FEELING DUPED BY THE COVERT NARCISSIST? You're NOT Alone!

🔥 One-on-One Coaching With Christina🔥
---------------------------------------------------------
Tired of the toxic grip a narcissist has on your life? My exclusive 1-on-1 coaching is tailor-made to liberate you from the trauma bond and help you get back to yourself again. Discover the benefits of personalized strategies to heal emotional wounds, conquer obsessive thoughts, and rebuild your self-esteem.
🚀 Here's what you'll gain:
✨ Expert guidance to cut toxic bonds
✨ Customized strategies for emotional recovery
✨ Freedom from obsessive thinking/rumination
✨ Rediscover of your self-worth
Book TODAY ➡️ www.commonego.com/coaching
We all come from different backgrounds but still feel duped by the covert narcissist. There are a few things going on in these relationships, both with the narcissist and with ourselves, but there are two things I want you to know
1. You're not alone
2. It's not your fault
In this video, we explore 3 common types of people who are attracted to covert narcissists, how we all got mixed up in this, and where to go from here.
💻 Need a licensed therapist? 💻
----------------------------------------------------
I've partnered with BetterHelp, an affordable online therapy portal where you can get matched with a licensed counselor who specializes in abuse and trauma. Get a 10% discount on your first month when you signup with this link: betterhelp.com/commonego
I receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp, but please know that I only recommend services I know and trust.**
***If you're struggling to get on board with self-love, check out my 7 Day Self-Love Kickstart Plan. It's a simple plan with a motivational video, affirmation and gratitude prompt every day to help get you into the groove of focusing on YOU again. That's where the focus belongs now!
Here's the link: commonego.com/love
Hope to see you there!
#covertnarcissist #narcissism
*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist

[@CommonEgo]

We all come from different backgrounds and have different preferences... but we all end up feeling duped after relationships with covert narcissists, don't we? But there are two things I want you to know. 1. You're not alone. 2. It's not your fault! Have you struggled with self-doubts after your relationship with a narcissist?

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Common Ego hi! 💛your videos.....I signed up for 7-day course....got in yesterday, but for unknown reason can’t get in w/password [e-mail]......thank you❣️

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Common Ego never mind! My mistake- I was using my usual password 🥴

[@CommonEgo]

@@godzillamanstreb524 oh good 😊 I was just about to check into it ❤

[@Hoganwantabe]

Common Ego It’s funny, the more I watch KZbin videos about narcissism from various people, the more I hear the same language... even stories that describe exactly what I went through on the receiving end of narcissistic behavior. I now know I’m not alone in this. I say behavior because I think I got out (I was discarded) before I truly was exposed to the worse of harsh abuse. I felt more and more distant from this person the more I felt something was “off”, and not right. I think they began to realize I was no longer willing to be used to get what they wanted. It was then time for me to be kicked to the curb. The behavior was passive/aggressive, and certainly covert. This person even admitted to behavior (even if the admission was unintentional) I later learned was undoubtedly narcissistic. You stated it perfectly here: without a doubt, I felt duped by this person. It’s still hard for me to accept that the person I thought I knew was an illusion. This person presented a different version of themselves very frequently. I later learned such descriptions as “chameleon” that I had never considered while I was with them. Thank you for adding to my understanding of this condition. I hope knowledge will prevent this from ever happening to me again.

[@micktaylor1991]

Hello common ego. Just come out of a six year relationship with the narsiss girlfriend. I met her working in a supermarket. She packed the bags of the old people. They loved her. They thought the sun shone from her ass but they didn't see the laser beams in her eyes. Outwardly charming and friendly but in wardley venous. Moved in with her after 3 years. You would not no she was covert narsiss. That's when the fun really began. There was always a drink problem. She was always trying to hide. But the gaslighting I enjoyed was wicked. Especially after alcohol. I left and went back 3 times. I didn't no she was a narsiss then. The last 6 months I would say to her. I don't recognise you. I would come home sometimes and she ve lead in the bath. Spaced out. Looking back she d been sleeping with someone else. She would disappear off radar for the for the day. She had her new supply lined up. I no that now but I left because of the arguing she before she diquarded me. Has I left I saw a spiritual mask fall from her face. Her face started contorting. I saw the spirit of jezabel. A demon. It was wicked the hate this thing had for me. Her lips started mumbling your controlling me. Your controlling me. Jezabel means. Without Co habitation. It will not enter relation ship unless it can manipulate or control the relationship. She was without doubt. Cluster b. I've received texts until last month from her. And I can tell you. The texts don't come from her but the demon that controls her. There will wicked. I take my hat off she was a brilliant con artist. Who I feel Madley in love with. I m 4 months out. And working my way through the broken heart and berevment. Once the mask slips there gone. Literally. Some sound advice. I wanted to comite suicide. Don't they want you to do this. They would laugh. The soul tie and trauma bond they leave is demonic. The narsiss is a form of witchcraft. Minipulation and control. You need to break the ties by asking the holy spirit to come upon you and freedom you. Or the the narsiss will have access to your mind and thoughts. Which will leave constant torment. My ex works in fuel station down the road from were I'm living so I pass her on the road from time to time. It triggers me off. But I'm doing my best to avoid the route. Try and focus on the bad things they done to you. Godbless you in your recovery. It takes time and it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced in life. Especially when they can walk away without wanting to speak to you anymore. They are being controlled. U k mick

