Everyone Hates Dating Apps, Here's Why I Don't

[@hellostephco84]

Two things about this video before I release it from my gnarled fingers 1.) I know Gen Z is not the first generation to embrace physical activity social clubs (running, hiking, bicycling) as a way to meet people but the way they talk about it on social media frightens me to my core (it reminds me that I’m old). 2.) If the interface, process, and experience of dating apps is overwhelmingly negative and harmful to you, do what's best for you...and stay off of them. Thanks for watching :)

[@Eddyeden11]

How do they talk about it that frightens you?

[@tris5602]

So, I'm going to post this here and I'll send you an Instagram DM. If you are at all serious about Clutch, I have a BS in computer science and a lot of time on my hands. I'd genuinely like to build this app if you're interested.

[@hellostephco84]

@@Eddyeden11I was being facetious, I edited the comment to be clearer. Basically, there’s no clearer reminder that I’m aging out of “trends” than to throw my extreme lack of physical fitness in my face lol.

[@Eddyeden11]

@hellostephco84 Oh! Get a trainer and start doing physical activity you like (walking, dancing) I got a trainer in the spring this year and now I have the beginnings of ab lines! ☺️ Edit to add that I'm in your age range and plan to get back into recreational soccer and tango. It's never too late to get back in touch with your body.

[@hellostephco84]

@@Eddyeden11oh I love working out and I do work out classes! But I don’t like using working out as matchmaking bc(as mentioned) I sweat aggressively, but also (i didn’t mention this) I’m super sensitive about not being good at something and don’t like to be perceived when I’m learning something new especially a physical activity. So that means no matchmaking whilst running lol. But yes, I do love working out in general.

[@DolceVita]

I mean, the apps aren’t the problem, it’s the participants 😂

[@brandylicious]

ABSOLUTELY 💯 %

[@jbell7105]

Bingo!!!

[@hellostephco84]

AMEN!!!

[@bnadira212]

That!

[@mateaukalua4426]

I agree wholeheartedly. I cold approached 2008-2015 in real life. Let's just say it was a very humbling experience for me.

[@jjamerican93]

I just feel like our culture as a whole loves to pretend that we have control over if and when we meet romantic partners. And the more I think of the people I know who met someone, it was generally random or a mere chance. I also think this culture loves to make people who don’t meet someone young feel like crap. Outside of fertility, romantic love is an experience we can have until we die, but that’s not what we’re told. It’s so sad, and needs to change.

[@sweetpeaj1952]

Well said

[@hellostephco84]

AMEN

[@aielianna]

Even though my ex and I aren’t speaking anymore and our relationship had issues, I am so incredibly grateful. Like you said to meet someone is based on pure chance and no matter whether we actively look for a partner or don’t, it’s not really up to us. Romantic love is so common but at the same time sometimes it feels like a miracle.

[@evafan24]

I used dating apps because of some of the reasons you mentioned: I don't have the capability of attracting men where they'd ask me out when I'm running errands, I'm a late bloomer that didn't start dating until adulthood & I'm a homebody. I met my current boyfriend through Hinge a few years ago and if I hadn't used dating apps I probably wouldn't even be in a relationship. As problematic as dating apps have become, they definitely have become great for people like myself. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

[@757Princess]

I totally agree. If you don’t go to clubs or bars then there’s limited ways to meet someone. Outside of social setting men are kind of shy to approach a woman. And I don’t want to be pressured to give me number right then and there.

[@rogers5622]

Ok I can totally understand why the apps worked for you .

[@nutgeb]

Same here🙋🏾‍♀️

[@patriciaa2976]

Same! I met my last two boyfriends on dating apps. As a divorced Mom in her 30's it was just easier to meet men online. I still use the apps. HOWEVER, young guys are the ones hitting on me now.

[@junemoonchild69]

@@evafan24 That's awesome! 😘 You give me a lot of hope with your story, I've always been a bit of a hermit myself and used to meet my boyfriends mostly through my sister. But now, I live alone and I'm not going to run around town to socialize, so my luck lies in dating apps!

[@ascott4502]

I left dating apps for good about 3 years ago. It was way too much Labor - it literally felt like a part-time job and the men were just not it. I also am a part of the decenter men movement. I believe very strongly that I will be married and be super blessed inside of my marriage - I just am not centering my life around being in a relationship with a man. There’s so much to do and, while a great man is great, it is not the reason for my being.

[@rachelalexis3392]

Same here, I want to be marriage but I have the wisdom to know True Love is rare. My life is blessed on his own. I hope to have a family and true love but if not then life will still be wonderful. Many women never learn to enjoy their life on their own. So sad, I'm only 24 and I'm glad to decenter men and replace that care onto myself. It changed my life for the better greatly.

[@BlackGirlLovesAnime6]

@@rachelalexis3392 I don’t think true love is rare because people find genuine love and respect in friendships. I believe that kind of love can be transferred to romantic ones if people stop playing games and just be raw/real. That’s how I move through life.

[@tamarastuart9904]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@ryanbailey8588]

You will be single for a long while. You’re likely not to the woman the men that you want would want. And then you’re “decentering” men, which is usually just giving up hope and adopting bitterness because the reality of who you are to men doesn’t comport with your perception of who you are to men. You need to do precisely the opposite to find a man, which is be a pick me. Pick me’s get picked, but your ego won’t allow that. Enjoy singlehood.

[@skinnyguy7773]

@@ryanbailey8588 all these ladies are fighting over the same 1-2 men... it's real life Bachelor 😇

[@KevonnieElaine]

Also ladies, please please please be careful on these apps! If you have a funny feeling about meeting up with a guy then don’t! Once I didn’t listen to my intuition about a guy that I met online, he was weird but I kept telling myself “maybe he’s just nervous”. After going out for drinks, he became aggressive later on but I got out in time before it got worse. Be safe.

