Friends Girlfriend Insulted Me Whilst She Was Having A Panic Attack So I Threw Her Out r/AITA

[@devlyn873]

Story 1: "I don't like your last name, get out of your house" wtf. Also that sounded less like a panic attack than it does a drama queen attack.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Exactly. People call everything a panic attack these days. That was NOT a panic attack.

[@TotalleeLee]

@@SilverstreamPJ28 kicking, screaming, heavy breathing, over reacting, and overall _panicking_ isn’t a panic attack?

[@pequenaesposa3286]

@@TotalleeLee anyone who has had a panic attack will want to leave the situation, panic attacks tend to get worse when people are there and are embarrassing to be having. So yeah it really seems like it was fake cuz if she was having something on par with a severe seizure in terms of distress to the body and brain (science✨) she wouldn't want to make it worse. Also connections to great relatives are always short lived and because of the other actions she's pulled I HIGHLY doubt she even knew her great aunt and just likes the attention.

[@messinalyle4030]

@@pequenaesposa3286 It even said that the murder happened before any of them were born. So no, it doesn't sound like she ever did meet her great aunt. How the hell can the circumstances around the death of a relative you never even met cause you to develop a panic disorder? *Many* people have great aunts or uncles that they have never met.

[@pequenaesposa3286]

@@messinalyle4030 reread my comment cuz I'm confused as to why you are trying to argue against my point when I made the points you just made...

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 1: I really dislike Pam for multiple reasons. 1. She accuses someone of being a killer without knowing them, 2. She's unreasonable. It's a name! 3. When you have a panic attack, YOU leave the situation. You don't get to demand that other people leave to make you comfortable, especially not in their own house. Pam needs to get into therapy and grow up.

[@theundone777]

This! And anyone who has had a panic attack knows that you WANT to leave when you are having one. Very odd behavior for someone having a panic attack, in my experience.

[@jamiewulfyr4607]

Absolutely.Anyone I've seen have a panic attack wants to get to somewhere private away from people as soon as possible. It sounds like Pam wanted an audience to view her reaction.

[@pequenaesposa3286]

Also, a great aunt? Sorry but highly doubt her great aunt was close to her because of how entitled she is, it really seems like an excuse to cover up a personality disorder cuz in my experience people who have panic attacks have way more empathy and understanding as humans cuz of the issues they go through. Also fun fact, we all know this but science actually proved that people who go through hard ships or trauma tend to be more empathetic and kind because of that trauma so... Character development lol :)

[@somedragonbastard]

Whenever I have panic attacks, I want to hide and get somewhere familiar and small. Not a stranger's house that I've decided is also the house of a murderer because of a distant relation. I doubt she was having a panic attack

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

@@somedragonbastard - She was having a "Pay Attention To Me" attack.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: she's very conscious and mean during that "panic attack", I call it being a drama queen. Edit: last actual panic attack I had, I thought I was dying because I felt severe heart pain and tingling. I also couldn't speak, scream, walk or whatever tf that girl was doing. I legitimately thought I was dying.

[@thecoolgrandma7208]

Same for my family members with panic attacks, they all say they felt like they were literally dying and would hyperventilate. She was just being a drama Queen. Pam was even younger than OP and his friends who weren't born at the time of the murders. So just how much can her Aunt's death really have traumatized Pam to cause her to be this ridiculous. Hope Nick is a very patient person because she is very high maintenance.

[@clairebear-96]

Lmaooo the image of someone introducing himself to someone else and her immediately dropping to her knees and shrieking is pretty funny ngl

[@kwesisalmon2282]

The way she made it sound would be like Freddy Krueger or Michael Myers introducing themselves to her. Yeah. She needs a lot of psychotherapy. That’s not a healthy way to respond to a name.

[@uma4158]

Wait till she meets a John Smith

[@hollowdonte]

It's a power you can't earn normally but God damn it I want it

[@itsjustme7487]

As long as I'm not the one being screamed at, it could be funny several days later

[@mikea491]

hehe

[@srkh8966]

Story 1: So, Nick knew Pam’s aunt had been murdered by this serial killer, knew she was super sensitive, AND brought her to OP’s house knowing his last name? Nick set this up

[@Chuckf66]

Great aunt. Hardly a close relative.

[@eggusplantus1692]

Nick also knew that OP‘s relative was an active killer decades ago, before most of them were even born. So if her aunt was a victim there’s a very slim chance Pam remembers meeting her great aunt (if she ever did meet her)

[@royal_stray7734]

He could have probably though it through also who uses their full legal name when introducing themselves to a new friend or a friend's gf? It's not a business meeting

[@lilolmecj]

@@royal_stray7734fifteen years ago practically everyone said at least first and last name when being introduced.

[@One.DeSanctis.]

​@lilolmecj who doesn't introduce themselves with their first name, last name and a firm handshake? I do not trust someone with a limp handshake or who withholds their last name. Sketchy

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 I've heard this. She would've searched his whole house to look any evidence. Of anything. To demand that he leaves his own house. The audacity. If anything they should've apologized to Op.

[@songohan3321]

The friend Nick brought the girl to OP'S house knowing her condition. Then instead of taking her away, he told OP to leave his own house. But another thing to note is Nick knew OP'S last name. Nick should have told his girlfriend before hand instead of her meeting OP like this. OP really need to think about having this guy around.

[@pansprayers]

Pam works herself up for the attention, at the minimum. The crime happened decades ago, and unless she's reincarnated, she likely never met the aunt. She likely saw the attention that those around her got, and latched onto it.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@pansprayers agreed, and even if the attacks are real then that means she needs serious medical attention because she shouldn't be reacting that way from a name alone. I agree above as well, she would've snooped the whole house and possibly broken and stolen things, and she also would have managed to suddenly get worked up again if OP talked about coming home, OP would not be allowed in his house again until she decided she wanted to leave whether that be an hour or days later. I think he should just cut Nick out of his life and any friend who thinks he was wrong and demands he apologize and if he doesn't already he should get security cameras with night vision and audio inside and outside all over his home because I wouldn't be surprised if Pam tries to get revenge on him for kicking her out and being related to a murderer. Maybe I'm reaching, but I've heard so many damn wild stories on Reddit of people doing shit like that, that I just wouldn't chance it.

