Husband Is Angry At Me After I Told Him That He Emasculates Himself During An Argument r/AITA

[@ErdriedDeirdre]

1st story: Why did OP marry this guy? Wtf? I'm not even sure therapy would help.

[@pisforpearl]

because they had a kid.

[@Callimo]

@@pisforpearl Ouch, even that is NOT a reason! OP shoulda just stayed a single mom until she found someone way more compatible. Especially since OP's husband doesn't seem to be taking steps to change.

[@Toni_Snark]

That was my first reaction and question. How did she not know this about him? She’s an idiot for marrying him.

[@Cooper016]

Was thinking the exact same thing. Like knowing all she knew about this guy what in the hell was she thinkin to marry him.

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

Am I the only one slightly concerned that maybe OPs husband fucked with the birth control after reading the comments.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 2: I went and read the post (locked already and he only got 1 nta) he's delusional and he just kept digging his own grave! Apparently, he doesn't let her go to any school even if it falls on his time. He's kept her back from her dance recitals in previous years, is convinced she only doesn't answer his calls when she's with her mom because her mom must have blocked his number, and is constantly telling her how much he hates her mother how she's the manipulative and controlling one and she's just like her mother and that's why he has to punish her. I hope the court appointed psych sees right through his B.S. and at least enforces that he can't cancel extra curricular or school events anymore.

[@AcedVidz]

Eww what a creep

[@gypsygem9395]

Omg that poor girl

[@RuminatingRaptor]

That is so scary. If that was my child, I’d be back in court. At 14, she gets a say in who she wants to live with.

[@carolroberts4614]

He got one nta? That must be his equally horrible wife!

[@Passions5555]

Do you have a link to the story?

[@jameslyons6655]

Story one. Holy crap. My wife is an incredibly handy woman. She can lay cement, hang ceilings, do plumbing, drywall, refinish floors….just about everything and the quality of her work is what you would expect from a high price contractor. Mind you, she doesn’t even do that for a living as she is a finance executive. I’m am not the handiest guy in the world. When the kids were young she would handle most of the “masculine” work while I would do most of the cooking, ironing (nobody irons better than me) and if your stuffed animal gets ripped I am the go to guy. Whatever works. The truth of the matter is that there is no woman’s work or men’s work. Just get something done. I don’t get these guys.

[@bige2268]

I think that’s a very sexy trait in both of you!!

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

My Dad taught me everything from how to bake, sew by hand as well as use a sewing machine and how to knit blankets and jumpers. My Dad even knitted my sons adorable, little baby booties before he passed on❤ He was labourer back in the day when men had to be "manly men" which meant I had to lie and say my Mum taught me, which must have broken his heart thinking back.... Be proud of your talent and pass those skills on to your kids like my Dad did for me. You and your wife are a wealth of knowledge in life skills. Your children are very lucky🍀

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

"The truth of the matter is that there is no woman’s work or men’s work. Just get something done." This. This right here is what parents should be teaching their sons and daughters. There's nothing about having a penis that makes you inherently more qualified or able to swing a hammer, use a tape measure or operate a power tool. There's nothing about having a vagina that makes you inherently more capable of following recipes, doing dishes, sewing or cleaning a room. There are no "gender roles." There are only life skills- things that everyone should be learning at a young age in order to become a capable, responsible, self-reliant adult. Most people won't marry or cohabit with a partner as soon as they leave the nest. They're going to have to take care of themselves, and that requires them to be able to cook, clean, do laundry, perform small and/or large repairs, perform maintenance on a vehicle, shop for groceries, etc. There won't necessarily always be a woman around to to the "women's work" nor a man around to do the "men's work." Even if there is, disability, injury and illness are a thing that can prevent them from handling their "gender roles." At the end of the day, somebody still has to do the work. And the more flexible one can be with their "roles," the more security and resources they and their family have.

[@allisoncastle]

You both sound pretty cool tbh!

[@bhutehole]

Congrats on being a super minority. Meanwhile the rest of the world hard disagrees with you

[@Russman67]

Sooooo, the husband went out bought the wrong tool and then got butthurt because he was called out on his error. Yep he brought that stupid all on himself! Not the asshole! Well played. Tell your husband to apply ice to that burn...

[@18Hongo]

I'm not even all the way through story 1 and brother, I am through with the husband. What kind of pointless titfucker do you have to be to know that you can't put a Ryobi battery in a Makita tool? Also, the disrespect is ludicrous. How the hell do people end up married to these idiots?

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Holy shit, why does OP #2 hate his kid? Like, at worst she got a little over excited and made out the plans without stopping to think that she's at dad's house for the weekend and people would be picking her up from his place and he should know where she's going and that she should ask him. But for him to say that he was FURIOUS at her having made plans without having spoken (read: grovelling) to him first and she needed to be taught a lesson? That's insane! Why does he hate his kid? It definitely sounds like he hates his kid.

[@amelianekomimi1936]

probably blames the kid for why he still has to have contact with his ex wife. reminds me of the stories where bio kid is kicked out to make room for the "new family."

[@Barlmoro]

i have a friend with a similar story. But in his story the dad was the victim even he react the same way as the op. WHY? Background: parents there dicorse and the father only got his son every second weekend becourse of shool and stuff. No problem till this. Now cames: The mother sign in the son for a football team (no not handegg) and so the son have to go every saturday to the training or games (the don´t live in the same city and like a hour drive between them) The son was very happy cose he loved playing football. this and some ofter activitis like staying at a friends hous was planed be the mother on the times the father would get the child. In the end from his 4 days in a month he have him like 2-3 hours. than he got angry and at a point there the son should visit him he was told the son have plans and he says the first time no. The mother gos direct to the lawyer and the shit was on fire.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

I think it was a power mode He was pissed off the ex but she did something without asking I don't miss you just the kids it was more this is a way to get back at my ex she did this she convinced the kid to go to this function and so if I yell at the kid and punish her it in turns punishes the ex. I could be wrong he could be just

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

@@Mew_Mokuba_Akari That's likely a lot of it, but the way he talks about his daughter just screams that he hates her. Like the line about finally being forced to discuss it in therapy and how she's back to normal now, but is still a bit off and he's just OK with that.

