3 Things You Should Never Do For a Man

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[@elizabethjoy3830]

If he needs someone to mother him he is obviously not ready for a mature, healthy relationship! Thank you, someone said it 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@BlueDauntless]

Amen

[@CriaSunshine]

Don't: 1. be his savior. 2. be his therapist. 3. be his mother.

[@fultimekfangurl3979]

Don't flirt to convert

[@DavidMossMGS]

I watch this channel as a straight man to backwards think this whole operation

[@carolines3381]

The second I saw the title, I stopped doing my eyeshadow and heard the answer to my prayer. God bless you, Emily!

[@butterflyqueen9260]

Her timing is prefect. I need this now!

[@emwilss]

Heheh I like the specificity - not just stopped your makeup, stopped your eyeshadow! I love it! Thanks for watching Caroline :)

[@ImAmazing1397]

It's one thing to be there for your partner, and it's another thing to 'fix/build' your partner. I completely agree with you!

[@carlabreuninger9671]

ooh yes! and rather make them your partner than your 'proyect'

[@emwilss]

Absolutely. Support is good, fixing is not!

[@mayayeboah101]

"By all means, you're great... But you're not that special! Yes Emily!!!!! Say it for the people in the back.

[@abigailk402]

This video exactly describes a 4 year relationship of mine that ended 8 months ago. I literally choked on my food watching this. Going on a first date tomorrow. Pray for me!

[@breakingthemasks]

Here's a prayer that we all learn and grow... And do better every "next time" that we get! Update us on that date! 😁

[@laXrockera691]

I'm barely halfway through the video, and I can relate to SO MUCH!!! It brings me back to my longest relationship that I knew wasn't gonna work out on week 3. But I was so insecure and so afraid to be alone that I stuck it out for 4 years, followed by a cycle of "talking again," "acting like we're dating again," not talking for said period of time, and so on. By the grace of God, I've been praying for healing. There was a moment where I literally felt God pulling that old infected scab (the unhealthy attachment I had for him) off my heart and it SUCKED! It was painful, but I knew it had to be done. I still pray for him as well as his safety (he's serving in the Air Force in Afghanistan right now). On a side note: please pray for our military.

[@addie-eileenpaige6460]

Glad you got out of that relationship. Hopefully, the.military will help him mature. Thank you for his service and all of our soldiers. 🇺🇸

[@happysmile9]

Which were the main reasons you broke up with him? Did it have something to do with his job and job mentality (army)?

[@emwilss]

I have heard multiple stories like this from women after posting this video. Thanks be to God you are now free from that terrible situation!

[@madelineb77]

“I. HAVE BEEN SENT. BY THE LORD.” 😂😂😂😂😂❤️ yes girl. Favourite part.

[@emwilss]

Hehhehe :)

[@olivia_simone]

Yay! Crazy Chaquita is back!

[@emwilss]

Yes she IS! Glad you liked it!

[@pearlhopson7070]

"You're great, but you're not that special." 😂😂👏🏼 Yes, sis, come on

[@breakingthemasks]

Alright, fine... You win. Saving this to my relationship playlist. Literally every one of these things has happened to me... so guys need to hear this message to. 1. We aren't responsible for her salvation. 2. We arent responsible to be her therapist 3. Threatening suicide is messed up, and a red flag. Duh Peace people, and stay sane out there.

[@shalomchild7414]

breakingthemasks u I have a Relationship playlist too 😊

[@emwilss]

Yep. Goes both ways 100%.

[@robynbjorn6001]

Thank you so much for this video. So many women need to hear this

[@emwilss]

you got it Robyn!

