Every woman is two women: exploring the wild west

[@psychacks]

Every woman is (at least) two women: the public-facing persona that she shows the world, and the bedroom persona that she shows her lover. Treating the one like the other is likely to result in complaints and hurt feelings. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to glean reliable information about the bedroom persona by observing the public-facing persona, which complicates dating for both men and women. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #women

[@TransgirlsEnjoyer]

Listen to islam that gets u 4 women rather than the single doctor figuring out these low life creatures for nothing

[@kurtvanluven9351]

My last girlfriend was probably 4, 2 of which I knew the name of and have talked to. Her protector, Gina was the cruel one and she seldom let Joan experience the bedroom. The young girl I knew not her name, she seldom appeared. Since Gina would never relent, (& lied constantly) I had to discontinue the relationship. Fascinating, but tiresome. .

[@kurtvanluven9351]

@@BracaPhoto True. But remember at least 1/3 of men do not get a chance to be the bedroom guy, ever.

[@cosmictreason2242]

I think Orion is mistakenly trying to explain a sociological phenomenon from a viewpoint of psychological essentialism. I believe he had misdiagnosed the phenomenon as a difference in personality when it's actually a result of 💃s learned behavior conflicting with nature, which is exposed in the absence of social pressure.

[@jenster29]

@@kurtvanluven9351 so what? They aren't entitled to that

[@FergusHodgson]

Women are incredibly talented at acting. For men who value authenticity, good luck understanding this.

[@susanhaines7358]

What? You want a woman overtly sexual in public? I am confused.

[@Smartcom5]

*Remember:* Each and _everyone of them_ is a well-versed drama-queen and highly talented actress from their childhood onwards. It's just that very few women actually manage to make some acting career out of it an get paid royally for it very official. Since many only get paid for average acting before the camera at face value in juicy bonuses … Others get it half-decently completely off the record.🎥 Though these days a bad bunch of them can make a living, by largely fooling mostly fans.🤓

[@guec2102]

Based

[@NiTeFiSe.collie]

Woman here. If it helps, I feel my most authentic at home and in the bedroom with my husband. It's when I'm in public, the 'mask' goes on. I thought it would be the same for men.....??

[@andrewcarlson2178]

​@@NiTeFiSe.collieyes. If a man is vulnerable, the smart place to do it is at home with his family. Even then, if you're too vulnerable too often around your woman, she will lose respect for you. Most guys will let the mask slip around other guys deemed non judgemental...at least the self aware ones.

[@josephoduor2358]

Oh my God. I've experienced multiple of both instances where the public persona is pure and the bedroom persona is freaky, and where the public persona looks wild but the bedroom persona is timid.

[@treehugger3615]

It's often like that, the exact opposite.

[@DerekGotega]

I only ever had 2 freaky girls and they were both way freakier than me.

[@vettie]

Unintegrated. Leave them alone.

[@a.d.b535]

Aren't you the same?

[@taylorc2542]

I've found that nearly all women will be as freaky as you want as long as you are confident about it.

[@ALForb]

I believe in most cases that people who are outwardly 'sexy' are not very sexually interesting. People who are truly sexually fulfilled don't feel a need to display to the world.

[@AUSTIN-ss2zd]

What if as a man you like to tan just because you know it increases your lifespan? I've been getting harassed by it kids in the neighborhood just for not having a shirt on and wearing short shorts. But haven't said anything back to them.

[@Silvio_Spina]

True

[@Smartcom5]

I know that many U.S. soldiers after the war either directly heard on their stay in Germany or at least knew from a distant soldier, that, whenever they ended up with relations with the local gals, oftentimes had to listen to that German saying - which especially many older men and women/wives/grandmothers used almost inflationary (for a reason), which goes like; _„Wer Nichts hat, muß Alles zeigen.“_ - In English it literally means, _“If you have nothing, you have to show everything.”_ Of course it was referring to women's outer appearance and meant, when a woman has nothing (left) of dignity and was already 'experienced', she had to reveal everything beforehand. That being said, whenever some of these gals back then ran around in articular revealing clothing, everyone _knew_ for a fact, that she already had given herself away to a lot of soldiers.

[@Insight-music]

Nobody is sexually fulfilled. Sexual desire is the reason you suffer

[@ALForb]

@@Insight-music My wife and I are very compatible and have a lot of fun after 10 years together. I am fulfilled. I do not suffer in that regard as I did before. Stop projecting.

[@drtox06]

All true with a caveat- women share their "bedroom" persona (and their partner's as well) with all of their other girlfriends, sisters, sister-in-laws, etc. Been married 25 years and believe me fellas... the sisterhood is real and they tell each other EVERYTHING.

[@big_red_machine3547]

Yes. They are very very trustworthy. Ask any inmate in a penitentiary how they got caught

[@ErikLeed]

Yeah, agreed. Even if its not every detail they're sharing, they're getting the point across to theirs;)

[@melkerner]

And they pat each other on the back for sexual withholding like it's a game.

[@NiTeFiSe.collie]

Woman here. Not all. I am very private, introverted, friendly but few 'real' friends if that makes sense. I often have to remind my husband not to share too much.

