Friendships | myth of a best friend, break ups, ebbs and flows

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❐ TIMESTAMPS ❏
0:00 - Intro
2:05 - What are 3 things you look for in a friend?
3:51 - Do you have a best friend or just a group of close friends?
5:15 - How do you navigate ebbs & flows of a close relationship?
6:28 - Do you think you need a formal breakup conversation?
7:31 - How do you rekindle a friendship?
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❐ VIDEO CREDIT ❏
➥ Video edited by Adrianna: bit.ly/3zuaHU0
➥ Thumbnail by Kiyomi: bit.ly/3N5YiJk
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❐ MUSIC ❏
➥ Epidemic Sound
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FTC: This video is sponsored by BetterHelp! Some of the links above are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if anyone purchases through them. This helps support my channel so I can continue to create videos for ya'll~

[@lilyhernandez7055]

I'm 27 and just went through a friendship breakup with my two best friends from high school. I totally agree with Jenn when she says that friendships have their seasons. From these two individuals I learned a lot and changed a lot more from the experiences lived with them, but I came to a point in my life where I realized that I was way more committed to this friendship than they were. I viewed these women as my sisters and was there for them always, helped them with their careers, family issues, boyfriend troubles, everything. I would sit with them and let them vent for hours. But when it came to me it was never reciprocal. I talked to them about how I felt through the years but they never made an effort to change. Something big happened where I finally had enough and decided to walk away. I didn't have the talk with them, I didn't think I should waste anymore of my time. I believe that something incredibly valuable in a friendship is meeting the person halfway. I never expected them to be with me how I was with them, I only needed them to be half the friend I was.

[@imjennim]

Thank you for sharing, Lily. I'm really proud of you for walking away from friendships where the energy wasn't being reciprocated. It's a two-way street.

[@ariahselocin2090]

Omg 😭 It's like me but make it 17 yrs old. I am going through this right now. And it's more depressing because they are my only friends, and I am still clinically major depressed with social anxiety. I am so frustrated because it seems like i'm the only one down over this. I really hope my life gets better now that i'm starting in university.

[@lilyhernandez7055]

@@ariahselocin2090 oh hun, I'm so sorry to hear that. You can't understand how much I get you. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and these were my only friends. But trust me when I tell you that you're stronger than what you believe you are and you'll find that you're even stronger when you put yourself first. When I was in college I was forced to interact with others and even though the anxiety is still there you'll learn to manage it. I'm rooting for you!

[@VSandTaylorSwiftLove]

Oh my gosh I just went through something similar! I am also 27 and just had friend breakups with my two closest friends from the last 10 years! I realized I didn't like the person I was when I was around them, and I felt like the dynamic we had kept us stuck in high school didn't allow myself or them to evolve into the best grown-up version of ourselves. So much more beyond that happened as well but it all pushed me to a breaking point. I had been wanting to get out of these friendships for about 1.5 years and I knew I had to make a change for my mental wellbeing. I had a talk with the one person I was closest to which did not go well, I can understand why because from their point of view this was coming out of nowhere. To me I had been trying to work through it, and I tried to convince myself to stay in these friendships all of this time. It ended in a blowout fight. I have not spoken to either of them in over a year and I know I made the right decision for myself, I feel much more at peace in my everyday life. It was so hard at the time but I am so grateful for all of the lessons I learned. I'm ready to welcome in a new chapter of lifelong friendships. It was so helpful to read your comment and know other people are going through something similar!

[@lilyhernandez7055]

@@VSandTaylorSwiftLove I understand 100%. I also didn't like who I was when I was around these people. I felt that I always had to defend myself and my actions because of their lack of empathy. I stopped talking to them about four months ago, and even though it still hurts, because at the end of the day I still care for them, I now feel liberated from those relationships that were holding me back. Good for you and I and everyone else who are brave enough to let go and move on.

[@heyyitssj]

This is great and so timely for me. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about friendship lately and it’s nice to think about them like season, it takes some of the pressure off

[@imjennim]

Absolutely! x

[@beabiii]

omg, totally!!

[@PolinaM13]

I feel the same! This video gave me peace somehow. A couple of years ago I went through a phase of falling out with my high school friends and it was honestly so hard. I would literally cry my eyes out when I thought about everything we've been through and how it's not there anymore. It's better now but still anytime I see someone making a video about friendships I watch and this one helped to further understand how these relationships can or can't work sometimes.

[@MrAilsaAng]

“People are busy, everyone has their own lives.” GOD what a simple matter of fact!! Yet so difficult for so many to grasp. 😞 My most rewarding and fulfilling friendships have bloomed *because* there is a mutual understanding for breathing space & flexibility! I personally also value honesty, and really gravitate towards mature people with healthy egos. It’s nice to be reminded that lots of other people share this same outlook on friendships. 🌻

[@esemac]

I love your comment about mutual understanding for breathing space. My ex-best friend never got this , even when I would communicate that I’m not the best at texting right away and need some days to process etc. She took it personal and felt I wasn’t being reciprocal and proceeded to list 10+ ways she’s been there for me. Looking back, it was cowardly to type out a message to end the controlling and suffocating friendship after many years, but I can honestly say I don’t miss her in my life like I thought I would. Turning 27 on Monday and I realize sometimes friendships aren’t do or die. I’ve got me and I shouldn’t stick with someone who uses the things they’ve done over my head.

