Fiancee's Brother Bullied Me But She's Insisting He's A Groomsman At Our Wedding r/Relationships

[@godking]

BIL's apology was not sincere. He only apologized because there was no other way out for him

[@MsTemptation]

Of course it wasn’t sincere. People would have to be complete fools to assume that he was instantly regretful of his treatment towards op. Her parents are just trying to make their daughter happy. No one goes from zero to being remorseful about their actions that quickly and without a buttload of self reflection. Op wants his girlfriend so badly that he doesn’t care if her family were card carrying supremacist.

[@ancadiamant]

Same with the parents because OP bought up the possibility of kids looking like him and they waited too long to do it. Who is the person the bully learned this behavior from?

[@jaymel4691]

@@ancadiamant Exactly, I'd still be worried about racism in that family, not just from the BIL. And especially directed toward any future kids. I doubt he's changed at all, he's just on his best behavior for now until things calm down and he can slip back into his old patterns. I would also worry about this coming from the parents too- BIL had to have learned this from somewhere. And even the fiancee- she still didn't take OP's concerns seriously until she read other peoples' opinions on Reddit. She should have taken her future spouse's words seriously before ANYONE else. This is the one person she's supposed to love, who's supposed to be her life partner, and it took strangers on the internet to make her understand how wrong she was while she was stomping all over his boundaries? Yikes.

[@godking]

@@MsTemptation OP is setting himself up for a lifetime of indirect instead of direct racism and bigotry from BIL. BIL will skirt the borders of outright racism and bigotry just enough for him to claim that he did'nt know or was only joking.

[@srkh8966]

@@jaymel4691 Everyone sucks here. OP has to take responsibility for putting himself in this situation to begin with. He chose to continue dating this woman after he found out who she was, and lied about how her brother treated him twice-once by omission and then directly after he’d been called names again.

[@madambutterfly1997]

If she actually loved you she wouldn’t be telling you to make him a groomsman in spite of your clear boundaries

[@Oatmealism]

Or, she didn't realize how terrible things had been and how wrong her outlook was until she had a bitter dose of reality dumped on her and she realized that this was a lot worse than expected and that what she was demanding was abhorrent and quickly backpedaled to get out of it because she'd been waltzing into the lions den and only just now realized it

[@marissabryan3521]

No it’s all on him they met so many he was a dick and he told not big deal she not a mind reading .. I honestly really hate how he wait years to to tell her the truth like that so weird and manipulating of him ..

[@wmdkitty]

If he loves her, he'll deal with it for one day.

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

yeah.. thats really-really bad...

[@tandelogan2825]

Totally agree!!! Everyone on this thread saying it his fault is not understanding the whole situation...or have never been bullied so completely do not understand! Firstly, think of an Indian man and an Italian man....also imagine being bullied for your race, weight and "nerdiness". Second, when you have been bullied you don't want to make it a big deal and talk about how much of a "loser" you were to AHs.Thirdly, if my brother had ever said something awful to my partner when they first met, I would NEVER accept from him "it is alright"....

[@pearbear6418]

Story 1: How did the dad expect OP to "leave it in the past" when the brother won't do the same and he's still treating OP like trash in the present? Ridiculous. At least he eventually came to OP's side.

[@DragonicGamer32]

He was hoping OP would be THAT guy who just takes it because the other person would refuse to change. He just didn't want the drama and frankly the dad needed it and to get off his butt.

[@HoodieHorizon]

I would be like “give me an apology that explains exactly what you did wrong. No ‘I’m sorry that you…’ bullshit. Tell me what you’re sorry for and why it was wrong.”

[@hunnykun101]

Any adult and remorse one would but I get the feeling BIL is either the brother/son that can't do not wrong in *his* family or he's the type that won't admit he done wrong

[@jamiesatyr1309]

​@@hunnykun101 He probably doesn't care if he breaks up the wedding. 😊😂

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

@@hunnykun101 that is his ego talking...

[@WardenSpectreCommander]

4:29 in and I'm saying drop her and move on. Do you want to have to deal with this asshat for the rest of your life. 86 the marriage completely.

[@idontknowmyfruits2194]

This is how I go about apologizing and I do expect it in return. It’s proper.

[@diivaiinthehouse1]

The last story feels like she's raising a toddler.

[@terramarini6880]

She will be his nurse for the rest of her life if he can't be arsed to take care of himself by simply eating some veg. Not to mention the example he would set for potential future children. Not sure I'd want to hitch my wagon to that train.

[@ISIIN15]

Seriously I hate veggies too but have my gf hide them in my food too. I don't like the texture but if they're cooked to hell and mush I'll eat them no problem. But then again I act like a grown ass man and not a 4 yr old

[@rintan4619]

Reminds me of the tomato essence aita story

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

And he will teach future kids it's normal to avoid vegetables.

[@sleepyearth]

A man can't handle veg in his pasta not for sensory nor allergy issues. Why OP is raising bf as her child is beyond me. If she is so desperate for a child then should she be raising a husky instead.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 2: When someone has a phobia or a mental health crisis, it's theirs to deal with. It's not everyone else's job to walk on eggshells. Brian doesn't have the coping skills he needs for a restaurant, and you can't stop everyone at the establishment from ordering nachos. His parents need to stop coddling, and start teaching him how to cope through difficult situations, or he is going to suffer alone once they're gone.

[@petthequeenofmaddness8592]

I feel like he's lying about how bad it is for him or he had one bad experience with those foods and stuff, No one that actually has those issues would act like that unless they have the mind of a child and even then in those cases they have a care giver.

[@Imjustkendall]

@@petthequeenofmaddness8592 are you on the spectrum?

[@agentzapdos4960]

@@Imjustkendall I am. If his support needs are as high as the story indicates, he should be in a care home. I blame the inadequate healthcare system of whatever country this story takes place in.

[@petthequeenofmaddness8592]

@@Imjustkendall yep went to a school for it, I know enough to know the family failed him and never got him the proper help and tools to not be a jerk.

[@EM3SonSon]

@@Imjustkendall How is that relevant btw?

