ENFP Social Anxiety & Shyness

[@rostrt]

Hmmm, I thought some of these traits are coming from my fearful/preoccupied-anxious attachment style. It makes me pondering for a while. But this is what makes the beauty of human soul. It's so difficult to untangle into simplistic concepts.

[@googleuser9753]

Tibor Rácz woah I’m an enfp & I have preoccupied-anxious attachment too. I wonder if there’s a correlation between the two

[@Anonymous-vu8qq]

Fearful anxious attachment ENFP!

[@prntrfxr]

As an ENFP, I want to be free to be myself, without being controlled and be accepted for who I am, without being judged. That is why we are accepting of others and as a general rule do not judge others unless they violate our core values. When I connect with people and they finally see the real me, they run and I feel hurt. So, when I am in a social situation I either sabotage myself by revealing my inner crazy or pretend I am normal like everyone else. I mean, who wants to hang around a person that is like a light switch. We are either on or off, there is no middle ground. We want to let people in so bad, but we don't want to get hurt. So we have loads of friends but no one close. We have the ability to help people and say the right things at the right time, but we have the ability to say the stupidest things at the wrong time. We have the ability to light up a room or withdraw for months ghosting every friend we know. We can be brilliant and wax philosophical with well thought out ideas or be like a looney toons character in the next moment. Introverts don't get us because we are too extroverted. Extroverts don't get us because we are too introverted. Thinkers don't get us because we don't use logic for decisions. Feelers don't get us because they can't keep up with our intellect. Judgers can believe how scattered we are, but we can be detail oriented in some instances. We are a confusing mess, but we are beautiful inside and we just wish everyone else would see it.

[@Dancestar1981]

prntrfxr would love to get to know more of you because I believe I think in the same wavelength. As an adult I type as an INFP-T but believe I was an ENFP as a child

[@prntrfxr]

@@Dancestar1981 I think I got one part wrong. I put: "When I connect with people and they finally see the real me, they run and I feel hurt." I think it is more like when I connect they run before discovering the real me. I have co-workers who have been working with me for 20 years and most of them think I am cool...except for my ISTJ boss, but well... that isn't too surprising. While I have been working with them for a long time, I don't hang out with any of them and don't really feel the urge to, either.

[@saraguedesdeoliveiraduquea4897]

My goodness, u got it!!!

[@Chigger]

We're so balanced by the turbulent forces cancelling each other out.

[@gracedevries2076]

prntrfxr well said, great for a personality that wants to feel connection to have the most hard to understand personality ever!

[@jessummlee8866]

I always say my biggest life challenges is not wanting to offend people but needing to stand up for what I believe in. 100%.

[@jessummlee8866]

(and I've been an ENFP for 10 years. Take the test atleast once a year, sometimes expecting it may have changed, but every single time it's an ENFP regardless of which test.)

[@Anonymous-vu8qq]

The struggle is REAL

[@makennaleroy489]

Exactly, and it is even worse when what you believe is different from societal norms.

[@enfpflower5751]

Sometimes it scares me how accurate the MBTI about my personality type is. I’m happy that I’m not the only one. There’s often this stereotype that the enfp is this happy go lucky social butterfly, but we often get confronted with the self rejection of our own selves, because we think we’re not good enough so why try but at the same time I want to try and it’s always a inner conflict. God thanks I have my best friend who’s this weirdo that likes to go against the norms and makes me feel the most comfortable person in the world

[@chiaradelmoro7229]

I just want to share my happiness in this very moment. I've kind of suddenly realized that I'm not an INFP and not an introvert, first of all. I'm an ENFP and I cannot really describe how much relief I'm feeling right now. The fundamental need to feel connected to others and loved by them, in conjuction with the will to live my true crazy, enthusiastic self, without any fear, has lead me to choose isolation and to the total repression of my own personality. I cannot describe how hard it has been for me to feel so lonely and empty. But now I'm mine again. So really, deeply thank you. And to all the weirdos ENFP out there: be happy with who you really are and just live

[@ErikThor]

Hey Chiara thanks for your cool comment and grats on discovering your true flow type!

[@floatinqspirit4289]

My god! Totally relate to you! Same situation here. My dear boyfriend isn't an extrovert, and I feel like I've mirrored his personality and neglected my own, because I convinced myself that I am this introvert who doens't need other people - But then I'm constantly asking for us to go to new places, have new experiences, and when the right people come, it's like I'm the happiest person on earth xD thanks for your insights!

[@chiaradelmoro7229]

@@floatinqspirit4289 Happy to know someone else could relate to my own experience and feel a little more understood. I think that the real point in figuring out your true type is getting to know what makes you happy, the things that comes (or came) natural to you. If you focus too much on your coping mechanisms or simply on your behaviour, too often altered by external influences and expectations, it could be really hard to understand who you really are and lastly, what you need and deserve. Wish you well! :D PS: To Erik Thor: I was really excited about your feedback and greatly appreciated it! Your content is great!

[@floatinqspirit4289]

@@chiaradelmoro7229 thank you for your reply! It truly is true! Indeed, this coping mechanism is messing with the true self, very very much. Thank you for that perspective, I didn't view it in those words, but now I see the point. Wish you well and all the best things!

[@Last_Respecter]

Stole the words outta my mouth. Don’t think I’ve related more to a KZbin comment before. When I took the mbti a few times in high school when I was the most closed off in my whole life I would get INFP but yet I had this underlying yet suppressed need to put myself out there but it was masked by anxiety and social fear. Only now do I see myself as ENFP, having retaking the test and even my therapist for anxiety thinks so. But I had to expose myself to social situations repeatedly to allow the real me to come forward.

