False Humbleness | Early 🚨Red Flag🚨of Covert Narcissists

[@susanlester1]

If anyone has to tell you how great they are, they aren’t too great.

[@silveradotow957]

Yes day r,if u believe em

[@BrendaBaBoom]

susan529 Classic.

[@craig3714]

susan529 I agee!

[@carariela]

Pride....comes before the fall

[@patjones4250]

🎯

[@surewave8202]

They don't just act humble, they act like the humblest person you've ever met - to an extreme. Such showmen - such a charade. Then, there are the crocodile tears to make you think their emotions are so tender and angelic - such as during a commercial. Then there is the false empathy - which fakes out people like crazy. They are the ultimate hypocrites.

[@jensbasement3862]

Yup. They always make sure to get you to see them crying. Then they gloat and smirk about it later. Its slimy

[@whatsgoingon6256]

YESSSS they OVERCOMPENSATE! Due to their PARANOIA of you detecting and exposing them

[@tammyfoster-sapanara8043]

When my ex narcissist introduced himself to me he played this quiet, shy guy who was just looking to get back into the dating scene to meet a nice girl. So he said. He played a humble man who came through a rough divorce from a wife who cheated and left him and their son. His game was perfect. Once the mask started to fall what was revealed was pure evil. They play a great role initially while they are love bombing to gain your trust and affection but it doesn't last long. They can't keep up a facade of that magnitude for long. It's exhausting for them. Stay aware. They are genuinely a wolf in sheep's clothing.

[@ivy3839]

Absolutely, well said.

[@jensbasement3862]

Sounds like you were gaslighted with pity. Its always a tragedy story with them. I never trust people who come to me with SOB stories anymore

[@lisanelson302]

Omg same story you just described what I lived

[@tammyfoster-sapanara8043]

@@lisanelson302 they are all clones.

[@tammyfoster-sapanara8043]

@@loremmyipsum you are brave for sharing your story. Recovering from a relationship with a narcissist takes time. From reading your encounter with him, it is obvious he was looking to control you and make you into what he wanted. Only to discard you later. Take this lesson and learn from it. Show yourself some love and get back to living. Removing yourself from social media is key to healing. I left Facebook this past January and don't miss it at all! Concentrate on you and build up your self esteem, develop boundaries, learn to recognize red flags and get on with your life. Stay aware of him because once you are healing he will return with a hoover. I have received 2 hoover attempts over the last 2 years but I ignore them 100%. I have been narcissist free since 12/2018. His punishment is grand. He will never hear my voice or get my attention ever again. And will die alone. Their fate. Sending you peace and healing.

[@freespirit2194]

It is like covert virtue signalling. Lull you into a false sense of security and maybe get you to overshare. I love how you pointed out that those that are truly humble don't advertise it or even mention it.

[@Bonnie-fh8up]

Thats one of the most dangerous things about them. They lull you into a false sense of security, then when you let your guard down, they sting like a scorpian.

[@InnerIntegration]

“Virtue signaling” is a great synonym!

[@notyou5831]

Free Spirit thank you for bringing up that they lull you with this false sense of security.. Can't begin to count the innumerable times that, as a vulnerable narc raised girl or young person I clutched to these kind of behaviors only to be taken advantage of, mocked and used as supply via what they 'd learned about me during that stage.. I felt like such a loser afterwards and for so many years I thought I deserved it because after so many times this had happened , the notion that I 'm a loser was embebed in my self image..

[@pointsbeingmade7996]

Exactly

[@natashamudford4011]

"Father, I come to you as humbly as I know how..." That's how my ex would start his out-loud prayers. After hearing this a few times, I told him that it was starting to sound fake. Things went downhill from there. He finally left when I pointedly told him that I was not ever going to be "good supply," that he would have to get that from someone else. Oddly enough, he knew the lingo. He had been studying up on narcissism during a previous relationship with a therapist. (I learned about it by accident on KZbin. It truly is addictive subject matter, isn't it?) He divorced me, and moved on to marry some other sucker within a few months. What a roller-coaster ride that was...

[@The25Sister]

They use their "humbleness"to make you feel guilty, the feeling that you did nothing or that you weren't there. Twisted people/demons they are.

[@Bonnie-fh8up]

Demons are right. They will make you feel like you are doing nothing(even tho you are working your butt off for them) then they will guilt you into doing more and more for them. As they extract your time , life and very soul from you. Emotional vampires.

[@The25Sister]

@@Bonnie-fh8up True, I had 3 jobs, working more than 40 hours a week while he was at home with his failed IT business and sleeping during the day. I learned my lesson, never ever again, can smell them now and there is no room for them in my life. My life is about ME and not theirs.

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

Covert narcs are such experts at this! And people fall for it! They often have a whole harem of followers who admire them. When you are the one person who sees through their act, that harem can turn on you.

[@jo-annahicks3324]

Oh yes!!!!!!..,,

[@theheavenfive]

A harem of fly8ng monkeys!

[@beabove]

False humility was the main way I was fooled. For at least a year, I wondered whether I was dealing with a N, but had never heard of the covert type, and this one made sure EVERYONE knew their sob story right away. So I kept thinking, there is something seriously off here, but their insistent weird victimology made it hard for me to spot, until I literally (at my wit's end) googled "Can you be humble and still be a narcissist?" and guess how many hits I got?

[@BrendaBaBoom]

BEabove Leadership When you sense there’s something OFF .... that’s an indication of ambiguity....the setting off of red flags.

[@shipratrika2586]

My mother in law can cry easily 5-10 times a day..I was under the impression she is an empath..I had some red flags but was confused with her performance of being a meek gentle lady but there were many times she was competing with me here and there..trying to control me but I was blind sided by her crying for her sons all the time..I thought she is such a loving mom..But she was always crying to gain sympathy and acting like a poor little victim..I can’t believe someone can take fake tears more than 5 times a day..how does that happen?

[@BrendaBaBoom]

Shipra Trika Yep. Can we say histrionic performances. I’ve seen someone do this before. It’s only an ACT. Obviously something they picked up in childhood. Since she’s not a paid actor, she has unfortunate unresolved MENTAL health issues.

[@kimicope_]

Thank you for the red flags! I notice it when people say "I'm humble" or "I'm so humbled" I know one that says "I'll never do a sponsored video" and "I'd never ask for y'all to subscribe" causing indirect insult to those that do ask for subs or do sponsorships. It's almost as if they put themselves on a pedestal by going against the norm. I just feel if someone was truly humble they wouldn't vocalize all the things they are humble about. Tbh I feel a truly humble person would never say they're humble, instead their actions will speak for themselves. I do see this a lot in spiritual / religious people like you said

[@slynnrey9711]

After you've learned about and lived with a covert narcissist they become very transparent and predictable but it's so confusing and devastating to those who are not aware of this sly monster.

[@KomalJhaOnline]

*The* *humble* *will* *stumble* 🤣

[@michaeljensen4650]

Dripping with maudlin emotions and false flattery beware the psychopath, the knife that hides behind the smile.

[@Bonnie-fh8up]

They over flatter to get you to let your guard down. Sugar couldnt be sweeter.

