Why is Black women's pain a joke?

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[@ForHarriet619]

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[@onwodoh]

Casablanca Durant can you cite an example where people stood up for a black woman who did not sexualize herself? There are no examples I can think of.

[@onwodoh]

That’s also an extremely misogynistic idea that a black woman has to behave a certain way in order for people to recognize that she was wronged

[@onwodoh]

People should not see black women as weak, but somebody getting shot is not a joke regardless of their gender. There are rappers that have gotten shot and nobody made a joke out of it. Some examples are 50 Cent and Fabulous. It’s only when it’s a black woman that we make jokes out of it and minimize her pain. Also the idea that being a woman means that you have to be docile and not talk about sex is again extremely misogynistic.

[@onwodoh]

People will drag black women no matter what they do. One example is Ayesha Curry. She is the epitome of a docile and respectable wife, yet she has gotten dragged by black men.

[@carolyndye2615]

I am a survivor of domestic violence and believe me it is not funny to feel helpless and alone by our own Black men and our black women. I totally agree with you on this.

[@ShiningLight411]

The sad part is that black women are co-signing this disrespect!

[@Aishyo]

Because they hope will be exempt from treatment if they cosy up with them

[@ShiningLight411]

Aishyo Joy Right! They are talking about HER not ME? This just proves that people aren’t looking at the bigger picture & how this looks to the world. Tragic!!

[@vermeciaa4404]

Stephanie King-Morson I think it an agreement and her thoughts on why some black women co-sign behavior.

[@ShiningLight411]

Vermecia A Yes I was agreeing 👍🏾

[@myjciskate4]

It’s actually incredibly sad because a lot of these “celebs” haven’t even taken the time to understand the bare basics of these issues when they, arguably, probably have more time and resources to do so than the majority of the population. I think a large contributing factor to this phenomenon is the nature of social media platforms and how addicting they can be. Likewise, the algorithm seems to promote things that are the most shocking, even at the expense of rationality. If they would take a fraction of the time they spend retweeting in exchange for listening to respected and reputable scholars, voices, and public activists, then I would argue that many of these problems could, potentially, be eliminated.

[@veeceey1073]

This is why I dislike when people dismiss 50 cent as a “troll”. He has a deep, irrational hatred of Black women (especially dsbw) and we need to start calling it as it is.

[@patriciazandilencube4597]

People don't want to admit that. It's a tough conversation for most people to have.

[@Social_Pugatory]

Dude is color struck even with his own kids

[@UnfortunatelyTheHunger]

Isn't Fifty a GWB-stan?

[@joshroberts1936]

Well said dear it's unacceptable 😔

[@veeceey1073]

Social Purgatory right. He parades his biracial son all over social media but disowned his oldest son that looks JUST LIKE HIM.

[@8701jb]

Watching while commenting, but another example from a movie that we often quote as a joke is when Oprah's character from The Color Purple expresses her childhood abuse: "All my life I had to fight."

[@ForHarriet619]

This is such a good point!

[@snicole3610]

So true. Just because she always fought for her right to exist we ignored the fact that she was abused by her father, uncle, brothers, and THEN her husband and father of her children. So forget all that, right?

[@8701jb]

@@snicole3610 Yes exactly. Her personality was a direct response to the trauma, disrespect, and negligence she's experienced throughout her life.

[@8701jb]

While mentioning The Color Purple let's not forget how ppl think it's funny to call black women with kinky hair "Celie" if their hair is "undone" as if being associated with her is negative. Smh

[@snicole3610]

@@8701jb My goodness. You're on a roll! A guy friend of mine would say that about my natural hair and I would have to say, hey, that's unacceptable.

[@msthang5366]

I swear this is so hurtful.. Begging the White man to see a black man’s humanity all the while refusing to see ours..

[@tintswalom2134]

Yho 💔

[@jazmineleno1414]

The irony with this one.

[@dalightofthey]

Social media has an entire section of successful men who have built their platform from making fun of and making jokes about black women 😒

[@shardeabre]

Literally their only personality trait 🙃

[@heathertea2704]

Ivy EXACTLY! I've always commented "Why don't you hook up with non black males on & off social media. Tell THEM how much you ADORE their women & non black male lifestyles." 💁

[@natalieknight8695]

That's a fact

[@zman9315]

@@shardeabre who?

[@carmenadams575]

Exactly

[@l3zfrancais]

There's big money in the pain and suffering of black people. The black entertainment industry is using the pain of black ppl to make money and black men take advantage of this. Keeping black women insecure and in pain makes them money.

[@transparentsunflower8295]

This is why I'm not quick to just listen to something or watch something cause it's popular or sounds "good", people need to be ready to critique lyrics and messages in entertainment that don't align with the ideals they hold or the world they want to live in.

[@kitokamilimusic6378]

"Men don't see the value of friendship...it's what they can get out of us..." Facts. This is a whole word right here. I appreciate this Queen for saying it (and everything else she said).

[@danis3115]

And we as black women are so used to being mistreated that we co-sign with it. Will even lie to ourselves and say “they’re not talking about me or women like me.”

[@transparentsunflower8295]

Which is sad. it's up to us to learn to see our value and not see abuse as normal or acceptable just because it's the norm. Once we learn to love ourselves and not accept mistreatment it will weed all those who don't respect up from our circle. Imagine that on a global level.

[@rickeyscott5216]

Rite all black women.

[@ladyliz9981]

Fun fact: Dehumanization is stage 5 of genocide. There are 8 stages!

[@louise-yo7kz]

Woooooo. What she☝🏾 said

[@jazmineleno1414]

This smh 💯💯👏🏾

[@Decadancehallking]

Yeah, I never understood all those woke people watching power. What I’ve observed is the black men with big platforms don’t call out other black men for disrespecting black women. They call them out for being “soft” or if they do something “gay”. Hell, they’ll call em out for disrespecting other men before they defend black women in public.

[@vanitysmirror]

Don't forget simp.

[@_Spicymorenita]

1000% True

[@carmenadams575]

Yes

[@snicole3610]

"Ain't nobody got time for that." is the woman who had a fire in her apartment building. She has bronchitis and she ran out of the house without her shoes and things, obviously. She was having a hard time breathing that's where her saying that came from.