[@LamisonJamison]

@@GabrielleHayes1921 I wouldn't be surprised if she tried pressing charged for assault cause she seems completely irrational and draws conclusions out of thin air. I'm sure the actual name wasn't the motherload of all names and nobody else had or ever will have the same last name. If she goes full panic mode from a name then I agree she needs serious therapy. But she probably likes the attention so she will intentionally cripple herself just for comfort cause its so hard being related to a victim she probably never met.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@LamisonJamison I could see her going to "apologize" but insisting she does it alone so there's only the poor helpless girls word against a big strong man who's related to a serial killer and has been seen kicking her out while she was having a panic attack and yelling at her so she can press charges against him. He really needs a good security system with cameras. Attention seekers alone go to crazy ass acts for more attention and right now he's the perfect victim for her, and if she actually is that badly freaked out and needs medical help than it can be even worse. I could be wrong, but between loving True Crime and listening to so many Reddit stories.....I've learned risking it isn't a great idea.

[@phoenixsky6124]

Story 2- ‘his mother would never cheat us’ she hadn’t paid a cent yet. Keep your name on until it’s paid. That was the agreement, no new agreements.

[@robertx8020]

Exactly! She already 'cheated ' you! and why take 'your' name of the contract? Why can her other kids stay on it? I bet OP's BF is planning to leave him and does this as a 'final goodbye' But to be fair, it was a stupid thing to give ALL of your savings away! Give her half of it? maybe! Btw so she couldn't pay rent but she WAS going to pay you back? sure! By taking in to your BF she showed you how much you can trust her!

[@ilbercgross4736]

I am thinking he is planning a divorce. OP needs to protect herself.

[@ronaldbowers2240]

Tell hubby that she will take her name off moms house when she gets back her share of the down payment

[@erickaennis2738]

Mil is trying to cheat you. When you get your 99k, then take your name off the house. Husband and mil can kick rocks. NTA.

[@erickaennis2738]

​@@ilbercgross4736 Wouldn't surprise me.

[@HackiePuffs]

Story 1: NTA. Panic attacks don’t excuse you from being rude to people. Something I’ve been trying to work on since being back at in person school is not letting other people freak me out every time they cough or sniffle or say they’re a little sick. I know that’s on me. If she has a problem she needs to manage it herself it’s not fair to expect everyone to bend over backwards for her.

[@aikikaname6508]

Exactly! And even if she WAS completely out of it at that time, she should be able to look back on her actions and apologise to OP. The fact she’s doubling down and demanding an apology shows she sees no issue with her behaviour

[@twilightsparkle75]

10 or so years ago i used to have severe panic attacks quite often due to a lot of shit going on id start hyperventilating and wheezing all the air from my lungs and shaking and couldnt handle existing. i wouldnt scream at everyone to leave the class i would leave the room and go outside to have my freaking. and im in pretty much the same as this woman, my uncle was murdered when i was a month or so old and all the trauma seeped into my infant mind from the turmoil my parents went through around me. except he was found in 27 different graves..... this doesnt give me an excuse to treat others like shit just like it doesnt give her that excuse.

[@songohan3321]

Actually, the word for this story is Entitled. Only an entitled person would make a home owner leave their own home like that.

[@Ambidexter143]

Who, as a guest, orders someone away from their own home? That part makes no sense. If Pam is having a attack then she and her BF should be the ones to leave. NTA.

[@robertx8020]

I might understand it when she behaved that way DURING the panic attack (IF the panic was real and not a way to seek attention) but AFTER the fact she still wouldn't let go? NEVER invite her back, speak to her and the same goes for your (former) friend!

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 1: NTA No house guest should ever ask the homeowner to leave their house because the guest has taken offense for something. As someone who has panic attacks if I had a panic attack in someone's home with other guests my first instinct would be making my way outside and possibly grabbing a close friend to accompany me, no matter how felt about the house or the homeowner. This girl may have had a panic attack but no matter what everything that was said and done after the initial shock was for attention. Bin her!

[@pequenaesposa3286]

It really feels like she just likes the attention, really? A great aunt? Doubt you've even met her honey, and the fact that what she described after was the opposite of how to real with a panic attack on top of her complete lack of empathy and understanding to the situation makes me feel like she just faked the whole thing and had a personality disorder

[@robertbishop5158]

And anyone taking her side isn't a friend JFC they need to go also

[@bautistalover]

She wasn’t having a panic attack she was sympathy farming. As OP said she more than likely never even met her aunt to being affected by her death like that is absolutely ridiculous.

[@toriibarlow]

@@pequenaesposa3286 a great aunt is only the sibling of your grandparent. So relationship-wise it's really not that far. I was very very close to my great aunt before she passed away and is one of the main deaths that still impact me greatly. In fact many of my great aunts and uncles are still alive today. The only reason I could think of Pam having not met the great aunt would be if she was killed before Pam was born. But that doesn't mean it's impossible for someone to know their great aunt

[@itsjustme7487]

OP is NOT the AH. Pam and her friend should have left the apartment. Her behavior was poor and so was her friends.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The 58 yr old dad is a POS, he literally said he didn't want another baby. He blamed his wife like she got pregnant by herself. She moved away to decrease his stress and got a better life, he is jealous and completely horrible. Definitely testify but on Laura's behalf. Do not wait, do it now. Your dad is despicable, I would not want him to ever talk to me again.

[@songohan3321]

That dad brought this on himself. So many things that he could have done and he did none of them. PS: He agrees to something and then lies about it to make himself look better. Yep that sounds about right considering this POS.

[@kennethsjvold9212]

So that she baby trapped him isnt a problem here?? Wtf

[@josiesan3744]

Is the predictable control freak upset she move on instead putting up with him.

