The 'Friendship Recession' Is Killing Us.

To learn more than ever from important non-fiction books, join me on Shortform:
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Some thoughts about loneliness lol
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Continue the convo on:
📸 Instagram - / whoisfads
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Selected sources (These are the main ones I used, if there’s anything else you’re curious about then just drop me a DM):
American Survey Center research on loneliness:
www.americansu...
www.americansu...
Loneliness Epidemic:
US Surgeon General’s Report - www.hhs.gov/si...
Big Think has a great series on loneliness + it’s history too : • How loneliness is kill...
Arendt section:
Article about Arendt + loneliness: fs.blog/hannah...
Another one: aeon.co/essays...
Vox did one too: www.vox.com/vo...
Time magazine on loneliness + extremism: time.com/62232...

[@Fads]

To learn more than ever from important non-fiction books, join me on Shortform: shortform.com/Fads. You’ll get a 5-day free trial and a discounted annual subscription. One of my favorite books on Shortform is Walden, by Henry David Thoreau.

[@ACloudWithoutAir]

the problem is secularism. that and the destruction of the family unit, the divorce and abortion, promiscuity and in-celibacy. the internet doesn't help. humans weren't meant to have an amalgamation of their thoughts collected together almost in a hivemind.

[@nicolasbenson009]

The recession is here, where do investors look at for wealth gains now? mortgage rates still on the rise with higher imports and lower exports, yet the Fed is to lessen cost. Something will eventually break if they keep raising interests and quantitative tightening.

[@BellamyGriffin19]

if you want to hold on to cash, put it in a safe deposit box, if you want assets, buy things people need in a shtf society, food, ammo, wood, water filters, tools, have a skill at building and fixing

[@SandraDave.]

when we go into recession, tech will do poorly as a sector considering what's going on in the world, while defense stocks should be doing good, but always do your own research, or speak to a valid advisor before investing your money

[@DorathyJoy]

Agreed, I've always delegated my excesses to a pro, ever since suffering portfolio steep-down amid covid-19 outbreak. As of today, I'm semi-retired with barely 25% short of my $1m retirement goal after subsequent investments, and only work 7.5 hours a week.

[@Hectorkante]

truly appreciate the implementation of ideas and strategies that result to unmeasurable progress, thus the search for a reputable advisor, mind sharing info of this person guiding you please?

[@DorathyJoy]

“ Sophia Maurine Lanting is the coach that guides me, She has years of financial market experience, you can use something else but for me her strategy works hence my result. She provides entry and exit point for the securities I focus on.

[@racenturtlez]

Far better to be alone than in bad company. Loneliest I ever felt were the days I was trapped surrounded by shitty people, not by myself

[@Waryfuls]

Amen! ^^

[@liabw05]

Very true

[@Wveth]

I don't disagree, but you're only hurting yourselves if you use that as an excuse to stop looking for good people and being open-minded about it. Again, up to you, but not doing it at all WILL come back to bite you at some point.

[@thatguy-hh1nf]

Bullshit. I survived. I got stronger. I became more. Fuck your bullshit. Being isolated was worse than actual pain. Strive for finding your group, your crowd, your people, but don't take their worth as less than you.

[@GunLobster]

@@WvethGood advice for some, but let's not be judge the guy hastily. If he's in a very toxic environment, then I can't blame him. However, if that's the case, then I think it's a good idea to have a change of environment. Again, easier said than done for some.

[@someonesomeone25]

There's nowhere to find a face to face community. Hobby stores, clubs, interest groups, even bars and pubs, most can't afford to stay open beccause the economy is terrible, people have less social skills and more niche interests, and the internet cannot be beaten. Add in the British weather and there's literally nothing. I would love to go out and meet people and make friends - but there's nowhere to go, I have no money, it's wet, I'm tired, and the Internet is right there pretending to offer me a false psuedo-community.

[@voidwalker7774]

Hamburg, Germany, it is summer, you notcies this, because the rain gets warmer.

[@kingearth3672]

So if people don't wanna interact with u then why are u complaining? Don't u want to try being fine with urself

[@someonesomeone25]

@@kingearth3672 Pardon?

[@kingearth3672]

@@someonesomeone25 by saying people would rather be on the internet and more niche interests and stuff, what's the point of ur cmmt? Are u expressing sadness that people don't want to interact with u? And saying things like it's "wet and tired," what's ur point about that? Are u complaining? If u really wanted friends u would go out regardless; a point of reflection.

[@someonesomeone25]

@@kingearth3672 You may need to re-read my post.

[@dienand_]

I’m a loner by nature, but in a way that makes loneliness scarier because you don’t notice it until it is very bad.

[@omniframe8612]

That part

[@MetaFanWing]

Ah yeah, that’s the cruel trick. You would crave time alone because it’s the most versatile time you have, until you get to a point where that’s almost all you have and it’s suffocating.

[@turtleanton6539]

Indeed🎉

[@coachman1532]

God damn, people really work harder to find themselves some crazy problems instead of actually getting better

[@Kittra.kaibyo]

​@coachman1532 I bet you're the type of person that probably gets some sort of odd satisfaction from saying things like that just to act tough and imply that people expressing valid feelings mean they're trying to fish for something to complain about. Those people are usually very insecure inside and don't want it to show.

[@KingGinger101]

The modern age is built by selfish people. The richest bastards in the world would rather steal food from the mouths of starving children for a snack rather than spend any amount of money to feed someone else. The loneliness epidemic is a result of everyone desperately having to survive in an environment that rewards selfishness and ruthless ambition. Try to help someone else these days and watch how quickly you fall behind and end up needing help yourself, its impossible to not fall into.

[@lunefairy1330]

well said

[@willissudweeks1050]

In developed countries food is free when you run out of money.

[@chrism8180]

Yep, and when the shoes on the other foot you find, nobody is there to help you. There's some line in a song that say, "this is the place that good guys die". Very true

[@kinghados]

U got to help the right people

[@CoralineMartinez-k4b]

So what you're describing is late-stage capitalism

[@cxa011500]

Spending less time in front of the screen and practicing gratitude won't really help with loneliness if you have no where to go. And I can't think of anyone I can "do something" for where I am. I barely have any free time outside of work to do anything at all.

[@JimTheCurator]

I used to have a job where I worked ten and a half hour days. I worked there for four years. By now, I've been out of that job for six months and still feel like I'm so backed up from the four years that I didn't do anything I liked that I'm still not really sure how to catch back up.

[@coolnormalandwelladjusted]

yep. I work a regular 8:30 AM to 5 PM schedule, but in reality its 6:00 AM - 6:30 PM due to traffic. Wtf am i going to do after having the life drained out of me 12 hours a day 5 days a week? All I do on the weekend is try to recover and get all my cleaning and cooking for the week done.

[@GnarledStaff]

I think this is why tabletop got popular. You can go to someones house for 2-6 hours and interact… but its still a challenge finding people to play with because the ways we meet people have been systematically removed.

[@cybernetic_crocodile8462]

Just do something cool. Have some goal you would like to achieve. Don't rely on people to have meaning in life.

[@gvis8217]

@@cybernetic_crocodile8462 "Just...." (insert some Bs advice)

[@thecluckster3908]

I just find it interesting that in a time where we’re allowed to be more connected than ever before, loneliness has just worsened.

[@nancybartley4610]

It is a false connection. We are not connected.

[@malomalovids]

The Internet only prioritizes the most shallow and basic of interactions. Simple pleasantries without visible smiles, rants that sound less like conversations and more like poorly written exposition dumps. In dating this is most evident; it is incredibly superficial and oversimplified, only focusing on primal reactions and what you “like” in the moment rather than making you think about how you’ll feel about this person a week, month, or year after you swipe.

[@thecluckster3908]

@@nancybartley4610 connected in the sense that we can easily interact with anyone even if they’re across the world

[@lognomodeimeme]

How do they say, wide as the ocean and deep as a pond?