[@MaryJane-en7do]

This one made me really sad. She did nothing wrong. I really really don't even understand what his problem is.

[@bubblegum_flavor551]

I like how people are saying the ex-wife is also the AH for not telling him about a event but is forgetting why doesn’t Op know? Is he this out of touch with his daughter?

[@wmdkitty]

Yeah, sure, he "forgot"...

[@elkevermeulen7343]

Yeah, didn't he say something at the beginning that they both had homecoming on their calendar? Either way it's a power trip, most parents are aware of school events

[@angie3609]

Yeah, OP mentioned she literally wrote it on the calander and watched her plan for it in advance, as she talked about getting to go out with her mom and get a matching dress with her bestie. He can't even use the excuse that he didn't know about it because mom didn't tell him, he just wanted to flex his power play on a 14 year old.

[@ComaLies225]

Third story: NTA. BIL is liable for any injuries that happen on his property. Honestly OP, get him to pay for your injuries. That's the LEAST HE CAN DO for being negligent.

[@18Hongo]

I cringed when OP said that he pulled something in his back. Pulled back muscles can fuck you up for a LONG time.

[@elizabethgeorge7671]

Story 2: I don’t even remember having to ask to go to homecoming, it was just a given that I was going. Plus picking out a dress is almost always a mother/daughter activity.

[@eowyn8340]

Same, although my Dad went dress shopping with me and my mom. He ended up finding ‘the dress’ for me and surprisingly it wasn’t ultra conservative, but definitely classy. It was quite surprising but a great bonding time.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

I think that Dad was pissed that step mommy isn't the new mommy in his daughter's eyes, which is probably more on why he thinks she's teaming up with her mother to shame him. He definitely made it easy to see why his wife left him though.

[@scarlettg.5772]

@@GabrielleHayes1921 I think so too, he sounds childish and controlling…

[@LoveableNiki]

Father didn't even have plans for the day. Just trying to control daughter and upset that Ex took Daughter to get a dress. Chile!!!!!!! I wish we had an update of "my daughter no longer visits me for custody time because I'm a sh*t father."

[@JoshD8705]

The only way I could possibly understand is if she sprung it on him last minute needing a ticket and a dress. He had the opportunity to make his daughter smile, and destroyed her instead. I'm a father and step father. I'm not the most involved in school dances with my stepdaughter, but I atleast help make sure she can get there.

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

Story 2 - it's so weird. It feels like OP was projecting his thoughts about his ex onto the daughter. He talks about how he thinks ex and daughter are strong arming him into giving up his time with her, and then goes on to say the daughter needs to learn not to be manipulative like this. It's like, projecting your problems much mate?

[@TorchT]

I agree with your assessment mate

[@UnityDoesWhatever]

Like she did absolutely nothing but not ask HIM? He’s such a fucking douche. She didn’t do anything to deserve a lesson taught. His words and what he did was abhorrent to say the least.

[@kimsmith1746]

Don't y'all think part of this is stepmother manipulating OP? When he went to talk to his daughter, his wife stopped him, saying "She won't learn anything if she feels you can be manipulated by crying." Or something to that effect.

[@anonymousbrooks8194]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thought that too. But what really got me mad is when basically his new wife manipulated him into not comforting his daughter.

[@moonie4423]

@@kimsmith1746 is he a sheep? he is an adult, his decisions are on him

[@restinwalken]

Story 4: NTA If given a set dress code for a wedding you will cause some distraction at a wedding if you go against it. A halter top and leggings is not appropriate for a formal dress code. I as a woman would do the same weather it was my mom, sister, friend, or cousin. "You are not riding and showing up with me in that. As it will seem that I believe your outfit is acceptable for this event. I do not." "Change to appropriate formal dress or find your on way there" This is with me having gone to weddings that the dress code was renaissance themed (but come in jeans and t shirt if you want, I just want you there) dress code. You are a guest at an event to be a respectful guest and person you dress the way they have requested or you don't attend. It's very simple.

[@CAPRISUNZ05]

(story 2) this really annoys me and I haven't seen anyone pointed it out, but the dad got mad because he was "rejected" to comfort his daughter. he wasn't trying to make her feel better he was trying to make himself feel better. also the fact he called his daughter manipulative is pretty disgusting and as I see it projecting, he was acting like she didn't have permission at all but it was given by her mother.

[@CarlottaHall]

Story 2 Op is TA to the nth degree

[@nikkideede7972]

Here's another point nobody is bringing up, he had to have a conversation with lawyers about communication but evidently his ex doesn't have to. She bought a dress and the tickets to homecoming. Where was the communication there?

[@susankaempfer8427]

Absolutely EVERYTHING is about this guy’s ego.

[@garethwhite8770]

As a 40 year old man, I can't believe how much this story triggered and enraged me. My inner teenage girl was furious.

[@Mandage90]

I know the story itself was appalling; but I must congratulate you on this comment kind sir. Your witty banter has earned this random internets explorers meta (sorry nonexistent) badge of funny sh*tness. Well done 🤣😂🤣😂🤣🏆🏅

[@fabiola4166]

story 1: I would just leave wtf is wrong with OP's husband story 4: OP cannot police what his daughter wears, but the dress code sure can!

[@deborahyoung1873]

If she is underage he sure can. If she is an adult wanting to act like that then she needs to move out.

[@sacilexi231]

Unless the kid did something actually wrong I think it's a given that they get to go to all school functions, dances , field trips etc.

[@LexTime89]

Exactly! It probably didn’t even occur to her to ask, because since when is it not just assumed you can go unless there is a specific problem. The dad is being so petty and immature.

