Emotional FTM Transition Timeline (2 Years on Testosterone)

[@arthur_rockwell]

Testosterone didn't stop me from tearing up while editing this 🥲. I wanted to make an "old-fashioned" slideshow style transition video - corny music and all - like the videos I watched back in high school. Oh man, I just feel so grateful. Especially looking back at early pictures and knowing how lonely I felt. Life got better than I could have possibly imagined! Also, I blurred people's faces for privacy. Hopefully this doesn't look too weird! My experience during transition has been so defined by my social life that making a video using only bathroom selfies felt like it wouldn't capture the true joy of the past two years.

[@Residentevil1.5]

I appreciate your videos so much Arthur! This reminds me of the videos I used to watch when I was younger too. I’m so glad that you’re happy. It gives me hope that I’ll be even happier one day too. I’m 5 months back on T tomorrow and this is definitely the happiest I’ve been being me.

[@arthur_rockwell]

Aww 🥰!! Congrats on 5 months back on T - and more importantly on being the happiest you've been being you 🥳

[@shaae_26]

i loved that ending "how i have grown up from a girl into a man"

[@Brendaglam24]

This is so stupid I love being a girl I would never change that

[@shaae_26]

@@Brendaglam24 good for you, idc, not all of us who were born girls were born correctly and were meant to be men. you do you and we'll do us. no ones telling u to change being a girl

[@user-or7vq9jt9c]

​@@shaae_26testosterone makes changes in your brain structure so you aren't the same person you used to be, these people are after steroids basically and appear like a males which is scary to me

[@alexdarkly]

Man that "I watched FTM timelines" hit home real hard. I'm on my 2nd week of Testosterone. I love seeing this stuff show up on my KZbin feed. Thank you for the content, thank you for sharing, and thank you for being a positive influence for those who just haven't figured it out yet. We will eventually, and this is the time of thing that helps us get there.

[@sambhatti1162]

Do you take everything testosterone injection please let me know when and hw much you take

[@alexdarkly]

@@sambhatti1162 dude no lol

[@justbg]

That anxiety you talk about is what I'm going through now, have been for the past three years. I'm 23 and I don't like thinking about it, but I watch everything. I just end up feeling jealous. I don't actually like people called me he, because I feel scared. If I regret it I'll be more of a failure than ever.

[@justbg]

Everyone seems more valid than me. I did try to tape up my chest when I was twelve, using normal tape, it didn't work it just made me embarrassed. When I was real young I had to wear dresses, I come from an orthodox Jewish community and that was a rule. I didn't like dresses. I couldn't find clothes that felt okay on me. I was always uncomfortable.

[@justbg]

I don't know what normal girls feel. I'm not hurt by being called a girl, or people using she/her, it gives me less anxiety than he/him. I just want a flat chest. No and a low voice. Yes and a cock, and balls, but I want it to be real. But I don't want that, because I don't know how it will feel. And my voice will be recognised by people, everyone will know I'm trans, yes and my chest isn't so bad. I like playing with them, they're soft. And finding partners will be hard. And it's expensive. And what if it changes my sexuality? What if I don't pass. What if I never pass. What if that's all I become is the transgender wannabe. What if I'm ugly as a man. What if I die alone.

[@justbg]

Yes, I'm just roleplaying. I'm attracted to guys so I want to look like them? That, something like that. If I was a pretty girl I'd be happy right? Maybe not happy but not unhappy. Not as happy as I would be as an attractive male. But people would see my hands, see my feet. I can't go through so much surgery. It's unnecessary. I'm not dying. I won't commit suicide. Why do I deserve this unnecessary cosmetic surgery?

[@justbg]

No, it doesn't matter. Because I don't hate my body, in fact I have an attractive women's body, and it's pretty much my only asset as far as beauty goes. It's a nice body. I'm attracted to it, when I was in the past just looking at myself naked was enough for me to get riled up. So I don't need to change anything then.

[@justbg]

I make up my mind. Good. Done. It's settled. I press my hands against my chest in the reflection, imagine it being flate, a little buzz of joy as I see everything about me that would allow me to pass as a man, and so begin the next four hours of contemplative anxiety and self hatred for even agonizing over something so fucking stupid and irrelevant and selfish.