[@lokcachte]

Story 2: i have misophonia and autism. I specifically avoid going to certain places or bring something to block out noise. I rarely go to restaurants and “save up” energy in order to prepare mentally for going out to eat. It isn’t anyone else’ problem regardless of his needs.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

Right? And the BIL only freaked out the second he took a bite. If he's able to explain what the issue is _during_ a meltdown, he's absolutely able to explain what would cause a meltdown _before_ I become _less_ verbal during a meltdown, and I also know what my triggers are. My instinct is also to remove myself from the situation, rather than complain to others 🙄

[@emmettbuttry8676]

What mess up is that when the parents get too old to take care of brother in law or they die, they'll except OP and wife to take care of him, imagine what type of hell OP's life would become then.

[@damien678]

I honestly just deal with it if a noise is bothering me. Sometimes the sound of my beloved bf eating and the spoon taping and scraping on porcelain can physically hurt to hear. I just grit my teeth and bear it 🤷‍♂️ because they deserve to be able to eat in their own home comfortably

[@damien678]

​@@ACAB.forcutie Yeah, this with meltdowns. Thankfully I mostly just shutdown but when it feels like a meltdown I storm off somewhere else to have it

[@ACAB.forcutie]

@@damien678 yup, same. I usually have a "flight" response, but sometimes it is just complete shutdown. I go catatonic

[@neiltheblaze]

Story 3: That dude should grow up before he hits 40. He even admitted he loves the taste. He's a doofus.

[@gcarr1089]

Story 3 - OP is not his mum, he may behave like a 5 year old but he isn't. She needs to decide if she wants to be with a toddler or a man, if she wants a man then tell the toddler they are over.

[@ajillofmanytrades8638]

She is just like her brother. They both only changed when it stood to negatively affect them.

[@TonySamedi]

And the dad is similar. It's only a problem when it could hurt his grandkids too. An entire family of "It's only a problem when it hurts me or those genetically close to me" OP should run for the hills, they will never be on the priority list for anyone in that family.

[@zebnemma]

@@TonySamedi True true. I feel like the biggest asshole hypocrites are the ones that will defend their family to the end of the world with teeth and claws but then treat other people like they don't matter at all... You should treat EVERYBODY with respect, unless they have proven to be a shitty person then they don't deserve respect no more. It's natural to treat family in a higher regard but you don't need to treat strangers like dogshit that shows some really fucked up warped mindset. Seems this whole family has this mindset learned from the dad so yeah, here's the red flag! 🚩 And the most glaring issue with having this mindset is that it opens up for a lot of fakeness, like these people will only be nice to people that have power over them like their boss or someone with a respected job but anyone that is "underneath them" it's free game to bully just like the brother did. This whole family is two faced snakes!!! I would not marry!

[@srkh8966]

And OP should’ve realised this when he found out who she was. Had he approached this situation honestly from the beginning, the relationship might’ve been salvageable, but now it’s a train wreck

[@hannahdavis5725]

Story 3: On the fence on this one; I dunno, I feel like a grown man acting like a child, may as well treat him like a child....I also get that you shouldn't mess with food.

[@shad03void99]

I feel it depends. If you mess with food to actively harm someone, then that would be a asshole move of the highest caliber. But shit choom, if your tampering is actively *improving* someone's health, then you good. Keep going at it.

[@demonic_myst4503]

he has every right to chose his diet and op is being a control freak their no debate on that

[@josephedward7534]

She didn’t mess with his food. She could it her own special way. If her boyfriend has a problem with her cooking, he can cook his own food.

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@shad03void99 no. you can't mess with someone without their consent even if its good for them. That's NOT it. Grown individuals have the right to make their own choices, even if they're unhealthy or harmful. I can't put a tracking device on my wife 'to make sue she's safe' without her consent. I can't secretly throw her alcohol away because 'its not good for her'. Its NOT my decision to make. The only decision I can make is whether I'm willing to educate and work with them on this, leave them, or accept the way they are.

[@philwill0123]

​@@pragatisingh8467nah, his health improved. He is being babied. Literally vegetables. There is no religious, or moral issue, he's being a dick. Happy for her to cook around his issues. This also wasn't a "gotcha" like meat eaters love pulling on vegetarians. He has a problem that he wanted to live in ignorance of, which made him health-wise better. He just didn't like that his way was absolute trash.

[@Raaslen]

Story 3: NTA, that's a very good way to make your toddler eat veggies... Wait, he is not a toddler?

[@dustyrose192]

I mean... i have to do this with my mother as she won't eat many veggies either

[@frankl2770]

@@dustyrose192 ... we dont really have to eat vegetables. but if you dont then you need to make sure you get your vitamins and minerals from other food .... medicine and supplements wont be the solution in the long run

[@CaulkMongler]

Story 1: the fact he immediately referred to him with that nickname makes me feel like he did absolutely nothing to reflect on himself. I’d probably give him a clear piece of my mind and make it clear that while I love my future wife, I’ll be having nothing to do with the brother. Civilly. You also can’t force *anyone* to be someone’s groomsman or bridesmaid. Edit to add: the dad wants the past to be in the past, but the brother is the one who refuses to apologize for anything? Like hello?? I see exactly where he gets his crap attitude from. Watch that red flag.

[@Listrynne]

If she wants him in the wedding party so bad then she can make her bully brother a bridesmaid. 😂🎉

[@paden1865able]

I'd love to see what style of dress he'd wear...

[@Listrynne]

@@paden1865able exactly! And his hairstyle and corsage...

[@paden1865able]

I want to know if he has to shave and wear a girdle!!

[@floridafrostbite8002]

He gets to wear a pretty dress!

[@barneytaylor9338]

that is actually not a bad idea.

[@damien678]

Story 1: OP needs to stay cautious of BIL. No way he isn't plotting something against him

[@danisonice.]

I'm so confused by story 3. Isn't pasta sauce made of blended vegetables???? What did he expect the blender to be used for? Blending meat???

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 NTA but why are you dating an irresponsible child? It would be one thing if he was "healthy" but he's on medication for condition that are at least in part due to him eating like 💩 Not liking vegetables fine, but it's so easy to make vegetables taste good. Seems OP is way more mature despite this man being nearly a whole decade older.

[@anndownsouth5070]

Mark, my favorite Indian wedding story was the one where the FMIL decided to wear white to the wedding. She didn't realize that Indian brides wear bright colors but not white. She was just one in the crowd, plus in Hindu tradition, white is for funerals.