[@TheSushigirl09]

Yeah, her name is Kimberly Wilkins. It's a shame how people were able to monopolize on her words by creating clothing and songs. And even when she tried to legally obtain ownership, she was denied.

[@snicole3610]

@@TheSushigirl09 Geez, Louise. I didn't know that.

[@ramipat0]

I always thought how messed up it was to laugh at her when she's literally describing herself fleeing for her life and being afraid to die. So dehumanizing 😔

[@MyLittleVoicee]

Thank you for this reminder

[@nanamiharuka3269]

I think that a source is that they perceive black women as sassy uppity, high maintenance (especially very feminine black women with done hair, nails, makeup) so seeing them humiliated is like "getting what they deserve or getting knocked down a peg" somehow and its disgusting

[@jootpl7780]

The person at 37:10 really hit on something when mentioning how Black men's twisted relationship with the patriarchy causes them to hate women who don't "center" them. I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT! That would explain that recent Twitter thread where a Black man was calling Black women selfish for not wanting to be therapists for BM. Without a woman to "rule over" what role would BM even be able to fill in the patriarchy? They aren't immediate "members" because they aren't White, so they have to create an inorganic role for themselves that REQUIRES participation from Black women.

[@ALSM-qp6jt]

Come on and speak on it!! The patriarchy goes deep and the chaos within our community and within ourselves playing out on social media is all further upholding the patriarchy in its place because we’re all so distracted...most people don’t even realize that everything we believe about ourselves, God, money, sexuality etc. is all force fed to us by this white patriarchy...I am still deconstructing my own beliefs to make sure that what I believe is not blindly serving the patriarchy and harming myself as a BW or my community or people of other dehumanized and disenfranchised people.

[@iamlaurengill]

That whole thread was bullshit

[@shardeabre]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 a word sis

[@Estrellitawilliams]

That comment alone spoke VOLUMES!!!

[@guzagbo5525]

I don't even think BM had to "create" an "inorganic" role for themselves. When slavery ended, the white master was no longer the center of black life and a vacuum for that role was created. So who do you think stepped in and filled the role of "master" in the lives of black women? You know the answer. In fact, this is no different than what ordinarily happens when a brutal, authoritarian regime or dictatorship eventually fails--another regime just as or even more brutal than the first will often come into power and take its place.

[@josephine_marie]

The point about black women de-centering black men in their lives earlier than ever is a great point

[@jemimajanvier4706]

Yesssss

[@reginaldfairfield]

I totally agree. And it makes so much sense.

[@hydroblast2209]

My generation a black womans goal was a education and Job .. black women and men haven’t centered each other since integration .. remember .you don’t need a man ,independent black woman ?.. and why do good black women see so much of themselves in Megan .. I don’t see my self in T.I. The brother who promoted drug selling in a era of low profits and long prison sentences ..

[@reginaldfairfield]

@@hydroblast2209 ... If you don't see yourself in TI, good for you, but it's not really your business why someone sees themselves in Megan. And Black men and women have always centered their lives around each other. You sound bitter.

[@hydroblast2209]

@@reginaldfairfield I had to review my comment .where U get bitter? About what ?Don’t worry about it ..if u really felt the black man centered the black woman in his life this video and countless others about what the black man isn’t doing wouldn’t be needed . I thought we was absent And not protesters ,that means u not centered in our lives ,right .. and u a strong independent career centered woman,right . ,u can’t have it both ways .. U want your lil girls to be strippers and make songs like Megan ..o none of my business . Well what about the little girls in your community ?

[@danielledean5188]

It’s actually hurtful to see none of these celebrities defend Meg when she’s been nothing but nice to all of them. And no black rappers have called out Talib it’s sad. It’s been hard to be a black women on social media lately, but this is a necessary convo to have

[@cai_nwa_ogu]

Yes! That Talib debacle is despicable and the silence when it comes to his behavior is disgusting.

[@iguessitsokyungrichbaby2813]

I got off

[@azariazulu]

Seeing a platform just delete hundreds of black women’s comments and just move on as if they were not valid enough to even exist was so disgusting to me 🤢 And if you dare say you will unsubscribe and not support them, “Oh My GoD, cAnCeL cUlTuRe Is So AnNoYiNg! YoU cAn GeT cAnCeLlEd FoR aNyThInG tHeSe DaYs 🥴”

[@Bobswea]

Lanez has a history of Domestic Violence, yet people are so quick to blame and make fun of Megan.

[@SLRok]

but she knew that and she still kept fucking with dude. At what point do we hold women accountable for the kinds of men they fuck with?

[@louise-yo7kz]

Part of the ridicule of Meghan is her unapologetic liberated sexuality. I prefer a more modest presentation. However, it doesn't justify abuse. AT ALL

[@docfabz]

@@SLRok there is no point. You can't blame someone for someone else's actions.

[@SLRok]

@@docfabz I'm not saying blame her for his actions but she knew what kind of guy he was. She knew he has a history of domestic abuse. Yet I'm supposed to feel sorry for her when she crashes face first into the consequence of her fucked up choices. When you lay with dogs you wake up with fleas.

[@zero1188]

@@docfabz yes you can. if you know a person is bad, and you hang around them, they now your at fault when something happens

[@aspiring...]

These men told us how they felt about black women through rap music over the decades. Just take a look at Snoop's music for example. Through this medium the disrespect and mistreatment of black women was normalised and encouraged. The whole world watched and took note and it became a part of culture. What we see now is the result.

[@grace-wx1wo]

It is such a shame that our culture is so entwined with rap and hip hop.

[@aspiring...]

@@grace-wx1wo It is a shame. For many non-black people rap=black culture. I remember a video FH did on Billie Eilish. She said that "black culture has become popular culture". So it is popular culture to disrespect black women and laugh at our pain.

[@a.d.w8385]

Which is why I refuse to let people shame me for not liking rap. They even say I must only dislike modern day rap. No. I dont like Tupac, Biggie, Snoop none of it.

