Feeling Like You Can't Face Life and Being Self Destructive

This video explores why we may fall into self-destructive tendencies, why we do not like ourselves, and feel like we cannot face life.
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[@correnastewart4096]

Hi Frank!! I'm a clinical mental health therapist and see many clients that use self-destructive behaviors every day. I'm saving your video and im going to show it in some of my group and individual sessions. You say exactly what self-destructive behaviors really boil down to and you say it in such a relatable and very easy to understand way. You may have very well saved some lives today Frank ❤ thank you !

[@susansamsel8482]

Correna Stewart same thought crossed my mind of sharing this video with people I know who struggle with like issues. Way to go Frank!

[@cynthianovakthompson9726]

FJ would be a really great therapist

[@jengildz9104]

So incredible..👍👍👌😇🙏

[@dharmadharma3960]

Wow, way to go FJ! 💞😇

[@dharmadharma3960]

And way to go those in the mental health field! ❤❤❤❤

[@jellojenna6]

I've never heard a KZbinr say, "I hope you have a good day" with such sincerity. Thanks, Frank.

[@donnawoodward3163]

He's such a good guy💕

[@jadey4843]

Yeah. I was even almost cry.😌

[@alishastreet7110]

Thank you for caring about people and actively making the world better, Frank.

[@tammycaceres4262]

I agree Alisha. And also for his humor too. It’s the best medicine. 🥰

[@lisabarnes2235]

What is it about us infj’s? So many feelings. Leaning into sadness. Doubt filled, and loving so hard.

[@hauntedwhispers8187]

I'm finding it hard to breathe most days.

[@hauntedwhispers8187]

@TNmtn Morning thank you x

[@gabrieldelorme-trepanier2570]

Like a double edged Sword, powerful both ways ?

[@JohannR117]

😩👌👌

[@maybee...]

@@hauntedwhispers8187 , Just keep breathing!

[@pambutler118]

Frank James!!! THANK YOU! I’m a 71 years old Gram and you have helped save my life. I found you by accident or the grace of God? You describe the inner thoughts and feelings I have dealt with my entire life. You have such great insight and I love how you get the point across. You have a great talent for explaining things along with awesome humor; you make me laugh. Please don’t stop! I love you! ❤️❤️❤️ P.S. you are extremely handsome!

[@joanae8189]

What an awesome comment!!!!💖 I am very happy for you.

[@tommymarco]

beautiful comments. I feel like i found my tribe in Frank's comment sections

[@jadey4843]

Yeah😌

[@angiebartok8384]

I agree with all the above comments. You make this so relatable and discuss these subjects in such a down to earth and non judgmental way. You’re great, Frank!

[@laaqueel]

"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." So in the light of this smart quote I think we need address this whole low self esteem issue by turning it into a virtue instead of a vice. For me it means I'm smart enough to know my boundaries. Once you understand that being self aware is what makes you different (not to say better) then others, you will find strength in having low self esteem and use it as a ladder for self growth.

[@mr.carguy3161]

Smart. I agree. Happy for your invidualized success in your journey.

[@zjthyberg6381]

Absolutely agree!!!

[@usernaame316]

that means having low self esteem is what's saving me and that's the basic idea/meaning of self destructive coping mechanisms it doesn't really solve the problem if the low feeling is still there

[@POPDATA]

So confidence is stupid?

[@milfsfilms]

i tend to self-sabotage as well... i'm having fears of facing life but somehow i'm bringing myself to finally get a job

[@arielt8492]

Good luck!

[@maybee...]

I hope you discover what a gift you are and that you have so much to offer the world.

[@kimpastabowl1058]

Prugne Tramonto this made me tear up and it’s not even for me lolol😅😂🥺👍🏻🌸🌺🥰

[@starhairthetutor3765]

You can do it, Isabela! That is a beautiful name, by the way.

[@mutantchiki3988]

Hope you are doing well a year later! Never stop trying! You are worth putting forth that effort :)

[@samchapman7513]

I know this is just my opinion but this is the most awesome video you have ever expressed You are such a deeply caring beautiful soul 🐝

[@jadey4843]

Wow the way you express him is truly beautiful, too. We both are in love with his soul.😌

[@AleceshSama]

2 years later and Frank is still saving me from a downward spiral of self hatred and loathing 😢. Frank know that you're awesome and that you do so much for many people.

[@Sapphiamur]

Thank you so much, I really needed this video.

