special about that? To me, it a curse.

[@marilynmarcelli270]

Rather be an Empath than a Narc any day

[@timkneiski9919]

Are you unique? Like a narssist? Or just wishing we all are both to certain degrees empaths don't say it.

[@barbnauman705]

I am very impressed with the common sense approach you use to explain the different personality traits/ disorders that you been discussing in your videos! Your content and manner of delivery is quite excellent and compelling. Thanks so very much, and my best to you. Pls keep the videos coming!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks Barb.....Dr. C

[@SeedstoInspireFoundation]

Bravo you said what is in my heart. DITTO!

[@bunkapunch]

I agree 100%

[@d74morris]

that's what I wanted 2 say

[@freyashipley6556]

I so wish I'd been taught all this as a child, before I hit adolescence and started falling in love with narcissists. At that age, I didn't understand any of these dynamics. I kept thinking that if I just poured out more love and attention and devotion, I could solve everything for everyone.

[@rosemaxx3987]

63 years on this earth and I just now discover I've been an empath since the age of 3. Thanks for your videos, they are so validating. Married at 19 to a narcissistic sociopath. I don't regret it bc of the two wonderful sons I have. But your common sense advice is right in line with the things I had to figure out on my own over the years, and muster the strength to leave him after 17 mostly grueling years. It would have been a great comfort to me back then to have been able to hear your wisdom. Bless you.

[@kevindavis1281]

This is one of the talks I have been patiently waiting for. Being an empathy is self gratifying. I am proud to be one.

[@heidiaguilar1257]

Me too.

[@michaelmorris1093]

@anonymous me three

[@rg-mi5hh]

Me four.

[@dianne7250]

wow..you are the first person to touch on beauty !!! I love nature and I love beautiful environments and ugly ones make me feel depressed..always regardless of circumstances. WOW mind blown here.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

What a beautiful expression! Dr. C

[@darlena2228]

100% AGREED!!!

[@natalieohlsson7777]

Yep! Because we feel everything so it had better be life giving 😍💓🕊🐥🦋🌷💐🌸🌹🌺🌻🌞🌿🌱🌳🌲

[@rachelbrough8160]

Dianne, I can 100% relate.

[@gamechangerswhothrive7480]

I am an empath who has been attacked by narcissists over a lifetime too. Thank you so much for doing these videos because we empaths cannot figure out what is going on and have no support system that understands these dynamics. I thought of 5 friends who I noticed go through the same thing and we formed our own group. It was so healing. We all gained hope and a new passion and joy about life. We went over strategies of how to better handle narcissists and flying monkeys. We realized that our responses to narcissists is a part of the problem. We had to learn how to just smile and be quiet. There are plenty of people who we are called to inspire, it is just not the narcissist and his or her flying monkeys. They are supposed to reject us and now we save them the trouble by rejecting them first. They are a waste of our time. We can love from a distance.

[@deirdresmith486]

I’m an Empath

[@salliegallegos918]

Empath Checklist: 1. Intuitively picks up on feelings of others. 2. They are very sensitive; they are impacted strongly by emotions, their own and others’. 3. True passion to be helpful. 4. Deeply moved by beauty/art. 5. Drawn toward spiritual themes; why are we here; what’s the big picture? 6. Tends to be available to the underdog. 7. Tend to be idealistic. 8. Have a need to be alone. BEWARE OF THE NARCISSIST WHO IS ALWAYS ON THE PROWL! Downside: 1. Difficult to say no. 2. Can be susceptible to guilt. (It’s not your responsibility!) 3. Susceptibility to emotional burnout. 4. Prone to overemphasizing ideals. 5. Inclination to emotional side empowers a narcissist.FOCUS ON BOUNDARIES.

[@nancytwigg4631]

Thanks for these study notes.

[@whataboutbob7967]

The covert narcissist can portray themselves as the empath, it's very deceptive

[@natalieohlsson7777]

Bob Masters that’s true too. But not always the case.

[@delta2461]

Yes. I HAD a friend whom I realized was covert narcissist. She would often imitate my words and actions when it came to being kind to others. Once I had her figured out I can tell you many things came to light!!

[@kaymuldoon3575]

Delta 24 I also had a friend whom I recently realized is a covert narcissist. She can be very sweet and generous when she wants. But she has an extremely fragile ego and cannot handle any sort of criticism or friction. Should would frequently attack me when she felt I wasn’t behaving as perfectly as she thought I should. We haven’t spoken in 4 months. I decided I was done with being verbally abused.

