Left Step-Mom Out Of Mother's Day Tradition, She Was Sad. I Said "Get Over Yourself" r/AITA

[@tylerpatrick3511]

No way did the OP in story 2 break the bro code. He in fact respected it. He didnt go after a bro's sister as well as he protected the bro's sister.

[@nukerwolf7788]

Exactly

[@pinkfire2344]

Ok, I'm gonna play a little bit of Devil's advocate on the Mother's Day step mother story. OP lost her mother at a very early age. She wasn't there for any of the milestones in her life like all other girls get to have. She really wanted her mom to be real and alive to her children. I think a lot of people missed the key line in the story. The step mother gets to actually be there and be a part of OP's children's lives. She gets to hug them, spend time with them, really form relationships. A thing they literally can't ever do with OP's birthmom. This book was OP's way of making her mother real to her children, and in that moment her step mother trying to insinuate herself into that brought back all the resentment children feel over people who come into their lives after an incredible loss. It was overly harsh, yes. She could have handled it a lot more gently. However, I see it as more of a knee jerk reaction to the relationship she and step mother never had being pressed yet again for what was probably the umpteenth time.

[@AgentAnime95]

I agree. The step mom is just slighted for never being treated as a mother so she yet again tries to push that onto OP when OP has made it clear, that isn't what she wants. I swear, reddit is so stupidly biased with these sorta relationships, like they rage at step parents who push boundaries on thier step kids but how dare the step kids not have a relationship with the step parent! Like what???

[@gaxalee7392]

Can we talk about the comment that said, “she’s you maternal figure(whether you realize it or not)”!? That was some awful bullshit. No one but you get to decide who your maternal figure is and for Op, that isn’t the step.

[@pinkfire2344]

@@AgentAnime95 Too true. The length of time someone has been in your life does not dictate the level of closeness you feel in the relationship. Step parents are behind the 8ball from day one, and that's no fault of theirs. They simply need to respect their step children's boundaries. You don't ever get to dictate how another person feels about you. I'm not saying it's fair, but it's life. Respecting that will go a lot further towards cementing that relationship than forcing ever will.

[@pinkfire2344]

@@gaxalee7392 Precisely. You don't ever get to tell me how to feel about another person. Even if that person has done nothing wrong, as long as I'm decent and respectful I'm under no obligation to tell them my life's story while they braid my hair. You owe closeness to those YOU deem worthy, not to people other's choose to bring into your life that you had no say in.

[@CocoCece08]

But telling her to get over herself is making the step mother's feelings moot. If anyone needs to get over herself, it's OP. She could have said, "The book is about my BIRTH mother."

[@crimsonbehemoth]

last story: "After a lot of careful thought, I decided I wanted to surprise my sister on her birthday." Her plan was calculated...but boy was she bad at math

[@noraallies598]

The only real issue I have in the first story is the fact the Step-mom wanted to be included in something special about the mom and asked to basically be given by an angel (op's mom) into their lives. The step mom didn't want her own thing, she wanted to part of the one way OP honors their mom. Not only that, she wanted to be the one sent by heaven to "make everyone happier".

[@KLT-id9nm]

Yeah that "make everyone happier" was kinda narcissistic. Obviously it didn't make the daughter happier or they'd have a better relationship. I feel like people missed some major context clues on that one.

[@Fairyyoshi]

i dont understand how S1 is YTA? Step mom isnt OP's mom, shes not entitled to being added to the story. maybe op could have been a *little* nicer about it but honestly i would have done the same thing. OP doesnt see them as a mother figure, so why should they add stepmom to the story? Its a story about OP's mother only.

[@AgentAnime95]

Because *every single redditor* is stupidly biased when it comes to these sorta relationships and are just overall toxic §#¡+ heads in one way or another.

[@ericstoepker1015]

The bro code is a bro doesn't get with another bro's ex not sticking your nose into an adult's personal life even if it's your friend's sister. NTA

[@cgi2002]

Exactly. Frankly him giving her aheads up was following the bro code, the code says you look out for your friends family too.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 3: NTA, SIL is a controlling cow. All those people bullying the boy to cut his hair are terrible.

[@carolroberts4614]

If I was having a wedding I would love to have a flower boy! Long hair or not!

[@hoodieninja1646]

Is no one going to talk about how she met the woman *6 months* before their wedding (stepmother and dad) ??????? Like.... what????

[@jadedflames2809]

Now that you mention it, I kinda forgot it but it was kinda weird-

[@jordanmanon8959]

Honestly yeah. I met my dad’s gf and son 6 months before we moved in together and it was incredibly stressful. Just the amount that I relate to having “relatives” forced on you makes me feel like OP isn’t the asshole. The stepmom was also absolutely overstepping by feeling entitled to be a part of the tribute to OP’s mom. Like at the very least an ESH, but I sincerely feel like OP is reacting to years of this BS.

[@civivva4501]

The Mother's Day Brunch really shows how much effort is needed to do a party. It reminds me of the story about the guy who was 'good at bbq-ing' but didn't think about all of the aspects of a party i.e making sure the area is clean and tidy, there is enough food and drink AND tidying up afterwards.

[@zapacunotres59]

And called his wife an AH for not being there when he said he'd handle it?

[@civivva4501]

@@zapacunotres59 Yes. That one. LOL

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 1: OP is not the A-hole. Step mom was trying to push her way into a remembrance of OP's Mom. Can't anyone understand how that might be a sore subject.

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Thank you exactly this

[@maddy8328]

Story 1, nta. The Stepmom wanted to be put in a book that ISN'T FOR HER. it's for you and your family to remember your actual mother.