[@johnking2740]

I found myself in that same position decades ago, finding myself under a bridge with a razor blade in hand, trying to see the world through hazy tear filled eyes, but I eventually realised that what we see around us is a 1 sided perspective, based upon a narcissistic alpha mentality, when taking the sigma route avoids the negativity that we would usually be faced with, it does not matter what we are like on the outside, what is under the skin should be more important, our own experiences can help others in the long run. Each of us have a role to play in this world, not all will realise what it is, they will eventually be blinded by the financial success expectation and attempt to either work hard or undermine other people to get ahead, thereby creating enemies in a dog-eat-dog world. Most people have self-sabotaging tendencies and habits that we do not even realise until it is too late, realising that you have those tendencies is a major step in the right direction to better yourself. Take care, life is precious.

[@beefyreefy4769]

No way. Every time I feel a negative emotion you always go over it and it makes me a bit happier.

[@Roguedaisey]

To the person who wrote in, FJ is so right about a lot of us struggling with this sort of mindset. It takes some brain reprogramming to realize we are enough and are doing just fine. One day at a time .. and you are definitely not alone. 💜

[@Roguedaisey]

TNmtn Morning that is absolutely true

[@feizheng2627]

Aagin, I am feeling exactly like that girl you talked about. It is the begining of a new year again and I cannot help feeling my life being stuck in repetitive self destructive behaviors. I have a strong fear that my life would only get worse as time goes on and I would end up alone and unloved. Watching this video was bit painful tbh and it brought me into tears. Thank you FJ.

[@12NerdyByNature21]

Fei ZHENG me too. This video was very hard to listen to, but He said the words I just can’t seem to find.

[@sarcastrophe6992]

happy im not the only one whom cried whioe watching this

[@AK-jt7kh]

Hope you’re doing a little bit better than you were 10 months ago! Good luck

[@samancinnamon]

@@sarcastrophe6992 I too cried. He just said the things I am going through.

[@amyinthemaking1217]

I’m somewhat of a hermit. It helps me get through life. I know this is a luxury not everyone can afford. No one has ever hated me more than me. In this time of isolation and self reflection I’ve come to realize that I have to forgive everyone. I mean EVERYONE. Even myself. It doesn’t mean I have to spend time with people who have harmed me but I forgive them and love them. The burden that is released is unexplainable. I just love every human being from a distance. We are all going through something and we are never truly alone. We are never as bad as we think we are but sometimes it’s hard to see. Try letting an elderly person ahead of you in line. Help someone who is struggling. Focusing on serving others takes your thoughts away from yourself and makes you feel good. Who doesn’t want to feel good?

[@paulcooper5748]

I can relate i find dealing with most people exhausting so im pretty much a hermit also these days.

[@amyinthemaking1217]

I feel ya brother. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if that’s how you thrive. I’m never lonely when I’m alone.

[@barbyoungberg]

Well said Amy & Paul! I am happiest when I'm by myself and am very lucky to have a husband that let's me do just that.

[@amyinthemaking1217]

Barb Youngberg I have one of those too. They are the best kind of husbands. 😊

[@stevegreenwood7837]

spot on bro .

[@mr.coolmug3181]

If you were shamed during childhood (look up _toxic shame)_ then you will grow up and live feeling that _you are always the problem._ INFJs I think will be especially prone to this mentality; but generally this shame creates a people-pleaser, co-dependent mentality, where you're not capable of thriving _as an individual_ (because you're emotionally co-dependent and traumatised). The best thing this girl can do to get her head out of the emotional trauma, and to prevent herself from having CPTSRs (look up _CPTSD),_ is to look into psychology, look into co-dependency, look into _Narcissism (NPD),_ look up _neuro-linguistic programming (NLP,_ and look into religion and spirituality.

[@TJmusic24]

MrCool Mug I grew up with that and I’ve tested as an INFJ but up until somewhat recently (I’m 27) I’ve bounced between feeling like “I was the problem” or I have some sort thing that makes me different or unworthy and feeling very strong and independent. I’m light of some discoveries from childhood I did not know until recently, that’s pretty much shed away now, only left me with goals not completed but I’m on my way now. I now at 27 I feel more like I did when I was about 7,8,9 years old, I have my “old self” or mentality back. It’s funny when I was younger I would hear peolple say (maybe not directly to me” but they would say “it gets better (as you get older)”. In my case it actually does, as long as you try to stay true to yourself and what you KNOW about yourself and try to trust yourself, at times that was hard for me and I didnt when I KNEW I should, and it’s hard or easier for some people. So even though what you said is true, in my case if you stick it out, truths arise and you can get “yourself” back.

