First Time Hearing Red Cold River by Breaking Benjamin | Suicide Survivor Reacts

[@MentalAmanda]

💖No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment, but please make sure you are having that same respect and non-judgment for others too. This is how we shatter the mental health stigma.💖 Follow/say hi on IG (@mentalamanda) and if you need some direction and would like me to be your Happiness teacher, you can sign up for my Happiness Boost course here: amandawebsterhealth.com/happiness-boost/

[@OctaniumYT]

I’ve been getting a lot of hate recently online and I’m starting to hate myself now…..

[@douglab222]

Welcome to hating yourself. I live with everyday and struggle to find a reason to keep going. I hope find a reason. I don't feel worthy for living. ​@@OctaniumYT

[@OctaniumYT]

@@douglab222 Me too bro. Life sucks but we must keep moving as we don’t know what lies ahead….

[@douglab222]

@@OctaniumYT thanks bro. I hear you on finding the reason and fight the fight. Idk man lately I have been finding myself going to dark places in my head and struggling knowing I have many people who count on me. I just hope you find happiness. No matter what I do and how much I break my back. It will never be good enough and I will never be good enough. Anyways I already brought itbdoen. I hope you have good rest of your life dude.

[@OctaniumYT]

@@douglab222 thanks man. Appreciate you bro! Hope things get better for you as well

[@jt_pepperhead]

This song is actually song one of a Trilogy off the album, Torn in Two and Tourniquet complete it and the end up telling an amazingly haunting story - Thank you for the reaction! 💔🖤💔

[@ShatterEffectGaming]

This needs more likes. Put it to the top!

[@MillFireCreations]

Personally I feel never again would go with these as well. In never again you see the tree and the blue liquid it produces that extends life and the greed of one that destroys it. In torn in two you have the tree again and the blue liquid i feel like the person who is at the tree feeding off someone is the greedy person who has been corrupted into the monster he now is.

[@coreclown7672]

True, I think you can watch that either before or after of the trilogy @@MillFireCreations

[@coreclown7672]

Yes! ❤

[@jamesgreer9366]

This song just eats me alive!!! The demon I have buried in me.... You mess with anybody I love..... Just don't please!! That thing needs to stay there!!

[@TheKagedReview]

Holy shit this whole video was a gut punch. I clicked on the video because I love this song, with its intensity and rawness. Then I heard, 'I lost a daughter.' My god I'm so sorry. Truly. There's nothing harder to lose than a child. To see you relive that on a reaction was difficult for ME, I couldn't imagine what that was like for you. Metal music has always had a tendency to have these heavy-handed topics. While they can be hard to face at times, I also believe they can be very helpful too because they force us to face our pain head-on. I hope you're well (as well as can be expected). Thank you for being so vulnerable and showing the genuine reaction!

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for the empathy and well wishes. You're right, while difficult, these sorts of things can be immensely cathartic in helping to face and process challenging feelings. Thanks for holding space for me!

[@JeremyMiller-sn6nh]

As a father this song shook me to the core. If someone hurt my children I would crawl back out of Hell just to drag the person responsible back down with me 💀

[@DESTRUCTIONKATCHUP]

There’s no greater love than a parent has for their child. Consequently, there’s no greater pain or agony than a parent losing a child.

[@blackdog6969]

As a father myself, I'd back you up. No complaints or worries about that brother

[@joescott4778]

Same here... great song

[@cleancountershot3941]

K

[@LotsOfCome]

I’m so sorry for your loss of your child, can’t even imagine! You seems to be a very strong beautiful woman. 💖 I lost my father 2 years ago, his house burnt down and he was in it.. then a year ago I lost my cat at 12 y/o who was like my baby and my greatest comfort after my dad.. been through a lot but we stay strong, you are strong never forget that!! Hope you’ll get a lovely weekend ❤️

[@MentalAmanda]

I can't imagine losing someone you love that way 💔 If you need to talk or you just want to share memories of your father or kitty, we're here.

[@katielee76]

I saw breaking benjamin in 2020 with Korn in reno...seeing them live is so emotionally provoking aside from listening to their cds..they are truly amazing. So sorry for your loss hun.