[@chichilafemme6336]

@Rivka Herzog i don’t think it’s necessarily being immature as it’s more like ppl expect different things out of friendships and so some ppl like to prioritize relaxing on their own before hanging out with anyone and some ppl want friendships where they can see or talk to a lot. I don’t think either party is wrong, ppl just need and want different things so it’s all about finding ppl you are compatible with :)

[@BaDazai]

My friendships are like this too, breathing space and flexibility. I can go 3 years without meeting a friend but when I do it feels like I just saw them yesterday and our energy flows as such. I've never been a talk to you everyday and meet you often kind of friend, thankfully I made friends who understood this side of me and never took it the wrong way, I'm absolutely thankful for this. My family is the same too - they're know I'm forever gone with the wind but will occasionally pop my head in to asure them I'm still alive. 😅

[@kupu99]

@@BaDazai It's funny yet not how reading your comment left me teary-eyed. You just described me in the most exact way possible. It's been a gradual process of learning that I don't dislike hanging out with people, but rather I do appreciate the excitement and magic of catching up with someone when do meet up. Some friends have understood this, and I thank Heaven for them because they really did take me for me. But some did not and along the way, I started to feel like I wasn't normal, or even a bad friend. I've just recently started to remind myself that I am not compatible with everyone. Your comment literally was a reminder that it's okay and I am not abnormal. Thank you🤍🤍

[@jodi9361]

Friendship has been my life struggle. Most things have worked out for me, except for friendships. This video helped me feel validated and better ❤️

[@sonyasison]

Same but I hope you’re okay 🤗

[@alextroy9202]

This

[@withl0ve_kate]

The myth of the ONE best friend used to haunt me. I felt insecure that I didn’t have the one friend that got all parts of me. But the friendships I have in my life, I appreciate so much and I nurture them as much as I can. I never really had a serious relationship in my life so I feel confident in my friendships and that dynamic. The 3 values I look out for are 1. Self-awareness/self-development 2. Kindness 3. Humor And I’m so happy to say that I have built a circle a friends that I’m proud of. They’re sweet and hilarious and I know they’d be there for me when it really counts.

[@aditishetty1389]

Wow, Jenn you made this video at the perfect time for me. I’m 22 and going through a period of cleansing my life of toxic friendships. My main takeaway from this video was ‘fluidity in friendship’. Society makes us feel like all our friendships should last the test of time, but it’s coming to terms with the fact that some friendships might be seasonal. More power to you Jenn. Love you as always 🫶🏽🥰

[@imjennim]

Yes, the only constant thing in life is change. However it's important to hold onto the friendships that enrich you! x

[@mysticalmists]

For me, friendships are the most difficult relationship to navigate - there are plenty of rules and expectations for a significant other/family, but like Jenn said, friendships are more fluid. One helpful thing my counselor told me once was to appreciate and treasure low-intensity friendships - those friends that you might see every few months but you have a good time with when you do. Brene Brown also talks a lot about boundaries and how we need to maintain them to prevent resentment and anger. So I really value those friends that let me keep up my boundaries and don't take it personally 🙏

[@soffeegirl]

I'm definitely an "initiator" too, Jenn!! I find that sometimes people feel too awkward or shy reaching out if it's been "too long" but as you said, nothing is personal and I have no problem coordinating plans or trying to catch up if it's someone I like to stay in touch with! My top 3 are: Similar ethics/morals. It's hard for me to connect with someone on deeper than a surface level if at the end of the day, our morals/ethics aren't aligned. They don't have to be exact beliefs and opinions on everything, but having someone you morally connect with is important to me. Being unconditionally supportive but also being open and honest in a kind way are my 2 other traits that I look for in a friend. If I can feel like I can be myself around you and also have that open honesty and communication with each other are important.

[@imjennim]

I agree! I think an "initator" is a personality type. Also great qualities!!

[@lindsayhallin]

This was great! I am "sunseting" some friendships in my life right now as I've learned that we aren't as aligned anymore in life. No hard feelings at all! In best friends, I look for people I can feel safe in my body when I'm around them. People who accept me and embrace who I am (I'm an introvert, so I require alone time and may not always speak up in group settings). I look for people who value transparency, going deep, fun, and timely communication.

[@imjennim]

Ooooo I like that term "sunseting."

[@lindsayhallin]

@@imjennim It's a word I chose because it feels natural. It's beautiful in a way. Even though the sun is setting, going away, we always appreciate it. That's how I feel about these friendships.

[@VSandTaylorSwiftLove]

@@lindsayhallin I love this term!!

