How To Know You're Dealing With a Narcissist | Dr. Ramani Durvasula

[@Erika2]

I’m so glad this episode resonated with so many people. Dr. Ramani and I just released a new interview here (2024): kzbin.info/www/bejne/eH-VkHWLaNWpbsksi=OhfddIjuPJtbSPp2

[@JoshDore84]

When you trust yourself and leave a narcissist (friend, family or partner) you will go through terrible grief - but as time passes you’ll realise that you did the best thing for yourself.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Oh absolutely. Those initial months are hard. But afterward feels like freedom. Still they take up space in your mind and you have to process through that. It’s takes time.

[@comentadoraification]

How to spot a narcissist? It’s all about your inner feelings and intuitions : you walk on eggshells with them, you feel anxious even though there is no obvious reasons in their presence, then you understand why : you learn from other people that you are being back stabbed by them, then you see the situation is getting worse and worse and you start to lose your self affirmation and esteem, you’re deeply unhappy and you know you should leave, you start to feel sick, you hate yourself, you have suicidal thoughts 💭. When that happens, you must know that you are the healthiest person and they are the sick one. Reach help, talk to a doctor.

[@specialtwice4975]

Also, 1.) Talking about themselves 24/7 or often. 2.) Same with number 1, not letting you get a word in the conversation ("So I went here today, did this today, and that. Oh! did I also tell you about sarahh? omg you will not believe what I heard. and then talked to jake who told me I looked amazing today..."), or not listening to you. (ex: playing on their phone while you talk) 3.) Low self esteem or narcissistic rage. When you offend their ego 1 of 2 things will happen, they will a.) cry and make it about them "it's your fault i'm crying 😭" or b.) rage/yell at you/extreme anger. 4.) Walk a head of or behind you "Hurry up, you walk too slow" 5.) Embarrassing or weird in public "This chicken tastes awful! Waiter! Waiter! I hate this restaurant, we are leaving!" Meanwhile, Npd's son: "sorry my dad is like that. here is a tip for our table". *Family always has to apologize for a narcissist* 6.) Low self esteem pt.2 "Do I look okay? Are you sure? You're not lying are you?" 7.) They always over exaggerate every achievement, person, place, life goal, etc. "Anna said I looked amazing today, she wouldn't stop complementing my outfit." or "The boss is going to promote someone at work! I bet it's gonna be me because I'm the best employee there!" or "I just returned from a vacation and the beaches were amazing! the best beaches i've ever been to. ever."

[@elisabethrio6498]

My ex had his way of putting me down, which I lived with for years.

[@elisabethrio6498]

I know all too well.

[@angelamwatts]

You have described it perfectly. I grew up in a nest of narcissists. My mother was a narcissist, and my father's brother was a narcissist. I remember walking on egg shells as a child around my uncle. One day he back handed me at Thanksgiving dinner because I complained about having to serve my parents after they arrived late at dinner at grandmother's house. Nobody else helped to clean everything up and I was always the waitress. My two aunts sat around and so did the men. My father sat there and allowed him to do that. This is my past and it's long over. These people are deceased and I don't miss them.

[@age93]

Unfortunately you're largely incorrect- it's so much more complicated. The majority of individuals who attract and are attracted to narcissists come from a narcissistic family system. How you described they make you feel is how victims constantly feel. This means the gut instinct, perceptions, etc aren't geared to noticing it. The self doubt and gaslighting is so normal it isn't questioned.

[@carolgerber6375]

As Maya Angelou says 'when people show you who they are, believe them the first time'.

[@patriciacole8773]

Thank you for reminding me. I have a cousin who says I can come live there. Appealing to maybe have a place to go. But I noticed even while texting he’s pretty closed rather than open. It makes me feel he’s probably a person with bad habits making poor choices and unwilling to better himself. Best to stay away. Sad because he needs some help. But I don’t want to be a fool.

[@Mastermanifestors28]

Important narcissist clue. 35 yrsof experience with narcissists 1.they dont respect your boundaries and constantly try to break it. 2.They have no empathy, empathy they show is acting or learned behaviour. 3.blame you for everything even there mistakes. 4.they think they are most important people of world. 5.They love bomb you at the beginning of relationship and they will be so pushy and forcing you to fall for them with there love messages and even actions,we might think it's because they love you but the actual reason is to make you emotionally dependent on them and establish control. Even there actions can't be believed . 6.They always underestimate you and destroys your confidence and you start to accept blame for everything. 7.They constantly manipulate. 8.They isolate you from friends family. 9.once they feel secured like your married or have a child,there true face will slowly show and you will know that what you thought as an angel was actually a monster and it will be shocking. 1o.They will have no emotional boundaries and won't allow you to have one. 12.They replace you and discard you when there need is done or if you are beneficial forever they keep you at the side .. 13.most probably in jobs that offer power like management,ceo,lawyer because they are power hungry. 14.They will do everything for you initially and you think it's love but actually they are making you to dependent on them and taking your independence out of you so that you end up becoming nothing with our them,your identity will be based on them. 15.final one ,they say they love you but actually they hate you because they can't be a wonderful person like you and they are naturally attracted towards empathetic people who are healers who loves to fix broken people. Hope it helps someone. And run in opposite direction if you find any,you can't fix them because they don't want to be fixed and love can't change them until unless they will develop awareness and want to change by themselves.

[@jenniferziegelbauer9964]

I need this Iist.

[@bitKitty]

Hey! Great list! Thanks!✌️

[@shaz7132]

Thankyou.

[@sunshinendaisies1545]

They claim that they have been in narcissistic relationships I have found

[@BradSabako]

How did you know my ex? Lol

[@jdub99]

1. Controlling conversation 2. Entitlement 3. Dangerous driving 4. Social media behavior 5. Not a gratifying, growth-oriented, pleasant encounter 6. Lack of empathy 7. Grandiosity 8. Passive aggressive 9. Manipulative 10. Spend 6 months with them to know for sure 11. Shady, inappropriate behavior 12. Future faking 13. Selfish, emotionally stunted, childish, annoying, superficial 15. Distorted sense of self appraisal, delusional lack of insight

[@UgonmaMeribe]

I am actually dealing with No 9, 12 and 13 right now 😢

[@elect.asmr.crunch]

@@UgonmaMeribeme too. 😢

[@gayleneflower398]

You forgot infidelity 😊

[@aliceevangelista8423]

I had been in a relationship with a man who is narcissist AND an alcoholic who refuses to get therapy and the emotional rollercoaster with his other relationship with another woman who is also an alcoholic was causing so much anger, hurt etc., when I said “I’m done, enough is enough!” He began the love bombing…it took a long time for me to finally be done with it all. Thank you for these helpful healing videos!

[@lillyrose1422]

You have described my Narc ex-"friend" to a T...good riddance!!😂❤Anxiety in their presence is another one....sexual deviance is another one...

[@joncampos-cw2tk]

One of their favorite lines: “I don’t remember saying/doing that”.

[@sonyasmith1991]

When they often tell you they don't forget anything. Lol.

[@VintageVice-li4pq]

Their selective memory is astounding.

[@edwhite7475]

Or tell you that 'the way you recall things is SO off'. Its you, not them.

[@MikkoRantalainen]

This is the one that politicians also use very often. Makes you wonder...

[@oooodaxteroooo]

that tells you, their behaviour is unconscious. And.. again, if your senses are so sharp, confront them repeatedly for you in all your wisdom know whats right. Right? Or leave and if you cant, ask yourself why. And... dont think that narcissists are all evil inside - they do things for the very same reasons like you. Thats the only thing Dr. Durvasula gets wrong most of the time. Narcissists are humans, too. Please repeat that. You mustnt stay with them, but dont be fooled into thinking they conjured up their personality out of the "evil" inside to torture you. Thats nonsense. Its called a personality disorder for a reason.

