FBI is always watching

How else would they know you love grape juice and are on the hunt for a bidet? Huge thank you to Nord VPN for sponsoring todays video. Go to nordvpn.com/julie for a huge discount 🥳
P.S. Sign up to my Patreon for behind the scenes bloopers and early access to videos here: / julienolke
Actors: Julie Nolke
Writer: Julie Nolke
Camera: Sam Larson
Editor: Alec McKay

[@peterg76yt]

"I'm not a boat pirate" is exactly what a boat pirate would say.

[@RS-pk4mp]

"Allegedly . . . "

[@M_Alexander]

Are _you_ a boat pirate?

[@shaytal100]

@@M_Alexander Yeah, how does peterg know what a boat pirate would or wouldn't say?

[@peterg76yt]

@@M_Alexander Are _you_ the FBI?

[@M_Alexander]

@@peterg76yt shaytal100 makes a good point. Do your buddies at the FBI know you're also a boat pirate!?

[@trinaq]

I love that you show two Julies in the same spot, your editing is absolutely flawless.

[@HSkraekelig]

Same! it was seamless! Even the glances back and forth were exactly right.

[@runrig97]

It's probably Mirror Julie moonlighting.

[@leinadcoelho]

Yeeeah..."editing"....riiiiight....

[@cjc363636]

Editing.... Or secret Canadian clone research has started paying off!!!

[@danielwilliams7562]

Neil Breen needs her to be an advisor for his next movie

[@PhilosophyOnTheNightbus]

I live in constant fear of the day on which the FBI threatens me to publish my smartphone's calculator history... 😨

[@captainpoppleton]

We know you've been typing 80085 a little too frequently.

[@sleepysera]

Look, officer, it's not that I'm too stupid to do the math for 18+7 in my head, I'm only typing ridiculously easy equations into the calculator so I can be SURE the result is correct, because wouldn't it be even more embarrassing to be overconfident and get it wrong on an official document?? 🥲

[@PhilosophyOnTheNightbus]

@@captainpoppleton No... please... I'm not a boobs pirate... it was just for science 😅

[@PhilosophyOnTheNightbus]

@@sleepysera Well well well, so you expect us to believe that the reason for all those times you double-typed simple additions was just because the first result seemed to be slightly implausible?! 👮‍♀

[@TKMcClone]

Every once in while it's good to check that 2+2 still does equal 4 (people who cover their laptop cam will get that one)

[@GinoGenero]

We no longer use the term boat pirate. We are "high sea redistribution persons." Avoid HR action by making this mandatory change please.

[@aucarter]

😂😂😂

[@cleverb3507]

Also acceptable is “partial vision and/or appendage challenged maritime asset redistribution specialist”

[@GinoGenero]

@@cleverb3507 🤣🤣 Best yet. If only you could work rum and a parrot in, I think you'd have it nailed.

[@celticlass8573]

"High seas alternate destination agents."

[@madcow3417]

As a boat pirate, I find this clip offensive. All boat pirates know about that little piece of tape, the FBI could never catch us that way.

[@HSkraekelig]

Perhaps that's true, but now you have exposed yourself and if you didn't use a VPN to make this post, they're going to find you!

[@blindleader42]

Ah, but what do you really know about that tape? What alterations might the FBI have forced the manufacturer to do?

[@madcow3417]

​@@blindleader42 No way. I get my tape from a guy with a "not an FBI agent" shirt on. Shirts don't lie. Definitely safe.

[@josephwalsh7546]

Tape isn't the give away ( typical boat pirate mistake ! ) It's those big-ass parrots and peg legs !

[@adamjones4606]

​@@josephwalsh7546 and the eye patch !

[@JonasHamill]

I noticed the bit of tape covering my webcam was moved (presumably from a recent meeting) and replaced it over the camera about 5 minutes before this was uploaded. FBI Julie, are you watching me?

[@JonasHamill]

I promise I'm not a boat pirate

[@julienolke]

@@JonasHamill 😎

[@johnassal5838]

We all are

[@jw8160]

@@johnassal5838 shhhhh! Don't tell them. 🤫

[@anderskronquist9750]

I mean... not anymore? But if you'd like to get rid of that tape, we'd appreciate it!

[@louissivo9660]

Thank you for not giving up in the early days of your career when you found it was not easy to find a job in the entertainment industry. So happy you took the chance to write your own skits and performing them here on KZbin. You were such a wonderful find and I've been watching and laughing with you for years. Thank you.

[@lastmanstanding2622]

You are correct. She is a Canadian treasure and an American Sweerheart. 💕

[@williams_57]

Double Julie videos are always the best for some reason.

[@FuzzyStripetail]

Nothing floats the FBI's boat pirate like not having the experience to spell "experience".

[@johngardner1898]

"I thought she was going to eat it." Thanks for making my day Julie.