[@lognomodeimeme]

​@@thecluckster3908yeah and I'm very surprised I couldn't find anything in common with anyone anywhere in the fc world, and here we are

[@quatreraberbawinner2628]

As someone who has faced an absurd amount of loneliness in their life, don't patronize people What I mean to say is don't pretend to be someone's friend out of sympathy, because they're going to figure this out eventually and it's going to cause them to withdraw even more

[@msg3tr1ght]

So true!!

[@gradientcube]

I mean some of the comments here blaming women for their loneliness honesty probably will never make friends, but others realizing it's a complex issue might actually have a chance of making friends in the future.

[@Suwako__Moriya]

This is why I stopped trusting femme women (as a woman myself) - it’s the whole “woman = nurturing” thing that society drills into young girls that makes them pity-befriend me when, in reality, they’re not really all that enthusiastic about me deep-down. I’ve been burnt too many times to the point where I just get creeped out by the “unearned” niceness. I’d like to meet more masc women who don’t subscribe to that sort of thinking but finding such women is the real issue 😅

[@JHorst-r2u]

​@Suwako__Moriya I like to think of myself as a masculine woman, not too masculine but more masculine than most women, although my masculinity is likely a byproduct of me being autistic and not understanding why gender norms exist and trying to subvert them. 😅😅😅

[@interlapsed]

​@@Suwako__Moriyahonestly same here 😭 I'm autistic and I always remember that as a kid some of the popular girls in both elementary and middle school always babied and pitied me. I mean ik they probably just wanted to make me feel less left out but it ended up secluding me more.

[@omniframe8612]

It sucks because people gravitate to what’s familiar with their “niche” so if someone doesn’t look like what’s familiar to you you won’t talk to them, won’t interact and that person could be just as into something as you are, but if they don’t match watch you vibe with aesthetically you’ll pass that person up off first glance.

[@chrism8180]

Not true, ever been fishing? I meet all walks of life, and they aren't all dressed to the nines like a stereotypical "fisherman". And honestly the people who try to embody a caricature by dressing a certain way are really just posers(not to come across "edgy"). If you have to find other caricatures to bond with the caricature you turned yourself into, then that's the core of the problem.

[@omniframe8612]

@@chrism8180 totally agree it shouldn’t be that way

[@arturomacor3615]

Among the millions of words of advice and "hacks" to beat loneliness I've seen over time, I never heard of being of service, but it makes so much sense. Spending time with other people without a reason is kinda hard, it usually happens with friends or family, people don't just hang out together to get to know each other, they do something, lunch, coffee, a museum or go see a movie. Yet when you help someone with anything, you're gonna spend time with them. If you do this often enough you'll get to know each other, and if you vibe together you'll basically be friends with them already. I think it's wonderful that being of service is such a great way to connect with people, it just feels right.

[@2okaycola]

Yep

[@theking8347]

Nobody has the time or money to help other people.

[@soymilkman]

@@theking8347speak for yourself lol

[@neinja66469]

​@@theking8347speak for yourself

[@Really_Big_Moth]

@@theking8347you could do small things, like buying a small group of people coffee or donuts in the morning or making cookies for holidays or something Maybe even just holding doors open, idunno

[@lava3256]

Having online friends is great and all but now that I'm getting older, I kinda wish I had some friends to hang out with outside😭

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

and the worst part is that online friends usually don't last more than a couple of years

[@touyatodoroki338]

@@iiCounted-op5jxain’t that the truth, I remember joining the amino app in 2020 when the whole situation was going on and I had a pretty big group of online friends and it was fun, but there was a lot of drama and fights and it didn’t last..sadly

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

@@touyatodoroki338 sometimes it isn't even because of drama and fights, most people just disappear, become inactive, or stop talking after a few years

[@touyatodoroki338]

@@iiCounted-op5jx that also happened as well, I had a few who just went offline and never came back, I still wonder what happened to this day

[@iamMildlyUpsetWithMostOfYouTub]

I made zero attempts to make any new friends in highschool because I already had a bunch on discord. Biggest detriment to my life Fr.

[@noneplayercharacter729]

I'm too busy working 2 jobs to serve my Land Lord Cost of living problem is upstream of nearly all other problems normal people have these days But my Land Lord wants a Range Rover, so back to work I must get lol

[@Rio-zh2wb]

real

[@RyuKyu.77]

I can't wait for the day we hit a breaking point and we hit a reset through force

[@iamMildlyUpsetWithMostOfYouTub]

@@RyuKyu.77won’t happen, all the immigrants and the older generations are too complacent.

[@existinginaspace8347]

I hear nothing but horror storys around landlords. My former landlord. Bless their soul. Drove a cheap 2000's Buick until they passed away and had a cheap rwd truck for dump runs. Both of which they let me borrow as needed. ( Mostly the truck though since it sat idle allot ) Rent was high, sure. I couldn't really afford the 700 a month I was being charged. Couldn't save much. But they did grab extra food for me every so often and never asked to pay them back. Things got fixed... Eventually. They were always worried about their taxes going up. Honestly after looking up the numbers my rent money was only really paying for the insurance and taxes on the place. When I moved out he built a wheelchair ramp and had it setup for someone on disability payments. It was still available for rent when he passed away. Never found out why, but given his age and health I think it was medical complications. Great guy, little weird. Unfortunately their son sold the property. No idea who owns it now. But I'd wager that accessible unit is probably renting for allot more than $700 a month.

[@willissudweeks1050]

You actually don’t have to live like that though especially if you’re single just go on adventures

[@Jack93885]

Third spaces are hard to have in a "broken window" enviroment. I live in an area that has recently undergone a wave of knife-crime and my ever-present anxiety about being in this local community has been dailed up. We have a nature reserve nearby that might be considered a thrid space, there's a tribe of goats on it. I've met with many strangers there and shared a conversation so I suppose it does serve that community building aspect but really its best value is the opportunity to connect with nature. At any rate, in warmer months we've had issues with teens trying to do things like ride the goats and in one instance there was a group of teens who somehow had come into possesion of two of the goats - physically carrying them around. There's a group of volunteers who help watch them and I suppose goats going missing does bring us together as a community but it's not what we'd wish for, we'd much rather be focused on checking their general wellbeing. It's tricky.

[@sp123]

just dont go there at night

[@Jack93885]

@@sp123 it's actually quite a nice place at night. It's very rare that people walk that way after sunset. I went out there last Autumn to celebrate the equinox, before sunrise, it was a lovely environment. A lot of the local anti-social behaviour (and unfortunately violence) comes from children so it can feel almost safer at night, when there's less groups of them around.

[@betawolfhd]

I would say you should check if your community has communal events, and where they get posted. If they exist tell others about them to get the word out. This will be a planned environment, possibly catered, some are kid friendly, and all this means likely there will be an officer or 2 really close by. Often the best way to defeat a criminal is to break the moment of opportunity, this is reinforced by the crowd. If your community doesn't have anything or hardly anything. Look into what it will take to get it more active or up and going at all. It could be a really easy career change with a pay boost as you'll be in charge of being a part of the establishment of a community activity committee. Activities can range from cleaning up litter in an area to a basic movie projector night at a smaller park or a community square. But the goal is to share a purpose and perspective with and among others to build the lost sense of community.

[@lognomodeimeme]

​@@betawolfhdhe said it, he's too busy avoiding getting shanked from Silent Hill children to enjoy a good time Do you even read?

[@betawolfhd]

@@lognomodeimeme I can read quite well. Your comprehension skills are severely lacking. I explained in my reply how building community through communal events are safer and will help heal from the walls that idiots like you build inside our gardens.

[@DoIoannToKnow]

this problem hit Florida US very very hard particularly. The enormous influx of 40-60 year olds in the past 3 years to large towns set expectations for local business that they have 20+ years experience in employees at their finger tips what that means for the young people: 90% of my graduating local school class had to leave the area, or the state entirely. There are simply no young people left in this community... so add that on top of ALL other issues right now - at least those places have the young people to try to socialize. We do not

[@blepware]

I feel this. On the rare occasions I do go outside, to the park or something. No one there is around my age. It's always full of old people and the occasional 30s couple with kids.

