FtMtF Detransitioner Q&A

[@wordsforwounds]

Table of Contents 1:25 Are You A Cat Person or a Dog Person? 2:57 Are you an Atheist? 3:57 How much info did you get before transition? How long did it take to be prescribed? 7:50 Ups and Downs of Dating pre/during/post transition? 19:00 When you transitioned did you experience privilege or prejudice that you don’t as a woman? 24:25 How did you find the process of re-identifying as female? 30:44 Do you still keep in touch with trans people you knew during transition? How have they reacted to detransition? 33:04 If you met your 15 year old self, what would you say to her? 36:36 Do you live with anyone? What are they like? 37:05 Any Advice for Parents? 39:04 Where are you in life right now? How does detransition affect dating and day to day life? 42:37 Do you feel there was a social pressure to transition? 45:15 Why do you think detransitioning is such an unspoken of topic? 48:00 Outro 💕💕💕

[@chloechan321]

Yas thank you so much

[@pykenotpike]

thank you, this is an underappreciated comment

[@ellepalmer]

this is amazing thank you!!! pinned!

[@SKreatywny]

God bless people who time stamp

[@ButtlickerBill]

Jesus, Elle, these questions are so personal; you don't need to give someone an answer simply because they ask you a question. Anyways, have you noticed a change in the size of your clitoris since transitioning?

[@matthewmutz9337]

How many viewers like Elle's SMILE

[@deloto8004]

She has an amazing smile. Her whole face lights up beautifully.

[@gorgeous.akosua]

That's what it is. Amazing smile.

[@1nterfr4stic4lly]

She is so gorgeous! X

[@ThePathicGirl2]

Me

[@gailmiltimore5961]

I appreciate your insight, your honesty and your intelligence!

[@lar.8168]

I know you're self conscious about your voice, and while yes, it's deep, it's very pleasant to listen to. You'd be a great radio host or ASMR artist if that doesn't cause you dysphoria

[@ButtlickerBill]

this commend is causing me dysphoria.

[@lar.8168]

@@ButtlickerBill Sorry about that, it was not my intention, quite the opposite

[@celiasea]

I was thinking the same thing. You have the perfect voice for commercials/voiceover work. Or even podcasting.

[@zabfly-xj1sj]

You're just so darn cute! I am a 45 yr old straight mom of 3 and would love to be your mom. I hope your own mom adores and appreciates you.

[@jaredkodiak8160]

Haha awww that's adorable

[@adrianakatalina2702]

This comment is so sweet. 😍

[@Ninatic]

This comment is so fucking sweet

[@eggspectations]

Can you be my mom? I don’t have one 🥺

[@zabfly-xj1sj]

@@eggspectations Absolutely! I'd love to be. ❤

[@wordlessASMR]

Love what you had to say about female camaraderie. Also, you're one of the only people who can pull off a long video like this with no editing! You're really articulate and self-aware; a rare combination. Thanks for sharing.

[@b_ford72]

Also highly related to the aspect of missing women connections. Women do not approach me, talk to me, and often don’t realize I’m “gay” so think I’m just hitting on them if I try to be friends, but in reality just craving that connection that women have that I have not experienced with man to man.

[@greer545]

that therapist who wasn't going to prescribe you knew her job

[@jimmielittle877]

Greer yes she totally knew her instinct on this case!

[@AB-py6jl]

But anyone can just shop around until they find the right therapist who believes them. It's tragic.

[@Miwu]

I'm glad you didn't get to the surgery part. I did, and can't bear looking at my chest anymore. I honestly wish you all the best :')

[@agnes-juliemartin7030]

oh lord! :o You mean you got rid of healthy female boobs and now you regret it all?!?

[@carolnichols2692]

Many women have their breasts removed just because they might get breast cancer one day (Angelina Jolie). Breasts are not that big a deal, unless they are too big. That is my problem. I am a 40J. Yes. My sister was a 38M. She had a reduction. I was too afraid. So I live with it. It is very difficult to find a halfway decent bra. They are very expensive, must be special ordered. I am 61, so there is not much use for them any more. Not much sex and no nursing. So they are just in the way. And the older you get, they sag. Life goes on. Be happy for your youth.

[@randomrainbows]

i definitely think your calling should be to go into high schools and give frank and honest talks like this to young teens. you can see things from so many different perspectives and you talk so openly and honestly about your experiences, thoughts, and feelings. i think you are truly inspirational and i genuinely think you could save so many kids going through mental torture just because you can offer so much help and advice from your own experiences. i really hope you know what a fantastic young woman you are xxx

[@carolnichols2692]

I agree with you 100%. It is the rare person that can attest to knowing her way into and then back out of a trans lifestyle. However there is an agenda involved here. The powers that be love humans to be in a perpetual state of confusion, so there would probably be roadblocks to this.

[@RavenC1357]

This is a confusing situation for you, for sure. But I think you're doing an amazing job talking about it and I think it probably helps you a lot. I really appreciate your openness about it!