[@s.d.berard7518]

This! ^ I was upset people called otherwise! It’s her book and the stepmom can wine to someone else! 😺

[@jadedflames2809]

Also, OP lost their mom at a super young age and this woman came into her life all of the sudden basically. OP isn't entitled to see her as a parent, what the hell- I just think No one is the asshole

[@mackenziehudson9249]

Although the stepmother doesn't have to be in the book, OP is an AH for invalidating her feelings of being left out all together, not just mothers day. She met OP at 9 and OP lost her mother at 7 meaning two years had past and the father married the stepmother when OP was 10. This women raised her for 20 years and just seems that she wants to connect with OP but OP keeps pushing her away. She doesn't have to consider her a mother but its very clear that this women has been a motherly figure in her life whether OP realizes it or not. I get OP misses her mother but if it is causing that much pain still, she needs to seek counseling for closure and not hold resentment against others.

[@jadedflames2809]

@@mackenziehudson9249 I don't think OP needs to see the SM as a motherly figure, but OP does need some form of help and I do agree with everything else you said. Yes SM raised and I feel like the least she could do is appreciate what she's done for OP

[@mackenziehudson9249]

@@jadedflames2809 Probably should have specified clearer in my comment about the motherly figure thing. OP doesn't have to see the stepmother as one, I agree with that, but the stepmother has been in the role of a motherly figure for the 20 years of helping raise OP. My bad.

[@ivanadragmire2873]

I dissagree on the first story. That mother role is a really intimate thing. Those connections don't just form with anyone. Especially not when a child just lost her mom and is suddenly introduced to a stranger. Hell, my grandparents adopted me at 5 years old, but my grandmother will always be just that, my grandmother. Even though for most of my childhood, she filled that 'mother' role. I don't love her any less, but at the same time, she just could never fill that place my bio mom did. And to me, if feels selfish for a step mom to want to be involved in such a personal project for op. It's been 20 years, more than enough time for step mom to understand that op will never consider her a mom. And she really does need to accept it, and move on.

[@carynbellavia1227]

Also she asked for a very personal book written to include a dead parent be rewritten to invlude her. That’s insensitive

[@AgentAnime95]

Yeah, I really don't understand the YTA & ESH votes at all. OPs dads wife isn't entitled to a mother role if OP doesn't want to have that kinda relationship with her dads wife. Her dads wife also over stepped with trying to replace OPs bio mom in the book which is entitled bs imo. Her dads wife needs to get over herself, get into therapy and move tf on with her life.

[@ivanadragmire2873]

@@AgentAnime95 exactly, she needs therapy to work through her own emotions can come to properly accept how Op feels. especially before she drives Op and her kids away for good.

[@ivanadragmire2873]

@@carynbellavia1227 It's out right horrible. even though we don't have the full life story of this family, it makes me wonder how she treated having Op's mother's pictures around the house. Op says it wasn't really bad, but not every bad step parent is obvious about being terrible. And sometimes it gets fully revealed years later when it all bubbles over.

[@SheenaReine]

“My sister hates surprises, so I’m going to surprise her on her birthday” Then shocked pikachu face when she hates it?! How could she ever think she’s NTA yikes

[@carolroberts4614]

I can't get my head round this! It was like a car crash unfolding!

[@RSN2277]

In my mind, it wasn't a surprise per say. It was a nudge of an announcement. However, that is the way I saw it.

[@somedragonbastard]

It's like... clearly she had good intentions but also jeez

[@Russman67]

Story 4: So let me get this straight. OP cooks for his wife his mom and MIL. Then cooks for a neighbor mom, eats cereal because it's not his meal and has a "man to man" chat with the neighbor's flaky husband because he made him look bad by being a decent human. OP wouldn't have been the asshole, even if he screamed "Man GTFOH!" loud enough for the neighborhood to hear. He's not even the asshole for cooking pancakes because of all the good he did here!

[@jadedflames2809]

The only thing OP tried to be an AH is thinking he deserves to be an AH. But jokes aside, how does OP think he sucks here? The wife picked a good spouse and OP picked a wise spouse.

[@faeb.9618]

how... how did op think that surprising someone with YOUR pregnancy on THEIR birthday was a good idea at all???? UH??????

[@ashh4929]

Right? She's an AH just for that but with all the other background, what kind of window licking crazy hormones does she have running through her to make her think *any* of it was appropriate or a good idea?

[@Passions5555]

@@ashh4929 "window licking crazy hormones" LMFAO 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😆😆😆!

[@tabithastrock1914]

I have 4 children and my in laws keep talking about cutting hair for my older 2. I tell them (the older 2 are 15 &12) their hair their choice. I was forced to have bands and long hair when I was younger and I hated it. I love the fact that they can choose how and even color to express themselves.

[@maddy8328]

That's great you let them choose and express themselves, that's awesome. Some parents are nuts and just Control even damn movement a kid makes.

[@tabithastrock1914]

@@maddy8328 there are sometimes when I do say no. Like tattoos. I say when you no longer need my permission then you can get one... BTW I have 3 tattoos so I'm not against them I just want them to not regret it to much

[@mkuti-childress3625]

@@tabithastrock1914 Well... tattoos are permanent. Even grown adults can end up regretting a tattoo, and removing one isn’t that easy. I can’t imagine what I would have gotten as a teenager-but I know it wouldn’t be anything I would want to wear now. Probably a Cabbage Patch kid or some “heartthrob” with a mullet. You’re doing your kids a favor!

[@sandel712]

My mum was so proud of her braids when she was a kid. Then her mother (my gran) cut them off one day because "you're too fat, fat girls can't wear long hair!" Fast forward 25 years, and my mum never even let me have long hair, not even pigtail length, because "I was too fat". 🤦‍♀️ I'll be 50 coming december, but I never cut my hair shorter than shoulder length since I outgrew it at 18.