[@camforpresident]

"people who [...] embrace who I am" 🤍🤍🤍

[@100wackerman1]

I love how you kept mentioning that so many things "aren't personal." This is one of the major differences between friendships and relationships. In a relationship, there are cut and dry expectations that you and a partner set between one another. With friendships, it's more fluid and relaxed and you truly are leading different, separate lives. I have always struggled to not take things personally in a friendship, and easily feel offended or discouraged when I think I'm putting in way more effort than another person or because someone hasn't consistently reached out. to me Obviously there's a line there, but I know I'm a sensitive person and a lot of the time, people are just truly busy and living in their own worlds! I'm sure there are times my friends think this of me when I'm in a busy life period and I have no idea. We only get one chance at this life and we live it from our own perspective in our own bubble and we can't even begin to comprehend the reason behind every choice someone else makes. It's better to just keep living our own lives putting our values and morals and selves first, and then embracing whatever aligns itself to your life!

[@Yashuop]

Claim your “here within an hour” ticket right here ❤️

[@khalilahd.]

🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️

[@bridgeatlanta3406]

Values i look for in a bestfriend : - complete honesty , i want someone to be real with me , honest about their opinions , their feelings - growth ,i want my bestfriend to be someone who actively works on themselves and is self-aware about their past-trauma , triggers , patterns that show up in their behaviour

[@lizcartojano9549]

I think one of the qualities that I truly value in a friend is being able to be honest with me and disagree with me. I like the ones who are able to tell me when they feel like I'm in the wrong or if they have an opposing opinion. It's good to have friends who share similar core values, but it's also very important to have friends that have a different perspective than you to help you see situations differently especially if you need some advice. In having a diverse friend group, you learn so much more and get to see from all different points of view.

[@risika]

This really stuck with me from a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). Because I realized not taking care of my mind was affecting my friends negatively. I overhauled how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my 3 habits - and to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on YT. And restructuring my life this way has made me a better friend because now I approach friends with the same type of mindset. Despite how Im feelings I have to reach out and designated times every week/month to keep up the bond. Because otherwise I have tendency to isolate and be super “I can do it all on my own I dont need anyone” but thats just the ocd talking.

[@l_f]

Wow that sounds really interesting! Do you remember the name of the podcast?

[@khalilahd.]

Wow I needed to hear this. Thank you 💜

[@imjennim]

This is such a great perspective. Thank you for sharing!

[@silvintdurif3301]

yo im part of the OCD club too.. Did not understand tho when u said "“I can do it all on my own I dont need anyone” but thats just the ocd talking.". how's that the ocd talking ?

[@risika]

@@silvintdurif3301 Ive learned through therapy that I find it difficult to accept the reality of lifes unpredictability. And I developed a compulsive avoidance where I’d avoid certain situations with friends to self manage the ocd. But the avoidance itself became part of the problem and it took help from others to identify the compulsion and part of the exposure therapy also involved other people. Im the captain of my own journey but Ive also learned to ask for help when I need it.

[@sw33tm3]

Always love Jenn’s “big sister” videos! I used to think you can only have one best friend if you have more then there is no loyalty. As I grew older, I realized we are multi faceted beings, there is no way you will find that one person that suits ALL of your needs, plus everyone evolves overtime and things change. I realized it’s okay to have multiple close friends, it’s actually better because they all provide new perspectives and inspirations in various ways. I have a friend who is more straight cut, I talk to her when I know I need someone to set me straight; I have a friend who is more understanding and always gives others the benefit of doubt; I have a friend who listens and doesn’t interrupt me; I have a friend who is very nurturing, the list continues. Like Jenn said, there is no hierarchy because I love them all for different reasons! I’ve also let go of some people who I thought they are my friends, and I am SO happy I did let them go. It’s true, quality over quantity, I’m much happier with friends who are supportive than those who judge and bring nothing but toxicity in my life.

[@imjennim]

I couldn't agree with you more! x

[@raedatu]

You hit the nail on the head with saying 'people have their own lives'. It's a difficult thing to not get sensitive about the topic and just be ok with, but just as you worded it it is so true! Friendship is a beautiful, flowing thing! Loyalty, someone who's got my back, is an important value to me! No matter where we go in life or if it is a winter in our friendship, I value someone who has got my back no matter what 👍🏻

[@norabui]

My top 3 are: trustworthiness, passion, and empathy. First off it’s just important to have friends I can depend on and count on, who respect boundaries and are there when I need someone to talk to. I love having friends who are passionate about sth in their lives, whether it be jobs or studies or hobbies. I could see their growth each time we hang out & love conversations with more variety! The most important element for me is empathy. It’s the best feeling to have friends I can connect with on a deeper level, who inspire me to be kinder and more open-minded :) It’s intimidating to start friendships completely from scratch as I get older, but it’s good to remind myself that as I grow, I will grow into friendships that serve me in new ways or show me a side of myself I haven’t seen before. Also, so true that friendships don’t get the same attention or research as romantic relationships even though they could be just as intense or enriching… Friendship breakups are real and they can be just as painful as romantic breakups, if not more. We need some more friendship breakup songs haha. Lastly I love the point of being the initiator !