[@AhamkaraMommy]

Story 3: I had this happen to me as well, although I noticed the veggies I was actually really appreciative that the person cooking was still trying to do everything they could to make it work one way or another. To this way I do not eat a lot of veggies in my food however I will now often have them as a side to munch on after. To all the "YTA"; He's a grown ass man who is refusing to eat veggies, tell him to grow a pair and hold his nose. To top that off; He can cook his own food if he's unhappy about what's served.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Honestly she shouldn’t have to act like his mother. If he refuses to eat vegetables to the point that it’s severely affecting his health, break up with his ass

[@vanillablossom]

@@dimsufferer9951 agree, she was more TA to herself than to him imo. If he's so immature and fussy about veggies, how is he like in more serious aspects of life? I mean, nutrition is important, too, as we could see here, but if he's so adamant about things that could make him healthier and flips out, because he was eating healthy for a change, I have to wonder how responsible is he generally... I'd say drop his immature butt. What does she gain from a relationship with so big age gap, when she needs to mother a guy older than her?

[@elizabethsudkamp942]

For the last story? My dad doesn’t like veggies. For years, my mom has included pureed carrots in tomato sauce and other vegetables in recipes so dad stays healthy. I would agree that a partner shouldn’t care more for their SO than their SO does

[@owl7072]

"My parents are going to be mad" Maybe he shouldn't have been a bully then

[@friendbright5375]

Story 3: I'm an autistic adult with pretty severe misophonia. The sounds of breathing, smacking, swallowing, etc. often unsettle me and can even make me violently angry. That's why I literally always carry earplugs, warn people before I eat around them so they can be careful, explain clearly to new people so they understand if I have to leave a situation, etc etc. The wife should've explained why OP shouldn't order the nachos at the bare minimum, but instead they left him in the dark. NTA

[@dustyrose192]

thats story two

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2 if someone ordering nachos cause's him to have public freak out then he needs to stay home.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 3: NTA fuck that. Everyone wants to enable this man baby and honestly it's time OP drops him. It's not worth the energy

[@shadyKpopFan]

The guy on the first story needs to work on his communications skills before thinking g of getting married This is the type of guy who will ask reddit should I tell my wife I got sacked 3 weeks ago??

[@barneytaylor9338]

Yeah, our boy in this story really is a doormat. Not real sure there is a lot of hope in this marriage.

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@NotGettingWhatIPaidForKZbin what are you guys talking about? Isn't the first story about the mess with BiL? Where in the story did someone get sacked? I'm confused.

[@emanx222]

​@@pragatisingh8467 you've misread the comment. The original commenter was simply likening the first OP in this story to another one in a prior story who lost his job and didn't tell his wife because of his worrying views of being a man

[@mzgreenjeansapproves]

Hate to say this but, that isn't just a doormat thing it's a minority thing. A lot of minorities like to be "one of the good ones" so they condition themselves to ignore or take the racist shit slung at them. I have called out some racist behavior and a poc (whose invested in being one of the good ones) will say it's not that bad or didn't see the problem. They want to get along and standing up for themselves is not getting along. The poc standing up for themselves are considered a problem, undisciplined, sensitive, having a victim mentality, ungrateful, rude, disruptive the list goes on. I'm quite sure when he's with his family he's no doormat. It's an unfortunate aspect of society that goes under the radar.

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@emanx222 I see

[@knitwit9447]

I'm autistic, and I have severe sensory issues. I don't go anywhere without earplugs and my chunky noise canceling headphones. ESPECIALLY not restaurants, because hearing people crunch chips makes me want to tear my ears off. While I can understand and empathize with Brian (not about the olives though, but sometimes our autism can show itself in strange ways), he chose to come to a restaurant without any sort of sensory device to help block out noise or give him a method to cope. That's on him. I tell my family if they want to talk to me, they can't be eating at the same time so I'll be able to listen to them and understand, but they can choose to eat and I just won't be there.

[@mml92748]

as someone who was bullied for their entire young life, I would NEVER allow anyone who bullied me to be a part of my special day-- not even with insincere apologies. Remember: nobody is a safe person if they won't apologize for how they hurt you on their own volition.

[@srkh8966]

Would you date the sibling of your bully, though? There’s something seriously cringe about this whole situation

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

story 2: Exactly correct, if a table near them ordered nachos would he freak out? I think this BIL is just playing up the victim card. Not saying he doesnt have these things, but if its that bad then he shouldn't be in public. Also i would sit the wife down and tell her, she can either talk to me or continue to sulk, i will apologize for the words i used, but thats it. Also this girl will not find another dude to put up with her brother and family...

[@OmniscientlyMe]

I think he was overly coddled and never learned how to cope. Otherwise, they shouldn't have brought him to a place where there was almost certainly other people ordering the same thing.

[@anndownsouth5070]

Last story. I used to "hide" vegetables in food for my husband. Not that he didn't eat vegetables. There was just some he didn't like much. Like cooked carrots. So I would grate carrots and put it in the paste sauce or a curry. He knew I did it, and he was okay with it because he didn't really taste it.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

I roll my eyes when people call it "messing with food" like....he doesn't cook it, he doesn't ask what is in it, he doesn't have an allergy, he isn't having a diet for a specific reason. She should not be in that relationship. He screamed and insulted her over some veggies.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Seriously. His health is garbage because he refuses to touch vegetables and when he starts to get better because of her, he flips out at her and calls her a bitch? What a shitty man child

[@teritt]

I call it messing with food because through all of that, considering he’s never eaten vegetables, he could have at any point _had an allergic reaction._

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@teritt No, he has had things cooked with them and picked them out. She has used the same utensils, chopping board, containers, hands, etc. The most he could have is such a mild allergy or intolerance that MAYBE he could get a rash. But instead, he just got healthy.

[@teritt]

@@ZoeAlleyne Listen. There are different levels of allergies, it’s just not a good thing to _lie_ first of all and not a good thing to _lie_ specifically about what you’re feeding somebody.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@teritt I'm not sure why you bothered to tell me there are different levels of allergy since that is mentioned within my post. And there were very good reasons to believe he had no allergy at all based on those elements. No one said it was good to lie. But at the same time, he never asked what was in the food. He had no allergies, he enjoyed the food, and he was only upset to find he had been consuming something he insisted he would hate. Parents often sneak veggies into their kids' foods. There are articles and recipes about it. Which is already a sign they shouldn't be in a relationship. She acts like a mother, he acts like a child, and that is not a healthy dynamic.