[@maggie6152]

​@blepware Make friends with them. It's always fun to have friends your age to get the memes and whatnot, but having friends outside your age or generation can garner you insight and stories, advice and unique opportunities. It's unfortunate that we in the west disparage intergenerational relationships (I don't mean dating) so much because it has been something that has helped me immensely in my incredibly isolated life (born in 90s).

[@DoIoannToKnow]

@@maggie6152 at this rate, most of my friends are age 65+ from Church. I am chilling with my elderly homies but having friends your own age is a different thing and important in its own right

[@Geist1027]

​@maggie6152 old people don't want to go out or do anything I'd like to do. They won't hike, party or even just chill at someone's house without them worrying about something. Fuck that

[@aud1ophil3]

I have friends but we’re drifting apart due to not being in the same area. The thing about making friends in school is that you have to start all over once you’ve established your post grad life in different states. Being away from my friends like this is killing me. No amount of phone calls can replace a hug or an in person smile.

[@LazyLaw-]

Been alone for so long that i done forgot how to talk to people

[@wherethequietbeingsgo]

Literally.

[@env0x]

Its like riding a bike ur gonna be a bit wobbly at first but you can pick it up again in no time

[@FloridaMeng]

Hi, watch out for that dry puddle!

[@asiblingproduction]

Maybe thats less true then you think, its anxiety that you might socially mess up, but if you go back out there you might find your ability to comminicate less bad then you think now.

[@arielsalinger-kraft6197]

Add in a feeling of mentally flailing and going 'AAHHH' sounds about right.

[@Luigi931]

It is against American culture to hang out in public post-pandemic it seems. Besides restaurants & bars, America was not built with many 3rd party public spaces for people to hangout. Americans just work, a lot, and then some more. American culture is what needs to change and we can only hope that Gen Z will influence changes for the better.

[@bchristian85]

Millennials tried to change it and failed. Maybe Gen Z will have better luck due to the fact the boomers are older now.

[@Yuri-nc9vl]

Gen Z is the loneliness & addictive generation sadly

[@Yuri-nc9vl]

@treheron I know it, but how we are supposed to change it?

[@the_expidition427]

@@Yuri-nc9vl Quit being narcissistic as hell

[@Yuri-nc9vl]

@@the_expidition427 thats not narcissism, it's called nihilism btw

[@macewindow4642]

It is worse when you are like me where loneliness and social isolation has occurred almost your whole life. When family and people around you interact with each other much more genuinely with each other rather than when they are around you, it is crushing to have been aware of it and experienced it for 15 years since i was 8. To not know what it is like to have people around you who want to interact and you likewise is just depressing to say the least.

[@chrism8180]

Yea, it really sucks when you come from a dysfunctional or broken home, it solidifies a lot of how you operate with others. And to see others who can comfortably function with one another, it really exposes just how damaged you are. And then you come across awkward or creepy, and it makes it hard to actually undo the damage because people think something is off and are repelled. Oh well life of a loner it is. I'm too far gone at this point.

[@macewindow4642]

@@chrism8180 I have gotten to the point where I try to get what I can and while the people in my family aren’t bad people, it does seem that they never really made an effort to get to know me and do things we would both enjoy. If you can and are not already, I would consider seeing a therapist just for your mental health and personal progress. Maybe you can get to well enough to where it isn’t nearly as bad. What i am dealing with is trying to curb frustration from my family doing too many things outside the home to frequently where I often go along. Luckily my i have been able to make progress with a cousin that lives in a nearby city that I can drive to and do things with them.

[@Littledough_]

ikr, it really makes me feel like theres just smth wrong myself entirely

[@ManallLockhart]

@@chrism8180 I would accent that this exposure becomes very distracting from the interactions themselves as well, especially the more hyper aware a person is.

[@chrism8180]

@@ManallLockhart yea, I'm constantly assessing what they're saying or why they're saying it, or what their intention is within the interaction. Basically a form of depersonalization, where as I assess them I assess myself, and respond based upon my preconceived assessment.

[@branonlamphere9624]

Isolate and exploit is the name of the game here. When you are alone, you are vulnerable. The elitists, corporations and the government have the people exactly where they want them. Their is no crisis.

[@deathisdead270]

This true, self-interest and isolation are what oppression needs to survive. If the oppressed band together, oppressive systems usually fall apart.

[@killy374]

Capitalism wins

[@chrism8180]

You think this won't come to a head? It's not going to last, and it's not going to be rebuilt. You can't squeeze blood from a stone

[@mooreanonumbers]

"It's a big club and you aint in it..."

[@maiaautumne2167]

👍spot on

[@ryanryanryanryanryan572]

I don't feel good Jackie. I have quit drugs and smoking and i have got over lust, but i feel like im never going to make anything of myself. I don't have anything that gives me joy anymore. i keep seeing this video pop up on my feed that says all your wasted years will be restored, but im having trouble believing that. unless i live my dreams real soon, i don't think that anything is going to happen for me. I have tried so many things and so many have been a waste of time. i keep thinking that the last little bit of knowledge is going to fall into place and i will be successful at the things i tried in the past but i don't rely believe these goals will come to fruition before i die. i need to get in contact with someone who knows what i am missing, but nobody i know fits that profile. And im isolated. I just want something to work out for a change.

[@chrism8180]

To "make something of yourself" is subjective. You sound like you've refined your character quite well. Keep in mind most of people's life pursuits are grounded in pride and ego. We've been accustomed to think this is normal(it's not) so we feel like we're lacking when we aren't aligned with the people around us, and internalize that, which devalues our self worth. Most people who have all the things in life are also not happy. The ones who are happy are often blind and unconscious. You are feeling grief. Grief for the death of your old self, and the things and beliefs you attached yourself to, and currently there is no other outlets. You'll be good, just don't try to measure yourself in respects to everyone else. It's hard but not impossible

[@iCookCrystalMeth]

finally getting done with high school in a few months, no more sitting in the corner, straight-faced, speaking to no one, lets gooooooooo (he has no idea)

[@morphingfaces]

Then on to a life time of grueling underpaid labor where the shittiest and most toxic people have power over most of your waking life! Yay the dark ages never ended and capitalism is antithetical to human autonomy and interests!

[@wherethequietbeingsgo]

In college it gets worse, trust me

[@ol13]

Yes!You can break the circle!Dont feel bad if you dont achieve it right on the first two years. Trust the process, go out more and find your people through clubs etc

[@env0x]

Going from a life of loneliness in a chair to a life of loneliness in a bed. Not a bad tradeoff IMO.

[@iCookCrystalMeth]

@@wherethequietbeingsgo dude thinks i’m good enough to go to college 😭🙏 inshallah

[@jasonbraun127]

I've started studying math in Germany a few years ago and I have been so incredibly lonely that it has messed with my (already pretty poor) mental health to the point where I can say without exaggerating that this has been (and hopefully will forever be) the worst time in my life. I've had to change schools several times in my life and was always quite introverted but even though it was hard, I always found people to at least connect with during regular school life even if it wasn't an incredibly deep friendship. When my university life started I made an effort to really try to find social connections, almost every week I would ask random people questions I was struggling with or if they want to work on problems together but for all of the years I have been studying now, every interaction I have had has always been very distanced and impersonal. I feel like everyone already has their social groups and they don't really want to interact with me, they give me short answers or some have even ghosted me entirely and because you're never with a consistent group of people like in school I have not been able to form a single connection with anybody. I've also been looking through the clubs at my university but literally 99% of them involve some kind of political activism or stuff I'm just really not into (like hosting the campus radio.) I have been to a few of the clubs that sounded kind of promising but I just didn't feel comfortable there. I can deal with two maybe even three people but in a room with ten people who already know each other it's almost completely impossible for me to insert myself into the conversation. My only other hobby is going to the local climbing gym but I'm just not the type of person that is going to start conversations with complete strangers there, especially since most of them come with their existing friend groups and probably want to spend their time with them in peace. I would love to see what a "normal" day for a student at my university looks like and what I am doing differently.. I just refuse to believe that what I'm going through is the intended study experience because every single day is just so exhausting for me that it's hard to even find things I enjoy doing by myself. Sorry for the venting but this video and your channel in general just speaks to me in a very special way. Thank you for what you're doing and I wish you the best.

