Fraudsters Ripped Off The PPP | The 100% True Story Of T****'s Hole-In-One

Stephen rips into the extraordinary jerks who stole money from the Paycheck Protection Program during the pandemic, and congratulates the former president on his totally-believable accomplishment on a Florida golf course. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@lauramartin7883]

I love that Colbert has kept his word about never speaking 45's name again. And I love all the creative euphemism-stand-in names he uses to refer to him.

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

He asked for the euphemisms from people on Twitter. A whole lot of us sent him them. He's not reused any that I am aware of, either!

[@jstnxprsn]

Yet, he still hasn't used mine. The Orange Power Danger.

[@HLPiepgrass]

What about”Vladdy is my daddy?”

[@maureenahutchinson]

Yawn

[@islgrl292]

@@HLPiepgrass LOL! No, that’s too true!

[@id10t98]

Government: "PPP ripoffs were largest fraud in history!" Wall Street Bankers: "Cool! They forgot about 2008 already!"

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

Yeah, we haven't, though. 🤨

[@DgurlSunshine]

🛎

[@DgurlSunshine]

THEY STILL SPENDING FOR THIS SCAMDEMIC

[@DgurlSunshine]

I WILL LAUGH WHEN THE BIDEN CRIME FAMILY MEETS THE TRUMP & CLINTON & BUSH CRIME FAMILIES IN THE GUANTANAMO CUBA PRISON.

[@Emmaxson]

Hilarious. Isn't it?

[@dap9387]

The PPP money we got saved our company's butt! It allowed us to pay our employees for 5 days of work a week when we only had 3 days of work. It also paid for their health insurance and our rent. We might not have made it without that help. SHAME on the people who used it in Fraudulent ways!

[@deesfreespirityoga4945]

PPP helped my small business. So sad the fraudulent people jumped on it too.

[@72carguy]

Having that child read those statements is absolute gold!! Whoever thought of that idea and whoever this kid is…brilliant!

[@runnergo1398]

If you haven't seen it yet, you should watch the Sassy Justice videos. Especially the one where Jared Kushner is a child.

[@Opus313]

Donnie tells his golf story with all the glee of a toddler making a number 2!

[@s.d.c5513]

"Dooty calls " 🚽 - The crooked twice impeached, one term anti-American, Russian funded Putin-huggin ex-potus

[@cc1k435]

Don't say "number 2" unless you want him to drone on for 20 minutes about how toilets don't flush like they used to...

[@tylerkochman1007]

And he makes a lot of those too. He’s full of it, after all

[@TreeCutterDoug]

😆😂🤣😂😆

[@Dao128]

I dunno about that, the toddler would be infinitely more mature, intelligent... and articulate.

[@pop5678eye]

Please, please have T****** spend the rest of his life on a golf course bragging about it and do nothing else! That's what I would call a win-win!

[@sharibigay4712]

Only if he's convicted and playing at a club fed. Cause even if he's ever charged and convicted you know cause he's white and supposedly wealthy he won't go to a real prison. Which is where he really belongs. Hell him and his abeters would fit right in at GITMO.

[@Bunkerdwarfputin]

6 feet under would be a true win. Fact.

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

@@Bunkerdwarfputin

[@virginiaf.5764]

Yeah, if the golf course was in a prison yard. That's the win-win.

[@ToniGlick]

Only if his golf outfit is an orange jumpsuit and the course has walls around it.

[@nobodyknows3180]

"speaking of slow moving foul smelling beasts..... the former president" totally savage!!! 🤣😂🤣

[@traceytracey5258]

Sunny Isles Beach Police Department Sides With Russian Spy Over American Citizen

[@carlosspeicywiener7018]

"I hate people who brag..." Then proceeds to brag about literally everything he can.

[@NewMessage]

I'd bet the mortgage that Donnie didn't buy the clubhouse a round, as is the tradition when you get a hole-in-one.

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

LOL, I'd wager you're correct, too!