[@michal31131]

I have had food aversions since I was a baby, I learned from a young age to cook the safe foods I like to eat so I won't be dependent on anybody else. If the last bf has a similar problem he can cook for himself.

[@tetraganii]

I'm on a reddit story binge while I clean by bedroom for the first time in 4 months due to a hip injury that's made it near impossible to work, much less clean. I'm so proud of myself

[@lesbainsdouches7216]

I get you, those injuries make life so complicated. So happy for you!!!!

[@patronuscharm5830]

I'm proud of you too!👏👏👏

[@DudeEM]

Story 3: OP’s BF acted like OP had been adding female hormones or poison into his food when it was merely vegetables and he was enjoying the food when he didn’t know there were veggies in them. He isn’t allergic to vegetables (at least by how OP narrated the story) and there were at least 4 types of vegetables in his food everytime OP cooks. Did he have a traumatic experience with vegetables during his childhood like getting r#p*d using carrots, zucchinis or butternut squashes or something? OP merely proved to him that vegetables can be delicious too if cooked a certain way. He was deceived, yes, but the gravity of it was not too heavy IMO.

[@AwolCommander]

Story 2: As someone who is autistic, I started actually wheezing at the dinner table. If you’re at a dinner and a plate of nachos sets you off, just don’t eat the nachos, it’s that simple. Edit: NTA op, that’s what headphones are for. The brother should have just slipped those on and not screech like a toddler. I have my own food sensitivities but he’s old enough to NOT ACT LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the first story let's be real here if it took complete strangers telling you you need to reconsider or break up with your fiance for her to read that and for her to realize the severity of the situation she's not going to realize the whole situation in general. She wants to dream wedding and the dream wedding reception. In addition you majorly messed up when you did not tell her the full extent of your history with her brother. I understand you didn't want to cause conflict or drama but let's be real here you should have told her the whole truth. Her brother is only apologizing and playing nice with you because his family basically is forcing him into a corner to apologize for basically being a bigot and an a hole to you which he doesn't regret that he did in high school. But let's be real here this is not the end of the whole situation and honestly I think a lot of them are basically playing nice because they don't want to lose you and they really don't want to lose your fiance. Get ready because you may have to revisit this whole situation again they just trying to numb the situation down enough to where it can be handled in a civilized manner.... In addition the fact that your now fiance wants to go scorched-earth on her brother because of this. Means that the comments against her so badly that she doesn't want to lose you but she's also prepare to go scorched-earth or not just her brother but the rest of her family if she does lose you. Get really it's only just going to get worse

[@snakesandstones4252]

Yeah, he fucked up hard-core because he severely played down what her brother did. He said it's no big deal and before that, acted as if he had only heard of him. OP absolutely gave her the wrong impression on his feelings. She defended OP at first and defended him again after reading the post--he said in that post he told her all that her brother had done. He didn't say if he told her how it had effected him and how very much not okay he was with it at that point.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

@@snakesandstones4252 it's not just that but he would literally to some degree did not want to lose this girl because he knew that they were from the same hometown they went to the same school and her brother was his bully. So obviously there was some history going on here that he didn't want to face but she also possibly knew that there was something going on there but it wasn't that big of a deal. It took his post on Reddit for her to realize okay I got to do something before I lose him and it took her going off on her parents who probably didn't know it was that bad for them to realize it's okay. He needs to be prepared because they're moving off of it but his wife is so afraid of losing him and he doesn't even realize that this isn't the end she's basically going to be on guard when it comes to him and this whole situation with her brother fir for a long time. I would put off putting on hold the wedding until she and him get together and talk about how we going to deal with this. And let's be real here this isn't the end he knows and so does she. Do you really think this man is smart enough to just say we're done. He's a doormat if your girlfriend keeps dismissing everything's you tell in full detail and takes complete stranger saying you need to reevaluate your relationship or break up with her for her to realize that that she's not really looking at your best interest

[@kimsvisualdiary]

Truth be told he should’ve never continued the relationship once he found out who her brother was.

[@WobblesandBean]

Please use commas and paragraphs, I can't read huge unpunctuated text walls 😅 But from what little I could glean, he HAS told her the whole truth.

[@emanx222]

​@@WobblesandBean fr!!!!!

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 3: I normally agree that food tampering of any kind is not a good move but also does OP honestly want to hide veggies in his food like he’s a toddler for the rest of their lives? He’s literally older than her and yet he’s terribly immature.

[@demonic_myst4503]

Food tampering is a crime he is a grown man and its more inmaturr to try control what he eats

[@ACAB.forcutie]

​@@demonic_myst4503 and I suppose you also think it's controlling to tell a grown man to wash his bum?

[@ACAB.forcutie]

Yeah I don't think she's TA, but she needs to leave him, not continue to be his mommy

[@demonic_myst4503]

@@ACAB.forcutie telling bs tricking is a massive diference but nice hyperbolic example

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@demonic_myst4503 and I'll bet you're 500 lbs

[@carolsh1983]

I think that you aren’t always marrying your partner’s family but it is something you need to figure out before you propose.

[@hildajensen6263]

Yes. It sucks, but her brother is always going to be her brother. He will be the uncle to her children. If you can't find a way to live with that in a respectful and peaceful manner, you simply can't be a family. The wedding is just one day, and if you can't make that work together, you won't be able to deal with the next 30 years of family events.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I disagree. You can always celebrate days like Christmas seperate. OP visiting PIL 1st Christmas day, BIL visiting his parents 2nd Christmas etc. You don't HAVE to meet brothers/sisters. My brother is an uncle to my kids, but we only see him at birthdays, cuz we simply share no interest so don't have anything to connect with. If this were about parents in law it might have been different, cuz parents are more involved in your partners life than brothers/sisters.

[@hildajensen6263]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm I see what you mean. But it does depend on how the family relationships was before the new partner enters the dynamic. If your partners was close to her brother before you meet, he is most likely still going to be a big part of her life going forward. You may only see your brother at birthdays, but as you describe it, you meet without any lingering resentments and can just celebrate this family members special day without any problems. The important thing is that you have to take in-laws into account (and be honest to your partner about it) before the proposal. Usually a partner comes wit baggage, and you really have to thing about how/if you can carry it for the rest of your lives. The "I married YOU and not your family" argument won't take you anywhere good.

