Examples of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptom Manifestations

[@jannettb7930]

My ex was clinically diagnosed with NPD, and he would actually brag that he was a 'perfect 9', because his therapist said he had 9 out of 9 traits.

[@livelife5947]

NPD Criteria: 1. Grandiose sense of self importance 2. Preoccupation with power & status 3. Convinced of being special or unique 4. Need for excessive admiration 5. Sense of entitlement 6. Exploitation & manipulation 7. Lack of empathy 8. Envious or preoccupied with being envied 9. Arrogance & contempt

[@thecheesefactor]

Dated someone with this disorder. Got really hurt. :(

[@ThexCSmOuse]

i check for 9 of them

[@lizc2023]

thecheesefactor me too

[@hunnybSue]

My mother in law fits npd perfectly. It's never her fault. She's better than everyone. She's very nasty weak woman

[@jinglerpuff8630]

Lack of empathy is basically their grandiose contempt, valuing themselves too much and looking down on everyone else. I think you're referring to ''Arrogance and haughtiness'', which is more of a display rather than feeling alone. I might be wrong, but i think narcissists are not lacking empathy because they lack empathy, but rather because they value themselves and contempt others, like racists who cannot empathize with certain races due to contempt.

[@ClaireSamuelsVA]

Thank you so, so much for your videos on NPD. Contrary to popular belief, being a narcissist is not all about grandiose self-absorption. The emotional instability that comes from my unstable sense of self is beyond difficult to handle. I feel amazing until I feel worthless. My self-esteem is dictated by my power, accomplishments, and admiration. It’s very unsustainable. I appreciate the fact that you are one of the few prominent voices on KZbin who recognizes that this disorder is distressing to the sufferer. Your presentation of narcissistic personality disorder is a humanizing one, and it means a lot.

[@bludelphinium994]

I like how he always uses proper terminology and seems to have respect for ppl who have illnesses.

[@biaanibeu4471]

I was raised by a narcisist. After years of therapy I think that I can detect it in people pretty fast. I confront their "reality" sentance by sentance, repeating what they say immediately after they said it. I think sometimes that they can't hear themselves talk. So when they do, they just get stuck and very very angry if not furious. It was kinda fun to see how easy they start fuming. But now I feel sorry for my Mom and people like her, because they do not know how other people see them and like my Mom, end up isolated, pretty much abandoned at old age. My mother thinks she is allergic to almost every food and is terribly thin due to needing and not getting attention. I limit my interactions with her and place strict bounderies. She is killing herself and doesn't know why. It's very very sad and I still struggle between feeling empathy for her and the feeling of never wanting to see her or hear her voice ever again.

[@billymcnutt116]

My stepson has NPD and it is very frustrating. Every day is like walking on eggshells for me. Nearly every time i get onto him and point out that something he did is not okay he turns the situation around on me and argues about something completely unrelated to the current situation.

[@Tawny593]

They don't choose not to have empathy, they simply don't care. It never enters their mind what someone else is feeling.

[@WhxisPenny]

TSB FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT

[@serberfjes]

My best way of dealing with a narcissist is to make myself out to be as boring as possible in order to distance myself from them. That way if they want to know what I did during the weekend I'll lie and and make up something super boring. This way the freaks will leave me alone.

[@AshitaNoKanousei42]

HOLY F-ing mother!! Okay, I got tricked into falling in love with someone who fit this description. Other people used the word "narcissist," but I misunderstood that to mean just someone who thinks they're all that. This was so helpful to my healing process, thank you!

[@deeprollingriver5820]

One of my father’s narcissist traits was putting my mother, my siblings and I in danger without regard to our safety. I look back on the crap he did and I am shocked on the level of disregard.

[@tangerinefizz11]

Bella Bijou Are you sure he wasn't psychopathic? Psychopaths often engage in risky behaviors without consideration of whether they are endangering the welfare of others.

[@katherineswart474]

Bella, read Educated, by Tara Westover-you might relate to the authors experiences

[@touchingthewound]

I'm just commenting a general sentiment on a random video of yours - I work in the mental health field as a case manager for adults with severe, chronic mental illness, and my undergraduate and graduate degrees are in psychology. I watch your channel every night and I look forward to doing so. Your videos have helped me with my work and in my personal life, and reinforce my love of learning and psychology. Thank you for these well thought out videos, please keep making them.

[@ladymopar2024]

I agree I also like the fact he doesn't talk down to anybody. He uses precise wording I'm gets his point across I love it I watch many have these videos, my daughter is a licensed therapist so it's quite interesting to when she was in school and her actual life.

[@AmyLynnBurch]

Very informative, thank you! I appreciate that you pointed out that the person who exhibits signs of NPD is indeed suffering and it is easy to forget that when one is on the receiving end of their bad behavior. I appreciate the balanced perspective.

[@carriesilvinaespinozavilla5177]

Thank you Dr. Grande for your videos. In regards to "lack of empathy", many people seem to think that the Narcissistic Personality Disordered person is incapable of understanding what empathy is simply because he/she exercises deprivation through withholding appropriate empathy. Quite to the contrary my anecdotal experience has been that the NPD finds empathy to be a highly valued commodity that he/she believes that he/she is the only one who is "deserving" of or "entitled" to. The NPD'd person will go to great lengths to garner unearned empathy. The grossly inflated lies, the skillfulness at the misrepresentation of facts are often intricately weaved into the story so that the listener will be coerced to become very empathetic towards the person with NPD. People can be very deceived by this creative subterfuge, which as you know is another technique that the NPD can artfully act out in Munchhausens by Proxy.

