Experts Agree Giant, Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

Panelists dismiss the notion that something could go wrong with the 75-foot-tall crabs that shoot acid from their mouths.

[@missc2742]

WHAT!! ARE THESE PEOPLE INSANE! These crabs are horribly dangerous! They could steal jobs from construction workers!!

[@missc2742]

***** True. I cannot argue against pure logic. Acid-spewing giant soaring monster crabs ARE obviously the safer option here, but crustaceans have no business in the workplace. First we give them property rights, the vote, and now crabs want to work along side us?! Bah! What next? Are WE to take care of the children, scuttle around the house, and dig shallow sand nests while these vile shellfish steal OUR jobs!? Ridiculous.

[@davidhultgren]

+It's Eddie! The danger is actually exploiting of THEM! but I am certain that since they are so smart and cooperative with each others, and give a large number of childrens, they will understand thats it is their interrest to start unions in the future, to work against all evil exploitation of them!

[@ryanzhu546]

eh I would rather have that money go into that AIDS cure that only about 55% chance for the recipient to turn into 7-9ft tall blood thirsty wolf man

[@awelotta]

furry_irl okay bye sorry

[@Starmadien2019]

Madame Chutzpah not if we train them to be Crab handlers.

[@mikeangelo94]

I wish there was a follow up to this after the crabs attack with the same actors saying they saw this coming the whole time

[@nemou4985]

There is the ONN fro, year 2137

[@waitthisisnotpornhub3860]

What do you mean, you think the crabs would attack? They said they are completely harmless and they seem trustworthy.

[@djdevyn1967]

@@waitthisisnotpornhub3860 you just replied to a 6 year old comment, he's never gonna reply back so I will

[@revelmonger]

@@djdevyn1967 bruh you brought back a dead thread. This is how the zombie outbreak started.

[@joetober2556]

@nubia anima. Just watched that episode and never say the crabs appearance

[@Kinetochore-ti5hk]

Clifford Baines never hosting his own show is my favorite Onion running gag, especially hearing all the excuses they come up with for him not being there.

[@timopper5488]

You must not watch The Onion enough. Clifford Baines is the most reliable news anchor on the planet.

[@Pixelarity64]

I'm Clifford Banes wearing a latex Juliana McCannis mask.

[@user-ec1xm4cs3h]

'He wasn't that good of a host anyway' 🤣🤣

[@LCTesla]

He messed with the wrong people and got himself involved with some serious shit

[@hoilst265]

"...who is standing over a bound and gagged man with a shovel, wondering if he has the guts to go through with..." "...who is regaling the interns with tales of his days at sea..." "...who messed with the wrong people and got involved in some serious shit..."

[@christiananderson6519]

Hahaha I love the Rubik’s cube line- proving that the crabs are intelligent while insinuating that the security guards are careless and distracted.

[@smurfyday]

I didn't even think of the second. Brilliant observation and even better writing than I realized

[@Myndir]

Why would security guards need to pay attention? These crabs are engineered to stay placid, quiet, and motionless until the time is right to strike.

[@garyvincent7397]

@@Myndir strike? these crabs are dedicated to working on the economic improvement of the country and weve been assured that they will never give in or be swayed from there goals

[@haelww1]

@@garyvincent7397 To be honest, those crabs have military applications. For nuclear warhead manutention, or damaged tank towing. As long as they are far away from the frontline, we could use them in critical infrastructure were reliablity is needed.

[@garyvincent7397]

@@haelww1 *facepalm* strike, as in attack, but also as in: to protest by refusing to participate in standard activity often in a obstructive manor

[@CallMeBeggar]

"He went on to give us giant marvelous crabs."

[@seankrkovich2869]

Giant beauties

[@patchipatchi1]

God bless Dr.Lester Mordock

[@smurfyday]

Never seen a guy so happy to get crabs

[@michaelmilam4472]

The Onion is the pinical of human achievement

[@originalgal76]

what about giant harmless crabs?

[@ProlificThreadworm]

Was

[@DrRiq]

Pinnacle, but yes

[@JustinKoenigSilica]

Unlike your comment, which is the pinnacle of human idiocy

[@immortalsun]

It’s spelt pinnacle.