[@Greg-hg9cs]

Be careful to not be so closed off to believe that every man or person uses False flattery. Some of us actuslly mean it when stating how a person looks or achievement [s].

[@michaeljensen4650]

@@Bonnie-fh8up It's the over the top flattery you have to be watchful for. Measured and authentic flattery is honest and does not over idealize or overstate and anything.

[@franklooking4light851]

Observe them in an area where they are embedded in a social hierarchy, such as a company or any organization with such a structure. When one of their superiors is around, they shift gears to a higher level of feigned humbleness.

[@yvonneshanson1525]

Frank Looking4Light yesss! OMG, you reminded me of one specific example in my old work! 🤮

[@beautydefined1601]

Yes! They shapeshift

[@sunflowerskies-]

Yes right??? These people always rub me the wrong way.

[@patjones4250]

Excellent way to see what's going on, Frank! Harmless yet revealing.

[@rabinraj15]

Spot on!

[@anadipebari]

Hi Meredith, thank you for helping me realize I was being abused by a narcissistic friend... your videos are so educational!!!!

[@heidimedel]

My incubator uses false humility to try to get people to believe she's a woman of God. The truth is that she thinks she's the God. 🙄

[@Bonnie-fh8up]

That sounds exactly like my mother. She spoke about God but she was such a Narc that she manipulated ppl especially her children to do her bidding. She was unrelenting, and would not take no for an answer. She too , thought she WAS God, and so saintly at the same time.

[@silveradotow957]

@@Bonnie-fh8up good gut ,good god

[@kristinhanna7898]

Bravo, Meredith! Bravo!

[@jeffinetlyjeffbi9770]

That's weird people think that... I had a ex gf that kept saying she was 'lucifer'... I learned later that it's all a power issue

[@savetrump1088]

I think a pastor at the church I went to was a narc.

[@riyamitraministries]

False humility is a bait used to control you and get you fall in their trap. Put on your nike shoes and run as fast as you can 😂

[@womanofjudah4746]

Yes, El Diablo ( soon to be ex husband/ narc) acted like he was sooooo humble and the nicest guy in the world! That fooled me and everybody else. I'm sooo thankful to God, to be out of that just over 10 year relationshit!

[@pdxbound81]

The false humbleness I noticed with my narc ex was her over compensation to look extra nice to servers in restaurants and cashiers at retail stores during the lovebombing stage. When the mask came off, she was really a terrible person to others. It was embarrassing to go anywhere with her.

[@notagain779]

pdxbound81, I was out to dinner with a narcissist who seemed to be unraveling emotionally. Word salad started. She ordered eggplant parmesan, and when the server brought it out with a side of pasta, she barked at him: "AUTHENTIC eggplant parmesan NEVER comes with a side of pasta!!!" The server and I just looked at her with our mouths open.

[@gerafinali4384]

Mine used to put on a different voice on the phone, pretending to be extra sweet and shy. I remember that puzzled me a lot I even asked him why he was changing his voice, but obviously he denied it.

[@ratandeepkaur3221]

@@gerafinali4384 ..OMG....that's what i have experienced.

[@shaggyalonso]

I remember my ex going out of her way to give money to a homeless guy on the street while I was out on a date with her, but I sensed even then that this event only took place because of my being there.

[@user-ml8tm5bi4e]

You have nailed so beautifully the red flags they carry so proudly, especially false humbleness, that I've been able to detect them here in Brazil. LOL.

[@penelopelambson9128]

I hate the way the narcissist intrudes into your life and if you set a boundary they act all humble and martyred, claiming they were “ just trying to help”. Ugh. Talk about a spiders web.

[@colywogable]

Totally! They push right through your boundaries and the second you reinforce your rightful boundaries, even doing it in the most respectful way, they suddenly get all wide-eyed and weepy or like a scolded puppy, and they REVEL in the opportunity to be this innocent victim. Many years ago, I tried to express the pain that I had about my mother's abuse in a hand-written layer (not something I would EVER bother doing now, but that was before I knew it would make no difference), and instead of acknowledging the letter, she kept it folded in her nightstand drawer for years. She used it as a token of her martyrdom. That's all it was to her (zero accountability).

[@asryn96]

Indeed. They are despicable. They have no boundary recognition and want to be into your life by trampling on any boundary you set up and ended up playing the victim. Such horrible people!

[@dianemarie8873]

Oh man, this is so spot on. Have a family member who does these things. Whenever he does this I struggle not to roll my eyes but keep a poker face, because I know better. Lol! So fake.

[@andimagallon6888]

Omg word for word what my eldest sister said about my narcissistic mom when we were recently swapping experiences we've had with her

[@pamelaj1208]

I absolutely fell for this! He seemed too good to be true, and he was. I opened up to him, then he used pity to take advantage of me. I ignored so many red flags and then it took me months to get away. Thanks Meredith, your content is so good!

[@realhealing7802]

Excellent information! It is all an act. There is nothing humble about the narcissist. Don't believe the lie.

[@InHisService772]

I was married for 10 years to an overt narcissist. When I say I was DETERMINED not to make the same mistake, I was on a MISSION. My current husband had GREAT humility and it was so appealing. But now I see that he is just a COVERT narcissist. I have no one but myself to blame but my God!! I had NO IDEA these people existed!!! #lhardlifelesson

[@feelharmony520]

I think most people don't. And also as Meredith says it's often so that narcissist in one's life are just getting more sophisticated - covert. Don't be so hard on yourself and I hope you'll be able to get out safely and live your life happily.

[@silveradotow957]

Yep mi wifey, was a doozie, twozie

[@tanishap6760]

Don’t feel bad... it can take years to fully label the covert. You will go years knowing something isn’t right... and having a gross feeling around them but then you see their altruism and it makes you question yourself. And then the cycle begins again. It’s psychological gas lighting... unfortunately these kind have usually done more damage than you know. I wouldn’t be surprised if you find out that this person has been working a narrative about you to everyone in the family behind your back for years. I pray the Lord heals and delivers you! God bless

[@lotty6078]

Don't feel bad sometimes in our effort not to repeat mistakes we try to over correct and now once you have sampled an overt and then a covert narcissist you won't be fooled by either again. good luck x

[@StillAwakeAwareDiscerning]

Your story is my story. First husband was a overt narc. I was determined to NOT recreate that and guess what? Husband #2 was a covert narc. The real issue is that you can’t choose differently until you understand what you are dealing with. And I didn’t wake up to this until after 18 years with covert #2. I still say that to myself also, “who knew that people like this existed?”. They are everywhere.

[@mrscrofford]

These people have stuck out like a sore thumb for me since the beginning of social media. They are so darn transparent. I’m called negative too for bringing attention to this to people who are blinded by their false positivity and humbleness. 🤷🏼‍♀️my sister is exactly like this.

[@sw9172]

Meredith --thank you so much for these beneficial insights. It's so validating and helpful. "They use their humility to harvest the energy and emotions of others." SO true!

