Finding Your Happiness: The Holiday Special with Elizabeth Ferreira | Being Well Podcast

Elizabeth and I welcome you into our home to talk about our changing relationship with the holidays, letting go of the past, healthy boundaries, glimmers, and different paths to taking in the good. Along the way we talk about different approaches to working with trauma, connecting with the body, and getting on our own side.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:55 Elizabeth’s history with the holidays, and claiming your own rituals
5:25 Experiencing the holidays without an agenda
10:35 Glimmers in Polyvagal Theory
14:40 Working with a challenging relationship history
21:30 Somatic psychology, and respecting the mind
28:10 Regulating through movement
31:55 Staying yourself inside of your family
38:50 Enjoying agency, and emphasizing beauty
43:00 Entrapment and defeat, awareness, and saying no
47:55 Attachment, contracting around desire, and taking a moment for yourself
52:15 A practice of finding glimmers
56:45 Self-compassion and camaraderie during the holidays
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
I'm not a clinician, and anything I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

[@EmilyAdams_theAltaCreative]

My faith is renewed in finding a partner. While they are lucky to have found each other, speaking from experience, when you come from a difficult background, it isn’t easy to assimilate with someone who hasn’t. I’ve tended to choose people who judged me for everything from my lack of privileges such as travel and playing sports, to the attitudes that prevented me from doing those things. I so want to have a big life but I need understanding and room to grow, not pressure and criticism. It’s nice to see a woman validated and embraced. Representation absolutely matters in all things and this was a sweet gift.

[@MegaSassy45]

❤

[@christinaward161]

What a beautiful couple. Thankyou for letting me be part of your Christmas morning and for being part of mine. Best wishes to you both x

[@ForrestHanson]

Thank you!

[@avakennedy3519]

Thank you Forrest and Elizabeth for being my first experience Christmas morning. I have lots of Christmas trauma, so today my big glimmer is that I’m van camping in the Arizona desert. The sun hasn’t risen yet. While listening I got out my water colors and started painting, I rubbed the belly of my sweet doggie, I stretched and wiggled and thought of a pleasant Christmas memory before my dad died (I was 9) when things were sweet. I’m grateful for those early times to refer to. I live up near you guys, 2 hours north in Middletown. Thank you for caring and making this sweet video for those of us who always are challenged on Christmas. Much love, Ava

[@BarbraDrizin]

Elizabeth's best line: "WOW - my little kid body was a genius. Look at this mess, this chaos...and I'm still here!"

[@JG-di8oi]

I am only a couple minutes in. But thank you for making this as I am currently alone on christmas trying to heal from alot of teauma. This makes me feel just a tiny bit less alone and sad. Thank you.

[@Nuggette_]

This was a lovely surprise this morning. I listened as I prepped for my solo dinner this evening. I've been reclaiming the holidays for myself (and my cat) for the past couple years. Merry Christmas!

[@erikamorck5944]

I had a lovely solo Christmas too - and no longer feel strange or lonely. Instead, I embrace the peace.

[@lindaelarde2692]

This episode is megaglimmery for me! I feel smiles in my body because it's pure validation affirming me as a unique and non-neurotypical being. ❤

[@coppersense999]

I just stopped by to say how adorable that thumbnail is, and right off the bat how my heart melted upon hearing a partner described simply as "one of my absolutely favorite people." Keep that up, I might just forward my dentist bill to the podcast. You two get any sweeter you are liable to give me a toothache! 😅 Happy holidays ❤

[@obiblooze5902]

Wow, papasan chair, I haven't seen one of those in a long time 🙂 This was great, Elizabeth is so lovely. I really struggle with Christmas, and this helped a lot. Thanks you two.

[@lilyneva]

I loved the sound quality in this one. I thought somehow it brought out the gentleness in Forrest’s voice and this to my mind very special, soothing, sweet quality in Elizabeth’s.

[@BarbraDrizin]

Forrest, you are so personable, likable, knowledgeable, communicative - It's a pleasure to listen to you - and with Elizabeth it's fabulous!

[@jimgehring4316]

How awesome, authentic, and really wonderful! It was beautiful in a way I can hardly describe - except to say I was touched, moved, and inspired! ❤Thank you both, and warm wishes for a year filled with continued growth, love, and happiness!

[@lisaburke1347]

I cannot express how much this is for me/us. Thank you both and thank you together. Looking forward to more of this! Your relationship is a gift to us too.

[@dominiquefugere7588]

I appreciate your podcast very much! Thank you for all your work, your humanity and joy! Happy new year all the way from Quebec, Canada

[@Msmaggie801]

Thank you for sharing your safe space and warmth with us - I needed to feel these things today xxx

[@hristuppiteitinu]

Thank you this was so wonderful. So nice hanging out with you two and very validating content as well. Definitely make this a regular thing, the sound quality was great and the home vibe is a glimmer for me 😊

[@marshagauthier3032]

This was a great podcast episode ❤ I wish I could have her as my son’s therapist

[@nath1284]

I'd love to have Elizabeth as my therapist too! I'm in the UK though and we're way behind here with the services available for the general public

[@kapricelanique]

I miss Elizabeth so much ! Ahhhh I’m so happy to see this !!!

[@thatsssick]

❤❤❤ I needed this

[@adekok1]

I was reaally intrigued by the talk around stimming...as you described it, just simply "move your body a little bit more." The question arose, "Who told you to be still and not move?" in the hypothesis that you were being taught not to be "weird," rather than from any other reason. I get the point absolutely that we should feel free to fidget or move as we need to. My problem with this is that my own nervous system absolutely shatters when I'm around fidgeters, people who are clicking pens, etc. How can we reasonably find that balance of moving as we need while not causing those around us to melt down? I taught my children (two of whom are autistic) that, while stimming is fine, it is better to try to do it a little less around others out of courtesy for issues they might also have. However, it really comes down to the individual vs collective comfort discussion, and I'd love to hear your take on it.

