Rejection: Dealing with it as Gay Men

Welcome to Gay Men Going Deeper, a KZbin series by the Gay Men's Brotherhood where your hosts talk about all things gay men and personal development.
►►PODCAST: Wanna listen but not watch? Check out the podcast version: link.chtbl.com/GayMenGoingDeeper
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SOCIAL MEDIA:
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Website: www.gaymensbrotherhood.com
HOSTS:
CALAN - www.discoveringyourtruth.com/
MATT - www.mattlandsiedel.com/
RENO - itjustgotreno.com/
MICHAEL - www.wellismo.com/
ABOUT:
The Gay Men's Brotherhood is a group for gay men to connect with each other on the journey of healing from shame and becoming more authentic and aligned to their truth.
The group aims to offer inspiration, support, connection, healing, and a safe place to show up just as you are.
Our vision for the members is to learn to feel more comfortable showing up vulnerably so deeper intimacy can be established in our community.
We dream of a gay community where everyone can feel more connected to one another in more ways than just sexual and we can feel less loneliness as a byproduct.

[@didi_mega_dudu]

What the guy in the bottom left corner was talking about in the beginning is some next level mature stuff that I'm not ready for yet. Good for him.

[@CalanBreckon]

I LOL'ed so hard at this haha! Yes, that is me in the bottom left keeping it real haha. Everyone takes their own time on their journey, no need to rush it :)

[@thebeattribe]

Guys, thank you for consistently covering tough subjects that we, as gay men, deal with daily.

[@HSLHEALU]

I've been rejected by almost every guy I've tried to talk to. I want a date with a genuine guy. I live in a small town. I've been on Grindr but I'm not interested in just hooking up. I'm 30. Sometimes I feel like love is this impossible thing that I can't seem to find anywhere.

[@johnnyboyvan]

I have avoided rejection all my life by finding out if someone likes me ahead of time. Now I lack rejection skills but I continue to thrive and survive in my senior age.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Gee the guy in the left hand bottom corner gave some real food for thought. That said, thank you to all the contributors for your insight and honesty

[@tjsoares4826]

Nice video guys! I had to do a few things to deal with rejection : 1 was to find out that I was looking for external validation from someone that I perceived more powerful than me or that had something that I didn't as beauty, status and self steem. 2 to understand that my longest relationship that I had in my life ( with my family) put me in this mess. 3 I had to made an assessment about how was the behavior of my caregiver in my presence. 4 I had to tell myself a better lie. 5I had to start to Bragg about myself. I was taught that brag about oneself was very bad and selfish. But paradoxically was exactly this bragging that I was wanting from my parents and started to look for it outside. If I needed someone to tell me that I was doing good, that I was a good person and I was doing well why couldn't I tell that to myself as an adult? "Bragging brings a feeling of security and sureness, knowing yourself and being a big, huge and humongous person. It's also uplifting and fun-spilling. It shows respect, appreciation, acceptance, gratitude and love for yourself. The opposite that I was feeling. So shout out to the whole world that you are incredible - not that the word needs to know since that all that metters is your unshakeable inner knowing.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for sharing your journey and insights! It's empowering to hear how you've tackled rejection and found ways to build your self-esteem. Embracing self-validation and self-love is so important. We're glad you enjoyed the video and appreciate your thoughtful comment.☺💕

[@meropale]

There are two sides of rejection, being rejected and rejecting others, and I am terrible at both so I just avoid the whole issue, to my own detriment of course.

[@hesmlurh2467]

That shit is bittersweetly deep

[@WellismoCoaching]

Thank you for watching! We have a lot more of the good stuff in future episodes as well 😉

[@TheAncasterguy]

Very informative. I came out at 56 and have struggled with rejection from other guys online etc. It's very tough dealing with it. Very good interaction with speakers. I get very frustrated because my husband is 14 yrs younger and it's often like watching bees to honey with him. And, unfortunately although I'm fit and take care of myself I find many guys are brutal in comments to me vs him. Currently, I struggle with self image since coming out. I find the gay community can be heartless. Also since coming out late in life I have essentially no gay friends of my own and no gay contacts on social media. It's like starting life from scratch. Other guys who came out many years ago don't face those issues in the same way. They tend to be more confident and seem more skilled at working a room schmoozing. Anyway ty again. Very informative.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thanks Allen for your comments. These issues you're facing are part of the reason why we started this podcast. We're over 100 episodes in now and there are several topics that you touched on that we speak about in later shows.