[@TJmusic24]

Also funny you said religion and spirituality because those truths I spoke of came from the catholic school I went to until 5 th grade , so yeah that impacted me a lot

[@micks336]

Watch Pink Floyd's Movie The Wall...

[@TJmusic24]

micks336 if you’re talking to me, I’ve seen it lol it’s been awhile though

[@heatherpence2145]

Yes , thank you for this advice. I've just been researching some of these things and it's changed my life. Great advice!

[@simplyme7821]

Frank James, it's taken me a whole bunch of time and a few dozen videos with funny and artistic titles in order to learn to trust you. After watching this last video, you touched my heart by the careful and considerate way that you approached this very sensitive topic. I am moved by some of the words that you didn't say as much as the ones you chose to say. Thank you.💜 Carly

[@ketchup5344]

You attract a higher level of intelligent comments than I have seen elsewhere on you tube. Dont worry, Im here to redress the balance with a meaningless observation..... Those two doors behind you-are they symbolic of life in anyway? The choices we have to make? 😊

[@kimpastabowl1058]

Or perhaps a closet? and the exit?🙈🙊

[@dona4him942]

@@kimpastabowl1058 😂

[@AK-jt7kh]

That’s a cool thought.

[@tommymarco]

I could read these comments all day - definitely a different intellect group of ppl here than what I am used to seeing

[@andreagrace7264]

Oh man. Yeah I've grown a lot away from the self destructive habits but I still get comments from my parents doubting my abilities. And I'm 33. Which hurts. Still, even now. I wish I knew how to build a better wall for that crap.

[@spencerlarson9357]

“You’ve kind of split yourself” That’s something I think about a lot, I’ve done that pretty well but being aware of it helps you realize which “side” of yourself your being.

[@danielle2250]

Whenever we start to notice our minds brewing up the negative self-talk; when those very first few raindrops are felt, warning us of the colossal storm making its way into our brains... Stop and imagine your 9 year-old self standing in that very thunderstorm in front of you, looking straight into your eyes....would you still say the same things to the child? It's so hard to remember to do this because the rain starts coming down in buckets after the first few drops, but whenever I'm able to pull myself out and look at it this way, I tend to quickly let up on myself quite a bit and sometimes even manage to stay pulled out of it. This coping mechanism changed my mental environment immensely. Amazing video, FJ... So damn refreshing

[@itsaishawhite]

Hey, Frank. Wise words carefully chosen. I hope this video encourages the viewer who messaged you as much as it’s encouraging many of us.

[@246lizrules]

This really spoke to me frank. I've been having a difficult time lately with ups and downs and self destructive distraction behaviors. Along the way I might have lost a friend. This really spoke to me though, I wont say it cured me I wont say I'll be better in a week but it helped open my ears and my mind to a different perspective of what I'm doing to myself and how to approach it and look at it to maybe gain a different insight and work better at loving myself. Thank you :)

[@FrankJames]

glad it spoke to you, Lizzy

[@myangimeowgi]

Along the way I’ve a lost a “friend” or two as well. *hugs*

[@deborahg1246]

Just last week I finally faced the fact that I was being a victim. While it may have appeared to others that I was using it to manipulate, it had become my identity. I didn’t even know it. I think I’m still processing who I will be if I leave that part behind. It has felt like taking off a coat though, my shoulders feel lighter, I’m less stressed, I’m beginning to make choices based on seeing where I am and where I want to be and what is healthy. I have a long way to go but I’ve started. :) Good luck to the others that are struggling. Thanks Frank!

[@tommymarco]

great comment to read I found Frank's channel on Friday with a sketch, and I though would it be another self obsessed very handsome youtuber. I was really surprised when I started watching his serious videos. Awesome that you have started this journey already - so many have learnt abt themselves reading his comment section.

[@deborahg1246]

Thanks! Two years in now and a lot of self reflection later; I realized not everyone has the right to hear our story but also we have the power to re-write it

[@HM-rw5dz]

I'm honestly not sure how I first discovered this channel a while back, but I am so blessed that I did. It is comforting to truly know that there really is people out there that feel the way I feel and even more importantly that they are brave enough and wise enough to atlease try to rise above it and help others. I was thinking last night about how maybe some people were just meant to be unhappy but this video has me questioning that conclusion. This is an awesome channel and community we have here, love the humor and the serious moments too. Thank you for what you do!!