[@skeyed]

Especially since he made her skip a dance recital the year before for similar reasons.

[@Passions5555]

@@skeyed was that revealed in the comments that he did that?

[@Thewavedemonjackal]

Does anyone have a link to the post? I can’t find it anywhere

[@kathrynewhitmore]

Story 2: Welp - I think we have a deeper understanding of WHY he went through a divorce. If this was my ex? Oh we'd be in court changing custody agreements. What lesson is there to learn?!?! He is pushing his daughter a way and then to be angry because she doesn't want to be a world he'd Dad? This guy is likely abusive.

[@TheZMage]

The lesson is never to get excited for anything or make her own plans.

[@ruthmeow4262]

The lesson is Dad sucks and should be dropped out of her life.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 3: pretty sure the brother hadn’t actually been joking. Hence his freak out

[@justozzy5559]

Story 4: I love wearing graphic tees and joggers. They're soft and comfy, they're my favorite. I absolutely would not be caught dead wearing joggers and a graphic tee (without a button up over it) to a wedding. Especially a formal one! If she didn't care enough to dress up, she didn't care enough to attend. NTA

[@tamsel814]

Yeah, if they are plain black leggings I would have at least put a skirt over them and a jacket over the spaghetti strap top. And tada a semi formal outfit.

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 2: YTA. Daughter is getting older. She is going to have events that land on the weeks she's with OP. Why can she not go to Homecoming? This makes no sense. OP is pushing away daughter. Daughter is old enough to tell a judge she wants to stop visiting OP every week. Ex should contact her attorney about daughter going in front of a judge. In addition, stepmother sounds horrible as well. They are punishing daughter for absolutely no reason. I shudder to think what happens if prom is on OP's week. I probably would have told my mother that I'm not going to OP's house. Ex needs to fight for daughter.

[@bgcorporation]

Story 2: I found the story, sadly it's locked. However, this father sucks even more. He does not get it judging from his replies. He says things like "I'm the adult. I make the plans. Do you let your kids run your house?", or "I'm her dad, I am the boss of her am I not?". He's going to be shocked when she no longer wants to be at his house. Hell, the mom could easily take this back to court and the daughter could be like "Ya I don't want to be there." She's old enough to make that decision, especially when she says to the judge "He stopped me from going to homecoming because I didn't ask him."

[@RuminatingRaptor]

He’s going to be in a world of extreme shock when he discovers that 14-year-olds have a say in who they want to live with mostly. If the mom takes him back to court to change the custody agreement, he’s going to see how little him being the boss matters.

[@wendyhadley2764]

You are not just the A you are also cruel. Homecoming is very important to most high school kids your wife wasn't doing this to take anything away from you it's something that's done it doesn't matter whose house they're at they go to the homecoming dance. You weren't trying to teach daughter a lesson you were trying to teach your ex-wife a lesson, the you are the alpha and have the control of both her and daughter. Your wife could have scored some real points with her stepdaughter had she explained to you how you were treating your daughter wrong.

[@robertx8020]

Well it might not matter anymore Why care what your EX daughter things of you (OP) She will come to your house because she HAS to NOT because she wants to OP is a huge AH

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Wendy, you hit the nail on the head! Well said!

[@pattyputman4409]

The daughter is old enough to decide if she wants to go visit her dad, I have a feeling that this might be the deciding factor. If he denied her this, whats to say if Prom falls on his "time" he'll deny her that. Boy is he TA big time!

[@KB-tg7pf]

The homecoming dance one made me so sad. I was homeschooled and also was the daughter of a photographer, so I've been to lots of homecomings and proms, but never to participate and I was always so jealous. They looked so fun. It wasn't just some dance, and she had a friend to go with and everything. It was a school event that was chiseled in stone and she missed it. Would he have been mad about a science fair too? I can't imagine depriving my kids of those memories, especially for a stupid power move over the ex, who probably didn't even think about it because it's like a holiday. They didn't decide what day it was on, and her mom was probably a little sad she couldn't be there to take pictures and be more a part of it. She took her dress shopping because that's what moms do with their daughters. Then dad ruined everything. He even had the audacity to say "she won't miss much". Is he bitter about how his own school dances went or something? I just can't with this guy. They may get to a better place eventually, but she will never forget that.

[@kellypatterson8506]

1st story reminded me of this door 2 door sales joke..... knock at door, kid answers, salesman, is the man of the house in? Kid, u want the man of the house, or the woman with the answers?:)

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

Story 1 - haha! Mark and I made the "ooooooh" sound at the same time at the sexism XD

[@TheNormExperience]

Same! If someone said to me, “just stick to doing things appropriate for females” like that? I’d say, “Fine. Then I’m leaving your sorry ass because no self-respecting woman would be in a relationship with someone who treats them like this.” What. An. Ahole! Man I hope OP leaves so her kids don’t learn this is how to treat people.

[@gypsygem9395]

Came here to say this too!!

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

@@gypsygem9395 yesss

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

@@TheNormExperience HELL YEAH!!!

[@trickstergods]

1st story: why are you still with this guy?? i could not stand to be with that kind of person

[@philwill0123]

This, you can tell this isn't the first instance he's done this. He plainly doesn't respect her and tried to publicly humiliate her. At that point, get some self respect and move on.

[@dianemartel5205]

Story 2: I, personally, think school dances are ridiculous, but a lot of other girls/women find them to be wonderful. This guy and his new wife are both colossal AH. If this was my dad, I’d be moving in full-time with my mom ASAP.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Exactly.

[@LilChuunosuke]

Yeah, I didn't enjoy the school dances I went to. It's just not the type of environment I feel comfortable in. But the father and stepmom's behaviors reminded me of all the times I was a kid and my parents would force me to spend 20-80 minutes being lectured on what a disappointment of a daughter I was whenever I asked to go out with friends. And often times, I would still be told no at the end of it all and get punished for "wasting their time" by having to do a ton of extra chores while my friends were out having fun without me and my parents kicked back and relaxed while I did all of their remaining responsibilties for the day. The commenters were totally right in their predictions, imo. That type of behavior was one of the many contributing factors to me cutting off my parents. Their obsession with control.