[@imjennim]

Oooo what a great top three! x

[@girlwomen4685]

I broke up with my best friends and I’ve never been happier lol. It was becoming too overwhelming. Friends sometimes ask a lot from you but do not give you the same effort they demand and with my friends I felt they were too codependent and I’m 25 now. For the last year 1/2 almost two years I’ve been serious about my growth. I don’t want to talk about boy problems all day and constantly give you advice you won’t take. I literally have bills to pay and a life I need to maintain so those things can no longer be a priority for my life. When I was 17-22 it was great we were all on the same level in life but after 23 you change. The parties begin to get boring and wasting time becomes irritating. You just want to go home now lol

[@merrybercier4003]

I think you make a lot of good points! I'd just like to say that when people say that their romantic relationship is their "number one" relationship and that that commitment allows them the freedom to be "fluid" with their friendships because they don't need to have the same commitment or loyalty for those relationships that they do for their romantic ones, sometimes to their friends, and especially their single friends, it feels a lot like Jenn described feeling in middle school, when you tell someone they're your best friend and they don't reciprocate. I know prioritizing romantic relationships over friendships is a common sentiment in America and I know that I can't change the way people feel about their own personal relationships in their own lives, but single people (or anyone who loves and values their friends highly) hear things like this all the time, and it reinforces that no matter how important your friends might be to you, if they have a romantic partner, you can never be as important to them. That hurts, in what I imagine is a similar way to the feeling of being told you're not someone's best friend when you've told them that they're yours, so I hope that people can empathize with it. Again, I'm not asking anyone to change how they feel, and I understand that the sentiments expressed in this video are sadly very common. But in the future, I would ask anyone who cares to to just consider how hurtful it can be to your friends who love and value you to openly describe them as "not your number one" and talk about them as people you can be "fluid" and changeable in your love for, and can choose to just leave behind when it suits the place you're at in your busy life because you have that one, *truly* important relationship with your romantic partner that you *are* committed to. If we have love and commitment and long-term effort to give to our romantic partners, why can't we also give some to our friends? So, this is just something to think about in the future, if you're interested -- think about the ways we talk about friendship and the ways we talk to and about our friends, and how it might make them feel. I'm sure no harm was intended! I really enjoy your videos, Jenn! :)

[@jazztonish]

I was contemplating to be confrontational and honest to do a proper breakup with a very close friend. But I decided to slowly fade out instead since I wanted to be firm with my decision to move forward and never look back. I promised myself to be responsive if my friend needs me. But I won't hang out, reach out to her first, or share any more of my information. It's not easy but I don't want to fall back into the same cycle.

[@unlovebreather]

Some values: Having the ability to exist together without having anything planned. Doing life together. Now that I'm older a lot of my friendships are always focused on a ''meet-up'' to catch up and go to brunch and of course, I love to do that (who doesn't love discovering a cool new restaurant!) but I really enjoy just going to my friend's house and helping them fold their laundry while they talk to me about the fight they had with their neigboor, or walking their dog with them or doing our nails and planning a fake wedding while eating poorly, helping a friend of a friend move, etc. I really just wanna be friends with people I can see myself doing mundane things with.

[@movingbreath]

This totally resonates with me too! I appreciate how sometimes doing mundane tasks with friends or family brings out some authentic and deeper conversations compared to event-focused experiences.

[@victoriahuynh]

This video found me at exactly the right moment. I’m 19 in my second year of University. Last year, I went into uni after a stinging friendship break up. I had nobody, and I was so alone. I met a girl in a class, and we slowly became super close and got dinner every night. I told her all about my friendship break up from high school, and I felt like I had a friend I could count on again. When summer came, we made plans, and then she ghosted me, just like the last friend did. I can’t lie, I want the ideal best friend forever type of friendship. I’m very picky on my friends, and I don’t have many. I just want a friend for life

[@viv7795]

I really value people that are open minded and honest not that brutal and mean type of honest but open communicators. I love an extroverted friend that can honor me being an introvert but still help me get out there. They don't get hurt that I can't go out every weekend and I don't get hurt if they go out with others.

[@user-bo8mq7xc6g]

I like when my friends are just there for me, and when they dont ask questions. They just feel that i have a bad mood or something happened and they are there, not for questions but just be by my side when i need a company or stay quiet together. Thank you for this video! It is really inspiring

[@Ykoz2016]

I think I’ve had a lot of confusion with friendship breakups. Where you think it’s just a “winter season” and you are trying to respect how busy they are, but it turns out they were trying to facilitate a one sided “slow fade”. So then I tried to rekindle later and discovered they disliked me (without ever saying anything to suggest this before. No disagreements, no criticisms. Like the last time we talked they said “love you!) and had “dumped me” and I had no clue 😯 This has happened more then once. So I appreciate having “the talk”. I think I just keep meeting people who would literally jump off a building rather than face conflict. I wish people were more upfront. I’m trying to be better at reading the room but instead that just makes me intentionally paranoid. I’m also trying to appear as calm and unthreatening as possible so people would feel comfortable telling me the truth. I’m already very even tempered and straightforward, I never ever get angry, but I’m more blunt then gentle, which might be the problem. 🤷‍♀️😂 Anyway, I’m trying. I’d like to find a way to stop history from repeating itself. ❤

[@stephwang7]

I agree with this 100% !! This is literally me too 😭 we’re in this together figuring it out haha

[@Ykoz2016]

@@stephwang7 I do not care how silly this sounds but thank you! I genuinely feel better hearing that 😂❤️

[@stargirl33343]

I am the person who would rather jump off the building than have conflict, so thank you for sharing your perspective. I never thought about what that would do to a person.