[@damanodrama]

I am a woman and I prefer to regulate privately. Although I know most women find an inner circle to regulate themselves with. But this is healthy because many woman don’t have their character well developed just yet and need trustworthy input to helping them manage their lives.

[@eric_linden]

It’s not just women. We are all different people in different places. I am different around my wife, around my kids, at work, at church, around my parents. I have many different personas.

[@robertrichards4930]

ok simp

[@deshaunjackson8188]

Lying... that's cool

[@vecter]

@@deshaunjackson8188 grow up

[@someguy861]

This what what society forces us to be.

[@kinbalxel6322]

The video was more for the young and oblivious men that still have to catch on, to realize that women might have more depth than what meets the eye. Sometimes some of us take things too literally and expect reality to be as honest, reasonable and logical as ourselves. At least that's what I felt for a while haha

[@Dr.Jekyll_]

People act differently in different contexts. This is true of every human, we all wear many masks 🎭

[@cniht]

I disagree when looking at the genders. Men, if allowed, would be brutally honest almost 100% of the time, public or private. They only put on the mask in public because they are forced to.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Thanks for the REALITY CHECK. Some of these comments are really demoralizing!

[@margaretwilson8736]

​​@@cnihtYou think this isn't the same for women? Most women who express how raunchy and sexual and judgmental they actually are are considered "low value" women lmao

[@th3realgoat499]

The reason you cant tell the the bedroom persona by the public persona is because the bedroom persona is often a reflection of her perception of you rather than her own public persona. The wild girl with the tats might really have a wild bedroom persona but what she presents is largely based on her perception of your bedroom persona. In other words the persona she presents is not so much about her persona, but its her perception of your persona you are seeing reflected at you. Two different men can experience two different bedroom personas in reference to the same woman.

[@andersnielsen6044]

Spot-on.. ;)

[@jenster29]

Yep and that's down to how safe she feels with you.

[@TheRomans9Guy]

She might really want to present her real bedroom persona to the man, but not trust him enough to do so.

[@josealexi5141]

@@jenster29 _"that's down to how safe she feels with you."_ I disagree. It's down to how HOT you are and how INTO you she is. Strong Successful Male channel does about 2 videos a week about men who find out their wives are doing freaky an@l and 0rgies with affair partners while all they ever get is boring, passionless missionary (and not even oral). RAW, savage attraction can't be faked, can't be negotiated. It's there or it isn't.

[@jonthomson9262]

​@@TheRomans9Guywhy is that? Could that be considered being fake?

[@AirsoftOnlineShorts]

I thought you were going to say: the woman she pretends to be to lure you in, & the other woman being the one you learn about during the break up / divorce

[@big_red_machine3547]

Great comment. Yes, they lure you into their trap and the whole time you thought it was your trap luring her. By the time you realize that- it’s too late and you’re soon sitting on a plastic lawn chair in basement suite, eating frozen dinners with plastic cutlery - broke, hurt and devastated

[@andrewcarlson2178]

Seriously everyone is like this, it's part of the courtship dance. We all try to impress potential mates because we want them to like us. Very few people go on first dates trying to piss their date off. Women are more emotional so it can be a bit more drastic for them. Most people are on their best behavior for a year...guys can relax about the 6 month mark whereas with women i give them 18 months.

[@tobe-you-tube6612]

If you're dumb enough to fall for the trap you deserve the consequences of divorce. Whenever you marry a woman you make another one's life a living hell if she doesn't end in a coffin. Be aware of that, we live in a small world where everything is connected. You give the power to a woman but you don't know what women are capable of.

[@spyritwind2540]

Xactly!

[@josealexi5141]

While only the top 5% of guys are cads, liars and players, this number balloons to 70% for women. How many men do you know with a "roster" and how common is this with women?

[@GJones247]

The issue is, for most of the Boss chicks, they have to be extremely into you for you to be able to see that side of them early on. Usually, Boss chicks try their hardest to test you as man before you see their "other side". All women take time, just depends on who the man wants to invest in.

[@jayare2583]

And that's why it's barely worth it.

[@andrewcarlson2178]

A lot of boss chicks are like that due to societal pressure, not real personality traits. The vast majority of "alpha" or "dominant" women (self described) that I've been with are submissive behind closed doors. They just want a man to prove it, not act it

[@josealexi5141]

@@andrewcarlson2178 _"They just want a man to prove it, not act it"_ This is SUCH BS!! Not you, the masculine "alpha" women. They claim they'll be feminine and submissive for the _RIGHT_ man. Turn it around, if you're in a dress & heels and talk in a high voice with a lisp and drone on about the new Versace fall lineup they'll reject you for being too feminine. Just tell them you'll be masculine for the "right woman" and see how far that gets you. Exactly nowhere, that's where.

[@edheldude]

Nah, women have zero rules and boundaries for the men they desire. If you pay for what others didn't, you're just a sucker. You're paying full price for a rental.

[@seanclark8452]

I've seen this a lot (due to sub-culture I belong to). Type A in public women are *Very* often subs in the bedroom but that's a very vulnerable position to be in. They need to know you're safe to surrender to, in addition to the normal dating connection stuff. There is also a wide variety in what that means exactly.