[@forpersonalreferencingonly2536]

I love inner integration! I have learned so much from meredith and even mention and reference her repeatedly in my own videos 💖💖💖💖

[@Ashbyee]

When I started dating my ex husband, we were both single parents, he came across as “super dad.” Long hours at the office only to spend until 11pm at night driving his favorite child back and forth to soccer practice and then home to fix dinner at 11pm for his other three children. EVERYONE felt so sorry for him, including me. How selfless was this sweet wonderful dad. Fast forward five years after getting married, I packed four suitcases and grabbed some of my twins toys and left. He was a monster to my children. I lived in fear of him. That super dad was a false image. Looking back, he loved the attention of looking so worn down a and selfless. Funny, he didn’t have that much involvement in his other three, average, athletic children. Just his super star child. The one that he was able to bask in her glory. I will spend the rest of my life trying to help my boys recover from his abuse.

[@raginald7mars408]

This needs Criminal Justice as any Violence and damage! there is No Tolerance in "Love"! We are among Hunters seeking to catch easy prey....

[@renatablindoso]

That’s a good way to spot it, when their humbleness is aimed at making me feel bad about myself. It’s almost as if they were trying to establish a power relationship as in “I’m better than you and therefore superior”. They know who are the good people who see goodness as a good thing and who will then be a good audience for their performance. I met a narc like that and I remember saying the very words “wow, you are such a good person, I learn a lot from you and I have to step up my game”. She chuckled as I said that. I think a truly humble person wouldn’t chuckle in a sense of self pride, but would actually make me see my personal value. FYI, this narc participated in six different charities. And afterwards I had to survive all the mess she left in my life.

[@jaykay3839]

Oh absolutely! My covert narc MIL did this all the time. She was a fantastic cook but at every meal she served she had to find something wrong with it too apologize for. It was her way of fishing for compliments. She also made sure to throw in some complaints any time she did something for you. She was a good quilter and would gift beautiful quilts to family only to make sure we all knew how much it made her sciatica flare up and her back hurt. She also volunteered for years for a group for former military and at her funeral the group showed up to put up a big fuss about how wonderful she was. They came in and took up most of the limited seating available, making family move out of the way. I got the feeling she fit in very well with that very showy group. Even the pastor who did her service admonished her grandchildren to be like her. I knew it was coming but actually hearing it was surreal.

[@Jessica_BR]

The covert ones are so good in hiding their true colors that I can't understand why they aren't using their "act skills" at Hollywood movies. It could fuel their ego instead of be everywhere breaking good people.

[@ladennayoung2939]

They will still break good people. That won't stop them from behaving the way that they do. Inflicting pain gives them joy/peace.

[@ladennayoung2939]

@N M to a certain extent. There are narcissist, and then there are those that have narcissistic personality disorder. These people can be very dark and damaging.

[@victorialadybug1]

@Cricket Hop No, many narcs and psychopaths are excellent at pretending to have empathy. It's an act, that's why the old Greek word for actor is called "hypokrite". That's why Hollywood is full of them.

[@whatsgoingon6256]

No cuz they belong away from society. They would be controlling everyone working there. I wouldn't wish all that abuse on so many victims.

[@og5656]

“I saw the signs” - Ace of Base

[@flamingsword777]

Haha, i just heard that song an hour ago and i kid you not, God used it to get my attention.....

[@og5656]

flaming sword777 I wish you well :)

[@forpersonalreferencingonly2536]

I loved the example of the trapping you into thinking you have to prove yourself too!!!! They insinuate an evil that never existed in the first place!!! Thats how we get stuck second guessing doubting and questioning ourselves!!!!!

[@wendyrichard9169]

It feels so good to listen to someone who gets it. thank you for the amazing videos!! My life seems to be flooded with covert narcissists. My mother, my ex boyfriend, bosses, previous friends. I used to think I was doing something wrong because I keep attracting them. But I know it's all for my healing and learning. For me, it's been a huge part of my path to empowerment. My friends don't understand and I'm fairly certain they think "Wendy thinks everyone is a narcissist" lol :) I don't at all. But, like most of us who watch these videos I am an empath and because I've been getting educated on what the spectrum looks like for so many years...I normally spot convert narcissism fairly quickly. I thought I was an expert until last year I started working at job and it took me 8 months to realize my supervisor is a covert narcissist. I was so upset with myself for not seeing it sooner. I was utterly bewildered how it got by me after years of experience and so much research. But things came to light about why I didn't see it. I feel like I have had to learn about this layer after layer. I am still in a situation where I can't go no contact with my mother, but I am hoping that it can happen soon. Big hug back to you and thank you for the fantastic content! I don't know what I would do without people like you.

[@notagain779]

Wendy Richard, Even when we think we know about narcissism, some can go undetected because each one has their own unique bag of tricks. I know two at work. They're like oil and water to each other, but they both like ME. When I asked each one at different times, why they didn't like the other, they both had the same reason: The other one was so FAKE! (They just showed it in different ways.)

[@andimagallon6888]

It's so crazy how many narcissists there are out in the world. & once you get used to recognizing things that narcissists do, you start to recognize them everywhere.

[@karenhartman9774]

Wendy Richard / having the same experience. Most recent was a psychopathic narc frenemy who spent 8 months settling up an elaborate trap to ruin me financially. I suddenly saw beneath the mask when he slipped because he’d been trying to go without supply to get to the big surprise finale. I withdrew because of an attitude that was curiously off. I only slowly began connecting the dots after going no contact. ... because it’s just so hard to believe that such pure evil exists! But he was so desperate for contact that he kept texting (baiting) me with little breadcrumbs of evidence. It felt SO good to know I escaped in the nick of time depriving him of that victory! I honestly believe my whole life is about gaining this clarity and wisdom because they’ve been my family, landlord, boss or coworker in every job I’ve had, all my life these nightmare scenarios. But we are now like that Tommy Lee Jones character in Men in Black... we see all the aliens that others mistake for humans. I swear they are over half the population! It’s SO damn exhausting. But I wouldn’t trade this wisdom for anything. You either see them or you’re what they are having for their lunch. 🤮 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@jdmal7]

Sounds like you’re a covert narcissist 🤣

[@TropicalRedFlower]

I appreciate so much your dedication to helping us to discover these toxic people and heal, you have helped me so much to toughen up emotionally. PLEASE consider opening a private FB group so we can share our experiences freely and help each other, as anything shared in the current FB page is easily seen by our contacts on FB. 💛

[@alissabrougham2587]

Thank you for these videos, really help to gain a better understanding and perspective and shield yourself from love bombing

[@surfshack2]

Their deception is disgusting. It hurt so bad to leave my ex narcissist but the more i learn about them i realize how lucky i am that i got away and went no contact. I didn't realize i was just an object in their manipulation game. A game that they play on everyone. No one is special. If you are involved with a narcissistic person you will be manipulated because it's all about them. It always was from day one. My narcissistic experience changed me because now i look around and realize there's many people like this and it's important to be aware so you can protect yourself. Thank you for the video , it's very helpful.