[@kamikkaze5164]

this old style type of transition timeline is so nostalgic. I remember being 15 and searching for all the transition timeline ftm videos. your journey is so beautiful, and you sound like an amazing friend/human being. a lot of what you said resonates with me. a lot. I'm sure I will bring to therapy tomorrow haha. Specifically the part that you said "I want to be a father". I had that but with "I was supposed to be a brother to my siblings" and also uncle/aunt. After long 7 years of doubting, and fear and discover and searching and gender crisis, I'm gonna finally start my transition. Kuddos from Brazil

[@arthur_rockwell]

Aww this comment really made me smile 😊. Congrats on the choice to start your transition!

[@kaiwannagoback5712]

the most telling thing from my perspective, was how your smile deepened and intensified, as you transitioned. It became an infectious, confident smile that included your eyes. Thank you for sharing your story on this channel.

[@t.deshawn6519]

This was the most relatable and beautifully made trans timeline I have ever seen!

[@arthur_rockwell]

❤️❤️

[@SzczurkiBurki]

My favourite ftm transition video ☺️, i keep watching it again and again......

[@Jesse97jwl]

Thanks for sharing Arthur. I'm ftm pre t. I was always told I was conventionally attractive and one of my biggest fears like you mentioned was dating...love that you've grown more confident into who you always were 🎉

[@dzerzhinsky6213]

I stumbled upon this video when I booked a gender reassignment appointment and I was suddenly overcome by a storm of thoughts "What if I'm making a mistake?" Context - I am 23 years old, from the age of 13 I finally stopped presenting myself with a female name and from the same time I look masculine / androgynous. I've been thinking about t since high school, but I decided to give myself time until the end of uni, when I can completely separate from my relatives and EXACTLY think everything over. In short, I really felt everything you are talking about and it gave me a boost of calm and confidence. I follow a lot of trans people on youtube, but to me you really stand out with your... simplicity and sincerity? Thank you very much, keep being yourself!

[@arthur_rockwell]

Aw thank you!!

[@charlie2.048]

_"If I could teach myself calculus I could teach myself how to look attractive [insert forcibly feminizing yourself]."_ Wow, I did not come here to be attacked by this relatable content.

[@lynca2205]

Somehow you’re speaking my exact same thoughts. I’ve been thinking of transition on and off since I was 14. I’ve been chopping off my hair, growing it out, before inevitably chopping it again. I never like photos of myself. I feel like it’d be a lot easier to settle as my agab. The prospect of transitioning only to detransition sounds terrible. It’s kind of insane how much of my thoughts you’re saying out loud right now, so thanks I guess

[@chickenwithitsheadcutoff]

i think you might be one of the few trans people whose experiences i’ve connected with to the extent that i do, so in the midst of the constant anxiety, watching your videos makes me feel very hopeful. and also serves as a reminder to find people to talk to about all of it haha

[@arthur_rockwell]

awww I'm happy to hear it 🥰

[@lox_in_translation]

Thank you for making this video, Arthur, and congrats on your top surgery! The positive vibes when you describe your most recent years are truly contagious, I could not help but smile while watching the end of your "old-fashioned slideshow-style transition video". Even though my own path is quite different from yours, your oratory skills always make your content so pleasant to discover, so thanks for sharing! Wishing you a smooth recovery and the best in the years to come 😊

[@arthur_rockwell]

Ahh this is such a kind comment! Thank you so much 🥰

[@neo5802]

I started T yesterday and the comments of my mum and my therapist, that because I had tried to be attractive as a girl earlier in my life would speak against me being trans, were really getting to me. At the same time, starting T makes me so happy and feels so darned good. I feel like I really needed to find this video. Thank you, Arthur, you really help me out here

[@hazel3486]

I'm currently only 2 weeks on T and I needed this video to encourage me when seeing results feels so far away. The way you exude joy as your transition progresses is exactly the future I hope for myself. Thank you for sharing

[@babykillingcadillac6719]

as a transmasc adult i relate to your high school/college years a lot. i had already had my trans awakening as a teen but as a young adult started presenting hyper feminine to be seen as desirable. hearing your experience and how you realized you were wrong back then, that you don't need to be a woman to be attractive, is so reassuring. i'm only 4 months on t and don't pass yet but i love seeing trans joy from others and am starting to experience it myself too 🏳️‍⚧️🤍

[@KarolaTea]

Lovely video! Also, seriously thank you for caring about other people's privacy!

