Ep. 44 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

[@jeffyripz7826]

Toms eye contact with the camera when Burt says stupid shit is what keeps me coming back

[@mandihollingsworth182]

Yes,agreed🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@aegisraven1284]

#theoffice

[@willk8106]

Bert - “I’m so scared of this disease “ As he’s wiping his ass with his own hands

[@monkeytennis800]

I'm surprised he even wipes.

[@dpapa2175]

eating his bogeys afterwards, and gluing his toenails to underneath a table. Neanderthal

[@christinasailorluna7323]

How is his wife even with him? Any woman would be so grossed out lol.

[@mattweizhongxian7238]

He probably lets it build up for a couple days

[@what-a-life8097]

& picking his nose & eating it 🤮

[@commando0062]

I think all the alcohol has “Ben afflecting” Bert’s brain

[@dubie620]

Well done. Well done.

[@jhvibes3471]

God he is such a moron

[@MrSpunkyflunky]

Kind of worried about him really

[@CobraMster27]

no, it's just a stupid joke he took from this - kzbin.info/www/bejne/a36tg2pqq7-ajpI

[@jhvibes3471]

@@CobraMster27 ahhh so joke theft, even worse

[@shermangraves6715]

Watching Burt is like watching a fire consume a small village. It’s beautiful from a distance, but when it gets close, all you can hear is the screaming.

[@alexrush4140]

Lmfao that's a much better analogy than Bert's freediving/bidet chat

[@timdegraw1784]

Wow. You sir, are hilarious.

[@AngryTurds]

I often wonder if he has a list of grotesque quirks to act out in public, in order to maintain.

[@SnarkyRogue]

And the smell. Good god almighty the smell.

[@theshineyone1111]

Bert: I haven't been to the grocery store in 138 days. Also Bert: Releases tour vlog of him shopping at target and buying pizzas and food for his tour bus

[@Audiofatuation]

Right??

[@griffin8090]

Nothing he says is true

[@theshineyone1111]

@Kim Hightower haha yeah man. He posted in his first drive in tour him going to targets and buying pizzas and snacks and shit.

[@theshineyone1111]

@@griffin8090 haha but in his defense he believes the lies so there true in his mind :D

[@susie7336]

He’s a generous liar.

[@Lucifer12313]

This show is quickly becoming Bert just talking non stop and Tom just listens with comments every now and then.

[@msabercr]

Sometimes you just have to let them talk themselves out.

[@the5thestate587]

I think it's a way for Tom to rest between his podcasts

[@JC-ot6ec]

Riiight, becoming annoying. He thinks everything he says is amazing

[@anchorbubba]

@@JC-ot6ec alcohol

[@tavog8150]

Its been like this

[@mimigiggles4199]

Next week Bert explains how he licks his Q-tips after cleaning his ears.

[@kyekye1]

Omg! My grandma used to lick her ear Wax 😫 to see if she had a cold or not !!!

[@spanky812]

Cats love earwax. Its sweet to them

[@chefd928]

WTF

[@malkinmalone]

spanky812 Is it sweet to them or do cats just eat nasty shit?

[@hoskins74]

He keeps them in his pocket lol I juuust seen (a show or podcast) and his wife call him on it and he pulled one out

[@axson8]

It's so cool that Lord Tom Segura would talk too someone of the lower class like Bert.

[@ZeZeBatata69]

Ellen Segura is a man of the people.

[@stalemurfies2031]

It's kinda gross actually

[@thomasrodriguez6475]

pl

[@t.c.4321]

Bert would be a lowly peasant who doesn't even own a goose and works the field knees deep in pig shit on Lord Segura's estate for scraps

[@nathanmiller9918]

I'm surprised Bert stopped f'n dogs long enough to do it.

[@PatGturdgangofficial]

The family of the woman who died during free dive: That analogy of Bert forgetting his shitting sequence has really helped the grieving of our daughter

[@nsxt25]

Lol.

[@jakeenger5321]

Don’t listen if you hate him so much.

[@Yoitschase]

Every week I feel like bert can’t say anything more gross than before, and every single week I am wrong.

[@Stonecold831]

Holy shit. 100%

[@LarryBird619]

Right off the bat, totally disgusted.

[@willycolton]

UUUUHHHH - HUNDRED PERCENT

[@alaintavakoli4573]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@cloud1306]

Its truly a marvelous super power of something new, grandoise and grody to surprise us with every week.

[@wifigod]

Bert: "I'm terrified of disease." Not heart disease, apparently!