[@Harithashrivarshini]

This is life saving.. Ur videos are spot on and very clear.. You have saved our lives.. Thanks a ton to you 😇🙏

[@funlovinbloke6266]

It is so recognizable what you mention about the covert narcissist in your video. I have had a relationship with a covert narcissist person. She used all the trick and trades. Lovebombing, projection, gaslighting, discarding, hoovering, blame game, devaluation. I am happy that I have ended the relationship with my covert narcissist ex partner 19 months ago. I have my life back and have learned a lot about this topic, about myself and am free and me again. Good luck to everybody who is still facing narcissistic abuse and wants to be free again. You will overcome this.

[@emilywood5403]

You have validated my experience with my "do gooder" narcissistic mother. Youre amazing. Thank you so much!

[@blakcanis]

I know a few youtubers in the healing community that match this description. And it's true. Good discussion✌😊

[@schnauzermom7133]

My mother for my entire life! Took me 55 years to realize...

[@zeilaporto9504]

Supply, supply. I live with my 85 narc mother. She is worshipped for her humble concern and help given to others. At home when I don t give praise and joy for her harvesting she makes me blow up to get her energy. Any stupid detail triggers me ( 20 years back together) These scenes usually happen in front of my teenage son. I feel bad for my boy and I not being able to free smile or laugh. Good moments are an opportunity of anxiety when the 3 of us are together, so sad man ! Can t leave ; gotta learn to "grey rock" etc. Thank you for your videos and this community. _/\_

[@christinelamb1167]

Ha ha, I have a next door neighbor (I just moved in 2 months ago), who keeps hitting on me, and trying to wheedle his way into my life. Keeps talking about, "if you ever need anything just call me and I'll be right there". And, "I don't ever want to do anything to offend you", (while holding his hands in prayer position at his heart! Give me a f'ing break!) and blah blah blah. I'm not falling for any of it, I've already heard him talk about people in a disdainful way, and seen his eyes cloud over in barely suppressed anger as he's talking about them, then suddenly switch and become all angelic when he's talking to me. 20 years ago, hell probably even 10 years ago I might have fallen for his fake humbleness, but I know too much now! Thanks Meredith! You were the one who started me on my path to recovering from narcissistic abuse; I didn't even know what it was until I found your videos a couple of years ago. Thankfully I am so much stronger now, and have discarded the narcissists in my life, and am keeping all the sharks swimming around out there at a safe distance 😃

[@JackfnHammered]

Sounds like this piece of crap I dated, definitely a covert passive aggressive narcissist. Prior to meeting me, at some point he had a small dog and the only thing he ever told me about the dog, which he said three different times, was that one time the dog cost him $300 at the vet! Not one nice word about the dog, I had to ask what its name was, not one nice story about anything cute that the dog did or any fun things that they did together, nothing. Just that the dog cost him $300 at the vet ONCE. Well I blasted him on that one. I told him not only did he have a cheap vet but that he should have been taking that dog to the vet every year and not just once in it's poor life. I told him his concern was all about him and it was obvious that he resented having to spend any money on someone other than himself. He has recently broken up with his most recent victim and while she posts on her Facebook of what a mistake it was and how he drained her mentally and emotionally, he posts on his Facebook a new picture of himself, which all the pictures on his Facebook are of him by himself, and his big fat head... but the recent one is captioned something like "oh God please send a good person my way, I am currently single and would just love to share my life with the right one who's all about God and being clean and sober"... or something close to that! Not only is he in no way a person of God but he uses it to reel people in so that they think he's a good person... and publicly stating he's single like that and indicating he's just looking for a good person, would make a single woman read that and think 'oh this poor guy, I'm looking for a good person too and gee I'm religious too and I don't do drugs, I should may be message him'... that's what he's trying to do, get his next victim without even putting much effort into it other than a quick Facebook post with some lies! There should be a narc registry where we put up the names of all the narcs we've dated so we can check that registry and see if the next person we meet is already on there!

[@florenciaenriquez3874]

Before knowing this I though that someone who was in a charity and did all this selfless things couldn´t be a narcissit, but now I ask myself: Well, how do you know he does all these things? and I find myself answering "well. he told me". And I think that has to be a giveaway of narcissistic behavior, because as you said they are pretty nuch bragging but with a humble mask

[@achach5055]

Most narcs are in some charities. Charities are full of them. Watch their actions. They cant do nothing for anyone without recognition. My ex acted like she was so thoughtfull of everyone, yet when she come to visit she would park her bike right behind other cars so no one could get out, she would go turn the water on while someone else was in the shower. she came on my birthday but we had to do what she wanted and she got mad if we didnt. Everything was about her.

[@feelharmony520]

TOO TRUE. Spot on. I've met a VERY covert type and it is scary how well he could disguise himself under humbleness. He does really horrible things and no one from his environment says a word. He is such a "good human being", constantly "caring" for others and supposedly getting only poor reactions back, like no one is grateful for all the "good things" he does. It always looks as if he is justified to do those horrible things to others. I mean it's just SCARY to watch.

[@empowerempathsnow9192]

This video was very helpful. I have not seen many videos that specifically cover this aspect of narcissism in covert narcissists. Thank you. 🤍🙏

[@MariaNI-yf1bz]

Thank you so much for this video. I love your straightforwardness, no sugar coating, no gas lighting of plain reality; i have encountered this many tines but somehow i have NEVER heard speak about it openly. Its indeed all about them, showing how good they are.

[@JG-cj6pc]

When I asked the Xn about his prior girlfriends he said they all wound up breaking up with him. He didn't know why, he was such a "nice" person, all he wanted was to be loved. Now I know why. We were 20 (me) and 25 when we met, lesson learned. The only role he enjoyed as much as victim was hero. He was on the volunteer fire department for years and found a way to mention it often to get the "Oh, that's such a wonderful thing for you to do" reaction. Beware the self proclaimed "nice" guy (or girl). Truly nice people usually won't say they're nice, they show it with their actions.

[@mizznfizz1]

Can also fall into the "Pillar of the Community" role where they are the one that seems to always be a part of the community events, praises themselves for all the hard work they do in said events or participation, etc. How does the psalm go... Something to the sort of "Give not alms to the poor in seeking the notice of other men. Give alms in the quiet, so only the lord may see. For doing so in the view of other men is seeking righteousness of those who would be hypocrites and worship a false god." While not overtly religious this has always spoken to me. If I have to tell someone how great I am (or they me) then I truly am not great and only seeking praise to boost my own ego.

[@ignaciorossel]

Feeling so much better. My health getting better as I put to work the zero contact, despite of the attempts of contacting me intermittently, to harvest attention and entertainment, ghosting and bombing love. Is great!!! Stops the leak of energy. Still much work to do with my thoughts. Thank you dear. I love you!