[@justinsandberg24]

Reading these comments as well as watching this video have made me realize just how few enfp’s i have met in my life and how badly i crave to talk to another one

[@ErikThor]

maybe see if you can go to an mbti meetup? :)

[@libralux1563]

i suggest you to talk to enfj,they'll be there for you especially when you crave intellectual talk

[@ThomasDoubting5]

8% of the general public

[@lostsoul4547]

I feel the same. I'm honestly glad I found out I'm not the only one .. I thought I was psychologically fucked xd goodluck my fellow ENFPs you got dis c:

[@bellyfulochelly4222]

I'm ok with not knowing any other ENFPs. I find them annoying lol...I guess bc all I can barely stand my own frenetic brain sometimes. I really like being around people who could benefit from being a little inspired by my enthusiasm, people who can also calm me and help me carefully shift through the craziness of everything that is ENFP.

[@hubert1990s]

I have a bittersweet feeling after watching this. As an ENFP I truly feel this contradictive clash in myself, being myself vs accepted, going against the flow vs the normative values. I very often oppose, especially when somebody presents an extreme attitude, because I wanna show the other way possible, I mostly don't like extremes. The worst feeling, however, is not knowing or being sure myself what is the leading, real feeling.

[@sherrieb2396]

I feel other people’s emotions too much. They are looking at me like I am the weirdest person on earth and that I do not belong.

[@ErikThor]

Have you asked them if they really think that way?

[@fandommuse8011]

I feel that on so many levels, you’re not the only one

[@sherrieb2396]

I did a little research on why I feel the way I do. I realize I have toxic shame associated with looking at the world from a different perspective from our culture. The NF perspective is in a lot of way alien to the dominant views.

[@nobody2662]

I get that and it used to bug me. Now it doesn’t bother me... next. There’s plenty of people to talk to. Plenty of experiences to experience soo I generally just move on

[@dididogster9994]

Same, I feel like if I'm meeting someone I'll automatically think I'll disappoint them and when I do I immediately think they hate me lmao

[@adub_from_253]

This is NOT a video that you can watch while multitasking. As an ENFP I found this video to be incredibly thought provoking and had to keep replaying parts because I would get distracted thinking about the nugget of wisdom you said 15 seconds ago. 😆 Thank you for this video, you gave words and voice to things I've never really been able to explain, let alone understand, about myself.

[@ErikThor]

Hey Amanda! This made me think about how I make and format my videos, maybe I should make sure there's breaks in between and perspective shifts to help the listener!

[@alexfostes4021]

Amanda Williamson I totally agree with you on that. You’ve put it nicely. I did the same- I kept rewind it back in bits, as the insights were very ... insightful?:). A video on social anxiety, that ended up digging into ‘ENFP Essence’ in a much deeper and broader way. Are you a trained psychologist btw?

[@strivingfornewhorizons9281]

That's true - I usually scroll through the comments or do other stuff at the same time but with this video, it simply doesn't work. There's too much valuable input that I don't want to miss

[@afsl808]

@@strivingfornewhorizons9281 seriously it's fking true , that's why i m sooo ignorant about mbti most of the video i just won't fully watch the video will play but i myself wondering something else😆😆

[@maiashelegeda1286]

i always thought it was weird that im an ENFP but feel so introverted and have lot of social anxiety but this was so accurate it’s scary

[@az3253]

You feel shy because you had anxiety. You felt like keeping things in your mind because you had anxiety. It didn't mean you were an introvert. You are an ENFP;)

[@lovelylittlegirl3332]

And here I was thinking I have a multiple personality disorder or something. Turns out the internal conflict is just a normal day in the life of an ENFP.

[@freedom7475]

Maybe you do. I told people I was part mermaid

[@googleuser9753]

Im an enfp! I learned the secret to get rid of 99% of the social anxiety lol! I meditate every morning for 10 mins. If I don’t have time to meditate I listen to a morning rampage by Abraham Hicks. It has helped tremendously! Priming my day with encouraging words has made a HUGE impact. I also listen to meditations by Michael Sealey every night. I think filling your mind with good vibes & positive thoughts flushes out that anxious thought loop we can sometimes get in

[@OksieFoxy]

Google User I need this in my life!! What does meditation mean to you?

[@kyonas6047]

I did it buttt i didint know that it what makes me better 😭💞💞💞💞thxxxx

[@kyonas6047]

@@OksieFoxy i think you should do it everyday for more than month to see result clear butttt for me i just sit and try to.... Just watch video about it yeah 😭

[@inmeditatewetrust]

Great advice 👍

[@kellikakes81]

Years ago, this same thing helped me! Meditation in the morning and abraham hicks throughout day/ right after. Scary...it's like you looked into my life lol. Helped me tremendously

[@misslyntheena]

Being an ENFP in a work environment with xSxx coworkers is so emotionally exhausting. I get all shy and anxious bc I can’t be myself, I tense up and don’t say a word bc I feel like everything I say is too „weird or revolutionary“.

[@jrt4jc]

Thank you! This offers a lot of insight as to why ENFPs are mislabeled as introverts, and then feel more anxiety & conflict within themselves.

[@Allesea159]

This hit home really hard. I actually had some tears rolling over my cheeks. That doesn't happen often. That hurt of rejection by a group to which you want to belong, but also want to express your rebellion in in some way which isn't accepted is real. That struggle, to find balance between the two is so hard. And that feeling of never being able to really be yourself is hard.

[@jaizonkelley5619]

I have to say it's nice to hear someone address the more somber side of us ENFPs. I always enjoy being known as the weird but cool person with my friends but not a lot of people point out every aspect of us. It's a nice change of pace.