[@kaliyugaBK369]

I go back and forth between feeling duped (which leads to residual anger) and feeling grateful. I'm way past the "danger zone" but honestly, it is something ai will NEVER forget. The anger stems from the fact that I was sincere and generous with all parts of me. They really are the most broken people on the planet. Deadass! Covert narcs, man. Ughhhhh. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

[@sabrinaruiz8881]

The Brooklyn Way I relate to this intensely you have no idea

[@casperinsight3524]

I go back and forth with feeling resentful and grateful too. It's so conflicting

[@beertoday6506]

i am just beginning to see so much

[@drewtrulock333]

Forrealzzzz

[@sheilaschwartz9319]

Agree

[@emilyearl1858]

Mine would threaten to leave every time we got in a “fight” which was mainly me asking questions or calling out bad behavior. He thought he had unlimited chances. Never again.

[@unamcgrath7614]

Same here!!!!

[@jessicasolano2727]

Me to. the one i dated did the same thing to me. He would block me and not speak to me for weeks.

[@sakshijogdand8053]

Mine would say, 'I'll stop talking to you' and I would cave😅

[@sakshijogdand8053]

@@jessicasolano2727 same here

[@heavenlygrandma9992]

My x would start a fight so he could get mad and storm off.

[@robertschultz9892]

Another great analysis. I was 3 months post divorce of a overt narc when I was introduced to the covert. Out of the frying pan..... I just want to remind everyone that these people are predators. They don't become this way because of us. They have been this way for quite some time and have refined their skills over the course of years to do what they do. They are very attuned to seeking prime sources of supply(US). It is a matter of survival for their false self. But what makes us a target is also the very thing they can never obtain. They will never know true empathy or love as we do. They are happy to leave us as broken as they are. Don't let them have that.

[@phoenixrising8007]

Robert Schultz misery loves company right? They tend to socialize with negative pessimistic people who view the world as half empty. Downers, designers and usually boring themselves. They keep you down, pull you down and hold you down, sometimes physically as in my case. They are dangerous ticking time bombs and you never know what is going to set them off. Loaded land mines in the field of everyday life. They are everywhere so best to avoid. Disengage. Why dance with deception ?

[@canadianlady777]

I think my husband was and is jealous of me...I’m not ugly but a bit over weight from the stress, I am somewhat intelligent having been a mother of three wonderful adult children, 6 grandchildren ( he has no kids, thank God)..and a registered nurse at the age of 42, I know how to dress and I am very good at social situations...He neither has any social skills nor chooses to...He is extremely moody , sullen, flat affect all the time, lies, denies, gaslights, projects, ghosts sometimes all at once depending on the time of day... Then the hoovering begins, the love bombing extrodinaire, then the intentional omission of promises, agitates, beligerent, ghosting, dismissal, ignoring, denies his responsibilities, gaslights me, lies and it all goes around in circles again...It’s the pattern he’s had for 23 years...and I’ve played along as a fool...A fool who couldn’t see the pattern for 20 years because I was subtly, sometimes blatantly at other times, made to believe it was ALL my fault...He played the victim really well..And all I wanted was peace with respect...He’s NOT capable of respect because he believes that I cause the problems...

[@brandylee6030]

@@canadianlady777 I can so relate to your story. I so feel for you. I hope you are having better days now. Hugs 💜🦋

[@victoriac.attorneyatlaw]

People pleaser my whole life. No more. When you stop people pleasing, people aren't pleased!

[@jcsrst]

HAHA!! Right you are!

[@marlenr8691]

OMG! So true in my case! I tried to get away from the overt type as much as I could... since they were in the family! I ended up in a relationship with a covert narcissist and was unaware of that until I googled the weird behaviors during the discard phase... jeez!

[@AV-fx8kv]

Dammit same lol

[@sheilaschwartz9319]

And they are worse

[@canadianlady777]

You are spot on...I fell into one of these scenarios and I do feel stupid for doing it..twice....

[@CommonEgo]

We all seem to find ourselves there... but you are most definitely not stupid! 🙏❤

[@honeybee6154]

You're not alone. You'd be surprised how many of us were targeted multiple times.

[@chasebrown7130]

your not alone I promise

[@amyd1549]

Absolutely duped. He love bombed, I feel for it totally. Married at 6 months. It was ALL different 5 mos later. Miserable. Trying to end it.