[@Ykoz2016]

@@stargirl33343 Wow. Thank YOU for saying that. And since I have the opportunity speaking to someone on the other side of this I’m gonna add one more thing. (I’m sorry if I’m being too much? I can’t always tell. I don’t mean to be 😬🙏) I know it’s hard to have these confrontations. And I know not everyone reacts to them kindly, calmly or rationally. I know it takes courage. But very often the friendship is totally fixable. If you can find the strength/ courage earlier to tell your friend why you’re upset with them, or when you didn’t like something, they might just change or make an effort. They probably had no idea anything was wrong, or you were hurt/ unhappy. They might thank you for telling them and you might help them grow as a person while your friendship grows closer. I’m not saying it always happens, or always should happen. But as much as avoiding conflict means ghosting a person who doesn’t know you’re dumping them….avoiding conflict can possibly also mean you didn’t give yourselves a chance to stop it from getting that far. I just think it’s a healthy balance between letting go when it’s time without feeling like you have to be friends forever, but also not throwing it away rather then even ATTEMPTING to salvage it. Everytime it’s happened to me I just think “why didn’t you say anything???” So I just wanted to add that. I know I don’t know you and maybe this doesn’t apply (maybe this type of confrontation/ conflict isn’t a problem for you). Sorry if that was overstepping? I just wanted to put that in writing, if not for you then if someone else reads this and it helps 🤷‍♀️😬❤️

[@malikabernard966]

Great video Jenn! I will say that walking away from relationships that aren’t good for you anymore is necessary and friendships are no exception. It just sucks when you’re not great at making new friends. I think that’s why a lot of people find it hard to let some friendships go. They’d rather have some friends rather than none. I understand that in the meantime you can build a relationship with yourself while looking for new friends, but the process can be difficult and lonely. I hope everyone out there who is looking to find great friendships finds them ♥️

[@kauigirl808]

I have a BFF for 20 years and we can go for months or way longer not talking because we're so busy but we still remain bffs no matter what. That's a true best friendship

[@khalilahd.]

I love these little sit down videos. It’s so nice to get advice and hear your mentality on things like this 💜

[@sowanderlost]

Jenn, thanks so much for this lighthearted video. I love that you can turn every heavy conversation so light and bring the best out of it.

[@shyennebahar]

Some values I look in a best friend genuineness, growth and openess. I want to build genuine friendships where they are honest with their feelings and care for another. I really enjoy growing with my friends and reflecting on how we can improve. Also openess where we accept our differences and ways of thinking

[@jasmineyao8661]

Resonated so much with this video! What I value most in a friendship are emotional maturity, relatability/connection, and consistency!

[@mankypanky8d122]

Hey... wanna be friends??? ;] I too value emotional maturity, relatability/connection, and consistency~~~~~ ㅎㅎ

[@itzyfelipe8604]

I interned the summer before senior year, and had a nice income to be able to hang out with a wide range of friends. this was after quarantine, so I was constantly initiating hangout after hangout and was really thriving off of sweet friendships. After graduation, I didnt have a job lined up and generally wanted some space from my career, so I was no longer initiating bc of the discomfort of no steady income. To my surprise, my lovely friends showed me reciprocity and have remained really good at initiating. If you are in the proper headspace and have the energy, being a yes person and showing up when friends invite you to hang is just as valuable as being someone who initiates hangouts.

[@saamay1]

Wow, I went through a big friend breakup with a whole group of people who I considered my main group for the past 10 years. They were even in the bridal party for my wedding last December. When you listed the 3 qualities you look for in a friend, I realized (and genuinely not exaggerating) that I brought openness, active listening, and willingness to grow to these people but they never reciprocated it.

[@roryroopa]

Loved hearing what you value in a friendship Jenn! 💜 I'd say trust is a HUGE quality that deepens friendships for me. I've had friends who would share what I told them in private with other people and when it would get back to me, it would immediately kill the friendship. I'd forgive them out of love but kept my distance. Sometimes, I can't open up to new people because of this, but I'm working on it. I know that trust takes time to build. My friendships that have lasted over the years are ones that are safe spaces to be vulnerable and honest. One tell-tale sign that someone isn't trustworthy is that they talk about their own friends behind their backs a lot. So another quality I look for in friends is that they talk more about IDEAS rather than people. That way, we're growing together in a way that I'm comfortable in.

[@jane_leeeeeee]

Really enjoyed this one Jen! Openness, active listening, commitment to growth and consistency are all so important in my friendships as well. I also agree 100% on the “bff” and “slow fade” sentiments. I would love to hear more of these conversations and stories from you! It’s so interesting!

[@fatimaabid5824]

The only thing I look for in friendship besides a certain mental compatibility and sense of humour is sincerity . We don’t have to talk every single day but whenever we do it is really amazing and energising . Also if someone bitches about their other close friends to you they are obviously bitching about you to others as well so don’t let them in!