[@erics1954]

Thank you so much. Unfortunately, this is my parents. I am sickened by the recent discovery of who they are. It's because they "overplayed their hand" and the story would take too long for me, but they gaslit me, triangulated me with a neighbor they know is toxic and has endangered me, I ended up in a psych ward. But the education and your channel, along with others, helped me to see that (I am on a new email, for various reasons, same as why one would change their phone number). I knew nothing was wrong with me to the degree they wanted to see myself as when the psych ward released me in less than one day. my mother became religious right before I was born, I'm the youngest of three (by 15 and 11 years...my older sister is dead now and I see their abuse towards her for what it was. They didn't "do their best" as others would try to have me believe. They did the work of Narcissistic psychopaths. That's the label I must use, and believe me, I have done psychological gymnastics to try to make myself wrong about this. They used me as a object to live through sending me to religious school when my older siblings weren't. When I journaled about being gay, my mother read it and used it as a terrorist campaign against me, trying to get me on the phone with religious "leaders," covertly putting me in to hypnosis therapy to "de-gay" me. My parents are evil and the spectacle they engineered less than a month ago , by breaking and entering into my apt and using covert shock tactics to have me screaming in the middle of the night. At least one cop and one doctor/nurse validated my experience and listened to me. I begged them to make my parents believe they saved me and that I am really sick, otherwise they'll come back. I begged them over and over, as I overheard them questioning my parents and realising they do not live with me, didn't know where my medications were, my dog's name. I am perhaps going through this s "PTSD crash" and doing whatever I can to not settle back into cognitive dissonance, while taking care of my Self by myself. It's hard AF. Thank you so much Meredith for all that you do. You have and continue to guide me.

[@laurynrose1111]

i watched them change in front of my eyes.. once humble a grateful for help while unemployed- Job back & an arrogance that came out in the form of superiority , rude remarks, projecting arguments & literally bragging outloud about how great they are

[@josun2222]

OMG this video cracked me up cause my ex did this several times. I watch these videos and I’m always surprised at how text book narcissistic he is but this one made me laugh cause he did this one too. How he helped the local church, how he’s such a nice guy cause he considered staying at his other apartment to give me space. Early on I told him he didn’t need to keep trying to sell me on him, I was there. That I’d never been with anyone who promoted himself so much. We only lasted 6 months and that was a rollercoaster.

[@phoenixrising8007]

Narcissist Humility is a Hoax

[@TheBjabeytalial]

An oxymoron

[@macoeur1122]

My stomach turns as you describe this because I know this pattern like the back of my hand....and the TRAP of being put in a position of having to "prove" some subtle insinuation is incorrect....and now, even knowing what's happening...it still makes my stomach turn every time I'm put in this position because "no one else can recognize it for what it is" (due to the narcissists "perception managment" through controlling the narrative)...You're "damned if you defend yourself" and "damned if you don't". Just one of a multitude of "double binds" the truly "exceptional" covert narcissist will employ. I think it can literally drive a person insane.

[@BudFuddlacker]

There’s an actual term for it, It’s called ‘Humblebragging’

[@rebeccaliew2247]

Got conned by my covert narc ex-friend this way. When I didn't know the existence of narcissism that time, I was drawn by her "Poor me! I gave my everything to this/that friend, but I got betrayed & nothing back in return!" stories. Instincts told me something's off, but I ignored it then. I thought at that time, "If I can't point out what's wrong, maybe I'm the one who's overthinking/jumping to bad conclusions too soon." 2 years passed, I've seen too much gaslightings, angry tantrums, zero spiritual wisdom (when I tried to talk deep stuff with her at one time), & bossy self-entitlements = all covered up with kind acts the next minute. Along the way, found out she was backstabbing me/traingulating me behind my back. Needless to say, cut contact off with her for good, after I called out on her B.S. She went on narcissistic rage one minute, but cowered away from me after that. Never dare to hoover me again, too. P/S: Note that I can call this covert narc out because she (and her husband, might I add) is not a high-ranking public figure or an influential powerful person in the work field. Which means, there is no legalistic manipulation she could pull against me, if she ever thought of creating trouble out of revenge. However, if any of you have narcissists in your life who happens to be powerful individuals/a leader somewhat in their fields, you want to think more carefully of calling out on their B.S. Because they have more money & connections than you to pull some strings a.k.a. manipulate company or court laws to be in their favour. You need more evidences of their abuse filed properly & get people supporting you too, if you want to call them out. If colleagues or managers/directors don't want to get involved because they want to save themselves first, don't know you, don't trust you, or afraid of the narcissist too, you have to consider fluffing the narcissist's ego up for a temporary time WHILE you look & secure your next income elsewhere. It helps buy you time to get your ducks in order before the narcissist figures out your real game-end & discards you eventually.

[@bohemiangypsy7783]

I went through exact same thing with a narcissist best friend. Took me couple of times to discard her but she hoovered me back. I had no idea then about these evil creatures back then. Once I clicked on to it I walked away no explanation for fuel to give her. She's doing victim play atm but I know she hates me. I so don't care and feel blessed it's during this iso time as it gives her no fuel to smear campaign me as much as no one can see each other atm...lol My life is so peaceful and drama free now and to focus just on my happiness and my children's is amazing and a blessing I am so grateful for! So happy your in the same boat now, take care 😊🙏

[@themsmloveswar3985]

Excellent video. I watched this occur in the workplace. In fact a lot of workplaces have at least one person of this type.

[@InnerIntegration]

I bet!

[@sylviahouston4969]

It still has me stunned how many people fall for their false humility. It gives them power and credit, so they can do whatever they want. In case of an artist I learned it is perverse how blind people can get.

[@ladennayoung2939]

So it is people fault that they fall for the narcissist lies and deception?

[@sylviahouston4969]

@@ladennayoung2939 No, not a thing of fault. Not a concept I would apply here. It is more that we, as people, are easely fooled. It seems human. Yet I am stunned about it. May I?

[@freefree832]

😂 💯 if they are a musician esp look out everyone is fooled thinking they are famous or worshiping them it's so vile it's hard to look at those blind followers as anything other than sheeple

[@OgWoot]

@@freefree832 I dated one in my 40's I knew something was off with in the 1st 48 hours. Damn if I didn't get tortured in every way a person can be ..until I went no contact with help from family after 2 years of hell.

[@WisconsinWanderer]

Living with a horrible narc and it’s almost a daily thing to walk on eggshells or other carnage from the other day I am now in the throws of her shaming and guilt because of not giving into her demands for $$ I will pay a price for saying no, who no’s what that will be and get to live with my guts in knot and terrified until this stay at home order lifts!! 😔

[@annatkachenko43]

I was stuck in a relationship of this kind for almost 5 years, and i always had kind of a pattern of situations like this and with narcissism in general until i started to watch your videos and found more information about this topic. It really has opened my eyes and helped me to leave those cycles of abuse. Keep doing your work 🙌🙌🙌

[@silveradotow957]

Witch da actions,nit da wormy ,warts, whirls ,worrds

[@webeducation]

Her stories about her exes were all about what they could not provide for her. What she was not getting. There was a sense of how she was above it all and how she deserved so much more. Never once did she speak of anything she may have done wrong in those relationships.

[@tpriestess]

It is quite the act! When one finds out that a person's entire life is FAKE, wow! And that I allowed myself to become so entwined. Such forgiveness and healing required. I am recovering from unraveling this deceit. And now it seems so easy to see through. My challenge now is where I see other 'innocent' people falling for this deeply deceitful behaviour. I have recently been part of a healing group where the leader, I realize, has been played by a group member. Well, actually, this group member masterfully has manipulated the entire group in order to receive supply. When I realized the depth of this and saw through, I have withdrawn my membership from the group. So sad, it is supposed to be a group for healing!!! A lot of anger has arisen within me with this awareness. Thank you for your video, Meredith and for all the examples you give.

