Experiencing Loss on the Spectrum | Porch Coffee

Hi! I’m Claire, and this is my channel, Woodshed Theory. Here you will find the awkward ramblings of an adult autist. I love being creative and sharing my experiences with you. Subscribe to see more DIYs, Discussions, and Bunnies on your feed!
Another week, another porch coffee. Welcome my friends.
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[@whitneymason406]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Claire. 💞 Sending e-hugs your way!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks Whitney

[@scrapmandan245]

Thank you for chatting to us, I'm very sorry for your loss 💜💜🙏

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for your support

[@warmandpugly]

That’s so sad about your Grandad and I hope you’re processing at your own speed in your own way. Amazing work on the blankets. You’re flying through them! I hope you manage to get plenty of rest and continue to be kind to yourself 🥰 we care about you a lot x

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks friend I care about yall as well

[@julie_uk_]

Take your time Claire x

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks Julie I will

[@hankiepankie5833]

Processing grief takes many forms, there's no right or wrong.

[@WoodshedTheory]

thank is a very good point

[@sarahhernandez5425]

I'm sorry for your loss. ❤ Sending love. The delayed processing makes sense to me in hindsight now. When my grandma passed, I didn't cry or grieve until weeks or months later (I was around 10 years old). My dad (who lived out of state and I had a complicated relationship with) passed a year ago and I felt like it was a much slower grieving process than what others might experience. I didn't really grieve until much later, and it came in bursts as I processed through the complicated emotions. I really dread when my mom passes because we are so close, I don't know if I'll be wrecked or it will be a delay like my dad.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you Sarah.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

Sorry for your loss 💔. Thanks for sharing with us.

[@whitneymason406]

Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving SueAnne 💞

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@whitneymason406 Thanks, Whitney 🦃

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks Ladies

[@laurajomorrow9668]

Extra prayers and good vibes being sent to you and family!

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you Laurajo

[@samanthamoon8051]

I’m sorry for your loss. I understand the feeling of sleep paralysis and it’s one of the more anxiety inducing things I’ve experienced in my life. I was like what you’re describing when my mom passed. I would spend days like that and would sob and cry at inappropriate times. The last person that said everybody processes loss differently and there’s no right way is completely right ❤. I wish you healing and good vibes.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for sharing Samantha

[@orionkelly]

❤ I can completely relate.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for your support - up and coming award winning youtuber of the WORLD!

[@orionkelly]

@@WoodshedTheory right back at you!

[@JuliaW_2023]

Thank-you for sharing with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. It helped me to hear about your experience of delayed processing - I realise now I've had very similar "head in the clouds" reactions to loss and grief. My Dad died suddenly (to me) when I was 21 and even now, over 20 years later, I'm not sure I am done processing. It certainly did not help that no-one (myself included as I was only diagnosed late 30s) knew I was autistic and had delayed processing. Take your time and be kind to yourself, there should be no schedule for grief. The blanket wedding favours sound beautiful - lucky folk who will get one

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for sharing Julia

[@queenmotherbug]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Claire. Grief is one of those emotions that's highly personal and intense. There's no right or wrong way to process death and loss. I lost my best friend and their partner to covid unexpectedly in January, and I understand that grief can really hit you in weird ways when you least expect it. Sending love to you and your family.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Grief is so weird. I think it's hard cause there are not rules.

[@nunyerbizness9598]

I'm sorry to hear that Claire, I wish there were words.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for checking in

[@T.T.M.60]

I’m sorry for your loss, Claire. It’s hard. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you friend

[@ShannonTalksYarn]

Sorry for your loss Claire

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks Shannon my friend

[@ShannonTalksYarn]

@@WoodshedTheory you’re welcome 🥰

[@9crutnacker985]