[@AK_-xn1fm]

I swear as an ENFP I always had this curious nature and I never really thought of it was anything but normal for me. But a thing that I noticed when I was young was I’d be constantly be told by my peers and specifically my father many times that I’d have questions that don’t make sense, are stupid and not worth asking. So I got discouraged by most of my environment of asking questions. Eventually when my general confidence got bad at times I’d always ask questions to make sure I was doing good or doing something properly at whatever because I didn’t trust myself.

[@JennyLeigh724]

Absolutely love this video! Im an ENFP who is quite shy and awkward until I get to know someone. Some people I can just instantly feel a bond with before even speaking to them... others I instantly feel as though they are judging or accessing me. In my profession (which I absolutely LOVE) I meet new people almost daily. And even though I’ve been meeting new people weekly for over 11 years, I still get nervous prior to meeting them! I just push through the first initial moments, and they quickly become like friends/family to me. You’d think I’d get over my nervousness by now 😂 but you helped me to understand why I feel that way. I’ve also found that I have a tendency to balance out the relationship: if they are introverted- my extroverted side comes out and vice versa. It’s extremely hard to NOT balance out those dynamics somehow and give the parts of me that they need in that moment.... also kind of following the expectations in a way too.... sometimes at the end of the day I become completely drained from it somehow and become a hermit. However, I can’t stay in hermit mode or I go crazy with missing everyone! It’s a crazy silly yo-yo cycle thats difficult to explain. Anyways 😜 thankyou so much for your video!!

[@refrigerateur21]

Hello Jenny! I would love to know, what is your profession?

[@jrt4jc]

This is so true, same.

[@lvlusic]

I feel so identified with you. i'm an ENFP

[@caesar7951]

i relate so much😂

[@naynay-mk7fn]

Littearly you made me feel like so understood thank you to my enfp family 😝.

[@random-accessmemory9201]

I thought I was an INFP but I think I’m an ENFP with social anxiety. 🥲

[@honeelordcomia7100]

When i got the result in my personality test i thought the test is wrong because i classified myself an introverted because of being shy in the crowd But actually as i further learn about me as enfp i knew that I'm really an enfp Btw thanks for helping to understand myself bro

[@arunahosein]

I had the same experience. I completely understand

[@theakristiina]

Same here! Thought I was an INFP for many years, until someone pointed out I'm actually an ENFP... I'm a shy one. Crave connections but am afraid of rejection

[@defami8340]

I think as an ENFP I am even more socially anxious and one of the big reasons is social media. It's crazy to think that any one documented action in public or even private could be so widespread it will ruin your life and the perception that people have about you. Just one recording taken out of context or that one unreliable person who spreads lies and misinformation could make thousands of people follow suit and judge you without even knowing the real you. The world is a scary place and I admire everyone who speaks their truth even knowing they might be crucified for it...To all fellow ENFP outcasts and rebels, we just have to believe in a better future because that's what we do best isn't it. Things will work out in the end.

[@Tills87]

Thank you for such an insightful video. The difficult coexist between wanting to be oneself but also being worried about what others think explains a lot. I'd be really curious if anyone else finds that sometimes they are most comfortable with strangers, and can actually be more socially anxious with friends? For me I love meeting a room full of new people as it's like a 'blank slate' - it is unlikely that anyone is going to have negative assumptions about a new person. This makes me feel more confident. But then as soon as I meet those people again, I worry I have a reputation to uphold to be this awesome chatty person and then I shrink into myself and become more introverted. And then I lose more and more friends over time as my confidence dwindles - or it becomes more effortful to keep them.

[@Leah-ys6bg]

4:18 Omg That’s Wow. I have this problem I love hugs and affection a lot But every single time I hug someone for long this thing happens Like it’s all okay and then suddenly I’m aware of my breathing And so I try to contol it But it gets worse And my heartbeats speed up and I get dizzy and it doesn’t stop til I can be by myself for a while Like, I just want affection But I can’t

[@leeminmii1132]

i never thought someone else goes through this exact same thing as well oh my god

[@messymonster690]

i started crying half way though. nice video

[@multivitamin425]

sweet jesus I thought I was the only one

[@chrisd.2831]

yes its really ... quite a big deal.

[@ivia_ol8356]

Constantly questioning people and the same time craving connection. You summed it up in the first minute.

[@wrenforest7921]

I’m an ENFP, and this is the most helpful video on MBTI I have watched in years! Thank you!!!!!

[@TNord.]

Erik, what you say makes a lot of sense for me, as an ENFP. Sometimes in new social situations, I get anxious because I lack the skills that everyone else seems to have. It's often in bars or noisy places that this feeling occurs most. I just don't like going places alone, when everyone else has their friends with them, and I'm the only one without friends around them. I want to be able to socialise in those settings, but I always feel like "I'm a weirdo, and people can tell". I just totally shut down, unable to talk to anyone. I think it's just not my scene, and has nothing to do with my social skills. When I was younger in those situations, I would feel defeated when in fact, I just wanted to leave the scene. I think I assumed that everyone else was comfortable in any social setting, when in fact I was just observing people comfortable in their chosen setting. Because of my curiosity, I was exploring many settings. Most settings were OK, but some settings just didn't vibe with me. It was those settings where I failed that made me feel socially awkward, when in fact I had a broader set of social skills than I realised. But I know that I prefer small cafes to listen to music over a larger bar settings, especially if I am alone. Being alone is difficult, and I've learned how to deal with it, but I rarely enjoy it. I do need constant connection. I've always been in a relationships for better or worse. Thanks for your videos!

[@johnyaiden7609]

Damn, I can't imagine that being alone is difficult, I thrive on solitary activties.