[@MoosemanR]

Amy K Get away silently ASAP

[@owenlavelle5439]

Hey thanks for you post I was we’re you where keep coming back to theses videos ! I’m now ready ! I hope we catch each other on here

[@aminaww3446]

Get away, I’m five years deep. So sad to have wasted all this years

[@Rachelbinnington]

@@aminaww3446 I was 14 years in by the time I finally got out. I don't think of them as wasted but I do know it takes so much energy and can exhaust all of your reserves. I have faith that you'll make it the other side.

[@kristinatk7553]

Oh yeah .. I am the Empath and thought I was just "being a supportive partner" .. like he would say. How?!?!....I really thought I'd spot it and I now realize I DID, but chose to ignore. I called him out 100% of the time even to point I'd say things like " your enjoying getting me upset to make yourself feel loved, your sucking my energy to feed yourself, you cant expect ME to be your everything...STOP" ...I think he wanted my heart as I haven't had a relationship in many years and yet have outer and inner beauty as well as career success...and independent as all get out...But yet here I am part of this community I am now. I'm trying to understand my lesson in this. Love what ya do Christina!

[@camilleharris3457]

They target the strong ones, every person i have meet that has been with a covert was a strong, loving, empathetic person. They have a type!

[@nicenari6887]

Yes. Same. They LOVEEE the word “HOW” when you are explaining or calling them out on something that is clearly obvious even with proof. And the worst part is most if not all the time they know “how” they just want to confuse, invalidate and hurt you.

[@hannahscott6604]

They know how They know

[@JamesThompson-rk1bu]

Yes .. this is me also

[@beverlyorlando8040]

I can relate to the first type! My father was a glaring overt narcissist! When I met my husband, he seemed shy, withdrawn, & humble. I thought I was safe from being with someone like my father. I couldn't have been more wrong!! Shortly after we married I started seeing red flag behaviors. Being an empathetic, people pleasing fixer who had poor self worth, I went to work trying so hard to reach whatever was at the core of his behaviors. I've exhausted myself emotionally and physically over 33 years trying to help him. Instead of reaching him, I now suffer from multiple health conditions, some of which are a direct result of systemic inflammation! I've lived in fight or flight mode for decades so no real surprise! I've made excuses for his behaviors, covered up his moods and comments from our children, all the while making myself sicker. I suffer from depression, anxiety, autoimmune disease, arrhythmia, & gout. Not uncommon for a person subjected to narcissistic nonsense. Finally divorcing him after 33 years of marriage. I feel I was duped. I got sold a bag of crap!!! But I will never apologize for being empathic and caring deeply about people! I have a lot of healing to do. I admit I am definitely a codependent. An enabler maybe. I can and will heal! I can learn & change! But this guy will always be a narcissist.

[@venusheard4565]

I'll keep you informed because I grew up with this ABUSE 🧩 👩‍🏫⚖️🤝 I'm not going to stay married to it. I can be MISERABLE in my own. I don't need his HELP

[@canadianlady777]

Venus Heard Mosley ..wow that is exactly how I feel...I don’t need any more of his depressed moods any more...

[@steadypace1262]

I have thought in the past as to why I was attracted to the more quieter shy type of male.As I grew up with a single mother I put it down at first to my father leaving me when I was about 4yrs of age.I thought that maybe I was chasing after the distant father figure who was unreachable.I grew up hearing stories of him being violent towards my mother during arguments,I think alcohol was involved a lot.Perfect situation for some empathy and codependency to be set up I know.I had a bit of an aversion to aggressive men who were obviously more overt so I can see why I fell for the supposedly quiet male,I must have felt safer some how.This quiet shy guy dropped his mask very early on in the relationship and Jekyll and Hyde appeared.In my unknown quest to avoid an aggressive person I had fallen into the malignant covert narc trap.We shouldn't be hard on ourselves as we can only do what we know at the time.So yes I can identify with 2 and 3. Good video.

[@AV-fx8kv]

Feels good that I'm not alone same history here lol

[@steadypace1262]

@@AV-fx8kv Yes we were set up to meet the troublemaking narcissist probably from our crib, poor little babies we were but look at us now lol. Stay healthy and happy. ⚘🕊😊

[@pablopolski1228]

When I married my narcissist and during the ceremony she began to laugh at a very inappropriate point . I have to say that I felt something go off inside of me but my duped self pushed it down and ignored it. What a mistake...

[@Jade-wb6fd]

I had a overt narcissist and covert narcissist in my life at the same time it was the worst time of my life ever but they’re both out of my life now thankfully

[@spiritualsaggi6297]

I think my ex-narcissist hit the record with going through all 3 stages in just 4 months. He did me a favor by discarding me over the phone when I was very sick and just 12 days before Christmas. I suspected he was a narcissist and spent many hours and days researching Narcissism from this channel and others. It validated what I thought was going on, which was so empowering for me and helped me to anticipate the discard. I was gray rocking for a couple of weeks before the discard. Thank you so much for the information , it has helped tremendously.