[@carriesilvinaespinozavilla5177]

Thank you, I am honored, You are a very kind intelligent man.

[@KeystoneState]

You basically just described the personality of the majority of people who work in corporate America.

[@lisacox3750]

You are referring to casual narcissists. There is a big difference between being a narcissist and having narcissistic personality disorder. I grew up with a father who had NPD and it is no joking matter.

[@CobraAquinas]

Not only did he describe it. He described a playbook on how to survive in that hell hole. It's a delusional fantasy to believe some introspective honest, hard working mindset will succeed when you work for an organization solely designed to exploit, less fortunate people. It's sick it's disgusting but if you can fake it you can buy some time to wiggle your way out.

[@myiramddhif7641]

I'm stuck in a very toxic and dysfunctional relationship/marriage for 4 years, with a pathological narcissist. It's awful. I was never able to share anything substantial with the guy I'm with. It's like I've been in the relationship all alone. Looking at the mirror but nothing reflects back. Creepy.

[@rbguerreiro2466]

I was in a relationship with one for 5 years, so I know how that feels. For your own sake you need to escape this marriage. It will destroy you. I hope you can find your way to freedom...

[@jolly7728]

Yes, people with NPD are suffering and professional treatment should be empathic, but NPDs create a lot of suffering and destruction wherever they go it seems, making it difficult if not impossible for lay people to show empathy toward the disordered person. Dr. Grande does an excellent job providing strategies for coping with such individuals though.

[@SummeRain783]

Can you please do a video on how to self help if a person notices narcissistic personality traits in themselves. Would be awesome thanks!

[@Brian.001]

I have a great example of narcs hating to be subordinate to anyone else - even their husband or father. Many years apart, both my ex-wife and my son demanded that I teach them to drive, but it quickly emerged that they didn't require any input from me. I was just expected to sit there 'to make it legal', while they got on with learning all on their own. They were both apparently incapable of taking any advice or information from me. I was genuinely expected to sit there and say nothing at all. Needless to say, I declined. :-D And some people wonder why narcs never learn!!

[@EternityWish]

Dr. Grande, Emotional abuse is currently a crime in the US. I would like to see a video on how to legally charge narcissists with emotional abuse.

[@daisybrown3819]

Finally someone actually acknowledges that people with npd do suffer thank you dr grande for your informative videos.please do more on npd as although there is the abuse victim side there is also a very real person behind the npd mask who genuinely does suffer within.

[@monicalove1118]

The sense of entitlement restaurant example is something I’ve experienced several times with the narc. We’ve walked out of several restaurants because of this 🤦‍♀️ it’s scary how accurate these signs and examples are.

[@mikelicquia4742]

I lived with a Histrionic and they certainly have negative characteristics. The book "Emotional Vampires" gives a better description I believe. Also the idea that histrionics shrug off criticism is way off target. They crave approval and criticism is the opposite of that. Because it strikes at the core of who they are they respond with rage. I wish I didn't understand this so well.

[@dianaboughner7977]

Interesting and educational. I did not know the difference between narcissism and NPD. I do now and I still think they should be held accountable for the harm they do to another human being.

[@elonmust8859]

The mental abuse these people cause at times is terrible and they can just roam the streets as normal whilst the abused person suffers. They are evil and should be forced to get counciling but in many cases it is the victims who need the counciling because of the mental abuse they get from them.

[@wendyleeconnelly2939]

indeed, still one wonders, how? who will confront them? who would enforce accountability and how?

[@wendyleeconnelly2939]

@@elonmust8859 yet, people who don't want to be in counseling and don't really participate, they just end up wasting time. Teaching others to recognize these toxi behaviors and avoid or end relationships is probably the best bet unfortunately

[@WhxisPenny]

Yeah just because they have an illness or just a plain asshole isn’t an excuse to treat people the way they do and have no regrets about it.

[@dragon2195]

My husband fits all criteria on the list. Also he needs to control people and thinks that buying gifts is love. He can't show his feelings to his partner, he can't even talk to his partner about how he feels. he's totally shut down and cold blooded. He also lies on people to look blameless . He sits on the sofa every night in the same spot doing the same thing playing with his mustache. He doesn't realize others are in the house. He also said he don't feel good about himself and feels low about himself.

[@tangerinefizz11]

dragon2195 It's said that narcissists often use gifts as a tool for getting narcissistic supply. When they give gifts, they can bask in the gratitude of the recipients, and they can also tell themselves that this is a sign that they are a good person. Also, they sometimes use gifts in order to make others beholden to them.

[@jonidietrich9658]

Thank you. Good presentation. I found it very helpful. I’m healing from this abusive treatment. 😘

[@liquidbraino]

I'd love to see a video discussing the differences & similarities between NPD and Histrionic Personality Disorder. I sometimes have a hard time distinguishing between the two.

[@wanderingfree149]

You have nailed my sister 110% . Im shocked at the accuracy of your videos. Im new to the signs and symptoms of narcassism but as you talk, i can clearly put the pieces together in my sister and my relationship. Thank you for these videos. Knowledge is power when dealing with these jackasses. The more we know about them, the less their bs works on us. Thanks Dr.!