[@leyann8499]

A 58 yo that doesn't use a condon? '(I can't feel it as good)', -a personal, true quote. How bout a vasectomy after the last kid, in his married life? Ohhhh nooooo, 'not that! It might hurt!'.Yes, his a POS & U R- NTA!

[@ginathecookie]

@@kennethsjvold9212 Theres steps to avoid getting pregnant one is a vesecomty, another is abstaining those two options the most effective how did she baby trap him if she thought she was infertile? there was a super low chance.

[@rylashadow18]

That first one I feel sorry for. That toxic lady was looking for attention and validation. What she got was the boot. Tell anyone that agrees with her views that they can join her on taking an exit out of your life. You don't have time for attention seeking self centered life absorbing sponges. I hope the days treating you all kindly. All the best to you all

[@ChrisAndCats]

He spoke to her in a very callous way after she said her relative was a victim. I go with ESH here including the friend who likely knew both scenarios.

[@riceracm]

7:41 So she “couldn’t believe he would take her to a murderer’s house,” but she wanted to then _be left unsupervised_ in said murder house? I’m just not getting _why_ they would want the owner to leave so they can be alone in “such a horrifying place…” ? 🧐

[@faetherflight3453]

You aren't in a logical headspace when having a panic attack. I'm not excusing her behaviour - she was out of line to insult the OP and demand he leaves his own house - but you can't as a third person perspective go looking for logical flaws in their panicked thinking, because by definition they are not thinking logically. I don't get why she'd want to be in "the murderer's house" either, but I'm not in her brain, you know? Again - doesn't excuse the way she treated the OP. I just think we can criticize her actions without criticizing her thought processes. It wouldn't be a panic attack if it made sense.

[@vergorance]

@@faetherflight3453 she seemed like she knew what she was doing as she managed to explain the problem and then insult somebody the second they leave the room.

[@riceracm]

@@faetherflight3453 I wasn’t trying to diminish her panic attack; I absolutely know they aren’t logical, but when you’re feeling them, logic doesn’t matter. I was just trying to understand the thought process she had at the time, like genuine curiosity. Whether it was logical or not, I just wanted to know what she was thinking 💭

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Or why would she be so antagonizing towards the supposed murderer….

[@aikikaname6508]

Story 2: 1. Never EVER EVER lend to friends family more than you’d be comfortable never seeing again 2. Always have a written contract for larger amounts of money (which can be anything thousands or hundreds depending on income). Did daytime judges teach us anything?

[@AndyyWithAY]

There is zero reason for OP to be removed. She is trying to cheat them, and she hasn't repaid the loan. You are right OP, do not be a doormat. NTA>

[@misscat6055]

In my head my immediate thought was hubby's gonna divorce op and didn't want to be tied to her through his mom's house and possibly wanted to screw her over (I know some people like to be asshole just because they can be). But that's me.

[@user-mc5vy2vk5n]

@@misscat6055 was looking for comment like yours! Literally my first thought was that he wabts to split up with her, maybe is even cheating on her and wants to boot her out of documents to screw her over additionally, to have less stuff which needs then to be divided between them while divorcing, yk.

[@carolemoores2480]

Yep, thought the exact same!

[@Nortarachanges]

There’s an update. She put her foot down about keeping her name on the deed and they’ve both backed off. She says they’re not divorcing. It was an edit about a month later, so no news on repayment or anything else except brother in law doings

[@louellacharlton4425]

What I would like to know is" why was dry cleaning in regular laundry"? I've never put my dry cleaning in with regular wash especially if SO is doing it to help! That's just asking for trouble. Sooooo I'd say he's only liable for half the cost of dress. ESH

[@testtickles7648]

Story 2: sounds like OP should start getting their individual and shared assets together and look for a divorce lawyer. Not saying "divorce him"! It sounds like husband may be planning divorce and wanting OPs name off his mom's property to prevent any legalities involved there.

[@aikikaname6508]

Snap didn’t even think about that because that’s a possibility. I hope OP has some texts saved

[@misscat6055]

I agree with you, I had that same thought with ops husband

[@lancerevell5979]

OP, put a lien on that property. Get a lawyer involved. Verbal contracts can be binding.

[@testtickles7648]

@@lancerevell5979 Yes as long as there is proof like texts or emails or something or the other party admits to it.

[@fytrndm]

Hahah! That thought crossed my mind as well. Why was he so insistent to remove _her_ name when she paid the share as well?

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA first: why is Laura's fault that despite what she'd been told(and her age) he didn't take steps to protect himself? He should have worn a condom or gotten snipped if he wanted to make damn sure he didn't have more kids. OP has no obligation to testify and said no for the right reasons. Dad brought it upon himself and acted really badly the whole time. Dad can't have it both ways. OP should testify for Laura Edit: why drag it out? Just testify at the first hearing so that maybe an appeal can be nipped in the bud? That just seems like extra work for no reason.

[@erickaennis2738]

Agreed. You don't want kids, get a vasectomy. Dad is a rolling stone. What is an ass. Lol!

[@erickaennis2738]

Also, sounds like the dad wants to continue sleeping with Laura when he wants. This is about control. Not about the kids. I've seen this with friends in real time.

[@1Katakana]

The 1st story. I'm with you regarding OP's friend. He should have warn both his gf and op before hand. Instead he just dropped her into a situation that would trigger a panick attack, and just let his gf rant/scream while expecting OP to cater to them/just take everything thrown at his face. He doesn't get to demand that OP apologices when he's the one who put him in this situation and is fine with his gf unjustfully taking out her fears/anger on a innocent stranger. So both the friend and the gf are the AH.

[@ellellim]

story one, from what OP described, it didn't sound like a panic attack... it sounded like she saw an opportunity to break up a friendship. I haven't heard of someone having a panic attack and still being able to argue eloquently about the trigger.