[@nancykerrigan]

'Swhat I been saying. Like misogynoir been a huge part of hip hop/rap/comedy which is a huge part of our culture. And there's been a discussion of how it affects us (I remember Oprah, during her talk show run, had an episode where there was a discussion of how black women are portrayed in hip hop culture and how it affects us. This was when Don Imus said his infamous "Nappy headed hoes" comment. ) And I feel like even then it was met with a "Parents just don't understand" flippant mindset from those who were still supporting that. Now here we are. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@sevenkings2354]

Yup that whole part

[@queennanny4792]

She's darker skinned and black. Remember on the color purple when they said folks don't like to see someone too proud or too free? Thats what this is and it's been around for a loooong time

[@TirraOmilade]

I have raised my sons to protect black women. It starts at home.

[@Qdelilah]

Thank you I truly does start at home I was raised by strong woman and seeing the struggles and trials they went through and understood that even though the world may not give us power be cuz suffer from white Supremacy but we can still use toxic masculinity to keep black women down so I thank you for raising boys like me ❤

[@PurelyNaturalWoman]

Thank you!! For raising amazing humans. Yes it does!! If all Women can teach their sons to love and protect women we would have a better society.

[@nancykerrigan]

Don't forget to teach them to respect black women. It's one thing to protect them, but it's also crucial to see them as fellow whole nuanced human beings

[@anon6828]

Great job, but let's face it. Your sons are going to find the whitest woman they can get and secretly disrespect bw behind your back. It's the new wave for BM.

[@danix3638]

I disagree. At a certain point parental influence is not enough and there's a stronger influence by their peers and the media that can effect a way a black boy or black man sees a black woman. Unless you plan on living like mennonites or the amish

[@beemocha]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 but Kanye gets prayers & sympathy smfh..

[@tylerhackner9731]

People need to stop coddling him and feeling bad for him. He has refused help.

[@beemocha]

Tyler Hackner thank you! Then his wife tries to play concerned but enables his behavior tho..wtf

[@shardeabre]

😑 and tweets about how a Black women needs to heal him 👀 naw we good keep that toxic energy & anti blackness over there with the kkk klan

[@mmhnma]

Right

[@santana-dr7hp]

Point in case Azealia Banks. She isn’t any more problematic than Kanye and has more talent in her pinky than in his whole body. Yet everyone loves to shit on Azealia Banks

[@marisol3518]

“STOP TRYING TO STOMP OUT THE LIGHT OF BLACK WOMEN. LET IT ILLUMINATE YOU. LET IT FILL YOU UP”

[@CiaoDella]

Oh my God.. this is where "eat the cake Anna Mae" came from?! Wow.. that's horrifying

[@aliciaadams6396]

Helema had me in tears when she was talking about black women’s light. Speaking with so much passion and sharing hard truths. I love us

[@brieoliver]

Halima hit the nail on the head! There's a really sick pleasure some folks have with abusing black women. I will never understand why its funny to not only harm black women but record it, share it, and see OTHER people enjoying the violence too. What is wrong that this is ok? I'm so unbelievably confused and sad.

[@sadiM653]

I don’t think we as black women should ever be humble. We have been probably the most humble women throughout history. Being humble may be what other races of women may need, but the last thing that black women need to do is be humble.

[@joe6185]

@panmensizar your comment is... Dumb?

[@Qdelilah]

I agree black woman have been humble and stepped over while other races get passes for doing the same

[@sheloves3663]

Say it. I saw a meme saying we deserve to experience the best and live life proudly. Like Beyonce said, “You can’t wear a crown with your head down” 👑

[@Qdelilah]

@Brainjock why tho I never get that bm can floss and brag about all the things that have but a successful bw should humble herself make it make sense that's why so many successful black woman say the dating pool is low because men envy and hate when a bw does better then them but we tell bw to settle and be pickmesha and strive for struggle love that counterproductive step your level up and get equally yoked also bm seem to have a disdain for confident bw especially if they don't want them then they all types of names and most bm don't want bw they want ambiguous women and ignore black women that's why black women are single

[@transparentsunflower8295]

I think people have the wrong idea of what it means to be humble because I can be humble without allowing someone to disrespect me, abuse me or disregard my feelings and I think we have to teach our young girls to stand up for themselves and not tolerate non-sense, be quick to walk away, demolish ideas that are harmful to them and how to have thier own back. I can be kind, show courtesy, respectful and even allow a person to say how they feel but I don't have to agree or support ideas or thought processes that lead to my physical or destruction of my identity.

[@tylerhackner9731]

The Breonna Taylor memes are just ridiculous at this point. People’s lives made into jokes is never gonna sit right with me no matter how well-intentioned someone says they are. Also I have not seen coverage of Meghan Thee Stallion after she got shot than I have of of the media covering Kanye’s insane ramblings constantly.

[@Qdelilah]

The sad thing about this is a bw was shot nd made fun of but kanye having a mental breakdown while still disrespecting bw and he gets sympathy and ppl flying to go check on him the double standards are terrible with bm and I'm a Cis black man

[@shizzlemywizzle1]

Just about Meg: I’ve been noticing for years that there’s a narrative that she’s “tough” and can handle anything. Are we going to pretend like we don’t know that rappers use a “tough” persona when they spit? It’s a part of the culture.

[@jaybrielz9244]

as a black guy i definitely noticed this, it just makes me so angry and upset at how unprovoked and rampent this disrespect is. I feel like it's part of my responsibility to call out this behavior and do my best to try to reverse this mindset. you guys will always have my support 💕

[@JMHCLash]

Amen to that. I second this.

[@Maverickgouda]

So important! It’s interesting how micro protecting women can be, like when it comes to folks guarding their sisters, mothers & other women in proximity. Then on the flip slide they are the least silent when it comes to calling out these ideas which condone, trivialize and perpetuate violence. Feels like over large periods of time there is little movement to systemically & culturally deter violence.

[@phdgirl2016]

Going back a little earlier, we can see the origins of "Bye Felicia" in another Ice Cube production, "Friday." In that context, the use of the phrase is also harrowing - Felicia was considered disposable to the men in her community - she was a "nuisance" and her needs weren't regarded at all. Also, her partner Deebo, physically abused and controlled her.