[@jeanallebonifas9653]

I so wish that I knew about you a couple years ago. I was in this relationship for four whole years with a guy who treated me like his mother, his counselor, and even (and it sounds crazy) his god. I was young and thought I was giving of myself like Jesus would have and I became increasingly aware that he had serious problems so I was desperately trying to bring him more into his Catholic faith. The whole thing was over the internet except for the three times I saw him in real life. But I can't say how emotionally draining he was. I developed depression myself, and he would allude to the horrible things he would do to himself if I left him. I really thought I was doing the right thing. I would sometimes worry to the point of making myself physically sick, and I completely lost my own sense of identity. My grades got progressively worse, and I honestly don't remember high school very well because I became so numb and all my thoughts and actions revolved around how he was feeling that day (which would differ wildly from morning to night). My Mom finally told me to break him off from my life and I was so dead by then that I cried all day but felt nothing. Just later immense relief. It's been over a year and I'm slowly regaining my sense of self, and becoming a more joyful person. You help me with this in knowing I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving him. Thank you Emily.

[@kayleewallace4521]

The mothering your boyfriend thing was made for meeeee. I needed to hear this so bad.

[@zuzannaposzaj-lewandowska7825]

So many women need to hear this! Thank you, Emily!

[@addie-eileenpaige6460]

Thank you, Crazy Chiquita. I had a friend who was basically her boyfriend's mother. She'd get him up for work, make his lunch everyday, tell him what drawings he needed to get done (he was a tattoo artist), etc. I'd say to her, Are you his girlfriend or his MOTHER?!!" Her response, "Both!" Keep making these videos! ❤

[@BlueDauntless]

Ewww

[@emwilss]

YIKES!

[@addie-eileenpaige6460]

@@emwilss Not sure if she's still with him, but if I had to baby my boyfriend, I'd dump him in a heartbeat.

[@addie-eileenpaige6460]

@@BlueDauntless I know!!!!

[@martynciax]

EMILY! The second one hits home!!! THANK YOU. I needed to hear this. And I do not have this in my relationship, but in a friendship. It's so hard to live with that burden.

[@emwilss]

VERY hard and something you shouldn't have to carry!

[@sarahdelbene5791]

Thank you so much for this! I distinctly remember an ex telling me the only thing keeping himself from wrapping his car around a tree was me. Thank God for wise parents who helped me realize how manipulative that relationship was, and I ended that relationship (way later than I should have).

[@billevans284]

AMEN! Emily you are spot on with this discussion. I have to say this can be the same thing with us men. There are some men who think they can save the women they are dating. Thank you! You and your family are in my prayers.

[@CozomWoW]

I would add one thing to the first point. Not only should you not take on the responsibility of fixing people, for the reasons Emily noted. But it's important to think back on the relationship and know how you ended up with a person with so many problems. Ambitious people like to be around other amibitous people. If he's depressed, nihilistic, doesn't have any motivation to push himself career-wise, then you are probably struggling from similar things. Optionally, you might indeed be too good for him, but insecurity and low self-esteem shackles you. Or perhaps you are too agreeable and so you make excuses for him. For instance, my mother had cancer and for a while I was becoming blackpilled and thinking I should quit my job and do nothing because what's the point anyway? (This was in combination with the political situation in my country getting really bad) So if you are with one of those rare people who have a dark patch due to legitimate reasons that's one thing, assuming you saw his drive and potential prior to the phase. But even then I always disliked the excuses, because I still got my act together and carried on, and so should he. However, if he wasn't showing his worth prior to the rough patch, or even worse you got together with him during it, you need to look in the mirror and find out why he was appealing to you in the first place.

[@ccrosas1]

I agree because I did all these things for my now husband and we are now living separated. 11 years later and things haven’t changed...

[@jacklyn5578]

wow. the last guy i dated, i was all of these things for him... and now i’m watching your videos to help me back into my right mindset. you’re the best, emily.

[@shadyabrown-hall5955]

Yes! We as Godly women need to hear this. We can't save or change anyone. That's just a setup for a terrible relationship and future regrets.

[@Elise_Hunter]

I definitely did not want to get out of my fluffy blankets this morning, it’s so cold. But I went down stairs and decided to listen to something to wake me up. Emily, your energy is so contagious thank you! Now I’m awake and smiling haha!! God bless!

[@emwilss]

This really made me laugh! I'm so glad! Thank you for watching!!!

