Ex-Husband Fed Vegan Daughter Chicken Nuggets Without Ex-Wife Knowing With UPDATE r/AITA

[@MarkNarrations]

What is this thumbnail I hear you ask, I just like chicken nuggets....k?! Haha much love all :)

[@kemonono]

Nuggets are the best I cannot blame you :D

[@Koji-Alistair]

New sub here love your videos

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

who doesn't like nuggets, I recommend cutting up nuggets and putting them in salads

[@kemonono]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 I don't like salad but I will ask my friends who do! :D

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@kemonono I'm sorry I didn't mean to ping you my bad, I'm so sorry. 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@47896285pgdfzgnd]

I remember the comments of story 4 pointing out that it's a respiratory issue and she wants to go to a wedding during a pandemic that goes after the lungs. They pointed out she would have to quarantine for 2 weeks once she gets back and won't be allowed to see him, so she's really asking for two weeks, not just a day of surgery

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Yeah that's pretty much it. Because I'm getting the feeling that she wants a break from taking care of her husband. Think about it he's going into the hospital for a respiratory issue mainly I'm thinking lungs or heart surgery and she wants to go to a friend's wedding on the exact date as the surgery meaning she will have to stay away from her husband for 2 weeks which would most likely be the majority of his recovery and then she'll probably see him for the first time when he comes back home. This is one of those situations where if a man had done this in the mail or Pandemic those would have been automatic grounds for a divorce. The original poster is not in the wrong and most of the people are looking at it from the woman's point of view she wants one day off to enjoy her friend's wedding but she's really looking at two week vacation afterwards. And he needs to prepare himself for his wife to basically not give him the same empathy and in addition he may also want to prepare himself to give her the cold shoulder which could automatically lead to divorce in her mind

[@babybookworm003]

I also feel that ops wife’s friend was probably well aware of the surgery so if it ruins a friendship with the wife not being at the wedding then the friend is the ahole

[@zebnemma]

@@babybookworm003 Yeah that actually feels a little sus. Like what are the odds that the wedding date landed exactly on the surgery date and why was the date changed to begin with? Did the friend change the date on purpose just to fuck with the wife and OPs surgery??? If I was the wife I would maybe have to ask the hard questions if the friend did this on purpose(but not that bluntly of course but in a way to try to see if the friend is lying) to be spitefull or something? If it turns out that's the case then that friendship deserves to die regardless.

[@socialmoon]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE My reading of the situation is that the wife is emotionally exhausted & needs some respite. No divorce necessary here. OP should get someone else to look after him for those 2 weeks, & his wife should use those 2 weeks to recharge & find herself again. Caring for others consumes you, even when you practice the best self-care & aren't co-dependent. Wife needs a break, OP needs to lean on others.

[@Dragonprincess21]

@@socialmoon I think I agree, the wife needs some support as well. Carer burnout can cause a lot of issues, so I wonder who is supporting her. However I understand the worry of the husband (it’s not his fault his sick). I hope they have other close family who might be able to pitch in and offer them both understanding

[@aikikaname6508]

I think with the vegan one people forget it’s HUSBAND who pushed her into vegan and policed everything she ate. If SHE’D been the one who began feeding the girl chicken, he’d have raised hell but after all the that badgering and policing HE suddenly decides to do this. I’d be brassed off too if I was op

[@FluffieXStarshine]

Ignoring the vegan part - kiddo asks for fast food/junk food parent says no, offers healthy snack, kid throws tantrum and gets a healthy dinner (which they eat) at home. Not the AH for not giving in to the tantrum

[@spannymakronkeep8673]

You're right. Here's a joke: how do you know someone's a vegan? They'll tell you😂

[@llamabrat07]

Yep. NTA for not giving into a child’s tantrum. OP even stated that if it was simply that her child wanted chicken nuggets, they had some in the freezer she would have cooked. But the tantrum was wanting McDonalds, and OP didn’t give in. She also took time to talk to her daughter about how big feelings can be hard to keep in, but there are better ways to do it. That phrasing makes me thing the daughter is somewhere between 4 and 8. And NTA for being mad that their ex didn’t inform them of a MAJOR change to their child’s diet. Plus, it sounds like it’s not just meat, but lots of fast food that the ex secretly added to their daughter’s diet. Not healthy. The ex acted like a n AH in the way he responded to OP asking about the meat. Wonder if the ex is even vegan anymore. OP always planned on allowing their daughter to try meat when she was old enough to start having some autonomy about her diet. She never planned on forcing her daughter to grow up vegan whether the daughter wanted to or not.

[@Autumn4779]

@@spannymakronkeep8673 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@robertx8020]

The AH's are the redditers who think OP is the AH

[@Autumn4779]

@@robertx8020 True

[@calliewalsh7058]

If I rescheduled my wedding to be on the same day as my best friend's husbands surgery I think I'd could no longer be considered her friend, let alone best friend.

[@bgcorporation]

Story 4: I've heard stories like this but genders were reverse, and the husband was the asshole for not making that sacrifice.

[@locusxe1411]

Huh

[@PinkMarshmallows]

That's because Reddit is filled with man-hating femnazis.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

@@PinkMarshmallows Eh. If you say like some subreddits are like that I might agree but saying the whole platform is a bit much

[@songohan3321]

Butt5000 said it best. An yes, if the genders were reversed, Reddit would tear OP a new one even if it was an non-emergency surgery.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

@@PinkMarshmallows there are biases in all directions on reddit, some are biased for or against men, and some biased for or against women

[@AnymousScreams]

For the vegan story, it's the ex not co-parenting and the mother not giving into a tantrum. Ex shoulda told her he was planning to try that first. The child is nine-years-old and makes sense she was vegan after ex forced OP to do it. He's more controlling than OP, honestly. The daughter is allowed to have meat, she just needed better parenting from her father towards her mother. After her whole life without meat, it may be hard to digest it properly. I can't after choosing to be pescetarian from childhood. That was almost 16 years ago this year. The parents don't typically cook meat and would need to learn how to cook it. The OP is fine. There was a lack of communication on her ex's end.

[@gaywerewolf1294]

Dude, the daughter ISN'T allowed to eat meat. The mother very clearly states that woth how much she said she'd let her choose what to eat when she can think for herself and how she went on a mini tirade about McDonald's having vegan options

[@digitalharmony26]

If you’re going to lose your BEST friend because you don’t attend their wedding, then they’re not your friend.

[@SMey54]

Chicken McNuggets, the gateway drug.

[@cgi2002]

Let's be honest, we'd all mineline some nuggies.

[@kisstune]

@@melodyharpole8272 You made me have to replay. Nope he was the vegan and turned her into a vegan. I condemn him for that fact alone.

[@niyablake]

Story 2 . She hooked up with an unemployed guy and moved in with him. How the hell did get custody with no adult working

[@HighFlySoyGuy]

Courts favor women. Just how it is.

[@niyablake]

@@HighFlySoyGuy I keep on forgetting . I mean is to much to ask for a sane judge to say 3 kids and the only source of income would be child support . Nope custody goes to the dad. Oh and you know she is going to keep on pop ping kids out

[@b-red9489]

@@HighFlySoyGuy So true. I have a friend who got divorced 7 yrs ago and now needes to get a third job to pay child support for their 11year old because the mother did not want to work after having another baby with some guy and getting kicked of her boyfriends house.

[@camwyn256]

A friend of mine got divorced and got full custody of the kids but he still had to pay ex-wife child support on top of alimony. Men often get screwed in the courts in regards to divorce, at least

[@TheWitchesKat]

Story 4: NTA this has been planned for at the very least a few weeks, if the friend wanted the wife to come she should have chosen a day that doesn’t contradict with op’s surgery. Edit: we’re in a pandemic. Why would you got to a wedding in a pandemic.

[@carg0_b00m]

if its just a few people that follow guidelines then who the fuck cares really.