[@pierreblenderbuss9807]

This is my mother 100%--toxic and lots of damage over the years to my brother and myself, amongst others. It took a long time to understand what was going on. She's pretty extreme, but smart at the same time, and was able to distract us from what was really going on up until the last 10 years or so.

[@natashaevsimon1441]

Show compassion ??? This compassion I showed led me unto the journey of destruction by my ex. That's is the exact fuel they use to abuse.

[@kieransimpson4965]

Yes they see ones empathy as a weakness to be exploited

[@seventhchild7270]

EXACTLY!

[@coriolisse]

The doc was referring to mental health clinicians showing compassion within the therapeutic relationship.

[@natashaevsimon1441]

@@coriolisse which is fuel for the NARC, regardless who the compassion is coming from.

[@serberfjes]

@@kieransimpson4965 YES!! I have taught that the only way to deal with them is to create distance. Distance distance distance! Nothing else works!

[@ytho8838]

Thanks for your emphasis on the fact that narcissism causes suffering for the disordered individuals aswell. Whenever I open up to people about my late husband they usually declare him as a monster and me as the poor damsel that escaped the distress. While this feels much better for me than calling me a fool staying with him it’s still not very accurate. And I’m very reliant on factual outlooks. He was made that way. And what made him was horrific!

[@RustyShakleford1]

yes but there is people all the time who are abused an consciously choose to not become a monster. do not sympathize with these types of oblivious people.

[@WhxisPenny]

Rusty Shakleford exactly because you have the right to leave or confront the person that is mistreating you whether they are ill or not, that is no excuse.

[@wandamixon5360]

I found the examples provided with each criteria helpful and I was moved by the last statement. Because individuals with a narcissistic personality are viewed negatively, intentionally harmful, compassion is often the last emotional response others may display. Yet, they are people in pain and need of understanding. Thank you for the reminder.

[@amyjkr]

Not true at all. Narcissists get so much love, forgiveness, compassion, support, encouragement, and praise from those of us snared by their phony narratives and fantasy self. I spent 14 years doing that for the narc, and it didn't do shit to curb his NPD, sadistic behavior. The more you try to understand them and give the love that heals, the more trapped you become. The NPD will never appreciate or absorb the love others give him. My soon-to-be-ex was the first born of 9, 6 boys in a row, then 3 girls. His siblings call him the king because of how much his mom spoiled him. He is not hurt from a lack of love. He is hurt because he expects more than he gives. He expects to make more money than he is willing to work for, or save. He is hurt because he can't have a nice, pretty wife who adores him, AND as much side sex as he wants without consequences. He really believed, he told me, that I was the one who would always be there no matter what. Even after he chronically lied, cheated, spent all the money on his luxuries while leaving our home without a furnace for three years. His new car, new computer, new iphone, other women, clothes, shoes, whatever, all more important than giving your kids heat! For god's sake if there was a way to love them out of it, most of their victims would love them into health. The more you give the more they want. That is why they get sad, depressed, or feel inadequate. Imagine if no matter what you got, no matter how much you were loved, and praised, you still wanted more, more more.

[@tulanzuya]

@@amyjkr - Agree with you. Anyone who feels that a narcissist is in pain and needs understanding is either 1) a narcissist screwing with us intentionally, or b) a person who has never dealt with the consequences of loving one.

[@justme-dm7sb]

Amy Kline I also totally agree with you. They don't need more, they need locked up with each other. Not that thats going to happen to most. Thinking of what would actually help them would be isolating them completely from all living contact then go in and talk with them until the first lie, then get up and walk out for 24 hours. Do it again til the first lie and leave again. Repeat until they get the clue that a lie of any kind causes isolation, complete emotional and spiritual death. Its what they are actually doing to themselves anyway, just slower with more people to feed off of. When they got the picture and learned to get honest and accept love for what it really is, getting them out of isolation would be impossible. As soon as you put them back out in the world the first thing some other ashole would do is hurt them and it would all be back to square 1. They would never see a reason to not be as they were in the first place. All we can do is protect ourselves and educate our loved ones as best we can that there is soulless people in the world we need to stay away from as much as possible. If one of our own is one of them then we need to not lie about it and don't let other people be needlessly devastated because we don't want to face a hard truth.

[@agileanalyst214]

To address some highly negative comments: not all narcissists are sadists. Dr. Grande is presenting one type of personality disorder. It may not be helpful to heap all your animus on this personality type. Plenty of people have it. Not all of them are primarily contemptible.

[@guesswho5790]

They need tough love. It's basically spoilt and bratty behavior made a personality disorder. They need to be put in their place (in a good way).

[@universemind6459]

so difficult to live with a f'ked up mum thats narcisstic :( shes so helpless and negative 24/7

[@ShesReady2Live]

Universe Mind sounds like mine. She just said to me that everything I know I learned from her. How about no! I went to college and have 2 degrees and worked my ass off for them and got Dean's list. She had nothing to do with it. Didn't even go to the graduation. So I told her no, I'm sorry I went to school not you. So she goes well I paid for it! Ok, so thats why I have thousands in loans to pay off? So many lies. Makes me sick! Don't take credit for my hard work!

