Ep 4A: 8 Defensive Strategies in Family Court - How to Play "Nice"

Your behavior in family court is an important part of your overall trial strategy in your custody trial. Here we discuss defensive strategies related to your behaviors, to prevent the court from increasing their negative perception of you as a dad.
If you are a Father fighting for custody of your kids in Family Court, you've come to the right place! I am creating this docu-series to help fathers get equal parenting time or primary custody in family court.
I won primary custody, only because of enormous effort. I should have had primary custody on Day 1, but instead it took over 3 years. We shouldn't have to go through that just to be treated as equal parents. My goal is to level the playing field since I found family court is obviously biased against dads. Therefore, I will teach you the strategies I used to win custody. You need to understand the system and how to fight for custody as soon as you can. You can’t wait until the trial is over.
My channel: Father X: How Fathers Can Win Custody
/ @fatherx2022
Subscribe to get updates as I post more tutorial videos. There’s a lot to cover to get you ready for court.
Topics I cover for you:
Episodes 1: Introduction to the Problem of Family Court
Episodes 2: Basics of Physical & Legal Custody, Orders of Protection (Restraining Orders)
Episodes 3: Choosing an Attorney vs. Going Pro Se; Interview Questions; Weaknesses of Family Lawyers; Saving money on lawyers; Secret added costs of family court
Episodes 4: How To “Play Nice” in court. Behavior Strategy
Episodes 5: The Best Interests of the Child
Episodes 6: My First Day in Family Court…and the overall Trial Timeline for 3+ years
Episodes 7: How to Tell If Your Family / Divorce Court Judge is Incompetent or Gender-Biased Against Dads
Episodes 8: Mediation & Custody / Parenting Agreements outside of court
Episodes 9: False Allegations of DV
Episodes 10: Researching Appellate Case Law - this is achievable! Shield yourself from the incompetence and gender bias of family court judges
Episodes 11: Preparing Your Child Custody Case - Testimony, Evidence, & Trial Strategy covering the Best Interests of The Child
Future Episodes:
Episodes 12: Your Mental Preparation - dealing with hopelessness, depression, & anger that family court creates for Dads
Episodes 13: Your Defensive Fortress - protect yourself from false allegations and things that can tank your custody case
Episodes 14: Children’s Services, Police and the Domestic Violence Hotline…handling these other players in the family court arena
Episodes 15: Forensic Evaluation…how to handle
Episodes 16: Your Witnesses and Hers - Choosing and Preparing for them
Episodes 17: Cross Examination: Yours and Hers
Fathers should have equal parenting rights, whether unmarried or going through a divorce. You may be seeking temporary custody, primary custody, joint physical custody, 50/50 parenting, or legal custody. You may or may not want a divorce lawyer or family law attorney. And you may seek out resources from father’s rights advocates.
Ultimately, you need to learn how to win a custody battle as a dad, largely by focusing on the best interests of the child. You are getting a divorce from your ex, not your children. And if you have a Restraining Order or Order of Protection against you, it’s an uphill climb. The silver bullet in family court can be deadly. If restraining orders are based on false allegations, there are ways to turn that around to your advantage. I did. But you must be assertive. And you have to learn how to navigate the forensic evaluation, CPS/ACS children's services investigations, and family law.
I am sorry you are in divorce/family court. But if you think it’s in the best interests of your child for you to have equal or primary custody, I am laying out what I learned into this docu-series, to give you a fighting chance.
#fatherx #fathersrights #familycourt #custodybattle #divorce #familylaw #custody #familylawyer #dadsmatter #divorcelawyer #restrainingorder #divorcetipsfordads #divorceprocess

[@FatherX2022]

Are judges, court staff, or lawyers unfairly putting you on the defensive? How? What have you done to handle it? Custody decisions are often based on the interpersonal dynamics between a judge, the lawyers, the mother, and the father. And, too often, judges start out with biased negative presumptions about the father. In this episode, we discuss "how to behave" in family court in different scenarios, to play Defense...to prevent the judge from coming up with more reasons to dislike you.

[@aviator83h]