[@davidlundquist1979]

Wait a minute... the tradition for doing something very difficult in an already-expensive sport is having to pony up MORE of your money? I'm glad I've always stuck to miniature golf.

[@diazinth]

@@davidlundquist1979 the reward for showing off your skill/luck, is being able to show off your wealth. Makes sense ;)

[@fredherfst8148]

He ordered the drinks but didn't pay

[@hannahpumpkins4359]

Trump has NPD. My parents were diagnosed with it as well. They have the emotional maturity of a 4 year-old. It's all, "ME ME ME ME ME ME MINE ME I I I I ME I I ME ME MINE" and yes, they have to be the hero of every story they tell- oh the lies, my gosh the constant lies - the cheating, stealing, exaggeration, etc. When I was around 8 I got some money for Christmas and asked my mom to hold it for me. A few weeks later I wanted it because I decided I was going to get a skateboard- she was like, "you never gave me any money to hold for you". Turns out she used it for herself. She did this to my dad too, and his money. My dad did this to my mom and her money. Constant drama, 24/7. When Trump got elected, I was like, "holy crap, America, you have no idea what you just did; Trump will take everything and then sell what's left of the country to the highest bidder".

[@blessedveteran]

You are correct, he is an Overt Narcissist. Without any doubt.

[@SeansModelBuilds]

Funny you should say that. Last night my mother called me, and , Jokingly, Asked if I could support them now that I am debt free. I said: "No, live off Dad's pension: and his inheritance from his parents."

[@marvinmartion1178]

The entire gop is made of children!

[@SuperAwesomeMovies]

It's telling that Trump constantly cheated and lied about his golf games, and now he puts out this massive presser for a hole-in-one, something he claims to have done routinely.

[@korlilkatana7653]

I think I was married to someone NPD many years ago. Best thing that ever happened in my life was that she became an ex

[@Author_Alyssa_Taylor]

That re-read by the kid at the end was flat out brilliant! Good on him! Put it on his resume that this kid is a fantastic talent!

[@brianleslie1632]

“Speaking of slow-moving, foul-smelling beasts, the former president” BEST SEGUE EVER!! 😂🤣

[@ronadjpones6137]

Democrats are pedos!

[@KaptainKKD]

The kid really got talent. The emphasis on the "I" in those statements are so believable.

[@SamuraiFoochs]

@@audreymuzingo933 You're not necessarily wrong, but you're definitely not as assuredly right as you seem to think you are. Haley Joel Osment was about that age in The Sixth Sense and sounded almost exactly like that.

[@audreymuzingo933]

@@SamuraiFoochs It's Jen Sypra, the show announcer and also has done lots of voiceover including for Cartoon President.

[@chonqmonk]

@@audreymuzingo933 source plz

[@KaptainKKD]

@@audreymuzingo933 Oh I didn't know. That's still amazing talent too. I'm a big fan of Nancy Cartwright who does the voice for Bart Simpson lol

[@audreymuzingo933]

@@chonqmonk 1. My ears (how do you not hear it?) 2. Logic (Stephen and other late nite shows have had children reading Trump tweets and other things but they usually have the kid right on the stage, introduce them by name, etc. and don't you find it weird when he just says "a seven year old boy"???) 3. Google (this was last night, I don't remember which website I saw it on, and don't care if you believe me).

[@penguinista]

I hope that kid gets paid a lot for reading the former president's statements. He does a great job of conveying the emotional essence.

[@tjcombo9328]

god i know ....i'll start a go fund me grift right out of mara lie go lmao !!!! man that kids has drumpf spot on !

[@audreymuzingo933]

It's a grown woman obviously.

[@irinas5554]

He sounds like this kid kzbin.info/www/bejne/qKuYhXqEbMqIma8

[@hestiathena4917]

@@audreymuzingo933 Most likely the case, but hard to be sure, really... There are lots of talented voice actresses who can do little boy voices, of course, but it's not unheard-of to find a good child voice actor these days. Either way, whoever is doing that voice has the spoiled, snot-nosed tone down _good._

[@TVC15ohoh]

@@audreymuzingo933 No, not obviously, and who gives a fuck anyway?