[@kipklop975]

I went for a first date and the guy literally spoke about himself the whole time 😂😂 i tried to tell my stories but somehow i had to fight for the opportunity LOL. So glad that didnt continue.

[@gingermcmahon3479]

lmaoo i dumped a narc after a first date like that too!!

[@barbsokolski4069]

I have been married to a narcissist for the last 11 years. I am now 78. He almost destroyed me, while I thought it was me who had the problems. Now I know what I am doing is what I should have done 10 years ago. I filed for divorce in November. He was served in early December. First court date was 1/11. The judge set the next court date, where he would declare the divorce final. On the 11th I also filed and was granted an Order of Protection. I go back in 2 weeks, I am going to keep extending it until I feel safe. We were living in my home which he never contributed anything towards. God is beginning to heal me, one step at a time. Watching your video's has given me the ability to not be ashamed and think it was all my fault. I have a new understanding, courage, wisdom, and strength to be free, and be who God says I am. Thank you for all you are doing to help others see and be free from the abuse.

[@doloresleyva8810]

End it all and never look back because he will try everything to come back to you in different ways. He will play victim and will try to get you to feel very sorry for him. Don't fall for any of it. You may be tempted to just hear him out but that is a huge mistake so don't do it. The calmness and freedom you will experience as time passes will bring you back to where you yourself were grounded in the beginning. Love is patient and kind not harsh and manipulative. Learn that you didn't make the mistakes you simply fell in the hole they dug for you and thankfully you got out. You are worthy of the good healthy relationships that always make you feel good and happy. They are thorns on a beautiful rose 🌹 that don't want the rose touched or admired. Stear clear of anything to do with him believe me you will rejoyce in your new life. Shut that door, end the chapters in the book, oppress all memories and build your life again.

[@Joy-mm3cz]

I am so happy you got out.

[@MarcoNotpolo-i4b]

Good for you!!! You are out!! It's never too late to leave!! Keep being strong and keep up the healing. You deserve every good thing life has to offer!

[@tamerahedman2279]

You did it. We are all proud of you!

[@annehoesly-em9tw]

A follow-up from me and my comment two months ago…..after a lot of back and forth and being in this unhealthy relationship for 10 - count them - 10 YEARS, all I have learned about narcissistic personality versus an empath from Dr. Ramini and other KZbinrs on the subject, I believe I moving on! Moving on to reclaim my life, my sanity and who I am by myself. It is such a relief. Not easy because I am grieving the loss of the man I was desperately in love with (and still am, by the way), but recognize ultimately that we can never be again. I recognize what I need and he can NEVER provide it, is incapable of providing a mutual, stable, respectful, trusting, loving partnership. Life is too short.

[@toski4485]

All the best and be strong!! I was in exactly the same situation, together for 10 years, after realising who I am with, it took me another two years to split up. The worse two years of my life, scared of the unknown, two primary age children... Now, I am so glad I did it, regretting that I didn't do it earlier... but I did it when I could. What's left are two beautiful children coming out of living in a toxic environment, I'm still healing from the trauma of being with someone like that, but so much better and healthier.. and sometimes just a small feeling of failure, but that will pass too... The best is yet to come! ❤🙏

[@KarisPigNose]

@@toski4485, My child told me that I'd evolved. ❤️

[@micheleconner5083]

You have to ask yourself at some point are you happy? Do you feel important to anyone else? That is the sign that you need to get out.

[@debbievoss3496]

I probably need to divorce "mine", but he lives elsewhere & just brings me things I ask for.

[@DisturbedYoyo]

Same!!!! Sending love and strength ♡

[@saradiaz2277]

Her point is to leave at the first sign of odd behavior. It takes many encounters to be able to say ok “this is an actual narcissist.” Because even if they aren’t a narcissist and instead they’re just immature or insecure or whatever that still makes them a bad partner

[@dlwilliamson5644]

FINALLY, at the age of 59 years I spotted a red flag and ended the burgeoning relationship within 3 dates. Thank you Erika, Dr. Ramani and this entire community. I may not have a boyfriend, date or partner and I have PEACE. Thank you every one of you who have helped me become significantly more discerning.

[@seawolverine1]

Women pursue narcissists...the definition of a winner in our society aligns perfectly with these s traits . Maybe stop looking at the other 80 percent of men as losers when they are simply normal ....losers only in the over critical and twisted eyes of the beholder.

[@user-bn4nc9fc8r]

have encountered more than one in the field of psychology-no thank you

[@asiakhan5314]

Yep. I went on 2 dates with a guy and noticed some narcissistic traits. Was asked on a third date but I declined. Better safe than sorry.

[@yaminiayachitam]

I was completely unware of narcissism before. Dr. Ramani saved me from wasting my time and peace of mind from blaming myself all the time. My confidence levels were all time low. She really saved my life!

[@Mrskaseymunzer]

I’m so happy for you:)

[@cc1k435]

She gave me the words I needed to explain something that's been part of my life all along and holding me hostage in a lot of ways. It's been a huge change for the better. I'm so glad she's pointing us all in the right direction. ❤

[@rmh691]

I feel like I’ve seen a ton of interviews with Dr. Ramani, and she pretty much repeats the same concepts and information over and over. But, somehow, despite this, I find her totally engaging and captivating, and I just can’t get enough of this woman. Lol! I guess that’s charisma! Does anyone else feel the same?

[@yukio_saito]

Same 🙂

[@jemimaaslana]

I don't think it's charisma. I think it's that wisdom is compelling to those who wish to learn and passion is contagious to those with empathy. The combination is POWERFUL!

[@lisak9361]

Of course, she'll say the same things when talking about the same topic. Would you feel better if she contradicted herself??😶

[@lisak9361]

@@rmh691 Try responding without insulting!

[@Prometheuspredator]

Dr. Romani is wonderful. I really enjoy her interviews and podcasts.

[@MsJbowser]

I’m confident my ex and most of his family had narcissistic personalities. My ex told me I only did nice things for people because it made me feel good about myself. I mean, yeah, helping someone does make me feel good about myself-that I can recognize that someone needed something and I could be there for them and help them. It makes you feel connected and a part of a community. I realized later this comment came from him because he only did nice things for people so that he had leverage for them to do something for them or if it directly benefited him.

[@juliettailor1616]

Yeah what your ex said was PROJECTION. He had an ulterior motive for himself, so he tried to make it seem as you did as well. They can't think as we do, and try as we can, we can't think as they do, THANK GOD!

[@tamikaruskin2345]

Facts. They only do things to benefit themselves. You are an empath so yes you feel good when you help but that's not why you do it.

[@cynthiaestrada8318]

Im having a hard time figuring out if my sister is a narcissist because she loves her family and her group of feminist friends. But it reflects on her. Otherwise if it detracts from her….

[@mariahconklin4150]

Yes he was projecting

[@cc1k435]

Yes, this is the same kind of guy who also accused me out of the blue of cheating. More of a confession, coming from someone like that. 😢

[@sheiladay-od2me]

The narcissist will betray you and then ask you to forget the past, I want us to have a new start. When he says this three or four times and you realize the past betrayal was yesterday, it is time to move on, lesson learned.

[@smartmoney1266]

Going thru this.. Lesson learned! I don't deserve this!

[@janetsadeghi1501]

I love how Dr. Ramini lights up when she's educating people about narcissism. You can tell how passionate she is about her work.