[@agnes-juliemartin7030]

Oh, wooooow "I havent personally found God." "I dont have the space right now to experiencing religion. I have alot other stuff goin on." SO BEAUTIFUL AND OPEN SENTENCES a fkin closeminded atheist would NEVER say. THANK You for Your great spirit, Elle!

[@rosax2974]

The combination of how articulate you are, your interesting take on things and honesty, the way you present yourself in front of a camera and just how nice your voice sounds makes for the most engaging videos

[@MS-ct1nk]

I think you should see the documentary "I want my sex back" , you will know that you didn't go so far with transitioning as many other people. And you are still young, you have life ahead for you. By the way I see you really beautiful girl🥰 your skin is literally glowing . And finally I'm Muslim and I pray for you that you find your true way in life. Sorry for my english, it's not my language.

[@darladawn1111]

Such a kind and sincere comment. 🙏🏽

[@sharonw2862]

Y Y You are so kind!

[@poe9753]

It took me 4 years of living and passing as a boy (I started socially transitioning at 14, so defs not a man) before I could go on T. I was severely dysphoric and testosterone curbed several issues for me but I don't necessarily regret the wait. I had ample time to fully understand what's gonna happen and the impact on my life

[@lux-nx3dw]

Very happy for you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m a cisgender woman but I like learning about these things/getting insight. You are a very brave person!

[@zabfly-xj1sj]

SAME!

[@matthewmutz9337]

lux2117/zabfly 1616, I'm a cis man ..AGREE Thank you both

[@zabfly-xj1sj]

@@matthewmutz9337 ❤❤❤

[@wh4t3v3rxo]

Hi! I’m sorry if I come off rude but what is a cisgender? I tried looking it up but I’m scared I don’t understand it properly and won’t be informed properly :) I totally understand if you don’t want to explain btw

[@matthewmutz9337]

@@wh4t3v3rxo SORAYA; latin prefix's CIS, TRANZ, & DELTA.. CIS =same, TRANS=changed, DELTA= the difference. Hope this helps Thanx MJ Mutz

[@Shannynjams]

Can I just say that you are very well-spoken! I enjoy your voice.

[@jamesclifton4275]

She is so damn interesting. I just like to hear her talk.

[@gpwil3847]

I spent the last 55 years crossderssing, I'm 64. Went ttrough a lot mentally too. Always a straight male...except a few fantasies...but have put it all behind me now returning to male. May be strange but I enjoy and am identifying in a way with your detransitioning process...it's helpful. Wow! You just said it! I feel so much better now because this is who I am! I'm a man! Gaw!!! You just did it again. We are born and will die genetically as exactly who we are! I a man, and you a woman...THAT's!!! IT!!! EXACTLY!!!

[@caspianrobins7756]

When Elle was talking about the feeling so free after dropping her male identity, as a trans person, I identify with it. When I stopped lying to myself about my gender identity, I felt so much better.

[@surrrey]

In a very strange way you remind me of both of my children. I’m a mother of a 15 year old daughter and a 10 year old son who both identify as gay. I love them and celebrate them equally. I have never put that idea in their head. Don’t hate me but I am conservative and I do believe in god but just in a different way than others. I believe that god makes us the way that we are for a reason and loves us regardless. I think everything happens for a reason. I believe god made you for a reason. He made you to be a voice. To be a vessel. If you don’t believe in my beliefs I don’t take offense. I just think you are a very important voice for a certain group of people. You are very important and I’m very proud of you!

[@murd_bird]

good message

[@baileymurroisawesome]

The world needs more people like you. 💕

[@leaveitayy6246]

The fact that your son, as young as he is, was comfortable enough to confide in you that he is gay is proof in itself that you're a great, loving and caring mother. The way you see god and use your belief to spread message of love is admirable and goes to show that individuals are responsible to choose love instead of hate. I hope to be as balanced as you are some day when I'm a parent.

[@liabw05]

Can i triple like this? 🥰

[@ezrenficker4502]

Siabones you remind me a lot of my mom, you have similar beliefs and I've grown to share those beliefs. You sound like a wonderful mother.

[@lisavu6447]

Thank you so much for making these videos Elle, as someone who was really confused about their gender for a while (still am at times) hearing your perspective on the transition process and the alternatives availiable really opened my eyes to what I was getting into. I hope that you're doing well in life and that things get better

[@christiewoods325]