[@renejean2523]

As a keen follower of golf, I must say how disappointed I am to hear that Ernie Els is playing golf with Donald Trump in 2022. I always thought Ernie has been so classy throughout his career and gave the impression that he was a decent human being. It's kinda sad when someone you've admired turns out to be morally questionable and pathetic.

[@marieroberts5458]

Thing is tho, was he playing with these people? Were any of them even there? He had been caught fabricating many events where the others supposedly involved called him out later to set the record straight. He has mistaken people for others too. And I wouldn't put it past him to ask (demand) to be included in someone else's foursome.

[@heatherm2140]

It's also possible Lumpty Dumpty was lying about that, too....

[@maikutsukino4743]

Amen, Brother.

[@jimodonnelly7762]

That's assuming Trump was (LOL) telling the TRUTH!

[@rogermuller5824]

I don't know about you, but I've never played golf in a group of 5. Or seen anyone else doing that...

[@KingGrio]

I think it's not nice of Steven to say that kid has the same level of maturity as Trump. That kid is obviously a level headed, talented voice actor, while Trump still wets the bed.

[@janyceparks8326]

"Speaking of foul smelling slow moving beasts, the former president....." best yet Stephen!

[@garyrosie9475]

Yeah, cause you know Obiden is stinky and slow.

[@joanfrellburg4901]

foul smelling slow moving twice impeached and even twice unpopular beasts

[@lwherndon]

@@garyrosie9475 ooh that’s the way to hit back

[@Junksaint]

@@garyrosie9475 he actually has a healthy diet and showers so try again. Did you flush government documents and your sanity down the toilet too?

[@JesusRamirez03]

@@garyrosie9475 cry harder 😉

[@user-pt1cz4ot1e]

“Legally in Florida, meth is a vegetable.” Facts.

[@Echo81Rumple83]

So is weed, but at least it doesn't outright kill you if you overdose.

[@tarawilliams6732]

Lol I live in Daytona Beach fl and he's right.... zombies up all night and begging all day

[@loriwbahadur]

@@Echo81Rumple83 It will if you feed enough to your smaller pets, like my neighbors did to one of their cats they never got fixed.

[@lynnebucher6537]

As a Florida resident, I had to laugh at that one. Meth might as well be a vegetable.

[@user-pt1cz4ot1e]

@@tarawilliams6732 we used to go to Daytona all the time. You’re not lying.

[@merlapittman5034]

I've said it before and I'll say it again - comparing T****'s emotional maturity to a 7 year old is insulting to all 7 year olds. However, the kid doing the voice over is great!

[@rohananya]

Very observant Merle. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 xx

[@nicklindsay3418]

That was brilliant. Even not stoned I would laughed my ass off. I heard Dumps voice saying exactly what that kid said. Hilarious

[@connorcobb5122]

Love the 7 years old impression of Trump and all the nick names for him you have.

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

The nicknames came from when he asked us to send him things on Twitter that he could call TFG rather than simply using T**** in print and something like "the president" before 20 Jan, 2021, and "the former president" after that time. We sent him a huge number of names to call TFG (many of them much more witty than mine were!), and hes been using them ever since! I don't think he's ever repeated one, yet, either - that's how many we sent him. 😄😄😄😄

[@polishrocker93]

“I hate people who brag” Proof positive that the former guy hates himself

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

👏🏿👏🏻👏🏽👏🏻👏👏🏽👏🏿👏🏽👏👏🏼👏🏾👏🏿

[@Markle2k]

@@MaryAnnNytowl OP has 69 upvotes (nice), so I give mine to you.

[@zesty9815]

_"I'm much more humble than you would understand. I never brag. I call it truthful hyperbole."_

[@littleman6950]

@darknightoftroy Please. If the GOP takes back congress in the midterms, may the next coup attempt succeed. They're taking steps to make sure they can never lose it again by vote.