[@TheNormExperience]

“It turns out she has a fear of serial killers.” I mean...to be fair, doesn’t everyone??? Her literally falling down unable to breathe panic attack makes it seem more like this is a phobia of hers than a normal fear. Also, if she is having a full on panic attack wouldn’t the best thing to do be to remove her from this foreign place with lots of people to somewhere she feels safer? Not stay!

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: NTA. Having a panic attack doesn’t excuse her for being rude. 1) it’s your house and she wants you to leave? 2) you can’t control your genetics and it’s not like you knew your relative, you weren’t being born when it happened. Story 2: NTA. You’re only keeping your name on the deed until she pays you back. You told her that it’s a loan, not a gift. But you should have gotten it in writing ✍️. Story 3: NTA. You can testify against him. Op, your father didn’t want anymore kids and verbally abused them. Now he wants to be the fun parent.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 2: The mother is already cheating OP and getting her sons in on it. OP needs to stand firm and say she will only sign after she is repaid her portion of the loan. The husband clearly considers his portion to be a gift to his mother and that's fine, but he doesn't get to steal from his wife to fund his mother's lifestyle.

[@sammieh9695]

My question is how much was this house her children funded for her? 90k from the 1 son and OP plus whatever she got from the others and she still has debts on it? Oh hell no! She's cheating her children and their spouses to fund her lavish lifestyle

[@AndyyWithAY]

A lot of people introduce themselves by full name at least where I live. I do not, but that's just because I'm not crazy about my last name. It's not a weird thing at all.

[@taviabaldwin265]

That sounds pretentious Nobody under realistic expectations is gonna introduce them with their full name impress it's within professional settings

[@flamelily2086]

I was taught it was correct to introduce yourself by your full name if you were meeting someone for the first time. There is nothing pretentious about it.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@taviabaldwin265 it’s probably a cultural thing. Different areas have different norms. Just bc it’s perceived as pretentious where you live, doesn’t mean that’s the case everywhere.

[@scifiwriter6092]

I agree. Think of James Bond. He always introduced himself as Bond....James Bond. LOL

[@Confession68]

@@scifiwriter6092 lol, nice.

[@kimmurphy6621]

Story 1- NTA. Even if the panic attack made her irrational, after the fact she surely knew she behaved badly. The bf is enabling her and handled it badly. The fact the bf knew about her family history and OPs history, he should have talked to her ahead of time. This is all on him imo.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Last story OP sounds like a gaslighter. He literally said “it’s not my fault because I only did what you told me to do” She didn’t tell you to ruin her dress, but you did ruin it and even by accident a real person pays up.

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

lol, yeah, that one had me laughing and seeing red. Does he seriously think saying "It was an accident!" absolves him of all responsibility?? "Yes officer, I know I rear-ended her car and totaled it, but's not my fault! You told me to drive forward, so I was driving forward! How can you penalize me for doing what you asked?? Besides, it's not like I hit her on purpose, you can't expect me to pay for something that was done on accident. I mean, would you pay for every window you accidentally broke while playing outside??" Yessssss, I'm sure that will go over splendidly in court. This guy is an asshole, I'm willing to bet my left nut that he KNEW this would ruin the dress (like he actually knows how to do laundry), but he didn't like this dress/thought it was "too revealing", and this was his way of "accidentally" getting rid of the dress while being inordinately obtuse about making this right.

[@killerdiek800]

@@Original_Tenshi_Chan OP is definitely at fault but I’m a little iffy on who’s responsible. Your analogy is grossly inaccurate because it assumes negligence on behalf of the person who caused the accident. The way the story is written, it sounds like the dress was mixed in with everything else and OP was not made aware that the dress had special requirements to be washed. As for why he didn’t read the label, who reads every label? Should he have known better, yes, but the GF should certainly keep her clothes separate next time. I think a better analogy would be one of washing glasses. The GF puts a single crystal glass amongst several regular glasses and asks the BF to do the dishes. The BF does the dishes unaware of the special instructions for the crystal glass and puts them all in the dishwasher. The crystal glass is ruined by the dishwasher, who’s responsible? The person who did the task they were tasked with doing or the person who told them to without informing them of the special outlier? Just because it was their direct actions that caused it the negligence of the other created the situation. Now I still think OP should at least pay half but people seem a little quick to absolve the GF of any responsibility with little skepticism and you seem to take it a step further by making wild, inaccurate accusations based on a single act of incompetence which is just gross.

[@cupcak3ninja209]

Did she put her dry clean only dress in the same dirty laundry pile as her machine wash clothes and expect a Man to read every label or even know how to wash a dress? That’s her fault tbh

[@Senehauz]

either that or he's doing the incompedance. "look honey, when you ask me to do laundry, your dresses get ruined. Guess you're gonna have to do it from now on."

[@arthurvasey]

My second youngest sister had an imitation sheepskin coat - she went out somewhere in lousy weather and it got caked in mud after it got splashed by a passing car driving through a puddle - the cleaning instructions said DRY CLEAN ONLY - DO NOT WASH - my sister got my mother to stick it in the twin tub - mam wouldn’t get a proper washer - “All that soapy water going down the drain” - of course, the fake fur all came off - my sister tried to lay the blame on mam - but no matter what temperature you wash it at, a coat that can only be dry-cleaned either won’t clean properly in anything less than a hot wash and will ruin if put in a hot wash!

[@victoriapyles7752]

Story 1: NTA. Mental illness and panic attacks do not excuse you from being an awful person or that you’re free from consequences from your actions. Also what an awful friend that he just lets his girlfriend insult them??

[@cascadianrangers728]

If someone ever tries to reassure you that somebody won't steal from you, it means they are working together with the person they mentioned to steal from you.

[@FlamesofJagger]

Story 1: Warmage1 had the right of it. There is no world in which OP is in the wrong just for their name or is it right to accuse someone of something that has nothing to do with you directly in YOUR OWN house.