[@jamesspada7370]

Omg I'm going thru the same thing with my mom I moved from ct to Florida, and I I'm 47,I was addict all my life but was ready to change,and been clean 6 months,.....I brought my fiance with me,the 1st 3 weeks was fine but now, she trying to break me up with my fiance I been with forc20yrs,always argueing and putting us down, blaming me,and control almost everything I do,not one day gies by that she dosnt start with us,...we want to move but need a ride and have no furniture she wants us to need her, she never makes sense and would not doubt shes got some metal problem,very control,I cant even put my fan on med or high,bitch about a crumb,made me stop smoking ,and wont let me smoke pot,which helps me a great deal,makes me feel like I'm 15,says I'm not capable of working even tho I look for a job,I starting to hate her,,....I guess I'm moving back to ct

[@jamesspada7370]

So what do I do

[@lovelyswimmer1]

I grew up with parental figures who had NPD. It was absolute hell. These people are EVIL.

[@9w96b6]

Cut off with a friend's group because one guy was behaving very badly. After watching this video, I can now see him consistently ticking off five, if not more, symptoms. Everybody always acted like he was to be given special attention, or that he was an exception to moral rules. I'm so glad I cut ties with him and that group.

[@gabrielgabe6949]

After watching this... *Narcissists everywhere*

[@franmellor9843]

Hahaha I agree!!

[@jennygibbons1258]

Truly epidemic ... 😲

[@missquebec7776]

yep sure i

[@jessefranco9878]

Yes

[@nyinyibito1757]

Yes they are

[@francescaverdi2555]

It sounds quite exhausting to be a narcissist - I just don’t think I could be bothered.

[@davidoconnell1173]

Best description I’ve heard so far.

[@phoenixrisin2269]

I find it comical that the NPD diagnosis can only be made by a licensed health professional. I think someone who has suffered through and barely survived with their life are quite capable and confident in making that diagnosis 😂

[@Hun_Uinaq]

Randy benton hell yes!

[@ResIpsaquitur]

Many doctors suffer from a sense of self-importance. They become indignant when a patient may know more about a medical condition or topic than they do. Don't entrust your health to your G.P. M.D.. You are responsible for your own health. If you are reasonably intelligent, in one afternoon of research, regarding specific conditions, you may be more of an authority than your G.P.

[@monkeybluecheese]

I mean, it’s a complex mental diagnosis, there are many nuances that differentiate cluster b disorders, which require ample experience and knowledge in order to make sense of. Not saying that Abusive behavior isn’t something that one can ascertain on their own, however.

[@qpetty0013]

Randy benton I see what you’re saying but often time enough people diagnose their selfish, abusive asshole of an ex with NPD when in reality they’re just a shitty person. So it makes sense that you need a professional to diagnose it as egocentrism and narcissism and NPD are all different things on different scales. Plus, personality disorders are complex, and if you actually knew enough about NPD you would’ve known from the beginning of the relationship what they were.

[@lisag739]

I agree...those of us who've been through he'll can diagnose ..my narc sister had my parents aunt & cousins & some family friends convinced of things that were completely made up$!! She's apparently VERY CONVINCING !! BLOWS MY MIND

[@barbaramaclean9708]

Excellent description N.P.D , found it one of the best . Friend accused my son of having this disorder . There is no way he has this . Don’t have that so called friend anymore . I love all your videos 💜💜💜💜

[@ElenaKomleva]

People in general are prone to the so-called self-serving bias. People tend to attribute others' achievements to external circumstances, while their own achievements to their personal qualities. They also tend to see others' negative aspects as permanent features of that person's character while their own bad aspects as caused by extranius circumstances, and so, as temporary and not reflective of who they really are.

[@johnharrisjr2808]

This video gave good examples of NPD and the symptom manifestations. The wounded hero concept was interesting

[@marycahill546]

Thank you for going over the actual criteria. NPD seems to be the flavor of the month, but actually not many people have selfish grandiose traits to the point of being maladaptive and problematic. A DISORDER is different than having some traits.

[@Absrod]

I would also like to add (because my father and roommate are narcissists) that people with NPD KNOW how to act in public. For instance, they will say often times say thank you for something but it's a hollow phrase. The actual gratitude is missing because they feel entitled to it. So they know when it's appropriate or expected of them to do certain things based off of conditions behavior (how they were raised and what they witness others doing.)

[@dcrockafella]

Not sure what my dad has, basically he doesn't care about how he is effecting others. He had bedbugs at his mom's house for years starting in 2014, just to go to the above point about how he doesn't care, he drove lyft and Uber while being in a house covered from floor to ceiling with bedbugs, he would even go to his friends houses and sit on their furniture, just scratching like crazy. I moved in, I got a swimming pool deck lounge and a sleeping bag and tarp and would sleep in the back yard. One night he asked me to go upstairs and get the sheets of his bed and throw them in the washer and dryer, because he was coming home late and didn't want to wait to go to sleep, he has to have them cleaned before he goes to bed, why? I asked why? He said because the bed bugs won't bite him as bad. .. without going into full detail of everything about him and how much it really really really sucked at my grandmother's house, I will leave you with that. Thanks.

[@doriscrumpton2980]

They may even laugh at your pain that u hv experienced. They only believe in themselves and there wants. It's all about them in every way. Narcs can't deal with indifference at all.