Title IV-D is the issue. It’s all about money, not about the mom or dad nor child. The courts today are not an Article III courts of common law no more. Research Title IV-D and the contracts all court officers, judges and attorney has with a separate private for profit entity that is a corporation. They make allot of money and Incentives administrating this Title IV-D. If the court your dealing with gives you a notice for you to read before appearing in there court, they will direct you to read Title IV-D protocol. There is allot of information about this Title IV-D child support and family court that one needs to research. I’m in to mix of it at the moment and I’m in the same boat as you as my wife has narcissistic personality disorder (malignant type) showing signs of phyicopathic / socialpathic and has no empathy, sympathy nor remorse. I got assaulted 4 times by her and twice in front of our daughter. The court has not yet entertain my document of the stuff the wife has done before court, but only a little bit this pass Jan 25th appearing in front this judge that she said “this does not look good”, meaning, what she read what I put, but I came loaded with evidence in 6 binders 3” thick ready to fire. When she seen all them binders, the judge says “I hope that’s all for today”, I told her “ma’am, this is only a 1/3 of what I got”. I had documented everything. I kept a daily journal on the events that happen, kept every text message from the beginning of the relationship until present (that would of taken #7 - 4” thick binders). The wife didn’t like seeing that all straddled across the table in court (laughing). It’s not over yet though. This next and final court is to finish up and this should be the judge hears the arguments. Just remember, you can force your wife for a pysicovaluation (my spelling sucks) if she starts screaming abuse. Because everything I said and done according to my wife was abusive and I never raised my hand to anyone. But like you, I do understand what you was going on with your wife because it was the same with me. You see, I told my wife “if you cry abuse and such, the courts have a protocol and procedures that they will follow and they will see if there was any abuse and if they find out you was lying? You will not like the outcome. I heard nothing about abuse from her again. My wife isn’t for this country. She’s from the country of Belarus. It’s the country above Ukraine and her country is helping Russia war with Ukraine (she’s just as evil at there present from her country). I strongly believe my wife used me to enter the country and used our daughter as a pawn. Not even 6 months she came in the country, she’s screaming divorce when I was trying to talk to her about cleaning behind themselves. Wow! That was an argument that blew me away (laughing). Would you want to live with someone who can even clean there toothpaste spit off the bathroom mirror? Gees that woman was a pig!! And our daughter grew up just like her. Go read two case laws concerning Title IV-D Blessing V. Freestone Wehunt V. Ledbetter

[@FatherX2022]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you documented reality, to prevent the judge from just using gender biased stereotypes to make a decision. How did it turn out? I also made videos in Episodes 5 and 6 that may help you prepare your case...if it is still going on.

[@aviator83h]

Well, I sent in paperwork back in October last year about “the trust”, but it wasn’t the guru stuff like you would see on KZbin. It kinda helped in my pass January hearing with child support. They was very very polite and kind to me, but I still never signed anything nor did I appears generally. When we started on that day in January, I said “here on special appearance due to threats of duress” and I pointed to the deputy there. The fake judge said “I do not know what that is”, in which they do and know your going to challenged jurisdiction. I had the packet out of that administration paperwork about the trust there in front of me where as in those paper work I had took my BC, my marriage lic and my daughters BC and wrote across it “Surender to merge” and signed my name “fist last and then beneficiary”. I was going to sling those papers out and verbalized it, but, the DA (prosecutor) who usually was the person who’s against me was sitting this hearing out, but was coaching the X and another DA was in her place. I didn’t verbally say nothing about the trust thing because I felt they was waiting for me to say something. So I didn’t say nothing, but! That paperwork help them understand what I not supposed to know that I know that now they know that I know (if this makes since lol) and it kept them at bay. Like I said, they was very nice to me. The judge asked about my bills and I honestly gave her all. And like I told the X, if I break my rights and submit my protected my property per the constitution, you would get less”. And it happen, the x got 3/4 less and she was pissed. But, things changed and I still got put on support, but no final judgment or papers showing this and we still got our last court day this June to finalize. The judge did not want to get involved in the ugly side of the hearings about my X’s negative stuff that I submitted because my X has narcissistic personality disorder and she done allot of real bad stuff that I have documented. So the judge asked if I really want to prolong this? I said “to clear up the matters and show the truth, to my last blood drop from my body”. So the judge told us for her and I to come to an agreement on the property settlement and I still having heard nothing from her until this past 24th where the x said something about I was hiding from getting served. The x files a motions for a new trial a few days after the Jan 20th hearing and she stated she served me email and regular mail in which she didn’t. Nor did the court. And this was supposedly sent to me past February. I certified mailed the clerk of courts to give evidence of an injury in fact along with the laws for it on the 25th. I showed up at the court in front of the same woman I mailed this request to on the 27th and she looked surprised I was in her face. I got the papers they was supposed to mail to me and it showed another court date of May 19th for this rehearing and I filed on the record to the clayey about the injury in fact with a few other laws and warning with it. The clerk said she had to go to the back to see how much the fee was to file, but it really was to let the judge see what I am filing. The clerk came back and she filed, I paused and she wasn’t expecting me to asked for a copy with the seal that I filled on that day and with her signature on it (laughing). So far, they’re are making me work my ass for this, but it’s not over yet. The x’s lies are starting to show and she is trying to work the system and it’s not going well for her. I will keep filing and arguing until they get tired of me. I got allot of paperwork I can file, but they will make you work your ass off for it. So far, I haven’t got threaten with contempt (lol).

