End Love Addiction by Burning the Bridge: On Again Off Again Relationships

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZbin. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZbin. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

[@Paarthurnaxdova]

I bring my ex back into my life because I’m desperately missing the fun connection and fantasy bonds I had with him. Once he is fully back I start to panic because I know it isn’t gonna work out and he will do something to trigger my attachment trauma so I push him away for a month, then repeat..like an addiction to heroin or something

[@isacece1334]

Me too.. love addiction

[@willfeen]

Were you able to make him more aware of your triggers, and was he able and willing to listen and adjust his behavior?

[@burritomaker69]

Him triggering your attachment trauma is in fact something on your end of things not his lol. It’s being triggered as said in the beginning of the video because you two have an intimate connection.

[@sammajamma7758]

Same

[@AViika2898]

Me too...... it's so devastating

[@Tinkerselle]

I’ve been trapped in this dynamic for 5 years. It is very frustrating, I’m desperate to get out and it seems impossible. The sad truth is that therapists don’t seem to know about this type of addiction. I had to basically diagnose myself and bring it up to them, only to find out there are no support groups for this and you basically have to go cold turkey without a support system. It sucks and it doesn’t seem to be working for me😢

[@angelicat270]

Every time I watch this I feel such sadness knowing that my entire relationship was based on two people who didn’t have secure attachments and kept using the other to find validation and value.

[@isacece1334]

So true...same here

[@burritomaker69]

That is relatively normal though. You can look at anything in a depressing light. Fact of the matter is two insecure attachments are capable of a healthy relationship as long as both are actively working together.

[@themightyflog]

@@burritomaker69looks like you are writing this to convince yourself while on your high mode.

[@sheend]

​@@themightyflogit was probably only her

[@pjsandcocoa]

This was one of your best. I feel like if I listen to it a few more times I will have the strength to end my very toxic, emotionally abusive and stressful relationship.

[@mjmoody2622]

How are you doing thus far

[@Dragonfly_magictarot]

PJ Smith update

[@supermcfly3103]

I hope you are in a better place than two years ago.

[@cappuchino_creations]

It is so freakin hurtful to hear all this. Because I have been acting the exact same way. Way to go on our ways of maturing. Whoever reads this, youu are not alone. We all are somwhat broken people that need this video.

[@maulishaguha4465]

Thank you, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I hope we all address our issues and become better people for ourselves and other's around us.

[@glittertoast7159]

It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one! This is hard to hear, but i know that this is the truth.

[@Jasmin-gt5lu]

Yes.. Six years on and off relationship. I need to end this 💔

[@wildflowersmile3224]

You are a gift straight from God. Thank you for being brave enough to put yourself out there and sharing this info with the world. You are a blessing.

[@33hegemon]

Your words are a revelation to me and have forced me to answer some painful but ultimately liberating questions about myself. Thank you for sharing.

[@staciejean]

Wow, Alan! You have replaced all my other therapists! Each video is COMPLETELY hitting home with me and allowing me to see decades long patterns that I have not known how to deal with! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the kind comment. Thank you for sharing my work is helpful for you. If the videos are helpful then you may also like being part of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Take the Relationship Quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

[@staciejean]

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you SO much for seeing me🥲 I would LOVE to be a part of your community. Just don't have any resources at the moment, but I've already book marked it for future reference. Thanks for the link as well!🕊🤍

[@fringbabyross4718]

AP male here finally walking away from FA woman. Holy crap is emotionally brutal. The attachment trauma pain and panic is very real. You nailed it. Changed my number, shut down facebook, and am moving two hours away tomorrow. I am done ! The grief and pain is horrific but necessary

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I hear you. These dynamics can be challenging. Glad this video sparked reflection for you. If this video is helpful then you may also be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

[@hightidesmrforever2themoon449]

wow i never thought of it as being dishonest..ugh you are right though!

[@mtngirlbunny9290]

Wow....thank you. I am in a crazy mess with letting go of a friendship. This is the most valuable explanation of what the heck I am trapped in! I have work to do.