[@kensmall4725]

😂❤

[@PatrickMarano]

Great talk guys! Loved hearing the different experiences and perspectives on this! Thank you for being vulnerable and setting the scene for us to do the same.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thanks for tuning in!

[@tinypinata505]

Rejection always feels like such a personal, unique, isolating thing but all the stories here are things I've experienced. And realizing that leads me to gratitude and a sense of unity.

[@LaxmannDhotre]

3:56 learned this the hard way. I felt really unwanted and hurt but i realized the other person isn't mine to be played with or to have a relationship with

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of strength to reflect on and learn from such difficult moments. Recognizing that everyone has their own autonomy is a profound insight. We're glad you found resonance with the episode. Stay strong, and take care!

[@mtowerm4650]

This is exaCCtly what I needed!! The REAL discussion! Thnx guys

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thanks for watching and supporting!

[@happinesstappy]

Thanks so much. I've just subscribed and told my friend about this awesome channel

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for your support! We really appreciate it and we're so grateful you find value in our content

[@ivanrodriguez268]

I know this was posted a while ago but I came looking for videos or talks about this issue because most of us gay men are afraid or in my case (too egotistical) to admit that I am rejected constantly and have been since I was a teenager and hit on other gay boys. I think one of the most important things for a young gay person is to understand that rejection doesn't mean you are not worth anything. I know that's how I felt, that I wasn't worth anything. I felt that I was ugly or at least not good enough. I mean the classic case of your friends and mother telling you 'but you are so handsome' and not believing it because of this constant rejection from other gay guys. Now as an adult I realize a lot of the reasons I was rejected were so stupid. One guy who rejected me sent me an email explaining that he thought I was too gay because my shorts were more than five inches above the knee. This was back in the 2000s when guys wouldn't wear short shorts lol. I felt so bad I threw away all my shorts and started wearing baggier shorts in hopes no one would ever reject me again. But it kept happening. I grew my hair out when I lived in Los Angeles in the 2010s and the amount of guys telling me that was an issue was insane! But I still kept it long just because I liked it. Im now 40 and honestly was never able to get into a relationship as it never really went beyond five dates and sex. I look back at pictures of myself and I realize I was so hot and had a great body yet I never felt that way. Was always self conscious. It really affected me. I would even call it a trauma. It got me real deep. I got depressed because I just couldn't find a boyfriend. Nobody around my age liked me. I started dating older guys and it went great until I got traded for someone younger. Because that's what a lot of them do, not saying all but at least all the ones I dated. It still affects me to be rejected but I am learning slowly to cope with it. I do get some guys that do date me and sleep with me and are hot as hell haha so age has helped me I guess. I look back at my gay youth and realized how miserable I was for being so self conscious and I wish I knew how actually attractive I was. That my mother and my friends were right! I was handsome! I still am in an older man way. I wish I would have learned about how dealing with rejection at a much younger age and maybe my struggle wouldn't have been so hard. Nobody talked about this though. So thanks for sharing.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

We have a lot more where this came from! Based on what you've shared, I think other episodes will resonate as well

[@ShowBizJunkie]

@ivanrodriguez268, I can relate to your experience. I was also good looking but got rejected by all the guys 20 to 45. I have experienced people in USA are nitpickers. They don't habe a wholesome bigger picture view of life. In the 90s muscles were in rage and I got rejected for not having them. Little did I know that I fell in the Twink category. Because of that constant rejection for lousy superficial reasons, I used to cry a lot and used to question what good my looks were if I couldn't get any date. Now that there are dating apps, I still dont get success for casual fun even if I have a place by myself, let alone dating I also noted that I dont fall under any common types. I am chubby but not fat enough, I have some hair but am no haory enough. The frustration that comes as part ofvthis rejection is so taxing that boils my blood.

[@pppmanly]

This was a great conversation, guys! Thank you.👃🏾 You all made brilliant points, and Reno especially shared nuggets of wisdom. You all included tips I needed to hear or be reminded of at this point in my life, based on current things happening with my career and personal life. I have feared rejection for most of my life, especially since I am a sensitive person. I will reject someone first so that that person doesn't have a chance to reject me, and I am sure I have lost out because of that.