[@FatherX2022]

@@aviator83h It sounds like you are jumping through the hoops that confuses most people. And yes keep filing the paperwork necessary to fight all of these people off. I also had so much paperwork that I needed many boxes to store them. If it's best for your kids that you be the primary custodial parent, then I urge you to keep fighting. Stay strong, brother, and stand your ground.

[@aviator83h]

Well, honestly, it’s all about the money with the Title IV-D. Because in my case, I used key words in my objections to the hearing officers recommendations that you see if you read anything about narcissistic personality disorder, but without saying she is. This is what the judge picked up on and I think the judge knows it would look bad on my wife. But I also believe the DA is coaching her behind the scenes because some events that happen in our relationship what she done in front my daughter to me, she now tells it happen deferentially as I was the aggressor and it was actually her and the disgusted seen all this. Now think about this, my daughter seen what happen, but mom is saying I did this and that, but how your convincing our child to go along with this? This is what’s going to bit her in the butt. Now the wife is attacking the court’s decision on how much who is paying who and she’s claiming the judge did it wrong. Just a peace of the puzzle, I pay for my daughters health insurance and I’m on a cobra plan because I not going back to work until this is all done and I pay $1,150 between my child and me. She lies to the judge saying she was getting paid lesser than what she was actually getting and also she’s arguing that my pay range should be adjusted to a “potential” pay and what she gave was actually an inflated figure and I corrected it and I also gave the break down on how much I pay for my child’s health care alone, and it comes out more than what I gave the judge. She’s not going to be too happy next week when her own arguments put her paying more on her % (lol). As for the paperwork, right now I’m digging in on the evidence of an injury in fact. They received my certify letter requesting yesterday after I left the court house. I gave them 10 days after getting notice of that letter. If they don’t reply back, I am going to certify mail the state attorney’s office with a copy of that letter. The papers I filed on the 27th is a little the same as the certify mail ones, but a little stronger. Got to understand this, that Title IV-D is nothing to do with judicial and it is not a real court. When I go file, I have two case numbers, one for my divorce and the other for non support )m(as they call it here). You can’t file Non support in the regular clerks of courts if your filing anything that has to do with Non support, and vis versa. This is how you know your dealing with two deferent entities. Remember blessing v freestone and Wehunt v ledbetter, also read your rights specially your state constitution. I found the judge, the hearing officers and the DA’s ISLN numbers and I used the judges ISLN on my filing paperwork in hopes to get her to understand that I am not playing around. Sorry for my rant, I guess I’m venting my frustration by trying too much (laughing).

[@TFitz]

I took evidence of multiple failed drug tests into the courthouse with a motion for emergency protection. The judge was like..ha, I sign nothing for you abusive man. I was calm and nice. What a ride this has been. That was well over a year ago...took me another year and another $5k to start custody evaluation.

[@FatherX2022]

Frustrating, isn't it? If you don't get 50/50 or primary custody on the 1st day of court, I found that the court process stagnates and you spin around in circles for a really long time, where no intelligent analysis happens. And then you have to fight the long-term battle. I discuss these in Episodes 5,6, and 7. Also, if the judge labeled you as an abusive man a year ago, but the custody evaluation is happening now, it sounds like the allegations of abuse were unproven a year ago. So if those allegations are false, it's important to prove that, beyond a shadow of doubt, during the custody evaluation...and again when the actual trial happens and you provide testimony and evidence. You can't just say "I didn't do it"... Because as a man you are guilty. You have to put in 300% effort to prove you are innocent so the judge cannot use that as an excuse going forward. Also, you probably also want to keep pushing the failed drug tests into the spotlight...by giving it to the custody evaluator. Don't let the judge suppress material facts...keep pushing it.

[@fabricioperes6368]

Unbelievable… keep up, your mission is just beginning!

[@FatherX2022]

Thank you! 🙏

[@kparkermillennium]

Thank you ❤

[@jaolagues]

Assume a Judge hears the statement of the head Juror, which does not make a Guilty verdict but states that the Jury respected the defendant and pleads for leniency, and later the Judge grants probation without any sentence imposed. Can this constitute a conviction even though there was no Guilty verdict and no sentence? Can a conviction occur where there was neither a Guilty verdict or plea and no sentence imposed. Of course, the California Appellate Courts state there must be a a guilty verdict or plea and a sentence imposed in Jail for a conviction.

[@FatherX2022]

This question sounds like it needs technical legal advice from a criminal lawyer, And it's based on California-specific rules. So I wouldn't know the answer. But it strikes me as odd that that if there is no guilty verdict...then why is there any sentencing of any sort. The jury decides guilty or not guilty. If the jury decided not guilty, then isn't the conversation over? Why would you need leniency? Why would there even be probation? Sounds like those things would only come up if the jury decided the person was guilty.