[@delta2461]

@@kaymuldoon3575 I hear you 😉💕

[@SweetiePieTweety]

Mirroring Mask

[@rainbows9060]

I need a full fortnight alone to cope at times.

[@heidiaguilar1257]

Yep, I have all 8. Love the color of your shirt, beautiful purple color.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spoken like a true artesian. Dr. C

[@misottovoce]

I agree. It is a great colour for him. Love it!

[@klattalexis]

Me too!

[@seckhoffable]

I love the guy's shirts and his voice. I believe him, and I need his help.

[@angelacarleton9575]

I love all colors especially the cool colors of blue shades from dark to light I love being able to draw and create with my hands - made my children's clothes that were unique and realized what pleasure being creative can bring to one's soul. Whether to sell or create for the pleasure I choose to "create" for the mere pleasure of my children's response. It's what made me the happiest.

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

I really like this channel! You and your team are educating this community and I believe the work we all do now is paying it forward twofold. God Bless you now & always!

[@FNFIHOCTW]

I love my alone time as much as I love helping others. I've had to toughen up, I finally realized I need to love myself too!

[@little1942]

It’s like you looked inside my soul and drew a picture of it! I never realized “being” an empath was a thing. I just figured empathy was part and parcel of who I am.

[@PrajnaShettyMusic]

Never knew I was an Empath. Thought something was wrong with me when ever all the narsissists pointed out how I was so stupid to care about other people 😅 Happy to know it's normal. Happy to know wanting to have my personal space , or being spiritual always having my eyes on underdogs was normal too. Thank you so much you just helped me understand myself better. 🙏🙏🙏

[@geenaredbull6048]

You've described me in every way! Empath not a narcissist. 😂....but on a serious note, I understand narcissists way more now, I always give grace but from a distance and no contact. Thank you, your videos have brought me a lot of clarity to my horrible experience with narcissists. Keep making them videos. Love them all.

[@valeriegriner5644]

Exactly...we can give grace from a distance. We can pray for them, too, because only GOD can change a narcissist and a heart of stone.

[@laurarader6846]

Emotional fatigue with all the depression, anxiety and pure exhaustion. Being porous and absorbing too much of other's emotional energy is an empath's challenge. Narcissists are emotional vampires, they are every empath's kryptonite.

[@JaimePfefferUpliftYourLife]

Thank you SO MUCH! I recently watched some videos from a different psychologist about Empaths, and I felt terrible about myself. He basically blamed empaths for falling into narcissist's traps and really took away the gifts the empath has, saying they are addicts just like narcissists. It felt really harsh and critical for me. I have felt terrible for 3 days since hearing this. I am an empath and this was so hard to hear. I really appreciate your positive comments about Empaths. What you said is the truth. I needed to hear it.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Is it wrong to have too much of a good thing? In an ideal world, no. So the primary lesson an empath needs to hold onto is: Be fully you, but with good boundaries. Dr. C

[@asktheetruscans9857]

As a Christian empath, I've gone the extra mile when forced into service and given my shirt when they've taken my coat. It does nothing for these swine if you cast your pearls before them. My new rule is to give what I PLAN TO GIVE. If they press for more, I see how they handle my new favorite word NO! My further response is a mirror of theirs.

[@bethbluett4211]

Exactly. I'm a Christian empath too!

[@kalaranch8025]

Agree!

[@richardsalazar2475]

Mirroring the narcissist is one way of telling them that you know what they are doing, but it doesn't always go well, they don't like to see themselves as they are.

[@SnatchnHalos]

Amen 🙏 my Brother Amen 🙏

[@rg-mi5hh]

Give them nothing! Run!

[@rebelxapologist4505]

There's another component to us Empaths.......because, we are so tuned in to other people's emotions and other people's sense of self....we can OFTEN mistaken a Narcissist's emotions and sense of self as TRUE TO WHAT THEY FEEL AND ARE....because, we are not Mind Readers. We FEEL the emotions of others that think they are great as if they really are great...we are not necessarily great at seeing the true intentions and true motivations of others, which harms our ability to make great judgments of rather we can trust people or not to be telling the truth. And, even still, us Empaths love people so much that we despise the thought that we could potentially judge someone unfairly. We are our worst enemies at times. Ugh.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Very good thoughts, and true to form. Ugh is right. Dr. C

[@rebelxapologist4505]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks...i'm glad my redundant and not so well formed speech made sense to someone! LOL I'm still not good at expressing myself perfectly coherently....not yet good at relaxing in my newfound freedom to say what i want without being afraid of rebuke or rejection by someone who thinks i am a piece of stupid sh*t. Can't wait till I get healthier so i can get better at this.