[@audreynothepburn7663]

@@sandel712 I’m sorry that happened

[@Willow_and_Sage]

Just because she knew her sister hated surprises and added it to the beginning of her post does not mean she remembered it in the moment she could have been wrapped up in the excitement. Yeah I wouldn't have done it on her Birthday but damn guys. Holy shit.

[@gaywerewolf1294]

Story 1: Imma go with NTA. How long has this lady been living with OP as a mother? OP has CLEARLY never celebrated Mother's Day with the step mother so why would they start now?? And I find it extremely ironic that the step mother is saying for OP to have empathy or respect her feelings when she's going "Me! Me! Me!" AFTER finding out about the book on Mother's Day. She SHOULD get over herself, just bc she raised OP doesn't mean that she's entitled to being Mom for OP or anything, especially when OP doesn't even view them as such.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

Story 4: NTA, how did Op upstage and make the dude feel guilty because he was lazy? Oh wait, he didn’t! It is a damn fault he didn’t put enough effort Aunty Mother’s Day. He knew he fucked up and was just looking for someone to blame other than to take accountability for his lack of effort.

[@victorampo1137]

How do you upstage someone that wasn’t even at the show?🤣

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

DUDE I KNOW! Like what the shit! The neighbor should have put in more effort. He’s just embarrassed that Op actually did work.

[@scousemouse9566]

Story 4 NTA, that husband was TA for going to play golf on Mothers Day, 🧇🧇🧇 hope everyone is doing good🧇🧇

[@scout_princess]

I have not seen the emoji before

[@scousemouse9566]

@@scout_princess it's waffles, i use them on here all the time

[@haunting_one]

Story 2: What in the world is wrong with that friend of his. OP's 100% NTA and in the right

[@pinkfire2344]

And now for the "surprise" story. OMG, why are people like this?! When someone tells you exactly what they DON'T want, why do sooooo many people outright insist on doing that exact thing?! This is her birthday, this is a day and an event that is about HER. Why do you insist on not only making this day all about YOU, but on doing it in such a way that you know will upset her? And the worst part is people getting all butt hurt after when the person reacts negatively...just as they SAID THEY WOULD IF YOU DID THAT. PSA for anyone reading this. When someone tells you want they want, do yourself a favor and never assume you know better. You don't. If you care about someone at all, listen to them.

[@tinak2576]

Story 1: NTA. I’ll never understand how Reddit can switch sides so often on stories. We’ve heard so many like this and Reddit sides with the child because, I don’t know, they have every right to not include the step mom on this tradition. If this was a wedding the step mom was trying to weasel in on, Reddit would be all over her.

[@jodiebuczak7663]

Story 4: The neighbor said he wanted to have a "man to man" discussion. OP was the only man in that conversation.

[@carynbellavia1227]

Story 1 - I’m going NTA- SM asked about a very special book that was written by OP to include a dead parent to grandchildren her mother never met. Asking the book to be rewritten is incredibly insensitive.

[@amanur1518]

Exactly! I get that OP could have expressed herself a little more kindly but it's at least an ESH. Stepmom basically said "My feelings are heart because you didn't include me in your memorial to you mom" Why should this even be about you? I'm so confused by all the YTA verdicts, it's not unreasonable to ask to be included in some way but the specific thing she asked for was insane.

[@wombat4583]

Story 5: "that she would remember". Nah it's all about how OP will remember which is why she's making such a fuss over nonsensical things. Doing on her sister's birthday makes it all the worse.

[@karendaniel620]

Third Story: OP needs to send one last message to everyone trying to pressure him and his son. I choose my son. Bye. Then just block and go NC.

[@CarlottaHall]

Story 3 the 15 year old kid has to cut his hair so he can be the flower dude? Talk about mixed messages. Traditional about hair but not about wedding roles? Trim the ends, pull it back into a pony tail, ditch the flowers, call him a junior groomsman and stand him up with the guys if you want traditional. Dad and 15 year old are NTA.

[@deviantartest]

I don’t think the last person was an asshole, she was just trying to do something small and sweet, but it is something you should apologize for and let her know that you didn’t mean to hurt her.

[@KCCAT5]

He doesn't need to apologize. His mother asked if the woman can come over with her child. If that woman's husband was inadequate in his Mother's Day celebration and other words giving her a bagel and then going golfing he's the idiot not the neighbor. I wouldn't ask my husband to apologize

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 5. I can see the YTA p.o.v. however, wouldn't any pregnancy announcement be a surprise? I meant, having to constantly walk on eggshells for announcements. The AH part is doing on her birthday. But, does that mean if OP gets a bad medical diagnosis, she can't announce it? That would be a surprise to anyone any time. Announcing shes getting married, nope too much of a surprise! I think the only AH part is doing it on the sisters birthday.

[@carolroberts4614]

Can't you just tell people? Why does everything have to be announced from the rooftops?

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@Brenda I more so mean. What's defined as a surprise? Say OP gets diagnosed with cancer. Asks every one to get together so they can be told. Personally, I'm not ok with giving that info out on a social media post. Or for special occasions. Wedding announcement to your immediate family, how do you open up with stuff like that when your sister will freak out at just about anything? So, what I'm more wanting to know is, what is the sister's definition of a surprise? Is it only a big deal if the surprise is only directed to her? If it's in a room of family, is that ok? Because it's not specifically just toward her? And also. I like to bring out opinions that aren't mentioned, I some times dont even agree with the statement I make.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@Brenda that's what I was thinking. But then, I think I would feel guilty for excluding. The thing that stood out to me was, at least to me, was a very subtle way to announce it to her sister. It wasn't out loud and in her face. Personally, that's why I started questioning what is defined as her being surprised. I mean, to some extent, and birthday gift would be a surprise, right? Like, that's the whole purpose of wrapping them. You could argue not wrapping them, but walking in the door to find not wrapped gifts could be considered surprising also. So, I just would like to have more clarification.