[@Shaykre19]

I dont know why its so hard for us black women to get and stay on CODE

[@iguessitsokyungrichbaby2813]

It’s really pissing me off that we can’t

[@yanig7558]

Divest from black mammies & pick mes & male identified women please

[@calmdown9869]

From the beginning of your analysis I thought of the movie Precious. There have been so many horrific “memes”/jokes about the story of a darker skinned, Black, overweight, impoverished, abused, sexually assaulted, young woman

[@ShaneAhmedi99]

I’m seriously so heartbroken for meg. She’s been nothing but awesome!! She’s a badass and the fact that people try to justify her getting harmed in any way is DISGUSTING

[@scarlettjersey307]

@Brainjock and so what if she presents herself like that?

[@scarlettjersey307]

@Brainjock so she should change her personality due to the preference of men?

[@ShaneAhmedi99]

Brainjock wait. I’m so confused because I don’t think men or women or ANYONE deserves their harm being made fun of, mocked, or made into a meme.

[@ShaneAhmedi99]

@Brainjock I definitely don’t agree. You can be the most stereotypical “feminine” individual and still be the victim of harm. And the fact that you’re saying something about Meg’s “femininity” is racially coded.

[@mmhnma]

I’m sick off of what’s happening to Meg right now. It’s like nobody is riding for her publicly. 50 cent is so abusive but yet he’s always pardoned. Chris Brown has relentlessly trashed black women for years and young black women defend him everyday. I cannot understand it.

[@QueenLioness84]

Let's be honest! Misogyny has NEVER afforded women the ability to be seen as HUMAN BEINGS to be cherished, but rather possessions to be used as men see fit. You can wind this conversation all the way back to the narrative of "keeping women barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen". That statement is a total summarization of how women have been viewed, historically. You're either the maid, a brood mare or a post for men's sexual desires. This is, especially, true for black women. So, it's no wonder the suffering of black women is seen as a joke. In order to identify or relate to one's suffering, you MUST see them as sentient beings, first and misogyny has NEVER been interested in that.

[@avawilliams5827]

Well said

[@JoiDior]

I agree with ALL of this, but "Bye Felicia" originally came from Friday. They were definitely being misogynistic and trying to be funny throwing that in the movie though. Oshea Jr. was playing his dad in Straight Outta Compton and was, in a way, shouting him out for his previous work.

[@Njprophet]

If you’re going to use Straight Out Of Compton example please put it in full context. Felicia, almost caused a shootout and potentially getting people killed. So yeah, BYE Felicia.

[@lakeisha1728]

I thought I was bugging. I was thinking, "I thought 'bye Felicia' came from Friday". Which, btw is another movie that displays the abuses of black women. Like when Debo gave Felicia a black eye

[@quirkyblackenby]

I think she thought that the origin of the phrase/inspiration was being explained since Straight Outta Compton is a biopic.

[@quirkyblackenby]

@@lakeisha1728 Straight Outta Compton is a biopic so she thought they were depicting something that actually happened that inspired Ice Cube to write it into Friday.

[@FroschKrone]

Dear, Kim I just wanted to send a huge hug and a thank you for creating the content on this channel, that I am sure takes a lot of attention and hard work. I am a mixed girl from Europe and I follow your videos for a while now. It helps me understand the interrelations of race and especially the oppression against black women a lot better. I believe that white supremacy manifests itself a little differently in different places, due to the context and history of every country. But having you explaining so many things, helped me find words and more clarity. Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️

[@jootpl7780]

Usually content creators who discuss these topics are pretty redundant and just regurgitate what everyone else has been saying on Twitter, but I ALWAYS learn something new and discover a more nuanced perspective from you, and I REALLLY appreciate it. This is one of the things that makes your platform stand out from the rest.

[@bretttaylor3374]

Men treat the men in these situations like sympathetic villains, even Ike Turner is treated like a hood hero...smh 🤦🏾‍♂️

[@iamsuprmn1]

Something I noticed, as a man, that every time I comment or express gratitude toward the feminist viewpoint... I get labeled a "simp". Its like you can't support anything pro woman because they can only see the situation from their perspective and have no empathy for anyone else.

[@Derrixk]

Simp

[@coolcat6341]

I hear you 🙏

[@azulk955]

You probably scare them. For some reason anything related to feminism freaks them out so much and instead of taking the time to ask themselves why, they go on the attack. It's like dealing with spoilt children. Good for you for putting in the work :)

[@sclh]

It's easy to say "Protect black women" when you also think they can endure infinite pain, the performativity of it all comes from a deeper prejudice

[@LowEnd57]

Hey Kim, If black men could see themselves and their behavior, they couldn’t possibly like themselves. Damn shame to always clout up off of Black women and when it’s challenged, in any way, it’s vilified and denigrated. I, no longer wait for anyone to get it right. I just cut you from my social circle-period. Thanks Kim and all the callers. Continue to unmask learned toxicity.

[@azariazulu]

Exactly! The act in itself is bad enough but the manipulative, patriarchal defenses of those actions are even worse to me! This renders many black womens’ points and arguments against these arguments illegitimate before they are even said, in the eyes of many. They will often try to escape the responsibility of facing their own bias by villainizing the black woman and victimizing themselves.

[@Dhingra12]

I feel like to some degree it's an extension of the way that Black women are over-sexualized. The patriarchal culture we grow up in teaches us to objectify and dehumanize overly sexual people, and that impacts Black women more heavily. And that objectification leads to an inability to empathize with the real pain of Black women. Edit - to add onto that, when something happens that pushes a Black woman outside of that objectified box, like Meg getting shot, to be able to put her back into that box, people have to do something to not see the way she was hurt i.e. make jokes about it. If they don't then they have to confront that dehumanizing box they put her in, and they don't want to do that, so they push the confusion/anxiety they're feeling (because something happened that made them confront the fact that they weren't seeing her as fully human) outwards and more violently, so they can go back to their status quo.