[@arres6241]

Yep, being alone is diffficult. All of the useless thoughts is suddenly comes up, i prefer hang out and spend my times with friends. -fellow enfp

[@vwood8711]

I do often feel like my inner weirdness come out....When I’m in a bar or social settings but especially dates....I have a deep fear of dates. I know I’m unique, complex, and most importantly genuine and I don’t want someone to disrespect my intentions and openness. (I’m working on this) I’ve learned to champion my uniqueness. (Thanks to my family encouragement to be different) I’m just glad I’m not alone in my feelings of black sheepness (I know that’s not a word).

[@lnilsson1376]

Enfp here. Thanks for a great video. In my relationship history I have often been drawn to xxTJ types, because of my values about honesty and authenticity. These people have that, however, they are more often than not assholes too, in one way or another. So it can get very confusing when you on one side is attracted to the shared functions in them (Fi and Te) but the same time know you're gonna leave them. About two years ago I've decided to give up those domineering stone walls entirely. Now I have an absolutely amazing relationship with an Infj guy. Love him so much. He's a bit shy, caring, has a similar goofy sense of humor, similar nerdy intrests in books and tv-shows, and smart in a very balanced IQ/EQ kind of way. TLDR; Date other feelers if you're an enfp. We are way to sensitive for thinkers. It gets toxic.

[@Pavlinaolga]

I think you are wrong actually. I (as an ENFP) am married to a INTJ. We have been together for 7,5 years and have two kids together. He is a very warm and caring person and a wonderful husband and dad. One of our close friends is the same type and he is also a great person. I think this type is easy to misunderstand though, and they often have themselves to blame because they are not that smooth in some social situations.

[@Ohcomeonbro]

I wear baggy clothes and try to hide my body, my face when I am sad as a form of comfort and hide myself from world.. Don't want to deal with anyone

[@PS-xb9hc]

I'm an INFJ and my love interest is an ENFP and I find him adorable, I pretty much see a lot of that anxiety but for whatever reason I think as INFJ's we foresee a lot more and just accept them as they are:) based on differences💕 the video🦄 stay weird my friends

[@pthrelkeld090]

Everything you're saying is dead on, I can't over state how intense and overwhelming social conflict is in the moment. I often lose my identity because of my chameleon-esk instinct in order to fit in anywhere with anyone. And I just don't judge, I Wanna know all about everything and everyone

[@adina9751]

I LOVE definitely talk to people, being outgoing, talk to everyone i know, laugh with them, talk to strangers, talk to an elderly person, i’m very open if someone start a small talk with me, if i’m alone at a public place i would put my phone down sit down staring at the people & hoping they would ask me if they can sit with me. Even i often times let people who want to do survey to come to me because i thought they want to be friends with me loll😭😭 but i’m also scared people will judge me or i’m scared they will not respond in the energy that i was expecting. Also i’m scared if i will regret to say something to ppl. I don’t like a total silence but would seek a total silence if i need to focus. I’m trying to be more religious but it’s so hard for me because i want to fit in but i don’t want ppl to tell me to just do whatever i want & suddenly neglecting my religion. I want to fit in with others but if i do then that’s pretty much i compromise my religion but if i fit in with my religion i would not fit in with others. But i never feel oppressed by religion (keep in mind) i just feel stressed out with my desire to fit in with everyone when in fact i don’t. And i know most of my perspectives are belongs to minority people that think differently from majority. Ok im oversharing.

[@realxrpgirl]

As an ENFP, I find it hard to stay interested in all of the mundane, boring, same old crappy conversations that EVERYONE else seems to enjoy. I feel like I am from a different planet and everyone here is dull, boring, un-inspiring and too normal. Life is so full of interesting topics but others just don't care about these topics and it drives me insane!!! But I'm sure I'm not insane.....Just happily different (although bored most of the time when I'm with others who think all is "normal." And it seems 99% of ppl are just normal and boring....bummer man...)

[@magpie4992]

I love this so much! I am just appreciating more now - what a skill, and well spring it is to have this natural enthusiasm, will to connect, will to change, will to rebel & will to move / innovate! Thank you for highlighting this - I think a big lesson for ENFPs is to let go of worrying about what other's will think or expect from them in favour of their own freedom, freedom of mind, freedom of body - freedom of spirit! It is there we can be are biggest, brightest selves + that is usually of benefit to other's in the end as well!

[@literalsunshine9767]

Oh my gosh. Here I am feeling confused bc everyone says enfps are so authentic. But then my conflicting self not believing I am because exactly what you said. I AM UNDERSTOOD AND I FINALLY CONSIDER MYSELF AN ENFP 100%. THANK U

[@strivingfornewhorizons9281]

I wrote most of this after 1-2mins of the video cause I couldn't think of it getting even more accurate. Damn, you really hit the nail on the head with every single word. I have no idea how you did it, but it's amazing. It's like you just somehow ordered and structured the feelings and experiences I've reflected on a lot recently (not only recently, but I thought I was an introvert until last year - which just isn't the truth) and put it into words. I've struggled so much with understanding all the opposing components and feelings, bringing them together and - the biggest problem - putting them into words. You do it with such an ease, it's crazy. Thank you so much for this. The part of the comment that I wrote before: Too true... On one hand I just wanna be myself (quirky, big dreams, crazy ideas, fun-loving, craving experiences) but on the other hand it's hard to show it to people since I act accordingly to the people around me to form connections. Then afterwards I overthink and deny that I was able to make a connection or that it "wasn't perfect". It happens a lot more since university started cause I'm craving deep connections but many connections are ... Not superficial, but just not as deep and active/social/idk-how-to-describe-it as I'd love to. Which gets me thinking if I'm connecting the right way. There are people I've connected with in uni but they're more collected, structured and not as open to spontaneous adventures. Of course I can connect with them, but wouldn't that go against me being myself? Typical ENFP balance-act. Beside that: It never really occured to me that some people ALMOST NEVER reflect about how they behaved around others/what they said. There have been multiple conversations in which I've been told that I probably care too much ("you know, don't worry about that, really, it's fine!", "You really worry about that? You don't have to"). There have been a couple situations in which I've gotten positive feedback when my social perfectionism wasn't satisfied with how I acted. Eg.: Someone I only know from one class invited me to watch a Handball game & go to a party after with their friends who I didn't know - later that night she told me how glad she was that I was able to connect with them so fast and get along with everybody. I didn't expect it at all. I've also been told that I'm really open/social and seem pretty confident (happened on days on which I was anxious xD). I'm slowly showing my real self, step by step, always watching how people react (I mostly practice it with old friends since they most likely won't reject me). It's been working fairly well, it's a freeing feeling. But deep down I still crave for people who go in the wildest adventures with me. Maybe, one day, I'll find them