[@gisa.amorim]

It's beautiful to see how many people were touched by this kind words... You did a fantastic job! Look how many people say "Hey, Frank, you saved my life"... I can say it too, you helped me through hard times, when hearing your voice was a relief for the pain... I love to see your old videos, I love to see how you are much happier actually and I wish you all the best things in the world ❤️

[@darkhorse7460]

true to infj form ,you are an excellent counselor

[@raeverena]

What I found very useful, when I found it hard to be kind to myself, was to look at myself and what I was doing from a distance and ask myself: "Would I treat a friend like I am treating myself now?" "What would I say when I'd see a friend doing this or saying this to him/herself?" That really helped me to be kinder to myself and find my self worth. I wanted to be my own best friend, someone you can honestly admit things to and go to for advice or even just a good hug to get you through life.

[@simplyme7821]

As Frank mentioned, these feelings and behaviors often start from a very young age. I think it was a good suggestion to spend a little time asking yourself where did I get the idea that I'm not worth as much as others or who made me feel ashamed of myself when I was young? And most likely they had no idea that you were listening. You have a lot of support here not to mention deep understanding. I started down the path when I was 5 years old and still have to walk the ups and downs. Maybe this will cheer you up. I decided when I was younger that people that were born good looking such as say Frank, couldn't possibly be a nice person. After all, everything must come easier to them, people approached them quicker and they were more likely to get a job or have a group of adoring friends. When I met someone who was extremely pretty or handsome, I would already have a chip on my shoulder thinking they'd have to prove to me that they had some kind of sensitivity or substance or I would walk away. Thank God Frank has so much kindness and gentleness and a sweetness about him. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to stand the dude!😁 I will be thinking about you and watch that video couple more times. I think someone's been reading his Grandpa's psychology books. With love and deep understanding, Carly💜

[@tommymarco]

HI Carly, I have had the same opinion about handsome men and beautiful women. When I stumbled on his channel yesterday after watching a Ryan George sketch, I thought no way this guy is sincere or nice - because he is attractive - then i watched more and got into the serious videos. What an unbelievable caring soul with a deep insight into human behaviour! He changed my mind after a few videos.

[@ekindikdere9775]

I felt so emotional so I wanted to write something... youre helping us so much and Im so thankful to you. Im really happy to find your channel :’)

[@kanekiken2376]

As someone who's been suffering from depression and self destructive thoughts this video truly helped me. Even if its only for this night I can at least push forward for one more day, thank you honestly.

[@GuyGuinivereOfficial]

This video is life-changing. I come to this video every now and again because it’s so freaky yet satisfying to find someone who understands so clearly and can verse it so perfectly what I’m going through. Hope you see this! Do more videos like this please, James. 💖🙏🏾

[@GuyGuinivereOfficial]

Um, I mean it. Please make more videos like this.

[@tommymarco]

I have a felling I will be coming back to this video as well :)

[@drcaseyoverton]

Bringing up Paul and his New Testament struggle really brings the test of time and universal awareness of truly how real this struggle can be to anyone. Without the word, I’m not sure I would have anything to “normalize” myself when the days happen and my self talk is destructive. There’s nothing more difficult that feeling like I’m from the land of misfit toys (born and raised lol) . Thank you FJ!

[@Massi94211]

I just got diagnosed with BPD like two days ago and this vid is pure bliss ^^ Thank you Frank :)

[@francesgrovear]

I'm in the same boat. My coping skills suck and I'm glad you're talking about this right now. It's definitely been hard trying to deal with things and finding a positive way to process it all. Hopefully I'm still a frisky pony...

[@hauntedwhispers8187]

I'm 34 and I feel I've come so far but yet I still have a thousand mountains to climb.

[@naomiworgu2232]

I related to this on a deeper level

[@ciaragoering]

This is so me its such a struggle. Stay strong people ❤

[@paulcooper5748]

Your not alone i struggle too with it.

[@tommymarco]

[@ciaragoering]

wow... ive grown so much in two years. please never stop believing in yourself. you are becoming more resilient. trust me.

[@lancelotdufrane]

When I I’m in that powerless head space, I force myself to engage in a activity that I’m innately good at. It builds me back up. For me it’s creative pursuits. Learning to embrace your good qualities, AND your bad ones. We have shadow aspects. Every single person is struggling. It can calm the inner voice to know....we are all alike which is to say,...struggling. Take care of yourselves... you are all special and worthy.

[@kikifire9113]

It's very, very hard to open up and explain self-loathing and self-destructive behaviors to people. Sometimes it's even difficult for some therapists to understand why a person would self-harm. You did it in under 20 mins. You are incredibly insightful. Thank you, Frank.