[@louise-yo7kz]

@Sana, a major issue. Perception is reality.

[@myjciskate4]

Spot on! I’ve always felt this way about these memes. They’re insanely dehumanizing. I’m trying my best to call it out whenever I see it. Your content is such a refreshing voice of reason in a sea of hatred and bigotry. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. For Harriet is one of the most important voices on KZbin!

[@ticketyblue3080]

It was awful growing up in the 90s and watching show like Martin, the Wayans, and others that made fun of black women every change they got. The only place to not see that was A Different World. It was hurtful. I truly thought a black man would like love me when I grow up. That is is upsetting. I got over that when I grew up, but brown girls do not deserve that abuse.

[@anissa2361]

A different world was kinda colorist though. I still like the show, but it was very much colorist.

[@TirraOmilade]

We older women know that being ultra feminine won’t work once you get older. We need to teach younger women how to stand in their power as they are.

[@TirraOmilade]

Oh. We older women have done a terrible job of helping younger women stand in their power as well as teaching our sons to value black women.

[@MsSoaringstar18]

Won’t work???

[@DSN430]

@@MsSoaringstar18 I think it's because being/looking youthful is a big part of the more rigid displays of femininity? If you're one of those people who is trying too hard to perform femininity, you are probably going to do everything in your power to look like you're in your 20s for as long as possible, which isn't very long. Maybe that's what she's referring to?

[@rickeyscott5216]

Yes!!;

[@kitokamilimusic6378]

"People are excited to e light of your pain"....facts. Even many black women matriarchs making light of their own children's/grandchildren's/niece's/(etc) pain.

[@AJ-cq5pw]

Black men be havin more respect for Asian and Latina women than they do for black women. Let's be real

[@Wall0fCatz]

I wonder if Meg will do colabs with any of these men that said nothing but made fun of her

[@mariemariemariemarie4032]

meg is a kind person.i think because she has lost people so much so often in life, particularly when she was younger. she just wants love and care in this world. but i think she gets it.

[@sadiM653]

I honestly think she may not have a choice, the rap industry is very black male identified. If she steps on their toes they may try to demonize her. You have to understand black women are extremely unprotected by everyone including black men, so should she them not collaborate with anyone else because none of these white rappers stood up for her either. Damnd if you do damnd if you don’t.

[@moniqueloomis9772]

@@sadiM653 They already have demonized her. When she differentiated her rapper persona from her real life, people mocked her and accused her of being weak and not savage as she proclaimed in her music. I hope she doesn't work with ANY of these demons. I hope she takes her money and does something else outside of the industry.

[@raymondthomas9522]

I think you have some good point but when you continue to say men like all men i think thats wrong and very dangerous to say. I think meg music is really trashy but its not just her its whole industry we have to demand more from these artists radio stations and black media in general because its destroying our communities

[@sadiM653]

Monique Loomis Yeah she should really pull a Rihanna, do a little bit more rapping gigs take the money and run. But then do what Eve did and marry a white Billionaire or just a non black billionaire who respects and loves her. But idk what type of contract she is in, she may have to stay in that industry for some time smh. Hopefully she finds something different because all of the talent and beauty in the world can’t burn out the hatred that black women face from society.

[@gummybears1339]

I always think that when I hear “Eat the Cake!” especially when Jay said it on Drunk In Love! I know people might think it’s a reach but I was also think about Beyoncé’s tribute with Tina Turner like ummm okay

[@CocoaCookies_]

I feel like what we’re seeing happening to Meg pretty much demolishes a lot of the femininity pushers arguments. Meg challenges a lot of beauty standards and expectations for how women should behave (such as rejecting modesty in favor of hyper sexuality), but she also embodies a lot of the traditional femininity standards, which are rooted in Eurocentric ideals, that the black femininity community champions. You can’t subvert patriarchy and misogyny with femininity. Look at how quickly so many men, and women, disregarded Meg after it was revealed that she was harmed. What did femininity do for her in that experience? Not a damn thing!

[@distantquasar5218]

So running around saying I'm a savage and gangster is being feminine. Megan portrays herself as someone that don't give a f it's in her lyrics. If you act that way then when people treat you that way, then why should it be a problem. If you going to talk it then you got walk it. If you going to be a gangster and you get what alot of gangsters get, don't expect for people to treat you like you delicate, when you don't even treat yourself that way. People will treat you like you project yourself to be. So Megan need to stop looking for sympathy get well and get back on the stage and continue being the savage she say she is. If she wants respect then tell her to first start with respecting herself.

[@tlynn5741]

Distant Quasar What happened to treating people like human beings? Why not extend the empathy you would like to have in that situation? No one deserves to get shot at for no reason and compassion never killed anyone.

[@CocoaCookies_]

Tiffany Williams I couldn’t think of a polite way to respond to Distant Quasar.

[@distantquasar5218]

@@tlynn5741 Megan the Stallion is not a human being she said she's a savage and I believe her. If you want to be considered a human being than you should first consider yourself a human being, and then you should act like one. Megan is old enough to be responsible for her actions she don't need empathy from me. If I was out there wild'n out, I wouldn't expect no one to feel sorry for me when I get caught up in the nonsense that comes along with the game. You can't have it both ways, either you are a flower that can be watered and cared for, or you can be a weed that are usually yanked up and thrown away it's your choice. Right now Megan is that weed that thinks she is suppose to be treated like a flower when ain't nothing delicate or beautiful about her. If you want to be a savage then what's the surprise when you get treated like one.

[@DSN430]

@@distantquasar5218 She is literally a human being what is wrong with you? Savage is obviously an adjective, a hyperbolic one at that. Come on, this take is so gross, do better.

[@Heykay34]

I think this is why I find the feminity videos so exhausting, why can't I just do my version of the feminine? why do I have to compete with society's version of what makes me worthy of being protected and loved?

[@ddacoe0]

Idk which femininity videos you're referring to, but the ones I'm thinking about...they're not claiming to make the rules on femininity, they're just reacting to and maneuvering within society's conventions of femininity. Their videos aren't supposed to be idealistic, they're supposed to be pragmatic and practical by working within the problematic framework and realities of an imperfect society. I don't see anything wrong with that. So I think your gripe is more so with humanity in general and not so much with any femininity channels who are trying to grapple with the same limitations you are.