[@irisleli5151]

Story 1 nta and she is an ah, however the real big ah is nick for me. He knows she has a fear of serial killer that might cause panic attacks since he knew how to react, he might not know about the great grandmother story but he knew op's last name,and he still took her there without warning her of the last name, and he wanted op to leave

[@pansprayers]

Testify for Laura, otherwise you'd be purgering yourself for a 58 year old monster who abducts a toddler, in an effort to control his ex.

[@jaymel4691]

Story 1- Did anyone else notice that Pam waited for OP to repeat his name, THEN had a panic attack? If she was going to have a panic attack, wouldn't it have happened as soon as she heard the name the first time? Also, couldn't the friend have called OP before the game night and mentioned his GF's fears, and asked if it was OK for him to give her a heads up so she can decide if she even wants to go? And if her panic attacks are this severe, she needs more therapy. Having panic attacks or any other mental illness does not mean you get to be a jerk to other people. NTA.

[@TemporalOnline]

About the dress story (4)... did she tell him there was a dress among the laundry that couldn't be washed except with different settings of the rest of the laundry? Also, did she ASK HIM to do the laundry? If she asked him to do the laundry, and DIDN'T TELL HIM about the dress, at ALL, even _en_ _passant_ , then SHE is the AH. Now, if she DIDN'T ASK him to do the laundry, or if she did, she told him about the dress in ANY fashion, then he is the AH and needs to pay the dress. Now, there is a third option: They live together, and it is common courtesy to see laundry and put all in the machine to be washed. It is implied that what is in the laundry is to be washed, BUT, sometimes I use my reciclabe trash bin as a temporary holder for things I might have use in the future as scraps of metal, plastics, flasks, etc, maybe she does the same for the laundry basket, (but in my case if someone throws away the whole trash bin I don't care a lot but in her case she does). If this 👆 is the case, then a compromise is to be reached and each party needs to pay just part of the damages, like 50/50. This is my conclusion.

[@maxximumrockatansky7186]

1st story - NTA, if you're panicking over a name, you should remove *yourself* from a situation, not ask someone to leave thier own home. Or at the very least, have your grounding person/ partner help remove you.

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 1: Just an anecdote related to the sentiment one commenter made abotu siblings being different, when I was a child, I had a teacher who had abusive old-fashioned forms of punishment, and likely a grudge against me because of clashes with my mother. That teacher likely caused life-long problems that I don't fully know the effects. However, a few years later, in my teens, his younger brother spent a year at my church and turned out to be a super nice guy. So I support the sentiment about relatives being different.

[@RevWarRev]

Story 1: So OP has the same last name! Doesn't matter that he's related; she didn't know that. 'Pam' may be unhinged by her Aunt's murder, but that's no excuse for 'Pam's' behavior or his friend jumping all over OP. NTA - gotta wonder if it was a panic attack or attention seeking.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA and I totally disagree rhatbthey "did the right thing" by helping her. You NEVER buy a house with anyone but a spouse as there are not good laws to protect people in that situation. I'm really concerned that hubby wants her not off so badly, but not his. It sounds like he's planning big moves and OP would be dumb to take it off. MIL owes her a significant amount of money and OP's equity in that house is the only guarantee that she'll get it.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Yep…I smell divorce as soon as she signs off!

[@WhitneyDahlin]

The second story I believe that the mother has no intention of ever paying them back and that her son knows it and that's why they're trying so hard to get her name off of the deed. She would have no right to complain if she willingly takes her name off that house without being paid her half of the $90,000. Was really hoping there would be an update on that story. I always worry when there's no update that the reason there's no update is because the person disagreed with Reddit and made the bad decision everyone at read it was telling them not to make and that's why they never update.

[@libbythememer9107]

I think it would be more on the case that it would be a lengthy legality battle against her and her husband's family.

[@Mewse1203]

I feel like hubby is planning big moves against OP. Why take her name off byt not his if that's how he feels? Sounds like they're going to rob OP after a divorce.

[@laica01]

What I actually think is that the MIL has told both her sons that she wants to leave them the house in her will but can't since a 1/4 is of OP and the husband was told to convince her. Regarding the update it would depend how old is the story, if it is only a few day, well maybe nothing has happen?

[@Mewse1203]

@@laica01 it's actually quite funny if she's using that argument because she'd only be leaving her stake in the house in her will. They technically own 1/4 each right? So she's got them thinking it's her house and she can't leave it to them with OP on the deeds, but really she'd only be leaving her quarter which she can do anyway. That'd just leave each son with 3/8 of the house and OP 1/4 still. Dumbdumb dumbdumb dumb

[@pippo17173]

Posts with no updates worries me because seeing post about op getting possibly screwed for life is so heartbreaking or worst. I still remember one post where I swear op found evidence of her husband being a killer and we never got a update and it even got deleted.

[@mangoshateu361]

Story 2 : I think it’s interesting that the mom only showed up after op and her husband were considering to move.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA and she was being a bit extra trying to kick him out of his house to manage her panic attack. Then to put the bad actions of the murderer onto OP is even worse. She was being incredibly rude for no reason. We are not our worst family member. If that was the case, I'd be a murderer twice over as my brother killed several people and my stepbrother murdered another separate person. I saw the story while reading through and knew I had to make sure Mark saw it. It's such a crazy story and hit me close to home because I wouldn't want to be associated like that with my own brothers, let alone a distant relative.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Last story: going against the grain here and siding with OP. if a garment is so expensive, and requires being taken to the dry cleaners, why is it in the basket/hamper with regular laundry? Growing up, we had a special bag that such items were folded and put into, and they were never put with items that go into the washer. That is all on OP's GF for just throwing it in the basket.

[@jennysmith38]

I was thinking the exact same thing. I never ever put anything in the laundry, unless it can go into the washing machine. Why didn't she take it to the drycleaners, instead of putting it with all of the washing in the laundry.