[@anonymousJil]

As usual your sincerity and kindness shine through. You pushed a lot of my buttons today. I do appreciate your willingness to go so in depth with such a touchy subject. I'll admit it was a little difficult to watch because it hit so close to home. You inspire me to keep going on this journey. (Virtual hug) Great stuff my friend.

[@samancinnamon]

Thank you so much for making this video. I felt like I am having a personal therapy session. This is the best advice someone has given me. I felt as if for the first time someone really understood my problem. I always hated myself and I never thought it to be a problem. But this year, my self-loathing reached a new level and I noticed a difference in my behavior. Thanks for giving me hope and optimism. I'm lucky to have found this video on 1 Jan, 2020. I am hoping to begin the new year by creating a change in my behavior and trying to escape from this loop of self- harm and negativity. Thanks a lot!

[@heatherpence2145]

Before even watching this video, I just wanna say it's okay to not face life for a time. I feel like I'm on a little hiatus myself. Sometimes surviving is an accomplishment. It won't always be this way! When I step back from harder aspects of life I try to still succeed in other areas. Like right now, I'm studying a lot. At least that is a bank of importance I can draw from for the rest of my more integrated, happy , successful life! Just be careful and honest with destructive coping strategies. Choose healthier ones. Like joining the gym has been awesome for me this month. Try new things as coping. It's ok to need to cope. It's better than being overwhelmed and giving up.

[@jojoBlini]

This video came at the perfect time, I was slumping back down into self destructive thoughts and decided to turn it around after watching this and even if it only lasts for the day, it's really helpful. Thank you for making these 😊😊

[@dancammack9340]

Have to say one of my personal favorites! That said, all of your videos have content that helps. Take care of yourself! And thank you!

[@noki5815]

These are questions that helped me get through a similar time in my life: 1. Am I experiencing a control issue? Am I trying to control something, or do I feel out of control? 2. If this continues on indefinitely, what will happen to me? 3. What would happen if I completely lost the capacity to feel this experience?

[@lisaogden7526]

I love watching your videos, and through teary eyes this one hit straight to my heart. It was like you were talking straight to me. I've dealt with these exact same issues most of my life and am just now beginning to realize I can't stay where I am because it's too painful. I think I've in part harbored anger for years because as I tried to believe the message I was hearing that I wasn't valuable, it conflicted with the truth I knew deep down that I do have worth and my voice is valuable. To cope I almost always stuff my negative feelings in the name of avoiding conflict/people pleasing, but it only causes my emotions to build up to unbearable levels(I've learned conflict is an Achilles heel of an INFP, which I am). Because I can't deal with the pent up emotions anymore, it's pushing me to decide to take a stronger stance in believing in my worth and my voice, and to believe I can face conflict and survive.... and even thrive! 🤯 It's been a long journey to this point, and God definitely used you today to help in that process! A heart felt THANK YOU from this fellow sojourner!

[@jlryder97]

Usually when we talk about habits, we're talking about the bad ones. The ones we want to stop. Habits are behaviors that stick because they are somehow reinforced. Bad habits tends to be behaviors we develop as temporary relief from fear and anxiety and more often than we realize, physical pain. A cognitive behavioral or other type of therapist might be able to help you reduce the stress and anxiety in your life and learn new responses to your particular triggers. I have some bad habits. Figuring out what triggers the behavior and what context supports the behavior has been key to reducing the behavior. Cutting out major sources of stress such as certain "friends" and family members as well as time-consuming/low return activities have also been part of the solution. If you have health issues, work with a doctor/doctors to address them. Unaddressed pain and discomfort can drive you to strange distracting bad habits. Irritability and restlessness can be the first signs of chronic conditions, especially when you're younger and may pay less attention to your physical discomforts.

[@r.9447]

Finding out that I'm an infj was and is still the best that has happened in my life. I finally got to know that I'm not an alien and that there are people like me. Also, I found this channel which is like a therapy to someone like me who never genuinely speaks how I truly feel and how much I'm hurting.

[@katyp247]

Very insightful and true words. You hit the nail on the head regarding self-sabotaging behaviors in relationships too. I've definitely had to deal with that first-hand in my own relationship before.

[@paodemel4359]

There is so much I have to say, but still can't. I've been living this hell for two years, and it only gets worse. Past bad experiences do play the main role and can be the root of these tendencies. Today was one of those days when the apogee of them is reached, I've been so desperate for a long time, but I want to say thank you, Frank, for bringing a light to where it hurts. I'm ugly crying right now. I crave for understanding, because I've been feeling so invalidated for how I feel. I didn't know it was a coping mechanism, albeit not healthy at all. It explains a lot and I don't feel like I'm battling this alone. I've found you and your videos when I most needed, and I want to say thank you for being here. I've known this struggle all too well, and I wish this being of light you directed this video to the best. One more time, thank you.