[@chilloften]

It’s always weird to me, these people seeking validation.

[@TheBjabeytalial]

But never give any!

[@markymarkpowpow]

so well explained - love the examples too. thank you for your videos!

[@dianedibiasio2332]

I'm so sorry for flooding this space with all this - I just don't know where else to turn to - I'm panicked - I'm terrified he'll be trapped in this relationship forever - After his last (known) relapse, he told me she had been talking for 5 days about having babies and building a family together. Then, before he even had time to get home from her place, she had left a message on his machine saying it was all a mistake, etc... So he picked himself up, dusted himself off and reset the No Contact counter. He got support from me and his friends... we listened as he obsessed over how badly she treated repeated him and cheered him on as he showed resolve to free and heal himself. Sometimes I would (very gently) suggest he start thinking about shifting the focus away from her and toward himself. That was hard for him but I witnessed him catching himself ruminating and bringing the focus back to himself. And then one day he said he needed a break from talking about it - needed to learn to live with loneliness ( a HUGE fear for him) - needed to do the things he liked (gaming and being with his gaming community) in order to reconnect with joy. So he was talking the talk...I feel such deep despair...

[@heathy1364]

Does this include someone who tries to help you out like painting a room in your house or helping in your garden seemingly with no expectation of receiving anything in return, and then later they ask you to do something for them and they use the things they insisted on doing for you (you never asked them to work in your garden for example) to make you feel like you have to do something for them (like drive them somewhere when you need are normally at work) or something else? After experiencing this, unless I really know someone well, I don't let them do anything for me anymore because it was used as leverage for me to do something for them or to really make me feel bad when I couldn't do something for them right away. I remember this person telling me that they "actually, I am very generous in helping people" when I first met them.

[@InnerIntegration]

This is definitely a trait of the covert types. I would say it fits with the topic of “the extortion of trust” a video I made maybe 6 months ago. They do something for you, which makes you want to trust them and feel indebted to them, then they use that to get you to do what they want or to feel bad that they did something for you. Often what they want is something against your boundaries or responsibilities, like you mentioned during work hours.

[@heathy1364]

@@InnerIntegration Thank you Merideth. I am going to listen to that one. I somehow missed it. I think you are great!

[@See_Life]

@@heathy1364 Hi, Merdith, great video, thank you! ✨Validating my own experience totally. I've noticed the trait described by Seeking Peace & Truth to be typical for both types- covert and overt. I try not to accept help from strangers or people who I don't know well for this reason, especially if they are very determined to ''offer''you their help. I think it just looks more drastic and has more of an impact on empaths when it comes from a covert narcissist because their words of 'generousity'and genuine humbleness don't match their actions, so it's really shocking and upsetting when you find out they were never genuine .

[@notagain779]

Seeking Peace & Truth, Watch out! Especially with neighbors. Our neighbor (we are two elderly sisters) has been pulling tricks like this for years. He's very pushy about having his way around our property. (under the guise of being a good neighbor by bringing his lawn mower onto our property and just starting to mow our lawn!) I told him please not to, and he acted all hurt. There are things he wants from us, too many and detailed to mention here, but he believes he can bamboozle us and eventually get our house really cheap for his son, thinking we will be grateful to him. He will use the excuse that he has tried to be such a good kind neighbor. Oh, uh-huh. A real con artist is what he is. He takes us for fools, because before we figured him out, we were nice to him. It's been very stressful having him next door. Just the sight of him makes us nervous. So, don't let yourself become beholden to anyone. True and honest help unfolds between trusting friends, and you'll be able to feel the difference when it's coming from true intentions. It's the INSISTENCE and pushy behavior that reveals false intentions, I believe.

[@Multiverse82]

Jeanog totally! We have a neighbour just like this! She is horrible! Pushes her way around pretending to have baked things for our children that are blatantly shop bought! She is obsessed with her parking space which is on a free open road and asks people to move their cars if they are in it! I’m so pleased this pandemic has allowed no contact! The other side aren’t much better, watching us on CCTV and going down our bins! It seems they are obsessed with us! 😳

[@elizabethhouser3357]

I nailed one of my acquaintances at church. She always knows ‘exactly where I am coming from’, and is so humble about all the work she does for the choir. I didn’t know why she would go on and on about how much she was doing. Now I know. Thank you for helping me recognize it so I can keep her just as an acquaintance with proper boundaries. This is so my no contact mother too. At my kids birthday parties she would go on and on about how she works three part-time jobs working with the needy, never taking a vacation. Nice for me to be able to frame it in retrospect. You have been such a help going no contact with her for almost a year now.

[@ardent9422]

My narcissistic family member does something similar, the other day she saw a couple walking by the house and the man of the couple had a mask but the woman didn’t, so she stopped them and gave the woman a mask, she’s been bragging about it ever since to everyone that passes by, how virtuous she is because she gave someone a mask.

[@margyrowland]

Yes, she’s a pathetic covert narcissist for sure. Take care

[@warorislam]

Good talk on this confusing manipulator narcs Meredith!.

[@ninastar5833]

I think its important that you mentioned that it's the pattern that is what it makes it stand out as false, and I say this because everyone goes through low self esteem and displaced self worth and no one is free of that until they root it out of their subconscious. I also acknowledge that people have grown up with self doubt for many reasons and they are lessons that we need to go through in order to discover the truth about ourselves and life. Like the Oracle of Delphi says, know thy self and thy will know the universe. I also find there are many truly authentic spiritual people and spiritual beliefs who in earnest don't charge and who give freely, and that is an authentic principle of giving spiritual teachings, a spiritually derived principle common in all cultures and throughout time and is not a man made construct. It's unfortunate that the truly good have been netted with the fool's gold, and I hope that people will make use of their intuition to tell the difference.

[@carmeng4555]

Spot on. Mom did lifeline and church kids teaching as humility cover to all. Was a fake covert narcissist to core. Used my abusive overt narcissistic dad behaviour and later bad divorce to nth for sympathy and to show how much suffering she went thru. All the while scapegoating me and golden holding my brother. In later years, in front of other esp when in hosp, I was best daughter etc etc, moment home and didn't need me as was well, if I didn't agree with anything immediately said to f..off...happened after every extended hosp visit. Both gone now, and finding this Chanel extremely helpful. Lastly for years said she was screwed over in divorce was supposed to get a house, but when going thru my dad's papers saw the monetary value of supposed said house or to value of, as listed in anti-nuptual agreement was given and was deposit for flat she bought and moved into. Total lies. Her and my covert narc brother would sit and bulls..t and lie to each other while he visited in one of the few 3 yearly visits to "borrow" money. It was truly like I was watching the twilight zone. Your Chanel great and spit on, thank you.

[@holisticenergymedicineappr7898]

Dear Meredith, thank you! You came in my life at the right time. I joined a Church, and I could t even sleep at night! You came in the right time, as they were exactly as you describe it here! God bless you!