[@FollowingJesus17]

ive been on and for just over two years. with someone who I know is using me. we argue fight. HE disappears for 3 months after an argument then HE returns 3 months later. and I take him back . only for things to be okay for about 3/4 weeks then the drama starts again and his off. I feel so empty when his gone. lonely and miserable. depressed. but when im with him its nice briefly then he makes me feel more low.. I was abandoned as a child, neglected with no mother figure.... I changed my number several times on this man. but he writes me and then I respond to his crumbs of relations after he disappears for 3 months. no see no here. I just want to be out of this hell

[@bellakrinkle9381]

ExposingTruths

[@lilmissfire1111]

Almost same situation here.

[@phoenixd9679]

tellingitlikeitis Very sad I relate with same situations 😢

[@hildeyogaanddance6919]

tellingitlikeitis this happened to me too for almost two years! It was craaaaazy making. Each time I’d feel lower and lower. Thinking back on it he didn’t want me but also didn’t want me to be with anyone else. It was as if he could smell when I’m Almost over him and maybe even when meeting someone potentially good for me. It’s a weird addiction both from him as from me, as we both couldn’t fully let go. A few months ago after he let me down yet again I was done about it and I blocked him once and for all and haven’t unblocked him ever since. And I don’t feel sad about him any more either.

[@FollowingJesus17]

@@hildeyogaanddance6919 how did you manage to stop getting the urge to contact him?

[@vivianvennicia]

My ex needs to see this video. But sending it to him would only encourage his dysfunction.

[@InsideTheJoshMind]

Same. My ex needs to see this entire channel.

[@sxylala74]

The timing is impeccable in finding your video

[@jillian2596]

Excellent video! I’ve been in a nebulous relationship with a man whose very clearly avoidant for about 16 months. He triggered my abandonment wound early on & has helped me to focus on what I still need to heal. But, it feels very one-sided & on his terms. He gets hours of free therapy & sex when he wants it. He’s very hot & cold (fearful avoidant perhaps) Thankfully, I don’t get triggered like I used to & when he pulls away, I let him. And I recognize I deserve more respect & reciprocity, so its easier to let him go. We actually met in Al-Anon, which has provided me with vital tools/skills to overcome codependent tendencies & to accept life on life’s terms 🙏🏻

[@yvaz3373]

Same here, same situation. Didn’t meet him in any al anon group though but the story is very similar. I keep hoping he will change and get into a stable relationship with me but I am in denial, as Alan said. If he wanted to offer me a secure and mature relationship he would have done that by now. Is me who has to change.

[@phemery1182]

Same situation here, great comment & appreciate how you are handling..me too

[@CurtisMoe]

This dude is incredibly smart and seems to cover all the weird things that we as a couple, or as an individual, do in relationships.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Relationships are tricky, and navigating these things can feel overwhelming, confusing, and challenging. Thank you for watching and for your kind words. Please help spread the word by sharing this with something that you think might benefit from watching this.

[@HalyeyFlaUK]

Omg you hit the nail on the head the separated husband had enough I text like a lunatic ... I need to stop I'm so desperate and scared

[@catherinewylie6959]

@Angelina That is cool. Sometimes I feel that too.

[@angelicat270]

Yup. Done that too. Big sigh. But yes God does heal the void.

[@jomartin6209]

This is brilliant and spot on. I've just ended a 3.5 year relationship exactly like this. He begs and tried to convince me to get back together. But I am through. Just blocked etc.

[@brandonpaul7281]

Thank you for these videos. They have been very insightful and helpful in understanding myself. I was emotionally neglected by my mother as a child, and these videos have shown the impact it had on me. I have had attachment issues in my adult life and it has brought me alot of anxiety and depression. Knowing this now I can start to train myself on always being consious of it and addressing appropriately.

[@ebutuoywrw]

ooh I can envision this making the perfect wedding vows: "I do not have the skill to end. I need you to collude with me to avoiding my willingness to acknowledge that we have no healthy relationship, and I just want you to do the job of making me feel safe and okay even though 3 days later, 1 week later things will be as bad as ever."

[@isacece1334]

Yes!!

[@chelseawhoelsee]

I do! ❤️

[@vicky3688]

Wow you have to be brave to do this! As a love addict im not sure I could go through with it. You absolutely have to see it as a drug to you that you don't want to take ever again.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

It can be challenging especially when we aren't aware of how we are showing up during moments of insecurity in relationships. It is so important to talk about this and bring clarity around the dynamics. If you aren't already aware, you may be interested in the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz We can empower ourselves to make clear decisions and take care of ourselves when we understand the responses. Thanks for commenting.

