Enmeshment In Romantic Relationships

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If you often feel or experience pressure to agree, excessive worry, "should" language, blaming emotions, rigid roles, lack of autonomy, emotional fusion... You may be in an enmeshed romantic relationship.
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This video was created by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW for educational purposes only. These videos are not diagnostic and provide no individual consultation. Consumption of these materials is for your own education and any medical, psychological, or professional care decisions should be made between you and your primary care doctor or another provider that you are engaged with. Barbara Heffernan is not available for individual consultation via KZbin, social media, or email, and provides services only in the manner mentioned above.
☀️☀️CHAPTERS☀️☀️
0:00 Enmeshed romantic relationships
5:20 Does this describe your relationship?
6:13 Sign #1: Pressure to agree
8:14 Sign #2: Your partner is always worried about you
9:18 Sign #3: A lot of “should” language
9:45 Sign #4: Blame
10:55 Sign #5: Very rigid roles
13:54 Sign #6: Lack of autonomy
14:50 Sign #7: Emotional fusion

[@NikkiJohnsonFreeThinker]

Thanks so much for referencing the term “emotional fusion” here; that totally fits the situation I was in.

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

And, please, more videos on enmeshment! 😊 I had a general idea of what enmeshment means and looks like, but I wasn't aware of the specifics! I would love if you could explain "enmeshed language" in a new video... And give more examples of enmeshed relationships.

[@1948rambo]

The more I learn about this, the more I SEE it! 😮

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, I think that happens a lot!

[@AB-sr4jx]

I watched because I was enmeshed with my narcissistic parent and always fear I will repeat that in relationships. You’ve confirmed this is not the case with my current relationship, which I might add took me years to find, after much soul searching, therapy and healing. ❤

[@MylonMoses]

Thank you for helping us with this information! It is a long process to become a self!

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

You asked your viewers to write why they're watching this video. I'm watching it to understand things in hindsight and make sense of them, i.e. the situations I might have been enmeshed without realizing. And I'm also watching it to prevent enmeshment in the future. I want to learn more about relationships and am seeking the knowledge and the information. :) PS: As I was re-watching your other video on enmeshment today, it suddenly dawned on me why predatory 40-year-old men prey on 20-year-olds. It's because younger people haven't fully "individuated" yet and tend to be more enmeshed than older folks! 😓 It's so creepy... They know they can manipulate and exploit younger people much easier, that I'd already figured out 2 years ago, but now I realize they also take advantage of the "enmeshed" state of younger people (who were potentially traumatized)! I hope everyone watching this video understands this and will protect themselves... I wish we would teach this kind of knowledge to teenagers. It would spare them a lot of pain and trouble (later in life).

[@1948rambo]

Some people think this means they’re MORE in love! Mostly I see it about one controlling the other. Like when some can’t say “I” any more- it’s the “we” word all the time. They pretty much gave up their own identity! Became the co dependent.

[@MylonMoses]

When I hear the word controlling it seems that it is intentional! However enmeshment as I see it is the fusion of two persons! And they both can be asking themselves how did I/we get here! It is not happening so one can be in control! It is happening because the two do not know how to relate as a self while staying connected !

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤thank you for this video

[@1948rambo]

Awesome information!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

So glad you found the information useful! Thank you for letting me know!

[@Slechy_Lesh]

3:43

[@1948rambo]

There’s usually a Covert narcissist at the helm.

[@vatrinafaudree3005]

I have a friend that I believe is enmeshed, and with someone who has always acted/behaviors of a narcissist. He was getting closer to moving away from the relationship with her and begin the healing process (he didn't get the "usual normal" relationship experience in the early 20's, but he found out she had gotten pregnant, but it's not his. VERY VERY toxic environment for a newborn baby, and I don't believe he truly fully understands what all is going on, and sadly he's a really good person who has a big heart. She isn't anywhere near doing the healing needs to be done from childhood, he's closer. I'm concerned about the baby and offered to help him with getting out on his own to be the one who provides the best environment for the future for all involved. The baby #1. They're adults and have free will to do, or not, what they want to do. It's a sad situation...

[@haliec496]

My curiosity with enmeshment is trying to figure out if it originates from me or doI attract enmeshed people. I do come from an enmeshed family dynamic however I have always been the person to rebel against it, causing me a lot of stress & guilt. I have found I lie for peace sake.

[@1948rambo]

I guess too much of anything is unhealthy!