[@Fireprincess161]

Not just that, it was a first that she and her bestie were looking forward together. There are precious few of those as you grow up more and more.

[@FrancisR420]

I skimed the comment and read both the a****** and had to take a moment

[@HobieInTheBox]

Other girls? You could've said other people, other girls sounds very /notliketheothergirls

[@amysunday0]

Story 1: I'm a carpenter and if my boyfriend explained to me how my own tools work all he'd get would be a break-up

[@KE-hr4sb]

Story 1: "Dad taught me to be capable and self-sufficient, so I marry a toddler who needs a mommy, has toxic views on masculinity and a woman's "place," and throws tantrums!" Wut even? What a waste of the amazing start your father gifted you. Story 3: "Are you actually going to sue us?!" "Depends, are you actually sending me a bill for the lumber? And if so, be prepared to pay me an hourly wage to help you build your porch." Side note, why doesn't your wife have your (injured) back on this one? How would she feel if she were the one who got hurt? (ETA on his response), Yeah, that's not having your back, bro. She wants you to be the bigger d̶o̶o̶r̶m̶a̶t̶ person to avoid conflict? Maybe the takeaway here should be her brother and his wife should a) fix the damn hazardous porch, b) not dish it if they can't take it, and c) THEY should let it go to avoid conflict. You're fine with going and you're not mad despite being the one injured, so why are you the one that needs to mend fences? Or, porches in this case? Story 5: This one reminds me of the one where MIL borrowed 90k for her house, then wants to take OP's name off the deed *before* paying her back. I'll say it again lol, two rules: 1) NEVER do business with family. 2) If you ignore rule #1, then at least always, always get a contract! Setting aside for the moment the fact that you and your sister *already* financially help support your parents (and step-sis is welcome to add her contribution to that already-existing account), step-sis is attempting to scam you. If you pay the highest amount, why isn't the account in your name? Oh, she doesn't trust you with her money? Then why should you trust her? Even if you were to do this, the account is in her name, which means the money is legally hers to do what she wants with it, despite any verbal agreements. She'd have no repercussions if some of the money "mysteriously" went missing (how would you even know, until your parents pass?), or if she straight up decided to keep it when the time came, there would be nothing you could do to fight it. I also think you should counter that since you make no money being a SAHM, that your contribution should not be the highest. "He used his hard-earned money to raise me." "Yes, and sister and I have supported him and mom financially since we both had our first jobs, so I think we're square. You're welcome to do this on your own, however."

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Well said.

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

For story 1, I was thinking the exact! same! thing!!!! How is she so independent and yet married this guy and had two kids with this guy and … he can’t even buy the right thing at the store? Like… and this cannot be the first time he’s acted this way….?!?! I mean, if he had been a normal husband, and then this?! I’d be taking him to the doctor for some brain scans to see if he had a head injury. But if this isn’t the first time… why is op even with him?! I mean, she says all this stuff up front, and then it’s like, “haha Jk I let this man run my life… hahahah”

[@zachf748]

Story #2 - It blows my mind that the dad still can’t see that he’s the a-hole. Did the therapist not inform him how ridiculous he was to take that experience away from his daughter for no reason other than to punish the ex-wife and show his total control over the daughter?…

[@Russman67]

Story 2: wow. Controlling much? Try as you might you do not control the school calendar and some weekends your daughter is going to have things to do that don't involve you. And this coming from a father of three girls who has split custody. Lighten the f up before you get bounced. She is old enough to decide to severely limit your time.

[@scarlettg.5772]

Story 2: God the father’s inability to see where he messed up is so frustrating…

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Last story: no one is stopping the stepsister from opening a bank account and contributing the money she planned on contributing anyway. She doesn’t need anyone else’s money to do that. Unless of course, it’s a scam. lol

[@tinaperkins2788]

Story 3: I hope they don't get a live tree for Christmas. Homeowners insurance usually covers fire, theft and other things homeowners may face owning a home.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 3: I would turn around and report him to the county assessor or whomever oversees the codes, I would also not go over to their house anymore at all. Also make sure my tetanus shots are up to date...

[@lisakaz35]

Story one: guy is a manspainer and COMPLETELY USELESS. OP either needs a therapist or a divorce attorney and perhaps both.

[@Undomaranel]

We don't know that he's completely useless, just that he's _a complete tool._ Pun aside, the solution shouldn't be to cut and run because of a difference like this. If it spills into physical harm, yes, but kids will remember hypocrisy. If they see how dad treats mom bad and it's explained to them that dad isn't perfect so don't be like him in these ways, having that example in their life of what not to be can be more powerful than leaving and uprooting everything. Learning that "it's not good when dad argues about mom being a girl" with scientific evidence is far better than just hearing mom talk about how bad dad was and chalking it up to feminism. (If you have ever used the word "love" to describe both your kids and your spouse, kids will learn that when you leave your spouse for any reason that you will also leave them. This is a MAJOR hurdle for children of divorce. Not only does it ruin any definition and expectation of love, it changes how they will give and receive it in the future. Love will be conditional. Love will become a tool instead of the foundation. That's where society is right now, and look at how well society's doing when we have no idea what loving each other can look like beyond lust everywhere.) Source: Abusive family growing up. Messy divorce, corrupt officials, etc. I still have physical and emotional and lost innocence scars to it, but my eyes have been opened and I can recognize and explain red flags because of first hand experience and not parroted from some IG post. I can help others mitigate experiencing or becoming abusers because of helping them change/ check themself before they wreck themself. Had mom left when I was a toddler that wouldn't be the case, but because I was a teenager and experienced it firsthand... well, making lemonade is a start to helping my corner of the world be a little sweeter.