It sounds like hair loss was the deal breaker and your biggest change that brought on your de-transition. Is this your view on it? Were there other changes that you weren't happy with? Before transition, do you feel you couldn't have the sexual orientation you have if you were female? In other words, did seeing yourself as a man help you allow yourself to be open to loving women? On a similar note but along the lines of gender identity. Before transition, back then did you feel you couldn't be the type of woman you are and present as now? In other words, did seeing yourself as a man help you to allow yourself to be (and present) as you feel the woman you are now? You mentioned your voice is one of the biggest changes you are not happy with. As an older MtF transitioning late I've taken a page from my FtM brothers and used compression shirts to hid any breast development until I'm 'ready'. You could also take a page from your MtF sisters and consider Voice Feminization Training and/or surgery. I have yet to start this training myself but this video can give you an idea of what is possible. Finding Your Voice , kzbin.info/www/bejne/o32zfZutfadoas0 Finally, I've struggled with transgender issues all my life and I don't know if there is a 'destination' for me. Currently I think it actually helps me to see mine as a journey without end. Lately, I am really, really trying to listen to myself and not even try to attach words or terms to who I feel I am. For me male and female are 2 ends of the spectrum and not a binary. In my view each and every human being has masculine and feminine traits. Those traits may not always show but, depending on the situation, each of us may exhibit them. In my view any woman can become the fiercest warrior, perhaps when protecting her children, and any man can become the most beautiful, nurturing, and loving parent. These are all human traits. I wish everyone in the world could adopt this view and accept and celebrate these traits expressed by anyone one of us. I wish you well on your journey! Christie

[@SusantheNerdy]

I agree with you. I wish there was more freedom for people to express gender how they want without the pressure to have surgery and hormones.

[@Ao456kl]

Thankyou. Have you written to your two therapists to explain you have detransitioned? I hope so it's so important ❤️

[@heathereagle2984]

Agreed!!

[@Painting_Roses]

I think a lot of trans people are mostly afraid of the de-transitioning narrative because it gives people fuel to make access to hormones harder, and for a lot of trans people hormones are really important. I am trans myself and thought it was very interesting to hear your story and really think about my own reasons for transitioning, but I think giving hormones to the right people is a difficult topic where you have to weight the people it could really help who you could deprive if you are too strict against the people taking them for the wrong reasons getting them if you are too loose with the rules. I do think there are some good reasons to have the option to transition prior to being 18 as some of the changes that happen in those years can make a trans person's life really difficult, but ofc it's not as simple as giving everyone who asks for them hormones right away.

[@parsnip4974]

I want to be your friend though...

[@bibu7346]

Same

[@daisies667]

Same

[@Tru3kisame]

Double same

[@belove751]

Omg when men tell women to smile..that makes my skin crawl. You are lovely😍

[@deloto8004]

It makes me feel as if they think that I'm a decoration in their lives, like I'm supposed to look happy because that's what they like to see when they look around. They don't care about my feelings. It's not like a friend genuinely trying to cheer me up.

[@belove751]

@@deloto8004 right. The purpose of him telling-not asking- is to make him feel better. It's not that he cares how you feel, but cares how you make him feel. An appropriate response would be for him to say something encouraging or funny to inspire a genuine smile..not demand or strongly suggest it. I don't consider myself a feminist, but after working in a predominantly male field and marrying a chauvinist pig, I am truly not a fan of most men. I've been bisexual most of my life but really think I might just be gay at this point. Men just don't make me happy, generally. I do care about a few and gay relationships aren't without issues, it's just a matter of reciprocal respect and attraction. And trust. I could unpack a host of feelings based on this but I'll stop this rant here lol

[@veve7349]

Yeah, have you noticed how the angry looking, protesting woman is such a symbol for irrationality and stupidity in certain communities? It is a very popular thumbnail choice in these "fuck sjws!!!!" "feminists are cancer!!!" type of videos. Almost as if women who don't look sweet and friendly all the time (and might make demands or fight for themselves) were not to be taken seriously and were absolutely repulsive. The angry or annoying girlfriend is also such a common trope in movies like Hangover etc. It teaches women to be quiet and pleasant, even if treated badly.

[@Hhhh22222-w]

@@deloto8004 You overthink, they just wanna see a cute girl smiling lol, guys often smile through pain, so to us it's a normal thing

[@Hhhh22222-w]

@@belove751 Is there something wrong for someone to want someone else to make them feel better? If I'm asking a stranger to smile maybe, but it's not that deep, even then Hollywood has implanted that asking someone to smile is a way to make them smile, so it's not their fault, how would they know it caused you so much problems just asking a simple and unimportant question I'm not a fan of men too, and I'm a man lol, and I lived and grew up in this society, but I don't let that generalise my view of other people

[@dominick767]

im trans, identified that way since 14, im about to be 18, and when im 18 i will go on hormones. i was angry at my mother for not letting me transition at 16, and although her reasons for it weren't the right reasons (she just thought i would get cancer), i am grateful because so much has changed since then, not my gender identity, but there was no way to know that it wouldn't in that time. i was so angry at the time, but i think it's best i wait until im an adult.