[@Heykay34]

@@ddacoe0 I never thought of it that way thanks. I guess just some of them feel a bit overbearing to me but there are so many layers to this. In a perfect world, everyone could be themselves and have a moral compass but like you said it is imperfect.

[@myjciskate4]

Facts!

[@heathertea2704]

Kayla you shouldn't. A lot of people are making BANK 💰 💰 💰 with this additonal (unnecessary 2 me) narrative for Black women. NOT of the Stepford Wives MINDSET/LIFESTYLE.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

I see the femininity phenomenon as being more about self development, esteem and care. To raise your self esteem and confidence will impact on ALL areas of your life. I'm not looking for a man, but a lot of what I see has wider application in all of your relationships, personal, familial and at work.

[@edenise1004]

Your commentary is spot on.

[@TirraOmilade]

The eat the cake phrase...omg...not funny.

[@ShaneAhmedi99]

Right....

[@ambriaashley3383]

I was disturbed by it from Day. Then felt pressured t sing along in the club anyway 🤦🏿‍♀️ accepting art instead of acknowledging pain

[@sandralindor]

The caller with the short brown dreads is AMAZING! I would love to follow her. The way she dealt with her talking child in the background with respect and dignity told me how great of mother she is. Also, she made POINTS. Please, if you read this, please share your social media. (If you are okay with that, of course)

[@figthorn]

I wish I had voices like yours available when I was growing up.

[@swashington1705]

"Bye Felicia" actually comes from the movie Friday. Dismissing a female crackhead character (Felicia) who was protecting her sister played by Nia Long, who was assaulted by Deebo, for protecting her sister (Felicia) from his abuse. Friday is a hood classic with layers of misogynoir that undercut a narrative that the male screenwriter (Ice Cube) intended to be humorous without impunity.

[@quirkyblackenby]

Guys, Straight Outta Compton is a biopic

[@Angismit]

I think it’s because black men feel guilty for not being the men we need. Guilt can cause you to hate more.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

.....and hurt more.

[@avawilliams5827]

I don’t think they think of us even that much- on a subconscious level.

[@JMHCLash]

Perhaps. Perhaps.

[@goddessnoir290]

Yes! The oppressed wanting to oppress

[@JMHCLash]

@@goddessnoir290 Or feeling guilty for being emasculated and exercising power in the one realm they have a semblance of control

[@Na2Ocean]

I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it yet, but ANOTHER example of a black woman’s pain turned into a joke is the mom in Good Times breaking the glass platter on the floor and cries. It was a very emotional scene turned into a meme! 😥😢

[@vanitysmirror]

Very true in that scene she was dealing with the death of her husband.

[@cosmicpesco]

Brainjock How? It’s an excellent point!

[@cosmicpesco]

Brainjock I’m not going to waste time explaining to someone who is clearly not for Black women that the groups we “make fun of” (I presume you’re talking about black men and non black women) are far more privileged and protected than we are. Take that tidbit of information and do what you will with it.

[@cosmicpesco]

Brainjock Our “disrespect” consists of us calling out other groups for their shenanigans. Are we so “low on the totem pole” that we aren’t allowed to express our opinion?

[@cosmicpesco]

Brainjock It goes beyond sharing opinions, though. I have respectfully disagreed with black men on line only to be called a bitch and told to “shut the fuck up”. Oh, and it’s pretty obvious we’re discouraged to even stand up for ourselves never mind each other.

[@snicole3610]

I always talk about Tina Turner and even Monica Lewinsky. There was an article about Tina Turner called something like Life After Ike when she was remarrying at age like 70! If yall dont let this woman live her life without throwing up her abused past! They don't even care that that *may* have been a traumatic experience! (who couldn't guess something like that would be traumatic?!)

[@kairosculturedfoods]

100% spot on it all but definitely about the Breonna Taylor stuff. you can post about racism and police murder without doing that meme shit.

[@angelm2755]

Chris brown is another one that black women LOVE to support, despite his many anti black women sentiments....

[@cawknee]

Sis @20mins was spitting poetry! Yes! See the light in us and illuminate and know you are great!

[@beemocha]

It’s not just you..50 Cent shoulda BEEN canceled 🤬 Cam’Ron reposted a meme making light of Megan Thee Stallion getting shot as well.. smfh. Ima look up the Talib Kweli stuff didn’t know about this

[@tylerhackner9731]

It’s just disgusting. People’s pain is made frivolous while crazy people like Kanye are coddled and taken seriously.

[@LyddieR]

I didn't know about this. I know Talib is a very combative person on Twitter but I just saw some of what he was doing by taking this black woman's words out of context. She spoke no lies but he cyber bullied and harrassed her so much that she has had death threats by his fans and followers. Like WTF that's is nuts. He was kicked of Twitter.

[@Lexiannasam]

Emma XTC an ego death isn’t bad and I think you worded it in the wrong sentence but I see what you’re trying to say.

[@LyddieR]

@Emma XTC I think he went on a tangent and said that she said light skinned women aren't black women or the whole thing of mixed people not being all black, which is true, am I wrong? 🙄. Whatever, the controversy is over how he took her post. Colorism is true tea in our community and him being butt hurt about her analysis and harassing her was despicable. He should be ashamed of himself but I'm sure he's not.

[@beemocha]

Lydia Rhodes 😱😱😱😱😱

[@natachagordon5089]

I did not know the origin of "Bye Felicia"- wow. I will be extra sensitive now to this phenomenon (including the Breonna Taylor memes). I don't want to be complicit.

[@judahjohnson2438]

Bye Felicia's actually from the movie Friday, but the rest of this video is spot on

[@s0p0lished]

Very sad how she has been treated. That was a traumatic experience for her and I hope she gets well soon

[@anony1596]

I was on tumblr the other day and there was a long ass thread of non-black people talking about how much they love Snoop. They were talking about how wholesome he is (referencing his cookbook and his collaborations with Martha Stewart). I was shook. Snoop makes me sick but there is a large population of people that has noooo idea how he really is. Literally the king of controlling the narrative. I had no idea how well he's done to make himself look wholesome and like your friendly neighborhood ex gangsta rapper. I was mind blown.