[@ThePsycologyChannel]

They may empathize but in the end their needs come first!

[@SpiralCee]

Thank you, Dr. Grande. It's helpful to hear real life interpretations of the DSM criteria, which are always kinda dry.

[@lizziek1229]

The NPD person in my life would get annoyed at and even yell at the person who slammed their leg into a desk because it startled him.

[@bikesnight3415]

I might laugh if it looked funny, I'm bad to the bone

[@rbguerreiro2466]

My ex would be angry at me when I was sick in bed... for being sick in bed. I'm so happy he is long gone.

[@alwayslovelife76]

Can you do a video explaining how people who are not narcissist but if they are in close relationships or abused by narcs, they themselves cam become narcissistic. Thank you.

[@markspahr242]

It can be amazing to witness the lengths an individual with NPD will go to gain attention.

[@lizc2023]

You’re fantastic, thanks for making these videos, they are so interesting and helpful

[@DrGrande]

You are quite welcome!

[@rhizrhiz8158]

My ex fiancé is the king of narcissists, I moved to America to marry him. But when I got to America he was totally changed and we never talked about the wedding. One day I accidentally opened his tablet and I saw his emails and Skype he was talking to different girls and he was on a bunch of dating sites. I caught him at the garage videocalling a girl from Canada. After that he told me he’s intent is to marry me. He is controlling and manipulating. He got home from work mad at me for no reason. He grab my phone every time I used it, or even talking to my family he questioned me and got jealous. I was emotionally damaged and I asked myself what’s wrong with me why it didn’t workout. I suspicious my fiancé is a narcissist because when I caught him cheating on me he blamed the distance between us. I said that’s why I’m here now in America to spend my life with u. I caught him again cheating on me, next he blamed his parents especially his mom. I feel sorry for his mom because he is a nice lady. Every time our relationship is falling apart he blamed someone else. I got back to My country and he told me he’s gonna marry me in my country. But I found out after I left he visited the a girl in Canada. I saw the Facebook of the girl and I asked her but she denied it and she said she don’t want to hurt me. After that I decided to cut him off I never message him. But he keep messaging me and trying to comeback in my life. He messaged my family to say sorry for being unfaithful to me, but on his message he blamed the distance. He is unbelievable, I tried my best to forget him. I found out he is engaged again after 4 months. He beg me to talk to him for the last time. I congratulate him and I asked when is the wedding. He told me “I don’t know soon I’ll be single“. I feel sorry for the girl she don’t have any idea who’s she’s dealing with. The best thing that ever happened to me was I’m out of his life. I am happily engaged and I have peace of mind now and complete again.

[@artintelligence4973]

Well appreciate is your channel Dr Grande, thank you .

[@nothingissacrosanct]

You unfortunately just described by S/O :/ I am diagnosed with BPD and I can't seem to shake people with narcissistic tendencies. We've been seeing eachother for around 4 months now and over the course of the past 2 months or so, I've been noticing a lot of narcissistic behaviors in semi-specific situations. It's almost like they're triggered rather than ever-present. She acts and behaves completely normally when not triggered, but occasionally there will be this big dump of arrogance, entitlement, criticisms, paranoia, fantasy, etc that are all very concerning. I am quickly falling in love with her so it absolutely kills me :/ We work so well and there are rarely any conflicts, but I know that this is not going to end up well. I have discussed the possibility of her being narcissistic (not having NPD, but just showing traits of narcissism) and she goes on the defensive like she was being accused of a murder she did not commit. The two times we have discussed this, I approached it with great care and tact as I know how narcissistic anger works. She responded in the exact way I thought she would. I didn't expect normal defensiveness, but the exact things I would read online and hear anecdotally about how a potential narcissist would react. Instead of just outright denying it, she tried to give me reasons as to why she was allowed to feel that way, claiming that it was just "confidence," and that she was "more confident than me." I tried reasoning with her, but to no avail. She was adamant in saying that she was not a narcissist, but just someone who actually WAS better than other people. It really hurt me to hear that :/ To think that in the 4 months I've known this girl, though all of the memories, all of the amazing experiences, the wonderful connection, she thought she was superior to me the entire time. And yes, she said this while crying, claiming that she "didn't want to feel like I was inferior to her" :/ I know you're probably never going to see this, but I'm at a loss. If anyone could help me out and give me some mature, knowledgeable pointers that would be much appreciated. I don't know how much more of this I can really take at this point. I don't want her to see me after she comes to visit and immediately think "that is my inferior," I want her to think "I'm so happy to see him." The fact that the first thing she thinks of when she thinks of spending time with me is the attention and validation I'd give her absolutely breaks my heart. I've never been in this kind of situation, but I also don't want out. I want this to work, but I absolutely know it won't if this problem keeps on and I absolutely will not continue to let myself be treated like this. Been around this block twice before I didn't deserve it then and I most definitely don't deserve it now. Again, I know you probably won't see this, but I would love to hear your take on BPD + NPD/Echoist + Narcissist relationships and how they could potentially work out.