[@denisemarie7991]

This comment deserves sooo many more Likes... !

[@nicholasnixon1311]

Or liver

[@smashin]

Yet he wipes with his hand, takes pool showers, barely maintains his teeth, oh and eats his boogers

[@Checkd_playmate]

And wont get a sleep apnea machine

[@nickgrimes6484]

@@smashin After doing all the math, that's gotta be at least 12 germs that are all up in his mouth. Good thing he has all that low cal kool-aid to help clean out that mess

[@LorwelDonquist]

To use one of Theos sayings..Bert is like a “deaf jack russell terrier”

[@Nitrolibit]

didnt he say that about eddie bravo?

[@LorwelDonquist]

Nitrolibit yess lol

[@IrieBuddha94]

That was about eddie bravo dude but it does fit burt tbf lol

[@lionsmanexx]

Gang

[@daltonrobo8015]

Why is Bert so worried about germs and diseases when hes like literally the dirtiest person at that studio hands down

[@NaruBrilu]

Lmao exactly. Dude wipes his ass after shitting with his bare hands and takes pool "showers" once in a while

[@michaelhenderson643]

Its ocd type shit, its about managing anxiety. People with high anxiety tend to try to control their enviornment in certain ways to keep themselves from feeling overwhelmed. Its about control, not cleanliness in general, cleanliness is just the variable to control in certain context

[@nothimdesoto1401]

I really think Bert doesn’t even know who Bert is. He lies on lies and contradicts his contradictions.

[@strategicrecords]

Yeah beet is fat

[@RichardSmith-re9ln]

Bert is just a mess. A habitual liar!

[@randononsense6369]

Tom is an angel for being friends with this mouth breather

[@omarjeanmuratalla3435]

Tom did say he liked watching Tik Tards and Bert essentially a Cool Guy *guitar riff*

[@thosearepinklemons]

literal mouth-breather

[@truthseeker6071]

Lol Tom is basically Bert When he does the podcast With Him and Christina Lol

[@theafeluch9146]

"Ready for this one?" "Yeah." "Shaya Lepoof"

[@anthonyyyy2858]

"Binafflick"

[@TheSkate2skater]

Cheya Lebloof

[@lovemacheen9189]

Shyluhboof

[@alexsmith2885]

For the love of jeans let Tom steer an episode. This week's was straight up Cajun

[@Zubb_Yightlear.]

Bert is Cajun.

[@justinpetrash1005]

Give Bert a tok and send him on his way

[@geraldbristol9730]

The problem is Bert doesn’t know how to let Tom lead so he just starts talking about himself. He’s incapable of thinking anything outside himself.

[@alexsmith2885]

@@geraldbristol9730 "No no nono, youre wrong and heres why"

[@seandugan4184]

Bert thinking about a woman drowning every time he takes a dump is one of the more normal things about him

[@smashin]

I wonder how many drinks he had because the analogy made no sense.

[@mickeyabbot5851]

🤣

[@jeremiahbachmann3901]

...and more proof of how much of an idiot he is and is a wonder why he can tell such great jokes.

[@lessonlearned6782]

According to the "science" of the Body Mass Index, Joe Rogan is obese. Obviously, the "science" is wrong, yet these two idiots think Boogey Germs are lying in wait to jump and "infect" them their killer Boogies. They question the one science, then line up to let the other science f*ck them up the ass like mindless fatties. The least corrupt countries who held their citizens hostage for the shortest amount of time had the lowest Boogey Virus rates. Of course.... because people don’t get sick from germs, they get sick from being scared and upset about something that happened in their lives. Enter the worldwide FEAR CAMPAIGN. The Germ Theory was never actually proven to be 100% accurate, yet the trillion dollar medical industry is entirely based on that theory. What's the CAUSE of death in people with this "virus"? Does their brain explode? Does their heart stop beating? The CAUSE of death is still pneumonia. Pneumonia is not something you can "catch". It's a biological result of being "scared to death" of something which is exactly what the media has done to people dumb enough to watch them. You've heard the term "Worried sick". That's because your BRAIN causes you to become sick due to the stress it is perceiving! Why do you think young kids aren't getting the Boogey Virus? Because they aren't sitting in front of the news being scared to death because they're too young to understand a Fear Campaign. These pathetic "experts" just make shit it up to explain their narrative as they go. First they tell you kids bring home every illness from school because they're not "exposed" to enough things, then they say somehow they're immune to a Boogey Virus? Does anyone have common sense?! You don't show the symptoms of "disease" until you stop being panicked and afraid. These symptoms usually show up 1-2 weeks after you've relaxed and resolved the upsetting event. There's no such thing that some diseases you can "catch", but not all. It's not that complex! If you can't "catch" cancer, diabetes, MS, arthritis, etc., from other people, then you can't "catch" colds, flu and Boogey Viruses. So governments around the world are CAUSING fear frights in everyone based on an unproven THEORY by one man, Louis Pastaur, who redacted his claim of the germ theory on his death bed, yet no one listened. So of course, when everyone is allowed to escape the hostage situation the governments have put their people into, and they start relaxing about the Boogey Virus, that's not in any way transmissible, they will begin their healing phase (get sick), and believe they then have it, and more panic will ensue as well as martial law. The longer people allow this government to hold them hostage in their homes, the more severe the "sickness" will be. Can anyone put 2 and 2 together to figure out what I'm saying?? Western Medicine is pure fraud, and people's lives are destroyed because of it. There's no critical thinking anymore. People think they're educated because they've memorized the lies they've been told for 100 years.