[@jbell7105]

I had the same experience! I unlocked my car door to get in and before I locked them he jumped in on the passenger side because he wanted to go home with me!!! I had to threaten to call the police when he didn’t get out! He finally did.

[@lighteningsnips]

@@jbell7105 Oh my goodness, that's awful! I'm sorry you had to go through that

[@lighteningsnips]

Did he put his hands on you?

[@KevonnieElaine]

@@lighteningsnips yes. He grabbed me because I didn’t want to leave the bar and go home with him. I waited until he went to the bathroom and called an Uber and left.

[@KevonnieElaine]

@@jbell7105 omg😳!

[@chitchat1212]

Hi. The thing about clubs and activities is that you’re doing it for you. Not specifically to meet a romantic interest. Join a club or activity to open your opportunities of fun and organic potential.

[@hellostephco84]

Hello! Im well aware of that. You can meet so many people in activity clubs. But I was referring to people who use them specifically as an alternative to dating apps. And also, many single people are often told “join a club or activity” specifically to meet someone. That’s the frame of thinking I was referring to here.

[@mateaukalua4426]

I live in Denver there's no place for me here to meet people. 😂😂

[@tamarastuart9904]

🎯🎯

[@luiysia]

@@mateaukalua4426 are you kidding me? denver has to be like the world capital of people with random ass hobbies wtf

[@JohnDoe-pg9oq]

Met the love of my life on Tinder 6 years ago and we’ve been happily married for 3 years.

[@natdivaz]

Same. Met on Tinder 8 yrs ago and married for 5 yrs. The power of a swipe. 😁

[@youresinningtoo3996]

@@natdivaz tinder was a lot different even six to eight years ago, it was a different generation on there.

[@PastelPixie99]

That is beautiful I met my husband on Instagram not a dating app but social media is just a medium of meeting people

[@leachxnel]

@@PastelPixie99same I met my bf on IG and he traveled across the country just to live near me, we’ve been together for over a year now

[@amateurastronomer9752]

Same! Prob wouldn’t have met him without Tinder.

[@animeforever247]

I found it difficult to find someone serious on dating apps. They claim to be serious but their actions don't match it. Some of the guys are just looking to see what's out there, bored, pushing their social medias, etc. There have been good men I've found but we were not compatible. I'm almost 30 and feel like I am running out of time. It's frustrating and when I tried meeting men in person its almost always the same experience. I also notice men will always try to find someone better and vice versa. Conversations could be going great then they dwindle when they match with someone else. It's an endless cycle.

[@queenmisanthrope]

Exactly, the pushing their social media is so real and annoying, I’m not following your private profile

[@tris5602]

You aren't running out of time. Thirty is so much younger than you think it is when you're in your twenties. This is the youngest you will be for the rest of your life - so enjoy it as much as you can - especially if you have full mobility. I'm thirty-five and I sincerely feel more attractive and more comfortable in my body than I ever felt during my 20s - you couldn't pay me to turn back the clock. I'm telling you this because at 32 I was very much in my feelings about aging, and then I hit 33 and I got over it. Also, take it from a person who is absurdly happy in their marriage - being single is 1 million times better than living life with someone who makes you miserable. I was single for 9 years between my first boyfriend and my husband, and I only gave it up because I like being with him even more than I like being by myself. I grew up surrounded by nothing but toxic, violent, and dysfunctional relationships, so please trust me when I say if it's right, it will be worth the wait.

[@Natty88580]

@@tris5602 well said 👏

[@Natty88580]

You definitely arent running out of time, do not i repeat do not allow the pressure of society to weigh on you too much because this could end up looking like marrying the wrong person and being miserable and unfulfilled. Take this time to get to really know what you need what makes you happy and fulfilled, so that when your person comes you will be in a even more peaceful and confident mindset so that you know you are worth the love coming your way

[@nomessnostress]

And they will stay on there after... I just was in a relationship with a guy who watched my live streams and claimed to like me so much and he still would be on there... he would say it's just for live and the internet ... his mom even tried to tell me that.... but I found text to women that he reached out too off there because he used his profile name saying its me.... mind you, she sent him a price list crushing him... but it's the principal! He was always in his phone when we were together, he knew I didn't have my fb active... on there he was acting big single lol So yeah you can meet those in person, but social media and dating apps gives men the advantage to watch you and figure out what you want

[@LifeOfKells]

See Bumble shouldve sponsored THIS video instead of doing their bs ads😂❤️

[@hellostephco84]

True lol. Also, they should have just highlighted the benefits instead of shaming an entire community and trying to be funny. What were they thinking!

[@ImAllisonWonderland]

11:23 the rudeness that man displayed had nothing to do with being a parent. He could have easily let you know he had to run due to an emergency situation with his child before he left. Putting your child first does not excuse poor behavior. He was just a jerk.

[@hellostephco84]

That’s what I said!!! And I talked to my Dad about it and several Other people that have children as well and they all agreed that he was out of line.

[@LifeofAkos]

The m3n on the apps arent single anyways lol. Good luck to yall

[@abioni6092]

Yep. 65% of people on apps are not single. And that doesn’t include Ethical Non Monogamy, whatever the f that is.

[@jbell7105]

Not single in person either 😂

[@CHEEZE369]

@@abioni6092 polygamy

[@indigogirl5172]

Yes. Majority of people are looking for hookups. As a bisexual woman I frequently encounter couples wanting a woman to be their ‘third’ aka unicorn, sexual object.

[@LifeofAkos]

@@indigogirl5172 Ugh I'm sorry you go through that smh

[@zero1188]

But funny thing is people that date in real life and use dating apps have the same exact issues. Online dating is not no different than real life to be honest

[@Kontroversial84]

Exactly! The dating pool is just trash.

[@BarestTruths]

But the existence of dating apps has drastically changed the dating culture (as well as social media) The issues with the kinds of people you meet are the same but the issues of non-stop swiping, companies focused on profit over matchmaking, having endless options, etc is specific to dating apps.