[@randalldavis3251]

Remember how to interpret trumpspeak.Everything is opposite of what he says,ergo he loves people who brag.

[@MichaelBristow137]

I still have a hard time that the US ever elected such a shallow, inept, grifter...

[@ericminch]

Exactly. It's so easy to think it's over now and all we need to do is keep kicking him. But that ignores the tens of millions who would still vote for him.

[@lesd1051]

THAT was hilarious. Colbert's writers deserve a huge raise - that series of jokes smacked the ball out of the park (with a slight W/SW wind at 5 MPH) and it went "Clang" into my ears. Loved it!!!!

[@eric2500]

*CLANNNNNNGGGGG!*

[@kelliebrown8643]

😆👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🤣

[@NewMessage]

If you've ever seen an adult male roo flexing, you'll know why Vlad bombed them. He can't stand that they look so much buffer shirtless than he ever will.

[@victoriabaker4400]

I figured he was trying to do more attacks on civilian morale. Little did he know. But that's being demonstrated on the regular right now.

[@rdoodoo2021]

He is such a psychopath. Who bombs a damn zoo? Seriously.

[@divine1052]

The little guy pronounces words better than tRump 😆 & is an excellent reader!

[@nonyabizness.original]

it's a woman doing the voice.

[@pefo1674]

Anyone would... Hell, even Greta Thunberg speaks and understands English better than #45 Cheato for cryin´ out loud... Though it IS a really low bar though... Mouse high ?

[@sophierobinson2738]

@@nonyabizness.original not. jealous, much?

[@raygunsforronnie847]

@@sophierobinson2738 It's common for female voice actors to portray child voices.

[@bigfootdogwood7464]

Yea I was thinking the same thing and what he could do for Biden's poll numbers

[@morganqorishchi8181]

That kid has a future ahead of him as a voice actor. He really nails the mood and intonation of the message well.

[@MKPiatkowski]

I remember how the first round of PPP fell short because larger companies ended up commandeering huge chunks of it, so round two needed to segment. These people must have sent falsified tax docs because you needed to submit these to show that you paid payroll before the pandemic it. Sad that so much of this money didn't make it to the people who needed it.

[@DoctorProph3t]

On behalf of all aussies thank you for saving our foreign marsupial citizens.

[@peaceloveharmony7213]

Those precious little guys! I got choked up and teary eyed. Also, I love how you described them.

[@studio1954thereflections]

Great show ...best wishes from Ontario Canada🇨🇦❤️🇨🇦

[@ZchibizroxZ]

Every new statement that gets put out, the delivery gets better & better. Bless that kid, whoever thought of this gag is a genius.

[@katescarratt4267]

"The boy who cried Golf"! Write that book, Stephen. I'll bet there's plenty of material.

[@knick5032]

I thought the funniest line was gonna be: "just ducktape it to the monkey" I was happy it only got funnier from there! 😅🤣😂

[@paulrandig]

I was waiting for, "it's a bit slow, even for a turtle. Oh no... it's potato."

[@knick5032]

@Paul Randig damn...I completely forgot about the nightly potato reference.

[@LadyWhinesalot]

@gelas lawas stop spamming for clicks

[@stephaniecornwell8766]

That kid was waaaay too kind in his delivery of that idiotic statement

[@s.d.c5513]

Give him credit. It's hard to vocalize that level of stupid

[@DustyJones1997BGCL]

I agree

[@Confucius_Says...]

Probably because the kid was wayyyy more emotionally mature...

[@jamiewomack]

That kid's delivery and timing are PRICELESS! He should be part of your regular staff, especially for readings from Dolt 45!

[@expatannie6958]

"So, speaking of slow moving, foul smelling beasts ... the former president..." What a segue, Stephen's writers are really the best!