[@angelacarleton9575]

Rebel - this is what I started to do once I realized I was sabotaging my self for confiding in those siblings that I trusted. I now refused to discuss personal matters- for various reasons. They will use that information for their own particular need and abuse your relationship. Trust is something you must be careful in not disclosing too much.

[@senaityemanne422]

Couldn't agree more

[@eadler1220]

oh my, you nailed it!

[@johngilliejr4231]

Thank you for these videos. They have been a huge help while going through a separation from my wife who gradually began to show more and more signs of narcissism or borderline. God Bless

[@Texasborn99]

Borderline are paranoid, fear of abandonment, fake illnesses, lie all the time, will discard u, bored, robotic, want constant attn, like chaos of any kind, immature

[@expectabundance4886]

Listening to your list, I kept thinking "doesn't everyone want to be this way?" Yes. Goodness, love and joy.

[@krisp.1584]

My adult daughter is a narcissist, and I am an empath. It took me almost four decades to understand, acknowledge, and accept this. My desire to reach out to her (since I am deeply concerned about her well-being) but to restrain myself is overwhelming at times. But I learned how important it is, not to serve as her buffer anymore but rather to figure out to be concerned about my own well-being 🙃 For me this is the worst empath/narcissist relationship - compared to that the others are relatively easy to handle.

[@msheart2]

An empath can be an introverted empath & shy which some people will describe us as being snobs.

[@thepuppetboyzjr.5589]

I am glad that I subscribed to your channel. The things you say are RIGHT ON! I am an empath and love everyone. After 20 years of marriage, I learned one important thing. The narcissist doesn’t love and that’s okay for someone, but me! I learned to value myself enough to leave. I deeply loved him, but let go for my relationship with God and myself. There’s no more drama since he’s gone and I am now at peace. Boundaries become a way of life when you respect and love yourself.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes to what you are saying! Dr. C

[@janetchene8248]

Good for you- I wish I had done it years earlier as I ended up with adrenal failure from stress and almost died, still recovering almost 3 years later.

[@KellsSmith1244]

When I see or think of someone in pain the left side of my head tingles, and when I see something wonderful the right side tingles. I get sad a lot, worrying about the world. I am burned out and rarely leave the house except grocery shopping at 3am a few times a month. My narcissist husband died and it was a relief to my anxious stomach.

[@missjackie7983]

Me too. Home = peace!!

[@Meira750]

I am an Empath but I'm not completely idealistic. I'm 73 and I've seen plenty of the ugly side of life. I've also learned that saying "no" is the most loving thing you can do.

[@Meira750]

@@oscarwilliamson1128 Only my cat. And he doesn't like catfish.

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

@@Meira750 I will be glad to know you.Are you on Facebook?

[@Meira750]

@@oscarwilliamson1128 I'm not taking friend requests from the US, sorry.

[@lechatbotte.]

My son and I are empaths which is why we went into nursing. The narcissist is taught the behavior in childhood. By the time they reach adulthood they are so practiced they seek out the empath. I was victimized by my spouse this way. I was devastated by his behavior to me, he set out to destroy me. When he had moved on he left me like garbage. It took a wise pastor ,the strength of friends who believed me and prayer to escape. The wounds are still fresh. Problem is it’s easier to help others than face our own pain. Your description is me and my son right brain leaning.

[@valeriegriner5644]

"Blessed are the peacemakers." What I have come to realize(very LATE in life)...is that there are those who don't WANT peace. They THRIVE on chaos, drama and discord. They live for gossip and "backbiting." They are like the spectators in the arena who threw people into the lion's den and cheered while they were being devoured...very cold-hearted(to say the least!) This was an excellent video...thanks so much.

[@rg-mi5hh]

It is just not normal to wake up every day mad, wanting to fight, wanting to tear down others. Life is short and to be enjoyed. These kinds of people are just not worth it. As a Christian... love them from a distance. No contact. They are a royal pain in the hind end and they do not change. There are two kinds of people in the world....peacemakers and troublemakers. (Jimmy Evans) The FIRST time someone tells you who they are believe them. (Mia DeAngelo) Enjoy life...run.