[@twinkletoes6290]

You really have said some very powerful, thoughtful and insightful things in this video and your others!! I think you would be excellent at giving talks - maybe to kids who are confused and think they may be trans or are struggling with their identity, you'd also be good at talking to the medical community who is treating trans folks and telling them all your experiences, thought process, why you thought you were trans and how you were wrong, your ideas on how to deal with gender dysphoria without hormones, surgery, etc and transitioning, etc etc! A lot can be learned from you and the very many others who are detransitioning now and how many people will detransitioning in the near future! Your experiences really can be a plethora of resources to learn from and to be aware of and start changing how things are done in order to prevent other young kids from making mistakes and affecting the rest of their lives! I wish you nothing but luck 🍀🎋 and thank you so much for sharing so much with us and being so open!! ❤️❤️

[@Painting_Roses]

on the last point in the video, do you think your experience might have differed if you had transitioned for the 'right' reasons? or do you think there is no such think as transitioning for the 'right' reasons? to clarify I'm just really curious on your take as I myself am at the start of transition and up until now I have had no regrets, but I am interested in your take, as you have been further than I have into transition, and even tho we might not agree, I take your insight as valuable

[@sublimelemon5444]

I am not her, and am nonbinary with no intention to medically transition in any way, so take what I say with a grain of salt: For people who are not actually trans and need to work through other issues instead, this rings true. However, if you are actually trans (which you can only know through heavy introspection generally), I think it is unfair for someone who has the unique experience of detransitioning to say whether or not trans people will ever "actually" be their gender. Yes, trans men/women will always have a different gender lifetime experience than cis, but that doesn't mean they'll never actually be men/women. She even says that for *her* she never felt actually as a man, and uses that as proof for her point. But like... she isn't a man, as doesn't actually identify as a man, and wound up transitioning due to a domino effect of unfortunate circumstances. While a great perspective, someone who goes through the detransitioning process is also very biased against it and often falls into gender critical, radfem, and otherwise transphobic circles online during this vulnerable period of rediscovery of the self. And those negative feelings about falsely transitioning often come out in policing other trans people or whether they're willing to see trans people as their gender. Just because she is not a trans man does not mean you can't actually be a man if you're trans and are just "buying into" something, and conversely, just because you're trans doesn't mean there aren't people who wind up medically transitioning and legitimately were never trans. Neither should enforce gender on the other, but a lot of times detransitioning is used as a reason to withhold transitioning from even adult trans people, and online spaces for detransitioning are rife with transphobic ideology (since terfs and such often indoctrinate people in this vulnerable state and sets that as the norm, which is even easier considering from the accounts I've seen, a lot of detransitioning people never got a really comprehensive education on being trans and gender roles and such to begin with). My best advice is to really explore all your options before transitioning, and that there is no set way to transition "right," which seems to be one of the many pitfalls she fell into. Some trans women may be okay with their facial hair and not bother with laser hair removal, some trans men may be freaked out by bottom surgery but still feel dysphoric about everything else and definitely want to transition otherwise. And definitely extensively examine all of your traumas and other mental hangups with a trusted mental health professional you feel comfortable with first. Under the risks and side effects of hormone treatment or other surgeries (e.g. after top surgery, because so many hormone creation centers are stored in the breasts, trans men will often experience a huge depressive episode which can often lead to a panic episode of mistaking these feelings for regret, because they were never informed of this pre-surgery. This is akin to postpartum depression). Really explore your options, gender identity and presentation wise. Explore what you're doing for yourSELF, and what you're doing because it's expected of you or is what will get you "respect." Acknowledge your harmful gender expectations, both for your growth process and gender identity, and for if you come out the other side finding out you're not trans, you can cope more easily. Unlearn harmful transphobic trains of thought (trans people still can often struggle with internalized transphobia). Because aside from practical safety reasons, why DO you find it a bad offensive thing to be percieved as trans? If it turns out you were cis the whole time and now people think you're a trans man/woman, why is that offensive to you? Your likelihood to falsely transition after really exploring your options in gender identity, presentation, and transition, as well as working through harmful mindsets and traumas, plummets dramatically. But if you do medically transition and come to find you're actually cis, that will make the process of navigating that much easier to handle. (Also, a good thing to keep in mind is to not be afraid of changing your labels because you were wrong, for fear of it being for nothing or proving it as a "phase". For me, this was something that made coming to terms with my personally fluctuating and confusing identity with gender and sexuality a million times easier. If you were wrong last time, that's okay, you're still you, and that won't take away from that. You haven't ruined yourself). Best of luck with whatever you do and being whoever you are! Hope you are well!

[@m3lancholicrav3nn]

I'll be your friend !! I also am detransitioning, thank for making these videos, I dont feel so alone now :)

[@lenmorenox]

thank you for telling your history elle❤ i hope you know you're helping people that may be in the exact position that you were.

[@LarissaDawn]

In my ears I hear a male voice. In my brain, I hear a sweet, female voice.

[@jul8686]

You’re beautiful and so strong for being so transparent about this!

[@n.b.m2017]

Are ya ever gonna get back into gaming? I see a history of Fallout 3 back there 👀

[@ellepalmer]

ABSOLUTELY I AM, just need to get my gaming setup from home. it will happen. soon.