[@Sayitlikitiz101]

"Speaking of slow-moving foul-smelling beast!" 😁😂🤣

[@scottmwilhelms2437]

While I appreciate honesty, inconsequential lies would be preferable to those that assault the fabric of civilized society. While I pray one day he'll rant from the jailhouse for now the clubhouse will do just please America don't let him in the White House again. 🙏

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

Afreakingmen!

[@catherinereynolds9644]

Pray

[@scottmwilhelms2437]

@@catherinereynolds9644 My mistake, not something I myself do often. Thanks for the constructive criticism.

[@dennismoon6693]

"I don't like people who brag" - the man who puts out a statement announcing a hole-in-one.

[@matbroomfield]

If that was an actual 7 year old reading that, he deserves an award for that performance!

[@jillkehoe9656]

Best April fools day ever! Just what I needed! My therapists’; Jimmy, Jimmy, Stephen, Trevor, Seth, John, and James helped me make it through another day!!

[@brassholio]

I hope you have a good day tomorrow too

[@drgnldy8101]

Wow, same!#️⃣

[@BoutiqueLaTrice]

So it’s not just me ❤️

[@imtired2983]

😂

[@jbstein]

And Amber?!

[@thomasd4738]

That 7-year-old voice actor has some damn good comic timing!

[@ChozoSR388]

Not to mention, fantastic inflection. Most adults I know can't put that much personality into something they read aloud.

[@L-Anded]

Give that kid a raise! He's great.

[@Mister_Listener]

I’s guess that an acting coach (adult) coached him when he was on mic, and then it was edited together. A 7 year old cant do that sarcasm. Can he? Lol.

[@jacquelineleitch7050]

Kids who haven't been interfered with can do much.

[@audreymuzingo933]

I can't believe how many people think it's an actual male child as opposed to an adult woman.

[@catherinereynolds9644]

So funny. Yet, when I come to a troll comment, always surprised. Thank you, Steven, for all the laughter, when it is so need☮️💜

[@InspiredScience]

For the record, Trump's 181-yard with 5-Iron claim, is implausible on many levels. 181 yards is about the distance of a five-iron hit by a zero-handicap golfer (which, of course, Trump is nowhere near) -- the physics don't make sense. In addition, a golfer has to pick their club based on their experience and the desired distance. Unless it's simply his "big hands" narcissism, it would be comical to think Trump would choose a 5-Iron for a 181-yard shot. Something ... Somewhere ... Isn't adding up (no surprise).

[@Droemar]

You gotta love that when people fleece the government for millions in PPP loans it's "smart", but when poor people do the same thing it's "shameful."

[@jpdemer5]

"They won't catch me until later" is a pretty f'n stupid rationale for any crime.

[@tammyforbes2101]

Yea they borrow $250k in your name then loan you $5k of it and charge you $10k in fines and taxes paying it back and we are the criminals?

[@Alucard0715]

So the poor aren't people? Or did you mean to say "rich people"?

[@Taijifufu]

@@Alucard0715 the people who fleeced the government for millions in PPP loans would probably put it like that.

[@devinnall2284]

That's basically how it works in America. You steal a thousand dollars and you're a criminal, steal a million dollars and you're business savvy.

[@lavonnereschke5488]

Your humor fills me with laughter. Love it and need it. Lavonne

[@thexalon]

Hearing the Mini Coup-er describe his "hole-in-one", it almost sounded like he thought the goal of the game was to put his 5-iron in the hole, not the ball.

[@tarawilliams6732]

Man I am truly grateful for this show, I have my alarm ⏰ set just in case I fall asleep. This man is like a drug I can't get enough 😂 love him with all of my heart

[@TreeCutterDoug]

Totally true, real story, everyone's talking about, the bigliest, most amazing shot they've ever seen in the history of ever: a shithole-in-one.

[@whitebirchtarot]

Oh, that’s great! You should be a writer on Colbert’s show. 😁

[@TreeCutterDoug]

@@whitebirchtarot Nuthin' but the kind of word salad you'd expect from Mango Mussolini. I'm no where NEAR talented enough to write for these guys... They have been absolutely killin' it this week.