[@zero1188]

@@BarestTruths one thing i would say is dating apps have made people focus too much on looks than character. Most people get rejected for looks or short term things that will not matter in the long term

[@ALu-nq8rf]

YES! Exactly! I'm lucky I got mine and haven't touched an app in 4 years, but boy howdy is it slim pickings and self destruction out there

[@queenmisanthrope]

@kahreamgatlanI normally say the dating pool is trash although I’m in it because of the types of men me and my friends have encountered and it goes far beyond compatibility issues, I got stories for days lol

[@JessicaLanear]

Steph the sweating section was comedic gold 😂🤣😂

[@Nofaxjustfeelings]

I was on the floor 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@ColdDiva]

I was in literal tears!!!😂😂😂

[@Hebe-ek1ul]

I replayed that part several times. Steph is a hoot.

[@phil-jaywhyte6503]

NAHHHHHHHH FR 😭😭😭

[@mateaukalua4426]

😂😂

[@rosedalinevaletine6931]

As someone who doesn’t subscribe to hookup culture and has an extreme aversion to sex, dating apps, and dating as a whole, is just not for me. This is all to say, this is why I think downloading dating apps with the hope of meeting a genuine person who wants the same long term relationship as you do is a rare thing, because most people, especially men, see dating apps as a place to look for their latest sexual hookup. It’s just not worth it.

[@tris5602]

I haven't used any of them personally, but queer dating apps might be a good option if you're sex averse. I think you're more likely to find other people on the asexual spectrum there than on the mainline apps.

[@CaramelCrown04]

@@tris5602 thanks for the tip! Any specific app recommendations?

[@jbell7105]

Men want to hookup regardless I still don’t see a difference. If anything they are more straightforward about it on apps. I can block And move on without investing.

[@maribelle7673]

I think dating apps can be useful for all the reasons Stephanie indicated in her video. However, I do think that you have to be careful with them. Whether meeting someone “organically” or on an app, you must vet them first and take precautions with your safety.

[@wayawuffin]

if it weren’t for dating apps, i wouldn’t have met my current boyfriend or have had any experience either! that being said…. god, am i so glad to be off them 😭 a necessary evil for introverts everywhere, because what the hell am i going to do in a club

[@tris5602]

Read a book. It's so much easier now with the Kindle app 😂.

[@genevieveohara5360]

Im muslim so i dont date anyway but a club meeting sounds fun to me🤷‍♀️

[@anmolkaushik2001]

I feel the same way, glad it worked for me but thank God don't need it anymore

[@mateaukalua4426]

They meant an activity club like a chess club or an activity club.

[@vazyvas4712]

I met my husband on Tinder.. he was an absolute gentleman. We traveled to 5 countries throughout us dating and being engaged. Had a destination wedding.. 2 years exclusive, 1 year engaged and 3 years married 🥰 there’s some scaliwags on apps but there’s also some hope ladies! We’re great women on there so there has to be some great man on there too 🙏🏾👑

[@amznmmdprncss]

Not you looking the same now as you did in your 20s. 40 where?

[@ladybug3380]

I was thinking the same 😂

[@mateaukalua4426]

I would have guessed maybe 30. She looks good though for sure.

[@JL-ow5hp]

I was literally watching a year old video from you. As a 20 year old black girl I love watching your videos for advice and for entertainment as well.

[@kernaishaxoxo]

I think the issue with Bumble is young women (and some men) have stepped back exponentially from the hook up scene. Between 4B, the gender wars, weaponized incompetence, and the fatigue from the dating apps all together, a lot of people have talked about becoming celibate for personal reasons (finding themselves, healing, etc). What bumble did seemed like a slap in the face merely for profit. Nothing wrong at all with using the dating apps still, but I think the amount of people on the apps will keep dwindling.

[@natalierose1072]

I think something really important to remember about dating apps, these are strangers on the internet. What they're telling you, you have to assume is a lie to some extent, or best case scenario something kind of embellished to make themselves look better. Be very careful about opening up your expectations and your heart to strangers on the internet. Ok love ya byeeeee

[@jbell7105]

Or strangers in person lol strangers are strangers lol

[@angieang26]

Stephanie let this year be the year you find your person❤

[@moneypro85]

This is not encouraging. She got banned from the psychic network because people think it's better to tell her this instead of telling her to highlight other aspects of her life and focus on building and maintaining non romantic relationships.

[@angieang26]

@@moneypro85 did she really get banned from psychic network. Did she do a video on it

[@tshire7577]

@@angieang26 Yes , it was part of her storytime era , but their off now because of the judgement she received.

[@tshire7577]

@@moneypro85 I think everyone just wants her to find love , and I think noone really has a solution for her , so they say these things in hopes for her.I do agree with you though, I know she wants and deserves romantic love , but I fear that the experiences she had on those dating apps will resurface. She did not have a good time at all (based on her storytimes), and personally don’t think it’s worth it. However, on the other end , nobody is approaching her outside of the dating app platform. I’m just punching the air for her at this point 😢

[@awsambdaman]

tshire7577 Not to nitpick but no one “deserves” a relationship. It’s earned

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Dating apps were supposed to be the happy medium for busy introverts who are too shy and/or busy to meet people in person but they can’t afford a matchmaker (matchmakers run at least $10K). However, they became a nightmare because a lot of people on those apps aren’t who they are (married but pretending to be single, romance scammers, broke people looking for a sugar parent, mentally unstable people, people claiming to looking for a long term relationship but they’re looking for casual secks). It takes a lot of time to separate the wheat from the chaff, and it’s exhausting having to deal with goofballs on the app, like men who think that it’s completely appropriate to send a 🍆 pic after saying hello.