[@funnibunni500]

Your timing is impeccable Jenn!! I've been in such a rut with some of my friendships lately and I haven't been able to grasp or conceptualize into english words on how to deal with it. Maybe it's the Virgo season coming around the corner, but I absolutely needed this insight and advice. Love you girl ❤️ - a fellow Virgo

[@LexiDarcel]

Beautifully said Jenn! I actually just hit a milestone of 20 years with some of my friends (we’re in our 30s now!) and the biggest thing that has sustained us is not taking it personal if we’re in a lull. We just pick back up when we have the availability and there’s no guilt tripping involved.

[@lovelyghost3980]

Thanks for this Jenn. Not many talks about friendships so this video is so refreshing! Went through a friendship breakup recently and it sucks but this video made me feel better about it!

[@cindymayorga]

Jenn, you always have a great perspective! So true, nothing is about you! I’ve always felt like I deserved a conversation after a friendship breakup, mostly for closure, but now I’m more accepting of the fade out. Friendships change, and that’s okay! I value flexibility, spontaneity, and people who show up.

[@erinspsalms7541]

Hi Jenn! I was a fan of your channel when I was back in college, tried all your thrifting and fashion tips, buying the hairstyling wands and the cat eyed shades, and always admired your positivity and authenticity. Time flew and now I’m a 32 year old with a 3 year old boy, and I’m glad I came across your channel again to find you flourish with a beautiful family of your own and with greater wisdom and depth. Once again I’m becoming your huge fan! Thanks always for sharing your heart with us! You’re awesome!!!

[@theresamariz]

Jenn, thank you so much for this. I have been struggling with some of my friendships especially those that i had when i was in college and transitioned into "adult friendships" because the landscape is just different. I grew tired of being the one reaching out and always setting things up only to be rejected. I still love them so much but it's hard when it feels like you're the only one putting in the effort. But I also understand that we have different responsibilities now as compared to when we were students. That thing about friendships having seasons really eased my mind and I feel like if I just let things flow another summer/spring season will flourish for me and my friends.

[@_dani02]

This video came at the perfect time! The slow fade out advice stuck with me especially. I'm currently in a place where I feel like my energy, thoughtfulness and care for a friend is barely reciprocated, but at the same time I end up invalidating my feelings and rule them out as me simply being sensitive. I don't feel seen in this relationship, and it hurts. I've been trying to find the balance between seeing things from their perspective and not invalidating my feelings in the process of doing so. After watching this wonderful video of yours, I've gained the insight that I may be holding on to this friendship a little too tight, and that it's okay to loosen my grip on it. You're the best Jenn❤

[@eatwitchu9504]

I really appreciate when my friends speak to me maturely about issues they may have with me as an individual or within our friendship, instead of expecting me to read their minds and sometimes understand I'm just not as aware as I would like to me It shows me that they value me enough to want to keep this friendship going inside of slowly fading me out without giving me a chance

[@mch1811]

Thanks for this! Have been thinking a lot on this recently as the friend that makes shit happen, as lots changed when I became pregnant and had a baby last year and no longer had the time to commit to be the sole 'reacher outer' 🤣 some friendships are gone, others fading, others evolving and that's okay.

[@imjennim]

Congratulations on your baby! Also yess, parenthood can shift some friend dynamics especially because our time is even more limited. Some friendships will shed, but new ones will emerge! x

[@kelzkelz520]

Yeaa! I feel you. Consistency is key. Maybe not always a face to face chat but a little message to check in and see how you’re doing. Doesn’t take much time.

[@karlah8840]

Jenn!!! You always come through with the ‘big sister’ advice at the right time! I recently moved away from my hometown and in doing so, it majorly changed my relationships with my best friends. It’s been tough. Thank you for framing the fluidity of friendships as seasons, it really helps me to see it that way and not build resentment. In terms of values, I’m very similar to you! I look for growth and open-mindedness. And honestly, someone a little more extroverted than me lmao

[@ongpamela18]

A true friendship is one where u r open towards each other & are able to get along on all terms even down to the smallest issues of having similar fave towards food & beverages or fave movies or fave shopping malls!!!

[@tatianaolaru2514]

love that you bring awareness to this! friendships are so vital to a beautiful life

[@cwazychocolate]

Jenn I love you!! This video came at the perfect time for me. Getting older and realising you just need to go with the flow. Struggling with always being the one to say that someone’s my best friend and it ending up not being reciprocated is hard. But as I’m discovering, friendships offer you different things and you can vibe with people differently. Thank you so much for this video. I love all your videos and you’re such an amazing, inspiring human ❤️❤️❤️

[@Rachel-xf3op]

Honestly I get so jealous of other people's close friendships because I'm super awkward and it takes me foreverrrrrr to feel comfy with someone. I'm always afraid people only spend time with me out of pity.

[@Rachel-xf3op]

I even find myself jealous of my sister's fights with her friends, which is ridiculous! I just wish I was close enough to someone to fight with you know?

[@Kaytube19]

I’m with you on the gradual fade out especially if there were certain issues that arised, were discussed and nothings changed. Some people just do grow apart and aren’t as compatible, there’s absolutely nothing with that. Thanks for sharing 💕

[@lovinggsummerrr]

This video made me realize that even if I’m in the winter season of a friendship, it doesn’t mean it’s over! I always doubt if this means it’s the end of our friendship. And then it ties into the initiating part and reaching out first to catch up and hopefully get back into a spring season.

