How Narcissists Use You As Emotional Regulator|Michele Lee Nieves

[@BD638]

"Narcissists use you to regulate their emotions" that makes so much sense like after a blow up, they would be so calm afterwards and while everyone else would be in chaos

[@WeCanHearYouNowwithPeggiMerkey]

They don’t want truth. They just want to win!!

[@simonschneider5913]

and this is what it always has been....its the stuff thats told in every culture...in different ways...if you actually have a culture....

[@glenncowan6669]

It's really creepy how they all operate out of the same play book

[@bad.chickie66]

@@glenncowan6669it’s pathetic how obsessed everyone is with narcissists

[@mountainhobbit1971]

the narcissist discarded me the day after I was the happiest I have been in a long, long time...and this happiness had nothing to do with them. ;-)

[@greenspider1598]

How dare you be happy? How dare you relax when the narcissist can't? They're forever in a survival mode. So they can never be happy. How dare you? That's their mentality. That's who they are. And be happy that that person is no longer in your life.

[@paulclinton6414]

I remember watching a movie and laughing without them and they had to start a pointless fight. They had a bad day, they create bs fight and then ask me why I am taking my bad day out on them I had a great day until then.

[@greenspider1598]

@@paulclinton6414 Vicious Circle That Never Ends Probably knew you had a great day, and you're not allowed to. How can you have a great day when their life is exhausting looking over their shoulder never being wrong about anything in a constant state of survival mode? It's exhausting being a narcissist They can never relax and just be happy.

[@harveybirdman2674]

I hope you are ok...

[@EsotericOccultist]

This is so true. This is exactly what happened to me. My parents used to say I was being a snob for staying in my room and avoiding them when in reality I was afraid of confrontation and didn't want to be a victim of their anger outbursts. And you're right, explaining does nothing to fix it. It's like talking to a brick wall. Now I'm distancing myself from people like that and I'm seeking out a family of friends that want to have a relationship based on building each other up rather than tearing each other down. I just have to be mindful not to act like a narcissist myself and become like the people that raised me. That's one of my big fears.

[@NEONOIRERA]

EsotericOccultist wow I can totally relate

[@elissaharris8803]

The very fact that is a fear of yours goes to show you're an empath, NOT a Nacr... they don't give a shit.. you do. so don't worry.... you're NOT a Narc... maybe just picked up a few fleas you can shake off x

[@VEGA3alp]

These "people" should have a public health warning tattooed on their forehead.

[@Multiverse82]

They do!! But takes you a time to learn to see it from the off! The best at it are kids of narc parents. Initially you attract other narcs to carry on the abuse until you start putting up healthy boundaries. Then you grey stone them and block them from the off! But you MUST remove all the narcs from your life or there is always a gap in your defence.

[@MoPoppins]

Phill Hinkler - Yes...let’s legislate it. You’ve got MY vote. ✋

[@educationalbrowsing8913]

Yes - 666.

[@brianf9615]

Good one.

[@rozalina531]

@@Multiverse82 This is so true. Spot on 💯🎯

[@chellybabyme]

Think back to seventh grade. You didn't study for your test. You're panicked and you know you're panicked and you feel like the rest of the world has it together but you don't. You run up to your best friend. You say "did you study?" Your friend says "yeah I studied." You run around asking people if they studied until you come up with somebody who says they didn't study.. Remember how you sort of felt a little bit better, like "oh they're feeling Panic that they're not going to pass the test".Well I think that's how the narcissist feels all of the time. They feel unprepared for the world and they want to hear you say that you're unprepared for the world. They feel that way every second about everything. The difference between you and them is that you're looking for empathy and you still realize that you haven't studied but you just want some commiseration in the fact that somebody else is going through the same thing. The narcissist just wants to dump there scaredness on to you and then they don't have it anymore in their head. Totally sick individuals. But could you imagine running around with that level of panic and you all of the time? I'm glad I'm not one of them. But this is what I think that they must feel like because I've been around one. Or 2 two.

[@earthrooster1969]

Phew! Your comment triggered that ugly memory I have when I was studying for my board exams it was a very tough time..and my dear Mom comes quietly over and tells me that my Dad has written in his letter to her ( my Dad was working from another state) that since I am no good so they better start looking for a boy for me to marry me off to. Of course she was lying, I knew she was, but had no wish to question her as I was so shook by her poisonous way of doing things.( I am from India so... arranged marriage is quite the norm). That same Mom wanted to show me off to the whole world when I got selected in a very prestigious Design school...

[@emmarae4322]

Good analogy.

[@nevetsre7001]

I had someone come over to me before one of my finals and demand an essay plan for what they ry thought might be on the exam. So I mentioned some commentators, but what can you do? I just wanted to refine composure go in and ace the exam.

[@chellybabyme]

@@earthrooster1969 The narcissistic does want to show you off as a status heightener for them, but they still geel good when you feel bad inside. That's bc they're not happy for you, they're happy someone will look at THEM bc of you. They're sick ppl.

[@smt456789]

It’s a heartbreaking cycle. So hard to accept that this is their norm. Took me forever to stop trying for a better dynamic with my brother bc I wanted his friendship.. It can never happen.