[@z0mb1egutzz]

Story 1: NTA, I know she could feel left out but you don't see her as your mom. You should set more boundaries though and maybe apologize. But I don't see OP as an asshole. Story 2: NTA, sadly her work isn't accepted in society. You just want her to be respected and safe. She is an adult, she can make her own choices. It's sad her family doesn't accept her career, i hope you can help her and maybe be like the brother she never had. You are more of a family than the people who birthed her.

[@sleepyearth]

Story 1: The problem is the stepmother basically raised her since and respected the boundaries. OP is the AH for being cruel to stepmother who didn't demand much from her. I hope OP's children treat her the same way she treated stepmother.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

Last story: ok, shes a dock for doing it at her sisters bday i guess, but like... how do you tell someone you're pregnant without surprising them? Do you just... never tell them and wait for them to ask why youre getting fat? And if they dont, you just...have a lid and dont mention it?

[@MsAnimefan95]

"Wow, you've lost a lot of weight really fast! What's your secret?" "..." "Wait, whose baby is that?"

[@seankeller1560]

No its, hey sis im pregnant......pass the ketchup

[@hello93617]

@@seankeller1560 having news announced like this is almost more shocking.

[@andreawalker8343]

I think OP means spectacle-not surprise. All news is technically a surprise.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

@@MsAnimefan95 lol, right?

[@justozzy5559]

My kitten woke me up for pets, but it's okay because I can at least watch Mark ❤

[@phoenixfire8978]

Kittens need all the pets they can get.

[@KittenUndercover]

So did mine but I’m glad..she’s a rescue from a bad situation and today was the first time she’s left my bathroom. Now she’s goofing around and acting like a totally normal cat!

[@ashh4929]

Let's be real, those are the kind of cuddles we *all* want from our pets! Lol 😂💜🤗 My rescue dog use to do that all the time, thankfully I'm life long insomniac. 🤷😂

[@justozzy5559]

@@ashh4929 I love it because she will want to cuddle up under the blankets in bed with me 🖤🖤🖤🖤 I love my void baby

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

First OP is not the A-hole. Having lost my own mother, I know how painful it is to have someone try to push themselves into her place on my life. It probably hurts OP that her mother never got to meet her kids and have a relationship with them. The book is a way OP can bridge that gap. It poked a nerve when this step mother tried to poke her way into the one way OP had to remember her mother to her children. That was nervy and she needed her feelings hurt. As OP said she is still here. The kids know her and have a relationship with her. The step mom needs to check herself.

[@LadyLeomon]

1) NTA, had your mother passed away and stepmother had been in your life from say the age of 1 or 2 it’d be a different story, but you were old enough to remember and mourn your mother. You were respectful just not looking for a new mother, despite her feelings she’s not entitled to be acknowledged as _your mother_ and if it’s 15+ years later and she’s still nagging to be “seen as a mother” I’d be irked too and wouldn’t tolerate her weirdness a moment longer. 2) Uhhh maybe any blokes reading this can correct me if I’m wrong but I really didn’t think the “bro code” applied to this situation, OP acted really well, didn’t shame the girl or anything! NTA, wish you the best (the sister too) and I also wish you better friends! 3) NTA, no good parent would want to be part of a wedding that would make such a demand and you as a good parent are refusing to be, good for you and let your son keep his locks as long as he wants! 4) So, he and his essentially crash _your_ Mother’s Day breakfast for _your_ mother, eat the food that _you_ made and still have the nerve to bitch about it? NTA and your wife is right, he can f*ck right off! 5) ... NTA, would she have preferred you said nothing and just turned up one day with a new baby? At least this is giving her plenty of time to adjust to the “surprise”, good freaking grief! Thanks for the new vid WaffleBoss 💙🐱💙

[@luvondarox]

Oh, whoa, hold up. When the OP started talking about Sis hating surprises, I was expecting a stupid Surprise Birthday jump- scare thing. I wouldn't have considered this to be a Surprise! surprise,, but doing it on her birthday? For real?

[@alanstuff]

The Only Fans story is insane. Since when does a brother have the right to dictate what his sister does with her own body>? That family is creepy, so is the friends group.

[@757Bricksquad]

When did they ever dictate what she could and couldn’t do? They have every right to judge the job she chooses to take…

[@zitronentee2302]

story 4 was SOOO sweet , till the husband realized he fucked up "yeah dear, happy mothers day and here is your coffee. yeah creme is in the kitchen if you need and BYEEE i am golfing with my mates :D !!" and then she comes out , starts a nice conversation with her neighbor (lets be honest everyone is always a bit curious when the neighbor has someone over ) and then the table of ladys invites her to sit with them and she also gets french toast and smalltalk and kids running around you know a nice get together

[@darlenevanetten8081]

If my Stepmom was still alive I’d cry my eyes out. I miss her so very much.

[@jinxgiz3104]

Totally disagree with all the YTA verdicts on story one. Yes, OP was a little harsh but how else would you expect her to react after having just been told by her stepmother to rewrite something that was done to honour her mother to include in a way that the stepmother wanted, despite the fact that the stepmother knew that OP had never seen as a mother figure?

[@beckyhartley9502]

OP was harsh however Step Mother sounds like she's desperately trying to insert herself into the mother role and is jealous over what is essentially a memorial book which was OP's kids know about someone they never got the chance to meet. Step mother already gets to spend time with the grandkids.