[@jmninternational1116]

Striving for new horizons awesome comment I thought I was an introvert and tried to hide my true self but this just hurt me more than help me. Finally I think I’m coming into my own and I’m very happy

[@strivingfornewhorizons9281]

@@jmninternational1116 Thank you - I'm glad you know and can show your true self now^^. Good luck on your journey!

[@caesar7951]

wow i really relate to the „college friends part“! Mine kind of keep me from being the adventurous, rebellious me by being all structured and looking at me in a strange way whenever I’m having a weird idea/association xD But I still connect with them cuz they’re nice..

[@oa2794]

I appreciate how you cover the situations where shadow functions cause problems for every personality type, it's something many people forget. I know an ENFP with severe social anxiety. I'll show this to him, he might find appreciation with how well you've analyzed this subject

[@ErikThor]

yeah it's crazy how most people only study their mbti type from their first 1-4 cognitive functions in the traditional hierarchy, so much missed insight

[@oa2794]

@@ErikThor Very true! Btw, I also appreciate your videos on INFPS, they're very encouraging and enlightening for me and others like me 😊 And what I have found, despite what many personality theorists have thought, is that our tertiary and inferior functions are not always our downfall, nor are they always underdeveloped until a certain age in every person possessing them, especially since one's personality can sometimes be inconsistent throughout their life and especially if they have a personality disorder.. But that's a whole other discussion, lol 😂 just something I thought made sense, but maybe more research will go into it

[@SuzanneBeenackers]

Hi Eric, I really like your videos and made this one my startup page, and i ll watch it daily for a while because it is so insightful. I m new to Myers Briggs after recovering from 15 years of teaching yoga. I feel this profession (among other influences) has been damaging to my ENFP personality, as I was convinced by now I was an introvert. I felt ashamed of my loudness, and my intimidating energy. and only allowed myself the adaptable, connective side of myself. I feel I nearly killed off my own personality, in those 15 years. And I m SO HAPPY to now identify with being and ENFP, so that I can watch videos like yours to understand what happened, and also what the possibilities of having this personality are. Thank you for helping me get outside the (wrong) box.

[@heartpoint5289]

Ha! I’ve never felt so seen! I experience all this exactly, but never thought of it as “social anxiety”. I am highly Assertive (as opposed to Turbulent) so maybe I don’t see it as such a problem with myself. I just don’t go in situations that I couldn’t be myself because it just sounds dull. If someone rejects me, or especially if a group rejects me, I am secretly so relieved. I have not ever heard this phenomenon described so well. I love being anonymous. I love neutral, understated style while harboring the least mainstream lifestyle and ideas/beliefs. I am growing personally, in being ok with only being seen by the few who truly understand. I’m better now at discerning who that is, and that is great. I don’t have a group of them yet, but love the idea!

[@chrisd.2831]

thats my life Erik. Im a bit in shock actually, I didnt expect this being so accurate. the cliche isnt this. but its perfectly my life. thank you for doing different and thumbs up!

[@ThomasDoubting5]

When i break free and shine unbelievable things happen id be interested to hear anyone else that has brought people to life just by being yourselves.

[@gracedevries2076]

I definitely feel the part about the contradiction between challenging the social status quo but still wanting to please people!

[@anamaria-db7pq]

Wow man, thank you so much for your effort for explaining us ENFPs to the world and to yourselves! You described my anxiety experience to a T. The last words you said really helped me a lot.

[@michilii]

your videos always make me feel seen. Thank you. I feel gaslighted by myself all the time (and other people- precisely because they only see the side of me that I show them so that they won't reject me) This becomes clear when I need advice and friends can't give it because they're basing it around someone who doesn't exist, only a side to me- but I'll be in such a vulnerable state and want to believe them, and end up getting really confused about who I am. It's said that "you can be whoever you want around an enfp"- but it uses up a lot of energy to make someone feel that comfortable and free. It never goes both ways- it's almost mutually exclusive. To be able to see/explore others, we sacrifice ourselves. Sometimes I feel so fake when I'm trying to meet someone new. I catch myself saying things I don't believe in to try and make someone else comfortable. And then people say they like us for being different!! But how different I am depends on how much difference I think you will allow. Every ounce of departure is made palatable. I'm working on setting boundaries and being myself.

[@acp2529]

Holy crap. You described that so incredibly well. I've dealt with this exact issue for YEARS. It's discouraging and confusing. I'm still trying to overcome this issue

[@damonplay8185]

I don't know if ENFP is the correct type for me but I relate to a lot which is touched upon in this video. The feeling of being shackled is sometimes almost overwhelming. For me it's like I just want to burst out of my skin and go somewhere completely different. Can't help but feel like I've completely lost touch with myself over the years and recently that has come crushing down. I'll definitely watch more of this channel. Your content seems really informative and helpful. Keep up the good work man!

[@supertouk]

I would never have thought of myself as an ENFP, but I relate to so many things in this video it's uncanny. It makes much more sense than any of the other types I've thought myself as.