[@AndyPlays-1]

A person who is a Yes-Man and is beta male, acts like he is friendly but doesn't feel deep emotions or genuine bonding with others. Which personality disorder would like most fit? I am curious. You are very intelligent and I can't think of anyone else who could answer this.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

My experience with my NPD husband's sense of entitlement mostly centers around things he thinks he deserves to buy for himself even if we can't afford them. It's okay for me to buy a used car, but his has to be new. My clothes can come from discount stores- not his. And his wardrobe is larger than any woman's I've ever met! He goes to Vegas every year for a Hacker's convention- and he goes alone, while I might get a day trip with him for my "vacation". It also manifests in him typically choosing our shared social activities: who we see, where we go, what movies we see, etc.

[@icantdecode]

Nancy Luckhurst just dont make kids with that kind of person.. my father is a narcissist and trust me, its no fun

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

@@icantdecode We have a wonderful grown daughter. She sees him for who he is.

[@BS-dq1kz]

Mine too. It’s horrible.

[@Wawiya]

I can relate..ppl who do this are selfish and self centered

[@amyjkr]

Same here. New car, new phone, new computer, no heater in the house for three winters. So yeah, the narc can suck it if he thinks I even care of he is so sad he couldn't keep me, and his escorts, and his side pieces, and his bastard kids, and his house, and our kids' respect. I don't care anymore. And that is the only thing I could do to not kill myself. It was me or him. I chose me.

[@jesserandall9549]

Thank you for making this video. I can understand this so much better with examples.

[@luyolompembela175]

I'm glad that I got to discover all this in time because this will give me enough time to re work myself, re think my decisions because most of them were driven by this personality disorder, on the other side I must say my curiosity allowed me to find all this in time I'm glad I did. Thank you so much Doc for this closure, I now don't have to beat up myself it's not that I'm special or different I only need to work on being better

[@andreanichols7950]

I enjoyed the examples, they made the symptoms very clear. I agree with you when you said those that are eventually diagnosed with NPD do not seek counseling for that, over time the NPD begins to present itself.

[@janicedixon2051]

I agree! The sooner individuals receive treatment the better off they will be. That’s just my opinion.

[@VonW0lf3N5t31N]

I was hit by a car and had a lower limb amputation. I sort of just had to get on with life and figure things out. It wasn't easy and I had good support, etc. But it all felt kind of "normal" if that makes any sense. In the long term rehab I was in, there were many other people in similar situations as me. Some of them would have gala dinners in their name thrown for paramedics, would hold fund raisers with them centered in the ads, etc. It was all a bit much. It always stood out as very attention seeking even though it was from someone in a bad situation, etc. From the outside no one could call bs on their behaviour but from the inside it was very obvious who was just figuring out their new world and who was using their new situation for admiration, control, and attention. This video really reminded me of this experience in my life.

[@johnparadise3134]

0:46 “Narcissism is considered relatively normal and even helpful and a number of ways. Narcissistic personality disorder his maladaptive.”

[@elgrigorio1]

Does controlling the situation by controlling others' emotions fall into NPD? Such as, intentionally sucking the life out of the air until the other person can't breathe, just to make them miserable.

[@LuvGodLuvPpl]

What if the person laughs when they see someone with an “injured leg” run into a desk or something and don’t try to help or ask if they are ok , would that be more sadistic ?

[@hollyhold6960]

THIS is one of your best! May 13, 2022

[@joegen4577]

Isn’t it that we all have these traits one way or another? I think being a true narcissist depends on a person who evaluates his/her own-self and knowing you have one or more of these traits and make an effort to change oneself makes one not a narcissist even though you may have all criteria’s checked. Hey no one is perfect but we can try to aim for perfection even though sometimes it may be futile.

[@taniaelliott4078]

Your example in the first symptom reminded me of my sister. She would compare our high school grades, and where I performed better, she would counter that with 'but you had to try really hard, I didn't, so it doesn't count.' It's continued on into adulthood, where every small thing I achieve she attempts to diminish.

[@toristoddard3831]

You really are an amazing therapist. I'm always so impressed by your videos.... wow. could you please make more videos on NPD? origins, gaslighting, manipulation, control... i'm just trying to understand these folks better, as my mother is diagnosed NPD...

[@elxddedani3600blink]

Awesome information!! Thank you 😊

[@marielaaleiramh3819]

Exactly!!! Thank you Dr. Grande 😘 😊 ! That’s exactly how narcissist are!

[@Irene-gq4jr]

I'm really enjoying the factual, unemotional content of your videos, thank you! Regarding assessing others to be worthy of a relationship with us and ending things if they're not a good match, doesn't everyone do that? For example, I wouldn't view someone who has a history of long-term unemployment as anything other than another human being, for all I know they may be struggling with mental health issues, but I wouldn't become romantically involved with them. I simply don't want to live that life regardless of how nice the person may seem to be.

[@melanieleary8322]

That anecdote about the watches really cleared up some conversations which have gone off the rails for me. I have been a tomboy for my whole life and have had a series of confusing blow ups with other women. When that situation happens to me I tend to react like, "oh okay, thank you" without reciprocating because I'm waiting for the conversation to move on to something more interesting. I now understand how I have been inadvertently infuriating.

[@davidlevesque9137]

I find your skills very helpful. Sometimes close to illuminating or enlightening. Somehow though academic I wouldn't understand it as it comes, but with a professional putting it forth. It makes it click. Thank you.

[@PlanbSk8terX14]

Can you do a video on Intermittent Explosive Disorder?