[@bigboyzden]

that was so beautiful thank you for sharing this..

[@MH-gd5uu]

Thank you for this beautiful video and congrats on top surgery!!! I have been watching you for over a year now and it's just great to see you thrive. I am almost 10 months on T - like you, I took a leap of faith and it was a good one, I've never been happier (nor hotter). Have a good recovery!

[@arthur_rockwell]

Thank you!! I'm happy to hear you've also been thriving in transition 🏳️‍⚧️

[@DrWhoDragon]

Thank you for being so open with your journey. It’s weirdly comforting/validating to know that there’s at least one other math-loving, saxophone-playing, transmasc phd student out there. I’m not so far in my transition but seeing how well it went for you makes me hopeful :)

[@arthur_rockwell]

Omg *I* didn't know there were any other math-loving, saxophone-playing, transmasc PhD students! We should start a club lolol

[@Pajama_Plants]

Oh man, this video is really beautiful thank you for sharing! I currently going though some big hair changes so look more masculine. I want to be known as an uncle not an aunt to my niece and nephew. I can’t shake that feeling of wanting to be known as a guy. :) congrats on top surgery

[@arthur_rockwell]

Aww thank you for this comment! And congrats on your hair changes - such a big step 😃

[@hexibora]

This is so wholesome and lovely! I really adore your videos, so happy to see you thriving so much. :) I hope recovery from top surgery goes well for you!

[@morganetiberti4399]

Oh waw, I can relate to so many situations or experiences that you share in this video. Thank you so much. I wish you joy and happiness :)

[@PHNTM0019]

Hey Arthur I wanted to thank you wholeheartedly for this video. It was an amazing insight into your story, but it also gave me a feeling of relief. I got the thumbs up from my parents to start testosterone a while ago and i am in the process of getting on T. I've known (for 100% sure) that I'm trans since around 1.5-2 years, thats when i came out. But since a very long time i knew that i felt wrong as a "girl" even if i did like feminine stuff as a child, and i still like some feminine things, and i came to terms with the fact that that doesn't make me any less of a man. Yet, I've been having a hard time with doubt. I'm very sure that i wont detransition, but the fear is still here, the fear that I may not be trans, or just telling myself that I am (which can't be true because many factors prove otherwise, but i still feel this annoying doubt sometimes). But the way you just went for it after giving it good research and thought, really gave me a confidence boost. I've spent the last year of my life researching more than necessary about everything trans related, especially hrt. I am so ready to finally transition medically, since socially i am already pretty far in transition, and you really helped me to feel less anxious about the fear and doubts that i have. Thank you sm, and I wish you all the best in your transition Arthur, you're a super handsome dude and you seem really sympathetic and cool to be around. Best wishes, A. :)

[@arthur_rockwell]

Awww these kinds of comments make my day! Congrats on beginning the process of starting T 🎉

[@KaregoAt]

I see a lot of myself in the way you described growing up. I'm 28 now, have been grappling with my identity for 10 years now (mostly just with accepting that I am trans and that it's not going away or something I'm able to shut out and ignore anymore). Throughout the years I've slowly, almost as if trying to fool myself into not paying attention to it, begun to masculinize myself through my clothes and mannerisms. I've only recently gotten a referral to the trans clinic in my country, and started going to the gym. I cut my hair. Got new glasses. Started to actively and conciously accept the process of transitioning. And I'm the happiest I've ever been. Next comes the challenge of battling with the horrendous standard of trans healthcare over here, but we'll see what that brings once I have my first appointment.

[@brody1216]

Taking self guided algebra to walking to the high school for geometry to trans man pipeline (why r u eerily relatable?? Anyways love this video. Your thought and intention and self reflection are so beautiful to watch and encourage me to treat my transition with the same kindness!)

[@arthur_rockwell]

Ahahaha I looove this! The "trans women coder" stereotype has nothing on us 🤓. And aw you're too kind 🥺

[@lastcrazyhorn]

I’ve been thinking about testosterone for 20 years. I’ve finally decided to go through with it.

[@andrea446]

Congrats!