[@ErikThor]

which ones did you consider? drop in at discord and lets talk :) www.erikthor.com has a link in the top menu

[@supertouk]

Well I know that I'm introverted, but I think by choice. I was stuck between INFP, INTJ, INTP, & INFJ. I've taken a lot of the different MBTI tests at least a dozen times, but find that they are too subjective in nature. Part of my problem is that I've been unhealthy for a long time now. I like your videos and also Davesuperpowers' as well as you both don't seem to be regurgitating all the same MBTI things. Davesuperpowers' videos gave me a different view on things and has me looking at my fears & such. I'm thinking outside of the box now and am re-evaluating how I think of introversion. Your videos aren't filled with the standard MBTI jargon either. I like them. Figuring out which cognitive functions I am using is the most difficult.

[@layloxx1]

Amen, it's exhausting trying to control my energy or personality around people I know. There's always a fear that they will think I'm being a fraud just because I controlled myself the last few times. Esh. -enfp

[@ErikThor]

Nobody will think you are a fraud 💕 And if they do, who cares, just means they've been hurt and stopped trusting people in their life.

[@layloxx1]

@@ErikThor You're right. No need to worry about things we can't control. :) Thanks @Erikthor

[@SV-vj6tn]

*Your likes to dislikes ratio shows that how good you're actually!*

[@ErikThor]

Thank you 😊

[@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy]

Any other ENFPs feel the urge to start over somewhere else when people just tag you as “that person who did that something” and they no longer treat you the same?

[@DesiRush1]

Yeah, and I have but it doesn't help. You will do something again and it does repeat. No matter where you go, you'll still be you.

[@ishikindofyouknowwhat]

very bright insight, when you talk about rejection. I used to hide my true explosive and crazy self in order to avoid rejection, but as you said if you feel the need to hide your true self, it's because you know somehow that people won't get you. I learned by experience that when this happen, you should move on and be true to yourself, so only people who gets you will be drawn to you. I mean everyone is drawn to authenticity.

[@oasisranae]

I see I'm not the only person who could cry while watching this video. Not only do you have an incredible understanding of the ENFP mind/heart, you have a way of seeing such beauty in our type, and I think it helps some of us appreciate ourselves more.

[@trapqueen976]

I twerk at school in front of everybody and it's like nothing to me but I can't even talk loudly with a relative

[@petraleopold2713]

you're LEGEND😂

[@theakristiina]

Me but switched. I'm crazy with my siblings but at school... I'm quiet and behave

[@tenchu006]

Your accuracy with all this is honestly fantastic, I'm lost for words man hahaha, it appears that you understand us ENFPs completely Thank you for making videos like these which are truly helping us to understand and improve ourselves. So much love for you Erik!

[@adriennemenor2550]

Oh my god did you literally just... 😭 amaziiiing

[@grisvolonte]

Being an ENFP is so hard. I feel so lonely most of the time. The only two people I feel sort of understands me is my sister (an INFP) and my best friend (an ENFJ). I’ve been through so many heartbreaks and I’ve had enough.. the only person I’ve really connected with was an INFP guy and it didn’t work out for other reasons 😓

[@eclispedessence]

For years, I've tried to convince myself and others that I'm ENFP. However, my longstanding social anxiety disorder, coupled with avoidant personality disorder, tell a different story altogether. BTW: NOT saying it's impossible for ENFPs to suffer from social anxiety. I have raging social phobia. It inhibits my entire personality. It's a bit like being trapped in a suffocating box where you're unable to flex a muscle to punch through while the walls keep closing in on you. I seem like the wettest of all blankets. A total stick in the mud. The cognitive dissonance is unbearable. Feeling as though my inner essence forever fails to match up with my external reality. Anyway, long story short, I'm not an ENFP. Even though I relate to the majority of what was said here. It's not often I find people describing ENFPs as shy and socially anxious; I used to idolize this type beyond belief, overcompensating for my debilitating social anxiety by identifying as one. Rigging all the tests. Lying to myself. I've accepted the truth. The fact I am an introvert. I don't lead with an extroverted function. It's not how I think, how I interact with the world, and that's fine. Still enjoyed listening to this as somebody who also grapples with all-consuming cognitive dissonance and shyness/shame. I watched this video 4-5 years ago to justify that I can still be ENFP, even amidst my social anxiety and AVPD. I always had mad imposter syndrome around identifying as one. But now I'm content admitting I'm not, and that's okay. ❤

[@thebluemoonlady]

I, on the other hand, always tried to convince myself that I am an introvert and that's why I'm often quiet and anxious about some social situations. It put me in a comfort zone, that I as an introvert didn't have to step out of. However... not so long ago I did some cognitive functions exploration and I've discovered that I am an ENFP but with some good amount of anxiety in me. It's true that I prefer to remain quiet among people but I think it stems from the fact that I love gathering external information from people around me, listening to them talk, interact and I do so the best by remaining silent and observing. It can be very fascinating. Judging by stereotypes - I would be an INFP but going with cognitive functions (which is how we should be typing ourself) I'm an ENFP. Typing ourselves can be a lifelong experience and there's a big possibility that we will mistype ourselves a few times along the way. That's totally okay. All of this helped me understand myself better. INFP community helped me more than anyone and showed me lots of understanding, so I'm actually glad that I mistyped myself.

[@reagan8190]

thank you so much for this😭 ive been so confused lately cause im scared of speaking up because i feel like im going to be seen as odd or embarrass myself, even though its really what i want to do. ive been really debating my type lately, and this rly helped me realize im an enfp

[@kendrabuttersworth3886]

So true. Thank you for making the ENFP videos!

[@ErikThor]

Thanks Kendra!