[@seamusmcguire2665]

@RIP elbows to assholes is a pretty common saying

[@anthonyramirez3452]

Bert is leaning too much into the dumb character. Like Robert downy jr. said “never go full R word” and bert has done it

[@McGintyNHD]

He can't help it

[@ayndeewhygee3656]

My admiration for Bert looks like the current stock market, up and down but a lot more "downs" lately. I'm getting close to blaming Tom for this.

[@fluG4M3]

Yu ye yuo ye yuoo you m mm mmake mee hhaapppy

[@slados1]

"Character"?

[@shardhoney]

he's always been fully tik tok'd

[@Howitchewstofeel5gum]

Burnt "I don't flush my turds because a woman died free-diving" Kreischart

[@malkinmalone]

He makes karl pilkington seem like a genius. Tom doesn’t even have to point out how ridiculous he is.

[@enriqueshockwave7632]

After each new episode I just have more and more sympathy for LeeAnn, that poor woman

[@richbanks911]

Well she's his enabler, soooo

[@LooterLoser]

“Im Tom Se-“ “Have I ever told you the story where I told a story about myself?!?”

[@delsan8288]

This podcast should be called ; Tom Segura presents 2 Bert's 1 Bert.

[@wateronmarzz]

I audibly laughed at this

[@noahw.elliott9525]

Does this annoy you in the slightest, because after 40+ episodes it's kind of getting old......

[@justinpetrash1005]

TurtlenekNChain very annoying, Tom is definitely who everyone wants to hear

[@noahw.elliott9525]

@@justinpetrash1005 alright, just making sure

[@wraith176]

Tom: Why don’t you flush Bert? Bert: Free Divers! Lol

[@jasongillum5763]

never watched that doc he's talking about, but the way she died is completely different that what a minimal search of the internet says.

[@robertkitchen3069]

I appreciate Bart blowing Tim's mind with free divers. But it would have been more relatable to say "keys, wallet,.... I forgot the effing mask!"

[@danielboone542]

Jesus Christ, this should be called, “Bert Spirals.”

[@Inhabitant1000]

Lyle, the British hypeman, would have come in handy this episode.

[@josephdavis2695]

He would’ve lost his voice on this one... “now holl on a sec, now. Ees gotta bitta ova point”

[@VideoNozoki]

Bert would has still talked OVER Lyle, rendering him useless.

[@pawpawg7358]

he would have quit after this one. lol

[@likearollingstone007]

I'm 8mn in and I already agree loll

[@jamiestacy2996]

Totally

[@voodoomaestro4295]

Tom: "You talk about Whitney a LOT." Bert: "No, it's just today cause...." Literally, every single other episode: Bert: "Let's call Whitney Cummings!" "Whitney is so hot" "Whitney! You looked really hot in that bathing suit pic on Instagram."

[@TeddyBremmer]

She single now and Bert is moving in. Definitely his top pick for second wife.

[@JSL0812]

It’s getting pathetic

[@pkyy9269]

The Great Lakes oh my god they’re friends LOL

[@christinasailorluna7323]

Disclaimer: I'm NOT jealous at all, I'm pretty confident myself. Ok, now, I don't think Whitney is THAT beautiful, he needs to calm down lol. Altho I agree she's cool lol. Idk how Leann isn't offended by this.

[@mattweizhongxian7238]

Narc

[@VideoNozoki]

39:35 Bill Hader: "Are ANY of us going to get to talk??!" ha ha ha!