[@tinamenon1593]

This 😆👍. Everytime i got an unsolicited 'Richard' picture out of the blue, I was convinced it was a pure catfish eg the image was downloaded/screenshot-ed from somewhere and not the person purporting to be messaging you. Over 75% of the time, I found out (by reverse imaging) it was a random pron image. Essentially men are catfishing their members just to see if they can get any response 🙄 😒 😑

[@meli7315]

True

[@sweetpeaj1952]

I see what you're saying Steph, dating apps helped a lot of ppl to actually date, however the downfall is that most men use it for sx. Something that was supposed to be beneficial turned into a cesspool.

[@cdubb_]

I have an unpopular opinion: hinge’s tagline is that it’s “the app designed to be deleted”, yet they give folks the option to say they’re “figuring out their dating goals“; if that’s the stage of dating ur in, then you inherently cannot be dating with intention. And if hinge is designed to be deleted, that means its users are being intentional abt their time on the platform. As such, folks who are just figuring things out or just wanna look around …shouldn’t even be an option to choose from imo

[@jbell7105]

True shit

[@hellostephco84]

Hinge needs to screen its users! Expeditiously!

[@Salvation123..]

You are right, and I would never spent my time looking twice on such a profile..Why do you have to figure out your relationship type on the app.. Apparently I realized scammers can now verify the fake profiles 🤦‍♀️..

[@NIO623]

My sister met her now husband of 10 years on Plenty of fish. My sister is very type A , and she specified that she was looking to get married soon. She got married to the guy she met after 1 year of dating. She also got married at age 41 and he is 6 years younger.

[@thediscustedkitty6348]

I hate it when people tell me to go to church. I'm agnostic and not into organized religion. I'm also child free and dont want to date men with little kids. I used to say no kids but I've opened up to include men with grown kids. All of my hobbies arent social. No friends in my city. I need dating apps if I want to start dating again.

[@CaramelCrown04]

I feel you on growing to accept men with adult children. I can’t get around men not having atleast one child so I said as long as they are grown and out the way I’ll give it a try. Ideally tho they’d be childfree

[@mateaukalua4426]

I am child free I don't want a single parent.

[@FocusOnWhatYouLove-t6c]

I love your idea for a dating app. So many women and men over a certain age are just over the games and ready to meet their person. Thats so awesome 💜

[@valiumk.9489]

After my 12 year old relationship ended, I felt as if I just wanted to meet new people, not really looking for a relationship, but rather just excitement and new experiences. I almost instantly met an amazing person, with whom just happened to have common (good) friends (the announcement about us being a couple was one of the most hilarious days of my life!!). I closed my account in less than a day, and we've been together for the past 9 months and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes you can get lucky, I guess... I wish you the best!!

[@sparklyunicorn5431]

No girl, lets step back from that cesspool. It's a waste of time and bad juju. Life changes so much for the better when you get off the apps and thats when good things can come in to your life.

[@jojb411]

Finding a genuine person, forming a genuine connection, and having it be longer than 6 months are the exceptions of online dating, not the rule. I’ve been on & off with online dating for 10 yrs. Starting in my early 20’s. I have been off since 2 and a half yrs ago and never looked back. It’s really freeing, and I realize I can meet someone in person. I talk more, and smile more now. I network as well too, so if it happens, it happens.

[@MegM77]

I definitely relate, I’m 29 and I haven’t dated since I was 24, but I would love to! However, I wouldn’t know where to start by finding anyone besides dating apps. I literally get on and off dating apps every other month because conversation never leads to anything or it dies after I figure out we live in complete different locations from each other and I burn out fast.

[@4everInTheClouds]

I stopped using dating app two years ago. I don’t ever meet anyone in person. But I didn’t have much luck with dating apps either

[@Kontroversial84]

Not Sweatney Houston😂😂😂

[@lovelyscholar]

that took me OUT

[@Insightful_Locs]

Dating apps are filled with a ton of unhealed individuals pretending to look for love when in reality they are looking for a distraction. I’ve come to the realization that there’s a slim chance of meeting a good quality man online! You’re better off getting pretty and going outside

[@jbell7105]

You can and still attract the same thing y’all swear this makes a difference

[@mateaukalua4426]

It makes no difference honestly.

[@rosina2131]

Agree

[@hellostephco84]

How deeply insulting to people who work on themselves, learn from their mistakes and seek out apps for the reasons I listed here. There are unhealed people everywhere. There are cheaters and narcissists at day parties, community events, churches, clubs, and everywhere else. And as far as just “getting pretty” and seeing what happens…who’s to say your version of pretty will work in the environment you happen to be socializing in? There are so many people who get dressed to the best of their ability and find themselves not sought out in their immediate environment. So they seek out another option and they log onto an app. That’s all dating apps are btw, another option. They’re not inherently evil and the people that use them aren’t either.

[@Insightful_Locs]

@@hellostephco84 I’m speaking of MY EXPERIENCE and many others.., Also I never said they were “evil”, just a lot of people on there aren’t healed healthy individuals. 90% of the men on dating apps are not looking for love, they are looking for sex. 🤣. The people who meet their loved ones on dating apps are THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE! Majority of people are having horrible experiences on these dating apps. Most of the people ik personally who are in actual healthy relationships didn’t meet on a dating app, they met either at work or through mutual friends.

[@anniemartina6767]

I have never had my dating experience articulated so perfectly Stef, it's actually scary. As a late bloomer (lost my v card at 27 and started dating at 25) dating apps have pretty much saved my life too. I too, have met some men in real life but most online and both times I've had heartbreak and great times so it doesn't really matter where you meet them, it all just comes down to luck. Although, we all lowkey would prefer to meet our person in real life, just for the wedding story ha ha. I'm 37 and still dating, unfortunately haven't had the luck of men approaching me out and about also. But I have faith, even though its hard. Love your concept also, I'm rooting for ya!