[@Uncommunicated_Expectations]

I get this, but the more important thing is how she relates to you outside of sex. Most of your relationship, unless it's a strictly sexual relationship, won't be about her sexual persona. You'll spend far more time living life with the woman than sleeping with her. If the competitiveness or domineering nature is there with you outside of her bedroom persona, it doesn't matter that she likes being tied up and whipped in bed. You're living with a quarrelsome woman and that's been a no, no for 2000+ years, see. Proverbs 21:9.

[@TheRomans9Guy]

I don’t agree. The oposite scenario from what you presented is when you do have a satisfactory relationship with a woman in her public persona, but she doesn’t trust you enough to reveal her true private persona. You might get along with her just fine in non-sexual situations, even for years. But if she continues to not trust you sexually it will eventually come out in ruin. She’ll cheat on you, or lash out in other ways.

[@andrewcarlson2178]

Very true, and good comment. Bedroom persona also bleeds into "home" persona. There's a lot of "cross pollination" there. It's not just about being physically dominating in the bedroom (although it helps a ton); being a leader is about confident decision making, having a purpose outside of your woman and setting and enforcing boundaries. But make no mistake: sex isn't about physical gratification. Sex is about power.

[@spyritwind2540]

Yep. Unfortunately for me my other half is a PITA outside the bedroom and in the bedroom she's always h0rny. For me h0rny all the time doesn't make up for being difficult all the time though.

[@thiacari]

​@@andrewcarlson2178If sex was always about power, could it really that be good? I think about the times of staring into each others eyes, whispering secrets, after edging and the third *gasm feeling connected to the universe, us both loving everything that exists.

[@ronj9448]

A great sexual partner allows you to build a pretty good bond to handle other events. You'll also not take the rest so seriously - and neither will she. You have had a "Private Conversation" which trumps everything.

[@jdsmith02115]

Spot on. No doubt about it! I have been both pleasantly AND unpleasantly surprised!

[@adrian14752]

Nothing better than a fresh cup of coffee and a psychacks video promptly released at 10 am 🤠

[@leviswranglers2813]

Ooooo, this is why women want the side of men that is "hidden" from the world!! They feel like they are giving him her hidden side and wants that feeling to be reciprocated.

[@CyberChrist]

And get ammo for later.

[@paologaiba3179]

Your way to argument is amazing. In Italy nobody has this way to explain so important topic so clearly amd.shortly. Despite there are cultural nuances, 99% of what you explain can be applied here as well.

[@j.d.5626]

Actually the concept of Madonna/Whore were this explanation is coming from is related to Italy. From the Italian Mafia movies, where all the gansters would have their public lady (wife), the bedroom woman (lover).

[@andrewcarlson2178]

Ma,e and female nature transcends culture, although culture can dictate male and female relations. Your new PM is a great example, obviously she is a boss chick but things have gotten Progressive and "woke" and now she has emphasized a return to more traditional family life and having kids because of the population decline. I imagine she is likely a traditional woman at home, as much as that would be possible in such a position.

[@AUSTIN-ss2zd]

Can you give me any Latin to English words that mean finance that's important? I'm trying to learn Italian just for financial and legal reasons.

[@gn7344]

Good one. This topic was first discussed on KZbin by the "late great" Coach Red Pill, aka Gonzalo Lira. His title was "All women are two women", the one she really is by nature, and the sexual woman she projects. The general theme of that video was that guys should "ignore" the sexual projection as best as possible and focus on who she really is, thereby greatly reducing possible red flags and thus potential future problems.

[@ravington666]

Thanks

[@brandonmontgomery7461]

I slightly disagree with a small portion of this. I don't think it's a misconception, but an attraction problem. If someone isn't attracted to the public persona, the private persona won't matter

[@JonathanTodd-og7dd]

No that private persona can change your mind. I have been with girls that were not as attractive (I wouldn't say ugly but maybe 6 out of 10) but were wild and down to do anything I wanted and good at it - definitely bumped them up some points even if they were kind of dull public persona.

[@Insight-music]

Public persona is all ego, who you really are always comes out behind closed doors

[@Arc-Tempo21]

​@JonathanTodd-og7dd This isn't what the OP is talking about. If I'm not attracted to cantankerous control freaks (the outward/public persona), I don't care if she becomes the freakiest p star that does it all in the bedroom. To me, the tradeoff isn't worth it because sex is, by comparison, a small portion of the relationship. I'd still have to live with, endure, and be "forced" to suffer upon myself the parts of her I absolutely despise. What Orion isn't new, nor is it only true about women; ask high-end escorts about their C-suite clientele and they'll tell you the same type of thing.

[@edheldude]

​@@JonathanTodd-og7dd6 is cute. I think your scale is off due to s%xual attraction/drive and clearly you value sex a lot. Otherwise why would you put your d in such a woman?

[@jonthomson9262]

Spend more time by yourself, and you will accept yourself and be authentic around others. It's that simple.

[@sydlewispicard]

I would also add, that women can - and do - present the public facing persona to everyone else and at the same time present the bedroom persona to the man she is attracted to... right in front of everyone else. Some men catch this and others are confused about mixed signals.

[@mr.e5791]

Its not just a bedroom persona, women also have a private persona. The quiet, demure woman u see at work, church or in public spaces can be a monster wife or mother at home. My mother is one of those women. They behave themselves differently in the presence of authority, or to avoid shame or criticism.