[@secretshaman277]

Spot on assessment, thank-you! Empaths tend to be people pleasers, so are often snatched up by a charismatic narcissist. The best defense is to be able to recognize the behavior patterns of the narcissist, and keep healthy boundaries. I wish this info was available when I was growing up! Psychologists have recognized the prevalence of this personality type only in the last 20 yrs. or so. By the way, love your shirt!

[@PhilipMcAdam]

I have grown up knowing I was different to others. My parents tried to encourage me out of it along with school and other parts of society. I hated being any trouble to anyone in any way. I also thought that most people would think in the same way as me and it took a long time for me to realise that most do not. You mentioned a phrase in your super video that summed it all up for me "why can't we all get along?" My own phrase is chill out and just enjoy life. Since discovering there really no fixing the relationship that I am in, I have been rediscovering this side of me that I tried so hard to hide away from. I simply love the word empathy and try to use it more so than the word love which I feel has been over used and carries too much baggage. I so drained in this relationship of hoping my kindness would change her but I know now it will not. I am getting the silence which really suits as it is giving me time to "reboot" so to speak. I went through a phase of how did I end up with the relationship that I have now and with your super videos you have explained how it happened and why. I am so glad you covered this aspect of the subject as for years I thought there was something wrong with me. I would add one more quality I know I have, I am not sure this is a good or bad thing with us, I so totally hate lies. I totally switch off a person when I detect lies. I also totally hate gossip and competitive sport, I much prefer good conversations about Ideas. Again thanks again for all your wonderful youtube content.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your dislike for lies can be translated as a yearning for authenticity. Who can argue with that! Thanks for these comments. Dr. C

[@margosparkle4299]

What you wrote - you hated being any trouble to anyone in any way - that fits me, I think about it and don't like being that way. Guilt can be overwhelming.

[@jusayenso8186]

Philip....I can relate to your point about preferring conversations about ideas. Sadly, I rarely come across people like this. So many people actually just tell stories about their hard headed views, even if they aren't narcs. Just recently, a service man was doing work at my house. I engaged (as always) in talking with him but every time I made a point relative to his many topics about "crazy relatives" or "stupid people", he would listen and have no questions or comments about my points....then go right back to his story telling. This went on for the entire hour he was in my home. I have tons of experience talking with people. This is so common. These people who claim to think they have "life" all figured out are really living in a state of perpetual inability to learn anything knew. He knew my comments used accurate analogies and facts too, but to people like him, they still won't ask enough questions ...and in this guys case, even just one question about all the things I was interjecting. How utterly fascinating! He easily learned much about my vast business experience, yet still not once asked a question about a general point I brought up. And I was purposely not disagreeing with him. ..(So many people just hate opposing views, no matter how well presented!) The many proven studies I learned about human behavior are remarkably true. It's absolutely mind boggling that after decades of talking with people, I have learned how childish the average adult truly is. So so many people have a scary amount of narcissistic qualities! Again, I have actually put way more time into learning human behavior than easily 98% of others. I even do my own clinical studies. It's not hard to do once one learns how to. Your one point (among others) tipped me off that you are a very rare adult who truly has a desire to not live in a tiny world like most others. I would prefer to be more 'positive' about people, but that naive thinking I possessed over 30 years ago was easily why I was so easily impressed with so many 'wrong' people back then. Contrary to popular belief, wisdom does not come with aging! But so many adults think it does. You can literally be an expert on any one subject, and good luck trying to give these people free advice to ponder....they rarely care. Yes....these people are raising children. I have even noticed (in many detailed ways) why children act the way they do when I get to observe both the parent and child together. I wish I could detail the last 4 events I had in just the last few weeks when I had to deal with people I needed to deal with in 4 typical transactions. The things they did (that few people even notice) were so subtle but only meant one thing....they are all borderline certifiably crazy. Zippo objective thinking skills causes them to dislike people doing nothing wrong. They even try and bait people to react so that they can 'prove' to themselves that they are so much smarter! The devil is truly in the details. Yes, these people are truly everywhere once you do what I have learned to do over decades of research and testing. I get people talking every chance I get. It's a slam dunk conclusion that society is not evolving as most will love to believe in our so called 21st century of computer age of learning. Food for (thought?) research.