[@misssoandso]

Hi Jenn, thank you for sharing. I am happy to know that are people who also see friendships in a similar way as I do. I am the type of friend, who is low maintenance, who is cool with just quality time every couple of months, instead of day to day/ week to week. I am more introverted and get burnt out easily with around people constantly. I also love running into old friends years later and reconnecting like time hasn't passed.

[@annkuthakur564]

Thank you so much for this Jenn❤️ I’m in my twenties rn and whenever I feel overwhelmed regarding some of my feelings and life in general, I think of you and your helpful videos. It really helps me understand my emotions and look at life with a different perspective. With my best friends being all far away, this was a much needed video. Keep inspiring💜

[@amykim994]

This came at a perfect time for me! Thanks for making these types of videos💘 I was struggling with being in a winter season with long distance friends but this definitely shifted my mindset!

[@animelover390]

Yes, I definitely value reciprocating! This is huge. I used to feel bad being the one who initiates hanging out, but now I don’t feel bad because I can still feel their love and care for me as their friend. Also, I learned to be more selective with my time and figure out which friendships to nurture. Life is short, and you want to spend it with the ones you care about.

[@ConnieOBrien]

Your video was very focused on the positivities. I feel like many of us especially post Covid may be mourning over a loss of friendship and not because it’s seasonal fall/winter

[@borypark6922]

You read my mind Jenn! I’ve been thinking of this topic as well ❤️ I agree that friendship is underrated, it’s such an important relationship to have.

[@IAMJVY]

this video couldn’t have came at a better time…. i’ve finally accepted the fact that my last two friendships have came to an end (wondering if i’ve been the common denominator) & I’m for sure going through a grieving stage! Thanks Jenn!

[@acmanda07]

Thank you so much for this video, Jenn! I'm someone who really values friendships and my perspective of friendship has changed so much since COVID hit. I realized I only wanted to be around friends who reciprocate, put in the effort, and those who value my friendship with them the way that I do. So it's so nice to hear someone to GETS IT

[@Alcelubri]

I’ve always thought about boundaries of ‘real’ best friend and this one helped me a lot! Thank you for all those good contents and videos😄

[@shyennebahar]

That's so true I used to think there's only best friend that I can give this title. But now I don't think like that. So glad you're going over this. I always felt you are my internet big sister and having been following since '10.

[@meganngai2476]

This was such a well versed video, you really pinned all the things I felt about the different friendships. It just felt like I was hearing advice from an older sister ❤️

[@fleurishes35mm]

Completely agree. Have been thinking about this a lot recently and I appreciate more women being open and speaking about their female friendships on YT and podcasts etc. They can be very exclusive circles!

[@zahramoghadami]

Thank you dear Jenn for these type of content, actually I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately and not gonna lie, it's been a tough one!! As some one who constantly reach out for my friends I used to think of it as me being clingy or needy, but during my therapy journey and after a lot of self reflection, I just realised that's not the case! In fact I was the bond of that friendship and I'm proud of myself for that😍 My values in my friendships are honesty and transparency, I can not stand when someone is trying to be double faced or sth!!

[@prilailiu]

I also have a range of best friends and it’s the best thing ever! Each of them bring something different in my life.

[@joannefu3223]

Thank you so much for creating this video! I am going through some doubts about my friendship at the moment and this has made me feel so much better!! You're awesome, Jenn.

[@GinaCovarrubias1]

Oh my goodness, love how you describe seasons in friendship & specifically winter seasons! Literally reading a book called wintering that just talks about get through winter seasons in life in general & this soooo applies 🙌🏽

[@kwannyyy]

I think I agree with everything Jenn said in this video and there's some things I have to come to realise about friendships/relationships too just from watching this video. I think what is great with this video is that it is so relatable and honest! Jenn has evolved into such a wise person and I'm glad I'm around to see it.

[@sarahidesmond]

Thanks so much, Jenn!

[@aileen_lai]

Jenn's video always comes out at the right time and inspires me in different ways. Before my grad school starts, I have so many reflections about making friends and if myself is a good friend for others. I am gonna take all those advices and move on to my next chapter! Thank you Jenn!✨💞💞💕💕 My top 3: openness, sincere, motivated!

[@Kristina5342]

I had a best friend who I had known for 20 years. We started drifting apart 5 years ago, but I reached out to her after I met up with a mutual friend, who is her roommate (who I introduced her to), and we met up and caught up, talked out what was going on in our lives back then and why we felt like we drifted apart. It was very refreshing, and I’m so glad I reached out ☺️

[@boomboom1258]

I've been thinking about this topic lately and thank you for making this video. There are friends I wanna reconnect with again while I make new ones at 28. It's quite daunting to reach out to them again because a long time has passed and things happened between me and some of my friends. There are things to explain and apologise for too. Your approach to friendship is helpful enough for me to invent my own approach to friendships. ❤️

[@spammusubi1607]

Thank you for this video!! I went through a friendship break up this past year from toxic a highschool friend and have been through my first year of college trying to make new friends. I feel like I’m still trying to move on from this break up as I still feel some guilt with leaving even though it was ultimately the best and most healthy decision I could’ve made for myself. That being said through that breakup I definitely learned more about what I’m actually looking for in close friends and boundaries that I need to set clear. It’s definitely been a challenge throughout my life to find close friends and people who I can actually call my best friends.