[@allisoncastle]

@@Undomaranel dude. Using “he’s not perfect” to describe extreemeee misogyny and seemingly emotional abuse is gross. Just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean it’s not absolutely awful.? There are sooo many reasons NOT to stay with someone who treats you like that, and especially when you have kids. Of course maybe try therapy first, but just desperately clinging on to the relationship does not work. I’m sorry but there are so many things wrong with your comment… By the way, I am a kid of parents who wanted soooo badly that their parents WOULD get divorced because their relationship was so horrible and my dad was a POS. And that wasn’t just a spoiled bratty child thing. I still wish they’d get divorced.

[@crowdemon_archives]

​@@Undomaranel for a tool, he's definitely not a very good one ngl

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 2: *YTA* OP is acting like this was a personal attack against his role as a parent! WTF? How the hell is she manipulating to get her way? if she mostly lives with her mother then of course she mostly needs her mothers approval to go to homecoming. Does OP still have issues with the divorce or something and unfairly taking it out on his daughter? Let’s see….He gets furious when daughter gets the OK to go to homecoming, the mom buys the dress, and daughter pays for a ticket, and even gets more furious when daughter rejects her father’s attempt to comfort her when he is the reason she’s crying her eyes out by giving her an unfair bullsh!t punishment? Yup….That’s what it looks like to me. If he doesn’t quit this sh!t his daughter isn’t going to want much to do with him for long. Honestly calling his daughter entitled… He’s reacting as if she stole his bank card and spent his money on the dress and ticket then said “oh well The stuff is already paid for so you have no choice but to drop me off for homecoming”. If she did all of that she would have been entitled expecting while using a manipulative tactic so that she’s allowed to go to homecoming and be able to get her way, but she did absolutely none of that. Also Op’s wife (daughter’s step mother) is a C U Next Tuesday that needs to stay in her lane. She probably hates the daughter and probably said a bunch of stuff to OP to make him this easily angry at his child. Seriously if this continues I wouldn’t be surprised if daughter never tells her dad any plans she has involving school functions if this is going to be the norm of how he reacts. Like seriously she tells her dad that she’s excited about whatever school function she’s going to and he punishes her for simply being happy and enjoying school. School dance? GROUNDED! School sporting event? GROUNDED! School field trip? GROUNDED! Senior class trip? GROUNDED! School charity dinner? GROUNDED! OP needs to get a grip.

[@puli_dreadhead]

Story two: YTA. To the stars and beyond. My mom did something similar to me at 14 and pretended that everything was just about me disrespecting her when I wasn’t. Her words “I was scared that you were losing respect for me.” The things I did that showed disrespect, showing discomfort of her smothering behavior over the span of two years.

[@FrancisR420]

"So my daughter comes home with graduation marked on her calendar raving about how fun and rewarding the ceremony is going to be and how her mom bought her a cap and gown that matches all her friends and I'm just FURIOUS at the entitlement that she made all these plans without first asking me, her father"

[@iwantsifegold]

He made homecoming about himself, and he let himself get manipulated by his wife. OP has to decide between being an ex or being a father.

[@Arylwren1]

@@callie3444 i think she's actually old enough now to make the choice, if a judge asked her.

[@Passions5555]

He wasn't manipulated by his new wife, his shitty behavior toward his daughter is all on his own and likely why he and his first wife are Divorced.

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 2: God help this girl if her senior prom happens to fall on a date when OP has discretion over denying her the opportunity to go. Her mother should start making plans now to ensure that the court will take the decision to go on this kind of petty power trip ever again away from OP.

[@RockyGems]

S2: The poor kid didn't even do anything, the dad's being a jerk for no reason! If that were my ex treating our kid that way, I'd seriously consider bargaining for him to see her less.

[@vulpixle9659]

Funfact it most cases at 14 the kid has more say in who they want to be with looks like OP might be seeing his daughter a lot less

[@darkshadow5581]

Honestly, I disagree. If the mother planned to get the daughter single handedly let her go on any other trip, everyone would disagree. What is special about a homecoming that let's the mom dictate how OP's time is spent?

[@vulpixle9659]

@@darkshadow5581 it’s a very important event the AH father is just salty and wants more control for all we know his daughter forgot that weekend was his weekend

[@anonymousbrooks8194]

@@darkshadow5581 It doesn't matter if Op thought homecoming wasn't special, his daughter did. She wasn't even asking him to contribute anything towards. He needs to realize that his daughter is coming of age where she's going to do things independently, and that she's going to want to have plans on his day. Although I do agree with asking your parents for permission his reaction towards her was completely uncalled for. She's at an age where the courts will take her word into account so Op better tread lightly.

[@darkshadow5581]

@@vulpixle9659 1)it's just a dance, as a young adult, its not nearly important, even as a social event. 2)even if it's super important, why does that matter? Can we agree a wedding is more important that a freshman dance? Then would it be OK for the wife to plan a wedding day on OP's custody day and never mention it to OP? Sure, wife would of scheduled it in my analogy, but considering how less important it is, a phone call isn't crazy to expect. I think he should of let her go, because there's being right, and being a nice to your child, but frankly it's pretty entitled to just assume knowing nothing of OP's schedule that he could guarantee her going and already tell the kid, get her excited, and buy a dress.

[@theundone777]

Story 1: I'm so glad my super-handy adult daughter who was taught by her MOTHER hasn't faced this sort of misogyny in her relationships with young men. This sort of thinking is dying out.

[@Passions5555]

Hopefully. Though it seems to be oddly persistent.

[@nvfury13]

When I grew up (80s-90s) anyone who wasn’t handy was seen as someone to make jokes about, man or woman.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@nvfury13 This was my experience, too. It was not out of place for a woman to be handy. My own mom was incredibly handy as was my father, and together, they got a lot of incredible work done on our home and yard. After I left the nest, they bought some land up north and built themselves a cabin set up for off-grid homesteading, just the two of them. As a result, this persisting idea that there is "men's work" and "women's work" puzzles me. I just see it as work that needs to be done, and the chromosomes and genitals of the person doing it is irrelevant.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 2: It's not the daughter who's being manipulative, but OP and his wife. She probably got permission from her mom to go to the dance, but OP is insisting that he controls her. Won't be surprised when she asks if her mom can have full custody, then goes NC when she turns 18.