[@shirleytorres339]

This is exactly what I’ve been experiencing for the past 16 months! I’m in the last breakup right one week fresh and it hurts I can’t stop thinking about him and wanting him back. It’s crazy and so hard to overcome.

[@hightidesmrforever2themoon449]

wow, i have never been alone, i have no idea how to be alone. i don't ever want to be alone again. wow this is a game.??!!.you are soo right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@jayaramachandran3872]

Best video ever!! Calling out our own BS so that we can end the patterns once & for all. I needed to hear the truth so that I can put an end to this pattern. Thank you Alan!!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this helped illuminate patterns. You may also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Thanks for the encouraging words. You're welcome.

[@michellesegura8635]

I needed to hear this. Been in an on and off relationship for 5years...I need to burn the bridge. His emotional abuse towards me was horrible. I didn’t value myself enough to come clean and burn the bridge a long time ago...it’s so hard.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Michelle, sending you empathy for the hard place of seeing this dynamic in your relationships. I understand. We explore this idea and learn more about it in depth in the community of Improve Your Relationships. Consider joining in the conversation: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@georginareynolds2614]

Thanks for sharing this Michelle! It helps to know there are other people who are dealing with something similar. Last year my partner and I moved to a new city together, bought an apartment together and got a pet. We were on and off for the first 2 years of our relationship and thereafter never broke up properly again - I thought we could make it work despite the red flags, because no one is perfect after all. It has been painful, confusing and so so turbulent. After spending so much time with someone it starts to feel like you've invested so much, you may as well stick it out #sunkcostfallacy. The emotional abuse ranged from subtle, overt, name calling, delivered as jokes, degrading & belittling, humiliating me in front of others, exploiting his knowledge of my trauma to shame me, telling me I am worthless, no one else will want me for anything except my looks and taunting me saying "you will never leave me", then laughing and acting like it never happened. I accepted that this will be my life and that it was normal. People like this make you believe their behaviour is normal and that you deserve it. I still think it is normal sometimes. I reached a breaking point just over a month ago and I left him. I just needed to get away. I moved out, felt broken and he contacted me, explained how we just need to work on ourselves and I have since been trying to make the relationship work again, thinking it will be different. It's not different, in very few cases it is. I ended up on this video trying to understand what to do, how to say no, or if maybe I need to do something different to make it work. I think I found the right answers here, I need self-respect and boundaries first and foremost. We often vilify those who are emotionally abusive, and, understandably because their abusive behaviour cause tremendous pain and damage to others, but I just want to note they aren't evil and terrible people. Life is not that polarized and I've found acknowledging this has helped me realistically process letting go of someone like this from my life.They are hurt, they have broken, maladapted coping mechanisms to life. Their abusive behaviour is a frantic and misguided reaction to their own pain, insecurity and fear of being unloved. It's 100% possible for people to change and learn to be kinder and not emotionally abusive but that's their journey to walk, not yours. We can't make people change. Similarly there are reasons why we find ourselves attracted to partners like this. An emotionally robust and healthy person would likely walk away from a relationship at the first displays of emotional abuse. This doesn't mean it's our fault, it means we have our own self work to do so if anyone ever violates our boundaries again we can say cheers mate, without a hesitation. You deserve love, care, stability and consistency. If someone can't offer that, it's ok to say I love you but you aren't meeting my needs as a partner / parent / friend and it is doing us both a disservice to remain in this relationship therefor I will distance myself from you. Then comes the hard part of following through, letting go and reaffirming that you can be stable, happy, safe and loved on your own. I hope you find the strength to do whatever is best for you and peace when it really hurts and tests you.

[@charlotteferdinand1246]

Leave him. Its that simple. I left two abusers. You can too.

[@michellesegura8635]

Glad I burned that bridge!!! Grateful for videos like yours, and educators that help intimate partner violence victims end the vicious cycle.

[@BeatrizDemartini]

this is so helpful!! for months I might be doing that game with my ex without being able to stop... I have to try what was said on the video whenever I get the courage to do

[@sshuteandrew]

I used to feel a great need to not be alone and a fear of being alone, but after much self-reflection, growth, and finding love and security within, I’m at the point that must of the time I’d rather be alone than with a partner that isn’t my ex. I don’t want to replace him- I want to be there for him and for him to finally know his worth. For him to feel capable of loving and being loved. I’m willing to be alone and continue to grow. I don’t feel desperate for him- I still believe in him.