[@cgi2002]

My concern is more logical for a single reason. This is surgery, no surgery is risk free, she is OP's designated contact to make decisions incase something goes wrong. If she is at a wedding, its reasonable to assume she may be out of contact, intoxicated or generally unavailable. This would mean should an emergency decision be needed, and there is no one available to make it, the Dr's will be forced to make it for him.

[@Steampunkkids]

@@cgi2002 thank you! No one else seems to get that the OP is having a major surgery to his freaking LUNGS! As next of kin, his wife needs to be sober and readily available in case something horrible happens during surgery. His wife is going to be 8 hours away. What if something goes wrong and they need her to sign papers before they can perform a life saving surgery (especially if they are American and she needs to make sure everything is in-network and covered)? I don’t care how “burnt out” she feels. This is unacceptable!

[@atinyevil1383]

@@cgi2002 that’s a good point, I didn’t think about that.

[@zerobolt9506]

Just so everyone knows I went to the last post and so far OP has been judged NTA.

[@atinyevil1383]

Story 1: I think Reddit is missing the point here... 1. The ex didn’t inform OP about reneging on a lifestyle choice he made for OP and their daughter that OP was just going along with and 2. The daughter thinking OP hated her over eating meat. Do they not think that’s weird? Because that sounds like some manipulative bs my mother tried to pull when it was her custody week.

[@darkmantlestudios]

Story 3 gives me red flags. Abuser isolating his target.

[@shikuthetempest]

Glad I'm not the only one who thought this. OP should really touch base with her friend to make sure everything is on the level and that she knows she has friends who will support her if he escalates.

[@gwydienne]

Story 4: One of the points that is really giving me a hard time is...has anyone else looked up the dates for the (original) wedding date and surgery date? Both are in the middle of the week, which makes sense for a surgery, not so much for a wedding. Regardless, no friend should expect you to leave your spouse high and dry for a surgery to attend ANYTHING for them. Especially with the current state of the world and the added complications to a respiratory surgery! OP is NTA, wife is an AH for not choosing her husband who she made the promise to that she would be there in sickness and health and forsaking all others, but the main AH in this is the "friend" - no way she didn't know the date of the surgery before scheduling her wedding and even if that is the only date available, she needs to put on her big girl panties and say she understands that the husband with his surgery would have to be the priority.

[@cheryl8705]

This husband needs surgery, and wants his wife to support him through it. That's all I need to hear. I cannot believe she would refuse to honour her wedding vows in order to watch her friend go through hers, that's ironic. It makes me mad because I've heard similar reddit stories with reversed genders and the men got torn apart for daring to even think of leaving the woman's side. Eff your double standards!

[@jamestown8398]

I wonder what the wife will say when people at the wedding ask where her husband is.

[@owl7072]

Story 4: Wasn't there a story a little bit ago where OP wanted to go camping when his wife was pregnant and she wanted him to stay but he didn't and got called TA for it 🕴🏻. But now there's an OP that wants his wife to stay because he's gonna have a literal surgery and not only is she gonna be gone that day, but will also have to quarantine for 2 weeks after which will most likely be the entirety of his recovery process, and yet people are still calling him TA because how DARE he not give his poor, stressed, wife a break after having to care for him for so long 🕴🏻. Reddit is giving me whiplash.

[@missluciddreams3472]

Reddit is sexist af

[@atinyevil1383]

There’s a difference, though. The wife in the story you’re referring to didn’t want her husband to go because she had struggled with premature birth before and they had a daughter who would need to be taken care of in the event that happened. He also left after she told him that she didn’t want him to go. On top of that, he had made himself unreachable to his wife. In this story, OP’s wife hasn’t left and just wants to, she would be in a waiting room for several hours during his surgery and would really have no way of helping him. He doesn’t need her, but he wants her to be there. And this is her best friend’s wedding that will probably only happen once, which is different than a camping trip you go on every year and can reschedule. Personally, I don’t think OP or his wife are the AH. It’s normal to want your SO there for surgery, and it’s also normal to want go to your best friend’s wedding. I think the wife’s comment about her friendship hinging on going was shitty, but I think the rest of it is fair. It’s just a bad situation.

[@jamestown8398]

@@atinyevil1383 By being at the surgery she could help him after it, so he doesn't have to be alone in the hardest day of the recovery phase. I'm imagining OP in a hospital bed after the surgery, a bunch of tubes in him, his body hurting, genuinely afraid and disoriented from the medication, and utterly alone - and all the while his wife is away getting drunk with her bestie.

[@jamestown8398]

Reddit is very sexist. If a woman wants abandon her spouse to have fun when he needs emotional support, or keep a secret fund, to scream at her toddler over a bedwetting, then Reddit fully supports her and calls her husband an asshole for having a problem. If a man does any of those things Reddit calls him an asshole.

[@missluciddreams3472]

@@atinyevil1383 I can't imagine going to a wedding during my husband's surgery. I mean, what if something bad happens and she's partying it up at a wedding? She's definitely an asshole.

[@kathyshannon7476]

Story 4, any time a person goes under there is a risk. If her friend would no longer be a friend, as of being pissed because she stayed for her husband's surgery, she was never a true friend. How would the wife feel by choosing her friend's wedding over her husband's surgery and there were complications and he died. Praying this doesn't happen, but there is always that risk.

[@jamestown8398]

Or suppose the husband has to go through the surgery and recovery phase alone, and this causes a rift that leads to a divorce. How would the wife feel if going to the bestie's wedding meant losing her own marriage?

[@asmith8692]

Looking in my crystal ball. I predict that if the wife goes to the wedding, some of the guests will rip into her for abandoning her husband while he's in surgery. I also predict that if she asks reddit if aita, the same people who were bashing the husband for wanting his wife available at the hospital will bash her for being a horrible spouse.

[@gh0ulbunni817]

Story 4: NTA My dad has had almost 20 surgeries. He could have 100, but it never gets easier. It's mentally and physically tiring, and when you're out of surgery you're dazed and incoherent. When you're alone with no one you love or who loves you there to comfort you when you come out of it, it can be incredibly distressing and that emotional distress can make things worse. 2 (almost 3) years ago I had to have my tonsils and adnoids out. When I woke up and was coming to my mom wasn't there with me and was instead in the waiting room, but that didn't stop me from becoming anxious and distressed. Now take on that OP has a RESPIRATORY ISSUE that needs SURGERY and SHE wants to TRAVEL during a pandemic where the virus attacks your lungs?! That's being plain selfish, because she wont be gone for *that day*, she'll be gone for that day and 2 weeks of quarantine so that she doesnt transmit anything to her husband who just came out of surgery. "In sickness and in healthy", well THAT got thrown out the window really fast! 'Sorry honey! I'd rather go to my bestie's wedding around people I probably dont know, catch something, and give it back to you right after you just had a major surgery!' like, bitch you signed up for in sickness and in health and I'm sorry to say but that means missing weddings and events and get togethers with friends and non-immediate family when your partner needs you to help them and comfort them after they come out of surgery. NTA

[@jamestown8398]

You're right. I've only really had one surgery in adulthood (getting my wisdom teeth removed) and even with my parents by my bedside I was still emotionally distressed and feeling hideous (no logical reason, just pain medication and jaw bleeding). I would only have been worse if I had to do it all alone.

[@gh0ulbunni817]

@@jamestown8398 not to mention this is seemingly an urgent surgery and its during a PANDEMIC

[@Russman67]

Story 3: usually when you meet someone you're on your best behavior. You're not looking to offend anybody and you're just trying to get to know people. The boyfriend shows up and this apparently is his best behavior. It's not going to get much better. OP was right to walk away. Not the asshole

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA the choice should ALWAYS be your spouse especially when they've had the date set amd the friend changes their date. Your duty is to the prior commitment AND the health of your partner. As for " I might lose my best friend over this" guess what? She may lose her husband over this.