[@queenlthrives]

One hundred percent agree. 💯 Honestly, I just think people forget everyone is living and experiencing life DIFFERENTLY. In order for someone to say what's best for someone and expect them to receive it, they need to sit down with that person and figure out whats going in their life, their experiences.. Basically, play a therpaist. 🤷🏽‍♀️😂 It's like people giving advice on losing weight. And I always say (not that this is my experience but just a general topic).. well what if they can't afford their bills (let alone buying and fixing healthy food) , what if they can't exercise because they have physical problems, what if they dont have the will (due to mental health) to lose the weight, etc, and I say all this to say just becuse you can do or it worked for you doesnt mean it fits in THAT PERSON'S LIFE. Because we have different experiences, privileges, finances, etc, it's all different. And all that applies to using dating apps, meeting someone while their out, EVERYTHING. I always try to remember that with people. ❤

[@kwnowicki]

I’m here for Clutch!! How are we going to make this a thing!? It is so desperately needed!

[@SabsileT]

Your sweating story LOL I can definitely relate, one time at a club somebody asked me if it was raining outside because my hair was so wet...it was not raining

[@chakralove4300]

I have never been on a dating app. When I did date, I met ppl through friends. For some reason ppl always wanted to fix me up with someone. In my humble opinion, dating apps are a play ground for ppl with narcissistic traits & for ppl who want to just hook up.

[@SmallBobby]

How can you know that if you've never been on a dating app before?

[@chakralove4300]

@@SmallBobby Family members & friends that are on dating apps. I have heard so many horrible stories to the point it turned me off to dating apps.

[@Tealaful]

I've been using dating apps for a couple of years now because the right guy wasn't finding me. Narcissists thrive on these sites because they will lie and say anything to get what they want. Most of the men Ive dated have said anything I wanted to hear and time always tells the truth of what they want. I've actually been compatible with quite a few guys now but a relationship like they claim was not what they wanted. They obviously wanted to sleep around because they have options thanks to the app. These options are hurting everyones chances of finding real love because people are so scared of making a mistake with the wrong person so they have grass might be greener syndrome. It's really sad imo. More than half feel rejected when I dont kiss on the first date. They will literally say they are being rejected and I have to remind them that we are literally strangers. 😢

[@chakralove4300]

@@Tealaful It is really sad. I wish everyone would just go outside & connect cuz at the end of the day humans thrive even more in healthy relationships.

[@laurenxo6503]

@@chakralove4300 and we see WHO they meet on there ❌❎🙅🏿‍♀️

[@Summerhaven97]

Thanks for your perspective, it’s been nice to hear a voice that is not full of hate for dating apps. Another commenter pointed out that the apps are not the problem, it’s the people on them that are. And these people walk around irl too, so dating is just hard. I have done a ton of deep healing the last six months and I’m gonna give it another go and see how the new sense of value and the peace I have within myself affects my experience.

[@msmiami212]

People behave very differently & much more ethically in the real world. Face-to-face connection means its very easy to fall in love with someone you’d have swiped left on.

[@legalmemories]

As a 50 year old divorced black woman living in the suburbs- I love the dating apps - how else would I know who’s single? 🤷🏾‍♀️😂

[@mateaukalua4426]

😂😂

[@KevonnieElaine]

I’m giving up the dating apps, but I understand why ppl still use them. I know that I need to get out the house and meet ppl lol😩.

[@tiffriahgrande]

omg hey friend 🥰🤍lol

[@Gabster1990]

I like meeting people in real life. Dating g apps just gave me more toxic men.

[@meshameemee]

I very rarely get approached at the store or something but I get approached by every guy at work. It's weird. I didn't wanna date people at work 😭 I'm terrified of dating online

[@rosedalinevaletine6931]

You’re gorgeous and must have an equally amazing personality, so I can see why all your coworkers might be interested. I work in a female dominated field, so that kills that for me and I love that.

[@meshameemee]

@@rosedalinevaletine6931 Awe that's such a kind thing to say 😭 Thank you! I feel very similar to how Steph feels tho as far as rarely being approached when out and about... It's a blessing to work with mostly women. Unfortunately I have dated a couple of men I worked with and it does not end well.

[@queenmisanthrope]

I get approached outside but none of the men are quality. All the men at my job love me but they’re weirdos and I tried it with someone and it didn’t work out, so now it’s just awkward, I want to quit so badly but I have nothing lined up & I’m embarrassed 😔😑

[@tris5602]

I did it once - don't do it. It didn't even end badly or anything, but having other work people in your business is the last thing you need. I only tried online dating because my sister talked me into it. I'm not telling you what to do with your life, but I will say that both of us met our husbands online and we'll be celebrating my 7th and her 4th wedding anniversaries this fall. I honestly don't know of any couples as happy as we are with our spouses, so it might be worth a shot 🤷🏽‍♂️.

[@Girlintheewild]

The thing about a lot of guys who approach women while working are sometimes players. They discuss who the prettiest, best bodied girls/ women are they are the hunt to lay it down and go. Some of them are womanizers who try to get a pretty woman who enters the room.

[@naturalious3195]

I understand her perspective but I think people should be motivated to try new things in their life. Going to events and doing activities like traveling often (go to the lounges), going to fairs and conventions can be very helpful. There are so many people to meet in this world, you just have to put yourself out there. If you’re hiding inside your home, no one will be able to find you. It has to be activities you are interested in, if not, then you most likely will meet someone who is not compatible with you.

[@PrettyPettyKitty]

Great idea. I thought this was the blueprint for most single people who want a partner. It's nice to meet a respectful guy/woman organically and have a face to face conversation. The energy is different. Doesn't feel like you're sorting through online resumes to find that top candidate. If you live in an area where the men and women are dusty looking, take weekend trips to a neighboring city or state.

[@MyDuckSaysFucc]

@@naturalious3195 not everyone can do those things, some people only have a limited amount of time or energy. I have health issues so it’s an either or kind of thing, I could go out more but I would have to give up my interests that I actually like.