[@mensaswede4028]

I’ve met both types of women: ones whose bedroom persona is wildly different from their public persona, and ones whose bedroom persona is quite similar to their public persona. I think it just depends on the woman.

[@9785633425657]

Fantastic explanation! Thank you Orion!

[@martialmusic]

I really liked your remarks about under regulated and over regulated…and the effects it has on a possible partner. The question can be seen as “in this society how far can I or we go before external powers object to our behavior and then intervene in an unpleasant manner?” This is a practical problem. Thanks for pushing me to think deeply.

[@johng4335]

I think these videos are actually starting to fuck my head up.

[@Leoo117]

It puts too many "ideas" of how things "should" be, and you end up not being able to relax and have fun. Plus, he teaches superficiality, so you'll end up focusing on all the wrong stuff because of watching his videos.

[@susanhaines7358]

Sunday School teacher confirming accuracy. ❤

[@ronokkusi]

you be the calm ones then get 9 kids 2 years into marriage,wild😅😅😅

[@susanhaines7358]

@@ronokkusi LOL. That's funny.

[@tashiwallace5338]

As ever your contributions are very articulate and well observed Dr. Orion. Thank you indeed for your help in these matters. I feel much better now😊

[@eisajv]

Thank you for the quality content. From 🇲🇽

[@dzllz]

Viva México ❤️

[@jesserose-d8x]

Thanks!

[@CommanderTavos99]

Every guy that had something with a woman who ... REALLY wanted him knows exactly, that they are two seperate human beings

[@TheRomans9Guy]

Absolutely. She completely lets you know.

[@mrsherwood2599]

No holes barred!😅😅

[@a-t5380]

It's best to get with girls who have burning desire for you and some slight daddy issues... (joking but only kinda)

[@milesmorales5271]

@@mrsherwood2599Why I can only deal with women who REALLY want me. Once you get that kind of treatment and sexual experience, you can’t settle for anything less.

[@fiveminutezen]

Every human being has many different personas in many situations. A fully integrated/enlightened person has what the Buddha called "The sameness of bearing in front of all people," though I have my doubts about enlightenment.

[@elevenkong]

I am a woman and I am exactly how you described. Can totally confirm what you stated. 👍

[@TransgirlsEnjoyer]

lol animal commenting on how a pet should be treated

[@lomotil3370]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:13 *🔍 Women have two personas: the public-facing persona and the bedroom persona, each distinct and not always aligned.* 01:09 *🛌 The bedroom is metaphorically the wild west of sexuality, with few rules and anything goes.* 02:03 *💼 It's important for men to understand that a woman's public-facing persona doesn't necessarily reflect her bedroom persona, making navigation of this dichotomy challenging.* 04:19 *💼 The "boss b*tch" phenomenon highlights the disconnect between a successful woman's assertive public persona and her potential desire for a more submissive role in the bedroom.* 06:10 *💬 Men should avoid assuming a woman's desires based solely on her public persona, as attraction can lead to willingness to explore new things in the bedroom.* 07:29 *🧠 Women often navigate conflicting societal messages about sexuality by either hyper-controlling or under-regulating their sexual behavior, impacting their approach to intimacy.* Made with HARPA AI

[@jewelintherough3840]

This is a great one! You are spot on with your content.

[@craigg9742]

Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man by South and Franco covers this in detail and is a must-read.

[@big_red_machine3547]

Second time someone recommended this book in comments. Why is it $29.99 CAD for a softcover? That’s way more than a good quality hardcover

[@andrewcarlson2178]

The Evolution of Desire by David Buss

[@big_red_machine3547]

@@andrewcarlson2178 You read it? Good?

[@CarlosIowa]

Yes. Very accurate. Its only a question of how wild the west gets. And how far to the east you may need to run.

[@timothybaker4091]

This clarifies what I intuited and makes my future feel brighter. A lady in the streets and a tiger in the sheets as they say.

[@devenherbert3579]

I highly enjoy these topics 🙌🏾.

[@ironmonkey1512]

If she keeps HER private things private she is a lot more likely to keep YOUR private things private!

[@michajastrzebski4383]

until she deems your things "her things because couple" , and at this point, her besties will know anything and everything, and your right to intimacy will stop existing...

[@crackerjack6454]

Theres also 2 main persona's for women in the bedroom atmosphere... If she actually likes & respects the guy, she holds back a bit, with insecurities of being judged/perceived a certain way. With guys she's strictly sexually attracted to & doesn't see as a viable long term partner, she'll go all out... Not always, but a lot..

[@thiacari]

If it's strictly sexual, it's hard to open up, feel safe, and be vulnerable, to truly feel all the feelings inside.

[@jenster29]

It's how the guy she's with makes her feel. If she's feeling judged there's a reason for that. He's likely critical in every day life. The guy she's completely free with, the sexual partner, is praising and complimenting her.

[@gabrielnadia1085]

No. Exact contrary in fact!

[@michaeljmyers1995]

Sociologically this is every single person in the world ever in modern society.

[@krisjones4051]

LOL. True

[@jhshett]

So if there are 4 versions they would be the dating woman (public and private) and the married for 5 years with kids public and private.