[@kylerashby1997]

Brent is the type of guy that YMH would love and talk about avidly, because he’s a cool guy.

[@brandonmitchell1056]

They already do that on every other YMH series

[@kylerashby1997]

luk x I think he just REALLY likes dogs and is smelly.

[@louiegallo1289]

I love how this podcast morphed into Tom asking Bert questions about himself so we can all laugh at him.

[@Joebooks717]

Uuuuuuuhundred percent

[@TheLegendaryKysu]

Even when bert is pretending to be jennifer aniston's ASSISTANT he can't stop interrupting Tom (jennifer aniston)... Also, how many times does burnt krustybrain need to be wrong about pronunciations of words/names before he stops arguing?

[@devink449]

This show has devolved into the "what will Bert say today" show.

[@heistkids]

Big facts. It’s so weak. This is the last episode I watch

[@commando0062]

‘Old own ‘ere em out.

[@ENigma-um8zw]

Tom relies on it for that sweet cont. cash

[@LAGuitarnetwork]

Pretty sure he has the alcoholic syndrome of wet brain

[@devink449]

@Solid he's definitely ADHD. That's why he's so goddamn impulsive

[@DeShawnaldTrump]

Bert needs to be wary of LeeAnn’s “personal trainer”.

[@bbllaakkee]

yeah he's black isn't he

[@DeShawnaldTrump]

blakek At least one part of him definitely is.

[@BlammoGer]

LeeAnn Ono

[@stevemcdowell123]

Hahahahahahaha

[@ARKHAMxMaverick]

I think Bert is going to have a mulotto child soon.

[@joygernautm6641]

Every time I watch this show I have more and more sympathy for Leigh-ann😂

[@Joshbobjovi]

Burk: **Says something retarded** Tom: ..okayy... Saved you an hour and 13 minutes yall lol

[@de_activatedthe_band5117]

thanks!

[@reedbrady4627]

I wish I would’ve found this sooner I could’ve saved myself from watching 44 episodes 2 brents 1 Bart

[@hay7501]

Burk is a british word for idiot lol

[@feezible]

More likes. Podcast cancelled. Bert's gives me a fucking headache now. Jesus.

[@ceebee491]

So true

[@1337Se7eN7]

I think it's great that Tom does a podcast with a special needs guy

[@ScorpionP2C]

Heres a thought, bert says what tom wants to but knows he cant...

[@KazmaEXE]

A HUNDRED percent 🤣. "I don't remember this ...". "yeah you were asleep " 🤦‍♂️

[@theironemald8779]

Tax write off eh

[@lewisgraver1538]

This is his time served for community service.

[@dubstepandvideogames]

W comment

[@davidroos935]

"Let's talk to a real man" *picks up the phone from the guy that slipped him molly

[@doranw]

bert is a total tik tok... he added a single extra step in his life and he can't even function. anyone older than about 6 should be able to manage. I bet not even 1% of people start forgetting to flush the toilet after getting a bidet... let alone 50%. i feel really bad for anyone he employs... imagine dealing with that tik tok logic all day when he gets frustrated.

[@nicholasnixon1311]

He's fully tokked

[@smashin]

Maybe because most of his inner circle is tokked and forget so he exaggerates and thinks a ton of people do.

[@Checkd_playmate]

First dozen 2 bear episodes i thought wow this is a big bit......now its pretty obvious that he is genuinly tiktarted.

[@wilsonsclips_]

I got a bidet and I forgot to pick up my kids from school. It’s been 3 months and I’m still sitting on the shitter. I just came across this video of Bart Crysharts and it literally snapped me out of this shit bidet hypnosis. Thanks BORT for reminding me to take the time to remember the important things and NOT fall victim to the toxic toilet water butt spraying delights of our communist allies.

[@SilentPotatoGFX]

@@wilsonsclips_ bro I got a bidet and forgot to take off my pants when I shit we're just like that freediver

[@irkmcspamtroll2556]

"Leanne caught me drinking my pee because I ran out of Kool-Aid."

[@juniorkuntz]

Bert is killing this podcast faster than his liver

[@imjustapancake3188]

Y’all are so hard on him lmao

[@Zesrii]

He’s been half of the podcast since day one. Quit bitching.

[@Cappas51]

I'm starting to think Tom secretly hates Bert and is actively trying to make everybody hate him

[@toolegittoquit789]

Damn I’ve had this exact same thought- the more I watch, the more I believe it

[@dacolts89]

They are very close friends and have been for a long time. He isnt pegging Bert on, Bert is just way too open about his life and his flaws and Tom lets him be that way.