[@MisterBones2910]

I want to see this film. Think about it, you've got Willem Dafoe as the humble protagonist who just wants to make the world a better place after a tragic accident, and Jeff Goldblum as the sinister and underhanded academic whose misguided fear causes tremendous difficulty for the aging entrepreneur/inventor. Instant classic.

[@JotaC]

Lmao that would be genius. Specially if it was a parody

[@moistnugget4147]

I mean, someone made sharknado. Crabstorm would almost certainly be better

[@1ao493]

@@moistnugget4147 crabicane

[@my9thaccount140]

@@1ao493 Crabageddon-Siege of Detroit

[@MisterBones2910]

@hypnotoad Extremely obvious? Heh.

[@caitthecat]

I wish these were still made. The onion vids. Not the crabs.

[@cliffarroyo9554]

Another giant crab nay-sayer....

[@jonathantadlock-stein2023]

no i definately want the crabs

[@TOAOM123]

Another fear monger resistent to progress

[@YTMLP]

why not both?

[@ElDuderinoh]

I have crabs 😰

[@jaxsabin4775]

So brilliant on so many levels. I don't know where to begin. "...all that flash photography...the crabs will love it..."

[@nosuchthing8]

Indeed

[@MIKERUPTION]

Just like King Kong did...or did he?

[@descorchedfurnst2790]

@@MIKERUPTION *cue X-Files theme*

[@MrMoodyKSA]

I don't get it

[@stevenkunkle3857]

"We'll be crowded down there in times square by the thousands" lmao

[@planetary109]

1:52 oh Jeff Goldblum, always being the one in sci fi movies who warns everyone but nobody listens to.

[@aquicklad972]

EVERY. TIME.

[@janzacharias3680]

Sick of these naysayers

[@destroyerblackdragon]

Dude's not the most credible. Sure he was right about the dinosaurs but he really screwed up when his teleporter malfunctioned. He should have known the risks.

[@stinger59605]

Don’t forget the attractive female assistant

[@Mantis_Toboggan_TrashMan]

Okay "professor". These crabs, are cute harmless creatures!

[@ballsosaurus_sex]

Yes. My cousins are no threat at all

[@danielnicola7826]

hey how are they?

[@jonathantadlock-stein2023]

i personally welcome our new crustacean overlords

[@brandonellis8111]

@@jonathantadlock-stein2023 yes, they will feed many here in New Orleans

[@simoneangeliquemaloney3990]

All hail crabs

[@thetoastermessiah]

@@simoneangeliquemaloney3990 agreef

[@n0isyturtle]

Sometimes I like to take these Onion News clips and leave them running on the living room tv when my roommate drops acid.

[@PoemsRunAground]

noisyturtle lol

[@rjrosee1083]

😂😂😂

[@electronbeing5473]

You're a good man

[@GIitchclan12]

I was just thinking about how these would be perfect for something like that lmfao.

[@morjoy4joymor]

You're my hero

[@leokrupp4442]

I've heard you can attack their weak point, for massive damage.

[@antoniusweezel876]

Flip em' over, and stab.

[@cypherusuh]

it's also accurately recorded in ancient japan history

[@ZacxRicher]

I didn't expected to see a E3 meme here

[@Mr.Obongo]

That’s our only hope in defeating them

[@360zm4]

That E3 boss fight was said to actually be a scorpion. But, I also think it looks like a crab.

[@demoncastledracula]

I wanna live in the horrific dystopian reality The Onion gives us a glimpse into

[@negative6442]

Horrific is an odd way of spelling hilarious

[@tempname8263]

Dude, install some windows already

[@vulekv93]

But you do. It's just called reality.

[@augustovasconcellos7173]

@@negative6442 Who says it can't be both.

[@dominusbalial835]

you do, it's called modern western mainstream media

[@themk4982]

1:13 I love that she says “descend upon”.

[@neuvocastezero1838]

"...to rebuild the failing infrastructure."

[@dysfunctionalcaterpillar790]

@@neuvocastezero1838 and revitalise downtown

[@jackalenterprisesofohio]

"That would be so grand."