[@whoahoahhh716]

girl I just wanna say you look soo beautiful! Your whole look is bomb! The bandana & hair, the eyeliner and subtle makeup, and the cute black shirt! 🔥✨

[@mymy_sweetiepie2692]

Met my now husband playing videos games on the PlayStation. NJ to CA, 10 year age difference and we both weren’t looking. Online dating is a special thing.

[@PlanetKaylah]

Dating apps are a horrible experience for most of the time you are trying it out.. until you happen to find the one. I'm so happy I stayed on there after years of horrible experiences lol. My now fiance was about to move back to Arkansas and we would have never crossed paths and he is my MATCH 💛

[@modalsoul6511]

50 year old mixed guy here , never married, no children, never had a girlfriend nor the prospect of one .. that being said stephco is the female version of me I swear , I feel the exact same way.

[@rogers5622]

Wow 😳 As a 51 year old single woman , I am shocked to hear this . I guess we can't make assumptions about all of you fellas .

[@modalsoul6511]

@@rogers5622 yeah low self esteem and self consciousness can take take a toll on a man’s life.

[@rogers5622]

​@@modalsoul6511very true and your honesty is refreshing. It's never too late

[@mateaukalua4426]

I am 30 and never had a LTR. Every time I told someone I like them they just stopped dealing with me. 😂😂

[@deViianceTV]

It’s funny that I got a Bumble ad before this video started lol. I have a long history with dating apps, I’ve used them only to meet and talk to people, ever since I was a teen (I know it’s bad) but being an oddball and a very introverted person, it’s hard to make friends in everyday life. And I’m Gen Z, so anything non-physical is my forte. I’ve taken lots of breaks from them and recently I’m going 3 months clean of no dating apps, hopefully it continues!! Sadly it’s just as hard to meet people in real life, cause you never really know what mood or energy somebody’s gonna give you.

[@yourlittlesecret7575]

Same! I get a bumble app with every other new video I click on. Like damn girl leave me alone. I’m too busy being celibate! 😂

[@deViianceTV]

@@yourlittlesecret7575 Samee 😭 I hate bumble as a whole for a few reasons, I’m just so sick of the dating app cycle and the current dating scene as a whole

[@tris5602]

I got a bumble ad, too, lol. I don't think it's bad to use the apps to meet and talk to people - that's literally what they're for when you think about it. Yeah, the end goal is supposed to be pairing off with someone, but you have to do a lot of meeting and talking to people to get there. 😉 Don't be so hard on yourself.

[@Altajp]

Got a tinder add. Will never go back there. Using breeze as a last resort.

[@CaramelCrown04]

I met my ex boyfriend on a dating app. Everything was great until it wasn’t. However I wouldn’t have been able to get that experience without the apps. I get approached in real life but NOT by the men I’d like to so I hop on them every now and again

[@JeffCaplan313]

Maybe if you stopped hopping on men you don't like, men you do like would become more approachable.

[@CaramelCrown04]

@@JeffCaplan313 no

[@JeffCaplan313]

@@CaramelCrown04 Accountability sucks, eh?

[@rachelesmith3342]

I find that the reason I steer from dating apps and prefer in person even if it technically lessens my chances is that I know upfront how that person looks and carries themselves. I don’t have to worry whether or not that person is physically portraying a lie or only using their best pics. Meeting someone in person and scoring a date lessens the pressure because you both know how each other looks and accept it enough to go on a date. As someone who grew up with low self esteem, my anxiety is higher on dating apps because I always wonder whether they think I catfished them when I actually meet them in person. It seems dramatic but I like seeing them in person because clearly they see me and still are convinced to go forward. They aren’t operating off of a picture that has good angles or might hide my insecurities

[@aaaoratos]

i relate to this

[@tris5602]

I think you're being way too hard on yourself. Posting pictures of you that you like isn't catfishing - it's only catfishing if you're deliberately trying to mislead someone. Being that you're worried about that, I think it's a safe bet you aren't. You're allowed to put your best foot forward. Picking good photos is just the online equivalent of dressing up for a date - maybe they aren't the clothes you wear everyday, but they're still your clothes. You are lovely and you deserve good and kind things in this world. If other people don't tell you that or make you feel that way, you're allowed to tell yourself.

[@CaramelCrown04]

@@tris5602awesome response ! Edit: I just realized I commented on another one of your comments lol

[@Bree5three]

I get that. That's why even before COVID was a thing, which made apps start providing the ability to video chat from their platform, I was asking people to video chat or facetime before linking. I did not play those games because I grew up on catfish and didn't want to fall victim. Plus, I didn't want anyone being disappointed with me either. So try that.

[@jbell7105]

Video chat is a thing lol if we can’t chat on video and converse before linking up then it’s a no go for me!

[@phillipnieves43]

You are so beautiful Steph!!! I wish all the happiness in the world for you

[@jessicaellis2580]

I love your app idea for Clutch! I’m 36 and need something like that. I’m a family oriented person, old school and wholesome. I just want a nice guy that wants a family. But it’s so hard to find in this never ending sea of “I just want to be casual, I don’t want anything serious.”BS.

[@kimberly98712]

I had to delete a couple of dating apps because majority of the guys was looking for quick hook up. I like fun here and there but after a while I want a real conversation, and someone to spend time with.

[@chiefrocka9159]

You know what it is these days. Folks looking for a "short time", not a long time.