[@CLMB-g2e]

This really only addresses the signs for overt narcissistic behavior. A covert narcissist will show none of these red flags in the beginning. They are more dangerous IMO. Red flags for the covert narcissist: 1. Inconsistencies in how they treat and interact with different people. Public persona does not match private one. 2. Moodiness. When they sulk it’s near impossible for them to shake it off when important things need to be addressed. They can go into a rage over small slights, boycott restaurants or stores for a mistake they made even if the CN has had mostly good luck there. If the words,”cut off their nose to spite their face” can often be applied to a person, it’s a red flag. 3. Love bombing. Either in an early romantic relationship or the platonic equivalent of new friendship or work relationship. 4. Uses the DARVO method when confronted or criticized for a mistake.

[@dianehenke2539]

At age 64 I have just now met my first narcissist. This video is nailing it! Word for word. Phrases I’ve never used in any other relationship.

[@apathyguy8338]

Encountering your first narcissistic 64 have you been in a hole your entire life?

[@JudyWhiterock]

How lucky you are

[@ginam.4990]

She's been lucky

[@christopher5585]

What a curse.

[@daweller]

At 64 you have probably met a few, but only recently have we had the term narcissist

[@allisongay6873]

This is priceless informations. I left a relationship with a narcissist, felt regret and grief but listening to this I now know I actually saved myself. This podcast is very clear, thorough and helping ❤️

[@d.b.s.6381]

People need to learn all they can about narcissists in order to spot them and avoid them. I accidentally made friends with one but didn't know enough about narcissism to know he was one. I and everyone else knew something was off, but none of us knew the exact nature of what we were dealing with. This is a widely misunderstood topic.

[@SmoothBrain23]

SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE THEIR PARTNER PASSES TRAITS OFF TO THEM WHICH ONE OF THOSE TRAITS CAN BE OF NARCISSITIC BEHAVIOR. THEN WHEN THE ORIGINAL NARCISSIST SEES THAT CURRENT TRAIT IN THEIR PARTNER THEY BEGIN DIAGNOSING THEM WHILE BLINDLY OVERLOOKING THEIR OWN ACTIONS OF BEING THE TRUE NARCISSIST IN THAT SCENARIO, THAT PERSON WILL CONCLUDE THAT THEIR PARTNER IS THE PROBLEM AND NOT THEIRSELF. NOT SAYING THIS WAS YOUR SCENARIO BUT I DO WANT TO SHED LIGHT ON THAT ASPECT INCASE THAT EVER WAS OR COULD BE THE CASE. THE BEST WAY TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE IS THROUGH THEIR PARENTS, IF YOU FEEL YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST, IT WOULD BE BEST TO SHARE CONVERSATION WITH THAT PERSON'S PARENTS TOGETHER AND A ONE ON ONE CONVERSATION TO SEE HOW THEY REACT, INTERACT IN THAT MOMENT. ALSO MEET THAT PERSON'S FRIENDS, MAYBE THE FRIEND WHO THEY MET UP WITH BEFORE THEY MET WITH YOU IS A NARCISSIST AND YOUR PARTNER ABSORBED THAT TRAIT THEN RECREATES THIS TRAIT WHILE BEING WITH YOU SHORTLY AFTER. BEST TO YOU WITH YOUR PROGRESSION IN UNDERSTANDING AND INTERPRETING NARCISSISM IN YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, FELLOW EMPLOYEES, CLASSMATES AND YOUR CURRENT/FUTURE PARTNER.

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

Yes, but it's a bit dangerous that she's mostly just describing the behaviors / red flags of an overt narcissists. Covert narcissists are much more dangerous and even harder to spot. Covert narcissists can do a lot of listening in the beginning because they're trying to spot your vulnerabilities. It can seem like "reciprocity" or "listening", but in reality it's just finding the chinks in your armor. It can be very dangerous to associate narcissism with "talking only about yourself". The self-centeredness of narcissists can manifest in many ways, not just one-sided conversations.

[@elisabethrio6498]

@@d.b.s.6381 For sure~Master manipulators!

[@noodlepair.]

Me too.

[@karenlaos5849]

I'm very happy to say I'm done with the narcissist I've allowed to control me and my money over the past 5 years. I left him in May and I'm across the country, but was planning on going back to him at the end of August. Thank you very much Dr. Romani and Erica! Fortunately he incited my anger and rage as only he can do and I watched your video. Good heavens, I'm way too nice and I've been miserable with him way too long. I'm a very strong powerful woman and how could I be so stupid? Thank you so much!!!

[@wolfesound]

No child gets the same parents when they share these parents biologically. Time of life and events change things. One child may have an aggressive temperament, which translates into bullying a sibling, while the parents don't correct it. The child who gets humbled by life consistently may end up being kinder and more empathic, while the child that gets what they want with minimal correction may end up entitled, rageful and narcissistic. The roles given by the parents determine largely how each child develops their personality. Favoritism, abuse of one child, excessive positive attention to the other, or neglect of all children leads to each fighting for survival in a different way. One can use humor, another becomes suicidal, another becomes detached and another learns to get what they want via violent temper tantrums.

[@elipotter369]

I agree. Well said. Each child - different age, position in family, and in relation to each parent; allocated roles etc etc. Different personalities, and different school experiences and talents. Though overall too there were some broad brush strokes or a flavour of habits, behaviours and attitudes.

[@annettegardiner7270]

Yes I agree

[@aanchaallllllll]

0:07: 🔍 A narcissistic person has a distorted sense of self-appraisal and may not see their behavior as a problem. 6:58: 🚗 The speaker discusses the correlation between dangerous driving and narcissism. 13:09: 🔑 Narcissistic tendencies can have a long-lasting impact on relationships and can be difficult to recognize and justify. 20:00: 🔍 Narcissistic people have a rigid and unchanging personality style, with a distorted self-appraisal. 26:03: 🔍 The development of narcissistic traits in individuals is a complex process influenced by various factors. 32:33: 👥 The speaker discusses the importance of modeling empathy for children and not over-indulging them. 38:37: 🔑 The key to dealing with narcissists is to not go deep with them, not defend yourself, not engage with them, not explain yourself, and not personalize their behavior. 44:59: 🧠 Approximately 20% of the population may exhibit narcissistic traits, with 1-5% meeting the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. 51:11: 😔 Recognize the limitations of a toxic relationship and find support elsewhere. 57:54: 💔 The video discusses the challenges of being in a relationship with a narcissistic person and suggests therapy as a way to cope. 1:04:08: 🤑 Different types of people's approach towards money in a relationship. 1:10:12: 🌦 Weather and other neutral topics can provide conversation starters. 1:16:14: 💡 In cases of moderate narcissistic abuse, it is important to check in with the person and let them know that you are there for them. Recap by Tammy AI

[@savitatewari5836]

Very well explained

[@gloriapegram3756]

Thank you.....

[@caralee2617]

When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

[@Kanggaxx]

That was insanely well written. Just wanted to let you know. That should be in the books.

[@mday3821]

Wished more people understood this. Very well written and description of Narcissists. You keep saying, "Don't take it personal," but that is so hard to do when it's your own mother. Mine gone, but I knew none of this when dealing with her. She did so much damage because I took it personally. 😥

[@boop79]

Nah when your life is on the line it IS personal.

[@eclectigirl]

This is spam. Very well written, but spam nevertheless.

[@rebeccagolightly8959]

The bot ad! I have yet to see one in the wild. Take pictures kids! That uneasy feeling when you realize, that's the uncanny valley

[@Adagiowellness]

Narcissists put on a good show. They convince many to think they are great(except the empath who sees straight through them) but watch out for the narcissistic rage behind closed doors. 2:49

[@mainecoonmami]

Behind closed doors a totally different person, so people don’t believe you at first when you share how they act.