[@p0tat0s0up]

i’ve been subbed to you for a little while now, but just found this video. i really heavily relate to everything you say here; and it’s so reassuring to find someone who feels the way i do but older and living a happy life. this really helped me and i’m so glad you figured yourself out

[@arthur_rockwell]

sorry for the slow reply! but aw

[@rythnuhh]

You look great!

[@LilfoxTheHybridHylian5967]

I'm cis female and gray ace ( still kinda questioning ) but I support you! You're you. Youre a man! No matter what, you are awesome even tho I don't know you

[@Adrian-o5g2o]

I'm watching this wondering if medical transition is the right thing for me after a happy and pretty accepted social transition. Your story is a lot like mine. Thank you for this hope you have given me

[@jake1555valkye]

So good. I'm happy for u and thank for sharing this with us. Thank u so much. Be proud and be safe ❤️😘

[@jesswolfie7372]

Yaaay found you on Reddit and came right over to watch your new video

[@arthur_rockwell]

Ahhh that's adorable!!

[@113nightbird]

Cool video! I have been thinking that possibly I am trans. I often feel uncomfortable when I look in the mirror and especially when wearing pink. My therapist is awesome so hopefully someday I will figure this out. Thanks for posting this video! ❤

[@MrSwewt]

Thank you for sharing this story. I really appreciate your perspective, very inspiring.

[@VioletJewel1729]

I also was not sure and took a leap of faith after twenty years of difficult struggle and alienation. The first year for me was very rough, but I am MTF. It is only about now, after I started HRT at 25 and a half and have been on it for two years, that I am gaining confidence, smiling ear-to-ear, dating someone for the first time, and enjoying life.

[@brody1216]

Your joy is my joy. Thank you so so much for sharing your trans happiness!! I'm having top surgery in 4 days and will be 1 year on T next month :') felt very similar to you when it comes to doubt. I was paralyzed for years with the "what ifs". The leap of faith, and the depths of the unknown felt so much scarier than taking the risk. But eventually, I got to the point where it just happened. And now I feel so correct! And not necessarily because of my maleness, or because I feel affirmed in my *innate* sense of gender, but because I'm myself. I appreciate you and your journey. Congrats on all the smiles :)

[@arthur_rockwell]

This comment made me smile so much!! Hell yeah! Proud of you for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and so exciting you're getting top surgery!! Get ready for a fantastic yet oh-so-itchy time haha

[@MisterMaster_Music]

Hi! I am also a ftm transgender! I support you

[@Superwoodputtie]

Hey this was very cool. Thanks for sharing.

[@edward8875]

this is so so so so cool!! I’m so exited to transition!! I hope you understand how much it means to have an older trans influence, it means a lot. have a great day :))

[@arthur_rockwell]

Awww 🥰. Yes, you should be excited! Transition can be a fantastic, joyous experience 🏳️‍⚧️

[@m.7877]

Thank you for sharing this Arthur! Very inspiring

[@d_lynn421]

I smiled so hard at your top surgery! Congratulations man! So happy for you!

[@arthur_rockwell]

Ahhh this is so sweet! Thanks!!

[@ConstanzaRigazio]

Awww this is such a beautiful video and you’re such a beautiful person! 🥰

[@Alan-is3jk]

i just love you so much! :)) thank you for making these videos!

[@everydayvacaytaj]

You look great, man

[@jamieisawesome568]

Congrats on your top surgery :) I love watching these timelines it genuinely makes me happy and makes me feel more accepting of myself and my trans identity. I've come out to my parents but none of them ever say anything about it and pretend it never happened so its hard to talk about being trans in real life. Also, I hope you dont mind if I ask what hairstyle you have in 6:41 ?

[@arthur_rockwell]

Aww that was my goal when making this video! And for the past two years I've had essentially the same haircut, just different lengths of it. That haircut was probably "a 4 on the sides, blended, squared side burns, and 3-4 inches on top" but maybe grown out a bit... I talk about how I ask for haircuts in an older video actually, if you wanna check that out 😀

[@Nikkie-x9w]

I'm a transwomen and i struggle with loving my bio gender but there's a lot of anxiety and my parents would not support me and i even lost friends that were close to me but i felt that they were hating so i continued to love myself and not to care what others think about me i didn't let anxiety take over me. I love being a woman and i love being trans and one day I want to be a mother .