[@marciaquinnnoren1360]

So glad you did the research and didn't stay! Just had to say that his textbook discard, abandoning you while you're sick (vulnerable, already feeling under assault by an illness, immune system down.) How predatory is that? And the timing, right before Christmas, which for normal people is a sacred time of year, all about bonds with loved ones. Narcs love to desecrate what is sacred to others. Perverse! Sadistic!

[@JustKate43]

Krista same thing happened to me in 5 months, but my gut was screaming from day 1, first date. I need to trust that!!!! Big lesson I learned in this.

[@katiebooker7140]

I was sought out, it was a very vulnerable time. I had just recently ended another relationship that was very narcissistic. I shared sooo many details. Part of me wanted to accept what was happening, and the other part of me was like run, but i didnt know why. It wasnt anything i could tell in the natural, but it was my spirit was very uncomfortable. Now trying to break soul ties and deal with the flying monkeys. If something is too good to be true, it really is!! Getting back to reality, and im grateful for my eyes to be opened to so much, and to focus on healing . Thank you for this video!

[@jameshogue1639]

Destructive in that they can't help but hurt you in so many ways it literally makes your head spin . Their disorder owns them and the goal is a wretched game to use and abuse. They wreck everything.

[@ruchianirudhsharma]

He actually pursued me but never committed and discarded when got a new supply and in between it was on and off ..never knew he was a narcissist..finally out but still healing

[@WayshowerDena]

This is definitely like living in hell. I am an empath and I am in my spiritual awakening.The only good thing coming out of this. My problem is loving a man who wasn't real. Crazy!!! So heartbreaking.I have been documenting my journey for years. I had zero support he manipulated my family. Thankfully now they see the truth. I watch a lot of people, you are adorable. My favorite now. Archangel Micheal came to me a week ago. I knew this man talking to me was an angel. It was perfect timing. He said all the right things. He looked like Jesus. Thank you for helping all of us. Much love to everyone!

[@alicemcqueen383]

Your story is my story !!!! There are those if us out here who have experienced the exact same HeLL !!! How many are there of us ?? We beed to meet !!!

[@casperinsight3524]

Well said , forgiveness is key ❤ be kind to ourselves

[@LauraHernandez-nx6rw]

This is so spot on. Thank you!! I was with an overt narcissist for 9 years when I finally got out I attracted a covert. He had a lot of similar characteristics but I kept wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's true what is said, when they show you who they are, believe them. I fell in love with the fantasy. The illusion of what we could become kept me from accepting the truth. All of this has taught me that I needed to work on my self worth and self love. After it all, I am grateful for the lessons.

[@christinagurchinoff1517]

This is so hard to hear, ya know? I started recognizing and identifying the narcissistic person. First it wss my sister and immediately after that a guy. Double whammy Im just beginning to heal. 0mg emotions are raw. So thankful for you guys.

[@MrHansBattle]

Another way of unveiling a narcissist I haven't seen discussed -- is the effects of alcohol. Some covert narcissists have been socialized well enough in adolescence that they can hide it very well when they are on top of their game (i.e.-sober). When my ex-wife was sober and in general, well rested, she could often act like the perfect spouse and an absolute angel when she wanted. However, 2+ glasses of wine in her and the veil falls every time. I felt like I was married to a Jekyll and Hyde type of character... two completely different people in one body. With a couple drinks, her true monstrous character would emerge. If not alcohol, it could also be stress, fatigue, or lack of sufficient sleep. The social conditioning to mask the disorder would be overridden by the narcissistic tendencies every time. Tragically. I'd married somebody I truly loved and sincerely thought was pretty much perfect in every way.

[@casperinsight3524]

Yup, alcohol can let their guard down big time especially when they don't feel threatened in my experience. But his remorse has triggered sobriety for a spurt until his pattern inevitably resumes. These people are very tortured internally which is why they inflict pain on others imho.

[@MoosemanR]

Hans Battle Yes Sir the Alchohol brings out the devil in just 1 drink watched it turn from miss innocent to Devil Woman. Scary!😬

[@ODELLYEAH41]

That's why I don't like women who drink booze

[@reneethompson4876]

Many of your videos have been very helpful to me, thank you. I’ve known about overt narcs because my mother is Borderline Personality Disorder and well, very overt. I had no idea that a covert narcissist existed and have been trying to understand what I’ve been dealing with for a year or so. I though he was high-functioning autistic; I thought that he had clinical anxiety. But after reading extensively online and watching many of the Common Ego videos... he is definitely a covert narc. SOOOO nice, SO popular, SO humble but a liar and deeply manipulative. This particular video really hits home as I’m a bit of all 3 types. Have I have the Cluster B mother, I am incredibly independent but in this relationship definitely was falling into co-dependent patterns and I”m a helper. And yes, I have always been attracted to nice, quite men ... the opposite of my mother. But this last relationship was the only one that was ever abusive. My 2 other long-term relationships are truly great men, just didn’t work out. Thank you for your work, it’s helping me to not get back in touch with my covert narc.