[@BethKeller-q3r]

That is so true!! This guy could be in an uncomfortable rage, someone suddenly appeared, his switch to outside “normal” was astonishing!!!! I left 20yrs ago. I have done the work.

[@pchsndcrmfrvr]

Transactional empathy is absolutely correct. I experienced that and it kept me in the loop longer

[@chanbriajackson4679]

This one hit home! It's always playing victim to get something from you

[@MarieM-p5w]

What's Transactional empathy?

[@cindysmith6833]

You can spot a Narcissis instantly, just by listening to them , you hear them say…. I , I , I , and me, me, me a lot

[@funningincircles]

Until they want you to do something, then it's "are we going to do this?"

[@DrPhilGoode]

Very few narcissistic individuals are so overt they can be identified “instantly”. There is an entire subset of narcissistic behavior that falls under the “covert” category. They are master manipulators…only Cindy can see them so clearly. 🙄

[@Alieortwo]

Not all. In the beginning they lure you in by listening and studying you.

[@movingsaudade6028]

Trust me,not all do that. One i had to deal with wasn't a 'I i i i i' person.. But their obsession with putting everything and everyone down was concerning. They'd criticize staff i loved,TV shows i showed interest in,places i wanted to go to, and criticized my career.Even without the 'i's, there was always something wrong with someone or someone else' something...Theyd even sometimes criticize gifts i bought for them...i can go on and on.

[@gellybean6068]

unless they are smart/covert

[@KristinaArntz]

I’ve had a few close, intense, short-lived female friendships that I later realized were with narcissists. They put on a great first impression but over time their words and actions didn’t match when it came to caring about me/reciprocating the friendship. It was like being friends with a teenager.

[@elipotter369]

I had one friend for 20 years. We didn't see each other often, but we'd done car sharing, a trip away and courses together, etc. She was energetic and upbeat, and came across as an upper class lady, which turned out to be a facade. When I went to stay with her, she was a monster and a classic narcissist. She bullied me so much I had to get out of the friendship.

[@viktoriyaoneil2006]

@@elipotter369, not until you are up close to them you can know who you are dealing with. It happened to me too… only with my mom 🤷‍♀️

[@blessed7927]

Or a brick 🧱 -being friends with a narc

[@nicoleadiaz1]

Yep I got rid of these people

[@janetdiaz8916]

Some of these characteristics, that are mentioned, do not describe a covert narcissist. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. They think the same as other kinds of narcissists. Certain curcumstances in a relationship give them away. There is a heaviness and chaotic exhaustion. And the empath has intense heart pain from the narcissist's constant passive aggressive rejection and subtle deprivation of love.

[@brg2743]

Run. They aren't worth it.

[@ljrockstar69]

Watch how a narcissist treat service people (restaurant, store, hotel), if they are rude and disrespectful it's a red flag! Be vigilant to these behaviors, don't overlook!

[@marlenevideos8666]

That is true. The red flag is they treat cashier's, hotel help, etc., with contempt. I've seen it.

[@SchoolOfUnlearning3]

My husband treats service people well particularly but behind doors he is a narcissist. Edit: On the other hand, my dad doesn’t look at service people, doesn’t smile or acknowledge them but he doesn’t a lot of charity without letting his name out. He says charity is something that should not be bragged about. He is humble inside, has a sense of humour but on the outside he looks strict.

[@northofyou33]

I left a man because he was so rude to service people. I dodged a bullet there, but then I married a love bombing narcissist. There were no red flags (except the love bombing, which I did not know about then) until 2 years into the marriage. I was pregnant, and I hung in there.

[@deborahcollins1100]

My narcissistic husband can actually be so very Mr Charming when dealing with maybe a server or cashier and especially older women except me of course

[@Texasgirlinacrazyworld]

Not always the case. I was with a psychopath & he was usually very polite and better to strangers, like waitstaff and people at the bar.

[@alicec.6195]

Interesting to see her talking about the 6 months time to really get to know someone. After my last relationship with a covert narcissist ended I made myself the rule of not getting into a relationship before 6 months I met someone. Narcissists NEVER manage to keep their masks on for longer than that, as partners, friends or coworker.

[@elipotter369]

I had a friend for 20 years. We didn't see each other often, but had done car sharing, a trip away etc. She was energetic and upbeat, and ladylike. It wasn't until I went to stay with her, I saw her upmarket politeness was all a facade - and I think she hated me for being far more ladylike than her behind closed doors! She then bullied me so much I had to leave the friendship.

[@celesteinman56]

But because of gaslighting so often we miss the signs and red flags

[@elisabethrio6498]

Yes, once they have us roped in, we start hearing the whole story of their life. By then, we have bonded with them. Beware.

[@carolynmccall7592]

A friend once told me we have to see a person through all four seasons before we decide to get into a relationship. 12 months minimum. I agree. I’ve been shocked by too many narcissists who could keep their mask up for a short time.

[@sf356]

Also, go through a crisis with them. People are like tea bags, you never know what’s inside them until you drop them in hot water.

[@dragonSalad]

This is invaluable! My siblings is a narcissist, definitely inherited from one of our parents who is also an narcissist. You cant have a bad day because their day was worse and your good day is only interesting when it benefits them. They're both hypercondriacs, whenever they have a small ailments they always seem to be the 1 in 10 people with the extreme side effects or conditions of their ailments, even though theres no visible proof. Their "empathy" is really just sympathy - because feeling bad for someone else makes them feel better about themselves. Ive learned to love them without being close because nothing is sacred in your relationship with them.

[@user56gghtf]

💕 Awareness is knowledge.

[@andreamayne3509]

Yes a nightmare when it's a family member as you can't easily get away from them. I would hate to have made the mistake of partnering one. I doubt I will tie myself in with anyone. At least then, you can walk away.

[@shellybarnes5429]

The love -bombing is a big red flag for people early on. Unnatural giving and complimenting, especially from covert narcissists, are there in the very beginning. You'll feel like it's a bit over the top. It's very difficult to leave them later on because you don't know they have NPD and because you trauma bond with them and they have convinced you that you are the problem. If you could just do this or that, they would be able to be happy. They will keep moving that bar. Your trauma response is to develop c-ptsd and try to keep fixing things by working on yourself.

[@dianetrue2396]

You nailed it. In my youth I knew nothing about this stuff. I was young and naive. Fortunately, I listened to my gut and never married him. Been married 34 years to a normal man and very grateful. Glad ppl have these videos available and many are receiving this information. Who knew?

[@SheRahMusic]

Im at that point where I’m so exhausted and irritated by that person that I just want him to leave. Our kids are suffering too and talking and trying to explain what’s going wrong in our house is always called an attack against him. I can’t stand this coldness anymore. I had a panic attack yesterday I screamed so loud because of hurt not being heard by him. I tried to explain and instead of taking it and try to understand he projected it back and wanted to blame me instead. Not even reacting to my concerns….snd guess what after that he just gave me the cold shoulder and went to bed. Just so to wake up an being blamed why I didn’t woke him up and no concern or interest about my well being. I’ve been to many stages with this man that I give up now. It’s starting to become anger. Please let us stand up for ourselves. Everyone deserves peace and harmony. Doesn’t matter if we have children with them. We should ask ourselves what it will do with our children if we stay in such an unfulfilled and downgrading/abusive relationship…it’s not worth it 🫶🏼

[@amber40494]

I got breast cancer after 13 years of marriage to the narc. I think being devalued, frozen out, cheated on, lied to, etc contributed to it.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

The negative energy can give you a lot of disease and suck your soul out in the long run.