[@shawndennstedt5898]

I have often fallen into the trap of starting to "respect" the woman I love too much in the bedroom. I start out aggressive and feral and as I fall more deeply in love I begin to soften. I make the mistake of replacing f**king with "making love."

[@big_red_machine3547]

Happens - then she loses complete interest and moves on

[@TheRomans9Guy]

@@big_red_machine3547yep

[@NiTeFiSe.collie]

Woman here. I understand what you are saying but I think this is very solvable by doing both - feral and loving, and not always at the same time!

[@edheldude]

How can you guys get excited over these modern ladies? To me it's more like precarious balance between disgust and desire since their characters are so atrocious.

[@big_red_machine3547]

@@edheldude Totslly agree

[@davidchristian2368]

Absolutely fits my experience. And it’s kinda fun actually.

[@jualinachomoza]

As the saying goes; 'It's always the quiet ones'...

[@IfSemper]

"It's always the ones you least suspect."

[@dennislaw8097]

Very impressed as always, thank you

[@BasementBerean]

For further research, listen to the song "Behind Closed Doors" by Charlie Rich.

[@ericanderson7059]

Great song

[@mrsherwood2599]

That song freaked me out when I was a kid!😅

[@bernibeckmann9753]

Probably another good video. I made it to about a minute when I realized I don't care. Well, I care enough to tell strangers I don't care but that's about it.

[@zensvlognotapro]

I remember what the Japanese says about the 3 faces. Sometimes you can really know the true character and attitude of a person until you meet them in real physically especially under one roof. Sometimes our outside is opposite what's on the inside just like what we are publicly is not who we are privately. Yes it's also make sense. There are transparent and open and there are mysterious people on earth.

[@mrScififan2]

So thought provoking. Thank you!

[@kimberlysilveira7686]

True...I'm a woman and sooo accurate. For me there's an additional personality when abused, disrespected or put down, because I then become afraid. Survival mode kicks in. Great talk! Love ur vids.

[@Smartcom5]

How on earth did you managed … _How could you possibly twist it that way and put yourself into the role of a _*_victim_*_ again?!_ My oh my … *It's about the **_public_** persona for everyone else, and the **_private_** persona behind closed doors!* It's that simple … 🙄

[@DaveE99]

Everybody has a survival strategies some more than others.

[@faraway9947]

@@Smartcom5 They just always feel the need to express their victimhood. It's mind boggling i know.

[@thiacari]

Same! I've been through a lot of grape and pain quite young. I'm a boss of a big company, but if someone triggers me, my mind goes blank and I go into survival mode. When I feel safe with my lover, I love it and express all my funny silly qualities! Publicly I am serious and in control.

[@tracymcgrady4867]

And how did you figure out that side of yours? Let me guess..

[@justinAclark2075]

I definitely learned young that women are different in bed than in public. Never seemed like a complicated concept. People like sex, and they also like to pretend they don't and shame each other.

[@mskilike1302]

I am not sure that this same "dichotomy" does not apply in the exact same way to men.

[@lionlikemessenger]

It’s like the difference between Becki Falwell and Amber Rose. Allegedly, they are both the opposite of their public persona.

[@SethTurnerPrinting]

Please do an audiobook of The Value of Others. I can’t wait to read it.

[@IfSemper]

He plans to. I know a lot of us are looking forward to hearing him read it. : ) If you haven't sub'd to his free newsletter, that's where you'll get the most up to date info about it. The links in the description.

[@2Oldcoots]

Truth spoken here! Watch, listen, and learn.

[@christoph3187]

Same is probably true for men; we all need to portray something on the outside we aren’t necessarily in private… 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@csmith9699]

christoph3187 Of course. Why the polarization on this channel?

[@RyuHadokenMaster]

Doc spitting facts as usual

[@biembagodwin8352]

As always doc, always on point🎉🎉🎉

[@mikeabcable]

I'm always impressed by and enjoy your contents, Dr Taraban. You pointed out some interesting points. I believe such push and pull moments are transitioned to dating apps and social media from physical meeting or intimate moments these days. Can you please clarify or elaborate ? Thank you

[@SanctumOfSenecae]

Love this channel.

[@marcuschauvin7039]

You hit the nail on the head with this episode!

[@swayp5715]

Brilliant and thanks very much😊

[@KenTeel]

Thanks ! Good video. By the way, your microphone choice is good. The Senheisser has a better clarity than the, ubiquitously popular, Shure SM7b. I'm listening to your voice through some stereo speakers, so I can get the full audio range of your voice. This microphone is serving you well. It's not the trendy one, but it's the one that works better for this application (as long as a person's voice isn't naturally shrill, then a SM7b would tame some of that.)

[@testthewest123]

Well, while I haven had many women (since I was lucky enough to find the right one on 2nd attempt), they haven't been much different public and in bedroom.

[@anewlifestirring]

Very interesting point. No doubt men tend to mix up the public and private personas, which is what gets them into trouble. My question: do you consider this dichotomy cultural or biological?

[@Bazzguit]

Hey Orion, any chance on getting a video on how to be single? Recently I decided to put women and dating aside but I'm not really sure on how to proceed. Thank you.