[@winsells8527]

S T fam same here and once I finally realize this abuse EVERYTHiNG became much more clear and sadly but true we pretty much don’t lost them as a ‘brother’ cuz we’re suppose to honor one another not provoke negative emotions !!!we will make it thru this for me I’m now 35 and my brother is 32 and he is nothin to me now !!!

[@eurokay4755]

S T - I'm dealing with what I now recognize is a narcissistic older brother. He was always a bully growing up. Then, after marrying, kids, etc., it seemed like he had calmed down, but apparently not. He's been divorced for over 20 years, cycled through employers and self-employment, day-trading, everything you can imagine because he's unable to accept authority or some else's superior skills or position, as always. I was forced, finally, to look for an explanation after his last spate of verbal abuse toward me. I realized that there are actually 3 in this little drama: him, a target, and Mom, who has spent her whole life celebrating any constructive thing he's ever done and maligning or guilting anyone who dares to call him out when he's raging. It's been an exhausting, depressing journey. I have succinct and purely superficial exchanges ("sounds good", "done", "I'll take of it") with him about issues with Mom, mostly, that require some communication, but I haven't had a real conversation with him in over a year. This is apparently unbearable for Mom, who keeps trying her old triangulation, meddling and flying monkey tactics. She becomes hostile because these don't work anymore. I would say please watch out for other family members who are almost certainly part of your narc brother's dynamic. He likely was made, not born a narcissist, and someone in your family may very badly need you to continue to play that game.

[@smt456789]

@@eurokay4755 Hi Eureka, fascinating story! Thank you. Yes, they don’t act alone. He did not fool my parents who were frustrated by his behavior. They have passed away. But he triangulates with my sister who he uses as his cheerleader (attention), advocate, and flying monkey. I have stepped out of the dance with my brother and away from his orbit. A nice way to say no contact. Exchanging pleasantries was not even possible with him. If a rare business issue does arise, I have asked my sister to supervise so the chance of contact is almost zero! I have peace of mind.

[@eurokay4755]

@@smt456789 Good for you!! I feel like I'm slowly edging to no contact from an already safe distance. I'm able to be equally indifferent to his angry tirades, jokes and occasional polite overatures - not rude, just cordially indifferent. I don't mean to, but it is sometimes satisfying to see observe the surprise on their faces and their sudden recalculations. Sometimes, they (he and Mom) literally just turn away and continue speaking to each other as though I don't exist because I won't be their target. I anticipate he will have a final raging period after Mom's death (she's 85) after which I'll go completely No Contact.

[@smt456789]

@@eurokay4755 I do recognize being treated “as though I don’t exist” if you won’t be their target. My brother became a Hoover meister when I backed away, so I stay aware. He will use any situation to reel me back in. I knew that but with the extreme covid changes, he reached out in kindness. I thought the crisis might have resulted in an epiphany. I responded back and it quickly descended into chaos. No hope! Stay safe.

[@kimberlyfeliciano4375]

Think you. I was confused as to how they say they care about you but then feeling like does this person even like me- I feel as if they hate me. It all makes sense now. Emotional regulator- that is not what we are put on this earth for.

[@ardent9422]

Perfect info right now, as I'm trapped in the house with a toxic person. They're hoarding all the food and giving the silent treatment during a pandemic/quarantine, perfect time to act cruel.

[@greenspider1598]

Yes You're vulnerable you're scared and they will take advantage of that and use it against you. It's literally like the perfect scenario for the narcissist. But don't forget they are extremely fragile. All you have to do is disagree with them and not play along with their games and they will lose their minds. It takes nothing to set them off. They are not strong at all. You are. Stop walking on eggshells relax. Stop playing the game. And start looking at them as if they are a six-year-old child easily set off.

[@ecirtal4422]

Damn couldn’t imagine that!!

[@aungar2403]

So sorry for you!

[@greenspider1598]

@@aungar2403 they are fragile they are not strong every moment everything they do is toxic and it takes nothing to set them off Get off the emotional roller coaster every story they tell you is fake everything they do is a lie You be you let them be themselves let them continue to play their games on their own agenda do not buy into it

[@analaitjohnson848]

As much as it may bother you, don't show them that their silent treatment is getting to you. Be in your phone, smile while looking at your screen and randomly burst out laughing sometimes like you're having the best and sweetest conversations ever. If they wish to start engaging into conversations reply with short, vague responses and appear distant and uninterested. Their mind will go into overdrive and they'll be more miserable at what seem to be your happiness.

[@pipagrace1]

You constantly hit the nail on the head. Top video. I remember my ex slamming his fist on the table in a psychiatrists office, screaming “I never get angry.” And nothing made him more furious when he could no longer get me to respond in any way. I have been free of him for fourteen years and it is so validating to hear you explain what was going on. Anyone who is going through this has my greatest sympathy. Your advice is totally correct.

[@prayerbears6743]

Excellent! the narcs are like patients who switch their diagnosis with a healthy Nurse or Doctor trying to help them, and the Medical Staff end up being admitted in the very bed the narc was abusing them from and the narc walks out of the clinic saying: I did all I could to help them! See??? a wicked role-reversal game with souls they envy and are jealous of.