[@tenchu006]

DUDE, YOU GET IT, YOU TRULY GET IT

[@soliantu815]

Wow. You really nailed this subject. Great insight.

[@manuelperez-qr9gv]

I truly appreciate your insights and information. These are all thoughts, feelings, and actions I have had that can feel very isolating at times. We often feel as we are alone in this and many times lack confidants or catharsis which can be emotionally exhausting. I feel that performance or artistic endeavors tend to be a driving force for emotional catharsis. A Deep need to have novel creative and artistic release which is often times abstract in nature. The deeper meaning known only to ourselves but with the ability to be appreciated publicly if so we choose. Reaching out in ways that we may not be able express openly to others. Thank you

[@smilinj6074]

I always thought I was an INFP. This talk here solidifies that I am an ENFP.

[@vaitheeswaranj7736]

This is the most accurate mbti video I've ever watched

[@Malak-mf9zm]

شكرًا لك أريك انت حقًا ساعدتني في البكاء لانني كنت مكتومة بتلك المشاعر التي لم استطيع تلخيصها ، والتي جعلتني اتخذ قرارات لاتناسب شخصيتي وتخفيها ، إذا انت امامي حقًا اريد إن احتضنك لانك رائع، وجعلت لنفسي قواعد باختلافي وبثقتي بسببك اوصلتني لحل جميل،انت مذهل لفهم نفسك ومحاولة مساعدتنا معك ..شكرًا مره أخرى ♡♡.

[@asiabelle88]

This was a great video. I always felt out of the norm whenever I was around people, I didn't understand why I felt that way when I enjoyed being around people. I just felt different and did not want to feel that way, so I know I along with other ENFPs, we easily adapt and camouflage into groups. Now, thanks to all of these informative videos, I can understand myself much better and learn to accept myself more. I am me, you are you

[@jayadevashok2070]

Bro thanks for making these detailed analysis videos, they're so damn helpful. You're literally saving us the effort of figuring all this out ourselves.

[@NM-jw9jh]

everything makes sense now....

[@naomicerkez1]

I think the difference is, I feel social anxieties, worry about things that I've said, if I've embarrassed myself etc, but I'm good at talking myself out of that frame of mind and not letting those things hold me back. On dates, interviews and in any social setting people often comment that I am confident, self assured, assertive - I am those things but I do also get incredibly nervous on the inside! The mask section, I've always been very focused on being attractive and superficial things in terms of my appearance but then I don't enjoy that type of attention, in fact it makes me very uncomfortable, I think I make sure I look good to avoid negative perceptions about me so that then people can focus on my character and listen to me!

[@floatinqspirit4289]

I'm so glad you are such a bright person an have like this happy aura! Because I was watching an other channel, but it has nothing to do with the way you explain the things. Thank you for that!

[@KyreynaRamirez-Relleno-ct8tw]

As an ENFP with social anxiety, I’d rather have someone say something awful about me to me than just stare at me and look like they’re thinking it. I want to know what everyone is thinking, and then I’ll be ok.

[@Michel-mb7yq]

You just explained my biggest fear 😂

[@chariza11]

Guys, i have an ADHD, I'm an undiagnosed/untreated ADHD teenager and I was not treated well when i was a kid (at about 3 y.o until 8 cuz several family problems), i felt really different than the other kids when i was a kid and I've ever got bullied. And I've ever had a social anxiety disorders when I was in junior high school (but now i think it's already recovered tho it's not 100% and I'm still shy). So, For along this time, i always think that I'm an INFP. But sometimes, i think that I'm a shy/unhealthy ENFP. I'm confused actually, cuz I'm really a complex individual who thinks a lot. I really like poems and beautiful arts (but not really making it, i'm just planning to make a beautiful deep meaningful art, like songs or poems, but i always procrastinate to do that, cuz you know, for an ADHD individual, its hard to do something effectively). I am not good at drawing or making something with my hand (it's always a mess) and I'm a careless(well, adhd) But, I like singing,playing guitar, and dancing. When I'm in school, I'm not that introvert, sometimes i suddenly scream and laugh hard like a crazy person who wants attention (actually i don't really want attention cuz i'm shyy, i think it's because my ADHD) lots of people told me that I'm weird. When i have to do a presentation in class i fidget and my voice stutter a lot... its kinda embarrassing. I wish it'll be recovered. And i often got a poor subject score, even though my IQ is superior, I'm not even good at school, huft.. i wish i don't have an ADD. And most of my close friends are Introvert but i like to share my story with others, but i don't like to socialize too hahaha i don't follow any organizations, but i think it's because that I'm unhealthy(?) But besides that I'm unhealthy, I'm really a kind empathetic person. I can sometimes be a super optimistic, enthusiastic and positive person (that my friend think I'm a funny confident person) But, i can be the exact opposite. OH and i am actually really enjoy spending times with lots of ideas and get tired when spending times with my own feelings or beliefs cuz it's often goes negative and so tiring, and i can get depressed by that, but i spend more time with own feelings._. And even tho I'm unhealthy, i always try my best to be a positive and healthy person, really, yeah cuz I've been through a negative situation when i was a kid. Thanks for reading my confusing and painful(?) Letter expression, I'm just sharing, cuz idk who should i tell this so I think KZbin comment is the best way.

[@slope560]

I wanna show this to my friends so badly so they can understand me more, I prolly sound selfish but I'm just saying

[@mememo3764]

Great and accurate video! Please make more enfp videos.

[@gabrielapetena7030]

i'm exact like this. I used to think I wan an INFP just because i'm shy

[@shahrazade26]

INFP here. I clicked on this video by accident thinking it was about INFPs. However I can relate to most of this and now I wonder if I was mistyped.