[@catandrobbyflores]

Oh ho ho that bridezilla would have spit hot coals at my wedding. Husband has long curly hair (loose curls) my maid of honor had light purple hair, and one of the guests had a spiked mohawk.

[@jackiewepps4694]

Story 5: YTA. Why does everything need to be a surprise or guessing game? I suppose it could be fun sometimes. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with announcing something in a normal conversation. I honestly find that spoken words says a lot more than written ones. Extra A-points to OP for making the announcement on her sister's birthday.. Not cool at all.

[@feiruznoxravenus2093]

I know right ? I am the type who likes surprises a lot but for example my mother and my brother do not due to underlying issues and I know fairly well they do not like to be surprised no matter the context just like op's sister and trust me it's very easy to respect such boundaries no matter your own opinion on the matter so I think op knows she is the AH but wants to gain sympathy

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 5: Forever walking on eggshells around this woman will in no way ever do anything to help her process her trauma or learn healthy coping mechanisms. That requires conscious effort, not denial and avoidance. And she is the only one who can make those choices. The most that anybody else will ever be able to do for her is provide her with those options and support her throughout her recovery. But it still has to begin with her either way. Blaming others won't change that.

[@songohan3321]

I don't even want to imagine always walking on eggshells. I truly feel sorry for OP.

[@luvondarox]

Aww. The Mother's Day Brunch was so sweet. Definitely NTA. Buddy Boy should have enough basic awareness to know that "golfing with the bois" and leaving wifey/mom alone with the kids is _not_ kosher on Mother's Day. Selfish shellfish.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Mother's day can be really tough for those of us who haven't any reason to celebrate. It's especially difficult on days when it feels like everyone has something great that you don't, and mother's day is one of those day. To those with no or abusive moms, I just want y'all to know I hear you, I see you, I feel you. You aren't alone. Stay strong guys

[@Raxel1447]

Thank you for this. Mother's Day has always been rough for me because of my abusive mom. Haven't spoken to her for 6 years and I'm in therapy for the damage she's caused. I also work in the food service industry, and Mother's Day is our busiest day of the year, so it's another reason why I dislike the day.

[@carolroberts4614]

I lost my lovely mum when I was 19 and she was 47. Mother's day has always been hard for me but my daughters make it a good day for me!

[@chits28]

1- OP sounds like an ungrateful brat. The step mother shouldn't have acted like an 'aunt' and shouldn't have done anything for OP when she was a kid. It's a give and take, OP sounds like a leech. 4- Not sure that constitutes as a surprise.

[@Digitalfairy]

Yeah, blood and DNA does not make a true family.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Mother's day Breakfast story- not only would neighbor's wife & kid have a standing MDay breakfast invite, but a VDay invite as well!

[@lilolmecj]

Story 1, that lady has REAL problems, she shows zero empathy for a woman who was there for half of her childhood. It is not her stepmother’s fault her mother died! That was a very sad situation. Were I the stepmother I would absolutely stop letting her have a place in my heart.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 2: NTA - She's a grown adult, entitled to a private life. You did her a solid, and it's no one's business but hers how she makes her money. Way safer behind a cam than on a street corner.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 5: I'm going to say ESH. OP is the AH for doing that on her sister's bday and surprising her, but the sister is also an AH. Why hasn't she dealt with her trauma yet? She pretty much lashed out on something that should have been a happy moment.

[@HackiePuffs]

“Dealt with her trauma” not everyone can do that so easily sometimes people live with it the rest of their lives. No one should be expected to “just get over it” like that.

[@anuttygamer3266]

"Why hasn't she dealt with her trauma yet?" Do you have the cure for trauma? Cause even with years of therapy, people can still suffer from trauma.

[@nature_fiend777]

you don’t know how trauma works

[@PinkMarshmallows]

@@nature_fiend777 Oh, really? I guess I don't, even though I was sexually ab*sed by my brother and made me have trust issues. But you know what, I went to therapy and I got a hold of my issues. Oh, and I'm adopted as well, so I do know what OP and her sister went through.

[@nature_fiend777]

@@PinkMarshmallows you can experience trauma and still not know how trauma works lol, this wasn’t a personal attack on you so i really don’t care what you’ve been through. everyone’s trauma is different and not everyone can just go to therapy and make everything okay. i doubt you did that yourself tho, even tho you dealt with that trust issue i’m sure there are still individual things that trigger you, things that may seem insignificant to others. all your second comment did was make you come off arrogant instead of just uneducated, now you seem like the person to say “oh i did it!! why can’t you??” as if 1 size fits all

[@ettinakitten5047]

Story 5: OP could've respected her sister's preferences and still gone with her idea, with one change - telling her sister the plan ahead of time. It's quite possible her sister would've been glad to do a fun pregnancy announcement and surprise all the guests, as long as she wasn't surprised herself.

[@threeducks157]

Second story made me so mad... Back when I was a little lad I had knee length blonde super tight curls, due to teasing and other bulling I wound up shaving my head and working out like a gym rat on crack, I wish I could grow it out again but it just grows as a weird afro now... That op is a rockstar. Outshining neighbors around my neighborhood is practically a sport lol, week previous I saw the huge teddy and nice custom made structure for mother's day, I was like game on.... I rented a special sem trailer that has a side shutter for shows deck out the inside with flowers, streamers and all sorts of lovely arrangements. I also hired a mariachi band to sign "las mañanitas" as it was mom's birthday too. Well the day of she puts on his presentation and it was amazing and touching... 20 mins later every one was weirded out as a semi rolls in, and bam huge show follows, as I looked to my neighbor she narrows her eyes, smiles and claps, to us that signals basically a GG (non salty). I also had food, drinks and entertainment for all the moms in the neighborhood including neighbor, she is not a mom just yet she has 4 months to go.