[@jerrychambers3817]

Well said

[@dwaynewilliams8921]

So true it's a shame people can be so cold. No heart.

[@Nitya-r86]

My parents and brother- all narcissists- use me to maintain their sense of equilibrium all the freakin' time while I get drained with all their negative energy.

[@Nitya-r86]

@Andrew Sorge I get drained and affected even when I don't participate. I'm an empath and they are such energy vampires that they energetically and psychically attack me. It gets too much.

[@Multiverse82]

Go no contact if possible or keep as strong boundaries up as you can. I’m also empathic. Break all energies ties! Affirm you release all energies that are not your own to be transmuted and returned to source as unconditional love. Then call back all of your own energies, that they be blessed and transmuted into the highest purest love to be healthily and powerfully reintegrated into all of your body now. You can go much deeper and affirm it’s on quantum level in all timelines, dimensions and realities and call in your highest power/source if it all resonates. Also breaking soul contracts and looking into past life’s, deep soul work if it resonates with you. If does not then energy work using breath is fantastic also, mindfulness and exercise. Anything to boost your own personal power! 👊

[@mrp8173]

Wow you deserve more

[@greenspider1598]

Break free from the cycle. It takes nothing to set them off. They are extremely fragile. They are not as strong as they appear to be.

[@mrp8173]

@@greenspider1598 Best narc advice anyone could give

[@karlataylor1172]

I am so happy I found these videos because their psychopathy used to make me so confused......now I just look at him and his partners like they're children so it's much easier to cope with.....I feel less confusion when I think of them like toddlers.....which is what they are emotionally and mentally.

[@daylightthroughthefog548]

Tonight I’m self isolating in my children’s bedroom. After an attack from all sides , gaslighting, manipulation of truth, double talk and blaming me and making accusations that are false to get me to react in an emotional way. In order to survive I’ve had to remove myself from the situation.

[@Noemie291]

nice pseudo

[@harveybirdman2674]

Omg i hope you are doing good now... Don't let self-centered women do that like ever!

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

I hope you’re safe and well, friend.

[@andreaanonymous5474]

Every single narcissist I have known does this. Once you react, you can see them smile, see them finally look peaceful, almost like a person on drugs that finally gets their fix. It's obvious you can see a peace and a calm come over them if you watch closely. DON'T REACT. For anyone here that wants to know what they can do to combat the narcissist, this is it. Just don't react. You do this enough. Eventually they completely deflate.

[@jensbasement3862]

I said this once, and I'll say it again. They can't love, but use. Stop tolerating these leaches

[@sladki6ka]

Having experienced it recently first hand, I feel this video is 100% accurate. It took a while to figure out why when I was happy, it seemed to make her more frustrated, why she would pick unnecessary fights, and why the one time I cried, she seemed to almost be smiling. It is absolutely fascinating how their brains can do that, elicit the emotional reaction in another in order to not live through it themselves. Like, scientifically fascinating, not with any other positive connotation. Thank you for explaining it so well, I feel for people who don't realise they are dealing with a narcissist, because it turns your world upside down.

[@mysticrose3543]

Wow. This is brilliant. I never understood why the narc kept up the incessant picking at you until you lose your stuff. This is exactly it. They never stop doing this. NEVER. And if you ignore it, they keep upping the ante. The behavior gets nastier and nastier. So I see it coming and don't respond AT ALL. And I thoroughly enjoy knowing they are getting increasingly angry as I don't react.

[@c.eb.1216]

It's fun when it reaches visibly ridiculous levels and you're still just ignoring them and going about your business 🤡 You'd hope it would hit home that it a them problem, something they have going on internally.

[@firdanurinda2944]

I've been practicing emotional detachment from my mom and it works very well. I keep reminding myself that I am an emotionally mature adult then I don't need the external validation from my parents anymore everytime she critizes things I do. Now I never doubt my personal opinion anymore and whenever she wants me to be her emotional regulator, I stay on my reality then ignore her emotional situation since I have learnt enough to believe in myself no matter what she does or says.

[@artsydoll888]

Firda Nurinda me too thanks for reminding me

[@jody5328]

I have been watching hundreds of videos trying to understand the narcissist and this concept of "emotional regulation" has been the biggest key concept so far in understanding all the disturbing behaviors and crazy making communication coming from the narcissist. THANK YOU!!!!

[@hsg57]

Everytime the narc in my life gets done going off on a tangent about how no one is there for them, it’s usually followed up by a “I’m just venting” even though what they said was vile and disgusting. I’ve noticed myself falling into that habit because I’m around them so much. It’s not venting, it’s raging and it’s a lot to put onto someone. Especially if you’re yelling.

[@karlataylor1172]

5 days .....feels like heaven.

[@thlp6872]

@Karla Taylor: Doesn’t it? My NARC is my dad. 5 days of silent treatment and counting. This is the longest of the silent treatment. I liken it to attending a silent retreat and mirror that treatment right back at him. I have no intention of speaking for the foreseeable future unless it’s to play along and answer a question or something on the surface. People like this will experience their own karma.

[@shillasahlmen5742]

I love how you explain things! Soo intensively and calm" But allways on point as usual ! My respect and much love .