[@phoenixnight9237]

If you can't find a club, try making one? Maybe a life improvement club- it'll attract other people who also want to approve, which should hopefully create a positive atmosphere and safety net. Gym/body improvement is a good way to meet those kinds of people, because they have enough dedication to attempt improvement regularly, which means that they are willing to put in the effort, and that tends to rub of and create positive spin cycles.(The culture around it can result in body image issues and eating disorders though, so be cautious of that aspect)

[@CC3GROUNDZERO]

Which city? I live in Cologne.

[@Luemm3l]

I am struggling with the same thing and im a native lol! but hang in there, you are already putting yourself out there, which is 95 % of the work, really. you just havent found your tribe yet. I consider I have found some... but we live far away and do not meet up often. and it is really hard as an adult to make friends, people either do not have time cause of their own families, work, schedules and if they have, prepare for a lot of postponing or things coming in between. inserting yourself in new fields CAN work, but is gonna take an even longer build up. I feel people do not want to spend that time and effort anymore today. I tried starting up new board game groups, talking to some "friends" or rather acquaintances I made during some workshops, but they never start contact themselves, there is no reciprocation, so I guess the interest is pretty one-sided. If people do not reciprocate and I tried 2,3, times, I will shut that down too, cause the older I get, the more I also value my time and effort and am not about to deal with on-the-fence wishy-washy people any more.

[@CC3GROUNDZERO]

@@Luemm3l I can relate especially to the latter part of your comment. I'm usually the one contacting others, but I feel that everybody somehow finds a family or tribe of sorts and drifts away from me. I'm now virtually completely alone, save for a single friend who lives half-way across the country (and even with him, I'm usually the one contacting him first because he has way more friends, and family).

[@NoctLightCloud]

​@@Luemm3lIt was very extreme for me. I was the one organizing parties and meetups for years. And when Covid and the lockdowns came, people just moved on😅 I felt used and betrayed. It felt like I wasn't getting the effort back from them that I put into it. Maybe I should've kinda asked them first if they really want duch a high-effort connection, but then again, why did they FOR YEARS accept every party invitation and never considered giving back that favour? Must everything be spelled out for people to have some decency?😅 I am done for life with such people. Now we're exclusively meeting in third spaces - no more at my home, at my expense.

[@ShazyShaze]

It's hard on us extroverts, too. In some ways even more so, because we get our energy from being around others. A lot of folks just don't seem interested in friendship or genuine connection anymore.

[@VAVORiAL]

Get a pet for your daily dose of oxytocin

[@ShazyShaze]

@@VAVORiAL Already got one. She's lovely, but not quite the same as people.

[@Regnbuesolv]

Eyyy fellow extrovert! ❤ I often try organise events and you have to try not get too upset if people don't come. You have to remind yourself it is more effort for some people to come socialise. This is why I love my local pub 😊

[@kat_286]

​​@@ShazyShaze true, pets are great. I have two kitties myself, but they can't replace or substitute human connection.

[@how_you_talk]

​​@@ShazyShazeexactly. Pets only fill vaccum. They cannot replace humans specially for those who are people person

[@NotBirds]

The last time I had a large group of friends they were all toxic. I would often get harassed and made fun of for no reason. I had "friends" but they were pretty much bullies... Sure makes it hard to trust people when 75% of them are not worth your breath.

[@sarahrose9944]

One way to help combat loneliness is showing up to your town halls, neighborhood meetings, and city council meetings. Start advocating for re-designing suburbs and improving urban cores to prioritize people; especially children, elders, and people with disabilities. The sooner we can change our built environment and give people freedom of choice on how they move and live, the sooner everyone in our communities will be lifted up and organic connections will be made daily.

[@NoctLightCloud]

that's some bad advice for younger people, unless there's already other young people there who aren't the "weirdos" of the town.

[@McNugge.]

Tf is a neighbourhood meeting? Is that an american only thing?

[@maggie6152]

​@@NoctLightCloud How young? I'd say this is smart to start doing in your teens so you can learn how your world works and how to make a difference in it. Which is a major counter to the endless nihilistic hopelessness of the internet. I sure wish I could have done it.

[@levelfive7662]

Booooooring

[@NoctLightCloud]

@@maggie6152 you don't get it

[@thekangaroo42]

It looks like the benefit of me being chronically lonely is that my lonely life is being shortened. See, there is always an upside!

[@franz.francisco]

Hooray! Thank god 🙏

[@CirqueDeNoctem]

I think about this every day tbh

[@Hobson64]

I'm sad all the time and just want it to be done with, but hey! At least we're at 90 seconds to midnight on the friggin' *Doomsday Clock...*

[@vivacristorey4363]

What you said about the third place hit home with me. I have suffered from major depression off and on ever since the eighth grade. For me, God has been that third place that mitigates the symptoms and keeps me from degrading to a worse state. I have always felt that He is a friend that I can turn to no matter how lonely I feel. In the last few years I started to attend daily Mass, and Church has become like a third home. Even without talking much with the people there, just participating in the same activity of loving God together helps me feel connected. It even makes me connect with the past present and future. I felt like I lost a friend during Covid when we were no longer allowed to attend Mass for a while - especially with the dooming feeling that this would last for quite some time. I am still lonely, enslaved to the internet, disconnected, and depressed. Yet it is amazing how just doing one thing right can keep you going and give you a true purpose. I know that I would do even better if I fixed my addiction to the internet, but as many addicts know, we always say tomorrow. I am glad that I have a third place in the meantime which I know will be there whether I feel depressed or even if I fix my life.

[@ScaleParasitoid]

You can be akward around people you meet, you can be honest with what's going on inside yourself, and you can share your fears and emotions, taking time and expressing it your own way. Then, I think, maybe you will have "real" interaction (I mean maybe that you feel) and it will be easier to connect with people that fits you. Sometime, when I try too hard to be someone else, in order to please others, I don't find and I'm afraid of people that I would have really connect with.

[@kat_286]

This! Being vunerable and sharing your thoughts, emotions and fears etc. is the way to build meaningful connection. When I met new people I just straight up told them that I'm nervous. Instant ice breaker. Being open and honest about your feelings makes you so much more approachable.

[@ScaleParasitoid]

@@kat_286 yes, you said it very straight forward. I truly agree. I think we can relate a lot of our problem to the lack of understanding of our emotions.

[@Turtlpwr]

As someone that exclusively lived in cities for most of my adult life, moving out of them to the suburbs was actually a very nice change. Our neighborhood is very friendly and it’s really nice, actually

[@malomalovids]

The problem with suburbs is that they are dead at night; everyone is locked away in their homes, there is no continued sense of community after hours, no night life. Of the few times that you do see your neighbors, they are almost always too busy to talk, rushing ahead to get started on their 45m-1hr drive to work. Suburbs are an invention of the Cold War and its hysterical fear of annihilation. The Strategic Defense Highway and Interstate system was invented to spread people out, for it is much harder to kill everyone in a single nuclear strike if they are spread out over hundreds of miles.

[@shrekondeck4335]

It’s been miserable for me besides being a lot more affluent and safer. It could just be community to community though.

[@chrism8180]

I mean I guess compared to a city, but I find suburb to just be a different room in the same hell

[@ExaValkur]

Humanity had to rely on one another to survive, in modern times we don't need to be liked or valued to survive; as humans tend towards the path of least resistance, it's no surprise that unless forced to socialize, most people will not bother.

[@theking8347]

Not having friends still stresses people out and shortens their lives.