[@n.b.m2017]

@@ellepalmer Ayeee 👌🏾 Just know you got a viewer when you start playing that Fallout New Vegas or Fallout 4 lol

[@Hhhh22222-w]

@@ellepalmer Lol just wished Bethesda could go back to their old self

[@xcalypso4077]

go to twitchh

[@ronaldcarson2170]

Lisa CARSON

[@karachameleon1194]

Elle you are amazing Thankyou for telling your story I’ve learnt so much from listening to your videos. If I could meet 15 year old you I would tell her that it wasn’t her fault, she’s not an object and she is beautiful just the way she is

[@aramirez735]

I just watched your latest video and this one played right after. I know your voice is something that you consider to be too manly - but watching this I'm noticing how much your voice has changed since January. Take a look and you will hear the difference right away. I hope that helps with some of the struggles you're having recently. Big hugs.

[@michaelfernandez1838]

Thank you for insight. For me, I find watching your videos to be more therapeutic than going to therapy. Thank you ❤️

[@ripvanwinkle1987]

Support goes a long way. You have loads of it.

[@jonathancalderon2421]

It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. I know you don't act for anyone or do anything for anyone other than yourself, but it's really damn inspiring.

[@AveDistra]

Good video. Your voice is....very important. So keep speaking out with it because your story is valuable to others as a cautionary tale. I hope you make friends with other detransitioners I've seen around youtube - have to say-you all stand out as remarkably intelligent & insightful young women. Nice one Elle

[@Perzikyoghurt]

So a good therapist doesn't stop youngsters, because they just go to another. Then what can stop it?

[@secret1167]

Make them go through more hoops, I say.

[@nightstarstar1]

I really appreciate you making these videos and being so honest and raw. It really lets me know that everything I’ve thought on this subject is the truth. I knew it was but it’s nice to hear from someone who has lived it.

[@rebekahaplin5882]

Honestly no experience with the trans community personally, but I just love listening to you speak about your experience. You are clearly very intelligent, and I really admire your self awareness and just generally how honest you are with both yourself and your viewers. You seem like an exceptional human being.

[@jongood9106]

I'm listening while in the gym, long videos are great.

[@tiffanydoublet9528]

You are one of the most realist people on KZbin I’ve ever seen. You the real mvp. Glad that you came to realization that you are happy of who you are today and accepting the way you’ve become, you are so strong. I just wanted to tell you that when I first saw you I think that you are so beautiful. Inside and out!! Much love and kindness 💞

[@b_ford72]

I know this video is old but still want to share my thoughts because I relate to your story a lot! It has been 10years for me perceived as male, and since day one I never again got with a man identifying as straight. I’m only attracted to men, and I was super surprised to find an abundance of gay men who didn’t care that I was trans. It just seems strange that gay men are fine with someone who looks like a man, but has a va**na, while on the other hand, I don’t think any straight man would want to walk around with someone looking like a man even though with clothes off it’s like 100% woman. It is a strange dynamic that you don’t think about beforehand. I can also totally relate to wanting to be treated as a woman intimately and how it’s pretty weird feeling when you’re not treated the way you expect because well you don’t look that way. Maybe some “real” / happy trans people feel this way in their birth sex. Thanks for sharing your story! Been binging your videos!

[@b_ford72]

Also highly related to the aspect of missing women connections. Women do not approach me, talk to me, and often don’t realize I’m “gay” so think I’m just hitting on them if I try to be friends, but in reality just craving that connection that women have that I have not experienced with man to man.

[@dollanganger444]

you're adorable! so glad to see u again c:

[@murd_bird]

hey i just ate Halloween candy

[@francescadulash3511]

Interesting telling of YOUR journey. Just like Nikkie - its yours to tell. No one elses!

[@joanmaxine1]

You are so bright and so beautiful. So glad you are now comfortable in your own skin. Go and enjoy!

[@holypicklesmofo]

Hey Elle! I know this is a little homework-y, but I was wondering if you had any thoughts on Kristina Olson's research at UW? She's doing the only longitudinal studies on trans children in the US- I think it's super interesting but I would appreciate your perspective.

[@Artsificial]

Thank you for sharing. Please stick around.

[@izzyfox7575]

This was really interesting and informative. Thank you for putting yourself out there! Xx

[@aprilg4116]

I really have so much love for you, thank you for being so open and sharing your story.

[@graficandorealidades7561]

Can't believe I watched the whole thing :-) Thanks for this video Elle.

[@JackolynSparrow]

I'm a 26 year old woman, and over the past several months I have been conflicted with my gender identity. A lot of the things you say that lead you to becoming a trans male are things that I can identify with - obsessive personality and feeling like, that if I'm male, I can be who I want to be. However, hearing it from you coming out the other end and looking at it from the inside out (or outside in) that realization of "you don't have to transition to be yourself" is something that really resonates with me. I think that for me, it's a matter of allowing myself to express my identity through a fluid identity instead of forcing myself into a box - because I don't hate being a woman some days, and other days I would rather be more masculine - and I thank you for sharing your perspective on this as it's easy to get caught up in the tide of "if you think you're trans you might be trans". It's not that simple. Keep up the great work, and thank you again for sharing this with us!