[@brandeno919]

I learned during the pandemic dealing with two narcs at once is not reacting and also pretending to be like their cheerlead give you power you start to see what their weaknesses are

[@TheAnniewoo]

VALIDATE YOUR OWN REALITY 👍👍👍👍

[@warorislam]

Spot on Michelle. That saying less is more needs to be applied when dealing with toxic individuals. What I mean giving the bare min response when they try to engage you if any at all. Don't ask them for help nothing at all!. Well you can sometimes get them to do stuff but. Once I asked the narc to help me with something and they ended up making the situ worse that's why I mean. Think about it their essence is about creating drama so makes sense. But I pretended nothing happened because they looking to get a rise out you. After 5 mins I reminded him that he just broke this thing and just left it at that. Just letting him know that I know what he done. They are nuts. I don't know how they get jobs or who gives them a job.

[@miriammatthews2202]

They are really good at sales

[@eurokay4755]

My narc older brother has cycled through every type of job but his longest one was teaching high school. He loves being the boss. having power, etc. Even that blew up when he finally got the kid that was just like he was in high school and told him to "f off." He couldn't handle it and went straight to the office, demanded to not have that student, was told that wasn't possible, and quit. Our mom, his enabler, says "He had to quit. Nobody can teach in that environment." Clearly, objectively false because the school is full of teachers who do exactly that routinely all school year. He's just super-special and shouldn't be expected to deal with predictable, manageable problems like every other employee. It's exhausting listening to this garbage and only being able to respond, "That's interesting" when it's actually completely ridiculous. Depressing.

[@mikec559]

This is a great video. This reminds me so much of my ex wife. She always had a way of turning things on me when she was the one doing things. She had an affair and still had a way of making me feel like it was my fault. Even after the divorce, I greatly improved myself and made lots of positive changes... when she saw me again she had to make a point to say I was the same and o would never change. You’re absolutely right, these types of people can really make you feel like you’re losing your mind. This is a great video, Thank you

[@rosinastarr7250]

I calmly looked at him and said you're projecting all of this on to me because it's exactly how you and it has nothing to do with me .

[@Paola01.]

Yes, these people are so annoying they distort your reality. They make up lies so you could go crazy and be arguing about something that you know the truth to.

[@renee571]

This video is amazing. You spoke so clearly to the mind games that take place. I had a go-round with the N the other day and when the projection and blame came at me, I simply said yes, I did that. Yes, you are right. His words literally trailed off... he didn't even know what to say! He regrouped and the digs started coming harder after that but again, I held on and just said yes, you are right. Years of hard work, studying and re-learning who I am allowed those words to fall off and it felt like I was wearing a suit of armor! Don't give up!

[@pheonixrising3957]

Learning strong self boundaries is one good way towards handling the “projectional” propegation behaviors of them

[@billtozier9081]

Mrs B here. I will forever bless this day. The day all the puzzle pieces fell into place!

[@mariaolsrud7346]

But if you do not let them dump their garbage on you, they will threat you or even worse destroy you.

[@cassiebennet4262]

This! You might as well just be the regulator. The alternative can be much worse unless you're able to get out.

[@cr8zystar282]

So sad, we have sick people in our lives! 😢

[@russellfultz9771]

Yes Michelle, thank you for putting this information out there. I had no idea about narcissistic personality disorder. I was abused for around a year and a half. I had no idea what was going on. Things got crazy, I went crazy! I started acting out of survival, self preservation, intuition. I couldn’t explain it, my behavior. I never acted like that before, but thank God I did. Not proud of it, lashing out, but I learned so much about narcissism and about myself. As an empath, a narcissists projection can literally make you have a emotional/mental breakdown. So in a loss as I was, I needed answers so I started digging through psychology books. College psychology textbooks. I taught myself and acquired wisdom and knowledge. I’m still trying to get myself back, but I have made great strides! Some of that success I credit to you Michelle. I found your channel in a dark time of my life. You saved me!.....kinda😉 Ok Michelle, keep up the good work and great videos! Your a voice of all that’s good and true! God bless! Stay happy, stay healthy, stay safe!

[@phoenixrising8007]

When you stop carrying their emotional baggage they will be furious they have lost their pack mule. It’s not our responsibility to fix someone else, it’s theirs.

[@shewins3775]

Great video and you are absolutely right about once you start focusing on you, you start to feel empowered. I am getting to know myself for the first time at 44.

[@tammytaylor1200]

20 years 20 years of my life I give to the narcissist in my life😔plus I come from a family of narcissist 🥺 I feel so stupid and I can’t trust anyone and all I want is to live peacefully and not have to watch everything I do or say! Or even how I look, why have I never been enough!? To the people I give my all too......

[@ditchdogger1]

Tammy Taylor I understand I did thirty years. Believe me there are people you can trust.

[@greenspider1598]

They rely on your humanity and they give you none. You were raised by narcissists. So that means you have been pre-programmed to accept narcissistic abuse break the cycle get out of there. I was raised by a malignant mother and I also married a High Spectrum narcissist because that's all I ever knew. Now. You can't even go near if you're even remotely toxic. I don't want you anywhere in my life.