[@zerobolt9506]

Dom it's been soooo long...I think, I forgot how long it's been. Rust is got to be the most infuriating game I've ever played and I'm still only in the bata game for consoles. Resident Evil Village is pretty good

[@slayedkill187]

The biggest thing that they're missing in the third story and nobody took in the account is that they move the wedding date to the day that he was supposed to have surgery so I think the friend stirred up the shit

[@stuffbytheham431]

True so true

[@Doublemonk0506]

And why couldn't the wife attend through Zoom? Something's a foot, leg, torso, arm, neck, and head

[@slayedkill187]

@@Doublemonk0506 because in this story it sound like everybody want things the way they want it and nobody else's way at all so it might be a minor surgery people have been known to die during surgery so she should also realize that she could could lose her husband not just her friend but everybody else is being selfish as well

[@unluckypuppy13]

Wedding dates are almost entirely based on booking availability and I highly doubt she picked it to some how ruined her friend's marriage.

[@slayedkill187]

@@unluckypuppy13 true if the venue is like that not all venues are based on availability

[@sylvestercat1898]

Story 4: NTA. Yeah she won’t be present during the actual surgery, but going into any surgery alone and coming out alone is terrifying. The surgeons are going to be doing something to his respiratory system, that’s risky no matter how minor the issue is. It’s very likely on the consent sheet he signed that one of the warnings was, ‘there is a chance you may die during this procedure, do you consent to this operation still?’ That’s just terrifying to go through alone and to only have the nurses who will occasionally come in but won’t stay for too long cause you’re not their only patient. Also, the comment the wife made about losing her best friend if she doesn’t go. I may be breaching but it sounds possible that the best friend is doing some manipulation that the husband doesn’t know about. I think that the best friend is telling the wife that if she doesn’t come to her wedding they’re through. I’m kinda hoping that’s the case because his wife would be kinda heartless to let her husband go through that alone.

[@ivanadragmire2873]

It's even worse when you consider that we are still very much in the middle of a pandemic. one that primarily attacks the lungs and respiratory system it's self. so she's not going for a day, she's going for 2 weeks because she'll need to quarintine after coming home from the wedding.

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 3: How does one use hot sauce "like an idiot"?

[@songohan3321]

I thought this once. Then I went to Firehouse Subs and used hot sauce like an idiot. I felt constant pain in my mouth for hours. NO AMOUNT OF MILK, WHIPPED CREAM, NOR ICE CREAM COMPLETELY STOP THE PAIN AND THE CONSTANT BURNING. Nothing to do with the story and not in any shape or form agreeing with the bastard in the story, but just wanted to give you an example.

[@Hazbin-hotel-babe]

Juggle it and shake way too hard while doing homework

[@azadalamiq]

way the lady uses it is a bit weird... sprinkle> bite> bite > sprickle like.... pretty much uses it more like a dip ever other bite. like just ask for a dipping plate and put some in that. traditionally hot sauce is a seasoning/ condiment. you put the amount you can tolerate then eat. not really meant for sprinkle and eat every other bite.

[@Emeraldwitch30]

@@azadalamiq Says who? Before radation therapy ruined my mouth I also ate hotsauce like this lady. Who put you in charge of gatekeeping hot sauce and its proper uses? Pfft.... Frank's red-hot is for doing shots of.

[@janet6421]

@@Emeraldwitch30 I saw a guy eat hot sauce like an idiot before. We tried to warn him that it was VERY HOT, the bottle had warnings on it in large letters, and the guy who tried a few drops before him was crying. He pried the drip top off it and chugged the bottle. The next day he called sick to work when spicy came out.

[@j.graham8068]

Hot sauce story: the new boyfriend is showing some alarming red flags. One thing that narcissistic people do is isolate their targets from friends and family. Sounds like the bf caused a big rift between his new gf and her friends. That on its own is not enough to be sure he's a narc, but at the very least he is toxic. If I could advise OP, I'd strongly urge her and the rest of the friend group to do what they can to stay in touch with the GF. She will probably need good friends before too long.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: I love how that first comment completely ignored everything about the story. This isn't about OP trying to control her daughter and her dietary choices, this is about her hypocrite of an ex husband who shamed her for something as basic as wanting OREOS during her pregnancy because it "wasn't vegan" and now here he is saying OP is the one being "controlling" when he was the one who went behind her back and made the decision to give the daughter meat without even giving Op so much as a heads up. Did that commenter also completely miss the part where daughter asked OP "do you hate me for eating meat?"? Cause I'm pretty sure that's not just something she thought of on her own. Someone is being a controlling asshole here, and it's most certainly not OP.

[@andrewgrudzinskas5778]

During his parenting time she has no say in what he feeds her

[@zerotodona1495]

I feel like the mom isn’t giving the full story tbh.

[@owl7072]

@@andrewgrudzinskas5778 the issue is that he didn't tell her he was doing it, which makes OP come off as the bad guy because she's refusing something daughter was given before, and reinforces daughter's thoughts that OP hates her for eating meat, which I doubt she came to such a conclusion on her own.

[@ShotgunsAndSalt]

I agree, regardless of what it's about (people see vegan and decide the vegan is the asshole always, which is really annoying) the way the ex handled this is shady. All he needed to do was say "Hey OP, I'm no longer vegan, so me and my wife will be feeding our daughter meat while she's with us". It sounds like the OP would just have been like "OK, thanks for the heads-up" and then OP could have figured out how to navigate this during her custody. Instead it seems like he's specifically told daughter not to tell OP and given the "do you hate me for eating meat?" question, he probably told her that was how her mum would react if she knew, when OP was actually super accommodating and understanding and tired to make it work. OP is not the asshole, the ex is for essentially trying to do parental alienation, making their daughter scared of her mother. That's not fair on OP and it's certainly not fair on the child.

[@andrewgrudzinskas5778]

@@owl7072 the point is he doesn't have to, and she comes off as controling

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

in the restaurant story there was an edit that made it clear that everyone had said something after each comment, and that that hotsauce comment was just the straw that broke the camel's back

[@pastelbell]

Story three made me see red. As someone who's autistic that also loves hot sauce on certain food, and generally anything spicy that has that slow burn in my mouth, hearing that someone is maliciously using the *r slur* to describe people with autism (and OP just because they love hot sauce) is absolutely disgusting. If OP'S friend DIDN'T want to get humiliated in front of everyone, lose most if not all her friends, and then end up losing a second chance at friendship- she shouldn't be dating a man who uses any sort of slur in his every day vocabulary, especially one that is maliciously and purposefully used to describe people with intellectual disabilities, mental illnesses and (generally) autism. She burned her bridges just by dating a man who doesn't have a care in the world, and the only way she'll be able to repair them is if she breaks up with him and apologizes for dating someone like that.

[@songohan3321]

I'm just sitting here and wondering why was that was the first word he thought in his infinite so-called wisdom to describe someone really liking hot sauce. The people left late because the shock probably cause them to crash and the rebooting of their minds probably took longer than expected.

[@squirrel670]

@@songohan3321 exactly. Like who is introduced as a partner at the dinner table in a restaurant and goes off like that out of nowhere. Literally says one's sister is a drain on society to her face after just meeting her, what?

[@jamestown8398]

I have autism too, and I got mad around the "drain on resources" comment.

[@benry007]

Story 3: Its possible the boyfriend was deliberately trying to separate his girlfriend and her friends/support structure. Thats a big red flag that he may become abusive. I would let her know you will always be there for her and she can reach out whenever she wants.

[@AngelaMerici12]

4th Story. NTA. What if you have a complication?? I think she already picked who is more important.

[@snowlilyslastcigarette]

Story 1: NTA Daughter was continuously asking OP if she hated her because she ate meat, to the point that OP had to spend more than an entire car ride to school reassuring her otherwise. This could possibly be due to EX telling daughter OP would hate her for the diet change or other bs lies like that. Even if that's not the case, OP's update, and original post itself, clearly show that OP isn't the kind of vegan that hates on meat-inclusive diets. Co-parenting is a 2-way street, and the change of diet should definitely have been something both parents are involved in so that this situation could be avoided entirely. Anything that EX has said regarding OP and how he knew she would flip if she found out about the diet change should be completely disregarded imo, cuz EX obviously doesn't respect OP considering he cheated on her while they were married and had a child, and he doesn't feel the need to include OP in decisions regarding their daughter.