[@TheScorpio1999]

Wow. I had no idea this was going to hit you as hard as it did. Your timing on this is ironic; today is my twin daughters' birthday; they turn 13 today. Only I'm not like most people in the world. Again, not to sound like a broken record but not going into specifics into the why, but most people get to see their kids in some capacity. I, do not. I haven't seen them since 2018, and it's possible I may never see them again depending on how they react when they find out what happened that led to termination of custody. That's why this song, and especially the video, resonates so strongly with me. And I live with this pain. Sober. Every day. I lose sleep. I don't eat much. It's not a question many people ask themselves cause they never have to- that terrifying question of "what if this happened one day?" Even knowing I did what I did to keep the kids safe; it is of no comfort to me at all. ("I don't feel anything at all." ) - I guess I don't really have a point here. Just sharing a piece of my story. Thank you for listening, Amanda. And everyone else that stops by.

[@clarewoolven-finnie1793]

You truly are an amazing woman, amazing so very sorry to hear you have lost a child. Nothing will ever fill that void I'm sure. I appreciate you and your honesty and vulnerability. Stay strong beautiful xx

[@ThatOddChickenHippie]

I really like the layering of "try to find a reason to live" over the chorus at the end. Feels like the two emotions, wanting to find a reason but also feeling so numb at the same time, are struggling with each other; just like how it can be sometimes with mental health. It's literally like two wolves inside tearing each othwr apart in a struggle for dominance, and your heart and mind are stuck in the middle, getting ripped apart in the process.

[@TheOtterOnes]

This is one of the most unique and real reaction videos I've ever seen. I love this song and never really thought about viewing it through a prospective like yours. This must have been very hard to put out there but I'm glad you shared and wish you all the best.

[@patrickburke5958]

Stay strong Amanda. this song hits deep to me as well.

[@just_b_lake]

I wish there was a heart button for this. This is my first time here and I greatly appreciate that you are able to talk about the emotions you feel from music and lyrics. People don’t do that enough. So thank you ❤️❤️

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for your comment and appreciation!

[@bm03431]

Amanda, thank you for your courage to share so much with the world. You are amazing.

[@davidwhitsel9463]

Amanda, I stumbled upon this video as a breathing benjamin fan. Your reaction was so honest, heartfelt, and pure that i am crying for you. Thank you for letting us in and being true to who you are. Sub clicked!!

[@ryangoins9968]

Just over three minutes and you said just what your face was saying without words. I've found that music that hits the hardest part of us is usually the best thing for us.

[@DESTRUCTIONKATCHUP]

There’s no greater love than a parent has for their child and no greater pain or agony than a parent losing a child. My most humble condolences from a parent to a parent. I often think I could not go on if I lost one of my daughters or my son in the Marines. But seeing you and hearing you share about your loss gives me hope that I could pull through if the unthinkable happens. Thank you for this reaction and sharing part of yourself with us. ❤️

[@LasseStaldMadsen]

The dead live only through us as long as WE keep them alive. Otherwise they just become stories. I have 3 bands on my arm, and I will NEVER stop telling their stories of how awesome they were and I will never stop remembering them. One of them was just 19, and I still can't stop dreaming about them, the things he wanted to do, but never got to to do. His smiley happy 'ya mamma' jokes and face haunts me. Even so many years later, I wish I could have taken his place. And I cry about them in silinces, for myself at least 2 or 3 times a week. Because men have to be be strong right?!? But feeling are what makes us humans, crying now just writing this. Thank you Amanda for helping me letting some of it out out. It helps alot

[@hiddengrub8495]

This is a beautiful song and trilogy of songs the first chorus is about the father flipping out about the police not doing their job. Second chorus is a search party which finds his daughter not alive. Then he goes to a shaman to find the killer. Then beats him up to death

[@Gilfilan]

I have 2 daughters and couldn’t imagine them being gone. Thank you for being transparent, so sorry for your loss.

[@KamoMustafaWWE]

I can't lie, I felt a tear coming in my eye while watching you. I sympathize🙏🏽

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you.

[@sKaraptor2]

I'm so glad you reacted to Breaking Benjamin. They've been my favorite band since I was a kid. I hope you react to more of their music in the future. I'd suggest checking out their Phobia, Dear Agony & Dark Before Dawn albums as I feel the tracks on those would fit perfectly with the mental health theme

[@TheScorpio1999]

"Phobia" is an AMAZING album. My favorite from them, but I like all of them; they've never disappointed me and I can't say that about too many artists.