[@annthomson5648]

I know it did for mine.

[@lovefaith6285]

My sister is a retired nurse and she was conditional on how she treated patients or how long their wait would be to see the doctor. She's very mean, immature, raging and very inconsistent with her mood. I just turned 50 and I just realized all the narcissistic behavior I grew up with only a few years ago. I've been sending videos like these to her son, my nephew, to help him out of her unhealthy, crazy cycle. He's also in therapy and doing so well. Thank you for all that you do. 👏👏👏👏👏✌💜

[@selfesteem3447]

LoveFaith, relate to your comment. I'm 56 years old now and I did not learn ANYTHING about narcissism until I was 50 years old also. My identical twin sister isolated me from her three kids as babies and two of them are twins, all are now adults. I never got to know them at all, I wish I could send them video clips. I'm so happy your nephew is doing well. I recently made an acquaintance with the best friend of her oldest child. I was able to ask, do they know what she is? Do they know she is a narcissist and a psychopath? He said oh, yeah. And they are done & soooo tired of her b s. He told me how awful she's doing in life, Just like this video explains. I told him to send them a message of studying narcissism and psychopathy & told him what her subtypes are, for them to heal and educate themselves on what they've endured.

[@lovefaith6285]

@@selfesteem3447 I'm happy to hear that your sister's children are aware of their mom's narcissism and I hope you will be able to connect with them and have a relationship with them. My sister broke up with her boyfriend of 17 years and I sent him videos on narcissism after learning how she was trying to pit him and her son against each other. Luckily my nephew was already aware of his mother's narcissistic patterns and wasn't falling for the triangulation. My sister's boyfriend is a really sweet, kind hearted man and I didn't want to see him endure more years of abuse like her 2nd husband. Some of the things he told us that my sister said to him and was doing were jaw dropping. My nephew, his wife and I have been sharing info with him and we've been helping him get his home back in order. He's neglected his home for so long because he was always doing for my sister and his home has become very disorganized, chaotic and depressing. His children no longer visited him because my sister isolated him from seeing them and so we are hoping that by getting his him cleaned and organized he'll be able to have his family over. Everything we are doing to help him has to be done carefully because my nephew and I know the consequences of his mother's wrath even though I gone no contact with her 3 years ago. I'm sure she's going to find out how we're helping him and we've decided to ban together because we are all tired of her abuse. I really do hope your able to connect with your sister's children.✌💜

[@kik000M15]

Sis in law is a nurse and a narc yet got appraisal for how great she treated a patient. She could definitely act like she cares, but behind closed doors she’ll shamelessly talk about patients in a demeaning, vicious, ridiculing way. Laughing about it but in the same sentence say , “i feel bad though.”

[@jackthepippa]

Such familiar accounts. I almost feel the generation of the 1960’s seemed to produce so many narcissists and we are just waking up to them. So many have been in my life, I seemed to be magnetised to them... I couldn’t put my finger on their Jekyll & Hyde characters, but now it’s all falling into place. Trouble is I feel it’s too late for me now and that life is over from all the cumulative damage and resultant mistrust. 😢

[@lovefaith6285]

@@kik000M15 my sister would do the same thing when she would go by our parent's house for lunch. I remember she went to an arts fest and their was an Indian dancer performing barefoot on a black stage and ended up burning her feet. The event coordinators were needing medical help and my sister said to me, "I could've helped but I didn't feel like it. She should of known the stage would be hot so it's really her fault." I couldn't comprehend her response and asked her, "why did you want to be a nurse?" She just said, "because I wanted to.." 😒

[@semmaville]

Dr Ramani woke me up. I was getting there but I always felt guilt. Not anymore. I have to rethink my entire outlook on humanity after waking up. I thought most everyone was mean and cruel behind closed doors. Not anymore. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤❤❤

[@Midnightstar2093]

I like how she explains it so calmly and nicely and to the point. ❤

[@migati]

Everytime, literally every single time Dr. Ramani speaks about narcissism, she speaks about my mother's behaviour. I can pick any Video, it will be a journey to the past. And I'm so glad I cut the contact to my mother years ago. I am so grateful for Dr. Ramani's tireless approach to this issue. She truly heals people and gives them understanding, clarity and orientation.

[@lesleynunn]

I love how you tied dealing with narcissists into how it also impacts finances in relationships. It’s been one of the biggest barriers to my financial freedom, and making the connections are so key.

[@acastle2694]

They use people, if you have nothing to offer them you are easily discarded.

[@user56gghtf]

Not really. Some will but most will just keep trying to get something from you. You see this a lot in school and work situations.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Yup but if you have not much to offer or you pretend you don’t have much to offer, you will be easier to be discarded.

[@Katie-u2n]

Dr. Ramani taught me that my agreeable personality is beautiful (not faulty like I have been conditioned to think) and is giving me the strength to leave my narcissistic partner.

[@katiearellanes891]

My fight with narcissism has been epic. I was in a narcissistic relationship with my ex (Diagnosed), my now husband fought hard to get out of narcissist tendencies within his trauma from narcissists, some family members are attacking me for not giving them attention in spite of the fact they don't contribute anything to our family, and now I'm realizing I'm exhibiting covert narcissism. I'm really tired, but it's worth the fight for the well being of my baby and family and thank you for making this information accessable to the public so it can help people like me

[@jmf5663]

I could listen to Dr Ramani on a loop… what a woman 😊

[@aimararomero4043]

This is an incredible information… I notice how I instinctively avoid narcissistic people. However, sometimes the narcissistic person is part of your family and can’t be avoided. It has been useful to me to listen and not take anything personal or take any comment as a failure on my part. Since, the objective of a conversation with a narcissistic person is making you feel less that’s them, they will try to diminish any good thing you say or do. Just don’t allow that bad energy touch your soul, your mind.

[@hollyk7052]

My ocd is set on people pleasing and man do I worry about the wrong people sometimes, struggling w it bad. Don’t rlly know how to not personalize something that’s meant to be personal. Lol

[@andreamayne3509]

Yes, they spend a large proportion of their time criticising and putting others down. Spending an afternoon listening to all the rubbish is truly deflating and stressful. I would rather not bother but if it's a family member especially an aged one, it's harder to extract yourself.

[@ChadveeA]

Erika, I am convinced now that you are creating one of the best podcasts on the internet. You are an amazing interviewer, know exactly what to ask, allow time for the guest to talk, and are choosing amazing guests overall! Speaking as a content marketer who is now working on improving the podcast where I work! You're the goal :)

[@KekeMoloto]

Agreed!

[@csamay89]

Truly an amazing channel. I've seen so many of her vides... Im becoming incredibly so self aware of this.. and can point out possible narcissist I've known in my life. Incredible

[@drina4706]

Some narcissists seem to not hear you when you are talking to them. That is also a sign-- nay, a flashing red light!!! Mine did that to the point where I asked him if he had hearing issues. He said no. I later, years later realized that he had NPD, covert NPD (he called it a problem with pride) and that he did not care about what I was saying. Not much anyway. Not most of the time. It was what he wanted, his way. Grateful that I did not marry him.

[@idunno6480]

Wow. Exact question I asked my girlfriend. Same response. Thank you

[@francoisgouws7288]

But they expect your full attention at al times!

[@kronos458]

Good point, it always irritated me. Look at their body language as when you speak they -Look away -Start doing sth else - Have blank unemotional/disconnected eyes. It' all about diminishing,devaluing and asserting power.