[@who_the_fuck_is_riley5813]

Story 1: NTA. OP just wanted to be made aware of the change in her daughter's diet. Why is that a problem? OP even said she didn't mind her daughter eating meat overall, she just wanted to know.

[@kaleidoscopeeyes1184]

Some people just hear the word "vegan" and automatically go on the attack. Sad.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Exactly! There’s us that look at the problem & think. While others once hearing vegan or religion only hears that.

[@darkshadow5581]

Sorry but no, IMO, that update closed it as a YTA. Not once did she mention the co-parent when thats what she claimed was the issue, yet spends the entire time about the diet which she claims wasn't an issue. As such, it re-colors the story as a parent upset their kid is eating food THEY don't like, regardless of reason, political, mental, psychological, or religious, I can't agree with enforcing that on a kid purely on your views

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

@@darkshadow5581 To be fair a child’s diet is a legit thing to balance with kids, vegan or not. Seemed to me OP was trying to explain because being a vegan might cause explaining on daily basis. But okay, that’s just my assumption/perspective.

[@fairladykd6734]

Obviously she doesn't mind her eating chicken nuggets because at 2:32 she even says she has some in her freezer.

[@CartoonGentlemen]

Story 1 you know for the most part I'm going with NAH dosent really strike me as a situation where there would be one Story 2 NTA She's got alot of nerve of things are so bad massive he should sue for full custody Story 3 NTA it isn't about hot sause it's about a hot Temper Story 4...... im going to go with NTA mostly because a husband is more important than a friend and if something goes wrong she'll ultimately blame herself for not being there

[@zerobolt9506]

Love you pfp and name

[@Tammohawk1]

Last Story: NTA I've had 9 surgeries, most outpatient. It's more than just the surgery, there's after care too. Sometimes I feel that some of that outpatient surgery should be done inpatient still. For me it wouldn't even be a question, I would have stayed home w/my husband.

[@Doublemonk0506]

On top of that, the wife wouldn't be out for just one day. Since it is taking place during the pandemic, she would be unable to see OP for two weeks

[@TNTMAN360]

Due to my financial situation I can no longer afford to be a member for the time being I apologize but I'll be back once I get my finances straight

[@MarkNarrations]

As always TNT, there's never any pressure to be a member please always look after yourself first. You being here is more than enough, thank you so much for your support

[@TNTMAN360]

@@MarkNarrations much love

[@technicaldifficulties368]

@@TNTMAN360 I hope things get better soon. Take care of yourself.

[@TNTMAN360]

@@technicaldifficulties368 thank you I'm currently trying to quit smoking which takes up a lot of my money on top of that where I live there's a gas shortage so gas is gone up in price and I have to find a new job

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@TNTMAN360 I hope it goes well 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@ScooterBond1970]

Story 2: if she wants you to take parental responsibility for her child, maybe ask what your parental RIGHTS toward that child are.

[@lucielledunns4585]

OP in Story 3 reminds me of when I was in AIT for Army and I had this guy friend who likes hot sauce that he carry a bottle in his flic (Army vest of supplies but mostly carry water) and I would ask him why he got hot sauce in his flic after he told me I was like; oh cool, you got an extra weapon too. Just pour that in someone eyes.

[@Sarahc-mn1tr]

Last story: did her friend pick this date knowing about the surgery date? If so why cause this conflict. I say be there for the husband. If her friend cannot understand then how valid is the friendship. Is ops wife can go to the wedding and op can still have support with his blessing go for it. But op is his wife's priority.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the second story you need to go for full custody of your children and put her on child support. In addition I get the feeling that this is pretty much her and her husband's karma coming back to bite her in the tail. She wants you to take care of her child while you were taking care of your son's. I get the feeling that her husband and her marriage in general is not going to last much longer. The moment that second baby is born is the moment the husband will dip out on her. You're not in the wrong and quite frankly you need to prepare yourself to go for full custody and to make her pay for child support. In addition you may also want prepare yourself to get a restraining order against your ex-wife and her husband because I get the feeling they're the ones who will take it to another level if she doesn't get her way. She wants to have her cake and eat it too and you got to tell her no and big bold letters otherwise you may have to restrain the children for not going over there

[@songohan3321]

This story just screamed entitlement. Your advice for OP is sound advice.

[@danacarter9147]

@@songohan3321 That's right.

[@RokoFireFox]

Story 3. The way op eats hot sauce is so cute. Also the friends boyfriend is disgusting??? And the fact the friend doesn't see anything wrong with what her boyfriend said. Like I'd drop that friend.

[@zerobolt9506]

Although the post is mostly NTA over there, there's a LOT of people saying that the wife should go to the wedding and if her husband dies there's nothing she could do about it away so she should be allowed to have a good time, Reddit is a sick place man 😞

[@ddturnip5877]

Re: The hot sauce jerk. It sounds to me like the friend is in an abusive relationship and her bf is going out of his way to alienate her from her support system.

[@harrypotter2700]

The amount of stories I’ve heard similar to story four where the man was scolded for doing something like this compared to how many people are scolding the husband here yet again when the wife is jeopardizing his health is infuriating. His health is vastly more important than a wedding, and it’s not just one day, the wife will need to quarantine for two weeks. I hate saying “what if the genders were reversed” but this is a situation where we know for a fact that would be treated differently thanks to the many examples from reddit. I feel so bad for the husband, your spouse should never put a night of fun as important or more important than a surgery and your recovery process. God damn that woman is blind to the bigger picture and selfish.

[@nojhii1256]

First story has a lot going on for me. Like there’s a ton of different routes you can take on this. But in general I feel NTA for the most part or a very light ESH. The daughter asking if the mom hated her for eating meat makes me feel as if the dad is coaching her in some way, which is sadly very common in separated parents. He should’ve also informed her about their child wanting to eat meat, as it could’ve been a good discussion for the family to have. Additionally, I admire the moms views on the meat industry and agree with a lot of it, as well as not giving into the child’s meltdown, though I feel like the child is old enough to decide what they’d like to eat in general and it should’ve been discussed more. I feel like it depends what exactly you focus on in the story, but as someone with split parents, the potential coaching jumped out at me too much to ignore in my judgement.

[@irisleli5151]

I think the first comment in the story 1 COMPLETLY missed the mark, they acted like she was an awful mom pissed that she ate meat when she said herself that the problem was the ex not telling her and that she would have given her the nuggets had she not had a full blown temper tentrum

[@AlexanderVonCraescu]

The odd part is related to the child growing without the full range of protein and nutrients a child needs as it's growing and feeding him only vegetarian food. Maybe I am missing something, but from a medical standpoint of view, vegan children do not seem to be a thing to me. Once an adult, he/she can choose the diet, but not as a growing child with specific dietary needs..

[@irisleli5151]

@@AlexanderVonCraescu yeah but that's not the point of the story and maybe the kid ate supplements we don't know. Not every single vegan is defiscient in nutrients, i agree that it's probably not the best idea however if it's done in a health conscious way then i don't see any issue with it. In this case she would be the ah but it's a jugement based only on assomption. Plus the first comment made it seem like op was mad because her kid ate meat and would have thrown a fit if she had known, when she says that she is not mad at all about that, butshe is about the fact that she didn't know.

[@carg0_b00m]

@@AlexanderVonCraescu yeah i agree its literally sabotages the kids future.