[@stephenjones101]

I realized this had to be a spoof when they were mentioning all the different benefits such mega crabs would provide and not one person mentioned the fact that one single crab could provide such a delicious banquet for a very large crowd of people.

[@schattentaenzerin]

I assume that's how the human - crab war started. By trying to make them an all you can eat seafood dinner.

[@chipstarshine8150]

I was hoping they would have mentioned something about how we can have crab leg feasts when these giant crabs die or retire

[@comedyman4896]

they can cook too? Is there anything these crabs can't do?

[@joachimwalle3760]

That's when you first realized it was a spoof?

[@chinsaw2727]

@@joachimwalle3760 Yea, I think OP thought this was real until their bs meter rang when they noticed that nobody wanted to eat the crabs

[@Athils]

I like how the panelists almost always unanimously agree with each other on every issue. Just like most of those political discussion shows IRL.

[@hibye-die]

Well it took 12 years but heres your first reply

[@Doggggggggo]

Well it took 1 day but heres your second reply

[@chcigodugogdydjgkyxufxyyco2050]

Well it took 2 days but here's your 3rd reply

[@Immortalis...]

Well it took 2 days again but here's your 4th reply

[@999eres]

It took the money pit to bring the fight out of them

[@IrishCarney]

The queen crab is sure to love the 21 gun salute and fighter jet flyby. And the entire event is brought to you by Old Bay Seasoning which will be featured in a giant electronic billboard showing different crab recipes, including tips on boiling them alive. We'll be sure to mike up and amplify the adorable, Escalade sized baby crab as it's led away from its mother to start its new life as a hardworking construction assistant.

[@Marniwheeler]

Very nicely said sir.

[@FrenkTheJoy]

I think it'd be really funny if airports and waiting rooms and places like that just started running Onion news videos, compiled with actual commercial breaks and stuff so it's not obvious. So like imagine you're sitting, waiting for you flight, you're dimly aware that there's news playing in the background, and then you hear them talking about giant, bioengineered crabs all of a sudden.

[@vollied4865]

This would be peak humanity but we are far from that goal

[@bluedragontoybash2463]

most people don't watch TV anymore

[@deleteme924]

@@bluedragontoybash2463 In airports though? Sometimes not a lot to do in the airport

[@redlikesskittles]

This is such a haunting piece to watch 14 years later. Never would I have imagined that the giant park we created to view the crabs would end up so bloody. I lost my niece and my sister to that park.

[@frankwest5388]

Well at the very least we are making new scientific advancements in other fields, where such a catastrophe could never happen again. Like the H.A.D.E.S project that will go live on the anniversary of the crab incident. According to the plans it allows us to draw endless renewable energy from the afterlife. Could you imagine all those that have perished returning to our realm of the living, to fuel our electrical needs

[@bluedragontoybash2463]

The crab are harmless !! trust me I did my own research !

[@danielgrezda3339]

​@@frankwest5388it's really a wonder. I got invited as an early tester and I'll tell you how it went tomorrow!

[@Ronin20181]

@@danielgrezda3339how’d it go?

[@TheMpo1986]

@@frankwest5388 about time lazy good for nothing ghosts just stinking up the after life. We could be recycling souls so we can live longer.

[@bkdmode]

I don't know about the rest of you, but I find scientists who wear an eye patch and have a metal claw for a hand to be the most trustworthy sources of scientific ethics and safety.

[@Zacmate]

Also, was that Willem Dafoe?

[@HooDatDonDar]

" I trust the scientists! They know what they're doing!" Ok, I think that's true. The main one knows what he is doing, anyway. That is why all will know the name of Dr. Lester Mordock.

[@aarontheperson6867]

Our crab overlords are great.

[@vedhasp]

Not sure if you noticed, but he also has a good track record with the animals, in general. There is a documentary centred around his life, called "Ace Ventura Pet Detective"

[@Crudecoronet]

sahdeV Are you sure it's not William dafoe

[@MisterBones2910]

@@Crudecoronet it is

[@Crudecoronet]

Mister Bones I know, I said that because he thought it was Jim carrey

[@belalabusultan5911]

this sounds awesome, imagine seeing these peaceful super giant crabs renovating a child care center, while all the kids are cheering on them, so much joy.

