For Cheslie...

This video is overdue. But better late than never. For anyone struggling, I see you, and I understand.

[@braidslikebrandy]

The way people shame black women for wanting the most basic human needs like family or companionship is the oddest thing ever.

[@XxMimiYasxX]

Honestly! Other women are met with sympathy and softness but black women are met with so much anger as if we are being entitled or they’re mad that we don’t live up to their strong independent black woman stereotype

[@kindred42]

Our society sincerely doesn't believe black women deserve to receive even their basic needs. Many of our community members internalized that racist message too.

[@krsouff]

It’s deeply cruel and grossly inhumane

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

They preach that black people are strong and don't have mental health problems. BS!

[@Wisdom71179]

I get it..I had to quit my job because of it..I fought them but was brushed off...I needed my job and it led to many difficulties. My supervisor was a major bully and she got away with it... Nobody cares nobody helps nobody listens until you just give up

[@kae_iron]

- "This is why we are afraid to share what we feel because it's never a safe space." - "In a world that tells us 'talk to somebody--talk to somebody' and then when you do talk, you get reamed." Girl, what you are doing here on this platform is so DEEPLY appreciated. You consistently articulate thoughts that I don't know how to verbalize. Thank you.

[@pri2x0x]

As a therapist, I agree with what others said about you being very skilled at putting things in perspective. I have you on my list of recommended KZbinrs, especially for my female POC clients. You do such important work precisely because you share the "unsexy" aspects of being human in this messy messy world. Thank you!

[@ihysisi]

Hi! I know this was so long ago but would you be willing to share that list! I would love to know

[@charellesexii6555]

💗💗💗💗💗💗🙏🏼

[@kyliCatherine1]

Steph, your channel is like comfort food... just a breath of fresh air in a space where everyone else is trying to appear perfect. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your struggles with us. I get so excited every time you post!

[@kindred42]

The ending of the video tho.... "Your audience is waiting, your group is waiting, your community is waiting and they're waiting to share the light with you...... It's important you make it through those very dark times, sad times those very anxious times and ..you make it through the morning, you make through to the people waiting to share a space with you....*and cries* Thank you so much for your work Steph. This is your calling. R.I.P Cheslie. Your life will now be our collective work.

[@joannapowellchestnut6679]

Agreed 🤗🤗

[@itsxandyy]

Yessss! & having the ability to communicate thoughts that are often difficult to express.

[@luishp3]

THIS. ❤

[@Mariely1]

❤️

[@Whatsgucci]

Controversial opinion here- but being the bigger person is a myth. If people choose to hurt you for the sake of hurting you, go low. I’m a big advocate of going lower if doesn’t compromise you. We, especially as black women are allowed to be upset at upsetting things.

[@wildewildestrawberries]

I agree. That's my motto.

[@Likeicare96]

Preach. Every time I have taken the "high road", I have ultimately regretted it. I'm not saying wallowing in it, but saying your piece (uncensored) and leaving, has always been cathartic

[@mynameispeaches]

I have never been a forgiving person and I’m ok with that. I hear people say “just because you forgive doesn’t mean you let the person back into your life or you trust them or speak to them.” I’m like ok we’ll you didn’t forgive. Just admit it.

[@raqui174]

Everyone is allowed to be upset at upsetting things the difference is how you respond to that

[@themostbeautifulisraw4561]

Yup, I’m never going to be the bigger person. When they go low, I go to hell 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

[@darknlovelyslg]

1. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage to speak out on this topic. 2. Sis...Gorgeous!!!! 3. Prayers for your continued growth in your mental health journey .

[@Jaimelikegem]

I haven't watched yet but steph! You look so beautiful. This hair is everything on you!!!!!!!

[@humolovesjessie185]

I'm watching now... and YES that's the fist thing i thought too, STEPH, that WINE & Burgandy color is gorgeous, it looks amazing next to your skintone, you are GLOWING, suits you very much, and i'm loving the braids. 🌟

[@nowwhat1434]

She’s so cute!!

[@spacetimecontinuum]

I often think that people who commit suicide just want to go to sleep for a really, really long time, wake up and have things be better. In which case I believe we've all been some level of "suicidal". Hope I'm not being too simplistic. R.I.P Cheslie, Regina's son and Sinead's son.

[@TheThyckVixen]

Respectfully, no. This is not at all what it is. Ending thoughts are like drowning. Life is pulling you down and you can’t get your head above water. Your suffocating and it’s excruciating and all you want is the pain to stop because you can’t fight anymore. You just can’t keep trying, you don’t have enough life left in you. That’s what this is. Sorry but as someone with major depression and 2 attempts at unaliving, everyone does not go through “some level” of this. That is a really dangerous way to think about this. Please read and learn what we go through. It’s not a universal experience.

[@lalanaturalista]

Well I felt like that I wanted to sleep. I wasn’t sleeping, eating. I was living, hustling and bustling but completely disassociated, paranoid, and manic and a lil irritable. I remember telling ppl I’m not well and reaching out in all the ways but being gas lit, dismissed, manhandled (literally). I was telling my truth but still in denial or couldn’t recollect some things. I took some pills thinking it would feel peaceful but it felt so aggressive, I knew I wouldn’t wake up if I succumbed to it, so I fought it.