[@huinismith]

Story 1: As a tomboy from a matriarchal family in a LTR with a manly man from a patriarchal family, I howled and cried with laughter at this one. Story 2: Why do I get the feeling that this OP hates his daughter?

[@Passions5555]

I get the feeling that he hates his ex wife and that he is projecting it on to his daughter

[@WhitneyDahlin]

It's so creepy when dad's are so obsessed with controlling their teenage daughters. Creepy AF.

[@agroteraaaa]

i was half-listening before abruptly tuning into the second story and what? the girl didn't even do anything? she literally just...didn't ask her dad first? jesus christ dude, enjoy the nursing home.

[@ettinakitten5047]

If he's that lucky. My grandmother alienated her healthiest child in favor of her criminal son and enabler daughter, and then ended up being looked after in dementia by the daughter, who left her in the same diaper for days on end.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

" jesus christ dude, enjoy the nursing home." Probably the sh!ttiest state-run joint available, too.

[@sarakosberg]

Let's play who is going to the retirement home! Spoilers: It's dad in story 2.

[@neopom4206]

Dude went on a huge power trip which was made worse by the stepmom telling him she was faking her sadness

[@paigemosher8697]

If that was me, I'd probably be leaving him and his bitch of a new wife somewhere in the middle of the woods. Just throw the whole couple away.

[@beanieboogie9526]

Woooow, its not hard to see why the dad in story two is divorced. Controlling as all hell.

[@songohan3321]

Understatement of the month.

[@lilz]

Story two: dad also needs to apologize to the mother. By not letting his daughter go he is undermining her decision to let her daughter go. This makes me so so so mad.

[@MooncrafterUTAU]

Hoooooly shit the abuse in that second story. I had to pause and take a minute because of how much I heard my abusive parents in his tirade; DUDE DOESN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE WHAT HE'S DOING IS WRONG AND ARGH stupid missing, missing reasons.

[@fantasystaplesuwu1554]

Story 2: My daughter is very happy end excited for homecoming, but it happens to be on my week, so I'm big mad. My daughter isn't allowed to be happy without me knowing first, and I demand that she be imprisoned in my home the entire time she's with me. No happiness. Bad.

[@elaexplorer]

Apparently, he doesn't let her go to any school event during his weeks has even forced her to miss recitals just because they fall on his week. He needs to lose joint custody, that's abusive.

[@medchan5810]

Story 3: delivery driver here! Let me break down exactly what would have happened if that was me. I would have immediately called 911, then my boss (my boss is awesome). You better expect that I wouldn't be going anywhere until police and an ambulance showed up. And, because in the US workman's comp doesn't ACTUALLY pay the bills, hell yeah I would sue. Honestly, my boss would probably help me sue. That's not "funny" that's extremely dangerous.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Something something, tetanus risk, something. Or like 20 other bullshite you can catch.

[@ALucreLC]

Story 2: When I invited my dad to my graduation he said he wouldnt go because he was planning a trip with his friends. "A graduation is not important, Ill be there at your wedding". He dismissed my sadness and how important this was for me. I had to dance with my teachers during the Father-Daughter dance. I never forgot. Almost 20 years later, I still remember. I imagine this poor girl; so excitedly telling her dad about something that makes her happy... and having her trust broken. Formative memory for sure.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 5: lol, I'd tell them I'd contribute her figures only if it was only my name on the account. I mean, obviously, I'm the best with money since I can contribute sooooo much more than they can, so I should be in charge of the account right? In fact, that's such a good idea, I may as well just go ahead and start it in my name at my bank, I'll make sure mom & dad know it was your idea. They'll be soooo glad you thought of putting me in charge of it since they've had to bail you out so many times, they might have been afraid there wouldn't be anything left for them if you were in charge of it! So, did you want to write me a check, or just venmo?

[@DivisibleByWaffle]

The lady in story 5 should tell her stepsisters that she knows of a very wealthy Nigerian prince who might be able to contribute to the fund for their dad.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#4 - dress code clearly stated on the invites, and more than likely OP and his wife and daughters have attended other family weddings or functions with this type of dress required - so it is not like Jill just woke up on the morning in question clueless. this was a long-planned event which she had plenty of notice to plan for, but it sounds like she is too busy partying and maybe going to classes to give two shits about it. OP is NTA and his wife needs to have his back.

[@marybrown6756]

Story #4) OP needs to let all the family know so that grandma and grandpa know that the porch isn’t safe. Yikes!

[@theacornsystem6108]

That poor kid is going to remember sitting and crying alone while everyone else goes to the dance for the rest of her high school career, that’s a horrible way to start off the school years. Poor girl needs to socialize with her peers

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 5: None of that money will make it to the parents. Step-sis is the only one that can access the account and She will give out the money to parents. And why is OP being asked to pay almost double everyone else.

[@potatoempress5731]

Story 2. Why does OP HATE his daughter so much? The way he talked about her geez. I hope the Mom gets full custody!

[@Passions5555]

He is projecting his hate for his ex-wife on to his daughter.

[@atinyevil1383]

Story 2: YTA this is something my father would (and has) done, even now that I am an adult. Parents like this make their kids good at hiding things because they’re so scared of how their parents will react that they don’t feel like they can tell them anything. It’s stressful and it makes you feel like you constantly have your back to a wall because you can’t trust anyone.

[@LilChuunosuke]

Yup! As an adult now, I absolutely hate lying and avoid it as much as possible, but when I do lie, I am *really* good at it and I kinda hate it. I had to learn how to be an expert at lying simply to protect my wellbeing. I almost wish this skill translated over to acting as well, but I'm an illustrator at heart lol.