[@mattlandsiedel]

Thanks for tuning in. We are glad you are finding value in the podcast/community 😁

[@kso808]

I just happened to stumble upon this GMGD YT podcast/channel today. It’s one of the best discoveries I’ve had on my journey as a gay man. I think before I discovered your channel that I was pursuing wrong forks in the roads, in the pursuit of love. Recently, I acknowledged to myself that one must “be the change you want to see,” in the quest for self-fulfillment. A second tenet I have just now picked up from this particular YT podcast is the notion that a rejection from someone else is not my problem or issue; it is the other person’s. This would seem to go hand in hand with advice I’ve heard that says one should not pursue or be in relationships with people who don’t appreciate me for who I am. I look forward to exploring your YT channel on other subjects as well. Thank you for this program! 🙏

[@mattlandsiedel]

Welcome to the channel and we are so happy you enjoy it. Would love to meet you at one of our zoom hangouts in the GMB. Have you been?

[@kso808]

@@mattlandsiedel No, I have not yet attended one of the hangouts. Perhaps in the near future!

[@adambathon]

Thank you for this video!

[@WellismoCoaching]

thanks for checking us out, Adam!

[@adamcohen7642]

I appreciated the use of the term "microtrauma" because just in the area of dating and relationships--not to mention business pursuits or other social endeavours--I've experienced it so often that it has felt overwhelming. Even doing my best to be my truest authentic self hasn't yielded any more positive reinforcement, so I don't know what to do anymore.

[@tworealms]

I love you guys. I really admire all your courage. I really like the guy in the bottom right. Hes so cool ❤

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Awww... Thank you so much for your support and kind words! We really appreciate it. We're glad you enjoyed the video, especially the guy in the bottom right, Reno.😊😍

[@kennethbailey9853]

Thank You.

[@josephmillraney1061]

Matt, I just think you are so cute. I hope that I haven't embarrassed you. Rejection? I've felt that sums up my entire life, gay or perceived as straight. It's so normal that I've gotten used it. It's like I just expect it. Thanks for podcast and reading this comment

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for your kind words! You haven't embarrassed me at all. Rejection can be tough, but remember, you're worthy of love just as you are. Keep being your amazing self!🥰 - Matt

[@chi2capcorn]

Meanwhile all the shit they crying about they do it all to each other times 100

[@didi_mega_dudu]

Finally a channel that is not about yaas queen stuff.

[@WellismoCoaching]

haha 😂 That's why we called it "gay men going deeper" (but we still have fun too!)

[@serenityq26]

my phone is on silent always, while im with someone or alone so i dont get this obsession with the phones. i also didnt grow up on this crap. didnt get a smart phone til 2018. didnt get a a steady cell phone til 2009. only switched from house phone to cellphone cause i was with a guy long distance. once that was over i went back to the house phone lol. i talk to people more so online aka with a computer than i ever do with a phone. its really not a part of my life.........

[@antinous87]

I found this useful until we started talking about this faith that 'the next thing will be better' or that somebody is always out there. How do you know this to be true? Realistically, if it is all up to chance, then you might not find the thing you're looking for. It doesn't help me to give me this false story that there is any security or definiteness about the future. My critical mind just overpowers that shit. I get rejected, I get back out there, and I may get rejected again potentially every single time. That's just as likely as any other hypothetical possibility. I also struggle with this idea of 'fit' as if I am a pair of jeans or a jigsaw piece. I'm actually a human being. That whole expression just feels superficial and even sometimes passive-aggressive.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Family, ‘friend’, peer and colleague rejection and by extension applying for jobs are also triggers. I have a PhD, got great experience etc but get so incredibly triggered by non acknowledgment and condescending interviews - all part of life’s rich tapestry! Why do humans have to be such a@@@@@@@@?

[@serenityq26]

they may be living, doesnt mean its in truth................

[@serenityq26]

not true for this people pleaser perfectionist. my perfectionist has nothing to do with other people or protecting me from them. structure! a place for everything and everything in its place. order not chaos. this pushes people away NOT draw them in so.......................same with people pleaser. me and ryan: i did everything he wanted and still rejected me so...........WRONG!