[@ExaValkur]

@@theking8347 More than the stress of social ostracization? Loneliness is the price of conformity.

[@gvis8217]

we humans are social creatures and always will be, technology won't change that

[@royisdabest]

empathy is also very important, great video btw

[@twopoint2811]

I suppose i have been in the "monk mode" kind of feeling lately. When you end up holding the belief that people are inherently lonely after feeling like no one really exists for so long, its really easy to understand what people mean when they say "go solo for a while." Its not that my friends are bad people, not at all. However, i find myself incapable of trying to open up to people (at least in person) about what i struggle with and any moment of enjoying stuff with other people is dashed the moment i leave. Like it never really happened... So its easy to imagine that isolating oneself doesn't necessarily feel worse. I've been spending my time working on things i enjoy and slowly recuperating myself, but after being comfortably alone for a while its a little difficult to want to talk to my friends again. I do wish that wasn't the case... That i felt more fulfillment speaking to others.

[@NoctLightCloud]

my dad and mom are boomers and they have no friends. Why? Because they moved to another country in their 30s, and then again to another country a few years later. The new community doesn't care about you. You don't share the same values, the same memories as them. So I think that*globalization* and the potential *mobilization* (for lack of a better term) of people contributes to this. Be it physically or virtually (possibility to delete a friend immediately and move on to the next one (mobility), and possibility to become friends online "with people from all over the world" (globalization).) Everyone is permanently with one foot out the area/country and thus friendship. I've lived abroad (Japan & Korea) and so have a few of my close friends - and across the board for all of us, it's VERY difficult to maintain a friendship like that if you don't have regular physical meetings and joint activities. It's not even meant to be malicious - we just long-term have nothing to talk about like that. It doesn't help that here in Austria (and all Germanic countries, including Scandinavia), friendships usually form when young and remain throughout adulthood, and it's very difficult to become super close with an already established group of friends. They simply won't let you in, as they have no need to.

[@briankaslewicz6130]

My parents have had that problem for years & it's been conditioned in me not to really have that many friends since day one. Even when I'm taking state college courses I'm prone not to make any lasting friends with anyone unless I knew them during HS, which is still only a few. It's always hard trying to make friends, especially those with their own circles, and you feel like you disrupted their environment with your presence. I'm 29 rn with only a year of college left & haven't really built any strong friendships during my college years. Maybe part of that was COVID shutting people inside, maybe people just have too little time to make new friends. I also hate that I have to take online courses & no one wants to talk outside the introduction modules, guh.

[@coupleofbeers31]

I live in Phoenix, a city of millions, and can totally relate. It's so ironic how you can be surrounded by so many people but still feel lonely. Americans are some of the most antisocial people in the World in the sense that they don't want to take the relationship to anything other than hello and goodbye. Here in Phoenix you'll be lucky to get someone to talk to you for more than a minute. Most people are too busy and apathetic or don't want to associate with anyone other than their own group of friends or relatives. Surface friendliness is a thing here and across the entire country. Not sure how it is in the rest of the World but if you move to the US I would recommend to come with someone.

[@beamerboy420]

Same here in netherlands in schools at least

[@paprikagames]

​@@beamerboy420 GEKOLONISEERD

[@chrism8180]

Too much room for betrayal in relationships.

[@multiro_r.leaves]

Amazing work. I have been reading about the interpersonal theory of suicide (the most popular one these days), and there is a good deal of overlap with your findings. The theory states that there are two factors leading to desire for suicide: thwarted belongingness and perceived burdensomeness. The fact of feeling lonely and the related circumstances seem to be a big component to the both factors. My point is, in extreme case loneliness can be lethal. This is why we must pay attention to it.

[@Kahvinporo]

The hard part of "escaping lonliness" is that no matter how hard you try, it still might not be enough. I have a lot of friends and connections online, but I don't have anyone in real life. I have tried to find local friends but I have just come out empty handed. I don't live in a big city and I'm unemployed, so it limits my options to find people. And in my country talking to strangers is against those written social rules because we value our personal space. Even I would be weirded out if a stranger sat next to me in a cafe and started to talk to me. I just don't know anymore where to look for local friends. I'm this close 🤏 of just starting to make some posters to find other lonely people. Or go to the mall with a sign ot something.

[@yashpatel261]

Yup people are lonely and unhappy. We are becoming neurotic, meaner, crazier as a society. No one wants to be just nice to anyone any longer.

[@WardenAzdron]

if your a man being nice is gay, or someone is taking advantage of you. If your a woman being nice to men is dangerous and reinforces the patriarchy. For reasons its difficult to explain, women are not nice to each-other. So, now no one is nice. And nobody wants to hang out with assholes.

[@Dzeividz]

It is crazy that human population is the highest than it ever was, yet loneliness is getting higher too. I guess it is to blame the way we live where individualism and being better than someone else is much more important than being together.

[@bachelorsensei9437]

"Don't be lonely. Meet with all the people who take your peace away from you and make you feel even more lonelier." - Who

[@acacacacacacaccaca7666]

I only feel alone when I'm surrounded by people I had been the most popular person in the room and I hated it, all eyes on me, everyone waiting for me to speak, I much rather be at home

[@Localcatgirl_]

You sound and look so happy when talking about something so sad and so despairing. I hope I can become like you some day

[@gorrilaunit99]

*The weather too, most people don't want to be sweaty in direct sunlight anymore*

[@ikkishun]

I think part of the problem is a mixture of people assuming others have ill intent combined with the rising amount of people who do have ill intent. It seems no matter what you say/do, someone will think you're wrong/doing something bad. Perhaps this just a symptom of how communication has broadened with the internet. There also lots of people who don't have your best interests in mind, be it people talking behind your back, those who dismiss your concerns without even trying to understand your point (in an attempt to silence you from the conversation), scammers, manipulators, gold diggers, etc. It's true that not all people have bad intentions in mind for you. In fact, they may accidentally hurt you or you may misinterpret their behavior. I'd like to believe people generally have good intentions in mind for their friends and fellow human. However, that isn't true for everyone. As a result, people are on edge. It's hard to build trust when someone when you think they may be plotting to harm you (reputation, financial, physically, psychologically). It's even harder when you can see the widespread examples of these bad things happening every day online, at your school, or even in your family. This issue goes far beyond what I've highlighted. It's not necessarily something that's sprung up in the last few years due to the internet, social media, tribalistic politics, etc. However, it seems the issue has been brought more into the spotlight, perhaps making the problem worse.

[@r.e2391]

Hit the nail on the head.

[@chrism8180]

Amazing put, good job!

[@seth3491]

Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man

[@env0x]

"Your reality is already half video hallucination. If you're not careful, it will become total hallucination." - Videodrome

[@letskillskully]

writing before watching, but from experience the loneliness epidemic is caused by social media and basically the entire internet. becoming so connected causes more division than anything. everyone lives online and shares everything they do or watch everything someone else does. this puts you into a position where you don't want to show what your actually interested in and you conform to what other people think is cool to fit in. the whole anti-cyberbullying movement caused this too. tiktok basically normalized it with terms like yapping and "this is trash🔥"

[@Ubel_hope]

I agree, I been feeling lonely. It always helps just to be around with people doing something meaningful like cooking or helping. I also do daily gratitude to not feel lonely. It’s something that you have to accept and maybe expand more in understanding why one feels lonely.

[@KryselITG]

Having niche interests also affects this; finding it hard to relate to the populace blows. I generally stick to what i like and trying new things rarely ends up with me enjoying it. The thing about it is, i didn't ask to be like this, i just am. Usually the only people i can relate to are other people with niche hobbies or interests that most likely stay in their own circle. May be due to autism or adhd but i am not a psychiatrist and self diagnosing is not appropriate - however when i tell people the above, they usually say its due to something like that.