[@songohan3321]

I am sorry, but gym rat on crack is actually pretty funny when you visualize it.

[@scout_princess]

I love Story 4 because of “eggs, bacon, toast, PANCAKES” Mark: WHAT! LOL 😂 LISTENEd to that 2 time and going to again after tipping this. Mark, please pin and heart my comment

[@Dracojax]

15:39 for easy reference

[@scout_princess]

@@Dracojax thanks, you're a lifesaver and now I can enjoy my favourite bit!

[@bioshockbrat9171]

1st story: why not start a tradition with her like going for coffee or making something with the kiddos to male her feel appreciated. 2nd story: OP did everything right and treated her with respect 3rd story: these are adults bullying a child. Hair styles are important to kids.

[@AgentAnime95]

1st Story: No. OP set up crystal clear boundaries with the step mother & the step mom just trampled all over it all because the book wasn't about her. OP doesn't owe anyone a relationship if she doesn't want it. OP is the only one who is allowed to dictate who is & who isn't a parental figure in her life, not her step mom or anyone else.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

@Brenda - why not have single parents link up with single parents? Plus stories of kids actually killing other people is more the exception than the rule. I am a middle child and turned out more boring than murderous. If anything kids need support, bt if a kid gets murderous then yeah they need professional help

[@EllieC130]

I always like how you always go hard with the “what’s up waffle gang”. It makes me feel like you REALLY want to know how I am.

[@tamicablanding]

Wedding story- I see that marriage lasting until the brother gets a backbone or when the wife leaves with AP because he’s spineless

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Story 1: NTA The book is in remembrance of OPs deceased mother that will never meet her grandchildren. OPs keeping their grandmother's memory alive in their minds through this beautiful creation. Stepmother wanting to praise herself in the book is just gross. The book is not about her.

[@karab7626]

I trust my 6 year old to chose her own hair cut I don't even plan on staying with her when she gets them once she's older(unless she wants me there, and I will still be paying for them until she is an adult)-her hair her choice. The bride and everyone pressuring this boy should be ashamed of themselves.

[@cgi2002]

It always gets me when people want to control peoples hair cuts. The cut is only part of it, there is also styling too. You can style hair many different ways with longer hair, many of which are suitable for a formal affair. Just a few examples, the man bun (near western), dreads (traditional Caribbean), long braid (traditional nordic clan hair style), top knot (traditional japanese), all of these are acceptable in differing formal settings, some of which are infact traditional styles for Royalty in various places. When you pick someone for a wedding party, you accept them as they are at the moment you pick them. Sure I could get been upset at major changes to appearance after this point, but demanding them isn't acceptable either.

[@Awsomesism1994]

LMAO I love the last story. Like my sister HATES surprises so I'm gonna surprise her, now idk why she's so mad 😂

[@justinthompson6364]

Bro code is for like... not dating your friend's ex or something. Not violating someone's privacy for a him when it's none of his business.

[@janicewilcox8590]

"tried to make him feel guilty with friends, they must not have had mothers or wives" ...no they were all probably just as narcissistically selfish as your neighbor and that's why they felt comfortable going golfing on someone else's holiday.

[@reinwolf534]

Story 1 as far as I am concerned op doesn't need to apologize

[@AgentAnime95]

Pretty much, anyone saying other wise & calling OP TA is honestly a biased dumb A who would tear step mothers apart for trying to push a relationship with thier SO kids.

[@CarrieVogel77]

Im playing Devil's Advocate with this: I was in my aunt's wedding when I was 15, and refused to get my hair styled by someone I said id do it myself. The pictures of me are AWFUL. I looked terrible, my hair was long and curly and I just brushed it out, I looked like a witch, lol. My aunt spent 3 grand on the pictures, and I looked like hell in all of them. Sometimes, when adults tell you something at 15, it may be a good idea to listen. I still CRINGE every time I see those pictures... I just got a chill thinking about all those pictures of my scraggly hair.

[@dragonking1348]

Mark take it from me a guy with dreadlocks, so many people think that my hair is wild and unprofessional, I don’t care because it’s my hair with ties to my culture.

[@aikikaname6508]

I do love how people’s reaction to having their poor effort revealed isn’t to up their game, but insist everyone else lower their game so they’re all as crap as they are

[@JayeEllis]

Story 3: NTA - I'm maybe a little bias because of my own ass-length hair, but stand by your son, and his bodily autonomy! Assuming he's taking proper care, healthy long hair is a major, time consuming, long term commitment, and not one he should give up for any reasons other than his own. It's just not okay to ask someone to alter their appearance for a special event, to the extent it cannot be undone by the next day. Style the hair a specific way, sure. Cut or dye it? Absolutely not!

[@janicewilcox8590]

Stepmothers are not mothers. You have to earn the love and devotion bestowed upon mothers, even if you gave birth to them. Most mothers passively earn their children's faith and devotion merely by being there everyday, taking care of, loving, teaching, nurturing. They give birth, love, minister, and take care of their children. Most women put their children above themselves and that is why they are held on a pedestal by their children and mates. Because mothers are supposedly self sacrificing for their children. It earns them a spot that no one else can claim in their children's lives. Of course then you have the mothers that are only praised on mother's day because children are programmed by nature and the world to adore their mothers. You can't demand to be put on a pedestal. It happens because you deserve it by earning it. You can't demand it. And the more you demand it the less likely you are to get it. And sometimes the bond with the actual mother and her loss is so strong that no matter how well you treat the child you can not even earn an honorable mention. And you don't get to be upset by that.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S4: "I just wanted to tell her in a way she would remember it." Oh, she will. She also will remember you highjacked her birthday to make your announcement. Not everyone likes cutesy surprises, or "pranks". When in doubt (or when someone tell you they don't like them), DON'T.