[@j.p.5716]

Just act like they don't exist and focus on doing whatever makes you happy.

[@firiusdubblethink]

Dr. T. Please offer advice about how to build a relationship long distance? TY.

[@charcoalandlight1990]

Wow, this is 100% accurate in my personal experience. I'm the reserved, modest, quiet girl in public, and as far as I can tell, that "public persona" is authentically me. I don't think I'm "trying" to be socially acceptable. In fact, I probably miss out on social acceptance by keeping to myself, but I don't mind. My "bedroom persona" preference leans more the opposite of my public persona. It does kind of depend on how open and liberated the man is with his own bedroom persona, and as Orion implied, a lot of guys seem really vanilla compared to what I'd prefer, so sometimes (most times) I do have to dial it back. I really like being able to get in touch with that part of myself, though, when the situation is right.

[@billpetersen298]

Omg, I’m 64 and all I want, is for my wife to touch me back.

[@toptransformations]

not every woman. I am currently just out of a relationship with a woman who was prude and measured in both her public facing persona and behind closed doors, maybe even a little more closed off behind closed doors. My first marriage was wild both in public and in the bedroom, so maybe I found the only 2 who are the same both inside and out lol?

[@lmb4876]

Can be said about men , too…my ex-husband was a well-loved physician . When we were home, he yelled & threw items when mad or the house was not clean/dinner not prepared….It’s not only WOMEN ..remember Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?

[@j.p.5716]

Maybe his office was ran in a manner that satisfied him and he had no need to get upset there. You just did such a poor job taking care of the house (your responsibilities) that he was frustrated at you all of the time and expressed that frustration at your insufficiency and/or lack of submission and respect. The problem was likely not him, it was you. Men tend to get upset and express it for a reason. Women, don't really seem to need a reason.

[@lmb4876]

@@j.p.5716 Maybe, but probably NOT…I work full-time, also..So we are equals ..no need for the house to my responsibility nor his..I was hoping for an egalitarian relationship but alas, it was not to be.

[@j.p.5716]

@@lmb4876 - Just one of many problems of todays society when women work outside of the home. And there is no such thing as an egalitarian relationship. It's a lie made up by the devil to cause the problems that people who believe in it suffer from. There always has to be a leader and men were created for that job. And even for women who stay at home, it does not mean that they are somehow less than their husbands who work outside the home. They just have different responsibilities. It takes a successful distribution of work and responsibilities to make a home run smoothly. If both work outside the home, then no one is taking care of it.

[@csmith9699]

Lmb4876...absolutely. This channel and many on it want to make women the enemy. It's their mindset and they aren't seeing people in general. As the psychiatrist in our practice once said...if a person of either gender says they hate women (or men) they really hate all people in general...themselves included...that's called being a misanthrope

[@mr.goldenproductions_0143]

@@j.p.5716 Her not being a good housewife was her problem, him expressing the right things but in a very bad way was his problem.

[@thinman8621]

Human personality is many things and consistency is not one of them.

[@bernardscaringella3515]

Any combination of the two personnas is possible with any woman. you never know in advance and I love it.

[@pameladeniselong]

Very true. Well stated.

[@donnasqueo6599]

Sir. Thank you for sharing.

[@d3r4g45]

To a point. If she is not caring and selfish in public, she will be the same in the bedroom.

[@kwtgjad]

It's interesting that you say that the "Boss *" woman may want to relax into her feminine at home. I lived in a military dictatorship for a while and I knew men who were very authoritarian in public/'work' and wanted their woman to be completely in charge of their personal life. I wonder if this is based on the same psychological phenomenon.

[@thiacari]

Yes, a man boss that in private life is very soft, kind and wants to please her.

[@lanceroparaca1413]

​​@@thiacarifuckers with mommy issues which then proyect to their people by abuse.

[@ozaurelius4128]

Hey Doc how do you get out of the friend zone

[@margaretwilson8736]

There are six people saying "I do" at the altar. Who someone's partner thinks they are, who they think they are, and who they actually are... and vice versa. Everyone is different in different situations. Guys and gals.

[@listenbornaby447]

That is a shallow way of putting it. We all are different in different context. Idea of a "Wild west" is just one point on a spectrum of possible sexual arrangements, and for every time in every couple (or party) it evolves through subtle (or not very) negotiations. Is it often different psychological place, depending on context, mood, period, weather or anything else meaningful. And the place from which personas manifest is not very hidden. You just need to see multiple of them. And we culturally invented a way to do that in a safe way: flirting. It is a game, it is a play, you take roles, take turns, see multiple social masks of a person at front of you and show your own, and get a good general idea what all the other conducts of your partner depending on a circumstances will be. Unconsciously, by the way, pure intuition most of the time. Vibes, butterflies, goosebumps, all of that. No need to oversimplify that, and no need to make it intimidating.

[@legi0n47x]

The boss babes that i've encountered are annoying because they do claim that they want a man who leads and allows them to relax, but they cherry pick what that is. This leads to confrontation over the silliest things because they want to assert themselves, even with you. They also put on their boss babe hats in public settings to keep up perceived appearances leading to clashes sometimes. It's annoying to constantly deal with them. They're best as casual dates.