[@N.Greeney]

When you love someone you are willing to overlook there faults*\0/*

[@HnTr_VDH]

Thank god brets funny _(sometimes)_ cos i don’t think he has a single redeeming quality other than that. Edit: at least the “character” he embellishes

[@polybiusnymb6446]

Nathan greeney he is literally compromised of nothing but faults. But then he cackles and idiots find it cute.

[@Buelr]

i was literally screaming Ron White while they were debating the old guy for the group

[@danielpenrodii2389]

He would be perfect for the older guy role. I also thought that Faizon Love would be a great pick for their fat black guy lol

[@walkereugene]

I was thinking Ozzy Osbourne

[@eanwest5009]

I was too!!

[@Blocke691]

Yessssssss!!!!!!!!!!

[@TurdFerguson456]

Bert: "Me me me, me me, me me me me me, me me me. I I I I, I, I, I I, I I I I I I I I, I I I I I. Me."

[@robdoherty6822]

Bert looks like Andre the Giant's "Normal" sized brother who drinks because he's jealous of his brothers fame and success

[@Plague_Doc22]

That's spot on..especially since his head is the same size as Andres was.

[@vincenthucknall7175]

That got a chuckle out of me

[@southport65]

be honest, how long did that take you to come up with? because it's amazing.

[@robdoherty6822]

@@southport65 about 3 episodes going "Who is that guy he looks like fuck!" Then it hit me 2 minutes into this episode lmao thank you sir

[@robdoherty6822]

@@Plague_Doc22 Andre the giant is Mikey Mantle's cousin so the theory holds up

[@jondoe8275]

I feel like two bears one cave is just Tom being Bert's caretaker.

[@lornekoch5301]

“Is she turned on by you at all?” *without a second of hesitation* “No.” Lmaooo

[@Charlie2nice]

Why does this show have so many commercials, is it for nedav to pay off his gambling debt.

[@HellaAverage]

When they started picking celebs to go on a trip they're basically recasting Grown Ups.

[@wolf359loki]

The Need Dr Drew to pull out the really deep stories and shit, hahahahaha.

[@savana6773]

Love watching Tom's face while listening to Bert. Cracks me up every time.

[@leodcastle]

I'm amazed that Bert makes comedy for a living.

[@garymarshstein8992]

We all are. But then again, there's Brendan Schaub. The two of them should get together and create some "comedy."

[@DrankenDune]

Damn I got my feelings hurt for Bert after that comparison

[@jimlambert9618]

I felt the same way until I saw him live. He puts on a great live show.

[@dacolts89]

Bert is very funny and a good storyteller. He just doesn't know how to stop talking 🤣

[@jpanici]

I wish Tom wasn’t part of this show because then I wouldn’t have to watch it anymore...

[@bradey6949]

Hahahaha I just realized I think that’s the only reason I watch it and lately haven’t finished an episode cuz Bert is too much. He can be funny but too much of him is like when the douchey kid at a college party starts dominating the convo...

[@2bears1bankaccnt43]

Hey without Bert Tom would be funny!! What are you trying to do!!! 2 Bears equals twice the ad reads son!

[@shanefoster333]

Same. It really is the same thing every week, and I only watch for Tom. Bert would be the least funniest comedian if it wasn't for Brendan Shaub.

[@codyleviwaffle]

Tom is definitely deserving of a solo podcast in English.

[@hay7501]

Considering I don’t watch barfs podcast, I’m definitely here for Tom lol

[@layneanthony5488]

Bless Lord Tom and all his contributions, every Monday, to mental health charities.

[@connorwinn7484]

Like Bert really can’t think the things he says is ACTUALLY normal....

[@reillyobrien4372]

If Bert said that he woke up at exactly 2:30am and ate a half ounce of mushrooms every single day since kindergarten, as if that's the normal thing to do and that Tom is weird for not doing it, I would legitimately not be surprised. At this point it's the only theory that makes sense of his behavior.

[@evanabbott2737]

Eating his own boogers and shit....🤮😂

[@pwneyprincess]

Got a bidet and can say I still haven't forgot to flush after because I'm not disgusting

[@denisemarie7991]

I think its a combination of he is pretty dumb and he puts it on for the cameras.

[@EM-nl6sg]

Welcome to the whole basis of the podcast. Tom pointing out to Bert that he’s weird point by point

[@Mark-ls8ov]

I just looked up the thing about the girl free diving. She didnt die.