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@hildajensen6263 you almost make it sound like its HIS fault for having resentment or whatever. This is one of those examples where people change their opinion based on the gender of the narrator. Because I'm sure people would be jumping fences to tell the OP to go NC if she was female and talking about a toxic or racist MiL. Why the hell does he need to either forget his trauma or leave his partner for some racist bully? You're literally enabling the bully to control his life even after all these years. That's MESSED UP. There is no problem if the partner supports him. The can live a happy and fulfilled life despite it being alive or present in the same room once in a while. 'I married you and not your family' is not an argument, its literally the truth.

[@hildajensen6263]

@@pragatisingh8467 It is true that may many base their opinions upon gender. But I do not. I have simply lived long enough to see dislike of in-laws ruin many relationships. While the relationship is new and the rose tinted glasses are still in effect, it's easy to believe that it all about the two of us and the rest doesn't matter. - But it gets strained over time and both resentment and/or longing for reconciliation will grow. Often as kids comes along or parents gets old. It is not fair - but it is what often happens. So if OP's bully hasn't changed and OP hates his guts, things ARE going to be worse in time. OP really ought to take that into consideration in planning out the rest of his life.

[@BarbaraCeciliaRomanoNielsen]

Story 3: agreed messing with someone's food is not a good thing, however it sounds more like a mom trying to get their toddler to eat healthier without dealing with the tantrum. This man sounds very inmature and she shouldn't be the one babying him. That's not having a partner that's parenting

[@dessnatazha]

I can see ESH in story 3 but I’d advise OP to end that relationship.

[@bethanntay]

I married a Muslim man from Pakistan. If my family had treated him like this, I would go no contact. I am married him not my family. The only thing they weren't fond of was our 16 year age gap lol.

[@Sg190th]

Well, love is love, so if you're happy, who cares, right?

[@pragatisingh8467]

Girl your husband is a groomer. A 16 year age gap? 🤮

[@keepdancingmaria]

Huge age gap AND spouse is from a misogynistic terrible place.... Idiot.

[@Swnsasy]

The fiance is showing that she cares more for this wedding than the man she's supposed to be marrying.. Last time I checked the groom picks who his groomsmen will be, not the soon to be bride... The brother bullied and harassed him, and obviously hasn't changed his ways at all.. For him to EXPECT to be the groomsman shows real entitlement.. Who cares what her family wants, it's not their wedding.. Either the soon to be learns that HE will now come first this marriage shouldn't go forward... Nta... He messed up by not being honest to begin with though.. Just because they are paying doesn't mean they get the full say.. He really needs to grow a backbone YESTERDAY!!

[@WobblesandBean]

Story 3: Of course it's an age gap relationship. Honey, please kick this manchild out of your home and out of your life.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Misophonia is definitely a real thing. I don't know if I have that, but I hate a lot of the sounds that come from eating. But seems like BIL has a list of "triggers" and "needs" longer than my arm. NTA

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 1: it's sad that OP didn't immediately say something and that while the fiancé did shot her brother down before with this comments, it's still sad it took her until this to get her wake up call. I'm glad she's not planning on letting this continue, especially if they should have kids.

[@CaulkMongler]

I mean, most sane people wouldn’t have the immediate reaction to cuss their childhood bully out, sad to say. It kinda mentally throws you right back into that mentality where if you don’t kick up a fuss there’s less reason for them to pick on and bully you. It’s a reflexive survival instinct he’s learned.

[@impishrebel5969]

@@CaulkMongler At least someone gets the psychology behind it. jfc the guy that said "op is annoyingly weak" in the comments here must be one of those bullies.

[@CarinaCoffee]

​@@CaulkMongler I wasn't meaning he should cuss the bully out, he should have told his fiancée about it from the get go. That way she'd have been able to tell her brother beforehand that he was not to bully OP or say anything racist. I reckon because he never told her about the bullying, this meeting was the first time she heard her brother be like that to OP. She shut it down, but didn't know the extent of the bullying. OP then told her about it and at that point she should have had his back and not even entertained the idea of letting her brother anywhere near OP again.

[@CristinaFrank]

I wish there was an update on the last story that OP dumped the man baby

[@Vendavalez]

About that first story, something that took me forever to learn is that if you keep trying to be nice and polite by downplaying how much things bother you, specially when you’re trying to stand up for yourself, no one is going to act according to how much things really bother you because they literally don’t know any better. If they are acting appropriately based on what you told them, how can they be assholes for it? Lying for any reason is neither kind nor polite. True kindness is a lot more difficult than that. Now, I wasn’t there, so I don’t really know exactly what was said, but through the post he makes reference to things I have done myself multiple times and I have ended with similar problems for that reason which leads me to believe that when he had a talk with his fiancé, he was not fully clear and honest about what happened or how it made him feel. Now this clearly doesn’t make him an asshole or even the asshole in this situation but, if he wants to have any kind of healthy relationship with his wife or anyone in the future, he needs to learn how to communicate honestly and openly. Not doing so will inevitably lead to him being the asshole in the future about something. Not everyone is ready for this lesson and I certainly wasn’t at his age, but it is something that I don’t feel is brought up enough.

[@enkiimuto1041]

As someone who has been bullied, OP enfuriates me by just letting it snowball as he rolls for them to kick on the other side of his cheek Keeps making excuses for every single party involved

[@jasperhamilton2946]

I suffer from misophonia. It's hell but I learn how to cope and improve how I act because everyone eats! It's natural!

[@poohbear4515]

I’m sorry, but OP is annoyingly weak. When he found out who her brother was, he should’ve told her right there what kind of an asshole he was. Either she believes it, or not. And even when the asshole continues to show he never matured at all, not even a freaking apology at all, he should’ve called off the relationship right there so he wouldn’t deal with that prick. She knew from what OP said, but still wanted to give that asshole the honor of being a groomsman?? My god, OP! Wake up and smell the crap that her brother continues to throw at you! Gf is not siding with OP at all, OP is extremely spineless, and they should’ve broken up once he knew who her brother was.

[@TheBre1491]

I mean he said it was okay when BIL first did it. GF probably doesn’t understand why it was okay then and not now. I think both OP and his GF need to gain communication skills.

[@immapotato1]

he downplayed it for so long the sudden shift is not getting acknowledged

[@yque4733]

OP is a special kind of weak.