[@Spacewith2224]

Is this only coming up now at 26? For most people there are earlier signs and questioning

[@deathsalomon795]

I feel the same... But I am about to start hormones now. I always let myself be whoever I wanted, always wore more masculine clothes and such and I don't bother being called a butch. But at some point I realised that this is just not enough and that I actually want to be a male. Transitioning my body won't make me a different person and I certainly won't pretend to be some toxic guy. I can still behave like I want to and won't shut out my feminine sides 🙂 I don't know if this makes sense

[@JackolynSparrow]

@@Spacewith2224 Haha I'm the last person to find out that a lot of my insecurities growing up are directly linked to how I feel as my gender. I thought it was normal or common to have thoughts like mine and didn't think that it meant anything larger until one of my trans make friends straight up told me that he thinks I might be trans as well by the way I talk about myself, the things I don't like about myself, and so it may have taken me a while to put two and two together, but once I did things started to click and make sense. I'm working with a therapist to figure out exactly what this means for me, but I at least know that presenting as female 100% of the time isn't something that's necessarily right for me. Sometimes it takes a while to get over ourselves and allows ourself to question things.

[@Spacewith2224]

@@JackolynSparrow Oh okay it sounded like it came totally out of nowhere! haha I was kinda similar, but I am also autistic which is still undiagnosed lol. So I grew up feeling 'weird' enough as it is, and even though I would have these feelings I would also write them off as it is normal, or It is just me being silly etc. I didn't come out until I was 27 so I definitely know what it feels like to be late to the party haha I wish you good luck in your journey!

[@zabfly-xj1sj]

@@deathsalomon795 Can't you do this in a female body? Please take more time and don't destroy your body until you're 10000%

[@martynaskorka22]

I love your videos, I find them very educating and Interesting, it's great you are showing this from another side. ❤

[@clairpahlavi]

Burdened with both cats and dogs. They are best friends and sleep together. I liked your self inspection and honesty. Growing up as a male involves violence on all levels. One alpha per group. Knotheads are plentiful. Competition is brutal. Sports helps by channeling agression into nonlethal contests. It may be among the most important factors in the civilizing socialization of a Western "man". Baseball or gladiatorial death matches on the spur? I'm a baseball fan.

[@BehindYouBoo]

You seem like a lovely individual, and honestly, this video has given me a lot of insight. I grew up in a very conservative Christian household, and just, basically, anyone who is/was not a cis straight (if I’ve labeled this wrong, yell at me lol) person; you’re awful. That’s, that’s the uh, gentle explanation. I’ve always been curious. I love hearing other people’s stories (I don’t care what you identify as, your sexuality, gender, etc) I just want to hear stories, and broaden my way of thinking. I feel like I was deprived of any sort of free/kind/open thinking growing up, and I will always feel like I’m playing catch up. Thanks for helping me attempt to catch up! I’m proud of you, you seem like a lovely person, and I wish you all of the luck! And for the record, love your videos, they’re a lovely dose of honesty that at this point in my life I need.

[@tammybuckley3691]

Hi Elle. Your voice is very soothing and enjoyable to listen to. Enjoying your channel very much. Have a great rest of your weekend 👋 see you soon 💕🤗

[@saravee3474]

i don’t think your voice would bother me what so ever. you’re still very pretty. glad you’re putting your experience out there tbh. some people need to see this before they decide to transition.

[@NotPMHarper]

I found your last comments really interesting. I also am curious if you think that you never experienced "becoming a man", even when you were stealth, because you never were a man or if you think this about all trans men/people. I have to say I do feel like I've "become a man", or rather, that I have grown into being a man as I grow older and as I transitioned. I may be a strange man and not a cis man; I had to go on hormones, get surgery, I don't have a dick, I'm kind of feminine, etc. but I still feel like I am a man. Of course it's kind of hard to explain what being a man feels like and I don't even know if I could explain it now but I do feel this sense of being male and feeling comfortable and content in that experience. Thanks for your insight.

[@PninaU]

Do you blame the internet for all the things you went through?

[@howardstrauss5166]

I am not trying to answer for her, but she doesn't seem to be doing much blaming.

[@sezjamaelstrom9696]

I just love how self-aware and observant you are!

[@biggusmunkusthegreat]

As a gay man, nobody should feel like they have to run the gauntlet of homophobia in order to be a real "gay guy". The fact (outward) homophobia is on the decline is a good thing. I'm sorry you felt as though you were trivializing homosexuality vis-a-vis your attractions; it's nobody's fault for being attracted to someone, that's merely biology and hormones at work. Wanting to be in a gay relationship as a trans man (and it sounded like you were exceptionally upfront about it, too!) isn't any worse than the army of manipulative gay men that try to "turn" straight guys - quite the opposite. Don't let anyone tell you what you did was wrong or morally/ethically unjust.