[@mr.carguy3161]

I hope you find the peace, understanding, and answers you're looking for. I feel this about myself too. But I understand that, for me, the answers and HEALTHY coping comes from within. It's my job. I'm obligated to LOVE AND LIKE myself, no one else is. So, despite the outside noise, I have to ignore it and find a way. Btw, I had to look up apogee! Congratulations! You just helped me learn another word! Thanks!

[@endangrd895]

Wow. I had to watch this twice. Been in self-loathing mode most of my life and have tried many ways to conquer it. This video is so full of compassion, and good advice. Thank you FJ

[@AndrewAlarcon17]

Loved your answer, FJ. Really needed to hear all of this. I currently find myself quite stuck and it’s comforting to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Facing life can be such a giant obstacle to overcome, so I’ve been trying to keep chipping away at it day by day. Progress comes slowly but surely.

[@ncruz591]

I came here specifically to let some of it out. I just got fired from my job in a union two years in because of excessive absences. I have been suffering from anxiety every day before work because I can’t deal anymore. Like this video Said face life. I’ve been struggling for so long that the fight left me one day last year. I’ve been depressed most Of my life because of all the things that have happened and continue to happen to me. I’ve been miserable at my job for past year and a half being overworked because I was the best one there. But I dreaded going there. Just got a letter in the mail couple days ago that I was terminated. I’m afraid of life after all this time being miserable there I got let go now I’m terrified and realized that it was not as bad as I thought it was at that job. I can’t under stand wtf that is about being miserable not wanting to be there all that time and they said get out of here and I’m like wait I don’t wanna go. Too late now here I am and I don’t wanna look for work or another job because i don’t wanna do the human thing anymore. I just wanna go don’t wanna delete myself just wanna go be someone else. I can’t deal with life anymore tomorrow I’m going to sign up for therapy first time in my life. I need help bad

[@princesspie4291]

Hi Frank, I know this video is a bit older but I just now had it in my recommended and watched it. So I doubt you will ever see this but I sure hope you might anyway. I'm in a really bad place right now and I just wanted to say thank you. I've been engaging in self destructive behaviours for almost half of my life now (I'm 19 god damnit, give me a rest), maybe even longer. Even though I did know what I was doing was bad and I never wanted it, I always followed that negative side that tells me I deserve this and nothing else. I've always felt like a bad person, an abuser, despite friends telling me I am a good person and actually the victim. Your video showed me a new perspective. I cannot say that it will change anything in the long term (gotta admit my mental health is really fucked up), but it does change something right in this moment. I want to be better. I want to do better and when I say thank you I really mean it. From the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry for getting all emotional here but as I said I'm in a really bad place these past few months. New Years almost got me killed. I really needed to hear something like this. And many others do as well. So again: thank you. Please keep making your videos, I generally really love them and you kind of remind me of myself sometimes which I find pretty funny (I'm INFJ so that might explain it :') ). Keep going! You are awesome, man. Greetings from Germany! (Also sorry if my grammar, articulation or language is wrong/off. I'm German so English is not my first language.)

[@ericherman5413]

Frank... dang. This is an older video and I understand that your platform has changed. But videos like this truly reach people. I hope you won't stop doing these style videos completely. I felt this to the point of some tears, man. I have battled feelings like these my entire life. It was really powerful to hear that somebody else gets it. Blessings to you and yours, bro.

[@christinacranshaw4888]

This is so NEEDED. The next two weeks are going to be crazy for me. I think somewhere deep down we already know this information presented in this video, but to hear someone else say it, really puts it in perspective. Logically, I can tell myself this all day long, but to hear someone else say it really helps.

[@Sam-bs8by]

You are not alone ,and realizing it as true has been one of the most freeing things to think and know

[@SarahJacksonLV]

Hey man...thank you for being so real...as a highly empathic INFP...I appreciate your deeper insight.

[@emilyp5587]

Great video. It can be so hard to identify why we're doing something to hurt ourselves when we really subconsciously think we're helping ourselves. Excellent point!

[@arielezra8555]

Thank you so much. So helpful. I’m going to watch it again hopefully so I can really remember all the important points. The part about not trusting yourself really resonated. What you said about it being a defense mechanism also made sense. I really appreciate you saying that lots of people go through this and it doesn’t mean you’re alone and a loser. Thank you so much for putting on the time to make this video. Have a good weekend and I wish you all the best.