[@joeparks614]

He didn’t see the ball go in the hole yet at 181 yards he heard the thunk🤔🤡

[@leenacw6844]

😂

[@joseville]

The biggest a hole in one.

[@paulabrown6840]

Hilarious! 😂 I think the boy reading the other Big Lie letter is the “apparently boy” 👏🏼

[@rebeccahenderson7761]

"Except for Bill Barr, who had a minor stroke." If only! Colbert & his writers are pure genius.

[@calinasagilitypartner4444]

"I'm a very modest individual." Sorry, Mr. Colbert, but that line was the funniest of the monologue!

[@HyperactiveNeuron]

Slow moving, foul smelling beasts LMFAO! That's up there with Mango Musculi 🤣

[@DustyJones1997BGCL]

Love that 7 year old boy impression of the former guy he is so cute 🥺🥰

[@chromeorihara1949]

I burst out laughing at the "minor stroke" part. This monologue was comedy gold.

[@Pecisk]

That kid's rendition of Trump's quote got me in stiches. Thank you team :D

[@ceceliawight7059]

They forgave PPP loans but are not forgiving student loans?

[@petepierre6458]

The biggest fraud was 45.

[@TreeCutterDoug]

This country is so effed.

[@MatrixDownload5150]

I had $14000 when this started and by the time they actually get to giving student loan forgiveness to me there won’t be anything to forgive!

[@Echo81Rumple83]

Priorities, man. Boy, do they lack any, alongside with any human decency.

[@goblinwisdom]

Uk has same problem, our conservative government are disgusting gaslighting grifters. They bought from donors and friends businesses useless ppe for hundreds of millions, they used 36 billion on a uk bespoke track a trace that doesn't work, but Germany spent under 1 billion on the eu designed one, which works. Also uk's chancellor's wife has 460million invested in Russian businesses( that is taking 30 days to begin sanctions on...) the chancellor ( the richest mp in the house) has just done nothing to mitigate the largest drop in quality of life since the 1950s ( when we still has rationing) weep for the uk were fucked.

[@pantherboy9536]

I'd bet that all of his golf buddies had to sign a NDA.

[@denise7024HM]

Oh my gosh, that little boy was awesome. BRAVO! 👏👏👏

[@SilentKnight43]

The young gaffer doin' the T**** dialogue was perfect! lmao

[@bilateralrope8643]

The clank makes me think that something metallic was involved. Possibly also magnets to make the ball go into the hole.

[@danielgehring7437]

I'm guessing a secret service agent with a slingshot and a really good eye.

[@Kimberly-dt4ko]

His golf spikes when he tapped it in with his toes.

[@EcEryda]

Man, wtf is the point in bombing a freaking zoo! How cruel do you have to be to make that your target...

[@Red-rl1xx]

Yeah! Really! So glad that worker saved those animals!

[@michaeleager4635]

Forgotten about maternity and psychiatric hospitals already?

[@EcEryda]

@@michaeleager4635 What? Dont be stupid

[@vercoda9997]

Fun fact: My elderly dad here in Ireland has 9 hole in ones (now a long retired Garda/cop and former Captain of Everything, he's an annoyingly, fastidiously honest man, and the very definition of good sportsmanship), but I've never heard him brag about any of them as Trump did with this claimed single hole in one, which seems as credible as Trump claiming he'd scored 19 hole in ones that day, before going on to single-handedly play some ice hockey against Canada's national team, who he roundly trounced.

[@letmetryscience4535]

His admiration for Kim Jong Un is making more and more sense

[@mip4422]

how do you know about all nine of those hole in ones if he never bragged about them?

[@vercoda9997]

@@mip4422 You get awarded official certificates here, as well as (on occasion) potentially collecting a trophy/award for same. Dad also has photos of being congratulated at official golf club events for some of them. It's one thing if a club honours or marks such a rare achievement, let alone so many, but another if the individual brags about them - dad is also a quiet, modest, no-fuss kind of guy, the polar opposite of self-aggrandising Trump.