[@Dancestar1981]

shahrazade26 same here

[@ThiccBiscuit]

You could be but my best friend is an infp and I'm an enfp we are extremely similar but also a bit different and we couldn't figure out what it was until we looked into all this and it made a lot of sense, it explained or similarities and also our little differences

[@irismiranda3650]

"connecting with people basing on your differences rather than your simmilarities", this is something I truly have always believed in! But it's really hard to find people who also seek that, most people whant to bond with someone who has the same characteristics as them. That's probably why I don't have so many friends. Where tf do I find people like that? bruh so hard

[@irismiranda3650]

@Alike Leigh Storay I don't even think I'm an ENFP anymore, still resonate with what he said hahah

[@irismiranda3650]

@Alike Leigh Storay I have set my mind that I'm an ENTP. I always get moments like "am I really?" and start watching videos about typing, to then conclude again "yeah, definitely ENTP" hahahha have been doing that for the past few years

[@pthrelkeld090]

why don't people understand our humor and why do people act like were always over reacting, particularly when standing up for our selves or an injustice we see happen to another

[@vforverbalquip8084]

I so deeply and fully related to this video. It really made me see myself more accurately than even reading about cognitive functions did bc I think I don’t operate in my strong cognitive functions out of fear. I think this was my lightbulb moment.

[@brittanys8217]

Thank you for this info. Your videos about Enfps are helpful to me. My social anxiety seems to be getting better with age because I am able to see my worth better now and don't fear rejection as much as I used to. It still happens sometimes but I can cope and recentre myself. Sometimes just need a moment to myself to calm myself down when it happens.

[@michelleantoinette8027]

Freaking me out ... insight to connect my outliars 😳🙌💓

[@ashleypyne7413]

This is so creepily accurate.. like thanks for just explaining my social problems😅😅😅aha

[@catstrawford]

Yes, that's very crazy! I never thought of it that way before. Thanks for sharing all this inside knowledge of us with us lol. 🌷

[@ErikThor]

Glad it made sense to you! I still feel like there's more to be figured out here though. 😁

[@jazzymoni7750]

When I was younger I tested as ENFP, but my I/E skewed towards the center. As I got older, I tested again and became a full INFP. So I can relate to this, too, from my younger years.

[@Dancestar1981]

Jazzy Moni The same for me especially when I was bullied for over 20 years it happened

[@xxoxxalixxoxx]

I've never related so much to something in my entire life!

[@ChrisAndrade_cdsandrade]

I type as INFP regularly but I've always wondered if the introverted part was because of shyness or social anxiety: I do general like people, want to feel accepted, and I relate a lot to the concerns raised in this video.

[@ErikThor]

You can be a shy ENFP or a shy INFP, shyness has little to do with it, but enfps are usually more progressive and forward oriented, and INFPs get more easily lost in fantasy and private thought.

[@ChrisAndrade_cdsandrade]

@@ErikThor Fair enough, I meant to separate intro/extraversion from sociability but ended up assuming they were equal anyway haha

[@shravanipatade7680]

I am an esfp with social anxiety

[@sushihampster]

thank you so much this is a video i was hoping to find a video touching on this subject as i am an ENFP thats pretty much like that

[@insidebriansmind]

I did so many relieved sighs because of this. Thank you very much, I feel like less of a freak now. Well, no more than normal😁

[@user-lv4ov5rp6d]

Love this.

[@amandlta]

at 9:09 i realized i was no longer paying attention and i was listing down the reasons why i need to go to therapy ????????

[@minnie9368]

As an ENFP i can really just say its like that ;-; I have so many moments where i talk and i feel my heart racing but I'm trying to hold that mask bcuz i am scared getting ignored getting judged And bcuz i am not mainstream i wear that mask ;-; still going not with the others

[@dreamluvr1600]

im an ENFP and i think i have mean world syndrome 💔 anyone else?

[@yobugart]

Man I have a mix of this problem. Around my friends or peers at school I tend to be very comfortable and confident but when I go to my sport, ice skating, I feel just so isolated, I love ice skating and I definitely wouldn’t quit just because I don’t have many friends there but it’s so hard. To just slink back during practices, it’s bad for my motivation and my mental state. I’m just constantly so scared all of the time because I feel as though I’m a slacker, and everyone has good friends they can better themselves with but I have none in ice skating, despite having a bunch of friends at school and even out of school.

[@sandraumney5516]

brilliant conclusion to this one :D it is crazy. so , we need to step outside of our selves...while staying centered. non-self. xo

[@wiljoscholten1624]

thankyou, very video!

[@ErikThor]

very thanks

[@jackmcmahon2324]

Man, scary how true this is for me!

[@Meg_intheclouds]

I’m super bubbly and talkative but as my friends have pointed out I don’t talk to the majority of people. There’s maybe 9 I talk to outside my family around my own age (including myself and 3 of those are specific to certain lessons) and when I talk to someone I talk excessively but when I don’t talk to people I just don’t talk. But Because I talk excessively around certain people, people make this assumption that I “never stop talking” and complain that I’m annoying. But I guarantee the people that complain about that I’ve never had a conversation with. Because as my friends have pointed out I’m actually quite shy. I love people, but I find them so draining, and need to recharge. I’ve only ever been to one party, I knew 2 people there and I spent most of The time. Either taking to my friend or just sat in a corner with a book (which yes I did bring to a party 😂) not talking to anyone else. And then got super tired and called my mum to pick me up an hour early and then cried because the music was too loud,

[@grisvolonte]

Thank you for this video 🙏🏽

[@ItsRandomlyRae]

Anyone else at a point of no longer caring if you're judged or wanting to connect with everyone? I know my people are out there you don't like me. Your loss. I'm awesmazing! Well mostly 🤣🤣