[@kelody]

Thank you for this. This was much needed as I've been struggling lately on how to navigate new adult friendships. It's not like it when we were in school, see each other 24/7, and develop a bond quickly. As an adult life just gets in the way and the process takes a lot longer. But I feel better knowing that there's "seasons" in a friendship, that it's natural cycle, and I shouldn't stress over it so much.

[@holashaina]

Needed this video so bad. Thank you for sharing! Took notes and will always keep them in mind.

[@myshowja2]

Such a great and helpful video! Thank you! For me a friend is with whom you can have a chill conversation but also not awkward when you're silent. Also, there is no too much talk about the past events you two as friends been through, but a lot chill fluid conversation about present and future.

[@katrinastacie]

Such a great vid 💛 I made a chatty vid about friendships earlier this year and shared very similar values as you! I really value open and honest communication, willingness to be vulnerable, and friends who aren’t afraid to show support/affection/affirmation.

[@maliahstark]

Totally agree! It really drains my energy if I'm clueless on how to handle long-term friendships. I don't know why I am always affected with seasons and phases. Maybe because I am not feeling and seeing the reciprocation of energy and support. I love how you emphasize consistency, showing up, and not taking things personally. will definitely work on that.

[@quaintleaf1208]

i love videos like this! yes jenn, please continue to bestow your unnie wisdom to us! generally, i appreciate reciprocity in all my relationships. it sucks when it's obvious that i care more about them than they do about me.

[@prerza]

these talks are so liberating in a way, ily jenn

[@nanettelui2034]

wow i am very surprised at how much i needed this! i dont usually give my friendships a lot of thought but now there is much to consider ~ thank u

[@eshamaskeri]

your q&a's are my fav, but especially the friendship themed ones bc you give the best advice !

[@wwc639]

So timely and spot on. Love this format and this advice so much. You’re the best Jenn 🫶🏻

[@SelinaIsMyName87]

this is exactly what i've needed. been contemplating whether or not to reach out to a friend who i've kind of distanced myself from... thanks jenn

[@gypsyqzy]

It's openness, spontaneity, compassion, and being a good communicator for me.

[@jesusiskingofmyheart]

You're such a good friend Jenn! It shows! 💗

[@EmyEleni]

Love this! I’d be interested in reading any books you’ve read that helped with your mindset on this. Or an updated book rec video is great too!

[@pinoi1123224]

I always get into a constant battle of expecting reciprocity with my friendship, but like Jenn said, “no one studies friendships,” so I had to realize that people are “bad” friends because they don’t know our needs/expectations. They don’t know what it takes to maintain a friendship. I don’t mind being the one to initiate and make the plans, but you have to eventually recognize if the relationship isn’t working or the friendship doesn’t provide value to your life.

[@kriztjamarae6169]

I think when it comes to friendships you can better understand your friends if you know their love language, for example I have some close friends that open up better when we are together so I really find the time to see them if I can. I also agree with what you said about the different seasons of friendship and I find it truly a joy to have some friends that stayed despite us going through the different phases of our lives. We may not talk all the time (because adulting is hard lol) but the friendship will always remain. Love your sit down videos so much, Jenn! Thanks for this! 💕

[@bal0any]

Loved this video so much! Thank you for sharing this and opening up this perspective of friendships vs romantic relationships vs family.

[@llkjh8896]

honesty thoughtfulness love sincerity

[@KatKatK]

wow, I love your thoughts on this (I agree, very under-appreciated) topic!! Love the idea of friendships experiencing different seasons. I, too, have definitely struggled with my perception of friendship in the past, particularly with the notion of absolutely needing to have that "one best friend". Not gonna lie, I still struggle with this to some extent and am, at times, unsure whether to state/re-negotiate my boundaries in some of my friendships or just accept that they have naturally reached their end. But I’m thankful for the (many different) best friends that are in my life now and feel like, as I’m getting older, I‘m able to navigate my relationships with more grace. Thank you for sharing this with us, Jenn!!🤍🥺

[@enyachiang9763]

love this kind of friendship conversation with u! for me, to be friends, one of the very important things is showing respect and another is letting each other know that "hey, you means a lots to me! even we don't have time tgt sometimes"

[@haianhpham2499]

YES! Love this kind of content from you Jenn!

[@Victoria-tk6tc]

I like the metaphor of the season so much, that’s completely true! Love those kind of videos Jenn thank you 🤍

[@meowmeowgrl]

Totally related to all the things you said. I have friends who we can just pick up the relationship off as if we haven't not seen each other in years. And it's amazing

[@pkclark]

Some qualities I look for is definitely someone who is honest with me, loyal, and open minded as well. I love my little circle I have and it sucks that I am so far away from them but when we do see each other, it is like we’re picking up right where we left off.

[@wanaisyahadlinwanmohdhazim4871]

I think one of my biggest takeaways from watching your friendship videos since two years ago is it is definitely okay to be the initiator. and I remember that when I did that my friends were stoked and thanked me for being that kind of person.