[@FrankJames]

well thanks, Ariel, I'm glad to make the video :)

[@ghostkitten8747]

Thank you for this, Frank. I feel like part of the reason it is difficult to let go of these behaviors is because confidence can be alienating. From my perspective, most people engage in self- destructive behaviors, and if you don't, then it's another thing to get called out on. Maybe I just live in a toxic town though.

[@abbyj.4721]

Hi, so, longtime listener, first time caller, and I just had to comment on this. This video is so poignant for me...I was on the verge of tears until the way you pronounced “guru” and then said you were “sluggin” up a mountain lol. You are magical FJ. You speak to my soul. And clearly so many others’ as well. After watching this vid three times (heh yikes), I feel so comforted and I know now that I’m not alone in this problem. So thank you for that

[@FrankJames]

hey long time first time, thanks for your comment, it means a lot :)

[@hana-mg9kv]

dude. I really, really appreciate your videos. like a lot. you are probably the realest person I watch on youtube, and your content really speaks to me. it makes me feel a little less alone, and a little less understood. thank you :~}

[@Quetzalcoatl-Dragon_97]

I've needed to hear this, thank you for helping me remember the truth again.

[@FindingYourSerenity]

I love my life now but I've been there and all I can say is this video will be helpful to many! Life can get better if you first set an intention :)

[@roughlyspeaking7652]

Just want you to know this video is still helping people. Thank you. 💜

[@patriciapeixoto3473]

This one together with the video "when life feels splintered" is sooo connected for me, my self hatred comes from my avoidance for responsibilities, I don't trust myself to do things so I would much avoid if I can. 😢

[@callieoh3079]

"Tryna help a brotha out" was so accurate 😂 That is gold

[@callieoh3079]

All accurate obviously, I just saw the light in that line.

[@fenjafenni7619]

You are so helpful :o I really love the way you are thinking and how your mind works..it´s pretty deep and detailed!! And I appreciate that you share such thoughts with us, it actually makes my day to watch your videos ^^

[@owlberry5997]

I've always thought I was just an extreme INFJ, yet I've just been diagnosed with bp II. I'm not sure how I feel. My internal world is crushing down but somehow I'm preventing collateral damage by distracting myself with exciting thoughts about near future. I've got no idea how to proceed though. Things I used to think of as personality traits (just how I am) are symptoms now. I don't know who I am and what I should do anymore, despite having set myself goals to pursue.

[@zeinabzein1514]

Hey Frank, Well explained! 👍 Been there, done that. Indeed, it's a journey, but it's worth it to leave that abyss. Regards

[@msjkld]

I'm 26, and I've felt this way all of my life and still not sure I would have been able to articulate it so beautifully. Possibly one of my favorites, I am so glad the young lady asked you this question and hope she found as much solace in your response as I did. I've said this year I want it to be one of claiming a freedom I dream of greeting, but stay silent every time it passes me by and as you said it's a process. lol. So here's to hoping our circle gets a little wider this year, even if we end back where we started; that we discover new parts of ourselves along the way and welcome it. Thank you for what you do and I wish that 2019 will be many steps in the right decision for us all. #self-love #self-worth #challenges #growth #freedom

[@shyinsomniac]

You may never see this, which is fine, but I'm a regular viewer on your channel. I love your content, and I was just searching on KZbin on the topic of "self destructive thoughts" because that's what I'm dealing with. Didn't expect to see this, but I immediately clicked on it. I'm an infj 4w5, and I deal with severe anxiety and depression, and this video just really touched me. I didn't expect to find anything that would explain how I felt, but thank you for making content.

[@anassyazwanbinabdulmalek1055]

That's me. The person who feels like can't face his life and constantly being self-destructive and then feeling worthless later at night, blaming myself for everything.

[@Raphael0654]

1:38 It's funny you should say that...I actually was having that problem last January (as an INTP who kinda flip-flops between my oversensitive Fe Inferior & an autotelic superiority complex). I end up becoming withdrawn, for MONTHS at a time...to where I don't even consider that I have any friends (like kind of a Scrooge/Ralph Nickleby persona). I feel like relationships just get too complicated for me. And honestly, I tend to think it's because I'm not normal; I bring out the fanatical elements within people. I like being charismatic, but it's more power than I know how to handle at times. . .and so I keep revolving back to the conclusion some people are just meant to be alone. Or I'll be with friends, but in my mind I'm still alone-but in another sense, I'm never alone, as my thoughts are never boring to me. But sometimes my thoughts oppress me, y'see-that's the thing; especially over love affairs, & whatnot. I get so easily lost in people's feelings, & my empathy has seriously almost killed me at times (psychosomatic illness's a bitch). I think I just need to learn to maintain stronger emotional boundaries. I have a porous ego boundary, due to my upbringing-but I'm looking to guys like you & Richard Grannon to help me overcome that. -- Addendum: I guess, though, any sense in which my behavior is self-destructive is not consciously self-inflected like what you're addressing.