[@MOC846]

An introverted empath, this is definitely me. I will shift to show up for the people I deeply care for, staying to see it through. Thank you for perfectly describing this. People can be of multiple truths ❤🥹

[@michaelwhite6614]

First time I've watched this channel and 5 minutes into the video I've noticed Erika hasn't interrupted her guest once. Kudos to you Erika for displaying the greatest attribute a host can possess.

[@heartroccs]

Erika, you asked the most valuable questions I have ever heard. This sharing of knowledge and experiences gave me goosebumps too. Thank you for this and all your content.

[@carolkprukop8135]

Omg! This made me realize that a friend of a friend has strong narcissistic tendencies. He drove a group of us to the airport once and ran all the stop signs saying he wouldnt waste his time with them! I was terrified. I sore i would never ride with him driving again, but now i think i will just completely avoid him.

[@raycuellar1]

Wow! You really nailed it! Because of my wrong understanding of what a narcissist is, it took me forever to identify this as the reason behind my partners behavior. What has thrown me off is that when things are good, they’re really good. I love how you explained that confusing behavior.

[@thedude6617]

I lost many of the best years of my life dedicated to a narcissistic woman and a decade can fly by so fast.

[@coffee_uk]

Your not alone 👍🏾 times a good healer

[@cutiebrowngirl]

Future faking really eats time

[@KittenBowl1]

That’s really rare and much rarer here. Women are much more vulnerable because they’re disadvantaged in the society especially monetary part and countless men are more narcissistic than women in the world, though that happens more especially in the West. I mean men here feel threatened just to be equal to women or idea of itself. But one thing you should know, love makes both men and women blind and can make you do things you don’t normally do. My advice, don’t fall for someone so easily. Listen to your guts too. Be kind to yourself more.

[@3saok]

Same . Please god we will meet a decenr human one day

[@cc1k435]

Absolutely. To be fair, I can see how someone would stay to spare the time they realize they'd further waste fighting over the kids and such. In the marriage I am now ending, I figured his mostly ignoring a kid is better than watching him go out of his way to mess with their head. Neither is ideal, and both scenarios are tremendous time wasters. That's navigating life with a narcissist. 😕

[@hagninety4116]

I started a relationship with a narcissist. She seemed nice at first. We had an arrangement where I would help clean her yard and help with the garden. She offered to let me garden in a couple planter boxes so I could grow some food for the season. I spent the entire season cleaning, pulling weeds and loading garbage bins and also planting a beautiful edible garden in the boxes. She’s an older lady, so I didn’t mind and actually was happy to help. One day when I came by to water the plants, on the hottest week of the summer, she comes at me to tell me I’m overwatering. Not in a way where she was informing me, but rather that I was uncaring and not paying any attention to what I was doing. I’ve been gardening for years, and know the difference between runoff from the soil being too dry rather than watering so much that it’s overflowing. I told her I don’t think I’m overwatering. She tells me she took a photo of where the water is running through. She then proceeds to tell me in an aggressive tone that I’m a male so I’m just stubborn when I’m wrong and that I’m a millennial and we can’t take any criticism. I don’t know why any of that was brought up. Then she goes on to tell me that the run off will cause weeds to grow, mind you that I’ve been clearing all the weeds for months. Then she says the water cost money. Which I don’t understand how that would matter, it takes water to care for plants and whatever I used would not equal but so value. Then she points to the wooden garden boxes and says I’m ruining her boxes. In which are over 10 years old and falling apart already. Then she tells me I’m not a caring person because I don’t care about the environment and cause too much waste. I told her that I didn’t know I had to garden her way. Her response was yeah it’s my house. I told her she was right about that. I took all my supplies that day I haven’t came back. Now she is texting me about how she didn’t think I was that kind of person that would get so upset about her telling me I overwatered, and that she hopes I’m ok because she still needs me to stop at the store to grab her some soil. I spent weeks/months manually caring for her yard and she is complaining about the cost of drops of water, and insulting me as a person. The unnecessary guilt and shame she tried to throw at me was ridiculous.

[@limitedtime5471]

She was testing you to see how much poop you're willing to eat.

[@BradSabako]

I highly doubt that she’s a narc. She just sounds like a bitter old lady, who is lonely and projects her unhappiness.

[@hagninety4116]

@@BradSabako yeah. Because you know so much.

[@BradSabako]

@@hagninety4116 well, I watched noted psychologists discuss narcissism discuss the spectrum of the disorder, for the last eight years, on you tube. I saw two psychologists in person with her, who talked separately about her disorder. That was over three years. I attended focus groups of narc survivors for years. So yeah, I do know quite a bit more than the average Joe!

[@Hatbox948]

Wow. I would never go back. My ex narcissist complained about water usage all the time, even when I paid the bill. Everything had to be his way, even loading a dishwasher. I think she is a narcissist.

[@AM-cg2sg]

I love this 'If I am not getting paid, I am not doing this'! I have been practicing this with bossy people for decades. I actually started telling them that! I'd say ' At work I may be told what to do, at home I need to do things for my family because they depend on me. But in friendship I'd not need someone to try to tell me what to do or need me to do things that they could do for themselves. If I am not getting paid to or if someone is not a child I am not responsible for doing things for them that they can do for themselves.

[@cinemaunitestheworld]

I've been a fan of Dr. Ramani (dealing with my own mistakes as well as others) and this was one of her best talks! Thank you so much to both of you!

[@maryrobinson4614]

I don't know how I am dealing with all the people in my life who are narcassists. Friends and family. It's nuts. I find your information very helpful. I think after a while you become numb to them.

[@ashlyriddick1899]

My Aunt is a covert narcissist, and when my mother (her sister) was diagnosed with lung cancer, she and I became my mother's caregivers; she kept setting out to prove how superior she was as a caregiver and never failed to share with other family members how much she had to sacrifice. Even though my mother was dying, my aunt constantly made it about her. Fast forward, my mother passed on, and now I see how my mother was my Aunt's meal ticket. She lives under my mother's roof; my mother pays 80% of the bills and buys food, and I can't help but feel I inherited my mother's burden.

[@iamv-wiz6363]

Dr. Ramani helped me when I first discovered that I was with a narcissist for almost 20 years. Her work was very helpful to me when I was in grief of finding out the truth about Narcissists. Next to "HG Tudor she gave me the best therapy. Now I Can spot a Narcissistic person in less than a month of hanging out with them on the regular. Gratitude to the Goddess Ramani ❤🔥🔥💯

[@advancedbasicsAB]

Excellent podcast. Dr Ramini is just a wonderful human and at the top of her game. Thank you both!

[@EveningTV]

Such a good point about thinking they'll take care of you. I was married ten years and we'd built a beautiful life together and with success in our business the devalue and discard phase began. He started telling me that he didn't need me anymore. I didn't know about all of this then and I was crushed by what was happening because I had grown up as the scapegoat in my narcissistic family and he was the prove that I was loveable and I didn't have that anymore. Then I had a health crisis and the reaction from everyone was swift and cruel. No one wanted to be there for me when I needed help and support. With friends it became complicated because of the husband family I didn't have I needed more than friends could do for me and I didn't talk about it but they knew it and I withdrew so that I didn't burn them out.

[@Tee-Star]

Withdrawal from your only support, in this case friends, is falling into the best known tactic of a NARC: isolation and control. Hope you are out, and recovered now🎉❤

[@cindyreeves5048]

😢I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope your life is in greener pastures now.

[@mariegallagher4725]

My ex when I first met him only talked about himself and he always drove aggressively. I wish I knew about high narcissism earlier in my life. It should be taught about in schools.

[@francoisgouws7288]

Being trapped in a car with a narcissist is a nightmare!