[@nedgivash5986]

It's NOT her job to be genuine and understandable. It's up to the man to take a risk and find out who she really is. Champions take risks.

[@joshuatoms7664]

Bro, stop pretending women have no agency. You realize she can make choices, right? Like you? Can to choose to be an asshole? Can you choose to be a good person? They're not robots. They're just really, really propagandized. And that sucks. But men are too. And what do we choose?

[@mr.goldenproductions_0143]

What a stupid comment. The problem is that when you risk it today and it goes wrong, you go to jail or at least have your life seriously ruined. This is an outdated piece of advice.

[@seanclark8452]

My experience is that type A women in public are far more likely to be the opposite in the bedroom (submissive or domination) but as that's a vulnerable position to be in she's got to verify you're safe as well as the normal dating things. Specific preferences vary all over the map though, so communication is required even more than normal. It's not certain, but the dice are very loaded... People in high stress (law enforcement, health care, IT), or socially rigid (ex: teacher) jobs are more likely to be adventurous in bed. The 'different persona' thing is almost universal for women I have reason to know about. Or at least, different flavor...

[@nesdi6653]

I think women are more aware of sexuality and reproduction, I mean you can see why getting pregnant is a huge deal.

[@Insight-music]

The irony is it’s always with the wrong guy tho

[@jonthomson9262]

​@@Insight-music she always let's him it raw,now she a single mom,now she's a single mom. 🎶 🎶

[@travis3430]

A woman will always live with their kid if they want. Most will stay in the family home finances permitting. A man can come home from work, get told by his significant other that it's over. Then he'll have, in most cases, to leave the family home, have massively reduced time with his kid, pay alot of $ in child support & find out john from accounts has stepped into your shoes...all from doing everything right. What % of men does this happen to? I'd say 70% or so if the men that enter relationships.

[@Insight-music]

@@travis3430 if a man could fix a woman’s unhappiness, he would do it gladly, but he can’t, because it’s impossible. Men are sold this idea in their youth only to be taken advantage of as an adult. There is no rule book to avoid this outcome. No red pill courses, no pick up artistry, no therapy, no money, no moral system on the man’s part can remedy the fact that modern female these days will act off what her emotion says regardless if it brings chaos to the lives of everyone around them. He can do everything right, provide everything she says she wants, yet still you’re playing Russian roulette with your life

[@alfredopampanga9356]

The third persona is the one you meet in Divorce Court.

[@tomspriggs9478]

There are four; the public and bedroom, then the sweet one luring you in and the monster getting rid of you in a courtroom.

[@alfredopampanga9356]

@@tomspriggs9478 Getting rid of you but keeping your assets. For sentimental reasons haha

[@tomspriggs9478]

@@alfredopampanga9356 "Sentimental reasons" 😂

[@chipsteve]

Agreed. Women have a no-holds-barred malevolence & viciousness that even most redpill spaces are fearful to discuss. Another argument for "keeping things casual" at all costs.

[@johnevans5649]

Spot on. The way I see it is that women essentially live within a box of their own internal making. This box is constructed to protect themselves and is fashioned by a locus of how they see the world. The woman living inside this box is the real woman you'll deal with most in a long-term relationship. The exterior of this box is the set dressing and it too has a narrative. This is where they present a framework where they will do everything they can to convince you that this is who they really are. But don't be fooled, they may play a good game in putting on a role, but the box is where they attempt to gain control over an environment in constant turmoil. Inside this box there is no rational thought or sound reasoning taking place, but only emotions that have them constantly second guessing themselves. One clue of this is in asking a woman any question that requires them to reason through a series of options. With every answer there will be a litany of second guessing to accompany the matter ...and moreover, they will be spinning on the inside wondering why you asked them the question in the first place. This is because for them every question or statement to anyone is a test that is measured against that internal locus. Thus, rational reasoning through most matters is almost next to impossible for most women ...but they'll tell you about how they feel about it in the moment, but even that will change. Perhaps this wasn't always as bad as it is today, but with the incredible power of social media, a woman's locus is constantly comparing themselves to others comparisons of themselves. They are lost.

[@tobe-you-tube6612]

Social media is not the problem yet again. This is absolutely not the real problem.

[@tashiwallace5338]

Hey John, Is this mostly from your observation of women or have you asked them to try and explain themselves to you? Or are you saying they just can't explain? At this stage I actually resent it a bit but I am imagining myself in their box (so to speak🤣) and it would seem like a living hell. So it would seem more compassion and understanding for women would be the order of the day but as I say, I am sick of bending over backwards to understand females - they seem like such idiots more often than I would credit them. dunno - your thoughts brother?

[@thiacari]

This sounds quite esoteric. Second-guessing is more correct than total confidence - in this world there IS nothing that we can be totally sure of, and science shows it time after time. We can be quite certain but never sure. Humans love the appearance of certainty, so the skill is to mask a good guess as 100% confidence.

[@tobe-you-tube6612]

@@thiacari We all comes from a belly before our mothers give us birth. Our hearts can feel many things faster as emotional creatures but we are still the product of our mental conditionings.