[@AlexanderVonCraescu]

@@irisleli5151 yes, got the main idea of the complaint, what I am saying is very very besides the point, more lime trying to understand whether she could be a different sort of ah :))

[@cupcak3ninja209]

If my ex and her man tried to do that to me I’d keep records and take full custody of my children and cut ties

[@shanittathompson2039]

I keep Frank's Red Hot in my car....I PUT THAT SHIT ON EVERYTHING!!! LOL

[@Cheycartoongirl8]

Hello Waffle Gang! I hope you're all having a fantastic day! Life Hack: This is regarding service dogs. When a Service dog comes up to you, it doesn't mean it's lost. It means their Owner needs HELP.

[@brianaschmidt910]

I did not know that. Edit to add; thank you for letting us know about this. I would have assumed the dog got lost

[@jamestown8398]

Story #1 NTA. It's not about meat, it's about OP not being informed of a change in her daughter's diet. I'm sure if the daughter told her first "I want to eat meat" then OP would have allowed it. Story #2 NTA. OP only has a moral obligation to his children, and since no alimony was mentioned ("clean break") it sounds like that's his only legal obligation too. His ex-wife and her new husband could be living in a cardboard box and it still wouldn't be OP's problem. Story #3 NTA. Jim was the one in the wrong, all OP did was stick up for herself. In doing so, OP gave the rest of the friend group the guts to do the same. Story #4 NTA. OP's major surgery is more important than a wedding, and the wife's willingness to go to a wedding instead makes it clear she values her bff over her husband.

[@destinysphinx27]

Story 3: This story reminded me of this so I put it down for giggles. my mum and boyfriend use to go to an Indian restaurant every other week and build up an immunity to all the normal species that the head chef (who they became good friends with) had to make a special extra hot sauce that she would have to ask for. HC once told my mum that one day a man came in, ordered the hottest dish they had (not with the special extra hot sauce) and was saying to the staff that he was most likely the only person who could eat it this hot (despite him sweating and drinking a lakes worth of water) he didn't take it well when HC told him that they had a regular who could eat the same dish and she would call it bland. They never did see him again.

[@jamestown8398]

Thanks for sharing that story. Your mother and the resturantier sound like cool people.

[@MsArmitage]

The hot sauce fiends makes me wonder if they are a zombie in disguise from izombie.

[@janet6421]

If one friend hates your new BF that is a red flag. When your whole friend group refuses to EVER be in the same place as him again it is time to run not walk away.

[@TheNormExperience]

Lol I forgot about that part of the show!

[@annageorge8406]

I need to watch izombie again.

[@Mscrimsondragon]

Whats wrong with that first commenter in story 1? OP isnt upset her daughter is eating meat, she is upset that her ex chose not to tell her about a change to the kids diet and that ex is buying the kid so much fast food that an 8ish yr old kid is going to have a meltdown over not getting it. While ex doesnt need to inform her of everything he does with the daughter when he has her, a major change of diet IS something that should be at least given a warning about. What if daughter had had some sort of reaction and OP didnt know about the meat?

[@hannahwishon9958]

Story 4, here is what a good friend would do: Friend: When is your husband's surgery? OP's Wife: May 27th. Friend: Okay, wedding is now going to be in June. Is it really that hard? Also, going to a wedding during a pandemic when your husband has respirory problems so bad he needs surgery? Caretaker's burnout be damned, NTA.

[@digitalharmony26]

Imagine having three kids you can’t afford, you and your partner refuse to work and you’re dumb enough to get knocked up again. STOP HAVING KIDS YOU CAN’T OR WON’T SUPPORT.

[@hoper1294]

Story 1 NTA at all. I used to be vegetarian. While my mom was at work when I was younger, my grandparents and aunt got KFC and let me try chicken. I ended up feeling really sick and my mom was pissed that they never told her. Plus they also told me not to tell her. They say if people who are vegan/vegetarian want to start eating meat, to incorporate it very slowly since the body isnt used to it.

[@ashleenunes9049]

So for that hot sauce story, I really didn't like how Op's friend flipped the table onto op by saying everyone leaving was OP'S FAULT because... She started the train? The friend did not see: ·the inappropriate statements that the bf made. ·the oogling at other women. ·and the fact that the bf insulted everyone (probably) at that table so they left instead of doing something brash. I dunno. The fact that that friend thinks that everyone left bc op left first is concerning.

[@t.matthies3049]

The only thing that could in any way make OP the AH is not going off on him when he made fun of people with Down's syndrome. But I imagine nobody said anything because they were in shock, and for OP the hot sauce thing just snapped her out of it (allowing everyone else to snap out of the shock too).

[@ashleenunes9049]

@@t.matthies3049 I agree. I dont think op did anything wrong. I think the friend wasn't being a good friend. (Aside from the bf who was just flat out being horrible.)

[@purpleiguana208]

Story 1: Definitely NTA. The issue is communication, not what the child puts in her body. I mean, just the fact that the mom said "we had chicken nuggets in the freezer and she could have had those" instead of screaming for McNuggets tells me that mom isn't exactly freaked out about it. But man, oh man, do I understand people latching on to one idea when it's the wrong idea. I one time tried to have a conversation online because my husband is Muslim (largely in name only, he doesn't eat pig meat and fasts one whole day of Ramadan and that's about it) and he has insisted that our kids don't eat pig meat as well. He never bothered to have a conversation with them about why it was important to him, why it should be important to them, nada. I figured if they're old enough to ask about it, they're old enough to try it and see if they like it, and if hubby wasn't going to actually offer any sort of guidance/education on the issue, then the kids should be able to make their own decisions. SO MANY PEOPLE came down on me, saying, "Why is it so important to you that your kids eat pork?" I was like, "Hello, that's not the issue. It's not about what I want them to eat. It's about them expressing an interest and me thinking that they should have the right to it IF IT'S WHAT THEY WANT." Again and again, people were like, "It really seems like it's important for you that your kids eat pork," and I just gave up.

[@Bluedragon094]

Vegan story _(after reading the update)_ : Heartwarming. Still disgusted at the ex.

[@terriz7791]

Story 4: NTA. Surgery is a serious procedure. A person could die! Can you imagine how horrible you would feel if your spouse dies while you’re doing the chicken dance? Did OP mention their ages? I’m guessing that they are young.

[@tracy_en6372]

Alot of people seemed to have missed the point in story one. I don't care if you gave her human flesh just give me a heads up so I know what I am dealing with😫

[@jamestown8398]

Yep. Until your kid is 18 their diet is your concern.

[@SorenPenrose]

@@jamestown8398 kid has 2 parents, and forcing your own moral values on a child is harmful. The kid is scared to eat meat because she's afraid her mother will hate her. I remember when I was scared to watch Harry Potter because I thought I'd burn in hell for it.

[@brianaschmidt910]

@@SorenPenrose yes but mom didn't have a huge reaction to it. Dad did when mom asked about their child's diet change dad made without informing mom. Dad's an ass and I wouldn't be surprised if he planted the thought mom would hate her if she said something.

[@tracy_en6372]

@@SorenPenrose But the mom did not have a problem with the meat. It's the fact that she did not know. When co-parenting you can't make such decisions without consulting eachother. The mum has no problems with the child it's with the dad.

[@SorenPenrose]

@@tracy_en6372 she clearly does have a problem with the meat since she put her kid on a vegan diet, and the child is afraid of how the mom will react. And yeah big decisions should be discussed. Chicken nuggets is not a big decision.

[@carolcarol9982]

Nah, it wasn't about Veganism or the chicken McNuggets, it was about not bribing a child out of a full blown meltdown tantrum.

[@Bluedragon094]

Vegan story _(before I've read the update)_ : Ex is a major AH. OP is a very soft AH, but even then it's not completely OP's fault. Ex is a grade-A, narcissistic, manipulator. He decided to turn you vegan and manipulated you into it. He wasn't concerned with saving the planet or saving the animals. It was all about control over OP. And once the ex became bored with OP? He tossed her aside on a capricious whim. Just like he tossed away his bullshit "vegan principles" when he gladly fed his daughter chicken nuggets and continued to do so. He didn't tell you not because you would or wouldn't freak out. He didn't tell you because in his head you're not his equal. You're an old, dusty, toy that ceased to keep his interest and is only dealing with you because the law says so. The reason why OP is a soft AH is because children have no business being on a vegan diet just to start. If the daughter wants to be vegan badly enough that's a decision she can make for herself when she turns 18. I'm willing to cut OP a lot of slack because she was, basically, tricked into become vegan by her narcissist of an ex in the first place but still.