[@PhilipMcAdam]

Thank you for your super response to my comment. You have pretty much summed up my conclusions as well, Especially your last two sentences. I too try to converse with people at a slightly higher level and I too hit the brick wall like what you encounter. Your descriptions mirror my own experiences too. Most conversations are steered back by them to Sport Soaps or gossip. I have come to the conclusion that I and people like myself are the 1% of the 1% of the 1%. Being a comfortable introvert I am happy with this. I too like yourself was a bit of an ass when younger and that everyone shared my general view of "Why cant we get along?". Yes and love your statement about questioning everything. I do myself and I will not bore you with the rabbit hole I have gone down. Yes no one questions anything anymore. The mass media has everyone totally engrossed in nonsense. I wish there were more people like yourself that I could engage with but sadly there is not. Again thank you for your super response to my comment.

[@jusayenso8186]

@@PhilipMcAdam ....I can relate to your comment. I have so much practice studying people and am amazed at their behaviors in public. Most can't properly check out groceries at a self serve check out station. I know that sounds odd, but if you watch them close enough, too many are quite slow minded. They can't figure out a simple system of doing this task quicker. The devil is truly in the details, which are too lengthy to list. I have used many other testing methods, so I know I am right about how slow minded too many people are. I was not born intelligent. School was not easy for me. But I always had a strong desire to live life to its fullest and be successful. I am naturally very analytical to protect myself because I learned decades ago about how so many things are not as they appear in this complicated business run world. It's so sad to see the blissful ignorance that so many people drift through life like cloned eating machines. I actually predict peoples behavior just by pegging subtleties in the way they carry themselves. If you stood next to me in a public setting watching people have to perform a simple task, you would see why I am so interested in human behavior. I'll always pay attention to peoples discussions. Yesterday evening was so typical. A 35 (ish) year old couple was leaving a store bickering in a typical childish fashion. The ir 10 year old is probably so used to this. That kid's chances of growing up to be intelligent and well adjusted are easily 50% less than other kids. I know because I track older teens and their parent(s) actions, dress, and general appearance too. Ya, this so abbreviated comment may seem harsh. It's really not if I could list all the details. It's just reality! I understand raising kids is hard. But the fact is, so many parents would flunk a test (if there was one) on basic knowledge about giving their offspring a fair chance at succeeding in life, and I'm actually talking about financial success. I'm talking about learning how to use that incredible brain we have. Yet look at the millions that think it's no big deal to procreate as long as they can change their baby's diapers. No wonder dogs (they have better first impression instincts than most people) like me so much and vice versa! I truly am fascinated by communicating with my brothers dog! That cute little dog goes crazy with joy when I visit them. Naturally, this dog and most dogs are open to paying close attention to what I'm trying to say to her or teach her a simple interactive fun game to play. But I can't teach so many adults anything about business experiences I learned from (along with thousands of hours of research) that could actually benefit them. So who's the smarter 'animal', considering the huge advantages humans are born with because of our brain's endless abilities? I see some serious faults with Darwins theory of evolution. There are way too many people procreating that have no qualifications to do so. By the way, I would prefer to have positive comments about people in general. But like I said before, I used to be naive (yet productive, engaging and caring) when I was in my twenties. But learned, as a naive person, to start being self taught every single day. The media seems to love to hate details as they do their daily bombarding of news. It's one 20 second report after another. Even the longer reports don't really cover much. Then again, I think they know how the masses like to 'learn' and are happy to oblige them. These days, news anchors are always doing playful banter, always chuckling back and forth, in the newer two person format. What next? Why not try cartoon characters reporting. Hey!...I love to laugh and have fun, but I think I know a few reasons why his popular news format is being done. Society needs to be entertained too much. Learning has to be fun-damental! Yes, I have learned to be grateful that I don't "fit in" with typical gossip crap social get togethers. But any time someone tries to debate me on most any topic, they learn real quick that they better stick to what they are good at....their know-it-all laced gossip among their peeps. They just hate being proven so wrong so quickly. You would think they would appreciate learning from losing a debate. Almost all of them walk away frustrated. Yes, this happens all the time. That's why they are so bold in most comment sections and quite belligerent too. Hiding behind a keyboard is the main reason. Trust me, in public, these people are totally different one on one. But sure enough, if they have the backing of their peeps when I'm in their territory, (usually as a customer pointing out rarely heard details how their company's overcharging tricks don't fool me)...they get rude again, especially because they know they have a very street smart and business savvy customer who can't be fooled. People truly dislike being around more intelligent people.

[@henwhisperer]

It took me years to realize and learn that when I walked into a room the negative feelings I picked up weren’t about me but about the emotions of others. When I learned that I was set free in a sense.