[@diegoespinas5973]

Thank you . I needed to hear this

[@casperinsight3524]

Does anyone else waiver between resentment and gratitude? Is this cognitive dissonance?

[@heatherpooler5406]

The narcissist that I was in a relationship with draws others in by way of their sympathy and empathy. He survived cancer as a teenager as well as was born with Spina Bifida. I think that he uses this origin story in a way that manipulates others to believe that he can do no wrong, or to see him in a certain light. I certainly was drawn in by his story in the beginning believing that he was a really deep person from having gone through so much so young. You do not know from the outside that he has had these health challenges. He is healthy, fit, successful, and charming. I was half way through Chinese Medical graduate school when I met him. There are so many layers to this! He definitely duped me!

[@Rickywwx]

I was surprised how spot on the 3 types you outlined were. I've heard a lot about "empaths" and "fixers" get into relationships with narcissists. But that's not me. I genuinely feel empathy toward people with emotional issues. But I'm not good at recognizing that, and I don't try to fix them. I know I can't. But I'm happy to listen if it's someone I care about (within reason). So, not an empath. I don't have any overt narcissists close to me. BUT when I see someone who is overtly grandiose, full of themselves, drives an expensive car, my initial reaction is disgust. I avoid them like the plague. Some people are attracted to that. Not me. I'm not proud of the disgust, but it's a feeling - feelings are neither good nor bad, and I tend not to act on the feeling. But that feeling does serve its purpose, to help me avoid overt narcs. My wife was the opposite of grandiose. She was frugal, unassuming, traditional, respected social, cultural and political rules, which was all very attractive to me, someone who is disgusted by pretentiousness. Until she wasn't. Only after 24 years of marriage, being cheated on, blamed, raged at, the target of contempt, criticism, and irritability, lots and lots of irritability, and renting out a single bedroom in another house even though we owned 3 houses (I didn't want to kick the tenants out because I assumed it would be temporary) did I finally learn of a thing called covert narcissism. She also displayed some restricted grandiosity that wasn't there for the first half of our marriage (a separate room just for her designer bags & shoes, buying a sports car, cosmetic surgery, excessive interest in appearance & makeup to the point of purging and twice daily visits to the gym even while we had small kids, oddly confident, unexpected charm at social events - very different from her usual demeanor at home), That was only 9 months ago, already nearly 2 years into the divorce process. The divorce is still not over. She's going to fight and fight as long as the lousy system will let her, in spite of the fact that the vast majority of divorces do not go to trial. So yeah, I'm a #2. You nailed it. How do I find a good therapist that *actually* knows covert narcissism? A lot of therapists say they understand narcissism. But I don't think they really do. I can handle the issues, I just need someone to tell me that I am indeed (very likely) married to a covert narcissist. That I'm not delusional, and my perception of this reality is also not a delusion. I can (have to) deal with the legal issues and other shit.

[@Spyderrrr]

Cristina! thanks for helping me heal the last couple years. And-- Your so KUTEEE !!! LOVE YOU.

[@Teez395]

My sons father is an overt narcissistic. I was with him for 11 years. Then gravitated to a covert narcissist thinking he was the opposite type of person and I was happy I broke the pattern. I really got duped! In the most hurtful ways.Thank you for putting this information out.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

It's true what you tell Christina (hope I write your name correct). I am an empath for surely and hadn't got a clue that I was dealing with a covert narcissist in the first 4 months of my relationship. They act so sneaky. I took matters in my own hands and ended the relationship because I wasn't being myself anymore. And yes, I tried to help, advice my covert narcissist ex partner during our relationship. All for the greater good. But they don't accept that actually (after using their victim roll when pulling you into a relationship). For them it feels like they are not the independent superhuman being anymore and their flaws and weakness reveal them. Covert narcissist are dangerious damaged individuals. We all deserve so much better.

[@jameshogue1639]

Expose them legally if you have the cash . Eventually, they will be just exposed because there will be enough data to keep them out of employment or marriages. There should be enough data now to fire them from work places . One stupid narc. can cause an employer thousands of dollars.

[@kaliyugaBK369]

My mother was an overt narc + borderline. This covert jackwagon ALL the way took me by surprise. I am very strong and very independent as well am an intuitive empath.

[@venusheard4565]

I've had to cut him off again financially & he's mad as HELL. His 28 year old daughter moved out last week & I'm supposedly dead to her but my husband's going to use my truck to get her back & forth to WORK.