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

Tammy Taylor you are enough Tammy, it is them who are critical, cranky and abusive. It’s no different than if you were to come across Ted Bundy or someone like him, you’d never take his hideous criticisms to heart because he’s a dead convicted killer. The only difference between the narcissist in your life and TB is they have not yet murdered and if they have they haven’t been caught. You have to look at it that way and know that they are dead inside and they are like roaming piranhas just looking for fuel to sustain their vicious violent life. You have to erase the programming that was instilled in you as a child that they were ever good in the first place and then you’ll begin to heal. Thinking they are good because they told you they were is what keeps you bound to them because they sound so rational when they yell and scream and accuse that it can be so disorienting and it can completely confuse the truth and reality.

[@jnooyen9076]

This may hopefully help you: "The moment I discovered that I was targeted, not because there is something wrong with me, but because there are so many things right with me. ..That was the moment I finally began to truly heal. Quote by: Michelle Mallon MSW, LSW, Survivor, Narcissistic Abuse

[@julieolson7639]

I really want to say THANK YOU! I am going through this Hell now . I was going insane! lost me and. He is getting worse and I needed answers to understand what the Hell is happening and I am starting to see the craziness of this TOXIC relationship AND tonight I had my angels given me this video to understand how to keep moving forward and FINALLY get back to taking care of me. And I am PROUD to say that before I watched this yesterday my ex text me the most HORRIBLE THING TO SAY TO A PERSON . HE SAID IT TO ME!!!!! THIS MAN DOES NOT GIVE ONE. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT HATRED. AND. PURE MEAN HORRIBLE. WORDS TO HURT ME DOWN TO THE CORE OF MY BEING. And I have been ignoring the monster and letting MYSELF to be still quite and letting him not control my anger and keep me in this CIRCLES AND CIRCLES OF PURE MADNESS AND BLAME AND SHAME AFFECY ME NO MORE.!!! So I have been still and my angels brought me this to understand that I am making the right choice and moving FORWARD TO MY JOY. !! I AM READY. Bless you for your guidance. And thank my angels and spirits and the UNIVERSE FOR HOLDING ME IN THE ARMS! THANK YOU

[@Cmac1328]

This is sooo spot in. I used to get so frustrated at the traps my ex would set for me…the things she would accuse me of…or how she went out of her way to make everyone (especially me as the intimate partner) around her uncomfortable based on her own discomfort. When I made attempts at establishing boundaries or accountability over the toxic behavior, I was gaslit and got increasingly frustrated. Then my frustration and our discord was used as the reason for the discard. Zero accountability. Thank you again for helping us make sense of the crazy rattling around in our own heads that they leave us with.

[@Feequilts]

Since I first heard you say this about 3yrs ago, it changed me in so many ways and I finally felt like I had the power to take my soul and sanity back and to start to be the person I was made to be instead of just reacting to their bad moods. I think me changing unnerved my narc and left him a bit puzzled. Thank you, Michele, you are awesome! Wishing you all well through this time from Australia.

[@khamikos1]

the best i have ever watched and the best "reality" about how these perverts use youto regulate their emotions, because they suffer from severe cognitive dissonanace.congratulations Michele Lee Nieves

[@helloworld7818]

My mom always provoques me. She always says stuff that knows that will make me angry. And then she blames me for being "angry". She comes to me, she says stupid shit and I tell her to shut up. I'm not interested. And she still continues until she fucks my mind up. And then I get angry. And then she tells me I should go to a phsychiatrist because I'm crazy and I can't control my emotions. She never allows me to talk. It has to be always her. She thinks she's the most intelligent person on Earth. She's not empathetic. And still she tries to "help people". And I always see it as she is trying to sell her good woman image. She also victimizes herself. She sees herself as a martyr. She says: I was such a good mother. I did everything for you!! But she was literally over protective and crazy. And she never like me having my own views on things. She always wants me to see everything as she wants me to see. And If I judge her she calls me crazy. She plays the victim. Always. She tells everyone how an amazing mom she is and how great and amazing person she is. But she is the least empathetic person ever. She never understands the problems of others. But still she's trying to "save and help them". She hypnotizes everyone. She's a great manipulator and people believe in what she thinks.

[@hellonormal6276]

Mine was exactly the same. I don't remember one 'normal' conversation with her. EVER. Get out. Focus on education/work/bettering/finding yourself. Focus on how you are going to to find long term financial independence. Work on straightening out the foundations of your mind that have been twisted and build, build, build your life. If she drops you (usually for men in my experience) look on it as an opportunity to break away. It's true what is said. They get worse with age. Good luck!

[@c.eb.1216]

Oh, I don't trust people who feel the need to tell me they're a good person. I'd rather see it in action. Last person who said that had spent years pulling obnoxious stunts showing quite the opposite. If they say that they're either running interference or deliberately messing with you.

[@javeriaharoon7957]

I have been ruminating all my life trying to understand why they treat me so bad and then at the end me trying to keep my calm just burst out. You rxplaines really well. I wish i could give you a hug but so many prayers are for you my dear. You will see good things coming your way because you are doing great service to humanity. 😍

[@lisavazquez3651]

I never realized how heavy my emotional being that I was carrying for him until I left. Totally brainwashing. Always told me I brought him comfort and peace .......his reason for always hoovering me back. I never realized I was his “emotional regulator” and I really did not know me anymore and your right all I did was live for him. So enlightening Thankyou!!