[@timopper5488]

Monstrously giant crabs love the squeals of delight that only children can provide.

[@ZETH_27]

I love all the generic monster movie foreshadowing.

[@hamchurger4566]

I have no idea what your talking about the crabs will do nothing but help

[@fist-of-doom487]

These old skits are like comedic pitches for book and TV franchises. I could see so many of these skits being tied into an actual story

[@TheIr0nMike]

For all of you who are doubtful about this, I can personally say, as someone who helped in the creation of theses crabs, that nothing bad can come out of this. We've installed specialized chips into the crabs' brain so that Dr. Murdock can take control of every one of them at any time no matter where he is. Now, if you'll excuse me, Dr. Murdock set up a celebration for every scientist that worked on the project and he's about to give a toast.

[@1-Eleventeen]

I know it’s irony but it makes me feel so warm inside to see people just genuinely trusting experts.

[@onkelpappkov2666]

The trust disappears as soon as people have to do things. "You are overweight. Twenty bucks says you will die by heart explosion. Go exercise." "I want a second opinion." "I am the second opinion." "Then I want a third."

[@bradfordlangston836]

Well...

[@quentinbongard9046]

Woosh

[@pebblessyou]

@@pedropradacarciofi2517 Covid is still going on and there are 250,000+ US deaths right now. The amount of daily cases has skyrocketed, peaking two weeks ago at 200,000 new cases a day. It seems like the experts were right and your comment didn't age well

[@pebblessyou]

@@pedropradacarciofi2517 Again, Covid is still ongoing. The experts didn't predict a million deaths in July and they didn't predict a million deaths in November. They predicted a million deaths in total, aka until Covid is eradicated in the US. Since the death count is still going up and it's going up faster than ever before it makes absolutely no sense to already call the predictions wrong because the current death toll doesn't match the predictions of the total deaths. An analogy: You make $10,000 a month. Experts would predict you'll make $120,000 a year. "The experts are wrong", you say, "I only have made $100,000 this year". Obviously it's still November and you're still getting two paychecks.

[@stephaniegalliart859]

I've worked with these giant bioengineered crabs before, one of them quit construction and moved his way up to a decent white collar desk job, thankfully the pandemic has allowed him to work from home since he doesn't fit inside the office building too well!

[@warpnin3]

Better that way. Imagine the awkwardness of stepping in the staff toilet and watch him/her struggling to get into or out of a stall..

[@GSBarlev]

Your crustacean-friend is lucky. I work with several cetaceans who signed on during the pandemic who are now being told to "towel off" and "return to office." Luckily they had no trouble retaining council for an employment discrimination filing-it's gonna be a whale of a lawsuit.

[@ohboy1113]

Dr. Lester Mordock: I’m something of a scientist myself.

[@warpnin3]

such a modest man!

[@dennycrain8384]

I'm worried about these crabs. They might take away jobs from American construction worker. One crab and a human supervisor could probably replace an entire crew. We should definitely be scared about this.

[@copterinx0468]

And what about all the jobs for making construction equipment? Countless jobs will be lost there too!

[@ScotishChristian]

...Hasn't Detroit been put through enough by this world?

[@Elliottklassen]

That’s exactly why the crabs will be so great there. The crabs will be what finally revitalizes the city.

[@qty1315]

@David the Gamer That's only because crabs cannot be charged with murder. The crabs killed every person in Detroit, and the queen appointed herself as the new ruler. Aside from that, everything's going well.

[@TheGaymer-nj9jt]

"I'm Julianna McKannis sitting in for Clifford Baines who was never that great anyway" Lmfaoooo

[@killiaslo1601]

Imagine if an apocalypse leaves scarce documentation of human life and one of the few signs of life is a collection of Onion news videos

[@sturmmanng4785]

That would be a better record than most other possibilities.