[@laica01]

We don't know how the clothes got there, only that he put them in the washing machine. It could be that the dress was next to the hamper and he just took it, when he went for the basket of clothes, thinking that it was also for washing. And then we know the rest of the story. I have to said what surprise me is that this guy clearly don't know how to do laundry, for me there is really no excuse, you should always read the labels and make sure you aren't threw something that needs dry-clean to the washing machine, it takes like 2 seconds to read the labels.

[@myopiniondoesntmatterh9073]

I was wondering the same thing. Most people use a basket or hamper or something similar to put dirty clothes in to be washed. So unless she put the dress in with other clothes to be washed or left it on the floor or somewhere it would be easy for OP to assume it was laundry to pick up with the rest, how did he manage to get it to the washing machine in the first place? If I'm not doing my own laundry, I take extra care to make sure dry clean only items can't end up in the washing machine. So I think at least some of the blame has to be on her.

[@bncain]

I’m actually with you on this. My husband typically does the laundry in our house so if I have a dress or shirt that know doesn’t go in the washing machine I don’t put it in our machine wash stuff or if it can be machine washed but his to be washed separate I wash it.

[@mogulmade]

I throw everything in there and sort on laundry day.

[@jennywhite2462]

The murder house love it. The balls of Pam throwing someone out of there own home. I have had panic attacks they are terrible but I am responsible for my own mental health and removing myself from the situation causing it. I certainly wouldn't expect someone to leave their own house to accommodate me.

[@Oldtimeypistolero]

That’s crazy. The fact he almost left his own house means he’s the doormat of the group.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 4: ESH They should just do their own chores if they are concerned about damaging each other's items. Last I checked dishes can be pretty pricey when added up and by the sound of it OP's GF breaks dishes with some regularity. OP could've been paying more attention to doing the laundry however it seems like his GF didn't give instructions on how to handle any specific garment yet she acts like he should've known better. I don't think any money should pass hands until there is an agreement in place on how to handle future situations like this and how to avoid them.

[@Finallyflowered]

Yeah I agree, I'm surprised everyone said YTA. I'm a girl and If I had asked my BF to do my laundry and had a new expense dry clean only dress in there I would have said something about it. Also I think it's weird she put a dry clean only item in with regular wash stuff. If I was him I would buy the new dress and then never do her laundry again.

[@crazyminegamer2339]

I personally think he should still pay for the dress since he was the one who broke it. However, that’s just because if I was the girlfriend and did break any plates I would pay for them. After all, not only is having broken plates something that would effect me, but it’s also something that would effect my boyfriend. However, were I the girlfriend, I probably wouldn’t want him doing the laundry anymore since I’d always be worried about a repeat of this issue. So yeah, they both sound like assholes and I can’t imagine this relationship lasting very long.

[@Grace_x68]

​@@Finallyflowered agree but will also kick her out for the "not talking" part. That's so manipulative

[@turtleduck2085]

Story 3: "...he has gone to Leo's daycare, taken Leo and just left without her knowing." Given that she does not always know when she is going to see Leo again when his father does this, if they were in the US, this could be considered kidnapping. Story 4: This is why you read the washing instructions on the tag. If you are unsure, set it aside. It can always be washed later.

[@greytala]

S1: I suffer from panic attacks that present as a seizure. I could never be rude during a panic attack, because I’m too busy flopping around like a fish out of water.

[@ComaLies225]

Story 1: I may sound like an ahole here but I think Pam was just being overly dramatic instead of having a panic attack. Granted I don’t know what goes on during panic attacks, but I don’t think it gives anyone an excuse to act entitled.

[@elaexplorer]

I do know what it's like and it sounds nothing like a real one.

[@unoriginalquote8132]

Panic attacks can vary heavily so you never really know what to expect. It could go either way in that one

[@vergorance]

i don’t think what she did could be called a panic attack, she was insulting the OP and even managed to speak a full sentence. whilst somehow being in a panic attack, not believable at all.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#3 - OP's dad is a piece of work; keeps having unprotected sex, or won't get himself fixed, and then gets mad when a woman gets pregnant. Does he not know how these things work? He wants all the Kodak moments (reflecting my age on that one) and on a whim as he's in the mood, but none of the responsibilities. OP needs to either distance and stay NC for now, or have a serious discussion with him that if he doesn't want the baby 24/7 (which he obs. didn't) then he needs to respect that Laura has a schedule and follow the damn thing! He is an idiot.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Story 2: as soon as you take your name off the deed, he will divorce you! You will knocked down to nothing to your name and homeless 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@fcold9402]

1. If someone's name panics you, it is up to you to leave their home, not the other way around. Anyone that says OP is wrong about not leaving his house is crazy. NTA.

[@TsukiKageTora]

She needs mental help if she calls a person a murderer because they have the same last name as a murderer that murdered her distant relative decades ago. Even if they are related (which she didn’t know before screaming her head off) doesn’t mean being a murderer is hereditary She needs help if a last name, common or not, scares her. She doesn’t need enabling. Especially by a friend that is trying to kick the host out to comfort a guest that was invited basically the last minute

[@Thatwhatshesaid98]

“Has a fear of serial killers” doesn’t….doesn’t everyone?

[@BunniesEatBananas]

S4 - NTA? I wish there was more info. Was the dress in the hamper? Or did OP pick it up from somewhere else assuming it was meant to be washed? Is it normal for them to have dry clean only clothes in with the regular laundry? I’m surprised everyone seemed to think OP was the ahole. If someone else did the laundry in my household I would definitely throw my dry clean only/hand wash stuff in a separate pile. Not expect them to memorize my wardrobe or read every label. That’s ridiculous.

[@supergeeky7529]

I have anxiety and deal with panic attacks. I am still in charge of my actions when I am panicking. I have zero right to kick someone out of their own home or insult them even if I am scared. NTA

[@JoC-mp6sf]

Last story, I’m going with ESH. Op screwed up the laundry by overloading the washer and not paying attention to what was going in. Laundry needs to be sorted into whites, lights, darks, hot wash, cold wash only. As for her, why would you drop a dress that expensive into general laundry? It should have gone into a separate bag to go to the dry cleaner. She does hold some responsibility for it’s loss. Op should pay for half of the dress at the very least.