[@spacetimecontinuum]

@@TheThyckVixen Understood. This is not really a topic for “ debate” as such, sorry if you felt trivialized.. And no, I don’t think it’s a “dangerous” way to think, it’s ONE way to think, and those were my thoughts.

[@odetochef]

@@spacetimecontinuum I understand your thought. I also think if you can get someone in that current state to rest with supervised sleep maybe you can get them past those thoughts. Thank you for sharing.

[@LoveAndSnapple]

I have also wanted to rest. I don’t want to be dead, I just need to rest.

[@stormyjackson]

Seeing Cheslie reminds me a lot of myself. Online, I look like I have the best career and life story but it’s really hard behind the scenes at times. Sometimes I worry if someone like Cheslie isn’t happy and she’s so successful, what does that mean for me as someone who is just a regular person in comparison. I still don’t have the best support resources but I’m just taking it one day at a time. I really hope that we can get rid of the stigma some day

[@anotherwarren7994]

Keep taking it one day at a time. Every day that you hold on for one more day, you're doing well. And REACH OUT if ever you feel like you can't hold on. That may be a good start to stopping the stigma. Blessings to you.

[@keishaalison7171]

You got this boo! Remember to look at the glass half full and not half empty, seek therapy and know that you are loved! ❤️💜

[@reneerougeaux7046]

Not sure of your story but same sis... another channel has helped me TREMENDOUSLY!! She's called The Crappy Childhood Fairy and her daily practice has changed my life. I'm still practicing but everyday is better and better. I'm sending you strength and love ❤ 🤗

[@ED-ie3et]

@@reneerougeaux7046 word I love that channel. I really love the info she shares.

[@coolkidruby3429]

This!!! I made a similar comment because if someone like her couldn’t find “it” then wtf am I striving for? The ONLY thing keeping me here most times is the promise of “tomorrow” but if she (with all the things I think I want) could see tomorrow then what now?!? Am I stuck in this forever?

[@lpena332]

The saddest part of being depressed is not having anyone to talk to that really wants to listen to you without having to spend $100 per hour to find that somebody lol.

[@oliviarmcdowell1]

I'm in my 20's going through the same thing with the crying nights.

[@darknlovelyslg]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@prosperousk5477]

Sending you healing, love, and peace. I mean ❤️❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽 you’re more special than you know!

[@CarmelQTful]

❤️🙏🏾🦚

[@themostbeautifulisraw4561]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@msjigglypuff91]

I went through the same thing in my 20s. Stick in there! I know saying it doesn’t help (people would tell me it’ll get better and I would hate hearing that).

[@tsks5939]

You really don’t know what people are going through smh...She literally was the embodiment of everything I wish I could be...smart, extremely beautiful, successful, and from the looks of her social media had a rich, comfortable lifestyle...and STILL she felt like she needed to take her life, after accomplishing so many impressive things in her life like winning that big pageant. It’s just...Im the complete opposite of her and yet...you just never know what people are going through😞

[@2GracefullyAnointed-Savvy1]

You are unique and wonderful just as God 🙏 made and intended 💖 you to be!

[@brooklynborn35]

I feel like my life is just starting at 31. My 20s were basically depression while raising my daughter alone. And btw girl you don’t look a day over 28! You are beautiful girl😍😍

[@BriaBarrows]

Life is definitely starting at 30 in my opinion. Your twenties can be an emotional mess.

[@Jpjpjpjpjp]

Seriously I’m hoping in my 30s I finally have the mental strength to not let myself fall into depression like I’ve always done and I’m so ready to work to find the tools to make a positive change :(

[@mslouison4316]

Thank you. I’m a teacher too. In bed. Crying. On sick leave because I’m going through my low. This touched me. It encouraged me to push through. As black women we have it so hard. I too want to be loved. I too want children. I’m 36. Still single. Childless. It’s to a pint where im giving myself two more years and then I’ll have a child on my own. When I was a child myself my father and other men around me were abusive. I don’t want to go through this in my adult life. It seems like to have a man in this day and age we women have to endure some kind of abuse. I cannot put myself there again even though I sometimes wonder if I should just accept it. Smh. Girl I’m going through this life alone and it’s sad but then I look at my married friends and don’t wish to be in the type of relationships they’re in. That gives me comfort but at the same time it’s heartbreaking that we can’t catch a break. Either way, life is hard for us and we all just really want to break down and cry. I’m going to save your video so I can listen to it over and over to be encouraged that my low may be someone’s high. Thank you. Keep it up. 🤗

[@djenabatal7096]

Sending you high vibrations of peace, love and light. You matter and You are enough. ❤

[@PossibleParis777]

Always put yourself first. Love yourself, and journal how you want your life to be. Say everyday I matter, I am loved.