[@sKaraptor2]

Their first 4 albums are pure gold. 0 skips @@TheScorpio1999

[@tommyjones5793]

I was touched by your loss ,to lose a child I don't have any helpful words but this your child's soul and spirit is in good hands and I swear on my soul and spirit u will see her again again ,please have faith in that for comfort ,keep your golden heart and do good so u can b reunited with your child

[@ericd7881]

Hi Amanda, thank you for sharing your raw reaction to this video :) Ben Burnley the lead singer actually has Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome which stemmed from his heavy alcohol use in life. You can read about it but it is amazing he can actually perform, as he is under immense pain (among other ailments) every show he does and in his daily life. I have seen them perform from their inception to today, and he talks at his shows about the struggles and pain he endures, yet still wanting to play music under this pain. The band did break up for a little bit but they are amazing live and I highly suggest you see them, as they tour all over. The "cd" your friend had might of had was "Phobia" which had Diary of Jane, Breath and was their biggest success imo. You could do numerous reactions on that album but it's awesome to see Ben didn't give upn and they are still making kick ass music/touring in 2024🤘

[@MentalAmanda]

I think it was! Now that you mention it, Diary of Jane sounds familiar!

[@jasonreed4225]

I wish I knew you, to give you a hug. Thank you for your honesty, that takes strength.

[@shanelewis9110]

Thank you for sharing, you are an inspiration

[@FaNtAsTiC1993]

I have lost two daughters, and have survived 5 suicide attempts. So I understand you one hundred percent. Love Sweden

[@MentalAmanda]

I am so so sorry for your loss. I am glad you are still here though!

[@ryannelson3220]

just paused after you said that about her, i have issue myself, but since i think of others above me, i share stories, songs, that can help others out... i can only do so much, but the message for help needs to get out there and the more that others hear about it, the lives can be saved...Brent from Shinedown, has said it best, music, is our friend, and help us deal with the shit in our life, and it has helped me for well over 20 years..... before he said it about his own self..

[@Dangit-Dangit]

Thank you for posting this. Very brave!

[@headsgrowback1]

Benjamin has had an immensely tragic life, some of it by his own hands due to turning to alcohol instead of getting actual help for his mental issues. He went sober and sought real help before "Dear Agony". This experience is what makes him write about such incredibly difficult and hard hitting topics.

[@Farhad_hy]

I cried too 😞 im sorry for your loss 🖤stay strong myfriend 🌹

[@adventuredoods4699]

Breaking Benjamin especially Ben (Lead Singer & Band Founder) are beautiful human beings. They partnered with St Jude years ago and donate a lot of money and time to their organization. They even played an acoustic show at the hospital for some of the children. You can watch it on KZbin. Also, I went to their concert 3 years ago and had staff walking around the crowd with their new album for $20 but 100% of the proceeds went to St Jude’s. Amazing musicians and even better humans!!

[@Cyberbuckeye]

This is one of the most intelligent takes on this song that I have heard. Truly amazing

[@kevinabraham9260]

Girl you gotta do the next two in the trilogy of music videos I think it’s torn in two and finishes with tourniquet

[@brukswings]

You should definitely watch the continuation of this story, which is reproduced in the next two Breaking Benjamin clips. "Torn in Two" and the third music video "Tourniquet". The story told and told in their music videos and songs by Breaking Benjamin is, in my opinion, one of the most tragic stories I have seen in the music industry. Be sure to watch the next two clips. First "Torn in Two" and at the end "Tourniquet".

[@davidp.777]

Thanks for sharing. This video is very emotional. Bless you, and God bless you. It has 3 song story leads to redemption

[@JrBigHurt]

If you feel up for it, I would love to hear your take on Breaking Benjamin's 'Dear Agony'. Specifically the version with Lacey Sturm.

[@James-fh8eq]

It was tough to see you go through watching and reacting to it ❤

[@ericdecon2000]

The lack of control we sometimes experience wanting to fix something that we feel we have to in order to keep on living can sometimes manifest itself into rage when we realize there's nothing we can do to get back what we had.. Not for all, but for some. In Breaking Benjamin's "dark before dawn" album's first song "dark", a man says that "rage is a stimulus response to something interfering with our behavior, our actions." In this case it's death. We're not being able to take back something we dearly love in death because the reality we live in won't allow us.

[@davidwolfe6773]

Im so sorry for your loss i could tell by your expression that it effected you deeply and you did your best to hold back i respect how you handled everything someone once told me many many years ago metal is the otherside of a situation no one wants to talk about the other part of the truth no one wants to hear its hard sometimes be its very cathartic for some fans like myself you should react to Lowest In Me by Staind love to get your opinion on that one.