[@DrGrande]

Here are a couple: kzbin.info/www/bejne/q6Cvaqxunp2hoMk kzbin.info/www/bejne/mmmVZmmJZ9R5mrs

[@lululuvsmith5656]

My son has that/ with autism.

[@lululuvsmith5656]

@@DrGrande thank you

[@hellybelle5]

@@DrGrande my nine year old son was diagnosed with this, autism, and oppositional defiance disorder. The only one that is absolutely true is the explosive part. He has aspects of autism, but it doesn't fit, neither does ODD. He isn't always defiant, in fact he can be very compliant. The closest I've seen to his behaviour is borderline personality disorder. I'm trying to find out where to get him assessed. The three diagnoses we've had were from three different professionals, going on a survey that I did. I could have Munchausens by proxy for all they know. I just want to know what's wrong so we get the right treatment.

[@CreativeOne-ll8et]

The more I watch this the more I feel that he has NPD but I’m not a doctor.

[@monkeybluecheese]

Thanks for your video, it was very eye opening on the behaviors and ways of thinking of not only others, but myself included.

[@jmfs3497]

My manager has symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder that I first thought was solely "Narcissism". He does have symptoms of narcissism, too. He's envious, manipulative, exploitive, gaslighting, entitled, blame-shifting, arrogant, easily offended by others autonomy and has zero empathy. It's pretty weird. He likes to butt-in to other people's actions and conversations to point out that his thoughts are the right thoughts about a subject. His OCPD manifests in redundant list-making for us, he is a perfectionist to the point it makes everything inefficient, he is incredibly controlling and is very resistant to delegating anything except entry level work and wants to stand over your shoulder while you do it. He triangulates around every relationship and essentially removes the various parties that were in the relationship and makes himself the middleman to the point that no one knows what is going on or why they are doing things. It is most often referred to as being sent on one of his goose chases. I have had colleagues and clients beg to meet secretly so that he doesn't interfere, but we work in such a bureaucracy that we are all encouraged to pretend it isn't happening. And the even sadder thing is that he isn't actually all that talented or smart at the entry level work or the expert level work himself, so no one actually gets any better at anything either. It's like career assassination. It sucks. lol. And he isn't young at all either, or need to learn the ropes of leadership. He's fricking 62 years old now and first became manager at 55 years old.

[@1theheightofparadise]

Just because something is "unrealistic" doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for something great. because im sure as fuck that 50 years ago people thought that a cell phone that could play 4k videos and take pictures in 4k was unrealistic. so I definitely disagree with the wanting success because who doesn't want to be successful? however, OVERALL, this was a very informative video and I thank you for making it.

[@sandrasalinas9787]

I mean don’t we all have at some point exhibit these symptoms to a certain extent??? I am mindful of people feelings though but maybe I have behaved in ways without realizing is wrong and narcissistic.

[@elizaswedenn6136]

Is there a video about how you handle or manage a narcisisstic person? At work e.g - that person treat you bad or uses you in a bad way using rule technique.

[@霸霸-p6l]

Thanks for the video. It's very helpful.

[@DrGrande]

You're welcome!

[@jimmyyounger618]

I'm wondering if narcissism can oscillate in degree, either according to circumstances such as what person or people are present, or if it can be somewhat cyclical independent of circumstances. I'm only around a particular person I suspect of narcissism occasionally. I'm not confident narcissism fits because of their variable behavior. In a one on one situation with me, they don't tend to display narcissistic attitudes or behaviors. But when they meet someone new or someone they haven't been around for awhile, it seems to trigger this full blown narcissism to the extent that it's very awkward to be present.

[@tomikoeaton5871]

My mother has npd she has every trait all my life everywhere we go she has to be the center even at McDonald's she has to feel important everything is compared she is super envious and jealous

[@mohammedtayyoun8788]

Hi, Arab here! Dr. Todd, You described 90% of the Arab population. Where the vast majority goes to IFING baby boomers. Thank you so much!

[@hadnoideahow]

exploitation: there is also imposing yourself and your way of life on others by, for instance, not contributing to a community (family) and using your family members for money, shelter, food...knowing well they will put up with it. it is closely tied with entitlement -- they think it's a given that you support them and clean after them; they deserve it, they are 'special' but they won't overtly admit to it, they will make up xy reasons why they don't NEED to contribute. I do not possess empathy for those kinds of people, their way of life is parasitic in nature.

[@watcherwlc53]

i wonder if such behaviors tie in with forms of dependent personality traits

[@pmag3200]

I really value your videos..you explain very well and professionally..

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much!

[@dmissme]

For my dad this got worst with age, and with his hobby it grew to be unbearable. He was the best , no one else could ever achieve his greatness as a “metal detector” Seeking and a huge need for attention and gratification

[@daringgreatly8473]

It makes me wonder if people who always right bad reviews or complain about services are narcs.

[@pauontong3576]

Learned a lot. Thanks ☺️☺️☺️

[@luyolompembela175]

Thanks Doc there are indeed interesting and informative . I'm that person you just described, I now know myself even more, I reacted a lot to these symptoms in my past 2yrs they all became intense, I was exploding everytime I was also amazed in most times, if was this me? did I just said what I said? Every time I acted impulsively I would question myself, Anger was a driving force the feeling of shame was distructive to me it's true we react out of emptiness inside meaning we need to thoroughly work on ourselves because these are internal unresolved battles, I must I'm very happy to finally have someone who truly knows what's happening, and I like the fact you have outlined that treating this would be not an instant change no, this is a personalised working trait so it will have to be be treated for some time

[@patriciamadden2574]

Daughter in law has caused collapse of our family. It would be so helpful if you talk about what we should do. Only see my son once a month now and we are not allowed to see my granddaughter. Holidays hurt so much. He will stay together, no divorce, as advised by God.