[@terracottablush]

Hi steph, always love your videos. For me as a 24 female near a large city my experiences on dating apps have been subpar. Ive had a lot of men ghost me, me just not feel like I wanted anything with them after the first date and seeing how they are irl, or they like me but i don’t like them. It is rare for me to find a mutual connection that is also genuine. I know I am not in the 10% of most attractive women but the way I have been treated on dating apps I have start internalizing and am taking a break for now. I am also losing weight at the moment and I’m sure me being plus size has a part to do with it. BUT my thinner friends have had some similar experiences and women who look like “baddies” still get played too. Its a tough world out here for all, especially men. I think more men resonate with how I feel about getting ghosted than women do but I could be wrong. I think to the thing about hoping on apps everybody is swearing up and down is great but it not being that for you is so soul crushing too. I have a lot if mixed or white friends and the ones who have used dating apps swear hinge is the greatest but I have had very little luck with it. My black friends typically meet guys at work or at the bar or through friends and its like I just feel like I’m nobodys type, I feel so bad about myself and I’m tired of looking like boo boo the fool so I said I will take the summer to work on my internal, I’m also in therapy so maybe that will help

[@MJDavidson]

I’m sorry but Sweatney Houston is hysterical

[@rogers5622]

😂right

[@misslauren6798]

Your 20s dating life sounds so much like mine, not meeting "my person" organically. I like your idea for a dating app!

[@lovelyscholar]

Steph you look gorgeous! Love your hair like this. I deleted all dating apps in February of 2022 with the desire to not redownload them. Wasn't super militant about it but I really desired to find a better alternative after using them consistently for close to 10 years. That was also the beginning of a celibacy journey for me that lasted until August 2023. The celibacy wasn't intentional lol. It just happened cuz I wasn't dating anyone. But you know what...that one year and a half of not dating was FANTASTIC. Dating fatigue is real y'all. I'm still single lol but I also met a LOT of people during that time (mainly through salsa dancing, common acquaintances, and coffee shops - shoutout to Starbucks lol). I'm very lightly 'dating' now, but I see it more as keeping up with friends, making good memories with people I like and networking. I love it here and don't see myself ever downloading dating apps again. P.S. not saying this to invalidate anything Steph said, just sharing my story

[@heysilly1341]

I’m so happy that you’re back ❤

[@_KrystalAlexis]

The dating apps have never worked for me. Like the men they have on my list we have nothing in common. Maybe if the apps fix their algorithm it will help.

[@1.and.only.]

I met my fiancé on Instagram of all places. I believe people should be open to the idea of meeting their partner anywhere.

[@brandylicious]

Instagram is so vast.... did y'all happen to comment on the same post? How did y'all connect initially? Just curious.

[@noemita494]

I'm curious too

[@YPM498]

I was just thinking about this recently. I feel like dating apps can be a good and bad thing. It’s a good thing because if you are intentional you can find someone who you are compatible with, even if they are not in your proximity. But it has also given some people the illusion that they have endless options. Like the 80% / 20% rule. People will match with someone who has 80% of what they are looking for but miss out because they are still swiping looking for that 20%. Also, most of the people I know who are partnered/married met their significant other through their immediate social circles (friends, family, school). Maybe that’s just dependent on the area and community I’m from but I don’t know many people who met their future spouse from a dating app.

[@jjamerican93]

Me either! I can count on my hand the couples who met on apps. But everyone else? Offline. If our culture has less people making friends and sustaining those type of relationships, then of course dating would decrease.

[@jbell7105]

It’s people in these comments saying they have met their match so..

[@jennessacard4796]

I am pro dating app and internet dating, my best relationship started on dating apps

[@SapphicSis]

it’s so depressing being young (23) and being so horrible at dating. feelings are never reciprocated from the people i had them for. dating apps are terrible and men don’t approach me. i just pray one day ill find someone for me, although it seems impossible

[@awsambdaman]

It feels like dating apps and clubs are all that’s left to meet people lol

[@tm-zi6zn]

Ive had the dating app era. Its convenient like you mentioned, but made me lazy since i was in a rut and didnt like going out. Im Gen Z so I have opted to not necesarily join running clubs lol, but go out more often doing things i like or looking cute doing daytime errands and Ive met a few guys. I think dating apps have their place though and arent always bad if you play your game right.

[@Nina-yh3qs]

Running clubs or indoor climbing gyms. At least here in Belgium! Love from Brussels ❤

[@maxxedtfout]

This is not shade. You’re a mature woman who understands what you want out of dating. You probably have better discernment, a stronger sense of self, and do your due diligence. Ultimately everyone should do what serves them best but in the hands of younger people it’s a mess and there are consequences.

[@KevonnieElaine]

I am cracking up at the sweat story😭! Girl I get it!

[@chanellbotshekan]

I met my fiance on tinder. So I think, like anything, dating apps are what each person makes of them (and a whole lot of luck). Sometimes things work out well and many people have gotten married from them. However, it's also totally valid to get off of them if you've had bad experiences or have not found what you're looking for. Ultimately though I think the problems people are facing are going to be present whether youre meeting people online or in person.

[@nomessnostress]

The first time i got on one I got two messages from men who knew me who couldnt believe i was on there 😂.... i felt a little shame... but also flattered that they felt that way 😂

[@RedRose01289]

OMG that's terrible 😱😂

[@ihavethots1261]

this is a true story. i was approached in a coffee shop. we went on a date. he never followed up on a second date but ran into each other by chance. i was over it - found out a year later he was arrested for pedophilia! so being approached isn't a sign of the value of the man.

[@rubypanterra.]

Clutch is a great idea

[@dsanders401]

Your idea for a dating app sounds great. You pay a refundable fee up front and there would be a vetting process. There would be no swipping, but you would see the profile before clicking on the picture. You can only filter by profile.

[@Annonymight]

I resonate with all of this! I grew up in Kenya then moved here in my late teens. I had no social circle and no community all through my 20s. Dating apps definitely opened my romantic life up...funnily enough, they also helped me figure out that I'm aromatic. I have no interest in dating at all.