[@GodsTreasure]

Don't try to be a guy's savoir, a guy's therapist, don't try to be his mother💯💯💯💯

[@BethThereseReacts]

"i think i'm gonna fly away" hahah i love you

[@martinazivai]

I loved it! It's not fair to us by the way, we deserve to be treated well in whatever relationship that we are in and not only stay because "he needs me", you are great but you're not that special! 😅👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏽💕

[@monicagraceadams]

As a therapist myself, your second point is SO important. Too many people take on roles for their friends or partners that they are unequipped to handle, which leads to negative effects for all parties involved. Listening, loving, and supporting is imperative, but "fixing" each other is not possible. Even for myself, this boundary is incredibly important. Yes, I know how to help people with their psychological issues, and spend most of my days doing so, but in my personal relationships, I am not a therapist. Seeking my own counseling has been so helpful while learning to navigate these dynamics, and I encourage everyone to have their own community of support (friends, family, mentors, counselors)!

[@emwilss]

Thank you so much for your comment, Monica! So, so true. Support and love is SO important - but as you know, when it crosses over beyond the support and love that any one person can give, that is where it becomes troublesome. Thank you for what you do to help so many people in our world!

[@yay4fb]

This was so helpful! I have a guy friend who texts me constantly with his issues and I feel overwhelmed because I am not his therapist. He says he can’t afford a proper therapist but I’m sure there are resources out there for him. Thank you for helping me see that it would actually be healthy for both of us for me to back away from this!!

[@mahrairene4142]

Nigerian girls need the savoir part drummed into their ears.. 👏

[@Maria-dx6iq]

Thank you for this video!! I SOOO agree that people should NEVER act like they are the Savior because they are not (No one is because we are not Holy enough to be anything like our Heavenly Father). Love your videos!!

[@Everything2102]

Thank you Emily. For a year and a half I've been in a relationship with a guy for whom I've been both a savior and a therapist, and now as we are going through a crisis, I'm praying a lot to actually understand if I really want and need all of this or it has simply become a habit/"mission to save him". Just thank you. I think God is sending me messages and this video was one of them ❤

[@hopskip1746]

February dose of realness, thank you for making such insightful videos

[@emwilss]

You are welcome - thanks for being here!

[@tecumseha]

Oh my goodness, I wish you were around 22 years ago when I was dealing with this exact scenario! 😄 Haha. Well, after about a year & a half of being with him, I figured it out & exited the relationship. 🙂

[@tesalonikagowandi3374]

I was praying how to end an "unhealthy" friendship with a guy, bcs I simply don't want to "break anybody's heart" and you totally answered my prayer! Thank you Emily! God bless you❤️

[@mikas5477]

How do I find the "golden middle" between being a supportive partner and it being too much and unhealthy?

[@DavidMossMGS]

Mika S if you ask yourself that in the relationship You know it’s too much

[@juliakibuga2285]

Unhealthy is when you are the one who takes the actual steps to help him solve the problem instead of him. So you are basically doing the hard work while he does the bare minimum. For example, if someone is unemployed you are putting job applications out for him. If someone has mental and emotional issue you are the person they always vents to and expects solutions from, If someone has an addiction, you are always there to rescue them when they mess up and make bad decisions. Being a supportive partner in a healthy way is when you allow the person to make those tough decisions and then you become the person who cheers them on, encourages them, their accountability partner. Basically they do the heavy lifting by making changes and seeking the help they need and you complement it by doing small things that help them keep going on that journey they chose to take.

[@BrokenPointeShoes]

What about men who had poor mother figures? what kind of help can they get so that they can move past needing that kind of nurturing?