[@lserr8409]

Having a child won't fix the way that you're feeling. It's best to seek therapy and keep working on you before trying to bring a child into the situation. All the best..God's got you and won't let you go. Hold on tight to him especially during the times that you can't walk..let the Lord carry you 🙏🏽🤎

[@elisevarnado5819]

Hi Steph, it’s Elise again. I’ve been struggling to get out of bed for the last 2 weeks. I’ve really been more depressed than I’ve ever have been. Sometimes I don’t want to live because I don’t think the world is going to get brighter and I don’t think I’ll ever experience true love. I know 23 is young but I feel like I’m running out of time. I say all this to say thank you for the work you do. You are teaching me that it is okay to be a young Black woman that doesn’t have to always be strong. Every time I watch a video I usually make it to the end with tears and hope. Hope that maybe one day things will get better. I just have to try

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

Hi Elise. Peter here. Just saying hi, aswell. I thought it was nice how personalable the comment started off. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

[@joy103096]

Please continue trying Elise❤️

[@ilariaf.7421]

I'm in the same boat. But I'm only 20. I feel scared because I'm so young yet I feel so behind and I don't have any hope in the world

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

@@joy103096 in this capitalist world of hero worship i feel we often overlook that the real honors should do to the progression, the trying, and trying again. But we are all so obsessed with results, with winning, what do bring to the table, medals, championships, wealth… one can never !expect! results. But i think its reasonable to expect a try, and honest try.. Perfection is unattainable and results are never guaranteed, but we should still constantly strive… that honest try and progression. And that honest try, whether you succeed or fail, is like 95%. If not more. So hear hear to trying🙏

[@reneerougeaux7046]

Hi Elise, peace sis 🤗. Just wanted to share what had helped me TREMENDOUSLY!! Another youtube channel called The Crappy Childhood Fairy. Her daily practice has changed my life. I'm still practicing but everyday is better and better. I'm sending you strength and love ❤ 🤗

[@abimbolaiyun8575]

Girl what do you mean these things are not sexy, you're literally saving lives. Times are crazy. Thank you for sharing 👏

[@MarkFTP]

Thank you Steph for this!! I’m almost slightly embarrassed how relatable this is for me as a guy (like where are the black male content creators with this level of deep Transparency? Ha). I’m turning 32 on Monday and I am in that exact space that you spoke of you experienced in your early 30’s, but for me therapy and honesty gets me through. Glad I’m not the only one.

[@Laquia]

You and me both man. I'd like to know here these blackale content channels on mental health at that talks about these issues cuz I don't see them unfortunately 😕 like either they're hidden or don't exist 😩

[@NIO623]

Hi Mark, you have a youtube channel right?? Maybe you should be that voice for black male transparency content. Fill that void. All the best.

[@MarkFTP]

@@Laquia true!

[@MarkFTP]

@@NIO623 point taken! Thank you🙏🏾.

[@TheLovelyOne1111]

What you said is true and I know black men need spaces like this. F.D. Signifier has a couple of video essays that touch on black men and mental health that I found really insightful and refreshing (My favorites are "Black Men and Love," "Black Media Breaddown #4: How Issa Rae Writes Black Men," and " The Complex History of Mike Tyson" to name a few). If you don't sub him, I recommend you do.

[@DarthFurie]

Cheslie's death was illuminating for me. I also struggle with depression and I often have thoughts like "if I just had x" or "just looked like y" my life would be so much better. I see woman who are, look, or seem so much more beautiful, happy, successful, glamorous, prosperous, lucky, etc., and I feel jealous. I wish I could trade places. Her death really made me consider that you truly do not ever really know what someone is going through inside. And that I should give kindness and generosity and understanding, not just visibly, but also inside my head, even to those whose outward life makes me feel jealous

[@angieang26]

Alot of people portray a larger than life personality in public but a whole different person in the walls of their homes. Alot of people are good at pretending.

[@sinegugundlovu1984]

Thanks for this...we need to break the stigma. Being a perfectionist and a goody-two -shoes child led to constant anxiety re: disappointing family, friends, God...boy, it has been a journey. There is always hope, don't give up.

[@LaLa_856]

Omg this is me. It is so exhausting. But you're right never ever give up. And keep God first!

[@misskris117]

I can SO relate.

[@candyllene]

They way you listed all the things I’m dealing with..whew chile. I’m 28, college graduated, have a broad set of skills and experiences but due to me being a perfectionist and always trying to strive for better and more whilst dealing with the anxiety and fear of failure, I’m stuck in this constant loop of self sabotage and it’s draining me mentally and now also physically (chest aches, headaches, extreme fatigue, back pains). Now it’s like people are baffled that someone like me can be depressed and deal with anxiety since I always was a happy go lucky type of child/teen, always smiling, helping people, doing well in school etc. And being from a black family all I hear is that I need to keep praying and think positively and it’ll be alright. They claim that I have nothing to complain about and that other people have it worse 😪

[@aliah_ahayd8268]

The sweetest best thing someone ever told me is I helped them get though a very hard time. I have this friend, we arent very close because of our scheduals now but good friends as kids and teenagers, she told me one day, that she for 2 years was very depressed , low self esteem, wanted to quit, and the thing that got her through was when Id call or text her, asking about her day, inviting her out to stuff, and I had no idea all this time. To me it was very small, but to her it was the highlight of her day and week. Its those small consistent things that can help a person. When I’m having a terrible day/week I always remember her words. Its the kindest thing I’ve been told. And I will cherish that forever💛

[@coolkidruby3429]

Her story scares me. Because it just showed me that I can’t (workout, get degrees, great friends, great career) the pain away. What’s left for people like me who are still distracting themselves with goals. After all this work I’ll still be drowning??