[@echofive1178]

stay strong, you are loved

[@Jchillin757]

This is a trilogy I really believe you'd appreciate

[@Wethepeople1776-q3o]

I’m sorry for your loss😢

[@scotttujo2574]

May God watch over you as you continue your journey. Your child is waiting for you in paradise.

[@ShatterEffectGaming]

As another comment said you have to watch Torn in Two and Tourniquet to get the full story of this video. It is worth it.

[@Cole.2004]

I hope your feeling better after this reaction

[@kurtnelle]

Condolences 😢

[@del10krejoicing9]

Your pretty hardcore loosing a daughter and watching this, God bless you💪🏾, sorry for your loss. Ill say this if you believe in Jesus then she will see you again. Your a strong mama for sure! I like Breaking benjamin though cause its poetic

[@iDerek2675]

The part that shocks is the best friend is the killer.

[@SparcReviews]

Another emotional and fantastic trilogy is the Pain Remains trilogy from Lorna Shore

[@getsomepack]

Suicidal tendencies alone is a great song i would love to see you do a video on that song

[@BrokePencil]

Dear agony is a great song by breaking benjamin. It's a letter to his pain.

[@littlepumpkin42]

If you haven’t already you should try and watch the other two music videos that tie into this one. I am so sorry for your loss.

[@brendawierzbicki5030]

May God bless you❤

[@patrickburke5958]

another good recomdation from Breaking Benjamin Waiting on the Sky to Change. is a good song to follow this one

[@donaldborckardt8147]

Bless you ❤️‍🩹

[@DawnKnight80]

You should try Dear Agony by them, especially the Aurora version

[@robertvilla1268]

I pray for your pain 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@GabrielFlaten]

damn girl you are brave.....

[@adifferentformoflife3724]

Love your videos, i would love to hear your take on planets collide by crowbar and solitude by candlemass

[@OctaniumYT]

Breaking Benjamin is just the BEST. U should check out I will not bow next!

[@stevenbrazie552]

To me the fight with folded hands part is about praying cus u fold ur hands to pray, that's just how I interpreted it, everyone has their own interpretation that's the beauty of music

[@SuhaimiMohamedShariff]

Hope you get better

[@gabrielvk8073]

it would be cool to learn your perpective in the song called "Looking Down the Barrel of Today" by Hatebreed. It has a powerful message about suicide

[@bergenfox1422]

you should checkout Ashes of Eden by Breaking Benjamin. So powerful!

[@obglost5126]

For non depressed people, this has a different meaning ( not trying to sound meaning). Breaking benjamin is like some biblical end times when the person has found forgiveness from god in order to go to heaven. I never thought these soungs were about mental illness

[@Ummson]

You should listen to dear agony by breaking Benjamin

[@DerrickCharles5750]

Great reaction. I wanted u to do Imminence and song “Continuum”. It’s all about life and death and how to survive in all of that. This band also uses a violin in their songs to give it more of an eerie feeling. Please check them out I would really for you to appreciate and I think you would get the song.

[@demonicmajin8133]

You really need to check out I'm sorry by vi seconds

[@TanelTheAntiWokeGuy]

Not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning? Yeah , no shit! If something's going right, i usually steer clear because it means something is wrong. Spcecially if multiple events are going right in a row. Never ended well for me. Now i expect the worst from the smallest good things in my life. Always on guard. Also i've never heard this song from Benjamin before! Damn......

[@MentalAmanda]

I think that we look at things the wrong way. We think that life is supposed to be easy, so when it's not, we take it personally. But what if life isn’t supposed to be easy-what if it’s just supposed to be real? The struggles don’t mean you’re failing, and the good moments don’t mean you’re doomed. Maybe it’s less about expecting the worst and more about allowing yourself to feel both the good and the bad without letting either define everything.

[@marcianogp13]

Hi... you should try Adam's Song by Blink 182... gives you Fade to Black vibes... :(

[@ProducerJames91]

Could you please react to Emergency Contact by Pierce the Veil?

[@SCUZZI87]

Pleaseeee do MGK - don’t let me go

[@into_the_grave]

React To : candlemass-solitude

[@anthonywilliams8849]

🌻

[@dancingmoonproductions]

Amanda, there will be a resurrection and those who have been lost will live again, it’s been promised and will come true. Jehovah is near to the broken hearted

[@scottieb8313]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@MarkJones-du3yf]

Am sorry for your lost my friend do you agree with me rock metal billions times much more better than pop rap

[@wiiwille]

You need to listen to Bullet For My Valentine a place where you belong.