[@anthonym6119]

I thought he would change his mind he just felt weak enough to do it

[@RealJacior]

Love all the victim blaming here

[@theincrediblehunk2668]

I can only see things going down hill after OP gets married. That family enables racism and bullying, brother-in-law is going to go back to his racism right after getting that inheritance check

[@beebs4283]

Story 3 - YTA. She immediately resorted to infantilizing and tricking him instead of having a conversation about it like a reasonable adult. If someone hid a secret ingredient in food I ate because they viewed me like toddler who must be tricked into eating things and can’t take care of myself I’d be fucking pissed, because what else could they be hiding from me if they’re secretly messing with my most basic need?

[@AndyyWithAY]

A boyfriend ever calls me a b**ch it's a wrap no questions asked. Last story shouldn't have been an AH question, but how do I handle moving out and moving on after leaving my manchild ex

[@demonic_myst4503]

She is a controling tho and food tampering is a crime He isnt a vhild op has no right to try vontrol his ciet

[@Araraki-Itto1]

​@@demonic_myst4503 Might wanna check your grammer dude.

[@WyntheRogue]

I'm one for bodily autonomy but I will say it is pretty disconcerting that the dude's around my age and refuses to eat anything relatively healthy. It doesn't sound like he has sensory issues/texture issues so I'm baffled on how one avoids at least eating some veggies once in a blue moon [Short of being on the frozen corn dog and chicken nugget diet during childhood with no veg outside of maybe a potato or corn to balance it out] I don't condone OP tricking the dude into eating said veg BUT great googly moogly that reaction, she did have good intentions as she doesn't want him to die before the age of 40 [Again, don't condone the tricking but am giving credit where credit is due, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions and all that.]

[@terraguttierez2996]

@@demonic_myst4503 its not food tampering if the recipe calls for those things and you eat it......

[@demonic_myst4503]

@@terraguttierez2996 u less in a resturant they do not have follow a specific recipee and that would never fly as a defence

[@princesssunshine874]

lol, my bf is not so bad. He has produce he will eat. However, I have hid Zucchini in food because it's so easy to put in anything. I have told him him in the end, and he was like "that's great as long as I can't taste it." (He really does not like zucchini.) I also focus on foods he loves like peppers, fresh basil leaves, garlic, onion, tomatoes, and salads. I did tell him because I wanted him to know I was doing it. I also wanted him to know that you can slip produce into foods and actually make them taste good.. If he said "Gross, stop." I'd be like "okay." However, my bf knows that he should eat a bigger variety of produce. I'm just working with him with foods I know he likes.

[@BerryTrekkin]

Story 2: In one of the comments, OP said that BIL once decided to go vegan for a short amount of time because he "couldn't handle meat" (although apparently after making his parents dish out hundreds on vegan food he went to get a burger). They were out at a restaurant he threw water over a lady at another table for eating meat around him. If this and OPs other comments are to be believed, I agree with his theory that a lot of this is about control. Also, a mid-thirties man obsessing over TikTok and OF streams of teenage girls.... yikes. His family needs to stop enabling his bad behaviour.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 2: OP is NTA because when one has a mental issue, they don't have a right to regulate how other people live in order to protect themselves from being "triggered". The BIL sounds like he's been weaponizing his mental issues in order to control everyone else. Sounds like a real life Sheldon and those of us who know the Big Bang Theory know exactly how insufferable his character was to even his close friends and loved ones. I'm glad OP can protect his wife from being victimized anymore by her older brother because I BET her childhood was a nightmare where her parents spoiled the fuck out of her older brother. Sounds like OP's wife has normalized all the abuse she has suffered. He needs to get her to a therapist so she can realize that her family catering to her bullying brother was wrong and caused him harm by never helping learn personal coping tactics and self-regulation of his emotions.

[@boooo13]

Honestly some people do need the topic to affect them in a personal way even if it is just them thinking about future kids in order to stop and truly think about the topic at hand.

[@aaaqqwwqqddsw5509]

S1: a leopard don’t change its spots overnight. Think hard OP before getting married.

[@myrabeth77]

I never comment what I'm doing while I listen to these vids because it's always the same things: cooking and cleaning. Mark is my housekeeping buddy! 😊

[@colleens1107]

OMG COMMUNICATION PEOPLE. This post shows why it’s soooo important to talk to the people in your life about what’s going on in your head. I’m so glad OP finally stood up for himself and I’m even MORE GLAD fiancé stood by OP. And FINALLY the family got how awful their son/brother was being.

[@gigga143]

S1: TBH it’s weird to me that OP didn’t immediately tell her when he first figured out who her brother is. That’s the point in which he should have spoken with her to see how close she was with her brother and reevaluated if this was a relationship to be in. Personally there is no way if ai were bullied I’d be marrying my bully’s sibling so I would have to speaks holidays and raise my future kids around a certain person. That being said, at the stage they’re in I say he should still reevaluate, because there’s no way the bride to be can really love him if she’s demanding her fiancé’s tormented should get to stand up beside him for their wedding. That’s cruel and not an act of love.

[@rf159a]

First Story: Be careful OP. A leopard can't change its spots!!!

[@ririns]

When OP1 told his FIL that his future kids were going to look like him and go through some of the things he did, that felt like a punch in the gut. It shouldn’t have had to take that kind of logic to convince FIL racism is bad. But since it would affect HIS (not even conceived) blood-related family, FIL suddenly cared. Annoying. I don’t have an opinion on going through with the marriage or not, but I hope fiancé and her family change for the better and OP stands up for himself more.

[@LusterDust]

Story 2: I agree, Nacho problem! Haha! I always go by this: My Trauma, My Problem. I have problems with a lot of really stupid things that triggers me. The easiest example of this is that I can get triggered when a vehicle drives by my house, especially trucks. I can't very well ask people to stop driving their car on the road in front of my house. I can't expect people to. I can't get mad at the people who do. People drive cars. I have a road in front of my house. He went to a restaurant that has nachos.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 3 - I agree with ESH. I get being concerned about your partner and their health and wanting them to be healthier, but food tampering isn’t the way to go about it. Additionally she’ll be dealing with his bad life choices for the rest of her life if she stays with him, if it bothers her so much it’s probably best to find a partner that care about about their personal health. I don’t think they’re going to make it because this seems like something important to her and he feels like she violated his boundaries, while just a single element of their relationship if they’re both this upset about it it’s probably a deal breaker.