[@jacintovski]

Captions: English - Giant Crabs Spanish - Giant Crabs It's just amazing the amount of detail that was put in these masterpieces

[@derpidius6306]

They forgot to add Americanese - Giant Crabs

[@musicalcacti]

Incredible, thank you for telling us

[@phillipspodcast]

I don't get it

[@sturmmanng4785]

So, you watched it twice to criticize a minor point about language, didnt offer a correction and complained... in spanish i call you a cabron. In english: dipshit. Different words but you are both.

[@deleteme924]

@@phillipspodcast Nobody bothered translating the captions properly I think?

[@sirusvader6304]

Giant Super-Intelligent Crabs with Jeff Goldblum and Willem Dafoe. Why is this not already a movie?

[@franciscol3510]

I didn't even noticed Dr. Lester's robotic claw until it was mentioned outright lol

[@Psychopatz]

Lmao, same but because of you

[@thecrabempire5767]

yeah no need to worry about us

[@gorbsupreme7555]

@@zedfra8014 bigot

[@Darthmufin]

After playing Fallout 4 and seeing a Queen Mirelurk spit acid i can safely say there really isn't anything to really worry about. This issue is still way overblow in my opinion.

[@katie-st8nx]

if ds3 is to believed all we need to control the giant swamp crabs are some massively oversized clubs and skinny naked guys who roll really fast.

[@ArtypNk]

I can't see how this can backfire. A creature as lovely and innocent as an armored crab will never harm a soft skinned creature like a man, even though man is mostly made of tender delicious nutrient flesh.

[@bulldozer8950]

“Did you see that rubix cube the baby crab solved? They’re so smart!” Considering it takes normal people several days of continuous trial and error to get it done alone, I’d say the baby crab being “smart” is an understatement

[@joachimwalle3760]

It takes you several days to solve a rubix cube?

[@wabbajocky8235]

​@@joachimwalle3760if it's the first time you've ever solved a rubik cube, it's completely reasonable

[@sarcasticstartrek7719]

Congratulations on understanding the joke.

[@ethanhiggins5766]

I once saw a video with the title “you NEED a high IQ to solve the rubix cube” or something along those lines

[@Jonathan-nb9lc]

I want to see the follow up this where the mild mannered scientist creates a giant bio engineered shark to fight the crab when it breaks loose in New York.

[@mattmorehouse9685]

A giant bioengineered walking shark. Gotta make sure it can move about. Maybe we should make a walking tank to help the walking shark. After all those crabs look vicious.

[@oO_ox_O]

It's no problem, giant enemy crabs can be easily dealt with.

[@calebgray7782]

+o_O Hit their weak spots for massive damage.

[@shannarobinson7550]

Just grab a massive tub of butter. Everyone eats for days....

[@epicblue00]

unlike those giant enemy spiders

[@endersdragon34]

We are going to need a lot of melted butter

[@poundcayx]

@@epicblue00 Dooo doooo doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doooooo

[@NK-ne9uf]

The guy from Jurassic Park warning them 😂 no one listened the first time.

[@_LEONKING_]

This part of the internet makes me feel safe... where else can you share your opinion on giant Crabs and the massive change their implementation could cause in our lives? The onion is the the only news source I trust.

[@NoahSpurrier]

You know, all these Onion gags have been coming true.

[@LetterSignedBy51SpiesWasA-Coup]

that's a smart crab!

[@TomSkinner]

certainly above average

[@reg1446]

the most unrealistic part about this is that they agree with the scientists’ opinions on things

[@sturmmanng4785]

People line up for shots when "experts" tell them to fear the air... id say its the MOST realistic, thats why it was funny.

[@erisdiscordia5429]

@@sturmmanng4785 Thank you for that contribution, Luckin Foser, we'll be sure to add it to the pile. Keep up the great work.

[@jasondashney]

@@sturmmanng4785 yeah this video gains a whole new funny after the covid vaccine rollout.

[@darkhorse381]

@@sturmmanng4785 Doing the exact opposite of what every expert says for everything is just as stupid as having blind trust in them for everything

[@darkhorse381]

@@jasondashney People told me my entire family will die when we get vaccinated. It's been 2 years and I'm getting impatient

[@glameow12345]

WHY ARE THE CAPTIONS CALLED "English - Giant Crab". THE CRABS ARE TAKING OVER THE SUBTITLES

[@anjoliebarrios8906]

Nah, the humans are controlling the subtitles. They're just written in the Giant Crab dialect. Nothing to worry about.