[@homebody61]

This video is very timely. I was just thinking this morning of how I grew up seeing LaWanda Page ("Aunt Esther) being degraded and humiliated on Sanford and Son, and how these images shaped my view of myself. I'm sure I'm not alone.

[@Jansheff2010]

People do nasty things to each other in real life. Even before social media was poppin. I think social media is magnifying the behavior and lack of empathy that already existed. People are being more honest online and its good because now the issues are out front and can be addressed.

[@drasco61084]

"It's a feature, it's not a bug"

[@asmrcity3147]

This is disturbing af. This new idea of ‘dark humor’ making ANYTHING permissible is so beyond disgusting

[@aishahb8336]

I really appreciate this video, and I'm sad that not more people are talking about how wrong it is to memeify Black women's pain

[@berrybanana653]

10:43-11:35 hit me so hard. i used to invest so much money and energy into being "worthy" of love and protection...but what about those who can't afford to do so or simply don't want to play that game?

[@dawnuwangue6061]

Cuppy Jr. We suffer the pain and loneliness of being ostracized and isolated

[@snicole3610]

It seems, to me, that they want it like that. They want/need someone to bully in every scenario of their idea of utopia.

[@brimcnair]

Dawn Uwangue say it again

[@Jojo-tf2zp]

Oof so much good stuff I dont know where to start. Really loved that last conversation about how in whatever way black women choose to perform their sexuality it is never "right" for people. It all comes back to black women being seen as non women. If we aren't seen as women then no matter how we choose to preform our sexuality it will be wrong. You're right. Time to try something else 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@TyHarrellShow]

Excellent video!!!! I’ve been saying for years that “Eat the cake Anna Mae” meme was not funny and that issue of Megan being shot was not funny either!

[@bkjane]

Such an important conversation. As a woman I need to continue to work on myself to then protect my black sisters. Black men need to be held to account and black women should do the same 🙏🏽

[@TheSomethingnew1]

Because of our plight, black people are a very harsh race of people. We had to be "hard" and "masculine" to survive. So black women are almost viewed the same as black men. Not because of physical characteristics, but because of the struggle of our race. We are not extended the same empathy as women in other races. Even within our own community, a lot of these men grew up watching their moms take on both roles, so they expect that to be the case for every woman that they date. I also think black women are taught to be independent from a very young age, so when we grow up, we don't really know how to allow ourselves to be taken care of.

[@mr.cuddles6432]

That's an interesting theory, although I propose an alternate perspective. Black men simply adopt the misogyny that they see reflected in our larger society in a way to be closer to whiteness. It would actually be GOOD if black women were viewed the same way as black men, as that's actually the goal of feminism , but they are definitely viewed as lesser. As far as the last line, idk how women being independent somehow explains or justifies misogyny , or why black women would need to be taken care of by men.

[@TheSomethingnew1]

@@mr.cuddles6432 Its not necessarily the NEED to be taken care of by men, but the fact that we are not really taught how to accept it. Independence is thrown at us from every angle so much that it becomes our personality. It's ok to have your own, but it's also ok to accept it from others. The "strong black woman", the "black woman that doesn't need a man". Both negative stereotypes used to boost us up, but in reality did more harm than help. I've never cared for either.

[@SuburbanKween]

What does being "taken care of" look like? Can you name three examples of what "taken care of" looks like?

[@TheSomethingnew1]

@@SuburbanKween It does not have a specific look, it can be different for everyone. But for me, it's simply acts of kindness. Allowing yourself the space to be soft and spoiled by not always having to do everything. The space to breathe and relax. The space to let your guard down and be vulnerable. For someone it can be the feeling of having their partner in their corner. For some it can be a "stay at home" wife. Regardless of what this means to each individual, this is not something that has not really been perpetuated within the black community and especially in the black media. Not in our movies, music, etc.

[@SuburbanKween]

@@TheSomethingnew1 Sounds good. That's the kind of "taken care of" that I enjoy (protection of my feelings, being supported, generosity). Many times, I've had experiences with men that focus solely on money and how I "don't need a man." They can have their ideas from society on what a woman needs but they never ask ME what I need and there's no emotional IQ or observation involved to determine what I need.

[@Shaykre19]

You right about the 50cent and Naturi situation. He knew she was gonna take on the chin and be nice about not complain too much an continue to work for him because she's black and needs this job. He would've NEVER to Lala or that spicy latina!

[@carmenadams575]

Nor did he come for Chelsea Handler and after they dated she basically put him on blast as all but a functioning illiterate. And you know what he said? Not a damn thing. 50 is a bully but more significantly, he mainly bullies black women. I would have died dead before I ever knowingly supported any of his work.

[@reu2002]

I’ve been feeling increasingly uncomfortable about the Breonna Taylor ‘memes’ for want of a better word. We don’t need to turn this woman’s death in to the next Rick-rolling, it’s incredibly distasteful. Thank you for speaking on this.

[@GRTVO]

In the film Mo Money there was a really distasteful scene where one of the men characters ends up in bed with a woman he finds repulsive after a drunken night out. When he wakes up to find this woman, he literally drags the woman from the bed and throws her out of his house. This was supposed to be funny but I didn't think it was. I'm not sure I could finish watching the film, because it was really vicious and I think the woman was crushing over him, so she was so happy to be in the bed beside him. Also, I used to love watching The Parkers but I got tired of the fact that the professor was so openly contemptuous of Monique's character, and she was viewed as an idiot, and ugly and fat, and he kept belittling her. I do feel people feel Monique should accept this as her role in entertainment and I find this to be disgusting. Lastly, why was a gun even taken to a party anyway, why was a gun fired and why are there so many excuses as to why a gun would be fired, someone could have died.

[@SamAdamsDesigns]

I LOVE that you are including live commentary from viewers. So many different intelligent voices and perspectives. What a great video.

