Ep. 44 - 5 truths about gay loneliness

As a gay man experiencing loneliness, have you ever wondered why is it so hard move past your loneliness to do connection?
I’ve reflected on that. Let’s have a coffee and a chat.
Listen to the latest episode of my podcast for gay men experiencing loneliness ‘Connection over Coffee with The Loneliness Guy’.
Buy me a coffee to say thanks for the episode: bit.ly/3nDMrZm
Links
Website: www.thelonelinessguy.com
Read ‘5 truths about gay loneliness’: bit.ly/3nxxs2e
Need my help through your loneliness?: www.thelonelinessguy.com/products
Contact me: [e-mail]

[@jojofc88]

I get lonely every Sunday. As a British guy, I make the traditional British “Sunday Lunch” at the end of each week: a roast chicken with roast vegetables and gravy. It’s a traditional and homely meal and is most British people’s favourite dish. But as I’m making it I always think: “I should be making this with someone. I should be sitting down to eat this with someone.” But instead, I eat alone in my room and take the leftovers for lunch the next day :(

[@humansconnecting]

Hi Joseph, thank you for sharing some of your loneliness story here. I love a good roast dinner. The smell of roast lamb always reminds me of home. Perhaps there's something in the thoughts and feelings that you 'should' be sitting down to eat with someone. Perhaps these thoughts and feelings are nudging you towards connection. I receive many messages from others who are thinking and feeling the same way. The someone is often interpreted to mean a significant other. Is that true in this case? Food has a wonderful way of bringing people together to connect. Perhaps there's a Sunday lunch club nearby or - if not - perhaps this is something you can start in your area. Social media can be a great way to start up a local group. I hope that's helpful. Thanks for your awesome and courageous share x

[@greggulley8728]

I know how you feel...I lost my love 20 years ago...never found anyone else...

[@humansconnecting]

I’m sorry to hear this, Greg. Thank you for providing some support here. What helps you get through the tough times?

[@freebird1601]

i wish you the best

[@citroen143]

Hi! What you wrote really moved me and I do echo your feelings. I doubt you are lingering on weird things or enjoying self indulgence. I sense you have been going trough a rough period. Certainly you are as brave as to communicate your discomfort, this makes you appear better than a huge bunch of stuck up poseurs. I wish you happiness and peace of mind. Sincerely Giorgio 🙂Should you feel like it, you are welcome to drop me a line!

[@winnied87]

Gorgeous man talking about being lonely. I can't believe how badly people are treated by the community.

[@humansconnecting]

Thank you for your comment and kind words. If only appearances, job title, income, social standing, address or anything else made us immune to the human condition. Alas, no. It's up to us all to accept and then talk about our loneliness in a way that uplifts and supports each other. Thanks for being here.

[@winnied87]

@@humansconnecting Thanks for the response. This is true about acceptance and being open. I believe finding happines within can also help to keep pushing and living life regardless of being alone. Discussions like this are very relatable and feel like a warm friendly hug. Happy to have found your content.

[@guitar11diary]

Its always a wonderful thing that someone talk about the loneliness online.

[@humansconnecting]

Thank you. NOT talking about loneliness serves no one. I feel it's time to own it and make informed choices about getting the authentic connection we each need.

[@machoman6969]

I've been single forever and what helped me deal with "loneliness" is to love myself. As cringe ad it sounds it changed my perspective... If nobody wants to give love to you... then make it a reality and do it yourself! Besides there's no better love than self love 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@humansconnecting]

Absolutely. And you’re right. It’s hard to not sound like a cliché, but love, understanding and acceptance are all inside jobs first, aren’t they?

[@rpliegos]

11 m/o video but I just couldn't leave without making a comment. This has been an amazingly useful video and I have identified with it so much. Am very aware of my loneliness and I have actually mastered "the art" of enjoying being by myself (and I truly do), yet there is always something missing (the feeling of being incomplete) that has recently pushed me to search for connections, and it does take a lot of courage to do so, to lower your defenses and be willing to be vulnerable if you really want to find a deep connection with another person. I have found a person and we both are working on building a relationship, even though we live in different places, hoping it will all be worth. Thanks a lot for this content! Excellent!

[@humansconnecting]

You’re very welcome, and I’m thrilled that it’s supported you. The messages are timeless, so even though it’s older content, it’s relevant for a long time to come. I’m also happy to see that you’re putting yourself out there and making connections beyond your own excellent connection to yourself. However your relationship turns out, you’re getting benefits from how you’re showing up right now. This is fantastic; keep going!

[@neilshinpaugh7523]

Phoenix Arizona USA…….. Get the truth out.🎉🎉 Thanks

[@humansconnecting]

We're here for these truths and what happens when we accept them and start to get the connection we've been missing.