[@lastmanstanding2622]

She did. It was edited out. 😱

[@rhaplord]

nice try Julie-FBI, i will not be taking off that paper covering 🤣

[@IrocZIV]

That's some quality work on the actor double/split screening, better than most TV shows.

[@--INDIGO--]

Me who’s had my cam taped for years. Harr, harr harr 🏴‍☠️

[@captainpoppleton]

We know. One day that tape will fall off.

[@celticlass8573]

Same, only mine's a Bandaid.

[@artificus7316]

​@@captainpoppletonI used the cheapest rest of sticky paper 5 years ago and it refuses to fall off ...

[@nickmajora]

I thought there was only one Julie but the intro to this proves she has a twin. Keep up the good work Julie twins!

[@garyK.45ACP]

If the FBI _isn't_ watching you, you aren't doing it right.

[@lagomoof]

These days, everyone's on a list. Multiple lists even. Not sure how high you have to be to get assigned a webcam agent though. Julie must have used a cotton swab to clean her ears or something. Utterly heinous.

[@josephwalsh7546]

If even the FBI doesn't find you interesting it explains your lack of Tinder matches.

[@stephenobrien2676]

I love your videos/humour so much that I even watch the promotion. Best wishes to you and your young family!

[@MartinWastlund]

Probably the best advert-placement ever!

[@ice319]

I fully believe that this is exactly what happens in FBI field offices.... I hope they didn't get freaked out by what I was watching last night. That was.. just curiosity.. 🙄

[@gordonmacdowell8117]

Paper and electrician's tape over the webcam is one of the first steps to setting up a new laptop. Always put a bit of paper under the tape to avoid the glue from the tape making a mess if you need to do an online meeting.

[@Anujchauhanify]

At this point Julie is basically HYDRA, just when you think you think Julie isn't here, there's 2 more Julies

[@thing_under_the_stairs]

You know she's got as many clones as Ryan George!

[@josephwalsh7546]

Agent Smith in Matrix.

[@Anujchauhanify]

@@thing_under_the_stairs Haha maybe even more we'll just have to wait and see!

[@Anujchauhanify]

@@josephwalsh7546 The best about being Julie, there are so many Julies.

[@robyn_southafrica]

You know who I miss, the mirror alcoholic 😅😅 Great video, boat pirates ☠️

[@MR-MR-ud5oo]

After parenthood comes along, you gotta make hard choices about who your friends are.

[@robyn_southafrica]

@@MR-MR-ud5oo True, true 🍻

[@mrstoives2444]

I’m taping my camera up now📷😂

[@julienolke]

Top notch security

[@HariSeldon913]

@@julienolke Will your sponsor mind that you gave the free solution before your ad for their solution? And I'm not sure coffee should be the definition of cheap these days. 😺😺

[@danielwilliams7562]

Julie can always work as a technical advisor for people like Neil Breen is her acting career somehow defies odds and doesn't pan out

[@blindleader42]

As an old school PC user, I've never had a web cam to worry about. All you smug, naive boat pirates know nothing. Ha! 😝

[@celticlass8573]

Wow my computer has a webcam and is from 2013. You must have a *really* old-school computer!

[@blindleader42]

@@celticlass8573 Custom built mid-tower just a year and a half old. In 37 years I've never had a pre-built computer. I suppose if I ever want a laptop, I'll have to do some tape research.

[@observer7098]

“I am not a boat pirate”🤣🤣🤣

[@robphoenix1182]

Part 2 is a must!! 😂😂😂 Is Julia a boat pirate? Does she ever find out that little piece of tape? Who's watching the watcher that is watching? Hole far down the rabbit hole does the viewing go? How many people have to Google how to spell experience?! 😂😂😂😂😂

[@michaelreifenstein2114]

Turtles all the way down.

[@robphoenix1182]

Oofff edit.... Find that* not "find out that".... How* not "Hole" Someday, I hope to proofread before I hit send!! Lmao

[@ADMusic1999]

Billions of dollars worth of equipment and years of rigorous training vs. a piece of tape. Tape wins, every time

[@jim6070]

I am very amazed how much these three look alike. Coincidence? Seems like that right there is worthy of investigation.

[@justineberlein5916]

I think she just uses the same cloning lab as Ryan George

[@luisvillarreal5262]

I feel like I’m being watched now. Now I’m paranoid. Thanks Julie. 😂

[@lastmanstanding2622]

Comb your hair, It's a mess.

[@darkchild233]

"I thought she was gonna eat" 😂

[@vhartson]

Now I'm just thinking about the FBI man in my phone watching me watch this video about the FBI man in my phone 🤯

[@MarkCMG]

Thanks for the video! I always enjoy your comedy and the FBI can verify that!

[@Beefeater911]

What’s better than Julie Nolke? 3 Julie Nolkes.