[@disappearingremedy7400]

The glare I got from my mom when I put a couple of dollars in the tithing basket at church never clicked until I realized her need for acknowledgement in tithing by putting in a check every time. So crazy.

[@KirstenReed]

Suddenly finding myself reassuring someone I've just met, or continually feeling I must reassure people I know is a definite indicator/reminder of this for me. Also, if in doubt, I find if I call something out re: the false humbleness, a "normal" person will often stop and reflect. (A simple "why are you saying x, because I've observed y", or "have you tried x?") A narcissist will get pretty tense pretty fast. I've seen people go from "I'm so nice/unsure of myself" to rage so fast when I've just prodded that little bit.

[@Scotts865]

I had a boss, he was Mr. Humility. Like you said it was all a con but it and he was very effective and most people didn’t know and will never know. They are the most difficult to detect and to work with to get anything done. He hid behind the bible. Power and control was his deal.

[@miawilliams6653]

Thank you very much. Many blessings to you.😁😁😁🙏🙏🙏💖💖💖💖

[@corinneseguinart]

Very helpful, thank you! From a French point of view your French pronunciation was on point! Bravo! I did discover after long someone I thought to be humble being a person that extort. That person tried to make a name for this person's self and show off as humble fundraising money for good causes, giving an opportunity to show my art when in the back story this person put me in a forced position to give up on my artist % of sale. This person was not concerned about my artist pricing aka value of my art at the moment neither for my need to make a living off my art. That person wanted to sign my artist agreement on my behalf without any signed contract agreement between us to give this power and also wanted to get my artist %. I did not allow any and I had to handwrite that I will be giving away my artist % if any of my art is sold at the show in order to solve this. Also, I'm overseas and this person has been holding for couple of years some of my art that is not his property and started making it a big deal that it was stored by this person's self. I never ask for it and I didn't know what art this person was holding excepted a piece a had purchased. No prior notice where sent from this person I discover my art to be on a show from a IG post. I got to know what was the deal (all that was unmentioned by this person) reading the artist agreement that I received on my request to the exhibition organizer. Yet this person is probably seen as humble, caring and giver.

[@Ian140265]

Absolutely you are right, thank you so much, this just confirms to me that my perception was on the right track. The covert malignant narcissist constantly uses this tatic against me. Really helpful video. You look beautiful and you are intelligent and you explain things well with a genuine humble spirit. Thank you.

[@Astharia]

I find that the coverts are often friends with the overts and I think they secretly admire their bluntness. So if you wonder why someone has so many annoying friends when they pretend to be so different and they make excuses for their inexcusable behavior that might be a clue the person is one of them. It's the first sign of lacking integrity.

[@MaiCaSon]

My Narc Ex sounded like a broken record in claiming that he was shy and didn't like getting attention. That was a total lie. He would sulk and "get even" if he wasn't the center of attention for everyone at all times. He also claimed to be an expert in whatever thing he was dabbling in or had a limited knowledge about. He took some dance lessons, but claimed to me and everyone else within earshot that he was a dance instructor. He would fly into a spewing rage whenever he messed up a step and then blame his mistakes on his dance partner which was usually someone who knew even less about dancing than he did. He continuously claimed that his ex wife and ex girlfriends were all desperate to get him to take them back, were stalking him, and were only just looking for a free ride after they screwed up the "good thing" that they had going on with him. Turns out that his claims about them were actually a confession to his own MO. He was the jealous stalker who used me for a free ride that screwed up the "good thing" that he had going on with me with his narcissistic abuse and selfishness. If I knew then what I know now, I would have paid more heed to the crap he was saying. It was as though his secret motto was to lie first, lie fast, and lie frequently. His lies started from the first moment he opened his mouth. He knew that it was only a matter of time before I heard the truth about him so he knew he had to get his lies in there first before I could learn the truth. Smearing his ex's was done so that I wouldn't believe them when they tried to tell me the truth about him.

[@heididavisquilts]

I've encountered and formed relationships with so many of these people since my youth and have subsequently cut them out once seeing the truth. Now, I'm tired and lonely and don't trust my own judgement. Once you've lived in this pattern for so long, it's hard to know how to change and stop attracting them.

[@See_Life]

Heidi, you are not the only one who feels that way, 💜 I got so disappointed with myself for falling into the web of my last relationship with a covert narc, after knowing so much about this disorder.., I had to learn being my own support system after all these hard lessons and grow some kind of hard shell, even though I know I would not change my heart, I was born that way after all.. Maybe people like us should live in the same neighbourhood to re-gain our trust and sanity. Sending you hugs!

[@heididavisquilts]

@@See_Life Thank you for the understanding and support. Hugs back! 💗

[@zacharykassner9002]

My soon to be ex wife would have times she would use this to make me feel awful and make me feel I was the bad person in our marriage. She would go on about how much she did for the kids and me and because she had to take the kids to daycare and I didn't that I didn't really care about our children. She later got a job working as a case manager and would go on and on about how she felt connected with the kids she worked with and how much they would tell her they loved her. Soon after I found out about all the multiple affairs she had had and was still having the mask started to fade. She would one day be talking about the kids she worked with but it was always about how much they appreciated her. She would carefully add in about how much she cared about them. The next day I would hear her mumbling things like "These stupid kids, I just can't deal with this today" and she would even have moments she would flat out tell me how she couldn't stand the very kids she had earlier talked so highly of. Even our own kids she started having moments where she even told me she dissociated from them and didn't feel anything for them. She acted all humble like she was doing me a favor only asking for me to pay $300 in child support because she cared about me and didn't want to take all my money (really think about it and how entitled do you have to be to cheat on someone and then discard them and expect to be payed monthly by them). I started paying more attention and realize how she acted like she cared but it's all just going through certain movements with Narcs. Really watch them and you will see they do things that portray they care but when it comes to intimacy and actually being there they are no where to be found. The more I look back the more I see how she doesn't actually care about our children. They are merely used to show a facade to others that she cares about more than herself. Playing the helpless mother that was emotionally abused by me and had to find another man to save her. Good video. This is exactly how they work. And my wife at the end was even looking at all this self help stuff and using it to manipulate things with me. We were supposed to be working things out after I found out about the affairs but it was just another cover in her game. I was shut down for trying to heal if I needed closure. Told I was harassing her or emotionally abusing her by asking why or anything related to her double life. Told I did not respect her privacy and therefore did not respect her. She would play up how she needed to work on herself and that I was not allowing her to heal. Gaslighting became the only thing I was given. I always saw it at the beginning just never thought about narcissism (because they do a good job at making you believe they are humble and well maybe you are overthinking it). Sometimes I would mention how I thought she was sounding a bit arrogant and she would flip out on me and turn into me being mean. I can't believe how much I shrugged off during our first 2 years that should have been red flags. Just fell for the letting her make me feel like I was the one being mean by bringing it up technique they use. Clear as day to me now though. I found a lot of the messages to her affairs. She uses the same things she did when we first meant. Playing it up like a victim.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

I'm in a legacy issue with my narc mother who will have to be lawfully forced to give me my due share - yet she insists in pretending she's "not after the money". My adult 22yo son who now took her side and parasites on her (he has moved into her household and she pays everything) has told me *I WOULD RUIN HIS LIFE* if I might insist in receiving from my father's legacy what is simply my inheritance right and written national law (in Germany). They're BOTH of that type; yet my mother shows the overt more often, she only uses false humbleness to dismiss and mock on my own true relationship with Jesus Christ because she doesn't understand what real humbleness before God might be.