[@canadalovesanime3137]

story 3: My exes mother told me in a very mocking tone that once my boys started school that I would be forced to give them real boys hair cuts. If I refused she told me that they would just "snip snip"and I would have no say. That never happened, one has hair to mid back, the other has hair just past his waist. OP needs to refuse to go to the wedding, and keep every single text email etc. So that when they all come claiming that OP ruined the wedding he can prove they were the obsessed ones stuck back in the 1800's. If bride has a certain look in mind for HER wedding; she can go out and hire some actors to play the parts of "family". Tell them to go pound salt. OP; keep standing up for the kiddo. NTA x 10000 story 4: OP didn't "upstage" the neighbour. The neighbour just revealed his true colours to his wife. His buddies were more important to him. Any idiot can toast some bagels and make coffee. NTA

[@Mscrimsondragon]

So...the friend with the Only Fans sister has never, ever, never looked at porn? Ever? I find that really hard to believe. What she does is her business and no one elses. Her family sounds pretty crappy to begin with and it sounds like they were more than happy to jump on this issue to grind her down further. Can they be concerned? Sure. Can they even be a little embarrassed? Sure. But they should keep it to themselves instead of trying to shame her for doing something I am sure she is doing to support herself.

[@Mapache095]

Oh. My. God. Story 2 - the guy disrespect the “bro code” by looking out for the sister???? Also bro code over the sister’s body?!?!?! Get new friends OP, your “bros” are all kinds of wrong

[@simonO712]

The Onlyfans story really pissed me off, _fuuuuuudge_ the one who leaked it to her family and anyone who treated her badly for it.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 2.) NTA. Agree or disagree any mature adult would handle the situation like OP did. The immaturity of adults like these make me laugh harder when told to stop watching Disney & act like an adult. Lol 😆 aaaand what does that mean again?

[@princessaurora1111]

The trying to force a 15 year old to get a hair cut cause he's a boy and shouldn't have long hair pissed me off cause I have a twin brother with hair that's long and beautiful, he has extremely pretty and generous curls cause we're Mexican, African American & Swedish. When me and his were younger, the only reason he was threatened to get his hair cut, was cause he wasn't taking care of it and his hair was a knotted mess.

[@TrulySilentLie]

Just because you marry someone with kids doesn't mean you're gonna be able to have a mother-role in the kid's eyes. No matter how long you're with them. OP still not feeling like the stepmom is a real mother figure to her, well why isn't that ringing warning signs for people who already read in so many good traits into the stepmom out of nowhere? The stepmom specified how she wanted to be mentioned in this story about OPs biomom, in this "legend" of sorts. She was 100% trying to insert herself into this, and telling her to get over herself is for that reason warranted. She's free to have her feelings and feeling hurt, but blaming it on the kid?

[@zashgekido5616]

Technically i think the problem is that was abruptly harsh to, from the perspective WE'RE given, at least had the decency to pull OP aside and talk about it instead of kicking up a storm. It is in fact, possible to be right, AND an asshole

[@TrulySilentLie]

@@zashgekido5616 Guess I think the initial ask from the stepmom is such an overstep already that I excuse the rudeness since I think it in no way is as rude

[@gaxalee7392]

@@TrulySilentLie You’re definitely right. Imagine getting hurt and offended because your step daughter(whom you already knew barely saw you as an aunt, let alone a maternal figure) left you out of the “legend” of her bio mom and actually having the audacity to tell her that she needs to adjust the story to make you a hero in it, too.

[@taylie673]

What would the op from the 1st story even apologize for?

[@AgentAnime95]

Nothing. Redditors are just biased r tards.

[@KCCAT5]

Fiance dictating how people have their hair on her wedding day? Oh hell no! 4.Nta you did something nice for a neighbor. If he was inadequate its on him. 5.your sister has some issues. Nta. Yeah but that wasn't the big surprise wasn't like you popped out from behind a tree and scream surprise you just dropped a hint inside of a little book. Sister needs some therapy

[@badcat7407]

Story 1: Sorry Mark but that was a very bad take. OP owes Stepmom nothing and for her to try and pressure OP into adding her into something that OP made especially for her late mom is a real AH move. Stepmom earned her harsh response and should be ashamed that she tried to push herself into OPs life as a mother figure when OP has made it clear that she will never see her in that way. Step mom as known for years that OP doesnt see her as a mother and it's time she respects that and stops pushing

[@ccpoisonivy]

My alter ego is Petty Betty. That third story would have me posting that Q&A into social media and sending print outs to family.

[@lilyurbas6776]

Watch Out!!! It's A Bridezilla!!!!

[@LaineyBug2020]

Haircut bridezilla: I would henceforth always refer to her as Delilah... I would also roll up to the wedding in bald caps...

[@kindredspiritscos]

story 3 is a big NTA. They are teaching the kid he has the right to dictate how he wants his body. What a bridezilla

[@owl7072]

Story 2: I thought "bro code" when it came to sisters was to be respectful and protect them cause that's your friend's sister? Last I checked it was that, and not "treat your friend's sister like shit and then proceed to treat her even more like shit when she does something you don't like", if anything that's a "toxic bastard code" rather than a "bro code"

[@michaelleppek5033]

Jesus Christ. Any way you tell someone you're pregnant it's going to be a surprise. The sister needs to grow up and get a grip on reality.