[@Rachel21846]

Thanks for making this video Emily! It's really difficult when guys either intentionally, or probably more often unintentionally try to guilt you into being in a relationship with them or staying in one. I've never been in a relationship but once a guy did threaten to me that he would kill himself if he couldn't get a girl to date him - he had some serious problems, and I was already quite depressed at this point in my life. I explained to him why I didn't want to date him but he made me feel so scared about what he might do that I agreed to go for coffee with him just as friends because I knew he was very lonely. This was a big mistake, it only made him more attached to me, and I didn't know what to do. It was really difficult and I had to basically cut ties with him and I was still so scared about what might happen. I didn't tell anyone but you're advice to tell an adult is good. I love your message that Jesus can save people without our help. We just need to trust in Him with things like this. x

[@MafeVzla88]

What sucks the most is that I have put all the weight of my depression and eating disorder on my boyfriend and I have felt him getting tired of me. It sucks that this is happening the other way around.. I will stop doing this. I need help. And not just for him but for me. I do not know if we will end up together (I'm atheist. He's Christian) but things need to change. Thank you, Emily.

[@rebeccadale1748]

Emily, I'm so glad this video came up on my recommended. I feel like it was destiny. I am not his saviour, I am not his therapist, I am not his mother.

[@Liba_Elena]

I love how Crazy Chaquita is on fire!🔥🔥🔥 Preach it! Amen.🙌

[@elizabethjoy3830]

Wow. Spot on. Thanks for sharing such truth. Us girls want to help so much sometimes it does go out of hand!

[@hetty0617]

Awww I have missed Crazy Chiquita vids soooo much!!!

[@dawnforlife]

I'm happy you had time to paint your nails ;) I used to think that I have to love my boyfriend when he is most unlovable to be like Jesus when I feel like we weren't compatible but his business went down and he was in a mess. So, again, great message for women!

[@emwilss]

Hehehe well thanks Dawn! I painted them last weekend while Daniel spent time with Z - it was great!

[@apri-icot]

We love a sassy mom

[@ak-47intelligence75]

Hahahahaha. You're so funny. I've done this a MILLION times NOT knowing / realizing I was doing it. Somehow, you've brought a lot of realization to me on this topic. Thank you. I'll never do it again. Ever.

[@maryswenson5357]

Girl yes!!! Lol I think I've tried saviour and done the motherly thing before and I learned no no no . Not happening ever again.

[@jaimegrant1682]

Mary Swenson me too, all I got from it was frustration. lol

[@MaryScarpati]

Emily, I couldn't agree with you more. I've noticed that when a man is going to try and be saved by me they will tell me really personal struggles or traumatic events in their lives on the first or second date. I pray for them but I won't date them.

[@abbyharbourne465]

This video is amazing and MY GOSH I wish I'd seen this before I ever started dating!!!!! I've attempted being the savior, the therapist, and the mother- so glad i ran far away from all that 🙌🙌🙌🙌

[@klarekaiser4433]

I had the if you don't do this I'll harm myself guy at 14 and had no clue what to do because all my friends didn't know of the harm(that he was actually doing) and pressured me to like him back. It took me awhile but I got out of that situation and told an adult. But I honestly needed to know I'm not alone and it's not my fault I got in that situation

[@dianajanna7228]

I don’t have a boyfriend, have never had a boyfriend but boy did I NEED TO HEAR the first message of saviorship in respect to my family and friends!!!

[@megalopolis2015]

Thank you for posting this. Many people--ladies included--can benefit from this information. I had a fellow (my second child's father, in fact) who was psychologically abusive way back in the day. He wanted me to put on his shoes, draw his bath, throw out his disgusting stuff and basically be his slave (which he also equates with motherhood thanks to his own enabling mother). He threatened suicide if I left, even by placing a knife near his temple, but by then I didn't care what the consequences were. God had given me reserve strength and I never went back. The person I love now I am not with. I am allowing God to work in him. I can be a Godly influence on him, but I can never replace Him. So I am distant for now, letting him know I pray for him if he contacts me. Having faith extends to all relationships, and is a direct reflection of my faith in Him, which is apparently growing.

[@missawyenirhgaz4984]

10:03 is the summery You’re welcome 😅

[@lizbethbrady8308]

This is craziness. Correct, please "preach woman of honor "...Awesome video.Woohoo😀😀😀😀

[@shalomchild7414]

I am a little guilty of being this person in friendships ( burdening people by sharing )but by God's grace am changing 🙏

[@Channel-kd5xu]

It's a good reminder that this goes both ways in a relationship.