[@paulinenesbitt1670]

U

[@humairaoyshe4039]

You are savings lives..Thank you Michele ❤️

[@KP144ooo]

Oh my lord …. My “ mother” …. I was always told I was bad and everything I did was bad and I wasn’t doing anything

[@JR-ej9up]

Thank You Michelle. This is so enlightening hearing it out loud to what I have more or less experienced with my Ex Girlfriend. The behavior I witnessed, I honestly just shake my head to what I witnessed. Things are looking up. And the pettiness of test messages. Or many texts messages coming in at once, when I do stand up for myself and proclaim positive direction I am going for myself and our son. She does these things. Continues to write me as if it's "Ok" to think this way, according to her. Or that's fine kind of stuff. No control over me at all. Like you said, has the narcissist looking for that person to beat down, to make themselves feel good. Thank You.

[@ackbuilder8262]

I think this is the best put together video on decoding on what’s happening in Lehman’s terms. I was able to get from point A to point B in Michele’s explanation. Thank you. Very helpful.

[@genaphobe]

I dated a narc who knew she was a narc (or, she had a really damaged profile) at the exact moment when she projected her shame, anger and embarrassment onto me. It was the saddest day of my life to see that. Some people just learn how to deal with stress from their parents, or ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. They see how they are treated, and then treat others in that same way in that same context - it's learned behavior for sure. This girl had no idea that I really was just a nice guy (I got baggage, and I'm codependent in some areas, but I ain't a fixer-leech sort), and one night, after a bad day at work, she totally flipped into a controlling, abusive rager, and, truth be told, she got weird AF; she had two panic attacks, yelled at me to stop staring at her, told me to eat dinner while she laid down, and then pretended like nothing had happened. When I tried to gingerly broach the topic the next day, she said that I had a problem, and that we should cancel our weekend plans, etc. For the longest time, I thought I did something terribly wrong (we broke up of course), that I somehow triggered her, and that maybe there was something wrong with me. This KZbin explained so much. How my reaction justified her mood, and validated her false self ultimately. The whole sad thing was, she knew what she had done. She totally ran away from the relationship (after I tried to connect with her face-to-face and really hash out what had happened; my intention wasn't to hook back up, my intention was to provide her understanding and compassion, and just move forward in my life, and to see if any of it would help her become a better person). The shame was ultimately too much for her to bare (she was a social justice figurehead in her community, and many of her friends and family had already met me as "the one"). I hope she tries dating another good guy again. Not some douchey narc (her ex-BFs all sounded like really lame narcs, like, I think that should have been a red flag there, too). Sometimes nice guys really do have a hard line when it comes to boundaries, and ensuring that we all just wanna grow and evolve, by yourself, or with a partner. It's the same principles. This was such a shame, though. When someone is so aware of the disorder they have. It might have been fleas, or C-PTSD, or any other B or C amalgamations, but she knew what she had done to me. She totally knew, and she withdrew from it, and swept it under the "shame" rug.

[@princessjones34]

This video was so informational 🙏🏾

[@murmulefy]

"They see you as the carrier of everything they hate in themselves..."

[@karlataylor1172]

yes!!! I noted this too.....when out if I am having a good time with my daughter and laughing and playing with her he will repeatedly ask....." that was a good time right? we had a good evening right?".....constantly on repeat.....I had to ask him this time around....."why are you repeating yourself constantly?" are you looking for me for validation?"...I threw it back at him...." did you have a good time?"....." Why are you continously asking me?" It's like talking to a child......bizarre.....bizarre and really really annoying. .....like he can't identify his own feelings? Like a psycho.

[@FrancesShear]

Of course they do. They are always blaming others for whatever negative feeling they have inside because they can never see themselves as being child like enough to feel or have any thought at all that is anything other than perfection. Behaving as a child of light drives every narcissist crazy with envy and hatred no matter what that child of light says or does whenever the narcissist believes they have a child of light under their thumb. They are like the old saying itself, "Misery loves company"..

[@shebakali6]

That was excellent. It really expands and explains how and why the narcissist projects their emotions onto the scapegoat.

[@warrencardwell6706]

All very true and great advice about coping with a narc. Thanks for the video Michele.

[@alexdrouin4872]

People are sick and I'm sad to say this is only getting worse. just realised a LARGE % Of people or like that. not just your typical toxic person or borderline. They are gone. they're completely mad. I found out You are always 100% right on what you say since I've been following you. And I attract them like mosquitoes no matter what I do, when I resist like you explained how to they get extremely mentally violent or 'forceful' (like you explained in previous videos) toward me. After years of abuse by many different ''narcopaths'' I have to share my best tip (even though you prolly already mentioned it Michelle ) - to win this fight - RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN !

