Fearful Avoidant: Emotional Turbulence As A Childhood Survival Strategy for Relationships

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Express and Communicate Your Needs With Confidence: Expressing your Needs: Scripts for Effective Communication
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In this video, Thais Gibson explains emotional turbulence and its impact on your relationships. Learn to transform it in as little as 30 days as Thais offers up 5 steps for putting you on the right track. For more information check out the relevant course above on how to learn strategies and tools for effective communication.
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:17 - Does This Sound Like You?
00:01:04 - Emotional Turbulence: What It Is And How It Impacts You
00:07:47 - 5 Steps To Transform
00:08:19 - Step #1: Acknowledge The Subconscious Associations
00:10:46 - Step #2: Benefits Of Not Fighting
00:11:17 - Step #3: Engage In Nervous System Regulation
00:12:13 - Step #4: Recognize Your Unmet Needs
00:12:43 - Step #5: Communicate Proactively, Not Reactively
00:14:29 - Summary
00:15:06 - 7-Day Free Trial: Expressing Your Needs Course
00:15:35 - Conclusion
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
Our KZbin videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.
So what are you waiting for? This could be the start of your personal development journey. Subscribe to our channel and start watching!
#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #FearfulAvoidant #UnmetNeedsCourse #UnmetNeeds #CommunicateUnmetNeeds

[@Michelle7.17]

I’ve learned that the one thing that makes me want to flee is not being heard when my emotions are running high. The worst is if I feel that I am being laughed at when I am feeling emotional.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤ Someone accepting our feelings and emotions as valid is so important. We must accept and embrace this in ourselves first to create a subconscious comfort zone around this ❤

[@Michelle7.17]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I agree 💯 percent, and I’m working on this part of myself gently, but with intention, but sometimes it’s not easy to show up for myself. I find myself still looking for that support system that I never had as a child. I’m signing up for the 90 days to secure course that PDS is offering.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

@@Michelle7.17 amazing! there are so many compassinate PDS members who are always happy to hold space for emotions :)

[@ashleyb.8217]

My first defense mechanism is to flee, my second is to freeze. I don’t feel bad when I flee either because I’ve stayed too long in turbulence in the past. I do feel lonely sometimes though.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@brookenicoley90]

A mini revelation I had this morning... i am FA and I saw that one of the common signs of an FA attachment was struggles to make room for those they love... I have 3 children and I always feel like I can never "find enough time" to have more intentional play, do activites, crafts, etc. But I think subconsciously I am KEEPING myself busy/making no room for those things out of some sort of protection mechanism! It was SO relieving to have been revealed this pattern... and now to dismantle it and MAKE ROOM for fun, intentional things with my kiddos (...and everyone else that I dont "have time" to call etc)

[@jazmynegrace577]

I have a hard time with this too.

[@Anwelei]

Same!!

[@jazmynegrace577]

I do a lot of fleeing when I'm angry or if I'm crying. normally when I'm experiencing those emotions they feel very extreme.. so it could be one small thing that I'm angry about, and then my mind just has a habit of going and repeating it over and over again, until I get angry or enraged about it.. especially, if I'm in a public place or if I'm crying I don't like to cry in public I have a hard time self-soothing myself. Or being able to gather my emotions to calm down most of the time it would take me needing a nap to stop myself from crying... depending on how hurt or discouraged I maybe, I might wake up crying all over again... I truly think your channel is so helpful it seems like everytime you post a video it was something I needed to hear. you had posted a video about limerence, I came across that term before and I thought it related a lot to me but then I also believe in God and I know the Lord was showing me some things about a person. I just believe I have an unhealthy way finding a way to connect. And also finding a middle ground because sometimes it's like I'm either all in and trying to make a connection or I'm all out. I love telling people about this channel. I told my sister and also some ladies at church.