[@MsFrida2012]

I'm scared.

[@ms.elaine5393]

The answer is simple. Everything you listed is external, but the issue you have is internal. You can still pursue and enjoy those things, but until you address what is going on inside of you, your mental/emotional health will never actually improve.

[@themostbeautifulisraw4561]

I’m scared too bc this definitely happens. We can reach all of these goals but it won’t make you feel happy or complete.

[@k.a.2241]

Unpopular opinion: Why is it that we Americans fight so hard to preserve people from ending their lives or ending the lives of a fetus, but invest ZERO energy into making those lives worth living through, economic, social and emotional support? We run to people who want to make themselves un-alive with all these platitudes of sympathy, but nowhere as a nation have we been supportive to these people as they slide down a slow slide of economic, social and emotional despair that leads them to these choices. "Oh preserve the life of a fetus" , but when it is born... THEN WHAT???? . Where is its food, good shelter, loving supportive community? "Oh stop people from un-aliving themselves", but where are the free programs for mental health for those who DONT have insurance, but work? Where is the affordable housing that ISNT in a horrible unsafe neighborhood and in disrepair? Where are the community supports that make food, medicine, and restorative recreation possible? We Americans are the biggest hypocrites. I say the pro choice and "unalive" numbers rising is the EXACT result of our true economic intentions, which are the ultimate degradation and decimation of the quality of life for anyone whom isn't, the rich 1% and surrounded by access to basic life/social emotional needs.

[@amaramcneishesq.]

Absolutely!! You nailed it. The sympathy sounds performative if we don’t acknowledge the underlying issues you mentioned.

[@k.a.2241]

Exactly. America is performative about the sanctity of life

[@2010kalex]

As someone who has suffered miserably in the past with *INTENSE* suicidal thoughts & I'm also pro-life I couldn't agree with you more 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@iv1908]

All. Of. THIS! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@themostbeautifulisraw4561]

Facts!

[@TheCorrkyme]

I just started following her TikTok about 2.5 weeks ago. Wow, she was beyond beautiful, witty and just a bright light. As someone who attempted to unalive myself many times, I can sympathize with all those who struggle with depression.

[@DSa75044]

I am glad you’re still here, @TheCorrkyme! Keep fighting!

[@cleopatramyers6134]

Thanks for staying ❤

[@jazminedawson6745]

I went to school with Cece, she was close friends with my oldest brother. She was gorgeous externally but her real beauty was from within. Kind and humble. When the news broke I had a nervous breakdown. Because for months I kept picking up her spirit before she passed. I was so distracted by her accolades that I didn't pray about why? I was feeling her spirit. Instead of me highlighting her glamorous life, I should have been sending her strength. Sorry, I failed you Cece.

[@darknlovelyslg]

Please release yourself of guilt and don't torture yourself with the what-if game. Her decision and actions are not your responsibility. You loved and care for her. That's best you've could've done.

[@jazminedawson6745]

@@darknlovelyslg I'm getting there.

[@ItsAllAnillusion]

What do you mean by picking up her spirit? Just curious…

[@morselsofgold]

@@jazminedawson6745 I kept seeing rumors about her being "in the closet" and having issues with her family. Is there any validity to this that you know of? She seemed so levelheaded that I'm shocked that she chose this permanent solution for herself...

[@ayeilak5]

You didn't fail her, we all don't know when someone is going on inside. I hope your ok and sorry for your loss.❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@traceeford2914]

Your level of vulnerability is a #GOAL for me.

[@runawayshay6409]

I was just about to write that. Agreed.

[@cleopatramyers6134]

We will get there

[@priscillawilson9703]

You're helping more of us than you know. What you do is biblical. There is no age range that you cannot reach.

[@iagnf]

“If you go low, I’m going straight to hell.” LOOOOOOOOVE you (and thank you!) oh steph co!!!!! 💜

[@mzzzzzzday]

This story is so sad and devastating. From the outside, I would have assumed she was so happy and had it all.

[@BlkOnyx0508]

Most people who do this are the happiest right before the event.

[@kissez2191]

From the outside looking in you never know what someone is going through. We all need to make it a habit to check on everyone we love and care about. Treat every interaction with them as though it's our last. Love your channel

[@cecib.1220]

So beautifully said. Thank you!

[@D_A_Marv]

Your 2nd sentence is so important and I cannot stress that enough to people I know. Thank you!

[@judithpriestess7781]

Thank you, Steph. I see you. Your description of depression resonated. All black women really have, is each other. I see y'all. I love y'all. Your experiences are VALID. Sending you all so much love! ❤️

[@phylliewilly]

Right back at ya xxx

[@Fashionarily]

Dr. Tracey Marks video titled, “Depression vs Burnout” really help point me in the right direction for any of you confused about what you are feeling. Her video assisted me with the correct language of what I was seeking help for because I was confused. I did not know how to verbalize what I was feeling.