[@cronchycatmom]

Just want to chime in on the vegan story as a vegan. The dad changing his young daughter's diet without any communication to the mom is so so disgusting to me. This isn't about feeding her non vegan food, it's about giving her food that her body had never digested before and could have made her very ill. I've been veg for 2.5 years and anytime something nonveg is slipped into my food (especially dairy) I pay for it the next day. Imagine what the consequences could have been for a child given something to eat that their body had NEVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE and therefore didn't have the appropriate gut fauna to properly digest. I'm so so so glad the kid is ok and the mom is supporting her child exploring what dietary choices work best for her.

[@ShiftingFixations]

Me: “I am not sure what I’m gonna do for dinner.” *All these stories about chicken & hot sauce* Me: “I crave chicken, I crave spicy chicken, all i want is chickennnn~“

[@emoXjessiX2030]

Story 4. I’d let my husband go to a wedding while I have surgery. I mean if he’d be back in time for me to get out of the hospital if I couldn’t find someone else to take me home.

[@sloh888]

1st Story : when a young child or a pet is vegetarian, you know it's just the parent choice . Pro tip : if you daughter ASK FOR MEAT , She is not vegetarian by choice, but because you forced your choice on her Shocking, i know .

[@nyxcuseme]

When a child is omnivore, you know it's the parents choice. Pro tip: She never said her daughter can't have meat, she said she'd just like to know about it first. She even tried to cook it for her in the end.

[@songohan3321]

@SLoH Remember, the OP literally proved you point when she said she would let her kid choose her eating habits when she is old.

[@kaitan4160]

Yeah totally forced on the Daughter, thats why the Vegan has chicken Nuggets in the freezer ..... to deny it to others ....

[@DivaViews]

Spelled "chik'n" nuggets as in meat alternative

[@Tues48]

Op isn't the one who started the veganism in the family.it was dad. Why are you forgetting that the dad is who got op to agree to be vegan and agree to raise their daughter vegan and then suddenly that cha ge on his end and Op is the ass? How cause she thought the agreement she made with the co parent was still on going? Plus their are vegan kids by necessity due to meat allergies or whatever else,not saying op's kid is one of them but you can't see a vegan kid and immediately think it's force on them because by definition all diets for kids are forced on them. You can only eat what your parents have bought/prepared for you.

[@sianchild]

It's so funny that the first story has loads of people calling OP an ahole because they're 'forcing' the child to be vegan, when OP hasn't said anything of the sort. The problem was one parent changing their agreed parenting strategy without communicating. The update shows you what would have happened from the start if the ex had been upfront rather than hiding things. So often meat eaters have this idea that veggies and vegans are controlling, when usually they aren't. My parents brought me up vegetarian and I often had adults around me trying to tell me that my parents were wrong to 'force' it on me, but I always knew I was welcome to eat meat if I wanted.

[@gammagong9435]

Last story NAH. OP's wife is drained, and likely needs a break. Understandable. OP is going into respiratory surgery for a chronic condition, so hed like his wife(who swore to be by his side in sickness and in health) to be there. Understandable. But I'm petty, so let's just hope OPs wife keeps the same 'Call a friend to support you' energy when OP has a 'Once in a lifetime' situation when she wants him to be there.

[@jamestown8398]

You're wrong, the wife is not being understandable. Let's grant that she really is drained (I don't believe so, but I'll humor you). The span of time when her husband is in surgery and needs to recover is the *worst* time to call in that break, because that's when OP needs her most. Surgery is never easy, and the patient is always groggy and afraid afterwards, so making OP go through that alone is callous. OP will likely remember that horrible experience, and how it was much worse than it needed to be because his wife couldn't be bothered to be by his side, so it could very well be a rift that ends the marriage. And as a final note, there's nothing relaxing about weddings. Especially not when you have to travel long distances to them.

[@gammagong9435]

@@jamestown8398 Make no mistake, I agree with you. A break is understandable, but the time at which that break is taken is where we enter dangerous waters. I know, for a fact, that if the tables were turned and OP left his wife during labor to go on a, let's say, once in a lifetime golfing/hunting trip, the comments would be in an uproar(not the same, just drawing a parallel). Personally, I'd have lawyers called the second she leaves for the wedding. If you're my wife, and I have a legitimate reason for needing you with me and you blow me off for a non-emergency, I'm mentally checked out. The aforementioned lawyers are for everything else.

[@Mscrimsondragon]

Dude in story 2 really needs to talk to his lawyer about getting more custody. And exs kids by the other guy is in no way, shape or form OPs problem. Period.

[@harleykelevra515]

I’m super sick thanks to a bad reaction to my covid vaccine and honestly a couple chicken nuggets have been the only solid I’ve kept down since Friday. thank the sky lords for chicken nuggets 🤧🥰

[@Emeraldwitch30]

I too was queasy for about 2 days but after thst fine. Round 2 is coming up Friday and while I cant wait to be safe im not looking forward to round 2 as my dr warned me it could be a bit worse for shot 2.

[@brianaschmidt910]

@@Emeraldwitch30 I finally had mine the 30th last month and that's something I hadn't heard before

[@Emeraldwitch30]

@@brianaschmidt910 I hope I don't scare anyone. I'm going in tomorrow morning for the second. I'm sure it won't be too bad as I had eye surgery right before the first one and the eyedrops really upset my stomach too. So it was a bit of a double whammy.

[@brianaschmidt910]

@@Emeraldwitch30 oof.

[@yougosquishnow]

Story 2. Ask the ex if you get a say in whether or not they have kids since you are supposedly responsible for them. The nerve of those people.

[@bethanntay]

I could never leave my husband during a surgery... you never know. Anything could happen. Any surgery could take a bad turn, small or big. People ask "what are the chances" The same everyone else had that died for a small surgery. That is just me though

[@barbarastorball2117]

Also any surgery could seem straightforward but it could result in op dying by some crazy chance. If any friend doesn't understand that their friend's husband need surgery that is an absolutely needed and then they are really not your friend. Also I could never imagine going to a wedding while someone I was with was having emergency surgery when I could have been there for them.

[@christonesmichel3090]

Just curious, worst-case scenario, what could the wife do at that point. If surgery goes bad, what can someone that's not a doctor do?

[@Doublemonk0506]

And another commenter pointed out that this little wedding would mean the wife wouldn't be gone for one day, rather the wife would have to isolate for two weeks.

[@carolroberts4614]

Christones Michel How about just be there to support him and care about him?

[@Jamlf]

@@christonesmichel3090 Worse case scenario happens she will realize that the last moments with her husband is she abandoning him. That will be a lot of mental guilt to live with.

[@zara2duchess]

I had a similar problem with the father (MA) of my daughter from my first marriage. The main difference is that MA was supposed to give me $50 a month for child support but, because he didn’t have a job but his wife did, she paid me the child support even though I tried to refuse the payments. Eventually she stopped because Family Maintenance Enforcement Program stated that she wasn’t supposed to pay for his child & they would no longer accept payments on his behalf. He had to have his own job to make the payments. As they couldn’t get the proof that he was working, the back child support payments continued to grow. He was working but it was always “under the table” & he was paid cash each time ... no paper trail & no taxes paid. OP really should go back into the family court system to gain full custody of both of the boys & give her visitation rights only. If they don’t have to support them full time, they hopefully will be able to get at least one job for their family support but don’t count on getting child support from them. Not going to happen.