[@rachelwitherspoon4394]

Last story...sister doesn't like surprises, okay. Other sister gets to LIKE surprises, and as it's HER announcement, she can do it that way. Sister NEEDS THERAPY!!! OP is TA for highjacking the birthday, sister is TA for making everyone cater to her neurosis, get help. Eta ESH

[@animefallenangel]

Story 3: When I got married, I actually encouraged my bridesmaids to do what they wanted with their hair, and my MOH took that approval and got a side shave and dyed her hair. Although I guess it'd be obvious I didn't mind what they did with their hair since I was rocking vibrant green hair myself :p

[@carolroberts4614]

Good for you!

[@whitemoonwolf13]

story 1: regardless of the inciting incident being the book, i get OP's stepmom using it to express her feelings of hurt over being rejected as a mother figure, and based on her comment, not being included in mother's day celebrations at all. OP was definitely a major AH for telling her to get over herself. like reddit is so fond of telling ppl, if someone tells you you've hurt them, you should listen and take their feelings into consideration, not invalidate and shut them down.

[@isarosa.45678]

Last story -- YTA. Announcing your pregnancy on someone else's birthday is just as bad as proposing at someone else's wedding. You are putting all of the focus on yourself during other people's big days. Similarly, you purposefully triggered your sister who is struggling with trauma that you know about. Eff off.

[@KCCAT5]

This stupid lockdown forced a lot of people to create onlyfans accounts. Imagine finding out your child or your sibling is exposing themselves online like that.

[@sagesaria]

Imagine giving this much of a shit about what your adult child does in her private life.

[@eldeano9964]

Just turn up at the wedding with both of you wearing a bald cap

[@dragonflyfirefly9465]

Wish there was a laugh button but yeah agree :)

[@rossvegas1346]

“It’s a formal event” why does that mean he can’t have long hair? Do the women with long hair have to cut it? No? Why not? I’m kidding, we all know why.

[@MGP2210]

Story 02. How is it the Bro Code when it's his sister's personal business? And the brother aired it out on Facebook? OP is not in the wrong.

[@zerobolt9506]

Anyone else hoping OP and ex best mate's sis from story 2 end up together?

[@carolroberts4614]

Yes!

[@searchfield]

Story two plot twist: I think the OP will end up marrying Belle, cutting off her family and being very happy and free with their bodies. She will see that he is the only one who defended her, protected her, was respectful enough not to keep looking at her pictures but also respectful enough to be fine with her doing whatever she wants and message her about how to do it more safely..

[@Mewse1203]

Stpry 1: NTA She made a story about her mom to keep her memory alive. This had NOTHING to do with stepmom. The stepmom was upset about THE BOOK not including her. She does need to get over herself.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 5: NAH - Actually, I'm calling AH on your boyfriend. If he hadn't pushed, it would have been fine. He probably could have used a head's up on that, but this wasn't you, it was him.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@daltongrady5643]

Take care Broken.💜

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@daltongrady5643awww thanks

[@videofan1010]

It was none of her brother's business that his sister had an Only Fans to begin with.... Weird.

[@denelva]

Story 5: OP's sister absolutely HATES surprises and so, OP thinks giving her one for her birthday will be just perfect? What the everloving fuck?

[@somerandoonyt9553]

I mentioned this in a comment thread. I want to know what is defined by a surprise. Is it only when its specifically targeted to the sister? Like, if OP got the family together to announce that they were diagnosed with cancer, that would be a surprise to everyone, right? So would that count as surprising the sister and not be allowed? Would just like more clarification on what is meant by, she doesn't like being surprised.

[@ohno8398]

@@somerandoonyt9553 People hate unexpected things, sometimes you have to eg a cancer talk, but you shouldn't go out of you way to surprise someone unnecessarily when they hate it

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@ohno8398 that's why I'm asking. Define surprise. I get a refund from my car insurance because I paid more than necessary. Unexpected, surprised. Will the sister respond the same way to that scenario? That's why I'm putting the question out there. How does OP know what unexpected surprises are ok, and which aren't? Like I said, unexpected things happen every single day. I just want to know where the line for the sister is drawn. ETA. Where is the line, and has it been defined? Birthday presents are usually unexpected, at least what the present is not receiving presents in general, and the sister seemed fine with receiving unexpected gifts. So clearly there are differences in what surprises are and are not ok.

[@ohno8398]

@@somerandoonyt9553 Getting a present on your birthday, which is often expected, and having your birthday hijacked by your sister's pregnancy announcement are two quite different surprises to my perspective

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@ohno8398 I get the high jacking part. But arguably, it was told to the sister in a semi private manner. It's not like she walked in and announced it for everyone to hear. But the statement of not liking surprises is so vague. All I want is a more detailed explanation on what is or isnt/ has and have not been acceptable in the past. Similar circumstances could have happened in the past, and it's been fine. Point is, we dont know because the information isn't given and it's been described in a very vague manner. As well as, I dont know any siblings that would hate being told they're going to be an aunt or uncle on their birthday. If my brother were to tell me that o my birthday, I'd be ecstatic, and not view it as high jacking, unless he came in to a big family party and announced it to everyone. But I guess to each their own

[@naturelass]

story 5 people like OP annoy me all this OH MY GOD EVERYTHING MUST BE DONE IN A FUN SUPRISING WAY ..... no no it does not and the fact she thinks her sister is not sentimental.... the fact the sister was touched by the book present shows she is in fact sentimental she is just more reserved about how she expersses it, OP sounds like she is someone who has to make a huge fuss over everything and to be honest most people find such people annoying and upsetting because they are shoving there need for big expressions of emotions and announcements in peoples faces.