[@anthonyramirez3452]

Lol

[@kjcorder]

Wait bert was wrong/lying/confused? No waayyyyyy

[@Howitchewstofeel5gum]

Thanks dude. I actually forgot to adjust that story for Bertness when he told it. 😝 Doesn't help that Nadav is so incredibly bad at googling and can't fact-check his stuff in real-time

[@kjcorder]

@@Howitchewstofeel5gum you'd think he would get better over time but.. no.. oh well im still #teamnadav

[@TheCurrykiev]

@@Howitchewstofeel5gum Nadal IS shocking at googling, but..... Doesn't help when Bert is telling him to Google something that doesn't exist!

[@chaunceytalent]

Bert: "I haven't been to the grocery store in 138 days. I'm so scared!" - But has been in a ton of Wal-Mart Supercenters, gas stations, and toured during a pandemic. 🤔👌👍

[@aleatoric909]

Bert is a master at forcing you to dislike him. Its seriously an art at this point.

[@josephdavis2695]

I’ve never wanted to like someone so much and had them prevent me from doing so with such relentlessness. It’s unreal.

[@RyanJamesDuffy]

Red Panda Music Perfectly stated.

[@chriswitry6976]

‘Well, it’s normal size’ -Bert talking about anything in excess that he does

[@LordSeth-hf8ew]

It's "low calorie" 😂😂😂

[@Hjaelteomslag]

He's a grower, not a shower. He's not a showerer either.

[@stoneyardband]

@@Hjaelteomslag what are u talking about? a pool counts as a shower

[@Hjaelteomslag]

@@stoneyardband Not if you're asking Leanne!

[@RD-qb7sd]

Come on Mark, don't be stingy.

[@Josh-ie4hb]

I just can't stop watching when bert gets going. It's like "what batshit crazy thing is he going to try to normalize next?

[@stefanod2402]

Toms soul left his body when Ari told him he had bad breath. *Curb theme plays

[@rodrigo8690]

Ari tells Tom his breath stinks just when Tom has been roasting Bert for being a gross pig and he just plays it off and moves on very quickly. Seriously, this podcast will improve when Tom learns to take some jokes and starts joking about his flaws just like most comedians do. I know Bert is more prone to be the butt of the joke but man, the dynamic is so unbalanced. Joke about yourself Tom, its ok

[@susie7336]

Rodrigo yes and Bert didn’t even grab on to that and run with it because it’s not about him. Such a missed opportunity. And he said they all talk about it. 😂

[@aaronamar3936]

I wish tom would steal the wheel back when Bert does shit like impersonating Denzel

[@smashin]

Segment made no sense.

[@squattingeagle666]

Yeah I’ve got an 8 year old that can read the room better than he can when he nosedives that hard. It’s kind of sad after a certain point.

[@tannerjohnson1602]

This episode is peak Bert

[@Nick-ds6oc]

Bert: "I'm terrified of diseases" Also Bert: Has alcoholism

[@bigtheorymusic]

@YungSumGuy this comment was approved by Gang Alcohol

[@Zubb_Yightlear.]

I’m an alcoholic and it’s not a fucking disease man haha, I could stop. You can’t stop having herpes.

[@jakesharp9724]

Yea tops it’s a disorder

[@Propsroadfool]

Bert IS alcoholism

[@RyanJamesDuffy]

Buzz Lightyear It’s a disease...diseases can be cured. Disease: a disorder of structure or function in a human.

[@mikepro1046]

Based on the free-diving story, would the Watergate break-in somehow tie into why Bert doesn't brush his teeth?

[@tommynoble9075]

Mike Pro uhh hundred percent

[@christopherstafford6442]

Obviously everyone knows politicians break the rules, but Nixon got caught, so like obviously if people see me brush they'd say I was doing it wrong, so if I don't brush I cant get caught doing it wrong ---Bert probably

[@mikepro1046]

@@christopherstafford6442 ah! Hundred percent!

[@Knox-rox]

Thanks for making me brush more often!

[@kevinroux8856]

They should pepper in the “Nadav is googling” song on this podcast too. Can never get too much of that

[@justinpetrash1005]

And Jamie is gone to Texas so Nadav has no one to learn from

[@jorgea.hernandez1733]

So, they want a fat guy to take camping and will be just hilarious? Tim Dillon!!!

[@bender8784]

Or Faizon

[@dopeinfertility]

Exactly then we will be watching bert basically coming out to impress him.

[@ekima2]

Fluffy

[@Ramboskates85]

People think Tim Dillon is funny?? He’s just diet Alex Jones.