[@michelewaterman2890]

My only regret about finding this video is that I didn’t discover Dr Les Carter and his lifesaving videos earlier. I’ve had and still have several different kinds of narcissists in my life. When they do wrong, they don’t admit it. Maybe it’s best to stay in your shell until you know what you are dealing with.

[@TonyaA7]

You described me to the T, empath. I'm so tired of being mistreated and because of it I no longer trust people . Far to many have over stepped my niceness. I'm to the point of learning to say no no no and stand up for myself .

[@rg-mi5hh]

They aren't any better than you. You are above them because of how you treat orhers.

[@celestehaynes8261]

OMG! I am an Empath! I have all 8. This explains why I have been surrounded by these "Narcs" and hurt by them in my work and recent personal life. I have been hurt by these people. Never understood why, and this video shed so much light on something I have been in the dark about for a long time. I'm allergic to drama and messy people, but it does not stop them from being attracted to me. Thank you for this information, now I am empowered to protect myself from these crazy narcs that swim on the calm banks of my disposition. Dr. Les I was blind and after this information I can see!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Quite pleased to get this feedback. Thanks. Dr. C

[@Dr.RivkaEdery]

Brilliant - thank you so much! I suffered many years, as an empath, not knowing about these critical connections. My task now is acceptance of my own freedom, and wherever possible, complete disengagement. Decades of attempting loving relations with folks wired for self-entitled rage, control, & manipulation. I was hoping for a reality that narcs are INCAPABLE of...your videos are super informative! 🤗💙

[@monicacopeman1975]

Oh my ...I'm a empath ! I'm also very close to St. Therese, the Little Flower. You have described me to a T. I never realized that.

[@nicoleb8211]

She is my favorite saint!

[@danabeth67]

I am as well 🌹

[@amandaspeicher7801]

I wish you could see how much it means to me just to hear these words. I've been watching your narcissism videos all morning, but THIS one...this one speaks to my whole heart. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yep I'm 41 years old, and I just now realized that I'm an empath. It is emotionally draining. I do have to learn how to say no more often than not. My ex is a narcissist. I didn't realize what was going on until I started watching videos like these. I'm grateful for these videos. They have been my saving grace. I pray that I really use boundaries, and say no like I need to in Jesus name. I rather be to myself for awhile. Then to let someone misuse and abuse me.

[@butterflymagicwithhottea9291]

Yes, yes, yes to ALL of this. I have always been an empath and narcissists have been the bane of my existence. I have learned to isolate myself and become quite introverted as a way to cope.

[@rg-mi5hh]

God loves you and he made you special. Get back out in the world and enjoy people who are sane.

[@noemamamaka3368]

Who knew I'd wake up and find this TREASURE of videos helping me to understand. But this one especially...I am an empathy...I love that part of me. At least there is a part I love about me❣️I feel such heaviness around certain people, some I have to run the other way despite not even knowing them. Ty. Again.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I like the empath as well. Sadly you have to guard against those who take advantage of a good thing, but the good news is that there are others who can blend well with you. I vote for that! Dr. C

[@heatherguess518]

Man, I REALLY wish I had had you as a counselor. I have gained so much from watching your videos and feeling the energy in how you present the material. I am an empath AND a highly sensitive person, so growing up in a toxic environment has basically destroyed every ounce of self I've ever had. My father is a narcissist and I've only just begun to truly heal and become aware of just how toxic he is and to find out who I really am and want to be. Thank you for all you bring to the human experience.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Many thanks, Heather. Dr. C

[@hpaulbryant729]

I am an empath. INFJ. I recently got entangled with a narcissist. Oh my. She was beautiful. (My weakness.) Started to go down a wrong road. Experienced problems. Found this site. Happy to get this confirmation that supports my gut instinct to get away!!!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The INFJ tends to be a very appealing personality, which means they can be vulnerable for those seeking supply. Dr. C

[@gwendolynbien-aime1536]

I am practically in tears watching this video. 😥 Dr. Carter has described me perfectly. I realize I am an empath married to a class 1, grade A, textbook narcissist.

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

Yes I am an empath, and sadly for most of my life I have been made fun of...even called crazy...I feel strongly for animals and suffer when I know there is abuse to them , the infirm , children...it's very difficult to be me ...Well I fit all 8 characteristics of the empath...no surprise I enjoy being alone often....I turn to helpfulness to ease the pain and this approach does help very much..thank you so much Dr. Carter..this particular video is very helpful to me.