[@mikesmith8187]

Reality check. In family court, it’s burden of probability, not burden of proof. The chances of a good outcome for the accused is virtually nil. It’s a horrid system here in the UK, but that’s how it really is. 😔

[@FatherX2022]

Agreed. Thanks for sharing. I have only heard terrible things about the UK family court system...And it sounds like an embarrassment to humanity. If dads go into family court expecting to be treated fairly, they will be in for a rude awakening. So my channel focuses on exposing the reality of the incompetence and gender bias of family court. Once you recognize that, you can figure out ways to overcome it. Even then there is no guarantee that a gender biased family court judge will be reasonable... But your odds improve. I hope that you are still in the battle and can turn it around....My episodes 5, 6, and 7 focus on this. The best interest factors in my episode 5A are very similar between the US and UK.

[@Legal_Guy]

How do you play nice if the judge is not letting you speak at all with your concerns, statements, case information? Essentially violating due process. I can't yell at the judge to make them hear right? What can be said to make the judge hear my testimony or evidence?

[@FatherX2022]

It's frustrating, I know. One option is to be nice and stay quiet, which means you'll get steamrolled. The other extreme is getting angry and yelling at the judge, and then they will assume you're an angry person who should not have custody. In the middle, it's being assertive, which means you proactively state your positions and don't let people ignore you. You should watch my Episode 10A, about case law. It covers the idea that during pre-trial conferences the judge will actively hide from anything you say and rubberstamp the mother. But you still have to be assertive and speak your truth as much as you can....knowing you are likely to lose every pre-trial decision. You should also watch episodes 6 and 7 where I discuss some of this. And your opportunity to speak will likely come during the final trial portion, where you present your evidence and testimony, and force the judge to listen to the facts and reality. And you prepare your actual trial testimony to meet the needs of the case law...to win your case. And in episodes 11, I discuss how to prepare your testimony for trial. It's definitely frustrating and unfair, but you need to act strategically. Stay strong, brother.

[@Legal_Guy]

@@FatherX2022 I will take a watch to those you recommended. I have watched many of your videos and wished I had seen before Jan of 2023. One common action judges are taking here in California is not letting the respondent, or Father speak about their statements or facts. That was how I lost. The judge was listening only to the other side and allowing all their last minute witnesses into testify ignoring the EVD code on notice of witnesses must be given. I don't know if judges do that in other states but I watch hearings and read appeal cases. It is happening a lot. NO MATTER what anyone says, that judge was a racist and inappropriate in court. He even told me I should change my name. This battle is even harder now because the restraining order was granted and the court sees me as a violent criminal on paper. In the real world I deflect confrontation and never had been arrested in my life until this city got involved in our affairs.

[@FatherX2022]

I have noticed the same thing you mentioned...where judges do not let you testify in court. Or else they limit you to 3 hours of testimony, but you really need 10 hours in order to fully present your case. It just helps Judges get through their case docket faster, and it helps the judge rubber stamp the mother because if you can't present negative evidence against the mother, then it's easy for the judge to give her custody. I don't see how we can look at this as anything other than fraud. That said , even though the Court granted the restraining order against you, during the custody trial part of your testimony still has to be that the charges against you were false and you have to prove they were false. That hearing on the restraining order was one legal matter. But the trial for custody is a different legal matter and in that case you have to prove your innocence also.... Because domestic violence is one of the best interest factors in determining child custody. So you have to turn the court's perception around in the custody trial...which is not easy. But maybe you are better equipped to do so now, from what you've learned.

[@shiftymack5197]

Can I address his honor as his fairness?

[@FatherX2022]

Hahaha great question. No you shouldn't show up the judge by calling him names like "his fairness". You should show up the judge by demonstrating that you have a far deeper knowledge about the best interest of your child then the judge can ever hope to know. And you show the judge what intelligent thought looks like when it comes to the best interests of the child. And you do this in a professional, matter of fact way....without anger at the judge or snide remarks. Even if the judge deserves to be yelled at because they are incompetent or biased, they don't have the self-awareness to recognize they are the problem. So they will just assume that you are a bad person and they will rule against you. You have to strategically outmaneuver the judge.

[@JusticeforKai]

Music is super distracting .

[@FatherX2022]

Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated.

[@danrodgers2742]

I think the music is great. Keeps me engaged in. The voice tonality is super great too. Keeps us in the mindset that we are in a fight and we need to think, act, walk, talk like a gladiator defending his prize

[@FatherX2022]

Thanks for the feedback. I had not thought about voice tonality until you mentioned it.

[@MrCalebgrayson]

just needs to be turned down 6dB

[@74567justin]

The music is a little high on this one. I mean you’re rocking it way ahead of other KZbinrs. You’ve put a lot of thought into this before making these.