[@nath1284]

That's a really good suggestion as my son was recently shamed by my mum for kicking his feet at the table and I intervened to point out that it's OK to move if we need to. What's important to consider is that others may be sensitive to that and what grandma really needed to say is that she finds it uncomfortable and that's her thing. My son totally understood then and I saw the relief in him, plus my mum actually agreed and I could see it caused her to think. Of course it brought up my entire childhood but I was pleased to be there in the moment and able to reframe the situation rather than have it cling to my son as it did me. I'm definitely interested in hearing what Elizabeth has to say on this.

[@MHK88m]

Thank you and this was so helpful during this time of year. It is really complicated for me internally going through the body and mind sensations that I am. I am sitting in bekesbourne uk many miles from home. Even the word home is strange to me because I don’t know where that is really. It is unsettling and liberating at the same time. This past year has been full of a lot of transition and transforming for me. The biggest thing I am learning and coming to realize is that all parts, all feelings, all sensations are welcome and embraced. I am working on this and so thankful to have listened to both of you for so many reasons. I am also a libra moon with cancer as sun and rising so the home thing is challenging and beautiful to realize that home for me is within and where my heart is.

[@jeangraham5351]

Wow you two together! I am only 15min in and already its been such a help. Nice, nice way to get through the holidays. Thank you Just finished.. This is the first time I went into my somatic vagal brain(seems to be from childhood?) What I saw was with you two together, there really is a Santa Claus delivering their very special gifts to each one of us around the world.

[@lindaelarde2692]

I LOVED this!! I resonate with glimmers on so many dimensions! Brilliant discussion...and I want to cuddle in your chair...how lovely! Thank you!!❤❤❤

[@hebamedicine21]

We love you guys ❤

[@emmelinesprig489]

wowowow, the holiday season has been brutal for me this year. very isolated and feeling a lot of guilt. thank you so much for sharing this conversation. i’ve not learned much about somatic therapies, but i think it would really help me. ✨ thank you again

[@lilyneva]

Thank you for this, it made my day. I’ve felt okay this year because I have had my gym to go to and I have tried to take walks every two hours. I have tried to count all the ways I am so fortunate and how things have improved especially because I have found more resources and learned more. I think about how I want to help other people and about how it's so common to experience difficult situations, that I’m not alone in going through something that feels hard. And I remind myself a lot about people I appreciate that are in my life even if sometimes I don’t know them personally. Reminding myself they are there and about the affinity I feel for them is very regulating. I write their names on post-its that I put up in my bedroom. And despite all of this it makes me feel insecure and activated to think about that I don’t have anyone in my life in a real sense. I try not to let these thoughts run away with me. I know if I do I will feel too overwhelmed with shame to keep myself from isolating and withdrawing. This is why I felt all glimmering and comforted when I found this lovely special.

[@clara3322]

Thank you! ❤

[@saradeininger4051]

Love you two, thank you for the Christmas insights ♥️

[@russellcameronthomas2116]

Super fantastic!

[@hannah__jemima]

you guys were watching the bake off? so was i yesterday! 😀 i know how it feels not to be able to take in the good. this year some aspects of that have gotten easier, bit by bit. i really needed to be seen and understood first.

[@Catherine-zq1kb]

💗

[@LM-uq9nv]

I ask with sincerity and without malice: As a very cognitive/cerebral person, WHY would I want to become more somatic? It never occurred to me, before watching this that someone who didn't tend toward the somatic would want to do so. My baseline, behind-the-curtain assumption has always been that we evolve from the somatic to the increasingly cerebral; both as a species and as individuals. Going in the other direction feels like regression.

[@carolgerber6375]

I stopped spending holidays with 'family' decades ago. I realized being depressed from Thanksgiving until after Christmas wasn't worth it. The expectation to pretend the family was/is functional was too much.

[@avakennedy3519]

Oh wow, I don’t really believe in astrology either, but these days it’s just a way of talking and sharing for some folks. They were sharing themselves in their home kind of as they are. But I respect that it was a turn off for you. We’re each so individual. Anyway, Merry Christmas.

[@catherinemanuele8352]

🩵

[@lilyneva]

Dear God, I hope you’re doing well. Thank you for all the lovely blessings in my life. I know this is a big ask, and I appreciate you have so many more important things to tend to than something like this, but if at some point you have time and you could please consider creating a boy friend for me exactly like Forrest, I will never ask for anything else ever again. Thank you for listening and for your time. P. S. I hope you didn’t find this note inappropriate or glib.

[@mathildevhargon9760]

The moment that astrological things were mentioned as relevant to the two of you, I totally lost interest and respect. There is no way that astrology is compatible with a science based professional practice or study of mental health treatment

[@superlasse2468]

I think it's more Elisabeth's thing and Forrest went with it, so he wouldn't hurt her feelings.

[@elizabethbyars2368]

I certainly do "allow" talk about all sorts of systems that are not my way of seeing things. I feel no need to call out someone about the fictions of that system.

[@ForrestHanson]

Hey, to clarify, we were just joking around. Neither of us is particularly into astrology. Elizabeth really values finding ways to connect with people, and that's a way in for some. She knows it makes me roll my eyes, so she was just messing with me a little.

[@mathildevhargon9760]

It's not about allowing. It is contrary to science based psychology and education. It is pseudoscience and has absolutely no proven validity. If she wants to believe in it and refer to it as though it is a valid personality indicator, then I have no interest in the rest of her ideas about human psychology. That's all I said.

[@ForrestHanson]

It was all tongue in cheek my person, I'm openly anti that kind of thing.