[@heyheyitsvey]

Amazing!

[@ezekyelsantoni7874]

5:59 bro TF thats my twin?

[@whalium889]

Can you make a video on your economics PhD? How did you fall in love with economics esp since you used to be a math nerd? What is the PhD like?

[@briannamay5459]

WOW we have been on HRT for about the same time. I'm also 2 years but on estrogen. It is so weird how we're both on the same road but have different destinations huh?

[@arthur_rockwell]

Yup absolutely! Congrats on 2 years!!

[@bellevie.b]

So terribly sad.

[@afsanaparvez6112]

Truly inspirational unique trans story godbless you

[@RenaissanceRockerBoy]

As a bi trans guy, I love your channel! I’ve been through all the letters but nothing ever felt completely right until I realized I was a guy. It’s officially my 4th week on T now, and I’m excited for the future :D am excited to finally feel 100% comfy in my body

[@arthur_rockwell]

Hell yeah congrats!!

[@kerricantelupe8337]

Congratulations!!!

[@ryanwawrzyniak1382]

Im 14 and i want to come out but i don't know how

[@t.deshawn6519]

Hi there, idk if this is good advice for you personally but here are my thoughts: first, you are very brave, but since you are so young, I think you should be very careful who you come out to. You want ensure your physical and emotional safety. I would give little tests to people to see what kind of ally they might be to the lgbt+ comm, and then slowly build a support system around myself so that I could come out to the world. I hope this helps and I wish you the best ❤️

[@everydayvacaytaj]

Damn, I must be doing something wrong

[@Productive_Ethan]

Yout experience is so simile to mine Also watched ftm videos through high school but only came out as trans when I was 18 Started T as a result of the pendamic and self reflection at age 22, I turn 2 years on T this November and I'm also studying to be an Accountant

[@arthur_rockwell]

Woa yep so similar!! Really cool to see how many people followed this kind of path in the comments. Congrats on nearing two years on T!!

[@YamnayaSintash]

what a fcking massacre EEeeewww

[@neilkyle2720]

i want to go the other way

[@jessicap852]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@giuliacapasso4468]

😭😭❤❤❤❤

[@sambhatti1162]

Do you take take testosterone injection every day or it's once in a week please let me know and which is the testosterone injection you take please let me know 🙏🏻

[@informantrafi7654]

It's usually a shot every 10-12 weeks, by a doctor. 😊 I have a trans colleague who told me.

[@sambhatti1162]

@@informantrafi7654 👍🏻

[@kavishanan6409]

Could you tell your height??

[@RedFire-mc8ne]

humanity deserves better

[@johnpauldaga844]

Hello

[@checkermaker480]

Pthetic. Youre gonna so regret this

[@BelgianProblem]

Why are you harassing people online

[@ScottieWallace]

Get effective mental treatment. Dont destroy your life and body and those who brought you into the world, the crippling pain they must feel, all because someone decided they would imagine what it would be like the other way round. So sad...

[@pineappleboy1468]

You do know therapists and psychiatrists will only affirm his male gender. Transitioning is literally the medical treatment for gender dysphoria.

[@BelgianProblem]

Oh piss off, you’re the one doing harm here

[@PonyRedFox]

He is much happier now

[@rayleigh8]

So do you date girls or men?.

[@t.deshawn6519]

Arthur is a proud gay man ❤️

[@sivabharathiinkavithaikal1815]

I miss your girl look🥺🥺🥺

[@bobbwest]

Testosterone does not, not, NOT make a female male! “Gender” (eg. Sex) isn’t about hormones. Changing your identity has never been a treatment for mental health problems (“issues”).

[@belma2845]

Whatever gender you are born with is beautiful and if you are born as a girl you are lucky, if you are born a boy, you are lucky, and you should be happy, both are beautiful and what you are born with you should embrace, without medical intervention, there is no need. If we live more with nature, we will be more natural and live more natural and not use artificial substances and change ourselves.

[@Blublublu23]

Well, he didn't want to be a girl lol If you wish to be a girl, you are lucky as well, if you wish to be a boy, you're luck too. Everyone's lucky here.

[@NatureLover-zr9iz]

Be a chad.