[@georgezakhia125]

What the girl at 49:16 said about how what her siblings did was also her fault is so true! I've never been able to fully describe to other people why I'm so attentive to social cues and what others around me do, but what she said perfectly encapsulates it. Thank you for putting words to my experiences

[@morganelisealexander9655]

I really feel like Black women cannot shine without Black men and other groups making an attempt to stomp out our light! I worry about young Black girls so much these days!

[@alphacharm]

This is why I do whatever I want to do as a black trans woman. I wear what I want to wear, I style my hair any way I want because I stopped giving a fuck about people's opinion on what's feminine or not. I just do what makes me happy 💛

[@robertcanada5106]

I agree with everything you’re saying. And, black men, we have tremendously have failed black women. I will do a better job of defending black women.

[@florazul5240]

The facial expressions when Kimberly is trying to understand what someone is saying is hilarious 😂 She’s almost stone faced, she barely blinks, it’s priceless

[@lovinglife660]

Lots of things I had not thought of. I appreciate this so much!

[@kendriawhite9471]

Thank you for this Kim. These are sentiments that I have held for years. No other group of men have hurt me like my own black men. For me, this is one of the main reasons why I will not March for black lives matter. Because it's really about black males lives matter. I don't feel like black men care for women the same way. I highly doubt that they would reciprocate and that's been seen withBreonna Taylor. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has seen it and even the only one who's experienced it. I used to feel so alone. I have been empowered now as an adult where I can stick up for myself and it helps. Misogyny and self-hate run deep in the black community and unfortunately I don't think that black men will do the inner work themselves to move past it. Anyway, thank you so much for this video, it really resonated with me more than you know.

[@heathertea2704]

Lilly I hope you can heal from the actions of the Black males that harmed you.✌✌✌ Knowing that society will aid that mental hurt with the narrative that ALL Black males are bad, which is completely untrue.

[@heathertea2704]

@crooked truth83 agree 2 disagree. ✌

[@brimcnair]

📮👍🏼

[@mscandace5678]

My favorite lady was at 52:15. She was so right. As soon as you speak on or show your pain you invite disgust, anger or boredom from those who don't think you're worthy of having your pain considered.

[@dawnuwangue6061]

I remember the Black woman in the dumpster moment from Purple Rain, the movie.

[@snicole3610]

I only just recently saw Purple Rain and only half paid attention. What happened there? If you don't mind explaining.

[@cai_nwa_ogu]

You are right! The hype man threw that woman in the dumpster. Don't forget that Prince mushed his love interest in the face, throwing her back into a pond too.

[@dawnuwangue6061]

C A Nwaogu Yup.

[@cai_nwa_ogu]

@Princess LitaMichelle I understand Apolonia was not black but Prince and other black men were showcasing some terrible behavior as well.

[@racheldobbs2028]

One thing about the "Ain't nobody got time for that" meme, it was a local news interview. The lady in question, Ms. Sweet I think was her name had just gone through a traumatizing house fire. That's what she was talking about. I do find it cringy that people caught in traumatic situations like her or like the guy who was in another local news interview talking about the burgler who was hurting his sister become memes, ripped from their contexts and used as butts of jokes. It's very sad and it's dehumanizing. I admit I haven't seen a lot of the Breonna Taylor memes and it's disturbing to me that her death is also becoming a catchphrase or a joke and that rips her of her humanity too. We definitely need more empathy as one of the gentlemen said. It's sorely lacking.

[@digitalmimi]

I remember seeing the bye felicia scene and feeling uncomfortable about it but people in the theater were laughing and I was surprised. I never realized this was a trend... great video!

[@dw5192]

Totally here for this conversation! Not to trigger anyone but my sister is a light/bright complexioned woman that said that the studio sexual assault scene in “what’s love got to do with it” was funny, as a gay, dark complexioned, black male who clung tightly to a (after ike) glamorous depiction of a dark skinned person during my formative years, was deeply traumatized by her saying that. We no longer speak, because she weaponizes a lot of her privilege against people. Won’t be there to catch her when the “master’s tools” don’t serve her.

[@Giselle-gx3iz]

And also, the pool incidents. I remember watching some of those videos and seeing Black man force and drag Black women in those pools against their will and even to this day just thinking about them pisses me off. I always hated those. Made me feel so unsafe. It is so dangerous and people can get killed that way. Ugh.. so glad to see someone else discuss these things besides having it all live in my head

[@CHOCOCAT8444]

When my girl was speaking to the 1st man who had commentary the level of frustration on her face and relief when he was done and she could end the convo😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@shardeabre]

Instead of self reflection or listening to Black women 👀 omg your holding me accountable yOu HaTe BlAcK mEn 😑🤔 how sway?

[@fangal12]

@Brainjock the issue is that men don't listen, if they did we would see it manifest in a change of behavior and culture. But I'm guessing you're just trolling and not actually attempting to understand what's being discussed

[@ThemisThoth]

33:52 it was such a pleasure speaking with you. I felt incredibly honored to share in your space.

[@monier2229]

@Themis & Thoth I had to skip to your time stamp! Glad to see two Black, thoughful, Ivy League KZbinrs having these conversations! You two should collaborate on a video and post it to both your channels! I would be great discussion! 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾

[@ThemisThoth]

Joseph Kemp hopefully one day. Thank you though.

[@myjciskate4]

I was so happy when I saw you on. Keep up the good work!

[@ThemisThoth]

Andrew T thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

[@Melmyatt91]

You know, the fact that within videos like this we have to state the disclaimer, “I don’t dislike black men”, and they don’t have to do the same is so indicative of our unconditional loyalty, as well as, our awareness of how our comments are perceived, even though we’re asking for change.

[@carmenadams575]

Each of these callers is awesome and brought tremendous insight and perspective. This video is life-giving.

[@carmenadams575]

Thank you Kim and all the ladies and gentlemen in these comments speaking up on behalf of the precious humanity of black women. If we don’t make some noise about the intentional mockery, hatred and dehumanization of black women, it will continue unchecked. I firmly believe hateful propaganda leveled against black women contributes to the extreme amount of rejection and violence experienced by black women around this country and around the world.