[@annettemorlino8217]

I love you so much Emily!!! Thank you for this video! could you do a baby update with Daniel or maybe a Q and A?? God bless!!! hahaah 8:47 rEd FlAg

[@thiaxmusic]

All of these points speak so much to me, and is exactly what I need right now! Thank you so much!

[@cordeliacriseyde880]

I love your thumbnails for these types of videos! They're so funny but so fitting 😂😝

[@seikopatton4782]

Crazy Chicita is my favorite; she says it like it is! Thank you so much Emily! God bless you and your sweet family.

[@AJCoop93]

As I say all the time - I will NOT pick up after an overgrown man child who can't take care of himself! #standards

[@shadyabrown-hall5955]

This is something I had to say to a female friend of mine. She kept dumping her personal issues on me and as a friend I listened but after a while I felt a heavy burden so I just told her that she needs to see professional help.

[@elizabethbrennan4889]

Hahahah LOVE the 3rd one. And great video👍

[@anniesargeant3890]

I love this video so much!! I wish every girl could watch it! Thank you for being so real and inspiring, Emily! ❤️

[@teresahannasch3420]

Be a supporter, not a savior

[@thedroplett214]

I am a single man right now, but I really tell you. It is quite embarrasing for my girlfriend(whoever will be)or my wife(whoever will be) to mother me. Of course sometimes I can use her help when my schedule is too busy to fully take care of myself, and this doesn't mean that I am exploiting her, but I am protecting her by giving her own time. I can use her help in many different ways, to make her feel useful. I don't know if this is good or bad. If I am mistaken some1 correct me pls.

[@karensamson2265]

Yes, a guy should be independent. But dependent on God. :)

[@josephnardone1250]

Good point, EW, on the mental health issue. The first thing a psychology student student learns when studying psychology is that he can't give therapy to a family or a friend. There will all ways come a time or a point when the person giving the therapy must decide to be either a therapist or a friend. The problem is that of either alienating the person or doing bad therapy. The person can support the person in his therapy and help him achieve his, or her, therapeutic goals but doing therapy is definitely a no-no. The problem in our society is that when a person has an emotional problem, very often the person is seen as a failure as a human being. When a person has an emotional problem, all it is is a problem that most often can be overcome. Actually, therapy should be viewed as a positive learning experience which expands a person's emotional and intellectual boundaries and makes a person a sophisticated person of the world. When therapy most often does is make a person emotionally aware of the world around him or her. One of the greatest satisfactions I had in my therapy was overcoming the problems I had and then being able to laugh at them. Remember what is seen on TV or in the movies is not what real therapy is about but something created for the medium to create drama and action to sell tickets to make money.

[@hannahchristopher4654]

such a brilliant video, its so vital for us gals to get this

[@dreamwishergirl]

I have a friend who is dating someone Muslim and not only is he 15 years older than her (which is creepy in itself) he goes long periods of time without seeing her and claims he’s in the military, she was suppose to meet his family but something always comes up, she manages his company for him and he’ll just buy her a gift every now and then (so no pay) to keep her brainwashed that he loves her and wants to marry her. And she lost her virginity to him when she was dead set on waiting till marriage he convinced her. Just like you mentioned she says how she is the first Christian he’s known and thinks not only she’s his saving grace, she says she’s afraid hell never hear about Jesus again so that and being in love with him keeps her with him though he cheats on her and she’s in denial about it. It’s a really sad situation because she’s been with him for 5 years and she’s wasting all her youth with him.

[@veg94]

Thank you so much for this video! I recently broke off my engagement with a guy needed so much help and saving. I quickly realized that it was deff not a relationship for me. So I thank you for wiping away the doubt that I momentarily. Lots of love

[@kaitlynjohnsonphillips9022]

Speaking the Truth in Love! Yes!!!

[@hopebullard460]

This Is Me!!! The Lord is teaching me that I cannot fix him!! Therefore I stay single, because I'm not looking for a project!