[@Sonika377]

Thank you ! Beautifully described ..I recently had a lot of issues at my last job ..I worked as health care provider and bosses know to manipulate our emparh traits...It got to be so much taken advantage and control that I ended being run by three crazy bosses and getting really sick along the way ..on day, my body was in so much pain that I ended quitting from one day to the other ..Never done that before and I was shocked of my behavior thinking n making me feel I was not capable of handeling the job ..It ended being that I found out four months later that the severe pain was related to a pelvic mass n that all that stress cause the cancer to come back ..I has been an awfull time ..I learned the hard way to create boundaries ..and now a days I cut off all toxic people out of my life ..I really watch, who I help ..I had wonderful people and a nice support group during my treatment time ..They do respect my time alone and my boundaries for recovery ..The rest who was taking advantage of my kindness I cut them off ..One of them was my neighbor, who when she approaches me she talks about how I decided to take distance away from her and do not ask fr her help , etc ..but has very little interest about how my health is going and understanding my needs ..when you have a treatening disease you find quick who is willing to help and be unconditional..and who only needed you to fill their needs ..The sad part is that she had cancer too in the past ...so you though she will be more.understanding ...I have all 8 traits ..The one about Beauty is exactly about me ..I thought it was a component about me ..but now I know that is part of being an empath too ...lol ..Thank you !!! For expressing so well about empaths and giving us warnings ..God bless. Your valuable work ...

[@georginarandolphgirl66]

This makes so much sense to me. I just thought that I was just too sensitive of a person and I always hated that trait. I worked 2 jobs, took care of my elderly parents, took care of nieces and nephews when needed plus drive family members around, took care of a step child and her child plus my dogs and helped friends and I had to have major surgery and just didn't bounce back very well and went through burnout, depression and anxiety and when I needed help then no one was there for me and it really hurt so I have learned to distance myself from the narcissists in my life and set some boundaries and it's funny how they will turn it around and try and guilt me by saying that I am not there for them or call much or visit but yet I never hear from them unless they are bored or they want something. In some ways I am glad that I have a caring and giving spirit but I still hate being so sensitive and not going by my gut instincts at times and then I feel guilty for not helping enough. I have been in therapy but I often wonder if I will ever get over this.

[@chickeyd9579]

It would be so wonderful if we could teach this to young people! I am 60 years old and only escaped an abusive narcissist husband seven years ago. It was easy to see how my ex-husband had NPD, even he knew it, but Dr. Carter's videos are just now helping me understand how being an empath causes me to have poor boundaries and make poor choices in relationships. I am happy for this knowledge but regret not knowing sooner.

[@karenmarshall8240]

Your purple shirt makes me intensely happy. Thank you. Purple is a lovely color on you!

[@taragillette2189]

Oh my! Thank you!!! I'm so happy I found you!!! You're so awesome💜

[@taragillette2189]

It's taken me 25 years why so long...to learn how not to get roped in and call my friend out on when appropriate. What a relief. I felt so good listening to your message.

[@taragillette2189]

It's beautiful to make such a difference in ppls lives. I applauded your service.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So kind! Thank you. Dr. C

[@AprilPettiford81]

Empath that realize their own strength, power, abilities, and purpose can no longer be controlled and manipulated by narcissists! In fact.... When an empath learns to live their lives independently, it breaks the chains ⛓ of bondage set up by the narcissist! It’s a rude of wakening!

[@missmonasuzette]

Dr. Carter, I have been watching all your videos and just want to tell you what a true blessing you've been to my life these past few weeks since I ran across you on youtube. You are helping me in so many ways I can't even articulate- Thank you from the heart.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

This warms my heart. Thank you. Dr. C

[@guambyguambelle1864]

Boundaries are very critical. I've learned the hard way, with a parent (historically) and a sibling in health crisis (recently). I am still drained but recovering. Watching these videos helped me see the patterns in my family AND in myself (an empath). THANK YOU! 👏💪😁

[@Aries-tx3zz]

I am an Empathic person who MUST remember to think from the Narcissist and Sociopaths point of view my life: THEY are NOT worried about Me. They are NOT sad and lonely. They are just fine..stirring up $hit somewhere! They will be just fine!! When I need a reminder..I watch your videos.. Dr Les! Thank You! 😀

[@vj563]

This made me cry. The worst part is most people take advantage.