[@tinatina1299]

I´m kinda late to the party but I believe there is no one single thing anyone could have said to you to not transition. A good therapist though, who would carefully and gently work with you on all of your issues, might have at least made you think more about your reasons to want to be a male. Not necesarilly telling you they will not allow it but also not agreeing right away and really working with you. That should be the whole point of that mandatory therapy.

[@aubreymixon7028]

Elle I just wanna say I stumbled upon your Channel the other day and I really wish the best for you, I’m sure this has been a really difficult journey. Keep on keeping on ❤️

[@katherinegallagher9081]

Your story helps others in the same place feel support, andvthose that dont know get a new perspective. Thank you🙂❤

[@claraquinrulez]

The whole mask-mentality is very much relatable. I have constructed two different masks myself, one based on my gender and one based of what I imagined the other gender would be like. Although, to be quite fair, I didn't know really how to do either, it was very stupid either way. Eventually I dropped it, I guess the "real me" is whoever is left under the masks. Very insightful video, although since my tweets weren't mentioned I will be forced to ruin it by quoting the Dark Knight Rise- NO ONE CARED WHO I WAS TILL I PUT ON THE MASK

[@carmen465]

Thank you for sharing your life with us. You are a beautiful woman. Keep moving forward in life!!

[@ValyaSallow]

Hey great video! I get what you mean by saying you'll never really feel like the gender identity you're transitioning to. I'm a cis-passing mtf 22 year old, started medically transitioning at 16 and had bottom surgery at 21. My transition is 'complete' (whatever that means) and I do feel a huge sense of relief and happiness in myself. I guess the difference between where I'm from and where you're from (USA/Canada?) is that here you have to go through like 2 years of therapy before touching hormones, which at 14 years old felt like complete shit but I'm SO glad I got the time to decide if this is really what I want. I do sometimes wonder what my life would've been like if I didn't fuck with my body's biology, and I sometimes feel a kind of 'otherness' like I'm a woman but I'll never truly have the 100% authentic female experience. It's also socially isolating as I'm stealth and don't even tell close friends and have never associated with other trans people.

[@xepulvedaaldo677]

In some cultures what you have its called "The Curse of the Eye". You are influenced so much by what you see. Thats why you felt so much better by seeing your body after loosing weight.

[@starlalowry2743]

I am a trans woman and pleased with it, 82 years old. I have lived as woman for 24 years. I am who I am and accept myself as I am. I do not worry about how I am addressd or how I am dressed. I wear feminine clothing, but little or no makeup.

[@CanadianMum444]

Dear Elle; I truly think you are smart, , brave and very beautiful. I would like you no matter what. I think you are a great courageous communicative person. You are very strong! You are You!💜

[@candigarcia1863]

Just a question is there anyways of getting your voice back. I know a youtuber that's trans and had surgery on the vocal to sound more like a female. Just curious don't mean it in any bad way just wondering

[@Hhhh22222-w]

Don't think she needs surgery, just practicing speaking in a higher tone, her voice is pretty feminine, especially compared to a guy's

[@Jointknight]

Thank you very much for the help understanding what a young person might be feeling, I wonder .. when you went on testosterone was there an initial 'high' taking it? A sort of mild euphoric feeling?

[@zvezda729]

Thank you very much for your videos, they really helped me

[@sandibutler4877]

Why did the first therapist not want you to transition?

[@Hhhh22222-w]

Because she was too young to be making such decisions, but we will never know why as she never went back there

[@doubleboy2388]

Good question. Maybe some therapists think you need to be a certain age before making such a huge important decision. Kids brains arnt developed like adults and are prone to bad decisions in relation to adults.

[@heyikindalikeyou]

Obviously that therapist was right lol

[@loganplonski922]

Probably because she wanted to transition for the wrong reasons and she's not actually trans

[@ashleyliedlich8727]

I watched till 25 mins and ended up going to sleep only bc it was 3 in the morning. I need to watch the rest. But my question is have you gotten period back and will your voice change again?

[@Rein_]

voice will not change on its own. she should get her period back.

[@CanadianMum444]

Love you darlin♥️ very good video.

[@nunyabzness8962]

Will her voice ever go back?

[@randl7423]

You're a cool and interesting person - thanks for this!

[@TheFunkySpork]

Hi Elle, I know you seldom discuss your sexual orientation in any of your videos (im glad you touched on it here!)...but have you seen a shift in your personal sexuality journey since your de-transition? Is this a topic you would feel comfortable touching on for a future video?