[@the-sillycate]

Same. When I finally found people with similar interests as me in my teen years, I praised them as gods, while they saw me as uh, meh. They eventually grew up to like me after my insistence; however, they turned out to develop into people whose values do not align with mine. So I left. And I stopped being picky with my befriendings. What did it happen? These new people are all gone as well. And looking back, they don't really have much in common with me, and I do not vibe with them as well. Nowadays I came to the conclusion that people whom I vibe with do not really exist. Why bother fighting for others' approval? Why bother hiding your true self? It won't matter in the end, they'll all be gone. And they weren't even that special from the start.

[@pyramidserum]

i am the exact same. audhd with niche interests and it's super hard to find people in real life who i feel would really appreciate all of me since my interests are such a huge part of me and how i spend my time, what i think about.

[@AGreenSquidKid]

A year ago I had a boyfriend and two best friends. We all hung out almost every day, since we were college students together. But since then the bf dumped me, one of my friends moved away, the other (who I was roommates with) got married and moved out. She plans to move states away with her husband soon. About once a month I have a book club with these friends (not ex bf though, I refuse to speak to him lol) and that's about it. I don't know how I got here.

[@spencerjames9417]

The friendship recession is caused by increased atomization and hyper-industrialization

[@spencerjames9417]

It’s crucial to point this out. This is one of the many byproducts of capitalism that involves the elite causing us problems because of their greed. How evil that is

[@DrAngelKins]

hyper industrialization isn't possible without friendships.

[@redcastlefan]

Honestly, sure it can fee lonely, But when i look at people from my generation and the way they act, i count my blessings and move along. I dont need many goofy friends just a few good ones.

[@Callieforniiaa]

Tried to make friends and gave up on trying to find a boyfriend. But I can’t find either lol 😂 I have like 2/3 good friends and some family. Everyone I try to talk to that’s new will talk for two weeks, ghost you and then come back months later with a hey and no explanation unless you ask.

[@Moonshine449]

Same here but I’m a dude. We will find our people eventually, hopefully.

[@Suwako__Moriya]

And when they do come back out of nowhere it’s only to ask you for money 💀

[@Yummynomnom123]

@@Moonshine449 idk man , ive tried for years no lucvk man

[@mithrasabyss2765]

You won’t. People don’t care and they’re creatures of habit. My neighbors don’t even leave the house unless they have to, they’re a married couple who have no kids and basically act like they’re just roommates to each other.. idk why they’re even married. As for me I’ve been alone for more than 6 years now.. no friends, family or girlfriend, no pets either. It’s not just you.

[@thabangramodipa]

I guessed the telephone😅… But while you were explaining the significance of the tv the penny dropped for me. So informative as always.

[@rice2cu5881]

Your videos never fail to give me new insights, and how you string together information to make points is so great. Thank you!

[@pinkturtle2016]

My last straw was when my ex friend confronted me about an issue in front of 15 people instead of coming to me 1 on 1. She claimed that that I 'hold a grudge' but she couldn't text me or call about the issue? She made it everyone's issue by giving them insight on the situation. I hope she gets her karma because I utterly felt humiliated because it seemed like she was trying to paint me in a negative light in front of these people. I don't talk or even look at her anymore, she's practically dead to me. But at least I didn't cry when our friendship ended, I just didn't end up caring.

[@hickory654]

This just happened to me too... except the rest of my friends cut me off for her. She accosted me in front of ~50 people for something she held onto for a year. Even worse, it was something I didn't even remember happening which she accused me of grudging against HER for. Good riddance honestly, since they did the hard part for me early. She's truly proof that beauty may be skin deep, but the desire to hurt others for inside woes comes from the heart.

[@doneandbeyond2782]

I had a great friend once, the kind you could discuss anything with, without either of us judging each other. I'm glad I got to experience that; I doubt many people will.

[@matthewspurlock4350]

When you get so used to prepping for betrayal that you now are completely closed off with no friends

[@123495734]

very refreshing take on this with the mention of TV's

[@Maria-EU]

As someone who's lived in six different countries and consequently has moved around more than the vast majority of people will in their lifetime, I've experienced how unwilling people are to welcome new members into their groups no matter what culture. I'm always nice, friendly and respectful towards everyone since I know very well that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. However, especially as an immigrant, it's incredibly difficult to find people who have the willingness to welcome you into their lives even for a moment. Nowadays people also have a tendency to simply ghost you as digitalization has made it very easy I usually don't have local friends regardless of my eagerness for fully integrating wherever I go, which is just sad. I continue to lack understanding of why people tend to only want to spend time with those who are exactly like them. My friends all have different backgrounds and I find that it enriches my life in so many ways ❤

[@Turglayfopa]

Its a good message because it encourages playing a part where you do what you're able to rather than doing one of two extremes (being zen master of isolation vs. being the champion mom of gathering the village)

[@nuclearbomb4171]

you are genuinely my favourite video essay youtuber bro, you make amazing videos, and I'm a bit sad I don't get them in my feed that often. much love.

[@CalciumEcho1000]

Honestly make friends on your own terms and conditions man, Friends are extensions of yourself that are unique and should be cared for and caring, If people are shaming you into making friends then it's not going to help you with you're loneliness. Friends come naturally based on the person that you created yourself to be (don't try and bullshit yourself because they do) For example even if you were trying to make friends, those "friends" might not even appreciate you as much as you feel they should just because of the type of person that you decided to make yourself, real friends are like minded individuals that grow off of you're character. I know I'm going to sound like some guy who would run around poking voodoo dolls but honestly one thing that genuinely helped me deal with loneliness was just genuinely being happy that I get to live my life and continue onward (it quite literally makes me feel powerful) making an imagination that feels safe is something that kids do I know, but I find it kind of surprising that our adults in society have just forgotten about "imaginary friends" entirely for the simple fact that they were shamed into making friends with people that don't even care.

[@lowpolysunrise]

I just lost a friend group I was in due to them being annoyed with who I am (I'm autistic), and I live out in the middle of nowhere with no friends around. This is why I'm grateful for things like Animal Crossing. That game keeps me going.

[@MasterGhostf]

Majority of people are online now. When there are thousands of accounts saying, "they are lonely", that is only an indicator of a much bigger problem. There is an epidemic. Most people are casual consumers, those who comment are the "competitive users" to put it into gaming context. Competitive users only account for around 10% of a game's player base. I pulled these numbers out of my ass btw, but the numbers are around there.

[@newchangeunlisted_viewer5594]

Car infrastructure needs to go first and foremost. I see roads get bigger and bigger each year and what benefits does it bring? None really. It just invites people to go 60 in a 40. We need better structured communities to fight loneliness and lack of exercise. The codes need to change so we can start building proper infrastructure

[@chrism8180]

Sounds like a recipe for exploitation of a group of people who have no other options. Company towns were very close knit, everyone worked at the same place, went to the same store and lived in the same place their whole life. But was there a sense of community? No

[@lockpickrogue-yc5wc]

Except look at countries with walkable infrastructure. Same issues there. This view you're promoting is a very US/CA/AU-centric issue. And these are not the only places with these issues. So no, infrastructure alone is not the answer. People still had friends in US/CA/AU just 20 years ago, despite being pretty much just as car dependent.

[@literallyap0tat0-q7q]

​​@@chrism8180How do you go from the original comment to company towns? This makes no sense. Building infrastructure for pedestrians does not imply anything in your comment, and car-centric infrastructure does not protect people from exploitation.

[@LittleHobbit13]

I feel like the loss of Third Places hits the average adults particularly hard. When you're a kid, you have schools and playgrounds, etc, specifically designed for you with adults to help you access them. When you're a retiree, you have senior communities and community center programs, specifically designed for you, _on top_ of having all the time and resources to pursue them. But then there's the average adult. Almost no Third Places specifically designed for us that aren't just bars or restaurants which most people aren't using to _meet_ people. Many classes or hobby groups aren't held at truly accessible times (especially for those who work demanding jobs or have family commitments). Frankly capitalism in general leaves adults with very little time to spend on themselves to find and utilize Third Places. The world is just not really set up to help the average adult connect with people in Third Places, with those few available not really designed with connection in mind to begin with.