[@angelicat270]

Stacey S I have been with the same person for many years playing this game and I know I genuinely love him and I too had the same fears like you. How have things progressed with you and him? I don’t want to be with anyone else either but I know being with me caused him pain too. I keep asking God for answers. I go to counseling once or twice a week to help cope and heal. I know he deserves to be loved too. I only wish I could have gotten better before to have done things better and with a whole heart to love. I too wish to be alone. My whole life I have never been alone for a long period of time and this is the first time I feel I have to. I want to be his friend but he won’t speak to me anymore because he’s angry and probably hates me. I only want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me.

[@afterthisourexile6542]

Brutal and profound. In the best way.

[@doloroza7401]

Okay this man is SMART....VERY SPOT ON.

[@LC-jt8wi]

Thank you for this. It's not always easy to be honest with ourselves. This will certainly help me move forward.

[@taylormizen8892]

You’re so intelligent on many levels. Thanks for the information!

[@christychampoise5871]

this just blew my mind. thank you

[@moonblushed]

oh wow...that sounds like me with my last relationship. I ended it then i was back, then friendship and it was all toxic and hurt. I've accepted a feeling of rejection and the fact that I dont truly want this man, I just didn't want to feel abandoned or a failure. I have changed my number and blocked all social media x

[@stepzu6101]

Your videos always make me feel raw and pensive, but everything you say has so much wisdom and truth. Thank you!

[@phoenixd9679]

Exactly I take all the shit to hide the old trauma !!! Lies o my self every day but not to no one else but to ME :(

[@johngallagher72]

Love this guy at some point I'm going to have to sign up for his community just on the principle of the content on here.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Why thank you! I agree. lol. Yes, please join us. We are a great group of people exploring ideas about skillful relating. You are invited to join. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@oldunclerod]

You are like the godfather of attachment trauma Alan ! Spot on 👌 Thankyou for your wisdom and insights

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this resonates Rod

[@jomurray8940]

BRAVO! Brilliant! This is so profoundly accurate. Thank you for sharing such useful content.

[@rrr-kv2qy]

this speaks directly to me...exactly as if you have responded to me explaining my situation..wow

[@rrr-kv2qy]

yes I am doing exactly this ..I admit it... and my partner is manipulative and would twist my words every which way so I cannot do it out loud to him

[@GoBrilliantly]

A healthy dose of reality. Thanks, A-Ro!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the kind donation and thank you for comment.

[@mebeasensei]

There is no way I can be this pure…..I don’t even believe most couples are. But I am this guy. And I don’t even know if we can help each other heal because there is love there.

[@RaymondRAYCE]

First video I've ever seen of yours. This is incredible... Grateful. Looking forward to checking out more.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the feedback. Glad my work brings you value.

[@karen.island3697]

Uhhmmmm, holy smokes!!! What a profoundly new concept!!!! Wow!

[@fruitblossomblue1133]

THANK YOU so much for this video! I am speechless. This is of huge help. God bless you

[@mroso8055]

435 likes vs. 1 dislike... I'm impressed, I guess I'll listen.

[@sheend]

It can be as simple as not remembering what day we have an event on, adding a friend from work on fb, falling asleep and not answering my phone. Break up, i beg and plead, she ignores, i cry, i t goes for days sometimes or weeks even, i eventually admit defeat and accept shes gone, then she starts creeping back into my life via social media. Im done. Ive been 100% the whole time, so ive grown resentful of her putting in 50% and constantly breaking up. Had be to over 10x now in 4 years.

[@issofsar]

very profound

[@Banourconnors33]

I love you Alan! Thank YOU for existing! I have acc been inspired by you to pursue a masters in counselling/ therapy after working in education for some time! From London, UK

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

that's so exciting. Congrats. Sounds wonderful.

[@hightidesmrforever2themoon449]

wow, you are friggin amazing! this was very helpful, thank you!

[@matthewneillmusic]

Very clear. Thank you Alan.

[@beegee5305]

I know I have attachment wounds but I ALSO believe that I was very much in love with my ex BF.

[@Kimchiiii88]

These videos are giving me hope. God bless.

[@jodaz74]

Wow, nearly cried. This is me. Thank you.

[@phemery1182]

🙏👏👏👏👏👏💯. THANK YOU..I had to hear this

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

You're welcome. Glad to hear this was helpful for you. I remember when we talked about this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Take the relationship quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

[@qm1456]

Just wanted to Thank you for this video.