[@AnnaMishel]

In my experience there has been an exponential increase in narcissists. Now it’s above 50%. Yes most people!

[@갠쇼]

I like what she said that when you raised happy and empathetic children you did the right parenting

[@cdejewel]

My narcissistic grandmother tried to destroy us but we have a soul. My mom and my uncle did everything they could to turn it around. That is their greatest success. Love wins ❤

[@4669Mikehines]

Same..... shes to far gone and I avoid her as much as possible

[@celesteinman56]

I had what I'd call a nervous breakdown with my 3rx marriage. Just after the happiest 3 months I'd ever had in my life. My mind didn't belong to me for over 2 1/2 years after that. Finally came to be me again but not 100 percent. So much valuable time was lost. Precious time.

[@monkedit2014]

My mom is a narcissist and i have suffered my entire life!

[@namastea]

I am so sorry to hear this. I am so worried about my nephew, my sibling is a narcissist and my nephew is always sad or mad or angry and I know its because of their parent (my sociopathic narcissistic sibling), I don't know what to do to help.

[@dianaa3336]

🥺❤

[@ladeek35]

I’m in hopes you will not continue to suffer. And when you are ready, I hope you’ll regain your life.

[@northofyou33]

dyana, same here. It is a rough life!

[@soniahathaway1]

Mine too. After trying on and off to build a semblance of , a relationship, never again. Mother and most siblings too crazy making! 🙀

[@DarcyG-nk5nv]

Love Dr. Ramani. We have an only child who is now, sadly, disabled due to a neurological disorder that we had no clue existed. It took him down in the 2nd grade. Before this happened, he was top of his class, very funny, loving, & sweet. He was gifted in martial arts. I saw signs of empathy in him ... He cried, at age 5, watching The Never Ending Story. He felt the pain of Atreyu's tears as his horse, Artax, was sucked into the swamp of sadness. He gave away toys to friends, who he felt had a bad day. Not his worst toys either, his best toys. Yes, we showered him with love and doted on him, but we had a healthy balance of reward and consequences. Just because he was an only child, that didn't mean we were going to put him on a pedestal. If he did wrong, he got punished. If he did good, he was rewarded. And he was reminded we always love him, no matter what. He was very agreeable. He was inquisitive. He shared easily if he had a playdate. I think parents these days are nuts! When I was a kid, if a teacher called my Mom to complain about my behavior (I was chatty), my Mom would punish me. Now a teacher calls home, and the parent asks the teacher what she did to upset the kid. We are breeding narcissists. I'm still old school ... teach children respect. You don't have to demean them to do it. I believe with all my heart, Christopher would have grown up to be a kind and empathic man. So him being an only child, was not an issue. I really do think it comes down to parenting or lack there of. And IMHO ... faith in God is a plus.

[@ClassicOpinion]

It’s my opinion: ~I’ve observed in life that evil comes for the young as well……It comes down to a choice in one life whatever the circumstance of how it began or how one was raised neglected loved or abused……..either one choose death or one choose life……..it starts with a choice~

[@cayleesjustice]

Agreed....God should be in the mix of the counseling, also...

[@johnayala5551]

This is so true. The moment you stopped hoping & faced the reality & accepted the fact that the narcissistic people in your life will never change, then that's the only time you can start healing. I followed Dr. Ramani's advice of no contact with the narcissists & it transformed my life into peace, fulfilment & happiness. Life is so beautiful without the narcissists. I just wished narcissism & its dynamics was thoroughly taught in highschool & college and made it a curriculum in schools to help millions of people avoid heartaches, disappointment, misery & trauma inflicted by narcissists. I understand that no-contact with narcissists is not always an option to some or most people but I was so fortunate that I'm in a position that I can easily & happily exist without the narcissists who are the worst kind of low-quality individuals.

[@GodammitNappa]

Listening on how to raise a kid to avoid narcissism, it hurt. I recognized just how much I missed that as a child and during my upbringing and it did not help the self centered person I have definitely become (victim mentality and unable to regulate emotions) and I can vouch, as someone now having to reparents myself and grow up, that it is a LOT of work, and much easier to not change. So raise kids in this way please. The world needs more kids who have the resources when they reach adulthood instead of having to learn them very late in life and causing a lot of damage (inward and outward) along the way Edit: the part about the parents saying things like "you need to do this, you should go here, no this is the right job for you" reminds me that I was all for going to art school, wanted to be a game designer, wanted to draw my entire life and my parents (father mostly and other adults in my life as well) would keep telling me how intense, how hard, how difficult that world was. Rather than letting me figure it out on my own they would fill my head with thought that I would not make it and regret it and make no money. I make decent money now but I am not truly happy or doing what I love. I am working for money. I regret it and in hindsight wish I had the autonomy to tell them no and pursue what I wanted but I was not raised with it well enough. I could go back now but have decided not to as I instead need to work on myself mentally rather than change careers but that is my own thought and choice. Just realized how intense it was.

[@CynthiaBiel]

You can still do what you love as a hobby and it can become a side gig or even a job.......also, how you express and self reflect shows that you say you are self centered but you are not a narcissist. A narcissist can not self reflect.

[@JustdoyouV]

You can still do all of these things. Statt small, step by step. Because of the trauma don't push yourself to the max. Just start

[@cherylnathanodette]

There are many therapists around but I find Dr. Ramini very interesting and elevated when discussing her topic of choice. Superb I love listening to her. Many thanks.

[@annak6537]

I'm struggling to find words that truly capture the immense value this information holds for us. Its potential to greatly enhance the trajectory of our individual futures is remarkable, and the fact that Dr. Ramani shares it with all of us for free is truly incredible! Thank you countless times!! 🌺

[@gemmagalang6634]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani , you are a blessing to every Nacs victims .

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

What happened yesterday, no longer matters. Today is another day. Get back on the right track and move closer to your dreams. Yes you can do it.

[@maiaallman4635]

That's so nice. Thank you ❤

[@raven3moon]

What happened yesterday affects today and tomorrow, but you should learn from it and not let it control you, especially not in a negative way.

[@SamSolasdonSaol]

Interesting to see this sentiment as the same thing was just said to me by my son, (a full blown narcissist who we've been no contact with for 3 1/2 years) today in the ICU. Yeah... not going to just forget all the incredibly cold cruelties he's fully responsible for because yesterday is done. Life is peaceful without the charisma to cruelty dance.

[@thebeboshow4421]

What happened yesterday actually matters a lot

[@seanal5405]

I'm on the fence about this comment. It actually sounds a bit narcissistic and insensitive to me. Victims of narc abuse simply can't just walkaway, move on, and forget the living HELL that we were put through. My narc ex almost killed me and a friend of mine and is thankfully doing 35 years in prison. But I will NEVER get over that. But I am working on moving forward and onto better things in my life.

[@Desaved]

This woman knows what matters in the longrun - yourself. I have a narcistist in my life and they're more than annoying. It's so draining to deal with them and they have the nerve to always blame me for pointing out what's wrong with their personality. Never excepting responsibility. Always looking for someone else to blame. Always ready to hear the apology, but never willing to give it. I really needed to hear what this doctor was talking about . So thankful you did this because the cost of therapy is too much.

[@dyrectory_com]

I've watch numerous Dr. Ramani video's. I like it best when she's being interviewed, it brings out the best. 🦉

[@Lilsparrow-of4pv]

(A late comment.) I can't believe it! Two women on KZbin that I hold in very HIGH regard talking to each other!!! And life teaches One that most people are NOT to be held in high regard! Keep bringing it! ✌️😎

[@AvaGrail]

I just love the part of this discussion that involves how to raise kids really spot on thank you for your work😊

[@dorothybennington475]

A coworker of mine let me know in a soft way that what my husband was doing to me wasn't okay. That was the first seed. It still took .e years to get out but get out I finally did. Thank you for this topic and podcast.