[@neilsharpson996]

Watching this post-crabpocalypse is so chilling.

[@raymondfair7822]

Was that doctor Willem Defoe?

[@raymondfair7822]

And Jeff Goldbloom?!?!

[@micheller6804]

Yes...and, yes

[@cristiancamilovaldiviesopo6717]

Who else but Willem Dafoe?

[@donaldhamilton5345]

Got to love the eye patch ...

[@DarkZide8]

You know, I'm something of a scientist myself

[@Miserybahamut]

"He lived on to give us giant, marvelous crabs." Normally, that would end any healthy relationship.

[@Marian_Polnocny]

Aged like wine.

[@puppy0cam]

Captions English - Giant Crab Spanish - Giant Crab English (auto-generated)

[@AbhishekThakur-wl1pl]

They forgot to turn it off.

[@TheFaris]

"...There's gonna be a lot of flash photography..." Brilliant writing even in the details. The Onion at its best.

[@shaunbarnett2972]

KZbin videos don't get any better than this! Perfect in every way!! More of this please!!!

[@Gettles]

Here we are 14 years later and those mutant crabs have been a godsend. God Bless you Dr. Lester Mordock

[@po067typokijtygfdr7]

Meanwhile: Brando Sando is chuckling as he adds another crab-like species to Roshar.

[@ErichoTTA]

A giant baby crab solving a Rubik's cube. That's awesome!

[@tigerheart5087]

Wow this works really well with Gain-Of-Function research.

[@soxpeewee]

All their comedy ages like fine wine

[@Abhorrent-Tom]

I know this article is old an all but we’re still yet to see an improvement to the downtown area

[@SuperExtremeForce]

I can't wait to see this movie.

[@carolynmmitchell2240]

Seismolander if I started a gofundme for this movie would you help drum up support, beams?

[@AJ69238]

@@carolynmmitchell2240 as long as you include this clip in the movie

[@knightenchanter7908]

The Onion destroyed themselves when they stopped making these skits. These skits were the best thing about the channel, and now it's non-existent.

[@allmight5008]

What happened with them? Why they don't make this kind of content anymore? Is it because they can't monetize it? I don't see any ads on their old videos.. if this is true, why didn't they make a crowdfunding.. I think many people will support them

[@knightenchanter7908]

@@allmight5008 I have no idea. I just know that I'm incredibly disappointed at what this channel has become.

[@PolemicalKobra]

@@allmight5008 they merged in with another company unfortunately. Different views, different mindsets for the future. A shame because a lot of the writers left the company because of the direction they were heading in.

[@seanmcdonald5859]

A nicely packaged cautionary tale about retaining a healthy level of scepticism about ALL claims no matter what the sources are: even science makes mistakes. A follow up after the crabs escape would be a fun sequel . . . . .I think someone has already mentioned it: 'Pundits warned you and saw this coming'.

[@sternik8936]

Why would these giant smart super crabs ever escaped? They will be so happy being helpful

[@jerrytealeaf]

“Experts” agree that gain of function poses no threat. 😂😂

[@romanmay2867]

the only time i’ve ever heard “i trust the scientists” on the news

[@phs125]

If only news channels actually trusted scientists like this, The pandemic would be long gone...

[@slliks3205]

You mean the scientists who bioengineered and unleashed the virus upon us?

[@average_person444]

​@@slliks3205No, we mean the scientists who made the anti disease giant crabs. Duh.

[@vehicularbronchitis1114]

Why is this even a question? of course giant crabs don't pose a threat, educate yourself people

[@warpnin3]

The fear of the unknown..Astounding that in current year people can still be so specieist...smdh

[@SpinDash]

I love the images of Willem Defoe and Jeff Goldblum in the papers

[@Sorunia]

Sometimes I get amused when an Onion story from the past comes true in real life, but then I remember stuff like this exists.

[@seymoorepoone9512]

Could you imagine being human and getting scared of the giant acud spitting hyper strength crabs😂🤣

[@96Champ994]

The benefits of giant crabs clearly outweigh the risks.