[@erin8808]

I love Dr. Marks she is so great and really helped shed some light on my mental illness while I was working with my therapist

[@Fashionarily]

@@erin8808 Yes! She is a blessing. I’m so use to hearing about depression as the term is used so frequently but that was definitely not my issue. I’m so happy to received the correct help with her videos pointing me in the right direction.

[@Timetrae]

Thank you! I’m going to watch!

[@KaimaVixen]

I want to hug you and all of us who have similar experiences and have literally experienced the 9 dimensions of hell. May our hearts be deeply healed, and in our lifetimes may we truly get the love and emotional freedom we deserve.

[@kimjohnson8471]

It would not surprise me if I am among the oldest of your followers (57 & fine). I am much better today but my current state of contentment has not always been the case. My Lil Sisters, please take care of yourself. That "Strong Black Woman" eesh almost killed me. I suffered in silence since my late teens. I thought depression was an attack of The Enemy. I too was taught to "... take it to the Lord in prayer " Around 10 years ago, I broke. Not sure if I wanted to die but the idea of going on as I was became the unthinkable. PUT DOWN THE MASK! It's okay to cry, scream, and ask for help. Remember it's okay not to be okay. I love 💘 ❤️ y'all.

[@HelloBombshell]

First of all, liked before the video even started. Second of all, yay you got a mic! Third of all, looking gorgeous. Ok watching now... ☺️❤️

[@zheahra]

I hope all of us will begin to take our mental health seriously. Don't wait until life throws you a curveball. Sometimes, it's not that. You may be carrying some thing else in your spirit. It's not about mental strength or weakness. Stop handling everything on your own or in your own way. Pain, hurt, anger, regret, bitterness, etc... doesn't have a look. Sis, you are wearing your makeup, braids, and this hair color. 😍 Yes. It's giving what needs to be given.

[@BriaBarrows]

Amen

[@sunkist3304]

This situation was very triggering...

[@BriaBarrows]

Take some time for you 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@eVaniwithaV]

Thank you for your vulnerability, such a healing conversation...

[@DeeperThanMyThoughts]

Stephanie, I understand better now why you resonate with me, because you remind me of those years of darkness that I had to suffer alone. When I had no one, even though there were people around. Some of your videos irked me in the past and that was because they hit close to home and I felt I had moved on, but they actually were reminding me that their are a lot of black women alone and suffering. You're right these kind of conversations do not make sexy viewing and they're not about getting the bag, #blackgirlmagic or how to get the guy by being more feminine videos. They are authentic experiences that a lot of people have gone through, and you remind us that we often don't matter, no matter how many societal boxes one might fill! Rejection, trauma, undiagnosed mental health issues affects us all to varying degrees. The passing of Cheslie reflects this hard truth!

[@TheUsername777777]

It's a disorienting feeling when you see someone else's journey and know that taste, know that truth, as your own. We must be the same shoe size Steph, because your steps are my steps too. With all I can muster on YT, please know that your words ring true and deep.

[@christinakcover]

Your comment is absolutely amazing. This is truly the most wonderful essence of our shared humanity, and the tremendous power of talking about our experiences.

[@Jewel0612]

You look so good steph!!♥️🥰

[@Girl2TheCity]

I remember recently getting out of two weeks of depression. I told my mom I felt heartbroken and she just told me to get over it. She a degree in psychology and psychiatry. I told my father and he just told me to pray about it. I got so frustrated talking to professionals who weren’t of my situation just telling me wow you’re handling this so well. Even now, I am fighting it. Their really needs to be solutions on how black women need easy accessibility and reasonable pricing, and access to therapy. I still haven’t found a therapist that I’m comfortable with but I’m still trying. I’m glad that I’m ready for positive change these two years were hella brutal spiritually and mentally. This year I really want contentment, consistency, happiness, and peace.

[@queensha9976]

You have no idea how much you're helping me. I'm a Pisces, and honestly feel like you're reading me. I'm also in my early 30s and I hate it here. I have tried to commit suicide , living with depression and im unseen, much less heard. I know it's not much but thank u

[@djenabatal7096]

I/we see you. Sending you love ❤

[@iv1908]

Yes sis, we SEE you... You are loved ❤️ Please hang in there 🤗

[@angieang26]

I see you and your awesome. Don't kill yourself there is a amazing world out there to explore.

[@sarinirangedera7476]

you may not see it, but I hope you do one day. You are loved you are valued,you are worthy ♡ sending good thoughts of love and healing. 💖

[@LifewithBreanna_]

Jesus gives rest and peace.