[@zishakan3898]

I was in a relationship with narcissist. Who always gaslighted me that I'm not good enough. Everyday I cried and he wasn't leaving me. I wanted to get rid of him so bad but I unable to. Finally he is no more in my life.

[@maryharris7828]

I love the way Dr. Ramni is careful with how she speaks. She adjust, dumb down her choice of words& methodology to lamen terms, so simple-minded people can comprehend.❤👌💯✌️love you Dr. Ramni!!🙏

[@Detty068]

Your explanations of this manipulative disorder is so true with my experience … thx you

[@lindamoses3697]

I've got to disengage from a narcissistic person safely. That's going to be difficult. The need to feel secure in every way is what I need.

[@northofyou33]

I left my narcissistic husband. I didn't feel secure in any way when I left because I had two young children and no money and no family around for support. Nonetheless, leaving him was the best thing I ever did, and I only wish I had done it sooner.

[@amber40494]

I hope you have some other person or family for support. My dad was a narc but he was very supportive and protected me from my ex during my divorce.

[@Red_Pill_Matrix]

Thanks!🙏 It will take time

[@lynncarter4964]

Dr Ramani you are saving lives, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and thank you Erika for having this interview. Keep up the great work!

[@lilianproencademenezesmont4161]

Erica Kullberg is an excelent interviewer. She has a gentle voice , agreable and a good listerner. Dr. Ramani , we already know. She is a jewel , ratna as we say in Sanskrit.

[@-nanabanana]

I'm having a really hard time accepting that Jada Pinket Smith is not a Narcissist... After Dr Ramani has been working with her so long I wish she could address this!! She's even showing videos from The Red Table 🤔I respect and love Dr Ramani and she's helping me recognize what my deep trauma from my Narcissist mother so bad I have been suicidal since 12, every day of my life. She is one of my favourite People. But I don't get it how, in my opinion, she hasn't seen that Jada is atleast Narcissistic

[@Lekikna]

I can’t believe that I put up with all of it but I’ve been to blind with love to see it. I hope that we all learn and move on

[@KCNwokoye]

Excellent job by Dr. Ramani helping to heal people from narcissistic abuse and reveal narcissistic patterns so more people can be more aware. Erika you asked brilliant questions so thank you for creating space for Dr. Ramani to perform her healing. We send you love and good vibes!

[@hjtres7261]

My mother is incapable of talking about someone else. Her main thing is, she interrupts like nobody's business. She cannot hold space for another person. Talking to her is EXHAUSTING. But I feel like she's covert narcissist.

[@101hamilton]

This is a great interview - thank you both! Erica, you are a wonderful interviewer and Dr. Ramani, you have been such a positive influence on my life and I am very grateful for all your amazing content.

[@Lillie-p5y]

This hit me so hard I know I’m living with a narcissist but I don’t have the courage to end it I hate myself for putting up with it

[@JaniLewisPaperCompulsions]

I understand. I did not think I could ever end my relationship either. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am starting to see how necessary it was to get out of that toxic relationship. I really am better off without him.

[@Morton4958]

I was in the same position, but I first had to go through hell to get rid if him. I’m glad I got rid of him. I am stronger for it and I am super proud of myself. Although, he still sends me dumb text like we are something, we are nothing and for some reason he thinks that we are. I read his dumb text just to laugh at him.

[@KarisPigNose]

You'll get tired of being sick and tired and fantasizing about life without the narcissist.

[@LaisaMaverick]

I ended my relationship yesterday. Tips: tell your therapist, tell your family, tell everyone you are not feeling good. I almost killed my self. Wish you happiness dear, you deserve it, we deserve it. This person is feeding off your big heart ♥️

[@LaisaMaverick]

Also go on a trip to clear your mind. Visit family, be around empathetic people. It will heal you

[@jeanfitzsimmons7442]

This was fascinating. My then husband and i did a test for “happiness” after we had been married ten years or more. Mine suggested i was unhappy, his, according to him, said he was “very happy” so how come i wasn’t happy as well. I should have heard the message that i did not matter, but i did not. Not for many years, couple counseling, couples classes, he had finally agreed to because i told him i wanted a divorce. You know how all this ended. I have been happily divorced for longer than we were married. It did not take him long to find someone else to take care of him and stoke his ego. And i have never regretted the divorce, and a productive life on my own. The only regret is that i did not recognize the read flags and believe me, they were obvious from the beginning. But, he also recognized me as an agreeable easy mark.

[@sophiachoe444]

I've watched countless times of Dr. Ramani and also other KZbin videos, talks, speeches, etc on narcissism. The questions Erika asked were right on the money; it's simplified, clear, and straight to the point without diving in too much and going off on tangents. I've had an abusive relationship when I was 18 years old and I'm in a limbo right now with my current 'relationship'. This video made me realize I'm not crazy. How I'm feeling is valid. How he is, how he acts, etc is what I'm seeing and feeling. This is a great video for validation when you're not sure about it or can't trust your instincts. I'm finding myself not being able to leave fully. We broke up 4 months ago and I moved out but we are 'working it out' when I know this is bad for me. Can you do another video on "Why can't you leave when you should leave?" I feel like I'm not capable of being on my own and I have this internal battle with myself of independence but he won't let me have it. Maybe I became co-dependent without my realizing it? Anyone else feel this way? It's so hard to explain. Anyway, thank you Erik and Dr. Ramani. You guys are life savers.

[@RustyHarrington-p5z]

I was with a female low grade vulnerable narcissist who earned vastly more money than me, and began to resent paying more for holidays, and nights out. I was a university student and living on a student allowance and gradually beginning to earn money. They were also miserly with their money and their belongings. She became irritated when I forgot my face cream once and used theirs. Buying the best of things for herself and buying me the one on sale that was marked down because it had a hole in it. Rather than talk about these things, and communicate any concerns she had, she would sulk, stonewall, become passive aggressive and manipulative. Therapists never picked up on the narcissism, instead, the differences were addressed as different needs, and values.

[@gj5990]

I was with a narcissist who used his diabetes as the excuse for his bad behavior. When he was ruthless in his comments and behavior it was because of his “sugar levels”. Being naive and knowing no one with diabetes I bought it for years! I was in agony because I felt bad for him and his “condition”. I saw myself as a terrible person being affected so deeply. Not until my dad got diabetes and a friend started asking questions did it start to sink in - he was manipulating all of us with this excuse. Then as I looked into narcissism I was stunned at how many boxes he checks off. I was relieved to know it wasn’t me being unloving and impatient, as he’d often tell me.

[@marias5956]

Dr. Ramani is amazing!!!!

[@christinahope4996]

And it's annoying when people don't recognize they have the same behavior patterns over and over. You can set your watch by it. When your having a fun time planned and they destroy the time and act like they haven't done anything wrong.

[@tonyascreativespace3067]

my narcissist actually suggested that I should get my own bank account. Best thing he ever told me! He has no controll over my finances.

[@SarahsSevenSisters]

Thank you, very helpful information. Key points for me were about someone controlling the money and exclusively paying for everything, being vulnerable after a major life change, having a narcissistic parent, and making all conversations about themselves. Sometimes I’ve wondered if I had a narcissist magnet as I have attracted a number of these relationships into my life as if I have not learnt the lesson behind this yet. Fortunately I have not been placed into dangerous situations because of these relationships, mostly just uncomfortable situations. Sending love out to those who not been as fortunate.