[@maplesyrup0309]

Well said @LittleHobbit13. People under 60 are worse off as well because they have a couple $100,000 dollars less than the senior population does (on average). And considering your point about Third Places not being designed with connection in mind, we can assume that even if Third Places do become more affordable/accessible, or wealth finally distributes from old to young… in the end it’s just a waste of money by design.

[@rat_dragon]

I think one of the main reasons is because healthy extroverts get all the friends. I haven't had a close friend in over 6 yrs. Most people were sad & lonely during COVID; I already was years before I'm riddled with mental & physical health issues; Type 1 Diabetes, P- ANCA, PTSD, ADHD, chronic pain from hyperflexion, severe gender dysphoria, severe depression, and trypophobia, among others. I feel like not only are my health issues a burden to my family & I, but maybe it's why nobody gives me a chance. I don't have any extended family either, as they're either all dead or narcissistic Young people especially don't give me a chance. I'm 21 and I almost exclusively get along with people much older than me. I can't stand the personalities of younger people I also don't think I give people enough chances myself. I've been burned too many times by people who I thought were my friends Overall, I agree with you 100% and I think there's a lot to loneliness. I also think some of us suffer with chronic loneliness whereas others have occasional loneliness. I think less of us give chances to people who maybe could be our friends, and more of us are becoming both sad and happy to live alone My mentality is, "at least I have pets, parents, and a brother that cares." But I need more. There's gotta be more to life than pain & sadness, otherwise what's the point in living miserable life

[@Littledough_]

i agree, its funny how, when mentally down you need friends the most but also, it becomes harder to make friends because it means ur friends need to hvae more patience for u, or become more exhuasted by you. For example, if you're the type to isolate periodically when going through stuff, alot of friends cant be bothered to stay with u through that, or if u go through phases of despondance, and lack of energy, alot of friends get bored and just leave. its hard making friends when falling, but also paradoxally the solution and support your issues need sometimes

[@dusklvr]

Too many narcissists out there. People are emotional, unpredictable, unsafe. Solitude is peaceful. Silence is golden. Chop wood, carry water.

[@Someone-bm1ov]

True don't make friends keep yourself safe and don't trust anyone

[@lognomodeimeme]

I love your comment, I just wish I could be self-sufficient to be able and live like that

[@lognomodeimeme]

Btw latins said solitudo, sola beatitudo

[@BlueBeeMCMLXI]

Yeah, we are all flawed. Except you? And there are too many narcissists to stand up to reality of the actual distribution - see Sam Vaknin for reality.

[@janettewong9900]

Your inability to interact with people doesn’t make everyone a narcissist, especially narcissists targeting you specifically People are emotional and that is inherent to everyone’s humanity, even your own. It feels unsafe when you don’t know yourself and you don’t give space to others to make mistakes, to learn the art of repair. The unpredictability of it all also means the opportunities for positive things on the spectrum like excitement, joy, pride, connection Solitude is not guaranteed peace and in nature, it can mean vulnerability. Plenty of animals that were previously full of life will often choose to go out and die when they think it’s their time to go.

[@sargata3054]

Thanks brother. You seem like a lovely person.

[@Talon97]

I'm sorry but quality over quantity. It's better to be surrounded by VERY few people you can actually relate to or be alone than drown in a sea of people you don't like.

[@ThomasWillett1]

I'll start by saying great work as usual. I appreciate the differentiation between solitude and loneliness because I feel like I come from a similar camp around desiring to be alone to do work, but also crave certain human interactions. I also want to expand on an idea that you spoke of towards the end of the video. It's the part about using social media less. From a personal standpoint, I have seen significant change in my behavior because of it. To back up a bit, let's just say that in 2020 to early 2021, I was using Twitter for a lot of my social interactions and validations. I would even argue that I often overlooked the parasocial nature and found my deepest emotions forming over people who at best would be casual acquaintances of platonic varieties. I think along with the pandemic just putting me in a doom and gloom "what is life?" existentialism, it made me realize the codependence and distraction. Don't get me wrong. A lot of it was good and healthy, but I came to realize that I couldn't get through Thanksgiving with family without leaving to check Twitter every 60-80 minutes. Also given that I watched probably (no exaggeration) two hours of TikTok before bed, I was attached to a connection I wasn't feeling in my actual life. At one point, I was dissociating so bad that I became paranoid while determining that my friend group on Twitter wasn't anything more than letters and code on a screen, which made me wonder what was even real or authentic interaction (I assure you these people are either real, or have very good updaters). Ultimately by mid 2021, I was stable enough to think things through and realize that part of coping was to restrict my time online. Twitter remains my most addictive and impulsive outlet, so it would receive the most of my cutting back. Given that I was also having to readjust to social interactions on a basic level as an introvert now scared of aspects of life, it wasn't overnight. Still, I think persistence over the past three years has returned me to a more stable worldview and it's largely because I have found joy in the outside world (I too agree that third places are essential and I hate how they're vanishing, though I'm grateful for theater and cinemas). I haven't had to see those messages or be overwhelmed. I'm occasionally baffled by trends I missed, but my mind doesn't linger on them as much. I'm also finding I'm less codependent on the validation side of things in terms of likes and comments and am now just grateful for whatever I get. It wasn't easy and arguably I took it to some extremes. In 2022, I took four months straight off of Twitter and in 2023 it was actually up to six. I'm working on different moderations now, but I think I'm at a happier medium than I have been. Not to be cocky, but I think overall my self-conscious need to improve my outlook has made me one of the more well-adjusted members of my family, if just because I now try to avoid phone use when I'm in a setting with them. Not saying who, but it's made me more aware of how much others escape that way even close to me. They'll have to come to their own solutions in their own time. For me, this small way of fighting loneliness has made my life better. There are ways I could improve, but I felt it's important to note that you don't have to remove social media to have a better mentality. You just need to appreciate other things as well.

[@Opinion_News_Gossip]

You manage to be eloquent and humble at the same time. I like when that happens.

[@ringtone-sama]

By some miracle and reward thanks to my endless practice of overcoming my social anxiety and lack of social skills, I managed to make some friends on uni. Kinda glad because a part of me thought that my life would completely end after highschool. Although I still dont have social life at home, atleast I have some form of it at campus.

[@Mejustme101]

Im a Gen Z and I've been lonely my whole life. I never really got opportunity to be social and at this point, I don't even feel like I can control myself in terms of socializing at this point. Whenever I feel like I have an opportunity to socialize, my lips begin to feel like they are bring glued tight with super gorilla glue. At least I have family.

[@CirqueDeNoctem]

When the chance comes to socialize, my brain literally wipes itself clean of every possible avenue of communication and leaves me looking quite stupid, unable to speak or continue a conversation like a sane person. This sucks.

[@Mejustme101]

@@CirqueDeNoctem same here bro

[@VAVORiAL]

Hope it stays that way, big fan of it. People keep their distance, less strangers invading my privacy, messaging is a lot more convenient than talking, I can work from home, digital process etc. As bad as covid was, I'm very happy it happened.

[@theking8347]

@@VAVORiAL Isolation causes severe health problems.

[@VAVORiAL]

@@theking8347 Less invasions of privacy and prefering to not be bothered =/= isolation

[@vee-bee-a]

I had a falling out with... People I _thought_ I knew... It turned out they were snakes living in a social pit. There is nothing between us, but a dark void, now... They're slowly being reduced to just good memories. Help me...

[@bobwasowsky270]

I fully agree, willingly being of service literally dragged me out of a downward spiral of loneliness and depression. Offer help, give small gifts when you feel like it, become a net positive to the few people you might still know. The line between being generous and desperate is pretty thick and people are very sensitive to both, former opening many doors you might've not known about yet

[@Mishaaa-px9lj]

Animals have never betrayed me. On the other hand, people have left me more broken and hurt than when I was alone.

[@neinja66469]

Do you consider yourself a good judge of character?