[@StephBer1]

Thanks to the guy for savings the kangaroos and wallabies. Poor babies must have been so scared. ❤️ Australia

[@boomxmilizexpathacks9440]

Pandemic plus loose critters... Twelve Monkeys!

[@hvt45]

Give that 7 years old a raise.

[@zaroffhound]

That kid with the presidential voice...there's a distinct 1980's overripe nuance to his surge of enthusiasm. Spot on.

[@bwell6941]

….”and i don’t like people who brag”😂😂

[@HunnyBunz1138]

Steven Colberts monologues give me life

[@Voteblue-gq5eh]

Oh definitely!

[@drnancysjohnson3844]

I second penguinista’s comments.As I was laughing as I listened to “The Kid”, I kept thinking, “I hope they’re paying him a lot & he’s a lot smarter at age 7 than Trump ever was or ever will be. Thanks for making my day!!

[@LadyWhinesalot]

@gelas lawas stop spamming for clicks

[@kmay860]

OMG.. The best segway "speaking of slow moving foul smelling beasts"! Halarious!

[@zulmavillalba6137]

That kid is amazing! Love it ❤❤❤❤

[@theschmoo3049]

YES!

[@jayluck8047]

3:39 “I KNEW IT!!! Kangaroos are just posturing! They can get along in small enclosures without engaging in the sport of fisticuffs while still maintaining their ridiculously cute yet punchable demeanour!!!!

[@jstnxprsn]

Anybody believe TFG actually wrote a story which used the word, "whereupon"? Yeah, me neither.

[@birbluv9595]

The golf segment is pure gold! 100% gold, no strokes.

[@calvinbright3054]

When you're a pathological liar and notorious cheat at golf, no one will believe you made a hole-in-one without a Golden Retriever's help fetching your ball from the pond and dropping it in the hole for you.

[@jie-yingphua7028]

Surely there has to be a video of a Goldie dog doing that somewhere, and that would be FAR more adorable to watch too!

[@lizziie8]

That 7 yr old kid is super talented. Had me crackin' up!

[@audreymuzingo933]

adult woman, not a little boy.

[@lizziie8]

Sounds like a little kid. How do you know it is not?

[@SamuraiFoochs]

@@lizziie8 She's posting it under almost every comment talking about that for some reason. One of those weird, pathological I HAVE TO BE RIGHT KZbin comment things people do instead of, y'know, letting a funny thing be funny.

[@lizziie8]

@@SamuraiFoochs Thanks for letting me know!

[@julsjewels3185]

You never fail to bring a laugh when the world is falling apart. That is when we need a laugh the most

[@WarblesOnALot]

@Armed baby G'day, You sound like an EFIL-ist. Look up Gary Mosher, at inmendham Channel ; you will fit right in. ;-p Ciao !

[@MaryAnnNytowl]

@Armed baby what the _~bleeping bleepety bleep~_ is WRONG with you? Keep your apocalypse porn to yourselves, weirdos!

[@teresathayn5170]

Speak for yourself! With every scary thing going on I'm more determined to LIVE my life to the fullest!! Just started my dream job!! I love everyone and am working and voting for the best outcome for us all!! ;)

[@Marshall_Stacks]

@Armed baby You could just deal with your own situation and save the rest of us from your posts going forward....

[@Marijuanifornia]

I want to fight the leader of the Proud Boys.

[@AlwaysANemesis]

Whatever you're paying that kid for his readings, it will never be enough.

[@at0micbunnygirl]

Omg, Stephen, you had me in stitches! Funniest monologue in a while. I nearly lost my breath laughing so hard. 👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣

[@11cabadger]

This wasn't a rock'em-sock'em monologue but I enjoyed it immensely. (Those marsupials in a bus were so darn cute.) Thanks, Stephen (and 7-year-old boy)❣️

[@allisonjames2923]

So frickin evil that people bomb a zoo FFS 🤬

[@11cabadger]

@@allisonjames2923 love your hedgehog, Allison❣️

[@pefo1674]

@@allisonjames2923 They´re Russians (Putin) so why expect anything else ?