[@bluebird4815]

As someone with High functioning depression and anxiety, i'm in so many ways like her. I was suicidal between 2015 and 2016. At work and to the outside world, i was the most cheerful, supportive to colleagues/friends/family and smiled alot. Nobody would have guessed that i was so detached from living. I fantasized about ending my life. I knew every way that i vould do it given that i was working in healthcare. I was a mess on the inside but like a perfect porcelain dish on the outside. I was drowning and if i had actually gone through with unliving, nobody would have actually bieved i was struggling with depression!! I'm so happy that i'm in a much better place right now. It has taken alot of effort, letting go, forgiving myself, not being hard on myself, leaving social media, chossing a simpler way of life, change in diet, exercise, journaling, therapy, letting go of the need to control everything in my life, etc. It has been a long journey but i'm okay. Oh and i also started talking about it and being real honest with myself. Go easy on yourselves, expectations (both yours and others), people's perceptions etc. There is alot but i cannot type it all here. Stay strong and know that you will be okay.

[@BriaBarrows]

Happy you are here 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@BriaBarrows]

What does functional depression feel like if I can ask? I was diagnosed with major depression. But with treatment, I’m not depressed all the time. It’s just harder to manage your thoughts sometimes.

[@sanitationEng]

I'm in my late 20's with so much insecurities especially in my career which I love so much. Sometimes I wake up and don't know how to explain how I'm feeling, no one to talk to, like people around are looking up to me. It's lonely and I can't figure out what is going on with myself bt I cry a lot and hope for better days. It's hard living on your own and figuring out things on your own. I pray for God's grace and strength. 🙏🙏

[@IndigoCosmic]

Therapy does help trust me.

[@sanitationEng]

@@IndigoCosmic Unfortunately in my country that's a foreign thing, we are barely getting to know it exists and therapists are not easily available. Those who are available are far and expensive

[@edythejohnsonsmith1482]

Obey Acts chapter 2 verse 38

[@sanitationEng]

@@edythejohnsonsmith1482 I'm a Christian and I don't see how that is related to my experience. I have a personal relationship with God and that's why I said I'm praying for His grace and strength.

[@sanitationEng]

@NURSE MERCY Kenya

[@patriciacaryl4377]

I love this and i love you! You are so transparent and you’re right! As black women we always have to be “strong” and “hold things down” but we never get the ability to have someone show up for us. You have no idea how much this video helped me this morning, I’ve been battling depression the last couple of weeks more so than usual and this spoke to my soul!

[@NyleveRenee]

Your honesty and vulnerability is powerful. I feel in my soul you are meant to do what you are doing on this platform for the benefit of many, including me. There is a reason I happened upon your videos at this phase in my life. Thank you. And by the way, you are beautiful.

[@Musole02]

Wow sis!!!! What you are doing in this space is powerful. The way you speak to my spirit is amazing. Wishing you all the best in all you do 💚

[@MayasGlow]

First off, you look gorgeous 😍 Thank you for always choosing to step into your vulnerability, it's not an easy thing to do and the fact that you do it and share your journey with us is something I really appreciate as a viewer. I am so glad I found your channel. Many of the things you talk about, I go through but society in general (offline and online) isn't a safe space for black women to share their valid experiences. I hope that your channel continues to grow and that you thrive in all aspects of your life 💖

[@PolarTurtle6401]

Love your videos and youve done great with topics. please stay on youtube 4ever so many need/want you here.

[@empyrea_2546]

I am turning 25 this year and I am terrified. But then I come to your channel and listen to you talk... and I feel like I can allow myself to admit that it's okay to struggle. Struggling doesn't mean failure....anyways, thanks so much for being you

[@emmas9928]

Steph, I respect and admire your authenticity, eloquence, beauty, self awareness, intelligence and vulnerability. You're seriously impressive. I wish you everything your heart yearns for. Thank you for posting this video. ❤

[@ltgemini1599]

"If you go low. I'm going straight to hell!" I can dig it! I'm 49......I get it.

[@mynameispeaches]

Just this week a co worker asked for volunteers to help cover his duties while he takes some time off. My friend asked was I volunteering. I said no I don’t like him or his supervisor. It felt so good to go low. Like no I’m not doing it for no other reason than I don’t like him.

[@chinneynz7861]

49 and a Gemini as well. It gets better.....it really does, with the right kind of ppl around you, it does get better.

[@BriaBarrows]

Lol

[@skayhall]

I’ve dealt with depression on and off over the years and often felt very alone in my struggles. Finally I spoke to my doctor about it and we worked out a plan to help me cope and get more balance. Technically I’m “high functioning” but like you I would have others wonder “what’s wrong with her” and make comments not knowing of the deep struggles I would be going through internally. The world likes to shame black women for wanting basic things that other women are adorned with. It’s mind boggling. God forbid we might actually want self care, rest, love, protection and adornment too like everybody else. I’m glad we’re (people like u) are speaking more about it tho. Change is needed. Depression is vey real - esp among Black women - and we need to address and work on removing the stigma. We deserve happiness and peace too.

[@humolovesjessie185]

Thank you for making this video... thank you for being here.

[@Neimm]

Do you notice how women are empathetic and even you Steph didn't mention her age constantly which is lovely. Men are jeering on how fulfilled her life would be if she had husband and kids, the typical misogynist stuff they say. Misogyny/Misogynoir needs to be acknowledged. It's like we're born to be with men and bear children ffs

[@abimbolaiyun8575]

Thank you for sharing! You look amazing! The eyes, the hair, the sweater color. Lovely!