[@alexandermilewski7850]

Damn this is on the money for me, absolutely resonate with this description of what is happening. And that's everything

[@MedicalBatteryLaw]

❤ Truth! Girls... share this one with all the guys you know. ❤

[@WBrizzle81]

I want to see what the women say about this. PUAs used to refer to the overarching phenomena as "female sexual duplicity"

[@jenster29]

I left a comment above.

[@thiacari]

The human race is built on mutual sexual desire. It's not that the men are three times bigger and they overpower women, their sexual organs are spiked and they get stuck in the female. No. Men and women are roughly the same size. Human male organs are designed to push out and neutralize the stuff of the previous person. Human female organs are filled with 6 orgasms spots and bodies have a lot of erogenic zones. We are built to do it - a lot and with many people. We all crave sex, but women just have to be much much more careful about how to organize it without suffering the consequences. When we do find a good person and place, and feel safe, of course we go all out! If there is abuse or trauma, these people might act sexual outwardly, but have a hard time connecting to it internally.

[@raggydoll0189]

i came to this realization back in college when i dated a so called nerd; i had the shock of my life when on our first encounter, she almost broke my eggplant

[@andrewcarlson2178]

The girls in the drama club were also fun as hell. Most people looked at them as nerdy or a bit quirky but I learned a hell of a lot from them

[@a-t5380]

I found this out as an athlete my senior year in highschool... it was the last 3 months of school and I slept with a nerd from my class... I was so busy chasing the "popular girls" that I didn't realize I was missing a whole genre of girls that A) deemed me high status because I was an athelete B) were willing to go the extra mile because they never had or been with a guy like me before... I was so busy during highschool dating the girls in my social circle I missed out on a ton who where willing to go above and beyond.. lol I ended up playing ball in college and my strategy changed up.. I would still get with girls that where around us athletes but I would also flirt and get at our study aids and tutors... they honestly where better in bed and to Date 9 times out of 10... people don't realize.. what she is wiling to do for YOU may be a whole different thing she is willing to do for the next guy.. you got to be the guy that brings it out of em

[@krisjones4051]

⁠@@a-t5380 Thoze girls are typically the most ran through brother. You just fell for the ruse lol. Fat girls especially will have 30+ bodies

[@tm0330_]

Lmaoooo I’m dying at the eggplant part😂😂😂😂😂

[@_cara_7693]

@@a-t5380Is it the same for guys? My female friend once dated a very good looking and wealthy guy but he didn‘t want to „go down“ on her with the excuse that he is too dominant to do that. Was that sexual preference or just that she was not the women he would make that effort for?

[@Jy-xq2ew]

Lets keep this simple... I see the comments littered with nonsense... Theres you home persona and your work persona... Work can represent, school, church or other social functions... And there's edicate for either.. but to say there's multiple personalities for every different function... Well I'd hate to be your friend or even around people like that.. those are your back stabbing/ cut throat type of narcissist

[@thiacari]

I think many of the comments are very nonsense-ish too.

[@hawkeye-nh7pl]

As a retired baller this video is spot on. You never really know. Until you know

[@MountainWaterPV]

what does retired baller have to do with this? lol

[@j.p.5716]

@@MountainWaterPV - Someone with a lot of experience and a large data set to evaluate from.

[@ttrainor70]

Yup mine was a freak and totally duplicitous

[@batmanjangra8206]

I think every person has many faces. Faces for different situations and whom you are around

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

REALITY CHECK!

[@richardfranklinmorse]

I don’t know why KZbin psychologists come up with things like this, women are like this, women are like that. Everybody’s like this. Back in the days when I was chasing women, I was well known for behaving like a choir boy in public, and being a real dog in private. All human beings behave differently in different circumstances, this is not a great revelation.

[@voccessbg5396]

Common sense is not so common already ...

[@guilhermesteinhausdasilva2652]

2:50 those are the better ones to travel, wild wild west. The best the explorer, the wildest the adventure.

[@groopmmex]

Great points!

[@HashbrownGokusan]

Top tier stuff as always

[@pmaitrasm]

So they communicate with a forked tongue, metaphorically speaking.

[@AyeBeeG]

Who is they?

[@jurassicthunder]

​@@AyeBeeGwomen genius

[@big_red_machine3547]

@@AyeBeeGThe serpents

[@mangalpal8921]

Yeah

[@ingrained2train]

Reminds me of my fiance, she dresses very conservative, doesn’t like attention but her body is equivalent to a fitness model on IG and behind closed doors she doesn’t hold back, pleases me in every way but seeing her in public you’d never guess

[@j.p.5716]

Lucky man. Let's hope once she is your wife she does not change, but most do.

[@carlessola343]

Agree that public "shy" women can be nasty as hell, but about boss babes, who cares if they are feminine in bed if all other times are annoying? It's not worth it, by a long shot

[@JSFGuy]

I am subscribed and I got the notification.

[@big_red_machine3547]

How about this too- she pulls back and doesn’t return your texts- then you send her 10 pages of text walls proclaiming your love and apologizing for what you must’ve done to upset her and looking like a total simp- emotional loser? Then you get ghosted. It happens to the most animalistic, masculine of us!

[@jenster29]

​@@big_red_machine3547maybe you were being an ass. Sending a wall of text saying 'sorry for whatever I did' just no. I bet money she told you and you considered it nagging