[@hammerdev5246]

Real.

[@chrism8180]

​@@neinja66469me personally I tend to believe others think in the same way I do, so lend to much trust. Took a long time to realize people are fking weird, and all over the spectrum. So you think people(naturally) would want to operate to benefit the whole of humanity, but it's not the case. Learning to be alone has been the best thing for me

[@SURGASURGE12]

I think the main reason why I still think back to school, even though in various ways it was a terrible time for me, was because of the friendships, the community. That's the one thing I miss very much. And I do have friends today, in my mid-20s, but we're all busy with our own lives, so there are long periods of quiet. Seeing my friends every day was something that I wish I didn't take for granted, but whatever.

[@_no.one.is.always.right_]

The reason is lack of trustworthiness. I don't give false hope or false promises to people especially friends because only one person can be a priority ultimately and it's always a family member. I let people know where they stand in my life and i ask them the same instead of pretending to have deep and personal connection with every friend and deceiving people or telling them "i love you the most" when i have other priorities. Don't pretend, don't lie and don't show more than you actually care. Diplomacy is not the same as Hypocrisy. Be honest also. I've realised that _only i am_ the one who's _responsible for myself_ and the same is for every other adult. No one else is responsible for anyone. I try to embody first; whatever i hope from the world. I never expect, get attached or act entitled. Expectations entitlements attachments cannot control life or people. They don't change a thing anyway! They only control our mood. We don't and we cannot have any right over life or people. We only have right over our actions, intentions, mentality, choices but the good thing is only these things define us; not life, people or anything else. The problem is we humans are delusional and we plan to settle in this mortal world where we aren't even meant to stay forever. Change is life's nature. The moment i understood this; i was able to let go. It is possible to care for people but with detachment. I find 'give and receive' mindset better than 'give and take' entitled mindset. Always remember one thing that each time you expect; you are taking a risk. It doesn't guarantee anything. I always do my best, hope, stay prepared and observe. If things don't go my way then i won't get resentful unlike 'give and take', entitled mindset. I confront calmly and leave if the friendship or relationship is one-sided, or if people are dishonest, deceptive, covertly or overtly abusive, passive-aggressive or give silent treatment instead of being genuine and communicating honestly. Give and receive mindset won't make us a doormat if we know how to be authentic, honest, communicate clearly and say no. And never have unspoken or hidden expectations because this means you are deceptive and lying to yourself and others. If you do people a favour or help them and then secretly expect them to return it then it's not genuine help or selflessness. It's manipulation. It's a tactic that manipulators use to guilt-trip and control others later because they think they can purchase people, keep them forever like a slave or puppet, by doing something for them. They don't realise that everyone else's independence, boundaries and autonomy are as precious as their own. _Don't_ help and _pretend_ to be selfless _if you don't want_ to help selflessly or if you have hidden expectations. Be who you actually are. I don't mean that you should stay in one sided relationships. You can confront people calmly and quit. Genuine people don't waste time in playing mind games because they know one day such things will end or get even worse so they stay authentic, honest and assertive with themselves and others. Don't be a people pleaser. If you expect; then tell people in advance before you help them. Be honest and authentic. Communicate with clarity. Never lie to yourself or others. People raised in dysfunctional families can do this without even realising it because they grew up in an unhealthy environment. But there is hope. Healing their attachment style and cognitive restructuring is possible❤️ Just a perspective. 😊

[@EnergizingBane]

This video came up in my recommendations at the right time. I have been aware of all of this for a while but ive been thinking a lot about how i can fit in anywhere. I just don’t work well in social settings, i have always relied on how well i did at something in order to fit in and i’ve learned that when all of that is taken away (even temporarily) it leaves me empty, lonely.

[@spytechchronicles]

It is a different world out there. There are huge conflicts brewing all over the place. No room for any relationship now.

[@chrism8180]

No Shelter by rage against the machine "there's a thin line between entertainment and war", "the front line is everywhere".

[@saberlivre]

Thank you for bringing in the Arendt bit. It made so much sense to me, now that I look at the complete polarisation happening online. At first I was lonely because I moved abroad but then I slowly watched from afar as the people I loved fell into the trap of facism (on all ends of the political spectrum) and that's just sad. People dont want to make new friends because they are too suspicious for that but I cant really connect to the "old ones" because they are too deep into their own echo chambers. At least I have a husband and a dog, that feels like a luxury these days tbh

[@Ben-ee2xy]

Every time I try to organize something with people they ghost me despite claiming to be lonely

[@CerebralTombstone]

THIS is the version of KZbin that I signed up for! I really like your takes and you have such happy yet soft energy.

[@MrHarryc727]

Great job, young man.

[@motionista]

Thank you for a very deep and thoughtful video. It made me reflect on my experiences in life as a Ukrainian (we feel like our communities are torn apart because everyone is in a different place in and outside Ukraine) in Japan (which has its own problems with loneliness and has a similar problem to the suburbs that you have described). Your final advice, to be of service to people, was so unexpected and meaningful that it was like a true revelation for me. I think you helped me to start my road to combat loneliness (mine and my friends'). Thank you so much. I mean it. I wish I had a friend like you.

[@VillaVivace]

Your video really spoke to me and got me started on thinking of ways to decrease the loneliness I, alongside many others, feel. I did very much appreciate the bit at the end where you mentioned having patience and being compassionate towards myself. It's easy to feel like no progress is being made at all, but i have to remember things dont just change overnight. Im not going to be perfect at improving my quality of life, but thats okay. And im not alone. Thank you for your thoughtful and kind words. You're a blessing.

[@sylvia5400]

Lovely vid, being of service to others is critical!!

[@TheNextG7me]

Good to see a new publication Fads !

[@jamesbrown3642]

It's all about community. The North of England, my home, was and is still known as a friendly place - but I find it far from friendly compared with what my grandparents described, neighbours looking after each others kids, leaving their prams out on the street with babies in them! I think what's been destroyed is community, which has in turn wrecked our individual ability to interact. I was lonely since I was a child, both by myself and with others, and I learned a lot. Loneliness is the natural fear response to not having fellow beings who you trust enough to protect and look after you. Therefore, as happy as you might be by yourself, there's that ape brain that wants to feel safe with trusted others at least nearby. Community fills that gap and it has for me - but our communities have been torn apart and healthy communities are very hard to find now. Nobody trusts others because they are surrounded by strangers - everyone got moved about after the industrial revolution and then moved and moved until they don't know where they are, are frightened of all these strangers they find themselves amongst. In such fear you cannot form community. Weve lived in communities since we were apes, and for the first time we are living without them.

[@АбайАлиев-ъ7п]

You seem so kind and genuine, watched two of your videos and loved them.

[@juanlife6255]

i'm in monk mode because i'm socially inept lmao, but yeah the modern world doesn't help either, i think is going to get worse for everyone.

[@pwndpp]

I was suggested this video by the algorithm and I'm so glad for that. The research is well communicated, video well put together and your voice gives out such a character. Thank you for sharing the time and efforts put into this amazing video. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you! 😊

[@SlashinatorZ]

3rd places & walkable cities are absolutely unthinkable to Texans. I'm an autistic single guy living in the worst suburbs of Texas. Growing up here has turned me into the depressed monster I am. I have to do way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way too much driving for even the humblest of trips.

[@BledaRassmar]

Texas is horrible :(

[@hotel_arcadia]

A lot of early pop punk music from the 90s to the early 2000s have themes of suburbia in their lyrics ("I hate this town/Let's leave this city/etc."). I thought it was so cliche and annoying, but given how you've talked about suburbs being so lonely with the way they're designed, I understand them now. Thank you for the video.

[@Riudan]

Yaayyy you back !!

[@justsomespice3053]

It's a bit of a bleak situation we live in at the moment. I'd like to hope things could change someday. If anyone does wish to talk, I will listen.

[@MrRecapsTV]

Friends are always hating on you for something. Start making more money than them and they are no longer your friends.