[@Markymarkbejammin]

I'm afraid to completely burn the bridge due to me having 5 year old son with her. She will use my child against me if I do this. I love this advice though but I'm not looking forward to court for visitation.

[@Mindsetolympics]

Im 90days in no contact and called him once a few weeks ago. This feels like forever I get moments when I want him back so bad and wish he was in my life. But I know that’s a horrible self hating solution I shouldnt have opened up he will use it in a manipulative way n gaslight me 😭 its so hard not to try and find another relationship to be in right after this also… this is exactly why people don’t get married or have healthy relationships nowadays

[@FollowingJesus17]

ive been waiting for this alan thanks

[@frainseph13]

we're both going thru individual theraphy,. we agreed we need to separate for healing,. we don't have set time for this separation which scares me bec does it mean I'm waiting for my husband to come back or for him to hand me the divorce paper?

[@InsideTheJoshMind]

How did this play out?

[@bluaurora8635]

Holy sh*t your words are the most honest thing I have ever heard

[@BobbyMakepeace]

Holy shit! This was amazing This was the revelation I needed

[@bellakrinkle9381]

Burning the Bridge implies terminating the on and off relationship, does it not. Alan. If a person begins to understand the elements of fantasy, should there not be a new beginning that encompasses REAL COMMINICATION through texting if NOTHING ELSE? HOW LONG must a cat and mouse routine continue? If someone Is serious should not individual counceling begin...with you ideally being the go between, helping each of us take baby steps leading to trust one another? I will contact you Monday, following Easter. You are so very helpful, thank you for trying to negotiate an extremely difficult and sensitive healing.

[@sharnmonique7155]

Wow wow wow!! Sooo good!! You never fail in providing accuracy on what’s going on for me! Bless you

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Sharn, I am glad this is helpful! You’re invited to join us in the online community I created. It takes the same topics that these posts are create from and expands them. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@sharnmonique7155]

Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist thanks so much Alan! I appreciate you🙂

[@andziagreen4922]

Brilliant video and it hit me hard 100%. I'm recovering love addict due to abandonment and attachment issues. I just need to look for a secure partner in the future but have no clue how to spot this person because so many people were growing up in dysfunctional families that they developed different coping mechanisms/survival modes and that's why I was attracting toxic avoidants.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I'm glad this video spoke to you and thank you for sharing your experience. So many of us can relate with not having a clue and it's that many of us didn't get to learn different relating skills. I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn a lot from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

[@TebowTheNextKilmer]

As an addict, I have no attraction to my betrayed spouse. If I burn this bridge, it will also be the end of any chance of relationships with my grown kids. And it doesn't really phase me. Numbness rules the day.

[@dieseldan1]

I would never be able to be this clear and concise with my wife. We're separated and have been on and off for 4 months now, I know what Alan is saying is the truth. Would it be bad for me to just have my wife watch this and tell her this is what I need to say?

[@christafaith2986]

This is so true. Thank you for this video. I do this to my ex partner. I write paragraphs and paragraphs expressing my love out of neediness.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Many of us can relate. Glad this video spoke to you. I remember this was mentioned in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. There was a conversation similar to your comment. If you haven't heard about the Community take the relationship quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

[@anacapri3523]

This was excellent!

[@vixter28]

I’m always addicted to men with addictions/ toxic 😢💔 Going through withdrawals AGAIN ! So painful

[@noflagtofly2769]

the ever shuttle Alan .... you have spoken the truth about what I have been doing . she is a P.O.S. ABUSER , has hurt me deeply but I kept going back . what a fool I am ! I've been working on healing my codependency but not doing well with that . I don't think I can come back from this one . too late in life for me .

[@sortymejia1364]

Super on point

[@Bond10000]

Please I’d love to have your view about this situation as there are long gaps of time btw on-off: From a behavioral point of view when it comes to attraction being always available no matter what doesn’t work, BUT what makes someone leave and go back to their exes (the one who’s always there) many times even after years apart? The dumper leaves and have new and long experiences with others and end up returning to the first ex. As if they have GIG syndromes from time to time and they last for a looooong period but the dumpee accepts them back regardless if it has passed 1 year or 3,4, 5 years apart.

[@starqueenlotus3755]

Wow . You say it exactly how Its with me.