[@marieferguson2442]

And even kind honest relatives get caught up in that nonsense being used as flying monkeys now i am looking at my son caught up in all this dysfunction and thinking is he one of them the whole thing makes you very suspicious i was never like that but i have been suspicious for four years but just recently have come to terms with it

[@alexdrouin4872]

@@marieferguson2442 marie ferguson we got to protect ourselves, and stay strong even if some don't seem to let go. I know some situations aren't easy. It's really heartbreaking to hear that, I'm very sorry. From what I understand, some are borderline, and some are gone. That's the way I look at this. I believe love is the answer, and it's also a choice. A choice we can't make for others. And if they hate you for it, that's their problem

[@marieferguson2442]

@@alexdrouin4872 i have one thats gone and she seems to have infected her brother their dad is one of those kind of people

[@alexdrouin4872]

@@marieferguson2442 oh my gosh .. I'm so sorry

[@nicoledillon1094]

Wowww this is so excellent! Thank you so much for sharing this. I really really need this. I'm definitely the regulator for a few people, I feel their yucky energy and it makes me sick! Ugh. I hope my child isn't targeted

[@MyValki]

Person without anger reporting for discussion, ma'am! And yes, my ex resorted to child abuse in her attempts to illicit anger. I divorced without anger confusing 'CPS' and others greatly, but they have started to believe the absence of anger.

[@glenncowan6669]

This is the best explanation I've ever heard. This just makes so much sense.

[@rasinhuoy7529]

Hi Michele. My narcissist I spoke to couldn't make me believe that I'm a selfish person, because I'm not. Now I'm playing her game. I'm in control. Again, thank you for making me understand about narcissists. You look cute today. 😘 🤣 Love, Raz @}~~~}~~

[@spiritwhispererparanormali2776]

Just bought your book on amazon called living with intent cannot wait to read it.. thank you for your videos...

[@victornegrete7662]

I love this talk i needed to hear this I thought I was going crazy but you're making me feel awesome. 💪❤️💯

[@jnooyen9076]

Wow, interesting perspective. This explains the underlying projection technique.

[@user-ju1qd3ok2g]

This is, for me, one of the most useful videos on narcissism, which fits like a glove for years of experiencing this.

[@Hafsa_Siddiqui_789]

Michele, you are one of those people I want live with in paradise because in this world I dont think its possible. May Allah bless you in this world and hereafter beyond your imagination. You are helping me immensely.

[@ellasladek3124]

Another well explained video, you have a gift of helping us to understand in a way we get it , Thankyou for all you do for us ! You ARE making a difference !

[@alyssavirginia3594]

Thank you so much for this video and all of your videos. I am an aspiring life coach, and I’m learning about myself and the business and trying to really grow as a person before jumping head first into the career. Your videos really help me and have opened my eyes to the years of narcissistic abuse from my mother. Thank you so much!

[@menew_mind_life_designs]

This video is amazing!! Such nurturing compassionate vibes 🥰 great insight and perspectives on this information!!! Thank you 🙏🏽 so very much, for making this information so easy to digest. 🥰 Stay blessed my soul sister 💗💕

[@IllegalAlien1]

This video just completely explained to me a 16-year and 14 year long friendship that I had. She complained about her family mainly her father to me for over a decade. When I finally had it click in my head it's been over 10 years she's not going to do anything about it and stopped trying to console her when she had a frustration with her father and I would change the subject, our friendship ended not long after that. I think I was her main emotional regulation because since then through the grapevine I've heard she divorced her husband, got with The 14-year long friend that she got to drop me that I also think is a narcissist because of his rage and both have just become jobless full-blown alcoholics that fight all the time with each other. She used to always tell me she hated people that drink all the time too. I wanted both of them back in my life for a long time, then I was just angry at them, and now I just feel bad for both of them. Me on the other hand it's been 3 years since the fallout from both of them and what I thought was the worst event in my life turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me.

[@brianf9615]

Wish this information was available when I was young. However I now know what makes these people tick. Narcissist must truly feel horrible about themselves.

[@balkangetaway]

Mine would have his little tantrums. Scream at me and slander me for 24 hours straight. When he finally shut up so i could get a word in he would record me and start sitting laughing at everything i said and felt until i would flip out and he would have his proof. In the end i could not hold my still. I had been defending myself against his lies for years and i had starting talking back.

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

I don't think narcissists HAVE to see themselves as perfect, I think they WANT to see themselves that way, and choose to hurt others as a consequence.

[@jimhendricks88]

This was a fantastic presentation, and it really gave me some hope. Thanks for all your continued work. Cheers!

[@footballmagic2390]

Michelle, I constantly watch your videos ,they have given me new life ... I was just accused of saying hello to school girl in 2006 ( it was hotel receptionist ) , and my ex made this in her head but worst part is she is now telling people false/shameful lies ... She also tell my son lies . I wish something can be done to get them prosecuted . 7 years I have suffered and slowly loosing hope

[@shebakali6]

Wisdom Perception goggle Tara Palmatier, Shrink 4 Men, she has a KZbin channel and is involved in men’s rights issues. If your ex is doing parental alienation, you need to document this. Maybe you can go to a judge and sue her for slander

[@footballmagic2390]

@@shebakali6 thanks for your words ,they mean so much , thanks for bringing hope . I will get help ,been 7 years since I am coercively controlled and I feel like a robot who has no right to any hapiness,worst part is my son's suffering destroy me and is slowly making him mentally week and I wish he can be happy ,I dream that he is happy . Please prey for me , please do .