[@promise7407]

PLEASE continue being unapologetically you. Your courage is huge a blessing. I deeply thank you, Steph.

[@klzylcy]

Thank you so much for this video. I’m in my early 30s and all of this just…resonates so much. I saw the tiktok and it resonated too; I live in LA, born and raised, and the young woman’s experience is similar to mine. It’s hard to see people react so condescendingly and with such venom, but I’m grateful for the Black women who share their experiences bravely. Your videos have been a support for me too. Thank you for being in this space🙏🏾

[@Amanda-sp4gy]

I've been fighting this same battle since I was a child. I remember attempting suicide at 11 years old. The battle is real. My heart goes out to her and to you and any other black woman who can relate to this.

[@ranieshabaker9449]

Off topic but you look so beautiful. I love that hair

[@mystea840]

You’ve given me the courage to do the work over the last year. Thank you 💜

[@TrayCism]

Thanks Steph ♥️ I've been hit hard a lot in life with trauma stemming from my childhood to date and now physical health issues have surfaced as a result and thru it all-- I'm tired of hearing you're strong or be strong. Strength is what got me into this mess! I've been lifting emotional weight that I obviously can no longer lift. So yes black girl magic is tired of being clothed in said expected strength. We just wanna be heard, understood and most importantly we just wanna be.

[@redsunflower8999]

I have never heard of high-functioning-depression, thank you for covering this story and telling us what it is.🙏

[@cathychase663]

I just was so moved by you - I needed this - I need you to make it. I love it. Thank you. Life can be so dark.

[@tinamenon1593]

What a breath of honest comforting Fresh Air you are, Steph....im very glad you're here and making videos... speaking to all of us who feel dispossessed for whatever reason with compassion and fighting against narcissistic cruelty.....will go far and be invited to restaurant openings and other events one day soon!

[@nikkipooh9]

Super hugs*** I'm so grateful you made it to the point of better days and feeling better. You are doing good work on this Chanel. You are so beautiful. 💜🌟

[@madamepaka]

I've never been diagnosed with a mental illness, so I don't to label my emotional bouts. However, I can definitely relate to having intense feelings of exhaustion and loneliness. I feel like sometimes life is too cyclical to the point where it feels like I'm on a stupid hamster wheel, or just stuck in some mundane loop. That feeling of being "trapped" can get *very* dark. Many people will sacrifice anything to feel "free", even themselves. I hope Cheslie found peace, and I hope her family and friends take as much time as they need to heal.

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

"If you go low, I'm going straight to hell". 😂😂😂 Girl, I love ya!

[@cathychase663]

Boy I can relate to everything you say. Men, loneliness, digestive, also being a teacher...and keeping busy that way..but then solitude is painful

[@janelly1810]

It is extremely hard to have a safe space on the internet, especially in social media and yet you have managed to do it. I hope ol girl from Tik Tok reconsiders her stance and reaches out to you again eventually. But for now, thank you for being that safe space for us black women here.

[@BriaBarrows]

Yes it is.

[@jessicagrant9748]

Aww Sucky Sucky now …look at that fresh beat and colored hair 💗 I feel ur confidence rising ☀️ This was a beautiful and genuine message 💌

[@runawayshay6409]

You must have been an amazing teacher 🧡

[@nilsasalgado2777]

wow tears at the end!! "someone needed me to show up" "that was a low time in my life but I was a highlight for someone else"... makes me miss working with kids. I went through some dark times, and they always helped to give me perspective about whatever was going on in my life

[@Ghragle-]

I know this is a channel mainly for women, but I like cheslie, and you struggle w/ depression. For the better part of 10 years. Therapy didn’t help. I think after 10 years of living in a depression, fatigue sets in. I think the only way out of depression is fatigue, and acceptance. However during these depressions we often go outside of ourselvefsto fix ourself. Thank you for sharing. Rip Cheslie

[@positivelypurposeful8522]

I feel so thankful that 2020 happened. That was when I had a breakdown and I realized that if I did not go to therapy, I would end up dead. Through therapy I found out some things about my past and as I’ve worked through them my life has changed Like you, OStephCo I grew up in a very religious environment and in the first 19 years of my life i was always told to pray my mental health issues away. But then- when I FINALLY looked myself in the face my life changed Thank you for always being a safe space for me to talk and express myself. Sometimes having to always have things together is exhausting. ❤️❤️

[@sheydafar9420]

I’m not black but I’m minority,and I get it all.just wanna say thanks,you are the highlight ❤️

[@asmrwithmelyssashante6113]

I really needed this video! I am in my late 20s and I recently discovered; well, allowed myself the opportunity to identify, accept, and work through so many tramas, triggers, and overall mental health.. Thank you so much for your commentary.

[@prosperousk5477]

Thank you Steph. Rest in Paradise Cheslie Kryst 🙏🏽❤️

[@primppoutnycbytokyokho]

Thank you for doing this❤ Been thinking about her ever since

[@Kayla-kd8ov]

I thank god for your channel It is so needed and has helped me through dark and depressing times. Sending you loads of positive energy

[@angieang26]

Yes Stephanie you are goals because you are real. And for some reason real people aren't liked while evil people are loved when it should be the other way around. We appreciate your realness because you relate to so many people. You will have you red carpet day and your industry party day.