[@hannahscott6604]

I knew I should’ve left but I didn’t wanna give up My family told me I’m quick to push people away. I didn’t want to be quick to push them away

[@therickestpicklerick]

Discarded until they needed help and support through a course. After their course was over and they received their certificate, back to the curb I go and discarded again.

[@unamcgrath7614]

Hiya, I feel this happened to me recently. 5 months after a 2 1/2 year relationship with what my therapist reckons is a covert narcissist, we met up and decided to give it another go, lasted 3 weeks, insane love bombing and hoovering (I'm in love with you /infatuated/) to 'confused' to not showing up. Silence. When we met to talk about the no-show, he said he wasn't ready for anything even though he was in love with me, had no intention of meeting up with anyone, didn't want to be set up etc and felt he had to work on himself as if we got together now, he'd ruin it because he hadn't done work on himself. I thought, whoa, this is a pretty emotionally stable statement for him to make so I said, OK, let's go our own ways for a while to work on ourselves and figure out if we really fit together. 5 days later-he went on a romantic camping trip with his friend and his new gf and her friend. Cosy group of 4. Definitely was organised before we finished and decided this new supply was easier and less problematic to take up with.

[@angelaraycroft233]

I totally see the connection because I was used to the overt...so makes sense

[@chibaby800]

I definitely was super paranoid about being with an overt despite never being with with one but still fell for the tricks. It’s really scary

[@marieconway4889]

I had a friend introduce him to me fully knowing what he was, so yeah two narcissists. Still this interaction ended up being at a distance so I can just observe and learn. It's okay to trust when we care it makes us vulnerable. They are super manipulative and observe us deeply to get the results.

[@topsi91]

So for few days he saying he snap out of the depression that made him withdrawn for 2 months (he was showing up every few days or answering with huge delays) and is acting really friendly. When I say he is arrogant he replying with OK. I said it because he told me he believe only he can give me happy life. But when I asked what good have he done for me he said nothing... I asked him what he love about me and in the 5th time or so he finally replied. I know this is something narcs have difficulties to answer. I asked him why he can't live without me as he saying and his answer was "Because when I look at you or even think of you, I feel peaceful. I constantly think of what it would be like to live with you and grow old together.".... Few days ago he even told me if I want to get rid of him I should block him and stop him from contacting me. I am confused.... Why I think he is narc - because he was very distant last months and didn't seem like empathetic person when I was hurt or upset. During those 2 months when I was messaging him he was barely answering and I could see he avoid answering the important questions. Also he was rude lately by making a scene of jealousy. Also I've seen some projections there. Like when he asked if i think he never loved me I said yes. And he told me I am trying to get a reaction out of him. Or when he first said I can block him if I want him out of my life but then he said by me saying I wanna be single for now I am ruining his life cos he can't live without me. And the biggest red flags for me are that he only talks but I barely see any actions. Also his weird sexual preferences which I believe are more common in the bisexuality..... So I don't know what to think anymore. Is he playing now just to hook me up again? He knows I think he is narc and he knows I don't trust him at all. He is only 22..so I wonder if he is just immature and confused or he is hiding his true intentions... There was times months ago when I wanted call and he was refusing all the time or sometimes even hanging up. But lately when I ignored him for few days he kept calling like crazy. I don't know what to think anymore.... I don't even have gut feeling right now cos I'm so confused.... Since we know each other which is one year... I've catch him in small lies. And also he don't seem to keep his promises. He was saying he will find job and come to visit me. But only recently he start looking for one if what he showed me is true. On the other hand when I asked him to talk to his mom about me in a video because I was suspicious she didn't even know about me he indeed mentioned Mr as his girlfriend. But maybe they play their game together. Also there was story about attempt for sexual abuse in the family when he was 16 or 17 according to him but he said nothing happened... So please give me some advice. When I told him I need time to focus on myself and I need him to do something instead of just talking he said he can give me as much time as he need that we don't have to rush, etc..... During those 2 months in which he was showing every 4 days or so to say he is depressed and don't talk to anyone I was feeling so broken and lonely.... Sometimes he was saying when I accuse him in cheating in me I push him away even more. Sometimes when I've been overly upset with him I've been rude. Maybe he was trying to get reaction out of me I don't know. He never called me names outright but he was rude few days ago by saying even if I sleep with 1000 black people he would care but the fact I am secretive make his blood boil. Then he asked if i showed my t*ts to the guy I talk to and all I said is I talk to friend. I assume this is projection but.... He is just so confusing and weird. Also during those 2 months he was saying often I'm delusional to think he is cheating...

[@kristinak2211]

Best advice I wish I would have taken myself.. "block him in every possible way." Hes just attempting to get back in on some level so that he can eventually DESTROY you if and when he is presented the opportunity to do so!

[@annieb.]

That sounds very much like a narcissist. be careful.