[@helenhart4368]

The examples of lofty ambitions you mentioned don’t seem unrealistic or exaggerated to me. Aren’t big dreams and goals a good thing? It bothers me to be around cynical people who lack vision and ambition, and inspires me when I see people pursuing their dreams.

[@tangerinefizz11]

Sunshine Evel I agree. Where do you draw the line between healthy ambition and grandiosity?

[@RustyShakleford1]

when capability skill and ambition do not line up with the desired outcome. i would say it is grandiose

[@daniellew.8109]

My sister-in-law who clearly has NPD lived with us for 6 months. I've had to be on anxiety meds since.

[@jacquiwilson3943]

You have obviously never dealt with a person with narcissism coz if you show them compassion they will then hurt you even more the next time!! NEVER SHOW THEM COMPASSION!!!! These people choose to run from their real self and hide behind a false sense of self!!! They thrive and count on people to show them compassion so they can manipulate them more and hurt them more!!!’ This is bad advice at the end of this video!!!! This is re traumatising for empaths

[@ResIpsaquitur]

You are absolutely correct!!!

[@velinawelch7470]

I completely agree with that! Everything he said was spot on...except for that advice. I've been thru this too many times with my sister who is a narcissist. You show compassion and it only makes it easier for them to abuse you!

[@brenthambrick9455]

Lass-in Angeles I disagree. These people, like all people, have a choice. Even if they feel no empathy, they still have the choice to act or not act on these impulses. I believe it is a disorder caused from childhood trauma. But I can’t help but always think about the story of the two brothers when I deal with a narcissist.

[@cognitiveimpact5929]

@@brenthambrick9455 Mine enjoys inflicting pain on me while everyone thinks he's the nicest guy and incredibly smart. I've heard genius, brilliant, patient, understanding etc. I get it, I used to be just like them. It took me 18 years to realize what he was. I knew something was off, but I could never quite explain it. His emotional reactions were, on rare but important occasions, jaw droppingly inappropriate! Like I said it was rare so I could brush it off. He would never commit to anything including marriage. I own the house and pay the bills and he had me believing I owed him some how and I deserved to live like this. I could go on and on Every time I tried to leave he would call the police and say I suicidal. I had statewide APBs out for my car 3 times over the years. It's almost over.... Just a few more months.

[@adore2963]

Cognitive Impact 🙎🙎🙎what a fucking nightmare

[@anna-birdretired8641]

I had a (very) short-term fling with a guy who always ordered a "top shelf" margarita. Everywhere, with every type of food, even though I didn't usually have alcohol. Just one example of myriad clues I failed to pick up on quickly.

[@tangerinefizz11]

Ann Hiller What's a "top shelf" margarita?

[@peterpisani4749]

Dr Grande Can someone with NPD become physically violent? Or it is only verbal?

[@kimielemadridejos9090]

I've been a victim of my ex until now... And by watching this it gets a lot of similarities from him. I don't know why his like that.. he just wants to always hurt. Even though it's over. 💔

[@quinnrivera5075]

Youngest brother has at least 8 of these symptoms. He’s a salesman. He does pretty well at being a salesman. But he thinks he’s a heartbeat away from becoming the CEO of a nationwide company. Also has stated that he is a role model for children everywhere. It got to the point where everyone in the family had to turn their backs on him unfortunately. He’s toxic. And it really sucks but nobody can deal with his bullshit anymore. Told me he was educated. I told him he was a high school graduate with no college education. He replied that yes but he went to the BEST high school in Chicago. I asked him if he was valedictorian there ? He said no but his diploma was equivalent to graduating from at least a state college and possibly even and Ivy League school. He was arrested on some serious charges. He talked to detectives for 7 hours. He thought he was smarter than the detectives and almost talked himself into a long prison stretch. He’s impossible to be around. And he refuses to get help .

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Well put I especially appreciated that you looked at lack of empathy I have borderline personality disorder and can both lack and feel empathy. Both are ofc felt strongly since the natural way for a borderline is black/white thinking. Another more universal way of seeing it is that some people (large Numbers in fact) have narc traits and they can be used to advance in the short and long term but it has many risks lying for example only buys you a little time when you can instead face the concequence head on. I am noticibg more and more how I lie and exaggerate and can backtrack after it and tell it like it is. It takes time though cuz of the shame

[@agileanalyst214]

Right on

[@fables4564]

Could you make a video about the different type of abusers and the overlap in mental health?

[@lrgambe]

Hi Dr. Todd! You're videos are one of the best, if not the best, source of information on Narcissistic Personality disorder. It would be a blessing to both scholars and the general public if you could do an analysis of the celebrities Amber Heard and Jada Pinket - Smith. During the ongoing trial between Amber Heard and her ex-husband Johnny Depp, the expert witness diagnosed Amber Heard with a different disorder but was actually describing in detail a person who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Warm Regards.