❤ Loss doesn't usually affect me at all but I was dissociated for 4 month when I lost my wife 3 yrs ago. You're reacting as *you* react & that's appropriate for you, even in a situation like this. You can't change that. Process away & be kind to yourself as much as you are to others. My one encounter with sleep paralysis (which I'd not heard of at all when it happened), was abruptly waking up, eyes open in the pitch black, wide awake, completely paralysed and unable to even draw a breath for at least 30 seconds. Damn scary. Hope you get your bearings soon.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for your support my friend

[@theresetravis6124]

You, your grandpa and your family are in my prayers.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you Therese

[@melissa23347]

I am so sorry for your loss Claire. Sending you and your family love and prayers. 💜🙏🏼

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks Melissa

[@CathyThwing]

So sorry to hear about your grandpa's passing. Condolences to you and your family. I think grief is specifically challenging for autistic people, due to our neurology. It's hard for everyone, and differently hard for us. Lots of love and gentleness for you.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Differently hard is a great way to put it.

[@ghill8587]

Really sorry to hear about your grandfather ❤️.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you GHill

[@sauzzielumpkin]

Claire so very sorry your grandpa 😢 Praying for you and your family 🙏🏻🌹💐

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you Susan

[@jenniferjohnson5632]

So sorry for your loss. I lost three grandparents this summer and have yet to be able to cry or grieve for them. It's an odd feeling. Since the last death of one of my grandparents was in 1995, I have no idea what to expect because I simply don't remember. I wish you luck and comfort with your process.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Three is so many in one summer, i am very sorry.

[@writerwithagarden]

...Glad you have some good things going and so sorry for your loss. I'll be sending my love/prayers your way.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you Stevie.

[@originalvonster]

My condolences to you on the loss of your grandpa. Also I’m glad that you are feeling a bit better. There was definitely some delayed processing with my losses of my mom and dad as well. My dad’s best friend also accused me of being fine. I guess because I wasn’t posting about my actual personal life on Facebook like most people do and it seemed to her that I had uploaded happy sounding songs. I guess I did think about my loss when I was still writing song for my job, but I didn’t want to sell my actual emotions about my dad. To me even though the song I did sounded happy to someone else, I can hear my distress. My dad’s best friend also said that my dad told her I was a bit slow, which was very hurtful. I got a lot of repetitive thoughts and it caused insomnia. I didn’t quite understand that my dad had passed. It was so sudden. When my dad’s other friend called me to tell me, my first question was are you sure? Have you checked his airway and tried mouth to mouth? I guess I understood when the ambulance paramedic told me he had passed, but it only started to sink into my brain when I went to see him (which I wish I hadn’t). I kept getting flashbacks seeing him like that. With my mom it was mainly regret that I didn’t know her because she left me as a baby. It’s important to be able to share how you feel. I know I never really talk about my own emotions with people. I kinda keep everything to myself. I’m trying not to. We have been learning about ethics at Uni. I guess you have to be careful sometimes about the type of content being shared just like how you have to take into account emotional wellbeing when interviewing someone for an essay. I guess you could include links to helplines, like what happens on TV. Making your own dress sounds like a nice idea.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Wow I am sorry about your experience with someone calling you slow, that is super hurtful. Like slow processing yes but that doesn't mean less intellect.

[@originalvonster]

@@WoodshedTheory Thank you for your reply. I didn’t know about the possibility that I have autism at the time. It’s less hurtful now that I understand myself better, but I think my dad’s friend’s intention was to upset me I think. It’s a pity because we could have shared memories, but I don’t want toxic people in my life.

[@sarahleony]

Sending you and your family my condolences. My maternal grandpa died when I was 17 and I still hold sooo much shame regarding my reaction when I found out he was gone. Because it was kinda none. No reaction. I felt terrible, as if I didn’t care. I didn’t cry until the funeral weeks later when my grandma waved goodbye to her husband’s urn as it was taken out of the chapel. I eventually mustered the courage to talk about it with my mom (decades later), telling her how bad I felt for not showing grief in the moment. She had no idea and never begrudged me for it. I completely internalize true grief and any big emotion type events. So yeah. Sending understanding & solidarity 🕊

[@WoodshedTheory]

Yeah I think it is normal for ASD people to react... incorrectly? in a non-typical way? I find it frustrating for myself cause I do really care.