[@jadedflames2809]

Story 3 replies from OP is hurting my head. OP does care but it feels like she's downplaying or excusing the dad's action. B O I

[@Deedoof]

Story 1: Most people with diagnosed panic disorder(myself included) want to remove themselves from the situation causing the issue. But instead she wanted to stay in the "murder house" and scream and be nasty; that doesn't present to me as anxiety. If the gf is legitimately struggling I empathize, but throwing a tantrum and claiming anxiety is poor form and makes the stigma of mental health worse.

[@laurahigdon9904]

That's not a panic attack that's a tantrum. A panic attack makes you actually feel like you need to get out you want to jump out of your skin and you think you're having a heart attack what she did was for drama sake only

[@nads3024]

Story one- If I thought there was the slightest chance someone was a murderer or violent, best believe I would not be hollering and screeching at him to get out. I’d make any kind of lame excuse and bolt out the door. I think the girl’s a drama queen who jumps at any slight opportunity to be the victim.

[@yef122]

"Working both sides of psycho street" in story 1 made me laugh so hard! 😅😆🤣😂

[@victoriaherndon6857]

So she can yell about how her boyfriend brought her to a serial killers house... but shes making no move to leave the house? Shes just gonna sit there screaming calling him a killer in his killer house with him telling them to gtfo? Yeah I call bs on this woman

[@DameNickum]

I have an anxiety disorder, and panic is part of it. I HAVE NEVER fallen to my knees screaming. It’s a fight or flight situation, and if I must I will move away as quickly as possible. Screaming on the floor, calling someone a murderer, demanding that the host leave the house, this is very, very atypical behavior. She needs some big meds, anxiolytics and heavy duty therapy. If she was in a life threatening position and she behaved like this? She’s dead, history, gone, puppy dust! NTA

[@PaladinGear15]

Story 1: The initial freakout was completely over the top and if she can't handle hearing a name without becoming completely hysterical, she's in desperate need of professional help. If she had called back and apologized for what she said, I wouldn't really have a problem with her, but the fact *they're* demanding an apology is absolutely ridiculous.

[@DarkDreamsAndMoonlitNights]

I had a panic attack in October. I couldn’t open my eyes, I couldn’t reach for my partner and I kept saying: “I’m sorry.” Her panic attack doesn’t sound like one.

[@isthataspider7410]

As someone with several types of anxiety, a panic attack doesn't include telling people to leave their own house and accuse someone of being a murderer for their name. Panic attacks can be immobalizing but she seems to conveniently be able to fully communicate and be an ass whilst screaming and flailing around. Not sure if I'd buy the act, but if it is really an attack she needs to go to a mental hospital.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

If OP in story 1 was a serial killer, would yelling at them and demand they leave really be a good and safe idea? “Working both sides of psycho street.” I’m stealing this lol

[@Grace_x68]

S4 OP should pay the GF for dress and kick her out. If my hubby do the laundry I will be so glad. She shouldn't put "delicate" dresses in the laundry bag.

[@farrahkhalid9138]

The husband gaslighting you will not honor a verbal agreement.

[@tartsonawire]

Story 1: NTA. The gf needs some serious help. If the friend knew she was that easily triggered, why didn't he talk to her beforehand?

[@beegee1960]

The ridiculous thing is that Pam screams at her boyfriend that he brought her to “a killer’s home,” but then she wants to stay in the home and demands OP leave. Wouldn’t you think that if she was so upset to be in that home, SHE would want to leave. I call question that her panic attack was genuine.

[@blacbamboo284]

Story 1: That doesn't sound like a panic attack. That sounds fkn staged. Either story is fake or her "attack" was deliberate.

[@nikkiwooden7876]

Story 2; (Assuming you live in the US) Verbal agreements can be legally binding. I'm sure it varies by state, but don't rule out taking her to court if you need to.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 2: Yes, you agreed to take your name off the documentation, when she paid you back. Cause and effect. I hope you signed rent-to-own paperwork for her house. If you still have a financial interest, which you do, they can try, but you'll prevail. Hubby needs to give his head a shake!

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 4. I can't give a verdict for one specific reason. I have a question that would sway me either way. How was this dress put aside to be washed? Was it just tossed in the hamper with everything else? If so, I'd argue that OP is not at fault. Myself, my wife, and everyone else I know put delicates and dry clean only items separate from our other wash. Specifically for this reason. I've ruined my own delicate clothes because I spaced out and put it in with my regular laundry, and washed them all together. Should we really expect OP to go through each piece of laundry to read the tags for wash instructions because his GF was careless and put it with the rest? Would she do the same with his laundry? However, if the GF did have it set aside and separate, then OP is definitely the asshole.

[@fgentry1148]

Al, h aid "he should have known" but most men don't know that stuff.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@fgentry1148 I'd like to think that more men know than you'd think, but you're probably right. Like any guy that owns at least one suit would probably know. But everyone I know that owns delicates keeps them in separate piles. My wife has accidentally ruined clothes because she accidentally put a delicate in the wrong pile and washed it with the normal wash. That's why I say if the GF/wife didn't have her dress separated from the rest, it's an honest mistake, and is more on her than him. My wife has quite a few dresses, some are delicate, some aren't. But she keeps them in separate hampers.

[@JRMAV1]

@@fgentry1148That’s no excuse though

[@starlingswallow]

Second story: the wife should tell the husband that, as soon as her portion of the cost of this condo, for the mother-in-law is paid back to her, then she will take her name off. It is not good business to take your name off of an investment when you still have money in the game! The fact that this husband is doing this is very very very suspicious.

[@Arylwren1]

Story 2: sounds like op hubby is lining a divorce and is trying to ensure op gets nothing back.