[@afghan1mystery]

Elle, regardless of your voice which I know you’re self conscious about - I think you look and sound like a cis woman (as you are)! Thanks for the vids, definitely learning so much about detransitioning etc just from curiosity (I’m a 100% straight, cis woman lol)

[@matthewmutz9337]

I like her sound, A very smooth power cord, Makes me want to listen, She has no idea what a good speaker she is.Thanx MJ Mutz

[@Hhhh22222-w]

Could you just say "woman", I hate the word cis, it feel derogative, you don't have to change what you refer to yourself to accommodate others

[@Hhhh22222-w]

Agreed her voice is pretty hot in my opinion

[@stealthmh7643]

I think this is a very interesting point of view. Not many people talk about it and it should have more representation. On the other hand, it shouldn't make access to gender affirming procedures harder for trans people. The psychological support and counseling can, and should, improve, though. Also, at the end, Elle said she assumes most trans people have similar thoughts as her, which is simply not true, as corroborated by plenty of studies that say trans people live a better, more fulfilling life after transitioning, and, from my own experience, trans people have different reasons to transition. I've always known I was a woman, it was just my body that didn't match my experience, it was never because I created an idea of what it is to live as female and whatnot, nor did I want some kind of acceptance from my peers. If anything, I was so traumatised that I thought being trans was wrong and didn't come out for a very long time, even trying to look and act as manly as possible. But that was my façade. I was pretending to be someone was not. After working through that with gender specialists, I came to accept myself as I am, without having to pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm still the same person, I simply feel more comfortable with myself, with my body. I now feel attractive after feeling disgusted by myself/my body for so long. It just feels natural. I think that's how most trans people experience dysphoria, orthat's what I've heard from every trans person I've talked to, at least, but then again, I can only speak for myself, just like Elle :) I don't think I fully understood what she meant or what her actual opinion is on the matter, but access to gender affirming procedures should not be made any harder than it is, since detransitioners make up a very small portion of people who transition and it would do more harm than good. That's basically my only point lol

[@distortiontildeafness]

45:45 you said "detransitioners" can make trans ppl insecure. Do you think that had anything to do with your reaction (offender) to people thinking you were mtf?

[@oliverhalewood3364]

I’m dealing with a lot of gender identity issues and I’m not sure if I’m like you and going through an identity crisis that’s just lasting 7 years or if I’m trans ..... It’s really confusing I don’t want to suppress myself or become something I’m not but what if by not transitioning I’m doing myself a disservice?

[@Nelle4ever]

Sending good thoughts your way!

[@LyndseeM]

Knowing your smart, honest, trustworthy, cute makes you the richest person in the world. That’s the best way I can say it.

[@BenjiXAddictX4Ever]

Love you, Elle! ❤

[@rhiana7166]

I’m the same with dogs and cats!! I didn’t know what I was missing out on until I got my kitties :) still have dogs too but they are so LOUD and needy. Lol

[@whittib17]

I swear I love your teeth girl ! 😍 I’m getting braces next month so teeth are on my mind 🤣

[@ellepalmer]

AHH I had braces for almost 3 years, good luck! they're not too bad once you get used to them! and don't skip out on wearing your retainers, lol, it hurts once you put them back in after a year of not wearing them.

[@whittib17]

Thanks for the tips ! 😊 I’m so nervous, I’m already ready to get them taken off 💀😂

[@werewolfstrike7]

So is your voice permanently changed? Or will it get back to normal eventually?

[@FelinaFairyphonic]

We need to see more gender nonconforming women! We don´t have to conform to gender stereotypes! We can dress however we want without having to change our bodies!

[@psychicplebalien]

omg come through. I knew someone who was named Ellie, but wanted me to call them Archer and use he/him pronouns. He worked with me, but I didn't know I agreed with it. I just told him that I was trying to sort stuff out, and use they/them pronouns. I never saw him again, he must of left work. I don't know if he truly was trans or not, but I'll try to respect him. Because I've learned that people just have to be people and learn on their own. Nobody can tell them what to do/ not do, because they are going to do something or not. The only way we learn is by making mistakes or seeing other people's mistakes. I still get the same way other guys get when women smile at them, I think that they might be into me. I'm AFAB and consider myself more female aligned. I may also be bisexual or pansexual.

[@Ronbugy9]

will her voice ever go back to normal or is that permanent?

[@fafnyrslair]

it's permanant. she could do voice coaching to kinda fake a more feminine voice but the physical change is forever.

[@chana-ms2cq]

Awesome to hear your thoughts as always. Thank you so much for telling your story.

[@OKay-lu8jq]

You're so cute! Sorry, that needed to be said

[@duanewhitham2592]

How long before you get your girl voice back??

[@sharonannen8859]

Duane Whitham * Testosterone permanently lowers her voice, same as male puberty. *

[@mzdawn8374]

Love your attitude. Just be you ...

[@adiladle]

AAAA I accidentally canceled my comment before, but anyway I feel that you are partially right about the insecurity from detransitioners thing but also detransitioners may be used as ammunition against trans people by transphobes so I think that its a multi-faceted issue

[@teenyweenykiwi]

I commend you for calling out that guy who told the custodian to smile more. There are not many people who are upstanding for others even if they oppose sexism or other bigoted ideas.