[@BADCEEDSstudio]

What if the FBI stood for Fantastic Bestowers of Insight ... "have you ever realized that the older you get, the more you value your time, the single most fleeting resource you can control in life? ... investigate that, eh?"

[@MarvelLio-u1s]

I just engaged the privacy shutter on my webcam after watching this. I forgot after using the camera yesterday but this reminded me that it's actually kinda important in case somebody wonders if I'm a boat pirate.

[@jamielancaster01]

To be a ‘special agent’, you must have a law degree (J.D.)

[@feral_shade]

....except for US Army counterintel. ...I got Special Agent with a mere associates degree 😅

[@Dan-dg9pi]

Julie watching Julie watching Julie. I assume Julie #3 was working for Meta?!

[@robert-yv2yj]

Hilarious. There are still people who don't cover the camera, or are careful with their phone, or Alexa. But remember. The government, and companies would never track you. Love your videos.

[@JoshuaBPino]

No one will judge you. Stay healthy. You are amazing. And being gorgeous❤

[@HealingInsideMyMind]

Julie *Picks her nose* Me: “JULIE DON’T DO IT!” 😂🤣😂🤣

[@ijchua]

Congrats on 1M subs!

[@GermanShepherdEmmett]

I watched the ad at the end just because the bit was funny

[@bd5289]

This was a GREAT one!

[@adequatebus8280]

Think they know about the human-sized cage in the crawlspace? Surely they can't see down in the crawlspace. Don't call me Shirley. -C

[@tfpp1]

Got me second-guessing how to spell "experience" for like a minute.

[@lastmanstanding2622]

You left out the "w".

[@tfpp1]

@@lastmanstanding2622 😂🤣

[@michaelwatson266]

Does having over a million subscribers on KZbin make you a Superstar Julie??

[@AlaskanNativeRedEagle]

Is it weird that I hope that someone like Julie is my FBI agent! 😂🤷🏽‍♂️

[@james.telfer]

It's not the FBI: it's the NSA's job to hoover up EVERYTHING you ever did online... 😎😎

[@piusdoe8984]

Ngl I was also waiting for her to eat it 😂 Anyway watching loads of people without their consent, I think Batman would approve 👌 😅

[@The_Real_Mier]

I’m actually pretty flamboyant about blocking my camera lens… No ordinary piece of tape here…🤨 Ow no, no, no….. I…..SLIDE….. 🧐 Meaning: I have a 20 cent costing, tiny plastic clip-like stick-on thingy that I can slide to either side of this thingy, thus covering and uncovering the lens…. And I could even CHOOSE between black, blue or white when I ordered it…!! 💪 Yeahhhhh…. I AM established! 😂

[@emekaoguguo5023]

I bet getting two Julie Nolkes on the same screen was super easy , barely an inconvenience Shit , wrong channel!

[@hueypautonoman]

While a VPN might be useful for certain aspects of privacy, it won't stop the FBI from spying on you.

[@danpalchak6916]

When the ‘political survey’ people robocall your cell, do yourself a favor, put the phone on speaker and play an ad from your YT feed. It’ll feel like winning regardless of if they stop calling or not.

[@WarrenPeaceOG]

Blue tack. Roll it on, roll it off. Never loses its stick. Doesn't get glue on your lens. Blue tack. (Laptops best not apply. Desktop solution only)

[@rogerj.fugere3570]

With all this talk about boat pirates, I’m feeling personally attacked.

[@thetruedemocraticnorth]

that's a funny piece of work.

[@Capohanf1]

I did NOT know Canada WAS FBI TERRITORY!!!!!!! Do the Canadian agents were those funny, old timey, State Patrol like hats????

[@smitrotti]

Missed you, Julie.

[@MoistlyMoist]

I'm not a boat pirate... ⛵ 🏴‍☠

[@josephwalsh7546]

" WE will be the judge of that " -- leaked inter agency memo: FBI to CIA to NSA to DHS to DEA

[@jonsmith1956]

Oh so Julie mastered cloning now, got it

[@thomassmith6232]

When do we get to meet CIA Julie and NSA Julie?

[@scepteredisle]

I feel like we should have found out she WAS a pirate of some sort

[@johnthorne4093]

Oops! AGENTS of the FBI always address each other as "Agent", not "Officer".

[@ChristopherB123]

"Why are our webcams covered...well... um... because they ARRRRRRRR"!

[@lastmanstanding2622]

Ohhhh, I see what you did there. 🤣

[@robguttridge6591]

So my laptop wears an eyepatch, that means nothing . . .

[@swistedfilms]

That reminds me, I need to purchase tape from Amazon. To help me with my boat pirating activities.

[@jorgecandeias]

Wait. The FBI has a youtube thing on the wall? It's a youtuber, the FBI? Wait, what?