[@c.j.q1999]

The converse is also true. If you don’t think you’re good enough then you don’t trust someone who likes you the way you are.

[@Uvvibes]

Every time I try something new it blows up in my face, chunks of my heart and brain are missing

[@Coneman3]

This is the story of my life. I realise that now. But I don’t know how to move forward. I’ll probably always feel not enough.

[@Almost1216]

The title of this video was the theme of my therapy appt yesterday. Perfect timing!

[@david_oliveira71]

Wow this is so tragic(and tragically common nowadays...that's soo depressing and frustrating!) Love & Trust yourself, do it FOR yourself!

[@hanoramicview9054]

This is awesome. Thanks for fleshing this out.

[@YellowGiraffeGal]

This is such a powerful message FJ, I really appreciate it, and everything you do. Your channel is amazing, and it helped me a lot so far, to hear some of your thoughts, they truly made a difference in the way I look at things. I'm so happy I found your channel through MBTI, and even more so that you are making it more and more personal. But instead of that making it appear more closed off, it helps me connect more and more. You have a beautiful mind, and great insight. Thank you so much for being here. - ENFP

[@nayel1mart]

This one really hit me, and I need it so bad. Thanks Frank for doing this and sharing it!!!

[@light5634]

Exceptional video, Frank! I love it! You're so insightful! Confirming a lot of my life lessons so far, but you phrase it all ten thousand ways better me and in a much gentler way than I would, I guess. The worst part is many people turn their self-hatred outwardly at some point or have always done it and that creates more pain for everyone involved...

[@ddoyle3856]

dude, your voice is just so relaxing to listen to. it is a gift. (your content is good too)

[@christiec3127]

To my INFP brother and friend. You don't suck at life. Really...even when you make bad choices you can adapt and overcome. You are loved unconditionally.

[@BGomez-tk7lu]

Very well put. I think this is a very good analysis and, hopefully, very helpful for those who need it

[@angelaoakley6009]

Oh Frank... Thank you so much. I love your beautiful spirit.

[@marisolperez9180]

The way you explained this topic was well put out. There should be more awareness brought into situations such as these. To the girl who’s feeling like this, you’re not alone, I know you can overcome this.Thanks Frank this video is just what I’ve needed throughout these past few days.

[@jemappelledrwholuvr]

I keep clicking on your videos not knowing I need to hear this stuff and then it hits me so hard. Thank you so much for thinking about these issues so deeply and sharing the things you've learned

[@radioshowmachine3447]

I need this video so much. Thank you FJ and to the girl that growing. Thank you so much.

[@sarahrzewnicki7292]

Thank you so much for making this video. This is now one of my favorite videos of yours by far. You cut straight to the heart of the issue and all I can say is thank you

[@cammiehupp3049]

Thank you so much Frank James It has really been an eye opener for me God Bless You

[@enaidr]

Thank you for addressing this in such a compassionate and approachable way. I struggle with feeling not good enough and understand that its not true but yet it still lurks underneath. This keeps me from confidently pursuing things that would bring me more contentment in life. Subconsciously I feel that I don't deserve the happiness I want or think that I am capable of achieving more than the minimum. I think it is hard to break free from the negative programming but can be overcome with re-learning to value ourselves as the significant people that we are. It takes some time but is definitely worth it.

[@MrTHEGuiMaster]

This is the most important thing for me i have ever seen. Thank you so much for having done this video. Wow, that was great, human beings can really do some good, and you have done some pretty awesome stuff, thank you

[@mightybooshismable]

This struck a major chord - tears have been shed. Thanks for the realness and depth.

[@ZehShugugn]

Thank you so much for making this video. I've been feeling completely unable to cope with life and I had no idea where it came from. Thank you for making it easier to understand. 💜

[@mariag5306]

Thank you so much. You speak from the heart and in such a clear way. It is very refreshing especially when all you hear is love yourself, like that's the instantaneous answer and poof all your sorrows disappear.

[@mydaycarat1645]

I just really want to thank you for doing those videos, it means a lot to people like me, thanks a lot

[@melissaphillis7247]

Spot on FJ! Spoken from a deep understanding of self and therefore others. Thank you for sharing xxx