[@Master_Crane]

Watching Bert impersonating Denzel was one of the more disturbing things I’ve seen

[@seanwilliams5916]

I think YMH just uses 2b1c as easy cash: Bert talks himself into a hole Tom does Ad reads Easy money

[@garymarshstein8992]

Tom is known as the most mercenary of all the LA comics.

[@high5807]

They do way too many ads in 2b1c in my opinion

[@shaunradomski8625]

What are you mommies talking about? While your lordship is putting on his mackweldons after a fresh manscape, and preparing to ship a package of new shadyrays to my policygenius rep, I listen to this wonderful show and never hear any ads!

[@giantmagician7246]

2 bears 1 bank account

[@Waytheresawill]

@@shaunradomski8625 you listen to it on raycons you forgot to add

[@2perceezy]

Next intro: "So Leanne caught me using my boogers as lube for the dog, and I was just like 'We're over the honeymoon phase"

[@Mario-em1zg]

The laughs in the back are the best

[@SR-kt7jc]

My prediction before watching this episode: Tom - "You know, I read something very interesting today, it seems-" Bert - "OH MY GOD WE SHOULD GET SUPER INTO DIRT BIKES AND BECOME DIRT BIKE RACERS"

[@brookspn]

I think this applies to every episode.

[@Rollinrollinrollin84]

Literally

[@Revolution1117]

"...yeah, and we could get a big ranch in Montana with a bunch of other guys and we could have horses and shoot rifles, and, and, and, ...blah, blah, blah." Another typical Brent 10 yr old boy fantasy...

[@owenjohnson7447]

Revolution1117 who hurt you friend?

[@nallsriv7169]

Owen Johnson lmao right, sounds like they just want to hear tom talk to tom

[@paperhandpapi]

The excuses Bert uses to disregard how disgusting he is amazes me.

[@benoittremblay9073]

Bena Fleck is my favorite actor

[@jonathanonyoutube8086]

I watch this, realize I’m like bert, and then I look for a habit to change. Every episode

[@nxgsit150]

Uncle joey shoulda been on the list for the guys trip, he's 60 in cocaine years 😂

[@deiselnoe1]

60!......more like 80

[@GenericThomas]

Only 60? 🧐

[@nicholasnixon1311]

He's only 57????? I thought he was like 65

[@nxgsit150]

@@deiselnoe1 well in Joey's words "Im 57 but 87 in coke years"

[@deanjuliano7849]

Joey's a great hang, but he'd totally dose 60%-65% of anyone chilling with him. "Joey, what's in this popcorn??" "Ha, Ha, Ha, HAAAAA!!! The devil's asshole, BITCH!!!!"

[@dadudedrew_7225]

I wish Tom took over the show more frequently. I’m tired of hearing Brent Crystals yap for an hour and a half.

[@Hatterboot24]

I smelled this podcast when I woke up this morning.

[@BigbyOShaunessy]

This episode in another one of Burnt's public psychotherapy sessions.

[@krisman1771]

It made me laugh seeing how the fans of this podcast are slowly hating Bert more and more

[@xRamZx]

Booger eating, what a Bert way to start

[@BabyFoodChewer]

I feel like after a point it’s not even funny and just concerning lol. Nothing will ever top him scraping shit out of his ass with his hands to wipe though

[@iphonesuzy6790]

🎁

[@hhcdfhngdzjjbf579]

"I'm fucking disgusting" *intro starts* "100%"

[@dongletron69]

Fun fact: eating boogers help build your immune system too.

[@elagace03]

Two bears, one cave, fifty ads.

[@halflife120]

Timestamp 16:00 this woman died free diving because she was likely suffering from nitrogen narcosis at that depth. She was unknowingly disoriented by the time she got to the bottom, broke her order of operations, and forgot to activate the floatation device because she was effectively drunk from the nitrogen.

[@jackfinch5207]

Deciphering Bert's logic on why he forgets to flush: - A female Free-Diver blew a kiss before unlatching to reach the surface and drowned. - Typically a Free-Diver would give a thumbs up and unlatch, but due to the addition of blowing a kiss this diver's usual routine was interrupted and she forgot to unlatch in time. So to Bert, the addition of pressing the bidet button to wash his asshole throws off his usual shit routine, therefore causing him to forget to flush. Bidet Button=Blowing a kiss In short, Bert is dumb.

[@icantfixthis3459]

I was listening to this at work and I'm slowly realizing that I don't enjoy Brent Krissel talking very much. I took my phone out and was like "how long is this going on for?". Maybe I'm just lame.