[@mxg75]

You wouldn't download a boat.

[@tidbit1877]

Should have had the "unemployed actress" receive a telephone call and be like, "yeah so you pull up along side of them and you jump on board their boat and you steal all their stuff, then like sink their boat, or steal the engine off of it, and then put everything in your boat and take off. That's how it's done, and then wire me the money once you've fenced the merch, ok, bye!"

[@renatocorvaro6924]

... is Julie trying to send us a message about her real dream career? If you're wanting to become a boat pirate, I know a guy.

[@feral_shade]

Great video...and I love the editing!! ...I swear, for a second, I thought Julie had a twin sister! 😅 Tiny, tiny note.... Remember the show, X-Files? (Agent Scully) (Agent Mulder) (Agent boring extras that no one cared about) ...it's not "officer" it's "agent" 😊

[@v1rotait23]

... "Special agent"! 🤣

[@bcreativecarson5973]

FBI Julie is not a boat pirate, but she IS a bicycle pirate. Watch her VERY closely. 🚴‍♂️

[@FlatWorld_Jomhuri_Regime]

I was asked on FB what 4 words to tell someone before y'alls interaction with law enforcement... *"WE ARE BEING RECORDED"*

[@LMacNeill]

I prefer a cut-off piece of a post-it note rather than a piece of tape. You can remove and replace the post-it note for Zoom meetings. 🙂

[@benjarsenault]

Welcome to the NSA, what was your name again? Edward Snowden, sir

[@bobafettjr85]

I love that people will put tape on their webcam but not their phone camera.

[@JCGCompositions]

I'm more worried about the microphone. I feel like I can't think out loud any more.

[@bobafettjr85]

@JCGCompositions they get more info from that than the camera too.

[@michelleb3096]

There should be a public service announcement

[@CorentinHatte]

VPN don’t make your browsing private nor protect your data. They only reroute your traffic through different servers that you don’t control and which can also log everything you do (and will have to respond to police requests if asked). Don’t buy into it. Most streaming providers even detect if you’re using a VPN to access a different catalog…

[@mr.honeycomb]

I sometimes misspell pilot as pirate. I often want to be the pilot of various movies.

[@Sicod79]

Officer? Agent! Special agent!

[@aivanyadrov]

Genius!!!

[@dougsheldon5560]

She should be watching politicians.

[@q-tuber7034]

3:58 “I’ll see you next week.” Should I be worried?

[@incredulousdisbelief9841]

I feel a certain amount of sadness for the fed who's been assigned to surveil my incredibly boring life. Wake up, drive to work, work, drive home, fap, dinner, tv, bedtime. I can just imagine the joy in any slight alteration that might occur. "He's getting take out, Chinese Take Out for dinner! CHICKEN W MIXED VEG OMFG JOT THIS DOWN, THAT'S THE SECOND TIME THIS MONTH!"

[@celticlass8573]

If the entire FBI is watching the few people who haven't covered up their webcams, that means that 99% of FBI agents are following each other. They had to hire Julie because the most recent hire (the one in the office next door) needs someone to watch them, but they can't know they're being watched, so a pre-recorded decoy video was played on Julie's screen instead of their webcam, during Julie's orientation.

[@josephpatti2835]

Canada getting the FBI confused with the NSA. Still funny though.

[@brennanopitz8865]

This is making me feel like our country is not what I thought it was.

[@Borifra]

Boat pirate 😊👏🏾

[@hanovergreen4091]

Uncomfortably / very close to reality. When Comedy is more real than reality. Best Regards and Best Wishes!

[@lorrainethomas241]

I'm a writer. I feel like I should fill out an affidavit before every Google search, just in case.

[@TagiukGold]

"Officer"? Those are agents.

[@davidkeely43]

Oh Julie - so old school. Laptops now come with a slide switch that covers the camera. Which almost no one uses. So . . . never mind.

[@paulwartenberg8479]

I was hoping for a Scully cameo.

[@AnnaAnna-uc2ff]

I have tape on my tablet but not on my my laptop. What was I thinking?

[@simond.455]

I knew it! There are multiple Julies! That or FBI agents all look very similar. 🤔

[@tonyjames1980]

Just wanted to say I hope Julie Nolke is doing well. I have noticed her scalp in a few shots, and it seems like she might be losing some hair. Sending positive thoughts her way-hoping she's okay and taking care of herself.

[@ChartreuseDan]

Nice to see JN is already involved in the new country of her citizenship

[@toriless]

It is the NSA that does this and it is automated.

[@davidsharlot6794]

They never do that on the CBS show, but I suppose truth is always stranger than fiction.

[@ANDREWMCCALL-x4i]

THAT WAS GOOD

[@BlackSmokeDMax]

$50 bucks says that Nolke kid picks her nose! $50 bucks more says she eats it!