[@atinyevil1383]

@@LilChuunosuke exactly! This is exactly the feeling!

[@yandereskitty]

Story one. Time to leave. He embarrassed himself cuz he can't differentiate between good tools. Cheap is not always better when it comes to quality of life. "do what females do" No, go.

[@anonymousbrooks8194]

Story 1. Let this be a cautionary tale, I don't care how right you think you are when your wife has been working with that specific brand of tool for as long as she was. Don't try to correct her and don't try to claim she's wrong because she's a woman. Less you do something stupid an embarrass yourself in front of the store worker.

[@shioneshiori4471]

Mark’s little “hoooo shit” during the first story had me dying 😂

[@reptiles3244]

Same

[@kaityparsons1212]

Story 2: this just reminds me of a story my mom tells about the early days of my parents divorce (I was 3 or 4). For the first few years they bickering about who's day it was for my sister and I. Who gets to have the "fun days" ect... I came at them with my 4 year old wisdom, "it's always YOUR day, DADS day, but what about MY day!?" I think it hit them both how much they were ruining our time with them. 25 years later and I have 2 amazing, supportive sets of parents that love each other as friends. My parents really rocked coparenting.

[@Regrettable-Username]

Story 1: How OP describes being "enraged" at his daughter having emotions gave me the ick. The whole thing was about *him!*

[@SaphireSalvatore940]

Story 2 made me so angry for thet poor girl. How can a parent be so blind to what they're doing? The fact his new wife is encouraging him to permanently damage his relationship with his daughter just adds to it, so so sad

[@tammieclonts4752]

Homecoming story. Let's see, mom bought the ticket, the dress, the shoes, and had it all ready for a typical high school thing. You had to pay for nothing, so this issue is..????

[@BruinPhD2009]

The husband in the first story has got to be related to the OP in the second story. It's the only way this kind of crap makes sense. 🤣

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the Second Story get ready to be out of the loop because you clearly just told your daughter that I don't care if you're in school at school a man you're going to come on my time and you're going to like it and enjoy it and if you don't then you'll be punished for it. This guy's in the wrong big time and he needs to prepare himself for that child support payment to get larger and for him to have his daughter went 2 weekends a month cuz that was another come down to it. In addition he needs to quit saying everything's back to normal because it's not his daughter is not looking at him the same and she's sticking her mind I'm done here

[@laurenmentink7401]

Last story = I would ask the stepsister at what point she was going to drain the fund dry. I would also ask the others if they were in on the scam. It reminds me of the story where OP was childfree and her SIL kept nagging at her to have children. One day she tells OP that she is proud of her for not having children. She then asks OP to give her children all of her money to her children. So OP asks her how SIL was planning to kill her. SIL = shocked Pikachu face.

[@PricklyBehr]

Story three - "Lol, you get repair bills and medical bills" "Alright, show me your insurance info so you can pay it"

[@sandrakeen4000]

With that first story it is crazy. A man lucky enough for his wife to actually do the yardwork should buy exactly what his wife said.

[@michelletess1670]

The freshman homecoming dad. You’re on the fast track to having your child learn to not trust you, lie to you, go behind your back

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 2: Holy fuck I hope this is the last year this father has joint custody 14 is old enough the judge will listen to the kids input. Being denied her dance because it happened on his time, and he got his fee-fees hurt she didn't grovel at his feet to ask to go. And just the dismissive way he sees his child. His new wife is just an evil step mom "Don't comfort your child because it will teach her she gets attention for crying" WTF both of them are monsters!

[@diarradunlap9337]

Story 2: The OP DID teach his daughter a lesson. The lesson is that her father is more interested in control, power, and sticking it to his ex-wife than in having a good relationship with her.

[@LordBison98]

Story 2: OP and his wife are monsters, holy hell.

[@deedeeschway9566]

Story 2 - dad’s TA. He’s butthurt about not being asked for permission. Methinks it’s also to do with the ex-wife, the whole Decisions-about-OUR-child-must-be-discussed-every-time. But he needs to deal with daughter not automatically asking for every single thing anymore. This totally reminded me of a time when I was a teen. I was 13/14ish, youngest of 3. My friend “J” was eldest of 2. Birth order is important. I was telling J that I would head over to their house right away to hang out. Conversation went as follows: J: Don’t you need to ask your parents for permission? Me: *pulls phone away and yells* MOM! I’M GOING TO J’S HOUSE! Mom: *yells back* KAY….ARE YOU GOING TO BE BACK FOR SUPPER? Me: NO! Mom: KAY! Me: ….SAVE ME SOME SPAGHETTI!!! Mom: KAY! Me: *brings phone back close* Kay, be there in a bit. My friend always asked for permission to do things and frequently had to stay until their bedroom was clean. My parents went thru 2 teens already and let me start making my own decisions sooner. My siblings thought I got away with murder but both my parents and I learned from their earlier incidents. I made my own decisions and choices but factored my parents into my decision making as I knew how they would react. Minor decisions like going to a friend’s house was my decision unless it interfered with a family event. Major decisions like going on multi day school trip was my parents decision but I was the one who had to present my case as to why I should go. I just get a strong sense of “not wanting to let go of his baby” that was reinforced by co-parenting competitiveness/resentment. He’s trying to emphasize his role/authority in his daughter’s life. My bet is that he’s going get some attitude the next time she has to “ask permission”. This is fixable but he really said no just to be a dick about it.

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#1 NTA, Husband needs a reality check.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story 1: DAMN! That's painful! He really needs to learn some life skills. I don't think OP is the AH on this one. :'D Story 3: That BIL NEEDS to fix that porch. Better yet! Hire a professional! He better not wait until one of his parents, her wife's parents, a child, anyone else to have a bad accident like OP, or worse!! His wife is no better! Sheesh!! 😡

[@ZoeyHope]

Update to Story One! She gave him 6 months to fix his shit or else she's dropping him for good!