[@SunandSunflowers]

@Toni L You are dealing witha a covert narcissist. The small lies, sexual preferences, especially the part when he says take your time we don't need to rush. That one got me mixed up with the ex covert narc. Its an appearance of patience so you can look at him as thoughtful and understanding but inside he is angry with you for making him wait. That anger it comes out in spurts. They do appear depressed which makes you feel sorry for them. All of it is meant to confuse you so wont be able to think straight. Its all about him

[@karenlee8362]

Leave him forever, he is using you for his own needs.

[@danielbryce6072]

Thank you. I've been a helper/rescuer.

[@maslinebere2622]

1 year now, I can’t heal am struggling. Beating myself every day.

[@honeybee6154]

It may take a long time. It took me 4 years to heal, and I'm still working on myself. It's a lifestyle at this point. Give yourself all the time you need.

[@tmklunk]

Please don’t do that

[@maslinebere2622]

tmklunk Trying not to

[@jbresilient379]

Healing is not on a schedule ( wise words from my therapist). I’m two years out: still healing, still being triggered. Having great days and having terrible days. Be so kind to yourself and give yourself credit for each little step forward. You are educating yourself and sharing your feelings with us... that’s two big high fives!’ 🙌!

[@maslinebere2622]

JB Resilient Thanks for such kind and comforting words . Struggling is real

[@leahgreene3606]

The key phrase here for me was “emotionally unhealthy”. Like many, my ex was not diagnosed as any kind of a narcissist, and I know it is not advised to diagnose them ourselves. But the patterns are consistent with nearly everything you share with us here (there was love bombing, subtle devaluation and a sudden discard with a TON of exploitative behavior) so I have good reason to suspect that at the very least things were unhealthy. The two reasons I let this person in so quickly were that I knew him for years (on a surface level, which I now realize) and he opened up to be about his difficult childhood and the things that had happened to him in his past. My healer and fixer instincts kicked in and I let a lot of things slide for a long time. The discard was brutal because of how his sudden absence impacted my then 3 year old. He never gave her a goodbye or an explanation. And since his behaviors were covert and subtle, she thankfully never really saw the abusive side until he just disappeared on her (after I confronted him about the fact that he had been living with us for months without contributing his share and I eventually realized he seemed resolved to keep it that way). But as for me, I now realize the discard was a gift in the long run. I was putting up with a lot of subtle devaluation, frequent alcohol abuse, and an attitude where he was content to let everything fall on my shoulders while he lived off of my effort, so I know my daughter and I will be ok. Thank you so much for your wisdom and this channel, you have no idea how you have helped me get through these last few months. I wish you so much goodness in the new year.

[@fa7959]

The lack of love in one's life I know it sounds desperate but a connection is a connection until it turns into a liability

[@dblackburnjr1]

Feel so duped 31 years and still in it

[@venusheard4565]

I'm going through this right NOW through a triangle effect. The courts are INVOLVED

[@TheAmericanDeception]

Hello Venus, If you don’t mind me asking, how are the courts involved in your particular situation? I am curious because of the current predicament that I am facing with my wife. I am in a 20+ year marriage with a woman who has cheated, lied, and manipulated me since the beginning. I, being an empath, knew from the beginning that something just wasn’t right with this person. But I chose to stay because of the hope I had that things would change…things have only gotten worse. I must also point out that, I knew absolutely nothing about cover narcissism until about 1 year ago. The psychological damage that this woman has inflicted upon me, especially during this past year, has been so damaging, that I cannot function like I used too. I feel like a total failure. Back to what I am asking you. I have had thoughts of involving the courts in my situation concerning the damage she has done to me. I am quite certain that, in our current situation, a divorce is not far off. Thank you.

[@onyiiilo378]

This is exactly how I feel right now!

[@Sand24]

I didn't know they can be shy and awkward like mine was at start. I became friends with him and started dating. I was the secondary supply. He went back to his grade A supply who moved back with him and told me he was going to be with her for a lifetime.

[@HillaryKay]

He was my first boyfriend I was pure genuine and naive. I’m all 3 you suggested. I was his perfect surviver !

[@lauraburney1912]

Yep! No.3 is me 😞

[@jimfurik1042]

Me too....I need to try and set boundaries earlier and understand it's not my job to "fix" people...its soooo hard not to try and help tho. All I done was set myself up to be used, abused, lied to and manipulated because I cared and was worried about them and their issues of which led to my anxiety and depression because I felt useless. I set a boundary eventually Then get discarded cos I was no longer "supportive" and couldnt "fix" them. I look back and no one could "fix" her, she needed to do that for herself

[@MikeL-7]

I literally trained myself to yawn every time my covert narc and her endless scheming came into my mind. Eventually you progress to a higher level of contentedness and simple pleasures, leaving them behind. Start today.