[@brandonbair1624]

You gotta appreciate how he tries to validate his behavior through unrelated real life and death situations

[@squattingeagle666]

Bert thinks he’s way better at impressions than he really is. His English accent sounds like someone having a stroke on ketamine, and his Denzel bit sounded like an R worded stage production of the boondocks.

[@michaelmacri1985]

this nigga rly said r worded

[@Mtmus]

Michael Macri he's just following proto bro

[@wigginout3446]

@@michaelmacri1985 of course he said r worded, he'd have to be tik tokked not to

[@akyeti]

Dude last 2 episodes bert has been my best friend over talking and asks questions and gives a tip 2 u get 1 in and its over hahaha still love my dude

[@stjames3852]

"I'm afraid of disease" >doesn't shower

[@jesperhjensen1978]

pool, ocean and lake counts as showers.....

[@deanfranz]

In the mind of a child in an adult's body, maybe...

[@sweetbabyrick5382]

I feel like a crafty editor could whittle this down to 30 minutes of gold.

[@Giovanni-nj1xo]

bronze

[@RyanJamesDuffy]

Yep! It would be 30 minutes of Tom!

[@CallumJonesComedy]

NOPE!

[@matthewharris2241]

I’ve tried watching this episode 3 times while I’m blasted but only remember 10 minutes at a time and it’s like a new episode every time I put it back on which is amazing

[@jesperhjensen1978]

Bert: "I've always been on the right side of history".......hmmm okay Bert

[@darkpoet18]

For you’re guys trip for the young guy get the guy who played Harry Potter aka Daniel Radcliffe.

[@darkpoet18]

derek barnes That’s that homeless looking guy everyone is so nice to.

[@tylerhutchinson3984]

I get physically ill whenever Brent “Name Drop” Chrysler mispronounces celebrities names

[@ChichiNaka]

he loves lenardi docopria

[@justinbridgez]

It’s like his new thing saying shit wrong but we know it on purpose. Like we’ve caught on burnt

[@ChichiNaka]

@@justinbridgez imagine coming up with quirky traits in your late 40s

[@LikeigiveAFaboutU]

The fucking kristen Bell pronunciation. Jesus christ man.

[@thosearepinklemons]

Benna Fleck gives me nightmeers

[@danaoconnor9523]

Bert: "I don't go out(unless it's something I think is fun, or something I really want to do, otherwise I get my wife to do it for me)"

[@luisguzman8161]

The more i watch this podcast, the less i can stand bert.

[@garymarshstein8992]

That's been the sentiment from most viewers since the start.

[@spohair]

He is much more of an asshole than I realized before this podcast. He’s very rude to people he sees as underlings.

[@luisguzman8161]

@@spohair I agree. that part is even more offputting than his unbridled stupidity

[@d.c.1059]

asenine, gross, racist. oooooh, lol

[@Popothechinchilla]

Honestly. Mentally stuck where his party lifestyle started at 15 or w/e

[@Carebear_311]

Imagine Bert acting like this with Bill Burr. (We all know he never would)

[@malkinmalone]

I understand where your coming from but after watching him make an ass of himself with adam sandler that time I don’t really know if he can control it. I mean he may just be fully tok’d

[@richgerow3472]

That's because Bill calls Bert out on his bullshit. Just watch any episode of the Bill Bert podcast, and you see why Bert comes with a totally different energy around Bill.

[@MrSoldierboi420]

Bill is technically Bert's boss on that channel and he isn't exactly known for silly fuck around comedy. Bert says plenty of gross stupid shit on other podcasts hes just more comfortable saying crazy shit when its just him with his best friend.

[@blakebryant3458]

trying to eat while watching this podcast is the hardest tribulation ive ever had to face

[@nathanl5091]

Bert: I haven't been to store, bar in 138 days Tours, does stand up at a bar and sends a video to rogan.

[@southport65]

dude, when bert answers tom's question "so you don't flush your turds?" with "there's a woman who died freediving" i legit froze for 20 seconds trying to process the exchange i'd just witnessed lol "there's a woman who died freediving i always used to flush my turds there's a woman who died freediving" *HAHAHAHAHAHA*

[@hay7501]

Barf is such a cool guy

[@kdiaz1214]

This should be called 2 bears 100 ads

[@421less1]

Leeane is totally into "gaaaaeeeugh" Just when her trainer does it.

[@savsaga8265]

The guy laughing in the background absolutely kills me lmao

[@christophersanchez5719]

Crazy how bert is scared of getting ill but is quite literally a walking petri dish