[@madberry]

See sometimes I think we process faster. Of course this isn’t the case we just rationalize differently. For me it’s part of life to have people pass. When my grandma passed a few years ago I was quietly celebrating her choice of not wanting to deal with the consequence of a surgery she had to under go and just saying enough is enough. I hope when my time comes I can make the same decision. I get inappropriate at funerals and cremations a lot. I can’t help it I use humor to relieve anxiety in those situations. Sorry for your loss.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thank you for your kind words

[@JAMESGREGORYKULP1985]

Hello Claire. I am so very sorry for the Loss of your grandpa. I am here for you Claire. And if you would like to talk to me I am here for you.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks James

[@JAMESGREGORYKULP1985]

@@WoodshedTheory your very welcome Claire.

[@NEPatsfanclub]

🙏

[@WoodshedTheory]

thank you

[@sunnylight5753]

💔😔I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your Grandpa. I don’t deal w/ death well. My Processing skills need a little work. Until remembering, Everyone deals w/ death differently. Losing 3 Close family members w/in 9 years has been Rough here. My Heart Breaks for you 💔 ’Try’ to remember your Grandpa w/ a Happy Memory each day or from time to time, He Will Live On through you 🙏🏼

[@WoodshedTheory]

I understand it is hard

[@fideovilm8448]

I'm so sorry about your grandpa xx

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for your well wishes

[@anjachan]

I really like your voice. Its calming 🙃

[@WoodshedTheory]

thanks that is so nice

[@anjachan]

@@WoodshedTheory you are welcome 😁

[@jennifernybergpixieivy1266]

When my dad died. It was more traumatic for me. But when my mom died I was numb and shutdown

[@WoodshedTheory]

Interesting the different reactions. Sorry for your losses

[@NEPatsfanclub]

The first time I experienced that was my father‘s father of my grandfather who I loved who was close to I was five years old I was like I had no idea where my pappy was was like where’s pappy to myself then I never seen him again and no one really explained that to me which would’ve been hard to take anyway I’m not forget my grandfather‘s both of them were very close to me and it’s hard

[@WoodshedTheory]

Sorry for your loss

[@NEPatsfanclub]

@@WoodshedTheory that That means a lot coming from you from what you’re coming through going through right now I appreciate you commenting back at least it means a lot and plus I love that singing voice thank you

[@crystalokeefe197]

I experience sleep paralysis myself

[@WoodshedTheory]

Oh cool, is it often? I can't. believe how intense this was since it's been so many years.

[@passaggioalivello]

Hey Claire, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you don't need it, but you can count me as a friend if you need someone to talk to.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Hi Pass, thank you for your offer you are the best!

[@BCSchmerker]

+WoodshedTheory *Deer in the headlights? Happens.* Sorry about the complications around a passing in your family; I'm required for jobs and temporarily unavailable for memorial planning as of 10 October 2022.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks for checking in

[@crystalokeefe197]

☹️❤️❤️

[@WoodshedTheory]

THanks for being here

[@haroldgifford852]

🌹💐🙏🛐

[@WoodshedTheory]

thank you harold

[@leilap2495]

So sorry for your loss Claire. Your way of processing is something that is normal for us, so you are among others who get it. Take your time. 🫂 ❤ I don’t recall having sleep paralysis since I was a kid. I remember it being freaky, like I can’t even breathe; nothing could be controlled. I also remember feeing like I’m being picked up my feet, like sucked into the sky. I had so many vivid, scary dreams back then. I could only lucid dream once, but my dream totally fell apart immediately upon me realizing I was dreaming, which was in a way a good outcome.

[@WoodshedTheory]

Thanks friend! Gosh I haven't had sleep paralysis like that since highschool!