[@philwill0123]

Not tampering. That suggests detriment or sabotage.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@aliecarey]

Agreed! Indian weddings are visually stunning ❤❤

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: I agree with the commenter in the video that pointed out that, just like the brother’s apology only happened when he stood to lose his inheritance, likewise the fiancé only backed up OP when she was afraid he’d dump her. She *knew exactly* what had gone on and wanted to just rug sweep it all. OP should leave her…but I knew from the way he talked about meeting her that he wouldn’t; she was the girl he mooned after. S2: NTA. I’ll never forget what my (autistic) son’s therapist said to me once. For some background, my son was nonverbal until he was four. We worked, shed blood sweat and tears, until we finally broke his language barrier! He wasn’t “fluent” for his age, but I could understand him and he could understand me, and I was so proud of our hard work. Until his therapist sat me down and lectured me! She said, “You’ve taught him to communicate with you. Now you need to teach him to communicate with the rest of the world.” In S2, likewise, BIL needs to learn to navigate in the world around d him and adapt to it, not try to force everyone around him to change. What happens if the table next to him orders nachos, is he going to demand they eat something else? If he can’t cope, he needs to stay at home. ETA lol someone else commented pretty close to the same. S3: ESH. Messing with someone’s food is a literal crime, and you should never force anyone to do something they don’t want to. That said, he’s eight years older, the relationship was less than a year when they moved in together, and he’s behaving like a toddler throwing a tantrum over…vegetables? OP might have blended up all those red flags she’s clearly missing into the marinara with the veggies.

[@smokingsoilder]

YOU DO NOT MARRY YOUR PARTNER'S FAMILY....... you start your own together

[@dominonine]

Honestly this guy is a hero to everyone who's ever been bullied. Boning your bully's attractive sister is something that a lot of people dream about and this guy's actually marrying her. Big ups to this guy for ultimately winning the war against his bully.

[@tamarapetersen3779]

Story 3: I can't judge OP TA because I did the same thing when cooking meals for my Dad, and anyone else who was eating my cooking. My Dad disliked many kinds of vegetables, although there were some he would eat. As I was caring for him, I'd add all kinds of vegetables to what I could. Pasta sauce, stews and soups were the easiest to hide them in. If it matters I'm in Australia. Sure OP probably should have tried talking to her boyfriend more before doing what she did, but it's not like he was allergic, he liked the taste of the sauces, so it wasn't that he hated the taste of vegetables. It could be that as a child he was forced to eat vegetables so now that he can decide he doesn't eat them, I say this is a possible idea, because I've done the same thing, 2 dishes I was forced to eat as a child I dislike now, and will not eat. In my opinion OP is NTA.

[@LayfonDragnia]

For the last story, a very light ESH. I’m not a big fan of tricking people with food but I am definitely leaning on the bf being more of an AH since he flipped out so severely.

[@demonic_myst4503]

Food tampering is a crime and its a red flag when people try control u so no he reacted acordingly its no difernt than some asshole partner getting no contact family involved in your life its the same level of controling behavior thats a sign of greater problems

[@wmdkitty]

Oh, like you wouldn't be angry if someone messed with your food!

[@LayfonDragnia]

@@wmdkitty Well, yes. I just wouldn’t resort to yelling, name-calling and walking out like the BF did.

[@LayfonDragnia]

@@demonic_myst4503 Chill. This isn’t food tampering. The definition of food tampering is: “Deliberate contamination of food products with the intent to cause harm is food tampering.”

[@josephedward7534]

@@wmdkitty She didn’t mess with his food. She cooked it for him the way she wanted to cook it. If you don’t like how a woman cooks her food, then make your own food.

[@lilly_xox0244]

Story 3: I'm on the girlfriends side. I do understand that she lied but imo she was kinds saving his health but he's too much of a child to even think about how much he's contradicted himself. He was claiming that veggies did nothing and that it was Just genetics but then when gf started sneaking them in his quality of life shot up to the point he was able to stop taking medications. *shake my head* that's some flat earther logic right there, and i mean that polity. Granted it could have been sensory issues that weren't dealt with but even then there's different ways to cool a single stalk of broccoli. Edit: forgot to add that i have sensory issues but I've found out how to work with them, nor avoid them. (I hate mushrooms the most but I've even found how to mask those chunks of rubber)

[@CrussoFang]

Yeah same like it would be one thing if the dude were healthy but he was literally making himself malnourished with his dietary habits. All he’s doing by continuing to be stubborn and not getting any real help with his issues is hurting himself and those around him who are going to have to watch him suffer though easily preventable health issues

[@beccaf262]

A man who calls you a bitch is not a man you want. A “man” who calls you a bitch for trying to get him to eat healthy. The reason he has an issue is because he’s been proven wrong. I’m sick of the idea that his health isn’t your business when you have your lives connected. Would you grieve his loss if he died from his unhealthy lifestyle? So yeah his health is your business. She’s TA to herself.

[@origamisteve]

Last story: Did OP ever stop to think that maybe he had food allergies? There are several vegetables I cannot eat due to severe allergies, I'm talking my throat would close up and I could possibly die. What would OP had done if she suddenly saw saw him choking due to a possible allergy? I don't care if you're coming from a good place, you never mess with someone's food if you don't know their allergies. In my eyes that's a relationship ending issue, kills your ability to trust someone.

[@jennilynne1977]

Thank you for being so wonderful. I just got into a fight with my husband and he left. Says he's not going to come back. So I'm just having a breakdown. Listening to you is calming me down. Hopefully, he'll just need some time alone for a bit and we can work things out. I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs 🤗 and love 😘!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

I'm so sorry Jenni I send all the hugs and I hope you can talk it out💜💜🤗🤗

[@jennilynne1977]

​@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 thank you. ☮️,🤗 &😘 to you.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@jennilynne1977 of course m8 I hope tomorrow is better 🤗🤗💜💜

[@jennilynne1977]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 same here. ☮️, 🤗 & 😘 to you.

[@madambutterfly1997]

NTA, nothing he says or does could ever make up for bullying you.

[@1tiptip187]

I think we have a daddy's boy who can do no wrong in this family even though dad already knew his kid was a brat and that he ignored it because boys will be boys. It says a lot that he didn't flip his mind set until he realized it would possibly effect his future with his grand kids. I also wonder if fiancé didn't get so scared of loosing him because she's hiding that she already lost a lot of friends to her brother's behavior and her dad made her tolerate it.