[@Jo-xn2cs]

THANK YOU! First video specifically on false humility.

[@barbarativvu2023]

When they say 'Oh, I'll never do that awful thing' you can take it 💯as an admission of culpability.

[@unlockyourstarz]

I watched a video about communication the other day and the speaker said weak people have to put other people down to try and make themselves seem stronger. So true. Some people take this much farther than others - those are the ones who I think are probably narcs.

[@jayelbee777]

My ex covert narc used to joke about being a "Humble Genius". It wasn't as funny once I finally figured out who he was. 😩

[@margyrowland]

Jan Snell 🤣🤣🤣 HUMBLE genius 🤣🤣🤣 Love from Australia to you Jan 🇦🇺

[@unlockyourstarz]

This is a really interesting facet - I encountered a situation similar to this not too long ago with someone I have an acquaintance with. I was taken a bit by surprise when she approached me in the way that she did. She was speaking in "sentence fragments" in an "accusing tone" and she avoided being direct or stating clear facts. The sentence fragments were being used to try to create or elude to issues/problems that don't exist in such a way to avoid having to really prove it. I started asking clarifying questions and she had difficulty with specific details. I responded with clear statements (using complete sentences) with real facts and presented supporting evidence that refuted what she was suggesting. When I showed her that her points were incorrect, this woman lost emotional control and started screaming at me "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DO EVERYDAY!!!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!!!!!!" I stopped talking after I made my point. She made other statements about how she is a "victim" of others in the situation as she was walking away from me. She had seemed so nice, intelligent, professional, and humble before this - I was dumbfounded. I started thinking about some other factors in the situation and I came to the conclusion that this was her attempt to try and find some fault with me - so that she could manipulate a scenario in her favor- and take something away from me - but it didn't work . When she realized that her argument didn't stand up she lost emotional control. Her next step was rallying her allies with her 'victimization". She got support/consolation from some people but luckily it didn't change the situation (this time). This may or may not be the last time something like this happens with this person - I don't know. I don't know if she is in fact a narc - but this was certainly "narc-like" behavior. When people show you who they really are - believe them the first time - and protect yourself accordingly.

[@Bonnie-fh8up]

Exactly> when they "Show" you who they really are .. believe them. Dont wait around for them to tell you what and who they are. that will most likey never come. Watch the Actions. Not just their words.

[@raccuia1]

She's a narc. Everything you described supported that.

[@ninastar5833]

It is a strange behavior and the flip side of the victim story is the perpetrator and that's why you see both play out when one is denied, the other side flips into action. Sadly we all have this in us, it just comes out in different scenarios, with different people and in different degrees.

[@Eastonohno]

I am discovering a religious narcissist is my life . My mom. However, I have had a lot these people in my life and one thing they will say is “I forgive her, I’m a very forgiving person and I feel sorry that she cannot forgive and let go of the past”. They say this due to having boundaries and going no contact. My mom especially will always talk about herself and how great she is and she rarely gives you time to speak and when you do she changes the subject, or uses the vulnerability as an opportunity to tell you everything wrong with you. I finally caught up with facade and am finally no longer in denial since she has turned her focus on my children, her grand children, and pronounces religious judgment on them for not giving her hugs or not giving her enough attention; this cloaked under a guise of humility. Acting as if she cares for us and is only being honest. It’s difficult listening to the projecting, stating that I’m arrogant and not humble one when lovingly confronting her behavior and standing up for my children.

[@uke7084]

This video helped me dodge a bullet, thank you.

[@anaisjanuary1]

Thank you so much for all the help you give for the people abused by narcissists. You have brought so much light and peace in my life as I am too a victim of narcs. Even if now I am better than 2 years ago I still follow your videos and watch some a second time as a reminder of how dangerous this people can be and how to stay away from them. (my narc is still in my life as I am co-parenting so I need to always be prepared and strong). Sending you love

[@purplepeanutt]

My ex covert narcissist was a really good unlicensed mechanic. He was always helping others and would talk very humbly about it. He also spoke of giving friends loans in thy past and they screwed him over. The patterns i saw was when a friend of his really needed help, it was always on his time, not when his friend needed it. I didn't approve of that at all as a helpful friend behavior. It bothered me greatly. I had spent 2 yrs and 4 mo before I could line up all the patterns to see that he was very selfish indeed. I was thrown off because he didn't put me down, he spoke uplifting of me. But where the pattern i did see was he create situations of drama with me, fights arguments and that was where he would put me down. I logged all those events in my calendar and could see a regular pattern.

[@johnjoeparappallil219]

Thanks for sharing this. I was on a date with my wife and some very young beggar asked us for money. I felt bad for that guy and talked about it to my wife. She switched the conversation into how she fed starving kids in africa while beeing on a business trip and how good she was. She didn't show any any empathy for that beggar. Now reflecting on that I wish I had seen the warning signs about her much earlier.

[@Marian-el4lq]

The covert narcassist I was with always used fake humbleness to gain sympathy from me. That he had always missed out on life opportunities because others were chosen unfairly. He also used to inflate how much he did to help at home and with the children to our friends and family which was so untrue. It was to make himself feel and look better to everyone but was slowly killing me inside together with his demanding and attention seeking personality. The silent treatment was especially harmful to me & the kids. After 30 years I got out and now he just expects the kids and I to like him. Typical narcissist...

[@vividblack01]

I have a brother who has been a Bad Boy all his life, but recent,y has turned this into a Humble Older Father ... & honestly, I never fell for it, because you can’t change a “tiger’s stripes” Anyway, I drove to his house early one morning for breakfast and he asked me to come in, because he wasn’t quite ready to go. Once he was ready, we walked towards his door to leave and he suddenly got on one knee in front of a large plaster Jesus statue that he had by his front door. And I watched him pray and he gets up and looks at me with this innocent look on his face. And I asked him if he did that every day and he said, “Yes, every day I pray for justice.” I KNEW HE WAS FULL OF CRAP ... he was trying to prey on my feelings. But as soon as we get into the car, he sees his neighbor and starts talking so much crap about them ... very hypocritical. And he’s swearing in the car, cutting people off, flipping people off ... I’m thinking, “Where’s that Mr. Peace & Love” that existed 10 minutes ago, lol. Btw, that statue of Jesus didn’t even belong to him - his friend came by about a month later to claim it. That was all for show. Unbelievable the lengths that these people go to try to convince others that they’re good people!

[@chrisobrien6254]

Great video! Thank you! It’s really the covert ones that are most dangerous I think! Because they are able to fool the most people

[@mreese8764]

She: "I'm not interested in being famous" Response: "Don't worry. You are good."

[@shanawyatt]

It can be a fascinating subject. Because there are so many facets. And this vid was one of them! You can feel it in your gut. Mainly, that they’re really not that nice or generous. Nice and generous people don’t have to tell those stories