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

It helps to start knowing & giving yourself credit for doing what you needed to do as a child to survive or feel better, and then go inside yourself now and ask yourself if you still need that pattern, or if you could be your free self now :)

[@helsphoenix2623]

What do you do when you are communicating your needs and person after person in your life doesn't show up. It's incredibly difficult to bring myself to do these things in the first place and it has been jaw dropping to see how little what I say matters to people. Even when I repeat myself and they seem to hear me, it doesn't last past that day or two.

[@blancafarrow1312]

I totally grew up like your said in your examples. No wonder I ended up with the wrong person for 41 years

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I hope you are doing well in your healing now ❤

[@alainpatry]

Such a great video for FAs and the ones who love them. Truly reflects my experience with her. The emotional turbulence and the creation of chaos... to create "connection" (talk about a subconscious strategy misfiring!). This gives me more understanding and compassion. However, a very painful attachment style to invest with if this impulsive need to create drama and self-sabotage hasn't been reprogrammed.

[@koala01111986]

My FA ex did that too...testing/sabotaging, asking then if I was mad, talking it through when in person and then we were more connected and snuggle much more (usually he was immediately asking for a kiss and for cuddles after those small "conflicts", that was always a calm talk, no arsh words or high voices)

[@roshalllambert]

I love the conflict between conscious and subconscious mind that causes certain behavior!

[@HH-pj5bl]

Great video once again!! For me personally it's when the fa pushs and pulls it was so mentally and emotionally tiring, I understand that was to create chaos, so they can feel like a familiar environment.😢 Thank you for the share and love you❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're so welcome ❤

[@Conscious58]

Super important FA content - like a manual for life. Thank you as always Thais & PDS

[@anothercat9600]

Thais, I hope to see a video from you that tackles triangulation/microcheating, maybe something FAs do, due to problems communicating their needs. Hurts very much being on the receiving end and that pretty girl they mention every week (just that they spoke to them, nothing else, no context), you never got to meet her, like you met his other friends.

[@lpgirl]

Very informative and relatable. Thank you.

[@TheMadsonblfanatic]

I think i need to hear this every day 😢 thank you Thais

[@daniellec4728]

You are so good and you describe me to a t. Finally making progress now and so happy to see small accomplishments

[@nadiaislam1998]

Amazing

[@blackstripened]

Ugh, I’m 1000% a fearful avoidant, married to another one. Me leaning avoidant in our relationship and him leaning anxious. What a two-year rollercoaster it has been! Before our relationship I thought I had healed quite a bit from my childhood traumas and past relationships but this marriage for sure proved me wrong. My partner’s volatility makes me shut down completely, and has practically put me into a freeze state for two years now. I’ve started to get really ill in that state, both physically and mentally. It’s crazy how two very traumatized people can ruin each other’s mental health! Me shutting down and freezing triggers him to be even more volatile, and the cycle is ready.

[@alexandras9703]

Love the video and I relate myself in certain areas but still confused at times identifying my triggers , but what about for children/ people that lost both parents in childhood ? Does it count as abandonment, chaos freeze etc? Does anyone have any opinions regarding those cases ?

[@efuucdgbjiddvhi]

I use every single one of these to some degree

[@MangoOasis97]

I have the flight response REALLY badly , all my life I had no idea it was a trauma / nervous system response

[@MangoOasis97]

My flight mode feels like all of a sudden, a switch flips and I feel like this person I’m dating is SO wrong for me and that I’m doing the wrong thing / in the wrong place/ with the wrong person, and that something really bad is going to happen to me spiritually, I know this makes no sense but that’s what it feels like

[@keeree440]

My comment is not related to the video directly.. so I finally took the quiz and I got 21% anxious preoccupied 37% dismissive avoidant 37% fearful-avoidant 5% secure attached, I'm curious if anybody here got the same results for 2 attachment styles ?? I took this as a fearful-avoidant leaning dismissive avoidant since I got that 21% anxious 37% dismissive avoidant, what's your thoughts ?

[@MllzKimy]

You can be in beetween, most important thing is what behaviour or toughts makes you relate to DA or FA and knowing how to work on it.

[@heyguidance]

♥️