[@JMac7395]

Last Story: ETA. OP for tampering with bf's food even if it's with good intentions. The bf for throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old & calling OP a B-. Personally, just for calling me a B- to my face the relationship is over. I would pack his stuff & leave it outside. Then let his sister know.

[@DragonicGamer32]

That brother in law only apologized because he might lose out on money. The fact he attacked everyone and said "You're ganging up on me" I'm surprised OP never decided to chime in and say "You mean the way you behaved towards me throughout our interactions in school?" no. it was not sincere. He only apologized because he realized no matter how much he groaned and complained about being "Ganged up on" he wasn't going to be able to get out of taking some form of accountability. His behavior was now known to the family and now that it is, he's seeing which side they're taking. He's going to be testing the boundries now because frankly, he got away with it up till now but he's finding that suddenly that isn't the case anymore. Everyone's eyes are open to it and will make it harder for him to fly under the radar without red flags popping up. Especially now that the fiance has seen the reddit post to know what to look out for.

[@Silence-1170]

Hope all you waffles are doing well today! Stay safe and stay positive waffles!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

🤗🤗💜💜

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

M 15 year old is autistic, and has misophonia. He would NEVER behave the way OPs BIL did. My son understands that people cannot live their life based on his issues. He always carries noise canceling ear pods which help with sound sensitivity, and if something really has him struggling, he will step away for a few minutes to get his barings back. My husband and I raised him to understand that while yes he is differently abled, he should never use that as an excuse to make people do as he demands. BIL is more than twice the age of my 15 year old, and his behavior is telling. His parents did not do right by him, and so he is insufferable now as an adult, because no one taught him right from wrong. I

[@Araraki-Itto1]

Last story. Ditch the loser.

[@madambutterfly1997]

It’s too little too late for her to be doing this considering she should’ve been this way from jump. I’m not giving her brownie points for getting her shit together NOW

[@wmdkitty]

Food: YTA. I get that OP has "good intentions", but tampering with BF's food? You do not, EVER, mess with someone's food. Period. I don't care if you think you "know better", you just don't do it. You don't know if he's allergic to something, or if he can't digest things, or if he has sensory issues, or what.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Last story: The best friend of my husband was like this. He only ate fastfood, pasta with cheese, coffee and coca cola. When he was 30ish he visited a doctor. The doctor had to tell him that if he wouldn't change his diet, he might not reach 40.

[@Morgan-nv9ot]

Just finished washing dishes thanks to you! I dunno what I'd do without your videos to brighten my day and make tedious tasks bearable 😅

[@katiedawber5225]

When you mentioned cleaning a room in my house I felt so seen lol

[@Sangtrone]

Story 3: Hiding veggies in the food is perfectly fine, it's not actually a food allergy and he likes the result. You're the one cooking, you don't have to list every ingredient of every meal you set before him. However if he asks don't lie, don't do the song and dance about scooping the veggies out. Then again I'd be out of that relationship fast. I'm not signing up for years of medical debt and my partner's early grave because they can't bring themselves to eat in the ballpark of healthy.

[@rachel-in-the-208]

13:08 When I think of Indian Weddings I always think of “Bend It Like Beckham”. LOL

[@devonmmi]

s3: as someone who also does not eat veggies unless they're literally hidden in my food, I'm pretty conflicted bc my mom did that for me but i also knew that she did. "out of sight, out of mine" was our motto. in my case tho i literally physically cannot eat vegetables without gagging unless they're well hidden and covered in smth that makes the taste less apparent. idk what his deal is but it does not sound like mine so i really can't decide what judgement to give

[@lina9535]

Story 3: from what I know, messing with someones food, reagardless of the reasons, is a crime.

[@RRW359]

Story 3 I'm generally against food tampering but it was genuinely helping him, and it's her recipe. Should she have to go over every detail of what she puts in everything? Unless he told her he had an actual moral reason to be against them or physical reaction to them she can add whatever she wants to it.

[@wren1871]

I feel like it was on op in story one after the conversation about hometown to talk about it. Poor communication made everything blow up last second. I'm glad he has the support now and everyone backed him up. Bully is shit person just ignore that loser and enjoy your wedding and future.

[@TsukiKageTora]

If my SO told me to make her brother, my bully, a groomsman, I’d call off the engagement all together. Especially after she noticed how he was still treating me years after high school. Nope, find a girl who wouldn’t stand for it and will stick up for you OP. You deserve it and you don’t deserve a pig as a BIL.

[@candypettynettie487]

Let me get this straight.... OP dates his Bullly's sister, doesn't tell her and now wonders why he's ended up here? Fiance' ain't no good either. Look at what it took to get fil to see the light. This ain't worth it.

[@dimsufferer9951]

The whole family seems like racist bullies tbh

[@taylorslade961]

Invisible Veggies: This is the definition of a manchild. I'm blind now because I rolled my eyes so hard at this fucking nonsense.

[@HellsAttic]

im currently crocheting a scarf while listening to the playlist

[@anamonoke]

Story 1: It always baffles me why people will keep dating someone. Even after they find out that the person is allied with their enemy.

[@fallenmar9894]

Last one reminded me to sneak some veg in my own dinner as i was cooking... I'll be the first to admit it's hard convincing myself to eat veg. Texture thing. So what do I do... sneak it in sauces 😅 I'd love to get that OPs recipe advice of sneaking more vegetables in

[@deifieddata4462]

If op3 never told her bf there wouldn't be vegetables in his food and bf never explicitly asked, hiding the veggies wasn't a lie and it wasn't robbing him of agency in any way. If he asked and she said no it might drift into her being the asshole, but as far as I can tell bf wasn't all that curious about what was in his food and had no standing to be upset.

[@allia94hachi]

How wasn't it robbing him of his agency? If he didn't know, how could he decide to act? You know it's called *informed* consent for a reason

[@debrasedgwick4697]

I have a child with a gluten allergy. Since she was diagnoised at a very young age, 8 years old; she has been very involved in manageing her food intake. She is now 17 years old and is very involved in her food choices. My point is, a grown man NEVER asked questions about the food prepared for him AT ALL! My kid questions everything that is prepared for her. We have couple options that we trust when dining out, she questions the server and they ask the cooks, so she gets food that is safe for her. I guess my problem is that the girlfriend was trying to help the boyfriend eat healthy; and if he was so against veggies, how come he never ASKED her what was in the food?

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Mixed the taters with cauliflower he won’t even know it. Except gassy lol