[@llamabrat07]

Wedding story, OP’s surgery has to due with a respiratory issues and the hospital isn’t likely to let OP’s wife visit him if she was just at an in person wedding without a 2 week quarantine. And if something goes wrong during surgery, she won’t be there for hospital staff to consult on what should be done. At a wedding it is expected to have your phone either off, or on silent. The friend’s an AH too if they were to actually break their friendship with OP’s wife over missing the wedding for their husband’s necessary surgery. Imagine leaving your spouse at the hospital to undergo important surgery to go to a wedding, and hearing the vows, which include “in sickness and in health”. Imagine telling other guests who ask where your spouse is, and telling them they are in the hospital having an important surgery, they wanted you there with them, but you decided to attend your best friend’s wedding instead. The dirty looks you would get. And quite possibly a few lectures. Though OP’s wife would likely lie and say something like “he didn’t want to attend” or “he wasn’t feeling that well, but said I should still go since the bride is my best friend.”

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 3: my fiance's grandmother has dementia and is quite the character. She is occasionally racist bt we do our best to redirect her respectfully. She's a lovely soul and keeps her wits about her, by doing crossword puzzles. OP is not the asshole for leaving, the boyfriend has his wits about him and is purposely upsetting the group.

[@mothertrucker936]

Operation story: NTA, funny how a pregnant woman can demand their spouses for the entirety of their pregnancy no matter what while this man is called an ah for wanting her there for major surgery. I’m also a little leery about the date change. You can’t just swap a wedding day so easily during the final month idk but it sounds a little off to me. Yet since the date seems so easily interchangeable why would her bff select this day which she presumably knows about. Fishy.

[@Acidfunkish]

Why is it masculinity, specifically, that causes people to become so insecure and gatekeepy? AFAICT, almost nobody feels like an inadequate woman, just because she's not feminine enough. In fact, it's more likely to be the opposite: we can feel insecure in our jobs, because we're not aggressive enough, for example. The only times I can think of, in relation to femininity, are when it relates to maternal instinct, and similar. Like, people openly judge mothers for not being perfect in every way, when they praise fathers for doing anything above the bare minimum. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Story #4: He admits that she's shouldered so much, to support him... And then acts offended when she wants to go to a once-in-a-lifetime event, while he's in the goddamn hospital. C'mon. HE DOESN'T NEED HER HELP, WHILE HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL. That's why nursing staff is available 24/7. And if this surgery requires general anesthesia, he'll likely sleep for near the whole day, anyway. It wipes you out, and so does healing after surgery.

[@JB-423]

"Oh hey, can you buy gifts/ take care of another man's kids? 😄 🤣 😂

[@sagesaria]

My only question about story 1 is..she's vegan, yet she has chicken nuggets in the freezer? Why are they there if she didn't anticipate herself or her daughter wanting them? But other than that, NTA. It sounds like, even before the update, OP did all the right things as a parent; she didn't reward the tantrum behavior (which could have been a trigger reaction from her saying no being perceived as being hated for eating meat, but there was no way for OP to necessarily know that at the time it happened), and when things cooled down, she talked maturely with her daughter and reassured her that she did nothing wrong, and even before the update she sounded willing to let her make her own choices. Her anger was 100% at the ex, and I don't blame her; if the person who was controlling my diet suddenly seemed to be abandoning those principals without telling me he changed his mind, I'd be miffed too. And maybe saying it's controlling is a harsh judgement, but the fact that he didn't like his pregnant SO eating *oreos* is a red flag to me.

[@scourgehedgehog1172]

the ex forced her into the vegan lifestyle while pregnant. so either their vegan nuggets or a secret treat when she`s alone

[@demonangeltheo]

Story 1: NTA the EX is a AH hell I wouldn't be surprise that the EX started to feed the daughter meat to be the fun parent and to make OP look bad by not saying anything Story 2: NTA not your child not your problem take care of your own kids. Story 3: NTA if it wasn't for OP I would have said something if I was there, hell I would have said loud enough for everyone in the area could hear all what he said so all the people would know what he's like, while I don't like hot sauce I do just about the same with pepper. Story:4 NAH: I can see both sides of the story and can tell that maybe she needs a break and OP can find someone else

[@jamestown8398]

You're wrong about story 4. Even if she "needed a break" (which wasn't what she said), she picked the worst possible time for it.

[@squeakybb]

Story 4: NTA

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

Seriously, I wanna see someone reverse the genders. I think Reddit really fucked up on this one.

[@pandablair4226]

Story 2: go back to court and get full custody

[@loralaidig5361]

So about the last story. I’ve been in a serious relationship for about 8 months now and even I already know that balancing friendships, romantic relationships and family relationships can be really hard at times. I know that it sucks to not have the upmost support of your partner 24/7 but sometimes they just can’t be there for you because of that balancing of relationships in their life. As long as they’re there when you 100% need them, then they’re being a great partner at least in that respect. Having to be strong for your partner and your partner being strong for you is what makes relationships last. It sucks but sometimes it has to be done.

[@Raxel1447]

As a fellow hot sauce-loving women, NTA. I've eaten the stuff since I was a kid, and I love spicy food in general. I have SEVERAL bottles of Frank's Red Hot (I love stocking up on the stuff) and I cook spicy food in general. I've had to learn to tone it down when cooking for others, but they appreciate the spice. The dude sounded really immature and insecure--just all around toxic lmao. The GF seriously needs a wake-up call before it's too late...but honestly, she sounds just as toxic as he does, btw. They deserve each other...and no friends who are actually decent people.

[@christianvacchelli1953]

the only thing that Op in story 3 is guilty of is that she was the one that broke the ice, probably everyone wanted to leave that terrible person, but no one wanted to be the first one to leave, when op did just that , and broke the ice , then it's normal that everyone followed suit. NTA btw

[@emokitten4ever]

I have 2 issues with story 1: 1. OREOS AREN'T VEGAN..... THEY ARE MADE WITH MILK 2. This child was on a vegan diet for 6-7 years of her life. Her body would not know how to process the fat in meat. Grown adults who go from veganism to eating meat complain about the digestion issues they get has their body readjust to adding meat back into their diet. I can't imagine what that poor child's body went thru. Dad should have told Mom in case that poor kid ended up in the hospital for bowel issues.

[@gerble36]

I seem to remember a story about a wife having to go to surgery, and the husband not wanting to go some weeks back, and the husband got lambasted in the comments... Double standards anyone?

[@t1995roger10]

Story 3: I like this person!! Hot sauce is delicious, but I use a lot of hot sauce

[@stacys8729]

If anyone tells you they are withholding information from you that is very important, or lies, and then defends themself by saying 'i didn't tell you because you would be upset' is a giant A-hole.

[@deborahyoung1873]

Story 2, I hope that guy doesn't help his ex and her family out! That kid isn't his and isn't his responsibility. I would advise him to go for full custody of his son. Piss on them.

[@dizzysdoings]

Haven't read all the comments, but with the vegan one. She NEEDED to know! Changes in the diet like that can cause stomach problems.

[@damien678]

im so angry over story 4. always be there for your spouse whos going into operation. always. be loyal. be there for them during something terrifying, because theres always risks. literally its such a possibility she goes to the wedding, he dies, and she just...wasnt there. at all. or he gets really bad complications, she has to quarantine for 2 weeks after the wedding, and he dies then or gets incredibly resentful and she loses her marriage. like bloody hell, she didnt marry her best friend. she married op. she needs to get some perspective and get her priorities sorted.