[@michaelstewart2817]

its like you have been spying on me and this last guy ive been dating alan. creepy

[@xlxcrossing99]

I understand the reality of this video, however I will say that I've been with the same woman on again off again for years and every time we came back together we actually became stronger and learned better skills. The problem in my case was the complacency always took over and I never made a serious attempt to MAINTAIN the relationship. In this case I am currently still trying to be with this person and grow with this person while taking personal responsibility for the things that made the relationship fall apart, which for me was taking certain things for granted and not maintaining. I hope this does give some hope to any sick hearts out there that change and forgiveness and compromise are possible if you truly want to stay in it for the long haul!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for your reflection and your perspective. I see you were engaged with this content by what you shared. Sounds like you value learning about relationships. If you like this content and like engaging with others around topics like this then you may like being a member in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Some members have been there for over four years. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@LifeFlamesReunion]

Yes they are just the drug

[@laurendelane6361]

This video is beyond amazing. So truthful

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I'm glad you liked the video. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@jayc326]

Such strong advice

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks.

[@alyssahubbell5160]

This is gold.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this content is of value for you. Thanks for the feedback. Please also share this video with a friend who may appreciate it.

[@cindydevries2591]

And how do you learn to deal with separation/dettachment anxiety?

[@manuelferreira6406]

My hearth just skip a beat now.... my ex wife did it all.... She as unable to end our marriage for years!!!

[@larissacastellanos4831]

Wow spot on.

[@hcplsmf]

Thank you!

[@mebeasensei]

This makes me doubt myself. I am now more scared and guilty than ever.

[@kaithgreysanatomy]

Fantastic!!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

thanks for the feedback. Glad you like this one.

[@Kurudoftw]

Thank you for the info. I did ask her why but she told me to give me "space"

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I hear you.

[@loopy2199]

Well this just makes me feel used

[@gigichica]

Thank you so much for this video.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for watching, Gigi. Please consider sharing it in order to spread the word to people who need to hear this.

[@jordynmueller4990]

Oh. Man. Lol :) Good stuff!

[@TheAnissajames]

This video just got me all the way together

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

glad it's helpful

[@tunetownmusic-l2f]

❤ isnt there an example letter alan did? Id like a link if anyone has one

[@legrand3138]

That helped me a lot, thank you

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad to hear this is helpful. Thanks for valuing my work. If this content is helpful then you may also like joining conversations around this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@debbiesunlight7047]

Thankyou xx

[@jacagm]

thanks!

[@shirin821]

U changed my life

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Oh wow Sherine. That's exciting to read. Good for you. I'm glad you were able to taking in the messages, make them your own, and experiment with a new way of being. Sounds like transformation to me). And thank you for valuing my videos and the effort it took to create them. I'm glad they have brought benefit to you. Please consider showing your support for the value offered by checking out my Sustaining Supporter page where you can commit to a donation for my KZbin channel. Glad you like my videos. New content and new videos are in the works. FYI. Thanks again for the comment. www.alanrobarge.com/donate

[@aziyanasar894]

I feel this vedio very personal. And you are talking about me

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for watching, and I'm glad that this one resonated with you. So many of us have similar experiences, and it can be difficult to navigate these things. I want to recommend to you my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. In this course, I discuss the various ways we respond to distress in relationships based on attachment injuries and traumas. Everyone can benefit from learning about their distress response. Take the quiz now to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

[@aziyanasar894]

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Thankyou so much.

[@itzjizmakig]

I was so addicted and attached to her I even let her cheat on me so I finally dropped the nuke yesterday so she would leave I feel 100x better finally I was so addicted I could help chasing her I was a yes man to her and I finally stood up for myself

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I hear you, you'd probably be surprised so many of us have been there too. We can understand love addiction more through the lens of attachment trauma which we bring up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. There's a new 8-Week program this week and you're invited to join us. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

[@titanniki412]

Go NO CONTACT! U don't need closure, their devaluation, disrespect is the closure.Therapy! Journal write good/ bad of relationship. Both of u/us. Learn about attachment styles, y u attract certain people, look into ur childhood upbringing/trauma. been doing it for 7 months. Not cured, but healing. Heal b4 u try 2 get into another relationship. Don't carry this baggage at someone else's feet. Not fair.

[@Erin-ho8qu]

Jesus fucking Christ this man just verbalises thoughts that I could never articulate