[@juliam.8147]

THANK YOU!! That's what I've been telling my friends for years! If you have a person in your life who needs help, don't stick with the problem (you probably aren't neither strong or qualified enough to help instead you'll be getting emotionally too involved to manage the situation) but encourage him to get help from a professional who knows how this person can be helped best🙌 show the person they mean a lot to you by supporting and uplifting them in every step they take in the right direction instead of pushing their rocks out of the way for them!

[@claire9721]

This is SO TRUE! Thank you Emily. You have so much wisdom and courage! God bless you and praying for you all the way from from Malaysia!

[@JessicaElaina1]

I’ve been binge watching your videos!

[@caitlynobrien994]

Hi Emily! I lived this video. Some of the things on here I was wondering if they could transfer to friends too. Especially the mental health one. I have definitely had friends who I try to be a therapist for because of their mental health, and it has actually hurt my mental state a lot too. Not so much dating though. I know you said you should break up with a guy who makes you like that, but what about friends? It really doesn't seem right to leave my friends, but I also don't know if I should let myself stay in these relationships. I've been praying about it, but I just don't want to hurt anybody

[@jerryg1692]

I’m also catholic 😊

[@ednaa4382]

Awww Welcome back Crazy Chiquita

[@shespeaksfireco]

Crazy Chiquita- imma need you to say it again for the people in the back! 🙌🏾🔥

[@susanstill1696]

The mother of one of my husband's friends, still buys him most of his clothes. She was even doing it when he was married.

[@zelanymusic]

So cute. So true. Love your energy.

[@hannahcherney5627]

Yes! Amen! Gotta love it when Emily gets down to the nitty-gritty no beating around the bush! #CrazyChiquitaChats

[@emwilss]

Like the hashtag!

[@Wakeem.Creations]

But what if her profession is a therapist and one of her clients happen to be her friend....... 😱

[@dancingformysavior3971]

Separate the work and personal life know what role you play at different times.

[@saarakarhu3415]

A licenced therapist is NEVER the therapist of their friend's. If a therapist's friend needs professional help, they will have to look for it from someone else. Of course a therapist-friend can introduce you to their colleague for example

[@Wakeem.Creations]

Lol I was joking. Thanks for the answer though.

[@GinnyandEric]

Time to send this to all of my friends!!!

[@morethanhair388]

Thank you for this 🖤

[@jojoloebig9477]

Thank you for this! Perfect! Xxx

[@yakosinnromero9398]

Good video girly

[@palmina77italiana]

LOL...preach it sista....oh how I need you and Jackie right now...and bring some wine flavoured ice cream lol ...or make it gelato lol

[@darleneokeke268]

All I can say is LMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO man ohh man !

[@AwesomeTinyHobbit]

Ya know... I wish I had a Crazy Chiquita sweatshirt too. Someone pls make these and I will give you my money 😂 Also AMEN SISTA! Been telling my friends this for years- you need to be EQUAL and PARTNERS in any sort of relationship. Otherwise it can slip into toxicity very very quickly. You gotta SHARE THE MENTAL LOAD.

[@autumklocek2918]

Do you believe you get to heaven by works or faith in Jesus Christ? Jus curious because you are catholic

[@CourageDearHeart316]

Where were you on May 30, 2018?😓🤦🏽‍♀️I wish I saw this video wayyyy back when I thought I would be all three. Wow ... But all is well. I have learned my lesson.

[@JelenaKrnjic]

So good :)

[@KCtheSUNSHINE]

Yikes, I see some of this unhealthiness in my friendship with a female. We're arguing now but I'm you-tubing to write down why I believe she needs professional help. There's no shame in seeing a psychologist to navigate thru past trauma, etc. Nobody should live miserably. My dating relationship with my boyfriend is healthy yay!

[@mariagraziatortora1153]

You're great!! ❤❤

[@femmevalerie_]

Hi Emily, why don't you activate the subtitles in English? I'm pretty sure you also have an audience from other countries like me. Sometimes you speak very fast and I don't understand everything haha. God bless you!

[@mar-cl2gg]

It appears at perfect timing