[@timegoesby7068]

It was the best of the best video you've ever done, Michelle! Explains all ! Thanks a lot and hugs from Brazil! Stay safe😘

[@worldtraveller1900]

Vibra 🇧🇷Brasil 🇧🇷

[@Zeepjeliefs]

You learned me so much about myself Michelle. And you don't even know me. Many thanks. 💖

[@isobelle.London]

I experienced that and it was absolutely crazy making one of the worst parts of it all

[@waywardstitch8604]

Every thing you said rings so true. Thank you for such a brilliant explanation. 💞

[@jensbasement3862]

Grade A supply= stress ball to squeeze out frustrations

[@salmafaraz7417]

Oh my god! This video made so much sense onto why certain things happens in the way they do...so once children do become the target what can one do?

[@lulalane1345]

Thanks for explaining how narcs use people to regulate their emotions. I've heard many mention this but not explain it in a way that I could really grasp it. understand

[@worththewar]

Once I understood the reality they live in is so different .. a game changer !! Love the way you say.. putting that emotion in us!! Yes!!

[@sparrowhawk5673]

It can also be different beside you described. I know that what I did when growing up i felt like I experimented on adults to see their breaking point their point of crack. I knew I was being under estimate because of my age so I used that against them. Anger is the easiest and fastest emotion to work with. First I studied them, see your behavior, weaknesses, test them, than work off of them. An your right without having any feelings or remorse of what is done. The forfilling become that I can control them and the satisfaction that I am no longer the only one upset. Not because I hate them (as you mentioned) but like you said to throw my energy onto someone else. I can agree 👍 with what your statement.

[@mexicanbeautyqueen7988]

Exactly 1000% beautifully explained

[@enlightenedacres9878]

As a community, may we work together to share this life-saving information. Thank you

[@leongarcia2842]

You had described my past relationship with my mother... I was her emotional regulator from the time I was a kid until I was least 27yrs old (now Im 32). She is a Full Narc. I was a rebel child fighting against the world of abuse always learning and soul searching. I made the choice to BE MYSELF and my narc fooled me into becoming her emotional regulation...to the point of a toxic fake marriage minus the physical. I found Jesus Christ and after years of therapy, Im just starting to completely un-program from living as the scapegoat for the long run. Now I cut off all contact with her. In spite of my current struggles, my mental and spiritual health has improved dramatically. Its a journey.

[@lastthingsministry]

I found Jesus Christ through Narcissistic abuse too. My dad is a Narcissist and so is my sister. She almost pushed me to suicide. These people are demonic.

[@karlataylor1172]

I never hoover him he always hoovers me.....everytime he calls I feel this immediate dread.....like...."omg satan returns"......."what does the demon want now?"

[@jacobaliet3351]

Thanks Michele. This is really well articulated and helpful. Thanks!

[@sashab7060]

Omg you are so right about every single things you are saying.

[@Noemie291]

Ahh your words are so comforting and apease my heart so much

[@halimanasafi3410]

Dear God! So true! Only if I had known this so many years ago, so I did not have to put up with so much sh&%!

[@mariacliment2767]

Thank you, thank you and thank you a million times for this video which made me see at 52 why I always felt so bad inside (my mom projected all anger and frustation towards me. I nevwr understood why and I was an unhappy, insecure child) Now I have to rebuild my self (dont know why but I will keep on searching. ) But thank you always from the deepest of my heart♥️

[@freerobuxcheckmychannel2521]

Yes! My husband raged for hours, banging on my door, while I froze from panic attacks. When I finally could take no more, I came stumbling out of my room, and whispered for him to please take a walk or a drive. He yelled back, "I cant look at you! You're a monster who gobbled up my food and asked me to leave!" He was desparate to transfer his behavior onto me.

[@mortdigo]

What a refreshing video, keep up the good work Michele :-)

[@pietmorrison5285]

Excellent commentary Persons can overcome.

[@edwinlomonacofoolsend]

Would a narcissist have a hard time accepting criticism? And also be extremely sensitive while also being insensitive?

[@marieferguson2442]

They are like toddlers

[@artbygilik]

They love dishing out criticism, but they can’t stand receiving it

[@Babs33]

I’ve been a sub for so long.... and I’m glad I found you again within my list of subs... This is why it’s so important to click the notification bell and stay up to date with your fav YT ... because the way YT algorithm works is a bit wacky..... i was looking for your under the name surviving and thriving.. wow It’s been some time. I have a lot to catch up on

[@pheonixrising3957]

How u do it is theyll look for a reaction thru baiting.. much like fishing n casting a “lure” to hook u in with.. if u dont bite theyll try again.. dont react ever to any attempts.. only respond to when n what u do n do so in a calm nuetral self chosen type of way.. this keeps u in ur own drivers seat of the car ur driving which u as a soul in a human body compare to.. they compare to a passenger that isnt in the drivers seat of “your” car.. keep this mindset when n during the interaction n itll begin to become clear how so not different it is..

[@adosjustice3242]

You did a really good job on this video, you explained in an easy to understand way.