[@timopper5488]

What risks? What are you talking about?

[@aburninglandfillofbadmovie2930]

Fun fact: there's a 1960s doctor who episode that closely mirrors the plot of this news story, 'the macra terror'. It's a lost episode, I strongly encourage anyone who has even fragments of it to upload them to YT or to any other video sharing site of your choice.

[@aarona.aaronson9621]

Given the Onion's track record for predicting actual developments, I find this very unnerving

[@sverrg]

"All will know the name of Dr. Lester Mordock!" ´Dr. Lester Mordock

[@pablog8354]

"Farty hostage released from captivity" is one of the funniest one-liners from the Onion I've seen 🤣

[@drinkxyz]

Well at least under our beneficent crab masters we have great infrastructure.

[@atmatheprophet]

I could see Dr. Zoidberg welcoming them as his friends. Woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop.

[@unevilGenius]

We're harmless, just wanna be shiny!

[@EmmaHopman]

I'm so shiney!!

[@byronhrmusic1509]

He went on to give us giant marvelous crabs 😂😂😂😂😂

[@EasilySuede]

I'm starting to get worried about Clifford...

[@dannyphehe]

Craaab people, craaab people.

[@longemen3000]

Looks like crab, builds like people

[@Zwijger]

Solving a rubik's cube, without the algorithms being explained to you, isn't just "smart", it's genius, that baby crab is smarter than most humans.

[@p4277]

Has anyone considered how much crab meat salad you could make from just one of these giant crabs?

[@hollis218]

‘Giant, marvellous crabs’

[@charlie_nolan]

The way the head scientist had the eye patch made it even more hilarious

[@StarFoth]

The lady that went to the unveiling survived so in the Onion universe the crabs actually turned out to be good

[@tealflo]

as a detroit native, i can attest that the giant crabs not only revitalized our city but now also own a quarter of the city

[@soumikvicaire]

Well if this is not a metaphor of generative AI I don't know what is.

[@winxwest2964]

What does this remotely have to do with generative ai? An AI image generator isn’t going to take over the world with photos.

[@numbdigger9552]

@@winxwest2964 Ok maybe not but an AGI certainly would. Even just a powerful language model under the right circumstances and given the power could be extremely dangerous. We must not let our hubris lull us into thinking that AI is just another "fad", and that in true hollywood fashion humanity will prevail.

[@phantasma616]

i love how its jeff goldblum who is the 'concerned scientist'

[@twobirdstone]

"He went on to give us giant, marvelous crabs." Lol.

[@noelle3780]

Okay so there is both "English- Giant Crab" and "Spanish- Giant Crab" captions and I don't know what to do with this information

[@favoritemustard3542]

One's obviously boiled & the other... possibly grilled, smoked, who knows? Yes, I'll have the Spanish Crab, ty.

[@rcoverc]

“Trust the scientists” sounds familiar

[@bmwmaniac1]

This is 10 years before Covid 19. Incredible.

[@Dan-dy8zp]

This is ironically very relevant to 2023. 'Giant Crabs' might be less dangerous then AGI.

[@alfiandany1918]

Experts agree is the most unbelievable part of this news. Everybody knows only 9 out of 10 experts agree about the giant crab.

[@warpnin3]

Right. It's weird the majority of them do agree on which toothpaste is best though..

[@average_person444]

Well, there are only 4 here, so...

[@zachprouty8595]

These crabs are great! Saw them working in my local town, they were just throwing everything in place and even some construction workers to higher levels! And it even started destroying older buildings!

[@FamishedYoshi]

Thank you bioengineers, very cool!

[@FirstnameLastname-gy2ci]

Trust the science™

[@drivevibes6996]

2020 bioengineered mosquitoes have entered the chat

[@Iuwl]

Sometimes i wonder why humour like these died out. It's gloriously amazing

[@tingtang9302]

perhaps because satire requires a certain degree of literacy

[@phil8910]

@@tingtang9302 or in this case, funding

[@tingtang9302]

@@phil8910 touché

[@supermachoman0]

1:26 Dr. Lester Mordock, inventer of giant crabs (and founder of Oscorp)