[@dblackburnjr1]

Great videos,Beautiful gal

[@dimitrisgonatas2264]

I need to promote my self with a cluster c personality girl at least it's the second time I got in to a toxic relationship

[@jasming.2666]

Hello, My name is Jasmin and I'm from Germany. For eight years I had been in a relationship with a covert narcissist. I never understood his rage and I never understood why I was so desperate to made the relationship work. In January 2019 I left him because I never wanted to be lied again. We have a daughter together, he doesn't care for her. He is ignoring all my attempts to get a solution - we still have joined custody. He has been in a relationship with his new supply for over a year now, he cares for his two other daughters from an earlier marriage - its all over social media. When I write to him, that this shouldnt be this way, he could be happy, no hard feelings and so on, I never get an answer from him..He doesn't speak to me at all. He doesn't care for his daughters birthday or if she is sick or healthy. When does this stop? Why is he still trying do give me a hard time? Even his lies he told about me after the breakup, I never tried to clear my name. Could you please tell me, why is he still doing that? Thank you, Jasmin

[@2329denise]

I'm in deep now, and this is a mess.

[@sheilaschwartz9319]

Yes. I had a overt narcicist 7 years !!!!! Can be !!! Can be

[@dblackburnjr1]

I had a covert narcissist mom. I guess I am a codependent and I think I might be an Empath

[@motionmuse5684]

Just realizing when I think about it, I feel my Dad was both covert and overt at times. Is that possible? He was definitely this angry victim type at times, but he was also grandiose and scary, loud, aggressive and overt, in your face sometimes too.

[@rukhsanamirza4679]

what is the link to the emotional guidance series?. thank you

[@robinhayes4508]

I might of got duped by a covert.for a quarter of my life but i have the best quarter still for me to live so I WIN he didn't get all of me

[@celiaverdinho54]

Ya! He was shy, calm, cute! I was alone and lonely and I hadn't met anyone that I was attracted and who kinda reciprocated! There wasn't man dropping out on my feet...He was the best and the only one! What to do! I loved him...if it wasn't for the future danger presented... I wouldn't have Divorced him! Till today I can say : " He was the one for me. The good stuff was very good and the bad was murderous but I only know because I experienced it! " Life Sucks! But I look back and my only sadness now is " IF he had been mentally and emotionally well...I would be with him and HAPPY:( "

[@josettekacey]

I’m usually scared to make KZbin comments, but your videos have been so helpful to me. My step father is an overt narcissist, and I realized recently that my mom is a manipulator. That combination plus the fact that I’m an empath, I ended up married to a covert narcissist.

[@victoriac.attorneyatlaw]

How do I get onto the kickstart program? thanks!

[@tomdarco2223]

I am hurting so I just nned more inf

[@viklucier8793]

Could it be that a person who suffers from PTSD (or CPTSD) may have developed covert-borderline personality with co-morbid narcissism?

[@ShupgWong]

I once worked with an overt narcissist and for 4 years I thought I was the problem. Totally destroyed my self-esteem. But the person’s partner was the loveliest person ever and it made me wonder if the narcissist could be nice to one person and horrendous to another. Are they selectively abusive to only some people and at the same time submissive to others? Do they just choose people they know they can bully and yet are willing to give themselves to or submit to others they consider worthy of them?

[@angiesmith9293]

Yes they are absolutely selective.

[@suzidogafounderteitelman2978]

Yes.....

[@lorimeyers5551]

What it is your own mother?? Didnt see it or blocked it out. Now she is 81 and full fledged ... not pretty!!

[@viklucier8793]

What about ZEBRA PERSONALITY ??

[@verseharmony2914]

I enjoy how you pin an overview/follow up questions hah With me, it’s knowing what’s up.. Just also having that “biblical love” within balance (balancing out biblical gestures toward humanity) hah When I was younger and not in tune of how people aren’t all biblical I felt duped a lot per say.. kzbin.info an old video of summary of what I’ll cover.. Maybe we can bridge a concept together! Keep rocking! And videos definitely coming.. I saw the alert but was playing human frogger coming back from Walmart lol Appreciate you -Brae (Vaclavik-Hights/Verse Harmony)

[@ddseir1443]

Any body here thinks Christina (never met her personally) is not intelligent? How about others that post antinarc tutorials on YT, do they strike you as idiots? (Unanimous no) Didn’t think so. What they all have in common is that they, too, have been at least on one occasion, duped by a narc. What does this mean? When you trust people, decide to create real relationships and bonds, you’ re not an idiot. You’re just a normal person. The narcs aren’t. That’s all there is to it.

[@user-fq4zi4fu8m]

INFJ!!!

[@nathanbrady8529]

Her own father said I was "retarded" for trusting her. I figured out real quick who she learned her behavior from.

[@tamelashafer8852]

💜♾🙏🏼🕉

[@robertyoung6320]

You're like they have to see themselves for what they become so you're saying some narcissist or you're saying they can be cured if they will help themselves... what is the disorder caused from childhood or whatever and they are not born this way