[@zara2duchess]

I had a similar issue with my daughter’s having anything “higher” than 1% milk ... only, in her case, it was for health reasons as she was milk sensitive. I knew when her father (Major A**hole) gave her 2% milk & hadn’t given her the medicated cream for her exemia that flared up horribly when she was with him & his “other” family. He lived with the woman he cheated on me with, as well as her son from her first marriage & the son from their marriage. She is a RN so she should have known better than to help MA to harm my daughter just for his own twisted amusement in punishment of my divorcing him on the grounds of adultery. However, I did conspire with my daughter to get back at him in a very immature way. I’m not sure who actually suggested it but we both were into it completely. Every other weekend MA would pick her up for his court ordered unsupervised weekend visitations but, because of what time he picked her up, I had to give her her dinner separately from our family’s dinner. She had a rather bad gas reaction whenever she ate beans or whiners. Combine them both & you had an absolutely volatile reaction. Every Friday that she was to have her supper before MA picked her up I gave her the deadly combo ... @ the exact time that they would make it halfway to his place before the reactions kicked in. It never failed & he actually ordered me to not feed her either food before he picked her up. I refused to obey him as I was no longer married to him but my daughter suggested that we didn’t do it every time he was to pick her up ... just for a couple of visitations. If I remember correctly, it was after I had sent her with him & they actually had to get out of the car on the side of the road with all 4 doors wide open in the middle of winter & snow was piled high on the side of the road just to get the car aired out enough to make it the rest of the way to his house. My daughter was the one who wanted to go back to the deadly dinner a few visits later. When I was a preteen my best friend, Lorna, refused to even try eating rabbit because they were so cute, they shouldn’t be killed for meat, but that was one of the reasons my mom bred rabbits. A couple of pairs of rabbits that mom bred were classified as “meat@ rabbits & that’s what we did with the babies that we kept instead of selling them. Mom had 1 male (a stud) & 3 female (does) that she bred twice a year. One night Mom pulled 2 rabbits cut up from the deep freezer & shake ‘n baked them for supper & we had plenty of leftovers. I thought that Lorna was just being silly & I brought up the plate with the cooked leg leftovers up to my room & I invited her to eat some with me, which she happily did. I didn’t tell her what meat it was that we were eating, just said that it was shake ‘n bake. However, after she had finished eating her second leg I asked her how the rabbit legs were. Understandably she was upset with me & mad a beeline to the nearest bathroom to throw it all up ... & she almost didn’t make it to the toilet. I don’t remember how much longer that we were friends but it definitely put an enormous strain on our friendship. She never did completely trusted me again after that. It was rather mean of me to have done that to my best friend but I really didn’t think that it would matter that much what kind of meat/animal a leg came from as they really didn’t taste all that much different, it just wasn’t logical to me which meat was cooked, chicken or rabbit. We had & raised both @ my parents’ home. The rabbits had 4 legs instead of 2 for the chickens, thereby making rabbit shake ‘n bake more often than chicken or turkey fit in our household better with far less bones left over from a meal than either of the birds. It’s been about 20 years since I last had to send my daughter with MA but every so often we talk about the “special” dinners that I gave her & we have a real giggle about it, but it also makes us sad that we had to resort to doing that just to make it uncomfortable enough that MA would stop coming to pick her up. As it turned out, it wasn’t the odorous dinners that eventually led to him not exercising his court ordered visitations, he got caught by his wife cheating on her with a married mother of 3 horridly behaved children all under the age of 10 yrs old. Neither of the boys from his second wife saw MA again. The eldest of the 2 boys wanted to beat the crap out of him more than ever wanting to see his stepfather ever again & the other boy wanted to spend time with his father but his father didn’t want anything to do with the son that he had claimed to want to continue the family line. Both of MA’s brothers were unable to bring at least 1 son into extending the family line ... 1 died too young (by his own hand) & the other spent most of his life in & out of the prison system ... more in than out. MA’s son never did have much contact with MA’s side of the family so I have no idea if he ever did have a healthy relationship with his paternal family other than his second cousins that lived nearby & we lost touch with MA’s second family about 3 years after MA stopped seeing our daughter. Do I regret what my daughter & I did so many years ago? In some ways I do but, mostly, I regret that it didn’t work quite as well as we had hoped.

[@fairladykd6734]

Story 2 - Get custody of your Sons ASAP!

[@danacarter9147]

Amen! Report your ex-wife and her new husband to CPS, too!

[@sarahbauer5593]

I love having a variety of stories. I can understand how the wife in the last story felt. I had to argue with my husband to NOT stay in the hospital when I ended up having a 9 1/2 hours surgery because he had just finished working a 16 hour shift. I wanted him to go home and get some sleep.

[@debc6260]

Story 4, NAH. She needs to stick with her husband. 'She might lose her friend'? Nah, she might lose her spouse.

[@digitalharmony26]

Story one; no one mentioned the allergy chance as well. If you’ve never eaten something before you could have a problem with it, allergy or intolerance. What if he had fed her meat then sent her to OP and she was really sick or in pain and didn’t know why? Vegan aside, you tell the other parent if you change something serious like your child’s diet.

[@msredux]

NTA it's not your responsability to support your ex and her family, if they can't afford it they shouldn't have more kids, I would sue for full custody

[@ceeshnia]

(Just now catching up since I've had a busy week) On story 4, I get the fatigue. I have been my mom's caregiver for over a year now, even when I was working full time (sadly lost that due to our store closing, but at the same time my mom's health got even worse so... in some ways for the better). There were plenty of weeks we had to drive over an hour for appointments 5-6 times I week. Months of this. Some of her appointments were 2+ hours away. I was making her food, caring for her animals, keeping things clean, stocked, the yard/drive taken care of (yay Maine winters and power outs). At appointments I was allowed into (mostly the ones at the VA itself) I push her around in a wheelchair because she can't walk far (we are working this). Some days we would be out of the house for 4 hours, some days we would be gone for 12+. For her stroke she was hospitalized for I was there every other day (pre-covid) despite working full time and the hospital being two hours away. Then she ended up back into the hospital (the one just over an hour away, but in the same city I worked in) two weeks later, twice within two months for varying amounts of time and I visited daily (during the time I also worked full time, so I would work, go to visit her for a few hours, and then drive home over an hour - repeat; this was a month before Covid came to the US). Her most recent surgery was heart surgery; I brought her to the hospital, to the front and helped them get her into a wheelchair to be brought in. I drove back to the hotel (it was an emergency surgery so I had to get a hotel for two nights because it was 2 hours south of us and they needed to do a test on her the day before they could go in), and I waited. I listened to cafe music for hours, waiting. I wanted to visit the ocean while we were down there, but I wasn't going to go anywhere that they couldn't get a hold of me easily until I knew she was safely out of the OR. They called me, I talked to her doctor for a bit and he told me he had no concerns of her having any further issues and was resting. So I went to the ocean, which was about 40 minutes from the hospital. 40 minutes vs 8 hours, and I still didn't take too long just in case. Now this constant care, appointments, etc.? Over a year, and I have been so overly cautious about covid safety because I knew what the consequences of not being cautious could be for my mom. My life has pretty much been on hold, more so because of caring for my mom than the virus itself. It is exhausting; utterly exhausting. So I GET her fatigue, I GET she needs out, but there is a time and a place and a get together sans masks where people may or may not be vaccinated against Covid during her husband's surgery is not the time nor the place. She is choosing her "friend" over her husband. My mom gets nervous going into surgeries (she is already working up about the one on Tuesday, which will be an outpatient one so I'll be waiting in the parking lot for 2-3 hours), but some of these people are like "Fuck your anxiety of going into a major surgery that could even kill you, your wife needs a break!" Hell NO! And no "best friend" is going to cut things off if someone has been absent in their life because their husband has been severely ill, and if this wedding is a make or break for that friendship, I really question it.

[@crem-crem4070]

Post nap daze + dog cuddles + Mark Narrations = happiness

[@empresssquee9020]

Story 1: it sounds like the dad went out of his way to orchestrate a situation in which he is the "fun" parent and manipulated the situation so he could be more liked by his daughter than mom. Then he tried to manipulate and gaslight the mother into blaming herself for his choice to not tell her he'd changed her diet. Also, an 8 year old wouldn't get the utterly false idea out of nowhere that "it's moms rule that you have to be vegan and if she catches you eating meat she'll hate you", I'd bet dollars to donuts the dad gave her that idea which is some dangerous levels of manipulation to be imposing on a child to make her fearful of being honest with her mother over mundane stuff. Honestly, the dad just sounds awful.