[@enquiriesgraphology755]

Oh that I had had a share of your fine teaching many years ago: three narcissists in my life history have wrought havoc and lasting scars in my long life. I am so grateful for your brilliant exposé yet again... you have restored my balance in knowing that as an empath I do not have to bear the weight of guilt imposed upon me for being a bad person by the narcissists. The cruelty of these narcissists is something that I did not know about, and that in guilt inculcated in me by them is not anything I deserved. Again my thanks, and I am most envious of those who are your students. kind regards from the UK.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

I think I am an HSP ( highly sensitive person) which is similar to an empath. As weird as it may sound, I think my being so is the only reason I have been able to survive my narc spouse for so long. I feel the pain deeply, but I also feel his pain. I think that's why I often feel so exhausted after dealing with him.

[@victoriabower7547]

Nancy Luckhurst ❤️

[@GetGrounded]

I laughed at 8:41. I am an empathic daughter with a narc mother and family structure, So I cannot avoid the permanent toxic people in my life. I am just now using knowledge for my own self-empowerment. You should add independence, and being financially independent helps a lot in recovery. I am lucky because I've had a strong career mindset and I moved out. I am not dependent on my family in any form, so it's easier for me to maintain limited contact with them. Anyone who is an empath, I get you, and you deserve so much credit for being the stronger one.

[@suewalters2044]

It took me 51 years to get all of that to understand it's about who you help it's about helping while still being you it's about knowing when to take time to regroup it's about setting boundaries like you said being a empath is not always easy but I wouldn't have it any other way thank you for helping others to understand.

[@wanderer0617]

Thanks so much for your videos and your kind reassuring way of explaining narcissistic issues. You really help getting through this extremely difficult time. As an empath I was swept up by what I now know is a covert narcissist. Or fits every description of it. I knew something was very wrong and now realize I lacked boundaries and wanted to help and fix the problems. I love your videos to reassure me I'm not crazy in this. Never been through anything like it. Thx again ♡

[@martiembry852]

Thank you, Dr. Carter, for reminding me that I am a good person! My intentions are pure. Even though I look like a “door mat” to my grown children. But it is my defense mechanism. I do not engage with my N husband or as I call it “His need to spar.” Oh, and thank you for reminding me about BOUNDARIES. 😊

[@crazyrvlady6091]

I have just started to see the damage my Brother did to me when I was young. He told me when I was in third grade. That the health, and well being of our family was my responsibility. If our family failed, and broke apart, that was my fault. I am just starting to come to terms w/ this massive load of crap dumped on me. My new Mantra is, "this is not my responsibility to fix".

[@jacquelynallen488]

Really the best laid out description for how I am and how to deal with people who have taken advantage. I’ve been in therapy for years. I think I understand now why I’ve been feeling like I’m not getting better. Thank you for the distinction. Luckily for me, I did start saying no, and those folks started dropping out of my life. I was feeling bad about that-until today. This helped me tremendously.

[@t200b-i7k]

Dear Dr. Carter, Thank you for fulfilling this eternally significant calling! I believe multiple thousands of us are comforted, enlightened, strengthened, guided & blessed by your skilled expertise and kind presence✨ Your channel is a precious & healing gift to us! Warmest regards to you, your family & dear Gus!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Received, with gratitude. Dr. C

[@TheBobelly628]

Thank you Doctor! This will become my mantra “ I’m at my finishing point and you can go own without me” 😁

[@deniser7894]

Received Dr. Carter’s book a little while ago. 28 pages in and I am so grateful for it. Even though I considered myself knowing much about narcissism, his book correlates knowledge with real people and examples. A lot of them being verbatim with my same situation. Also answers my previous question!!

[@amjPeace]

I'm an empath married to a covert narcissist 46 years and counting. It has been sad to realize that his idea of love is very different from mine. Thank you so much for all your great videos, Dr. Carter. It helps me so much to be learning to think clearly instead of operating purely emotionally. At first that felt wrong and cold hearted and like I was becoming like him. But I know if I've made it this far I'm going to be okay.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Pleased! Dr. C

[@MsNevermore19]

Dr. C, my daughter and I just watched this. She is so moved by your knowledge and compassion. We both love you very much.

[@dshoec]

Yes, all my life I realized things that would greatly affect me would not affect most people around me. At my last job my co workers called me drama queen because of how sensitive I was compared to everyone else. It was not uncommon for me to cry alot when I came home from work or school. Being an empath is like everything being magnified by 10. The pain is magnified by 10 and the happiness is magnified by 10. I realize everyone is different, am proud of who I am, and don't care about what anyone says about me.