[@Nekole1]

Your energy is so refreshing and warm. I really enjoy your videos, they have been encouraging and your a beautiful woman.

[@queenirabor1]

Stef when you said you cried for 3 years and you would wake up around 3 to cry i felt that !! it felt so dark inside im so happy its brighter now

[@gorgeouswales9635]

First time here! Thank you! I didn’t know of her but since her death, I have been reading and looking at her KZbin videos. So sad for her intelligence, she couldn’t seek her own help.🔥🙏🏽

[@IndigoCosmic]

My spirit is just having a hard time believing she did this but at the same time when a woman is as beautiful and accomplished as Cheslie was people tend to have a hard time accepting. But I laugh at that "black girl magic" stuff because black women are human beings just like everyone else. Yes, we as a collective black women have been through the trenches and still we hold our heads high but every individual black woman goes through things and can't always be a boss chick superhero. I know white women who have had mental and emotional breakdowns and check themselves into inpatient care facilities that allow them to re-center and heal themselves using techniques like therapy, yoga and art. When a black women needs the same the black community tends to look at her as if she's a weakling or looking for attention and we have to stop that. With as much as black women have been through as a whole and still go through we need to start investing in our own mental and emotional healing facilities. It is needed for us.

[@sherisetodd7004]

Thank you for telling your story. So many people can relate.

[@gabbyluz8960]

I love everything about you and your channel. You’re meant to touch lives. So relatable and the way you articulate your thoughts ❤️ thank you

[@angelahairston4761]

It is amazing how similar our stories are, when it comes to seeking and not finding the love that we want. Both of us being teachers, and just having this very religious youthful background, and experiencing deep moments of sadness to the point of tears in front of your students. I have been watching you now for the past two years and I have appreciated every video. Thank you for sharing!

[@communitysolutionspro1520]

Very very important not to be dismissive of someone journey. I just try to support in any way I can and be encouraging.

[@thelovelykimmi7920]

I immediately liked this video and knew you wouldn’t disappoint. I love your perspective ❤️👏🏿

[@joydonaldson297]

You are a natural storyteller. Keep sharing as you never know who you are helping. This is your gift girl. Keep shining

[@SparkleNeely]

Thank you for making this video. People don’t realize how some of us are dying inside because we are animated and smiley on the outside. I feel for Cheslie so bad, I wanted to literally die before I turned 30 I was so afraid of it. A damn number, it seems silly, but the fear is real. I imagine it’s even harder for black women because of this stupid world and it’s expectations. Severe depression is so damn hard. Loneliness is so hard. Thank you for sharing with us Steph and Rest In Peace Cheslie.🌹💫♥️

[@SparkleNeely]

Love your hair btw.♥️

[@a3s68]

Your channel could be my favorite channel on KZbin, your content bring me so much peace its like having a conversation with a friend.. I really never comment on KZbin videos but I wanted to say this!.. And this video in particular I unfortunately related to every word you said, am yet to find the tools to help me get through this or make it slightly better, I never been someone who even knows how to articulate my feelings, no matter how close am to someone saying how I feel outloud or even finding the words has been almost impossible. Thank you for saying the words.. Thank you for this channel 🖤🖤🖤

[@marisolania2696]

You look really beautiful Steph!! I love this hair and blush color on you! I don’t know what it is about 30 if it’s biological or societal conditioning but the existential dread is heavy. It brings up all your insecurities and perceived failures because as children we have an idea of what 30 “should” look like. When you arrive and the scenery is much different it can be unreasonably hard to process.

[@mthompson5383]

Facts

[@alanalopez4252]

Thank you so so much. Your transparency is so extremely helpful and appreciated. Sending you tons of love ❤️

[@lalaland1957]

Your vulnerability, your strength and your courage to share your story.... I am so thankful to you. You are precious. We need you to make it too. To my BW sisters, I am unconditionally loyal to you and I hope for your healing, uplifting and exaltation. I hope one day we will be able to breathe and feel safe with all our vulnerabilities, unique stories and experiences. Still with or without the world's permission, we will unapologetically live and breathe in our humanity, and by that I mean we will freely express our pains, anger and struggles like we are supposed to. We should have one another as our safe spaces at least (when we don't, it hurts the most. When we are harsh toward one another and criticize one another, then whom do we have?). I am grateful to you and to your platform.

[@KandeeKane85]

This was beautifully & breathtakingly vulnerable steph! Appreciate & praying for you doll! 🥺🙏🏾

[@tbriana05]

Omg. Idk how I came across this video. But I am in literally tears. Everything in this video u experienced…is literally my experiences. Literally all of it. Even the teaching story about your students and teaching kids during your depression. All of it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@fireyonix]

My sister shared your channel with me months ago. I like to think things through then express them and work through them and your channel helps. It helps me feel seen. It is so hard for black women to share our thoughts and feelings❣❣❣

[@Andrea-cx8zx]

I really enjoy your videos. They are always so honest. This video today helped me. Thank you