[@sammicunniam3992]

second story: I get the feeling only mil will be on the deed, but they can't give her the house secretly with OP on the deed. Last Story: Sorry but OP is not the AH. If the dress was unable to be put in a washing machine, it should have not have been with the other laundry. If the dress had specific wash instructions it should have been left to one side or she should have spoken to him about it. Girlfriend is at fault here.

[@sammicunniam3992]

@Kali Shaffer I know some people will say he should have checked the label, but honestly I don't always check the label when I do laundry especially when I'm in a rush. I have one dress that needs dry cleaning and it's never gone any where near my washing basket.

[@cookingkurry4384]

Im going to play devils advocate for the final story and say NTA, I have expensive dresses I would not have put it in the laundry like the rest of the clothes, that stuff goes into a dry-cleaning bag thing so the zipper would not snag, I mean it sucks to lose an expensive dress but what the heck is OP spose to do? That would of happened regardless if it was over flowed or not, it sucks to lose money on a barely worn dress but that's life, op is correct to compare this to dishes being broken cause a full set can pretty much cost the same amount too.

[@songohan3321]

I am sitting here trying to figure out how a person supposed to leave their own home because another person had a panic attack and that person does not own, rent, or live there called you a murderer because you are "related" to one through no fault of your own and no other reason whatsoever.

[@jenniferslack-smith5129]

I bet Nick told her your name and she had her little drama all planned.

[@CouncilEstateRach]

She loves it!!!!!!! Some people especially young women have some seriously messed up ideas.

[@MsAnimefan95]

If I were one of OP’s friends, I’d ban her from my house, too. Think about it: OP controls who comes into his house (despite what Nick and Pam think), but at other houses, she might start whining/demanding the host throw OP out for asinine reasons.

[@michaelwoods3651]

Story 1- NTA. It’s OP’s house. If she’s having a panic attack, she should leave! Then, she calls him a murderer?! Disrespectful and she needs HELP!

[@superwalkthourghnato]

A quote I heard from Pokemon of all things fits for story 4. "If you make a mistake and do not correct it, that is a second mistake."

[@andreavanhoof6047]

Story 4: YATA! I do not blame girlfriend for being pissed off!

[@bookgirl2]

Pam tried and succeeded to get Nick away from his friends. And if she was having a panic attack then Nick needed to take her butt home.

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

What is with the ABSOLUTE AUDACITY in the first two?!? First of all, the GALL to tell someone to leave THEIR house over your own issues! Bloody imagine! And the nerve of others to take their side! I’m sorry, do they pay the rent? No? Piss off and leave with them. And the second story joker. Op is part of the kindness to give MIL part of a loan, and husband wants to be jackass enough to try and get op’s name off the documents? Why? So she can’t get the money she’s owed? And he wants to be upset and call op paranoid because she’s not just going along with this crazy ass scam? The AUDACITY.

[@sandracox4341]

Calling someone a murderer because a distant relative murdered someone. 🤔🤦‍♀️😒 what a weirdo.

[@merykhan97]

As a medical professional who had a long internship in psych. The first story does not describe a panic attack. That young lady could very well have other psychological disorders but this here is not a panic attack (hence the need for professional diagnosis) I also find it hard to believe she developed this "fear" because of events that happened before she was even born. And the way she accused OP is beyond disrespectful. Grounds for a lawsuit in many places actually.

[@nashty31113]

"Room temperature IQ" 🤣🤣 absolute brilliant adjective

[@laurachowanski9933]

NTA Why would you throw an expensive, dry clean only dress in with the laundry? She should have taken the dress to a dry cleaner. She does not value her property if she so easily throws it in with the house laundry. Her mistake.

[@trentberry6968]

Nah I'm not leaving my house for anyone. Your friend needs to dump this drama magnet save himself sometime.

[@ansah412]

The last story, I see how op is TA but am I the only one thinking that if she wanted such an expensive dress to be drycleaned it shouldn't have been in the general laundry stuff??

[@ShatoraDragondore]

If the Washer and Dryer are newer (last 5 years or so) they would have a dry cleaning cycle pre programed or a a Dryell Kit that is vary easy to use at home. BF was rushing and made a 300 dollar fuck up because "If I do a bad job I won't be asked to do it again."

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

I was looking for this comment!

[@NottyAries]

Story 1: the friend Nick knew about her issues and not brought her around. I feel like everyone is ignoring this detail.

[@theresaschuebel5151]

Nick was stupid to take his freak of a girl to OP'S house and telling him to leave it is ridiculous. I had a grand aunt die in a horrible car crash in December of 1938. I don't freak out when I get in a car. That's ridiculous

[@cb9825]

In story 1 the girl was having a panic attack because she was invited to a "murderer's house". Why woud she want to stay there?🤨her first instinctual move should be to get out there immediately. She should be very relieved to leave the house.

[@RealSlendyBoi]

Is nobody reacting to story 4 going to acknowledge the fact that I don't think she told him about that expensive ass dress, and that it had to be washed specially and separately?

[@nkoistrash]

Story 1: i have some severe ptsd. I have been in therapy for it. When i get triggered. I excuse myself and calm myself down. Her behavior is so out of line, over the top, and so disrespectful. Like she really tried to kick him out of his own house, called him a murderer... even in my own panic attacks i never ever insult people when i need space. Wtf.

[@ipsitamazumdar4849]

It’s unbelievable how Laura, OP & all are still seeing redeeming qualities in the dad & still having feelings for him. Must be a very charismatic & charming narcissist, this person.

[@leelee7731]

Introducing yourself by your full name is proper behavior

[@josephtucker7181]

If the dress didn't need to be washed why did she put it in the laundry pile and not expect it to be washed in the washer. Just don't do her laundry again.

[@royal_stray7734]

Never heard of a panic attack where the person starts shrieking... Sounds more like she has other issues going on. Never the less poor guy tries to have a casual party only to get this mess.

[@carolrondou6161]

Her diagnosis is Axis I Drama Queen Axis II Attention Whore

[@HaleyJo1992]

Story 2: Fun fact, verbal agreements can still be legally binding.