[@allisonjames2923]

@@11cabadger They’re the cutest aren’t they? Wish I could actually have a hedgie friend but we have echidnas in my country instead. They’re super cute too but very big & shy

[@allisonjames2923]

@@pefo1674 Putin yes. I’m sure he tortures small animals for breakfast entertainment after poisoning his latest rival or person who p’s him off. But most Russians are just ordinary people & like animals too. Even the ones forced to be or who choose to be soldiers. It’s bad enough making war on civilian shelters, but I guess then they use the excuse that the civilians are fighting back. But animals? That’s just plain evil!

[@nigelsenchez]

I highly doubt Trumpet would use the word whereupon.

[@bsusak09]

Literally the way Trump talks about his hole in one is EXACTLY the same way Kim Jong-Un talks about himself. It's identical.

[@Deckzwabber]

They may have had the same teacher

[@samcahoon7078]

I you took a shot every time Colbert calls the former president stupid you would be passed out drunk before the two minute mark 😅😂

[@rohitr9400]

Trump calling himself modest. Now I've seen everything.

[@Foolish188]

April Fool!

[@MrPhotodoc]

Unfortunately we ain't seen nothing yet.

[@divine1052]

😂🤣

[@stevewebber707]

We haven't seen #45 behind bars yet. I'm hoping we get to see everything though.

[@quicktrip602]

Very Modest*

[@TimmyB1867]

even read by a kid I can't stand the former toddler in chief

[@thinkforyourself828]

Omg, best Orange Asshle jokes ever. That kid deserves an Oscar....wait, maybe not 🙄

[@liamnehren1054]

The funniest part: the seven year old was definitely speaking faster than trump and more clearly than trump ever could

[@fatgila2317]

Outstanding monologue Stephen! The Trump golf bit about his "hole in one" .... LMAO!!! Trump is such a looser!

[@mailasun]

*loser. “Loose” means “not tight”.

[@BD-uw1kq]

If he was any looser, he'd fall out of his own a$$, don't you think?

[@calvinbright3054]

Well, you can be sure none of his cult know about it because his "news release" was more than 280 characters. "I don't like to brag but I'm the bestest and most magnificent at cheating, lying, bankruptcy, fraud, treason, and whining in the whole wide world. No one can cheat at golf better than me. I'm the bigliest cheater at golf ever! Just ask my caddy, when gets back from retrieving my ball from the pond."

[@normalhuman1805]

The ruthless censoring of Cult45 never fails to make me laugh.

[@TreeCutterDoug]

I noticed long before he made note of it, and I am forever grateful. The call out for alternative, more accurate names, has paid out in spades!

[@adlih]

That was hilarious reading from that awesome kid! I was laughing so hard! 😂

[@athenak4666]

Loved the kid doing Trump's voice!😊 Excellent!👏🏽

[@NewMessage]

"After a box of Munchkins' and a frozen Mocha Coolaltta... I'm not running anywhere." After about 20 minutes you'll be running alright... and praying you make it in time to save your new pants.

[@SRowntree]

That kid deserves an Emmy

[@kendallstark4302]

Goddamn, that has to be THE greatest monologue Stephen and his writers have come out with in a while. And please, that kid deserves *major* props.

[@beez1717]

It's actually refreshing to hear T**** talk about golf instead of pretending to not know what burner phones are.

[@cherylmccloud8709]

Never disappointing SC- clever, intelligent & witty & PATRIOTIC!👏👏*You guys always need a good laugh @the disUnited State of America.(👋🇺🇸-from your PALS in 🇭🇲!!❤)

[@MrPhotodoc]

I too had a minor stroke from laughing so hard at this one. Thanks, I needed that?

[@rohieram724]

The world is laughing, folks! So am I, until my face hurt.

[@MrCsifan55]

That child deserves an award. 🤣🤣😂