[@colleenmariet]

You have such a wonderful commentary style and such relatable topics. I so appreciate you as a creator. Thank you.🙏🏾

[@srm0520]

IMO it’s not common to be one of those women who gets asked out at Target and Auto Zone and the grocery store. I’ve had friends who are like that too- something about them is super approachable or maybe they’re very smiley or I don’t even know, but they get it often and pretty much everyone else I know doesn’t lol. I guess I’m sharing that because I think when we know those people it can make the rest of us feel inadequate and, more often than not- they are the outlier- not us. Also, I had a coworker years ago who was asked out often in public (she was gorgeous and Brazilian) and it would happen ALL the time to the point where it was literally exhausting. She used to dress frumpy intentionally just to live her life and make a Target run. Grass isn’t always greener 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@queenmisanthrope]

lol I’m watching this right when I had a terrible day and chose to delete hinge right after trying to give it another try and downloading it yesterday 😂

[@mathlife.collins1083]

Your app idea is great. BTW I’m so ready for your Wedding

[@Laybeach60554]

I think what’s truly toxic about the apps (that I’ve learned first hand) is that it feels really productive to date several people at once and move on quickly to up your numbers and “chances” for love. But realistically focusing on one person at a time, really letting the dates play out and taking time to think about it is probably a healthier way to find someone. Attraction can be a slow burn sometimes! But the realization that you find someone more attractive every time you see them is so beautiful🤩 and usually has more to do with coming to appreciate them as a person and not just their looks and other surface things.

[@Laybeach60554]

Met my boyfriend of almost a year now on Hinge! But that’s after TWO YEARS of horrible experiences on Hinge in California. He was the first person I met after I moved away from CA, so maybe it was the app AND the move that helped. But I guess it really is a numbers game- how long you stay on the app, how many people you meet. Even if it’s torture😭 it feels worth it now but I was really going thru it going on first dates twice a week for nearly two years!!

[@thepragmatist]

Steph, Thanks for all the time and effort it took to make this video. This is a very fair, pragmatic review of dating apps. I'm not on the apps but I can appreciate the difficulty of trying to meet people in real life. With that said, dating apps do seem like they take up a lot of time. I realize there are a few who meet someone right away and then get off the app. I wish you all the best in finding someone who you connect with.

[@noeltimberlake165]

Great idea and I hope it opens new doors for you in future.. I gave it a shot and sadly either the men wanted casual flings or an instant relationship so I deleted them and never looked back.

[@Kelema86]

The problem isn’t dating apps. It’s the dating pool. It sucks. It will suck regardless if you try to date through apps or by going out and meeting new people irl.

[@ArthurMorganVP]

I love your videos. I'm 26 but have never had any options myself for dating, so it helps to hear your side bc a lot of it resonates. I'm the one who's never chosen, and I also just have had a rough beginning, but relationships are something I've actually been thinking about. Not much hope for myself but it helps to have a more realistic perspective from others.

[@myvids718]

We have to realize that the need to find a person is fed to us by society. It’s not necessary to find a mate. That’s when you really start to focus on other things and realize how much mental energy you have wasted your whole life on this.

[@reviewersmith3549]

It’s literally primal instinct

[@myvids718]

@@reviewersmith3549 attraction may be but not long term partnership or marriage. It’s like anything else in modern life - nice to have but should not be expected. You can’t will someone else to do anything let alone dedicate their entire life to partnership.

[@reviewersmith3549]

@@myvids718 thats your opinion most people don’t want to be alone and that’s okay

[@myvids718]

@@reviewersmith3549 it’s ok but it is also ok to realize that it comes from cultural programming.

[@avocadohater444]

@@myvids718 i agree with you. i feel like dating and romance is unnecessary. community in other forms might be essential, but who needs a spouse to survive?

[@LavenderAdefolalu]

Your Clutch idea has legs!! If you haven't already, you should look into copywriting it because I can see a lot of people in the app development sector being really excited by this and being quick to snatch it up (without giving you any credit)! Also, the girl at the club who took time out of her night to inform you that you were sweaty?! 😩 How is this real life?!

[@9darshana]

I attract men who are already taken. 🙄 They'll say the kindest thing like, "hey just wanted to say you're beautiful..enjoy your day". Then they walk AWAY. This does not help me at all and it makes me feel like they're already taken.

[@bamafencer12]

Same here. It's always the taken men that approaches me and flirts. Like I don't want that!

[@9darshana]

@@bamafencer12 Right!! It's like why even approach me if you know you're taken.

[@nanae123]

Omg Steph said it might make you depressed knowing who's interested in you😂😂😂 luv your videos

[@AdrienneMbaeri]

Girl you had me trippin in some parts of this video but it’s all true. I think your dating app “clutch” idea is a great idea. The one thing that stands out to me is screening folks before they can join. That’ll weed out those who aren’t serious, not who they say they are and save us serious folks time.

[@MzAqua]

That clutch 🤝 dating app idea is Gold, would love to see you make it happen!

[@TamGood]

I relate to the sweating thing, some simple movements and I drenched while everyone else is dry. Summer time is the absolute worse and let's not even talk about walking any distance over 5 mins in the sun.

[@mu3191]

Personally, I prefer using apps to meet people (romantic or searching for roommates, etc) since both parties would be looking with the same motive. As for dating, I get uncomfortable being confronted by people I don't know in public...but equally dating someone in my personal circle (workplace, friends of friends) feels like it would get very messy.

[@daniellebryant5854]

Yo, I snorted at the clip of James Brown popping his head up slowly and you describing how you sweat while running, omg 😂 I absolutely love your humor.

[@tiffanythomas8461]

This is my favorite of your content. Unique and astute personal experience. More please!

[@nonFluencerNoWa]

As someone who has never used dating apps and is happily married in a 15 year relationship, i think CLUTCH is a FABULOUS idea for serious single people. ❤

[@desbraxton]

I like your dating app idea. It could also work for older adults (seniors) looking for their second act.

[@sunnni_]

I gave up the apps once I realized I actually get more men talking to me when I am alone and doing my own thing. And alot of men on the apps were just there for hook ups or they were Poly! And what's crazy, I said the same thing about the running clubs. There is so many just popping up everywhere and I am so excited and curious to see how many relationships will come out of these. All in all, I think everyone should do what's best for them, if apps are for you, do it! If in person is better, do it.