[@femiomar]

It’s lonely for sure. Still trying to figure things out. ❤🎉

[@humansconnecting]

Be kind and patient with yourself as you continue to figure things out. You're worthy of giving yourself the same love and space as you'd give others in your life as you keep moving forward.

[@Mcfreddo]

You're absolutely correct, you know.

[@humansconnecting]

Thank you. But in what way?

[@aclem8246]

In the straight world 50% of marriages end in divorce but at least in the straight world a person has more family connection. Children, and more in common with siblings etc gives a straight person more chance to be surrounded with community. In the gay world very few people have a chance at a relationship that lasts for more than a few months if at all. Many gay people live away from family and spend most of their time alone. After 40 in the gay world you are no longer viable so might as well buy that dog and move to the suburbs to live out the rest of your life alone. Particularly now with hook ups from apps like grindr, gay men are even more isolated. People don't go out to a club or bar anymore so there is even less chance to make friends or meet someone you might like to spend more than an hour with.

[@humansconnecting]

Thanks for your comment and for sharing your thoughts. It does often feel that the other half have it better than where we can find ourselves. Traditional structures can offer safety as well as being confining. When we live outside of those traditional structures, we can also find that we want the same safety and opportunities everyone else seems to have. Going deeper than the general beliefs we each hold, we each get to dig deeper and create what we need if it’s not there already.

[@josperchristian886]

Thank you for sharing.

[@humansconnecting]

No worries! I hope it supported you in some way.

[@citroen143]

Hello. your videos are really different from the majority of those concerning gay men. You are a delightful and genuine man! Sadly gay sites to make friends no longer exist. All in favour of facebook and its peers. I enormously appreciate your efforts to bring hope all over. Thank you so much for your support and the good company! Happy New Year 🙂

[@humansconnecting]

Happy New Year to you, too! Although I'm getting to your comment quite a while after New Year. I hope that you're going well in 2024. Yes, I noticed that sometimes the advice offered online didn't go to where I needed it to go - or offered quick fixes. I created what I once needed and wished I'd had available to me.

[@citroen143]

Hello 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind gesture, you made my day! Enjoy yourself and keep up the good work🙂@@humansconnecting

[@CoreyGoldwaves]

This was very helpful, thank you.

[@humansconnecting]

I’m glad you found it! Thanks for sharing your comment.

[@kennethbailey9853]

Thank you.

[@mattr.h.3472]

Thankyou very much. Very truly interesting. Yes I definitely have felt Lonely in much Loneliness in a lot of the Gay Community right now. So people can only do the best. The Gay Community in very Lonely sometimes. So Yes I truly totally understand what you are actually talking about too. All the Best.

[@humansconnecting]

Yes, we all feel lonely from time to time, sometimes we can even feel lonely most of the time. While it’s a horrible feeling, it’s only made better when we talk about it and realise that we all experience it and we’re our best source of support. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I’m glad the video supported you. Keep being awesomely human x

[@BarrowBay]

I’m old and unfortunately never had the gift of making friends...going out meeting guys having sex, even having a relationship was never a problem for me....but I never had a ‘best’ friend. I just never learned how to friend someone. Never one to think about the future, I’m now paying for it, old, lonely and depressed. I’m not sure what to do to change it. There should have been a course in school ! (but that was a time I didn’t need it)

[@humansconnecting]

How are you going? Thank you for your comment. I though that I'd already responded to your comment a while ago, but I see that I hadn't. I'm sorry about that. And you're right: our younger selves never thought that we needed to learn and practice other skills to set us up later in life. Have you read this blog post? It may give you something to inspire you to make friends: www.thelonelinessguy.com/post/20211104-how-to-make-friends-as-a-gay-man

[@asprelskcalling1151]

I don't know who you are, but you are the best looking man in Australia ❤

[@humansconnecting]

Thanks! I don’t know who you are either, but I accept the compliment. I hope that my content also supports you.

[@justynjonn]

The tribal acknowledgment grandstanding is embarrassing. Otherwise good content.

[@humansconnecting]

I don't know you, where you're from or know your circumstances. I also doubt that a response on KZbin will do much to change your views or anyone else's views. However, the Acknowledgement of Country is important to me. I live, work and raise my family on land that was stolen. There are people in my community who feel unseen, unheard and that they don't belong because of the collective shame we feel in this country. I'm committed to doing my part to create a community in which all feel welcomed and that they belong.

[@Mcfreddo]

@@humansconnecting Great answer.

[@dickbower3211]

I enjoy your posts.... just heard you yesterday for the first time..... I love furry legs, also.... wide grin

[@humansconnecting]

I'm glad that you enjoy them - both the content and the legs that help me get the content to you.