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

As well she should. There are plenty of men out there who would appreciate having a woman like OP.

[@kathrynewhitmore]

Me and my husband went "Ooooo sh*t!" At the same time as Mark!

[@BruinPhD2009]

I think we all did. 😅 How has that fool survived being so gone deaf?

[@kathrynewhitmore]

@@BruinPhD2009 RIGHT? We know why his first divorce happened. Lol

[@lovesbriardi]

Second OP = does it make you happy to be such a controlling ass toward your daughter (and to your ex too). One day you will find that you do not have a daughter anymore once she turns 18.

[@Passions5555]

Only four years away

[@robertx8020]

story 4 NTA Jill is old enough to know what 'appropriate clothing' means And even if she didn't OP told her and gave her a second chance.. then she waited again and she did NOTHING! If she wants to be treated like an adult, she should behave that way. And yes, she CAN take an Uber if she wants! But she clearly didn't want that! Op's wife is an enabler and should be mad at her daughter not at OP! Op must be careful as his daughter will turn into an entitled Karen! And for the ppl who say "well you should have let her go and then be refused entry at the wedding" ? 1.How do you know there is any kind of controll at the entrance? 2.So you want to make a 'me problem' into a 'them problem' ? Right!

[@kristenhlady4079]

Story 3: sue him. Seriously duck these people

[@hilarymurray8741]

Homecoming story: YTA OP. Your daughter is of an age where a court would listen to her wanting her mum to have full custody of her. You brought it on yourself by putting your ego above wanting your daughter to enjoy her time with her friends in a good way.

[@ScottyFang]

Story 4: a couple my cousins wore either leggings and a “nice shirt” that was just a Walmart shirt with a loose hem, or flannel, to OUR GRANDMOTHER’s funeral. I respect very few people on either side of my family now, just because of how often they choose the “easy comfy” way to do things, beyond just the funeral, but that was one of the cherries on top

[@JSainte17]

Story 2: I think the evil stepmom plays a much bigger role here.

[@jlyo1991]

Fathers like the one in Story 2 make me glad I had a single mother.

[@thetechguychannel]

Story 1: My wife watches these narrations and every time a story like this pops up, she shouts, "STOP MARRYING TODDLERS, FFS!" My only thought was "Oh dear that didn't come out well at the beginning." The very beginning of her post, she uses the words "self-serving" when she meant "self-sufficient." Someone should really tell her that because it could rub off the wrong way to someone speaking to her on bad faith. Other than that, completely NTA. Dude was asking for a pegging and he got one. He can now run off to his mum to finish raising him. He don't seem done yet.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

The Dad and stepmother who stopped his 14 year old daughter from going to homecoming are vile, toxic people. They are the worst parents ever! She hadn't done anything wrong, she had permission from her mother. If he had a problem with being left out of the loop that was a conversation to have with his ex. If I were his daughter, I would have ended all visitations, as I did with my own father as soon as I got old enough not to need a babysitter. This Dad is ABSOLUTELY THE A-HOLE!!!!!

[@FlyingPurplePplEatr]

Story 2: I hope mom takes baby girl back to the court and changes custody time.

[@loiracitr]

Yeah. I am surprised her first reaction is to just get her money back

[@kitsterling8665]

Pretty sure 14 is old enough for a kid's opinion to start mattering in court/to a judge. Homecoming OP is in for a pretty rude awakening...

[@carolroberts4614]

I hope she does! That op and his wife are just the nastiest people! Was the wife never a teenage girl? They just enjoy the power they have over this poor girl, and I hope her mother drags him back to court.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Story 1- “Birth control hasn’t been a friend of mine.” I’d REALLY like to know if he tampered with it and baby trapped her. 🤔

[@bruuh0_0]

S1: Person raised to expect everything handed to her here Know what I do when someone gives me directions to do something I don't know? I FUCKING FOLLOW IT I don''t go on assuming S2: My dad is just like this OP, I'm already planning my leave

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

They mean “self reliant” not “self serving”. That’s something else.

[@lovesbriardi]

First OP, continue doing you as you're the one doing fine, but your husband is something else with his outdated thinking and actions. What are your inlaws like because he learned all this twisted thinking and action from them?

[@angelaa7388]

The broken stair- you know he totally would have collected money for the lumber if OP was a doormat. I have decrepit wooden stairs at my back door so I make everyone go in the front for this very reason. I'd feel horrible if someone got hurt, and I could face legal action.

[@lilylou4693]

"Then the bloody cheeky sod" got me cackling 🤣🤣🤣 I'm not a native English speaker so these types of expressions crack me up. Thank you Mark. Your enthusiasm when reacting to those stories make my chores joyful ✨️

[@CynammonStreetGurl]

Story 1: NTA. He's just mad he was made a fool of when he got the wrong tools. The husband is insufferable. I am also good at fixing things. My father taught me to fix things and be self sufficient. There was never women's work or men's work in our house. We were all equal. As long as something was mowed, washed, built or repaired. As soon as a guy finds out that I can fix things, be handy, and know my hardware, they get weird and some call me really bad names.

[@lavonnewr]

Self-serving = seeking your own benefit... self sufficient = able to take care of yourself.

[@sadia6503]

Story 2, what kind of psychopath is this man?? I have gone to 1 single homecoming and it wasn't my freshman one and honestly this whole thing isn't about the homecoming, it's the fact that he thinks his 14 year old daughter was trying to manipulate him into going. She literally just got excited and went with her mom to dress shop and that bruised your fragile ego?? I hate that story, I don't even want to relisten to it to figure out what else he did that I'm forgetting because this man's ego is so fragile that he's assuming his daughter is pulling some sort of power play over him and that is disgusting. Legitimately, if he doesn't figure out how messed up his thought process is and make amends in some way, I hope that daughter decides to stay with her mother. No one needs a parent who's so paranoid over their control of the family that they completely misunderstand your excitement as a power play against them.